Seeking Derangements - SD 494 - Bayou Pon Pon

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

Hello Seekers! Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse, and I open the show by discussing some regional drama in Lafayette, then we get to the attempted assassination at the White House Correspondents Dinner as well as the accompanying Grindr sponsored party in DC.

Hello everyone. Welcome. Hello everyone out there. Welcome to WorkDivas. It's Ben. I'm here with Jock and Hessa. This is a free episode. So if you like what you hear, go subscribe to our Patreon for a weekly bonus episodes. Hello, Jock and Hessa. What's up? Hi, everyone. What are you up to, Jop? I'm assessing. I'm assessing what happened this weekend while I was gone in New York. It was the busiest time of all year in Lafayette. It was Festival International weekend. And I left on a third. Thursday and I came back on a Monday. Completely missing it all. Missing. Busier than Mardi Gras? Way busier than Mardi Gras as far as Lafayette goes.

It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it's, it, it's, it, it's, it, it's, it, it's, it's, a 40th, uh, anniversary festival this year. Um, I'm honestly only bummed that I miss it just to see my friends, but mostly because I wanted to sell these vintage posters of the festival there. I wanted to, uh, I wanted to, damn tourist. But the big talked about thing everyone is like, oh my God, I got to weigh in. I got to have an opinion on this. And this local artisanal coffee shop gelato place called Carpe Diem.

But Ben there before, I'm no huge fan of Carpe Diem. It's nothing to go home to. They seized Ben when he walked in because they think it means seize the gay. Exactly. Yeah. They did also use to hire a lot of. almost exclusively queer and gay people and it got too annoying. There's always a tipping point.

I think ideal ratio for like a gelaterie or cafe or even like restaurant. Of course, it's always a good sign if there's at least, you know, a smattering of gay people. Because then, you know, the food is going to be good. The atmosphere is probably pretty good. But when you go into a restaurant, it is just top to bottom, tops and bottom. bottoms, if you know what I'm saying. It's like, it's actually too much. It reaches a tipping point.

It's actually toxic. The waiters are meaner and the food is somehow like worse. Ideal like ratio, I think you've got to get at least one, especially for a cafe you need at least one non-binary. Yeah. At the machine. Yes. And then I think one gay guy and I'll say it probably no lesbian.

Well, one lesbian, but you don't see her. She's like, she's doing bookkeeping. She's a dishwasher. Yeah. Or she's behind the. coffee machine with a wrench. I think just gay guys, you just need women and it doesn't matter

what type really. And there's like a specific type of lesbian that could tip the scales to it being bad. But I think mostly like at any amount of straight women or

Of course. Women are ideal. Women at the host stand. A young woman with the iPad at the host stand is mandatory. Thought you were going to say the I patch It was like y'r Welcome Welcome to Carpidium

That would be really iconic I do think there should be at least one person With A disability And I don't mean like in a serious way But like yeah I patch maybe Like missing a finger

Let's get the whole hand on Maybe get the whole hand on Peg leg Scurvy Blind Blind Yeah Scurvy.

Okay. So, long story short, this gelato coffee place that is very hoity-toity used to have an Italian owner-operator. She had an entire queer, gay cast that worked there. They would just kind of shade you and insult you when you walked in. Our friend Kylo went there like a million years ago. And she was like, what's this coffee? And he's like, you don't know what it? You don't know what this?

Honey. you might want to go back to Starbucks. How rude do you have to be to be at the coffee shop about to serve someone? I never be a bitch. Yeah. I actually like really love it

when someone is a huge cunt to me at a restaurant. I find it to be like invigorating. It's like, it's like, it's okay. Yeah, I love it. I love it. That's fat. Do you like fight back? Do you push back? Depends on the vibe.

If I can tell, it's because I'm like a dumbass and I don't know what the product is and they're like literally educating my stupid flyover ass, I will take the beating. if it's someone just being a bitch for no reason, I'll still probably take it, but I won't be happy about it. It won't be iconic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, when the shit is not perfect, it doesn't make it worth it to be yelled at. I don't mind being treated meanly when I go to Steins in New Orleans because I know that the food's going to taste good, no matter of it. That's actually a good point, yeah. But this place that's kind of up for air.

Anyway, they changed owners, And before they changed owners, she just fired all the queer and gay people because she's like, I can't stand these. It's too much drama. And then the owner told the next owner be like, you'd be careful about how many gay people you hire. And so clearly the next establishment had way less gay people. I mean, it's true. When I used to work at Bokro in New York City, shout out, love Baccaro. There was an era there in the basement for anyone who hasn't been to Bacro.

I talk about it so much on their show. I worked at this restaurant for like 10 years. But I do love them and I miss them. But for anyone who doesn't know, speaking of kind of pirate-style working environments, it is in the basement of a giant wine cellar. It does kind of feel like you're in the whole of a ship. But there is an era there where it was for the entire staff

in the basement was gay men. It was me, my friend Stephen, my friend Glenn, and Michael. I never do so. And I actually can't spill... too much to hear. But let's just say there was, I love Glenn. Let's just say there was a lot of fighting and a lot of fucking and

a lot of drugs and a lot of drinking and zero surface being given to customers. It was just like who is waiting on who? Like what, why do all of these women need something right now? And it's like, oh, it's because literally none of us are

working. We're all deferring. We're all so drunk and like deferring. Elise and Janelle running around. trying to serve everyone. Like all deferring responsibility to the other gay guy, just be like, oh, well, he'll get it. And it was just this vicious chain of just responsibility to deferral, and no one

was getting service. But it was, honestly, one of the better times I've ever had working. That's my favorite. It was iconic. It was delicious steak. I still think about that Caribbean season's winter steak all the time. Literally not Caribbean at all, but...

It was like clove and cinnamon. We've talked about the steak. Hundreds of time on the show. Anyways, what's happening at Carpe Diem? So, over the weekend, they had Festival International, and Carpe Diem hired a DJ to play on the street corner in front of their venue, which is not that crazy. However, this is huge contempt for having any kind of DJs or dance music at Festival International,

which is very pretension. It's so pretentious. It's like, oh, we can get a band from Israel to come fly over here and play the little Balkan beatbox. Is this an Israeli DJ that was playing on? No, no, he was not even, that's not even. He was just playing, like, kind of basic EDM and Dubstep. They were calling him the Dubstep guy. And so this local big-time radio, huge community guy named Cecil Doyle walks up to him and goes,

He goes, I've been going to Festival International for 40 years now. And I have never in my life had to tolerate this kind of shit. You are pathetic. You are a fire loser. It's very similar to that guy, that little tiny dwarf-looking guy who was like, I want Bob Dylan to the stage in 1960. I mean, I love that guy. Well, I watched the video you sent chalk, and you can't, I can't, I couldn't understand a word.

I couldn't hear a word that the guy was yelling at the guy. Girl, that's the accent. But. It's insane. I didn't even hear an accent. It was just like the guy, the person who made the video was talking over it. It was like, literally like, so this guy started yelling at me. And anyways, yeah, what do you think?

Do you think I handled it well? And it was like very like... First of all, maybe that's not how I would have approached this. Well, actually, I don't... If it was Cecil Doyle and it was me DJing and he had done this to me, I would have fought back. And all the Cajun musicians are commenting and all the local people are commenting under it, like, under this guy's video, under his page being like, you stupid fucking loser, you deserve to be da-da-da-da. And the sad thing is it's probably going to make DJs band from.

Lafayette. They're already talking about making a new noise ordinance. Music band. Literally, it's about to be foot loose up in this town. The 1700s. Like, we can't have a good time. Only fiddles and washboards. I mean, it's like, fuck, I like that music. I like Cajun and Zydico music.

I love Zadico music. Zatico music puts me into like a legit manic face. I might drive around and listen to a bunch of Zidico after this. Just if you'll say it, I love Zidico music. What would, what's French, for like foot loose would it be like P.A. D.J.A.R.

Le pussy loose. Le pussy loose. Well, thank you for the local update, Jock. I have one. I was, I've been, of course, I can't continue to shit on LA. Let's just say nothing's really changed. But I, instead of trying to make the city

change, I did try to change myself this morning and I booked a appointment at a Mexican barbershop. that had clown graffiti all over the wall because I was like this will cheer this will show me up this will make me feel normal so I did get a haircut and

yet to be decided if it has completely changed my absolutely horrible disposition in this city I don't know if Oh yeah you do have it. It looks really good. Well it's extremely minor. I just got a very high up fade.

I know he put it too high. I was like give me a low fade and he just went so high and it's like talk about pale skin. You look. You look. Hair that hasn't seen sunlight in a long time. You look younger. Mm-hmm.

They didn't know. You look good like this. They didn't know that they had so much writing on this haircut. Because it was the guy went in and I was like, this is the kind of haircut that I'm going to either kill myself. It's going to need to change everything. This is make or break for me. This haircut is deciding how, what my life is from now on. And so I haven't done much, but.

I will update and let you guys know if it worked out. Something sadly, well, something that didn't work out was the shooting at the White House Correspondence Dinner. Did you guys see? Oh, my God. Well, my favorite thing that I saw about this is the fury and flurry of everyone trying to dodge the bullets that were not going for them. Well, was anyone shot and where was he shooting from?

I'm very, granted I haven't like tried to follow this story very much. wasn't really on Twitter, but has, have you seen anything? Have you been able to piece together any kind of? I saw, I saw a picture of the, the assailant, and it looked like before they, before they threw him to the ground and handcuffed him, they took off all of his clothes. Right. Right. Was he?

No, that was the weirdest thing that they posted a naked picture to the Twitter of him hog tied to the ground from the point of view of his chin looking out towards the room. There's the weird as 0.5. I don't, so where was he shooting the gun from? Was he just like outside the place? Because he didn't seem like he was in the room where Trump or anyone was. Yeah, I don't think he made it into the room very long. I honestly didn't even hear about Trump's reaction to this.

I only heard about everyone else's reactions to their. Well, Trump did an interview with someone on CNN, one of those ladies on CNN, and she was like, in the manifesto, he said, the man said that he was Cole something. I don't know. He kind of just seemed like biracial. blurred to me. That was the vibe I've gotten from a very cursory, you know, look into this. But he wrote in his manifesto that he was done, you know, having, he was done participating in the system wherein it is being ruled by a rapist and a pedophile. And Trump's masterful response to this was to scream,

I am not a rapist, I am not a pedophile. Period. Which is, I mean, you know, you always deny the allegations outright by name. And it definitely helps you stop being associated with them. Yeah, saying the words that you're trying to not be associated with out loud at full volume. What would you say, Jock, if you were Trump? What would your response to that? I'll be the CNN.

I'll be the CNN lady. Hello, President Trump. Thank you so much for sitting down with me after yet another attempted assassination upon your life. In the manifesto, the young man who committed this act, said that he was done participating in a system that enabled pedophiles and rapists. What's your response? Well, they still let Mick Jagger in the Rolling Stones.

Why do I have to get off my throne? They still let everyone else fuck them all. A rhyme. Beautiful. Right. Okay, better. I'm the audience at home. Yeah. They only...

It is better than screaming. I'm not a pedophile. Hey, let me tell you this, CNN, lady. Why they don't... Why is Trump so Jewish? I'm not. Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, I'm trying to get that Trump. He does it, it's like a, it's like high and then low.

He's always saying his name like that. I am not a profite. I am not. Sexual Offender. Okay. I think just that's Jacques's one voice. I mean, I also have one voice. We're not known for our impressions. Besides Tessa, who does do good impressions.

Well, thank you. Are my impressions not good? They're bad. Okay. Was it the White House Correspondence Dinner? Yeah. Yeah, it was the White House Correspondence Dinner. Who is hosting it?

Well, they don't. Isn't it usually a comedian? I think Trump stopped doing that. I think Trump stopped doing it because he was like, yeah, of course, can't take the joke. Yeah. And I watched some of this interview. And in it, the, what was happening when the first shots were fired was that there was a magician of some sort? The mentalist.

Are you familiar with the mentalist? Not a mentalist. Hey, are you serious? There's a guy named The Mentalist, who I think is kind of just some, like, makes a cake. You can Os Perlman? Yes, Os Perlman. He was on stage next to Trump. And Caroline Levitt, you know, Caroline, leave it, leave it, Caroline, was, she is pregnant, of course.

And the mentalist was trying to guess the baby's name. And then shots started bringing out, which maybe doesn't mean. can't be a great omen for, you know, baby leave it. But that's what was happening. And then Trump, did you see him? His like fat ass, he doesn't even care when people try to assassinate him anymore. He just sits there. He just sat there.

And then all the secret the secret service ushered J.D. Vance out like a full 10 seconds before Trump. And in the video, Melania, Melania hears a shot. And you can see in her like, you know, her complete, like her like, her like, car headlight eyes. They just like, she's like, she reacts. And Trump does not give a fuck. He sits there until the Secret Service runs up to him like 10 seconds later. They try to usher him off.

He stands up and then he falls down. It just lays on the ground. I mean, look, the guy has probably just 30 minutes before he got to the dinner had his full McDonald's dinner and pre-white House party blowjob from his wife. I'm sure he's. I don't think she's. she's doing that girl i'm just i'm just i'm just i'm just i'm just i'm just put painting what could be happening here and you know what that's kind of a bad uh you know that's a black mark

on the mentalist on os perlman's record just because uh he didn't see that coming right you would think that someone who is able to read minds quote unquote is like because also like os perlman i don't know how much you guys know about him but he is like he is like whole thing is just like being like I'm not a magician I don't do magic I do mentalism and then he just does magic like he does just do magic and but he's like it's kind of this weird like thing that he puts up being like this this is real like this could be real like and and his he just tricks like right wing and like you know big podcast cast people like he guessed Joe Rogan's pin for his like bank card which is probably one of the

yeah one of the easiest things you could possibly do yeah one two three four joc what's your bin number shut up you won't get it out of me and also um to all the uh people who submitted their social security numbers to be read at the end of the episode stay tuned to see who wins the social security award the name the mentalist is so funny to me because because it literally make, I feel like that's what they would have called like retarded people like in the 1700. Or autistic. Yeah. Or yeah.

Right. Right. Right. Well, if me and Hess. No, truly. Me and has to know a thing or two about mentalists and they are not people to trust. We learn that very quickly from the now that you see it now that you don't movies. Yes.

Exactly. Exactly. The, um, yeah. I, do you guys think that mentalism is going to start coming back? like it's 1904. It does feel like we're due for a genuine kind of circus freak revival. But I also think that's just kind of what TikTok is, you know. Yeah.

Unfortunately, you can't put like a penny in like a basket and like Pocan albino anymore. You're just seeing, you're just seeing like crazy people in Missouri who have like three followers have crashouts into their phones. But there's definitely that kind of like, you know, lurid. spectacle, you know, aspect to it for sure. Yeah. And, like, I think part of Oz Perlman's whole thing that I love is that his, like, tricks that he does are so fucking stupid. And, like, they're so convoluted and weird.

Like, he'll be like, okay, get two, I need three random books. And I need three of you to take each pick a book and open up to a random page in the book. And let me. I already don't go to fuck. Yeah. It's like, I already don't know the fuck. Yeah. And he's like, I can predict what the first word on that page will be. And he's like, he literally,

it's like so stupid. He's like, literally is like, I'm not even looking. I'm not. And he like peeks at the book when he opens it to the page. He's like, I didn't even see it. But go ahead. Red, red fish, blue fish, green fish, whatever. And he's like, I know what the third fish color will be. I know.

Yeah. And like, Andrew Schultz is like, oh my fucking God, dude. Look, we should have learned years ago that magicians are con artists and not to be trusted. They had to build their own house in L.A. to a fortress to protect

themselves from being murdered by... I don't know what that's... The Magic Castle. Houdini, starting the Magic Castle in 1920 as a club for magicians. Today, it is a full-blown industry that pays for, God knows what kind of sick

shit behind the scenes. I do not trust magicians, and I, for sure as fuck, don't trust a mentalist. I'm mentally ill enough. The last thing I need is someone to take advantage of that, of my weak, gullible will. What did you guys think about the shooter? A lot of people are saying, again, I haven't really looked much into this. The prevailing narrative on Twitter, and I don't know where this is coming from, because it's all just, like, verified, like, AI accounts and, like, cranks.

But my entire feed is just, like, this is the most obvious sci-up of all time. And I'm like, I don't, I kind of feel like it'd be a little bit, like maybe someone would have at least gotten shot. I don't know. I also don't know how this necessarily really benefits Trump. Yeah, I think that like, I mean, the thing that, the only thing that would kind of point to that in like, is the Secret Service getting J.D. Vance safe first and then just like being like, sir. It's because Trump probably smells like shit. He's probably like literally covered in like the duky crap, like from his diaper. Yeah, he can't wipe his ass.

And no one wants to grab him. I wouldn't want to either. Also, the alleged shooters has already been charged with trying to assassinate Trump as of 323 Eastern time. Well, yeah. I mean, that makes sense. He did. He did try to do that.

Yeah, he did try to shoot Trump. He did do that. He was like, obviously planned. They charged him already. This is the most obvious psychop ever. Yeah. That's what I, you can't even tell me anything like that. And then I'm like, oh my God, he had he was wearing.

blue pants. This was a government job. Did you also see like him falling asleep twice during like a briefing thing? He's looking so bad and I'm hoping I'm hoping his his body will assassinate him soon. Yeah. It it, but again, he's always looked so terrible. He is losing his his classic articulation though. He's he's not really giving out heaters like he used to. Yeah. The massaer's starting. to decide that he's not a valuable resource to him and they've been slowly poisoning him. Jock, if you had to do a SIOP to get Trump's approvals up, what would you do? This is a great. A false flag, you mean?

Yeah, a false flag. If you had to do a false flag to get Donald Trump's approvals out of the gutter, what would you do? I would have, if I was his campaign manager or his director of communications, I would have him with a sledgehammer naked, breaking down the ice detention walls, and then every person that escapes in that moment is allowed to publicly. I mean, how would, well, yeah, he would have to be in front of people and also be and then also be accountable for being a pedophile. So it's not that much to ask. I think I would make a lot of people happy. I don't know if that necessarily helped Trump. Okay, okay, let me change it around.

A new document comes out called... You also might want to mute that one. I'll do so. I'll do a lot of beeping. Is that wrong to say it like that? There's a parody. No, okay, I'm we'll beep it. No, no, beep it.

Beep it, please. Whatever you do, don't get me assassinated or in trouble. But what would Trump do to make other, like America like... What would you do? If I was Trump to make America happy again, I would... No, it's... to get his approval ratings up. Hypotheticals don't really work on the show, but...

Yeah, yeah. So maybe you try explaining it. I'm sorry. I'll do an example, okay? How is this? Okay, so right now, I would have, like, a duel, a transgender woman, beautiful. Like, or maybe ugly, actually, like, who is, you know, wearing... And how ugly is she?

Yeah, I'm here. wearing a hijab maybe tries to shoot him or something no of course something really evil to stoke the culture wars to get more people back on his side and usher in like even more draconian you know security and surveillance laws 1,000 percent I mean yeah kind of surprised they haven't done that yet but it seems like you know maybe get katelyn to do it Caitlin Jenner yeah I was talking to Caitlin the other day, and actually, wait. Oh, my God. She's actually calling me right now.

Caitlin, Caitlin, I have a question for you. Hey, babe. Hey, Caitlin. I saw that you were begging Trump to give you a passport. Well, here's what happened. Okay, let me explain this. I had to get my passport renewed, and, you know, they changed the gender marker on there for... What did they change it to?

Well, they changed my name on my passport to Caitlin gender. And I don't know what... You know, so I was looking at that. I'm like, God damn it. I got, you know. Kind of a drag queen. Kind of a drag queen. That's a little offensive.

Caitlin gender. Transwoman? Are you still like anything as trans woman kingdom? I'm a transgender. I'm a transsexual woman of, I'm a male. First of all, let's just be clear about that. There is, you know. And, uh, but I will say I am a beautiful lady.

I do identify as such. And I did send, I sent Trump a letter. and, you know, I did, I said, hello daddy, good to see you. I hope it's good to know you. And for me, with you, I'm reading this verbatim right from the page here. And for me, I would really love if, you know,

you could give me a special little, you know, I mean, you know I got my nips clipped, if you know what I mean. So I got my, I got my, well, not my nips, but, you know, the lower nip, if you will, as they call it sometimes. Yeah, well, this is all part of the letter, so I'm reading it. Oh, sorry for me, Caitlin. And, you know, I, so I'm just wondering, I included a picture of my vagina, my bottom surgery, and I told him, you know,

for proof of being a woman or a man? Proof of being, proof of being a woman, I need to, you know, replace my, uh, because I need, you know, Jenner is a female name. Only women are named Jenner. You know, and that's why they changed it to gender on my passport. So, you know, I needed to get... Well, you weren't able to leave the country for so long because... I wasn't able to.

Man or woman. Well, also, because I was handcuffed to Chris, and she would not, you know, would not relent. That's a whole other story that I can get into. Well, Chris and I, you know, I was like, we got to make... make this work, you know, and I thought it would be a good idea. So I handcuffed us both together, and I swallowed the key. But it turns out if you swallow a key to handcuffs, that's really, really bad. So I had to go to the hospital. They had to, you know, give me a surgery. And she, you know, she was under, she's like, as long as I'm in the room, might as well do, give me

another face job. Well, well, here inside her. So there were two surgical teams right next to each other switching back and forth. And, you know, they did, uh, they were. They were. They were, you know, they replaced a few ribs inside of Chris. They took a few of my ribs, put them into her, just to really shore things up in there. Give her a flatter chest. Very, very Adam of you, you know.

It's again, very male thing to do, Kaelan. Well, you know, I mean, Adam, it's Adam and Eve, I would like to just say, quickly, not Adam and Steve, but I will say that if it was Madam and Eve, it was basically more what me

and, me and Chris's speed over there. you know. So is Trump giving you the passport you need that I think you want it to say female? I'm not entirely sure what's going on. I want to change my name to Caitlin female and I am trying to do that. But it's not as easy as one might think just because, you know, Donald Trump, he is ignoring me. He's giving me the cult shoulder. I mean, you guys used to be pretty close. He once said that he'd be fine with you using a woman's restroom. but now he kind of seems not so cool with you leaving the country as a woman. Well, you know, he did put his money where his mouth was there, and he let me use his women's the restroom.

Well, no, it was more that I kind of blew up the joint in there. You know, I had just eaten a bad, bad batch of tequitos that I made, you know. So those homemade tequitos that always give you the runs. So that's why we've got to keep trans women out of men's bathrooms, because they blow up the damn place. They blow up the damn place Which is why And that's why he wanted me to use the women's bathroom

For so long Because he was like let them deal with that You know that kind of action And But you know See we haven't really talked He's been so busy with this This world

You know Trying to make the world a worse place for everyone And I just really appreciate it But you know I've been going on calcium a lot I've been making bets on Calcy, and I really enjoy that. And that's, you know, very fun to use Calcy every day. We should place some bets on that we think Caitlin General will be allowed to leave the country.

Girl, we should place some bets on each other, about each other, and then that be the whole thing. Well, you want a lot of people betting with you on Calci. I don't know if we're big enough to, you know, really make any substantial money. Also, it's fully like insiders trading. But, like, that's what the whole app is. It's so nuts how the entire government, like, all these like elected officials and like government staffers are just like making so much fucking money off Calci. Did you see? There was this clip of Caroline leave it from like months ago, but there was all of this money put on when she would, on when the duration of her White House press briefing would stop.

And she or someone in the administration clearly told. her like you need to get off stage at 59 minutes in 59 seconds and she was like mid sentence and then she just like ran away I'm like what the fuck this is so it's so ghetto that this shit is happening it's so fucking it's so crazy and she gave it another there was another thing where she was like and I would just like it might have been like someone else but they were like I would just like to say crypto blockchain a Bitcoin at the area of like just railed off a bunch of words that was like, clearly they had like a parlay of like, will this person say these words? That's so wild. They're literally just looting the entire country and world as it collapses.

But it shocks me how obvious it is, you know. Yeah. Did you also see Melania's statement that she put out that was like, uh, AI is going to be the great new future. We must raise our children to live in a world of AI. It will be so good for them. It's like, fuck. No, we need. It's fucking miserable out here. It's fucking, I hate this world.

Um, no, I really, really, really. I, I couldn't let it pass by, since we're still kind of talking about the shooting thing. Your poop? Uh, no. Not my poop. You freaking bitch. Should I head out? Do you guys want me to talk around?

I do whatever you want, girl. I don't care. I guess, came on out. One question for you. Uh, what would you recommend? diet-wise to be more feminine or more woman. What should I eat? For you, Doug, are you trying to get...

I'm just asking Caitlin a question that only she could answer in my eyes. Well, you know, I think you got to chew on your, you know, fingernails. I was reading, Bobby Kennedy told me that fingernails, the reason people chew their fingernails when they're nervous is because they're filled with nutrients and toxins. that help reduce your nervousness. You know, they've got cartilage in them and, you know, certain serotonin.

The way, it's like an old Chinese woman told me that. I would totally be like, you're a fucking genius. You're a queen. Thank you, Caitlin, for explaining that because it's been on my mind. But now that you actually brought up Bobby, I've been wanting to talk about how he just ran off that damn stage so quickly. he left Cheryl behind Cheryl's trying to grab towards him and he unlet

unfastened her hand from her and kept going Did you all not see the video? I saw Stephen Miller using his pregnant wife as a human shield I'm not even getting he was like fully hiding behind her he's also grabbing her boob at the same time She looks so disturbed I better protect myself but also get

one good feel up before I die if I'd find this shot of a bullet over the assassin. Right, another baron impersonation of Stephen Miller, love it. Yeah, yeah. Like, so this guy really didn't hit anyone. That's crazy.

No, no, he didn't do anything. And I'm just like, what is, I don't know, I'll hold my thoughts back on certain people's aim, but I'm just like, what the hell? Did you guys think he was hot? The guy, I know. Typically, I don't think it's hot when someone is hog tied to the ground, but naked looking very scared.

That is not true. Yeah, I feel like that's something that you would love. If we're just, I have not seen a picture of him outside of the one where he's naked. Yeah, but you said you're not attracted to anyone being hawk tied on the ground. No, no, no. You didn't let me. That is not what I said. That is not what I said.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm putting words in your mouth. If there's someone hogtied to the ground, it could be hot. There's a room for it to be hot. When the picture of the shooter on the ground, Hogtide did not look hot because he looked scared and it was very, he looked like under a lot of duress. It looked like he had the handcuffs on tight.

He was naked and everyone else in the room had clothes on. So I'm sure he felt insecure or like unhappy about that. And he didn't get to do what he wanted to do. So he's probably disappointed about that. And, you know, I mean, do I think he's hot? probably I don't but but in that it's kind of cute and like a nerdy way I wouldn't really say hot or sexy I didn't think he was hot or sexy in the naked picture was on the ground hog tied I do think some people on the ground hog tied naked on the ground could be hot and sexy not him who um start naming names this is fucked up but it's just honest is 1994 Rosie O'Donald starring in exit to Eden the S&M movie that It is so offensive for that Rosie O'Donnell is the first bitch. You want a hawk die and put on the ground.

Okay. Rosie O'Donald, too. Okay, okay. Okay, I'm going to think of another person. Rapid fire. Rapid fire. Okay, keep going. Ellen DeGeneres. But she has to be 19.

19. 19. 19. 19. 19. 19. Okay. 19. Okay. Just be 19. Honestly. Uh, fuck.

I can't even believe I'm saying. Mitchell Musso, I just, I don't know why I've just been really into Mitchell Bousseau lately. I don't, he's really unattractive. I have no clue that is. Is that like a comedian from the 90s or something? He's like a 90s journalist club kid guy who like was recording them, but he's in no way hot. Okay, keep going. Okay, Jeff Goldblum because he's so tall.

I mean, to see someone that tall tied up would be hot. Powerless under your, under your thumb. Okay, keep going. Angel Reese, the basketball star, the LSU. basketball star. I don't know, because she's just a powerful, tough, tough woman. And it's like, okay,

um, so I'm getting like China. China. China from WWE. Okay. Okay. So power, it's mostly powerful.

Okay, let me flip it around also. Powerful men, powerful men, Dwayne the Rock Johnson or Ben Diesel, preferably Van Diesel. Um,

I was, um, I go back. Vin Diesel was really odd when he was young. Loved his vibe. He was. He was. So sexy.

Oh my God. Okay, honestly, new crush, honestly, and I know this is going to be polarizing, but I just, I really thought he was hot. I saw a movie recently. Vincent Gallo, that would be. Yeah, he's handsome. That's not that polarizing. Not that polarizing. He is not as much many times.

Not my type at all. I do not go for the like, you know, cranky. Brown Bunny wasn't that crazy. Kind of like, you know, wackos, but I do, of course, get the appeal. I kind of prefer to be the wacko You know what I mean Exactly like he's my weakness I feel like his pinzengal

Oh yeah His look wise not necessarily Right I mean there's something to be said for the kind of Manic You know like Crash out kind of I am attracted to that but maybe in a different body

You know weird Al Yankovic but he has to have a ball gag Fair enough It's like oh you want to parody this and is he scared I don't want anyone to be scared I don't want to have sex with anyone that's scared of me that does not attract me What if they like being scared

Mm-hmm That seems very gray area loose If they tell you Jock we're going I'm going to have sex with you It's Mila Jonovich or Rosio Donald Mila Jonevich why I mean yes She's like I'm sure this is going to happen But I'm going to be scared the whole time

Mm-hmm I mean I'm gonna be sobbing I'm gonna be crying scared of my gigantic cock okay I'll take that but I think it just just in general

um okay she's just scared because I'm dirty I don't know what you you that's you putting that like did I just come from roller skating and I'm sweaty or did I fall into a mud pit when I was roller skating because I started raining and I fell in the mud

so you're covered in mud you're covered in mud Should I go to Barneys tonight in WeHo? I just got to invite to go to Barney's in Weho. What's Barney's? Not the department store. I don't think they have a barren store in. I think I've heard of...

Oh, God. I've been... Are you ever going to get out of there? Like, I need to go to Barney. Like, or I need to go to WeHo at some point, but I don't know what this is. The Gay Barbeard. Go to the Abbey. It's a...

I do not want to go to the fucking Abby. Barney's beanery? What the fuck? No. Ew. Oh, it's a restaurant. It's a bean restaurant? Yeah.

That's the deal. Yeah. Yes. And we owe. Of course. Speaking of gay guys, did you guys see? I don't know. Did you guys see that there was a White House correspondence dinner pre-party in D.C.

That was sponsored by Grindr? Yes. Yes, I did see this and it looked like, okay, all the gay guys. like a lot of the gay guys in there looked like this kind of like fat and tall are big enough to be straight but clearly they're gay because they're at the grinder party but and they're conservative so they have that like disguise element to them well there's a lot of libs do like white house correspondence dinner is huge for both

parties like it's their it's their excuse to like feel like they're in la you know none of them had LA bodies oh girl period I've been So I downloaded Grindr in LA because I was like, I need to like try to meet a little hang out. And then I was like, maybe I'll drive my car off. I lasted for like five minutes. Do you think who like, do you think the person who invited you to Barney's Beanery was like making a racial joke to you? She's Mexican. It's my friend Zianna.

Shout out. She's one of the only people here keeping me sane. But I hope you get out of there one day. I feel like you've been out of where. No, girl. I feel like I've been solitary. I feel like I even Solitaire advice then.

I'm trying to not... Napoleon on elbow. You seem happier when you're in other places than L.A. I feel like it's... This is 1,000% the worst vacation of my fucking life. No fucking question. And you extended it for some...

Because I'm trying to get... I'm trying to get more bookings to promote the interior mode as Patreon. So I'm like, okay, this gay guys in Cicely for a bit longer. It's like cheap as hell. And I'm like, I should... Like I said,

last episode, do my best to end L.A. on a good note because on paper I was supposed to be gone in like three days and I would have been like, adios. Nuket. Shut it down. Never going back. Hate it. Hate it. Everyone here is a fake ass piece of shit

bitch who is a corny ass faggot. But it's going to be turning around for me y'all. And it gets got this cholo clown haircut today. It is all going to turn around. Barney's. Bernie's meter, he saved me. See you at Barney.

See you at Barney. See you all at Barney's. This L.A. looks like it's just been chewing you out and spitting you up. You're getting higher fades. Your eyes look bluer. That was a mistake. Your skin looks tanner. I just want you to go back to the old bin.

Would you be concerned if like every day your fade got a little bit higher? I would end up fucking bald at that point. So yes, it'd be really fucking conscript. And the guy, okay, when he come out here, he left like a big curl in it and I was like in the car and I was like just adjusting my hair and then I pulled out this fat curl and I was like oh my god my hair is falling out in clumps and then I realized he's like no she just didn't like comb that out but there was a split second there where I was like what the you thought you were about to get jocced girl if I if I pulled out a clump of hair I would book a

flight that minute and be gone to turkey yeah well out of LA but yeah I'd probably go immediately. You have a symmetrical head. You'd look great bald. It's not an issue to you. I have a flat back of my head, as you can see here. So I actually wouldn't look bald. And if I shaved my head, I would look like a transmask lesbian with cancer.

Honorable mention. To any of you all out there. Maybe transmask of cancer. Honorable mention. I just to say this really quickly, Glenn is a good bald person, a nice looking bald person. Glenn's one of the best. I went to Telfar store this weekend.

I've sought. Telfar model. Yeah. Yeah. Let me say that. Let me get to that because... Oh, I didn't even know that. Oh, damn.

They put his freaky white ass up there. He started doing the modeling for the leather, when they put the leather collection out. But anyway, so when you go to the store, there's obviously like videos of the models playing on the screens, and they like switched to different models. And Glenn came up, and I was like, look,

there's a... He got to model. I know, I mean, I didn't. And then only 10 minutes after I pointed that out, left the store, we run into Glenn in the street. I'm like, look, that's him. That's the one who got the chance. Did you ask for his autograph? No, I said, hey, good to see you. I love your paintings still. Great to... Maybe you should take a page out of Glenn's book and just, like, get rid of the Benjamin Franklin stuff.

It is so Ben Franklin. Chuck, I don't know how many times I can tell you, you should get a low fade on the sides and just just give it girl I'm sorry or braid it or braid it like you did when we were in New Orleans speaking of

oh my God I want to be in New Orleans so I'm sorry I'm gonna stop I want you go to New York I want to be traveling so bad right now I just went to New York

Girl you just got back from New Orleans I know and I and it unlocked a wander lust inside of me my soul was punctured and my heart was broken

and after going down this little three four day trip I feel a renewed enough to keep going. I don't feel like I'm dragging my dead body around again. I feel born again, not Christian. And I, uh, and also, born again, no Christian. Going to New York after recently going to L.A., completely everything that I think is wrong. L.A. is fake as fuck and New York is way more real. And I like L.A. and they're good people in L.A. and there's fun to do, there's fun stuff to do there, but it doesn't make for a good city. And New York was

nothing but good old times. There's no question between the two. There's just simply no question between the two. And we've talked about it to no, like. I switch my opinion. It used to be one way or the other, and now it's just like, no one was complaining in New York.

No one was fucking complaining in New York. Everyone in L.A. was like... I love complaining in New York. I mean, look, they just weren't, I don't know. They just weren't things in New York. It felt like people didn't have as many problems in New York. Everyone had a damn problem and do you agree guys

what do you think? I mean people I know people who have problems in New York Yeah, one thousand percent Let me put this out I think this was a joke This was a joke that was made

in L.A., but I'm going to talk about it like it was real But at I was at the like Chapo pool party I was able to get into the pool before the sun like fell

so low that the water was like freezing and like um and uh i mentioned it to uh pierce who was at the at the party and he was like oh see you're already you've already got l a brain you're bragging about how you were able to go in the pool and um he was making a joke but i'm like that is the l a mindset is everyone's calatardation everyone is uh is trying to one up me when they, you know, say that they did something. No, that's been like so many of the conversations I've had here. It's just like, everyone's so busy. Everyone knows someone.

I'm just like, kill yourself. Shut the fuck up. Bitch. Who fucking cares? Anyways. What else is happening in the world? Well, Jack, I do think you should get the haircut. I do think the Benjamin Franklin has been on for too long.

And I think you would benefit from a little bit of a fade. look or if you keep it that long braid it first natural reaction knee jerk reaction you saying that is fuck you I think I like the way I look but in reality I think you're beautiful I know but in reality you're

absolutely right Ben and I have been considering wanting to cut my hair since before my girlfriend came and then she came and left town and I was gonna cut it before she after she left town I'm ready to go shave it down all like very I'm

Don't don't go off in the comments or DM me I will fucking block you if you start DMing me messages about how I should style my hair You start respecting me Put some respect on it I'm not your doll Put some respect on my head I'm not a doll

I am the doll They're not a doll Don't you tell me what I can Yeah Cynthia You're literally not at all When I am You're a non-binary person I'm gonna be

whatever I want to be. And I guess I'm a doll now. So, you can't. She her. She her? Are you coming out as a trans woman? That's for the girls. You're going to make things tough. Me.

You're going to fuck up the perfect balance of sexuality. I just spoke with a my, um, insal gay guy, trans lesbian, non-binary pansexual. They just kicked me out of a woman's bathroom again.

Aren't you mad for us? Yeah. If Fox News. who's got a hold of jocchia. I just talked to my lawyer and he said I cannot identify as a doll. So I revoked the statement. I take it back.

I'm sorry I tried to do what I wanted to. Sorry, my first... Well, you can be a doll. You just have to put effort on you. Yeah, you have to put effort into it. What I don't put enough effort? Double Ds, estrogen, at least a pronoun change.

So, okay, well, I know what I need to do for Friday's recording. No, no. We record on Thursdays also. Just joking. The way I don't, it's like been going on for years the same day for recording. What? Oh, yeah, yeah.

I thought you meant your possible transition. No, no, no, no, no. This is not, I'm done with the transitioning talk. But I want to get back to one important thing that I didn't get to finish up saying earlier. We can't all like Cajun and Zytoe music. and then just throw aside the DJs. It's unfair, and I'm not, I'm not gonna side with all the Cajun people about this. I'm tired of it.

So you, okay, wait, okay. He's saying let DJs exist in Lafayette. They're like, no dance music. We don't need that. This is best. Even if they're bad, even if they're like the worst DJ. Well, I'm just like, it's a bunch of people in the comments bitching about how this guy got an opportunity to play music that they didn't like.

And it's like every day they play music once a week at the same venues, all the time the same Cajun music. And like, that's not every fucking person in town likes that music. I like it. I like Zidico, but it's like, do, do, what is Zytoe? Zidico is a,

another, it's a full, it's a folk. It's very similar to Cajun music, but it. Is it like, Bard kind of like, oh, here the tail of John? No, it's fast tempo. Usually there's an accordion. Washboard, guitar, drums. You don't,

My grandpa played accordion, which is so Italian. It's a different type of accordion playing, girl. Yeah. It's, I love it. It's like, it is, it's not a tarantella. No, I'll put my favorite Zydico tracks for the intro and outro, but it does inspire a lot of mania. It kind of feels like crash bandicoot music. There is.

It's like really like, there's no breaks between songs normally with Cajun or Zytoe music. So it's just a nonstop set most times. Like, there's usually no pause. Josh, do you like Keith Frank? Yeah, I love Keith Frank. Chris Arjwan, the new step, is like my favorite Zayako musician of all time. My favorite, Gino. Delafonte.

De Lafonte. Yeah, I love him. Y'all also, just one more time, pour your drink out today. Or, no, put your drink in your mouth. Take some pills. Drink for Debbie. Drink for Debbie. Take a pill.

We're talking Xanax, Klonap. Paterills. Go crazy. Pain pills. Muscle relaxers. GHB. Wash it down with a big glass of wine and go immobile. In honor of this, Debbie.

This woman once came for my mother. My mom said, hey, are you still cooking dinner tonight? She was staying at my mom's place in Sycamore Point. And Debbie ran up to my mom and choked her. And it took two people to rip this twig of a woman off of, for small but mighty incredible also it was only like

did she have a funeral did you go to the funeral I was already in New York they had no funeral it was a no funeral I was already I don't know like do we have any funeral updates I was in New York and I you missed Debbie's funeral to DJ at Transpico's

you are insane I spoke to my uncle this look I the only person I would have gone out of respect for my uncle and for you know, Debbie two. Not for Debbie, too, but it's like, but she's dead. She's dead.

She's dead. She would totally understand. And I'm like, I don't know who she, I don't know how much she was understanding anything. She didn't have any children. Yeah. Wouldn't that be more recent?

She was having children. No, look, I love, I love Debbie. She really did. I really did love her as a family member. She also broke up a family and my family. So it's like, wait, how did your, how did your DJ set go? Oh,

The DJing was amazing. It was trans Picos. Everyone was like, it's so small. It's huge. It's big. It was fun as hell. I've never been. There was maybe like 60 people there.

The room was, everyone was dancing and raging. People were loving my set. They recorded, I recorded my set, but they recorded the set. And they recorded the crowd noises. And they're mixing them together. Did you meet any seekers? Yeah. There were a lot of.

Shout out to Paley. Paley's a seeker for a... Paley? I guess it's an Irish name. But... Okay. What does Paley look like?

Paley looks like a beautiful woman with blonde hair. That's my friend Bailey, probably, that you ran into. No. Fucking gagging. No, it is not. What's...

I don't... Tall? No, we're talking about... We're not talking about the same. She was so short. Is she from so short? Is she? Did she live in Montreal?

Is she from North Carolina? And does she live in Jersey City? Oh, that's my friend Haley. Shut up. Stop lying. But anyway, there were tons of seekers there. There was an amazing seeker. Someone was like, hey, she could have a chance to finish that painting of my dog.

I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm like, honey, let me get you, let me get you three paintings of your dog. Let me, let me make this up. I gave her stuff for the merch booth. I was like, just please. But she was so happy to be there.

There were a lot of fun. There was a seeker that was visiting from Arizona. I'm sorry, I forgot your name right now. He was so nice. He went to the Dominican bar across the street before the show and stayed there for an hour drinking alone. And he couldn't speak Spanish. And so he could not communicate with the bartender well.

Those guys speak English, but he just didn't want to talk to him. Yeah. And he was just doing shots alone And then I was smoking a joint A joint in front of the building He said oh, you're Jacques And it was just being him outside We were talking for a while

And I passed him the joint And he takes a big hit of this like Wax joint that has Keefe and all this shit in it And he's like this is the first time I smoked weed In seven months I was like oh no I know he had to go back to New Jersey

He started speaking Dominican Spanish after that He had to go back He became Dominican Yeah I felt so back because I got him really high and then he was like, I gotta leave. I gotta go back to New Jersey.

My eyes are, Ibrahim. It was such a good time. Do you remember that girl, FlyVee, who used to live in Denver? She was on the line of DJing. I don't know.

Okay, Ivy, she was DJing and it was so fun. And then the sound guy, before I, like, when we got there, before I even started, he was like, hey,

I saw you DJed 10 years ago at Rhinoceropolis. Shout out, iconic D. I-Y Denver. Closed. Well, I'm sure it's like fucking condos now and Rhino. But I saw Ice Age there. It was, I loved.

Machine Girl. Loved Rhino. Yeah, Machine Girl was out of just there. He was playing there. 99 jigs. I actually used to know a gay guy, a Greek guy named Rhinoceropolis.

Yeah, he was hot. He was hot. He sounds sexy as hell. Well, everyone, I'm going to try to, I don't know. I guess I should go to the beaner should do something. I need to do that Jim Carrey movie that's like yes man or whatever the fuck

and just literally say yes to everything. Yeah, you should become no man and say no man. I am no man. I have been no man for so long. Do stand up. Pick up something crazy. Do you imagine me doing standup comedy.

I'd be absolutely horrible at it. I don't know. I thought I would be bad and I did good enough. I'm sure you could do it. Well, you like performing. I don't really like performing. Yeah. I hate comedy in general.

Yeah. I'm not a fan of stand-up comedy. No, I hate it. I find it to be, like, really uncomfortable. Have you gotten to the beach? No, I need to go to the beach. I might go to do a couple days in Joshua Tree or something. I don't know.

I did go to Riverside, and I fucking loved Riverside. I saw a gay cholo with a white skinhead couple. and I was like, finally, real America. Finally, I am around the only good thing America has to offer, which is extremely confusing. It's Riverside, like a park off of that. Riverside is like an hour inland. Oh, okay.

It's like kind of like Mexican suburb ghetto kind of mix. But it was, I fucking loved it. I have my friend's family, and it was so nice to be around a family. Like, so a super long time ago, I went to a taco truck. truck over there, I think. That was like the best I've ever had. Yeah. I had a submission to interior motives that was in Riverside and it was a guy named

Alejandro who's living in a shed with a tree growing through it. So that was kind of the vibe I was expecting. And it was like a little bit more suburb but I'm sure there were parts of it that I didn't quite see. Yeah. At least like all suburbs, honestly. Well, it's not a big city. It's a string of

suburbs. Yeah. It's like, yeah, complete lie. Anyways, everyone out there, thank you for listening. Um, go find bonus episodes on, I hear you, Jock. Just let me, um, go find bonus episodes on our Patreon, patreon. Patreon.com slash seeking derangements. And I believe Jock has something to yap about. What is it, Epo?

I have a thing things to yap about. I'd like to say thank you to Colt magazine for bringing me out to New York and to play that chance because that was the best time ever. Everyone go follow Colt Magazine. They've been doing this for years now. the nicest people. Shout out to Zev and Jake for making that trip amazing.

Go listen to Colt magazine's mixes. Downhill 2K. It's C-U-L-T, not C-O-L-T, correct? Yeah, C-U-L-T. It does, when I use Talk to Speech, it keeps putting up C-O-L-T. C-O-T. Yeah. C-L-T. They're great.

They're great. Col. Colt. Colt. Cult magazine. Cult magazine. Cult. But y'all go

And also go listen to the band Halo 3. They're a live jungle list drum and bass electronic math rock Okay. That's my shout-outs. All right, amazing plugs.

Goodbye everyone. We'll talk to you later this week. Bye.