Seeking Derangements - SD 51 - trying something new out (with Sarah Squirm)

Episode Date: February 2, 2021

where we record a really long episode that's really hard to edit and then we post the first half on here, and the second half on our patreon intro/// Сато - Пять четвертей (Take Five) (1981) outro/// Carol Cool - Upside Down (1980)

🎵 Hi, everyone. Today, yeah, I got this. Because Ben is, okay, you guys never get to hear it before the episode starts, before Ben is like smiling and laughing, Max is like, hee hee hee hee, and two, they are just belligerent with hatred and anger. These people, I'm gonna- We have a guest, Jacques, maybe you should introduce our guest. Yes, I'm getting Jacques's spot.

He's doing a 30 minute intro. They're so fucking rude. So we're blessed today with our special guest, Hogmaster and Pagemaster alike, Sarah Squirm, everybody. Hi. I'm waved, but you can't hear a wave, I guess. If you don't know Sarah Squirm, you've probably seen someone walking really close.

You're probably a piece of fucking shit. Fucking head check. Yeah, you're probably a shit. Fuck you. If you've ever seen someone following closely behind Eric Andre, taking his food orders, that's Sarah Squirm, actually. That's me. I'm the diaper changer.

Sarah, Jacques is turning the show into a kind of uh fresh air with terry gross setup where he's going to ask you very gross like in big and gross like in nasty um very kind of you know probing uh empathetic questions about your life and craft um so just just get ready for that you may you may cry or feel like you've left therapy once this once this genius gets a hold of you and lucky for you guys i'm incredibly interesting not many people know that you're incredibly fucked up and traumatized so we have a lot to mine oh my god so let's just i guess we'll just get started off. What's your biggest mental affliction? Oh, you're actually asking the question? Your biggest mental affliction? The fans want to know.

I'm incredibly twisted and supremely random. Oh, my God. Okay, wow. Back it up. Everybody, brace yourselves. This girl's twisted, and she's random. She's a little scary. I'm scared. What's she going to do? There's a little scary i'm scared there's nothing

there's nothing scarier than a random chick we just got awkward turtled not again someone watched too much invaders m in middle school um yeah very meh vibes so if you've ever wondered who is the head organizer of all monkey labor related affairs, that's Sarah. Oh, fuck. That coconut milk thing. Yeah, let's break it.

Did you not hear about this? Sarah has a very special... Yeah, so Sarah's side job besides being a comedian... Have you heard about this is she she oversees a lot of monkey labor and what i mean by monkey labor is like physical labor run by monkeys like chimpanzees i'm following yeah yes we have a monkey the name we've all heard podcast that's why the audio sounds like shit.

Jacques, boost your volume just a little bit. Wow, reinstating Jacques' narrative after a really long time. Dialing in Jacques' mic levels and they were all over the place. I'm so excited you're here because this finally means that I have someone

on my side. Jacques is blinking in morse code to be help me look can I give you my first impressions right now right off the bat what I'm getting from this zoom call yeah jock is serving a funny realness right now and I think and he's making me laugh okay everybody right now now that could literally never i've got my hundred i've got my hundred gex remix album t-shirt on okay okay and i'm wearing the bottom half of my new um track suit i'm gonna put my other half of the are you wearing the bottom half of the tracksuit okay okay we've got some artwork behind you every time we record you are in an entirely the same room i just need to paint all these paintings and i don't have that much space

so i just got this is the paintings we saw we saw last? I think it's one of them. No, wait. Sarah, last episode, Jock, we found Jock had made a bunch of listings on the Dendroqueer exchange where he was selling paintings, like the one picture behind him, for $100. Jock, do you want to tell us the

name of the painting you were selling on the D Queer Exchange for $100? Are these Jacques originals or are they just things you found discarded? It's not garbage, believe it or not. My neighbor keeps throwing away all these paintings. That would be so cool if I was scam scamming some artist and like this whole time. He's not going to tell you the painting was called Communist Woman Number 69. I thought my thing was, like I said, oh, liberals, they love communism.

They sure do, Chuck. There's one lesson we've learned from the Bernie Sanders campaign is that liberals love that shit. Well, I guess I get what what you mean i think they like a kind of like like heavily aestheticized like you fucking bernie bros i'll push your glasses up you're like of course you're discussing the wrong part of you're speaking the people's language people will know what you mean jock they don't people they don't need me an expert i'm gonna be honest after we received all those questions all six we got like five questions yeah um all six questions from twitter it's become very obvious

that absolutely no one knows what i'm talking about yeah it's honestly devastating that this is podcasts are not a visual medium because i really do wish that they could know about the paintings of what you're speaking we've thought about recording before i want to do a visual thing i want to do a visual thing there's this guy who one of the fans keeps sending videos where they just put slideshow pictures of us talking like that sounds like harassment look harass me all you want if you guys are hearing this on the radio waves i want to be harassed i'm so bored i will take any amount of attention you have a bed sheet staple gun over i know this is it's like this is literally like um like when osama was sending those videos from a cave

yeah you can see the blowtorch there's a computer with anime yeah you can see yeah yeah yeah osama's uh so i'll i'll take a little picture so we can see so the i'll post it so the listener can see what we're working yeah it's exactly like osama's there is a mutant osama's you can see obama's osama's uh you know blowtorch for the uh for this dab rig they're for they're for uh jock stabs stab me all you like i got a lot of holes in me already jock how are you keeping up with uh sophie's death oh just bring it down a little bit shall we you are you are the first person i i thought of when i found out that um sophie had passed because i know that sophie like meant so much to you but you know really meant so much to everyone

how are you so i honestly truly have not been devastated haven't been devastated shut up okay i haven't been devastated by a death like this sincerely since my ex died. Damn. I really honestly feel so devastated that just someone who just very clearly changed the music game forever. A lot of people don't know this, but Sophie made most of her music building every individual sample she made from waves like making the individual like date i don't know i don't really know how to explain that i'm not a musician but she's the banging of the pots and the pans yes yeah a real a real back to basics kind of producer who i mean it is it's very very very very depressing that um she died it's it's something that you can't really like um like quantify in any way uh although people are attempting to i mean the way i think of it it's like this is someone who like made so much music

produced so much music that like really did save us from like and rescued us and like broke a kind of like not to be that girl but like a complete and total like neoliberal hegemonic stranglehold on like creative output like yeah like i was thinking like what if what if sophie just like didn't exist like aside from her own music she produced for you know beyonce and kanye and lady gaga and even for like more mainstream pop musicians like really did change their sounds um like had she not existed literally just would have been a complete and total like rule of like katie perry types like that kind of just like boom clap like yeah roar algorithm algorithmic just like total bullshit dog food music and of course she's gone too early but at the very least she accomplished

like she accomplished something that i think like all artists try to do especially musicians which is just to make people feel alive like i remember hearing her music and just feeling for the first time like actually feet like hearing something that made me feel alive and intrigued and free and like wanting to be with my friends and social and like and at a time where like we have nothing like there's no politics that can save you from the like drudgery of your life like culture as an escape totally fucking blows like it is i think like the hardest task for an artist to like break through that and just make people feel alive with their art and like i don't think anyone else has been able to do that better than than sophie

has really and like so many like musicians have have died and people always like talk about what they meant and about how like groundbreaking they were and etc etc but it's never more it's never been more true than it has been with sophie I think. I think Sophie also was the very first artist that I actually felt compelled to express my trans feminine identity in any way. Like, even before she came out as being trans, there's just something. You saw Sophie and you were like, it's time for me to wear my yellow two-piece with Jamaica on the ass to the Indian restaurant. Thank you for helping me. but my yellow two-piece with Jamaica on the ass to the Indian restaurant. Thank you for helping me. Yeah, well, people say this.

There's this one line in her boiler room set. It's like a remix of a GFOTY song, and she's like, get to the club at 2 a.m. I'm going to bang loads of men. And I was like, oh, my God. You're like, oh, me. Me, me, me, me, her, me, Sophie. I remember it was like 2014 or 2015 all those people were like you know because she was releasing music and no one like knew who she was like when biff and lemonade came out everyone was writing those bizarre yeah yeah they were

writing those like bizarre think pieces like why are male electronic musicians performing through femininity and it was like and then she came out with no tears left to not no tears left to cry it's okay to cry although i do love you can we start a rumor that that sophie wrote and produced no tears to cry honestly a good anything that sounds good she had something to do with absolutely absolutely absolutely but no i remember that yes i remember grimes grimes herself was like she said something about um dusty ass pbr pussy Grimes said something said something about Sophie appropriating feminine

feminine aesthetics Grimes said something like even if Sophie was like a cis man like I still who fucking cares who has a trademark on that shit

certainly nobody has a right to on that shit like yeah certainly nobody has a a right to say like whether like how how you can or can't express it even more cis men are so scared of femininity that they would rather like shoot themselves in the penis before even admitting like liking gilmore girls or sex in the city yes that's that's the toxic male behavior we need to eradicate too many men are blowing off their dicks before they're willing to admit that they've watched a single episode of gilmore girls that is a scourge across the nation we're losing so many dicks well the thing that i mean this could be me like putting a narrative on top of this and like waxing romantic about something i don't know about but it's like how the the idea that she was like

finding her identity through her music yeah and the people were taking that away from her before they even knew and then she debuts her gorgeous perfect face and no tears left to cry and uh it's okay to cry and it's like that's to think about someone's art practice as like them literally figuring themselves out or figuring out what they want to show us is like i mean who else did that besides i'll say it it, David Bowie. Okay. Besides, besides John. You really have to think of, you really have to think of, uh, uh, Sophie as someone who's not just like an artist,

but like a producer more than anything, you know, like an artist puts themselves out in front of the limelight and, and performs these, these, these tracks or, or these songs in public, but a producer, like it's, it out in front of the limelight and performs these tracks or these songs in public. But a producer, like it's a much more involved position, right? It's much more like you have to go into the studio and figure out how you're going to present this. Like think about the thesis really. Like how does your music pertain to like what image you want to portray? your music pertain to like what image you want to portray or like it's a lot more of an auteur perspective rather than just like oh you know i've been given these songs by the record yeah

and i think she really she really like scooter brown's like forcing me to record this she was very very capable of like um like sidestepping any of the like very indefinite sidestepping any of the like pitfalls that i think a lot of like not cis like not whatever she like completely avoided being pigeonholed as like a trans artist or even like explicitly making work about being trans like her work wasn't about her wasn't about being trans it just like was trans yeah no her work is it because for everybody yeah yeah yeah yeah but like it definitely like hat like it's inherently trans by the just the lyrics and the content you know it just is periods okay it's trans because it's also not cis it's it's not anything it's literally immaterial it's immaterial like that's literally a thesis that's literally

like a thesis to her music in some way like it doesn't it's like it's like it's immaterial like that's literally a thesis that's literally like a thesis to her music in some way like it doesn't it's like it's like it's just you there there is no identity to be ascribed like described here it's completely unnecessary it's music to dissociate to to have fun to feel alive like literally that's it run through an entire bag academy with the boys you know about sophie's music is it's noises that you have never heard in your life. It's like, You're going to try to do a scat rendition of a Sophie song. Sarah, lay it on us.

Give us your scat Sophie. What did it sound like? I'm going to sing a Sophie song and you guys have to guess what it is. Okay, let's go. Oh my god, hard. That's Carro Carro Bonito, you fucking choink.

Oh, is it really? I'm sipping, I'm sipping. Lemonade. It does really. Wow. I thought he had. Lemonade. Lemonade. It does really. Wow. Jacques thought he had it in the first two seconds. Very hard. I think of anybody who could do that,

I think Jacques is like. Jacques, do you want to try to, why don't you sing a, do a Sophie song for us with just your voice and we'll see if we can get it I can make you feel I can make you feel I do love Bip

wait let me think of a better okay whole new world yes okay I got one okay pony boy Okay, I got one, I got one. Okay. Pony boy.

Damn. I love that track. DJ, spin it again. Anyways, yeah, immeasurable loss. It's hard to even, I don't know. So Ben and Max have already said absolutely not to doing the questions they have this lazy bone to both of them i can tell sarah doesn't have a lazy bone in her she i mean look we can answer some of them i'm just saying we can save them for another we can we can put out another call for questions and then do a whole hour on it but you know whatever jock you've talked let's go

for it let's go okay well let's just let's just let's just get one of the amazing one of the six. Let's all get into our worst hookups ever. Hookup story. Sarah, you go first because I can already tell you. You put her on the spot. You should start with yours. Start with yours. I mean, I have one at the top of my mind.

Are you ready? Okay, let's do it. Let's do it. Lay it on us. Okay, as I said, I told you this before. I think before we started recording, one of the worst things about me is that I am a straight person dating a boyfriend. I know. We should have straight people around here.

Jacques's screaming completely cut your audio. He was doing a Sophie song. A straight person dating a who? A boyfriend. Oh, a boyfriend. I thought you said by like a bi friend like a friend of yours that was bisexual okay the worst thing about me is that i'm dating a bi person honestly that would have been true i would yeah that would suck i don't feel bad for you by erasure on the zoom call let's do it let's do it in order I was like

obsessed with him like my boyfriend I was obsessed with him it was one of those like stalker situations where I would see him from across the room and I was like I know that I know that we would be in love and I asked him out and he was like no no and I went but I know that it was you know one of those and so I dated all of his roommates kind of for attention kind of thing. Wait, you dated his roommates? Like, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, that's so crazy.

Hey, hey, hey. That's psycho. I commend you for that. That's just moving pieces on the chessboard. I mean it. Oh, I had a Zoom call wearing a clown suit, and you thought I wouldn't do anything for attention. I literally...

I mean, we've been dating for eight years, not to brag. Oh, sick. No, well, that's probably one of my... To go to Jacques' earlier question, what's my biggest mental derangement? What did you say? I think he said affliction. I love affliction.

Affliction. Let's go with affliction. Affliction, which is a fair amount more spiritual than disability okay so i asked sarah squirm for her worst hookup party or question and she just i like i i went out with his one of his friends for attention and i was just really forcing it just because i was like i know this person won't be in love with me if only they notice and then i was out to dinner with one of them and he like was like oh sarah's weird so he wanted to do like these weird stunts i'm babe i'm i'm i'm scared of sarah she's weird she's really scary that's fine that's not a good excuse to throw it down a cliff bro this chick is like mad scary

she's so scary she's like jewish or something and so i was going out with this this dude i mean this is like i mean it's it's a pg story like he thought i was freaky and so he kind of think he like wanted to impress me and so when he when he paid for the meal he like as a stunt took the receipt and the the dollar bills that he put down and ate them oh whoa so like jesus and i'm like and i'm not like that freaky see yeah i'm a little i'm a little bit worried you let that man eat your pussy did he at least like brush his teeth or something like do you know how many like fucking microbes and shit how much cocaine is it i think i was so desperate i didn't even care yeah okay but it's kind of nice to see that you you have the ability to make someone act so out of pocket you know what

i mean i have a magical ability at any moment to make someone around me turn into a school shooter yeah yeah yeah that's your that's your power that's your mental affliction okay i'm not i create not safe spaces by my mere physical presence okay let me give a little recap here so i don't know if we need a recap this is like a pre let's go to your let's go to your hookup story and it cannot be about the time that you were paid for sex with a cake okay okay okay okay okay first of all which is my favorite jock story you wish you had a piece of cake you fucking we're not going into the cake thing we literally talk about it every episode you bring it up all the time you'd been every night before ben goes to bed he he prays to god and he says dear god please make jock have to have sex for another piece of cake i would just

make my ben calls every night and asks him to uh tell him a bed night story or yeah a bedtime story and it's always like the jock can you please tell me the time you had sex for cake yes okay anyways i'll get right into my hookup i'll get right into my hookup story but i just gotta say this you know i was expecting like sarah to say oh i like you know i farted during a hookup and then like oh you know like something like gross and funny but this fucking i didn't say i was expecting you to say something funny this fucking this fucking goon here just tell just goes ahead and says oh yeah um my kooky boyfriend has loved me for eight years and we're just like in love love isn't what yeah i know i heard it pop ben's laugh just went off like this

thank you for sharing this yeah i still appreciate that cool cool that's kind of a good story he ate the money okay well the money eating was good but then it just started off with such a long introduction like i've dated my boyfriend for eight years we're just so in love love love blah blah blah i know blah, blah. I know, I did say that. Romance is disgusting. Like, if I've learned one lesson as an adult, it's like, I will never fall in love. That shit is for simps and cucks. Jacques, you're making my mood ring amber,

which is stress. Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Yeah, what do you think you signed up for? I don't know. Okay, this is not the worst hookup story, but I promise y'all it's really important that y'all hear. I went to... Are you going to retell the cake story?

Or can you just say it? While Ben's... Okay. Okay, and we're back. Okay, so... talking about can i before you let can i speak let our female guests speak and the female narrative is taking the floor to say one thing that was very podcast i do have to say that little moment was very podcast. And all the boys with all their gear. I see boy stuff, boy stuff everywhere. Not a drop to drink.

Okay. Just to update you guys what you missed out on, a little Miss Misogynist over here is trying to paint us as women haters. As always. Are you drinking pee a lot you drinking yes i need it yeah jock's jock's favorite drink is pdl i just got back from the from the mountains and and i was in i was in new mexico in the mountains and there was no internet service i couldn't even read the news articles about sophie dying i had to find out from other people. It's fucking miserable.

So that's why you're drinking P.E. wine? Jacques has a certain je ne sais quoi that is just undeniable. It's completely untapped. When I come to New York, we're going to have to hang. Where do you think I live? She doesn't live in New York. What are you talking about? Okay, we'll hang out when i come to la is so like deeply grotesque okay it's the consistency of saliva no you know what i

will back jock up here i do drink pedialyte when you're hungover no if i just feel like i need a little pick need extra hydration last two. Need extra hydration. In the last two months. It's very twisted. In the last two months, I've had one glass of wine. I thought you were going to say water. And I had it last night. I preemptively laughed. I have had a single glass of water.

I'm just naturally dehydrated, so I have to hit the Pedialyte Where I'm gonna have to hit the Pedialyte I have to smoke on that Pedialyte real quick Grumpy I didn't sleep well Jacques Yeah hit us with your nasty little hookup story So Yikes

This one gets a little gross When does that ever stop this Jacques Let's try to do like two minutes. I don't know if this is going to be like a 45-minute. No, no, no. I have a quick one, and then I have a longer one. I'll start off with a quick one. Okay, let's do the quick one.

So there's this guy, and he was like older than me. I was like 20, and he was like 35. And I should have just taken from that like I should have been like I don't know what I expect but it probably can't be good well after having like a really just mediocre sex like it's bad like bad sex is forgivable

because they're obviously so there's always like an excuse for it like they're just so yeah there's an excuse it's. You just feel bad for them. Like they're just so. Yeah, there's an excuse. It's fine. You know, like whatever. Like, oh, you know, this guy's A, B, and C.

Whatever, whatever. Okay, okay, okay, okay. So I had like really just mediocre sex. So I should have just left. And I should have just, you know, just been like, okay, good day. A good day to you, sir. Good day to you, sir. Do a little good day to you sir you know like whatever he he pulls me aside he's like can i tell you something i'm like oh god he's like i haven't felt this way having sex with someone wait wait wait it gets it gets really

intense so buckle up he says I haven't felt this way um having sex with someone since I had sex with my brother Jesus Christ Jacques oh no I told you guys Jacques has a certain je ne sais quoi it gets worse

it gets worse. Wait, Jacques. It gets worse. It gets worse. It gets worse. Okay. He reaches on the side of his bed. Does he have a picture of his brother? And pulls out a family photo.

And he's like, do you see the resemblance? Wait, and it's you. It's your long lost brother. Brother. I was like, who's your dad? I was like, what's going on here? Horrible. Horrible.

Yeah, that sounds really scary, honestly. Did you look like him? Scary and bad. Yeah, did you look like his brother? Yes, that was the thing. He showed me the picture and it looked exactly like me. This guy had just had sex with his- Okay, so clearly this man had sex with his okay so clearly he this man is a pervert his brother once and is just scouting for guys who look like his brother to

relive that experience well which i'll say is a healthy coping mechanism in order to not have sex with your brother oh thank you dr sarah you know what it's it's better than having sex with your brothers i want to agree with that wow max it's like it's like kind of like exposure therapy I give up to Sarah. You know what? It's better than having sex with your brother. I want to agree with that. Wow. It's kind of like exposure therapy. Max smokes cigarettes in his room. Y'all, that is so bad, baby.

Max being really cool right now. Sarah, do you smoke cigarettes? What's the worst thing that you do? I'm trying to impress this woman. Shut up. What's the worst thing that you do? See, I told you you should be ready for some. I needed this. I told you to be ready for some.

It's so Terry gross-ass questions. I'm trying to hear her. I did a really gross thing mere moments ago. Oh, I'm ready for this. I have a little tiny mini fridge right there in my, dare I say my studio and and i had no food in here except i had like the bottom of what was left in the tostitos scoops bag so there's little chip crumbles and then a little bit of the tostitos salsa left did you mix it together like like concrete and water? Oh, God. I put a scoop, and I didn't want to put my hand in the jar with shards.

I was left with shards, so I couldn't take the chip. Do you want to cut myself? I didn't want to cut myself. What, am I sick? I'm not sick. So I just poured the rest of the chips in the salsa container and ate it with a spoon. How was that?

That's not bad. That's not bad cereal. That's not bad. Yeah, it was like a cereal. It's a cereal. Cereal for Mexicans. Okay, Jacques. Someone just said that.

Someone just said that. Me and Max can make that joke because we're Latino. You cannot. You're simply Cajun. Whatever, I'm just waiting. No, no, no, no. I'm waiting for someone to listen to this and just come to my

house and shoot me i think if you're angry enough you should just kill me why don't you give the people your address i think that would be uh i'm gonna be honest i will i will i'll give up my address if someone will i don't think there's anyone who wants her address hey if it means more presents i'll take it. You've also told us multiple times that you live across the street from the world's first Quiznos in Denver. No, that's my old apartment. That's my old one. Oh, you no longer live across the street from Quiznos.

I live now. I don't live in Capitol Hill anymore. Oh, you live in Highlands. You live in the Mexican neighborhood. Yeah. I live in the fun part of town. Now you're going to be in trouble for calling a testito chards and salsa mexican Cheerios i am going to i am going to go to denver i'm going to go around the highland neighborhood and i'm going to post up flyers

of your face and it will say wanted racist and i am am going to go to Denver and post pictures of your face and say, have you seen this man in your dreams? Have you seen this man in your dreams? Because he is racist and you are having a nightmare. And it's going to have a little description. Non-binary person said that mixing Tostitos dust in salsa is quote-unquote mexican cereal angry face angry face thumbs down so beware beware anyways have you guys have you switching switching switching gears have you guys um been invested wait wait hold up hold up i'm doing a segue bitch you can't interrupt my. You can't unsegue yourself out of telling your bad hookup story.

I'm sorry. I, uh, one time I had, I was in Dallas and I had a hookup with a guy who was, um, six, eight.

And when I walked into his apartment, there were five, there were five katanas, but, um, it was, he was actually like really hot. And,

and I say this and I do not usually disclose gross physical details, but I did not bought him. I would never bought him for a six, eight man. That would be too scary. So I know that's immediately on everyone's mind when I say six, eight man. I would never do that. Short people don't want a tall person hovering above them, fucking them.

That's just like a fact. I think plenty of short people do but um not me anyways very long shadow yes have you been investing in stocks anyone because i have been i just assumed sarah was a i assumed sarah was a dog coin collector or something i literally saw one whiff of this news couldn't give a rat's little tiny ass sarah i had a thank you i had a friend thank you sarah 30k in one night and i had a friend make 200 so who's popular now i myself i made i made some money on dogecoin but more than that i'm getting in the day trader mindset i've got like i the listener can't see but i've hired twinks to lay around my room and act like charcuterie boards i i'm pissed i'm doing a bunch of blow i'm screaming about you know buy

the dip and you know hold the line ben is i mean my ben is wearing a ben is wearing a buttoned down shirt right with a collar that is white compared to the rest of the shirt which is blue and pinstriped exactly yes ben is one of my favorite i'm literally a white collar employee worker ben is one of my favorite people and i love him but every time he succeeds i die a little bit more in the inside do you want to know how much do you want to know how much i made do you want to know how much i made on on dogecoin absolutely not in one night max i want you to bleep this because i don't want anyone to accuse me of being wealthy but it was okay really in one night that's at least what i make in like six months

yeah that's what i make was sucking one cock you pathetic loser if that's all you can make in one night you fucking tiny cocked asshole i didn't even have to do anything i didn't't have to suck anyone off. I literally just looked at my phone for two hours. Oh, wow. Now Ben hates sex workers. Great. Sarah, Max, come on. Let's get to the bunker before Ben kills us with his nuclear toxicity.

Whoa. Okay, whoa. Did you see? Like, you saw what was going on, and then you were like, I want to get in. It's not like you were in early. No. Well, I had a group of- Ben's a of followers not a

leader let me speak i'm showing your cards because it sounds like somebody's on reddit not to point fingers i don't know how to use reddit reddit scares me i actually don't know how to use it i find it non-navigable the user interface of reddit on reddit the user interface of reddit is literally something only autistic men Can understand There's a direct correlation between a rise In STDs and a rise in Reddit memberships

No they don't have sex You are completely wrong about that You can get an STD from jerking off Somewhere weird and dirty You'll get an STD You'll get an STD Dr dr squirm has a lot of health tips anyways um i was i was making myself laugh about um joe biden i was making myself laugh about joe biden being like briefed about jocks doing dabs about joe biden being briefed on like the the gamer thing and just hearing like he was like buy the dip what do you mean they're

buying the dip i sent everyone to jail for that in the 90s and being like like to biden like quote unquote the big short is someone he like paid five dollars to poke with a stick at a traveling circus when he was a child they let the big short out anyway jock's dabbing i thought you guys were kidding no he literally is addicted to Like five drugs I'm just addicted to dabs

You don't smoke weed Sarah You strike me No I'm not a virgin I don't smoke weed Oh my god I hate weed I'm not going to show up on Mondays If I'm just going to get ass slammed

I literally think weed is a hard drug that we is a hard drug. Be criminalized. And absolutely. And Jacques is a shining example of that. OK, fuck you. And I find this very job is literally a weed criminal. Incredibly troubling from the girl with guts and eyeballs on her walls. Yeah, I'm naturally trippy, Jacques.

I don't need your little plant. This girl's got a trip. She's on a natural high. You are a slave to weed. Yeah, this is your intervention, Jacques. We're really worried about you. Look, I'd rather be a slave to weed. The amount of times I have literally sat Jacques down to be like,

will you please stop doing 10 dabs a day? That was my second dab of the day. So joke's on you. No, joke's on you because it's work. Because you're not doing 10 dabs anymore because I literally begged you to stop. Okay. First of all. You owe me the one brain cell you have remaining.

Dabs enhance my life, one. Number two, Ben is shorter than me. That's the troubling part. That's the troubling part is that you need a drug to, quote, unquote, enhance your life. I don't need a drug to enhance my life. Okay. First of all, I choose. Then why don't you stop drug to enhance my life. Okay, first of all, I choose. Then why don't you stop?

Because it's fun. Jacques, just drink covfefe. Yeah, just drink coffee. Wait, y'all. No, no, no. Jacques already eats. You got him really good with covfefe. Hold on, hold on. Jacques already eats

caffeine pills like they're fucking Tic Tacs. You saying covfefe was the funniest thing he has heard in four months. That was funny, but it reminded me of this thing I heard last night. Just let me have it. That was funny. That was funny, Sarah. You're good. I need this.

Point one for Sarah. Point zero for Max and Ben. I'm already winning. I was born Latino. Yeah, Latinas stay winning, bitch. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is Ben smoking a Juul that isn't a Stan that stands for three? It's my Hydro Flask.

Because I'm healthy, Jacques. I'm drinking water out of my massive Hydro Flask that is bigger than my head. Everyone might be talking about how great it is to be healthy sure but no one knows how great it feels to get high off a honey ham if i when i when i get successful enough i'm gonna send you a honey ham and i'm gonna say eat it all up bitch i'll send it to all three of you and you'll finally understand what being that's your version of doing a pretty woman to your haters yes is they getting successful doing what painting entertaining selling paintings on the denver queer exchange y'all are being oh my god jo, that's why you moved to Denver? To be weed trippy?

No, Jacques. Okay, one question we did get that I saw. They asked us how we all met and me and Jacques actually have a very funny first time meeting story. Okay. Yeah, I tried to fight a bit. Shut up. You

literally just said the punchline of the entire story, Jacques. Jacques spoiled the fucking thing do trigger happy Jacques okay long story short pardon me for being excited about life long story short long story short I Jacques came to my house

and I overheard him at like 3 o'clock in the morning while I was sleeping talking about stealing an Aaliyah poster I have that is a very rare, it was a very, very rare Aaliyah poster that I found in the basement of a black family's home that I had moved out when I was cleaning it

when I was a maid. And I brought it home and I hung it up and I cherished it and I loved it. And I woke up at 3 a.m in the morning to the heinous sounds of this faggot talking about stealing it and so i walked let me let me tell a story no we did not live together we did live together we did live together we did not live together at this house we did live together now yes yes we have lived together at the house that you stole talk about stealing the alia post we had just met we were not roommates at the time

we did not like each other okay thank you sarah has a question first go Go, shut up, Ben. You're welcome, Sarah. I have a question. What city was this in? This was in Denver. In Denver. Okay. And so, Jock, I walked out of my room, and I was like, don't touch my Aaliyah poster, you bitch. And then, Jock, I don't really remember what happened. We didn't fight, but we almost did.

And then I went back to my room. Anyways, I then later gave Jock that Ack that alia poster in a sign of good faith in his eyes the sign of good faith and we've been best best of friends ever since literally but i will say for the record i would have won that fight okay first of all he's he's also the poster if anyone wants it is available on blackartdepot.com. Ben was punching me. Ben would have just been down here. And I would have been, you know, standing up on him. Boykin does that record, Max?

Do you think that that will record? I don't think they'll record on his end, but I'll try to include it because I do get each track from the call. I'll try to include that if I can. Yes, it did. We know. We know. Wait, can you play that again?

Because I want to show you guys something. Are you going to try to do the busted challenge with a glitch? Yeah, I was going to make a Sophie song. That's cute. Probably you were fagging out too hard and then probably broke the computer. Your audio must have crashed and I think it just kept repeating. Your audio must have crashed, and I think it just kept repeating. I seriously don't know.

Who are you guys? You meet in Denver, and then you live other places. What's going on? We're international men of mystery. I can't keep it straight. Well, Ben and I know each other from the computer. From Twitter, I guess. Me and Max have never met IRL.

We've never met in real life. Not serious. Ben and Max haven't met IRL either. Wow! We knew each other from online. Ben was like, it was like two accounts back on his end and like three accounts back on my end because we both keep getting suspended uh i get suspended too why do you guys get suspended i've been suspended for saying faggot um for harassing women harassing

oh my god i got kicked off of grinder because i was asking for funny um let me find this i um so when sophie pat when sophie died and everyone was tweeting stuff i tweeted um not even like a bitchy thing it was kind of a joke but more something like very serious where i was just like sophie um saved us from three generations of musicians like Katy Perry. And I had all of the Katy Perry stans attacking me. They already sent me some of the funniest things I have ever seen. One second. They're like industry plant accounts. Look, I'm just going to say this. Katy Perry st stands are like

ferrets with rabies well it's it's all just people who live in like a a data center in the israeli desert or something just like a complete scythe okay so this is this this is one of them i'll do i'll do a reading you're so pathetic for pathetic for attacking Katie like that. You're even more pathetic for using Sophie's death to do it, tosser. Oh, my God. British. Okay. The Katie Perry stans are surprisingly very homophobic. Okay.

The next one. No, not surprising because she started out the Christian stuff. Remember that? She sure did. the next one listen not surprising because she started out the christian stuff remember that well katie perry should just be a like acoustic guitar wielding like camp counselor in indiana like literally should have been yeah she should have been like that's where she should be anyways listen here you little fucking faggot how dumb-minded are you to turn it and this this this one someone clearly put it through translate i'm going to read it verbatim but it will not make sense listen here you little fucking faggot how dumb-minded

are you to turn artist death into drag about another artist katie perry truly living in your head rent free sophie dies and the first artist that comes to mind is katie perry laugh my ass off pathetic and low life are you go Go worry about your rights, dumbass. And then the next one I got, they're like incredibly homophobic. This is the funniest one. It's a meme they sent me that they made. You the next time you give your-

Yes, you the next time you give your irrelevant homo opinion. And then the picture is a picture of the taliban stoning someone to death yes yes is there's there's there's stoning so i i think that there's something someone or something completely but there's a little there's a little sign picture we can have this all of. We can have this be the episode art. These are all Jock's accounts. They used a little picture of my face

that's like on my Instagram. They had to go to my Instagram. I think it's a really sweet kind of How could we be No, sorry. I'm talking over everyone. I got too excited. I was just gonna say how could we expect anything less from the you're so gay girl remember that literally you're so

gay toxic fans honestly i i just katie perry's a scary musician when they post videos of her when they are just a scary person when they post videos of her talking it's just so unnatural well like what is she literally show me what is katie perry does anyone have any single like it just completely manufactured in perspective for you someone so unimportant her ex-husband the really annoying british guy what's his name with the uh russell brand whose signature move is always wearing go no you say you're saying are you okay jock yeah i just hate russell brand okay you're screwed. Russell Brand, whose signature move is he invented what I would call the U-neck shirt

as opposed to a V-neck. A cowled t-shirt. A deep, deep U-neck shirt. It's disgusting. And word on the street is... Sarah just mouthed a word we will not air on this. It starts with

I believe in it. It's my cast. I believe in it. I believe in it. But we all in fact I think that Russell

I think Russell Brand and Katy Perry were destined to be in love because they're so low in the universe. They both have made such a negative impact onto Earth.

A negative impact. There's negative impact. And the fact that, it should show you how low Katy Perry is if Russell Brand had to say- So you're saying she's barely human. No, Russell Brand's so disgusting already, but he was like, oh my God, Katy Perry, you are unlovable.

I will never love you. Jesus Christ. Good God, Chuck. Am I diving too deep here? You fucking got her, man. You got her. I mean, I have nothing to say because there's nothing to say. What do you say about a glass of water? What do you say?

Delicious. I've been very thirsty this entire time. I have nothing to say about her. If Jacques saw a glass of water, he'd say, no, no, that's not thick enough. I need a more viscous liquid. I'm drinking my thick water, y'all. I mean, I like thick liquids. I would definitely prefer cum to be thick over thin.

I don't want watery cums. No, I want water to feel as thin as possible, personally. I like Pedialyte, but that's out of function when I want to feel hydrated. That's why Ben's fatphobic. You have to un-tease that one i don't understand because it's thin water yeah it starts it starts with the water you're in my life you probably want your women thin too you disgusting pervert yeah man you're a disgusting pervert okay i'll take it even though i'm literally like ben is the biggest fucking prude on this podcast not like yeah

i'm such a prude a non-rary catholic yeah well apparently yeah jock made jock made me feel bad apparently i told a prudish story about a crazy okay i'm so sorry i never wanted you to feel bad i like you that you made her feel bad jock you need to apologize i'm so sorry i'm actually hurt and i feel gaslit actually sarah i'm so sorry this is what we're talking about this is why this is why sarah i believe you may be the first woman ever on the podcast and it's because and it's because we don't want to it's because we don't want to expose jock to women because he's such a gaslighting predator and can i have the floor for a second as the first woman on this podcast? Yes, thank you.

Sorry, we're going to have to cut Jacques' mic because he's screaming, no, no, no, no. I don't want women to see this. So you may have just heard a little bit of the audio leaking through. We'll cut that. We'll edit it out.

Sarah, please. Sarah has the floor. I just want to take this moment to say, wait, Jacques, you literally came to my live show, Hellt in new york and for that you might be walking away with the mvp of the night for this podcast i'm not even joking i have watched the trailer for the hell trap nightmare over and over enough that i have one of them saved on my favorites of Instagram and I always go all the way back looking through your videos to find it and there's this Sarah's so facing everyone she's

there's this there's this one bit where um y'all are all saying things at the same time and y'all are like oh I gotta get out of LA's so toxic. And I'll say this right now, as a live performer who's been deprived of every usual form of external affirmation and validation, I needed that. And for that, Jacques gets to be reintegrated back into the podcast as a non-problematic, non-toxic. We will uncut his mic and overrule. Wait, no. I was about to have an expensive surgery to make myself not toxic welcome back

jock I hope you thought about your misogyny while no I was thinking about what I'm gonna eat for dinner you little skinny shrimp what are your plans what are your plans for dinner tonight jock so i'm gonna go oh my god oh my god oh my god

i don't know i don't think so you know what he's keeping me on my toes every second of the podcast i feel on the edge of my seat. I feel like he's doing this as a bit because you're here, but there have been two other incidents where Jacques has... Right when I got home, I put a pot of gumbo up. Okay, so this is a bit. I was heating up some frozen gumbo, and I almost just bowled through the whole thing like an idiot.

This is a bit, but there have been multiple times where Jacques... This is not a bit. an idiot this is a bit but there have been multiple times literally has been baking bacon and the uh like the room he's in has started to fill with smoke while we're recording the other time this should be a visual podcast it should be absolutely absolutely right we'll do it we'll do it we'll come out sure next time next time we'll record it um we can release a video i mean why not maybe we even max this one this one comes out on video i can finally release that absolutely you get it you get a video sent i'm finally gonna 10 10 we can just do a video let's do a video and audio proceedings no you guys made a lot of money on this no no i mean jock makes you have a grip of us we will be transparent about it i mean you can

see the numbers on our patreon anyways we each make about 1200 a month that's amazing that's fine it's right it's right it's what it is definitely a lot for Mr. Jock I worked four restaurant jobs at the same time before this but Jock lives in an incredibly indulgent luxurious lifestyle

I mean gumbo has what minimum four kinds of meat in it no you goofy goober it's got two meats. It's got three vegetables. Give us your... Is rent expensive in Spain? Oh my God. Absolutely not.

Is rent expensive in Spain? 400 bucks a month or something. It's really cheap. Max doesn't even pay that because he sucks a guy off once a month i do not go back to like our previous topic our worst hookups first time i had anal sex uh the guy uh hang on hang on that's not even the worst part the worst part is he insisted on putting on an ariana grande album on Spotify while I topped.

And would not let me change the music. That's so upsetting because Max has the top tier level of... I had a playlist ready. I had a three hour playlist ready for that shit. And he did not appreciate that.

Thank you, next. What's on your sex playlist? I play white noise. Like 70s groove saxophone? Yeah, like a lot of heavy bass and percussion.

Like Italian porno soundtracks from the 70s. Piero Miliani. I feel like that's too on the nose and would psych me out. I only have sex to hardcore music. It's only, I want it to sound like, I want it to feel like the impending doom of the entire world is on our shoulders. Yeah, there's not enough impending doom in my regular life. I also need to feel that while I have sex.

You're completely right, Jock. Y'all know what Little Texas sounds like? Y'all know what that sounds like? Sarah, do you know what's his name? Oh, fuck. I'm completely blanking on it. One of my boys is roommates with Little Texas. Or used to be roommates with Little Texas.

Oh, really? Connor. It's coming to me. He's such a cool musician, and he's like, okay. No. Shut up. Yes, he's so hot. This is what I like in a musician. He's hot. He's such a cool musician, and he's like, okay. No. Shut up. Yes, he's so hot. This is what I like in a musician.

He's hot. He's hot. Anyone who will interact with the fans and tolerate the bullshit is up there. He will DM me. Oh, internet guy. But Little Texas is like, eats healthy all the time. He's always trying to make his food. He's a hard-core musician.

He's cute. He's just a hardcore musician. He's tattooed for me. I wouldn't let him. It says my recording has stopped because my disk space is insufficient. That's fine. We're recording on the call. Who cares?

My audio is already fucked up. We're probably off the call anyways. Okay, let me. Oh, it'll be okay. I'll just have it off'll be okay it's fine i think i have some some news for us to discuss oh we're doing jock's news corner fan fan favorite is when jock explains the fucking news tell me what you think about this sarah because i don't want to hear from them dogs rescue dog wait hold on Because I don't want to hear from them. Dogs rescued. Dog. Wait. Hold on.

You can't even get that. Shut up. Okay. Dogs rescued. Shut up. Okay. Dogs rescued from China meat trade arrive in New York City. I love the idea of Jacques finding headlines that are like U.S. propaganda.

Like anti-China, like subtly racist propaganda. Lisa Vanderpump propaganda. Yeah, literally. We're going to Muslims forced to listen to classical music. Doesn't this sound like the coolest Disney movie waiting to happen? That's literally the plot to Okja. Yeah. That's Okja.

I have a severe issue with people who are addicted to saving dogs and literally don't care about people living on their street outside. Are you talking about Lisa Vanderpump? You gotta gripe with that woman because I like that also seems that also seems like a woman because i like that show my aunt is like that but it seems like a it seems like a very la kind of

to use jock's word affliction my my unhoused crisis well that but then the value like the like the valuing like dog's lives so far well because i'm trying to in the oh sorry i cut you off sorry my could i be any more nice it's like insane how nice i am my aunt is uh uh sorry my ex-aunt she's married to my two she used to be my ex-uncle she uh got got divorced like a long time ago and like became very crazy and turned into like a q anon trump person but before that queen she uh lived in miami and like would talk about how like oh my god it's such a shame that these homeless people would own dogs like these dogs they can't care for these animals or whatever and she would like uh she had this like fundraiser where she would raise funds to take dogs away from homeless people and like house them dude that's whoa that's like insanely insane it's like oh these people can just go to a shelter now

oh my god middle-aged women who don't have jobs like come up with like who are like financially stable and have nothing else to do really throw a lot of emotional projecting onto dogs that they don't know yeah yeah yeah totally a lot of like literally stealing the dogs from homeless people who like actually have like a utility for dogs and they take care of them yeah yeah yeah and they take care of this kind of kind of reminds me of a- Well, that's crazy. I feel like we're like, there's going to be like a foundation for dogs that gets started where women like your aunt take dogs in and then cut off one of their legs so they can have the sympathy that is residual

when you have like a three-legged dog. Yeah, that's right. Dude, I- They're going to do that i want you know i had this like you know pandemic induced dementia where i was like oh i need a dog you know one of those things never had a dog don't know anything about dogs so i'm looking at all these like la rescue whatever's and there's this fucking dog alasa opso with no eyes literally no eyes both the eye sockets completely like grown over with her and i'm like oh come on how you know how hard can it be literally how hard can it be

and i applied for this dog thinking like you're welcome i'm taking this like 12 year old dog with no eyes and they made pictures of my house and my backyard situation. So my one bedroom apartment and like, and they rejected my application because my house wasn't big enough and I don't have a backyard. Lots of Abso dogs are pretty big. Classist.

I think they eat your fucking shoes before. Like if you left them alone for one day. That's crazy. That's very strange. What the fuck do they want with this eyeless dog they want to get it like set up at like beverly you know what yeah you're right it's blind it doesn't know how fucking big the apartment is what does it care also it's a tiny it's a tiny dog what the fuck is dog i'd give it stuff yeah who cares wait so did you get another one?

Or you gave up? No, and then the whole derangement of wanting a dog kind of passed. We know a thing or two about derangements here. I'll tell you that. Yes, ma'am. That's the name of the show. It's on the mind.

Alright, Chuck, any other pieces of news? Well, you brought up a three-legged dog one of y'all just a second ago and this weekend we got a couple of three-legged dogs over here we were driving up the side of the mountain in the middle of the night trying to find this fucking house that our friend you can bleep his name out kareem gave us the wrong address so he put like 687 and the address was 786 so we're on the side of the mountain where it's dark we're having to pull into random yards try to find the number on the house we pull into this like weird yard and i'm like are you sure this could be his house and pull into a weird yard yeah three three-legged dogs came out three three-legged dogs came out and they started

literally hitting the side of the car i was like this can't be it this can't i refuse to stay here if this is what we're getting into but it wasn't the situation that was all i just wanted to say okay thank you i think i had some more contributions yeah okay not to brag but i actually have a similar story not really oh bring it up go down one time not to brag we were doing a show in detroit at this like diy place whatever and then like a bunch of crust bunks showed up and there was like six crust punks one juggalo lights fully on and the entire show we were getting heckled by uh dogs. That was the only audience was Crestbunk Dogs

and it was really bad and one of them had three legs. So I just wanted to know if my story was better than Jacques' story. Your story is probably better because you actually got paid at the end. I'll give it to you. Interesting that you would say paid. Did you go to fucking Detroit

for a bringer or something jock set up this this show so don't say yes you're you're being paid and it is coming out of jock's uh monthly allowance absolutely so jock is the only person who's gone out of his way to book your first female guest in which case i actually realize that's not true i went out of my way to book amber frost from chapo and amber frost female guest that they don't count and our first and jock is jock is discounting women again he's literally saying proud women from our podcast anyways jock ben would twist my words and get my reservations at chili's canceled in the same night. Okay.

Let's get into the news story, Jacques. Okay, so China has rolled out. Another China story? Yes, let's go. What is this? Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. China rolls out anal swab coronavirus test.

Says it's more accurate than the throat method. and it's funny because i can testify to this my doctor has been doing anal swabs i mean every chance he gets for the last since corona started and he said jock it's just to make sure you don't have corona and i mean he really wiggles it around in there that i get kind of worried honey that's not your doctor. Oh, whoops. I knew I should have locked my door at night. Fuck. Well, don't you take a baby's temperature through their buttholes?

Yeah. It seems like the most accurate way to get any sort of information. I think it is honestly i mean whatever i need i need a little bit of action during corona through the animals only from my doctor it's okay through the annals of history yeah i think that's that's where you'll get the most interesting information out of people period there's this uh like nowadays i've been doing a lot of reading about this because it's in uh i've been getting very drunk and going on Wikipedia a lot.

But there's a lot of history that's being made or being recorded right now through, like, looking through garbage piles and shit piles from, like, ancient times. Like, that's how we know about, like, our, like, ancient ancestors and, like, you know, the first cities that ever existed with like sewage uh like facilities like that's how we know about them is because like the sewer system still exists and we can look through the poop and see like exactly what people ate what i'm taking from max so this is what i'm taking from max right now you're saying i gotta put a microscope up someone's hole to get to know them? That's right. Yeah.

I mean, shit. You get to know if they have ass cancer or not. Or worms. I had a roommate who had ass worms, and he found out they had ass worms because he found a worm in his undies. No. Yeah. And it was wriggling still. It's nasty. It was wriggling still.

Y'all want to hear a nasty horror story? Yes. Yeah. Okay, one time I did this nude photo shoot in Austin, and I was like, Okay, I need pics of this. I never heard this story, Jacques. Do you have pictures?

Yeah, the pics are cute actually okay we'll share them they're soft they're not hard it's tasteful nevermind get into it so you know

I'm at the green belt in Austin which is like I don't know how to describe it it's rocks it's trees it's water you're outside outside you know i'm in the in the water i'm laying on moss i'm laying all these things i did not know what i was getting into so i got all soaking wet and i had to go to the thrift store and i got a new outfit, underwear, socks, shirt. Wait, underwear? Pants. Yeah. What?

Wait, this is after the photo shoot? After the photo shoot. After the photo shoot. Because you're soaking wet and naked because you were laying on a bunch of things. So I drive home to back to Louisiana and it's going to become relevant. But I have not had sex.

I have not had sex in four months leading up to this time period, you know, to the photo shoot. Okay. To this photo shoot, sexless, whatever. No biggie. Um, then I get home and like, Oh, just so good to clean the Austin filth off of me. I'm closing my eyes so I can picture this in my, my mom's eyes. So I'm in the shower and I'm like, I'm closing my eyes so I can picture this in my mom's eyes. You can picture Josh's nude photo shoot. I was like, damn, I was in a nude photo shoot. I did pretty good this weekend.

And then all of a sudden, something falls from underneath me onto my foot. It is a leech that was under my ass or on my ass or under my nuts or something and i'd been there the whole time i know a lot of seeking arrangements would love to be that leech right now you didn't feel it or no so there's a thing where they like when they bite you they have something in them that makes it we have a sedative yeah feel it or a local anesthetic anyway i was i was horrified i was like dear god how could i let this parasite attach itself to me thank god this is all

i have to deal with i am sitting on in the living room naked on a lazy boy chair and all of a sudden i feel something crawling on me and i realized that not only did i get a leech from doing this nude photo shoot but i have gotten crabs he means full-size crabs have been crawling all over his body and he hadn't noticed motherfucking pubic lice from either buying this thrift store outfit or laying on the moss because they live in moss or you had crabs you've had this is the thing i hadn't had sex for four months how would i have gotten crabs i mean for four months of their time yeah see this is what i mean about reddit guys getting stds from mate from you know jerking very true very very true jock jock is too stupid to be a reddit guy like

too smart too smart actually yeah yeah you're right too smart this is all a disguise if you think i'm stupid i'm just playing you no one i'm playing my game we know you're a mastermind as a vagina haver i will say because i would say i mean buttholes sort you know they're kind of clamped for the most part and if you have one that's like pinched yeah it's pinched if yours is gaping it's an it's sort of an issue but i would say the vagina hole it's kind of it's more open it's a maw it's like a gaping maw and ever since i'm young i have a mortal deep fear that if i'm sitting in the grass things will crawl into the hole yeah totally totally i have that with like my ears and they do my uncle was an er doctor and he pulled multiple roaches out

of ears in his tenure multiple roaches yeah yeah yeah yeah no it happens and then when they pull them out, sometimes they don't get all of them. Y'all want to hear the most disgusting thing? Because they have to a lot of times break the roach apart, and then people have legs stuck in their ears for years and years and years after thinking they got it out. Can I say the most disgusting thing I can ever say? Oh, my God.

I'm not going to try to break that. I don't know if i can handle this a girl who i used to know in high school used mayo as a lubricant during a camping trip because she was hooked up what what did she what did she wake up with the next day? Oh, oh, oh, oh, wait. Or two days later. Oh, Sarah. Oh, I was going to say something else. I was going to say I was picturing a yeast infection

that congealed in such a way that it looked like she had boba shooting out of her face. Hot. Pretty good one. Okay, but no. This girl had fucking maggots. Oh, God. Honey, you know I'm taking that.

At least I know how to find the clit. Am I right, folks? And I will say one time I got in trouble in my early adventurous performance days where i uh did a i did a comedy show where i got someone from the audience to be blindfolded and there was like you know did the haunted house of like touching stuff and one one one bowl was uh

i don't know something you know random or whatever like mayo or something and then the next bowl was something whatever and then the last bowl was uh live worms and uh covered in ranch dressing and then the person was like squeezing it and they ended up killing hundreds of worms and they were very upset and i got in trouble they got upset how could you get well they were like blindfolded them and i was like feel around what is it and then i was like oh it's live worms and then i looked down and they had murdered hundreds of worms with their with their own hands oh my god okay and i just gotta get that off my chest that's that's actually that's a cool story that's funny i think you told a good story and then i sort of thought mine was related and i just wanted to talk and I was having fun talking.

This is my thing. I love the idea of like a bunch of – What's your thing, Jacques? A bunch of seemingly social conscious people showing up to a comedy event just expecting a good wholesome no issue, no problematic time. They're getting Sarah squirming instead. They're blindfolded and immediately forced to kill a bunch of insects. Forced to kill. And then people are looking with a microscope at these people being like,

fucking murderers. And Sarah Squirm is at the head of this death cult. That's why people were so upset about Vietnam. People thought they were just going there to fuck a bunch of Thai whores or whatever. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. A bunch of Vietnamese people. No, no, no, no, Max.

Trying to become their own self-determined democracy. And now Max has been canceled. And Max has been suspended on Twitter again. Max is now suspended from the podcast. Oh, is it a day that ends in fucking Y? Oh. Oh. Oh, is it a day that ends in fucking Y? Oh. And in my head, I was doing the math carrying the wand saying,

what day is certain? What else you got, Jock? Okay, let me pull up my little notebook. See, I don't know how long we've been going. We've been going for an hour and change. I'm not sure. I can keep going.

I am just requesting, i pee absolutely yes you can pee and and yes we will we will pay you also i wasn't hey when i asked you guys how much money you made wasn't asking me just so curious very strong ethics that i enforce on the show if someone comes on they're being paid so we'll pay you that's cool i'm literally gonna pee don't worry about but i mean we jock is jock i got you mimi got you well while sarah's in the bathroom let's talk let's uh let's talk all the shit okay first of all this outfit what do you think of sarah um honest i'm i i i don't want to sound like a fangirl she's honestly a bit of a hero. Upside down Boy, you turn me inside out And round and round

Upside down Boy, you turn me inside out And round and round Instinctively you give to me The love that I need I cherish the moments with you Respectfully I say to thee I'm aware that you're cheating

But no one makes me feel like you do. Upside down. Boy, you turn me inside out. And round and round. Upside down. Boy, you turn me inside out And round and round I know you got shine in the field

You always play the field I'm crazy to think you're all mine But as long as the sun continues to shine, there's a place in my heart for you that's the bottom line. Upside down, boy, you turn me inside out. And round and round, upside down, boy, you turn me inside out. Outro Music