Seeking Derangements - SD 516 - The Summer of Ass w/ Jamie

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Hello Seekers! Ben here. Today Jamie (AKA Mother of the Pod) joins Jacques and I to discuss Andrew Tate getting arrested, Bryan Johnson dying, and getting abused in school. Plus we take YOUR calls and answer your burning questions about BPD Transbian love triangles, sexy gambling addicts who've been SHOT and maybe have a thing for their own mother, and boyfriends who won't stop SMELLING YOU.

Hesse can't join us today. I'm so sorry. Yeah, Hesse has a day off. Hello everyone. Welcome to seeking derangements. It's Ben. You heard our queen say, fuck. You know who it is. It's Ganey.

Hello, Jayne. Hello. It's so nice to see you. So nice to see you too. And Jock's late. Jock's not respecting the queen. What the hell? When he shows up, hit him with a welcome to work, D.

I will. Did you hear Brian Johnson has gut rot now from his... I know he's dying. Isn't that funny? I love it. Who's that guy that got busted with his capri pants and the pink shirt, the purple shirt on his capri pants? That guy that man, influencer and everybody's ripping on him because he looks so gay. You're not, you don't know this?

Oh, Andrew Tate. He's his way, Andrew Tate. Yeah, I saw him, I saw Andrew Tate in like a sheer button up, like, a purple top on. And, yeah, like weird purple caprice. He kind of looked like a. Well, that's what he got arrested in. He had like these tight, like caprice. And then his brother were arrested in Miami.

Were they like trafficking women or something? They were accused trafficking women in Romania. And I'm sure they have some other crimes in the United States. They're getting arrested for. They're evil, evil, horrendous men. But yeah, also so gay. They dress and look so gay. I love all the gay influencers that are like, oh, girl, look at you.

I know. I know. And it's really bad. athlete but it's one of those things where it's like you work out for that body you're going to want to show it oh for sure yeah it's not an indication of anything but it is funny but it is kind of gay it's so gay but no brian johnson has gastritis i believe well you know what that's totally from just like a fucked up gut obviously well it's also like he's like constantly lasering himself and like scraping his skin off and eating all this kind of weird shit it's like i'm sure he's got his microbiome all screwed up

from all the over you know if you take too much of that stuff it's not good either yeah talking about a screwed up microbiome welcome to work diva i've never heard you so excited i'm so excited i'm recording my local track are you coming through your mic i'm coming through my mic you're coming through your mic oh hello gently okay i said gently i own that microphone be good be good jock thank you jamie good jock he doesn't respect that I bought that mic for him. He's too stupid to realize he's muted right now as well. I will say this.

That episode yesterday broke my brain. I'm with Jock. I couldn't keep up with that episode yesterday. Oh, I'm so sorry, Jamie. Well, you know. That's my brain, though. I'm like autistic and I'm like dyslexic and I'm like ADD. Well, I have a question for you, Jamie.

Would you rather be NB or in the NBA? What's NB? What is that? Non-binary. I'm trying to make you say you want to be non-binary. Non-binary. Non-binary. Yeah, I see that is the choice.

I mean, my husband already says I'm a gay man, so getting there. You kind of are. Yeah. My friend Jim says this too. He's like, does your husband know you're married to a gay man? Non-binary or being the NBA? With basketball, that's best. Well, that's better than being in the NFL, I guess.

I don't know. It's a different kind of sport being non-binary. I mean, I thought it was great, but the way my brain works, I was like trying to, you know what I mean? I was, yeah, trying to figure it out. It's my fault. I apologize. No. Apologize. Jamie, did you, did you hear me tell Jock that he was muted about two minutes ago?

He hasn't even realized that he's been muted this whole time. I'm not going to tell him anymore if he doesn't know how to use the mic. I'm kind of done. Oh, I thought you had muted me. No. I thought you had muted me this whole time. I will put you in jail, though, if you don't behave with mother around. I thought this whole time that, Ben,

was like well you you have to earn being unmuted and that's a you muted yourself but also don't hit the microphone please anyways we have calls from listeners today but before we get there jvya i feel like we're all due for a check-in we've missed you yeah yeah tell us about life okay you know me i could just yam her on forever but well what's do with you well i turn 60 no no way i didn't put my face tape on there so i'm going to be doing it's going to be doing this i was going to full slum it for you all but i'm like i got to do my hair not slumming don't don't worry but next time if it's not a video episode i'm going to just greasy hair jami i thought you were like 40 oh my god you're so sweet i never 60 is like is it unbelievable 60 was a is like

whoa like you know but so like i don't look 60 at all tell me a little story what was it like having to, you know, use, like, the least amount of ingredients during the Depression. Tell us how you got through that. How were those mud pies in the 20s? What were you eating like in the dust bowl? Well, my grandma, she was always fascinated to talk to because she grew up in rural Appalachia, and she would tell me still, like, in her time, she had like a dirt floor house and, like, a wagon wheel. She would do her laundry in the creek, you know.

So she was always fascinated to talk to my grandma's floor. Not the wagon wheel. Yeah, I saw. She would do this disguised laundry and she would like take it to the creek. And she like my dad almost floated down Bullskin Creek in his little baby thing because she'd try and do all the laundry with all the kids out there on the rocks. Out in the hauler. Out in the hauler. But yeah, turn 60 and then I immediately twisted my ankle and couldn't.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my fault. Mom's going to need balance, you know, balance. exercises now. That's I guess what 60 does to you. Well, you know, I'm feeling it even myself. I'm 31 and I've got a stretch. I need to like be on a treadmill like an hour a day. Otherwise my body starts feeling so stiff and I'm just like all creaky. It is truly like you get an age where you're just like, it's like everything is like the oil is like you know what I mean. Like okay now I need to take vitamin D. Why didn't I have to before? Because like I never can process vitamin D anymore on my own, I guess. I know. It's so fucked up. You just got to keep up with it. And, you just got to keep up with it. And, do your blood work and keep on truck it i went i went roller skating this weekend and my body did not respect to that it didn't like it no it was mad it was angry but the body on it oh yeah yeah you got to keep on keeping keep on keeping keep i doubt so many people over that night i had to go to

where i had to like rig up all this shit for my ankle and we have crappy insurance because me and my husband are both self-employed right it's gonna be six talking to do we're self-employed Preacher to the Cryer, right? But he's going to be 65 and you hate to wish your life away, but you get that, what is it, Medicare, Medicaid or whatever the hell it is. Medicare, Medicaid. Because he's got also like, this happened to me and then he's having some medical issues and he's got some form of arthritis or something. But we're doing almost out. No, it's so fucked up.

This country, they need to do better for us. It's such a pet peeve of mind. Everybody deserves health care. I don't Medicaid and I don't medicaid. and I don't Medicare. Exactly. Exactly. I don't Medicare at all.

Fuck you bitches. Are you guys keeping up with the Jimithy? I had to text my daughter this morning because I laugh because she lives like, she lives in Seattle. Have you heard of this Jimy Raccoon? Yeah. I'm just going to say, you're such a good radio host, Jamie.

We've got so long. You're bringing us topics. I've heard of useless knowledge. Like if you need, I know everything. Afton about any current events. We already, John, before you got on, we cycled through Andrew Tate getting arrested.

We talked about Brian Johnson dying and now we're on Jimothy. I do love Jimothy. Jimothy is cute, but then there was Jimsy, Jimothy, and then there was the Aal and Nordic alien that was in Seattle as well. Okay, that's a new one. Wait, hold on. I want to see what the hell this looks like. Yeah, he's a short-spined raccoon.

Yes, he is, too. He's like, look, look, I'm not one to, I don't like to put an, an unnecessary amount of pressure on wild animals that have become popular. I'm not like that. You think Jimithy's going to spiral out given his starboard? He's going to shave his head like Britney Spears. I do like that old person thing. I guess it's an old person thing.

I know now, but I'll send my daughter the animal memes, and she's like, mom, that's AI. And so I thought Timothy might be AI. And I sent it to her, she said, Jimothy is real. Jimothy is real. But she told me the Nordic alien is not real. I do not know with the Nordic alien. Can you tell me with the Nordic alien?

A lot of gave it to a bar in Seattle. I'm crying. Was it just like an undocumented person from another one? I don't know. This guy, I guess in Nordic alien, there's like the grays and the different kinds of aliens. So the Nordic aliens are pale and very tall.

I guess they look like, you know, Boris Becker or something. It sounds like your average Seattle resident. Who's the blonde guy that used to date Grace Jones? Jones that... Oh, Dolph, Lundgren. Yeah, they look like Dolph, Lundgren. I do like me some Scandinavian guys.

They're my favorite looking guys. Mads Nilsen. Oh, they scare the hell out of me. They are scary looking, but like... They trigger some kind of like peasant, like, epigenetic trauma on like they're here to kill me. Do you see that guy, the one that was in the World Cup, Holland or whatever, his name is, Hollander? No, I didn't, but I do think the soccer players, I think the hottest of athletes. Oh, he's the one with...

He's got the big full features and he's got this. He's kind of freaky looking. He, I saw a video of him sprinting full force, like sprinting as fast as he could. And I was like, imagine you're like a French peasant and they're like a biking like off the boat running at you while you're like, you know, mill and wheat. I would shit my pants. I'm obsessed with those fucking Vikings. My son and I like with both my kids, I took them somewhere. They wanted to go.

I'm guessing that's not him. No, that's not him. That is not him. I wanted to go to Sweden, and I'm, like, obsessed with Vikings. So we did this Viking tour into, like, and saw the ruins and all the, where the Vikings, like, sacrificed one of each species, including human and, like, threw them up in the tree. Like, that was crazy. So I'm kind of obsessed with that. But I do think, like, these Scandinavian guys are hot.

Like, Mads-Mickleson, do you know who he is? Yes. Yes. He is handsome. They're not really my type, though. Oh, Arvigo Mortensen. They have a point. They're all handsome.

They're so pointy and sharp. You're very sharp. Yes. Are you threatening? I also like me a good, like, I love having R. Bardem. I like, love that man. I would say my two hottest, or Javier and Mads are my sort of dreams.

Yeah. I like a good Latin, Latin dude as well. Now we're talking, Jamie. Now, four foot six stacked Puerto Rican, yes. I don't know a bit taller. I kind of like. I don't know which, I don't know basketball players, but I do know that Pierce Bronson and Timothy Dalton are the hottest James Bond's out there. I would say so for sure. Like, yes, most definitely. I don't really care for the, who's the British guy?

The Sean Connery. No, I kind of think he's hot. Even Craig, Craig. Back in the day, even though he was like a wife beater, Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig. Yeah. I don't like a gay guy playing James Bond. It's just. my religion. If he's going to be gay, like have it be really gay. Yeah, like have it be like Johnson Van Nu. Having him like prancing out of the water and pantaloons and yeah. Instead of that cute little bathing suit.

Instead of an acid Martin, he needs a hot pink beetle. Yes, a meyatta. He's a hot pink mini cooper. A meada that shoots needles that have HIV. I've always thought that the gayest car that anyone could ever have as a Porsche i feel like the porish convertibles all look like penises the the Porsche converts see that's more girl to me i feel like gayest car you could have what a girl wants to drive a penis i'm so not a car person really like i i am so like have car blindness

um same but but jamie you wouldn't want a car that was like a giant penis to show up you do it sounds like your fantasy jock i don't know okay first of all don't do it work in my mouth and don't put dicks in my mouth that's not what I asked for. No one's interested in that, honey. Which on your t-shirt, Jock? It's a woman and it's this band called High Bloom

that she ended up becoming a solo artist called Infinity Crush. She's incredible. If you're listening to this, go listen to her. Okay. Are you in your little space there, Ben, that you were talking about the other day, where you get scolded? Yeah, I've got

scolded for lingering near sandwich here by a pregnant woman who I've sensed I'm just completely ignored don't fuck with a pregnant wait you know pregnant woman confronted you for she's scolded me for lingering your sandwich I told this story on the show don't linger near that episode that already told it on the show that was when I was talking to Stephen my fellow evil gay guy oh god I love him like isn't he the best I love Lily and Steven is that the celebrity Brooke Brooke Blok club yeah but they don't do books as much as much I would like anymore. Oh, tell them.

Tell them, Jamie. They hate when people tell them they talk to it, but I'm like, it's in the fucking, it's what the show's called, Stephen and Lily. I mean, I still enjoy listening to them, but I do love them. Because I listen to all those fucking books.

So I love hearing what they have to say about it. What are you reading lately? Well, you know, I am so, my brain has turned to mush. I mean, I used to read a lot, but now I just listen to all of my books. But look, Jamie, it's not just you. It's everyone.

It's everyone. It's everyone. Really is the phone podcast, just like this, they're making you dumb. And we're all victims. They're making a son. And it makes you even dumber when the person has to make it. All the celebrity memoirs, I read those. Nothing highbrow, trust me.

I like, I got true, an Ann Rule. I'm listening to an Ann Rule. She did the one about, she did. She worked with Ted Bundy. Anne Rule did. Did you know that? I mean, that's a fascinating story. So she worked with him on a suicide hotline.

Or he was he worked on a suicide hotline and also worked on a political campaign also. I wonder if he convinced people to commit suicide. He was picking up the phone and he just said, do it. He was going through 10 calls every minute. He's like, do it, do it, do it, do it. Here, here, and then you go pick him up and kill him. Yeah, he's like, actually, I'll do it for you. What's your address?

So, I'm listening to that, but yeah, it's all just. Reading books and, you know, it's just so old world. I mean, come on. It's a world. It's still past day. It's still past seven. It's so it's so pasta, passe. I'm thinking about seeing that.

It sounds like the one movie that's maybe worth paying to see is the Odyssey. I'm hearing good things about it. No, no. Does it suck? Have you seen it? It does not get the thumbs, the staff of approval from Mr. Gonson. I have not seen it. It seems too damn long.

I'll be honest. Look, look, look. Let me break out some facts. When people have run out of ideas, yes. What do they do? Bark like a dog. Second, what else do they do?

I know, and I'm going to have a word with them after. What do people do when they've run out ideas? They go back in time and reuse old ideas. Well, yeah, that's how Hollywood does now. They're so. You're totally right about that. It's just so terrible. The Odyssey isn't like reviving something from the 90s.

It's like an ever-present kind of. No, no, no, no. supposedly a lot of movies were based like oh brother there was supposed to be a yeah yeah books even i mean it's like a foundational text that doesn't make it right it makes it even more wrong and let me tell you why it's very lazy i mean it's not only lazy it just shows the the that there's such a lack of creativity that is that it is a nationwide problem that we have to revive books from the 14-13 or whatever the what do you call come up with an original idea then mr.

yeah sure okay um and then we're gonna get to calls make it quick oh i can't write but i tell you what if somebody was a i think yeah i think you're an amazing judge of taste the dynamics of like working at a beauty salon in the back what happens in the background could be so hilarious done right but you could say that about anything i would love to see a hag and fag kind of buddy comedy about running a beauty salon and they like they're or maybe their store is about to run out of funding. Okay. Or like in the 80s,

but everybody's dropping dead of AIDS. Right. And everyone's dying. All of my like, co-workers are like, I'm just like, what the- no, but Jamie,

that's what the salon goes out of business because all of the hairdressers are dying of AIDS. And then it's all these women who are like, who's going to do our hair? All the gay guys are dying.

So then they have to like, you know, they have to go on a hunt to find the only remaining gay guys alive on earth and they have to teach them how to do good hair. We could do a real twisted

like John Water style kind of, I think that would be amazing. Yeah. And then clients flipped the fuck out when you told them they couldn't smoke anymore in a hair salon. Because that first salon I worked at the salon that was at Sacks. It was a big deal. Cincinnati got a Sacks Fifth Avenue store.

But it's closed down now, like all the other store, every store in Cincinnati downtown. But so that whole store, when I think about it now, all those clothes had to have stunk like cigarette smoke because like this, you know, smoke gets everywhere, like when you, you know. And people smoked in the cafeteria. And then, you know, we would go back in our little break room, which was basically a washer and dryer. And I'd sit up on the dryer and smoke cigarettes. You know, the clients would have their big cigarette ashtray next to them. And when you had to tell some of these rich bitches, they couldn't have their cigarette anymore.

You freaked out. It was a, yeah, it was a freak out. I mean, I've got to be honest, though, getting your hair done while smoking a cigarette must have felt amazing. Oh, yeah, I love me. Exactly. Come on. Think about IHOP. IHOP was meant for cigarettes.

Oh, yeah. I'm thinking about it, the smoking section. When you were cool and going to IHop without your parents, you sat in the smoking section and the kids snuck cigarettes in. How old are you? You went to the smoking section and I, well, I guess they're probably smoking cigarettes like 11. Yeah. Yeah, literally.

Okay. So let me lay it on you. Yeah. Okay. The plot of the movie is this. A man has been fired from his job for accidentally, running over a beloved pet in town and he has fallen from Grace in every single way.

Like Jimothy style pet? Yeah, so Jimity gets... A man runs Jimmy. Oh, no, you don't run over Jimith. I mean, a man is visiting. This is such a good idea. A man accidentally kills a folk hero, meme animal.

And everyone turns against him. And so he falls from grace and has to leave, and he's fired from his job, and he has to leave Louisiana. He has to travel across the year. United States trying to get his reputation better by doing things from town to town to try to seem better, but he only makes his reputation worse as he keeps going by and he keeps making bigger and bigger mistakes until towards the end of the movie is known as the worst man in America.

Wow. And he has to, at the very ending of the movie, he finds love with a woman who's visiting America who lives in a different country. And she doesn't know about all of the local animal heroes. Yeah, and she all, and so in an act of romance, he says, well, you know what, I'll come with you. And she says, what about all your stuff? What about it? And he says, I'll just get new stuff. And then that's the end of the movie. Well, that's romantic.

Who's your casting in that? Who's your lead and your. Amazing. Amazing. Okay. Lead. Who's the guy? The lead guy is going to be played.

Oh, God. You're throwing out of me to. What age are we? How old are we? Who's it going to be? How long is you're going to take? He's writing this script. What are you going to give it to me, baby?

Okay, the script is going to be Sophia Copla. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Harmony Curran's first collab. Oh, I love Harmony Curran. Oh, okay. And Larry Clark is going to co-direct the guy who did kids. And then I want the weirdest-looking popular motherfucker. What is that?

Michael Shannon? Michael Shannon? Michael Shannon would be great. Which he's hot and weird. I think he's hot and weird looking at the same time. I don't know what he looks like. Michael Shannon. Do you know Ben, who he is?

I know. I think Michael Shannon would be a great casting. I do want to get to calls. You have 30 seconds to wrap it up. Chet Holmgren. Oh, he's cute. As the main lead. He's like a big,

he's a pretty European looking guy. Yeah. He's the Oklahoma. I like a freaking eastern. And then finally, the late actress is going to be played by a mixed-age mashup

Milajonovich because I it's gonna be Oh, I like her, yeah Like with the AI filter No, she's just gonna be She's like 68 now No, Milojovich

She's like my age No, she's older than you Is she really no fucking way? I don't I mean I mean I, Jamie, I hate to tell you I think you might be wrong here Jock is Jock is Jock is 67?

I don't know I don't know but Jock No, she's 50. She looks kind of rough, honestly, these days. But I still... Can you believe she was married to Paul W. Thomas Anderson? I can't.

Okay, we've got a call here. We've got our first call speaking of working rough. You got to rain us in. I'll rain on you. As long as it's not a urine rain. No, it's money. Okay. Here is our first call.

And thank you to everyone who called in. We're going to try to get to all of your calls. If not, you'll be on the next episode. Hi, I have a queer eye. related tip about Karamo. Many years ago, I went on a date with somebody who worked on the show, and he told me that Karamo had a skin condition under his eye, which caused to be wearing glasses during the filming of a large majority of the season.

I think it's season five or six. And if I remember properly, this guy said it was like some kind of skin tags type thing or eczema. But I do know there's a season that if you watch it, you'll see. Okay, yeah, that's basically it. I do remember this. There was a season where Karamo had giant, giant eyeglasses, like huge, thick, grim black eye glasses. And I guess that's because he had skin tags. Thank you for spilling the tea on that.

I don't know if Karamo needs another beat down. I guess he's doing pretty well right now, I'd be honest. Wait a minute, Karamo. Is Davey Jussie Smollett? Did you know? Isn't that crazy? It is such a weird world where the freaks want to gather together and fall, you know. I mean, I'm kind of jealous.

I need my Jossi. You need Jesse Smolet? Well, maybe not him, but, you know, I need the... You need a summer level. I don't want to Karamo, but I would love a Jussie, a kind of, kind of disgraced, kind of crazy. Like Borlein personnel, kind of. Actually, I'm taking it all back. No, I want to do it.

Can I, can I just. I can't do any more of that in my life. Can I just give you a little. I mean, I like an interesting character. I've dated. I mean, I dated one guy that was like, I knew he was crazy. And I'm like, what am I doing here? But I couldn't be dating him.

And he's like the whole time just like, ranting and raving about. And I'm just like, oh, I love. your husband yes he's no he's not my husband this guy reminded me of like he tried to be like alpuccino kind of like you know like a like a tough like alpuccino in what movie he was pretending to be like you know just like like a like a boss like yeah like a like a you know and he kind of had like short guy syndrome yeah no for sure i guess i just like him in the what the movie he plays the gay guy honestly like the you know like cruising everyone thinks that i'm trying to be joe who the hell thinks out?

Joe Pesci and a casino. I don't think that at all. Let me just say really quickly, amazing movie idea. Camaro and Jesse Smollett adopt a child that is a teenager or older that has never been able to get the adoption to stick because he's so sassy. So Camaro has a challenge for him and his husband to save this gay teenage teenager. who's too sassy to raise. Too sasset. Have you seen the commercials where they have like the baby sitting there like,

okay, this kid's regretting asking for two gay dads and this baby sitting there. And the gay dads are like, you know, oh, this outfit, that outfit or this, this bed or that bed. It's like a conservative ad against gay people or something. No, it's actually not against gay people. It's hard. It's not. It's not against gay people.

It's a funny, it's a funny. It's a funny, I think, pro-gay myself. It's not, you know what I'm saying? It's like on Instagram, you know, it's not. I haven't seen it, but that does sound hilarious. Natural reaction to hearing any woman talk about a gay man is that it's coming out hateful. No. I'm like when you guys, you can't think like that.

No, Jamie, for the record, I don't. I think both Jock and I are markedly more homophobic than you could ever be. I'm being totally honest with you. All the AIDS, I've gotten, I'm homophobic. We've got another call here. Welcome to Mark Davis. Okay, do we think that accent is fake? I don't know.

Welcome to work, Davis. Let's listen to the call, Jock. I want you to do a Southern accent analysis here and tell me where you think this person is from. Do not look at the fucking zip code because I know you will. I can't tell from here. Can you hide the keyboard so I can just read. I'm always excited to talk to y'all because I need to pour my little heart out about something. specifically my boyfriend. So I'm mid-20s. He's early 30s. My first ever boyfriend. He has a

smell fetish. As in like he likes to smell my rump all the time. Smell my rump. And whatever. I've never dealt with this before. We have a... You really heard rum, too, right? Smell my rump. Can I please have the words so I can't understand. The transcripts are never correct. You're just going to have to listen. I don't understand what she's saying. I can't even read that jock, but I guess because I'm old. I can't even see it. And they're not correct. So go off what she's, go off what she's saying. Background of like Christian Gill, Southern. This is very out of my will house. Is this common? How do I continue to get comfortable with it and exploring? And then also like, how do we get past sniffing? Because I'm trying to further down the basis. Anyway, y'all have my heart. And I just

Now, y'all will give me great with some Peace love and pixie dust by, y'all. Peace love and pixie dust by, queen. Did she say, how do we get past the kisses? Sniffing. So her boyfriend has a sniffing fetish. He's either, she either said sniff in my room or sniffing my rump, but I think she said rump because room wouldn't make any sense.

Either way, this man has a smelling fetish. She wants to get past it, although she seems to be happy to let him sniff around. But Jock, Jamie, what do we think? He's a good man. He's a good man. He has taste because he's into smelling. And she's a good woman for compliant.

So I mean, you know, I don't, my advice is to feed him more lemons, more citrus. If, if. Oh, she, wait, I guess she's not being sniffed. I guess. No, she is being sniffed. She's being sniffed. So whatever it smells like, that's his problem. Maybe he's not getting enough vegetables, so maybe you should eat a lot more garlic so that you smell more like a vegetable that he's maybe not getting.

I guess that's one way if you want him to get over the sniffing, you could eat a lot of foods that will make you smell bad, garlic onion. But I kind of feel like that'll make him like it more from being honest. Typically, if you like to sniff, you like to eat. and it seems like he might be hungry, and I think that the garlic might appetize him. Wow. And I think honestly, the more he gets into it, the more you might get into it. So if you smell appetizing enough, you might just get eaten right up. And you cover yourself in barbecue sauce because the smell is both sweet and the taste is tantalizing.

Make yourself a giant chicken wing and he'll love you forever. Jamie, Jamie, what do you think? Have you ever experienced? anything like this before? Listen, like, if he's down there and like Jock says, if he wants to sniff, then he wants to eat. I mean, what's the problem, girl? Like, if I'm sniffing, I'm eating. Yeah, okay. Is he down there? Like, if he's down there, like, just slopping around, like, how do you know? Like, what do you, how do you know what he's sniff? Is he saying, I'm getting ready to sniff?

Well, have you, have you and your, and your, um, 950 years of life? Jamie, you don't have to answer this question. Have you encountered a smell fetishist? Never have encountered a smell fetish. Well, you're talking to one right now. I might be a smell fetishist. I don't know. I dated a guy that didn't wear deodorant, but he didn't really smell that bad, so it perplexed me.

And he said, he said, I don't wear deodorant. And I said, wow, I said, I do. I said, you don't, like, you don't smell. And he's like, we ever tried not wearing a deodorant? And he swore that you don't need to wear deodorants. You know, I'm kind of, I never wear deodorant. Okay, yeah. I haven't worn deodorant.

I was shocked because he didn't have stinky armpits, but he didn't wear deodorant. And I don't smell, for the record, I do not smell. I don't smell either. And I haven't had a shut the fuck up. People like my smell. They pay me to sniff me. What do you smell like? What do you smell like?

You smell like boo Dan? Boo Dan. Doc has a bit of a milky smell to him. Is booed? He's not milky. Jacques's a little sour. He's a little milky. Look, I...

He smells like cottage cheese. It's a little like cottage cheese. I'm going to be honest. I think I smell like like almost half weed because... I'm no doubt. That's the cat piss sour smell.

Yes. That is not it. It smells like leaves. That's my theory. I smell leafy. Okay. Well, because weed doesn't smell like leaves. Jodd. We'd smells like acidic, harsh, kind of sulfuric.

Okay, stop using all the worst words to describe it. Rotten eggs. First of all, just for a reference, people pay me. That's guys who want to smell something nuclear. It's not nuclear. It's about wanting to smell as someone who doesn't use deodorant who has a pure human smell. They want the human smell I don't know if that pool of people

proves that you smell good Not that Look this one guy It proves that you smell strong When I first started dating him He said don't borrow my clothes Because I don't like how my clothes smell After you've borrowed them

And then we broke up briefly And then when he was like I was gone for a month And he was like I miss you so much I miss the way that my clothes Used to smell When you would wear them

I missed the way you smell He was being a hoe he was being a hoe well back to the caller if she if she is okay with something going on down there some dinner happening let him smell it too okay yeah i think look i think if you want to i your question how do i move past sniffing i don't think that's ever going to happen i think this man loves to smell and i think if it's a question of just throw something else in the mix what do you like you know you can do a little you can let him smell and then let you know

then you can do what you want to him to make it a give and take thing but I do think I don't think you'll ever graduate past this especially if you're a bit older men don't change it only gets worse he's going to start smelling he's going to start paying jock to smell him

in about 10 years because he's got his his olfactory glands or whatever are going to be totally shot and he's going to need a a hit of the real stuff. Jamie Let me be quite frank with you. Be frank, please. I love that.

If your husband comes out tonight as a sniffer, will you still love him? Yeah. Okay, good, because I am in contact with him, and he did ask me to ask this question. Yeah, he paid us to confront you about that. Sylvester is a great guy. He's a-

I mean, listen. As a woman, when you, there smells when you go down there on a guy. no matter how hard they're human yeah yeah there smells and unlike what you just you're your your nose works i mean i don't care like what do you you know past the smell check and you know i do really believe in pheromones yeah for sure when you when you like someone's natural smell you probably you know you like them you like them you know as long she doesn't have any like you know there's no like a healthy woman smells like pine nuts an unhealthy man

and smells like Canadian bacon. As long as you don't get like whole fever. I just learned about that much long ago. What is whole fever? I just learned. Jamie. What is whole fever? I have not heard of whole fever.

How are you, how are you ahead of us on whole fever? I'm full of knowledge. Are you on Grindr? What the hell? Whole fever. Like, oh, sorry, come dumps canceled. There's a case of whole fever.

It's not heard of this? What is it? What is it? Okay, you know how I heard about it? There for a while. There for a while. Your podcast wasn't on. And I had just started it.

And I'm like, why are you guys not making a podcast? Was there a time back a while ago where I didn't, you didn't have a podcast that didn't come out for like two weeks or something? This was after. We've always done. After John was talking about his SDD clinic thing and the leeches on his taint. It was so, I mean, it was like, I just loved it. But anyway, I started. I started listening to this podcast, it's horrible.

It's got that Bowen Yang on it. Last Culturalistas? I don't like it. And they were talking. Oh, fuck them. Actually, this is a free episode. They're fine. That's how I.

They're fine. No, and my husband's getting ready to walk in the door. I thought he was going to be gone. Not that I care. I just get really loud. Right when you have to tell us what whole fever is, I don't care. So, yeah, so this, so Bowen,

Yang and this guy. Matt Rogers. Yeah, we're talking about something about whole fever. And they was like, yeah, I've had it before. I mean, it wasn't too bad. But yeah, I've had it. And I'm like, oh my God, I have not heard of this before. But it's like, you know, you can get like bacteria. And then there was like somebody that. What the hell is going on with them? My friend Jim, who does my hair still that I, he's one of the original gays of yesteryear that's still around. And there was somebody that we both mutually know that was in the hospital for E. coli or whatever. And Jim was like, oh, my God, he got whole fever. You know how you get that. He's like from eating ass. And I'm like, what? So I can't. Oh, he had like GRDia. What is that? I don't know.

Giorgia is like you get it from like consuming like fecal. Yeah. I guess. And they were calling it whole fever on this. And I'm like, I'm done with this. I'm trying to get my gay content here, but I can't. I mean, I like. I like all kinds of off-color stuff. You know what I do. Bowen and Matt, they're a little, well, this is the problem I'm in in my life right now,

but I'll just say this. Yeah. To corporate. And you know what? Yes. You like the real. I like the stuff from the streets. That's it.

I want the stuff from the streets. I like my gaze organic. Exactly. Yeah. And they're just a little too produced or I don't know what it is. I don't know. I think you hit the nail on the hat, Jamie.

But I'm done with these guys. I'm like done with you. I'm done with these toys. We can joke around about it, but they're like all like, oh, yeah, it's sweet. I've had it once, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, okay, we got to be roasting this whole thing. You just don't say that. We have to be roasting this whole thing.

Yes, yes. I want to come forward about something. I have had whole fever. Okay. There was a summer I was eating ass. You're just eating poop. No, I was one summer. I just couldn't stop being poop, y'all.

I was eating. a lot of ass this summer. It was just like the ass eating explosion. It was the summer of ass. It was the summer of ass. And the only other thing that was eating a lot of pee town. Where were you at? In New Orleans. It was sweating. You can get the summer of ass in New Orleans. You can get Gartia walking on the street. Let me just say this. I got colitis an infection of the colon. And it was the most worst pain I've ever had in my life where they actually ended up giving me morphine, which they didn't even give me morphine. Which they didn't even give me more. because I was drunk when I got hit by the car. And let me just tell you something.

I had either gotten it from eating ass so much that summer, which was the most I had ever eaten ass in one summer. You ate a lifetime of it in one summer. Or it was because I had been eating Circle K hot dogs almost exclusively. Why not both? Why not both? It's probably all of the above in that case. Lord only nose.

I was in that hospital bed, writhing like the exorcist, back and forth. I thought they were going to have to tie me up. I was like, ah, I'm insane. Instead of projectile vomiting, your projectile shitting out of your butt. Like spraying the nurses. I had a hospital episode with that. Oh, no. Oh, no.

With, yeah, it was like, bad. It was a protest thing. What? In the last little episode, I had diaper ticulitis. This is such an old person thing to have. Diperticulitis? What the hell? This is the poop disease episode.

What in the fun? Jock's about to get that. I cannot wait until Joketitis. Oh, have you said diaper? Yeah, I thought you said diaper type of like. Diplitculitis, yeah, dieticitis. Yeah, it was bad. It was bad.

But anyway, you know, we're none of us are, none of us currently have whole fever. Good, good. Where above these dishes. Do you think that's what you had? Are you just jokes? No, no, I'm being dead serious. I was like this summer where I was like, I had just gotten into like really eating ass and it become like something that I like really.

I was like, let me commit to doing something this summer, new activity, eating ass. I mean, I think if, you know, you'd do that on a right. You probably, I mean, I would just get the wet wipes myself and just make sure before I. I mean, this is just so funny because it's like this is what Tucker Carlson and the right thing. that like every gay guy is talking about. It's like, oh, my God, Queen, we're eating too much shit. We're going to, we can't stop eating shit. It's going to have full disease.

That's what the Bowen Yang and his guy kind of sounded like when they were talking about it. It's like, send that right to Tucker Carlson, please. I'll eat some more ass when I get the chance. I'm just, I don't know how there's nothing wrong with it. No, I, I'm moving on. I can't hear what you're moving ass anymore. No, no, no. Daddy's talking.

Thank you, Jamie. Yeah. Hi, Hessa. Hi, Ben. Hi, Jack. Okay, so I have a little story for you guys. So back in 2022, I was working in a bagel shop, and I had this really sexy half Russian, half Georgian co-worker. Half Jordan, half Jordanian queen. Like Jordanian or from Jordan. Isn't Jordan? Oh, is that Georgia in Russia? Half Jordanian. She just said Jordan, which is hilarious.

Okay. Half Jordanian and half Russian, that can be quite a combo. He does sound hot. I evidently pulled. And he had like a crazy gambling addiction and he like, yeah, he got like shot last year. Okay, he's getting extremely sexy. Gambling addiction, half Jordanian, half Russian. He's been shot. Ben shot. Where did she meet him again? At a bagel shop. You're like, you're like, can I, where's the corner I should stand where she met him?

I mean, yeah, he sounds extremely sexy. He's okay, so it's okay. But anyways, so we were making out and like mid make out, he pulls away and he looks me directly in the eye and says, you know, you remind me a lot of my aunt. And then just, like, kind of making out with me. So, yeah, I don't know. We didn't end up fucking because he's like orthodox. Or no, he's not Orthodox, but he's, like, Jewish. His family's, like, Orthodox and stuff.

Okay. Even harder. But, yeah, Josh a crazy bullet. Crazy thing to say to somebody. And, yeah, I just wanted to share that with you guys. Yeah, and also, I think he, like, probably, like, had, like, mommy issues or something like that. Because we were watching Grammy.

Mommy issues. has a hotel and he like asked me i've got some money that was like fucking old women but yeah and he was like deeply uncomfortable with that so i don't know it's like something that happened to him but whatever okay bye love y'all okay so this guy was making out with her midway through he stops to look at her and say you remind me of my aunt then she takes the liberty of saying that she thinks that he has mommy issues because while watching the grand budaputist hotel during a sex scene with an old woman he asked her to turn it off i don't i think the grand budapest hotel comment uh is irrelevant i think it was just a bad movie and he just wanted the movie off yeah and and and and then i was talking to a

woman with the same name as my aunt aunt debby no it was regina the name was regina but regina is like my dad's sister who i don't ever see or talk to who's like a a car mechanic or something. She's a car. Yeah. I don't know. I think the name could be fun. Does he, what is?

It's not that they have the same name. It's no, where'd you get off on that, John? No idea. His comprehension is crazy. He told her that she reminds him of his aunt, which I mean, I'll be honest. I don't think it's that weird. I would ask him, oh, I would probably say, oh, why do you say that? like i mean i don't think that's a i don't think that's certainly maybe a little random but i don't

think i think it's a jump to assume that he that's like wanting to fuck his aunt or wanting to fuck his mom just because of that comment yeah i wouldn't bother me i i yeah and you thinking you know does he's english not his first language and he's just like the only thing you can say yeah right and maybe it's a compliment in uh russian culture you see but you know i'll go with that women who look like your aunt yeah his girl is not understanding that he's been taken advantage by an older woman.

And that's why he had to have... Well, he said he was molested by his aunt? Yes. And she's being a rude bitch for not for not giving space to his trauma. Because, because yeah, because she had, he had to

turn off the Grand Budapest Hotel because he's bringing him flashbacks because he's seeing the old person have sex with the younger person. And he's like, that's me. That was me. That was me and Aunt Greta. Certainly possible. I mean, I think I guess I'll say if someone told me you remind me of my uncle, it wouldn't. It wouldn't stop me, y'all. It would not stop me.

If it's the right, whatever. Yeah. Everything else is lining up. I'm like, God, go with it. Okay. I mean, I do think this guy does seem crazy. He's like, okay, thank you. Now, okay. Yeah, now let's get to it. He seems crazy, but he does. As I said, he seems crazy in, of course, a hot way. This is a guy you have sex with like for a summer and then you can't fix him. You can't certainly can't marry him. Take it for what it is. Yeah.

I don't think it's so weird. I mean, I've never told anyone. I don't think I've ever dated someone or even had sex with someone who necessarily reminds me of anyone in my family. but I guess it would stop me if someone, I don't know, like looked exactly like a family member. I don't know. That might be kind of weird if they were really good. I've never had sex with my family or anyone who looked like her. Would you have sex with a girl named Whitney? For reference here, Whitney is Jock's father's name.

Yes. And I've made out with a girl named Whitney before. You have. So I didn't think, well, I thought that was honestly, I think women with. guy names are hot, you know. Well, she's a woman with a woman's name. Your dad, your dad is a man with a woman. I think Whitney was probably originally a man's name.

No, it's a man's name first before it was a woman's name. Well, in contemporary, you know, America. Well, well, well, well. My daddy don't got no girl name. You know what? Leslie, I think Leslie was originally a guy's name. I take him where I can get him. And if you think I look like your dad or your uncle, I'll take it.

Oh, you certainly look like plenty of uncles out there. Yeah, yeah, it happens so often. Yeah, the fatter I am, the more people want to fetishize me is some weird fucking Freudian daddy thing. I don't get that. Yeah, you don't get that because you look like Pinocchio the boy wonder. I don't get, I know one. Because you have no ability to grow facial hair beyond that of a. of a 14-year-old Italian boy.

Literally. Can you grow a beard, Ben? Oh, Jamie, look at me. Well, I don't know. You got a mustache there. I wish I could grow a beard. I wish I could because it does. I mean, it's cliche to say, but it really is makeup for men and the older I get.

It is cool. You know, with the skin laxity, not that it's bad. Not that it's bad. Just saying, in the 40s, in the 50s, I would like to have a beard. By then, I think you could. Maybe you go to turkey and get a transplant. I would maybe get a beer. transplant simply because it raises your i already have high beautiful cheekbones yes you do

a beard raises those even higher and then it makes your jaw stronger so it may be something i he couldn't handle a bearded life oh you couldn't handle me do they do beer transplants oh yeah do they they kind of look random as hell and i mean because beard hair is different it's from your head hair right but i'm a little bit blessed in that i do have curly hair on my head so it could work It could work. If y'all see me pop out with a beard at 45, keep your gay mouths closed. Ben with- Maybe donate some of your beard to Ben's first year.

I'm not taking any of that shit. My body would reject it. Yeah, the Mercer beard, no thank you. I think, yeah, the farthest that Ben's facial hair can go at the current grow. If you let it grow unmanicured, you kind of- Get a little goatee. You look like a high school freshman that's like, I'm going to show you how much of a beard I can have.

I'm old now. It's high school freshman who's like selling weed and like trying to touch on girls and hangs out at a gas station. Ben or Jock, could you grow a beard in high school or no? Were you later to that? No. You want one of those goods with a full beard in high school.

You were kind of twinky looking, weren't you? Yeah, I was stveld. I was twinked out to the maximum. I can only grow a mustache by, I don't know, like, fresh no like soft junior year maybe i had one i yeah i just wish i had sold myself more back i did you didn't i know i just i feel i wish i had hold myself out more as a child don't say that because that comes with some you know you just never know yeah well and you didn't so i do know i did and i just could have made more i think

All right. Let's do another call here. I'm trying to find one. Y'all, if you are calling, do not leave a three-minute call about your breakup because I ain't listened to that shit. Yeah. You will not make it to the show.

Minute and under. Let's see here. Good God. See, look at this shit. It's two minutes. I'm not, and it's all just like she left me. And I'm like, girl, I would have, I would have two because you don't stop fucking yapping.

I called one time and you guys didn't play it because it It was too long and I betty. Jock was like, oh, I'll play it. And Ben was like, no, I told him this is. I'm so sorry, Jamie. And it was about, this was a long time ago when I first, you know, and it was the first thing I ever did with you guys is just, I'm going to call in. Well, you're on the show.

I know. It was about the movie The Big Easy and you guys talked about it. Oh, I remember that call. You and Hess, I was so excited that you talked about the Big Easy. I've got one here. Okay. That's, that's, that's, this is Madison. She, Her from Seattle.

I called about two years ago to ask Shock for advice. about dating a girl with BPD. Jacques's advice was you make her feel included and invite her to things. And so I took that advice and proceeded to date the girl what she was dating. And then that girl proceeded to break up with her and continue to date me. And so that made me you for a real hot minute. First of all, you all have BPD. I don't even understand the chain of reaction whatever's happening. Someone dated someone who dated someone.

It's contagious. I don't understand. I'm already confused about who's dating you. I'm not even putting my brain power to you. towards that. It all just shows me to see some weird lesbian, trans lesbian love triangle and y'all all three have the beating. And I'm not giving that power.

Unlike Ben and Jamie, I support you and please continue telling me your story. I'm here to listen. We're still dating two years later. It's great. I love her to get a tattoo of her on me. Or rather, I got a tattoo of the flower that represents her on me. But in

case, I just want to say thank you for this advice. In fact, in the yes, feeling included was a very important part of, uh, made sure that she was comfortable in the relationship. So thank you, jock for that advice. Um, it didn't make it easier for myself by dating her ex, but, um, we worked that. So anyway, just wanted to give you an update. Thanks, by, I love you. Love you too. Okay, so she dated the girl's ex and then that ex broke up with her and then she went back to the other girl. I think this. I can't do it. Yeah, I'm giving you.

up on it beyond that but i do remember this call they were asking about being infatuated with a bpd person and if jox had any tips on how to lock oh i'm sorry so rude can you mute your mic next time you shoot a fucking lugi i went i went to the other side of the bed bro you got it you got it honey that was crazy we heard every bit of snot oh wild it was really textured and gross anyways jock what do you think about your advice. Apparently it worked out. You said make some of the BPD feel included. What do you think? I'm not a registered clinician or clinician. Are you a clinician?

Clinitian. I ain't a regular psychologist. I ain't a therapist. You're a regular Freud. I'm a regular fraud. Dr. Freud. Dr. Freud. BAM! So what do you think about the advice you gave her? Yes. I think that I should be careful about what I say because I could be influencing people into a negative lifestyle. Did they get a tattoo?

Did you advise the tattoo? No, see, that's what I was. The tattoo confirms a three-way BPD off to me. Because that's like I'm claiming her. She's mine. I have the tattoo to like, he's kind of, little bit of like territorial pissing in my mind. But you know, it seems like you're happy with it. Good for you. And, you know, being in love with someone who has BPD, there's high peaks and low valleys and

sometimes it works out. But it's a fun ride. I've been there never again, but I get it. Babes, I'm proud of it. It's fun if the person is, you know, really hot. Until they try to fucking kill you or cancel you. Yeah, yeah. Then it's like I'm out of here. But then they suck you right back in. Jock, what do you think about this? What are your thoughts? You know, I think I'm not the best at giving advice, but my conclusion on this story is love wins. It seems like you're the victor and love is the spoil.

And you ought to make sure that the tattoo's not too big in case you break up with her and your love doesn't work out. Well, you did do something smart. You didn't get her name tattooed. You got a flower tattooed that, symbolizes her. So when she does inevitably, you know, bash your windshield in and call you a pedophile on Instagram, you will be able to separate the meaning of that flower from the meaning of

her and the love you share. And honestly, every year. Well said, Ben, very poetic. I like that. And every year and a half when you have to get in a new relationship because you aren't able to hold a relationship, you can get a new flower tattoo. Yeah, get a damn bouquet. And then you'll be a, then you'll have a garden. Get your flowers. Get your flowers.

Get your flowers. Flowers for Alderan. That's true. Flowers in the attic. You're going to read that book. Flowers in the attic. It's so messed up. Isn't it about some girl like getting molested?

Siblings like I, that's so much better. Oh my God. Yeah, we're done with the, we're done with the calls. I'm sorry. We can just. Oh, no, that's okay. I didn't know. Well, because I don't know what it is.

with my glasses, like I'm, sometimes I'm kind of blind looking in my computer thing. I don't know if it's because my bif trifogles or whatever, but this is like I can see better. I can see clearly now that the calls are gone. I said, I can see clearly now the calls are gone. All the obstacles are out of my way. Oh, yes. That was a brothers and sisters in the attic and incest situation happening up in that attic. Yeah, and the parents were like abusive too. And then they keep maybe like one kid not in the attic or something? I don't know. It's so messed up.

But every middle schooler was reading it. Yeah. They were giving it to the kids in middle school. Yeah. I don't think it was like required reading, but it was all the scandalous little book we had to trade in the town and stuff. Like are you there? God, it's me, Margaret. I did read that in high school.

A book called it. A book called it. Oh my God. A child called it. Oh my God. That's true. A book called it. It is so funny.

A child called it. That was a young about, young fiction about, uh, they put the, they put the baby in the frying pan or something. Well, no, it was like a true story. That was a true story. Yeah, a child called it. It is a true story. And then he's got follow-up books.

It's so. I saw a, I put a pick, uh, someone's story on Instagram that they were in New York and they were, they had found the book it outside of their apartment and they just sat down and read it. Like Stephen King's it? No, a child called it. And I was just like, ew, that is not how I want to spend my afternoon. Did you, did you read it out of curiosity? Yes, of course.

It was a required reading. Did you ever read The Giver? Yeah, I love the Giver. What was that about? It was about a futuristic society. Kind of dystopian kind of thing, or was it like, kind of like, or, it was kind of like an Orwell. For children kind of thing.

Yeah. And it was all these children, I mean, forgive me. I only remember like fucking loving it. I don't really remember the plot. All these children who, like, were preparing for some kind of ceremony that takes place in the later teen years. And once you graduate from the ceremony, you are given the ability. You are given the ability to, like, see color, but you have to keep it secret from the previous generations. Yeah, for some reason.

I don't really remember why, but I think that's it. What happened, Jock? What was the fuck about? Never mind. No, right. I didn't want to read any of the required reading in school. Like, they always have me. and the worst like I remember I wanted to take like because I love to read and I wanted to

I wasn't a great student and they I was signing up for classes and I wanted to do like um like an advanced literature class like oh no I'm like well I think I can and I did great in the class but this counselor's like I don't think you can handle that. What a bitch. The counselor Dr. Tate and Mrs. Tate this married fucking from Episcopal School of Kenya they were like sat me down. Oh, you name names. Okay. Yeah and they were and they sat me down and they were like Say their name. They were like,

Chalk, we just honestly think you're going to end up to be nothing or no, and end up doing nothing with your life. No one, you're going to end up being no one. I think that you're holding the other students back by attending the school and wasting everyone's time, the teachers.

And I did not get asked to come back to the school that next year. But, and my siblings graduated from there. But it's like, fuck you, Tate. I didn't need anything. And they're probably dead. The Tate family.

And they're probably, I mean, they're dead. I can guarantee you. Isn't that a tape that just got arrested in his gay outfit? Was that a tape? Oh, yeah, probably related to the Andrew Tate. Probably the same damn Tate family. The same damn Tate family.

Never, never trusted Tate. Never trust a Tate. Well, it sounds like a Tater. Sounds like a potato. This sounds like they've lived in the dirt for years, growing in the dirt and the filth. It's true, though. You remember those teachers that really speaks.

And they're probably Irish. And you remember the ones that were really like I I was honestly um and fuck miss Linu from ascension day school fourth grade you stupid bitch if you ever hear this fuck you you made me stay inside half the year during recess because i didn't know how to tie my shoe fuck you yeah that's what i'm saying okay when i was in first grade i had this teacher and she and she had it gave us everybody a map and she put a bunch of colored pencils in the middle of the table and she's like okay now color in each state with different colors and i immediately saw the pink and i'm like i'm like i had to get the pink so i got the pink because she said any color and i start calling

thing she's like not the pink not the pink and she's and i'll never forget her she had like back in the day these big glasses that had the dip on the side oh yeah and she had like a glasses and then she had like a Dorothy Hamill haircut and like a um she had a thick cable knit turtleneck sweater. I'll never forget what she looked like. Demonic vibe. Because she was so mean to me.

Yeah there's always there's always some horrible wench who takes out her fucking. Why couldn't he's a pink? On the children. Yes. I had I had one I had one name to Miss Dorr who was a huge bitch to me

because I was very sassy and also kind of. I was, of course, very ODD at the time and refused to follow any of her instructions, but it was a vibes-based assessment because she had terrible vibes. And I, as a younger... You're like,

I'm going to make this bitch's life hell because she is... I mean, I did so many things. I just like what page... I remember one time she asked us to flip to page 418 in the book, but there was only a page 417 and a page 419 because

page 418 was taken up with a map so large that it didn't include a page dumper and so I was like um so there actually isn't a page 418 it's missing from the book and she freaked out at me and was like you know right there it's between 417 you're looking at it right now and I was like well you should say the page between 417 and 419 because there is technically no page 418 I was just I was battling it's almost like they're setting you up just like with the pink things it's like she she knows that but she's getting ready to just pop off if somebody says that.

That's what she did on you. She's like tempting me with a pink pencil but like not the pink. So I'll say this fuck you miss door, you old bitch. She's dead. I mean, she's dead. I don't remember the name of this teacher. And fuck the 500 pound mustrosity

and chance. She was the drama teacher that taking a couple chances being that big. You know what I'm saying? She was a former theater teacher of fucking Ascension Day school and in eighth grade she made me do the play about World War II

and I refused to do it and in front of the entire school. Because you couldn't be Hitler? No, shut the fuck up. I want to be Hitler. If I can't be Hitler, I'm not playing. I said I don't want to do this play because I don't support war and I don't care about war. And she said,

what are you? A communist? A Nazi? Oh my God. She doesn't know what she's talking about clearly. And it made me cry and I ran to the bathroom and I kicked the door down. I'm actually just connecting the dots. And then I started wearing communist Russian shit to school every day.

KGB Soviet era type things. You were like an ODD kid too, kind of, right? I think we all. Oh, absolutely. I was too, like, you know, I wish I was more like that. They pulled and chanced into the bathroom, into the principal's office.

And with my mom and they were like, what do you have to say for what you said to him today? And she's like, I'm sorry. My mom, my brother, my sister, they're all dead. Well, you're an adult bitch. It doesn't give you the right to call a child and not be. We used to have this teacher that would come in and be like, she would get all pissing. She's like, and I was like in high school, like our freshman.

She'd be like, you guys don't understand. I have a newborn. I was up all night. I'm like, bitch, I don't care about your personal. I'm taking it out on this fucking class. To teach and horror. Yeah. Because you had a baby and you were up all night.

I don't care. You have to learn. Shut the fuck up about your baby and get the teaching. Either shut the fuck up or let me out of this class. Right. Right. If you're going to imprison me, at least teach me something. Let them teach them.

When I went to school, we got spankans. We got like the big paddle. Like we were allowed to, yeah, and I happened to me twice. And that's how you retain all the information? They hit you. Trouble, you bent over and held your ankles and they, Oh, my God. Like one time it happened.

It happened to me twice. One time in study hall, I was talking in study hall, and my teacher gave me a detention. And at the time, I was living with my dad. And it's like, oh, my God, my dad's going to have to leave work to pick me up from school, and he's going to flip his lid. Like, this is not acceptable. So I said, can I trade this in for, they call them swats? And she looked at me like I was crazy.

And she was like, yeah, I guess. So I had to take it down to the principal's office. What? And the principal looked at me like I was crazy because in my mind, I'm thinking, surely they're not going to hurt me. Like, I just take the swats. And so probably just tap me on the ass, whatever. So I, and the principal was just kind of like, and he had the secretary come in. I guess because I'm a girl.

It is secretary come in his office. That's so funny to be like, oh, we need a female to oversee this abuse. It's so TSA coded. And so I bent over and he whacked me three times on the ass. And I mean it hurt. I mean, my eyes were watering. And then one other time in social studies class, yeah, like when I went to high school, you could smoke in high school. You could smoke at a smoking lounge.

They called it the smoking lounge, but it was. was a little patio slab outside. And you got spanked. But another time, nobody did their homework in the social studies class. And the teacher was like, raise your hand if you didn't do your homework. And we were continually not doing our homework. And I was the ones that didn't. So like half the class raised their hand that they didn't do their homework.

And he had us all line up outside and whacked us. Oh, my God. While smoking. Smoking a cigarette and beating children. My kids think that's crazy when I tell them. Yeah, never in elementary or college, but at the Cajun School for erotic arts was I spanked. But never, you know, it seems so out of place in an education number. My husband went to a Catholic school and he said, oh, my God, they were so mean.

Vicious, yeah, wacky with rulers. And they would have you sit, they would sit when, what do you say? They would sit on your knuckles or they would, hey, Rob, would do the nuns sit on you or something? He's not answering me. He's like, leave me. He's traumatized. Leave me out of that. He's crying in a bathroom.

Like, it was some weird thing they would do it. And he said, he went to confession and he said, he said, I really don't have anything to confess. Like, because my husband is not a cusser. He has finally turned into a cusser. When our children grew up, he started cussing. But I've always cussed. I'm always been a cusser in their family. And I would say he's a saint.

But anyway, so he goes to confession because I really didn't feel like had anything to confess. But I told the priest, well, you know, I've been cussing. And I think it's because my. friends are cussing and the priest's like don't make excuses for that let me and he's like chewed him out he's like fuck you i'm never coming to tell again no they forced you to come i remember going to confession i was just like well i haven't done anything wrong so i had like make stuff up yeah that's what he said made stuff up and then he got in trouble for making it up i mean it's like don't make excuses because just because your friends do it doesn't mean you do it right right i know anyways

everyone out there thank you for listening today if you want to hear more more significant We do bonus episodes on Patreon at Seeking Duration, patreon.com. We have a lot of episodes with Jamie back there, too. And Jamie, we love you. We love you. Thank you so much for joining us. I love you. I got my fix.

I'm so happy. I needed it so bad. Oh, we need to get you on more often. Sorry, I was dropping the ball. You're so busy. My God. It's crazy. Well, we love having you on.

It's always such a blast. And we can have you. Hessa wants to send her best as well. And we need to want to get you on with Hessa. Yes. I love her. I love her. I'm just Hessa.

Hessa has her circus auditions today. Yeah, she's auditioning for the circus with her big clown shoes on. Size 13. She's the best. I'm just kidding. We love you, Hessa. We love you, Hessa. She is a size one.

No, she's a size one. We all know that. She has Chinese footland. 100. No, no. She's not a size 100. But until next week, everyone. Wait, I have to say something.

My email is Yayveryfun at gmail.com. Okay. For booking. Awesome sauce. All right. Bye everyone. Love you all. Bye bye.