Seeking Derangements - SD 518 - How Can I Be Miss Puff I Don't Even Drive

Episode Date: July 30, 2026

Hello Seekers! Ben here. Today we talk about a talent show Jacques went to, if spinning chairs on the ground counts as a talent, what celebrities we'd impersonate for only fans cash, and Norbit

Hello, everyone, I'm here with Hesseau, welcome to seeking derangements. It's Ben. I'm here with Hesse. Jock is on his way, I believe. Welcome, welcome, Diva, welcome to work, Diva. And period. Welcome to Work Diva. To you as well.

Thank you. I'm good. I'm good. Just been hanging out. Not doing anything. Why is it, you're being so non-descrow. It makes me feel like you've done something bad. Oh.

Let's just say, keep an eye on the news, darling. Oh, no. I'm coming to you from a pod at my co-working space. It's extremely humiliating. You can see me hiding my face because I'm sitting next to a big glass window and there's about 30 people on the other side of it. I can see like... I'm so scared to look over.

There are a bunch of European tourists, like looking at the window pointing at you, taking pictures with Kodak's disposable cameras. It's like you're at a zoo. They're all holding signs that says let Jock talk. Where's Jock? The shouting for Jock. He said, shut up. We don't care what you have to say, Ben.

Why do you drop? This is what Americans do for money. I know. It literally does feel like a little exhibit about how humiliating it is to be a podcaster. But I'm also like whatever, I don't know what fucking job. these people are doing. I'll be honest with you. Sometimes I see that, but I'm just like, what the fuck is your job? Like a German.

Germans always, they stay being on vacation, you know what I mean? Oh, well, the tourists. I was talking about my fellow co-workers who could hear everything I'm saying. Oh my God, yeah. I'm just, no, it's the fakeish. I was like, so many people just like walking around in circles. You just saw a guy going to circle.

I'm like, what is going on here? The sharks, the sharks are circling. It feels extremely Truman show. There's one woman here. like this old lady, I see her, because I'm hustling, bitch, I'm here to like nine. Everyone leaves promptly at like five. And then one old Jewish lady, I'm on the Upper East Side for reference. She walks in, and I'm not even kidding you, she eats like three sandwiches and doesn't have a laptop. She doesn't work on anything. She sits there in silence and eats like three full sandwiches. I've seen her do this twice. And I'm just like, what the hell?

What does she look like? I think I know who this is. thin, thin, skinny. And I'm like, how are you housing these sandwiches? This is the founder of sandwich.com. And she, every day. She stays testing. Every day she reviews three sandwiches and writes reviews for them. She's 100 million subscribers.

So why don't you watch who you're making fun of, who you're insulting. Talk about insulting. Welcome to WorkDiva. Are you recording a local track? Yes, I'm recording. local track yes i'm coming through my local mic period are you recording a local track are you recording a mic we have been girl what's up with you period and my mom called me right before work and was just oh she loves doing that she seems to love calling the 355 every monday

she was like i was she was saying something like um like when do you record today and i'm like at 3 p.m like i always do you're supposed to be there now It was like she called me at 250 and I just, just because she kept talking and I was like, wow, I got to go. What did she want? Let me get a review of the phone call. Just chatting. That's sweet. Yeah, we're just chatting.

Nothing, nothing. I was asking her about, about vagina fibrosis. Why? Because someone I knew was getting surgery to get a vagina fibrosis thing removed and I was like, does that? that common in women girl i don't know what so you called her and asked her she called me and then i was like hey shouldn't you be calling your dad about this since he's a gynecologist well well my mom has a vagina sorry i'm so rude of me to say that i'm so sorry i know what the hell man i'm so sorry that's like i'm not really i hope she never hears me say that

yeah i hope she never hears me say val i'm sorry i'm so sorry Okay, no, I mean, she's a woman, and I don't know, I don't know every woman condition. Period. She's a woman, and I'm going to ask her as a woman with the woman condition. You're like, is this even bad? Because my friend says that she, she's in more pain than me. And I need to know right now. It sounds terrible. Fibrosis?

Yeah, doesn't sound good. In fact, your friend might not be happy about talking about it on the phone. I guess you're not saying anyone's name or anything. It is a free up. episode, by the way, everyone, go subscribe to our Patreon. Yeah, go subscribe everyone. And behind the paywall, we do name names. So imagine what you just heard, had a name attached.

Mm-hmm. Well, it's fine. It's not a, I think it's a fairly common thing more that I hear about it. We name shame and blame. No clue. Okay. We name shame. Especially bishops with vaginal fibrosis.

Bob, ba, bam. Get out of the way. Chuck, you said, you said you had a, you weren't a talent. show recently. Fucking, God damn it. Awesome. Oh, that's amazing. This happens happening once

an episode now where you just go, oh, fuck, goddammit. What happened? Just like something on my computer gives me a stress and then I'm like, what the fuck does happen? So last night. What happened on your computer?

What happened on your computer? Okay, I'll just be honest. I thought I clicked to record on Audacity. Right. That was that. This time, that was that. Last time when I said, oh my God, I thought I accidentally

closed out of Audacity. and I was like, fuck. But when I just clicked the yellow button, which is the minimize. Okay. Very simple things. Maybe you just avoid those buttons when you're recording. Just stop clicking buttons.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what they all say. We need to put you in a hand. We need to put you in a straight jacket to do a podcast. Put me in a in a safe. Are you recording? Can you confirm that you are recording and it's working?

I'm recording. We record. You record. I record. We are all. So what was the talifference? My friend had this birthday party that was the rules were if you wanted to attend, you had to bring a talent and you had to perform it. And it had to be under five minutes.

And, you know, now I've got to make a show about that, about a talent show. I have to make a live talent show out of this talent show. A new one. But this one was live. It was at a bar. She rented out a bar. A bar that I'm actually banned from. Well, I'm not banned from there.

but like I got in a fight with the owner and I was like yeah loose could be so I was like I'm never coming back here and I've been there three times this week it's not my favorite bar in Lafayette but it's the only bar right now I feel like I'm reading like Dianetics whenever you start talking show because it's like a hundred things of like you have to make a live talent show out of this live talent show that you just did well I just mean I just mean that I want to take that

and roll with it and make it into something I could do. It's called doing a live talent show. You're stealing your friend's idea. Well, girl, it's not even stealing. It's a freaking talent show. Thank you, Ben. Thank you, Ben. I'm also insulting your idea and saying it's in no way original,

but I do think one that is specifically judged and run by you would be original just given your beautiful mind. What was your talent? Okay, so... Wait, are you going to compete in your own talent show? Um, no, I think I'll just, you know, I'll... I'll do a performance as a demo at the beginning. Okay.

You're the host who starts with his own talent. That'd be easy. But you're not competing. Because no one can live up to your performance. Yeah, you're just showing this. Just how it's done. So, originally what I was going to do is I was going to spin chairs, where you take one finger and you put it on, put one leg of the chair.

Seven people found dead last night at a talent party. Yeah. Impaled by splinters of wood. And is something you've ever tried to do? before in your life yeah do it all i have videos of me doing it all the time i i i spin wooden chairs in my backyard all the time like on on your hand like you hold them up above your head and spin them or i'm getting the video out but look let me just explain i put one leg down on the and it's spinning on just one leg and i balance so it's spinning on the ground on the ground on one thing well you don't

oh my god that that's not that surprising that's not really a talent i thought you were kind of like like holding them in the air. Like spinning a basketball. It was like on one finger. Well, then this seems like something anyone can do immediately the first time they try it. Well, maybe John has a special flourish to it.

Is there any more pageantry or, I guess, how fast are they spinning? They were spinning. It was spinning pretty, one finger. One finger. And I'm able to spin them like this holding down.

It was pretty impressive at first. But then I heard this mother. I would love it. And then I heard this, this slim gym, indie musician motherfucker Dylan Babano. Yes, I'm using his full name

because he deserves to be docks for doing a Harlem grog-trotter act. Grop-Trotter, the Harlem Grop-Trotters. Hall-Hot-M grope-Trotter. And this motherfucker... He was touching on people. He was touching on me. While in his suit suit,

hey, y'all, I'm here to do my talent, the Harlem Grope-Trotters. I'm trod- people in my zoot-suit. Go people in my zoop soup, the first thing that he did when he got on stage was he said, thank you for everyone else for warming me up. I'm like,

I mean, you have to enter with some attitude. Also, I was, the competition, you know. Also, I was late, and there was a machine spinning a big day. Your talent should be being late. Yeah, you should have, honestly,

like how late I am, showed the next day. Exactly. You just, you have to do absolutely nothing and then you inform people everyone the next day. By the way,

my talent was being late, so late, I never even showed up. So isn't that surprising? Well, back to the Slim Jim indie musician Dylan Babanoe decides, tells me ahead of time that he's going to be doing a Harlem Globetrotter accent. I'm like, well, I can't be spinning chairs. If he's going to be spinning basketballs, it's just. Especially if they're not on the, they're not on the ground.

Yeah, it's more impressive. Yeah, it's way more impressive. Well, it wasn't that impressive because he also did set the alphabet backwards. And also he- I can do that. I can't. I can't even do that. They locked the bar

and they said everyone could smoke cigarettes but no one can leave for the next 30 minutes and he wanted everyone in the crowd to smoke as many cigarettes as possible to make a smoke screen for his bathroom.

I mean, it was amazing to be free and to smoke inside. I was chain smoking my better smokes which are like big cigarettes. It sounds like he was doing some showmanship and some crowd- interaction and stuff like that. Everyone help me. Let's create a fog machine right now with cigarettes.

Yeah. So to explain what I did is I got there late and when I pulled up there was a wheel spinning and it said, oh, just in time, Jacques, it's your turn. Did you even get to pick out the chairs? Oh my God. Guess what? Guess what? I got a whole new talent because I wanted to do something original. Wow. So. So. you made this up on the spot no i made it up at hours before but what i did is i had a green m&m urn and i filled it with ashes okay i emptied all these ashtrays into it and i said tonight i'm going to contact the ghost of my dead ex-wife melinda p johnson you might know her as the green M&M. Okay. And I then... Set a tasteful reference to Marsha P. Johnson.

I was trying to figure out. Melinda Gates. I think I actually called her Melinda P. Johansson. Marsha P. Johanssen. Marsha P. Jansson. But I was practicing. I bet you... Melinda P. Johnson on accident. Right. Anyway. Anyway, so... I think you probably... Did you actually just call her Marsha P. Johnson? No, I called her Melinda P.

P. Johnson. I was very... Melinda was her name. So anyway. Um, I, you know, I was making kind of a joke out of I put, I lit two candles. I put them on the ground. I drew a pentagram on a piece of wood. And then I said, Melinda loved loud noises. I need everyone to get loud for her. So we can get, I'm going to, I'm going to contact her. And then I said, I need to get closer to her. So I poured the ashes out in the ashtray. And I got down on the ground and I put my ear on the ground next to the ashes. And I said, oh, she's whispering. things to me. And I revealed what she was whispering to the crowd. The crowd was laughing a lot. Was she, was she, was there actually someone whispering to you from the cigarette ashes? Yeah, did it work? I mean, no, there was not, I don't actually have an ex-wife who played the green and M&M, but I mean, you're not, you're not psychic. And I'm not psychic, but the people liked it. So you didn't spin chairs at all? Well, the whole point was that I wasn't

going to spin chairs. He wanted to do something original as so. What do you I understand. Everyone knows he can spin chairs. He does it all the time in his backyard. He needed to shock and really. I've had so many of my friends over and I've spin the chairs for them. They've never spun chairs for me before. Well, this is kind of like a newer thing for me. It's not like I've been doing it forever. Well, I have been doing it forever, but doesn't mean that I do everything that I do around me. Time doesn't really exist. So forever and also recently are the same. Look, I, it was a beautiful. Find the video. I want to see the video. Yeah, because I feel like it doesn't... For you focus on finding the video, I'm going to ask Hesseau question. Am I allowed to do that? Hesse, what would your talent be? What would my talent be? Yeah, listing movies.

Yeah, I probably... It could be like someone, you could do crowd engagement. You're like, okay, someone throw out a year. Yeah, and I'll say what one best picture. Yeah, yeah. Do it right now. I name a year. 1997.

1999. That is... Oh, shit. what was not oh forest no not force no not force cump that was you stupid this is your first time thinking the jock do you know no right um

it wasn't the usual suspects was it that didn't actually win best picture did it girl oh was it saving private ryan all of your answers you look you could have been it might have been This is me on stage. I'm flopping. I'm getting booed. Right. You're literally being booed. No, you have to, I said, can Hess and I have a conversation while you look for it without you? Yeah, period. Um, okay.

Let me look at up. Oh, Titanic. Oh my God. Okay. 2004, that's, uh, I think that's easy because 2004 was, oh, was Crash 2006. No, Crash was 2004, I think. What in the fuck is going on? on here. Let me check. Oh, Lord of the Rings return of the king. All right. I suck at this. All right, so I would do something other than this. We can think of a better one for you. I cannot think of a single one for me, unfortunately. I would maybe do, um, bitch. God, I don't really have one. Yeah, no, it was totally complaining, being a bitch, being miserable, being hateful. I guess I would all translate into both. Being pale. Scary eyes. It's not really a talent. It's not really a talent. I could do.

I could do, it's not something that you're like innately born with. If you had a bonnet on. Although I guess it could be something you're born with. If you had a bonnet on and sunglasses on me and you're like, my talent is having really curly hair and scary eyes and you take off the sunglasses, you take off the bonnet at the same time. I could do something with the eyes. That's totally true.

Yeah. Staring contest because I always went staring contest because people get scared of looking into my eyes. Yeah. So I would do a staring contest with audience members. I'd probably do comedy. do comedy i'd probably do stand-up or something write some jokes beforehand right right i mean the old funny gal is gonna make a goof did you ever compete in like an elementary school talent show there's one of my middle school but i was too um shy and of course as we've covered talent list to participate in it yeah i think

i won an elementary school for making a move i made a movie what the hell yeah with my friends i made like a 10-minute film i can't remember her friend stephen spielberg I think it was like a spy movie. We were like, but I was doing special effects. I was like making it like two of my friend were on screen at the same time with like the Nerf gun. That's cute. I was cute. I used to make movies with my brother when I was a kid, but I don't really remember what any of them were about.

I remember one of them was just like our friend had like a huge butt. We like put a bunch of stuff in his pants and it was like him trying to get a surgery to make his butt smaller. It's kind of like a reverse BBL kind of What's the opposite of Brazil? All right. Shock is showing a video like something that...

It's certainly not used to screening these with... You look totally. You look completely homeless. This is the opposite of a talent. I feel like, it's like... This is so homeless guy. Screen chat. This is like...

Your friend got so droned. it's sad and they start doing this. Uncles only do this when they're under extreme duress. Can I just say some things? Yesterday I was out of character, nervous, and unprepared for the performance. And while the room laughed and everyone, I felt like I was shaking on stage. I felt like I didn't have, I normally spend if I'm performing on a stage before, whether it's DJing, but especially if it's like something like comedy or like performance-wise,

I'm preparing for hours. I don't know. That's just because you don't believe that doesn't mean it's not true. Well, we did our live show. It certainly was not hours of preparing. But continue. I think that even if you don't see me preparing, I'm mentally still preparing for day. Okay.

Yeah, sure. I'm developing. I mean, I do pretty good on stage. You do great on stage, yeah. So it's not just by error. No, I'm sure it was very fun. You have a process. Can I just please also mention some of the acts that were going on last night?

First of all, the last act of the night was by far the most anti-clomatic, but it was so funny. This guy was like, my girlfriend's pretty small, so I'm going to get her to stand on my back for as long as I can, under five minutes, but pretty long. That's boring as fuck. He's standing up and she's standing on his shoulders? She was in the planking push-up position, and he was standing on the part of his back. Oh, that takes a lot of core strings. Yeah, yeah, I thought he was just laying flat on the ground. Whatever.

I was, I was like not as impressed, but it was making me laugh so hard because the girl was going like this on top and pretending she was a puppet master. I missed the pup. I missed the first act, which they had a puppet show. they had a guy sing and perform a whole song while he shaved his face without cutting it at all they I missed a metal gear

song is it a gay guy no a metal gear solid strip show and it was it was a drag king I was like okay this is my dream

this is my dream partner dog and she won by the way she won then was it sexy I missed it. I got in right at the end of it

and I was like I saw like a piece of it and I was like whoa ay ay ay yai uga booga also I'd love when they locked the doors they just kept locking the doors last night I'd be like no one leave one guy pulled his leg standing up straight

and pulled one leg completely above his head and then he got on the ground and pulled both legs on his head and then he said I would suck my dick on stage I can suck my dick. Oh, that's a great talent. But I want to keep my job.

It was the bartender. Right. Well, it's also kind of like a cop out. It's like either do it or don't. And like, girl, but like that bar cares about their bartender sucking their own dicks at the bar. Like, come on. Like, that's why you got banned though.

I wasn't, I wasn't impressed by the, the dick. Have you ever tried to suck your own dick, truck? Yeah, but I mean, the back is broken. It's not going to work. No, but he can. I've seen it. He can. Before he did the talent.

But I was actually more scared and impressed by him standing straight up. I thought he was going to break like a twig. They had someone... Oh, you know what I would do for my talent? I would pull a huge prank. I'd make people think that there was a mass shooting. Oh, yes. Frank did it and he said...

I'd make people think that I was going to do a mass shooting. I'd pull a gun out and I'd go around to everyone and I would say, do you believe in God? Frank, Frank. Person by person with a gun and everyone's freaking out. And then at the end of it, I'm like, oh, I was joking. You pull out, you press, you pull the trigger and a little flag comes out of the gun that says, I'm gay on it. And then you're like, yes.

Thank you everyone. Frank was like, I'm going to do a disappearing act. And everyone was looking at him. Wish you would. Just kidding. I left him. And then he just walked out and he walked home and left the bar. That's pretty good.

Oh, that's like the opposite end of the late thing, honestly. So that's kind of parallel thinking right there. Now, the most beautiful- You and Frank, Ben. The most beautiful thing I saw, this beautiful woman got on stage, and she turned around, and she was in, like, a very hot outfit. She was posed, and then Purple Rain started playing, and I thought, oh, my God, this one was about to do crazy, sexy dance.

Oh, no. She started tap dancing to Purple Rain, and it was beautiful. And she ended it with going, Purple Rain. And then she did this crazy tap dance number and then did a split. Whoa. Oh, amazing. I was at the New York Rockettes. When I was a kid, I wanted to tap dance so bad.

It was like, and I sobbed because my parents were like, no, you can't really. We don't want. They're like, look. They're like, look, you're still young. You can do sports a few more years. We'll see if that. I played soccer the other day at Central Park, and I had so much fun. and I was like, oh, I want to join a soccer league.

What you deal with your friends or just a group of strangers? I played it with my like uptown lawyer friends at a birthday party. And it wasn't like a serious match, but it was so lit. I had such a nice time. I felt like a child again. And I was like, oh, I need to start playing soccer more. Oh, if you do it again before you leave town, Ben, pull me in. You know, if you need an extra player.

You're more than welcome to. I was so excited at the premise of it getting down to, I was really trying to rally everyone to like join the game. I had like 30 people there and I was like picking captains, having captains and then picking. It's such a fun and cruel process. I'm really attracted to it.

If I'm not captain, if I'm not captain. Yeah, yeah. It's traumatic for me. I'm like, I, you know. dramatic, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I sucked at sports. I sucked at every single sport except swimming. No captains for that. When you picked class.

People who are good at swimming. Yeah, I got picked. Never last. Never fully last, but like, you know, because there were some, you know. There's always someone worse. I mean, that's really what you hope for. I remember being in positions like that, especially during my fat era, which was one year. Yeah.

Wipe that smile. Yeah. I do have this picture of you. I forgot who sent it to me. Why do you have a picture of me from my fat era? I was eight seven. Yeah, I was like a fat kid. and you're smiling and then I made this picture it was like Bittenboris number one fan club

Yeah Periods I don't know how you got your hands on that but yeah I was I was I was I was I did one season have to go Back to school shopping at Coles in the Husky section and believe it or not that um gave me an eating disorder Yeah, yeah oh that's like it really is like that'll that was that that was the humility for the humiliation for me not being picked last but having to go to the Husky. I mean, because even when you get picked towards the end, it's like, you know, it hurts and it's

like humiliating and sucks, but I was also like, you know, it's about the team. I get it. You know, it's dodge ball. Right. It's life or death, you know. I was, thankfully, I was always a top tier pick in soccer besides my fat era, but

there were many other humiliating things that, you know, I had to do, like go to the Husky boy section. So I found the picture and I had it saved. I typed in Ben on my computer. Ben Finn Challenge. Oh my God. She's designed a shirt for you one day.

Oh. Look at how fat I was. You looked like a little. You looked like a high school bully. Or I mean, a middle school bully. It was literally in elementary school. That's a third grader. Well, that's how fat you look.

You look older. Right. You look like an eye. never looked more like a you've been you're from Iowa than in this photo like you don't look like that anymore but no for some reason I had straight hair I don't remember it's really funny yeah it's really and like little turf banks yeah I mean I used to have like literally a Jew fro in high school and I it just like it just went away when I transitioned so I was like oh thank God thank God for that darling

Yeah, I mean, I had one through, I mean, I'm still, I've still had moments who gets pretty Jewy up top. I'm on the precipice of one, but I might just, you know, I'm uptown for the summer, might just lead into it. I have been leaning into being, you know, Jewish uptown. I'm extremely afraid of Legionnaires, which is still like everywhere. They put a notice of... It's contractual? It's contractual, yeah. It is possible to get it. yes yes it's contractual they make you sign yeah yeah yeah speaking well uptown that's what i'm saying girl speaking you don't want you don't want one of the contracts from a certain type of person i feel

i'll tell you that it lasts forever they never let you out of it speaking of a certain type of person with an uptown jew fro you almost say up jew i don't understand i don't like how you said jufro yeah It's a bit leaned into it pretty. Well, I can't really talk after that joke. It's the accent. Yeah, maybe that's a... A Jewish fro. I wasn't asking you to a Jewish accent.

Oh, Jew's right. Continue. Now I'm crashing your segue. What Jewish person does you want to talk about? Speaking of Uptown Jewish Jew frows, that Timothy Shalameh has a look-al-like... making him uncomfortable because he's made a sexual website there's a guy that is posing as timothy shallame who's made it only fans are several accounts doing gay stuff and it's fueling the rumors of his gayness kindle jenner can't stand it oh i'm sorry i was pulling up the what the hell was that

pulling up the video, I was pulling up the article. Oh, I thought it was drunk, like, stepping on a cat or something. Yeah. No. I don't have a damn cat. I don't live with no fucking cat. This guy, the way this guy looks nothing like Timothy Shelby at all. Well, I love that he's so concerned about his.

He's literally like a Mexican dwing who looks nothing like to Timi. Well, I love that he's so concerned about his sexuality that he has to like. Of course, it's Timothy Shelomay's fault that to you. Yeah. It is his fault. It is his fault. Wait, what is Timmy's fault here? The fault in Timothy is that he is upset about people thinking that he's gay because this guy...

I don't think that's true. Did he say that? That is... Look, did you read the article? No, because I'm not subscribed to the Daily Mail Plus, so I can't read the article. Uh... Well, what... Did you?

Can you read highlights for it or something? Yeah. I thought you prepared this. Call me Eddie V. your Timothy look-alike fantasy starts here, and he doesn't look anything like him. And assuming 20,000 followers in his first scene, Vera started collaborating, making uncensored gay porn with other creators,

photographers and companies for promotions, growing his followers to over 100,000. So I'm sure he was also, like, making these advertisements that were like parody of Timothy Shalome, and then that they were super horny. Yeah. are you he looks nothing like

Timmy I think it's just like a gay only fan's guy who like has a twist on his thing where he like is it just the name that's what I'm curious

about like how is he how is he doing like Timmy cosplay because the photos I saw of him he looks more like a Mexican twink you know who he looks kind of like

he looks more like that gay guy who posted a bunch of videos of him like suffocating cats and then killed someone with an ice pick. Well, yes, yes. He looks more like that guy.

Call me by your name. I'm more interested here in the ethical argument. I mean, I do think this is like, look, bound to happen, but it's, I don't even, I wouldn't even say unethical. But if I were to me, I would be like, what the fuck this is disgusting? Well, they bring up that it started off during him doing Call Me By Your Name, the filmed up whipped questions about. Salomey's sexuality with the actor seemingly refusing to declare his orientation interviews instead of describing sex. Right. But I don't think Timmy is, is also, has Timothy Shalmay actually even

commented on this is the first question? No, it doesn't seem like he did. I don't think so. I think he did. I think he did. Well, are you reading? Read through the article maybe and see. I really, I am reading. Because it's kind of like by commenting on something like this, if you are uncomfortable with it, you're just bringing more attention to it. Yeah. What would your porn name be okay so he doesn't comment on it at all i'm looking for it i'm just asking a question in the meantime i would just use my normal i would use my right actually i would i would go by it that my parents second choice a name for me and called myself moutre seo mora although that would be very misleading because i don't look like one at all so i don't it wouldn't be smart business-wise but it is a hot name

um that is a hot name that is it's also uh i i i'm not gonna say i i i'm not gonna say i well Hesse than molesta no no no I'm pretending to me doing an only fan I like look all evil I'm like

can I can I suggest a name no because I did use to make money in certain ways so I don't want to say the name I would use because I might have I suggest one yeah go ahead

go Google Hussle the molesta and find Husses's old back page just give it a chance Hashi-Shi-Gel Well, that makes you seem Arab. He, she? Hushishish. Hush.

H-H-S-H-I. That's H-A-S-H-I, S-H-I. Why? There's a bit of an Arabic. Well, I always thought, yeah. Hessa was Arab for the longest time, because I thought her name was Arabic. She kind of has like a kind of... It's a German.

It's that Italian could be mistaken for Arab because it's just like a pinch. The golden twint. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. The golden twin. Mm-hmm. Tinge! Tint!

Golden Tent! The golden tint to her skin leaves the ethnicity vague. People from the like northern parts of Italy call people from the region my family lives in. They call them Libyans. So I guess you know, I'm super... There is like a lot of Arab influence in Sicily for sure. Oh really? I mean my great grandma's named Fatima.

Yeah, it's always so random when an Italian is like, does have blonde hair and blue? I'm like you guys are the weird ones. You're like weird German freaks. Yeah. I don't like it. It's off. I don't like when that happens. Mm-hmm.

Period. Period. Go north of the Pyrenees. Go or the Alps, I mean. Right. Literally. Get out of here. Get out of here.

Did you guys... Speaking of Italians, did you guys see Little Italy not make the list of immigrant enclaves in Mammondani? map of immigrant enclaves of New York City. Did you see how people were freaking out about that? It was so funny. I'm just like as

Barry Weiss being like, how dare you? Well, it was the free press for like weird. It's like the thing she was doing before she'd like just drove CBS news into the ground. It's just like all like right wing shock bullshit dressed up and like a millennial on the street like well edited like

you know. Yeah. Also the funny thing, the amazing reporting of the free press, that wasn't even a chart that Mamdani made. It was an Eric Adams chart. And Momdani was kind of being cheeky about it. Because I mean, the realty is that it's not an immigrant enclave.

It's literally a Chinese-owned Italian-themed two-block tourist trap and rat cemetery. Owned by 12 Cubans. Own every building. Speaking of Mandami, did you all his dumb playlist.

He was getting real Obama with it. I didn't, but he should stop doing that stuff. But the little Italy thing was just so funny to me because the people there, I don't know if you watched that free press video, Hessa, but like it's just caricature after caricature being like, my note, I built this

shot, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, but guys, I've never seen anyone, any other immigrant community whore themselves out the way Italian Americans have. If you make, if you make a caricature of your own culture, you can't also demand that it gets respected to the degree of others.

Well, also, it's because they're all like fourth, fifth generation Italians. And they're like, and they, the more that the further they get from being actual like children of immigrants, the closer, the closer they are to being like, you know, like, oh, I need to like do this cartoon version that I've seen in movies and stuff of Italian. Yes, they just have to reference the popular media of Italians, which was extremely anti-Italian and like the 80s and 90s. Exactly. You're referencing the, like, the xenophobic stereotypes of your culture to kind of,

like, you know, erect this identity that's just like completely and totally fake. And you just freak out the moment someone doesn't respect it. It's so funny to me because it's like, It's not, it's just not an immigrant enclave. It's gay and Chinese. Yeah. It's literally gay and Chinese. The, um, my favorite was the guy who's like, my family's been here for like 70 years.

And he dares not include. It's like, buddy, if your family's been there for 70 years, it's not an immigrant enclave anymore. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. They're extremely annoying.

And it's also like there is a real little Italy in the Bronx. Yeah. and there's the one in like there's one in Williamsburg yeah that's where my grandma's from my mom's mom yeah in Brooklyn

it made me really happy to not live on that block anymore and the nose fuck you the nose I hate you bitch I hope I never see you again oh my god yeah that little freak what's the little one that looks lesbian yeah Mario can I just say something

really quickly but dami's are a cool cool why does he need a playlist to be cooler to relate to people so timothy didn't comment on he should stop trying to be like relatable it's annoying so timothy didn't comment on the gay guy no i couldn't i just i got lost in the but fuck him why is he so maybe he is gay the way he's so insecure about it that he has to comment timmy how would you feel if there was another you you you see you see guys who look like you and you act like a dog you act like a pit bull before it enters the ring at an illegal dog fight. Okay, so let me put it this way. I've seen you just look at other bear. Remember when we, when we were in your lemon outfit and we saw a gay guy in a lime outfit, that was wanted to kill him.

No, what I wanted to kill is y'all because y'all found a fat person in a monochrome outfit and looked at him. He looked like a big fat, retard idiot, idiot. I was almost to say that when I was, and, you know, I was just like, what the hell are you going to say? You already called him a retard. I just don't, I didn't like the comparison to a fat man. He was not fat. It was fat enough for me to dislike him. And then the comparison was unfriendly. Right.

Not from you. The comparison was unfriendly. It was not friendlike to compare me to this beast. You guys just had a similar outfit. Anyways, you wouldn't be mad if someone created age. What if someone created, what if someone took your persona and started doing it? get on another podcast. So if Patrick Doran if someone pretended to be you on another podcast, if I went on, if I

started going on podcasts and they were like, we have Jacques here. Oh no. And I was like, y'all. So Patrick Doran got some makeup and some special effects and then started posing as me because he's already got the base model. If he started an only, if he started an only fan. And started making hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars. So much money. And he's doing like, oh no, my people stuff.

looking at a crab boil i have to buck him out of there yeah yeah um i think honestly particularly if it was him i'd be happy for him because he's a friend yeah because he's my friend you you you're telling me you wouldn't be like patrick you owe me money honestly no because i've genuinely could it's a stranger would you let's assume yeah would you do a double jock yeah double jock j j j j i would never hook up with patrick well it's just mutual Jack off. Yeah. No, no. That doesn't count. The Beatles did it. No, there was a Vanderpump Rules character who got jacked off by his first cousin and he was trying to argue that it wasn't, you know, that inappropriate. It's like, yes, bro. Butthole massage? Yes, bro. What the?

Vanderpump's rules guy and they changed the cast and they introduced a bunch of new people last season. So you're telling me if Patrick's in, like, he's like wearing a barrel. He has like a big straw. Hang on. Let's move away from it being Patrick, because that assumes that Timothy Shalame is good friends with the person that's doing this. If it was a stranger, if it was a total stranger,

would you be mad? Making hundreds of thousands. I think I would be jealous of the money, but I would be so happy that people wanted to masturbate to me that they had to find a coffee cap. People are happy. They're paying this guy hundreds of thousands of dollars. Meanwhile, you're getting it.

of the money. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, even have an only fan set up. And he's like making fun of you. Yeah. I just don't feel like it's like a lot of flattery. You have the way that you're doing mental gymnastics to be like, well, I'm better than Timmy, so I got to like that, right? No. I got to love that. Nothing to do with Timmy's reaction in my, I'm just saying I'm really legit. Again, you didn't have one. Well, but I guess I mean, it implies that Drach is as famous as Timmy. So this hypothetical jock will always be wildly more successful than his doppelgangor horrors. I do like to say also that the article has every gay-gay-ish-looking pictures of Timothy. Timmy doesn't even look gay. He doesn't seem gay. He doesn't look gay.

He definitely looks and seems gay. He does not look or see-gay. He is so just like Jewish kid from Manhattan who listens to rap. And-and-what-he looks like and that's who he is. Those guys are not gay. They can be. They know they get into theater or they go to art school. They are not like white rapper as well. This is the type of guy. I know so many Timmy types.

Yeah. They go to Emerson for like stage management or something. You know? Or they like get into fashion or art. They get even acting. But like Timmy has just the exact vibe and energy of one of these like Beastie boy type. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I love it. I love that for him. No, I love to me. I support him. I think Tim is great. I think he's like a funny, like, person to have in the culture. And I think he's a good actor, honestly. Me too. Yeah. Acting like he's straight and dating the most popular straight woman in the world. What about him is gay to you? His hair, this being skinny. I want to fuck him, right? Shut up. I don't want to have. And the way that he's pretending, he doesn't want to fuck me back. I don't want to have sex with Timmy. He's so, like, not even a straggie.

Like, he's not. What are you talking about? He wears, like, little effeminate clothes. He's a tiny mustache. He did in, like, 2017. And I got... There have been some moments where he's, like, wearing, like, a blousey thing.

But even then, it's, like, so obvious, this is something just, like, a stylist put him in. Yeah, but he decided to wear it. What are you talking about? A style... Yeah, and he was wearing it. It's different than someone, like, Harry Styles, who you can tell is, like, I...

Where's me blouse? I can tell. hell yeah harry styles is putting on an act i could tell this guy has put a cock in his mouth no see this is so weird to be this yeah you're treating him very oddly for the as a stranger the friday night premiere the world premiere of the bones and all and he wears this fucking red yeah yeah yeah i also unlike i understand how that shirt alone is gay but on timmy it doesn't even is like gay guy to me. Are you kidding me right now?

Honestly, it's the same read as like Harry Styles where it's like you just, but except that with Timmy, unlike Harry Styles, it's like, with Harry Styles, it's like you, you want people to think you're gay. Well, yeah, and Harry Styles is like doing it for every photo shoot. He's doing it all of his shows. He's doing it on the street. Timmy's like putting on a blousey thing for like a premiere and then is like going right back to like sacking his pants.

Yeah, yeah. Dressing actually, dressing like an actual gay guy. And that way, yes. He's more like a butch queen than he is. He looks like a lesbian in this. Lesbian is maybe more on. He maybe looks more lesbian than gay to me. Maybe he's a transgender.

I think he's just a straight guy. Can I say something pretty crazy? Yes. Maybe he is secretly transgender and he's attracted to Kylie because he's actually trying to get info on kids. on Caitlin Jenner and how to transition. I can't imagine she's the first note for anyone anymore. Yeah.

If you're going to need Caitlin for tips on that, you've fucked up. Yeah, that's like the only trans person that he knows about. That would have to be the only trans person in the world that he knows about. I mean, in this way, that's like, if that was true, that would make sense. because Timmy is such just like a bro that he's like it would be like one note like oh Caitlin trance talk to Caitlin

yeah yeah exactly what's up with Caitlin what has she been doing recently I haven't just I have no idea out of Caitlin world she's probably in a bunker drinking wine in Israel again the last video I saw of her

she was like at a wind farm or something and she was talking but like it was so loud that you couldn't hear her like why get blown up on an ATV or something I have no idea. Her wife, like, drove off a cliff in an ATV. Oh, yeah.

That did happen. Yeah, the wife was driving off a cliff and they were doing fireworks display. She totally could have survived, but the fireworks launched at the perfect time and blew her up at the same time. It's just like, do not, if you make over a certain amount of, like, if you make, if you're a millionaire, don't get on a helicopter, don't get it on ITV, like, don't get on a snowmobile, you will die. Does anyone miss all of her tree? Girl. I don't. I still, it took me like five seconds to remember who that is.

Literally. I just, hang on, I have to pee really quickly. I don't want to talk about Timmy being gay. He's clearly not gay. Well, I look more like Timmy than that little Mexican boy. I should start a Timmy. I could do one if anyone's interested in a much older, fatter version of Timmy.

I could do that. You're not even fat anymore. Fatter than Timmy, yeah. I'm not even, I'm not even take the bait on that one. I make a fagin. I look like him. Sometimes I see photos and I'm like, what the hell is this?

Especially after he did the Marty Supreme promo. When he was doing that, I was like, whoa, we look a lot of like, because he had a shitty little mustache. Tiny mustache. Yeah, but he does always look better than me. I'm not saying I look like we have a similar phenotype. He's much more handsome than I am. Well, there's one person that I don't need, to research or confirm or deny if he's gay because I know he's straight.

And that's Hunter Biden because he has sex with lots of women prostitutes. I mean, he has had sex a lot of women. That's for sure. He there's no, but he does. You could do like a John Goodman only fans. I fucking hate you. I'm not even that fucking fat. I don't even only have like two flannel shirts.

of who i'm trying to think of who you well yeah but you just you know you you incorporate some set design you get some outfits trying to think of who you could do john goodman is the first person to come to mind mm-hmm does anyone ever tell you you look like a celebrity oh my god i'm so fucking pissed shock gonsolate co-hosted the secret der rancid's podcast is famous we're always googling can i i'm sorry to have a conversation with you because you're just Google, but what did you find? Bill Dote d'Otreve. Who's Bill D'Otreve?

The fat bald... Okay, so I went to the internet and said who does Jacques Gonson look like and it said Bill Dotev. And then it also says Mrs. Puff. I would love to see a Mrs. Puff. You do kind of have a Miss Puff vibe. I don't even know how to dry. Why would I roll play sexually as a...

It would be very dangerous if you did it. if you roll plate as Miss Puff because anyway She's a driving instructor Oh my God How can I be Miss Puff? I don't even drive. Also, Bill The comparison to Bill Dotreve is absolutely

Utterly. Who the fuck is Bill Do-Trieve? He's from King of the Hill. Oh, the dad and King of Down? No. No. The dad's friend. The really pathetic guy who's ugly Cajun. Who's Cajun from Louisiana?

Right. Just Google Bill Doty. Does Jock look like him? Sadly. I think. So you could do like, I mean, you know, people being like the real life sexy Loews. That was huge for a minute. You could do that for Bill D'Otreve.

Yeah. Oh, do it only fans of Bill Duttreet. Yeah, that's what we were trying to figure out. The more pictures I see of them, the more I write a longer suicide note. Oh, don't say that. We all know you can't write. Oh, boom. Oh, fuck!

Gotcha, bitch. Well, I think that would be a good one. Hessa, who could you... Do people ever tell you you you look like a celebrity? No. Sometimes you have kind of a Kieran Knightley thing going on. I think he could do Kira Knightley. I guess.

For sure. But if it was porn, people would be like, oh, that's probably not Kira Knightley pretty quickly. Hessa with a darker tan could be Penelope Cruz. I have gotten... When I was younger, I got... Someone thought that I was catfishing with pictures of Ella Hollywood whenever I posted pictures of myself. Or I guess it's not Ella Hollywood anymore.

It's something else. I don't know who that is. I mean, of course, Elijah would. But I'd have to do a whole Hobbit thing. It'd be so humiliating through like gay hobbit porn. He just did like a DJ set where he was DJing as Frodo and it was a Lord of the Rings themed. I hope he got paid well for that. It sold out everywhere.

I was kind of interested in checking it out, and it was like way... I always liked him. He always seemed chill. Who? Elijah Wood. Oh, yeah. He seems sick. He's a good actor.

He plays, like, the devil's lawyer in this new movie, Ready or Not? Hmm? He plays the devil. Like, the devil in this movie is, like, named Mr. Leabab or something weird. And the devil... That's like a guy that would live next door to you. Like, Mr. Leibab, it's bothering me.

In this movie, a woman... Ready or not? Also, a movie from 2019. Oh. I haven't seen it or heard about it. It's a movie where basically a woman gets married to a rich aristocratic family, and they have to play this game to appease the devil where it's hide and seek, and everyone has to try to kill the wife. And if she makes it survives through the night, then she gets to take their air.

There's a lot of exploding bodies. The bodies explode into burst of blood. Like just goops. Would you recommend? Yeah, I loved it, honestly. Oh, there's a sequel that just came out. Ready or not to, here I come. Have either of you guys seen The Odyssey?

I have not. No, not yet. I have no interest in seeing it. I like don't give a shit. I'm just talking about it. I'm going to see it. I think I hate when they fucking do it. We've had all of the best reditions of

Shakespeare movies to come out. We don't need more. And it's not Shakespeare, but just like that same kind of literature revival. Like centuries apart, but I know what? It's just almost a thousand years apart. Odyssey, Canterbury Tales, Romeo and Juliet are all classic stories that we don't like several. They're in the classics. Yeah, canon. Yes, that's true. So we don't need that. And plus John Laguzamo, it looks blind in it. And I don't want to see him as a line man. I heard it's good acting. And also, I don't understand why, I think it's Brad Pitts in that movie, right? Pessa. Who would you cast as, who is Lupina Nongo cast us? Was it Helen of Troy? I think so, yeah. Who would you guys cast as Helen of Troy? I honestly, you said Penelope Cruz? I would go Penelope Cruz or I'd go crazy with it.

Yes, Al Degeneres, of course, Tricia Peda's. Would be amazing. Oh, Amanda Lopor. Kim Petrus. Of course, Kim Patrick is hilarious. Or maybe. Angel Money. Angel Money would be perfect. Yeah, that's perfect. We're done.

We cast it. Angel Money is every character. I would love to see the Odyssey, but Angel Money is every character, like an Eddie Murphy movie. I just wanted Angel Money. Oh, my God. Norbit to the story of Angel Money. Norvitt to the story of Angel Money. She's not going to like that one and she's not going to like that.

No, it's like her as her normal beautiful self and then she's playing like six other characters. I'm telling her that you told you said that she's going to be resputia in Norvich. No, that is not what I said. No, no, no. I sense another disc track being cooked. But because you have that. Imagine her in a fat suit like playing an alternative character. Also, Eddie Murphy plays an Asian.

An alternative character. What the hell? Like a fat version because she's skinny. Oh, I thought you were going on like an urban direction. An alternative character. Where'd you get urban from? I said alternate. It's a black movie.

I just don't understand what alternative was about. But I get it. I know what you're saying. She's a different person than she is normally. Eddie Murphy plays Norbert the main character. We also plays this Asian man who owns an orphanage. I've seen Norbit. It's one of the best movies ever.

It's an extremely offensive and insane movies. It's not even that offensive. Honestly, it is not even that offensive. You've got to watch it. It's great. So, we are reviewing that on movie shock set. Get your fucking popcorn out. I'll buy you a copy of the movie.

Period. I will buy you a copy. Honestly, I would hop on for that one. Yes. If you guys would have me, I would love to join this. Please, next week, next week. Norvitt. Oh my God.

You know what movie I need to rewatch is. Oh my God, Karen. So long since I've seen Karen. I love that movie so much. What a blast from the past. The first episode that I was ever on. I think it was cruising and then Karen. I came back.

Didn't we want to? Didn't you love that movie? It was so good. It was so fucking funny. And that actress now is like a total crackhead tweaker on Instagram. She's like on she's my favorite. She's got like, always schizophrenic. And she's like, speaking of, you know,

Timmy being like, in New York City, you get white Jewish guys who like want to be black rappers, but yes, in the south you get all of these like, cracky, stringy white girls who like really put on, you can't even call it a black

scent, but something racial is happening. Southern, yeah, they're like, just southern kind of like. By the way, she used to be normal and she used to have a career that was really, in crossroads.

Yes. She was a girl in the Britney's movie. She's been a lot of stuff, but she's now on the like Hollywood cabal like conspiracy. She's like they're eating people. They're touching kids, which you know.

Yeah. I'm sure some bad stuff happened to her. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. What's crazy because she was in that bad Gingy Cohen show, uh,

Orange's New Black and her character, her character was a meth head. And they, at one point, it's like she acted so much like this. person that she became that person. In Karen, she's incredibly tweaky as well. I think there's

a precipitous moment. You can follow the line. It's like, okay, she just starts playing crackheads. She was happening on the scenes. She started having an affair with this married man and was sucking his dick and then bought him a boat and then he ghosted her. And then she was complaining about it on Instagram.

And it was one of the funniest things. And then she started having lesbian lovers. She also takes people into her house every three or four months and lets them move in and it's also some kind of like cracked out person who she first just talking very positively about it

she's like the female Andy Dick basically it's similar to that kind of just like really manic like it's clearly traumatized kind of yeah cracked out well she's she's more funny about it and Andy Dick is like it's sadder because this has gone on so long

when it's a woman it's so funny well it's And he's got a lot more children. And he's in the street homeless. He has children? Yes, wake up. Whoa. What the diva?

He's not gay. He's, I know he's bisexual. I did not know that he was procreating. Three children. And also, just having the last name Dick is, okay. I mean, yeah. It's sad. Meg, Meg Dick.

The name Meg Dick. Jacob Dick. I think Marcia Gay Harden is still one of the funniest. Celebrity. Gay Lord Fawker. Such a funny name. And then I also, well, I don't know. This is probably inappropriate.

It has just nothing to do with anything. I watch a lot. I watch almost every Ben Stiller movie I could in under 24 hours. And I got to there something about Mary. And I'm like, how did we let this go? That's an amazing. That's such a funny movie. I love that movie.

Do you not like that movie, shock? I watch it for the first time. Was that one of those early 2000 rom-coms where it's like, oh, she's retarded, right? Her brother was retarded, her, and autistic. It's a really funny movie. Is it just something about her that she's like low IQ or something? No, no, no. It's that she's just so hot and everyone falls in love with her and like it becomes insane.

And it drives everyone mad. I thought this was like, oh, but she's, we didn't find out until the end that she's, we didn't find out until the end that she's. like to pass down syndrome or so. No, no, no. I love crass humor and like really offensive humor and stuff and somehow there's something about Mary almost was like too much for me. Well, you know

what it might be? I remember there's a scene in that where Ben Stiller zips up his penis and his pants and you all know you've literally been there before. So maybe that's you saw that all all the stuff that happens to Ben Stiller in that movie, you're like, all this happened to me in real life and it was not

funny. Actually, now, now I'm getting an idea of what happened because I watched meet the parents and then meet the Falkers and then flirting with disaster and then I watched What is flirting with disaster another Ben Stiller movie and Patricia Arquette. It's so good but every movie all this bad stuff is just happening to Ben Stiller especially meet the parents which I'd seen a hundred times before and I didn't remember how fucking brutal they are to him It's just like they put him through the ringer and meet the fuckers was way more relaxed and then we got to flirting with disaster and he's making all these fucking mistakes and he's trying to find his real parents. And then I got to there's something about Mary and it was just so I don't know the book of Job to him kind of. You were disturbed. It's the disturbing movie.

I mean, it was just too there was too much like it wasn't just about the penis and the in the and the balls getting zipped up really violent. Matt Dylan, Matt Dylan is so funny. It's like, honestly, he's hot in it, and it's one of the funniest performances of all time. It is a really funny movie, but it's, some of the offbeatness of the humor was almost too much for me, which is, I feel like saying a lot. You were clutching your pearls. There's something about memory. Also, I feel like. Jonathan Richmond doing the music live from inside the movie.

Oh, my God. Oh, that was too. That was, that was what I fuck. Okay. So they have. You don't like Jonathan? Richmond? Jonathan Richmond, the young lovers throughout the movie played the Greek chorus who are narrating the movie from the beginning. I love Jonathan Richmond.

Yeah. Fuck no. You got to see this movie. It's a classic. It's so good. Oh, I've seen it. Why don't you like him? Because his music sounds like dribble shit piss. I do think, I mean, in... It's too Tweet.

It did, yeah, it's set up a lot of horrible Tweet stuff. He's about as Tweet as I can get personally, but he was... he was doing at a time where that wasn't we didn't know what was coming for well yeah i will say that out of all of his times that i've heard his music this was the only time i enjoyed it because it was you know at least just i think he's hot also actually i did like at the end of the movie that a man with a sniper rifle shot him and he fell into the water and that was the end of the movie i can see you clapping like a seal at that scene well the end of the movie is all the the the characters dancing and singing to a song which is very fun no i just watched the

credits roll. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. Did you, when did you watch? It very famously is that, Chuck. John, the credits as the credits roll. It's everyone singing and dancing. Yeah, it puts to other scenes, and all the different characters are dancing and singing with each other. I forgot what song is playing. It did not fucking I. Watch it like, just fucking I can know. Stupid son of a bit. You did something to your mic and did a bit of anger. You just had, Chuck. What did it do? I don't know. Oh, it's better. Facing out. What the fuck? I cannot believe you're like they're dancing at the end of the movie.

I watched it two nights ago. Well, Josh's going to pull up the movie, watch the whole thing again. No. I'm looking at the damn credits. Oh, fuck of this bitch, I should have. Uh-oh. I should have paid attention to the movie, y'all. I'm sorry.

I'm putting a score on the board for Hessa. Here's the one time I'll give it to her, but. Fuck. Next time she's right. She's not. Come back. Will you have some Norbit trivia? Okay.

Come back. We'll do Norbit trivia next episode. Everyone out there. Thank you for listening. Thank you everyone. Subscribe to our Patreon for a weekly bonus. Episodes. Yay, very fun.

Y-A-Y-Y-V-V-E-Mail.com. I need bookings in Los Angeles for August and September. I need bookings in Portland. for August and September. I need bookings in Chicago for October. So if you guys just want to get me for once, I'm getting all these messages, especially about going to Chicago.

If you want me to perform in your city, then help me get the booking. God damn it. I'm not a magician. I'm not a teleporter. I'm not a time traveler. I hate the booking. All right.

Thank you all for listening. Goodbye, everyone. Bye.