Seeking Derangements - SD 78 [UNLOCKED] - 7/22/21 - Littlefield, Brooklyn, NY (Late Show)

Episode Date: September 30, 2021

SD 78 [UNLOCKED] - 7/22/21 - Littlefield, Brooklyn, NY (Late Show) by Seeking Derangements

At midnight tonight, it's Patrick's birthday. Everyone raise your glasses for Patrick right now. There's a lot of people raising their glass for you. It's a very important night for Patrick. He's made it past the age of, I don't know, he's probably the oldest Irish person I've known. I'm Irish, so I'm just going to look like Benjamin Button after this. I was trying to be nice about it, but yeah. So we were doing a little test before the early show with Ben on Zoom,

and Ben was shot on Zoom in front of us. Yeah, I think you may notice we're missing one person. So we found some videos on his photo booth. Yeah. And what we're going to do is we're going to put them up as if he was here with us tonight. Yeah, due to HIPAA regulations, I can't really say what's going on,

but it's not like you can't tell. Can we get lights and roll tape, please? Let's back it up. Come on, fellas, get the fuck off. Get the fuck out of here. Shoot, now get out. This guy. I like it when he's silenced. Yeah, if he wants to come, tell him to come over from, well, I don't want to spoil it. We have to go back.

So we go back to the settings. We'll unclick the mute, and then we'll hear this fag talk. I walked up to someone outside when they were waiting in line, and I said, what the fuck is this shit for? Who are these fags? It's for misogynists who can't stand Red Scare, but still want like, they're psychotic. If you really want to understand him, don't listen

to him at all. Don't look in his direction. You dropped to Max. Hey, there she is. Just wanted to make this video and send it along to say thank you so much for joining us tonight. We really appreciate you coming to one of our first live shows. Thank you so much. Thank you to Jacques, to Max, to Chopo, to Pal.

Again, we really appreciate it. You know, I would actually, I'd like to take back the thank you to Jacques. He's caused me a lot of um stress my entire life so i want to take the thank you back from jock and actually just a producer's note if we could have this video be playing behind jock on the big screen and he's like right in the middle so it looks like i'm looking down at him like this and then go this way I'm gonna go blinding it's if we can just edit that together you know because he's so bald you know my eyes something like that you know if we could just you know someone at little phil could just edit that together seamlessly thank you you. Um, but no, I mean, in all seriousness, I'm, I'm back in Iowa,

have been for a while. Um, there's just some family stuff going on that I have to... Hello? Hello? Yeah, is this Dr. Lemonet? Who's Michelle? No, this is Ben. I've been trying to get a hold of you for two weeks. You did surgery on me. Look, something is seriously wrong. No, like really wrong. My symptoms? I have fever.

I have chills. I'm not sweating. My body is just not producing any sweat at all for some reason. It have chills. I'm not sweating. My body's just not producing any sweat at all for some reason. It's leaking. I'm leaking. I don't know. I don't know. Liquid? I don't know. I don't know what I'm leaking. Liquid? What am I leaking? A solid? What are you talking about? I don't know. What do you mean that's regular? What do you mean most of your patients leak solids? That makes no sense. Look, you have to do something about this, man. It's not normal.

Look, I burp and it tastes like cement smells, okay? Yesterday, yesterday I coughed up a pebble, man. Like, it's not, you can't do this to people. Look, I'm going to have to pursue legal action if you can't get this out of me. People think, I have to lie to people. I have to tell people, friends of mine back home, I have to tell them that I'm having some kind of horrible family tragedy because this thing you put in me is killing me. Look, dude, I'm pursuing legal action. Oh, yeah? Oh, really? Okay. All right. Well, let's hear what Gloria Allred has to say about you telling me it's my fault for getting a BBL in Arkansas for $300. Yeah, fuck you too, doctor.

Okay. Yeah, um... Thanks, guys, you know. Tip your bartenders and, uh... Have fun. Give it up for Seeking Derangements, not Ben. Got him. Y'all clap for us, not him. Our resident bottom has spoken.

So... Well, we have a great show for you guys tonight. Of course, these fine folks will be there. Would you guys fuck off for a second first, though? You can get off. I don't want to look at you. You have a couple words to say. I get tired of it. I had to look at them for the whole first show. Well, listen.

Honestly, it's very sad to not have Ben with us. But honestly... I am really sad about Ben not being here. Do you mind? It's very sad not to have him with us because he died from a group on BBL.

Okay. Listen, RIP Donda West, RIP Ben Mora. I wish he really looked like that. Oh, God. I would respect him more, honestly, at thisora. I wish he really looked like that. Oh, God. I would respect him more, honestly, at this point. I'm very glad you guys came to the Memorial Live show. Rest in peace.

We're going to miss him so much. Your tickets are amortizing the cost of his casket. It has to be steel-lined so it actually won't buckle under the immense weight of his implants. Anyway, we wanted to have some more Ben on, but unfortunately, since he died, we had to settle. We're really planning the funeral at this point. It's not fun. We're getting ahead of ourselves. Fun is in the word funeral.

It's not fun. I'm not excited. It's a celebration of ourselves. Fun is in the word funeral. It's not fun. It's a celebration. I'm not excited. It's a celebration of life, all right? Okay, fine. I don't want to celebrate his life. I've elected to not do that. I've elected to celebrate someone else's life tonight,

and that person is all of you. Shut up. Okay. And that person is all of you. Shut up. Okay. To that end, we're going to have a lovely DJ set by DJ Sensitive Jock after the show. So don't you go changing.

But first, let's have our guests come on. We'll get them in here. They've been waiting. We have some content to provide. I love content. Gosh, it's my favorite. Anyway. Okay, so let's bring out the tech deck dude, the long-haired guy,

and Patrick Potamotwist! Yeah! Yeah! They look bigger than they did at the first show. What does that mean? You have something in your brain that's wrong.

Yeah, you have no object permanence. No, no. I'm just calling it as I sees it. Jock has had some hits of the dab pen between the first show. I have not done that at all. I quit weed. It's not a dab pen. It's a K2 pen.

Let me just clarify. I live in Denver for the mountains. You asked me if you could go smoke weed on the street, and I did not. That me just clarify. I live in Denver for the mountains. You asked me if you could go smoke weed on the street. I did not. That's a lie. I think it was a different person backstage. Jacques gave me a hit of the dab pen. I literally felt like I was in Event Horizon

with Sam Neill. But yeah, it's insane that they let you have that here. I need to call the police or something. Actually, no, let's not call the police. Let's call the police. Let's call the police.

How about that? Who wants to call the police? Cops! Cops! That's my favorite. Cops! Cops! Why are you guys dancing up? That's Kamala Harris' favorite NWA song. Dude, I knew something was up

when Patrick matched with Ella Ermoff on Bumble. Oh, God. I knew it. She never messaged me back. Wait, what?

I saw Ella Ermoff on Hinge and she said something about soft-boiled eggs, and I said eggs rock. Hey, that's true. That's a killer opening line. Pretty smooth opener. You actually went for it?

Oh, I went for it? I'm going to message the vice president's stepdaughter, eggs rock. Yeah. And you know what? She didn't say anything back, so fuck her. This is a cover. Patrick is obviously comes all this cop talk. Cop, cop, cop. Blue Lives Matter.

He never said Blue Lives Matter. He's dating Ella Irma. I get it now. I saw her at the Apple store today. I told you not to fucking talk about that. We held up porn earlier. He didn't even get hard because he's so in love. It was sweet. It was like something I had never

seen before. To move this away from Patrick's love life, I saw her, Ella Emhoff, at the Apple store today. Oh, really? I slammed my phone against the pavement earlier and I was going bareback. So I decided,

okay, well, fuck it. I got to find a way to fix this. You can't use Grindr with a broken screen. That's right. Yeah, it fucks up my day-to-day. You can. Many people do. I feel like that's the predominant way to use that app. Yeah, 90% of the people who use Grindr have a broken phone screen.

Who's the intention? Who's using Grindr with a broken phone screen? Raise your hands. Well, fuck all of you. Peasants. Liar. None of y'all backed me up. It's my birthday tomorrow.

Yeah, tomorrow. He's turning 21 finally. Yeah. Oh, my God, guys. He's finally turning 17. Yeah. We gave him one of those sparkling Martinelli apple ciders earlier. I'm fucked.

He's been losing his mind ever since, yeah. Well, what I wanted to say about LLM is the weird thing is I don't think she has a different set of clothes. I think she has a SpongeBob wardrobe. She does dress solely in yarn. She looks like a picnic every day. She looks like a Yoshi story character.

That fucking... That stick bug was wearing the same... What? Stick bug? Yes. That's fucked up. I bet her pussy tastes like silica gel, though, for sure.

You mean Silicon Valley. Yeah. No, he doesn't mean that. She was wearing the same clothes as... You guys have all seen the picture of Ellam hoff right can you say yeah hey that's my girlfriend shut up it's she's even wearing the same one in her fucking bumble profile oh shit i mean if you had the hat made out of patches of denim if you had like a spot on parappa the rapper cosplay you would want to show it off too or you'd want to buy like several

costumes or several like several copies of it. It's very expensive, but yes, when your mother is the top police officer in California, I guess it's... It looks like one of the psychedelic scenes from The Science of Sleep. Anyway, let's forget about that.

These guys never bring a list. They always talk about doing a list. What's wrong with you Earlier they forgot their list I'm already segwaying I need to crack the fucking whip here Ben's dead I have to fucking carry this load

Listen God gives his He is always carrying loads He set himself up He's always fucking carrying loads. Woo! Woo-hoo! He set yourself up. He came from Spain to carry loads.

Not like it's any surprise I was raised Catholic. Wait, are you guys gay? No! Anyway. I want a refund. We have a political segment later on, so let's shut the fuck up about L.M. Hoff. You guys have a list, don't you?

Yeah. We do. Better be better than the last one. I can't remember which one this is. The last one made me cry. We'll find out. We've been trying since the last show to organize some way to,

some code word to get it to this guy. No way, no how. To hit the next slide, so we're going to go with next. Listen, you can't even get it on mute. This is top ten reasons to hate Americans. What are you doing? Y'all are American.

Don't blame me. I live in Spain. That is not my problem. I live in Denver. It's sovereign from America. That's why I got all that weed. I don't even have an American passport. You have that airport there.

It's, you know. Oh, wait. Have you been to that airport and seen the horse's cock? Yeah, he sucked it. That's why he got all that weed. I don't even have an American passport. You have that airport there. It's, you know. Oh, wait. Have you been to that airport and seen the horse's cock? Yeah, he sucked it. That's why it's blue. It has this yeast infection from this motherfucker. That horse's cock fell on the guy who was creating it and killed him. That's a real story.

What a way to die. Die by the cock. I don't think it was just a cock. I think it was a whole statue. I don't think it was just a cock. He's the second person beside Mr. Hands. Bro. I guess that is technically true.

Anyway. That's a reason to hate an American. This is top ten reasons to hate Americans. Mr. Hands was Canadian. Next. Oh, yeah. I forgot we have to say that. This is the description.

They killed more people than Hitler and only starts war. They are the terrorists. This person's kind of biased right off the front, in my opinion. I don't like their tone. Not very fair. Next. Number one, they're

brainwashed by their government. That's the number one reason. I guess. We're trying to fix it. We're trying to get them woke. I've read all the Q posts. I know. I fucking... I do right now I do wish you were the guy you're dressed as so badly.

That would be like a way more entertaining friend. I don't know that the guy that Patrick is dressed as exists. That's true. The full real tree and the earring and the chain. I'm not sure. Fucking Republican Hunter.

I don't think that. There's no Republican Hunter who's too into Pharrell that they bought ice creams. Well, listen, Pat. I'm sure that person exists, and I'm even more sure of the fact that they are much more convincing. You think there's a redneck that's really into Star Trek? Yes. Yes. Yes.

I don't know. I guess you, because you're from New Hampshire, right? Yeah, you know what? You got me there. All people from New Hampshire are rednecks. You heard it first. It's true. Kale just got angrier than ever.

Yeah. Yeah, because they're not rednecks. But it's fine. Next. Let's go to the next slide. Truer words have never been spoken. Sincerely, a cursed American. Parentheses.

Capitalization ignored. I have no respect. Oh, my God. Shit. What the fuck is wrong with you? This guy capitalized A, but not American. I thought your mom took away your internet rights. Why are you commenting online?

What? I said I thought your mom took away your internet privileges. I don't know how you've been on the internet. I don't. My mom. No. My mom is not in charge of me anymore, and I think I fucking told you that backstage a couple times. Just shut up, man.

Next, please. They always telling older people not to have children. True. So true. Old people, I mean, if an old person has a kid, that's a miracle. You gotta let it happen. If an old person has a kid, that's disgusting. It's disgusting. It's disgusting.

The kid is gonna come out old. You can't look away from it, though. It's like, you know, like Mr. Hands or like Two Girls, One Cup. You got to see what that fucking kid looks like. Next, please. So this is, I think, I'm guessing the same person. TV doctors are always brainwashing people into not eating food or older people having children.

Like, I don't remember that ever being a talking point about... Maybe it was on Dr. Oz. Like, manufactured consent about old people not having kids. Hang on. My mom is so Catholic. My parents are so fucking Catholic. They go to this church group, right? And they're the kind of Catholic that are like... How Catholic are they?

They're the kind of Catholic that's like, okay, well, these motherfuckers can't have like 20 children, alright? We're not Irish or Italian. What would be wrong with that? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that? Yeah, Max, what would be wrong with that? But there are these...

You gotta figure out a way to fuck but be as infertile as possible. Right? I think that's always the goal. Maybe I was right. Yeah, no, I mean... How Catholic is my mom's family?

17 children. So my goal is definitely to be infertile. You have 16 siblings? No, my mom has 16 siblings. Oh, okay, all right. I was about to say, like, everything kind of, like, made sense in that one second where I thought you had 16 siblings.

Yep, I'm the runt of the litter. Cheaper by the dozen. Yeah, all your siblings are, like like seven feet tall, except for Jacques. Okay, actually, fact. I am the tallest person in my entire family. In my entire immediate and extended family. That sucks. Yeah.

Except the people they're married to, but that doesn't count. It's not going to get any better. It's not going to get any better. Damn. I look at my brother and I get sad. It's really funny that they fell ass... Well, incidentally, it's really funny that they fell ass backwards into the best fucking

schedule or whatever. They deduce that from prayer or whatever the fuck. But also, they also preach that if you are older, if you are perhaps, I don't know, I don't want to say 35 because that's most of you, but 45, 50 or whatever, that's when you can start throwing all that shit out the window because you're completely sterile at that point on paper. But in practice, you have a lot of complications.

You're telling me the Pope doesn't bust inside? The Pope? I call bullshit on you, brother. Who do you think invented pull-out method? The Pope? Yeah. Oh, my God. Does the Pope pull out of the pussy?

Yeah, of course. I thought it didn't count as long as you just do it in the ass. I just assumed the Pope would only fuck exclusively in the ass. That's another one. I thought it was like a Catholic loophole. You think the Pope is on sniffies? Oh, Pope is definitely on Sniffies. Okay.

Who knows what Sniffies is in the audience here? Okay. All right, so we're getting into this again. The first show we talked about this for about 20 minutes. Yeah. I'll keep it quick. Sniffies is this gay app where it's scarier than Grindr. There's no profile pictures.

There's only cock and hole pictures. Yeah. That's your profile picture as you lead on with that. It's Grindr for people who are even more desperate. Yeah. And say the second part, the hole that we found. Okay, so I found, okay,

so me and my roommate have been playing this game and we're like, okay, what's the most demented thing we can see on Sniffies? And it's like a hole that gets worse every week. Like a literal hole. And the one hole that we saw looked like if you dropped a glass bottle down it, you would never hear it break. It would just keep going. It was really fucked up, man.

Yeah. Yeah. It looked like an energy. Albert Einstein really fucked up, man. Yeah. Yeah. It looked like an inner tube. Albert Einstein's lost theory. Yeah. This whole. And then he showed me another one that looked exactly like the shadow of a football. And it was like, that was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

That guy could literally fit at least seven to eight gold bricks. Yeah. I don't know what it had inside, but you could also see the seam. Seven to eight gold bricks? Yeah. I don't know what it had inside, but you could also see the seam. Seven to eight gold bricks? Two keys of cocaine, maybe. He could, like, sit on a traffic cone upside down, like, the square side first, and it would just go right in. I should be on Sniffies finding people to smuggle things with cemented holes. It's a really good idea, actually.

I could quit this shit quick. Next, please. This is still on the brainwashing thing. Yes, just look at the comments and how they get mad at every single elucidation others can make. They are alienated to whether ignore or harshly contravene any criticisms of their behaviors, as indubitable they may be. This is like a southern lawyer. This is like, your honor,

I do declare, frequently with rock by tuberation, to show how they are exceptional and predominant. I mean, I just pointed this guy out because I feel like you have to appreciate a genius every time you see one. Right. And this guy's clearly fucking insanely smart. This guy got the vapors

while he was writing. Oh man, I got the vapors. This guy's like Dean at Vanderbilt or something. He's like fucking dabbing his brow as he writes this whole thing. Oh lord, this is just a hot southern day. I need a sparkling beverage. You can hear the swamp cooler and the old tiny fan

that has two wire things around it instead of a grill. There's blood on the edges or on the blades and shit. I want to talk to this guy more. Next place. You would. Number two, they're arrogant. Yeah, that's true.

Alright, let's see what they got. False. False news. They have never been to Spain. Those motherfuckers are hellish. In Spain? Yeah. You hate the Spanish? He's been there for like six months and he already hates the Spanish. They get pissed at you if you talk

too nice to them. Okay, so it's just New England. No, no. It's just insane. You're treated with respect and they ask you if you are mentally disabled or straight up an immigrant.

So those are the same to them? Those are the only two boxes you can check, either disabled or immigrant. Again, just New England. Those are also the two voting parties in Spain. I guess to them it might as well be the same thing. But yeah, just Americans are not the most arrogant. Okay.

This person says, some of us are arrogant and some others start charities. Give to the poor or just want to raise awareness or make a difference. Please don't judge us by looking at Cain or Justin Bieber. I mean, I just want to say right off the bat, I love charity.

Charity's great. I love Cain. Charity's so good. Charity's one of my favorite things to donate to. It's my favorite thing of all time. Alright, give it up to Bill Gates. Name three charities. The one at McDonald's next to the register. Ronald McDonald House. Ronald McDonald House. You lived in one. Right? Wendy's House

and Burger King House. You lived in a Ronald McDonald House? There were some rough years. Did you think it was like Unlimited Cheeseburgers or something? No, they just lived in McDonald's. There were some rough years. Did you think it was like unlimited cheeseburgers or something? No, they just lived in McDonald's. That's what that means. I got like three McDoubles. I slept.

I woke up. I ordered three more McDoubles. That doesn't answer any of that. You can stay in McDonald's as long as you want, as long as you keep ordering food. That is true, yeah. And if anything you learn tonight, it's going to be that.

Everyone's going to head to McDonald's 24 hours and just linger there all night. Yeah. I think people already do that, actually. Yeah, there's a lot of homeless people, Jock, that maybe actually do that. No, I'm just saying this crowd in particular going there tonight after the show.

I envy them. Next. Next. Most of those who anonymously insult America on the internet would not stand in front of the U.S. Congress and say the same. Even despite their right to do so under the First Amendment.

So this is like calling out hypocrites. I think we see them everywhere. I would be so terrified if I had to talk shit to the U.S. Congress. I know they're roast masters there. They would come right we see them everywhere. Yeah, I would be so terrified if I had to say, talk shit to the U.S. Congress. Oh, yeah. Because, dude, I know they're roastmasters there, dude. They would come right back. Those frigging clowns

in Congress. Yeah, it's true, yeah. Could you believe the balloon animals? Could you believe the balloon animals they'd make of you, those clowns in Congress?

Shit, come on. Next. I'm not gonna lie. American men are hypocrites. And so many of them are pedophiles. Which is like, that's unfair. You know? This is the most realistic thing.

They just do that and racist. Also, put some respect on his name. Jeffrey Epstein just died. This city is still in mourning. Next. You guys took like 20 years to get over 9-11. Oh, yeah. Number three, they won't shut up about 9-11.

Jesus. See what I mean? Oh, my God. I read that as they won't shut up about 9,100. That's how many people died. That's so crazy. Random fact. Let's see what the comments are on this.

I don't even know if 9-11 was a real event at this point. Yo. Yo. Yo. Who remembers at elementary school when 9-11 happened and they literally stopped class and put it on the TV? Yeah, I do remember. I was in first grade or whatever,

and I was like, dude, we're getting out of school? This second, like, I wish this could happen every day. They said the Pledge of Allegiance. The principal said the Pledge of Allegiance over the intercom and started crying. No way. No way. So wait, they thought at the time,

everybody thought America's under attack. And they were like, before we send these kids home, we got to say the Pledge of Allegiance one last time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And look, I'm going to tell y'all, this is my second time in New York ever. I came 2002. The last time I was here was 2002 with my aunt and uncle.

And I kept ducking in the back of the taxi cab because I was convinced there was going to be another terrorist attack. Sitting in the back of the taxi cab because I was convinced there was going to be another terrorist attack. Sitting in the back of the taxi cab like this. Did you think that they were going to aim the plane at a taxi? And also that you'd dodge it? Yeah.

Well, if they'd known, what would end up of poor little Jacques? They would've. Yeah, they maybe could've reconsidered that. God knows I would. Sorry. Next, please. Yeah, they maybe, yeah, they could have reconsidered that. God knows I would. Sorry. Next, please. I know it's wrong, but I'm really happy to know the fact that a few Americans were died.

I'll be happy if terrorists attack Americans again. Americans just need to know how many people are still suffering because of Americans. I just thought this was like... Nice. Very pro-9-11 crowd. This is interesting.

Rare for New York, I guess. You don't get that very often. I'll say that much. This is clearly the PSL crowd. Yeah. But I just thought that it was interesting that someone was so bold as to just be like,

yeah, I'm glad it happened. But they wouldn't say that in front of the Congress. That's true. No way. What's a really good point. No way. What's PSL stand for? Pacific Long...

Penis-sucking League. Yeah, and you're the MVP. Yeah. Number five, they hate other countries. True. I fucking hate other countries. Yeah, I fucking... I believe it.

Most Americans are racist. Listen, have you ever talked to an Argentinian person or something? No. No, but my grandma went to Argentina in 2004. My grandfather went to Argentina in 1945. Oh. There was a family like that. My grandmother is from this village in the middle of nowhere in El Salvador,

like halfway up a volcano. And she remembers in 1946 or whatever, this random group of white people who said they were Swiss, wink, showed up and they spread money around. I'm almost expecting her to be like, yeah, and they came into the store corner store and they were like, yeah, do you guys accept

Krugerrand that used to be teeth or something? Next, please. I just like this guy. I don't like grease, but only because it's hot. I'm pretty sure there's more to grease than just being hot. That's a nice measure to push there.

Is it too hot or not? Just delete the comment then. I won the fuck is it? Is it too hot or not? Well, I was like, just delete the comment then. Why do you do that? I won't go to Greece because it's too hot. Look, we give this guy a little bit of tzatziki sauce,

he'll fucking change his mind. That's true. That shit's crazy. Oh man, that's the best sauce. Get him that cheese that they light on fire. Oh,

halloumi? Yeah, halloumi. Oh shit, halloumi's great. The grillable cheese? Yeah. And democracy. If anyone has any halloumi, bring it backstage. Oh, uh... Which one's that called? Yeah, Halumi. Oh, shit, Halumi's great. The grillable cheese? Yeah. Yeah.

And democracy. If anyone has any Halumi, bring it backstage at the end of the show. I'm hungry. Next, please. I hate America. I want to go to Japan. Heard that, brother. I think we've all ended up there.

Yeah, like, that's... Yeah, yeah, mood. Yeah. We all want to go to Japan. Yeah, I just want a Gundam. That's really it. Yeah, just put me in that fucking Gundam. Come on, mood. We all want to go to Japan. I just want a Gundam. That's really it. Yeah, just put me in that fucking Gundam. Make a Gundam where I can sit in the balls and just fucking

send me out. Destroy San Francisco or something. That'd be cool. Next, please. Number 13. They are stupid. Next. Okay, this is a little bit of a saga. Two-parter. This will pay off later, I swear to God.

They keep re-election useless people and not agree on prostitution legal. So remember this name. Remember Demolition 18. Just keep it in mind. He's a typical poet laureate. And think about maybe if this is the only thing he cares about. Just think about that. Well, before we do that,

let's give a round of applause to sex workers in the house. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is not okay. We have to be very clear about that. Speaking of, real quick, Thomas! Oh, yeah, here's a sex worker. Thomas, ladies and gentlemen.

Woo! Woo! I think he has a podcast called Cholula Brothers or something. It's called Pendejo Time. It's called Puto Time, and it's great. Next, please. Lier. El Sherlock.

But just keep in mind the Demolition 18 guy. We'll get to him again. Next, please. Number 25. They're ugly. Have you seen that, Rob Hoff? What? No.

Do you see how I'm dressed? No. We're fucking good looking. Do you find that people in Spain are on average more attractive? Here's the thing, okay? There's a give and take with this shit. It's a zero-sum game. They may be more attractive because they're not poisoned by corn syrup

and microplastics and shit. I'm hungry. On the other hand, they dress like absolute fucking shit. Yeah, they look like Primark mannequins. Yeah. Well, that's the best case scenario for them. Most people just go out on the street with a fucking soccer jersey and call it a day. What's wrong with that?

I don't think they like to party, Max. I don't give a shit. No, but they wear that shit every day. Every day. Okay. What a normal cotton t-shirt, for God's sake. Jesus Christ. It makes my nipples hurt looking at that shit.

Denver's just filled with all the people that were kicked out of the Midwest for being too ugly. That's a rough starting point. Yeah. As soon as you're a white person with dreads in the Midwest, they're like, you got to go somewhere. You can't get here. And some sad soul says, I always did feel ugly. This person is probably very beautiful, and they don't even know it.

You know, I would bet a million dollars they're ugly. They're very ugly. I'm going to take them at their word. Look, you're saying they look like Jar Jar Binks. I'm saying they look like Princess Leia. I don't think a saying they look like Jar Jar Binks. I'm saying they look like Princess Leia. I don't think a single human looks like Jar Jar Binks, actually. I think Jar Jar Binks looks like a dog. Next, please.

I thought it was Jamaican. Number 33. They eat too much food, like a pig. Yeah. They brought their hype man. He looked at me. This motherfucker looked at me like, who? I didn't look at you. You're right next to the words, man. He looked at me. This motherfucker looked at me like, who? I didn't look at you.

You're right next to the words, man. I got to read. You put it right here. I didn't know where you were. I didn't plan to know where you were fucking sitting. I scooted over so you wouldn't make some fat joke. You're not even fat, Jock. Let's be real.

Yeah, Jock. Come on, Jock. Bitch. They're husky. Let's give it up for Jock. I did have a lot. Thank you. Jock's not fat. Come on. You tech wreck, bitch. They're husky. Let's give it up for Jacques. I did have... Thank you. Jacques is not fat.

Come on. I did have a light bulb before the show. So for everyone who bought a ticket, thank you. Another Groupon not worth, you know, whatever. We can talk about it later. Next, please. Number 36. There are pedophiles.

Which is like, this keeps coming up. It's kind of... It's kind of a consistent theme for American culture. Yeah, I guess I didn't kind of realize that's how the rest of the world viewed us. You know? I thought that was English. We've all seen the show Friends. Yeah, I feel like there's also way more pedophile countries. Yeah.

England is like number one. England, I mean, what? They had like Jimmy Savile. That dude was like. Yeah. And we haven't had a single famous pedophile. Yeah. So it's like.

I know. I mean, fuck. Yeah. Next, please. The best-looking male actor from Glee turned into a pedophile. I loved him, but look what he did. Horrible evil. I like...

He turned into one, dude. He saw the full moon, and he went... Right. I also like their idea of like... Like it's some kind of fucking lycanthrope disease. They bring up how good he looks. It's like, oh, why are all the good ones either married or pedophiles? Oh, fuck.

Those Glee people don't have any happy endings, either. They're all, like, dead or sad. Yeah. It's definitely a curse. Or they used to be on Glee. Or now they're stuck forever on American Horror Story. Yeah, it's true. My thesis on that is that, like,

once you, like, do... Like, maybe they went method on being, like, the most insane, like, psychotic theater faggot's possible. Oh, yeah. And, like, it just... When it came back to bite him, it's like Jim Carrey, like,

doing heroin for the mask or whatever. He did heroin for the mask? What? Yeah. Why wouldn't he just, like, be, like, green or something? Why do you think he's green? Oh, good point. Oh, that makes sense, yeah? Why do you think he's green? Oh, good point. Oh, that makes sense, yeah.

Why do you think he said, somebody stop me? It was a cry for help. No one helped him. That's so cool. I love Jim Carrey. He's a man, dude. He's a stand-up guy. Did you guys watch Jim and Andy? That sucked. Jim and Andy is one of the worst movies of all time. Fuck that little piece of shit it's always like he fucking like he was like oh

i'm gonna like pretend to be andy kaufman and talk to his estranged daughter fucking psychopath whoa calm down roger i think it's cool he's just like oh yeah i was possessed by andy kaufman so i had to like fart in everyone's face for like months. That's what he'd do, right? It's just rules. He just keeps doing jackass pranks. Andy Kaufman would have done that shit. Andy Kaufman probably would have been really hungry for a sandwich right now, actually. Oh, fuck.

That's giving him too much respect for that fucking piece of shit documentary. Patrick's going to cry. That role drove him nuts, dude. He killed his girlfriend. Oh, yeah. Annie Kaufman did it? So Jim Carrey did it, Jock. Are you not getting this? I've lost again. Man, it's gonna be

so fucked up when they hire Daniel Day-Lewis to play Jeffrey Epstein in the biopic. Oh, true. Next, please. Number 41. They're uneducated. I can testify to this being true. Next, please. Number 41. They're uneducated. I can testify to this being true. I am from Louisiana. Okay, nice.

Next. There's also not agreeing on prostitution legal. There are results bad of prostitution illegal and results good of prostitution legal. They need the Dutch to educate them of prostitution. Demolition 18.

Let's go! I mean, this guy... This guy's gotta be like the greatest advocate in political history. Demolition 18 is about to start a political revolution that we are not ready for. Of agreeing prostitution on legal.

This guy's typing so weird, and then I saw the word, I got to Dutch,. I was like, this guy's typing so weird. And then I got to Dutch and I was like, oh! Oh, okay. That makes sense. I love how Dutch people talk. Badly? Yeah, me too. Consider yourself the only one.

You sound like me on too many anti-anxiety medications. The Dutch have schwarze piet? They're like the Cajuns of Europe. Yeah. Oh, that's why Jacques was best. Okay, hey, let's back up. Let's back up. Can't hear a word they say.

They are not the Cajuns. The Cajuns, are you telling me the Cajuns don't have a holiday where, like, all of them dress up in blackface? Yeah. No, that's Spain. Spain also has that. Pretty much every country except America has that exact holiday. It's true. Spain has blackface candy. Several blackface candy. Oh, yeah, you showed me that. Pretty much every country except America has that exact holiday. It's true.

Spain has blackface candy. Several blackface candies. Oh, yeah, you showed me that. Yeah. Conguitos. If you guys want to take a little homework home, and if you don't forget anything because of the dancing later, there's a candy called Conguitos in Spain that is literally just a racist caricature

as an excuse to sell chocolate-covered peanuts. Yeah, we don't have anything like that. The mascot used to be maple syrup or rice. The mascot literally used to look like one of the Tintin in the Congo people. They had to change it

because it was so racist that they sold out immediately and the company went under. No shit. Look it up. So it's just like Jinx from Pokemon? Yeah, it was like the Grateful Dead when they started doing stadium tours. I forgot about Jinx from Pokemon. It's so crazy.

It's even on Pokemon Stadium 1. Oh, yeah. Even on the Pokemon game? If you don't know, Jinx the Pokemon originally was black and is basically like a character. And they had to change her to purple because ah whoa

whoa Caleb what did you do I'm not a wizard man I don't demolition demolition 18 is here he's hacking

demolition 18 is hacking let's move it along I think that means we gotta go next yeah please he works for a they are naive alright next

I'm eating butter. This I can get behind. Absolutely. There's some people in the audience who lived with me who could testify that I would just go to the refrigerator and get a knife and just cut

pieces of butter and feed myself. How are you still alive? Yeah, that's bad. and get a knife and just cut pieces of butter and feed myself. Shock. How are you still alive? Yeah, that's bad. So I got hit by four cars on a bike. Next. One car on foot. I've been lit on fire.

We'll get to that later. Don't worry about it. Gun culture. That was a rhetorical question. So guns don't kill Gil. People do. Well, let's see who could still be around with Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr. John Lennon.

Sadly, George Harrison died of cancer, not murder. So they, like, just really were like, oh, fuck. This would have been so much better of a point if they had died of a gunshot. Yeah, yeah. Sadly. I mean, honestly, John Lennon had it coming. True. The second he wrote that, imagine all the people bullshit.

So you think he was killed because he was annoying? Yes. He was too good at the pop game. His music was too good. No, no, of course he was fucking annoying. Look at those little glasses. Next, please. And he hit Yoko Ono.

It's terrible. Next. That's it? it's terrible next that's it that's it that's it oh wait I thought there was one more who gives a fuck we won

who gives a fuck everybody give it up for the always fabulous podcast about this alright we got we got we hired Ben to do three videos, right?

When we bring people on and off and all that. So unfortunately, since Ben died, his will foisted this... ...chore to his twin brother, his closeted twin brother. So let's have a little message from Ben's brother in his stead. Everyone listen to Cletus. Hey, y'all.

Before I get to it today, I'm just going to say I know the risks of speaking freely in this country. I know they cancel culture, and I don't care, all right? I don't care, all right? I don't. If you're on Facebook Live and you're watching this, and you got a problem with what I got to say, and you're going to tell my boss, guess what? I don't care. Get me fired.

I don't like working for money anyways. The guy's a dick, all right? I don't fucking care. But I've been seeing a lot of gay guys around here. A lot, all right? And I'm just like, man, what are you doing? What are you doing, man? What you, what about New York or Chicago, you know?

Get out of here. There ain't nothing here for you. Ain't nothing here for you. You know, in New York, you can do stuff. I don You know, get out of here. There ain't nothing here for you. Ain't nothing here for you. You know, in New York, you can do stuff. I don't know, you know, maybe... I'm just thinking out loud, but you could go on a little date with your boyfriend. You know?

Go down to the park and get on one of them little boats they got. You know, an old-time boat with some... You know, artisanal ores really charming and rustic you know maybe bring an assortment of crostinis for you too

and a nice and bright melon and prosciutto salad with a basil garnish maybe you know I don't know. Just saying, just spitballing. I don't even know what half that stuff is. Maybe a chilled dry rosé, you know?

I'm just saying, it'd be a nice date for some people. But, you know, I don't know. You're a gay guy, you're watching this. You want to get the hell out of here? I want to get the hell out of here, too want to get the hell out of here too, I'm sick of seeing you. Come on over. Blondes. Little frame.

Abercrombie. Wearing. I'll help you get out of here. You know, I was looking into it though. New York's a little pricey for you probably. You know, I do real estate it, though. New York's a little pricey for you, probably. You know, I do real estate. I'm a little real estate guy, too. New York's a little pricey.

Chicago's a little dangerous for you little ones. Minneapolis, though. You know, they got Nicki coming through. Taylor Swift's there, you know. T-Swift's showing up to the party. Even, you know, like Angel Olsen. You can see her. You're into Angel Olsen, little gay guy. You can see her in Minneapolis, I'm sure. They ain't here. They ain't coming through here. I know that much. I'll check. Come on over, you know. Bring your friends. You can bring some friends. I got a truck. Lay you down on the truck bed.

Take you to Minneapolis. Six or eight of you. Twelve of you. Hell, I don't care. Stack you back. Not sitting in the front with me. Sitting in the back in the truck bed. But, you know, we can stack you. I don't know. Dick to ass, maybe. Probably into that. But, bottoms only. Bottoms only, you know, we can stack your, I don't know, dick to ass, maybe, probably

into that, but bottoms only, bottoms only, you know, we'll put you in there in a different configuration, maybe we could do like, like a double dildo, put half of it in you and put the other half of it in your buddy, and then you're stuck together real compact so you can put a lot of you in there. That could work, you know. We can get, hey, hell, 14 little blondes in my truck. Get the hell out of my town. You know, hit me up. It could work.

Let me know. Yeah, go work. Let me know. We're really going to miss him. Yeah, well, that's Lita. That's Ben's twin. He's fine. He's chilling.

No, I mean, just Ben in general. I see his brother. I think of him, and I get a little tear in my eye. You just want to fuck. Well, without any further ado Without getting any more horny We have a very special set of guests for you For the latter half of the show You may know them from being cancelled

From being yelled at on the internet all day, every day From having, you know, pretty good opinions about certain movies and certain cinematic style video games, they are of course the one and only Phil Exeter and Will Medicar!

Love this custom hat, man. Where'd you get that? It was a little swag bag I got for doing the show. It was pretty good. And he said, like, you know, we're known for getting canceled. I mean, me wearing this hat on stage tonight. If anyone takes a picture, you'll be ejected

and your phone will be repossessed by me. But we'll see how it goes tonight. I'm feeling the vibes. It's a cast-off from the 2008 No Hate campaign. We've changed it around a little bit. Instead of No Hate, we wear shirts that say fat. We're trying to normalize

it, folks. There should be guardian angels of hate, like people who absorb all the hate for other people. Jacques has already done five outfit changes today. I changed absorb all the hate for other people. That's right. Jacques has already done five outfit changes today. I changed hats

for the second show. The first hat I was wearing was one that Jacques brought everyone here. It says Whitman Grey Wolves. It's like the Chopo Grey Wolves thing, but it's a hat with a picture of a wolf relaxing drinking a beer.

Cold beer. It looks cold. Max said it's the hat with a picture of a wolf relaxing, drinking a beer. Yeah. Cold beer. It looks cold. And Max said it's the mascot of a school for special needs kids. Yeah, that's our listeners. I thought earlier they were saying it was the mascot for a camp for special children. And that this was the camp counselor vibe where it's like you know a wolf laying down on a beach chair drinking a cold beer yeah because when you have to deal with armenians all the time you want to have a little because it's the grave wolves i mean i mean if

you're going to be acting as a lifeguard to a bunch of uh like troubled children just definitely have a crack of beer you know it's gonna be yeah that's what doctors say. You're not supposed to swim three hours after you drink. You're supposed to be loose. You drown by fighting the tide. You're supposed to have a little bit of a buzz. It's like a car accident. You've got to stay limber.

It's the same thing with a riptide or swallowing seawater. Yeah, this is no offense to anyone in the audience who's died or been harmed by drowning or a car accident, but chances are you were like, oh, I'm doing Sober November. Well, now you lost a leg because you weren't loose enough. Well, you know what?

I think it's more of a proactive thing, you know? It keeps you limber in the event that one of the children drowns and you have to drive them to the hospital. You need something to calm your nerves. Oh, my God, Blake much? Jesus. Like, drown kid, whoops. Well, it's going to fucking happen,

and so you just need to be calm enough to assert yourself in that situation and make that child survive. You need to have a couple of beers, you know? And to get yourself down the mountain, save that child's life. I mean, if you think someone has drowned and you want to resuscitate them, just give them a sip of beer. Yeah, yeah. Two or three sips, warm beer. You guys know what the number one thing that kills children?

Anxiety. You guys know what the number one thing that kills children? Anxiety. Wow, I didn't know the whole theme of this show was save the children tonight. We are. We're saving the children. We're awakening the woke. Let's wake the woke tonight, guys. Let's go.

I'm still on Spanish time. I need to be awakened. I need to be awoke. Yeah. Too many siestas. Too many siestas. Are you fucking kidding me, man? Dude, it's, yeah.

I took a hit of his, like, V-pin. I felt, yeah, it's... He's dead. Yeah, I am medically brain dead. I am a future member of Camp Grey Wolf. Whitman Grey Wolves. Yeah, yeah. Jock does like

the type of weed that you do. It's like beyond medicinal. It's like what you give to people now instead of giving them a lobotomy. For all fairness, they were like lobotomy or dabs. If only Rosemary Kennedy was alive now, she could have just gotten some shatter instead of the ice pick.

Dude, Rosemary Kennedy could have been someone's pretty but bad-smelling, level-one hoodie-wearing girlfriend who does dabs all the time. Who wears Cookie Monster pajama pants. She's a little too high class for that, for the Cookie Monster stuff, but she would send you the same picture of

Sailor Moon smoking a blunt and being like, oh, isn't this cool? Seven times a day. They would have invented heart reacts for her. She puts on Dave Matthews band when they want to kiss. No, she's like a Claro listener, no offense. It's true.

The first time I met Jock via the internet, it was over a Zoom call when we recorded the episode of our show. We were talking about dabs or shatter or weed or whatever. And Jock was just like, yeah, I know about that. And he just grabs out of frame and pulls it into what appeared to be a pillowcase full of weed. And I was like, damn, Jock is smoking good. I'm fucked.

I was just joking. I was fucking with them. When I was in LA, I found this box them when I was in LA I found this box like a package torn up and thrown across the street and it was a like

two or three pounds of peppermint like dry oh dry peppermint fuck

I thought you were bowling dude that's why I agreed to do the show well I was like okay it's like the first time I'm gonna be on

with Chapa I'm like okay I gotta go I got some weed Chapa. I'm like, okay, I gotta go. I got some weed to smoke because I'm in Denver. Was it at least hydroponic peppermint? No, no. In fact, the peppermint on the back of the bag

said, caution, this product may contain lead. In the state of California, this product is known to cause cancer. Prop 65 warning. Yeah, those are fucking crazy. They're in like...

I want to try it now. It's okay. We're in New York. It's not known to cause cancer here. Yeah, you people have a stronger... Worry more about the asbestos in the air after 9-11. Honestly, more people are going to get cancer from Woody Allen movies than... Oh, okay.

Yeah, I mean, it's... Generating the tumors right now. I'm always so jealous whenever we record with Jacques because Jacques always has criminal amounts of weed on hand. It would be considered for distribution.

I don't know. If maybe the Southern District of New York were to maybe take an interest in Jacques, he would be labeled a kingpin. Oh my god, not again. Y'all are always trying to throw me to some security agency to get rid of me.

In Spain, I have to make do with weed that's four weeks old, but all those four weeks it spent inside a Moroccan person's ass. Yeah, that's like aging whiskey in a barrel. Yeah, that is the best hashish you will get in your life. What do you think Wiz Khalifa smokes?

I'm not going to lie. Taylor Gang is smoking 20-year-aged weed that was in a really handsome guy's asshole. It has a lovely aroma, and it's as top shelf as mids can ever get. But on the other hand, you're going straight to the source. You're going petrochemical style. You have a refinery in your room.

So in between shows, I was literally shambling. He has a pilot light on his bong. Falling down because I slipped on a banana backstage. My own banana peel that I left on the floor. I was like eating a banana during the show. I was like, I don't care. I don't care. I'm crazy.

I left the banana peel. I slip on the banana peel. I go, I'm like, okay, whatever. Try to go find the dabs backstage. I was like, do I even have time in the 30-minute window to run down the street, take a dab, and then come back to the venue. And I didn't. Yeah, that was because I shot the blue shell at you

after you slipped on the banana peel. You got me there. Get over here. Yeah, well, I wanted to bring you guys on and talk a little bit about some stuff that's even more in your wee house. I'm talking, of course, about politics. That's right. I call them polytricks.

Polytricks, yeah. I learned that from my good friend Pitbull, Mr. Worldwide. So, like, so poly means many and tricks means the Black Eagle Trust Fund. On September 10th, 2001 larry silverstein took out uh the insurance policy on building seven for three billion dollars google it and that's what

politics means uh to that end uh gacked up gavin newsom of uh california the incompetent governor of the state boo fuck! Fuck that dude. I virtually know who none of these people are. Don't even worry about it. Gavin Newsom is like... Y'all even explained it on the other show. I don't want to know about this Joanna Newsom. I don't know why you're pushing her.

We all heard YS. I'm done with that shit. You would love Gavin Newsom. Gavin Newsom is fucked like everyone in politics. Yeah. He's awesome. I could respect. I could find something to like about this fellow.

Gavin Newsom is like a cokehead saint in California. Like, he's up in the pantheon. I remember one time, my parents, of course, being very Catholic, they were like, like, they were contacted by, like, a friend. Like, oh, my son fell off the wagon. He's, like, 45 working in, like,, fintech, or whatever in San Francisco. Some horrid position. And he's coping with chemicals, of course.

And so his drug of choice is cocaine. So we take his ass to... I'm, of course, roped into it, being a good son. I drive this motherfucker to the, like, Betty Ford or the clinic. And he's, like, throughout the trip, Gavin Newsom's name came up, like, at least three or four dozen times. And he's always, like, dude, at UC Davis, we could, okay, we went through, like, a whole kilo in, like, a semester. And, like, that kind of thing. Just, like, just completely, like, giving us the entire rundown of like you know you can trust anyone

rushing into recovery this is the kind of person that you find and you're like whatever your political stance is i am that too he wasn't rushing to it he was committed but yeah this guy was like just it like revering this guy like a saint. And then you just realize that this is that guy's wet dream. Gavin Newsom is just like the bag man of bag men. He's always showing up sweaty as fuck, ready to just say a million words and nothing at all at the same time. He rocks.

He's plugged up, but unfortunately because he's the plug he's getting recalled because everyone in california is like stop being the governor dude you just like answer my text when i'm looking to meet up i'm fucking jones and dude stop like giving google the ability to like uh terminate diversity hearts specifically because you don't like like their accent yeah gavin newsom you know you're trying to buy like $80 worth from him and he comes over and he talks about like tax credits for minority owned businesses for

nine hours and he makes you watch Crash 2005. That is such a perverted movie. Yeah. I mean, it's fine. Are you talking about the David Crononenberg version or the one about uh race in la okay yes right that is a very yeah i've never seen the one about la yeah saying that about the the 2005 one yeah it was so perverted all those races like getting along i just don't

know i don't know yeah it was pretty weird when uh Ludacris fucked the leg vagina of Sandra Bullock. Oh, wait, wrong movie. Actually, speaking of movies, Jacques, I wanted to bend your ear about a film I just rewatched this week. Have you ever seen the movie Hard Target? No. What is it? Hard Target? Tell me about it.

Sell it to me, baby. Okay, because this is one of like The only 90's era Films that portrayed Cajun Bayou culture In a movie And I mean Cajun Bayou

Hold on Hold on First of all I have to correct you Immediately Please do Because the Big Easy Starring Dennis Quaid

Is the most poor Representation of Cajun people in the world Okay well can I Anyway Keep going Okay well can I perhaps I mean like Upgrade Cause would you like Cajun people in the world. Okay, well, can I... Anyway, keep going. Okay, well, can I perhaps,

I mean, like, upgrade? Okay, I would love it. Because would you like Cajun culture brought to you courtesy of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Wilford Brimley? I'm sold. I'm like, okay, Jean-Claude Van Damme

Jean-Claude Van Damme in a Cajun role? Jean-Claude Van Damme plays a Cajun man named Chance Boudreau. Yes. Because he says his mom... I am flipping out.

Okay, and, like, in Louisiana, in Lafayette, Acadiana, you know, Chance Boudreaux. Yes. Because his mom... I am limping out. Okay. In Louisiana, in Lafayette, Acadiana, there's only five or six names. It's like Boudreaux, B-O, like... Bozo. Jumbo. But not really. It's just like all these Cajun names that everyone has the same name.

I'm constantly having to look to see if anyone on Tinder is my cousin. His name in the movie is Chance, and when they introduce his character, he's like, yeah, because my mom took a chance on me. My mama named me Chance because she took one.

Oh my God. And then Wilford Brimley shows up later in the movie as his uncle, who's this bayou, sort of bootlegger, has his own still out in the swamps. And the first thing you see of him, he's, like, taking a belt of his, like, white lightning. And he goes, and Wilford Brimley doing the worst Cajun accent.

Like, somehow Wilford Brimley's Cajun accent is worse than Van Damme's. Worse than Dennis Quaid's. I almost need a beignet at Café du Monde. He gives a little Cajunism to give you a little bit of his down-home wisdom. Café du Monde. And he does a belt of his moonshine. He goes, Ooh, good whiskey make the jackrabbits slap the bear.

Yeah, he's like, Wilford Brimley's character in this movie is great because he's like a Flintstones character. His toilet is like an alligator who he's friends with. It's like animal abuse, man. Anyway, sorry to interrupt the conversation, but Hard Target, Jock, check it out. I'm going to look this movie up tonight.

I can pause The Sopranos for one night. Which rewatch are you on now? I am on my 12th time rewatching it. No, no, no. Let's give it up for the most socialist TV show ever made. The Sopranos. That's what's up. That's praxis right there.

I wouldn't be able to handle it if Tony Soprano met Gritty. That would be so cool. Yo. Sheesh. If Olivia Soprano and Michelle Obama got together in a room and started going at it, just like exploring each other's canyons. Good Lord. That would turn me straight.

I don't know about you guys. Wouldn't you love it if like Arliss and Bernie explored each other's bodies? If Glenn Greenwald and Big Pussy Bump and Sarah got together. I can't wait to start my socialist Ray Donovan account. And it's like, yeah, it'll be like one of those shitty memes with a paragraph of writing, and it's like Ray doing what he does best, like throwing a woman

in the trash. But the woman is labeled like capitalism. That gay politician. Easy money. Fucking nothing but net. Sniper gang. Is there a free one we're dropping for you guys tonight? Go home. Yeah, all you Ray Donovan fans out there,

we've done market research. 93% of our audience are 63-year-old fathers. You all fuck with Ray Donovan. Can I be really rude and stop you and say, if anyone is over 40, can you raise your hand? Wow, Brave. I know. I'm 25 years old.

I was born in 2002. I have forgotten 9-11 because I wasn't alive. My generation's 9-11, you guessed it. It's when they canceled Rolling Loud. My generation's 9-11 is when Club Penguin server went down.

My personal 9-11 was the Habbo Hotel raid. What? Too soon? This bitch, he can't get a nice word out of his mouth. What? You have two types of audiences in Brooklyn. You have Neopets audiences and then Ahava Hotel audiences.

If you collect it on Neopets, people are literally selling real money for the objects that your Neopets have saved up. Wait, they're selling real money? Yeah, it's a mob thing. It's Praxis. It's the Sopranos did it. Swap it out. Swap it. Yeah. People are literally paying money for Neopet items that they saved as 12-year-olds.

Today. Please just adopt, don't shop when it comes to a Neopet. Yeah. I mean, so many people to a Neopet. Yeah. I mean, so many people are returning Neopets to their digital shelters after adopting them during COVID. And that just makes me sick. Well, I got like a really bad Neopet that wouldn't respond to HTML code. You got to do what you got to do. Listen, I got a Neopet pitbull and it bit my Neopet child.

And unfortunately, I had to have it put down. We sat together in front of the TV and watched The Wire for like 45 minutes and did something super selfish and I'm like, alright, I'm getting this motherfucker. Max's Neopet pitbull ravaged my

Animal Crossing island and had to be put down, unfortunately. I kind of, like, refuse to watch The Wire on the principle that it is the saddest show immediately, like, seconds into the show. Why? Is it because it proves that black people can also run small businesses and, like, earn credits? God, no, it's just so sad.

It's like, yeah, there's another dead body huh i don't i don't see what's like sad about it like he's jimmy mcnulty's like getting all this pussy that's like the optimism of the show it's like all this bad stuff's happening oh check this check this out he fucked the lawyer pretty cool oh he remembered he was british after getting pussy they stole that same arc for woody harrelson's character in season one of true detective he's like yeah these kids all died like were raped to death but hey at least this guy's fucking lissandra daddario i mean someone's gotta oh my god no the wire is awesome because it does show, like, it shows the problem. It's like, hey, there's this, like, generational, like, Baltimore's a problem?

What the fuck? Yeah, it should be Dundalk. Yeah. It all should be Dundalk. Give it to Delaware. Turn it into Rehoboth. I don't care. Yeah, but, like, it's like, yeah, there's, like, generational violence

and people are trapped in this hopeless cycle. But here's how we fix it. Let's make the schools better. Yeah, Gritty should go door to door, like in the Wire universe and be like, hey, you don't have to feel bad that you're from Maryland.

You can just talk a little bit weirder and pretend you're from Philly, and then you'll be epic in about 10 years. I promise it gets better. You can get socialist pussy if you stick it out long enough and call it like, I don't

know, pretend to like hockey because it's like a hipster thing. I don't know. I fucking hate hipsters. Hey, get out of Starbucks. I fucking hate I'm trying to get a fucking beer Hipster runoff over here What was that old blog

Where it was like Look at this fucking hipster Yeah that was my blog That was Homeless or Hipster Yeah Editor in Chief That's how Choppo started That's how Felix found me

He was looking at me Yeah Yeah He was taking a fucking selfie in Starbucks. Hey, where's Justin Bieber? Let's go, dude. Dressed like an American Horror Story witch. He thought it was cool back then.

He was a hipster. For a hot second, it was. American Horror Story. I used to work at a buckle. All the fashion and cultural trends, you got them exactly like six years to the date late so you have people coming in with like oh my god i just got this awesome like american ahs tattoo in the font like just like coming in with the wrap still on in like 2019 just so so

funny i feel you but like all the covet weight i put on means I can't squeeze into the latex suit I bought because of that show. I thought it was cool, okay? I thought it was cool. I'm taking diuretics to wear true religions to the next live show. Oh my God. I'm wearing the Viper Spanx

to fit into the... Maybe this is the perfect time for me to put my bodysuit on. Don't make me waffle any more than I have. Don't leave me alone with these guys. I wanted to talk to you guys about Gavin specifically because

there's... I don't know if you guys have heard about this. Have you heard about this, folks? There's a recall election going on. We have a lot of very valiant uh politicians trying their hand at like fixing california they saw her on the street they were like i can fix her uh chief among them i think uh you know friend of the show caitlin jenner that's what's up yeah let's wake the woke Let's wake the woke.

Let's wake the woke. And if they're still not awake, hit them with your car. Yeah. And that'll wake them up. And she hit them with that car good. She made sure that was done. If you're going to hit somebody with a car, like, go all the way. When I'm playing GTA V, I'm making sure I'm hitting as many people as possible She's so brave because she was sober for that

Can you imagine? She was sober? Yeah, can you imagine killing a child sober? It must be so terrifying I wonder how Casey Anthony felt Yeah, no It really puts it in perspective It's really funny that she's like the Yeah, no, I mean, props to her. It really puts it in perspective.

It's really funny that she's like the top-ranked Republican in that whole race. I mean, she doesn't have Arnold star power. I'll put it that way. I would much rather hang out with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Maybe if they got Kanye to come down. Well, I mean, he's sort of, you know, I think he's removed himself from that orbit. So I don't think Kanye is going to be coming through with the Caitlyn endorsement.

Or sorry. He would endorse Caitlyn 100%. Well, maybe to get back at the Kardashians. I don't know. Who is the ugly one's husband? Khloe's husband? Lamar Odom. Lamar Odom.

Maybe they should have him. Come on. First POC governor of California. Yeah. Well, you have her, and she gets all the fucking limelight. But I was doing a little reading on the plane right here, and apparently my local assemblyman from my hometown, Kevin Kiley, spelled with two Ks, he's missing one to really complete that.

He launched a campaign website a couple of weeks ago, just on the low. You know how they always have all this cap on the website, talking about how they're going to build a wall, how they're going to legalize marijuana,

how they're going to legalize gay marriage, etc. You can buy this cap on Caitlyn Jenner's website. Hashtag we are fags. His entire platform is extremely libertarian, but there's no... There's a little bit about it on the top,

and then the entire rest of his about page is just bitching about there being a secret DMV that only state assembly members can use. It's like the one like DMV office in the entire state that's not like staffed by just like immense

like women who will not pay attention to you and will not call your number in time. It's very similar to the underground Chili's at the Pentagon. That's what's underneath it very similar to the underground Chili's at the Pentagon. That's what's underneath it. I thought the underground Chili's was at the Denver International Airport.

They have underground Chili's and underground TGI Fridays and underground Applebee's. They're continuing society there. That's what I'm saying. There's an underground Taco Bell under the horse and the anus is purple because it's a Baja Blast fountain.

At 6.66 a.m., it blasts a little spirit of Baja Blast. And if you're lucky to have that layover. My favorite Taco Bell. Yeah, well worth it. Wink. Yeah, like that creepy mural is just hiding a Coke freestyle machine. Oh, my God. Let's talk about this fucking mural. I think it's good. Mural is just hiding a Coke freestyle machine. Oh, my God.

Let's talk about this fucking mural. I think it's good. It's like a mural of a man who looks like a Nazi and then like a cornucopia of different races. And the apocalypse is ensuing. Yeah, but it's a mural at the Denver airport. Yeah, but it's saying that that's bad. Obviously, but it's very disturbing. Yeah, I mean, like, I wouldn't go to see it before I got on an airplane.

The last thing I want to see before I go to Wetzel's Pretzel. You can, like, maybe it's like manga, and you're reading it in the wrong way. Right. No, it's not Hebrew. I'm not reading it backwards. No, it's like, they're like, the Nazi guys, like, all right, I'm going to keep you in my little pod. And then you're going to go over and prevent the apocalypse, like using tolerance. Right.

Like it's they're manifesting like the Biden White House, basically. Yeah. It's a mural of like Joe Biden and also like the Kamala, the Harris family. Yeah. The name of the painting is Kamala's Dream. Yeah. There's a prison in the background of it. There's a baby Ella Emhoff in the corner,

if you look closely and cross your eyes. I don't know if you guys heard, Ella Emhoff is hosting the Teen Choice Awards this year. And then immediately after, she's going to be starting to be the super warden of the prison of her choice. She's hosting the Teen Choice Award, and then she's choosing the teen for of the prison of her choice. She's hosting the Teen's Choice Award and then she's choosing the teen for Joe Biden

to steal her life force from. Yeah, I was going to say, I thought John Podesta was the host. Yeah, maybe he should. He would be so cool to get gacked on. Yeah, they'd have adrenochrome in the gack. A gack removal service. Yeah, he gets licked off by an army of six-year-olds or something. Did you hear the rumor about Rod Stewart

that they had to pump 40 pounds of GAC out of his stomach in the 80s? That guy had a good night. Jelaine, your sentence is double dare. Yeah, Richard Gere went to the hospital after the Teen Choice Awards one year because Miranda Cosgrove got stuck in his asshole. Fuck, rest in peace. You're a good one.

We'll miss you. Richard Gere is such a great character actor, but the only movie that will ever come to mind from here on out is Dr. T and the Women when I think of Richard Gere. Have you guys seen that? The great Roger Altman. His best movie, bar none.

It's not even a meme at this point. Some people will treat it as a meme. I am 100% sincere when I say this. It's Robert Altman's masterwork. It has such a shooter's gallery of a cast. Now I'm just imagining a Roger Altman movie starring Richard Gere that's

Crush instead of MASH. Yeah, no. It has such a murderous role cast. It has, like, such a murderous real cast, and it's always, it's just like Richard Gere being like, oh my god, I'm such a good father and husband, and I'm so good at making women cum, they all go insane

because of me. And it's perfect for him, because he's like, he's like the one gay guy who's great at eating pussy. Everyone's got that friend. Everybody knows that one gay dude who's like the one gay guy who's great at eating pussy. Everyone's got that friend. Everybody knows that one gay dude who's like a master. Yeah, if you're like going on a camping trip with the boys. Dude. Yeah, and you get your one gay homie

who's great at eating your wife's pussy. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know the little advice that you get from older guys? It's like, yeah, you got to tongue the alphabet. Yeah, the alphabet. That was great. Yeah. The one gay guy that you met at your summer camp, Felix,

tongued the Tanakh into a woman's pussy. Yeah, that's how biblically accurate angels are created. Oh, my. Yeah. By the way, the thing about the alphabet is complete bullshit. It gets the order of the letters completely wrong. You need to tongue out the first three paragraphs of Moby Dick. So just memorize that.

And it's about the sequence of the letters, not the letters themselves. Yeah. That's the strategy. That's the plan. If you're the one gay guy who's really good at eating pussy, that's the buff. That's the strategy. If you're the one gay guy who's really good at eating pussy, that's the buff. That's the alt attack, I guess.

That's so random. I'm that one gay guy. Shut up. Does Newsom stand any chance of getting recalled? Oh, God. What's going to happen is he's not going to get recalled. It's going to be like 45 to 55 in his favor. And then what's going to happen is

half of the state is going to secede. Like, there's a movement called the State of Jefferson Movement that, like, east of, like, a particular latitude, something changes in the water supply, and they're all libertarian, and they all fucking hate California. Which is funny, because they live in the parts of the state

that have no water. So if they seceded, it would be a little difficult. I like to chalk it up to oxygen deprivation, because they're just breathing soot every day. But, I mean, California has this wacky thing where you can recall a governor because there's

a budget deficit. Whereas we're never getting rid of Cuomo in this state. He killed 12,000 elderly people. You're going to have to go full ETA mode on his ass. Send his ass to space on Red Origin.

Yeah, Cuomo is going to be governor for the rest of all of our lives and he's going to go up to every woman in the audience, their children, everyone after that, and be like, I bet I could pick you up by the waist. He's going to do all his bad pussy-getting techniques that never work. He has to be governor because he's on a 45-year dry spell. He's asking every young woman who works for them if they've ever read Moby Dick. And if they'd like to have it read to them.

He's that old guy flirting with the cashier at Blockbuster. Okay, like, wait a second. Like, he has nipple rings, right? Like, this wasn't just like, this wasn't an op. This wasn't just some, this wasn't an op. This wasn't just some, it was pretty terrifying. I think we all either had the same like hallucination or like, yeah, he has nipple rings. I mean, I don't know what's real or not anymore, but. Either that or like he got really horny talking about like all those like old people dying in Albany.

Like that first like press conference that he had. Straight up, like half an inch. Turkey is done. Oh boy. Turkey, out of here. Yeah, it was like a dog's penis coming out of his old lipstick. Yeah, the fucking lipstick.

Chest bursting out of his fucking nipples. Yeah, it looks like he has two summer sausages under there. No, it's two Vienna sausages. Yeah, good lord. I mean, you guys are absolutely never gonna, like, he's gonna have to die in office or something. Wink.

Well, he's done a good job. You know? Well, he got the vaccine, that's true. Yeah, he, like, he cured the Trump virus. Yeah. Yeah, he got the vaccine. That's true. Yeah, he cured the Trump virus. Yeah. Yeah, he took care of the elderly retirement home overcrowding problem. Yes. He did all that stuff.

He were all the homeless issue as well. Yeah, he broke the ice in his office a lot. At least he tried to engender better office culture. A more warm environment. Maybe to the point where some of the ladies have to take off their jumper or unbutton

their blouse a tad. A very warm office environment. Women are always complaining the AC is too high. Yeah, exactly. Now they're complaining that we're forcing them to undress. Not me, honey. I'm gay.

That's not my problem. My secret sources tell me that Andrew is going to come out as non-binary to better relate to the people. It's going to be his way of changing his gender to the people. It's going to be his way of changing his gender to the right way. Yeah.

No, they could reuse those old... I forget who he was running against. It was Koch. It was like, vote for Cuomo, not the homo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you could be like, yeah, Cuomo for NY. He's an end buy. That shows how much progress we've made spain spain is like kind of like that it's really weird how they have like a

socialist government but like can't do anything did you see the prime minister came on msnbc this morning talking about like yeah we love to open ourselves to investment from america we are very open to business. You guys can come here anytime. You know what? We saw how Ireland tried to do the Irish Tiger stuff, and it worked out excellent. That worked out great.

That really worked. What can you sell Spain as investment for? I mean, I love it there, but it's like, yeah, you can charge your phone here. That country is just like, they figured it out. It's like 20 guys in this entire country have a job and we're fine. Yeah, they're all passing around. You know when you go to a bar when you're underage and you only have the one fake ID,

you just kind of pass it around and hope the bartender doesn't notice? It's like that, but with the one job that they all have in Spain. It's like how Jacques, Ben, and I share one brain cell. In Louisiana, they don't even check the ID of being teenagers. Yeah, I mean, it's hilarious. I started going to the bar when I was 12 years old. That's not even a lie. Yeah, Acadian's decolonized age.

Breakthrough. Spain fucking rules because, like, on the one hand, like, you can go to Barcelona and it's, like, everybody, it's like they're Philly. Like, everybody there loves, like, like, praxis. That, like, exemplifies their

life. But then, like, you go, like, a mile inland or, like or two miles inland and you have PP or Partido Popular or Vox just plastered all over every single building just talking about how gay people are corrupting children and how we need to bring the Catholic Church back into the government. It's true.

We immediately need to get the Catholicolic church up and running and then save everyone from being gay that's right it's a public service at this point honestly actually starting a conversion needed more than anybody i'll be honest after spending like eight months there good lord those people need to get a fucking handle on that shit like what's the problem well the problem is is just like they're just like too swaggy for their own good you know I'm jealous of them it's incomprehensible how like

these people exist they have like the ability to just like wear whatever like be effortlessly cool and also like get away with the most racist shit you can imagine. You walk up to them

talking in some other accent and they'll look at you like you're a fucking Martian. Actually, you know what? They do that to you, Jacques. They do that to me regularly anywhere. Maybe I shouldn't speak too much. The TSA agent on the way here asked me, sir, are you having a stroke?

When I was trying to ask him where is the security area but to answer your question about like what what does bane have to offer i think they could really make a killing by like safari or safari washing arcanazim who like want to sound spicy oh yeah no i want to do that like my we have like an elizabeth warren thing in my family yeah we're like for like my for, like, my whole life, my mom was like, yeah, your dad's side is, like, Spanish, I guess. Pretty cool, huh? And then, like, I, like, got 23. I mean, it's like, yeah, you and everyone you know is from the same village in Ukraine.

You all wore, like, a big hat. Not a seat. You shared the same Hasid hat and yeah no i like i've been wanting to like go back to that start lying about that again and i would give the spanish government like a ton of money if they gave me a certificate saying that yeah like i'm sure they'd make a fucking killing here in new york like i'm sure there's a lot of ashkenazim who are like i i would love to be a spicy latina, but I just don't know how. Yeah.

Yeah. That there is the answer. Yeah, I'm as pale as most Argentines. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah, whatever. I always assumed you were Argentinian. Yeah.

Felix? I mean, that kind of name? Yeah, I don't know what they were thinking with that one. Is this part of Felix's strategy to like pay Google or some shady like hacking firm to like scrub any reference to him being Jewish from the internet so that like very

discreet like ethnic groups can imagine that he's one of them like you know like Armenians people from the Balkans Turks Spaniards certain parts of Latin America. I want to do live performances in Azerbaijan and Armenia. Back to back.

And one night I'm like, yeah, guys, fuck Armenia. You know, let's uncover the lie. Then the next night it's like, let's get rid of the Turks. Playing both ends, min-maxing. Well, not to bring this to a screeching halt again, but we are getting to the point of the show where we like to have a little audience

participation. But before we get there, before we get there, I'd like to show our third contractually obligated video from Ben's twin brother brother Cletus and just like that I knew it would happen I knew y'all would

try to cancel me for making this video you know y'all calling y'all calling my double dildo idea gay, which I don't know what's gay about a man trying to rid his town of homosexuals. together spatially, you know, for optimizing the space. You know, y'all got me razzled up. You know, I'm kind of pissed because this is just backfiring in my face, you know.

I mean, Monty heard, now Monty thinks I'm gay, and I'm not gay. I'm just saying I'm sick of seeing these guys around here I'm thinking about them all the time because they're around constantly and I'm just up here you know filming and I made a diagram to show y'all that look many great men in history have had to understand how men

fit together and I'm just another one of them as far as I'm concerned but I got this diagram this is me I'm just another one of them as far as I'm concerned but I got this diagram this is me I'm in my truck and these are the little gay guys and I'm back you can see them bumping up it ain't gonna be like that I'm gonna have a cover so you won't be able to see nothing door locked you know they're not going anywhere um but just for a dramatizational thing and yeah I'm smiling because yeah I'm smiling because i'm happy these gays aren't going to be my talent anymore and this here is a bird's eye view of the truck bed all

right you can see their butts are connected by the double dildo and people are like what's a double dildo it ain't my fault you never heard it before if most people it's common knowledge most people know what that is and this is it and that's just one layer you know i'm thinking we're gonna get two or three layers and people keep being like oh well don't kidnap them i'm not kidnapping them they're smiling too they're coming voluntarily you know they don't want to be here. Ain't nothing here for us. Them.

Ain't nothing here for them. So you know what? I'm going to go through with my idea. Go to Minneapolis. Fuck this town. All right, now for our little, also contractually obligated, piece of audience participation.

I fucking hate this game. I'm just going to say already, the last time we played this game, look, let's bring Pot About Liz back up. Come on! Patrick with his new shoes. Hey, y'all. It's 20 minutes till his birthday, y'all. Wake up.

Oh my god, fuck me, dude. Are you right? We're gonna go out back later and run a train on him, but first... Move back. We're gonna play a little game here. I don't know if you guys know a lot of the lore, Yeah, we definitely went back. We're going to play a little game here. All right. I don't know if you guys know a lot of the lore,

but Jacques has had a very fucked up childhood and fucked up upbringing in the bayou, Louisiana. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Yeah, don't. It was rough, but I got out. I got out of that. If you feel pity, you already lost. Look at them now.

They're in a wetsuit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got out of the bayou and I'm in New York. I'm in the Big Apple. This is for everyone who said you're never going to be in a wetsuit on stage in Brooklyn. I showed them, motherfuckers. Fuck everyone who ever doubted them. Let's hear it for Jacques, y'all.

Let's hear it for Jacques. Let's hear it for Jacques, y'all. Let's hear it for Jacques. Let's party. Ben and I have noticed that a lot of these things that have happened to Jacques, they would fit kind of like in a superhero villain's origin story, or like the origin story

for, I don't know, a serial murderer, or like like I don't know a serial murderer or like I don't know like a patient zero for like I'm just gonna break I'm gonna break in here

so the game is is it a serial killer um origin story or is it me yeah this is the game this is what they've done to me

did this fucked up thing happen to it's gonna be harder than you think also it's pretty hard yeah we haven't played this once it's it's pretty challenging This is what they've done to me. Did this fucked up thing happen to you? It's pretty hard. We haven't played this once. It's pretty challenging, so see if you can follow along. When this person was eight years old,

they watched an alligator eat a chihuahua whole. Now, who would like to hazard a guess as to who this may have happened to? That's got to be Jacques. This person says Jacques. Jacques? Un person says Jacques. Jacques? I'm going to go against him. I'm going to guess that this was, in fact, Chance Boudreau of our target.

So this one's a trick question. It is both me and Ted Bundy. All right. Can we get a slide, please? Yeah. Surprise of surprises. We got Jacques. It's surprises we got, Jacques. It's like staring into my future.

Let me explain. We were at Lake Martin in Louisiana, and my mom took her friend from Dallas, and she had a tiny toy chihuahua. And we were walking along the path showing, and an alligator walked up and ate this chihuahua in one fucking bite. Oh, my God. I honestly would not even describe it as violent, because it ate it in one bite. So it could still be okay. Well, the woman was horrified.

The woman was horrified, and she was just sobbing, and we left. And me and my mom got in the car, and she turned to me, and she said, Dingo ate your baby. And me and my mom got in the car and she turned to me and she said, Dingo ate your baby. Your mom rules. It was rules. It was awesome.

All right. Can we get the next one, please? This person was forced to put their wiener and testicles inside a dead animal as part of a bet. Caleb. It's not about me. None of this is about me. I'm going to say former Prime Minister David Cameron. Okay, let's

have the next slide. Yeah! Oh my God. Someone get this guy a drink for that one. Bring him back. Return to tradition, dude. Fuck. He looks toothless. He looks like he gives gummies. And just to think, one of them is

a former politician and the other one now stars in a movie with Nicolas Cage. That's just something you do in England. I mean, it's better than fucking the women there. Can I get an amen? Oh my god.

Someone get him out of here. It's better than fucking the women there. Can I get an amen? Oh, my God. Oh, hey, oh, hey, hey. Can we get a next fight, please? Someone get him out of here. All right. This person was thrown out of a third-story window and fell 15 or 20 feet after witnessing his aunt and uncle having an incestuous affair. Jeb Bush.

having an incestuous affair? Jeb Bush. Greg Stark. Greg Stark? Shut up, you fucking nerd. Someone get this motherfucker out of here. Someone get this asshole the fuck out of here. That wasn't his aunt and uncle, okay?

This is a Halo show. We're not talking about Game of Thrones. We're talking about Halo. Yeah. They were technically related in terms of every single family in that fucking universe was interrelated. They were all fucking each other anyway since the beginning of time.

In Halo? Yes, in Halo. Master Chief was fucking Cortana. And they were related. Slide around me, please. Whichever asshole. Who the fuck is this and who invited their non-binary friend?

That was you as a child. That looks like me, Caleb, and Cameron. Who the fuck is this? Tilda Swinn when she was young or something? Next slide. I don't want to look at her anymore. Or them.

This person once smashed the front of someone's car in a full suit with a suitcase after being called a faggot. Post-job interview. I'm going to guess that this... You don't get to guess. You know the answer. Or should. I'm going to guess that this... You don't get to guess. You know the answer.

Or should. This was Max. Yeah, I'll have to fess up here. This was Leslie Jordan. Oh, God. This was the queer eye guy, the blonde one that looks like the walking death. Carson Kressley?

I'm thinking this might be my stepdad. This is the queer eye guy, the blonde one that looks like the walking death. Carson Kressley? Yes. I'm thinking this might be my stepdad. This is Felix after his SNL audition. Okay, next slide. Hit it. Yeah! Okay, all right. Tell us, what job were you interviewing for?

Oh, this is so fucked up. To be, like, a legal secretary. Like, to, like, work for a law office or something. Or like a foghorn leghorn lawyer, right? For my uncle, who's a lawyer. So for a foghorn leghorn lawyer, right? He immediately laughed, of course.

I say now that boy's in a wetsuit, but he's dry as a bone! I'll tell you this. I say's in a wetsuit, but he's dry as a bone. I'll tell you this. I say he wore that wetsuit because of all the fucking drip on stage. Look, I'll tell you this. He's no foghorn leghorn, but his nickname is Moose. Foghorn leghorns are chicken. Okay, well, I mean, they're very similar.

I mean, whatever. Can we get the next slide, please, if we have one? Yeah, I went. Oh, shit. Okay, no, we're back at the beginning I mean, whatever. Can we get the next slide, please, if we have one? Yeah, I went... Oh, shit. Oh, okay. No, we're back at the beginning. Oh, God. Guys, get real quick.

Y'all get so trigger happy. Come on. Push it back. Go back. Oh, this is your set at Blood Feast. You know, this was a Blood Feast, too, so... Yeah. Here we go.

Oh, my God. I wish I was playing on the Blade movie. That would be so fucking cool. Y'all, Yeah. There we go. Oh my God. I wish I was playing on the Blade movie. That would be so fucking cool. Yo, Grimes let herself go. You DJed the club from the opening scene of Blade, right?

That's what it's going to be like after the show. Yeah, please stick around. Oh, yes. That is basically the reason why I wanted to show this particular picture. It's one of your best action shots I've ever seen

oh you look great because you have hair in it oh my god go back to the other slide did we even read it it's the same one I got lazy it was like 5 minutes to the first show I can't even read you know typical

I believe that's about it for the night let's tally up the points. How many did y'all get? I got all of them right. I got every single one. Me too, actually. And then I think that makes you guys the top for when we run through Patrick. Felix got them all wrong, and he doesn't have the microphone,

so he can't say anything different. That's not what happened. I have witnesses. Take it away. He lost really bad, actually. All right. Well, in that case, the show is pretty much almost over here, but it's not done yet. We have something very special planned for you guys.

We're going to dim the lights for a second. We're going to skedaddle. You're going to be serenaded by none other than DJ Sensitive Jock. Can we all give a big hand of applause to DJ Sensitive Duck! Thank you very much everybody. This has been Seeking Derangement and Pot About List and Chapo Trap House

getting cancelled. Thank y'all so much! Being mean to the fans and we're all gonna have a very, very nice time. Thank you. The swans in the pond call my duck a flea But now they hug me because it's lovely They love the aroma of aroma of the world Got the shakers and the skaters and the players and the girls Keep the fingers and the flickers and the haters and the twirls You want the Pokemon? Hey, I gotcha You want the realness? Well, I gotcha

I know you're sick of the niggas, be calm and watcha Either they clips or they max or they monsters You want the real shit? Oh, I gotcha You see my niggas here? You we drop up, you know we do it Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock You know we do it And I'm from Chi-town, that's why I fly as round Keep some Cartier frames over my eyes now

We used to gangbang, a lot of that's been died down Children of the hat tilting, keeping hope alive now All with no high, I do it so fly Banksy's attack, helicopter with the bow tie I love my city, really hope that God bless it Have my mind moving faster than that hog in the hedges Mind moving faster than that hog in the hedges Mind moving faster than that, fast, faster than that

Welcome all of y'all to my dark recesses This is where I keep the bars like bathtub edges My Ivories and my Doves, my Levers and my Zessins It takes half of your bubble bath to match the freshness The belly of the beast, you know I'm from it I wrap it in a towel, here go my pal in the stomach And I be on my green like Irish spring And I coast, budge with it, get a mouth full of soaps

You want the mama, hey, I gotcha You want the realness, well, I gotcha I know you're sick of them niggas, be car and watcha Either they pips or they max or they mobsters You want the real shit, oh, I gotcha You see my niggas here, you know we proper You know we do it right, right, right, right, right, right You know we get it, and so to sign off

This beat I rhyme off, it's from Thelonious P And you gon' mind boss, you feel it in the air It's such a fine force, but you don't hear me though Just like a mom's talk, that's cause I'm in Europe Me and my French tourer, I'm my pimp, my temperature is tempura I take it easy on my watch, I'm watching TV And my clean is my Harishi, see the hair is trying to beat me I continue to do loose pace

Them say I got two heads and four eyes Just like Screwface But see my secret safe, it's in my secret safe That's in my secret room, on my secret base So from the runner of the FNF crew Come in hip hop, we've come to resurrect you You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you You want the boomer, hey, I gotcha

You want the realness, well, I gotcha I know you're sick of them niggas been coming watcha Either they pips or they max or they monsters You want the real shit, oh, I gotcha You see my niggas here, you know we pop up You know we do it.