Seeking Derangements - SD 94 - Pete Buttplug

Episode Date: November 16, 2021

After personally overseeing Ben's firing from the Bernie Campaign as retaliation for revealing Mayor Pete's asexuality, Lis Smith focuses on another step to world domination: getting ahold of a 90-year-old cancer patient's opiate stash. intro/// Silesian Blues Band - Odlot (1975) outro/// Grateful Dead - Viola Lee Blues (Live in San Francisco, May 12, 1970) Listen to the full back catalog of bonus episodes at https://patreon.com/seekingderangements

Thank you. welcome everyone um show on the road folks we're four people and we've got a lot to say about mr pete booty tag he i was forced to watch a documentary which i will never get that hour and a half back from my life i feel like y'all came out okay from it i'm really shell-shocked i feel like a veteran what was the most shell what what left you shell-shocked jock um the fact that i don't i know virtually nothing about what this man stands for or what he believes in after watching him talk for this is like when jock watched uh taipei story without subtitles he's gay but he doesn't like talking about it he hates that he's gay clearly he clearly he hates that he's gay we will get into it later actually okay i have i okay one one question because i've flip-flopped on this

okay the first time i watched the doc i came out being pro chastin i was like yeah we need to save chastin chastin is an abusive relationship chastin is you know like a chastin this is this is a cry for help and then the second time i watched it because i have seen it twice i was i got drunk right after i saw it and like literally like blacked out it, because I have seen it twice, I got drunk right after I saw it and literally blacked out that night because I was so traumatized from the first viewing, watched it again, hungover, and after my hangover viewing,

I was so annoyed by it. Chasten is so annoying. Chasten is a bitch. I came out of the second viewing being like, fuck Chasten, Pete needs to dump this loser ass bitch. There was one part where Chasten lost me. It was at the very end, and he starts making all these puns about cows.

Oh my god. And I was like, that's the most staged shit I've ever seen in my life. Well, some PA was like feeding Chasten these lines. Yeah, absolutely. Take Chasten as just Pete's beard because Pete is an ace. That's all I'm picking up. Pete is ace. Pete is ace. He's like not a sex... Pete is an ace. That's all I'm picking up. Pete is ace.

Pete is ace. Pete is career cell. He's career. He's career celibate. He's a career cell. I can't imagine he has any genuine sexual attraction to Chastity or anyone. The only time that you see physical interaction

between Pete and anyone, let alone his husband is when they tap pinkies at the table like Morse code it's really disturbing it's like abused child they're giving

sleep in separate beds marriage yeah they have like 30 seconds of eye contact throughout the entire thing collectively if that there are scenes where they're talking to each other and it's like they're you can tell they're trying not to make eye contact basically it's very there can't be really any like and not that they're not anyone is expecting this but there's

of course no policy substance to the documentary it is not a political documentary no no it's a vanity documentary not at all it's about but it is it is fundamentally about their marriage because they have well it's much like there's nothing to rest on they have no like values no you know operating theory to rest on it is just pure style and like emotional appeal and it their marriage cannot hold this they hate each other far too much to be the one thing that this entire like pete complex is resting on and chasen doesn't even really show up until like 18 minutes in there's one like campaign appearance the first campaign like appearance that pete does it he's like talking in this like library or something and then he leaves and chastin is like waiting a block away and is like how did it go and i'm like was he not allowed inside the event

chastin is always the it's like there is a restraining order chastin is always like a hundred feet at all times away from whatever event is happening, but he cannot be in the room. It's so funny. But the first, actually the first scene is Jaston opens the movie and he's like, he's cradling their dog Truman. That's suspiciously missing. Truman.

Okay. I know everything about them. It's just disgusting. Naming a dog Truman. But I feel like Pete gouged the dog's eyes out because Liz Smith was like, polls are saying that disabled dogs carry weight in Iowa summer.

Hold on, wait. Did they name it after Truman Capote? Liz turns in such a beautiful, beautiful President Truman. Look. Truman Capote. Liz Smith turns in a beautiful, beautiful beautiful emotive pillhead performance in this movie i need to point that out specifically now that you mentioned it man yeah she's constantly she she's she's so perfect

in this movie because she's never looking at anybody in the eye but she's always like freaking out you know she kind of has that like electric vibe about her where she like, she, she can't like, she's on so many different like uppers and downers at the same time that like she's going a mile a minute, but she can't speak up. It's like, she can't like raise her voice at all. It's really funny. Pete says that she's, she, you know, she embodies the like the killer instinct of what most people associate with like the, the cynicism and um you know cruelness of

political operatives but in the in the first scene i was laughing because chaston chaston is cradling this dog like a teddy bear this fat like mutt missing an eye and he is talking to a reporter who's about to interview pete and Chastin is feeding the reporter questions to be like oh you should ask Pete this and he Chastin is so strung up on the idea of like the authentic self the true self um and he says he's just reporting he's like you should ask Pete when you were young and confronting your identity did you ever feel like being president was possible? And I'm just like, wait,

Chastin, Chastin is the only one who has bought the pill that Pete is running for president to like represent gay teens. Gay people. No, but specifically like gay, like preteens. Honestly,

there is so much, so much like thought space in Chastin's head just being like, every 13-year-old gay person is on the verge of suicide right now. The one thing that is going to save them is having a gay president. There's a moment where Pete says, he says to Chastin,

I guess you care about this more than I do because you were kind of bullied a lot more for it when you were a kid. Basically saying, yeah, you were like a little faggot. If you've read his book, he goes into it a little bit

with this because he's like, he used to be in like animal husbandry shit, like all this farm stuff. What the hell is that? He used to like raise farm animals to take to the fair. He used to fuck animals. I don't want to talk about his fucking

pervert. Yeah, and apparently he used to get bullied a lot at the state fair whenever he was in front of the show paying awards. None of us needed that fact to be presented as if we didn't know. He used to dress up animals in grooms outfits and marry them to each other.

He would gay marry his cattle. But Pete like talks about this a lot in the movie where he's like, yeah, I only came out when I was 33. I took so long to come out. Isn't that so weird? Wait, who came out at 33? Pete. Pete came out at, oh my God. Yes.

I didn't know it took him that long. Do you want to get into the clips now? We can get into the clips. Okay. We should get into the clips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I took them that long we can get into the clips we should get into the clips I don't think I have anything else on that so we're not going to do like a standard movie review we're not going to go through

this chronologically because the narrative of this documentary is like bullshit you know like basically what happened it's like a classic it's like a you know like a three act thing where the first act is like he has his cnn these small town mayors coming up in the polls yeah who would have thunk it the first inciting

incident is the cnn town hall thing and they're like he did so good and then the there's like the low point is the police shooting in south bend yeah yeah it's so cynical how they use that guy's death as like pete's moment of crisis and they never they do do not address it in any of course any substantive way but they don't even address it even in like a bare minimum like purely stylistic or aesthetic no they have they have like they have one or two scenes where it's like's what we did here's what we're going to do no they have like they have one or two scenes where it's like yeah we we did so much stuff but it never goes into anything about like we know what are those measures because like that's what any mayor would say for him to be it's in that position it's framed so cynically because it's like basically the way the documentary

frames it the clips of questions being asked to him after that is kind of, it makes it seem like, oh, they're just attacking me because, you know, I'm white and I'm the mayor of this town and this happened there and there's nothing I could have done about it. There's nothing I can do about it now. But he's the mayor and he's like, just like, you know, refusing to do anything that was the second act but then just to wrap up this like quick plot summary the third act is basically just like what he the iowa caucus is like the the triumphant moment yeah right right but this is way before this is way before it all wraps up with sorry yeah this this is kind of like something to give color he shows up at this conference for uh for fundraising right at lgbt uh tea dinner or whatever um and he goes up to speak of course because he wants to like up his profile he wants to get donors at

this party um and so i have the clip here of his speech. I got a lot of questions about why I came out when I did, whether it was designed to serve some purpose. In fact, it was designed to serve a very simple and private purpose, which was I wanted to start dating. I turned 33. I was a grown man with absolutely no idea what it was like to be in love. He still has no clue what it's like to be in love. Did we catch that, by the way? He's a 33-year-old man. I turned 33. I was a grown man with absolutely no idea what it was like to be in love. Okay.

Who comes out at 33?'m sorry that's he does come yeah he comes out at 33 at that point like if you're not married right and you don't have like another life to worry about like if you're just like a politician in 2021 or or whenever he came out and i'm sure it wasn't the 2010s because he's not that old 19 to 18 uh 36 now less than 10 years ago it doesn't matter because anytime in the past 10 years if he came out as a politician it's not a huge deal okay yeah rihanna mu almost became the first transgender well not almost but like she got you know made ways as one of the first uh trans uh uh really annoying trans woman online uh tried to run for congress in a couple years ago

in 2005 where someone got you know who's that guy who got arrested for texting? But it also does not in any way, like if the ostensible goal for like Pete is to just purely represent gay men, Larry Craig did it much better, babe. Like all of them, all of them. Absolutely. Every Republican who got caught sucking off like a Guatemalan like rent boy. Or like, yeah, or a page. They are representing gay guys. Yes.

That's me. Some poor Princeton twink getting molested by- That's me, that's you, that's John. I'm scared whoever this is. That's the representation we need and have had. What it was like to be in love. And I wasn't sure how to get started either so I did what people my age do use the internet

it's a really happy story but there's another part of the story that frankly even now I have a hard time talking about and it's the fact that when I was younger I would have done anything to not be gay when I began to halfway realize what it meant that i felt the way i did

about people i saw in the hallway at school or the dining hall in college it launched in me something i can only describe as a kind of war okay i love a launch a war in me it launched a war it launched a war like and sucks. He hasn't even said the most insane shit he's about to say but like he is being so weird. He's being such a fucking freak in front of this audience. He's being so weird. Instead of saying the cafeteria

at college, he's like the dining hall. Well, that's how you call it in most colleges. He went to a fancy college. Stop throwing your class at me, okay? He went to a fancy college. Stop throwing your class at me, okay? I went to a cafeteria, and that's fine. I went to a

community college that had Cafe 385.3. And it sucked. It's unfair. Why is he calling the playground a quad? Fuck y'all just wrap it up go back to Pete I'm about to gas myself

I was waiting for you to put the lighter out of your mouth that's where I gas myself. Let's go back to Pete. Also, he means gay pejorative, not sexual. Yeah.

Wait, hold on. What the hell is a gay pejorative? It's going to take you long to explain. Fine, go, go, go, go. I don't want a gay pejorative. That I would have wished for when I don't want a gay pejorative. Gay in the stupid way, Tom. It's hard to face the truth that there were times in my life when if you had shown me exactly what it was inside me that made me gay, I would have cut it out with a knife. Jesus.

That's so funny. It's so freakish. It's like such an insane thing to say in front of people. He would cut it out with a knife. Cut it out. What is it? What is the gay body part he's talking about? Honestly, is he trans? It's a pussy.

He has to cut out his pussy. Why did he turn my penis into a vagina? He could have taken a pill and gotten something removed. He's talking about the estrogen pill. He's saying if he could have been trans younger. That's a very ageist perspective. I want to speculate that if Pete transitioned,

that his personality would not become any more interesting which is virtually worse I think it would make him probably much more worse than now it is it's surprising that he didn't transition just because you know he's probably gay just as a cynical

ploy because then he could be like I I am the first trans person. If one of our insane listeners who maybe works at a consulting firm gets hired by the Pete Buttigieg 2024 campaign, please tell them that...

Yes, numbers on transitioning are way up. I'll just text Liz and just tell her this. Liz, work the trans angle next time. Liz's first line in this is...

Let me find this. She's gonna be younger, right? She is ancient. Yeah, she fucked the governor of New York three governors ago. Yeah, no, literally. She's been around.

Wait, she fucked the governor of New York? She famously fucked Eliot Spitzer, governor of New York, in the late 90s, early aughts? Like a long fucking time ago. He had his mini Monica Lewinsky scandal. Yeah. So there is no respectable previous

or current New York president or mayor. New York. Whatever, right? You know what I was trying to say. Yeah, yeah. I hate you people. I come to this meeting with- You think New York would have a good governor at all think New York had one good governor

that was during colonial times it was that one governor who would dress up as a woman and flash people on the street yo

New York has never had a respectable politician running it right no no they almost had a fucking

sorry they had in many ways Ben runs it he kind of like is the shadow governor oh my god ben if you are a governor now you almost had that bit from sex in the city you're not allowed in new york um yeah wait max do you have the do you have the clip of chastin pete talking after this speech uh you you don't need it okay yeah so after pete gets off after

i have a stage it would be too hard to get you to play after pete gets off stage um chastin debriefs with him and chastin's like hey like speech went well like do you think you like do you think you like need to use the um you know the pill line oh yes yes he's like yeah like i'm just trying to be myself and justin's like yeah without making eye contact yeah without making eye contact i'm like staring at his feet like yeah i know like i think it's like yeah it's just trying to be myself and justin's like yeah but um i just it kind of seems like you're talking about killing yourself which i never got it kind of seems like you're talking about killing yourself.

Which I never got. It kind of seems like you're talking about how you want to like be a gay teen who kills himself. And people just, I don't know if they'll respond to that. Like there are a lot of moos and ahs, but it just, and Chasten is honestly giving some of the best advice Pete has been given, which is just like, you are being a fucking freak at the victory fund. You're being a fucking freak at the victory fund. You're being a psycho. You're literally being like, when I was 14, if I could have tactically destroyed every single gay cell in my body,

if I could have done a jihad on myself for being a gay 14-year-old, I would have. I'm sad I didn't. And it's also so mean to Chasten. He is so fucking mean to Chasten all the time. If you loved your husband, you loved your husband you would end you would end this crazy thing right you would like yeah i'm glad i didn't take that pill because

i have my beautiful fat meek husband chastened who is my my rock you know you would throw you would shout out chastened at the end but by not mentioning that you know you've gotten something from being gay you're literally just chastastin is just treated like absolutely nothing. And you can see Chastin's face in this clip. He looks so sad. I mean, imagine hearing your husband being like, I want to kill myself for being gay. I have an even better clip from later on in the campaign. It's one of the last scenes in the movie.

clip from from later on in the campaign it's it's one of the last scenes in the movie um it's uh pete and chastin talking about uh like how at the very end uh like in new hampshire like i think that was the last uh like speech that they gave uh for one of these like first primaries um yeah like all the other candidates had had all the other candidates had spouses on stage, except for me or Pete. Yes. No, this clip is so fucked. And Chasten is about to cry his little faggy tears away. This is actually so sad. Why can't I be on stage?

You're going to be the only campaign that didn't have a spouse on stage. You're going to be the only campaign that didn't have your spouse on stage. They are in a room at literal opposite ends. They are so far away from each other. I have an observation. Not only do all the title cards in this movie,

but all of the hotel rooms that they stay in all match the color scheme of the Pete Buttigieg campaign style guide. That is psychotic. That's a great thing to notice. It's a great detail. Can I show y'all who p buda tag or i mean this is who chastin reminds me of i don't know who his name is but from the car we can't see because it because of your disgusting brats your brats logo green screen we need to remind everyone that we record over Zoom here. That's what Chasten looks like to me.

Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory? That's not Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory. As a baby boy? Chuck, I don't know what this cartoon is. Chuck's showing us a cartoon and saying it. I'm just saying it reminded me of Chasten. He just looks really... What is this?

What's this cartoon? Chuck just showed a picture of his phone. On his phone. It was one of those cartoons that you see on uh like porno ads where it's like play this game you'll come in five seconds oh mr peabody and sherman was the cartoon i was this cartoon i was just trying to say that it looks like Chasten to me. I kept watching the movie and thinking, oh, this cartoon character looks like Chasten. And looks like Peabody from the show,

the hit show, Peabody and Sherman. He does have the same vibes. He has the meek vibes. It's a similar vibe, yeah. Same meek vibe, but minimal influence on popular culture. But this clip Max is playing is from the end of the movie where Chasten and Pete are talking about how they're about to go on stage and steal the

Iowa caucus win. And Chastin is just like, all the other wives are on stage, why can't I be? I think something was back among the... Right, he was on stage the whole time. So was Joe. I have a good feeling

we're going to do it very, very well. We really will. Jesus. It's so bad. It's so... We just witnessed a gaslighting attempt happening in real time he's always doing that when chasten was trying to bring up the suicide thing originally he said like sure yeah maybe and then just like continued to type on his dubious little ipad keyboard combo like yeah no you cannot trust any serious politician with a keyboard

anyone with an ipad that has a keyboard attachment that is cycle behavior if you have an ipad with a keyboard attachment not even like the stiff one that's uh like aluminum or whatever he has like the really floppy like felt one yeah really that's that that one is psychotic in this in this clip like chastin is literally pointing at the screen and saying jane sanders and bernie sanders are standing next to each other why can't i do that and he was like no there's like you know there's there's a distance between the family and she's kind of in the back oh She's not even looking at him. That little looks so sad.

You were on at the end. It's fine. That little kid on stage with... Is that little kid on stage with Bernie, his son? I don't know. No, I don't think he has a 12-year-old. Irrelevant detail.

He's 80 years old. I don't think he has a 12-year-old son. That was Ben. Yeah, that was Ben. In a disguise. No. This literally gave me so much, so many horrible, horrible flashbacks to the campaign. I was so deeply triggered.

Didn't you try to sneak into the Pete Town Hall? No, I was working for Bernie. I didn't sneak into the Pete Town Hall, but I did have friends of mine who stuck into the Pete Town Hall, and they did not include this. There's so much shit. I should have gotten a starring role in this documentary, honestly.

I was so bummed that they didn't show Chastin and Reed in. Instead of the black guy getting murdered by Pete's police force, their second act should have been me cyberbullying them. Yeah, Chastin gets so sad because you're cyberbullying him and Pete.

I actually really thought i would just see you somehow in the background of one of the iowa shots no but what did happen at a pete rally in iowa is i had a bunch of i had like 17 friends of mine staying with me at my house and a bunch of them went to a pete rally and my friend batul had a giant poster that said free palestine on it and she raised it up while Pete was speaking and everyone started chanting USA at them and they got tracked out that's so insane

it's really crazy half of these people have no clue what Palestine is they're just like they know it's not America and they know it's someone who is like you know crashing their their you know friend Pete's event Iowa has a huge um zionist population all yeah they do it's all of them voting for pete i mean yeah yeah no it's all

of them like democrats are like passively zionist but or actively so um but yeah no i they did not include that one in the a lot of pete's event a lot of pete events were being crashed in iowa um by blM groups. I remember that. Yeah, none of that would be included. Of course not. Of course not, no. Again, I think we mentioned this

before we started the podcast, but there was an officer involved shooting, you know, in quotes. A cop killed a black person in South Bend during the campaign. Was it like right before the caucus too? Like a week or two ago? Or before the caucus?

Near the caucus. Yeah, nearing the caucus. But okay, the other, one of the funniest things, I think maybe I've talked about it on the show before, but I was like receiving some volunteers who came back after canvassing. And this girl was like she was like oh i talked to a pete voter but you know they're leaning away from pete and i asked them why and she said yeah like i really like pete and i've been seeing pete and chastin at all of their events

but you know i've i've noticed a precipitous decline in chastin's health and well-being like over time he's he's gaining weight and he seems really stressed i just i don decline in chastin's health and well-being like over time he's he's gaining weight and he seems really stressed i just i don't think chastin she's like i don't think chastin can handle it and i i just i don't i don't think he's ready for it so i'm thinking about supporting other people and i was like this is so fucking crazy that people are so attached to politicians like yeah deeply like deeply personal deeply emotional level that they're like he's you're noticing his hairline receding like oh money gaining weight but it was probably all true i mean i mean there's people who choose like on

even more insane grounds like i mean like goldfish chose this box instead of the other one i um one thing i noticed is that there was a lady it like cut to like a lady phone banking for pete in like his office and when you're phone making they give you like a script of like stuff you're supposed to say basically but it seemed like she was kind of winging it and it was very funny because she was fired immediately yeah yeah she was like you know she was like it's pete isn't performing like he's in a circus you know he's he's real and then the next thing it cuts to is her saying like with pete it's all about his style you know he's got style it's like yeah i was doing so much demonic shit during that time that like i have

i is coming back to me like i was really trolling i got a bunch of i had like an army of like 17 volunteers that were staying with me who were friends and i was like getting them all to make google voice numbers and then signing up for pete events using fake numbers so pete's he would think that his events were going to be way overtended i would i would sign up i would sign up random numbers to phone banking at to any to peep oh no literally the daily beast did not find out about any of this stuff it would have been so much worse for me because i was i was doing some really insane shit. That's like almost electoral fraud. Yeah, almost electoral fraud. I was sending Pete's campaigns like so many fake phone numbers.

It was, I had them call me because I had an Iowa phone number. They didn't know, like, they didn't know I worked for the campaign. They just thought I was a voter. So I would like send them my info and be like, I'm interested in Pete. And then I would get a call from a Pete staffer and just like argue with them for like an hour it's stuff like this it's stuff like this that you've done over the last like four or five years that shocked me when the daily beast article came out and i was like damn they didn't even get any of the good things he's done over the last like i was like the craziest stuff to not i mean i read the article and then i said damn they didn't even mention

like half of the meanest things he's ever done like in public to like what are you talking about to you to me but to strangers i don't think you're gonna include you and i'm sure anything they did like you i wouldn't have like ever started the podcast with you if actually no maybe i would i'm sure like everything that you've done liz smith has done things that are 1 000 times worse and more insane the way i don't think ben would have sex with a governor the way these people actually talk about each other, like politicos, it is so much worse than anything I've ever seen. These people are heinous, heinous monsters

with zero empathy. We should do another clip. Do you want to get to another clip? Do you want to see Liz Smith saying baller ass? No, don't. I think I do. Hang on. If I don't have that,

I have another really good some liz drops let's get some i want to hear some background about her liz smith she's like a political operative she was running this like um i think it was like it's some kind of para like policy or political group that was doing coalitions between Republicans and right-wing Democrats. I don't really know, Jock. She's just evil. She's just an evil bitch.

She worked for someone psycho before. She's one of those barnacles that's always in the political media sphere. You always see their names pop up. She's someone who got into politics because she wants to like speed walk around while being like if I don't have this on my desk at 4am your balls are gonna be in a

fucking plate she looks like she's doing it because she wants to like live in the west wing like the tv show visually she looks like a boring feminist Jezebel reporter but you know that's the only vibe I get

can we talk about one thing visually with her real quick and it's that boring feminist Jezebel reporter but that's the only vibe I get. Can we talk about one thing visually with her real quick? For all of her people's sunglasses that were in a shape that I don't know how to describe and didn't know that they make. What is all of her people's? Is it a fancy glasses brand? Yeah, it's a fancy sunglasses brand. They're mirrored.

They might be on their head in this yeah they were shaped like a 1950s tv screen i don't think i don't think she has them on in this one let's see um naturally with something tough like yesterday covered was a little mixed like megan mccain who loves you said that you did a piss poor job of connecting with people joy bahar said that at the town hall that you did a piss poor job of connecting with people. Joy Bahar said that at the town hall that you looked a little too green. Like you weren't ready. Like you looked a little, you know, not strong enough really to do it.

And Axelrod wrote something. She talks like Karen. One of your greatest strengths is your calm, cool, collected face. It looks like her. It looks like her. But that in this situation is pretty. I don't like her face. That's my first she has yeah bad face her her face is is like very karen like she hits that phenotype so well she fits it yeah to a team whatever whatever parent right little crack crackdown pitch yeah what whatever parent of hers approved of naming her lis is is also to blame for whatever

i think that's that's probably her choice yeah she probably just made that up she's like a girl she's a quirked up shouty she's a quirked up shorty she she looks like uh like the lesbian like the dyke version of a twig you know like a they them twig for a string you know she's kind of like that same level of toxicity like she's even wearing the same hoodie You know, like a they-them twig? Or a string? She's kind of like that same level of toxicity. Like she's even wearing the same hoodie as Karen. The same like zip up. Yes.

Do we have Max the clip of Chasten going to the gay camp? Please tell me you have the clip of Chasten going to the gay camp. Making drag taters? Making drag taters. Hang on, give me just a sec. Oh my God. I can find it real quick. The drag taters were so sad when chastin reveals i almost did it i didn't want to clip it because it seemed like so like too much

at this at this camp for disabled gay people no no no it's not disabled i don't know where you're getting at. I think, I just assumed that, no wait, no, no, just hear me out. I just assumed since, like, Chastin was talking to them that, you know, that was the level that, you know. That they were, that Chastin is like, you know, yeah, like, you thought it was like a pity photo.

His slow speech would be really well equipped to deal with that kind of community of gay people I'm sure his base level thoughts the room was very autistic alright alright shall we get into the clip because it gets pretty autistic do you have him in the car

because okay we need to see him the car is insane okay let's go. Actually, it starts with something else that I did have a clip and I did want to talk about, which is the Dairy Queen scene where he's just like talking. Actually, we don't have to talk about it, but that is that is a great clip. If you see it on Twitter, it's great.

I'll put it in here and then we can talk and slow it down. Talk about the car. Oh. Talk about the car. I don't think I ever assumed this would be the kind of life that I would have. Okay, pause it. Chasten did something that was so, so crazy. I did not catch this on the first viewing. And then I saw a tweet, like a Paul Kupo tweet where he clipped this and pointed it out.

And I was like, okay, this is fucking crazy. He, Chasten is in the backseat. He sprays himself in the face with a mist of some sort and then he takes his shirt off and he has another shirt that he's about to put on and then he sprays with the same

product, he sprays the shirt. What? That's rose water. It's not rose water. I literally, i'm virtually moisture moisture helps uh take out like all the all the kinks and like wrinkles and shirts yeah if it's a cotton shirt it should work i just want to say that the only time that i felt any humanity throughout this entire documentary was was the scene that i saw this happening because i've done this very same thing you mean this scene the scene where you saw this happening you mean this scene yeah chill chill okay so the second i

saw this scene happening i was like damn this is the only time that chastin has smiled this entire movie it's the only time he looks happy he closes his eyes in ecstasy he lets the mist take away his jingle he hummed the McDonald's jingle. And then he sprayed himself on the face with the mist. He got $20,000 extra under the table for that from McDonald's. And then he also had a deal with Sephora

for this fucking rose. The rose water is available at every store. I love the idea of him being an influencer. If it's rose water then i i do feel bad for him again maybe because that's like super gay to spray rose water on your face and then on a shirt it's so i i think it's i think it's cute i thought it was cute that he did the shirt he puts the shirt he puts on says it's it says in like it's like one of those epic style t-shirts and it says, not your typical gay camp.

All right. I pledge my heart. I pledge my heart. To the rainbow. To the rainbow. Of the not so typical gay camp. Of the not so typical gay camp. One camp.

One camp. Full of pride. Full of pride. Indivisible. Indivisible. With affirmation and equal rights for all. With affirmation and equal rights for all. With affirmation and equal rights for all. Watch your heads. I had to take my headphones off because it made me so uncomfortable to even hear that speech one more time.

What is a typical gay camp? What is a typical gay camp? By saying this is a not so typical gay camp, you are implying the existence of a typical gay camp. I'm not even trying to be an edgelord, but that is literally like a gay prison camp. I was about to say the only gay camp out there is the ones where they're killing gay people in Russia or like a gay concentration camp in some other country.

Perhaps, you know, somewhere. Maybe that's where their parents thought they were sending those kids. What country, Jock? Great Britain? Borneo. No, I love this scene. I actually thought this scene was kind of sweet. Yeah.

Because it's like a kind of, you know, meek, spurgy gay elder relating with his, relating with his counterparts. Because for Chastin, I do deeply understand why Chastin is so traumatized. Chastin wanted nothing more than to be a 13-year-old in GSA. But he couldn't. And it traumatized him. He wanted to be a little gay preteen. He had some fixation with this. He wanted to be a little queen. He wanted to be a little gay preteen. He has some fixation with this.

He wanted to be a little queen. He wanted to be a little queen. He wanted to be mommy's little queen and he could never be that. Now he gets to do this with these gay GSA teens. It's actually kind of sweet. It's corny. Are you back on Team Chastain now, Ben? This is making me feel pro-Chastain again.

Yeah, see? The entire first half makes you feel like, okay, you know what? Fuck, fuck. He gets so annoying. He rails off a bunch of, like, cow jokes at the end, and it's very... Yes, yes.

Yeah, it kills everything. After we play all the clips, I want to play my clip of Chastain saying, like, seven slurs in a row and see how much you still like him. And he literally says your name in it so ready i i what's that app where you pay people celebrities to talk for you it's called cameo yeah i got a cameo i bought a cameo of chaston and he says i hate ben mora

oh my god maybe i wait ben wait to christmas you might get the present you've always wanted oh there's there's a part where a woman goes up to pete and says thanks for being gay because i have autism and it really made me feel and you can tell pete is so not he wants to kill her yeah he's like she's like thanks so much for living truthfully you helped me so much i'm autistic and he's like it was very sweet like have a good day yeah he's like wait and then immediately after that like a four-year-old right after that a 40-year-old woman ish woman maybe older walks up and says my brother od'd he's dead and i want to know how what what is your policy on uh drugs and people dying and just completely just talking

no he he he literally said he says he says if you just go to my website and look at the addiction and uh drugs section he says he says a really annoying thing where he's like we're not only going to think about um why like we're not going to think about drugs but we're going to think about why this is happening even to begin with yeah i i there there's nothing more infuriating than someone who has no relationship to drugs or to i don't think it matters about his personal relationship what What matters is that he was a politician actively shitting all over Medicare for All. There's one moment at the very

end where Chastin is like, you have to remember why you're doing this. And then Pete says, they made me do it. And I'm like, what, the CIA? I know. But that's Chastin's... Chastin's complete and total obsession with the true self and the authentic self.

He's not talking about his self, right? I don't think Chastain feels uncomfortable with how he lives his life. I think Chastain is totally doing that in line with whatever he thinks of his authentic person. But it is always always always deflected towards like pete like he's he's he's nagging pete right because he i think like most people feels that like something is off about pete like there's something yeah there's something pete's not telling him like he's he's gone all the time he's going to the middle east on these weird trips he's like you know he's why do we have a resource map it's like it's like no like chastity what you mean by you know you want p to be his authentic

self is that you want p to finally come out to you as a cia agent like you need you need to know why this is happening like i really think that's where it is because chastin seems totally fine you know i think that would be a very happy ending for both like happy relationship wise there's no happy ending between these two unless unless uh pete gets that second lobotomy and it sends him over from being uh human to just being like an object that uh chastin could finally well we will mend to his own direction what's faded for them they have they have kids now you know so oh yeah they let them have kids somehow them sitting in the hospital like they gave birth yeah that was so funny i okay there's like there's one moment in this where they're talking and chastin's like yeah we were we were gonna have kids before you started on this whole project and then pete was like could you imagine if we were five months into having

kids and chasten there's a pause and he's like yeah and then it cuts to chasten in the car talking to like a campaign person and the campaign person is like if you want we can talk about you guys not having kids as part of like the narrative. And Chastin's like, nope, I want to talk about something else. I want to talk about something else. It's like, oh, poor Chastin. And then they drive past these right wing protesters and one of them is whipping the other one. I saw those guys in real life.

I saw those guys in real life. They would follow. They would follow. No, I love them. They would follow Pete around Iowa. Really? No, I love them. They would follow Pete around Iowa.

And in front of all of Pete's events, there would be a guy dressed up like Jesus and a guy dressed up like the devil. And Jesus would literally be holding a life-size crucifix on his back while being whipped by the devil. And then they would have a guy holding a sign that said, Sodom and Gomorrah is already here or something like that. And he would just be yelling about how gay politicians are taking over the country and corrupting our youth. And I was like,

these guys are like... So cool. They're so cool. If I didn't work for Bernie, I would be on the road with him following Peter out of control. I would be the devil. Honestly, as long as it didn't reflect any of my

personal beliefs, I would love to be the Jesus getting whipped all day. That sounds so fun. Yeah, that guy was clearly into it. No, they weren't. It was also very gay. Yes. Yeah, of course. Very like screaming about how you don't

want a gay politician as you whip media. Jacques, I feel like you'd be very into like screaming about how you don't want a gay politician as you wear public king yeah yeah jock i feel like you'd be very into like being the jesus that gets put up in like mexican easter celebrations like they actually do crucifixions yeah they do actually where they yeah they put nails in people's wrists and shit like they're not kidding around i love it i i've seen the passions of christ with mel gibson and it's not hard get crucified and then yell at people to feed him and then they would have to like feed jock and cheese there would be a scene where they like draw the curtain down covering the cross and

come on put the donuts in my mouth before we open for the second act jesus was fed uh or given to drink a sponge full of vinegar jock will be given a donut dipped in uh vinegar okay or vinegar yeah do we have another do we have another clip you want to play let's do i do have like the victory speeches uh and and and okay this movie does have like one good thing like no this movie sucked to watch no no no stop this movie has one good thing and you missed it because you don't know any better but it's it's when uh joe biden comes up to you and talks oh my god i even wrote this in my notes because i thought it was so funny he's so fucking smug and and uh like they interact with each other and then immediately you know joe biden's like okay well take care coming up and

meeting pete yeah yeah yeah this comes up for like less than a minute in in the documentary but i wish i could have watched hours and hours of conversation it's so good backstage immediately i'm gonna go into the the clip really quick yeah hang on talk backstage. Immediately. I'm going to go into the clip really quick. Yeah. Hang on. All the stars are here. I love Liz Smith. Liz is so cool.

What's up, man? Okay, Pete is standing by. He's so suspiciously okay okay he has so much swag i mean there's like a lot to dissect here this is probably immediate one of the most consequential scenes in terms of like what happened in the campaign i just want to because here he is talking about party strength and party unity. That's the deal to these folks. There's pretty much every decision that Pete does politically, or in terms of campaign-wise in here, he tries to justify as, I'm doing this for the strength of the party.

I mean, Pete knew he was not going to win the presidency. So you're just lobbying're just like uh like lobbying for a cabinet position you know i love yeah how dismissive obviously that joe biden is to him he's just kind of basically he doesn't even know what's going on but but but but obviously obviously uh pete takes it very personally and it immediately goes to the campaign room after that scene and where they're talking about meeting joe biden he's like oh it was just really nice you know he just puts on this really fake like oh it's just so nice to be joe biden and like you know inside he's like burning up he's like well he didn't even talk to me 10 minutes because he says that to liz smith

and you can tell liz smith is like red so ready to be like he's he's totally out to lunch he's gone he's sundowning liz smith immediately was calling him a like retarded old creep yeah yeah yeah yeah that may be so but um we had an entire minute of footage of joe biden not a single time did he shit himself i mean he was he was better off back then. Is there actual footage of the poop coming out of his pants? Yes. Is there? Yes. Yeah, it came out of his pants.

Have you guys seen that? That's concert footage. Okay, so it's not exactly of the actual. It rolled out of his pants like at the Vatican. It rolled down the staircase and it hit the Pope. As you guys picked it up in that metal stick. They baptized Joe Biden's church church that's so horrible if that happened you know it's all gave it a little kiss it looked like that video of that metal singer pissing on that family oh my

god that was so insane letting loose oh my god that's all we were talking about last night a torrential she already apologized six hours later after doing it like look why did she hang on why did she apologize the band apologized because she was she went a little too far yeah well the part that she put a little too she seemed like she was right we're talking about this woman. Brass Against. This is called Brass Against. And the woman's name is Sofia Yurista. And she stood over not her name. I swear to God that is her name.

What the fuck? It is her name. Anyway, okay guys. Thank you. At least someone does. Believe women. Jesus! Okay, so she pulls a fan out of the crowd and she's like

violently trying to pee standing above this guy lying under her. And finally the piss starts coming out and it is the most violent. It was a heavy stream. It looked like a fire hydrant. Mount Vesuvius eruption of piss on top of this van.

You can literally see. A water beam broke out of her pussy. You can literally see the steaming air of piss on his face. There are cartoon steam lines coming up. Like a pie in a window sill. And then finally, at the end of it, she goes, I'm going to shite. I'm going to shite. And then she pulls her pants end of it she goes oh i'm gonna shite i'm gonna shite and then she pulls her pants up as if she's gonna she's gone too far now she's gonna poop on him

and then the okay i honestly find nothing like too disturbing about her doing this they're at like a punk show whatever if you're a fan and you're like disturbed by this get get a grip but then she after she did this she kicked a bunch of the urine into the face of the front row I would be so pissed if you're a ska punk fan you deserve worse yeah I don't think they're a ska band they're like a

brass punk band what the fuck else are they gonna be yeah it's folk British folk it's the only kind of punk there is I listen to one of their songs and they're terrible let's get back to Pete. That was the most fun I had this whole recording. He was talking about the peeing woman. It's important that we mentioned it.

One final clip of Pete ending his campaign. They got this on video, which I guess good for them. It's like one of those scenes that you need to have in your fucking documentary. Pete making the call being like, yeah, let's shut it down. After this clip, I hope I never hear his name until I read his obituary. That's how you end a presidential campaign.

When did you make that decision? Overnight, just before bed. We did a call and just looked at numbers. It was pretty clear where we are. I mean, you could keep pushing, but it doesn't seem like... I mean, it's just not there. And we have a chance to do some good now. I mean, if it's true that too many candidates in this race are cluttering it,

there's two things you can do about that. One of them is win. I mean, it's because he got the call from Obama. And this needle drop is so unbelievable. When I heard that, I was like... I went a little too far. Are you talking about when they played Lou Reed? Yeah, when they played Lou Reed.

I watched this entire movie standing up in my living room and I was literally standing the entire time because I was so stressed and when this happened, I was just like... I was like... I started rocking. You put a gun in your mouth. I'm not going to play it

on here, but I'm going to leave it on just underneath just to get the vibe yeah I fell asleep two times trying to watch this the first time and I've only fallen asleep with one other movie the lobster and I okay you fell asleep during the equally as boring that's the point okay okay well we can we can let's wrap it up with a couple of our okay yeah how did you did you emerge pro or anti chastin i i was protesting through most of it but then at the very end they say there's someone in the audience just like a cow and it's very obviously it's very obviously like i don't know like a plant kind of moment and chastin rails off like 12 cow jokes within like 10 seconds and if like i don't know i that really got me mad and you could tell pete was

it's because it's because like they they are clearly like making this documentary and they're like okay there are so few moments with pete and chastin in which they are not having a bitter fight in like in like passive-aggress aggressive like riddles you know yeah like the those moments are so sparse that when they do have the opportunity to do a kind of like really relatable like epic like parks and rec adjacent like uh humanizing bit they overkill yeah because they have they don't they made Liz Smith Google 100 cow jokes. Chasten just fires off 12 cow puns and you know it's because there's a PA

right next to him feeding. Do we know whose side the cow is on? Okay. Look, if we're going to get anywhere, we really need to move people on this issue. Jesus. And maybe what would be really helpful is we just get all the candidates, you know, for one big cattle call. Yeah. Now, look, I'm not going to come up with this issue like a bull in the check.

Yeah. Thank you. He's so mad. He's so mad. That's enough. And Pete is trying so hard to not punch Chastity. Punch a wall. Yeah wall yeah you know he went back home and got the dog's other eye yeah absolutely truman is now truman out now has no

arms no legs no eyes no ears truman is like i had two um final notes on their relationship and first of all and just just big capital letters, I wrote unsupportive partner to a very supportive partner. I did feel bad for Chaston because literally virtually any time he gets suggest anything to Pete, Pete looks at him like, I'm going to kill you when I get home or I'm going to put the fear into your eyes. And honestly, there are a lot of times where I just felt like

I would have had a lot more respect for Pete and and chaston if pete was just hitting chaston like if he had just i just wrote that i wrote that down understand you wouldn't you thought their marriage would have come across better if they were doing spousal like a dog what i feel like for whatever reason, I feel like Pete would relate to middle America better. If he beat his wife. If he was abusive physically and not just emotionally. I could just imagine the people. I could just imagine those people who are on the fence about Pete being like,

look, he might be a fag, but he beats his wife just like i'd be mine so you think i don't i don't think that would have helped them i don't know that's that's why i texted lynn and she said it was so strong in the campaign it turns out that looking looking like you don't take any shit from your wife, uh, makes you pull really well in, uh, uh, Iowa, New Hampshire. You left the movie anti-Chaston. I do feel bad for him, but like there,

like there's one part where they tell Pete that he won the Iowa caucus when he's in like the bathroom at the campaign office. And Chaston's like, we did it. We've won. And Pete's like, we did it, but it's not yet. Uh uh it's not yet a victory

because then even and then pete turns toward the mirror and starts giving like a speech to himself in the mirror and chastin's like okay and then walks away like clearly just like distraught yeah yeah there are moments in this movie where like pete says pete goes full like operator mode in front of chastin. Yeah. He busts out the Obama voice in those moments. I don't know if you noticed, but he goes full... And pussy too. You know? And dick too.

And dick too. And pussy too. And pussy too. Oh, my God. What about you two, Jock? Well, you said you're you gotta have them wigs and got and t2 i'm gonna take back my really inappropriate comment about chastin should have that you wish chastin was the victim of spousal abuse

i was just saying probably let's walk that back listen to the walk back on this has that been a fictional movie it would have been a lot more entertaining because it just felt so dry and i was looking for drama or conflict the whole movie in a way it is fictional because they don't love each other okay they we have it is lying about being yeah it is a fictional because but people people say pete's not gay which i hear is but then people are like it's because he's straight no he is literally ace. He's career or sell. He's career or sell. But one thing we didn't mention, which is literally fictitious, was Pete is at the town

hall after, I think the man's name is Eric Logan, the black guy who was murdered by police. Pete is at this town hall and he is getting absolutely just fucking crucified he is getting yelled at it was that was my favorite scene where he is just like getting fucking getting yelled at by people who are just like you're you're nothing but a photo op this is all staged no one no one likes you we're not gonna fucking vote for you and the least you could do is just be honest so you know you have moral compass in your own life and he's like i'm not gonna get defensive but honest who you know you have moral compass in your life and he's like i'm not gonna get defensive but also let me be defensive for a second real quick yeah he's like in a robot mode yeah and so that like he is let me get defensive really is the gay let me be clear yeah let me get defensive

yeah let me get let me be clear let me clarify what that does it all the time he is at this town hall you know getting yelled at everyone in the crowd first of all it's not even that well attended but everyone in the crowd is there to basically yell at him and then he gets yelled at and he does this he responds and just the most annoying language possible he was like this is not just the uh end of the conversation this is in fact the beginning of the conversation and i hope you all continue to be such great activists and hold us to task because that's the only way we're ever going to get anything done. And then it ends.

But like, so there is such a clear like chorus of applause that is dubbed in. Like, the amount of people clapping in the dub is like seven times the amount of people who could have feasibly fit into that

room oh yeah there's like whistling and cowbells who brings a cowbell to a city council meeting about like racist about a police shooting a police shooting yeah yeah no it's not they were not 3 000 racists in the room though cheering yeah the plot the applause was yeah they got cheerleaders to come in r c and i mean there is there every all of the applause like if you haven't seen this give me an m if you haven't seen this movie and it's like all of the applause in this movie is stopped all of the applause there's a part where they get stuck in an elevator and they dub in like the i movie stock alarm sound and they stuck in an elevator and they dub in like the iMovie stock alarm sound and they're like oh

and they dub in Muzak too and it's like come on it's such a weird choice so stupid and that elevator scene where she sits down on the ground Liz Smith sits on the ground

Liz starts having a breakdown she's like I just want to have my center of gravity ready when it starts to fall the elevator's not going to fall out of the again again that's the pill head thought 10 more seconds and Liz would have been like who are we eating first

literally she's like I wish Shasta was here you'd be so tasty i wish we had that little butterball on here she's looking like a little butterball herself she's a queen um all right any final thoughts what am i yeah one of my moofos matched with her on tinder no way yeah my friend misha was probably one of the hottest people i've ever seen uh matched with her on tinder uh in miami uh like a couple weeks ago uh and added her like hey why did you unmatch me because apparently she did she said it was a scammer who's trying to pretend to

be liz smith i believe it i I believe it. Everyone's always. I. I would do a fake Liz Smith. I mean, I guess. Ben was catfishing people. I was catfishing using Liz Smith. For years, I thought I was having an intimate text message conversation between a Louisiana politician that I won't name.

It was literally Ben. John Mellon. Like four years. I want to say, though, I did pull a trick prank on ben earlier before the episode started where i didn't believe you jock did it was i got him you did not you know you did not i did not i got him y'all everyone who's listening right now i just want you to all know that i shot gonsolin got ben he's been got i mean okay't really. I've tricked him. Yes, sir. Okay, you got me. There's one more thing I wanted to mention is at one point,

they show like a giant like Dr. Seuss style machine that is sucking all the leaves off the street. Oh my God. And I've never seen that before in my life. And I was like. It's in the beginning where Pete is doing like all of his little like mayoral. All of his mayor shit. Photo ops.

Mayor bullshit. Yeah. He never wears a sash for a gay mayor he doesn't wear a sash for even a second and he only kisses his husband like once and is disgusted by it i mean it's kind of fishy i can only find two pictures of him kissing chastin okay there's a scene when he's doing his mayoral stuff where there's he instead of like having a giant pair of scissors and cutting a giant red ribbon there's a fire truck hose and he disconnects it it was very strange it was very yes yes because it was like a three second clip

and he's like you know picking up the leaves of the town folk and then he's doing a photo op with a fire hose and he's literally unscrewing the fire hose and like pulling them apart and i'm like okay was this some kind of like austerity measure he was doing where he was was he like defunding the fire he was using it to do uh chest and the norm as opposed to like siphoning gas i think i would have trusted power washing that thing i think i would have trusted I think I would have trusted Pete if he had all dressed like a

gay person like Napoleon or Liberace or like Elton John the most famous gay man I thought he would wear like a full like just powdered wig like old Victorian style I just assume that for everyone

nobody hates having to pretend to be gay. He hates it. He hates it. Every single meeting they have, they're like, he just hates talking about it. He hates bringing it up. He gets mad every time. He has a very non-gay haircut.

Have you guys noticed that? Like, it's not like long enough for it to be flowy. It's still very like army style. It's like a Lego piece. Like a Lego piece, yeah. Like, if you really wanted to like dial in the gayness without wanting to like, without looking like you're pretending at least,

like you could just buzz all your hair off and like grow a beard. Like that's a very trade, you know. Yeah. It's a very hot look. I want DL trade for president. Yeah, when are we going to get that trade for president? Yeah, I want Mr. Clean Pete. Yeah. Mr are we going to get a trade for president? Yeah, Mr. Clean. Mr. Clean with a beard.

Like that picture or Photoshop of Trump with a beard, but bald head. He looks fucking great. I know how in the old Animorphs paper books, like paperback books, how they would have the picture of the

human transitioning into an animal yes yeah he looks like one of the stills mid-transition yeah from human and a rat no from human to otter he has like the exact same he has the exact same features of whatever species no no no he looks like a sea mammal. He has sea mammal vibes. Sea mammal? River mammal. He's like a river mammal. I just think

I think otters are too cute. He's a river rat. Yeah, that's what they call him. Ben is adamant that otters are too cute. Otters are too cute to look like Pete. No, no, no but You're missing the point Obviously otters look cute maybe a human could look cute But he is

He's the stuck in between the mid-length Animorph I'll accept it It's like Jeff Goldblum in the fly It's disgusting It's two points Jock zero points Ben this episode I've won a lot today You have won a lot today you have won a lot

yeah you tricked Ben earlier you tricked me Max admitted that he was wrong um shut the fuck up okay any final thoughts on the beat doc before we wrap it up no I think I've got it

yeah I'm exhausted. Show me. I want to see the Liz Smith cut. I want to see the Liz Smith cut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would kill to actually see an unedited just doc of what that can be. Okay, wait. We forgot to mention the craziest Liz Smith line, which is the first line she says, which

is, you could give some baller ass wonky answer on North Korea. Oh my God. I have a recording. I have a recording. I can send it to you, Max. We can edit it. Yeah. Yes, please. Yeah. We can end it.

We can end it on this epic quote from our beautiful lady, Liz Smith. Elizabeth Smith. Elizabeth Smith. Lady of America. We love. Good night. Yeah. Because you can give some like baller ass wonky answer on North Korea, Lady of America We love Good night Yeah Cause you can give some like

Baller ass wonky answer On North Korea But no one will give a shit Because like That's North Korea's not where People's hearts are Outro Music