Seeking Derangements - *Unlocked* SD 168 UB 4 Dr Bronner Face Reveal

Episode Date: December 23, 2022

We're Baaaaaack! For this week's Undercover Billionaire bonus ep you are locked in The Business Chamber alone with Ben and Jake, who discuss our beautiful, beautiful billionaires: Grant's struggles with COVID, Monique's struggles with flat tires, and Elaine's struggles with nothing because she is a perfect queen playing 5D Go. They also discuss their weekly expenses, the difference between Entrepreneurs and Technicians, and much more!

Yes, hit the drums, Ruby. And let's fuck up some shit for the kids. Yes. Yes. Ha, ha, ha. Yes, this is Ruby. I'm just sitting here trying to keep cool i'm just sitting up here trying to keep cool sitting back here talking some stuff for the kids

yes the kids don't they don't know none of me you don't want for the ruby job because ruby know how to let the kids have it Okay, Jake, what were you saying about you were saying technician versus Jake is stealing the podcast from out under me. We have no HESA today. No HESA, but you know what? People have said it before, but

it just seems like no one wants to work nowadays. They're not sending their best people another amazing quote by a gene they're not sending their best folks they're not sending their best trans producers folks they're sending the lazy ones the lazy the Sicilian

ones they don't like to work they hate working exactly speaking of my italian landlord my whole building the heat is off so it's freezing in here i never use my apartment using your heat is a fucking scam first of all you don't use your heat at all i turn off every apartment i lived in i turn off the radiator immediately right but no but here i have central heat like i have like events everywhere there's no radiation then it was nice for like a month even then i don't like it makes the air so like stale and dry but remember the weird thing about my apartment my landlord is an ac repair guy so like we got ours are fine-tuned i guess whatever you

need whatever you it's either like living your apartment is either like living in a fridge or like living in an oven yeah no offense to you my sicilian landlord you mean i was going to say no offense to your jewish ancestors boom boom got him gotcha um so we're starting out today with yeah let's skip your apartment stuff let's with a trio yeah an article you read recently um well you know what we'll get to that in today's episode but why don't we start with what you wanted to start with take it away mama okay what i wanted to start with is do a little hustle report how so if we can get a cha-ching right in there he's not gonna do it um hustle report i want to go over what we spent and what we earned today okay today because i have i woke up i've been working since

the moment i woke up i took a i woke up at like 10 i worked for 12 hours i took it i took a 30 minute fortnight break and then i hopped on here to get to this show with you so we've both been working all i literally spend my entire day at my computer working except for the half hour breaks where i play fortnite with ben period which is also we're gonna collect that as work time because we come up with ideas for so um today's a bad day to look at my finances because i because i like indulge more today on a personal expense than i have like this whole year today i'm having my room renovated I know it's a rental and I shouldn't be doing it I'm putting money into a rental I lived everywhere I've lived in New York has been for like three or four years

and I hate my room the whole time and I like drill holes in the wall and I never take them out I just like feel like I live in like a and I don't even live in Bushwick anymore but I just feel like so gross when I get home and I'm sick of having it so i decided i'm gonna paint the whole thing i'm gonna like build custom furniture and so i had i had a crew of like six mexican guys at my house today and we were going ham and i blew you scared them yeah i but i blew 1800 bucks today I blew, I blew like. You scared them. Yeah, but I blew 1,800 bucks today. Oof.

Yeah, but it's worth it. My room's going to be gorgeous. You're building a custom shelving along the wall. Yeah, but I think it's. And getting some custom paint work done. I'm doing a custom desk, custom shelves, like shelves that are also sort of for keeping clothes in. So we'll all look like an inlay inlay yeah it's all like inlay

it's yeah it's nice it's all like cut right to the dimensions of the room oh i know i've done that work i've seen your door i'm your mexican friend your wall of doors yes me and my dad showed up to do that job it would literally be like, what wood can we find in a dumpster to make wood? I would love it. Make this tea slur pay double price. Make this a honky. You scared them. Yeah, I totally scared them.

I guarantee you one of them was like, what the fuck? What the fuck are we doing here? That's part of that should be a business lesson that you will help teach us how to, uh, hire a Mexican renovators to not be scared of their trans clients. It's truly, I've got like three guys out in this city. They're not all Mexican, but like got like three contractors who all love me.

Cause I bring them work on like a monthly basis. Yeah. That's just about. Um, but yeah, I feel like, uh, getting a fully black and red room that's so crazy it's like a black

box room with some red accents it's crazy but i'm doing me what did you spend today i had a huge business flop that's all you all that's only thing you spent was eighteen hundred dollars um i spent like twelve dollars at thei. You don't remember spending a little more? Okay, I also spent like $900 on an Airbnb. I spent $900 on an Airbnb. I know, we both spent $900 on an Airbnb today. You haven't paid me. I have to pay for half of yours, and I got one in Berlin.

Well, you haven't paid for half of mine. Yeah, I have to pay. I owe you like $450. Well, that's why I wanted to spend verse earned bitch because you're gonna fly I'm gonna have to Venmo me before this recording is over I Was so mad and you did I got a flashback to when you didn't pay me back for the jvn not paying challenge go out to dinner and don't pay you love that challenge you love that challenge go to a concert don't pay your friend back

jake didn't jake one time did not pay me 90 jake left me one time left me on the hook for a month For $90 For the JVN live show That we went to Radio City Music Off That we got absolutely Clocked walking up to The usher person

Or whoever's outside was like Hey right this way JVN show We're like a full block away. I was like, no way we're the most LGBTQ people here. No way. Visually, we were like, we looked like truckers compared to that crowd. I definitely dressed up.

I didn't. Yeah, you were wearing your intersectional pride flag leotard oh god yeah so I woke up I had a huge business fail this morning I went to my

laundromat to pick up shirts blank shirts my t-shirt business numberonefranchise.com and the laundromat lady lost them she's new what kind of laundromat do you go to it used to be oh just it is a it is just a drop-off pickup chinese though right it's a chinese owned but it's all like you know latinas there and it takes so hard like honestly on like it i i didn't freak out on her i wanted to but it was literally just because she was latina it was her first reason racism in action

if that was a white lady she would have killed you paid full price or did you come to a deal i haven't come to any deal because she was like basically I had like $60 worth of shirts blank shirts that I was having washed before I was going to print on them and you know mail them out they lost those it's around that was around 30 some shirts just lost completely

at this laundromat that I can't make now put my production is now behind gonna be behind by like four or five days and i'm leaving on monday you know to go to louisiana so now it's just gonna be like i'm working up i'm going to be working up until the very last moment the customers won't notice a difference because it's like ben does a crazy thing where when he makes too many money that he's expending i have too many excuse will you call your money fun money you you separate the money you make poverty mindset yeah it ben specifically says ben will make money and be like that's that's money for the casino

that's what i expected to make this week i will go out of my way to take on more projects or work more jobs so i can immediately blow it yeah duh yeah i'm not i'm not constantly working to take in income i could be but i don't want to because i value my free time but anyways i didn't blow up on this bitch i'm just gonna have to eat the cost which are going to be around 120 you should come to you should make a deal you should say you get a hundred dollars of free laundry in the future with her can you do that at laundromats i mean if they if you're you're mad enough you can get anything well she she was like come back tomorrow maybe i'll find it and i'm like i don't have time so i had to reorder it but i'll just keep it in backstock you told me i should have more backstock but it's hard yeah i do think you have more back because i have too many skews

i have too many skews i'd have to invest so much money into backstop what color and size but i'm just saying black and white like color slot size sleeve um hoodie sweater i have right but black white gray all short and long you should just have 20 i have those these are all like maroon navy camo stuff sounds like you have an inventory problem i have i do i do have an inventory problem. I do. I do have an inventory problem. I have an inventory problem. I have too many SKUs. I really need to limit them, but I kind of like having that many SKUs.

You need an it piece. You need one to blow up so you can stop making the others. The Cleveland Crime Foundation has been that. I'm happy to have this. It's a side job. I'm happy to have that there just as a you know well i'm gonna i think that next week on next week's episode we're gonna go over our monthly finances what do we make what do we spend oof i don't know if i want the listener to know we're gonna break it down we can anyways okay so i so i basically lost 120 and then i

spent 900 on an airbnb for someone we're flying out for a little project we're working on um sounds like your ass is still in triple digits and then you've been spending enough you're not spending four digits a day you're renovating your bedroom every single day i um then i spent i bummed this i've won two cigarettes for a dollar that's not bumming not bumming you know what i mean i bought two cigarettes for a dollar it's a transaction um what else train fare sounds like you're still under vinyl which all in all that is probably around 50

pardon me um I bought a bottle of wine $16 and that's it but I felt like I spent so much more because I had to buy for clothes i already bought

that were lost by the laundry man right yeah like an unexpected expense so much it stings so much to have like an unexpected expense even if it's 60 bucks i was so mad it's like when you realize you forgot to return something yeah it's the same feeling worse because you can't yell at the fucking lady because she's latina and you don't want to be mean i thought you said she was chinese no she was latina i said you should you should be able to yell at the latina to yell at a latina i know if i if my spanish is good enough um unfortunately i need to I need to practice my Spanish so I can yell at Latinas. Duolingo. The Duolingo Karen version which just teaches you how to say

It's just for the send back different foods. It's just for the send back Let me speak to your manager. How do you say that in Spanish? I don't fucking know. ¿Puedo hablar con el jefe? Can I talk to the boss?

Dime, dime, dime al jefe. Puta. Give me the boss, bitch. I'll go back and say that to her. I'll hold my phone one inch away from my face and do google translate where i'm like typing into my phone let me speak to your boss you stupid bitch and then holding the phone up to my ears and then she'll do it back she'll do it back she'll just show me a picture that says faggot like how people do at concerts

aids with the big check mark under it your test report it will be tested your results um i don't know what what's in the news what's in the news business news what's in the news? Business news? What's in business news? Dr. Bronner is a he-they cat boy. You see that? Wait, what? Okay, Google. Pull up Google. This is when you need a visual for.

I thought you were about to get Siri on board. Hey, Siri, pull up Dr. Bronner. Well, I will say that label does seem autistic. You will be shocked. That that label before i get there we can agree oh it's the original autism i was gonna say and we all know it's we all know trans is just a mere stone skip away from autist it's not all the time kind of like wellness cmos autism is like dr bronner speak okay dr bronner um face reveal it's like his most like dr bronner dr bronner face reveal

you should use his picture to be the um the icon for this episode i'm seeing a bunch of women who have had horrible outbreaks because they use dr broad okay search dr brunner cat boy is the first one on uh what even is a cat boy you'll see him he's a cat man someone told me i have a cat man i'm so sorry wait dr brunner's alive i thought it was like a nazi doctor no it's this guy ew do you see how yeah that's disgusting isn't that crazy i truly thought that dr bronner was like dr martin i kind of fuck with this guy i i literally thought he was a nazi scientist it was just so good they couldn't give it up honestly he's worse this is much worse

than i expected this is he's kind of like nazi i don't know i need to hear him speak but this isn't giving um queer eye there's something there's something interesting about this so he's wearing a polka dot print silk skirt a kind of faux fur uh white to purple gradient um and he has a very interesting no shirt he has uh he's giving that what's that you know will uh blunderfield blunderfield yeah he's giving that kind of energy his success very much more successful brother yeah um like herbalist so he's a cat boy that was was that a big dr bronner in this national coming out day david bronner opens up about identifying as he they sharing that he isn't solely straight gay or man or woman hassa can you put a sound effect in here yeah can we get to some kind of maybe a toilet flushing or a slide whistle or a big car crash

a car 45 seconds of a car crash a car crash that goes on way too long um speaking of which i so i just listened to it the last episode which is the first time i've listened to this podcast and that's how true that you've been on this podcast before right right no but the first time that i've sat down and listened to the episode where I'm on. Oh, I see. And it is the freaking lot radio up in here. There is chill out techno. It is like trancy vibes.

Very nice. We do it. Well, Hessa does it, but it's a collaborative project. I'll say something like hey can we get cha-ching right here and then she'll have to spend 45 minutes can we can we get another cha-ching right here another chi-ching right here um that just spent a lot of time doing it but we love should we get to the episode yeah let's do it so we're on episode four episode billionaire um i will say this episode had a few of my favorite standout it had some great moments again a quick episode not so much got done no it's a 45 minute one for some reason like we mentioned there's there's a string

of three 45 minute episodes in a complete season of 14 episode season where every other episode is 90 minutes so i don't know why this happened but this is a random like 45 minute one not a lot happened business-wise but i would say a lot there's a lot of character development um so why don't we start with grant i think let's start with grant um grant has quite an eventful episode i gotta get my together here man so he's feeling a little down. He's feeling kind of sick. He's mad. He's confused, disoriented.

And he... Not in Miami anymore. So he starts out sort of saying, he's feeling down, but the most important thing is to get out the door and start thinking of ideas and get himself out the door. Because he's frustrated. He's frustrated because he's like, 17 days in, I only nine thousand dollars um and he kind of harangues the cameraman again and he

goes on a coke ramble where he talks about his but so i sort of agree with him here he has the best long-term plan out of yeah he totally does he's the only one who's really thinking strategically and really thinking long term it's sometimes getting out of the house with when you're stuck like when you get into kind of like a like three day work spiral at home like work from home spiral just going outside is like all you need and he he he knows this he's wellness king in this episode because he knows all about that he is he says well he his big goal right now is to get a car um because he has been spending way too much money on ride share because as we know he sold a car is a car that the show gave him because he thought that he was going to be

able to steal that rv a g guy's jeep who of course sold it he's talking about this and he says walk learn how to fly or get a vehicle so i gotta get a vehicle and i'm like so you just do crack you so you need some of the guy fast grant would walk on crack you could absolutely also this little like poop town can't be that big can't be that big like downtown where the players are the key players he does need a car he does need a car he needs a car but he doesn't okay none of them really needed the trucks they got maybe a lane but like the rest of them don't need a truck they could all do with a sedan and so the fact that you think they should have sold those trucks for a lesser car i guess that would make sense i just don't get why does grant a guy who's going around to do business meetings

need to have a truck with like a full bed in the back you know see that's what i don't understand and it would make for elaine to have like a giant suv because she's renovating stuff she's gonna you know she's gonna have to like picking up materials around it makes sense for her to have that but i'm like grant your angle here is like he's made okay you're getting into marketing you're getting into like pr you're getting into doing like a lot of work from home pussy work you're doing it like you know a high t alpha king but this is desk work more or less what do you need a giant suv for yeah get it get a sedan he sold the old truck what was? 1500 2k something in that range. Yeah.

Yeah. It was less than 2k. So he sold it for less than 2k. Now he sets up another like Taliban style meetup to buy a new truck. Another guy who has his voice obscured and face obscured. Like he's shot from like a crop, like the hotel across the street. Yes.

And so he, and so he's buying this truck and he's like, this one's listed for 5k. It's like grant, you don't have the money to be looking at cars that are 5k. Like you have the, you need to be looking in like the 2,800 range. And so you can work them down. He says, before he goes into this meeting, he's like, I've only got nine K in the. And I need to find the cheapest car I can buy right now. And it's like like why are you going after a car that's been listed for 5k you're crazy it's just he's yeah so he ends up

boys works him he works him down to 4300 which is not great okay so this is insane that he meets the guy grant offers him 3800 right off the bat for a five thousand honestly i would have started at like 3 400 you think 30 it's kind of high you could get him to 35 that guy would love to walk off maybe 3 500 bucks well this guy is immediately revealed to be mentally unwell and if you're doing a deal with someone who reveals themselves as unwell you exploit that always business tip number one exploit the mentally ill grant honestly didn't i was surprised grant is the mentally ill person who got exploited no i realized i was like grant is actually the crazy one so he's supposed to be the guy that's doing million like like half a like half a billion dollar deals he says and he

got he basically the guy just tells him how about we do basically rock paper scissors for it and okay so he says grant offers 3800 he receives back 4300 and then grant says let's split the 500 difference and do uh 4150 and then the guy says he's like uh no no let's flip a coin and grand's like okay uh do you have a coin and that guy's like i'll shoot you for it which like usually if that's ever said in pueblo like someone is murdered yeah the murder capital but what he means is not like literally she with a gun he means odds and evens where they both um throw out a certain amount of uh digits right with their hands and once those are added up uh whoever called out odd or even you know whatever they win this happens and grant loses so he does have to

pay the 4300 yeah and he's like which is just so stupid money to blow why would you risk that no i would also okay this second like in a business deal the second that someone says like let's play a game and if you if it's like they will go for the lowest you know that means that this person has agreed that they're okay with walking away for like 30 3800 yeah so the fact that grant someone who's supposed to do billion dollar deals can't see that and just fight for it well and this guy is clearly a gambling yeah this man is a gambling addict the best you should have been like double or nothing yes or the best you could have done and been like okay what if we do uh 3040 300 you know

like lower your initial offer if you know that this guy because he's essentially making an offer to you when he's like let's shoot for it he wants to gamble he loves gambling you know it's a crazy thing to do in that situation yeah and he also clearly doesn't need the money that much because otherwise he wouldn't have gambled yeah you know so i think for i think for someone like grant maybe because it's such a such a low stakes offer he's fine with being risky yeah i guess so i just don't honestly i can't follow the logic of like why why he would lose 500 in a situation like this when he doesn't have to like for he was being so crazy about spending a dollar the first time like his gas he went like

three days before putting gas in his car it's because he's a crackhead he loves gambling you know well he also might have brain fog because he gets home and he starts feeling a little worse in the morning yeah um the crew decides not to come the next morning and they give him because remember that this is we're talking like september 2020 yeah this is like peak covid scare no this is when this is when you felt like kind of sick so you would google the symptoms because you don't you didn't remember what the symptoms were this is like when bars weren't even open this is like to go drink era you know yeah um and so he basically he looks so bad when he looks terrible so he finally is is like, let's go get a test. I think he spends a day feeling sick.

He goes to get a test. Oh, my God. I feel like I can't afford to be sick. Altitude is just crushing my lungs. My body aches. Couldn't sleep last night. Skin's dry. God, everything hurts right now, man.

Man, I hope this isn't COVID. I'm starting to feel worse, so I've got to be safe. I sent the crew home. I don't want to get anybody else sick. And I don't think this is altitude sickness. Chills, coughs, shortness of breath, muscle body aches. Loss of taste or smell, short throat. Don't have that, but I got everything else.

COVID test. Oh, my. I can't believe this. Man, I hope this isn't COVID. It's COVID. All right. Y'all home, all right? Oh, my gosh.

So I went and got my test done. That thing is nasty. Got to quarantine myself now. And I've got to wait maybe 24 hours till I get my results back. I hope this comes back negative, man. Ugh. Hi, I'm calling to speak with Grant Cardone.

OK, yes, ma'am. This is Grant. Your COVID test came back positive. Oh, wow. It's positive. In his test result reveal, he looks kind of hot. Did you see that? He's hot.

I've never once contested that Grant is hot. He's shirtless in his results reveal when he gets the call. Yeah. It's kind of hot. It's because at this point, because the crew has been dismissed because Grant has clearly realized that he's had COVID. Yeah. And so it's all handheld, like Blair Witch style.

It's so Blair Witch. Yes. It's Blair Witch Challenge. I can't breathe. My lungs hurt. My body hurts. I can barely bend over my big kofi and he's pointing at his nipple and he's sure he's being a thought grant's hot i'm usually not my type at all but i would absolutely um

have sex with grant um he finds out he gets kovid um okay there are a lot of shots from the outside of his house because the crew can't come in um and i noticed that he has that string of like buddhist flag i know that just has to have been from the previous no they're absolutely from the previous one it's a very like white one crunchy colorado's thing yeah but it's just so funny that he has that is in the house with the buddhist flags no clue what those are i mean i barely know what they are but he has no clue he's like he probably uses them to like wipe his nose or something they're supposed to be there um each one is a different virtue and like a value like one's like prosperity one's like love and when the wind passes

through it you're supposed that's supposed to go into your house that that's definitely not happening for grant yeah grant needs one that's like money hustle never take no my family my bitmoji wife money bj's Pussy. Money. PJs. Miami. I love him so much.

So he finds out that he gets COVID and in a kind of like ramble into a handheld camcorder, he goes, what the hell's going on, man? This is another strike against Lewis Curtis. Lewis Curtis can't win. This is going to set me back 10 to 14 days. And I don't have time for that out here pooped out he descends into like black swan like psychosis like he's just walking around his house being crazy looking in the mirror what the hell is going on man So, Lewis Curtis, another strike against Lewis Curtis. I tested negative when I left Miami. I get to Colorado and I test positive.

No matter what I do on this damn challenge, I can't get it right. It's gonna stop everything. Now I gotta call Matt. I gotta tell him. I can't come see him. I wonder how this is gonna make everybody feel about doing business with me. You see, this is how to make everybody feel about doing business with me. You see, this is how crazy Batman's made Gotham.

If you want order in Gotham, Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Which I, like, early COVID. Hot. But early COVID, when you, like, found out that you're just gonna be like i'm gonna have to stay inside for 14 days now and like i have no idea what this is like it was crazy horrible horrible crazy time um he installs cameras in all the corners of his house yeah like the footage is also like really is like really cool it's like when it's like when those cats have like little camcorders on their on their um collars you can see what they do during the day it's like when those cats have little camcorders on their collars.

You can see what they do during the day. It's like that for Grant. He freaks out. Well, he calls his wife. And he's like, honey, I got COVID. I got this COVID. Bitmoji wife. His Bitmoji wife.

And she's like, oh, my God, that's scary. You know, you have to tell everyone you've seen recently that you have COVID. He's like, I don't want to tell these guys. I don't want to tell them i don't want to tell them if i tell them they're not going to want to work with me this is so funny because it is like yeah like that they might not want to work with you but it's just like it's so it's such a like 12 year old like boy thing or like girl thing like i don't want to tell them that they might hate me i can't tell them i can't tell them it's so funny it's pretty much he pretty much calls everyone yeah he calls everyone and no one cares everyone's like all right feel better he's like man i'm so sorry i you should go get yourself tested which we've all you hit the call and you say mmm gonna do that next

time I give some guy Clavidia I'm gonna call him like man hey I really don't want to have to make this call but you know like I've just been working so hard really fucking sorry do that to you man just go get yourself tested hope we work together in the future hope we can work together again in the future brother um yeah grant raps there he doesn't really know his business doesn't advance at all none of his projects advance he has a car i guess yeah the car That's pretty much it. And then, yeah, to wrap on Grant.

That's it for Mr. Grant. Eye on up to... You want to do Monique? Let's do Monique and then Elaine. Let's do Monique and then Elaine. um we fucking hate this bitch she's so okay okay so i need so in the first 30 seconds we both we both just sat up we just switched our positions in the first 30 seconds of Monique. I'm holding my fist out, but my head's about to punch you.

Not only is she using a community, her community workspace kitchen for her industrial needs. Yeah, her dumb downtown WeWork. like downtown now now that she now that she got this like you know like blm we work place to give her like discounted rent on an office space they also have a very nice kitchen yes it's a very nice kitchen that she now can use shares with other studio space yeah she is by far has the best working and living conditions of this crew yeah totally elaine's living in a poor house grant just got a house i mean his house grant's house and car are nice grant's house and car nice but he just got them his work doesn't need the full house like it's a little crazy but anyway yeah within okay within 30 seconds not only is she using a juicer

that is like a communal juicer that she's clearly going to break, she's making for the kids. If you remember that, she's doing the kickball game. She's going to shoot a commercial. Shoot a commercial. She's making strawberry smoothies with just strawberries. She's just blending up strawberries. She explains what a strawberry is strawberry is just

a sweeter fruit like that's like strawberries are that's not wellness that are really sweet that a lot of kids love because there's a natural sweetness to it but it's not sugar so it's still wellness exactly it's like a gap in the community that he's just drinking like pureed strawberries is not changing anything. What are you talking about? I fucking hate her. It's so weird. It's so weird.

And again, she puts the strawberry puree. I don't think she's using community juicer. I didn't look. She is because if you remember, she got a different type of blender. Okay, but then why is she doing this? She does this thing where she uses a coffee, like plastic, black pour over. She uses a pour over and she pours the strawberry. It's a puree.

It's not a juice. Yeah. She pours that into a coffee filter and then wads it up in her hands and squeezes the juice out of it and i'm like bitch how do you think you're gonna scale this first i know it's insane like she doesn't know the first thing about her product but so the other thing was i noticed the other this is disgusting she's getting ready for a pitch she. At the same time she's making this commercial, she's getting ready for this investor pitch for the mayor and all these business women.

And it's the beginning of where I can see how she's pitching a much larger idea, which is accessible wellness, which is a pitchable idea. And I briefly saw this link where basically if she just came out and said one juice truck is not doing this but it's creating a brand through like a sales uh force that can then grow and franchise and become this like wellness like this is what we want to do you're investing

in the juice thing but this is what we'll do 10 years down the road reinventing the ice cream chocolate exactly but i could see i can like i for a second I saw that but she doesn't make that link she doesn't say like she's bad salesman real wellness or like she's a bad salesman for this because she's much more concerned with just like being aesthetics a or being being altruistic she's just more concerned with like talking about the community and saying she's doing something so she she's not concerned with actually and making any product or any business that seems capable of getting funding to actually you know bring vegetables or fruits to places where access to these items don't exist which could just come down the road but she's not pitching it like that she's pitching it like just juices

no yeah she's yes go ahead and not even juices smoothies so she says okay so she has a quote that is build and this is when she's like at the kickball game she says build a good authentic reputation of giving and receive a boost in your business which is so like transactional, like just like weird. It kind of just shows you how she works. But I thought that it was wrong because it's ignoring a big startup principle that they like business coaches always talk about, which is basically that your character defines your business. And so as a CEO, your flaws are the flaws of your business.

And basically the things that you're lacking, whether it's like socially or personally, are going to be the things that the company like, like, like lacks in echoes. So it's like if that's communication or if that's like a lack of philanthropy or like, like that's going to turn into like a, you know, a bad HR department or like a bad PR department or something like, you know. Your personal flaws will be replicated in the structure of your business exactly so basically if her intention in the reputation is like calculated she'll never succeed i think that any get this if you are an evil woman if you're like an evil person you should make an evil business model like she

should she would be so amazing at running monsanto she would not oh my god if she could just if someone could just tell her she's allowed to be over we would be full of plastic that's the thing i have no hate for people running evil companies as long as they're evil people like i mean they're all bad but monique i don't know i just feel like monique is she has this like she's she's getting high on her own supply you know like her pitch her she's getting high on the aesthetic she's like foaming at the mouth during these like like sit downs yeah she she doesn't she's not able to like actually talk about the numbers of the business and the way the business would grow and in that way still deliver the services that she's saying are so important. She's just talking about how important it is for these services to be there.

Yes. She's amazing at branding. She's amazing at aesthetics. And she's good at- But she's not even amazing at branding in an aesthetic way. She's amazing at branding in a verbal way. Well, yeah. Yeah.

But she- Okay. So there's a point in this episode where she names her juice company. Right. She sits down and she names it Ro it rooted which is an amazing name yes it's perfect because it's i mean it's a play on because you're hitting so many things with rooted it's a triple culture black culture a la roots a la like the root like it it's working um for what she wants to do for the mission statement she has of course root ginger right but then root as in growth it's an immunity connected yeah perfect name for it's perfect for what she has yes if she was actually doing any of that stuff if she was doing

anything if she like that'd be exactly like if she wasn't smashing a bunch of strawberries together in her hand exactly and having the like drips that come off of your palm into a cup that's a ramekin and handing it to a child she's pitching rooted but she's giving like dipping dots there's no cohesion between what she's saying and what she's doing. Rooted could be Black Goop. Yes, totally. Because if it's full lifestyle brands. Or Whole Foods.

Like Black Whole Foods. Or Black Whole Foods. Okay. Why stop at Goop? Black Air One. It could be Black Monsanto. Fully closed circuit loop. She would be so good at black air one

she would slay black she would slay that yeah i would i would absolutely go to monique's air one the the most she says while she's towards the end of the kickball thing i want to start these she goes these are cold press cold press juices stop it's like she said that lying like lying you don't know what that means she doesn't know what that means it's not blended hot pressed between your palms bitch flaming pressed this is an electric blender she gets to the fucking um kickball game she's waiting pivotally in this episode she needs the ice cream truck to be there so she can get visuals for her investor pitch that jake and i talked about right

and so she um goes she shows up she brings her juice shots she's clearly does not want to play kickball there's only one shot of her actually kicking a ball after kenya the woman who runs this like investor group um calls her over um to kick the ball she introduces kenya to these children and she's like hey this is my friend monique guys like she's gonna be handing out some juice shots at the end of the game um you know let her know if you like them blah blah blah you know nice little opening from monique where in which she should say something introduce herself make you would want these are your customers basically you know what i mean your customer this is you're shooting commercial like shooting a commercial and your first public moment yeah you would think that she would use

this moment to endear herself to the children to the earliest right script okay the props in front of her for her investor bitch she's wearing a n95 mask and she has a hood up she's the only one scrunched like kenny yeah okay you can see like her she basically has like a fucking hijab on okay you can see her she clearly hates kids hates kids hates kickball and she's she's in the rain she clearly i'm saying she just goes she goes good job good job kenya thank you and that's it doesn't say hi yeah nothing she would be so good she needs an evil business she needs an evil business she needs black Monsanto. Monsanto, if you need... If anyone has Monsanto's listening...

She's Wakanda's Monsanto. Period. Monique, if you're listening, you gotta hop on that. She would call us. She would cancel the fuck out of us. She would hate us, but we're gonna have her on later. We would be done for. I think we can get Elaine on.

I think Elaine would love our shit talk on Monique. Mm-hmm. Because Elaine seems so like. She's so down. She would have a glass of wine. Yeah, but you know Elaine hates like hates like quote unquote like woke culture yes and you know that she never even knew her who her competitors were until the show came out and then you know she hated the other two she she definitely hated them grant didn't think about grant didn't watch the

show he didn't watch the show watch the show grant paid an assistant to go through and edit out monique and Elaine. And he watches that. He watches Supercut. Yeah. He watches his Supercut every day, probably. So Monique ends up not getting the truck to come because some guy named Mr. Eddie, who's probably like was probably busy, like getting a cat out of a tree,

had to take his time to come deliver this ice cream truck. He's probably doing something amazing for the community. And she's like, hey, I need you to deliver this ice cream truck he's probably doing something amazing for the community and she's like hey i need you to bring this ice cream truck so i this photographer i got to do this for free can take a bunch of pictures of kids eating my hand pressed literally strawberry juice yeah she hands it out anyways yeah mr eddie can't come because the tire has a flat monique is clearly pissed but instead it's like well business means you gotta pivot you've gotta pivot and i'll just have to it's true like bitch yes of course but like this is such an easy thing to pivot away from you have a photographer on board you have an ice cream truck on board it just has a flat just get four

of those kids and be like hey you want to be a fucking star yeah meet me tomorrow and we're gonna do this all over again you don't need more than four kids you don't need more than four kids or just like have adults do it or something or like have or just have pictures of the kids pull up to a playground the next day yeah i'm sure there's gonna be kids there pedophile she's already so but in the lab coat no pedophile pulling up in the lab coat in the lab coat in a truck in an unlabeled white van with a fake ass company logo you've never heard of on the side giving little juices out of like giving little plastic and getting uncovered juices for amikins getting uncovered juices ramekins out of like little like soy sauce containers oh so she um basically she has a boring ass pit oh okay one funny thing like spaced out you'll like this

she was talking about developing her um investor pitch um she googles the phrase ice cream truck so she can find a picture of an ice cream truck. And she's like, she's like, I'm putting together a visual presentation deck. And then she goes on to describe what that is. And she's like, I'm going to go ahead and create

a visual presentation deck in order to grab the ladies' attention. A deck, a presentation is simply a visual piece to go along with your idea. Now, it has to have enough information, though, that if you're not there, someone can look at it and understand your business idea. This is the first time that I personally have ever done this. And it's like, bitch, it's a power. It's called PowerPoint. This is called PowerPoint.

And she then says that she sees, she's like, I see 500 to a thousand presentation a week, presentations a week. I also clocked that number. I was like, not true. I don't believe that. I'm like, maybe 50 to a hundred. Like she does research. You might receive 500 to a thousand no way are you watching i don't honestly even as like a venture venture capital firm they're probably you really think 500 a week yeah why not that just i don't think so maybe it seems super high 500 a week i know for a fact

she's not she's not viewing all of these no no of course not i don't think that was a full-time job um so then she she comes with an imbued anything the investor pitch suck she sucks investor pitch sucked one person said they'd give like a thousand dollars there's like no it's not really going anywhere also once again the most annoying woman on the call she's so disorganized in that she's looking for like one thousand dollars from twelve people it's just like you are so stupid i know what a horrible way to split up a company i know why do you want to i'm assuming obviously that she's only going to give them like one percent or two percent because still still but why do you why would you want 12 people with one percent that's so many conflicting interests yeah it's stupid at this point you could get one insane person exactly which is

grant got matt exactly and he's just like bankrolling him yeah you find one guy who wants to you because you have a hard-ass body monique's hot she found timberland yeah i can't believe you can find another one i can't believe i just said that like an old white woman timberland the artist known as timberland i think anyway it feels bad to say timberland timberland timberland Anyway, it feels bad to say Timberland Timberland Timberland Doesn't roll off the tongue for me. I'm gonna keep you to call that nice young fellow Timberland I'm done. I'm done with talking about Monique Monique sucks. She got 1250 that's it. And you know, I see coming down through the tunnel Here she is.

Hazel, can we get the most beautiful sound effect you can find online? Angelic with glitter in the background. It's Elaine. We'll be right back. So, we open on elaine the mother brushing her teeth on the ground she's like crawling around doing yoga and brushing her teeth in the same time i love her i could watch her do and brushing her teeth at the same time.

I love her. I could watch her do anything. I could literally watch her do anything. I literally inches from the ground, brushing her teeth and talking and giving a monologue while she's fully blottering. She's saying, I'm not getting anywhere near the exercise i need to have a good brain

i'm not getting the action i'm not getting the exercise i need to keep my brain being good direct quote she's so iconic beautiful the thing is she knows she's performing you know she's just killing it this is her doing like poor face yeah you know what i mean she's like she's she does her work she like does her workout she does her skincare she does everything and then she opens the doors for the camera crew and she goes okay i'm just about to do my workout and my skincare it's like she knows what she's doing i know but she's like this is her being so like you know rags to riches like you know she's like when i was in when i was in above chefs i used to have to do my workout on the floor before i had my toothbrush in my mouth

yeah because i was too busy like the way she will narrativize this after like she's performing for the narrative for the stories no genius um she says basically that what she needs to get done is to sell all of russell's signs it's her action item to get ten thousand dollars um and she knows she can get around ten thousand dollars because she conscripted gentry um one of the also this gentry and kelly are us oh my god they're so if we were living in that poor house we would immediately be doing anything for elaine we would love she could also let us out she gets gentry and kelly to do all of the inventory cataloging of these very numerous neon so probably like 15 neon signs yeah so anyway she goes off to sell them at different like like pawn shops antique stores yeah I think her problem right off the

bat with this is that she should just be selling them online like just do an eBay auction maybe that's not fast enough for her I don't know it's 24 hours you know you could do a 24-hour auction i feel like i guess i mean it would be worth an initial stab because the amount of time you've you've got gentry and kelly you know inventory these things you could have just like make make an ikea or make a ebay post for each one of these just to have it there but she does go around to pawn shops they all tell her no she's absolutely crushed they remind her that they need to keep a margin for their own sales yeah and so she realizes and she said right i need to sell these to a collector i need i can't sell them to a wholesale which is yeah true so she starts looking for

people who like just because she's like she's like an emotional if there's an emotional attachment to these right they'll pay more so she's really just she's gonna take a break from that who had an emotional attachment to these neon signs or the man you're stealing them from exactly sell them back i am back sell them back like russell sell these back. Sell them back. Like, Russell, I'll sell these back to you for 10K. He would do it. He would do anything he says.

You know he would. He's such a cunt. Once again, skinniest person he has ever seen. Literally. She, So now, it's time for her

to make a little side money. She takes a little break and she heads over to the almond farm. one of at the almond farm amazing amazing elaine scene so she gets a job for and if you do the math it is ten dollars and fifty cents an hour which why would she why she said yes she should know that she can make more money than that doing anything. But she had to get a little farm

moment on camera. Make Kelly go out there and do this. Make Jen sugar out there and do this. Make them both do it and bring the money back. Bring the money back. And they would. I would. So she has to sit in this weird machine. This weird little

dune buggy that pulls up to an almond tree. And then you have to shoot the little arms out, grab onto the almond tree. And then it like vibrates. It starts shaking. It's a crazy little machine. It's insane. And then the almonds fall down to the ground.

And then a couple of days later, another machine comes up and scrapes them up up up off the ground it's i didn't know it's a crazy cycle done this way but anyway so they say they're basically like there should be a better way to do it but not too many people are you know are around to do this work so we can take whoever we can get so we'll we'll you know she's not trained this is a referral she met this man through Russell who has used his good word to refer the skinniest woman he's ever seen

to this man who runs an almond farm she yeah she gets out in this machine and this guy tells her this guy tells her he is like you need to be careful almond trees are very sensitive and if you kill one my entire profit is gone for that tree you know like these ideas it's like this is not you like like i can't risk

it yeah almonds grow on trees yeah so and that's money like six trees in she absolutely scalps she smashes the robot arm into it and like just ruins the base of this tree she she barks it she barks it and then she gets out and i'm like i've never heard that term before and so he's talking this guy's talking about how you bark the tree it's not great you got to keep going don't do it again it's like really really bad and she's feeling bad then she cuts to her talking to the camera and she says she's talking about how she fucked up the bad and she's feeling bad then she cuts to her talking to the camera and she says Check my house. She fucked up the tree and she said in after that. She said I am marveled which is Incredible choice of words I've marveled I am absolutely marveled at my incompetence.

And so she finishes up that row. She works for, I think, four or five hours. The guy goes to see the damage, to survey the damage on the tree. And he's like, yeah, it's absolutely mangled. And she goes, oh. She looks like she just got up and saw a puppy that got killed. And she's like she looks like she just got up like saw a puppy that got killed and she's like

oh condescending she um yeah she talks about how no one wants to do this work because she's like it's 117 degrees outside and whenever i turn on the she probably she probably has like press a giant button that says shake so this entire machine just starts vibrating and she's like no one wants to do this because it's like she's like vibrating while she says it's sweating it's just 170 degrees in press i don't want to do this and then she later complains about how um she's filling she gets 54 for this that guy now fucking hates her okay connection burned um she goes to a gas station and she's like wow 54 probably doesn't even barely covers gas to get out to the farm like bitch what and then she talks about how her brain she had 40 bucks on gas she's like my brain has been rattling all day i I have rattled brain.

And I was like, you're so shocked. You're so rattled brain. Yeah. So she goes to meet this fucking freak at... She meets this trans mask. Trans mask, right? Yeah, so trans mask. Hey, guys. It's me, Hessa.

I'm editing the episode right now. And I don't know why Ben lets me edit. Because I can just do stuff like that. Like, the real audio is this. Of that part. She goes to meet this fucking freak at... She meets this trans mask. So trans mask.

Okay, that's not why they're a fucking freak. I'm sorry. But it was just like... It was not expecting... Freak in Fresno. Fresno freak. Freaky Fresno. Freaky Fresno, dude.

But I can just cut that out and just make Ben sound terrible and transphobic. And there's nothing he could do about it. I don't know. Just funny. Just an interesting thing I noticed. I hope you're enjoying the episode as much as I am.

Okay, bye. Who owns a bar? Dude, there's so much scorn in your voice. So Freaky Fresno dude. Some dude. Dude owns a bar. Stop. She's checking it out he's telling her a little about his profits how it fills up um not too much goes down here she kind of just makes a friend uh she heads is there anything well she she hits him with um her kind of initial offer for him to buy.

She said she's trying to sell the signs. Because believe it or not, believe it or not, she did not find a neon sign. Autist who was going to pay $10,000 because they love these signs so much. In literally 24 hours. That was the craziest thing to me. She's like, well, we've got to go to a collector.

I'm like, who, bitch? Who is the collector? Who? Because if that's a collector, they would have been online, you know, and you waste all of your time. I also, I wonder in this, like, how far is Fresno from LA? It can't be more than a couple hours. Is it against the rules for her to drive to LA?

Yeah, but is it against the rules for her to drive to la yeah but is it against the rules for her to drive to l.a to sell these no but she doesn't have a gas she's right yeah i guess i i guess the gas but i'm like yeah i would have just moved it online i would have found if she could have made if she could have made another thousand bucks for by selling it in l.a sure but it just it seems like it seems like she should have diversified her income more because for you to be writing it completely on selling a bunch of old neon signs is a little ridiculous to me yeah she probably should have um but so anyway she meets up is there something in between she she meets up with the guy again. No, she basically just has that trans mascot come meet him at Shep's.

Right? And then, yeah, yeah, yeah. He asks, his name is, is his name Jason? Yeah, his name is Jason. So Jason meets her at Shep's and she's basically like looking for the signs. She opens up with, I want a 10K for these. Which is like crazy. It's a crazy ask.

The reason why she even knows this person is because this person is dear friends with Russell, who basically told Elaine that Russ is having a hard time with all the work that she's doing to Shep's. And she's like, oh, that's sad. I feel bad for Russell. Do you want to give me $10,000 for his neon his neon signs that i'm selling he really doesn't want to get rid of that he really doesn't want to get rid of and jason was like okay yeah maybe let's talk about it he goes to see the signs and elaine is like 10 10k now and jason's like well can i get the friend deal which is like yes he should yes totally it's literally one of his friends he's thinking like

4k he's fully thinking like no way expecting 10k he was thinking maybe he'd give 4k and like like help them out so basically this is where an iconic elaine um little business lesson i got a flirty versus finagle this is what shows up. And Elaine talks about the difference between fisting a deal versus finagling a deal. Fisting is coming in hot-headed, which is in line with her dad's principle, which is come in sober. Don't be crazy. Don't be sober. So she really is.

You can tell that these kind of are her like hard line business principles. And for her, it makes so much sense because you know, she's a person who just steams into a deal. She needs to just remind herself when she gets in there, first off, be sober of the mind. And then second,

make sure you're finagling. Crucially, there's enough room in there to be drunk. You can be drunk, but you need to be sober of the mind. Yes. Sober of the deal. And then remember that as you're negotiating, you need to finagle and not fist.

And so she fists this trans mascot. And she says, lowest I'll go is 7,500, which is just, he doesn't even want these signs. No. Basically, he's on TV. I also think that he wants to fuck elaine yeah he totally wants to fuck elaine definitely is obsessed with elaine and is everyone in this town she is she is just storming the town but she um she's like yeah 10k he says no 75 and elaine is like uh well he doesn't even count her sorry he doesn't even counter. Sorry, he doesn't even counter.

He says, I can't do 10K, and Elaine says, okay, can you do 75? And the guy's like, uh, okay. So they shake on it. They shake on it, and then the guy says, well, it's good I have them because if Russell wants to buy them back, he can buy them back from me.

Which is just like, he knows that Russell doesn't want to get rid of these. Also, that would be such a waste because then russell would have just bought them twice literally i'm like well he's just gonna pay for this shit that she's sold under him yeah so he could get the bar painted it's like the money she needs this she needs this ten thousand dollars for like because it's like russell could have fronted the 7500 and been like i'm gonna pay to paint this and then kind of like gotten some you know i paid to paint this you get a little credit down the road down the road like you don't get another ask so soon but elaine has finagled

this so tightly that she appears to have done so much for the bar and everyone else is put out yeah and she has exactly what you want and she cannot be asked a favor because she did it so she got rid of the stuff she got the money she's gonna have to pay a second time and no one can be mad or ask a single thing of her she still hasn't asked for him later down the road she still gets to say like hey since i sold the signs can you do this she's so smart she's a genius and so the show the show wraps with Elaine. Just iconically slamming a beer back with the boys. Slamming a beer back with the boys after gaming everyone in the room.

Everyone at the table. And they love it. And Russell is there and he's laughing. He's having fun. And Elaine says something that's so funny. Elaine says, I haven't seen Russell be jovial since I met him it's like yeah bitch since he met you because you've been crazy since he met this woman destroying his life he's like wow russell's

having such a good time i haven't seen him smile since the day he saw me and then russell has a little aside almost immediately right after that where he he says, I'm throwing a lot of trust into Elaine, and it's honestly very terrifying. And that's what they wrap the show on. Literally. But at some point, you know, of course there's going to be a big reveal, and Russell may be getting a little compensation. Maybe Russell turns out Something in return

Elaine fucks him Elaine fits Russell in the end of the episode Wow Elaine towards the end of the season Fucks everyone on the show Any business lessons You want to end on Jake Biggest business lesson good yeah um

fiesta finagle was good elaine had a different one elaine had one that i was like oh that made me oh negotiate with knowledge which sounds stupid yeah it sounds stupid but basically she was saying she's like look i know nothing about neon signs you know she's but she's saying like i can sell anything like if you know you can sell anything the only thing you need to do is like the smallest amount of research you just need to know what you're selling yeah yeah and i was like yeah that makes sense well so i was i thought when i was thinking about um monique it reminded me of that classic trio which is kind of that you people fall into the technician the manager or the entrepreneur and so i was kind of trying to place them what's the technician the technician technician is someone who's like mastered a craft who's like all about doing their

thing like like staying in their lane really i mean they can be like amazing at that thing they can be much more dedicated and more successful in what they do than the entrepreneur or the manager but they're they're not they're not like really people they don't have the savvy to make that successful financially speaking well no they could but they specifically just want to do their own thing they don't want to manage people the manager is someone who's great specifically like business socially like they're great at working with teams managing teams having a boss having people under them and kind of like navigating that structure and the entrepreneur is like the business creative

which one do you think you are i think entrepreneur i think i'm the entrepreneur but i've got a little manager in me i think i think i'm i think you're the technician no i'm not i don't do anything well yeah you do you do um you do shirts and podcasting but that's kind of entrepreneur no it's technician no those are businesses i started to make money they're not crafts those are businesses yeah i mean i have fun doing them you get really into the craft of them you don't outsource them immediately which someone else in your position would do i think i'm more of a manager you could you might be i'm i'm entrepreneur son son manager rising technician moon maybe i don't know i i see shades of all of them in me

but interestingly you're definitely like a full entrepreneur i think i'm i'm on the spectrum you're definitely yeah you have more you have foot in more camps but interestingly i was when i worked for the bernie campaign slayed manager okay was amazing manager yeah you might you might be more i was running like well i was running i ran two offices i had like a hundred some volunteers that were basically employees you know it was like constant follow-up constant direction i feel like education if you are always on top of your inbox you're the manager if i'm in the right position well the thing is like trying to manage people in like creative work trying to manage people totally different like an industry or in like in new york city when it's like divorced from like something like the bernie sanders campaign very difficult to manage people yeah very and

the drive's gone and the drive is gone yeah it's more just like oh my god i was thinking that the three from the show were gonna be in different categories but they really all do fall into the entrepreneur like they are truly entrepreneurs yeah they hate well i think i feel like the thing that really defines an entrepreneur is that you hate working for other people yeah totally which for me i don't know if i hate working for other people or if i just hate working yeah you know it's hard to decide well i love working but you know it's certain work i just i yeah i now that i've managed to work for myself i can't imagine ever working for someone else unless they're like a friend so patron listeners patreon listeners drop what you are in the comments of this episode oh my god and we'll read them on the next and we'll read them on the next episode

and the comments are just gonna be like i'm a bottom so i'm a technician i'm gonna technician I'm going to take a shit on the tank. I'm trans. You forgot to mention trans. Are you one of those three or are you trans? They are mutually exclusive. Before you yell at us for saying they're not, they are mutually exclusive. Y'all, I'm a Slytherin. Okay. Can I get any Slytherins in the chat?

We'll be back next week week with we'll we'll be traveling but you'll hear about you're gonna hear about where overseas episode well i'm not i guess louisiana is basically haiti okay on that note goodbye Thank you. Thank you. Outro Music Thank you.