Seeking Derangements - UNLOCKED SD 6: Boys' Chat feat. Felix Biederman & Brandon Wardell

Episode Date: April 28, 2020

To coincide with our appearance on Chapo, we are unlocking this premium episode of Seeking Derangements for free. You can find more premium eps at https://www.patreon.com/seekingderangements Love you! intro/// Christine Lewin - Juicy Fruit Ben and I had Felix and Brandon on the pod to talk about internet freaks but we all spent like 45 minutes talking about the people who had the biggest influences on us as younger people and "internet activists". outro/// Wally Badarou - Back To Scales Tonight

You know very well what you are You're my sugar thing, my chocolate star I've had a few, but not that many But you're the only love That gives me good and plenty Juicy Juicy Juicy Juicy

Juicy Candy rain Coming down Taste you in my mind And spread you all around Here I am This love for you Hey baby Sweet as honeydew. Close my eyes, so what fantasy.

And you're right here with me. Are you staying with people? No, I'm alone. I came here to see my friend Krista. She's like an FIT student here. She has two other roommates, but they're all just like 22-year-old girls. They've all left. Yeah.

So I'm just squatting here now. Oh, you're at that spot. Yeah, yeah. They've all left. They've all gone back to Dallas and Scranton. I don't, you're at that spot. Yeah, yeah. They've all left. They've all gone back to, like, Dallas and, like, Scranton. I don't know, wherever they're from. Yeah, to infect their elders. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So just me now. I think I officially have squatting rights. So when I come back, the locks will have been changed. They won't be getting in. That's been my favorite seeking derangement storyline been in the abandoned apartment yeah

this happened like three times because they're all like they're like girls who like buy a bunch of shit on like aliexpress like fake chinese designer stuff and like every three every like three days there's just like a package here like straight out of china and i'm like so afraid to touch or open it i've just been throwing them into a bathroom

there's two bathrooms here so there's just like three packages from china just sitting in a bathroom because i'm too afraid to have them in the larger the larger area of the apartment what if what if they're just bats? They just ordered bat and pangolin meat for some reason? All the express wet market. Oh, I'm like, wet market? Yeah. There's just a bunch of FIT girls.

She's like, yeah, I wanted to try bat. Yeah, I wouldn't put it past them. But okay, we can do, should we do an official intro, I guess? Yeah, just so people know who's who's on here um yeah was that i could i couldn't tell if i can't tell if we're recording oh we've been we've been are you recording brandon now i'm recording okay welcome everyone um welcome to seeking derangements uh it's ben max is here what's up by um we're joined by our uh our cuck brandon and our bull felix howdy gentlemen welcome boys thanks thanks for coming i i didn't i didn't agree to that

oh okay well i didn't know he was gonna say it yeah i held that back from from letting you know um but welcome welcome guys thanks for coming on um we're not i don't really want to talk about bernie of course we all know that he's dropped out i'm gonna save that to talk about some organizers who are going to come on later in the week and we have yeah talk more we can talk at length about the bernie's thing it's so fucking exhausting and stupid i can't handle it right yeah we're already fucking tired uh the computer today yeah not good oh i haven't like i just saw the biden thing and i was like i'm not gonna look at this yeah yeah no it's yeah um but um yeah how was your how's your easter that was yesterday i guess felix did you did

your family get together to mourn jesus's resurrection or something yeah uh dude it was exactly like the birdie campaign we were so close we were so fucking close yeah a post-mortem on not successfully killing jesus we were so goddamn close to it. It's the biggest heartbreaker in history. No, my brother came to my building, which is, like, a little pretty far away from where he lives. And he did, he said, like, a Passover prayer that I remember 10% of from my childhood. And he somehow remembers all of it. Wow.

King. Yeah. King. Yeah, and so yeah, we both, we split lots and then he gave me cookies that my mom sent us. Nice. So, you know, we did that. I mean, my family, I'm like, I'm finding out I'm one of the few people who likes his family. Like most people don't seem to. I've been doing at least

like two Zoom calls a week. Oh, damn. Yeah. week with the entire family. Yeah. No, yeah. Felix's family rocks. Yeah. I have a very healthy relationship with my family also, for the record. Jealous.

That's good. That's good. You know. Yeah. I think all of us do. I mean. I'm really close to my immediate family. American family I I deeply deeply hate um and then I I love my Costa Rican family but like I don't do like for these major holidays I haven't

really like been close to my immediate family so I don't haven't like gotten together with all of them and you know I don't really do the kind of like reflection or like moral inventory thing that you're supposed to do on all these like major holidays you know what i mean i kind of just like sit around alone and think about all of the like dumb shit that happened when our family did used to get together like when i was a kid like easter i have i have a retarded well i have a cousin with down syndrome and she's really fucking she's fucking awesome and i just think about like all of the all of the stunts she would pull when we would get together. I think we've all got a Down syndrome cousin. Yeah, in one way or another.

Every Latino family has... Every Latino family. Yeah. There's one with a shrunken head. There's always one of us. And if you're Latino and your family, you don't notice someone with down syndrome then homie she's actually on the she's on the white side of my family oh damn like having easter with her how

like shitty i felt like hiding her easter eggs i was like i don't think this is like I felt like hiding her Easter eggs. I was like, I don't think this is like... No, they love it. This is necessary. When I lived in El Salvador, my best friend had an older brother with Down syndrome, and he fucking rocked.

He was the one who taught us. He was like 16 at the time. We were like 9 or 10, and so he was fairly well able to live his own life. He actually had an ATV or whatever. They would go up to the mountains. An ATV?

Yeah. That's sick. Jealous. So fucking sick. You have no idea how bad I fucking want one. He's living the life. Absolutely. One Christmas, my cousin with Down syndrome she gets she like gets like a gift

she didn't like she'd like flip out like throw it at people like she'd like we get really pissed when she didn't get a gift that she liked and she loves bowling and one year my mom got her a bowl hell yes and i just remember thinking like i really fucking hope she loves this bowling ball otherwise someone is fucking getting their skull cracked oh yes is this is this a gentile like i think jews we don't have maybe like super orthodox because like they're just all each other's brothers and sisters and it's like you know but like uh i mean like hasidim uh but um for like most jews i don't think we like we have down syndrome cousins at a higher rate i'm sure someone who actually knows someone will be like oh yeah but like we just have already like we already have a bunch of stuff going on it's like we're allergic to everything yeah yeah sinus yeah we

already have you guys cut a deal anything yeah yeah no we have we have we have different maladies everyone's got their maladies we have we know what ours are yeah being gay yeah exactly being annoying being annoying trotskyism being me too guys yeah exactly yeah we have those things but i i talked with my my cousin who has dance syndrome the other day um and she's like pretty low functioning but she lives in this like they she just got moved out of this like home she lives in she's like pretty low functioning but she lives in this like they she just got moved out of this like home she lives in there's like independent living home because of corona um but it made me think about this one time we when she was like first moving in there like into this this building and we were like taking a tour of it it was her and like her

family she's like pretty low functioning like she like thinks she's like a cheetah girl and like every man is like that's her frame of mind but i remember meeting this other family there who was doing the same thing but their down syndrome relative was like super high functioning and we like talked with them and she was like yeah i opened for for you too in ireland what they like oh my god like bono paired with some organization and had this girl with down syndrome like introduced them at a concert that's the most catholic shit i have ever heard jesus christ it would suck so much to like be that high functioning and like going into an independent living home with like people who yeah like are not on your

level that would really really, really suck. But I guess she's out of there now since they've shut down that facility. But at Brandon, why is she in that house? I don't know. I mean, she wanted to live independently. I have no idea.

I mean, they're also like, there's also like, there's also a ton of other shit you have with Down syndrome. It's not just sometimes mental development. There are other more physical things that you need assistance with. It's almost like we really, really fucking need a far better medical infrastructure in this shitty country. It's almost like tons of people are grossly underserved by it it's evil um yeah brandon how was your easter did you celebrate with your family

uh no i've like facetimed them but i'm mostly just like i'm watching i'm like my quarantine i'm literally just like watching the sopranos and the simpsons and eating eggs so pimp like i'm just like oh damn i should i i guess i it's time to watch the sopranos for the first time so i've just mostly been doing that yeah and you're living the life i used to live or i i led when i first like when i got laid off the first time for my first job oh yeah and uh i i got like really depressed like started getting high every day and watching sopranos yeah it rocks yeah i'm literally just like i'm doing stuff like i'm reading david foster wallace for the first time like it's real like

college freshman shit yeah i'm just a college freshman right now. Oh, Brandon, this has been a return to 2014 with me because I'm training five times a week with kettlebells and shit. I'm obsessed with the Holy Roman Empire again.

You're obsessed with what? The Holy Roman Empire. All I'm doing is I'm reading about Rod Lagoia, bitch, and Charles V. King. I really miss that. I'm just barging into DMs. Everyone's like, you know,

it's really hard for me and my partner. I'm like, do you know that Charles V tried to kill Martin Luther at the Diet of Worms? Annoying everyone. i can't wait till you inevitably get canceled for for doing that for for talking felix keeps sending unsolicited information about the holy roman empire to me that that would be the one for me that is how it's gonna go down yeah no lewds no dick pics just like be careful yeah i'm just gonna

get some research chemicals and i'm going through every girl's media grid every selfie with like charles v spoke five languages yeah he assumed women don't already know that the end of an empire was founded on a bed of sand he likes assuming women are stupid yet again i know i mean yeah quarantine is a great time for uh fun facts yeah yeah oh yeah do you know did you know like okay i don't know if you guys know this like how how soon into obama's presidency did he fire his first drone strike do you guys know this like how how soon into Obama's presidency did he fire his first drone strike do you guys know it was like three days

it was like literally like three days yeah yeah yeah oh okay I assumed it was like six months yeah I thought there was like a six month it took Trump a while yeah in Trump's first month it wasn't a drone strike but there was that fucked up operation

in mali people yeah that one was but i think like everybody like you know waved it all off it was like oh yeah like this is an obama thing like it had been planned out for months and months it's like yeah but obama's not president anymore like he could have very easily been like oh like they're moving these people over to yemen to do some bullshit or whatever yeah you know not on my watch i need to know what the hell's going on but he didn't so sorry this got like a little too serious i mean you're right it is a good time for trivia and in quarantine i've been you know i have really needed a few pick-me-ups in the past you know week or so so just you know the way I do that is by making fun of people online you know like finding out yeah like the people I just like have followed for a really long time and just like wait for

them to like just and never interacted with just like people who just like say like psychotic shit like those are the people who have been really getting me through quarantine making me feel less less lonely yeah who are your who are your guys right now adam elon is the longest i love adam eli yes he's my favorite he's my favorite felix we have i have to we have to go off on adam eli because we can't be called anti-semitic no yeah the entire reason i'm on this episode oh i'll take that bullet for our buffer i mean i can take that bullet if we're gonna talk about molly klein jesus fucking christ i love her i don't have a bad word to say about her i mean either but all the good words i have to say are anti-semitic i really love that you know he

when i first like discovered him he like really made the world like make sense to me like it was like oh yeah like of course like of course like the circumstances of our just like reality like create this diamond of a mind do you know what i mean just like there's it's like no other and no other reality like could this person exist it is so just like crazy and like i felix you have to be on because i i got canceled a few times for calling him a rothschild i think that but yeah so i mean i guess like for for those of you who don't know who adam eli is um he how do you even it's so hard he's like um take the most annoying dude you own or you know activist kind of like

instagram activist yeah um he's gay he's queer um he his instagram is this like really like dizzying mix of like close-up pics of like his love handles split with like calls for chechnya to stop imprisoning gay guys and then like posts where it's like talking with my dad about my penis size and like reciting like the like seder prayer or whatever just like insane just like you sent me the one you sent me the selfie of him holding up the uh the just the chinese food takeout yeah oh my god did you see i just got i just opened that one that one fucking it's so cool so it's a picture of adam eli um oh up one of those brown takeout bags and it just says like in that instagram font it just says we order chinese food we love our chinese

neighbors yeah the caption is um jews eating chinese food so good because one it's delicious two reminds us of christmas three trump is a racist disgrace and four and then it's delicious. Two, reminds us of Christmas. Three, Trump is a racist disgrace. And four, it's like, it's too long. It's like buying seven iPhones. Love our Chinese neighbors. Yeah, he just has like no. Yeah, buying fentanyl. We love our Chinese neighbors.

No grasp of like what's happening. So pimp um but you know we can go through some of his greatest hits because that chinese one is not that's a not even the banger oh no banger but it's like it's like it's like you know track nine on a replacements album we haven't even gotten to the hits yeah absolute favorite is uh the stay home but not his chest hair. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

The quarantine's been really making him go crazy. Everybody. Everybody. With his chest, one of the things he hates about his body and therefore just advertises to everyone as if they don't also find it beautiful. They're just problematic or something. He's really hairy. And so on his chest, he combed his hair into letters that read, stay home.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, hell yes. I don't get how this, like, the thing of, like, just having, like, a personal neurosis about something on your body. Like, everyone has it. Literally everyone. Yeah, it's incredibly normal. Varying degrees. The thing of just having a personal neurosis about something on your body. Everyone has it. Literally everyone. Yeah, it's incredibly normal. To varying degrees.

I don't get how that got to be like if you just post something you hate, that's like it's a social cause. I don't get it. It's like that just happened one day in 2014, and everyone was just supposed to be like, yeah, okay, that's a job to do that. Yeah. Yeah, he makes i just saw the uh too i'm looking at the uh the grid post where it's just a grinder message that says i really like your hairy body by the way oh my god he cropped he cropped that he was

like this is this is this is getting immortalized on the grid this this guy who this guy who uh messaged me on a sex app that wants to have sex with me a compliment he loves to catalog um his his compliments also his his insults there's this it's on his story if you really want to go through it it's hilarious but on his highlights on his on his profile there's like a nine-story saga of him um going on a date where he actually ends up getting stood up so like yeah it's all of these grinder screenshots where he's like i'm meeting up with a closeted guy i hope when he i hope when he sees me he's not intimidated by how queer i am and then it's all of these pictures of him at the bar and he's just like i've been waiting here for 20 minutes

no one's shown up yet and then there's just like three pics which is like him a picture of him at the bar and he wrote tick tock oh my god jesus christ this is before you got it this is like before he definitely got stood up he was just ready to yeah yeah yeah pop off and so i don't know the guy never shows up and then he goes back to his hotel room and just records this like three minute long ramble where he's just like so y'all what we're not gonna do is blame him for being closeted closeted people have a really tough time just because he saw a queer person like me visibly queer person he couldn't be with me that doesn't mean we're gonna blame him

is this is this behind a paywall by the way no no no this he just oh this is this is just fully not behind it do you yeah dude does this guy know you no he has no well i mean he probably knows Ben at this point I was really making a lot of fun of him online calling him a Rothschild just like really just like do you think this is so cool do you think he's like a do you think he's a psyop he doesn't know he's a psyop

he has no clue his function is a psyop function but he has no idea he's been MKUltra'd into being a psyop for the he has no idea he's been mk altered into being a psyop yeah for the for the far right but after i was for the far right after i was making a lot of fun of him online one day he posted this thing to his instagram story and it was just like i i'm having legal problems i need a queer lawyer to represent me because he said something about like his reputation i was like holy shit he's going to sue me for like libel or something for calling him a rob's child like i need a retarded

queer lawyer to represent me in court but yeah i want to go through some of his greatest hits the one okay brandon i don't know if you've seen this picture um there's a picture of him shirtless at i think it's at the moma okay do you can you send it to me yeah yeah yeah it's a picture of him shirtless at the moma let me see if i can find it um but the caption this is a kind of protest i think felix you've seen this one oh yeah this is iconic yeah yeah this is like this is in like the golden hits collection yeah this is one of the best ones i'm searching for it right now but um what the what the picture is it's him shirtless at the moment standing next to a bust of adonis um and the caption reads uh took off my top because i'm done with bodies like mine

not being seen in traditional showcases of beauty like museums fashion magazines and fire island group instagrams standards of beauty crumbled the moment we stopped supporting their structures so bye sweetie yes sir yes sir yeah yeah right here's the picture oh oh so now fuck yeah oh just took his shirt off at a museum yeah he's pretty sure I'm at it yeah okay so I think you like he looks like normal you're looking like it looks like just like the average like he's just his body's like fine. Yeah. Yeah, he has like a regular body. He's like.

He's not fat enough to do this job. Yeah, yeah. The subtext of that post is like society calls me a disgusting ugly piece of shit. And it's like, no, you just like look like a guy. Yeah, he just looks like a guy. I walked out. I walked out. When I leave. Dude, when walk down i walk down when i leave dude when i fucking leave queens when i leave my part of queens where everyone yeah is just like tajik everyone looks like him it's like fine dude but that's really i think that's one of that's his

fundamental gripe is he literally just can't like he cannot handle just being like thoroughly mediocre and normal he has to be like my right handles are a act of queer resistance against against hot gay guys or so i have no idea like i don't know who he's going after but just this yeah it's activism to take your shirt off at a museum yeah yeah and he's like a queer joker he is the queer joker he is the queer joker what did you felix this isn't i i hopefully this isn't uh i i don't want to write everything for felix okay yeah no i mean i i don't want to like the guy who gets yelled at for anti-semitism like the the joker thing just just reminded me that uh one time you said that one time you said that Cat Cohen is Joker for gay men with personality disorders. That's absolutely true.

I said what? Wait, what did I say? You said that Cat Cohen is... I don't mean to be a gossip, but one time... I don't think I said this because I don't know who that is. This is a paywall episode. No, I don't know who that is. It's okay. This is a paywall episode. But I... No, I, like, don't know who that is. Oh, we were watching her...

She's a lady. We were watching her as Seth Meyers on... But I don't think I said that. Because, like, I didn't know... No, you absolutely said that. It's, like, seared in my memory. It's completely true. I don't think...

I don't think I did. Like, if I thought I did, I'd be like, yeah, but, like... No, you 100% said that. I don't think I did. You I thought I did, I'd be like, yeah. No, you 100% said that. I don't think I did. You can quote me. I'll take that. Yeah, you can say it's me. If you want it.

Yeah, absolutely. I just don't think that I said that. This is behind a paywall, right? Yeah, it is behind a paywall. I just don't think. I didn't know who the fuck that was. I don't think I said that. Felix, take credit for it.

It's absolutely true. I like, look, if I said it, I said that. Felix, take credit for it. It's absolutely true. I like, look, if I said it, I said it. Like, if there was, like, if there was, like, a fucking, when did we watch, we were, like, with Adam. Adam has, like, an Amazon ring. We can, like, contact Amazon to see if, like, you, me, or Adam said it. Yeah, find the footage. But I don't think I did. Maybe I did.

I don't know. Probably not. But, no, this picture is so cool because standards of beauty. This is literally from 6,000 years ago. Also. It's like I get what the thing is about beauty standards and shit. I don't think it's the most prescient thing in this time. But it is

like... Some text again of that post is like everyone who fucks men is like, yeah, I just need a guy who looks like Michelangelo as David. Honestly, that is kind of my personal type, but

it's not that universal like everyone has like different standards like if someone's uh standard is like michelangelo's david like jesus christ i hope you look exactly the same because you know but like not mentioned is that this statue does not have a head arms legs like this is not a body stand it's literally a it's a bust it's a because that's what they want out of jewish men they want jewish men yeah they want to bust out a jewish man that's why they keep the mfu yeah i just like this is it's beautiful okay like this is like i's beautiful. Okay, like, this is, like... I feel like the... Like, it's weird for me, having grown up, like, in Chicago

and then just spent a lot of time in the Midwest, like, most of my life. And then, like, you get to New York where everyone's Jewish and there are people whose entire job is to talk about being Jewish. And it's like, what the fuck, man? Like, I'm sorry, I don't get it. I don't fucking get it. I don't... Like, I think Jewish, man? Like, I'm sorry. I don't get it. I don't fucking get it. I don't, like, I think Jewish theology is incredibly fucking interesting. I think that there are things in, like, Jewish culture that make for great art, like the Cone Brothers.

But I also, like, how many posts can you make about, like, ordering Chinese food on Christmas? Like, who fucking gives a shit? For me, like, the first time, like, growing up in iowa i didn't really know any jewish people there's some jewish people in des moines but they all like there's like one synagogue and they all live behind like a gated community but um the first like it was like john stewart you know and that's that's what john yeah yeah constantly it was constantly just like these kind of like cliched refrains about like jewish culture and like being like annoying eating chinese food on christmas whatever whatever it

is like that's how i figured out what it wasn't there has to be some some connection there i don't know well it's can you imagine how annoying it would be though like let's count our blessings that it's jewish people doing this because could you imagine how annoying how incredibly stupid it would be for like pentecostals or whatever to do the same thing be like oh pentecostals we we love fucking i don't know like having help eating jello on wednesday oh we love whatever like goofy goofy shit they do no but like dude no you have it though because that's the future of america yeah like the future of america like do you know who talks about like privilege on twitter now it's like people who work for george w bush everyone's gonna do this like every group is gonna have like an annoying guy adam eli is the future y'all y'all y'all we're y'all we're talking about mormon vulnerability

y'all like like that's the future of america it sucks like everyone yeah is just gonna have their own like very self-centered like like, constant talking about themselves. Even people who, like, even people who are, like, yeah, Pentecostal or fucking Mormon or whatever. Just, like, broadcasting their neurosis as, like, self-help and also, like, woke bullshit. I mean, like, gay guys in particular. I'm just like, why are gay guys like this now? Like, pride? Like, you're talking gay guys like this now like like pride like you're talking about the idea of like pride like pride is not like talking about you know like

protecting your vulnerability making sure that everyone needs to like endorse them like there's no like it's just there's no self-respect in that there's no like yes it's horrible like gay guys are so disgusting now like all of our instincts for you know like being creative um or like being funny or bitchy or whatever like a great great art like it's all been sublimated into this like woke well just it's like gay people aren't like they're not used to being normal people like for their entire lives like lives, like up until, you know, uh, living memory, like up until like the late aughts or whatever, you know? Yeah. Uh, it was like, it was, it was challenging. Like it wasn't,

it wasn't especially hard in the United States, but anywhere else in the world, or, or, you know, aside from Europe or, or, or Asia or whatever. Yeah. Uh, it would have been really hard to be a gay person, you know? And, and, and you weren't a normal person. You couldn't have normal hobbies and normal things to do outside of your own cultural thing. You were strictly gay or nothing at all. Yeah.

Right? I feel the same. And now that they're able to, they're not used to it, so they don't do it. Well, I don't want to speak out of turn or, you know, it's not my, this is not my place to speak on any specific community. Like, I will, I just, I do think that there is a thing online of like, I think it's like rampant of people like mistaking narcissism for activism yeah yes a hundred percent where it's like that's all it is yeah posting like you know

posting 20 selfies a day isn't you know that's yeah it doesn't serve any social made-up injuries like well like the craziest thing is like ostensibly with people like Adam Ely, like queer body pause activists or whatever, what they're mad about is that they don't see people like them representing the quote-unquote community. So much of this argument is premised on just dumb bullshit.

There is no gay community. I didn't know about him until today, but I get a very Lauren Duca-esque vibe. He's kind of like the Lindy West of gay guys. Oh, yes. Yeah, that's a great way to put it. He's the gay Lindy West.

But I'd rather have hot guys representing me. Are you kidding me? Yeah, but he's not fat enough to be the gay Lindy West. What issues do gay guys all face like there is no like universal gay issue that is not like overrided by like one gay guy having enough money to like afford hiv meds and like one gay guy not like your class exactly totally cancels out all of those issues the only thing that like all gay guys care about is getting like a third tier hulu special like that's the only that's the only universal gay issue so like it's insane that we're trying to like galvanize people based off this stuff because it's just not true yeah i feel the like everything you said about like gay activism

now that's like how it's how i feel about like this jewish identity shit like there are like 10 jewish identity magazines in america that all run the same articles that are either like we're all gonna die now donald trump is gonna kill all of us you should be afraid all the time and then like the secret jewish history of backgammon the jewish why super why why superman is jewish and then and like jewish hoteps rewriting yeah that's yeah yeah but it is like the only like because there's also like no universal there's no real like universal jewish experience like what do jeffrey epstein like some fucking like hasid and then like a persian jew have in common like nothing really and and it is

i feel like there's an insanity that comes with like american judaism where like your grandparents weren't really white and we're outsiders and your parents were kind of outsiders but then like you're just totally fucking white yeah and because it's it's during this time of like liberal victimhood where you need the number one goal of all interaction now is to make people feel bad for you you have to pretend that like like i always thought that was so fucking cynical when people were like we're gonna stand for donald trump against donald trump for you know for immigrants and kids in cages black people and jews and it's like wait wait wait like i don't think like yeah like there's anti anti-Semitism in America, but we're not being, like, fucking rounded up. I'm sorry.

Yeah. I'm sorry. And it's, like, you should, like, just because it makes you feel good to act like you're, it's the fucking 20s and you're in the boon, like, it doesn't mean it's true. And it is, it's completely fucking self-obsessive and insane. And it, like, it does more to, ally like to make people i just i resent this idea that where i'm supposed to be always afraid of other people in this country i fucking hate that yeah i hated it in 2017 when the only thing anyone ever fucking talked about was like how like you should just be afraid of every white man charlottesville yeah midwest like my like

i was the first you a lot of fucking like people i'm supposed to believe are fucking terrorists met it was fine like i i just hate this idea that we're supposed to be constantly at edge with the on edge with each other that we're supposed to live this fucking war on terror mindset yeah but it's woke it's woke because it uses the right academic words like fuck you no it's insane i mean like like i spent a lot of time like rural iowa and rural rural places throughout like the country even like rural places in like central america like being like gay has never like there's been some stuff but it's never really like hurt me like the only the only ways that i've actually like have been like materially affected by some things are like the media getting me fired for my job like a gay guy getting me

fired like that's a gay billionaire son yeah when you talk about like how like a structure or something like affects people like that's that's how it's happened to me you know and like it also makes me think of like the body positivity angle of this because like so many of the like body positive people like online like they live in new york or they live in la whereas like the majority of like fat people in this country have like never been to one of those places like do not care about like adam eli being like like i just i am mad i imagine adam eli like going into the midwest like going into kansas and like going to one of those like hybrid like diner slash gas stations called like pump and dump or something like going into one of them and be like talking to like a

first obese woman and just being like queen you are so beautiful don't listen to what people say online like here's this here's this uh cover of Qwerty magazine where i'm on the cover like that could be you and like this woman would just be like get out of here muslim like it would not be it would not there is no resonate there is no cultural language that any of the, like, quote-unquote, like, fat body positivity people online share with, like, the majority of fat people in this country. Just scooting up to a Midwest obese woman being like, you are valid. Shoot, yeah.

I love the idea of, like, of me like to ohio i know just going out going up to like a fat guy being like like he's like you know you don't see bodies like ours in the museum and the guy just talks his ear off about he's like yo i know what you mean everyone in my town thinks i'm a drug addict they're the real fucking they don't raise their fucking kids when my kids here i fucking raised him and they said i stole the copper wiring i didn't steal it was just out there and he would just like slowly slowly back away and call the police like it would just talk to him for five hours about these like imbecilic like ohio resentments yeah it's like those people don't need representation they literally if

they're not fat one of their family members are fat and if that's not the case then like just strangers like around them are like it it's crazy to think that there needs to be representation there where it's like the majority of these people fucking hate you for living like like a culturally elite center of the country like are you kidding me but um yeah oh felix before it gets too too late uh your your point about jewish magazines reminded me of do you remember that account uh the jewish worker on twitter i i literally blocked that account because when the trailer for uncut gems came came out, he was like, oh, this is what we need. A movie about a Jew who's bad.

And I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm fucking done, man. Fuck you. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm not seeing this shit anymore.

I blocked him like a year ago. Last year, he was posting a lot about when the news of the camps broke. He got really pissed. And he started this, like, massive, like, throaty tweet thread where it's like, you know, it's like, this is unconscionable. Trump should never have opened those camps. And then, like, started it again, like, a week later. And then, like, just moved it over to, like, yeah, like, they're killing all the Jews in those camps or whatever. You know what they want to do with all the Jews that are coming into the country.

I'm like, what are you talking about? All the Jews that I knew in El Salvador were incredibly fucking rich. They have citizenship, if not some sort of residency or whatever. They come to Miami just to shop every other week. People like your maid. Yeah. Yeah. That thing annoyed me so fucking much

because it was like, there you go. That's the failing of... They're not letting Jews... Just trying to be hyper-specific. They're not letting Jews pray in the camps. That's not the point. That's not the point that's not the problem they're fucking molested they're fucking molesting children in the camp by the thousands no we need representation for jews in the worst places otherwise their voices won't be

heard um but wait on this note this is an adam eli deep cut this is one of my favorite things he's ever said because it's so psychotic um god i can't wait this like wasn't on this wasn't on his instagram this is a a movie review he wrote in qwerty it's like a paragraph long what the fuck is qwerty dude qwerty is a gay magazine oh it's horrible it's it's all right well deadspin doesn't really exist anymore so exciting publications i would love to talk about a ufc event i would love for them to pay to send me um yeah now that that's been that's been the only media company that was like we don't care if people email us yeah about how bad yeah yeah it's kind of like gay buzzfeed okay buzzfeed is gay

buzzfeed but it's like gay yeah i know what you mean um but okay so this this was a review of some like queer film i don't i don't know what the movie is itself what really matters is this review okay beats per minute is a film that should be placed in the epic genre similar oh no similar no no this is really this this sentence is all that matters okay but just listen similar to cishet epics such as ben her or schindler's list well no no no no no no is set during a time of crisis essential characters are warriors fighting a battle that will change the course of our history. All ancient peoples have

legends and every culture has their heroes. This movie serves ours beautifully. But okay, calling Schindler's List a cishet epic is... That's master class. I know. Jesus Christ.

Read that first sentence one more time Read which sentence The first sentence Of that review The first sentence Beats per minute is a film that should be placed In the epic genre That's all I wanted to hear

That's all I wanted to hear No first of all So Schindler's List Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all I wanted to hear. That's all I wanted to hear. Which, I mean... No, first of all, he's... So Schindler's List... The Holocaust is canceled for happening to straight people. Like, what is... I know everyone likes Asset House, but not that much. I mean, come on.

Yeah, for those who don't know, I don't know if anyone doesn't know what what bpm the movie is i haven't seen it but i've read the wikipedia for it but it's like uh in france in the 90s like uh the government was basically like doing um doing a reagan but in particular to like the people people with aids who went to like nightclubs so like they ended up just closing all nightclubs especially all gay nightclubs in Paris for like a year or so. And this is about these

guys putting up a DIY venue in order to keep getting AIDS or something. So it's basically... I don't know. Max! Oh my god! It's just that movie We Are Your Friends. I would love to it's just that movie it's just that movie we are your friends

I would love to fucking watch a movie about it it's been a while since I since I read the wikipedia so please no matter no matter what this no matter what the movie is actually

about just like framing anything against Schindler's List being a cishet I think it's just totally yeah it's That shit rocks. So good. To watch that movie and be like, main thing about this movie

is that it's epic. That's how you know Adam Eli isn't really a Ross child because with that fucking quality writing, how is he not already on the fucking New York Times editorial board? When I watched Schindler's List, I was like, this is epic, but it needs more DJs.

It needs 808 Beats, man. Where are the drag queens? Why are there no drag queens in this movie? I haven't heard a single drop. Why is there no voguing? That is... That way of looking

at the world is so fucking awesome you've seen Paris is Burning but now wait for Paris is Burning and all the well

I'm not gonna say it yeah I can guess where you're going it's too bad for even fucking it's too bad for even Max

to say okay yeah rare Max self edit good lord I made Max edit like three things out of our first episode because like this is like we can't start a lot of n words a lot of death threats okay yeah but it makes me adam just think about adam eli makes me think of that did you guys see that tiktok of that um uh that teen talking about bernie bernie you have to be way more specific

Say the activist The activist is a the activist. You know what his dad does. He was like a credit card financier or something No, he's a he's a quant for Citigroup and So a quant is someone who uses calculus to make basic commodities too expensive for poor people. Oh, my God. Because they're making math formulas to high-frequency trade them and make Citigroup more money. Oh, my God. See, literally anyone who has activists in their bio, in their handle, they all have dads who are just like the worst, worst like jamie diamonds yeah or something so yeah like literally everyone who has like the activists and their shit they're like yeah so my dad invented a new form of to of child molestation let's not talk about that

yeah so my dad my dad won something called the jimmy seville award and he's friends with everyone who's ever been in skull and bones yeah don't worry where i come from worry about where i'm going and don't like don't worry about how i am trying to make you personally feel bad and feel like you need to apologize for supporting bernie it's not those things have nothing to do with each other my career is an act yeah i'm just chasing my bag man i don't have anything to do with that himself is a ceo he had he runs a marketing uh consulting firm to let brands know how to reach out to gen z okay so he's like millennial yeah that's it run but like he clearly himself has no idea how to talk or speak to anyone in his own generation i mean no all young people have

been shitting on him for being such a fucking nerd everyone who liked that video is like 60 they got a notification of that tweet on their CPAP machine no young person thought that was good he's one of those kids who's like really good friends with his dad's friends oh yeah

yeah fuck that that sucks man he is someone who would have willfully given his blood to the clintons four years ago so they could oh my god he would have sacrificed himself for the clinton fucking should have yeah you fucking should have too bad did you see did you see his poetry video yes i love the poetry video it's so mental health is not at that level at the moment have you seen his poetry video?

No, show me. Do you know who we're talking about here? I'm not familiar. Oh, yeah. You've been offline for, like, days, right? How long have you been offline? Yeah, for, like, a little bit. Once I got banned for the slap on the wrist of one week suspension.

I was like, I kind of like this. I kind of like just not being on here. Yeah. I deleted it off my phone. I'm logged off. You're better off that way. Let me tell you. I wish I was like you, but I live in the sewer.

I know. Yeah, I can't. I'm addicted to the pain This is my Sorry for You know I feel like I haven't Talked enough but I You do I do think like

It kind of feels like this whole time It's felt like a trap It's felt like a trap It's felt like a trap Where you're like We're going to get Brandon to say that Jews and gays are annoying And should stop posting You can talk about your people

We got the Filipinos Yeah the Filipinos are fucking amazing Jollibee The Filipinos are amazing posters 100% Filipinos are amazing posters 100% Filipinos invented swag And so You know

I love like Brandon When we were talking about activism He's like Filipino activism It's like You have to talk about more issues than shoes yeah no like i mean the yeah the the i feel like the filipinos online have have uh i haven't

all i've seen is just the the like guy opening his fridge it's a bunch of jordans it's him being like oh i hope you don't mind filipino food and i'm like yeah i don't i don't mind it at all that's filipino representation no problems here you can tell you can tell like dude oh go on a swagapino adam eli who like goes to the art museum and puts a Kobe jersey on David. So sick. That's real. That's fucking real. I felt that.

That went on. Should we listen to the activist poem? Yes, please. Let me know if you can hear this. One second. the activist poem oh yeah yes please let me know if you can hear this one second he's such a kid can you hear it

oh i can't hear it that well hang on put it in the chat oh here, yeah, yeah, yeah, here Is that Is that like sped up a little bit? No, he just No It's Adderall

Oh my god. I was just at night about cooking with what was ever was left to make something alright. I'm reflecting on my privilege during a moment of suffering. A community I'm raising during a time of questioning. I'm taking a moment to look at the beauty of the stars while having the time to even write these arms. I was held up

to the pandemic to see what was important. No, you have to listen to this. It's a little bit. Oh my god. That was that was it was that um that hurt i love him yeah no he's i love him it's like but like anyone who speaks like in those terms like in that like kind of like aaron sorkin like cadence and like says like folks too much like they are they are so dangerous like those people yeah they need to be put on a list they need to be they would do anything to anybody yeah that is someone who would

throw anyone under the but like oh my you know what part is like underrated about that like first if you notice that these videos he's's putting blankets over the windows in his house to hide what... Because Disney's dad is a fucking quant. That is a fucking... At least high seven figures house. He's just trying to make it look shittier on purpose. But then...

Dad, can you build a normal house for me to film my TikToks in? Dad, can you please rent this house in Cincinnati so I can film TikToks there? Yeah. But also the part about scrounging up what was ever left to make dinner. And it's like, what? You didn't have enough infant bone marrow? I know. Having to combine lobster tail and and caviar such a trying time

we uh yeah i i hate it when i hate when my family can't go to a regular grocery store that has like an armed guard who used to be in special forces what's their oh what's this guy's what's this guy's account what'd you say what's this guy's account the activist you say zayid what's this guy's account zay the activist zay zayn the activist zayd zayd the zaid okay i wish it was zayn zayn is the name of a fortnite pro who kept getting in trouble for saying the n word i would love zayn the activist his activism is just going on xbox live and it's listing off all of the slurs he was yeah he was great he was great because he'd be like he would be like uh that's like i feel like there could be a good debate between zayn the activist and zayn the activist because zayn the activist was one of those like arab guys who like says the n-word and then it's like

what i don't mean it in a bad way and it's like that's a task for a test for zed the activist it's like well how do you argue against that this is the original video brandon this is fire are you watching it yeah i'm watching his i'm watching the the one from april 10th yeah yeah yeah that's the one that pissed everyone off okay wait Let's see. You don't help anyone because you feel better about not voting for him. You know what does help people?

Having a president who believes that we need to get healthcare to more folks. Oh, man. You know what does help people? Having a president who believes climate change is real and happening. You know what does help people? Having a president who can name a vice president Oh man. I'm going to call the cops on him for being gay.

If he's like in Saudi Arabia or something. How do you swat people? Oh, okay. I'm seeing the, I'm seeing the photo of him and Hillary. Yeah. I'm kind of getting up to speed on this guy.

He's amazing. People who talk like that, where does that come from? What is that? Soy. The gaspy kind of like impassioned. Not being hit enough by your parents. Yeah, it's crazy. Him and Adam need to team up for some i can't i can't relate man

i was making you know i was making vines when i was that age i was um i think i was just posting on mma twitter it's like yeah i was just like getting three likes for being like uh oh here look at ben rothwell's takedown defense heavyweight but that that's what started my whole career so i was you got to grind it out i was offline until i was like 1920 like i didn't do tumblr i didn't do because i had a facebook but i didn't use it was very normal the most i did online was go to like pogo.com or like mini clip and like play like gay little games and as a kid like that was it and then i got on twitter it totally destroyed the trajectory i was on so i

will i was this really big time computer kid because i'm the youngest in my family by like nine years and shit and i had a very like solitary childhood a lot of times so I love the computer. And also, when I was 14 that was the golden era of PC gaming. But what about Twitter made you... Because I don't... Usually people don't change. Because you have such a...

You can have a direct channel to just yell at people who have power. You know what I mean? I had a very... I've always had like a pretty like coherent um like set of political beliefs and like motivating factors and stuff that hasn't really changed since i was a kid but what did change is being like oh like i can be on this website and like call you know hillary clinton a lizard whatever it is like i can have that direct channel to just like make fun of them um that's what did it for me which is like i think worth it

that was a that was a game changer for me because like yeah i posted about mma and all this shit and that's like shout out to patrick wyman who was also in the 2012 class of mma twitter who's like one of the greatest podcasters of all time and that's like what got me exposure like blue checks and shit but the thing that really made me pop off was realizing that like i could make i could make journalists see my post and they would like at least fuck up their day like they could i because i had so many years of experience doing it just to, like, internet idiots. Just to, like, guys who were, like, you're disrespecting the rules of the Gmod server. Like, in my childhood, I would, like, make guys, like, rage quit Gary's Mod shit.

And, like, make guys say they were going to find my IP and kill me in Counter-Strike. But I never thought about doing it to someone who has, like, some position of power. And that's, like, that's when's when like it really picked up are you fucking telling me that gary's mod uh server mods don't have any fucking power because let me tell you well they're the gatekeepers i mean brandon what made you what made you be. Yeah, Palma knows. I was like, I've read these posts on my podcast, but when I was like in like eighth grade, I literally posted on this thing called TuneZone.net. Very earnest, very like earnest posts. very earnest very like earnest posts like one of my my first ever posts on this website is literally uh the the thread title is grinch alert and it's me being like hey what's up guys

uh how the grinch stole christmas is going to be on tbs tonight at uh and this is like november this is like early november and i'm like if you miss it don't worry there's gonna it's gonna there's gonna be repeats on you know such and such such and such blah blah blah source tbs.com and so i i think it was like it was uh it was that i was on tune zone a lot when i was like younger it was like very like earnest posts about like you know like whatever was on cartoon network and adult swim at the time and like fucking i i think like there was like a live action uh section where i would like talk about fucking you know arrested development or whatever and then uh i think i

slowly got radicalized as like a teenager i started doing stand-up at like 17 okay and so that was i've always respected that so much about you no i respect that like brandon i've always like fucking super respected that about you because like you're 17, the entire lie you tell yourself is that you're good at everything, but you never actually try it. That's fucking amazing that you did that. Thank you. It was the only thing. It's still kind of the only thing that I

am good at, and it's been I can't do it now. Well, you fucking found out. At least you found out that you were good at it. A lot of people wouldn't have had the chance. Most people aren't good at anything i couldn't speak yeah crowd until i was on the campaign i was like just never put in the position where i had to like speak in front of a lot of yeah like at first when it's like okay we're like doing canvases of like 30 people and it has to be this like really prolonged like training process like yeah nerve-wracking for me but then you just

like do it enough and i got yeah i mean that's i think that's a little braver than like doing open mics when i was 17 i would not have done when i was young it was it was like um it was funny just sort of like hanging out with these like adults that i didn't realize were losers yeah you know because it's all like you because like at the time you're just like oh these are these are adults um you have a car yeah i remember i i had like um like there was like this one time where i like had i had like uh i was like i was a virgin at the time and i had like baby kissed one girl and i was like talking to a friend about some girl that i was like nervous about like do you really have to pee in her is that how it happens yeah yeah yeah like i was like

well i think this i think this uh this girl michelle maybe likes me but i don't know what to do whatever and this guy keith the comedian comes up to me and he's like listen man i know his name he's like listen man this is how you got to eat pussy. And he's like, you got to eat the alphabet with your tongue. He says that's like, which is bad advice. He was like, you got to eat the alphabet. You got to bite it. You got to lick the alphabet with your tongue. Yeah, you got to, yeah, like extra teeth.

The girl wants you to take her clit off i guess the the internet trajectory i guess it was like around that time like right before that i was on like a special thing a lot which was like a uh comedy forum at the time but yeah and then that sort of was at the same time i was like starting to get on twitter i guess yeah yeah i mean i love um thinking about like older like when you're a teen like hanging out with like 24 year old 25 year old losers like that's such a precious yes moment like for me yeah yeah like in des moines iowa there's like literally nothing to do ever we all had an older friend named tate all right i like this is going yeah tate is definitely a guy that only has 17 year old

friends oh yeah yeah he had a lot of 17 year old friends and he lived in what was a converted shed into like a tiny home before that yes this gets better and better and it was in the backyard of a this like family's home and like just like a regular neighborhood there was just this tiny home in their backyard and it was just like rented out there was there was a rental home then this like rental tiny home and we would just go there every weekend and just he would just buy us alcohol he would he was doing we were doing cough syrup just like molly just like horrible horrible stuff in this tiny home and hilarious he was uh he was a night stalker at um walmart and wow it's just thinking back on them like that's so insane like he would do delsum and just walk around for hours and we would just be like making a mess of his place

like he got in trouble for having sex with one of the girls jesus christ their parents tiny home and they left this note we know what you did we're gonna call the cops and this guy is not fully there I don't know if it's from birth or from the adults he was doing on a daily basis I wonder

that was when I started to be 22 and 23 and I would have teenagers can you buy me alcohol I refused to become Tate I will not be like 22 and like 23 and I would have like teenagers, like, can you buy me alcohol? I would just be like, I refuse to become Tate. I will not be this person's Tate. Yeah, I can't imagine. I'd love that to happen.

It's weird that my Tate was Adam Friedland. Oh, that makes sense. You lucked out, man. Jesus Christ. Yeah, no, Adam's one of the best Tates you could have. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

My Tate was this dude named Brian. He was, like, my best friend's, like, older brother. He, when we were, yeah, he was 10 years older than us. So, like, when we were 16, he was 26, and he would just always hang out with us. And doing, like, sort of suburban Chicago shit of, like, hanging out in a boiling hot room smoking inside and being like no my mom can't smell it like dude just run the fan and like

we would do things like he always he Brian always like he liked me because he thought that like I mean a because he was like like he was a little racist and like I was one of the only white friends he had and Brian was white and he was like you're smarter than all those oh i'm not gonna say yeah and i'd be like i'd be like well i don't think you should say that

but he would do things like he would just like wait till his brother would like fall asleep from drinking too much and he'd be like bro we're gonna do something and he would like one time he gave me this fake id for his friend who was in federal prison oh my god yeah yeah yeah yeah and and he's like bro bro we're gonna go bro we're gonna go to a club and i would be like because i was like 16 and like never even like kissed anyone i was like oh my god like i thought i was gonna fuck like an adult fucking moron so he would we went to this shitty club that was under a sports authority in downtown chicago yes oh my god yes and he threw me before he went in he threw me a christian audi j hoodie which for like people who don't know yes sir like it's like upscale ed hardy

oh that's so cool it's like wow it's like it was always it was ed hardy by kristen audigier right yeah yeah so it's kind of it's like the polo it's like the ralph lauren to polo ralph lauren yeah and i just like would virgin virginly mill around the club this other time like well like like a dance club or like a strip club it was a dance club a disco and just i was just this like fat child drinking a drinking hypnotic and i was yes when's a woman gonna go up to me and uh and uh this other time so he lived in wrigleyville for a year and this is like a very storied time in our lives we always refer to this as like when brian had his apartment in wrigleyville and so he all the people in wrigleyville weren't like career criminals like him they were like marketing

executives and shit and so like there was this some drama on his block where his neighbor got their grill stolen he's like it's bullshit they assume i stole their grill just because i'm a criminal so like we're gonna ride on them tonight so we're gonna go actually steal from yeah yeah yeah so i was like i was like essentially like at this time like you know like an upper middle class like pussy but i was like i have to become a man so i was like yes let's do it so we went around the entire block he was like stealing potted plants and mail from people and putting it in the back of his nissan xterra and just like like loud as fuck and we got in front of his house like to i don't know do what with the potted plants and shit and he was like caught like

cops came up and i was like it was the most terrifying moment of my life even though like now i know like nothing would have even if they arrested us like what would have happened to me nothing really like it wouldn't have affected my life at all but i was like fucking terrified and he somehow was like yeah no i'm a landscaper by day wow he was like, he was like just one of the, like a Ricky from Trailer Park Boys type guy who could just get away with anything. Yeah. He could just get away with like anything on a small scale. He would like, he would call me on the phone when he was doing like pills and shit.

He'd be like, do you think I'm a bad person? Because he, he like accidentally, he accidentally like stole a fucking jersey from a White Sox charity auction. Accidentally, he said. Right. I loved him, dude. He fucking rocked. Yeah, those guys are amazing. It's weird that we need to know guys like that when you're a kid.

It teaches you a lot about the world. There are a lot of those guys, man. It taught me a fucking ton. It made me way less of a fucking mark. Yeah. I was glad I knew him, man. Yeah, those guys are beautiful it's weird it's weird though that i i think we've all had these these uh friends when we were 17 they were like 5 to 10 years older than us they were like oh look

here's what what drugs are or whatever right right and uh here's the movie clockwork orange down this del sun and watch it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah here's the movie Clockwork Orange, down this Delsa, I've been watching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's the most fucked up thing, and it's like, eh, okay. Yeah, yeah, literally, yeah, the guys who are like, Saw is so fucking good. Yeah, check this. Have you, uh, yeah, you're probably too young to know about trippy visuals.

You know? Like, I have a black light, light film in my bedroom. yeah like I would never I cannot imagine as a 27 year old man yeah ever hanging out with like a 17 year old who's like hey like hey what's up guys like does that hey what's up man yes it has to you Yeah. As long as there's like churches and shit. Like, I know because for me, my, like my person who, like the person who fulfilled that role in my life was, it was like this guy from, like from the church choir.

Because when I was a kid, I used to go to choir. Oh, yeah. Right? Oh, yes. So, so like this guy was, like, Pacific Islander. I don't remember his name. It's been, like, a long-ass time. And I quit choir when I was in, like, freshman year of high school.

Anyway, so he was, like, a big, fat Samoan guy whose mom, like, was the – No, she was fat as shit. She was, like, the director of the choir she was this massive samoan woman with an absolutely massive like i want to say 18 year old 19 year old son like unruly son who whom she would bring over for um like for choir practice basically to keep an eye on him and so we didn't get into as many hijinks, but we did see a bunch of shit from the church. Uh, hell yeah.

Did you have like a very, did you have like a, a pure religious phase? Um, when I was much younger, like when I was maybe under 10 or 12 years old. Yeah. Like I remember just the,

the only time I, I ever really had like an enthusiastic religious phase so when i was like maybe seven when i was like seven or eight and i remember being at vacation bible school and it's like one of like the earliest vivid memories i have but i remember talking to my friend just earnestly being like, Jesus is awesome. Jesus rocks, bro.

Yeah. Yeah. This guy rocks. God's my friend. I mean, I, but yeah, I was raised Catholic for like the first half of my childhood at, Oh yeah.

Our, our lady of the Guadalupe and it was Spanish mass. So it was like, I like just being like a little gay kid there who like did not speak spanish that well i remember just like being like wow this this place is so pretty yeah just the aesthetics of it all is really beautiful there's all these like pretty ladies around like that's all i remember thinking in in catholic church and then i mean isn't that isn't that all isn't that the whole fucking trad cath movement

yeah now yeah basically yeah it's just like isn't it aesthetic catholic largely just like people in their you know 20s in brooklyn being like oh it's a pretty glass like the alternative is is like you have all like the spiritual shit But it's all couched in Like Going to a church called Hillsong Or whatever Remembrance or whatever And it's either that Or you go to a Catholic church

That's like Our Lady of the Bloody Cross Yeah Oh by the way the Hillsong Yeah exactly The Hillsong thing Oh just get blood sprayed on you by a bunch of latinas. Yeah, exactly. The Hillsong thing. My mom became a military. Oh, go ahead. No, go ahead.

Oh, sorry. Sorry, Brandon. No, no, no. Go, go, go. No, no, no. Hillsong. That's the Justin Bieber church. I did just real quick, because you said Hillsong.

Yeah. It did just remind me they are still doing online stuff. And they do have like, I think it's hillsong or maybe one of the other ones in that sort of genre but there's a there's this like mega church evangelical church uh like hip young church that has like a prayer app where like you like swipe up to pray right for like somebody and like i saw one on there where it was like uh it was somebody being like hey guys so uh i i have diarrhea and i'm pretty sure it's coronavirus uh please pray and like i'm pretty sure that that's that guy just had diarrhea He's like praying to God

I'm pretty sure this guy just had diarrhea And was like I gotta I promise If you cure this diarrhea I promise I won't eat One of those Three pound

Cashew boxes From Costco anymore I won't eat it all in one go I promise I'll make it last a week Yeah Yeah but I I stopped being Catholic Because my mom Became Unitarian

Which is just like fully Psycho I don't know if you guys know any Unitarians But they are so insane Every time I go there I grew up in Obama's neighborhood Oh you grew up in Kenya? Every time I go to the church my mom just like kind of parades me around and it's just like this is my gay son my gay faggot son oh god she's like ben this is my my bisexual friend kevin and they're like it's like yes it's fully psychotic and like especially in like des moines iowa where there's like the only unitarian church in you know the state and like the amount of like virtue signaling

or whatever is just off the charts like i went to their service for christmas and they um put up one of those nativity scene that you see you saw these online a lot but it was a nativity scene where like the baby jesus and like um mary and joseph were separated by a wall as in like the wall and then above this was an angel crying black tears like the teardrop was black and so okay so I went to this I saw them post this online and I was like okay I have got to go to this just to hear what the sermon is about because this is

so like insane and I walked in and there was a cop at the door and I remember like being asked by my mom like mom why is there a cop here and she's like well you know we don't know how many people are going to be mad about the the display and i was like oh my god like the nativity scene and i'm like you people are so psychotic like you're

you think that like this display has enough kind of you have enough power to like incite someone to come in and like start a mass shooting so you're just gonna fill the place with cops it is such a crazy mindset and then the sermon was even worse because like the pastor is this like fat non-binary person and the whole time they were just talking about how jesus it was like jesus was a refugee jesus was a this person said jesus was a victim of gender discrimination because the roman empire was killing all young jewish men at the time so jesus had to flee so he wasn't killed by the roman empire so he was a gender refugee is what this pastor said and then yes sir they were like if jesus was alive today he'd be in a cage he'd be in one of donald trump's detention centers like jesus is a shitty little ugly baby doo-doo refugee piece of

shit i love i love that liberal bullshit where they're like g oh jesus would have voted for donald trump like this thing like no one of course except like mega church pastors who like even their congregation knows they're being scammed no one says that but them like they're like oh jesus would have voted for donald trump guess what he was he was uh they they're them black jewish uh refugee he he supported bernie but then voted for biden because he understood the threat it's like you can't just like keep doing this you can't like just add things well as bad as this is it's not as bad as as those tumblr posts from like two three years ago where it was like non-binary andrew jefferson or jefferson or or um andrew jackson yeah no yeah those were

fucking great oh my god demisexual like uh samuel adams like why because these people are like obsessed with hamilton and like that's that's the way they view the world and it's like a fucking picture of uh like uh if it was like andrew jackson with the fucking um with the ai andrew jackson talked like no no like the race app filter like the black face that filter and uh and like a shirt that said met god she's black oh yeah the the jefferson one's the most cursed one Because like the Jefferson one They try to fit the most things into And also Thomas Jefferson

Raped his slaves That's like a thing But what if he was woke while he did it You're missing the point What if he posted a notes app apology A blacked out avatar uh like pamphlet the most maddening part about that experience of the unitarian church at christmas was like that was like right a month before like the caucus and i was like okay i'm just gonna like

go canvas this crowd because you know i knew that a lot of them were like probably not gonna go caucus for bernie but i was like they've just talked about how horrible our immigration system is whatever you know and so they do this thing like after the mass where they like go eat a bunch of like gluten-free cookies and like soy milk like coffee and stuff they're horrible but like going with people i'm like hey guys like who do you think you're gonna caucus for and it was all just like pete or warren and i'm like what do you think about you know all of all these immigration platforms they're like yeah well that's just never gonna happen and i'm like in this they were like that's just not going to happen and they're like yeah we agree with bernie we just don't think that could happen

like oh my god like disbanding ice you know immediate moratorium on deportations all that stuff um bro what is the point of being a fucking unitarian if you're gonna be like a steely eyed realist like you already like you're already like it's already like such a fucking joke religion like what why even bother at that point why even like bother with the conceit of god like i liberal millennial christians like that fucking like nicole cliff shit that irritates me on such a deeper level than like someone become like i literally have a friend who's just a white guy who became a salafi and i respect him way more i respect him it's like not something i would do but it's like at least i think that you believe in god like i know that you do like at least

there's something there there's a reason for you to be fucking religious i there are like at least a million people in america who are like millennials who became christian or unitarian just to be like oh yeah god isn't the god of the gop yeah like it's just like a guilt laundering scheme you know yeah it's it's yeah those people are all fucking evil i mean they learned it from the best you know the catholic church had the original like guilt laundering thing going on like the mid yeah like the late middle ages or whatever when they sold indulgences they were like yeah if you just give us like a bunch of gold like maybe we can make some sins go away like maybe you can you know have a couple in your back pocket when you like rape a kid or something you know so and then like that was around the time when when uh like protestantism started cropping up so like they

like now now they're at that level that the catholic church was like 500 600 years ago and now they're just you know you know oh yeah they'll take whatever like that the sign of the times or like the flavor of the day like rhetoric and then just add like and and all the bad shit you did like don't worry about it you know like that's that's their answer to it i guess yeah yeah they're a bunch of judases yep well that that's like that's like the theological problem i've always had with protestantism and like why i kind of like catholics because like the message of protestantism like not totally how it started but how it is now definitely and definitely in america it's like the theological subtext is oh we figured everything out like there's no need to like figure anything else out just like you know you can go to heaven

and it's like that is the cool thing about judaism and why like the new york jewish identity activism sucks and like the moral certain certitude of it it sucks because like the point of like judaism and like jewish theology is like yeah we like i don't know what god is or what anything is just like try to have a good life try to like try to find the meaning of your life and like you like, some type of routine. And, like, you're used to other people. But really, you don't know what anything is. And, like, even seeing God would instantly kill you.

And that's, like, that's fucking sick. That's, like, oh, yeah. I agree with that. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just going to wait until I'm, like, 30 and then just convert to Islam. That's my... Yeah, go for it.

I'm just going to do that. It my yeah go for it yeah i'm gonna do that um it works for a lot of people yeah yeah i i think it worked for me i like muslims of course um okay we're at time i guess before we go i do have a question for the the straight guys are there any ps4 games i should play because i'm really bored yo oh oh dude you should play warzone with me you should get the new call of duty it's cross flat okay it's so fucking good it's great so fucking good the mid game is like so much better than like fortnite or whatever it's called call of duty call of duty warzone uh it's and you can cross play like you can play with people on pc i'm on pc but like god damn it's so fun um have you heard of madden what game uh madden oh yeah it's yeah it's like football but uh video game okay

i wish i wish that ps4 had like i don't have a ps4 compatibility because i would recommend i would recommend that max play zone of the Enders Or Ben play Zone of the Enders Zone of the Enders is like the greatest mech game of all time But Metal Gear Solid The Phantom Pain that's a super fun game I played De Tropicum Human I really liked that I like that game What the fuck man

Sorry Felix I think it's fun You're so fucked up It's because I don't game I don't know how gaming works I'm just like i guess so i guess i want to do this thing oh my god oh my god you're so fucked dude i think you are so i don't know what to say i don't know what to say i don't know what to say oh you do know what to say but you know you're gonna get canceled i don't i don't know what's fun about games. I played it and I was like oh yeah. For the record, for the record I did think that Detroit Become Human is a hilarious game. It's hilarious. It's

great, it's great for getting really stressed and then immediately letting it all out on killing the white one or like the weird twink what was his name Connor Connor yeah they named him after every DSA guy absolutely honestly I was just like

oh he's hot so I played yeah I think you're more of a gamer than I am he looks completely flat like that doesn't do anything

for me but yeah you're right like when I finished the game the first the immediate thing I did was like Connor real life and they're like wait felix oh my god oh my god felix what's the what's the game that uh jacks from vanderpump rules was like the the model for the cover for do you know but do you know about this i've seen that episode um he's like He's the Cover model

For some video game That episode was I'm gonna search Oh it's Assassin's Creed He was the cover model For Assassin's Creed That rocks

No Yeah he was That's insane I loved it Yeah yeah yeah That's what it was He rocks You know what

Yes I have so many games Yeah There it is You should Ben You should Ben You should make your listeners Buy you a PC

Because there's so much shit I want to recommend to you And then it's like It was only on PS3 Yeah Or like But okay So I think that

I think that you should get Sekiro Sekiro is great Okay Wait is Metal Gear Rising I am currently You're probably You will all probably Make fun of me for this one

But I really like the game City Skylines Oh that was nice The game is fun You have to write like tax code Like an urban planning simulation Oh man you'd probably love Civilization actually I found the Jax post

Oh shit okay It's on chat Okay i'm gonna open it up did you guys see that jacks post about how all the ceos are stepping down and he's like what is this about yeah oh yeah fucking q anon shit oh yeah that does i can yeah that that is him wow yeah jacks yeah kind of no credit where credit's due this is back when jax was still hot at the time he was dude before pills made his face huge his head is massive i don't understand what how that's big how that's possible but yeah he's hot yeah i wish god you think he's hot still fucking i i don't know i wish i could fucking Like you could play Max Payne 2

On PS4 cause you would love that I mean I should Be more of I'm not a gamer Yeah you're not I literally just have like I just have a Switch for Smash And that's it I think you've let

Jack be the gamer In like your podcast relationship. Yeah. You signal gamer, Brandon. Yeah. You were born to be a gamer, Brandon. I've said in the past that I'm not a gamer, but I'm a gamer ally. Okay.

I would go to LAN parties and not play. I would be a wall... I would be a wallflower at a LAN party. Okay. I played Halo. I played Halo and Pikmin are the games that I've really, really played hard.

Halo Combat Evolved is maybe the best single-player FPS campaign of all time. It still holds up. It's still the greatest. Halo is still rock. It was really fun on xbox live i remember like going on yeah a bunch of like black teens would just be like oh he bisexual which is like bisexuals in here and i'm just like okay but like that that was the that's the funnest part of it is is just you know talking to people on xbox live i love i love it i love uh the new call of duty is fun because that is proximity chat after you kill somebody or get killed by them that's you can just like talk to someone

when you kill them yeah right after right after you kill them they're like they're like you're fucking yeah um can you get Splinter Cell on PS4? Fuck. I'm looking, I'm looking for you. People have told me God of War. God of War is cool, yeah. Skyrim. You also, you also like might not, I probably, I don't know.

We probably have like different tastes. Like you, you really like like, like you might really like civilization i think civilization is on is that on ps4 let me see uh the last one that was released for playstation was civilization six yeah fuck yeah you can get that yeah i look like yeah you might actually really like that star yeah yeah you can get that i probably have like but i they just they just reach my limit with them. I get it. I get it. Everyone has different things.

It's just the same thing. So you should get Civ VI for PS4. I want to play a game where I feel like God. Yeah, Civ VI. EU IV with cheats. Yeah. No, dude, this is why we have to get Ben a fucking PC. Absolutely. No, you, this is why we have to get Ben a fucking PC. Absolutely.

No, you get your listeners. Your listeners have to... Get me a PC. It's just like $1,600, $1,700. Yeah. I mean, unless they want you to get 240 frames, which is what every gamer deserves, and it's like $2,500. Of course.

Gold standard. Yeah, you need to figure out what all of this means to me. Yeah. I can't wait for the day where your listeners get you a pc and you play uh not even on 240 frames per second 144 per second you'll you'll just be like holy shit how did i ever play i can lead lead the gamers uh contingent of twitter yes we love them we love our gamers absolutely um okay well i'll look into those those recs anything else we should we should oh we haven't had a podcast in a while so it's okay this one is long but we have anything sure yeah to shout out any other people to make fun of i think we like we just spent so long on adam eli

we could do like at least two more episodes on him for sure like there is so much content i know this is not the last time he will be mentioned on my favorite thing that i forgot to mention is that he used to be a real estate agent no no no you're fucking kidding me let me tell you this so he he used to be a real estate agent, and he was part of a group of, like, millennial real estate agents in New York working for the Cochran Group, which is a real estate conglomerate, and they gentrified Harlem.

And there's this amazing article written about them where it's like, meet the Snapchat real estate agents who are selling $6 million apartments on social media. He was a Snapchat realtor that helped gentrify he fucking sucks so much what does this what does that mean being a snapchat realtor it would be like so you know how drug dealers sometimes use snapchat it's literally that where you can just like you all you just interact with your realtor on snapchat like they had an account and they would

just like post snaps of the apartments that were for sale and rich kids would just be like i want this one and then they would like arrange appointments all done through snapchat um but there was this article written on them by like financial times or some bullshit i don't know but this quote is amazing um in one video 26 year old cochran group broker adam eli is shown jumping off a kitchen counter uh unit as he attempts to demonstrate the high ceilings of an apartment as r kelly's i believe i can fly place in the background that's the most evil shit I've ever heard I know

Jesus Christ Oh my god Yeah, like, if you can hear that Like, when was this? Like, 2014, 15? Maybe even 16 It was pre-Trump Pre-Trump

Pre-Trump, okay So, like, if you think that, like, Obama is like Oh, such a great liberal president He did so much for people Like, that that happened at all just it constitutes a massive moral failing yeah of proportions that like people are simply unable to understand because they still think that obama's like oh this massive like liberal good guy yeah i mean trump could never be you know it, it just goes to show that all these people

have done and are from horrible families. And just like genderfied a hard line. So pimp. What a fucking beast. I mean, down to the Stakehams guy. Stakehams guy is like the son of the guy

who owns the company who's contracted to run like social media for Stakehams. I want to make a documentary on Adam Eli like i literally i just i want to just like sit him down and be like adam like i want to make a snuff film with him inspiration to queer youth can i please follow you around and just like an amazing documentary just him doing all of this shit like behind the scenes like him him trying to figure out like okay how do i how do i facilitate a conversation with my father about penis size i would love to see his process oh yeah yeah yeah it's more than anything he was doing he was doing

a bunch of instagram lives um in quarantine and one of my favorite things to do is go on with my my finstagram and just ask these insane questions because he had like he was like what did you ask having he was doing an instagram life with a director of like a queer film or something and they were talking about like it's so important that we have queer narratives told by queer people for queer people and i just sent it was a white guy and i just sent uh to adam eli i was like do you think it's more important uh that we showcase uh queer directors of color who also come from uh doing mic work just like incredibly like specific yeah yeah oh my god just making them get more yeah just making me like yeah that fucking

so it would lead to him just like saying stuff like like the the craft sponsored food table has to come from guatemalan so it's like just like insane totally take the bait but he doesn't respond to me unfortunately okay so you have to get a new account it's on my instagram no but like he probably he unfortunately. Okay, so you have to get a new account. It's on my Instagram. No, but he's probably clocked it by now. Yeah, I have to... He's probably like... You have to make the most annoying... I'm just going to make a Lizzo.

I'm just going to make it look like Lizzo's account. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he has to respond. All right, well, that's... We can leave our... We love to leave our listeners with uh actionable actionable stance to take so join adam eli's um lives and ask him insane questions yeah make him get more and more specific just go crazy with it um all right thanks for thanks

so much for coming on guys thank you our pleasure super fun bye guys You see I'm afraid to your soul Though I just let you know Because when I start to play You can never turn away Once a trip is gone and fades For the trip I know it brings But here with you Cause when I start to play, you can never turn away Guns and triples, cars and things For the trip I know it brings But here with you, I'm not sure That my take is so secure

I'm going back to be with you Back to space Tonight I'm starting now Where everything ends Back to state where everything is new I'm going back to be with you Back to Skates tonight I'm starting out where it begins

Back to Skates tonight I saw you there by the state door Just came back from some tour Guess I pushed you far away Baby, please this time, please stay I know I'm wrong, then that's wrong Teach me how to play a song Cause touching you, then I feel

It's the only thing that's real with you I can't seem to improvise I lose myself, I forget All my thinking is upset Maybe I just need some exercise Caressing you, though I know I've a long way to go I'm going back to be with you

Back to Skates Tonight I'm starting up where it begins Back to Skates Where everything is new I'm going back to be with you Back to skates tonight I'm starting now, we're in the games, back to skates, tonight, with you I can't seem to improvise, I lost myself, I forget, all my thinking is upset, maybe I just need some exercise i'm going back to be with you i'm starting now

wearing the keys Where is the case? Oh, tonight I'm going back to be with you Oh, tonight I'm starting now Where is the case? Oh, just go. Oh, just go.