Segments - 10: eBay Game Boy

Episode Date: January 8, 2024

In this episode we discuss Jake's poetry, Jake's math skills, and Amir's singing ability.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet

set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad

at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number, so you have to edit it out, okay?

Let's hear it. 0913662. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in, but we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. too. Now you have to edit it out. But we'll see you guys there. Won't last its effort to try and stop their career from going to shit. Second. Another podcast. Second.

Each app different from the last. Second. It's the Swiss Army Nightclub Show. Now let's meet your two pathetic hosts. Second. You got your neck removed. Yeah. I look huge.

Your shoulders are really tight. If you guys are watching the YouTube version of this, Jake's shoulders are tight as well. The problem was always that my neck made me look skinny. But now that it's gone, I actually look pretty beefed. No, it looks like you're just raising your shoulders really high and now i'm reborn we're back baby let's get started this is a new year new segments um whoa it's 2024 yeah recording in 2023 but releasing on in 2024 yeah it doesn't feel like a new year to me, but it's cool that it will feel like one to somebody listening. Exactly.

And you are going to try to keep this evergreen and future-proof, so nothing that we mention should be too timely slash topical because at the end of the day, it'll be the new of the year. Exactly. You should be able to listen to this in 2029 and be like, wow, all this stuff still rings true. Honestly, this should be playing from a fucking broken radio in 3926 on a hellscape. And this is the only thing we can hear.

And historians will be translating this impossible to decipher language. Right. And they'll be like, wow, we can't even pin a place in time when this was because it's so evergreen once they decipher our language nice yeah all right you wanted to start with um another rousing game of poetry or noetry oh okay yeah um let's let's go ahead. So far, I've had two poems you sniffed out. One was Sadie, the other one was Ha-oon. Right, and I've had one poem that you sniffed out. I forget the name of it, but it was something like Last Gasp of Summer or something, Last Leaf.

Yeah, there was something about a new phrase. It's like when summer lasts too long and you had just yeah yes yes and i already forgot it actually oh goose summer one last goose summer that's right exactly okay so the twist the twist on this one yeah is that i found a real poem i wrote a poem and i also coached chat gpt into writing a poem. Okay. So this is between a poet, me, and AI. Yeah. I think you should try to assign the best. You're trying to guess which one I wrote, but it'd be really cool if you could guess all of them.

Three for three. If you could assign the writer. Yeah. Yeah. That would be pretty impressive. I'd also like to hear you rank them just in terms of which ones you like. Even if you think that, you know, like for instance instance you sniffed out the goose summer one yeah but that you didn't ever say if you liked it more than any of the other ones that i didn't you know

okay yeah that i read i meant to say yeah that's why that's why i had it as pegged as yours because it wasn't that good got it okay cool so this one is called haun haun haun danced across the stage Got it. Okay, cool. And in terms of Ha-oon? Ha-oon. Ha-oon danced across the stage. Ben Harrison and Harry. It is pretty iconic. I don't think it was a bad poem. I just knew it was you. All right, try to rank Ha-oon, then Harry, then Harrison.

This one is called The Quiet San of the woods okay okay quiet sanctuary of the woods yeah in the quiet sanctuary of the woods where sunlight weaves through leaves like threads of introspection a subtle hum of cancer disrupts the natural cadence amidst the rustling leaves and the distant calls of unseen creatures, the body's silent struggle unfolds, a delicate dance between vulnerability and resilience. In these wooded realms where Mary Oliver's spirit lingers, one finds solace in the intricate tapestry of life and within the unexpected challenges and profound truth the strength to endure lies within the quietude of the forest's embrace all right that one has ai vibes

yeah for sure but couldn't they all coached it to have something to do with cancer because i remember that was one of your buzzwords so the of the poems I read. It's something about lung cancer or some shit. Okay. Yeah, the crop circles, the cancer, the coffee. Okay, so that one has AI vibes, but I'm not ready to commit quite yet. The Mary Shelley thing kind of threw me off. Right.

Okay, this one is called The Swan. She wrote Frankenstein? No, Mary Oliver. It says Mary Oliver. I don't know who Mary Shelley is. Okay. Okay. The Swan. Did you see it drifting all night on the black river? Did you see it in the morning rising into the silvery air? An armful of white blossoms, a perfect commotion of silk and linen as it leaned

into the bondage of its wings, a snowbank, a bank of lilies, biting the air with its black beak. Did you hear it, fluting and whistling, a shrill dark music, like the rain pelting the trees, like a waterfall, knifing down the black ledges? And did you see it, finally, just under the clouds, a white cross streaming across the sky, Jesus. That was a lot of metaphors a lot of questions like this that and the other like linen like a cross have you done it have you seen it have you changed your life okay yeah it's a lot it's pretty good actually you liked it that one didn't feel like something you wrote like why how would you come up with fucking swans in the sky and the questions i

don't know it felt very unique yeah for sure thank you okay i mean so right now i'm getting ai vibes from the first real poet vibes from the second and now let's read this one which is what about fucking this one is called haun continued ha toon the harune. Harrison walks his girlfriend down the aisle. Harrison walks in on Harry jerking. This one is called The Poem. The Poem. The Poem. Okay, yeah.

Really feels like you so far, but continue. So far. Yeah. I'm sad, so I write a poem. Happily, I compose a poem. Out out of boredom i return to my unfinished poem sun rain sun shower light breaking through the pages atomic daybreak the neighbors rise they walk to work i sit thinking of the last line then it comes to me okay clever almost comedic i mean my initial hunch is ai real you uh i guess there's a chance the ai is writing one about writing a poem like a poem about a poem

is like what the prompt you gave it i will say it's uh it's very subtle the differences it's like a color blindness test where i'm like i think that one's green and that one's brown but like it's getting really similar are you talking about just the ai and the last like are you talking about ai and me are you thinking all three poems are very similar all three poems are like different shades of gray to me like one doesn't stand out like when i read a good one to you and you're like that one made me cry i know that one's real i don't have yeah i couldn't disagree more because there was one poem that i was reading and i was like shaking a little bit and i had goosebumps so i know that my poem is dog shit yeah and the other one is amazing.

I'm poem blind. I don't know how else to tell you this. I'm poem blind. I don't get it. I don't understand. I can't sniff them out. All right. But maybe deep within me as a human, I can figure it out. And the hunches that I'm receiving, actually write this down poem-wise, the hunches that I receive so deep down hunches resonating received so deep

my favorite part of this game is how uncertain we are that one of us wrote the poem and then once we're sure it's like let's read it again now that i fucking know that i know you're a loser and you spent time trying to write cryptic you should tell me the wrong one now just so that when we dissect it it's like actually that one was the real poem okay yeah uh the last one felt simple in a way that i think it was either you or the ai the first one reminded me was uh the quiet it was the the quiet solitude of the forest yeah the quiet sanctuary of the woods yeah cancer yeah i think i'm gonna stick with my hunch that one just felt like this is what a poem is according to an algorithm light going through leaves and the guy have cancer too and mary shelley's here for some fucking reason yeah so that AI. I coached it to write in the style of Mary Oliver, who is one of my favorite poets.

So that one, I was correct about that. That is correct. That is AI. And instead of writing in Mary Oliver's style, well, I guess they kind of did because, you know, she writes about nature a lot. But he just name drops her, which isn't ideal. I hadn't read that part. When I read that, my heart sank.

I was like, this is a bad poem, ChatGPT. You did a bad job. So yeah, I did try to get the ChatGPT to write a poem, I believe I said, about cancer and the changing of seasons in the style of Mary Oliver. Got it. So I was in on that hunch. That was correct. And now it's down to the last two. One of them is just like, I can't imagine you wrote this one about swans flying and have you done this and have you done that? And then the last one's a cheeky little, ooh, I'm going to write a poem. And now I sit to write the last line. Real fucking clever yeah yeah it is really clever i wonder if i wrote it or a poet wrote it there's only one way to find out i think i'm gonna stick with my original hunch

you wrote the last one a real poem wrote poet wrote the storks one that is correct mary oliver herself wrote the swan an incredibly moving poem and i farted out the poem just before we started to record a poem about a poem and yes we will start from the top what was the first line i'm sad so i write a poem sad yeah you know this one is this is it's not a bad poem it's not perfect but i think it's not bad i'm sad so i read it it hearkened me to like a middling poem in like where the sidewalk ends yeah yeah yeah that's i mean i feel like that's pretty solid for my second ever poem for shell silverstein yeah like that guy worked all year on something that sounds like what you farted out in a fucking waiting room.

All right, let's hear it again. I'm sad, so I write a poem. Happily, I compose a poem. Out of boredom, I return to my unfinished poem. Sun, rain, sun shower, light breaking through the pages. Now, that was where I started to get a little artsy about it, you know? Light breaking through the pages is good. Yeah.

The first ones are just like, yeah. Rain or shine. But then I'm like, how do I make it a little weirder? You know, rain, sun. And then I added the sun shower thing. Which I thought might trip you up because I don't know any time you've ever heard me say sun shower. But I guess it didn't. Just weather in general is a go-to for us.

I liked the next line, which is just atomic daybreak, but it doesn't really make sense in this poem. And I feel like that also might have tipped my hand because it definitely speaks to my spirit. The neighbors rise. They walk to work. Tell me if you think my previous iteration was the baker rises before the dawn. That sounds like a song or like a dark night. The night is darkest before the dawn or something. Yeah.

Okay. So I'm glad I changed it. I'm glad I changed it. Again, I still knew who your poem was, but yeah. Yeah. The neighbors rise, they walk to work. I sit thinking of the last line, then it comes to me. I mean, what a sweet little twist.

A smirk, a smile, a gleam in your eye, a cheeky little tear rolls down your face. I stick the dick in my ass and I sit on a desk to write this shit out and it goes a little something like poem i'm writing a poem every day i sit and i think of a poem okay and the second one is one you like something about storks flying through the sky uh yeah mary oliver actually one of her poems was read at my wedding i almost wanted wanted to read that one, but I thought you might've remembered it. Oh yeah. Probably not. You probably wouldn't have, huh? It's just so hard to come up with a poem that doesn't sound like something we would, like everything that comes from my brain is something that comes from my brain. I can't change it. It's like, all right, what about one about me walking? No, that's what you would think

of. It's like, yeah, everything is one. And I could have in theory just come up with one about storks but i would never right i don't know why yeah you wouldn't i guess the the best thing we could do is probably just plagiarize and change everything just a little bit yeah but that's not in the spirit of the game i want to come up with a poem that's so originally on me but then is that that's what you tried to do with how you tried to do it with how but we knew it because then you you dipped into school by accident. You love math and school. It'll always come out. And me, I like weather.

I'm obsessed with the sun. And the seasons and the fucking bakers and the candlestick bakers. Always. Yeah, we have to come up. We have to write a poem that not a single one of the lines is true to us. That is how you write poetry. That's like the worst thing a poet teacher can tell you. It's like, all right, what's completely unnatural to you?

And dig into that. How can you be your most inauthentic self? Write a poem as somebody else. Don't be yourself. Be somebody else who's good at poetry. All right. 0 for 4. The game continues.

The game continues. Losers. All right. You just said something in the last segment that reminded me of this segment, which was, I like math. I like school. Yeah. So we just spent about 15 minutes in your wheelhouse aka english writing

that's true creative yes there are no right answers let's shift gears so severely that people will get intellectual fucking whiplash yes do you remember taking the isee test did you ever take a private school entrance exam in like fifth grade no i wouldn't have taken a private school entrance exam but i think i mean we took like math placement tests when we got into fifth grade i remember when i was applying to seventh grade school which is kind of funny to imagine. Like I had to apply to get into a difficult middle school. I would take these ISEE exams where it's like you throw a 12 year old in a room, be like, all right, let's see how smart he is. And my scores weren't good enough to get into the schools that my brothers went to.

Really? Wow. And you're pretty smart. Pretty smart. But I didn. And you're pretty smart. Pretty smart. But I didn't do well in these exams. I remember in like fifth and sixth grade, like my friends would get like eights and nines out of nine and I would get like fives and sixes. Wow.

All right. So this is going to be hard. Well, it's easy for me now because it's tests given to fifth and sixth graders to get into sixth and seventh grade. But that seems like it's going to be impossible for me now because it's tests given to fifth and sixth graders to get into sixth and seventh grade. But that's going to be impossible for me. Yeah. Some of them are hard and a little convoluted. And I'm going to stick to the math ones because reading comprehension is just like, read this paragraph and I'm going to ask you what this guy was thinking. That's not what we're at. Yeah. That one I would probably kill at. Yeah. You would kill at that one. Let's start with

something easy. is quantitative uh reasoning for lower level isee it's a practice exam i found okay so this is like if this and this is that then this and this is that it's more like word problems but math so for example um here's an easy one to start a total of 28 students were asked which one of three snacks, ice cream, popsicles, or frozen yogurt they preferred. 17 students preferred ice cream. Four preferred popsicles. How many students preferred frozen yogurt? Okay, so it's 17 plus 4, which is 21.

You said it was 28 students? Yeah. So then it's 21 minus 28 or 28 minus 21, seven. That's correct. A. I didn't even have to give you the choices. That was seven. It was multiple choice? Yeah. Wow. Nailed it. Alright, great.

Nailed it. Sweet. Next segment. I'm a genius. Next segment and segment. I don't even think so. Okay. Okay. Okay. Wow. What is the value of the expression 2000 minus 165?

Do you want the answer choices? What is the value of 2000? All right. So I can write it down. What? Minus 165? Yep. What is the value?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, give me the choices. 1735, 1835, 1935, or 2835? This is 2,000 minus 165. And what is the value? Yeah. Basically, what is 2,000 minus 165 and what is the value yeah basically what is 2000 minus 165 that's a it seems like there's a trick question that's it 2000 minus 165 am i allowed to use a calculator you're not use a calculator on this test right can't use a calculator i already kind of used a calculator use a calculator

yeah you did yeah i thought i mean you would you would be able to use a calculator and i threw you out of the exam and as a proctor i have to i have to disqualify you're not a proctor it's a i would have i would have had the ti83 on my desk and you could have told me earlier am i really not allowed to use a device you're not allowed to use a calculator not as a 12 year old you didn't have a calculator you're stalling i'm not stalling well i know the answer is 1835 i already did the i already minus that because i thought it was going to come into play for the value later on down the line i was trying to get the number to start from i didn't realize that was the whole last let's get a little sexy now this is and i'll let you use a fucking calculator that's how sexy these problems are

they're like use a calculator and i still don't know if you can figure it out. Great. Ready? Yeah. Which of these four fractions is between one half and nine tenths? Okay. Got it? Yeah.

A, one quarter. B, one third. third c two fifths or d four fifths it's uh d four fifths that's correct four fifths is in between yes yes and segment you're keep getting you keep answering correctly so i'm gonna keep getting a little bit harder for you. Okay. Again, you can start using a calculator because these ones are a little bit. I didn't need the calculator on that one. Tricky reasoning and less just arithmetic.

Yeah, right. Use the number sequence to answer the question. And then it gives you a sequence. Ready? Uh-huh. Two. Four. Great.

Eight. Amazing. 14. Uh-huh. 22. 32. two four great eight amazing 14 22 32 blank what's the next number in the sequence okay wait i need a pen and paper and time no no not even close to time. Because I actually have ADD. And you can't tell me. And ADHD. Or that's a hate crime. The numbers are 2, 4, 8. 14. 22.

32. Blank. Okay. What is the next number in the sequence okay do you want the choices or do you want to just know it hold on okay i don't i don't need it yeah 44 that's's 44. That's correct. We're adding two, then four, then six, then eight, then 10, and now you're adding 12. That's right. No fucking issue.

And segment. No. End the segment. While I'm ahead, we'll end it. And end. We're getting a little harder. We got two questions left. So you made it this far.

You only have two harder questions left. Is this giving you like cold sweat flashbacks or like this is an exciting let's see how fucking good i am now um i was very nervous going in then after getting two i felt pretty good now that i've gotten three i'm back to being nervous because i want that perfect game and that last one was pretty hard there's two left and one of them is like pretty hard and the last one is maybe the hardest one okay okay on the scale of tanji's map that shows 1.2 inches represents 10 miles he's writing down folks He is in the zone.

Taji skips across the stage. First Tan, then Terry, then finally Tanji. So Tanji's map shows 1.2 inches represents 10 miles, okay? Okay. How many inches would it take to represent 25 miles? No, that's easy. So it's 2.4 plus.6, 3.1. You're very close. Really?

I think you tripped over the easy part. It is 2.4 plus 0.6. So, it's just three. It's just three. That's correct. 3.0 inches. And segment. Actually, no.

Now we have to keep going because I need to get this one right to redeem myself. Perfect score. This is to get into Algebra 1, Honors in a sixth grade somewhere in Connecticut. I don't think you'll get this right, but if you prove me right, that'll be awesome. Or prove me wrong.

All right, let's find out. Miss Hammond put the names of all of her students in a hat. Oh, and I should say, guys, if you're listening, feel free to play along at home. Of course. Mrs. Hammond put the names of all of her students in a hat, okay?

In a hat, yes. Yep. In a hat. The probability that she will. Top hat. Beanie. That's correct. Mrs. Hammond puts the names of all her students in a hat.

Got it? Yeah. The probability that she'll pull out a boy's name at random is three out of seven. Okay. There are 12 girls in the class. Okay. How many boys are in Miss Hammond's class? This is...

I don't even want to like... I don't even want to try. I want to just say I ran out of time. And I got all the ones I answered right. Yeah. This will be a classic, I'm just going to guess. Give me the choices. Okay.

Yeah. Again, the probability that she pulls out a boy's name is three out of seven. Right. There are 12 girls in the class. How many boys are there in Mrs. Hammond's class? Three? Four? Nine?

Or 11? Nine. Why do you say nine? I don't know. It's a random yes the first two seemed like there was too few and then 11 just seemed like it was too close to 12 9 feels good and i'm just gonna guess nine nine is correct yes dude i didn't learn shit this is how i got by in school just fucking dumb luck nine out of 21 is three out of seven is how you do the do the math on that so if there's nine boys 12 girls that's 21 whatever it doesn't matter i was trying to teach you so that's the same

now right that's a free ride to college okay yeah yeah keep in mind you're gonna have to know this as we move on make the connections there i want to make sure they know exactly networking get that internship senior year move that into a full-time position i'm a ladder i'll never have to do math a day in my life i can i can delegate that down fail up so 9 to 21 until i'm making which is like three times three and then seven times three putting a lot of weight into retirement into crypto into robo investing i am selling my portfolio and i am retiring rich percentage like a 43 chance yeah yeah take that miss fucking what's your name blumenfeld haun first harry then henry then schmool nobody puts me in a hat good job thanks thank you to draft

kings for sponsoring this episode of our show hey yo draft kings the nfl is back that's correct and the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards. And if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL. Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do. I do. Yeah, I do a lot.

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You're a fan of gambling in general. Yes. And I do have an affinity for the silver and black. So if you like football as much as me, which is not likely because I do know a lot. Like, do you know what a nickelback does in a cover to defense? Or like, do you know what a play action passes? Like these are like some advanced things that I know that you wouldn't. I basically know run and Hail Mary.

You actually know both of those? Yeah, running is when you run, and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn. I think you should download the DraftKings Pick 6 app. Select between two and six players. I have a sure thing for you to put some money on. You select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat. It's that simple.

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Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash. Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show.

Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one first stop, one stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held.

They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah.

But how'd you like to own freakyfriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think.

And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio. The greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience.

But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes, and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ad somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, all right we're back in a stunning

reversal of fortunes you failed the poetry part and aced the math part amazing just amazing it's a new you for the new year this is a segment I coined as eBay game boy. eBay Game Boy. E-Game Boy. That's right. Oh, thank you.

Oh, oh. Game Boy, of course, an homage to our old friend who used to search our Gmail for a word that only yielded one result. Not so rare that nobody would email and not so common that we'd have thousands, but we're looking to search eBay for something that has one result. One result. If we can't get to one, I would say the lowest number wins the game. Okay.

And the stakes are stakes for the game. Enough of this Venmo in each other, 40, 80, $110. Who's paying attention anymore? We're going broke. Yes.

It's not fun. It's not fair. It's not good. I thought of a consequence that would embarrass us on live slash the show. Amazing. I love it. And that is loser of the game. You have to make the noise.

Oh! Has to sing a song. Has to sing a full song. You can look at the lyrics and you can't sing along, though. You have to pull up the lyrics and sing an entire song. Yeah, three minutes. And it can't be like Happy Birthday. No, it's got to be like fucking Mr. Jones by The Counting Crows.

And you have to give it your all. And you have to give it your all. And it does have to last an uncomfortably long part of time, so much so that people feel bad for you while they're listening. It has to be so uncomfortable people will skip over it because they don't want to hear you do that for that long. Right. And we've never heard each other sing full songs before of course because it's like you know we sing a few lines and we laugh but like to do an entire song all the way it was shameful maybe i'll do aladdin what's what who do you think is a guy in my range

um yeah one jump ahead of the long man yeah we'll save it for no no joke yeah i don't actually i don't know what i can't afford that's everything that's everything you're my only friend abu i'm gonna do that let's sing songs yeah i love disney uh okay well just testing out this game i actually got one perfectly in one but we can't use it because i've already searched it uh and that was wet candle there's one example of quote wet candle on ebay only one listing all right cool uh so that just puts you in the in the right mind frame of yeah so it's it's two words not necessarily just one one word because yeah because if you search card or vase or camera there's gonna be thousands you can search like little blue camera or something.

Try to like specify it to the point where there's only one listing. And I'm sharing my screen so you guys can play along with us. And let's also say if it's something I want, you have to buy it for me. Okay. Ornate crow. Okay. Ornate. Quotation.

Ornate crow. You instantly get one and I start going into song. Slip inside the eye of your mind. Ornate crow, I'm searching. Two. Wow. Oh, God. Oh, God.

All right. Yeah. That's going to be hard. Okay. Thank God for this fucking necklace so right now i see an ornate skull crow tea light candle which is scary but fine and then ornate crow as a gothic necklace that's actually kind of tight i want that okay oh shit it was really open for something in the 20s um let's keep going back and forth a few more times because i can't end this quickly okay yeah um uh yeah it feels like each of us we should get like three three tries each maybe yeah

so if you can beat two. Okay. I'll search Wax Homer. Hmm. Like maybe there's a Wax Homer Simpson out there. Yeah. There's got to be a bunch of them, though. Zero. No. Okay.

I'll just go. I'm going to go for one. Yeah, we're both going for one. Clear. Beetle. Clear. Beetle. No, you have to spell beetle like a beetle not like the beetles okay like that yeah two again and one of them is a fucking necklace you're obsessed wow there's a lot oh there's a lot of glass yeah but that's not all right so the other ones are are actually two results clear and one is sponsored which feels it feels like i got one honestly with the

clear beetle yeah yeah but i mean one's sponsored i don't know yeah i don't know about that okay um i'll search uh stinky no that's no one's gonna sell a stinky thing um if i were you i just start thinking of a song i would use this time to think of what song you want to sing for me i I'm actually sad I can't sing Aladdin. Gray. Everything is gray. This sucks. Matt Poole. M-A-T-T-E Poo pool okay i don't know what this could possibly be

but i'm hoping for one here's a moment of truth 20 20 results a lot of matt pool sticks yeah oh yeah cool toys yeah yeah yeah okay here's one frog pill frog pill frog pill yep 11 there's a lot of frog pill boxes that's kind of cool i like these are actually kind of neat now that i think about it yeah these are nice there's a lot of there's 11 frog pill boxes it just shows you how much stuff in the world it's there's a lot of stuff yeah these are just the ones being sold yeah there's a lot that are being hoarded yeah and preserved um this is your last chance right go last chance golden uh golden little cream little cream uh window okay little cream window i'm nervous about this why what could this possibly be i don't know i feel like three words i think three words should be illegal but let's i'll i'll reserve that stance until you win or lose i got

some zeros with two okay little cream window honestly i might just do cream window no little cream window cream window might be better yeah cream window is is it like who would say little cream window yeah i'll just do cream window yeah jesus 100 you should have said little 111 results wow what if 111 let's see what a little cream window oh my god if it was one i would would cry. I would literally cry. I would end this episode and just fucking start shedding tears. What is the song gonna be? I guess Little Cream Window by The Doors. Yeah, that's solid.

It sucks. Any song you like. I did it in the fucking rehearsal, Wet Candle. One. One result. like i did it in the fucking rehearsal wet candle one one result wet candle cooter candle company thick uncle zero a vintage vote thin uncle sam pinback pizza crust advertising this is actually kind of cool vote thin interesting a damn this would have been perfect yeah i actually came up with it no you didn't you came up with thick uncle of course i came up with it. No, you didn't. You came up with Thick Uncle. Of course I came up with it. Okay. What song do I know all the words of?

Yeah. You can look at the lyrics. Should it be a famous song that we all know or like an obscure song? I guess it should be more of an enjoyable karaoke song. Right. Do you have a request? I wouldn't mind hearing that Aladdin song. Oh, One Jump Ahead yeah

let's see One Jump Ahead lyrics okay this one's pretty good because I can be a little silly with it but you have to try to sing it it's weird this is just a podcast but i am a little bit nervous okay and there's different voices too there's characters right you want me to i'll i

can do the um the chorus kind of this feels unfair because i thought of the game and the consequence so it felt like rightfully that you would do it yeah well i mean you don't have to do this song if you don't want because i can i'll do this one when i lose another time you know you can do a weezer song okay i'm not gonna sing i'm not gonna help you sing at all i've decided so this will be all you okay i'll do this one just because it's probably more enjoyable than a weezer song great let's hear it if you're driving everyone pull over let's give Amir the attention that he deserves if you're doing chores around the house let's settle down for a second

give Amir a beat to sing let's give Amir the floor and this is Amir Blumenfeld singing One Jump Ahead by Mina Masood. So vulnerable. All right, ready? Gotta keep one jump ahead of the bread line, one swing ahead of the sword.

I steal only what I can't afford. That's everything. One jump ahead of the law, man. That's it. And that's no joke. These guys don't appreciate I'm broke. Riff raff. Street rat.

Come on, try a little harder. Take that. Try a different tack, guys. Rip him open round the back lines. I can take a hit. Gotta face the facts. Could use a really line door too huh oh it's sad

oh it's sad Aladdin's at the bottom he's become a one man rise in crime I'd blame parents except he hasn't got them gotta eat to live Gotta steal to eat Tell you more about it

When I got the time One jump One jump Ahead of the slow pokes One skip Ahead of my doom Next guy's Gonna use a

Next time Gonna use a nom de plume Wow these lyrics are weird One jump Ahead of the hit man One hit Ahead of the flock. I'll think I'll take a stroll around the block.

Stop thief. Vandal. Abu. Scandal. Let's not be too hasty. Still, I think he's rather tasty. Someone's going to eat him. Got to eat to live.

Got to steal to eat. Otherwise, we'd get along. Wrong. One more time. I one more time with the chorus one jump ahead of the hoof beats one hop ahead of the hump one trick and a disaster they're quick but not much faster here it goes better throw my hand in wish me happy landing all i gotta do is jump. That was great, man. That was really good. Let me do Can You Feel the Love Tonight? Yeah.

Looking for a key G. That's good. Son of Man by Phil Collins in the Tarzan soundtrack. You'll be in my heart. And then at the end of the podcast well we can put together a disney compilation of all the songs we sing that's right it should have to be a disney song every single time because they are funnier than you remember gonna use a nom de plume how many eight-year-old boys knew what the fuck that meant yeah i mean i did not remember any of these lyrics that's very i barely remember them now this lady's gonna eat him still i think he's

rather tasty or is that like a sex joke she's trying to smooch him yeah yeah she thinks he's hot she's gonna eat his ass or something yeah i really think that's what it was about i don't know if it was about tossing salad or rimming, but I mean, it could have been. Yeah. Because when the genie comes, that was like his first wish, wasn't it? Like he wants to make sure that nobody eats his ass or something like that.

Why would he want to make sure no one ever did it? Because like the lady that does it, it's like he wasn't interested in her at all romantically. Maybe not her, but somebody else. Yeah, like a Jasmine type. Yeah, exactly. Or a Raja. Type. at all romantically maybe not her but somebody else yeah like a jasmine type yeah exactly type ranala type yeah you should write a disney movie okay all right that was it that was um three solid segs yeah i like the ebay game ebay with a song uh i don't know what the name of that

segment could be but i think it's a great it's a great recurring one i also do think we should be buying i mean that pin is five dollars if there's only one of its kind vote then like it's literally the only thing that comes up when you search thin uncle i feel like we should have it we should put it in some kind of like museum it's a thin uncle sam pin yeah all right maybe i'll buy this one as well i love that uh all right for more of us um we're on patreon patreon.com slash ja watching and yes even now writing some jake and amir's this is true this. This is true. We wrote a scroll video and we wrote like a long story video last week, right? Yeah. A story about a Christmas party, I think.

Amazing. So check that out at patreon.com slash JA. Thank you for watching. If you're watching on YouTube, thanks for listening. If that's how you still consume podcasts because you're a millennial like us yeah uh and we'll be back of course next week

ciao for now later you're my only friend abu that was a hit gum original