Segments - 105: Vibrator (with Milana Vayntrub!)

Episode Date: September 29, 2014

Comedian/Friend Milana Vayntrub joins us to discuss feminism, spirituality, and the future of masturbation. This episode is brought to you by LegalZoom.com and Ting.com. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What's the $5 meal deal at McDonald's? You pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. If you need some advice for the low, low price of absolutely nothing, they can tell you something. It probably won't be good. In fact it probably won't be good In fact it won't be good, but we can laugh at it anyway When they begin to say

If I were you, I probably wouldn't do that If I were you, I'd probably go back to months ago You should have asked us then If I were you if i were you if i were you alana you're crying both my hands are on my heart that's it that's all it takes huh i'm weeping there was a whistle the whistling was really nice that got me too you're really feeling it i'm really touched that someone made that for you guys aren't you guys touched that honestly 105 episodes i feel nothing that did nothing to me

dead inside yeah i felt like you like i've been saying absolutely nothing our fans are more talented than us yeah we deserve their adoration that was mike labro wow and you're and you're milana i'm milana vine troop hey vine troop yeah i would not have said that correctly i would have said vein trub that's okay i wouldn't have corrected you or cared. Ouch. No, why? No, no, no, man. This is why. Because my name has been translated from place to place and then into English and then tried to make sense in some kind of German-Russian spelling. And I don't know what the right way to say it.

I just know how I say it. Weintraub. Yeah, I say Weintraub. My sister says Weintraub. Really? My parents say Weintraub. Oh, that's cool. So what's the most original, as far back as you can trace it?

Well, it comes from the German word Weintraub. That's what I was going to say. It sounds like a Russian saying Weintraub. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. But it's like when someone said Weintraub with a Russian accent and someone just wrote it, They transliterated it. Yeah, exactly. Does that last name exist anywhere else?

V-A-Y-N-T-R-U-B? Like when you Google search that, did anyone else write it that way? Yeah, the people that are related to me. Right. But nobody that's not related to you that has your last name? Not that I know of.

So you're the only Milana Weintraub in the world. Definitely. Are you the only Amirana Weintraub in the world. Definitely. Are you the only Amir... Blumenfeld? Blimenfeld? Blumenfeld? Blumenfeld? No, I think there is another one.

Yeah. Because Amir is a very common name in Israel. Mm-hmm. Do you have a middle name? No. I take my dad's first name in Russian, Russian culture. Mm-hmm. You take your dad's first name as your middle name. So my

full name is Milana Philip. My dad's name is Alex. So my full name is Milana Alexandrovna Weintraub. Oh my gosh. You're a gymnast now. You're a Dracula gymnast. A vampire gymnast.

Well, thanks for coming on the show. My pleasure. I'm still so moved by that song, I can't really get past it. I know. That was a really, really good one. I'm impressed, first of all, that there are 105 people in the world care enough about you motherfuckers to sit down and write poetry to music. Technically, it's double that. Whatever that number is.

210? Yeah, that's right. Although there have been some repeats, but it is over 200, I'd say. Yeah. That's a beautiful thing. Because we do one in the beginning and one in the end. Can we take a moment to put our hands on our hearts and be grateful for those people? This is so weird.

I don't even feel a beat. I feel this. It's nothing. It's hollow. Oh, my God. You're ice cold. This is the difference between us because as soon as you said that, both my hands were on my heart.

I was like, yes, I want to feel it. And you were like one hand and making a joke. We're like Dharma and Greg. The other hand was on his dick and he was like, yes, I want to feel it. And you were like, one hand and making a joke. We're like Dharam and Greg. The other hand was on his dick and he was like, I feel nothing. It couldn't get hard. It's like a Ken mound. It's just absolute polished nothingness. How do people know you?

You've been in some of our videos before. Yeah, I've been in some of your videos. What's your claim to fame? I think people like to call me the at&t girl right now uh from the commercials that's pretty legit it's really fun seeing you it's really fun to make them that's great yeah it's like the equivalent of seeing uh george basil in the budweiser commercials for me too he's so good in those great he's so george and you're so you're so you in those commercials it's great lily right li right? Lily. I'm so Lily Milana.

That is a very... You could be a Lily. Thank you. You're a Lily. And what's your guys' name on your show? Holy shit. You said you were a fan, and for what? You feel nothing again.

Just kidding. I am a really big fan. You've actually heard this podcast before. You wrote that song. She did the whistling, actually. I submitted a lot of songs, but none of them got on the air. Honestly, when they're all the level of Mike Labrau over here, it's not going to happen. I can't even whistle.

That's how good he is. This is the extent of my whistling. It sounds like a tea kettle. Ready? That's as good as you can whistle? Yeah. I am better than that. Let's hear it, Jake. That's as good as you can whistle? Yeah. I can do better than that. What's here, Jake?

Oh, that is better, yeah. Thank you. I think I could beat both of you, but it's been a while. Oh, yeah. And it just turns into blowing. It's just wind sounds. The microphone hates that.

Still poor, but a lot better than us, which is all we really need uh so you've heard the show i would love to learn sorry i i'm like really derailing it yeah i won't talk that'll be it i just want to do like a like a taxi whistle like a really loud oh yeah remember when you said you won't talk yeah then i did then i finished that's my self-control you know it'd be cool to do the double pinky phil jackson really loud yeah i feel like that's that's it that's it that's it i'm gonna edit in a train whistle for a minute and a half that was amazing she became a choo-choo train i feel like that's something everyone should know how to do like changing a tire or something you know yeah there's a lot of stuff like that that i don't know how to do yeah I feel like that's something everyone should know how to do, like changing a tire or something, you know? Yeah. There's a lot of stuff like that that I

don't know how to do. Yeah. I feel like that's every popular internet article. Yeah, it's like, oh, like, 11 things you gotta know how to do to be a good person. Before you turn 30. Yeah. Oh, shit. Every 29-year-old must know how to do these 15 things. Do you know how to change a tire? Change a tire?

No. It seems like you would. You definitely have the, you carry yourself with an attitude that says, I that's all i need have you seen someone that's why i have a beard yeah i would assume that you know how to change a tire jake and it's and what about me no that's correct the saddest thing is that i want to lie and say i can't yeah you considered it because that's my attitude yeah you're like i bet i could i could i could definitely get her done i feel like i associate you with someone who builds things. Yeah. Now you're thinking of Thomas.

Middle-ditch? I associate myself with somebody who knows how to build things. Yeah. It's just, your hands are so callous. I do a lot of pull-ups. They're bleeding. They're cracked and bleeding all the time, so I assume that you're... Jake's at home watching Netflix, just rubbing his hand on a sandpaper nobody can know i've got the disposition of a southern bell

dainty ballerina that's enough you two jesus sorry we're just kidding lighten up you're changing my time uh so you know that this is an advice podcast it's called If I Were You it's an advice podcast people email us questions and we do our best to offer our insight I've listened to this show before

okay well I was just explaining it just in case somebody you thought she had listened you just assumed I guess because a lot of guests you've had on the show don't listen to your show yeah they're like friends or people that our fans really wanted you on the show. That's so nice. Let's put our hands on our heart for a second and appreciate that.

Everybody put your hands on your heart and whistle. Guys, we are out of time. This is crazy. Didn't get to a question. I'm going to learn how to change a tire after this yeah i'll at the very least look at a youtube tutorial i feel like i'm good at well never mind we'll talk about this else i'm trying to like save face yeah we don't need it i have this image the only time i've ever seen anyone change a tire was um when i was driving with my dad from

moscow to st petersburg which is like a six-hour drive. Holy shit. Through the forest. Like, through the forest. Moscow, Idaho to St. Petersburg, Florida? Moscow, Russia to St. Petersburg, Florida. Wow. Long drive. Anyway. And it was, like, raining, pouring rain, and my dad's car went flat, and he put on, like, a hat and just got out there and started changing the tire on this land cruiser.

Yeah, on this giant car. And I get outside and I'm like, hey, do you need any help? And he's like, get back in the car. Dangerous out here. The axle broke. He's holding the car with his hand. Stay in the car, Milana. I took so many pictures of that because I'm like, he's such a badass.

I'll never be that. I'm not that kind of daddy. He'll never be my daddy. Yeah. I don't even know if my dad can do that. I don't know if my dad could do it either, but definitely like growing up. My dad is five foot five, but growing up, I thought he was huge. Same.

My dad is like five, six, maybe. Yeah. They're just like thick, strong men. Yeah. He's very strong. Well, your dad is kind of strong and very thick i could i could beat the shit out of my dad today you actually tried to the last time you were at home i thought you punched me yeah you tried to break a chair on his back and

he caught it at the last second and twisted your ankle that'd be cool that's awesome i i grew up like fighting my dad all the time. We would wrestle for fun. Wow. How Russian. Yeah. With a bear. He only has daughters, right? Yeah, he has two daughters, but he really wants a boy.

So he kind of raised me like one. Or at least to play like one. That's cool. Yeah. My mom only had boys. She made you wear dresses. We wore wigs a lot growing up. Are you you crying no i i'm incapable of doing so uh have you talked to someone about that no i have not actually i haven't spoken to anyone but we are qualified to give advice here we go let's tap into your coldness oh that's a good

that that'll take more than one episode okay i mean I mean, I don't have anywhere to be. Aren't you dog sitting? Yeah, but I'm allergic to them, so I'm staying away. Oh, God. Dogs is another good example of my coldness. I don't feel anything for dogs. Oh, really? Yeah.

You don't feel disdain, you just don't feel attached. Did you grow up with dogs? I had a dog named Chico. He was a mean little beast. He was an angry little snowball. Well, that explains it. I really want to get a dog, and Amir was like,

yeah, that's fine, you can get a dog, but I'm going to abuse it when you're not around. I'm not going to abuse it, but I'm going to lift up my hand. You know when they squint and blink a lot?

Because a rescue dog has a scary face, and you would sort of try to remind the dog. I want to tap into that. I want to just make sure that part of his brain never... Mental abuse. Yeah, it sort of try to remind the dog. I want to tap into that. I want to just make sure that part of his brain never...

Mental abuse. Yeah, it never dwindles down to nothing. Emotional pain for the dog. Yeah, I want to keep that flickering fear just in there. I know.

I would rather have this potential dog I'm going to rescue be euthanized than in a house with you. You actually have euthanized seven dogs. So, Jake,

the answer is no. You can't dog sit the dogs I'm saying no he won't be in the house why don't you guys switch apartments for the week oh yeah I'll come live with a mare with dead cold eyes

that'll be a good sitcom should we try to answer these questions I feel like you got some good wisdom to impart here. Uh, a lot of therapy. So there we go. There you go. Just regurgitate what the therapist says.

Uh, we need to go to therapy. Stop talking about your father, sir. You never talk about your father. Uh, we need fake names because we want to preserve these guys anonymity. So do you have a fake male name for us?

Schmeg. Schmeg. That's pretty good. Schmeg. Schmeg writes, Hey guys, me and my girlfriend have been dating for about a year and a half now, and a few months ago we somehow got on the topic of masturbating. She told me that she wished she had a dildo,

but didn't have any room to put it anywhere, as she shares a room with her sister and a bathroom with her family. She had the idea of using her phone as a vibrator. Being the nice boyfriend that I am, I offered to call her repeatedly whenever she were feeling horny, so that she could use her phone as a vibrating dildo. It was kind of hot at first, but now she keeps asking me to call her all the time. What should I do? Thanks, Schmeg.

Have you heard of this? Is this a thing in the female community, using your vibrating phone as a vibrator? No, that sounds like vagina radiation. That sounds like cancer. Oh, shit, yeah. There you go. That's what he should say. Yeah.

All right. Baby, I love doing this for you, but I'm worried about vagina radiation. Yeah. You should just Google that. I bet there's an article. I. Yeah. All right. Baby, I love doing this for you, but I'm worried about vagina radiation. Yeah. You should just Google that. I bet there's an article. I'm sure. All right. Just let me Google vagina radiation.

Oh, my God. The vibrators are so small. You can tuck it in a pillowcase or something. When she said, I want a dildo, but I don't have a place to put it, I really thought she was like a Barbie doll. She just didn't have a place to put it. No, she didn't have a place to put it. I want a dildo, I don't have a female anatomy.

I share a pussy with my sister in a bathroom with my family. That's, how small do vibrators get? Really tiny. You can get like little,

not Tic Tacs. Yeah, you can get like one that looks like a little lipstick. Yeah, you can get the egg, right? There's one that's in, it's like a vibrating egg. I haven't seen that

but I know that there's a lipstick one. Oh, it looks like a lipstick so that's a discussion. You can keep it in your makeup bag. And can you actually apply? No. Okay.

That's the next step, though. That's kind of cool. That's the future. Why haven't they thought of that? It actually vibrates while you apply it. It just gets all over your face. So you look like a crazy woman. Here's a little bit of research I did.

There's an app that vibrates your phone. It turns it into a vibrating massager, but you basically get what it's for. So anyway, this episode is brought to you by... That app. You guys keep talking. I'm going to look up the name of this app. We don't have anything to talk about when you're not here.

Yeah, we need you. Come on, bud. Okay. I think it might be called phone vibrator phone vibrator yeah that's the answer they sort of wonder if like a vibrating toothbrush would work oh didn't that come up once i think it maybe did we you talked about it yeah i talked about attaching a dildo oh you're just attaching a dildo to a to a toothbrush and making it a vibrating yeah but actually well there's a staring into my soul there's a difference between a dildo to a toothbrush and making it a vibrating toothbrush. But actually, well, there's a difference.

You're staring into my soul. There's a difference between a dildo and a vibrator. A dildo is like a big penis that doesn't necessarily vibrate. And a vibrator is... It's not necessarily dick-shaped. It just has to be a vibrating... It's something that's more for clitoral stimulation. You can correct me if I'm wrong, because I'm not 100% sure I'm right.

No, I think you're correct. But there are also vibrating dildos. Right, totally. And there are... And moving dildos. Right, totally. And there are... And moving dildos and shaking and grooving ones. Ones that play music. Oh, dope, really? Yeah, they tap into radio stations.

Do they have those in the form of a strap-on? Like a strap-on that vibrates? That'd be kind of cool. I've never used a strap-on. I don't know. Not that I've ever used a vibrator or had sex. Anything. No, yeah.

Yes, we're all virgins. There are these headphones that sort of send music into your ears, like using some sort of radiation, so it doesn't actually play music, but you put it against your skin and you can hear it. Is there a vibrator that you, it doesn't play music, but when you're using it, you just sort of hear songs? Through your uterus, it just goes through you. Wait, that first thing's real?

Yeah, that first thing's real. Yeah, I've heard of that. It connects through your jawbone or something. Yeah, which is where the vibrator would go, too. Yeah, on your jawbone. It travels down from your jaw to your clitoris, right? If it's that deep inside you, then you should be able to watch TV.

If you just put something on your face and you can hear music, if you stick something inside you. Inside a vibrator that goes in you, you close your eyes and you're watching HD television. That's cool. Just like virtual reality vibrator. I'm on a beach. It's the future of storytelling.

I hope so. Take this pill. I feel like we gave him a lot of solutions there. Buy her a small vibrator. Tell her that the calling will give her vagina radiation. Yeah. I also just love how much time it takes him of his day. Like he's trying to like do his laundry.

Hey, baby, you're masturbating too much. Call me again. Oh, God. Brian, why do you have 38 outgoing calls every day to your girlfriend? Oh, yeah, you could say that it's racking up your phone bill. But does it count if she doesn't pick up? I don't think so. Does it?

It must. It must. It must. It must count as one minute. It must. It absolutely must. What am I? I could just call Japan and they don't pick up?

Lottie, get them on the line. I don't actually work there. What? You don't just work in the stores? No, no, no. I'm an actor. So that's not a documentary miniseries about your life as an AT&T employee? No, it's a commercial.

It's a paid advertisement. I am an actor for hire. It comes into a set, like on a soundstage. I feel like we should know this type of stuff because we want to be writers. I want to get paid for sure. Like, do you get cash for it? Or do they just give you stock? No, I don't actually own any of the company at all.

They just... They give you points on the back end? I bet you get fucking points. Like, if the commercial makes a million bucks, how much do you get? Commercials don't make money. So why would they make them? All right, honey, Let's keep going.

She doesn't quite understand how it works. If they put the commercial online and then just put some advertising around it, that's how they would make bank. I'm impressed with how good you are at keeping the microphone at your mouth at all times. It's like your whiskers are just tickling you the whole time.

I feel the fuzz of it. He's obsessed with sound. I like things to sound clear all right let's go on to the to the next guy or girl okay the next dame or lass ladder lass i'm gonna stay silent because i want to hear one more example of guy i don't know ladder lass dame lass or lassie lass or lassie? Lass or lassie? Dame or dude? Dame or dude? Chico or chica?

Oh, that's good. Thank you. Cultured. All right, what you're doing right now, the wire's really freaking me out. Okay, unstop. That has huge, huge implications. Implications, repercussions.

Beyond the scope of this podcast. She just unplugged her wire and she's waving it over her head. I'm lassoing my microphone. She just walks out. Sounds important to you? Is it picking up this? Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. No.

All right, we need a girl's name. Sandra Susana. That's fucking sexy. Is that a full name? Sandra Susana? Yeah, her last name is Susana that's fucking is that a full name? Sandra Susana? yeah her last name is Susana her last name is

Dress Susana her first name is San San Dress Susana I'm San Dress Susana I don't want to be on this date anymore

wow your name is Schmeg alright hey guys I'm gonna be short and sweet. I'm a feminist. Been passionate about equality and shit my whole life. The chef at a restaurant I work at... He's been passionate about equality and shit.

I really care about equality and shit. The chef at the restaurant I work at is a major hottie. We get along very well and in terms of conversation, we are pretty platonic complaining about our boss and teasing each other in a joking way. Here's my dilemma. Recently, he started to smack my butt when he walks by me.

It's always just a casual smack with his hand, and we never verbally address it. Am I a bad feminist for fucking loving when this happens? Is he a bad guy? I can't go to my friends about this because they'll get mad at me and unfollow me on Tumblr. Sorry, this wasn't quite short. I tried to keep it sweet, though. Thanks. Shoshana Smith.

I like her. And no, there's nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong. If she likes it and if she didn't, I think he would trust that she would say something because they're friends. So you can be a feminist and still like to get your ass slapped. Yeah, you can be a feminist and still like to be choked. Yeah, it's just that you like it and you're not doing something that you don't like. What you're saying

when you say you're a feminist is that men and women should be equal. Should be equal. Or I believe are equal. And so she could slap his ass and he could like it and there would be nothing wrong with that. Should she do or say anything?

If she's happy with the arrangement, she doesn't have to say anything. I feel like the only thing here is that she has this weird relationship with her friends where she can't talk to them. Oh, that's where you're seeing the major downfall. Why would they judge me? Because when I said he smacks my ass, you're like, Oh no, that's like a bad thing.

But then she liked it. Yeah. If it was anything like offensive or demeaning, then of course say something to him, but she's into it and they're flirting. It sounds like, but is it offensive and demeaning to slap a girl's ass? If she likes it?

No, if she wants it, if she likes it, she's okay with it I don't know I don't think there's anything wrong with it because maybe she's

done something to open the doors for him to think that that's an okay thing and if it's not then it's something that she should shut down immediately

but she hasn't what about the first time because the first time it's a little bad yeah the first time he just did it unsolicited so that's bad

hope he likes it and then but it like he took a shot he likes it and then but it but it like he took a shot in the dark and it hit it was like all right cool is it still offensive to go for the shot i don't know that's the conundrum because it is right but you can't just like willy-nilly slap people's butts but like guys do it to other guys maybe he's like doing it to everybody i slap your butt sometimes like good game you know yeah you do slap my butt a lot i get a lot of pleasure out of it yeah i grab a lot of girls

butts when i hug them a lot really yeah that's like your way that's your little calling card it's just like it's a mushy part of their body i could squeeze yeah i'm a butt grabber too yeah but not like i would never do it to somebody that I didn't think would like it. Right. So maybe this guy is sensitive and in tune enough to know that she would like it. Right. And she is. It's OK that she likes it.

There's no need to be like, I stand up to you. You aren't allowed to do that. That being said. Keep doing it. Go for it. This was bad. It's fine. I really think she should have the conversation with her friends of like, I mean, if she feels

like she needs to even. Right. Who cares? The Tumblr followers. Well, I think. Will somebody please think of her friends. Is she like a Tumblr feminist? If her friends are good feminists, because you're a feminist and you're saying.

Yeah. Actually, you're a feminist too. I'm a feminine. I'm a feminist? Yeah. Yeah. Because you think guys and girls should be equal. I think guys and girls are equal.

I just don't think that they should be. I think that they are. Unfortunately. For guys, it's a lot harder to be feminist because I never know when I'm being equal or when I'm being condescending. What do you mean? I'm trying to give myself an example example can i jinx you on this podcast

and you can't talk for the rest of it episode 206 mir has to go buy milana a coke this is fucking he has to run down this giant hill it has to have your name on it i have to go to russia to get it uh what do you mean by that i guess i? I guess I'm trying to think of an example. Okay, so, wait, no, this isn't a good example because this isn't, I don't know. You have to come back to me. No, no, we'll wait. Really?

Can we edit the long pause out? No, we don't have to actually wait. Great. So, advice for this girl is that it's okay. You can do whatever the heck you want. Being a feminist and getting your ass slapped aren't mutually exclusive. Totally. But communicating with your friends and feeling not judged is nice.

Yes. Definitely open communication. I'm all about honesty. I believe that if you're honest and you have good intentions, you can do no wrong. And it sounds like this guy has good intentions. It sounds like she is honest and has good intentions. I just think that sometimes you're only as sick as your secrets. Whoa.

And if she feels like... Have you said that before? That was really good. Thank you. You're only as sick as your secrets. You're only as sick as your secrets. It's beautiful. It's really nice.

It is amazing. Trademark. I just don't know what it means. I haven't quite figured it out yet. Vine Troop, you motherfucker. I was doing your sister's pronunciation. That's not i just i would it is amazing i just don't know what it means i haven't quite figured it out yet i was doing your sister's pronunciation that's not even how she's vine trub okay okay it's never the great the great way to say it hey if you have your feet on the table can i put my feet on the table sure yeah do i have to take my shoes off no they're thank you we don't own anything here what do you mean this is all... It all came with the place.

You lucky motherfucker. So are you going to buy new furniture for your new place? No, because the place we're going to, we're moving to, is equally fully furnished. How charming. What we've done is beat the system. I'll never have to buy any furniture ever again. How does that sound? All we have to do is pay more money in rent.

It's amazing. It's like paying someone else to go to Ikea for you. What was I going to say? Oh, you're only as sick as your secrets. Yeah. I feel like if she's like a little torn up about this because she can't talk to her friends about it. I'm a really big fan of being the most you. You just continue being you at your highest self.

You're like be awesome. Right. being you at your highest self. You're the, like, be awesome, right? Like, when I am the most myself, when I am the highest me, I feel most happy. You're unabashed. Yeah, and I don't want to sacrifice that for anyone else's benefit because then I have less fun. Exactly. Maybe I should go to therapy.

Can I tell you about the pure heart rule? Have you heard about the pure heart rule? No, what is that? Tell me. A little PHR will go a long way. It's something I said on the podcast before, where you just communicate your intentions and where you're coming from and then say to anybody, and I have no expectation for

what you're going to do with this information, but this is where I am. And it's a lot like what you're saying with just being open and honest and have good intentions. I think getting rid of expectations is a really great way to move through the universe in general. Yes. What does that mean?

Explain that to me. Like going on to a date, for example, and not knowing what's going to happen, but just being present and enjoying the person's connection with you or lack of connection with you or whatever the moment is. And then not knowing what will come of it. Because I think there's so many times where, I mean, disappointment in its essence comes from expectations not being met. So if you don't have them,

you're never disappointed. Yeah, and just go along for the ride because any kind of fear you have of outcome just builds anxiety. Yes, it's true. I'm often anxious about the end of a date, during a date. Right, because you're like,

what's going to happen at the end? You're writing a movie in your head that no one's watching. Well, maybe with a vibrator you can just close your eyes and check it out. That'd be great during the date if you just pop one. I just need a second. Tic-tac? Administered vaginally? Anyway, my point to San is that she should just continue being herself.

And life is a self-sorting process. Like, if she needs to lose these friends because they are so not on board with her enjoying this, then, like, get out. There are way too many awesome people in the world for you to change yourself or be ashamed of something. And her saying that they're going to unfollow her on Tumblr is her having expectations. And they might just be, like, happy that she's happy and she met somebody that she digs and enjoys getting her butt spanked. And that's great. Yeah.

And why shouldn't a feminist enjoy what she enjoys? I feel like men enjoy all sorts of perversions. Yeah, that's the whole point. That we're all perverted and we are allowed to just be like, this is what gets me off. And if somebody is like, awesome, I'm into that. Or somebody could be like, that's cool for you. It's not for me. And that's it.

That's the pure heart of it. Then get out. Yeah. There are too many options. Not judging. I don't know. Good button there. Not judging.

Period. Actually, let's go to this next question. And it's okay that we don't know how to change tires. I can learn if I need to. In fact, I'm going to. So let's get this part out Grease stains all over your face My hands just shattered

This one's kind of along the lines of Honesty and expectations So I feel like it's a good next question We need another female's name I thought you were just running from the emotion of that previous question You were like oh this is getting heated Yeah this is too real for me It's amazing that someone

who is so numb has an advice show. Yeah. But then who better to give it than to someone who doesn't feel anything? It's nice. It's cold surgical.

Erase this person from your life. Break up with this person. And then I'm just like, oh, I'm crying. He talks and comes, download new people. Delete these people. Remove that human

from your existence. Gone. Be gone, you. Another one enters the fray. For what? Who cares? You weren't programmed to speak well. Of course not.

I banana chortles. Should we keep talking or should we move on to the next one? What do you think? I'm ready. I'm ready. Milana's yes. What do you think?'m ready let's i'm sorry molana's yes okay i'm ready great uh this is kind of a a story question but we do need one lady's name oh um jamaica jamaica what jamaica shakes very nice i want that to be my name

i feel like i was in a quentin Tarantino movie for three seconds right then. Jamaica. Jamaica Shakes. That's a good title for a movie, isn't it? Jamaica Shakes. Jamaica Shakes. It's about a businessman. All right.

I got to answer. Okay. I'm just saying he's a real buttoned up businessman. Doesn't like to party, but all of a sudden he's got to go to Jamaica for work. Jamaica Queens. To make milkshakes. Decides to open up a little hut on the beach, doesn't he? I don't know.

The first act break is him loosening his tie and undoing the first button of his suit. I guess I have a note about that. That's a bad act break, I guess. Just to loosen a tie. That's not a moment. He's very buttoned up. It is a moment. You guys want to be writers, you say? No, not anymore. I disagree that that's not a moment he's very buttoned up it is a moment you guys want to be writers you say

no not anymore I disagree that that's not a moment if he's very buttoned up that's what it's all about so the opening montage this opening sequence

of the movie is him buttoning all the way up it goes all the way up to his nose it's a shirt that's way too big for his body

alright this is expectations because when I pitched that I thought everyone was going to love it really did you know with a podcast you don't know maybe there are people at home that are just fucking enjoying writing this down yeah i hope so uh guys is this going well yeah this is going great this is one of those like cool ones that are like it's not only funny but

it's all it's actually real oh i think you're you actually do go to therapy right because it shows you go to therapy your uh your advice is very sage i also really love like self-help books yeah well you've been on a journey i've been on a journey on a soul journey for a while yeah really is that true should we talk about that right now should we take a break and not do this question sure yeah i'd like to know about this soul journey more than anything else i think if you feel comfortable talking about it yeah i um there have been so many levels of it like since i think i was like 18 or something when i was um actually when i was yeah when i was 18 my cousin passed away okay and that was like a huge thing for me where i needed to figure out the meaning of the world and kind of had an

existential crisis which I've revisited a couple times of like what is the point of anything and yeah and so that's when I started like someone gave me a book on like reincarnation and past lives and souls and I don't know that I bought all of the stuff in it um but I liked believing it like I feel like that was that was my first introduction into spirituality was believe what you like because there's no point to any of it and one of my favorite neil degrasse tyson quotes is that the universe isn't obligated to make sense to you and um so that was kind of like my thing is just like well i'm just going to believe what gives me the least amount of fear. That's great.

But you're not like saying other people should believe that. You're saying that's just what works for you and what works for me. I think everyone should believe what gives them the least amount of fear. I think that's what I do. What gives you the least amount of fear? Well, I'm just like comfortable in the fact that like once I die, nothing will happen. So I might as well be as happy as possible today. Right. That's great. I only on what what will make me the happiest and i believe in jesus muhammad

whatever the jews do buddha hindu everything just in case because i really really really yeah i need yeah you're like at a roulette table putting money on every number i believe in because maybe they were like crystals like i don actually know, but like my roommate hurt his ankle the other day. And so I put a bunch of crystals around him just in case. That's like your bone stimulator. Yeah. Well, I mean, that thing is fucking science and it definitely works less than crystals. A bone stimulator?

I broke my heel and there's like, I have this little bone stimulator that like pumps magnetic waves into my calcaneus bone uh to stimulate growth but my heel still hurts all the time so this thing means nothing and i also think crystals mean nothing but there's science behind crystals i don't know any of it but i know it's out there and then also i think people, I think the power to believe. That's what I'm saying. Like, I think energy is undeniable. Because, like, you feel it all the time. You feel turned on. You feel scared. And it's all, like, at times that it makes sense, right?

So there's no denying that energy doesn't, like, flow through us. So whatever gives you positive energy, then I guess that is worth believing in. I think the brain is the most powerful thing in our bodies, obviously. And so we could hold a crystal and believe that it has these properties of like, this one will engage your crown chakra so that you will think clearer and have better focus and whatever. And so if you believe that, I really do think that it's like a placebo effect. Yes. When you can just like think that it's like a placebo effect. Yes.

When you can just like think that it works enough that it does. Yeah. Your body can convince itself. It's like mind over matter. If this medicine doesn't really work, but you think it does, it might as well really work. Truth. And so that's how I feel about spirituality in some ways is like, I believe that this is working for me. And so it is.

Do you align yourself with a religion? I was born and raised Jewish. And I think culturally, I still very much am. But I... Oh, Shana Tova, by the way. Shana Tova. And Shabbat Shalom. Of course, to all of us, to you and yours. Thank you. Yeah, so I love my ancestry, but I also really love parts of Buddhism, and I'm an avid yoga person, and I read about all sorts of reincarnation things and energy,

but I also love astrophysics and science. Science. And Neil deGrasse Tyson. So where are you on the science versus spirituality spectrum? Or do you not consider those things opposite ends of the same field? I think, I don't think that they're like isolated. I think everything kind of makes sense together. The thing that I really only find solace in is that I don't know and I don't have to.

I don't feel like I need to figure it out I think that the universe isn't obligated to make sense to me and the only thing that I can appreciate is this moment in front of me and this is my world you two in this like lovely sunshiny red curtained room like this is the moment I wonder if I feel that same way and I just never verbalize or think about it well okay wonder it and then answer it okay no not at all yeah i guess i do i think that i don't know how everything works but i'm sort of blissfully ignorant on this rock floating through outer space oh yeah now you're getting spiritual

that's you know even that image there was a time where I went through another existential moment where I was smoking a lot of weed and watching a lot of Cosmos. This was two days ago. This was like March. in time and space in the universe is enough to make you feel so insignificant that in a liberating way too. See, that's what I can get into is the math behind it where it's like, if you take a look at the grand scheme of things,

we're just like less than a pixel. You know, nobody articulates it better than Dave Matthews in the song Crush. We actually have to go to the next question. I'm thinking, just knowing that the world is round and here I am standing on the ground. Am I right side up or upside down?

Is this real or oh! Am I dreaming? It's kind of beautiful. Anyhow, did I answer all the questions? I think so. I have so many thoughts on this, but the final answer is that I... Do you like talking about it or are you like, I'm over you're like i'm over it just no i love talking about it i just um i'm a little worried about sounding ignorant on the air to be honest i don't think it's ignorant i think it's it's always good to

get advice from people who have like worked through all of their shit and like found ways to be happy i'm not i have definitely not worked through right but you like you've figured a way to navigate through the world that like keeps you happy yeah Yeah. And I think so many people that write into our podcast are like just starting out on that journey or like they're either just starting out or they're starting out way past the time that they should have. I think that it's constantly a challenge to like their ebb and flows. I haven't like figured I haven't unlocked happiness and now I'm going to be happy for the rest of my life. You know, like moods are a weird thing that take over you that have like have a chemical thing that you can't control and like what do you think about astrology has an effect like mercury and retrograde people can feel that and when they call it out i'm like oh that's why do you think do you believe in like signs like that like you're a capricorn so xyz

um i yeah freak Weirdo freak! Yeah, I do. I don't know that. Which one are you? I'm a Pisces. Oh, I was going to say. Why, what are you? Can't you tell?

No. I don't know. I don't know it well enough. But when I read, like, astrological reports, well, I'll show you one after this, that I, like. It'll blow your mind? I'm like, this is, like, dead on every time. How?

So you are totally bought into the whole, uh, I think Josh Rubin is the same way. He's like really into like the signs, the astrology. I love Josh Rubin so much. Have you seen Josh Rubin and Vince read each other's minds? Yeah. I,

that was the thing that I did for you. I sort of ruined it. I did it poorly, but. Oh, you know how to do it? Well, yeah.

Do they just mouth it to each other? No, no, no no i'll tell you after i can't i can't tell you about oh my god you guys i fell for it so hard my mind was blown they were 10 for 10 we we did it me and vin do it well when josh isn't there i can i can do it there's a bunch of people that can read vinny's mind but we were at this cabin last week and like there was a bunch of people there like a couple people could read vinny's mind. But we were at this cabin last week and there was a bunch of people there. A couple people could read Vinny's mind

and then the other five people were just fucking freaking out. I was freaking out and I came home. I was in New York with them and had this night of just asking them to do it over and over and then drawing people in at the bar. You never found out what the deal was?

No, I totally bought it. No, please do tell me because then I went home to my roommate and I was like, you're the closest person in my life. pulling at the bar you never found out what the deal was no i totally bought it and no no please do tell me because then i went home to my roommate and i was like you're the closest person in my life we could do this and so then um we he was like i think what they do is just mouth it to each other and i was like no and then we had a friend over we had rosa over and and rosa said a name and it was angelina jolie and i just mouthed angelina jolie and then he was like okay i see And we had a friend over. We had Rosa over. And Rosa said a name. And it was Angelina Jolie. And I just mouthed, Angelina Jolie.

And then he was like, okay, I see a braid. I see shorts. Did it fool Rosa? Yes. It was also our reaction to like, yes, we got it. Mouthing it. That's the best shortcut. That probably is a better way to do it. Oh, my God.

I can't wait to hear what it is. Oh, it's going to be so good. I hate them! They tricked me so hard! Oh, we have to take one quick commercial break and then we'll be back with more Milana goodness. That's a good last name. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah.

Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out.

But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own

FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with aters. Yeah. Visionlifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name

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Pick six credits expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at picksix.draftkings.com slash right promos there it is thanks draftkings there was a moment when i was thinking about changing my last name oh really and everything yeah everything i thought of just sounded like a stripper name. Milana... You wanted to change your last name? For a second. Can I guess some ones that you chose? Yeah. Miller? No.

Milana Miller. I hate it. No alliterations, right? I'm down with alliterations, but it just sounds like, I don't know, American. All right. Do you want something close to the Weintraub? Maybe just something that sounds like it could be

of Uzbeki, Russian, German descent. Just try to gather all of those cultures. Lev. Milana Lev. That's not bad. Not bad. Where'd you get that from? Is that your lawyer's name? Everything is my lawyer's name. Milana Danny Passman. Can we use this part on the show or you don't want to talk about that either

yeah okay cool so we're back talking about names uh we're almost out of time but we want to get to one more question oh no uno mas please i don't want to be out of time i know let's just keep on enjoying this moment it's so nice it is nice we can't be out of time. Time is infinite. Well, TJ Miller thinks time is the only god. We don't have to get into that. Oh, gosh. Thank you. That scared me. I want to play with this cord! As soon as we're done recording,

we'll let you take it home. I'm going to give you a dummy cord. I'm just like getting in. Just on the ground at your house. Wait, did we give this person a fake name? Not yet. Oh, wait. No, it did.

A female name. Oh, yeah. Jamaica Shakes. Jamaica Shakes. Starring, I don't know. I see Matthew McConaughey, but. Matthew McConaughey. I'm flexible.

Interesting. I was thinking like, who's the guy that was in shawshank redemption oh tim robbins tim robbins i think would be really good gerard butler gerard butler oh really interesting that guy can open a movie he really can watch it fail i i just like the i'm just thinking accents and then jamaican accents i feel like if i write a good enough script liam neeson could do it. He needs to do like a silly... Yeah, he's struggling. No, it's not that he's struggling.

He's just kind of one... He's becoming one note. I'm afraid. I think if I get his career wise, I think I could say, hey, you can't do another... Did you see my extras? Let's do... Did you see my extras? Guys, remember when I said Gerard Butler? That was a joke. I take it back. It was a bad idea. That was just so recently. Yeah, of course.

We need to edit one thing out of this podcast. Can you edit that part out? That was a stupid suggestion. Remember when I said, beep, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Oh, that's good. Thank you. He looks pretty good buttoned up. All right.

That's charming. Thanks. All right. A few weeks ago, I went to see a performance of Shakespeare in the Park with my family. While I was there, I couldn't help but notice one of the actors was really cute, and we kept making eye contact. After the show, I approached him, and we talked for a bit, but didn't exchange numbers or anything.

Kicking myself, I decided to go back to another performance next week in the hopes of finding him again and getting his number. This time, he saw me and approached me, but I still didn't get his number. Anyways, skip to later that night, I'm pretty drunk with friends, and we decide to find and message him on Facebook using the name from the program. He tells me that unfortunately he has a girlfriend, but he's interested in hanging out in the future. A few days later, he messages me asking if I'm free and we make plans. The day of, he ends up sending me a ridiculously long, super apologetic text, like boyfriend long,

saying how he unfortunately has to go back to his hometown and can't see me. He lives in a neighboring city. However, he insists that we get together in Toronto, as I'm going to be there in a few weeks. So what's this guy's deal? Neither of us are going to be living in the same city this year, so there isn't much potential for a friendship. But does this guy just want to hook up? Does he really have a girlfriend? Is he not interested in just being polite?

Help! He's definitely not just being polite. He either wants to bone or wants to be friends. You think he wants to be friends? I don't think there's a chance he wants to be friends. Really? I don't think you'd go through that effort to make a friend. Guys don't make friends.

I'm so dumb. You're not dumb. You're the girl in this... Oh, this guy's talking to to me does he just want to be my friend guys are mean guys want to be my friend no too many guys are manipulative and mean and that's what he's doing right now he's being mean to two people he's being mean to his girlfriend and he's being mean to this girl who has been mean to you and he's being mean to you because he's making you oh my god you fell for this actor how big is my bottom lip right now it is hitting the court you are a cartoon raccoon right now cartoon raccoon school that's a really cute couple of words or band cartoon wreck all right that's that's another movie that i can write no no no jacob don't jacob just i don't have to say it

i used to know your middle name. Hold on. Is it Alexander Noff? No. No. It'll come to me. Jacob something her way. That's right. It is in between his first and last name.

Yeah, yeah. I'll think of it. I don't know. You guys know guys better. I think I've said this to people before when they've said, sorry, I should hold this closer. Yeah. It's like you were reading my mind. It was twitching.

We're Josh and Vince. You can see the energy. There's energy. It's real. You think it's annoying to people that we talked about Josh and Vince for so long and they don't know who that is? We have Josh on the podcast. So I think people would maybe at least know who he is. I love them.

Me too. I love Josh and Vince me too love you bud shout out and hey Josh Josh hi how are you Vinny Vinny did you make this mess what's confusing to me not as like if a guy messages a girl on facebook probably he's interested in bone zoning to some extent but why did he drop out at the last minute did he just feel guilty because of the gf yeah but then he still wants to hang out with her well my theory

is and speaking as somebody who's uh done this exactly multiple times yeah minus the having the ability to do shakespeare in the park oh yeah or the ability to do Shakespeare in the park. Oh yeah, or the ability to... Go to Toronto. He can't travel. Yeah. He's a convicted felon. My microphone might have just... Oh my god. Are the levels good? Yeah, they're back. Alright, good. Okay, so... Your eyes got

so big. So what's happening? My eyelid moving with those green bars. You're... Shit, that machine's plugged into you. I'm small wonder. Are you number one? Yeah. No, I am.

Oh, no, Jake is. I'm two year three. Okay. So yeah, he made plans, wanted to see this girl. Then last minute, the girlfriend needed him. Girlfriend wanted to do something with him. He was going to do something with the girlfriend. So he made a long-winded apology, dodging the hangout, but also not mentioning that it was for the girlfriend.

Saying, I have to go home. Okay. Now he's saying, let's meet up in a few weeks in Toronto, where my girlfriend will be nowhere near there. Oh, so he's setting up a little affair. Yes. So should she go for it? Is it okay to be the other woman? What are your thoughts on being the other woman?

I think it's horrible. You would never... This is the other thing. You would never... I think I'm very naive in this topic because I've never cheated on anybody and I've never been cheated on. As far as you know?

I'm certain. I'm certain. And... I really am. And I just don't believe... Like, my first instinct isn't to believe that someone is cheating. Right.

I've never cheated or been cheated, but Jake has. He's sort of an expert in that regard. And I'm only speaking from the emails that we get. No, like, I don't actually know anything. But just in terms of the emails that we get, guys are almost always trying to cheat. And girls are almost never and also guys are almost always the most suspicious and jealous and girls are always the least suspicious and jealous right they feel bad come to my conclusion that girls are great and men are evil and i'm happy that i am a guy uh but

you are a feminist i think i'm like plus size negative yeah i'm like the i'm like the um what is it the the um the um stereotype of a feminist i like really hate men and you don't shave your armpits actually i do completely shaved so anyway yeah this guy this guy's evil this guy's trying to cheat on his girlfriend and i think you should have no part of it. But what if he's like, oh, we're not together anymore? Or actually, did he even tell her that they were in a relationship? He did. He said, unfortunately, I have a girlfriend.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yes? Call on Milano? Yes. I have a question. Why does she want to hang out with him? Does she still want to hang out with him if she likes him and he doesn't like her? I think he does like her. But I mean, if she likes this guy yeah and he says i have a girlfriend then why does she still want to hang

out with him she shouldn't want to but the heart wants cute he's good at shakespeare yeah and he like reached out to her she did the right thing she like found out he had a girlfriend he said let's be friends and she's like okay didn't contact him and then he messaged her now he's meddling with his own relationship can you be friends with people that you meet that you're attracted to when you're in a relationship i think you can be but not in i don't think you can be specific lone friends like say yeah i'm in a relationship and i meet like a new group of people and there's like an attractive girl in that group and we all become friends that's okay that's nice and i should hang out with everybody in this group but if i am like in a relationship i go somewhere i just meet one

girl i get her number and we like are texting and going and getting ice cream or something that's just dating somebody but But why is... I agree with the fact that you shouldn't do that. But also, like, if you're faithful to your girlfriend, what does it matter if you're hanging out with a girl or a guy? It's like, if she was a lesbian, you'd be able to hang out with her,

but since she's straight, you can't. Which I think, but I'm wondering why. I think the only thing you should listen to is what you're feeling. And I can't imagine going on friend dates with a girl and not growing attracted to her. So I would say I shouldn't do that. Then you shouldn't do that. Right.

But I think that I'm all about honesty. And I also don't want to keep the person I'm with from doing anything that makes them happy. Right. Because I think that just builds resentment and all sorts of like poisonous cancers inside of you. So I think if I'm, hmm, let me think about this. Because what if the guy's like, I don't like you hanging out with this other dude. Would you say, okay, I respect your honesty with me and I don't want to make you feel

bad so I won't hang out with this other dude? It would depend on my relationship with this other dude, but it would be really hard for me to do that because I know that my intentions are pure. And it would be him doubting my intentions that makes it hard for me. And also, I think if I were dating a guy and he was like, I met this awesome girl on a plane or whatever,

and I'm going to go have coffee with her, I would think that was fine. And I would look forward to meeting her. Yeah. That is new to me. I'm sure of it. This has happened. I picked the plane thing because it's

that has happened it's like oh i met this awesome girl and you're like oh that's awesome you don't feel that twinge of jealousy or like what the hell i'm cuter and funnier what if she's the cutest and funniest person in the world second to you i think everything is a case-by-case basis yeah there's like no sense if this guy meets a cool girl on a plane and they get coffee once you're like you don't have to be jealous but what if they're like getting coffee then they're going to the park then they're going to go to the zoo and then they want to go on a weekend trip together the weekend trip together is definitely like crossing the line but if they wanted to like spend a day hanging out i really think i would be okay with it i think you have to look at it through the lens of like who this person's other

friends are and like what their entire life is like yeah and how much do you trust this person and how open like if my boyfriend then came home and was like we had this great day we did this and we did this and we talked about this and was like communicative and i didn't feel like there was anything like hiding or like shady yeah but also like i just know myself and i couldn't i couldn't do that because i know that i would start to have feelings for someone yeah what if you had a lady friend and she's like, oh, I spent the entire day with Roger. He's like a nice, tall, handsome guy. You know, Tom Brady.

He kind of looks like Tom Brady. Okay. And he's gay, right? No, he's not gay. Tell me he's gay. He's not gay. He's fucking gay. I think, I don't know.

I also, maybe I just have the desire. I would, I don't know. Fuck. Everything's hard. And that's our time. But you would say, that makes me uncomfortable. I don't like you hanging out with this guy one-on-one. I think it would depend.

It would depend, like, what she was getting out of their relationship. And if I felt like it was fulfilling certain needs that she had. If it was an emotional affair. Yeah, I don't, I, maybe. If it was, if it were, I feel like if he were impeding on things that I could... Taking up too much time. Sorry. I, er, I'll...

Just say what you're actually thinking. If I have a woman, I should own her! Oh my god! Fuck! Milana, I'm so sorry we have to end on that sour note, but... No, this is... I feel like I just confessed to a murder. Yes, they deserve to die, and I hope they burn in hell.

I don't want this to be over. I know. We should do another one soon. Like, right away. Yeah. A part two. Yeah. You do part two with other people.

We did do a part two with Ben. And Middle Ditch. The truth comes. And I'm the cutest and the funniest you're getting jealous right now we're podcasting

with other people I brought you guys cupcakes yeah that was very sweet that was really nice thank you what did you guys get me hey that is literally

you can take home the cord and did we finish this I feel like we kept it a little open with this girl I think well I feel like at the very least she should know this guy's intentions, and I don't think they're pure.

Let's do a quick rundown. If you were her, would you meet this guy? No. No? Jake? No? I would say yeah. Sure, why not?

You're becoming the monster. You can meet him. I'll tell you why no because I once have fallen for this where like I didn't know a guy was in a relationship but he definitely pursued me and then I found out he was in a relationship and it just felt so

dirty it felt really wrong and it felt like cheating and it felt like I was mean to this girl that I don't know well that's the problem with you have you can have all the pure intentions that you want but you are also vulnerable to other people's impure intentions. But let me ask you this. Do whatever makes you happy. What if this girl's like, oh, I don't care about that?

Great. I think like when I say what makes me happy, I think like that means like listening to my intuition. Right. And luckily what makes me happy is being a nice person right and if she doesn't care is she free and you're fine with it or you're like no there's definitely a line you do what makes you happy unless it's like hurting other people because then you're a bad person like oh this really makes me happy to uh murder and steal it makes me feel good i don't know i can't i feel like i can't judge her I don't really know I can judge her

watch this judged I wouldn't judge anybody but I do think that just know that he wants to hook up with you and then decide do you care or not what did you say this guy does want to like she's like does he want to hook up

does he want to be friends go into it thinking he wants to hook up? Does he want to be friends? Go into it thinking he wants to hook up with you. And then if you care that you're ruining a relationship. No, go into it thinking that he wants to be your friend. This is the exact opposite. And then if you feel like there's, like, a sexual thing. You're telling this girl to, like, walk through the woods with a wolf. You're like, don't worry.

Just go into it thinking he's not hungry he just wants to hold hands and then you guys are gonna walk hand in hand there's some sort of gingerbread i probably wouldn't meet this guy i'm just saying because like there's a bunch of other cool things to do in toronto yeah there we go there's lots of shakespeare to see uh cool milana you killed it i miss you guys when i'm not with you. Oh my fucking God. That was amazing. Thank you.

We're together and you still miss me. I can't believe you felt that. Yeah, that was the first time I ever felt the warmth emanating. Let's put both of our hands on our heart and be grateful

for how well this podcast went and that we can all be friends. Both hands. Feel the energy. Feel it surge through you. Would it surprise you to know that I've never done yoga? Nope. As it shouldn't

jake what are your thoughts on me not doing yoga uh yeah i mean do you want to do yoga i'd like to try it you should come with me you know what i would do want to try is therapy you should come to my therapist can you do that you can't go with somebody else oh no you can't come with me but she's great she actually works with a lot of our friends. Oh, I don't know if I want that. Just because she's great. But I don't want one person to know everything about everybody. I want to go to somebody nobody knows. Okay.

I would go to your therapist. She's great. Really? Can you name other clients of hers? No, I'm just joking. No, I can't. Cool. The opening theme song and the questions were submitted to us at ifireyoushow at gmail.com.

If you have your own questions or own theme songs, please email us as well. We won't always have the wisdom of Milana here, but we want you to come back. We'll always have the stupidity of Jake and Amir. The opening theme song was from...

Do you guys remember his name? Oh, Michael... Josh Groban. Michael Labrow. Labrow. And this closing one is from, oh, it's a Let Her Go parody. That's cool. By Allie Burnett. Allie Burnett.

We'll be back, I think, on Thursday this week. Thanks one more time, Alana. Do you want to say or plug anything before you go? No. That was perfect. I'm going to cry during this song all right all right here we go when you're in a bind don't know what to do then run into the show if i were you you can bet your ass on those dirty shoes Cause you really need advice when you're feeling low Jake and Amir and their podcast show

They'll help you from their house and along the road With each episode Each episode Staring at a blank white wall Sitting in baggage once This queen apartment Was from clear snow And formed so fast You smell noodles When you close your eyes Maybe one day she'll bring in Popeye

Asian dishes, why oh why If your girl isn't dying, well she's kind of slow This guy on the bus wants you to blow And send your question into the show Hey guys, it's Kristen. It's Marnie. From the Ask Women podcast. And make sure to check out our podcast for all the advice you need to get the women that you want. And yes, I say women, plural, because we even talk about polygamy. Not polygamy.

What's it called? Polyamory. That's right. But if you want to know all the advice that you've been waiting to hear directly from women on how to attract,

date, seduce, and get the woman you want, then check out our podcast, the Ask Women Podcast, right here on Podcast One. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets.

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