Segments - 107: Farting (with Bobby Lee!)

Episode Date: October 6, 2014

Actor/Comedian Bobby Lee joins us to discuss passing gas, doing drugs, and the perfect Tinder profile. This episode is brought to you by NatureBox.com, Prosper.com, and DollarShaveClub.com! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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with a mere cat could be a big deal or just a mere fact That in life sometimes we all need advice From two guys like a miracle or something If I were you I'd send an email to if i were you show at gmail.com or take a look inside a mirror and say at least i'm not a mirror and jake well that was scott deeble very angsty uhsty And Mike Hammersley Bobby Lee What did you think

It's really nice It's kind of like Dashboard Confessional Yeah Chris Carraba For sure Did you like Dashboard I don't care for it

Oh me either I didn't My jeans aren't that tight What do you listen to I'm more of a You're not going to believe it People think that I'm more of a

Roxy music Velvet Underground Kind of a guy I believe that You're wearing a beanie And a black t-shirt I look like the Ancient Cheech Marin

Yeah Yeah But I'm old So I like Older stuff Like The Clash And things like that

But I like modern stuff Yeah I like shoegaze You like shoegaze? No I don't know I don't I'm not good with music I listen to Kiss FM, Pop 40

And I love it Pop 40? That's actually not bad Do you download albums? No The only album he has is Macklemore Yeah that was the last album I got And that was probably the only album I purchased

In the last 20 years. Does Macklemore wear Harry Potter glasses like you do? It's funny, I was just going to answer that truth. That's actually a good question, doesn't he? That's how big of a Macklemore fan you are. I don't know if he does. I think he wears contacts. He might have glasses that he wears to bed.

It's like that white man can't jump thing. He's like, this dude's so dumb he doesn't even realize he's being insulted. That's me. I'm too dumb. I'm sorry I attacked you. This is your show. No, this is fun. We're getting into it. I love it. It's real. Thanks for coming on the show. I love you guys. I love working with you guys. Yeah, we work together on an Xbox. We don't have to still advertise for them. Yeah, we work together. We work together on some nameless project. It doesn't matter what it is. And we...

It brought us together. Yeah. It did bring us together, yes. So thus, it was our favorite project of the year, I think. Mine too. Yeah. It was really nice. You were like a beacon of light that entire...

Really? Over both of those days. Yeah, yeah. That was like... I mean, it was hellish for me. The time where it was one set of footprints in the video is when you were carrying us. Both of us, yeah. Oh was like, I mean, it was hellish for me. The time where it was one set of footprints in the video is when you were carrying us. Both of us, yeah. Oh, like the poem.

Thank you so much. Was that a hard, were you, how did you feel at the end of day two? Were you like physically exhausted? I felt angry with my life and angry about myself and angry that what my situation is in life. Jesus. No, no, I know it was a blessing to like work with you guys. I like you guys a lot. You guys are very funny and smart guys and very nice.

And, but the whole thing was, it's like the whole time was thinking like, this is what I need to do to make money. This is ridiculous. This is where I'm at. But there are worse ways to make money, but it's such,

I had a similar thought though. It's so, it's so crazy sometimes when I, like I was standing in a room and like a fishnet tank top and a leather jacket. You were doing a plank. This is how I make money. This is how I do it. We were in a plank, and there were little people doing planks on us.

We were humped by little people. And we got cash for that. And that's America, I think. And I think those people got cash, too. Yeah. I sure hope so. At one point, I had a headpiece, and they were like, go sniff Amir's armpit. I'm like, no.

What? Like, when did that happen? It's insane. Go sniff Amir's armpit. Count Jake's freckles on his arm. Like, no. Actually, you did lick my face at one point. Did they tell you to do that?

Yes. I feel like seeing that I understand how the Holocaust happened now. Because they ask you for little things. Well, people in positions of authority just saying things like, do this. Oh, go lick his face. I would never do that if you didn't tell me to.

That's a hyperbole, but it's true. That's what they say. They're like, Hitler didn't go from zero to 100 real quick. He said, oh, boycott businesses. Oh, maybe they can't study in school. Oh, now they can't be professional doctors and lawyers. And then, like, once you denigrate someone so low, then it's like, oh, okay, now we can do this and this and this. But they went from that to murder just in a 10-year period? What do you mean?

I mean, it's like... Yeah, yeah. I mean, Hitler himself had that in his mind. He's like, all right, I need to murder all the Jews, but we've got to ease everybody into it. Or was he also like, ah, Jews suck. Let's not go to their businesses. And then he himself was like sort of losing his mind.

Well, I think it was like he... Well, they needed someone to scapegoat. This is the weirdest start. It's also not our podcast. We're talking about the psychology of Nazism. Well, remember when we went to Europe recently? We went to a soccer game. You're a huge soccer fan.

I've never been to a soccer match in Europe. So they're so loud. The crowd is louder than I've ever heard any crowd in America. And this was not a good soccer team, and they were down. They were jumping the entire time. Jumping that entire it's funny because we were in the 1936 olympic stadium in berlin that hitler built for the olympics imagine everyone that loud all cheering for you then you could just do whatever you want you feel like a fucking maniac so that's the power and they're like what should we do and he he's like, do that and that and that.

Yeah, but what a dick. I feel like I would be like, everybody take off your clothes. And Hitler was like, oh, shit, everybody kill the Jews. That'll be silly. Yeah. Listen to my zany idea. So this is If I Were You. It's an advice podcast.

People write us in. I just need one last thing, though. Yeah, please. I hate when religious people go God loves everyone the same No matter what And you think, well, I don't get a little bit more love than Hitler That's not fair

That's not fair, right? It's just based on the fact that I've never killed somebody Let alone millions, a little more love Just show favoritism, a little bit I think it's okay to be on a sliding scale Of God's love I'm actually pretty good so uh you should love me more than murderous murderous well i guess he should love the people that believe in him more than you like you don't even believe in god why would you just in the middle of the scale yeah i don't believe in him

but i'm not an asshole right like i got love for you too like if god were real don't you think he would be like i hate you he would be like i told you so yeah come here i think yeah yeah yeah yeah you'd get a pass at that you'd be cool about it yeah not you amir no god no i'm jewish uh so people email us uh and they're like oh i need advice and jake and i offer it and sometimes it's just us two and sometimes we have friends with us today we have bobby bobby lee thank you robert e lee what's your full name bobby lee bobby bobby young lee oh bobby young lee yeah wow that's cool it says bobby on your birthday because i think it says robert oh the truth i think it says robert but you know my parents call me bobby did your did your parents know about Robert E. Lee? With the general? Yeah.

No. So it's just a coincidence. I was named after Robert Redford. Really? Yeah. Oh, shit. And my brother was named after Steve McQueen. Were your parents just like big? No, they came up here.

I guess when they came to America, that was like the first two movies they saw or whatever. Robert and Steve? And they were in the movie theater and they go, oh, Steve is a good name. Who's Steve? Steve McQueen. Steve McQueen. robert my dad's name is robert he changed it and then my mom's name is genie she changed it i dream of genie yes based on genie yeah it's all based on tv or like movies from the late 60s you have a cousin named gilligan right yes yeah i do awesome i really do that is a good name for a girl for a girl gilligan it's like jillian but a little bit more bob denver so we're gonna go straight into

answering some questions we're these are real emails from real people but we give them fake names you know to preserve their anonymity and we'd like you to come up with fake names for us if that's possible we just need a fake name for a guy it could be anything um monty monty that's good last name oh my god my nose just started to bleed and i have no idea why hey guys my name is i am a student pilot and i'm extremely close to obtaining my pilot's license. A couple days ago, a girl started talking to me out of the blue. She seemed really into me and we've hung out a couple times and let me tell you, I'm pretty into her. But I have a feeling that the only reason she started talking to me was because I'm a pilot. Do I bring this up to her or do I just stay quiet and see where it goes?

I'm really into her and I could see it going somewhere. Thanks, Monty. Oh, my God. Monty, coloco. Yeah. Coloco, coloco. Now, listen, can I just say something? Yeah, no, that's the whole point of the show.

I was born looking like a mythological creature. Like, you can't swear on this, right? No, totally. You can say anything. I was born unfuckable. Okay, I didn't realize you would say that. Right? I'm going to edit this now.

So in high school, I thought to myself, I'm never going to get laid if I don't do something. Right. And then I was like, no, that's only in your head. But in my early 20s, still, I had never gotten really laid. And I was 23, and I'm like, I have to do something. Shit's getting real now. Being me isn't good enough I mean I'm like small and just you know just not good to look at no you're cute I'm like yeah I'm like

I don't want to I don't want to derail your story I just want you to know that we think you're cute I'm cute like a muppet though like I look I made out of felt girl girl will fuck a muppet yeah those will fuck sure sure those are the kind of girls I want to fuck but anyway um so in my head I'm like I gotta got to do something. I just started doing stand-up because I had nothing else that would get me to get laid. Then it worked.

If anyone thinks that girls have sex with me because of me, over my soul, no. I bring a different element. I wasn't born with a genetic lottery right like brad pitt or jake you know i mean i was i was born with like these features and this body and i had to add to it so i did comedy and i'm in show business but that's genetics too

it is yeah being funny is a genetic not not not everybody can be funny that's not true yeah no no we think it's easy we think it's easy because we're comedians but most people aren't funny i know dudes that are the best stand-up comics in the country and they are so not funny as real people but oh yeah but as stand-up they're funny yeah they know how to write and they know how to write a point of view or whatever but as people you're like god man you just don't know anything about comedy but they know how to write a joke that makes sense i've seen people like that too but like isn't to get laid being a pilot or being a comedian is like just being as successful it's just like it's just having drive so if if like this girl wants to get this girl she wants

to fuck me because i'm a pilot like yes yeah and you went to pilot school and you did a good job and now you're a pilot so you're gonna get laid because of it as part of who you are right what do you want her to like about you it's like i'm just afraid this girl wants to fuck me because i'm attractive i'm afraid she just she's just in it for my personality. Yeah, she's in it for what or that or this. And also, why do you go to pilot school in the first place if it's not to fuck people? Yeah. He's just, well, it's not about that, sweetheart. I'm just in it for the plane.

I like my wings. Yeah. Also, I was in Peoria, Illinois about 12 years ago, and I was at a McDonald's. It was like a 24 hour McDonald's At 2 in the morning Sorry At 2 in the morning I got You know the lady That worked there

Looked Literally looked like a supermodel At the McDonald's Yes It was crazy Fuck yeah She was in her like late 20s And I looked at her

And I went wow Right And literally through the window I go can I have your number Whoa She gave me her number Whoa But I never called her

What Why You did the hard part. She works at McDonald's. So? So I like, I like sat on it and I'm like,

she's really hot, but why? What are you talking about? You're attractive? No, there's reasons. You're really attractive. Yes. Right?

You didn't move to LA. I'm like, what is your deal? Does your dad own the McDonald's? I don't know. I was confused. So you never called her? Do you still have the number?

Can I call her? No, no, no. I don't know. That was 12 years ago. 12 years ago, yeah. This is in a drive-thru? Yeah, so if she was a pilot, I would have been like, yeah. Right, yeah.

I mean, having a good... I feel like you talked about this recently. Where you're putting on your Tinder profile a picture of you and Danny DeVito? Oh, yeah. And I'm like, is this cheating? Am I saying, ooh, look at me. I've been with Danny DeVito on a show. And you're like, no, because you've actually earned that right.

It's not like you won the lottery or did something lucky. It's not like you stumbled into Danny DeVito at a McDonald's and you took a picture with him and you're faking it. Like, I know Danny, well, not like you know Danny DeVito in general, but you went on Jimmy Kimmel, and that's like the, you earned that, so you might as well try to fuck somebody off it,

because otherwise, why did you do it? Right. You should come for it. Well, you did because you love it, but it's just a benefit of being who you are. Right. You're saying, but there's a difference between being like, I'm a reality star, where it's like, you're not actually good or supposed to, that's not a good thing.

You just happen to be famous by accident. Or this guy who's actually trying to like, okay, you've earned a pilot's license. That's good. It's hard to get that. That's like many hours and hours and hours in the air. Yeah. It's easier to do that than what you're doing. Than what I'm doing.

Being a pilot? Well, it's easier for you to do what you're doing than be a pilot. It's probably easier for this guy to be a pilot than be a comedian. Right. Don't you gravitate towards things that you're naturally good at? I would never be... I'm sure I'd be an amazing doctor. Well, this is a bad example because I would probably be a great doctor.

Actually, I think I'm going to go to med school. I'm a bad student, so I wouldn't be good at anything where i had to know anything but since i uh i'm like predisposed to being able like i have good timing so i'm a better comedian do you think it's cheating when you hook up with girls because they're trying to fuck you because you're a comedian no it's not cheating no no on my tinder when I had one, you know who Eric Stonestreet is? Yeah. Yeah, from Modern Family. I got him on Tinder. And he goes, really?

I go, yeah, this is what you do. Your first profile picture is you in a suit or whatever. Right? Your second picture is you with another celebrity, but not like you accidentally ran into them. Right. Like your friends, like you're driving in a car or you're in the living room watching TV. Right? There's a fucking method to it. Who is your celebrity like you're driving in a car or you're in the living room watching TV there's a fucking method to it

who was your celebrity that you were watching TV with mine was Eric Stonestreet no no a year ago I think it was like

it was a weird one like Dice or somebody like that but it was like because I wanted Andrew Dice Clay yeah yeah but he's not really

a celebrity he's just more of a weird kind of a person to know but if you're on Modern Family you don't need a picture to know. But if you're on Modern Family, you don't need a picture of you in a... You are the celebrity. You don't need you with fucking Andrew Dice Clay.

It's still cool. It's still kind of cool. You're on Modern Family. He doesn't need a picture bragging. Sure, he doesn't need it, but then it's like the person swiping is like, oh shit, it's the guy from Modern Family. Then the next one's like,

oh shit, look at the world he lives in. I want to be a part of that yeah right i guess he i guess if you're if the picture is someone more famous than him but i feel like a lot of girls must think that it's not actually him right that's another thing yeah but you know what he that was a problem of his he was like oh what if they don't know but then what you do is this right you have that you literally have the message board if you match right yeah so it's just like hey listen you meet me at a coffee bean where it's brightly lit during the day you know i mean so that you don't feel scared right if you bring a friend if you want to i'll be there you know so they pull up and they go oh there's the guy yeah you know how exciting is that that's what i did with my girl i met my girl on tinder and she was like that's not you I go it's me And she's like Well I don't believe it

I go meet me She lived in Long Beach I drove all the way to Long Beach At a coffee shop You know what she did She told me to meet her At a coffee shop That was like even farther away

From the coffee shop Near her house Oh to like She went extra Because she was like She thought that maybe If I was a stalker Or some weird guy

And I met with her We stayed at that coffee shop For four hours Oh that's awesome Wow that's beautiful What That's beautiful And guy and I met with her. We stayed at that coffee shop for four hours. Oh, that's awesome. Wow, that's beautiful. What? That's beautiful. And now you're still with her.

Yeah, I'm still, yeah. It's great. She's at my house right now. You should have brought her. No. Nope. Nope. Nope.

So that's a Tinder success story and those are good tips. What are some other Tinder tips now that we have another expert on the line? Well, if you're like, this is what I do. It it's like you also have to have a photo for a guy with a hot chick that you're not somebody that you're like not seeing oh that's so funny you know vegas with good friends that are hot right but you're like not making it like being pervery in

the photo you're like more like their brother or whatever it's just women go oh my god he is like around these girls and he seems like sensitive. Oh, that's interesting. You know what service you should provide that I'm just going to ask you to do for myself after the show is you look through my photos and just set up my profile. Why do I do it after the show? Let's do it right now. Because it's a visual

medium. I'm afraid he's just going to be staring. Well, he could describe the pictures. Amir, are you getting hits? No. Well, I mean, I'm swiping. can i see your profile picture that's the most important thing your profile picture okay i'm you know what it's just give me your profile picture right now well it's really funny that you mentioned that because i just changed it the other day and i want you to see the photo because i'm going to show you what my profile picture was. I'm in the thing.

That's amazing. Wait, Bobby's in it? It's from the shoot, the giant pizza. It's a great shot. It's just you can't see your face in it. No, I cannot. That's true. But I figure there's a giant pizza. That's at least intriguing enough to go forward.

Would you see that and be like, no? No. I think that's a great i think that's a great photo it's a great photo i don't think that i really think and you're in it i know i know i think that's gonna be hurtful to you i'll show you oh look and you gotta yes and the second one is me with an attractive lady i don't know i think let me see the second one you don't think it looks too much like that's his girlfriend but what are they what are people on tinder gonna think like oh he's in a relationship i'm'm not going to swipe.

Well, I always just feel bad. The glasses are weird, too. Sunglasses. Yeah, no sunglasses. Well, I only have glasses, dude. Don't fucking say no glasses. You have Roy Orbison glasses there. Oh, this one's good.

That's great. This one's me and Amir. That should be your profile picture. That's confusing. If it's me and Jake, people might think it's Jake. No, because it says Amir on it. And then they'll be so... That's why.

They'll know it's the Jewish-looking one. No, they just know... Just because it says Amir and it's a picture, are you sure you want to be next to... I just look so great in this picture. Yeah, what if they swipe and it's... That's even better, okay? That's even better, all right? So have that be your profile, and the next one should just be you.

You think the... I think the. So have that be your profile. And the next one should just be you. I think the main profile pic should be just me. I don't know. I mean, for me, it's like there's a little bit of a mystery between you two. That right there with that. That one, no. I don't know. I can't see your face. I don't know anything.

Yeah, this is a picture of Amir winking, taking a bite of a cupcake. No, that's an avocado. Oh, all right. I'm going to show you guys what mine was. Taking a bite of a cupcake is way sadder than taking a bite of an avocado. Avocado's pretty cool. Sorry. I apologize.

I apologize. I feel horrible right now. Yeah. I mean, okay, what are the other ones? All right, so we got Amir and the pizza, Amir and in the girl who's in a suit wearing sunglasses, which we say no. Here's a mirror on stage who's got a microphone. That's a great one. Is this bothering you that we're reading this?

No, no, no. That's a great one. This one's good? Yeah, that's a really good one because it shows that you're performing. All I ask is that you talk on your microphone because people won't be able to hear. That's a very good one, and that also shows you that you're performing. Right. Or a good public speaker. And that's sexy. So let me ask you this.

This profile. This one was mine. Let me see. Is that really? Yeah, this was mine. It's Bobby in tighty-whities that are striped, posing with a lemonade on a lawnmower. Yeah, in a lawn. So you're saying I should have a huge, silly photo.

Oh, my God. No, but for me, I think you're far more cuter than I am. I needed to show them an extra shock. That's the equivalent of you in your early 20s. You're like, I don't trust my body. I'm going to be as silly and loud as possible. Yes. But I think the pizza photo is that.

You just can't see your face too far. I mean, I love the photo. It's just too far from your face. What about the one where you're bloody holding a cat i had that for a while and it didn't do well it didn't do well i think i don't know it might do well in la i don't know that was a new york thing yeah that was it was a new york thing and what is your like do you have a um what do you have in your preferences in terms of like settings in terms of uh i think i keep it 18 to 18 only i think right now it's 24 to 33 and i'm 31 uh-huh okay that's like 10 well 24 you should go 18

18 i don't want to date a girl that i can't bring to a bar you go to 18 to 33 18 is fucking small dude that's really did you have 18 to 33 did you have 18 his girlfriend's 18 how old were you when you did that do you mind saying what do you mean how old are you i'm 43 and you had 18 and you were matching with 18 year olds yes because 18 year olds have some it's illegal that's why you're right but where do you take them? Coffee shop. I don't know. Disneyland. I've taken girls to Disneyland before. On a date? A first date? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You're kind of my hero. What do I do? What are you talking about? Cotton candy, whatever. You know what I mean? And then how do you get the evolution of what Mickey Mouse over the years? And you get laid? Yeah, it's America.

What are you guys talking about? Dude, Jake, you're so tame compared to this dude. Wait, no, no, no. I'll go fuck somebody right now. Jake just starts sprinting towards Universal Studios Hollywood. I mean, is that wrong?

No, it's totally legal and good. It was a rare thing, but I call them like little lotteries. Right? When you match with like a really hot, like 19 year old girl, it's like, there's a feeling inside that's like,

you know what I mean? It's really satisfying. Sure. God. They taste different. That's all. Oh, yes.

They taste like life. Yeah. Now you're talking my language. After you sleep with them, they turn eight years older. Yeah. Yeah. They wake up. They just don't know things. That's the only thing. Right. Yeah. But how do you go out with them. After you sleep with them, they turn eight years older. Yeah. Yeah, they wake up.

They just don't know things. That's the only thing. Right. Yeah. But how do you go out with them? Like you said, you don't go to bars. Well, it's like, you know, there are times, there's two types. There's times when you feel like you need a relationship, which is why I'm dating Kalilah,

my girlfriend. Right. And there was a time where I was like, you know what? I want to just kind of hang around. You know what I mean? So I would, for me to go, oh, it's got to be 30 to 43, then it's limited. Right,

right, right. It's not like I match with 18 or 19 year olds all the time. That's true. And you don't want a relationship. When they do match with me, they're usually like a far more older than, you know,

they know things like Vietnam War and things you can talk about. Right. How many of, how many of your matches were because they knew you and how many of them were just because, oh, you're silly. because they knew you and how many of them were just because you're silly? 100%. Because they knew you. Yes.

I've never gotten laid in my whole entire life without showbiz attached to it. Well, that's great. That's who you are. It's part of your personality. No, it's what I was given. What do people know you the most for? What are you famous to people for? Probably Mad TV still.

I was on that for eight years. Eight years? Yeah, yeah. On Mad TV? Yeah. Jesus. I know. That's a long time. Were Key and Peele on the show when you were there? Yeah. Six was on that for eight years. Eight years. Eight years? Yeah, yeah. On Mad TV? Yeah. Jesus. I know. That's a long time.

Were Key and Peele on the show when you were there? Yeah. Six years I did work with them. Were they as funny as they are now? Oh, yeah. People just didn't know. Just as funny. Dude, I thought the whole cast was amazing.

Yeah. Now, like, ten years later, they're starting to come out. Like, Ike Barinholtz, you know? Yeah. He was on my show with me for five years. He's so funny on the Mindy Project, right? There's people that you don't even know about. Like, Krista Flanagan

is very funny I don't know if you know her but she's amazing right there's a lot of us Mike McDonald is a legend right that's so crazy

like this show it's almost like starting to become like an indie comedy yeah it's like a cult hit now yeah it's great ten years later

were you on the first cast no I came in in their seventh season so what do 18 year olds know about Matt TV what do you mean? What do 18-year-olds know about Matt TV?

From YouTube. People know, I mean, when it comes to 18, 19-year-olds, it's either through Chelsea Lately. I've done over 80 appearances on that, or just YouTube videos. You know what I mean? But you guys now are treating me different because I've got the 18 thing.

No, no, no. I bet he's like, I'm treating you better. You're being very kind of judging. No, no, no. Jake. What's wrong? I could never judge you. Especially when it comes to getting laid, no. I'm judging you better. You're being very kind of judging. No, no, no. What's wrong? I could never judge you. Especially when it comes to getting laid, no.

But we're not judging you negatively. If anything, you are opening our eyes to a new world. You're a god to us. Yeah. It's a new world of opportunity. And I appreciate your honesty. You didn't back down at all. No, I just don't think that age is a weird thing.

I know girls that are like 28 that are like retards. Of course. Full-bl like retards. Of course. Full-blown retards. And you're like, how have you lived this long? Well, yeah, there's stupid people at every age. But also, the law specifically says 18 is fine, right? Yeah. So why are you being harder on yourself than the law?

You break so many other laws. Yeah, I'm a thief. I'm a steelsman my girlfriend's father was 62 years old when she married my girlfriend's mother my girlfriend's mother was 22 at age 62 he was like a 40 year difference how did he do that he's a beast that's how he did it he's a he's a monster man yeah and he was in the philippines and you know That's how he did it. He's an amazing man. He was in the Philippines. That's how they do it in other countries. 62 and 22.

I'm erect even thinking about it. That's hot. It is hot. Should we try another question? Fuck that. You're saying no pizza picture. We'll work on it afterwards. We're going to do it.

Let's get to one more question that was great that really it launched us into a whole world um all right number two okay a girl a female question can you give us a female name oh no he's stuck hey hey oh i like ey or ay ey nice fey writes hey guys have a last name oh yeah what's your last name coco fey coco writes i'm in an awkward terrible embarrassing and to be honest not coy situation at all i have been seeing a guy for four months now and slept over numerous times. I have a bad amount of... I've been having bad stomach aches while sleeping at his place and recently passed some serious gas

while he was sleeping beside me. He's a very light sleeper, so if I move a bit or anything, he wakes up. I don't know if he heard anything or how awake he was when it happened, but I am completely mortified. How gross and unladylike is this from a guy's perspective? What do I do?

I hope he still likes me after this. FML. Faye Cucko. Faye. What's up? Bob's shaking his head. It's either like a huge deal or not a big deal at all. I can't tell.

To me, it's so not a big deal. It's crazy or not a big deal at all. I can't tell. To me, it's so not a big deal. It's crazy how not a big deal it is. Number one, you're a human. Yeah. Right? It's part of the process. And you have gases just in your body. Right.

Yeah. And they need to be released because your body is releasing these gases. And for you to clench up the calamari to keep it in your body, I don't think that's healthy. It's unhuman-like. It's unhuman-like. Where does it go? It's actually grosser if you think about it like oh this girl's never farted in front of me she's filled with farts yeah filled with farty air yeah if i squeeze you hard enough all the farts might come out of you your lungs are just filled with brown steam or if they do

an autopsy and they open your stomach and they're like, oh. Yeah. A million farts. Surgeon just a little, little cut. Do you realize how hard it is not to fart when you shit? How hard she's been keeping it in? Yeah. Nearly impossible. Farts are okay.

How quickly do you fart in front of your lady? I fart immediately. Day one. Because I want to just let them know this is the way I am. Get over it. Yeah. My friend Sebastian, you know what he does? He takes a wet towel. I already told you this. Did I tell to just let them know this is the way I am. Get over it, yeah. My friend Sebastian, you know what he does? He takes a wet towel. I already told you this.

Did I tell you guys this? I don't think so. He takes a wet towel and he puts it underneath his bed. And so when he wants to fart, it's like a small towel. Yeah, like a hand towel. And when he has a fart, he sticks it between his cheeks and it muffles the sound. And I tried it. It does work.

It does work. Wait, you just so shut the wet towel? You see like secretly while he's in bed with somebody, he secretly... He has a damp towel underneath his bed. Because he doesn't want to fart in front of people? No. So late at night, if he has to fart, he's married too. What?

He's married? He's married and he can't fart in front of his wife? Yeah. He still uses a damp towel? Yeah. Yeah. And then he uses the towel as an ether rag, right? That's what ether is.

It's so much more foul to have a damp fart towel i know but she doesn't think he farts damn it sebastian can you use the damp towel at least use the moist towel for christ's sake that's the craziest thing i know couples that are like the guys the girl's like i don't want you farting in front of me if she said that she said to do guys yeah is that a deal breaker for you? To me, that's a deal breaker. If your girlfriend's like, you can't fart in front of me. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, you're not, I'm the wrong guy. I think there's like, there's probably like a little tact to it to like, you know, ill-timed farts.

If I was like in bed with someone, we're having a nice moment, I wouldn't be like. Right. And then like that ruins it. No, of course, there's timing. Yeah, yeah. Well, some people don't know that. And I think that's it. No, of course. There's timing. Yeah, yeah. Well, some people don't know that. And I think that's where the couples come in. Like where like somebody would say, I don't want you farting in front of me.

Because it's happened to me just based on the sheer amount that I fart. Yeah. I'm not like a, it's not cute when I do it. It's often and loud. And I think at a certain point someone's like, just can you recognize you have to do it but just try to stop a little you've asked me to stop farting i have you really have yeah because me and you're in a relationship well if they're so if they're so smelly they're so it's rude it's an assault on my face to do that in our shared space to like you want me to walk away fart and come back i do that when i have really smelly farts it follows you it doesn't matter if i mean i wouldn't like lean against my girlfriend you know i mean while she's sleeping

and put my cheeks against her stomach and just unload i mean that but sometimes i act like if i'm laying there and i like laugh and i fart i think that's like yeah that's adorable i mean if you did that now i would think i would fucking hug you i think that's so sweet yeah but you've heard it on an airplane before and i was like you can't do this yeah i i disagree what are your thoughts on airplane farts oh 100 all go it's so rude see we have the same theory which is rude why is that rude because it's it's your discomfort in your tiny little stomach like oh i have a little gas you should go to the bathroom and then versus like everybody around you has to deal with your noxious gas for just a few seconds no it's not just a few seconds it's a pressurized cabinet hardly dissipates jake what

you do is this you know what i do you stick it you call call for a moist towel i lean right with a blanket i'm always with a blanket on the side right and sometimes i'll take my left hand and i'll lift open a cheek so it doesn't make a noise right on an airplane it doesn't matter it that the airplane is the only time i fart as loud as possible people can't hear it because the base level of an airplane is like yeah that's how loud i can fart as loud as i want nobody will ever hear it's just that they smell it but i have done your sneak it out spread out your ass cheek as far as you can and yeah i've done the whistler yeah it's called a whistler it was invested it was invented in whistler i feel like that's somewhat grosser

Like if I If somebody heard me doing that In the bathroom Like It was like And I was like Oh Jake's in there Spreading his ass all apart

But on a plane No one knows It's cute It's you Jake No one knows If you fart in a plane It's you It's a victimless crime

It's not a victimless crime There are many victims It's a blameless crime Isn't that the same thing? No, of course not If you have gas in your stomach And it doesn't smell Because you can sometimes tell when the fart is going to smell really bad

You can tell when it smells Oh I know It's a heat thing A hot silent fart, that's a smelly fart. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's allowed morning. It's not fair to do that on an airplane. It's not allowed morning tromboner.

It's selfish. That's nothing. It's selfish to have smelly farts on an airplane. I think it is a little bit selfish, sure, because people smell it. But I think it goes away so fast that that negativity doesn't outweigh me having to go to the bathroom every time I fart. Well, you should probably. Yes, it does. What if I'm sitting in the window? Oh, excuse me having to go to the bathroom every time I fart. Well, you should probably. Yes, it does. What if I'm sitting in the window?

Oh, excuse me. I have to get out again. How about this? Fixing your sphincter against that little air conditioner nozzle. You know the nozzle that already looks like an asshole. Yeah, yeah. I bet that's like a perfect little tight little seal. You create like a vacuum seal and then you turn it on.

How will you get your asshole all the way up there? You put your elbows on the seat where your ass is what was this original question oh the girl who farted yeah um it's he probably didn't hear and also like four months you should it's time to fart in front of him yeah that's true yeah also if this was a guy talking about a girl i can see there's a situation where some girls don't like it not that that's right or wrong but a guy would never care if a girl farted in front of him. I would. A girl farted in front of you, you would care?

There was a time, not like, I wouldn't care to, I mean, if he's already been with her for four months and she's sleeping over, then of course not, I wouldn't care. But there was like, I remember just going on dates in New York and if poop came up or farting came up, I would just like. Oh, you're very anti-shitting. Yeah, I would just cringe a little bit. I don't want to talk about this with you just because I. You like, Oh, you're very anti shitting. Yeah. I would just like cringe a little bit. Like,

I don't want to talk about this with you just cause like, you don't like to imagine girls eating or shitting. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's all part of the same thing. Well, I don't really like to imagine anybody doing it,

but I would like prefer not to talk about it. Cause I grossed me out a little bit. So like, I feel, I could imagine like being on a date and somebody has a really smelly fart and me being like, okay, I'm like turned off now,

but I feel like being – Bobby's soul is crushing right now. What? We can date like an android or something because it's like – Dude, I'm not saying I'm right. I have a horrible opinion. I'm a piece of shit. But it is what he feels.

Like my girlfriend's never farted in front of me. Is it because she doesn't want to? I don't know. I tell her. I look her in the eyes and go, I'm fine with it. She's like, I just don't in front of me and because she doesn't i don't know i go i go i tell her i look in their eyes i go i'm fine with it she's like i just don't want to so what does she do when he bottles it in i don't know what she does you ever heard you've never heard her no it's like a cat going to the bathroom you never see it yeah it's very rare that i do have to suppress a fart and it happened recently actually in a movie theater and i didn't want to fart and i was just like it was bubbling in me i'm like what is this like yesterday indigestion almost yeah it depends on what movie was it uh it was like a

screening of a movie that's not out yet oh were you in it no i've only been in one movie ever what was it it was a movie you were in a movie i've never seen any movie i've been in i've been in some but is that true you've never not one so i don't know who's in what have you never seen any movie I've been in. I've been in some, but I've never... Is that true? You've never seen any? Not once, so I don't know who's in what. Have you ever seen any of the Harold and Kumar movies that you're in? No. You've never seen any of them? You've never seen It Makes Avatar Look Avatar-ted?

That one? That was the third one I did. Yeah, yeah. Were you in that? I was in that. Oh, I didn't see it. What? You didn't see it?

You've never seen the movie? Because you're... Why? What is that? I've never seen the movie Because you're Why? What is that? I've never seen Not only movies I've never seen anything I've ever done Ever

Why? Are you gonna listen to this? No Are you out of your mind? No How come? Why not? Why?

What do you mean why? I didn't So don't you wanna see How the movie turned out? No To at least support your friends That are how the movie turned out? No. To at least support your friends that are in the movie? Listen, there's a number of things that are like negative that would happen if I did that. Like to you.

Number one would be like, the first thing is like, God, I'm ugly. Oh my God, you have a low self-esteem. No. What are you talking about? You're going to see a picture of yourself and think, God, I'm ugly? Listen, when you're raised, I love movies. I've watched every single movie ever made. I love Kurosawa films.

I love every movie. You've loved every movie except for the ones you've been in. Yeah. But the thing is that when you see someone like Brad Pitt or whatever, and then you see yourself, you're like, oh, this doesn't look right. That's what you think of John Cho. No, John's a good-looking guy. Yeah, I know what I'm saying.

That's the Brad Pitt analogy in this movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. John's a good-looking guy, you know? And I remember auditioning for Harold. good looking guy yeah i'm saying that's the brad pitt analogy in this movie yeah yeah yeah john's a good looking guy you know and i remember auditioning for harold yeah that was it was between him and i at the end and they gave it to john because he's a better actor and he's better looking oh you were gonna be harold oh in the very first movie yeah i like auditioned a bunch of times for the harold wow and then they gave you the that one scene yeah but isn't that like it's almost better i mean it's better yeah he's sulu in star trek and i'm gave you the... That one scene, yeah. But isn't that like, it's almost better.

It's better, yeah. He's Sulu in Star Trek, and I'm playing the chuckle fuck factory in Idaho. That's really much better, yeah. But to be the guy who steals the movie because of his comedy, people remember you in those movies. It's a very memorable role. Yeah, I mean, I've done things like Curb and things,

and people go, you were amazing, whatever. It doesn't give me more work. I've never been on fire in the business. You've never been? You were on a TV show for eight years. That's so hard. Yeah, but back then, no one watched that show, and it was considered to be SNL's stepdaughter. But look at it now.

My point is, though, is that I've never been on fire What does it mean to be on fire? I know all Because I load your IMDB And I see fucking projects From 1999 until 2014 I've always worked But I've never been like Chris D'Elia

Where it's like I'm doing everything You're always hustling And you're never dodging calls We need Bobby. We want Bobby. Yeah. Last week I did a movie

but three lines and it's like and then the week before I did The League and I played an Asian guy with Down Syndrome so it doesn't even count, right? They go,

we wrote you a part. I go, what is it? They go, Chinese guy with Down Syndrome. I'm like, all right. I'll do it. And I show up and they're like, just don't act. Just be syndrome. I'm like, all right. I'll do it. And I show up.

They're like, just don't act. Just be yourself. I'm like, what? Have you ever said no to a role? Oh, yeah. A lot of them. Like Asian accents. I want to do Asian accents.

I did it for The Dictator. Harold and Kumar, you did Asian. No, I didn't. No? No, I just... You just played an excitable Asian kid. Like an excitable kid, yeah. But no accent. And then Curb, I did it. I only do, I just... You just played an excitable... Like an excitable kid, yeah. But no accent. And then Curb, I did it...

I only do it like if it's a good thing. Yeah. Like, you know, but I won't do it if it's... Like, Nickelodeon wants you to be... You know what I mean? Ho Chi Minh or whatever. No way. Oh, right.

So you only do it for like things that you think would be good. No, I just... But like if Sasha, like Baron Cohen was like, can you do this? I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to not do it. If Curb, Larry and those guys were like, can you do it? I'll go, yeah, I'm going to do it. If it's anything else, I'm not going to do it. Why would you do it if it's anything else?

I feel like your career is a B plus, A minus, and you consider it an F because it's not an A plus. You're doing a bunch of shit, and you're turning down roles, and you consider it an F because it's not an A plus. Like, you're doing a bunch of shit, and you're turning down roles, and you're like, I've never been on fire, but, like, you've done so much. I've had... Oh, God, you're dying. Do you ever look back and you're like, oh, I'm grateful, it could be a lot worse?

Or do you only look at the... And also, I've never done what my friend... I have some friends that, like, shot up so fast and so high and then fell so hard. Oh, and then burned out completely. And then that depression, I wouldn't be able to handle. Right. So at least I've had a gradual. You're steady.

Slow rise. But it's like, you go to Eric Stone Street's house or D'Elia's house and you go and you see how they're living. Right. And then you go back to your house. It's almost impossible not to compare. Right. Emotionally, you know. It's hard not to feel envy in this business when you surround yourself with people, some of them more, some of them less successful.

Yeah, like I used to talk to Chelsea Handler, you know, and we'd be like just talking and she'd be like, yeah, I'm going to Miami and I'm taking my private jet to do this 30,000 seat arena, right? And they go, oh yeah, I'm going to take

Southwest Middle Street to like, you know, Canada. But Southwest doesn't even go to Canada. Whatever, yeah. I mean, that's how sad it is. I have to take a bus from Seattle. Yeah.

But it's like, you know, but you know what? I'm blessed that i haven't had a day job yeah yeah and you do have a place yeah i bought a little condo yeah it's nice yeah and you got a girlfriend and you fucked a 19 year old at disneyland no still it was it was raging waters that's good i well I get jealous of people that I'm less talented than. So at least when you get jealous, you're like, I could do it better. Yeah, you get jealous of movie stars. Yeah, like movies.

You couldn't have done that. Well, like Matt Damon, I'm like, I was born at the wrong time, so I could never have been in Good Will Hunting or written it. And it has nothing to do with the timing of it. Well, it's already made, so how do I make it now? But even if it weren't made, you don't have the acting ability or intelligence

or physical. Well, who's to say? What, have you taken acting classes? No, I don't need them. You're naturally gifted? No, I'm a terrible actor. No, I'm not that either. Even when we're

writing stuff, it holds me back because I'm like, I can't write this dialogue because I won't be able to say it. I don't think you're right. You don't think I'm a bad actor? No, I think you guys are good actors.

We're good at performing what we write. We can't quite perform what we don't. That's not true. That's in your head, and that's ridiculous. Next question. Next question. We're all sad. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show.

Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag-and-drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes.

Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first-stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions,

they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content,

product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great.

Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed.

Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store,

an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code segments to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready

to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience.

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Guy. Okay, we need a guy's name. Robert. Matt. I'm phoning it in at that point. He's on the phone with us. I said Matt Damon. Matt Smith. Matt Coco.

Are they all in Coco? They're all triplets. Hey, guys. I'm in a predicament for quite some time now. I tried smoking weed for the first time last summer. I tried doing it with a friend at first who had no idea what to do, so we failed miserably after lighting some kush in a rolled-up gum wrapper in my basement.

But then I tried it with my sister and her boyfriend, who are veterans. They taught me the ways of Mary Jane, and I thought it was some pretty dope stuff. My parents know about it and are completely cool with it. We did it about ten times over last summer. Problem is, she is now in college, and I no longer have anyone to toke with. I told my closest friends that I toked once, and they berated me. All my friends judged the drug to the point where I can't talk about it at all.

I'm not the most popular guy, but I'm not a loser either, and I have a decent amount of friends, but all of them have or would judge me for smoking. Because of this, I'm very hesitant to tell anyone that I want to smoke. My question is, how can I find a toking buddy, or should I just toke alone? Help. This is some real-world shit.

Definitely want him to stop saying toke so much it's funny because most people are like my friends are trying to get me to do drugs and i don't want to this is the exact opposite like i just want to smoke pot everyone's judging me saying drugs are bad yeah what weird town does he live in it's like opposite usa it's pot is it's nothing pot is nothing. Pot is nothing. To me, it's nothing. It's like my mom, my aunt died a month ago. I'm not crying. And my mom was there, and she's like a 70-year-old Korean woman. She goes, Papi, I want to try marijuana. Whoa.

I'm like, cool. I'll get you one. Because she felt bad? No. She feels like she's about to die, and she wants to try everything. And she knows through the years now that it's not a thing. It's like, who cares? Right.

Did she try it? She hasn't done it yet because I've got to be there. My brother and I have to be there when she does it. You should lace it with ecstasy or some weird shit. Just really fuck with her. She runs through a wall. Bobby! She runs through a wall.

What are your thoughts on smoking alone, though? 100%. What kind of question is that? It's like, if your friends are like, that's weird. Get new fucking friends. Your friends are like, I don't even know who. What are you, a cousin, Phil? They must just be young, maybe.

Yeah, because when you're a kid, it's always, say no to drugs. Say no to drugs. I did meth at 12, and I'm not even lying. Is that true? I smoked meth at 12 years old. Why? Is that true? Why? meth at 12 years old. Why? Is that true? Why?

Because it's fun. What are you talking about? What is this even question? Is that even real, this thing? So the advice is smoke meth, and then your friends won't think weed is that bad. Actually, I smoke meth a lot, so let's at least do weed, right? I mean, I grew up in San Diego. I guess maybe, I don't know where he lives. Where do you live does a 12 year old get oh my god i live in i live in poway

we had lsd math everything at age sixth grade oh yeah and i went to my first rehab 15 so that was okay you took it you went too far you did too much too soon oh i've done things i've done things that like i should be all dead right. Right now I should be dead. Shit. And we're all alive. I feel like I had my chance to do stupid things and now I can't. Well, that's fine. You didn't miss anything. I'm just saying to this kid, it's like pot

is really nothing. Well, we all missed meth. You said meth was fun. Yeah. Yeah, meth though is it rots your teeth out. It's dangerous. What's the most fun? What's a drug you would suggest us doing, but not our audience? I mean, I would really do shrooms or acid. If you haven't done that, you have to do it.

I haven't done acid. Shrooms? I didn't like shrooms. No, you take acid. Take a couple of tabs of acid. Oh, you're saying both? Go to the desert. Right.

And have a day with some friends. It's mandatory in life. Acid in the desert? Yes. Where do you get acid? Anywhere. What are you talking about? I can get you acid, man.

I live in Pleasantville, too. Yeah, unless he's 10. Is he 10, this kid? No, he's probably not 10. He's in high school. He must be pretty young, because trying to smoke weed out of a gum wrapper is insanely stupid.

Well, he could be 15, 16, 14. He's not 10. The first time I smoked weed, I was afraid. I was like, this is too bad. This is fucked. Of course. But that's good. Isn't it good to be afraid of weed rather than totally open to it?

Yeah, so maybe you just ease your friends into it or find new friends. What did you say? You were a little too liberal as a 12-year-old? Don't you think there's something happening here? I just feel like – just listen. I love you two, man. I really do. I love you two so much.

We love you two. Yeah, and the thing is this, is that this is where we part ways. Not until our friendships are going to last forever. No, you're leaving this house. No, I'm not leaving this house either, but I'm just saying that just in terms of us connecting, I'm now on a different path. So you are – Drugs are fine. in terms of like us connecting yeah i'm now on a different path so you are drug drugs are just on every level of like like for me it's like now i looked at you too and i had a spiritual awakening

i'm like oh i'm the devil no we think it's cool we love drugs we do drugs all the time actually there's an emergency i just snorted there's a drug in here in fact no it's not even just drugs though it's just also in like i've done like before i met kalilah i spent two months in thailand and every day i drove to a place where they these girls ate my butthole what yeah and i could do that for like leisure just like getting your butthole eaten by multiple people not just by one just by one person this is does. Just getting your butthole eaten by multiple people? No, just by one. Just by one person.

Does Kalilah eat your butthole? No. She won't touch it? I love her. Oh, you only get your butthole eaten by people you don't love? When I need power, yeah. That's crazy. It's a power thing.

It's a power thing? Is that a drug? Yeah. Power is a drug? Power is the ultimate drug. Look at Hitler in the 1936 Olympic Games. Yeah, yeah. It all goes

Full circle I have 12 years sober I have 12 years sober No alcohol No drugs Congratulations That's what usually people say That's great

Wait but what about weed No I don't do that either 12 years completely sober Of everything Except cigarettes I feel like Now that you're sober Like your words

Carry more weight You're like I've been there. I've done that. It's fine. You've done all the drugs. So you would say this guy was doing meth. You're like, you shouldn't do meth. It's going to rot your teeth out.

But he's like, weed. And you're like. Yeah, weed is nothing. Bobby's an actual authority on drugs. Do you miss it? No. I'm relieved from it. You have fun without it?

Oh, I haven't had it in 12 years. So I don't even know. Right. Wow. Since, oh, I didn't know. But I've it in 12 years so i don't even know right wow since oh i didn't know but i've been sober 12 years before too so i got sober when i was 17 i stayed sober for 12 years then i got on mad tv i relapsed and then they gave me intervention and they fired me and then i got sober and then they hired me back wow i've been sober for 12 years now. Wow. Holy shit.

That's awesome. Yeah, yeah. So then like... So you had a crazy life from age 12 to 17? I've had a crazy life since day one. And not only that, but you've been basically sober for 24 years of the last 25, and you're saying you're not like, stay sober like me. You're saying do drugs drugs just not as crazy

as I did them? Well I mean if you have a if your drug addiction and alcoholism is a disease right? Right.

It's I think I think hereditary. Oh okay. Right? So it's like regardless if he has the disease or not you're gonna do it anyway

if you have alcoholism. So it's like just smoke pot. Just try it. You know? You can't avoid Disease So he doesn't have to find

A pot smoking buddy To you You're saying You can smoke alone Smoking alone Is better in many ways Because then you get Introspective

And like You can write good And you know I know guys that Smoke pot 24 hours a day And they're on TV Interesting Memorizing lines

And they can do it You know Yeah That's not how I work When I have a pot Me either Yeah But this kid It's like You know Yeah That's not how I work When I smoke pot Me either Yeah But this kid

It's like You know Just do whatever you do And get new friends Because that's weird If they're judging you Because you smoke pot Yeah

Your friends shouldn't Judge you for anything Well what if they What if he was doing bad drugs They would want him To judge him for that Like the meth thing You were doing

Don't judge anybody For anything What's judging He should get He says he was berated I think like judging They should care about him But they shouldn't judge anybody for anything. What's judging? He says he was berated. I think judging, they should care about him, but they shouldn't judge him. Okay, so tough love.

Heroin and meth can kill you. Have you done heroin? Yeah. You've shot heroin into you? Yeah. But heroin can kill you, right? Sure. A lot of these drugs can kill you. Meth, it takes a couple years, unless you're smoking ice.

Okay? You know so much about this. Cr drugs can kill you. Meth is, it takes a couple years. Unless you're smoking ice. Okay? You know so much about this. Crack can kill you. I mean, a crack is very highly addictive. They're all addicting. Yeah. But it's like, pot generally doesn't kill you. Ever.

All right. I think alcohol kills way more people than pot. Definitely. I mean, I cannot speak expertly about meth versus crack, so I'll take your word for it. You seem like you know your shit. I was sick, and I'm now not. I'm glad you're healthy.

Thank you. And I'm glad you came on the show. No, it was really good. This was one of my favorite episodes because it was so unique. You stood up for yourself, and you were different from us. I'm not going to go with the flow, man.

That's right. But I love you guys, man. This is the world. This is the way the world works. This is great. Do you have anything you want to plug before we have to go? Go to...

I need more Twitter followers. Bobby Lee Live. I don't heavily tweet either. And go to Instagram. You don't want to tweet more, but you still have more followers. Bobby Lee Live. Instagram, Bobby Lee Live.

Twitter, Bobby Lee Live. And if you have any more questions for me and jake and maybe bobby lee sometime in the future if he wants to come back we'd love to have

you back the email address is if I were you show at gmail.com we're still taking theme song submissions if you have a theme song for us we

start and close every single episode with a new theme song written by you guys oh we also need no more thumbnail pictures of our podcast if you are a good visual artist, send that to us,

and we'll post it when we post our podcast on Facebook. That's it. Thanks again, Bobby. You rule. I love you guys. Thank you. I love you guys. La, la, la, la, la, la.

This last song is from Luke, so thanks, Luke. And we'll be back on Thursday. Bye. Questions by the pound. Getting paid is a forte. Each and every week, true podcast way. They got tricks in the stats, but hashtag dope. Fast when it comes to the laughs. By no means everything. They're all they got to have it. Maybe you're a perfect ten.

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