Segments - 11: Belt of Pain

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

In this episode we discuss our failing bodies and the steps we take to heal them. Also, Amir sold some new ads for Jake to read.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet

set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad

at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number, so you have to edit it out, okay?

Let's hear it. 0913662. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in, but we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. too. Now you have to edit it out. But we'll see you guys there. Won't last its effort to try and stop their career from going to shit. Sadness. Another podcast. Sadness.

Each app different from the last. Clap a little bit. It's the Swiss Army. Smile and dance or something. Now let's meet your two pathetic hosts. Sadness. Great. You brought the energy down during the intro song. That's unheard of. Welcome to segments. I'm Amir.

It's a comedy podcast. It's high energy, fun time. I'm just here so I won't get fined. Nice. Marshawn Winch. Yeah. Marty threatened to sue me last night if I record this episode with you. You don't do anything at HeadGum except for host one show. And I barely do that.

And Marty... He said, I'm walking with buckets. And he said, what show? I said, I'm walking with buckets here. And I slammed on the hood of his car and it has to be needed a wash now we're back this is our first recording of 2024

yes bi-coastal recording exciting times bi-coastal but not in the home zoom setup this is like back in the recording setup right this is that perfect in-between of effort. Nobody had to fly, but I couldn't just do this from Brooklyn. Yeah.

I mean, ideally we'd be in the same room, but that would require one of us moving across the country. Right, exactly. I'm down to have you move to New York. Would you ever do that again? It seems kind of cold there right now, but ask me again in June. And then there's the- I saw a movie last week. What movie was it?

It was called Past Lives, I believe. Oh, yeah. People love that movie. Yeah. It was very, very moving, very powerful. And you know the last scene of that movie, they're walking down the street, and I'm like, I swear this is Amir's old street. And they walked by a park and I googled the park and sure enough,

it was right outside your old place. My old place in LA or New York? In New York, on First and First. Oh, really? That park? Wow.

Holy shit. Maybe I should see this movie because it's like atop everyone's list. And now that the fact that there's a park near where I used to live, I feel like I got it.

You'll recognize the street. I mean, if I did, it'll really hit home for you and it's a and it's a very nostalgic movie like that so yeah yeah it was so yeah i will check it out and then see we have a segment where we do movie reviews but it was really fascinating to see like a flashback basically like 2012 right and i was like when i lived there there's no fucking way this movie was made about me right like was there any other homages or sort of hat tips or nods or tips of the cap to the life i used to lead there yeah well the outro theme music was uh the buckets theme to just bring it back yeah this is incredible so it ended with uh round ball rock by john tesh into bradley neal saying you're getting bucket bucket buckets

it was bizarre it was so bizarre this oscar movie ended with a quote yeah stolen from my podcast which you stole from john tesh yeah which i stole from john wall nice thank you um i thought a good segment just to kick us off here is um a quick catch-up an update because we haven't seen each other recorded since late December. And since then, we've been through a series of medical marvels. Yes. I didn't realize that you got something called a balloon tracheotomy or something. Yes, I had my trachea removed. Someone had to stab you in the chest with a pen and breathe for you, right?

They had to open my neck as I struggled to breathe with a hollowed out dick. Because I feel like yours sounds like it's more intense. I feel like a balloon entered you. Yeah. Is that accurate to say? Yeah, I had a balloon sinoplasty. What is that? And is that elective? Because it sounds elective.

It was, and I was forced into the decision by my loved ones. By Avital. She didn't want you to snore anymore. Yeah, kind of. Is it a snoring-based thing? It's snoring-adjacent. So the larger issue is that I couldn't really breathe through my nose, as I've spoken to about before. I'm a mouth breather, which comes with its own set of problems.

You're supposed to breathe through your nose day to day. Right. Which I found difficult to do. Like when you were watching a movie, Past Lives, for example, was your mouth closed the whole time? Are you just breathing through your nose the whole time? That's how you're supposed to be viewing things. And that's not how I was.

I think I have kind of like a resting open mouth, but I don't think I'm like a heavy mouth breather. Yeah. It's tough to like just recall because it's also subconscious. But at night I was especially mouth agape breathing, struggling for air. Like that. Yeah.

Like that. So like not even. Yeah, like that. Less of a snore and more of a gasping for air. Yeah. A wheeze. A wheezer, yeah. And so I went to see an ENT who very quickly, like, did an MRI scan.

He's like, yeah, I mean, look at these sinal cavities. They're very thin. Your turbinates, which is like your nostril meat, is very overwhelming. You're not getting a lot of airflow. Right, through the nose. And so we recommend this procedure that we do here called a balloon sinoplasty. I'm like, okay, what's that? Interesting that he finds exactly what he needs to do his procedure.

Of course. And he's ready to go. And it's not covered by insurance, right? Actually, this one was because, so that was one of the reasons, I was like weighing the options because basically the procedure is they numb your nostrils and they stick a deflated balloon in with like a camera, kind of like a little nasal. So you're awake. I'm awake, but like valiumed out. Kind of like a dental surgery. So I can't feel anything, but they're like, you know, keeping me alive and well.

And then they blow a balloon open and it like cracks some like hardened cartilage wider so that your airflow can be thicker and more robust. So I'm like, okay, this sounds kind of intense, but like, you know, I've done LASIK before. I'm not, I'm not scared of changing my face internally for the better. Of course not. And this is felt kind of similar, not really laser. It felt very practical, just like cracking space open wide. Yeah. And then you can understand that. Yes.

I understand like if there's like a, a tunnel through a cave, but there's a lot of rocks on the side to like try to remove the rocks. The tunnelers would put a balloon in and inflate it, obviously. We know how tunnels are made. But then in addition to the balloon thing, he's like, I can also reduce your turbinates like literally by like scraping like tissue away. That part sounds painful. is blurry. I want to fix it. This is like trusting a guy who can tell me what to do. Yeah. And you like, don't really have that. You don't have trouble sleeping. It's, it's more other people that have trouble sleeping around you. So it's not necessarily something you want to fix. But I do have trouble breathing through my nose. So I'm like, okay,

maybe that's helpful in the longterm. Um, so then I go home and I, Oh, so I asked him how much it costs. They're like, it's $2,500, but I can see on your insurance you've already met your deductible for the year, so it's actually free. Zero dollars for you. You're completely covered. So you're trying to get this in before 1-1. Correct. The last thing you do in 2023. Yeah, it's like a $3,000 thing or free if you do it

this week. And I'm like, oh yeah, I don't have any work the week of the 23rd, so maybe I could just schedule it for that. And he's like, within a few days... Instead of Christmas, you'll have a balloon in your ass. And he knows. Within a few days, you're fine. He's like,

you'll have some congestion. That's like the tissue like resolving itself, but like it'll all get flushed away soon. Okay. So I look online and it's like everybody being like, I went in and I did the scan

and they recommended this thing. I went in and I did a scan and they recommended this thing. So like that is a thing that they do. They do the scan for free, then they always seem to recommend. Because like, I don't know, I'm looking at an x-ray, an MRI of my sinuses and I'm like, this is narrow, this is thin.

I'm like, sure, I believe you. And you've never seen that before. So they could say literally anything. Like they could point to the same passageway and be like, so you actually have really wide nasal passageways. Wow, yeah, for sure. I'm not taking this scan to a second opinion who has time for that this is the 21st of december after all yeah

um so then between that and the fact that um i'm curious about this procedure plus it's free i'm like all right let's fucking do it uh so i scheduled it for friday the december 22nd uh and they're like okay before the procedure start taking these steroids, start taking these antibiotics. And then the morning of, take two Valium. I'm like, wow, okay. Sounds kind of intense. Yeah. And I'm like searching, like two Valium.

I've never taken a Valium. If I take two, will I be okay? And I call them. They're like, yeah, it's fine. Like, you can take one if you want, but two will help, like, knock you you out so I take two Valium an hour before the procedure and I don't remember the entire procedure like I was in the chair but I was gone baby gone who got you to the appointment Avital drove me yeah and like borderline had to carry me into the seat and then I was just did she say that you were she like has videos of me being like all right like is it in yet are you

like you're starting and they're like okay we're like, is it in yet? Are you like starting? And they're like, okay, we're going to have to get in there now. I need to see them. It's basically like the laughing gas they give you at the dentist. You're just like barely alive. It's David at the dentist.

Yeah, exactly. But during the procedure, so like she was with me before the procedure and then she had to leave when they actually did it. And then like, I remember like half dream state of like them putting stuff and like all right hopefully you won't feel this but let us know and i'm like are you gonna do it yet and they're like we already did it we already did it you're okay amputated your nose i have like a fucking like gauze under my nose at the end of it

i'm like is it over and they're like yeah you did great you did fine it'll be okay and then i like went home and i passed out and i woke up i I'm like, oh yeah, like this thing. This is crazy. I forgot I got this done. Because I was like half asleep the entire time. Wow. Do you love Valium now? I guess I can.

I didn't understand why people get into it just because like it was such a unique disassociative experience. If you hate your life, yeah, I can understand why people would take two Valium and just fucking lose and just fucking lose a day yeah right right but i kind of like watching basketball and stuff so i don't want to like forget that much but for this procedure it was perfect um the next day like as they said blood was coming out i felt congested so i'm like oh it didn't take because like now i cannot breathe through my nose at all and like i'm like they say don't blow your nose for three oh my god yes you just have to let it leak the blood yeah okay like dabbing my nostrils at a starbucks like a fucking kid with a cold who doesn't know how to blow their nose yet yeah it's like yeah and it's smiling yeah it's blood and snot instead of just blood or just snot.

Like waking up with dry, dry, dry blood snot like crusted to my mustache. It was a bad situation for two to three days. But like two weeks later, it does feel like a wider cavity. And I don't know about the breathing through my nose when I'm asleep just because I'm asleep for that like I'll have to do like mouth tape and like try to like literally retrain my body but I can finally like consider that as an option because like it does feel when I'm not congested like wide enough wider than I've ever experienced so I'm happy that it was verified that okay, you're not just being kind of a pansy by saying, I can't breathe through my nose when like everyone has a small sinus cavity. Yeah. And then they did the checkup.

Do you feel like your voice changed? I don't know. They said it wouldn't change anything externally, but do you think my voice is any different at all? Like it feels the same to me. I'm kind of an important radio guy. Yeah, it feels the same. But it feels the same voice-wise,

but it does feel wider up there. So I think all in all, it's been a success, though. Not like an instant life changer so far, but it's only been two weeks. Right, but you don't regret doing it. I don't regret doing it. The Valium story was funny, and it was cool to try that drug for free

without any guilt. Would you consider the scraping? Because if you only did the balloon and they offer scraping for even more relief, even a wider passage, would you be down? Well, I did both. So I don't know if I would have to do just this.

Yeah, I did. I ended up doing the turbinite reduction as well. Yes. It's called the turbinite reduction in addition to a balloon sinoplasty. Congratulations. I was able to do both. Yes.

And I did get a sinus headache for three days, but ultimately, since that's in the past, I don't think about it anymore. Yeah. Yeah. So would you recommend this

for even people who feel like they can breathe through their nose? I think anyone should get it done once a year like a checkup yeah it's important to have a balloon in your blood nose yeah yeah and then a blood test cool um so hopefully it just gets better and better for me on that end does it keep did they say if it continually gets better is like two weeks gonna be the apex and it's and it basically plateaus and it's just like that's your life now?

Or is it like, you know, you have it's as wide as it possibly will be right now. And it's going to like does this recur, I guess. Yeah, they did. They said that it doesn't that like I'm like, how does it like because I understand a balloon making something wider. But then how does it just stick like that once the balloon leaves? And they made it sound like it's like like a drywall where it's like you crack it open and it stays in that position. Wow.

So you're not going to need this ever again? In theory, no. But kind of like LASIK, anything is possible. And then also, there are like more invasive surgeries. There's like full on put you under to like do like some real septum internal shit, which is like, yeah, I think my brother-in-law got one of those. Yeah. Well, one of the things I've heard of deviated septums, right? Like I didn't really understand what that was, but the septum is the thing right in the middle of the two nostrils. And if it's like slanted one

way or another, that's the deviated septum. And it makes it impossible to breathe through one of your nostrils. My septum actually was very aligned. so I didn't have to have that issue at all. Interesting. You just had the narrow walls. Correct. I just had the meaty tunnel. I just want to get one of these things myself. I don't think I need it, but I want to see what my nostrils look like.

I'm just morbidly curious. They did stick a camera up there a few times, which is kind of interesting. So you can go to this place and they'll do that scan for free because they're constantly trying to sell this package. And that will include the nasal spray. And that will include the nasal scope. Right. Okay. And there, I mean, there's no way, even if I go in and they're like my, if they see that my nostrils are normal, they would probably still recommend the balloon right i would think so but i'm pretty cynical because i was like they're like do you get a lot of sinus infections and i said no they're like do you wake up tired and i said no they're

like well it's still pretty thin i like to sort of catch my doctor and things like that like when they say you never wake up tired you're supposed to wake up a little tired. I'm not groggy in the slightest. The alarm goes off and I feel like it's 1 p.m. I shoot out of bed. It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling.

Yeah. That's the dream. That would be great. Not physically impossible, but I feel like if my nostrils were wide enough, it'd be doable. Right. You think that's the only impediment to your happiness and success?

Yes. Everything else is perfectly fine except for my nostrils are 90% as thin. We all know in the body everything is connected. Well, speaking of which, you had teeth and back issues. Should we take a break and come back and talk about that? Yes. Everybody needs to hear about my back. This is a fucking cliffhanger. So we will be right back after these ads.

And I'll be right nostril after them because my right nostril is clogged with fucking blood and spum. Spum? Huh? Oh, I'll actually, here's a real one. I'll discuss my nasal lavage issues after the break as well. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. keep making content you love. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience.

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Thanks, DraftKings. All right, we're back. I did have to do a nasal lavage every day for about a week or two after the surgery. I don't know if you've ever done that, but it's like waterboarding yourself. You put a fucking Elmer's glue cap filled with water in your nose. Wait, so you had to do that for your nose? Yeah, to heal. I see.

Interesting. You put a water bottle up one nostril and squeeze it so hard it hits your eye and comes out the other side i've seen it done i've never i've never felt like i needed that i told you about the ear lavage i got once right yeah that's when they flush it your ear out with water yeah and but they didn't use water i think i just like had heard about it and i was like yeah i want to go get that done i went to like an ent but they didn't have like the water they just did it with tweezers yeah i think i told the story on the on pod before i did it with micah and dave rosenberg they'll do that they'll do that this place as well i'll make you an appointment next time you're here i would love to i mean yeah the the lavage was great but

i did hear you're supposed to have some amount of wax in your ears it's yeah some is normal but protective yeah yeah uh anyway um your back my nose my back your ankle and your tack um yeah i you know what like i had the last time i threw out my back was i believe september of 2019 but who's counting? Not since COVID. Yeah, not since COVID. I was like, I was traveling all the time. I had like lost a bunch of weight before my wedding. I felt like I just, my body wasn't optimized. By the way, congrats about that.

Like I totally didn't even mention that. You look- Yeah, I sent you my registry in 2018. I totally forgot to give you a gift card I was gonna give you a gift card you can do that still a Zola gift card it doesn't have to be to Jamba

they dropped the juice by the way I don't know if you know that I gave you like $300 to your honeymoon fund namaste I ended up using it on a nasal lavage i ended up getting gone anywhere yeah i got the porcelain lavage which is an upgrade

from the plastic bottle yes i didn't travel but i was transported it looks like an aladdin's lamp that i stick up my nostril so deep that it comes out of the other side and also my ass a little bit. So yeah, Mazel Tov and congrats. Um, so yeah, I, I'd been feeling pretty good. My back had been feeling very good and I don't know, nothing really had, nothing had changed. And then I like, I felt like I was getting stronger, uh, had no issues for like three and a half, four years. And I still am not entirely sure what happened. But I think based on what I explained to my doctor, that I was playing tennis, I sprinted, pulled up short, and got like a tiny little tweak in my right quad. And I know this about my body is that I have larger quads than glutes. So I use my quads a lot. So I had this weird little quad strain. I should have rested. I rested for two days,

but then it was really nice. And I wanted to go on a bike ride and I was like, I'll take it pretty easy. But then we ended up riding like 40 miles and I got home and I was just like, it looked like I was like popping a hip in a photo. Like my right hip was just like sitting like three inches higher than my left. Three inches. Yeah. Even while you were standing straight. Yeah.

Right. Same hip three inches higher. I couldn't stand straight. When I was standing straight, it looked like I was just like poking my right ass cheek out. It was like. You were giving sass a little bit. My spine almost had like a little S. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, all right, I'm going to really take it easy because that doesn't like it. And I like, you know, felt a lot of tightness in this leg. So I rest. That was Sunday. Monday I relaxed. Tuesday I was like, our buddy Miles asked me to do a CrossFit class. Okay. And I was like.

So you took two days off and then you did it again too strong. Yeah, I took Monday off. And then you said, you know what, I'm really going to have to take a full day off even though you had already

taken two. So you were not listening to your body. No, I wasn't listening to my body at all. So I go to this CrossFit class and I'm like, whatever it is,

I'm just going to take it. I'll take it easy. That CrossFit class, the WOD was like, it was back squats and then the me the mech like the warm-up jump rope so just really going at my going at my legs jump rope then squats and then the metcon you kind of you know that like high intensity thing at the end it was just uh as many rounds as possible for 10 minutes that means you just don't stop of walking lunges.

So just for 10 straight minutes, I did walking lunges. So CrossFit really- On my hurt quad. CrossFit finds what kind of hurts you and then sort of hammers it home until it injures you. Yeah. Which is what a lot of people don't like about CrossFit. Right. But this is, I don't think this was CrossFit's fault. This was my fault.

You got injured on your own time. CrossFit. Right. But this is, I don't think this was CrossFit's fault. This was my fault. Like on a normal day, I can walk, I can do walking lunges for 10 minutes and, you know, have a normal soreness. But when I have a leg injury and I just try to do it anyway. Just slightly tearing your muscle every, every second for 10 minutes straight. So I still don't entirely know what happened, but I'm sure anybody listening can just understand that I, there were like other muscles in my leg that were uh overcompensating for my injured quad maybe my weak glutes or uh you have a small ass just say your ass there's some yeah there's some there's some like other muscle down there like a stabilizing muscle that um uh that I don't have a lot of. So whatever it was,

the net result was that I woke up and my ass, uh, like it was like I was wearing a belt of pain and it was, it was like my hip flexors so tight, my glutes so tight, my spine completely in an S like it looked like my right ass cheek was trying to kiss my shoulder and i couldn't if i like the worst part was they were succeeding they were frenching your ass frenched your shoulder for a week yeah so yeah if someone could fucking put a balloon in my nose or my ass to fix this so when you wake up or you're like, oh, wow, I'm really sore from those lunges or you're like, oh, no, I did something. This is the bad soreness. Yeah. I woke up and I was like, oh, no, this is this is really bad. I'm like, I think that day I went and I like,

you know, the bathhouse near us. I was like, I think I just need to like sauna, steam, cold. I still felt like it was just muscle tightness that first day. Because you want to believe. Yeah. And I was like, I just need to like stretch, put some ice on it, get some heat on it, go into the cold plunge. Yeah. And, you know, it'll be okay. I just need a little more rest. Yeah.

Then on Thursday, I like literally couldn't get out of bed. Like walking to my sink from the bed was just like making my back spasm in all of these different areas uh like the lower back so you did crossfit that night to try to loosen up yeah crossfit was a thousand sink touches so i had to walk from my sink to my bed on my ass in a lunge for an hour with a ruck vest on yeah the lead vest um so yeah like normally you can take a few days. Basically, I felt like I needed, then I was like, all right, so you need like a week of rest. But with the baby, with the dog, there's just, there's stuff that you physically have to do that I rested, but I couldn't be completely immobile. I think on Thursday I didn't get out of bed and Jill like did everything. Yeah.

But then the rest of the week I was like, all right, I'm mostly going to rest, but sometimes I'll have to give Gemma a bath or like change her diaper, you know, because otherwise. What are you good for? That's not fair. Yeah. You know, her body comes before mine. But yeah, then it was two and a half, almost, yeah, two and a half weeks with literally no improvement at all. I would, like, I would wake up in pain and look forward to the night because I was like, I think I'll sleep and wake up and I'll feel better. But it just never, ever happened.

And this was over, what were the dates of these 17 days? This was, like, the 16th to just after New Year's, I think. Oh, wow. So even on New Year's Eve, you're in pain. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The worst, I mean, the worst time, just like spending time with the family, hanging out, all singing Christmas carols, but I'm sort of like laying on the bed with a ice pack

on my back. Oh, holy night. Guys, can you sing louder? I can't hear you down here. I was like truly convalescing. I was just lying on the couch with my feet up on a cushion, ice pack on, a ton of ibuprofen. And just like Jill would bring Gemma over

and I would sit her on the cushion and bounce her. And then it'd start to hurt like all right someone can take her now it's like so sad and then so so i also i did a cold plunge uh i went uh swimming in the long island sound on the 27th of december was that good or bad for your back would you say it was good It was good for the back. That felt really nice. But what was I going to say about it? It seems like that's more of a Band-Aid than a Permasol. Yeah.

Yeah. The cold stuff definitely, it helps. Because it just makes it cold and numb a little bit for a second. Right. But then it would kind of come back with a vengeance. And my mom convinced me to go see her chiropractor. The C word. Yeah. And I've heard bad things about chiropractors in general because they're just like, you know, you pay them 50 bucks, they just like crack your

back severely and say that you're better and you walk out and you're more injured than before. But my mom really trusts this lady and she's more of a holistic. I think she's just a chiropractor because that's the broadest term of what she does. But she worked on my body for three hours. Wow. Three hours. And when you were with her, were you like, do you see stuff that's wrong? Do you see what's physically in not good shape? Yes.

Yeah, she did. And so she had me like, she was like, bend over, touch your toes. And I did that. And then she was like, all right. And now, and I can do that with no pain, no issue at all. And then she's like, stand up straight and put your arms over your head and like lean back. And that just like made my whole back spasm. And then she's like,

your sacrum and the bottom of your spine, they're supposed to be like this, right? For anybody watching a video, I'm doing it with my hands. You're interlocking. So you can go forward and you can go back. You can go forward and you can go back. So when you're going forward, they're stretching apart and it goes back

and they're supposed to all tuck together neatly and you're not supposed to have any pain. So that was what she kind of showed me that like, when I, when I bent forward, they're separating. That's fine. Cause nothing's crunching on anything, but when I'm going back, they're all just hitting each other. Cause I'm not, I'm not aligned. My, my pelvis is twisted forward, meaning my right, my right leg is shorter than my left right now. I'm all kind of just out of sorts. Right. But why does it take a holistic chiropractor in Connecticut versus like a doctor in New York to figure this shit out? Well, the doctor in New York also figured it out. And I started going to physical therapy and they're trying to like strengthen my muscles

to kind of get everything to stabilize and work into position over time which i think which i have to imagine is what the doctors need to recommend yeah because they don't want some random person just shoving your spine into alignment because maybe that's bad yeah um but this lady was very very careful three and a half hours she's like massaging my microfascia into place. And I wouldn't say this if it was like, I'm very skeptical of doctors too. And I would never have trusted a chiropractor. But I like literally left the office and I was laughing with relief. It felt like I never had a back issue.

It was 100% better. I texted Jill. Yes. I texted Jill and I just just said i am fixed and like it was nothing since either night and day completely fine completely fine which is crazy like you have to leave her a yelp review or something i yes's, it's absolutely insane. Like completely fine. Like it never happened. And she's like, yeah, I expected that.

Or she's like, okay, sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. I'm glad. No, she was like, she was like, yeah, like this. And she even called it. She was like, this is a patch job. She's like, if you really want to like fix your alignment, um, we like, it'll take three weeks or whatever.

You, you see me once a uh once a week for three weeks but she was like you're gonna leave here with no pain i was like how did this even happen and she was just like you nothing was aligned and now i aligned it you know they say that but i never really believe. And the entire time of that three and a half hours, I think she only did two of like the big loud cracks where you're like, I feel like what I thought a chiropractor was, and I'm going to get in trouble for even recommending chiropractors, which I don't think I do recommend chiropractors, but I recommend this one. For your specific problem too, because I'm sure there are people who have had back pain

for like 10 years and they've seen chiropractors and it doesn't work. I think what I couldn't get through to my doctors was that like my spine didn't always look like that. Like they, it seemed like they thought it was a chronic problem. And this lady was like this, you know, there was a kind of an event that made you injured. Yeah. And she, and she was like, you asked your muscles to work for you while this one was hurt. So all these other ones were overcompensating and they pulled your pelvis up. She got it to go back down.

Like my body looks different in the mirror now. And then when you go to your physical therapist the next time, do you sort of just fire them on the spot? Do you sort of laugh at them? Do you say that they're completely useless and broken? I was like, why are we having me do clam shakes? You idiot. Why did you give me the little yellow plastic band when you could have just yanked my hip into alignment?

There's so much weird medical things that I'm learning as an adult now that things are going wrong. Some doctors totally disagree with other doctors. Some doctors just don't know what they're talking about. Some are actually good. Unless you go to Reddit or Yelp or hear what what 50 people have said, like you just have no idea. Like now I'm just convinced that I have like tight hip flexors and I like, you know, bought a weird little hip hook thing that I'm going to try to work on to make my legs better. But I feel like all of this stuff is so like you got on this nasal tip a long time ago.

You've been thinking of, you've been talking about breathing out of your nose instead of your mouth for a month, right? Months actually. Yeah. And I've been doing that as as such but it's and do you feel like all of your any all of your health problems stem from the way you breathe where i feel like all of my health problems stem from my weak ass mine was localized to my nose i think but like yeah maybe like dental things like you said you got a root canal recently. Oh yeah, this was the other. So this was the

thing that happened when it was. So while your back was hurting, you got a root canal, which is the other thing people say is the most painful thing in the world. Right. My back is flaring up. My back is super painful. I am going to do that cold plunge with Micah. We're at Starbucks picking up breakfast

and just all of a sudden out of nowhere I had like my tooth just like started throbbing. I was like, oh my God, like what could that possibly be? It felt like so much pressure. I couldn't even touch it. It hurts so much. Out of the blue from zero to that? Yeah. And this was, and I was like, I need to see my dentist immediately. I'm calling them. They're closed because it's Christmas. I can't see them for six days. And I'm like, what can I do in the meantime? They're like, all you can do is take Tylenol. Have you noticed that a lot of your medical things happen around Christmas?

Do they? Like your foot surgery was also around the holidays. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And like the last time you had a weird tooth thing where it was like really painful. You said it was the worst pain in your life. Wasn't that also when you had COVID around the holidays? Around December. Yeah, right around just after Christmas or maybe right before.

Yeah. Yeah, I got my wisdom teeth out. I don't, yeah, that is weird. I think I shouldn't live in a cold climate. Yeah, though, I think it's the freezing air that's sort of changing your body chemistry or something you have to move to mexico during the cold winter months ideally but yeah then i i went to the dentist after after the chiropractor so my back was good at that point and i was a little sad because i'm like well now i'm going to have like us my mouth is going to be completely fucked right um but it ended up the root canal ended up not

being nearly as bad as i thought it was gonna be what i think i built it up exactly the instead of like uh a filling like on your actual tooth they're actually like drilling inside the tooth to the nerve and giving you a filling on the inside of your tooth. On one tooth? Yeah. Yeah. On this, on my incisor.

Yeah, right here. I can see why they would say, and like, that's what prevent the nerve ending from ever feeling pain or something. Yeah. Well, I'm not entirely sure.

Or like there's a cavity inside there. And like, I think what had happened to Or like there's a cavity inside there. And like, I think what had happened to my tooth was the nerve ending was dying. They called it a necrotic tooth. So I was, I was lucky. The pain that I felt for that three days leading up to the dentist appointment was actually my nerve dying. So by the time they did the root canal and they drilled into my tooth, they didn't, like, I couldn't feel anything in there anyway. But I think it's very painful if you still have a little bit of nerve, like, if your nerve is exposed or something. Yeah. So you had a bum back and a dead tooth, but now you have a fine back and the tooth is

still dead, but it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt. Yeah. I was sitting there just as they were drilling into my mouth thinking how tragic the human body is like especially we're all just slowly as we gear towards you're almost 40. i'm past that hill yeah we're all just had such a vision of like you know there's some day there's gonna be like one of those surgeries where you're getting wheeled in and they're like maybe maybe you'll make it. Maybe you won't make it. God bless you. You actually sound really sick. You're not long for this world. You're awful.

It is like just sitting there so helpless with somebody just drilling your mouth. I hope this dentist knows what they're doing. Actually, you probably should have gotten the chiropractor to just sort of realign your tooth and then you wouldn't have to do the root canal at all or at least keep the dentist in alignment so she didn't slip or anything uh okay so how does it stand right now

your back still doesn't hurt yeah my back my back feels fine i i have like it very intentionally not started uh doing like the exercise that i was doing before though yeah like no more no more lunges or tennis. Are you gun shy? I still don't trust. Like it feels good, but it feels like it's on a hair trigger. Like I could do something to fuck it back up.

So I've just been doing my PT religiously. Yeah. And strengthening my piriformis and my pelvic floor. Yeah. My hip flexors. Yeah. The old ass. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot to this medical world that we still have to learn. Like every time I research something, it's like, actually, this thing is caused by this thing. And don't listen to your doctor. Do this thing instead. It's just such a huge, mysterious world that's going on inside of us. Yeah. But hell, nothing a couple ibuprofen and a positive attitude can't fix.

I took four Valium this morning before I started recording and they're starting to where I don't feel it at all anymore. Now this is just what I need to get by. Amazing. I would love to realign you. I can get your neck on straight. I can get your nostrils on correct. Yeah. If I went to the, if I went to your chiropractor and she looked at me, would she be also like, Ooh, there's some work to be done? Or she's like, if you don't feel any pain, you're fine. No, she would say there was work to be done. She noticed when I took off my shirt, she was also like, Oh, your right shoulder sits a little lower than your left. That's probably like an old injury. But she was like, uh, it's good to address

all of these things now because you know, people will be 70 and they'll be like, why does my shoulder hurt? And it's like, well, because you've been walking around with it not in alignment for four years or that's what i need that preventative back pain thing because yeah it's coming have you ever had a sore back i don't think i've ever seen your you in back pain i've never had like sore back like you had where i'm like bedridden but i've had like sore backs like yeah like from tennis or whatever my my strains are like more like lower leg like sore backs. Like, yeah, like from tennis or whatever. My, my strains are like more like lower leg, like hamstring tightness. Like I can't touch my toes.

Right. Yeah. I can touch those. I can touch your toes. I can kiss your toes. Fucking, I would like that. Can I kiss your small toe on the next podcast episode? I think that's what's ailing me.

That I haven't gotten a chance to kiss your piggy toe. I can align you. God damn, you're creepy, but you're good. Same time next week. I'll let you kiss my feet if it means I don't feel pain at all. Yeah. Okay, let's take another break now that we're still alive. And I guess we'll do a comedic segment in addition to the medical updates. Yeah.

Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. And I guess we'll do a comedic segment in addition to the medical updates. Yeah. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology?

Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one first stop, one stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI.

You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available.

Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed.

Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah, vision lifters with a Z.

And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments.

Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. All right, we're back. One last medical thing I didn't even mention because there's been so much happening. You have cancer. Yeah, just a real flippant.

I totally forgot to mention this part. No, not cancer, thankfully yet. But I got my COVID booster and for whatever reason, this one hurt me more. Like I always have bad reactions to the COVID booster, but this one had me like vomiting a lot. Vomiting? Yeah. Throwing up. Wow. Yeah. So I was sort of shaking and cold, really hot, but shivering, throwing up and feeling like this was my life now. Like maybe the COVID booster got me sick. That's the interesting thing about being sick. When you're sick, you can't imagine feeling better.

And when you're well, you can't really imagine what it feels like to be sick. Yeah. The cool thing about the COVID booster, in addition to the fact that it hopefully keeps me from ever getting serious COVID, is the fact that as strong as it is for the day after, which was yesterday for me, one day after that, I feel fine. So like, it's sort of like, it's sort of like a hangover where you're no longer hung over. You're like, I feel like I have a new lease on life. So while it's happening, I think I did. Right. And I think I read that if you have a really strong reaction

to the vaccine, that's actually good because it means your antibodies are building up. That'd be great because that means I have maximum antibodies because I was sort of half dead, half alive for a day. And that wouldn't give you any pause on getting the vaccine next time? It would today. Like I wouldn't want to get one tomorrow, but I bet in a year I'd be like, oh, I forgot that I couldn't open my eyes for a day or I would have a migraine. I guess that sort of sounds familiar, but I'm not really sure. That's me in the Tdap vaccine. In six more years when it expires, I'll be like, it wasn't that bad.

I just thought I was dead for an afternoon. You actually were dead for an hour. That's the only difference. Yes. Yes. Okay. Enough about me and my body. I sold two ads in addition to the ads that we just did during the

ad break i've been monetizing this show as you guys know in a segment we like to call a mere selling ads uh and i wrote the copy for you to read okay these were ads that i sold and wrote the body of the actual advertisement so you provided the copy and you did this outside of Gumball, HeadGum's proprietary ad tech. It's all part of the fucking Marty lawsuit. Like he wants me here and gone at the same time. I can't sell ads for the show

because it has to work through the system. Okay. Well, he doesn't listen to the meat of the episodes. But you're doing it in cash on the side. Yes. So that we can get paid in addition to the payment that we received during the ad breaks. Okay. So it looks like this one is from your ENT, the nose balloon guy. Yep.

Yep. Yeah. The nose balloon guy. Okay. I'm ready. It looks like you, so you're reading this along with me, right? Oh, yeah. Let me, I have to interject at a certain part because that was the approved ad copy.

Okay. You can start. There's two ads. We'll start with the first, of course. Hey, chuckle fuckers. By the way, that's a derogatory term for a comedy club groupie that hangs out with the hope of fucking a comedian. This episode is brought to you by a completely new thing. You know anal fissures?

Yeah. That's a small tear in the thin, moist tissue that lines the anus. Uh, okay. So this is a pizza fissure. That's right. A small hair in the moist tissue that lines the anus. I really don't understand. Rabbit fishers are the one-stop shop to let mom and pop adopt

and buy, sell, trade hares, pygmy rabbits, and yes, even Jersey lops. The way it works is simple. How? Simply put, the buyer and seller agree. Simply put, the buyer and seller agree on the price, value, joy, cost of the mammal in question. Once 10 vendors have placed their bids, the Chinese auction or penny raffle for short can begin.

Lowest bid is worth one, then three, nine, 19, and so on until all bids are bunked winner take all and the rabbit is executed sorry rabbit deal is executed oops that would have been one messy mistake wait i'm confused of course you are just sign up today with our coupon code chinese auction or penny raffle for short that is coupon code chuck fucker for one free bid on all jersey hoppers or better thanks china okay that was good how much cash did you get for that that one was uh 190 dollars split that's not worth it i feel like any of that could be clipped and spread and i could easily be canceled for some of the stuff that I was saying. And I was just reading the copy. But at the end of the day, it was even after we split, that's like 80 bucks for me. And that's not really enough.

Well, we split with HeadGum. So it's half to HeadGum. You sell these on the side and why does any of it go to HeadGum? You're selling it in cash on the side. So you're still giving $80 to Marty and you and I are splitting. So we're walking away with 40 bucks. $42.50 each. What?

$42.50 each. $42.50 each for me to advocate for the death of a rabbit via a Chinese ox. This next one is not really a product, but a service. We've all read the tweet from CryptoBore420. I'm started. Yeah. Okay. Let's stop.

So the last one I did was thanks, China. Now this one's a new ad. Yeah. Okay. We've all read the tweet from CryptoBear420. From here until 48K is complete bear trap range until the announcement. And if the ETF is approved, dildo to 51.9K. ETH dildo to 4K.

Sol dildo to the moon. Excuse me? Why do you get to be the excuse me guy? I think for whatever reason, that copy that I choose, they usually cast you as the spokesman. You get to be the confused party that doesn't approve of this stuff. And then they want you to be the spokesman for the brand. But how can we tell

which cryptocurrency to buy? Some are weird shit coins like Elon Cumcoin, and some are legit like Elon Cumrocket. But how can we tell which cryptocurrency to buy? God, that's redundant.

Why are these things so pornographically titled? Worry not, plebes. I have a newsletter that will guide you on your journey to getting rich quick. Jake's cash newsletter for turning pennies into nickels is available right now. A lot of these technically require the user to use Binance to see the forest from the trees, but that's a quasi legal site that requires social security number, two-factor authentication. So maybe it's better if you give me your social security number and I'll handle the rest. So you want people to sign up for the newsletter or to hand you their social security number? Their socials may work better because I'm honestly not sure I have the wherewithal mighty than to get this Jews letter off the ground.

But why don't we make it even my social security number is 843-49 i'm not going to read the rest of it bud that's right come on that and then you want me to repeat it that's 843-49 and then i'm not reading the rest now give me yours and i'll give you cash but first you need to give me a little juice worth squeezing myself. I'm sorry, what? Yeah, why do you get to say what? You wrote this. I don't even have...

Meaning I'll be your money manager, but you need to do something for me. So here's the final offer. Asked and answered. You give me a thousand and I can turn it into half a mil and you can keep 100K and I get the rest. These are high risk, low reward, wish they were penny stocks.

Odds are they're going to zero and fast. But the risk is pretty low for you, a thousand bucks, and the reward is great. But if I'm not willing to, how do we say financially share it? Okay, what's the call to action what is the call to action zeller cash out me a thousand dollars and include your social security number in the notes portion but there's a chance i will spend it on cigarettes nice all right thank you uh that was obscene. I hated reading that. Well, usually we get to- That was some kind of weird stream of consciousness.

Like- A lot of these come in and we can like, yeah, we can like say yes or no. Yeah. I didn't get to approve the advertiser on that one, which I think was just me asking for people to Zelle me or Venmo me their Soches. This one's like a multi-level thing. So if you get $1,000, we owe them 900. We keep the 100 and then they invest it. Right.

But if they actually do turn into- I don't even think it's multi-level. It seems really surface. It's not like a pyramid scheme. It's a trapezoid. Yeah. So it is a pyramid, but then it's a pretty flat- It's a hole, I think.

It's a mesa on top, like a flat sort of topped mountain. Yeah. So it is a pyramid, but then it's a pretty flat. It's a hole, I think. It's a mesa on top, like a flat sort of topped mountain. Yes. The layer above it is a cousin of mine who does do this stuff, the investing of the money. So we would keep. Yeah, exactly. We would keep $300 of the 400K that he wins. And then we would give the other people the 100K. We would get 300.

Why am I reading these ads? We're getting nothing i think because in success slash perpetuity they end up like yeah it's passive income basically post-read ads are like built on trust like we're not gonna be able to keep on selling ads if we're talking about i think murdering cares and just selling asking people to venmo us cash to buy shit coins. Yeah. But these are separate. I should say these are separate from like the BetterHelp Athletic Greens,

normal standardized ads that go through the gumball service that we use. Right. Those are sort of side hustles that we are able to get through me and Jake's personal connections. Me and yours. Yours alone. Mine specifically. I have nothing to do with this. All right.

I think we learned a lot today. Yeah. Yours alone. Mine specifically. I have nothing to do with this. All right. I think we learned a lot today. Yeah, we did. Between fixing my back and fixing your nostrils, I feel like we're one step away from being the perfect duo. Yeah. We learned about our bodies and our character. And our minds, really. Mm-hmm. Feeling better than ever.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. These are, of course, on YouTube, so you can watch as you listen. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Or listen as you watch. We really don't care. It doesn't matter to us.

It's all cash from Binance in the end of the day. Again, leave your social security number in the comment section of this YouTube video. And Zell, Jake, or Cash App, $1,000 today. Thank you in advance. For more of us, you can check out our Patreon, patreon.com. There's actual content there for you guys to watch. Yes. Speaking of giving us cash, you can do that for content over on Patreon.

And we'll be back, of course, next week as always. Yeah. Stay alive, everybody. That was a Hiddem Original.