Segments - 15: Jake's Solo Weekend

Episode Date: February 12, 2024

In this episode we talk about virtual reality, current reality, and play the celebrity game.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet

set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad

at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number, so you have to edit it out, okay?

Let's hear it. 0913662. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in, but we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. too. Now you have to edit it out. But we'll see you guys there. Now here's one more effort for only positive motivations, they swear! Second, another podcast. Second, each app different from the last. Second, it's the Swiss Army knife of shows.

Now let's meet your two emphatic hosts. Second. It is nice to be positive to us. That negative self-talk was really getting me down. Yeah, I was using it as a mantra, an amanchi. Right, amanchi mantra. Shout out to Ferris. Actually, people are not complaining that it should be going back to the negative one. So I wonder if Ferris can do an even nastier one to us where it really goes over some insecure slash existential trauma we have.

Right. One that sings about how we'll just do whatever anybody asks of us. We'll make it nice. We'll make it mean whatever you say. Just don't make me irrelevant, please. You can't please them all. But we'll try. We'll do our best. I have dramatic lighting here today because Avital did an audition yesterday,

so I just kept it up. Oh, it's not because of the storm? There's like actual, you're lit. Yeah, I'm lit it up. Oh, it's not because of the storm? There's like actual, you're lit. Yeah, I'm lit, fam. And actually, I can choose options. If you're watching on YouTube, this is sort of a hybrid cool warm. This one is just warm. This one's just cool.

And this one's a hybrid. I like the hybrid. You look great. Hybrid's nice. Yeah. And I put some foundation and makeup, and I was able to smooth out. I did Botox on my forehead. So I smoothed out, and then I did eyebrows.

I dyed my hair. Yeah, your triangle of sadness gone. Yeah, and I whitened and widened my smile. Yeah, you got jaw surgery. I got jaw surgery. And I got lip plumpers. It looks like you got lip plumper. Yeah, I was going to say.

Yeah, my lips are like super plump and i've been texting a bunch of celebrities it actually interestingly to me it doesn't look it looks like they you got them rather than filled you got them reversed like your your bottom lip is clearly on the top and your top lip is on the bottom now that's fascinating my lips thinned. You think anybody's ever done that? You probably could, you know, do a little stitch down here on the bottom. What are lips? Like just a completely separate kind of skin, right? It's a sphincter opening.

Are lips a sphincter? I don't think so. I think a sphincter is a circular muscle. Lips are like, they're just pink. It's an orifice. It's an opening. It's a pink opening, yeah. It's a hole.

But no other part of your body is pink like that. Like you wouldn't ever have a lip on your ass. Don't you have a pink little asshole? You don't have a pink little asshole? A tiny, cute, pink little bum? Let's see your ass. I don't want to show it. I don't want to show it right now let's see your little pink guy i'm embarrassed too all right this is segments finally a show about us just waxing and waning philosophical right and waning literally yeah

sometimes it's a game sometimes it's a con. Sometimes it's a convo. Sometimes it's a mystery guest. You never know what's going to happen in segments. And I guess that's part of the charm slash appeal. Right. And you suggested a segment today, the game Ghost, which just made me think of like car games. And then I was thinking about that celebrity game where you say a celebrity and the last letter of the last name, you have to say a celebrity whose name starts with that letter. And you said that we couldn't play because it would go on forever because you know thousands or hundreds of celebrities. And then you said R, and I was like, I could only think of Regina Spector, who I don't know.

I don't know why that name is part of me. Roger Rabbit. So I think it's going to last a lot shorter than you think. And you think it's going to last a lot longer than I think. Yeah, I guess the answer will be somewhere in between. The real limiting factor is how long we have to think of a name. Like if you give me five minutes, I'll think of one. But if it has to be done in the next five seconds, then maybe I'll blank. Yeah. I mean, I think it should be five to 10 seconds.

Okay. We can call it 10 seconds. Okay. I would say let's do a practice round. But again, the practice round might last five, 10, 15 minutes. Right. And you said I can only use super famous athletes, right? I can't just use anybody I know in the sports world. Right. I think, and I'm just going to trust you, because I think it's okay if I don't know the sports person, but I think you have to be honest with yourself. You know when you're naming an esoteric one. I feel like you do it all the time on Twitter. You do it as a joke sometimes. You know which ones are a little less relevant. Well, let's start like 10 out of 10, Tom Brady. You know that, right? Yeah. Yeah. Tom Brady.

9 out of 10. Have you heard of Charles Barkley? Yeah. I would consider him also a 10 out of 10. 8 out of 10. I mean, you know who Manny Ramirez is, obviously. Yeah, but I see you're going back in time a little bit. So that's an old star. But he was a 10 out of 10 in his time. Yeah, 7 out of 10. You know who James Worthy is? I don't think that's a 7 out of 10.

I don't know who James Worthy is. I think I should know everybody up to a 5 out of 10. Who is James Worthy? Yeah, he played with magic johnson what about drew bledsoe yeah i know that name you know the name drew bledsoe but you don't really know from what and why right yeah okay um but you would like do you know stan warrenka that's uh that's a i think that's a swiss tennis player yeah well that's that's the thing stan warrenka is probably less famous than James Worthy. You just know him better.

Interesting. Yeah. I guess maybe so. But I think they have to be, if it's an old sports star, they have to be, have been really good. Like Stan Wawrinka in 15 years, me saying his name, I don't think people know who that is. A lot of people don't know who he is now. Right. Yeah. But you've got to watch Stan is now right yeah but you gotta watch stan's game you've gotta watch stan's best backhand in the what since 2015 at least easily easily uh okay all right so we're gonna get started by the way when you said tom brady i couldn't think of anyone that started with the y so why i think the game's

gonna yeah it's gonna go by quick. I guess the trick is to nudge you into a Y or an X name and that's really hard. Yeah. I mean, X is impossible. Yeah, there's like Xaviers and

I don't know. Are there any other X names? I can think of a porn star that starts with an X. That counts. As long as she's more famous than Drew Blood, so yeah. She's definitely made more films.

Yeah. Okay, let's get started. Oh yeah, are there stakes? Do you want to sing a song after this? I was thinking $100, but do you want to sing? Which one's scarier? I would rather give you $100 than sing, I think. Yeah, would you rather sing?

The loser has to either pay $100 or sing a song. So you'll decide. Okay, and you get to choose. Wow. Okay. Me go first? I go first? Dwayne.

Tom Brady. Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Nick Nolte. That's with an E? Yeah. I knew you were going to fucking do an E. Just kidding. Okay.

Ewan McGregor. Try coming up with one with an R. You fucking idiot. Ryan Reynolds. Good. But you should have never given me an S. Sarah Michelle Geller. Bet you're running out of R's now, aren't you?

Rob McElhaney. Ooh, with a Y. Yeah, y yeah i did him with the y except the y except i did think of one y last time yasmin bleeth yasmin bleeth that's right horatio Sands with a Z really nice thank you really nice but I've got Zendaya on deck just Zendaya one name

that's right Zendaya Amir Johnson who plays for the Celtics. Okay. Another N. Nick Cage. Eric Stonestreet. Ooh, a T.

T. Tina Turner. Ryan Phillippe. Another E. Evan Rachel Wood. Because I already said Ewan McGregor. Yeah. Wood is good. Yeah.

David. Can't think of a David. Yeah. Derek. Donald Glover. And our Regina Spectre. Rachel. Or Dr. Ruth.

Ruth, whatever her last name is. Okay. Well, you can't say whatever her last name is because I need the last letter of it to... Just do Ruth then because you did Zendaya. Okay, fine. Shit, H. You already did Horatio Sanz? Yeah, that was the only H you did. Harrison Ford.

Hit him with a D. Yeah. Darren... Darren... Darren... Hit him with a D. Yeah. Darren Williams. Do you know that? It's a basketball player. Kind of obscure. Pretty obscure. I'll veto it.

Okay. Danny DeVito it. No. I don't want the O. Our good friend from Fired Mr. Oliver Platt that's nice

Tom Kavanaugh with an H at the end who's Tom Kavanaugh? oh nice okay so we've done Horatio we've done Harrison um Han Henry Oh, nice. Okay, so we've done Horatio. We've done Harrison. Henry Ford. Harrison Ford and Henry Ford.

The dude's famous. He's car famous. Are you not going to let me say Henry Ford? Drink. How do you come up with another? Yeah. All right. Ewan McGregor's little brother, Evan McGregor. Is that an actual person?

No. Okay, but I can Elizabeth Shue. Elizabeth Shue. You're a goddamn Elizabeth Shue to me. Aaron Brockovich. elizabeth shoe you're a goddamn elizabeth shoe to me um aaron brockovich another h yeah this is how you pass time on a road trip yeah this is why and you're right it is taking longer than i thought it was going to be yeah it's still like we're it's still like we're not even in Hartford yet. We have to get all the way to Hyatt. Those are two H's, by the way. H. H.

Shouldn't really be a problem. I like literally can't. And time. No, not time. And time. Not even time. I was making a joke. I was making another.

I'll give you 10 seconds. Hillary, rotten, Clintoninton that's good um nah hillary rotten duff nicole kidman another end okay um um nine nick cannon nick cannon nick cannon stop counting down i said nick cannon nicholas braun 10 another n uh six nancy myers uh sean uh hayes seven no that doesn't count seven six it's from uh he's from will and grace oh i thought we were talking about i thought it was one of the guys from hollywood handbook yeah sean and hayes yeah yeah yeah i, I know. Okay. S. Nine. Eight. Did I already say Sarah Michelle Gellar?

Sarah McLachlan. No. Ten. Nine. Eight. Nine. Eight. Seven. Nice.

Six. Near. Five. Four. Three. Macy Nash. Niecy Nash. Niecy Nash. Ten.

Napoleon Bonaparte. Nine. Napoleon Bonaparte. Seven. Six. Don't keep counting. Don't keep counting. Niecy Nash ends with an H.

Three. Oh, does it really? Two. Hilary Duff. Fred Savage. Ten. With an E. Nine.

Eight. Ethan Allen. Seven. Ethan Allen. Ethan Allen the store. E.E. Cummings then. Elizabeth Berkley. No, Elizabeth Berkley. Final answer. Why? That's a why. E.E. Cummings then. Elizabeth Berkley. No, Elizabeth Berkley. Final answer. Why?

That's a why. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5. Young Ho Kim, the Korean kicker. From what? He's on the Chargers. I don't know. He's a field goal kicker.

Okay. Okay. Max. Mark. Hoppus. Stevo. Is that another O? Yeah, just an O. O. Nine. just an O. O- Nine.

Eight. Seven. Osmond. Six. Oliver. Five. Four. Orville.

Three. Two. Owen Wilson. Oh my god. Owen Wilson. That was really close. Yeah. N. Ten. Nine. close. Yeah. N, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

With a T. 10, 9, 8, 7. Terry Bradshaw. Walt Whitman. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2. Neil Young. Wow. Gary Vaynerchuk with a K. Three. Neil Young. Wow.

Gary Vaynerchuk with a K. With a K. How does Clive Owen spell his last name? It's definitely a C-L-I-V-E. Owen is just the normal way, though. Nine. Okay. Eight. Seven.

Six. Five. Karl Marx. Nine, eight, seven, six, five. Karl Marx. Xavier McDaniel. Who's this basketball player? Okay. Leonard Nimoy. With a Y. That's right.

Yadier Molina. Nine. he's a catcher in baseball i don't know that yadier molina i don't know if that should count army hammer with an r five right randall park with another k kerry russell what's an l for you yeah ten um nine lance armstrong a g gary oldman that's another n 10 9 8 7 6 noel well who is on Stevie Nicks. Another X. Oh, shit. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Xander Bogarts.

1. Sing to me, dude. You have to sing to me dude you have to sing to me wow or you can just who can get the x it's really what it comes down to yeah yeah xander is a baseball player but kind of obscure i think xander i'll give it to you yeah xander Xander. I don't even know about Xander. Yeah. Xander Bogart is an Aruban baseball shortstop. I'll have you know.

What team does he play for? The San Diego Padres of all teams. He was on the Red Sox. Three-time All-Star. Almost should count. But I'll end it. He is playing now. AllStar. Almost should count. But I'll end it. He is playing now. All right.

Almost should count. He was the MVP in 2018. Oh, sorry. No, that just means he was the 13th for MVP. That's pretty low. Yeah, pretty low. Okay, fine. You want $100 or a song?

That sounds like the opening line for a poem. Fine. You want $100 or a song? Honestly, I should just give you $100 because the segments lasted too long. For it to now go to a song. Yeah. I feel like anybody listening wants to hear the song. Yeah, $100 is just sort of a private mini shame that may or may not happen. Yeah. I feel like anybody listening wants to hear the song.

Yeah. $100 is just sort of a private mini shame that may or may not happen. The song is like, you know, the more performative, exciting part slash embarrassing part. And what song would you want to sing? I don't know. The Disney song was pretty good. How many like we did? We did a whole new world. No, we did One Jump from Aladdin. One Jump, yeah. He's in your range. Right. And that's it so far, right? That's right. I have had it in my head that if I ever lose, I would sing April Come She Will by Simon and Garfunkel because it's one of my favorite songs, but it's also very, very short.

Interesting. I don't know that song. Well, then you can't sing it, but it is. It's a gorgeous, gorgeous song. Yeah, I don't want to sing a gorgeous song. What if I sing? All right, I'll sing Longcember since it's raining right now great this is a counting crow song yep i love this song it's a great song yeah it's a great song it's a really good song and i'm gonna fucking turn it into an incredible song. Yeah.

It's not that short. I'm surprised you picked it. Yeah. Now that I'm reading the lyrics, it's kind of really long, actually. Yeah. Go ahead. Okay. This is A Long December written by Adam Duritz.

When a song is on the line, you've lost every time. And I only lose when it's cash. I can only lose tunes, and you lose toonies. $2 in Canadian money. That's right. Ready? Oh. Starts with kind of an instrumental, but of course, I'll go acapella.

Long December. That's good. I like when it starts with like the, yeah, like that name of the song is the first. Don't editorialize. I think just sit back and sing. And you do remember, you do have to give it your all. So like don't phone it in. That's part of the bet is that you have to really sing this in earnest.

Right. Xander Bogerts, by the way, is okay. It doesn't matter. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Long December and there's reason to believe. Maybe this year will be better than the last. The last.

You can't remember. The last thing that you said is you were leaving. Now the days go by so fast. Take your time with it. And it's one more day up in the canyons. And it's one more night in Hollywood. If you think I could be forgiven

wish you would na na na na na na na na na yeah yeah smell hospitals in winter

and the feeling that it's all a bunch of oysters. But no girls. But no girl. All at once you look across a crowded room. Come on. To see the way that light attaches to a girl. I'll give you fifty dollars

to stop now and it's one more day up in the canyons and it's one more night in Hollywood

you're not singing if you think you wanna come to California I think you should na na na

na na na na na na yeah I think you should. Why not? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after 2 a.m. and talked a little while about the year. I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower, makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her and it's uh been a long december and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last i can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass.

And it's one more day up in the canyon. And it's one more night in Hollywood. It's been so long since I've seen the ocean. I guess I should. Yeah, yeah. Na-na-na-na. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na, yeah. The smell of hospitals and winter.

All right. At least I like the song. Yeah. Love Adam Durton is yes. It's a really good song. It's a really good stuff. It's a really the song. Yeah. Love Adam Durst and his yes. It's a really good song. It's a really good stuff. It's a really good song. Yeah.

Yeah. Cool. Do you want to call it for the episode? I think we got to do another segment. Really? Let's sing Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones and me. I want to lose. I'm ready to Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones and me. I want to lose.

I'm ready to sing. Yeah, maybe next game. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it.

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Cool guys. All right, we're back. Enough fun and games. Now we're singing and dancing. Yeah. That was embarrassing. For you, man, that was awful. That was shameful.

I was trying to be polite, but you don't have it. Yeah. And you picked a song that was going to showcase all of your weak points. I mean, you have no showmanship. You have no bravado. You have no gravitas about you. There's no soul behind it. There's no soul behind your eyes.

There's no soul, yeah. Right. The eyes are a window to the soul, and you're blind. Right. You should have sung, like, More Money, More Problems or something, just so you can, like, rap. I don't know what they want from me is just

oh i sent you a song that would be the hardest song to sing for this game oh yeah um wasn't it i forget that guy's name yeah that song is so good that song is so good it's crazy and he fucking dominates and he sings like freddie mercury slash saloon dion yeah i feel like that song came out when i was in high school or college or something you know i only found out about it recently because it's a a popular it was like a popular tiktok meme like a year ago so then they discovered the song retroactively that song is it's doing a lot that song i am seeing my friend gilly yeah okay so this is a segment called um tell me about your last weekend or something.

Okay. Wherein you, for the first time, how old is Gemma, your daughter? She is eight and a half months old. Okay. For the first time in eight and a half months, you took care of her without Jill. That's correct. That's correct. So Jill was there for eight months straight.

Yeah, right. No, never ever has Jill slept away from the baby. I've done it a couple times, gone on tour, etc. Baby does not need me. She still thinks I'm her uncle. To the point where when Jill was going away, I kept on saying, I'm going to babysit Gemma this weekend. And she's like, it's just childcare. It's just you will be with your daughter this weekend. Stop calling it babysitting. I'm taking care of Jill's daughter this weekend. Yeah. I know that she's my daughter, but it is – watching her, I'm just calling it babysitting.

But yeah, like I – nobody trusted me with a baby nobody trusted me jill was like i didn't trust myself jill was leaving uh for miami she was going to miami for three days so two nights friday saturday sunday thursday night friday night and saturday night leaving thursday coming back sunday yeah it's not like you did a baby step of like, let's, let me leave for a day. Was there a talk of, I can come back early if necessary? Yes. There was a lot of talk of like, I will come back early. A voicemail at 2 a.m. that night.

Well, the entire time leading up to it, like Jill, it was like a game of chicken. Like Jill was like, I'm going to go on this trip. And I was like, yeah, okay. Like book it. We'll see if you actually go. And then she's like, I'm going to book it. We'll see if you actually go and then she's like i'm gonna book it we'll see if you let me leave you know like just like both of us it was like we were playing a game of pretend with neither of us actually ever thinking she was gonna leave like jemma just

she never ever wanted a bottle like i think i wasn't ever a bottle like jill had to yeah yeah she i think at four weeks old i gave her a bottle but as soon as she had like her she could decide when her like sucking reflex would go in or you know whether whether or not she wanted to suck on it she would spit the bottle out she was not interested she would only so when she only took i like, maybe five or six months. Okay, so she's been doing a bottle for a few months. Yeah, she lets the nanny give her a bottle during the day, but Jill, like, still nurses her when she's going to sleep. And for whatever reason, whenever I try to give her a bottle,

she's just like, not you. You don't have it. You're an imposter. You're not him. Get the fuck out. And then, so before Jill left, we're like, let's do a test. I'm going to, Jill is home. I'm going to go upstairs and try to put Gemma down.

Like Jill does it all the time. How hard can it be? It sounded like I was murdering her. Like it was... This was a Wednesday or Tuesday before? Yeah, this was like Tuesday before she left. Okay. She, as soon as we go upstairs, she starts just going like, huh, huh, just like looking around like this is wrong.

Something's not right here. I go to her room. I shut the door. This is all stuff Jill does. And she just starts she goes batshit she's just like screaming she knows she knows something is off yeah she's calling my bluff and I at a certain point I stopped even trying to put her down I'm just like standing there like holding her trying to get her to stop crying but really I'm just like holding her as close as I can

to the door so jill feels sorry enough for me to come in is this okay because she's gonna yell so loudly till miami how on earth is this gonna is this gonna happen we were just like i think she's she's too smart for us to like play this game with her um we just have to like you have to actually not be here and you know it's people have done this for a long time like yeah and sometimes babies cry go to fall asleep yeah she'll go to sleep she'll go to sleep it might be hard on me but um and it might be like stressful for her but she's ultimately she's gonna go to sleep and it'll all be fine yeah. And then I still like up until Jill left in the morning, I thought she was going to change her mind. Yeah.

I'll take you to the airport. Yeah. But then she was just one night she was gone. And didn't reply to my texts or calls for a week. So first night. First, I mean, it all, it went so much smoother than the trial run it was like jemma it was like she took pity on me everything like it was like she was like this guy's in over his head i'm going to i'm just going to be cool like that first night for the first time ever

um i mean since she was like a month old i put the bottle near her mouth and she just like, she was like, ah, fuck it. And she drank the entire bottle. Was it four mil? She eats solid foods now too. So she's like, she can eat when Jill's not there. No, it's breast milk that was frozen. We thawed it. It's more just for comfort but she

yeah she drank it i sat in the little rocker near the crib i read her a little story she starts getting a little sleepy i lay her in the crib she falls asleep and stays asleep stays asleep and it was completely fine. Wow. But then I got too much confidence because the next night. I got cocky. You took her to the bar. Yeah. The next night we ran the whole entire thing back. I feel like she could hang.

We did it. But at like 7.30, after I put her down at like 6.30, she like wakes up and she starts crying a little bit. And I'm like, oh, I wonder if she, like sometimes she has to burp. So I'm like, I think she just has a burp in there. So I open the door to her room and it's swelteringly hot. Like for some reason, the split system had the temperature set to 88 degrees. It's too hot. like way too hot it wasn't it hadn't hit 88 but when i walked in it felt like you know i walked into like a sauna yeah it was 83 degrees in her room and you're like oh my god i made a terrible mistake oh wow this is so i didn't know

what to so i'm like she's crying i try to bur her. I opened the window to try to cool the room out. But then like, I had to take her into the hallway where it was light, like in the other, I'm just, we're just like wandering around the house at this point. And she's like getting increasingly upset, screaming at me. I'm feeling like a moron. Are you giving Joe like play by play or is it like, oh, it was fine. Or like, okay, I moved the degrees to 88 but now i opened a window do you think i should do this i'm not giving her that much play-by-play but she is looking she's in miami she knows that it's bedtime she's looking at the mom

monitor oh and then she's like the app and see it yeah she can see um like the first the first night she texted me after i was like in the room singing to jemma and jill was like it's so cute i was like you're spying on me you can't do that that's embarrassing the second i was like i see it's 88 in the corner of the room yeah you can see the temperature luckily she didn't see that part. Um, but she's like, I wonder why she's so upset. And then I told her, um, later the room was 85 degrees.

And, and then I was paranoid about it the rest of the week. Cause I'm like, I didn't set it to that. It just, for some reason, like every 30 minutes I got to check the temperature. Yeah.

So then I was checking that all weekend. Um, but no, I think, I think the biggest, the biggest like struggle was on saturday where like day three i just didn't yeah day three like i didn't really know what to do um i felt like it was a day of like just making sure jemma had everything but like always rushing. Like, so to eliminate some of the, like the factors,

I took Dingo to the doggy daycare. But like getting Gemma there, I had to get both of them in the car. By the way, this is all stuff Jill does like every single day. Yeah. So it's not a big deal for her. But for me, I'm like going to the car,

it's cold out, but like Gemma was upset getting into her jacket. I'm trying to get Dingo. So I'm like going to the car it's cold out but like jemma was upset getting into her jacket i'm trying to get the dingo so i'm like going outside with my shoes just like smushed onto the back my shoes are not on i'm wearing a t-shirt it's 28 degrees i have like my jacket over my shoulder because i'm like i can't just put i can't put this on i have to get everybody to the car i'll get dressed once i'm there and this is just to get your dog to a place where somebody else is taking care of him yeah yeah this is just so i can only have one one baby one thing one responsibility um and then twice that day like i would be driving to do an errand and she'd fall asleep so i'm like okay well i'm just gonna keep on driving because she's asleep time is precious

yeah so then i would just you can fast forward the day it's like she's not bad she's asleep. Sleep time is precious, yeah. Sleep time is like you can fast forward the day. It's like she's not mad. She's not upset. Right. She needs this. She's passed out. Yeah. And the better she sleeps during the day,

the better she sleeps at night. But like I would be in the car on the way back from dropping off Dingo. She falls asleep and a 20-minute errand turns into like just me driving around for an hour and 40 minutes circling but getting closer to my house because when she gets up,

I want to be there instead of just like time at perfect 20 minutes away yeah so like the last 20 minutes is just me going around the block in our neighborhood yeah and jill could see that too she has the light she could track me yeah by the end of it by the end of like all of these days i was just like i would put gemma in there and i there, and the house was utterly destroyed. Because you walk around, and you're like, okay, you want to play on the ground? Let's dump out all these toys, all these books. Oh, no, you don't want to do this anymore.

You're hungry. Let's go into the kitchen. But nobody's cleaning up that thing. That's usually what I do when Jill takes her somewhere. So you need two to three adults per baby. Imagine having another baby. At the end of every single day, I would come down to like,

living room is destroyed, huge mess in the kitchen, laundry's half done. Everything is just like on the floor. You gave up so much to the point where like, I was just like kicking my shoes off loose in the hallway, dingo's leashes on the ground. And what were you eating?

It took me like oh um i guess each night i ordered i ordered food oh yeah i ordered food um and uh somebody stole it off of the front porch one night which was very funny it's like it's i'm so dead tired. 9 p.m. I finally get like a burrito delivered. And I go out and it's just not there. I look at the ring and I just see a guy wander up our front steps, grab it and walk away. So I have to worry about him the rest of the weekend too. You're texting Jill. It happened again.

Yeah. The burrito thief. He's coming back for me, I think. Will you come home now? So Jill comes home on Sunday. Are you like, Jesus, thank God. I need a four-day break of my own. Yeah.

I mean, I was like, by the time she got home, I was like, oh, this is, I didn't feel like I needed a four day break, but I felt like this is going to be awesome. I can do something for myself for the first time in three days. Right. Rather than constantly be thinking at my phone as it was playing. I like was just lying on the floor on my phone as a movie was playing and somebody else was eating my burrito down the street. Did you end up ordering another burrito? That night I did, yes. Yes, I did. I had dinner at 9.30 that night. Yeah, it was great. It was worth the wait too.

All right, so now that you know how kind of doable it is, I feel like. Yeah. Isn't that the best mix? Like, you can go away for a few days, recharge your batteries, Jill can go away for a few days. Or is the lesson here, we can never leave ever again? No, I think it gets easier. I think that Jill could, like, if anything, this was harder on Jill than on me and Gemma.

She was constantly, like, looking, checking, worried. Well, she was was like you're not going to be able to do this without me or she wasn't like that dismiss she was like this is going to be really hard whatever like she was worried about us um and then when she left and I told her that the first day went well she just responded she doesn't need me now I'm definitely coming right now i'm upset but the other direction um and we bonded so we almost bonded too hard over that three days because now when i like leave the room she gets really upset and when i like um even last week or two weeks ago i was able to like give her to other people

like when jill's dad was over like like jemma would like go go or go to my my brother or whatever and then at the end of that weekend she like wouldn't go to her uncle she wouldn't go to her grandfather she just wanted to like be in my arms which was fucking awesome like you you in three days you untrained eight and a half months of bonding. And then she got home and saw Jill and started crying. Who is this stranger? She was so happy when she saw Jill. But then as soon as I, like we're all like laying on the floor in the living room

and then I stood up and Gemma was like, just jerked her head and was like looking for me. And Jill was like, oh my God, she likes you more than me now. Wow. But she doesn't. The tables have turned. i'm the bottle guy now one last question when you slept and it was just you were you like half asleep or were you able to

go into full restful sleep i can always go into full restful sleep but i normally i don't even wake up when you wake at 4 a.m to pee are you like let me go check on her are you like oh whatever she's fine i look at um yeah when i woke up in the middle of the night i looked at the monitor i wouldn't go in there but i looked at the monitor i looked at the heating system made sure that it was uh a crisp 74 in her room um but like when jill is home i'll sleep through the night and then i'll wake up and i'll be like wow jemma slept last night and she's, she was actually up at midnight two and four. Like, I don't know. I don't notice that. But when Jill was gone, I like she was crying in the middle of the night one night and I and I heard it. So I think there's something in my in my body that

unlocked when I when it knew that I was the only adult. Yeah, you had to be on call a little bit. Yeah. I remember one time Avital's mom was telling us because her brother had a baby and she's like once you have a baby you never sleep again i'm like okay let's file that away good yeah you never sleep again i think it's true but it's like i think one of the people never sleeps again. Because I... You sleep again. I sleep fine. I sleep great. Jill was always a light sleeper, and she doesn't sleep that much still.

But everything is good for me. All right. Good to know you survived. Survived and thrived and advanced. Yeah. Yeah. And next time you should come out, we can do it together. Kind of like... Keep Dingo this next time.

You don't have to give him away. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. How long was he there? Doggy daycare style. Just for the day. Just for Saturday. That's good.

Yeah. No, I wouldn't give him away overnight. I still need my guy around. I just wanted him to get his energy out. You know, it's so cold. Exercise, of course. Yeah. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show.

Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one first stop, one stop shop.

Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held.

They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday?

Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap.

Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code segments to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments, segments, you save 10% off your first first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. All right, we're back. One last segment I like to call tech talk.

Tick tock? Tech talk? No, tech talk. Right. There's a pretty exciting new bit of technology out there that I wanted to run by you slash tell you about. See what you think about it. This is the Apple glasses. Yeah, it's the Apple Vision Pro. It's their first new product since 2015 when they released the iWatch, which were you also skeptical of the iWatch?

Yes. And I still am. And I still think it sucks. And wearable tech. This is like the next evolution of that. It's basically it's goggles, VR goggles that you put on your face and it's like augmented computer system. So I thought these were already out or were they just announced and now they're like for sale? Correct. They announced it like in, I don't know, September. And then now you can actually purchase slash use. So people are buying it for $4,000 and using it like as a, they basically turn their computer into like this augmented minority report style. So it's like, I'm looking at you and then I grab it and make it bigger.

Now there's a giant big screen TV. And then I look to the right and I put my iTunes there on the wall. And then I look to the left and there's a FaceTime happening. And then I walk down the hall and I put art on the wall. So like everything is like virtual AR, VR, hybrid computer on my face. Yeah. That kind of aesthetic has never appealed to me. Like I saw that video you sent me where that guy has like a big screen and then his email, a shopping list, like pinned to his refrigerator,

but it's all like 3D. It's all digital. Yeah. Like when you watch that video, are you like, this looks awesome? When I watched the video, I'm like,

oh, I'd like to try it, but I can't imagine wearing the VR all day, every day in my house to actually access this stuff. Yeah, and does it have to be plugged in? It has to be plugged into a battery pack that you wear on your ass. So you can walk around. Yeah, I'd love to try them on. I'm not saying I wouldn't. I'm not so against it that I'd love to try them on.

I'm not saying I wouldn't. I'm not so against it that I wouldn't even try it on. But the only thing I could actually see myself using it for is VR porn. Interesting. Yeah. I'm not going to spend $4,000 on that. No. Or should you? Yeah. on that you know but like should you yeah like i don't i don't every that guy's like computer

setup where he has like three or four monitors or something i don't have a job where that is a requirement i get like 10 emails and a bunch of texts throughout the day i have a couple meetings but it's not like i don't need a second monitor let alone the ability to like pin and enlarge anything but like let's say you go to a coffee shop or you're on an airplane and you have your little laptop right if you had the goggles you can in theory have a giant big screen tv playing a football game while you're also typing an email and you don't even need the computer you're just fucking air typing on a fake keyboard you sort of get over the fact that you look crazy because you're just air typing yeah there's a virtual keyboard some people use a

real keyboard and some people are just like air typing on the virtual keyboard that comes up on your thing yeah the virtual keyboard is the first time that i'm like that's kind of cool but like yeah no you can wear it outside slash on things and i don't think i would ever get over looking like a loser so for that reason alone i'm out but also the tech aspect of it isn't even that compelling that i'm like damn i wish i wasn't so vain that i could get over it because this is so awesome so like i think it's mildly this yeah yeah mildly cool yeah no you can continue what we're saying no and you're intrigued it's mildly cool but i think the the downside of of the cost looking stupid and just the general notion of being like more plugged in than less which is

something it's something that i would not really want in my life so i'm i'm out but i think that virtual keyboard is fine the looking stupid thing did you not think about that with the airpods that you're currently wearing didn't you once think that it looked like little cigarettes in your ears oh i don't know i guess i must have i think the looking stupid thing fades as more people use it like i do remember the general sentiments like what is that like you have two little nubs in your ears and now it looks so commonplace yeah yeah i remember like the idea of seeing somebody with a bluetooth uh that that your piece was very funny and then also another cool thing you could do with the vr ar this vision pro thing you let's say you put it on

and then you go into and you're playing with jemma and it's recording the whole thing in your house then in 10 years you can put it on and like walk through your house and see Gemma there again as a little baby, as a little child. That's like disturbing. So it's like interactive videos and photos. Right. I don't think I would. I don't think my heart could handle that.

That wouldn't be good for me. Your head could. Your heart that couldn't. Yeah. that that wouldn't be good for me your head could it's your heart that couldn't yeah no that sounds like that sounds like we shouldn't have that power that's too it's going too far okay what about this interior design you walk into your room you're like click to make your wall green change your couch to this and you can literally walk around and visualize that room yeah i i guess i would need to like see it to believe it because every time i've put on like vr glasses and somebody's like doesn't this feel like you're there i'm like no it doesn't it's blurry and it hurts my head

yeah it's i've never ever felt like whoa this is this is the future. Every time I put it on, I'm like, wow, this is a weird contraption that isn't quite getting it right. Yeah. Which a lot of people are saying, this is the first gen. Imagine the first iPhone. Were you on board right away? Maybe not. It didn't look great. But then it iterates. It makes it smaller. The thing gets sharper. It lighter, it hurts less, it's less like crazy and weird. Yeah. So I'm happy that it's happening, I suppose. I'm not like, I'm not like, this is so dumb that nobody should be wearing it. It's fine by me. And if they get really, really good, I could see me trying one on. Yeah, but lighter goggles once it's already been more socially acceptable, but like, you're already starting to see people in New York walking around with them on, which is kind of crazy. Yeah. I mean, there's something sad to me about like, I'm just imagining like being at my house,

like cooking breakfast with the family. And like right now if I want to watch. Yeah. I want to watch soccer in the morning. Like, and we have a projector in the living room. I put the projector down, playing the game. And I can like go in the living room i put i put the projector down playing the game and i can like go into the kitchen i'm still listening everyone's listening it's like loud to everyone um but it feels like even though i'm doing this thing i'm still present

if i was walking around in goggles would people even talk to me in my house would they ignore me they'd have to ignore you slash shame you into taking it off. I'm like cooking eggs, but like just looking over to my right because that's where I've pinned the soccer. I'm talking to Jill at the table, but I pin the soccer game right to her face. It's Lionel Messi deep fake talking to you. Did you pick up the eggs today? Hello? Can you hear me?

Can I have your autograph? Because your brain doesn't fucking realize it's not Cristiano Ronaldo. I'll tell you what it does. It makes me not look forward to, but it makes me think about retirement or living in an old folks home someday. I will plug my shit into that, and that's what I'll do. I think I'll get into it when i can no longer be out there and experience the world i think about visiting my grandfather and his old folks home and like you know i walked in he had a roommate he's watching like a dartmouth football

game on a 15-inch tube screen tv you know and that's his like escape so i look i'm like oh i'm lucky that when i'm at like bedridden or whatever my old age i could i could look over at my roommate and that would be leonel messi and i could look at my orderly jameson changing my bedpan. And that's Cristiano Ronaldo. How cool would it be to have fucking, who's the son on Tottenham? The Korean player. Young Min Son? Yeah. Yeah.

How cool would it be to have him? Actually, that would be a good Y name. Young Min Son. Just funny. I think it starts with an H, though. Yeah, really? Damn it. Yeah.

Sing again. Yeah, I was going to say, like, to have him change your diaper or whatever. Yeah. Kind of dope. And he will, yeah. That's kind of sick. Yeah. But it's also new.

I'm also, like, intrigued enough to try it. And there is a two-week return policy. I'm like, should I just buy one, have it for a week, and return it just to, like, see what it would be like? Get it when I'm there. We can do it as a segment. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. We can go pick one up and have it, uh, two of us wearing virtual goggles looking at each

other. And it also helps with like that, like, um, like if you're in a room in New York, I'm in a room in LA, but it looks like we're in the same, we're occupying the same space. That's kind of cool. Yeah. I would be, I would definitely be intrigued. But then if people were watching the video of this podcast, um yeah i would be i would definitely be intrigued but then if people were watching the video of this podcast um we would be wearing goggles which would be great but our

screen would have our digital eyes like blinking oh really second yeah they have like a digital pass through and they say like when i play my oculus the the mini golf game it like gives me a headache after 45 minutes because it's sort of like light and rudimentary. They say that this one is so sharp and that you can wear it for hours at a time and it doesn't give you a headache. Of course, there's also some people on Twitter like the headset's too heavy. It hurt my neck. I can never wear it. So it runs the gamut. I can see that because I have Apple, the AirPod Maxes, and they're pretty heavy. I can't wear them all day.

Yeah, the headset is 28 pounds, and it's really forward. Wow. Yeah. No, let's get it for a segment when I come out. How's your back? Is it getting better? It feels— You're going to have to need—yeah, you're going to need a lot of upper back strength to hold this headset up.

Yeah, I would hate for that to condense my sacrum at all, my spinal column. Yeah. You know, I found out I have scoliosis. No, I didn't know that. Yeah. When they took an x-ray of my back to see what was up, I have a tiny little bit of scoliosis. That means your spine is sort of wavy? It has like a tiny little bit of a curve yeah it's i think it's like less than five

degrees or something so it wouldn't have like shown up on a visual test but the doctor was also like yeah i don't know why like the way they check for scoliosis is like once in seventh grade but like you haven't had your growth spurt yet and it's like yeah you might have not had it in seventh grade but did anyone ever look at you at your back again and i was like no no they didn't and i did grow like six inches between uh eighth and uh twelfth grade so yeah yeah they do they don't do a lot of things that they should and then you go into a doctor one day like did you ever do that like no nobody ever does anything yeah anyway you have a spine thing now now because nobody thinks to ever check it. So your hip might hurt forever.

So the goggles actually would help that. They would allow a doctor, a chiropractor to come in there and sort of adjust you virtually at first and ultimately. They would let me just be on bed rest for the rest of my life. I would never have to, you know, put pressure on my feet or back again. I could go hang gliding in Tangier if I wanted to. rest of my life i would never have to you know put pressure on my feet or back again i could go hang gliding in tangier if i wanted to jenna's like will you play with me i'm six years old get away from me you're not virtual quiet harry kane little harry kane wants to play with me i'm playing FIFA 29.

Fuck. You weigh 435 pounds at this point. Okay, that's enough. We've talked enough. That's tech talk. We played, we teched, we talked. I'm glad we got to the bottom of it. We're both going to get the headset today, quite frankly.

That's awesome. And if you have ideas for segments, leave them below. If you're watching this on YouTube, appreciate you. If you're listening, that's awesome and if you have ideas for segments leave them below if you're watching this on YouTube appreciate you if you're listening that's fine too hey however you consume this content as long as you're wearing a headset during during as long as you're yeah as long as you're watching during family dinner

and we are still making videos on our patreon patreon.com slash ja weekly videos sometimes we're writing jake and amir sometimes we're watching jake and amir's uh there's hundreds of videos fired yeah that's right right now where we are we are going through fired better than we remember yeah it's great it's great it holds up uh okay and we'll be back of course next week thank you for listening namaste goodbye ciao forever

bye that was a hit gum original