Segments - 155: Carpets (w/Rose McIver!)

Episode Date: May 25, 2015

Actress/Friend Rose McIver joins us to discuss dating down under and dangerous fish! This episode is brought to you by MeUndies.com and Prosper.com! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help, but this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help.

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and save extra when you bundle. With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. I'd actually suggest a name change for them. Really? Yeah. I think I got one. Okay. limited time only clothing i prefer i'd actually suggest a name change for them really yeah i think i got one okay funder wear because their underwear is fun to wear that didn't address the one concern

that i understand but it was a good pun and i felt the need to say all right going forward don't feel the need to say every pun that pops in your head. Won't feel the need to say every one except for the gold ones. And that was a gold one. It was worth saying. Namaste. Move on. MeUndies.com has stylish, affordable underwear and outerwear for men and women. Oh, Amir, they pay you to say that.

They actually just started paying you directly. So you were supposed to give me half of that money. Yeah, but no can do. No cash do. Nothing doing. So how do you get this cool stuff? How do you get these stylish, comfortable underwear? I just go onto my computer and I order it.

Okay, and where do you go? Huh? What's the URL? The URL? I can't believe they pay you directly. Thunderwear. No, dude. Dot net.

MeUndies.com slash Amir to get 20% off your first order. Or MeUndies.com slash Jake. And I'll tell you what, it works because I ordered it myself. I used it. A few weeks ago, I got five pairs of underwear. That's right. I used the code. It's weird that they call it pairs of underwear.

You really just got five underwears. Five underp pairs.org.uk it's a non-profit pair uh so check them out uh me undies.com slash amir or me undies.com slash jake uh oh no i'm stuck oil can uh tin man remember no okay he was a famous character from an old movie i actually never got around to seeing wizard of oz but it's it's in my queue so you do know it's from Wizard of Oz. Yeah, because he said Tin Man. You don't remember. Oh, I see. You don't remember that specific line. Sure. Yeah, he needs oil.

And he's saying to Dorothy. That's fine. He's mentioning to her. You don't have to go through. I know. I don't have to, but I'd like to. I know. I'd like to tell you about this.

And I'd like you to not. Okay. Absolutely. That's fair, too, right? Sure. Let's err on the side of shorter is better. Better. Because we want to get to the episode.

He wants the oil can. Rose. McIver. McIver. Oil can. Is back on this episode. We had so much fun. Things got real.

Let's just get into it. Let's get started. You got something you're dying to know. Something you're dying to know. But you know they make it up as they go. They make it up as they go They make it up as they go The rest of the week just goes so slow Waiting for the next episode

Oh, oh, your name they'll always conceive Your name they'll always conceive If I were you, it's about to get real The show's about to get real I'm so glad that Monday's here Cause now it's time for Jake and I The Super Marcato Brothers. That's a good band name.

They are two brothers named Carl and Will Brueggemann. Rose, what did you think of that? I thought it was great, but I was distracted by, I don't know what Jake's doing. He's sitting in like a weird yoga position on the floor. Yeah. You're sitting like a three-year-old would. Like he doesn't know how to use his legs yet. I'm number one, stretching out my right leg. Stretching the hammy, stretching my calves. Sure. So that's good for me. Okay. And then part two, I would ideally like to be lying back on the couch. That would be a very comfortable position. But it's too far from the Zoom recorder. Your

mic will yank it out. I like to get myself in a way where I don't have to hold the mic. And it's lucky that you're comfortable sitting on the floor here because the entire house is carpeted, including both bathrooms. Okay, that's quite enough. Shag carpeting in the bathroom. That's fine. Every time I've caught up with you guys in the last few months, you live somewhere different.

It's been getting slowly worse. No, I would say the one before this was the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're trending. Did you see our place in Santaanta monica i dodged that bullet it was uh it was an empty shell of an extended stay motel i think i'd rather an empty shell than this weird room where i felt my shell sounds pretty nice considering uh no our bathrooms are shag carpet disagree that's insane my serotonin levels just plummet as i walked into this house. This place is, if it was a color, it would be a dark gray. It is a color and it is a dark brown.

If you can imagine worse. The shag carpet in the bathrooms are dark brown. Super Marcato Brothers, thank you for writing that theme song. They're video game music composers and podcasters. And you can check out more if you go to super, M-A-R-C-A-T-O bros.com. Super Marcato bros.com. Very cool.

Rose McIver, my God, you look more beautiful every time I see you. I mean, Jesus Christ. How does a wuddy get more graceful? Can I say you look better with age? May I just make myself more comfortable on the carpet that's why i sit down here sitting the scene the house is soft which is good when did hardwood become better 1984 just easy wipe down yeah easier to clean hygiene carpets hold scent which is my

primary problem with it being in the bathroom yeah here's a here's a problem in the bathroom you know like those um what are those little bugs that are they called silverfish i don't know um they're like little ones that crawl up your phallus no that's pubic lice they don't i want bugs crawl up your phallus i don't think about them somewhere. There's someone, if you swim, if you swim in a bad river,

if you swim. In a bad river? The worst river ever. They'll crawl through, like up your phallus, you mean like from balls to tip or through your urethra into your body? The second option.

Through your urethra into your body. Is that what you were talking about is that the silverfish you were talking about in the bathroom no uh yeah silverfish they're um it's like uh it's a oh all right here we go it's a it's a small wingless insect okay okay they look like this sure they've seen these they sort of like when something's kind of dingy it'll be covered in silver when a place is like depressing and kind of is that a pincher bug they're not quite like pincher bugs i think you would imagine finding them if you had a really old library sort of like living on top of the papers of the books okay anyway there was one

in the bathroom it was um on the wall and i tried to kill it and it sort of fell into the carpeting and I couldn't find it. It's a home. So there might be just millions and billions of them inside that carpet. Remember? Guys, the thing is called the dreaded candiru, the terrifying toothpick fish.

So now we're just talking about bugs. These are the differences of the places that me and Rose are from. I'm from Connecticut where I fear silverfish, small wingless insects that do nothing. And Rose comes from New Zealand where the entire country is. Where once inside the parasite inches its way up the urethra. Dear God, man.

I'll leave it there. Easier to go in than out at that point, says the bug. Of course, of course it is. It swims upstream. So as you urinate, it actually uses the reverse current to help generate forward momentum into the bladder. Did you just look it up? Because that was on the Urban Myths defunct part of it.

Oh, it is? Yeah. What is it? They can't swim up your urine, apparently. Really? You know what I'm thinking of is microscopic salmon. Once they get into the pee hole. And that's the worst kind of river you can go in.

That's a bad river. Worst river ever is salmon in your dick. Yeah. And then there's Rivers Phoenix, which is not a river. It's an Austin. Sorry, I'm thinking of Austin rivers. Right, sure. River Phoenix.

Similar. The beloved actor who passed away. Rivers Cuomo. Which is totally different from the insects we're talking about. When you were on our show last, Rose, you weren't the star of a television show. I was a nobody. And now?

You still are a nobody, Rose, but you're rich for it. I'm still a nobody, but I'm gainfully employed. But now you're on billboards, which is kind of cool. Not every billboard. Of course. iZombie did not buy every billboard in America. That would be too much of an ad campaign. Not this season.

It's such a demure... I'm on only some billboards. Yeah, of course. Even 1% is a lot. It's a really, really coy deflection. I am coy. You are very coy. Is the season completed? Let's say this episode comes out

on monday may 25th we finished shooting a few months ago as you should know no yeah but i meant airing but i it no it i think the finale is mid-june okay so there's still time there's still time to catch it guys the show is called i zombie and it's about a lady named, oh, God, don't tell me. Liv Moore. Liv Moore. But I'm dead. Oh, my God. This is the show.

When is it on TV? It's on Tuesday nights, 9 p.m. On the CW. Remember how you got that role? Yeah. Amir actually helped me read the lines so do you want a cut of my pay what he wants the billboards you want a billboard is that just like would you have gotten the role without me maybe i thought the fact that i still bothered connecting with you was blessing enough. All right. Yeah. No, for sure.

And we appreciate it. And thank you for that. We appreciate you staying in touch with Amir. We still climb together. We're still real. That's true. We still hang, even though you're a celebrity and we're not anymore. Even though we live in a place with carpeted bathrooms.

Yeah. Yeah. You guys have steadily gone down. I'm curious live in a place with carpeted bathrooms. Yeah, you guys have steadily gone down. I'm curious about what's next, to be honest. We would live under the carpet in the next place. We are silverfish of ourselves. We live in a urethra. Rose, you've been on the show before, so I don't need to explain things to you. But just for anybody who hasn't heard it before, this is an advice podcast. It's called i were you in fact it's only it's the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by me and jake and sometimes it's just us two and

sometimes we have our friends with us today we have rose do you remember the night we tried to do a six-person yes oh man did we ever talk about that on our podcast it would have been the best episode ever it was that's why we bought it was microphones. It was us three, Ben, Sarah, and Mike. Yeah. And we all sat down, all six of us were like kind of buzzed. We're like, all right, we're going to, six-person podcast is going to be crazy. And then two of them just didn't work. Then the next day we bought new microphones because I was so angry.

The fact that one of them didn't work. Have you used these new microphones with us yet? I have. I have. You've been on two episodes already, right? I'm a regular. Holy shit. Series regular. So why don't we get started?

Why don't I start reading some of these questions and we can start offering our advice. As you know, we give these real emails from real people, fake names to preserve their anonymity. And I was wondering, Rose, if you have the name of a man, we give these real emails from real people fake names to preserve their anonymity and i was wondering rose if you have the name of a man who is from new zealand you should use people from your show to keep on promoting it oh yeah that's a much better idea than yours amir all right i need to promote new zealand he's not paying me a cent he pays me less than nothing um uh yeah okay we'll use names of people in the show

dr ravi shakrabadi whoa rights very good memory yesterday something happened to me that has almost never happened before and will most likely never happen again a chick gave me her number the trouble is i'm already in a relationship. Obviously, this girl wouldn't have known that when she came into my workplace, a Subway restaurant in New Zealand. So it seems cruel to let such boldness and bravery, downright brashness, go unrewarded. I gave her a text and told her that I'm taken, but I'd be down to meet up for a beer sometime, to which she replied that

she would also be keen. Now, I've talked to my girlfriend about this other girl, and she's made it clear that she doesn't want me going on dates with other girls. Fair enough. But I don't view this going out for a beer as a date. I can't help but feel like I'm about to get myself tangled up in some sort of bad business. So what should I do if you were me should i cut the non-existent ties that i have with this new girl or disregard my girlfriend's wishes and meet new people thanks in advance dr what did you say his name is shavi ravi shakrabadi um you're from new ze. Do people say keen a lot? Yeah. Yeah, they do.

I don't, is that not an Americanism? I feel like it's made its way here, but like I would still make, if Amir ever said it, I would make fun of him. Yeah. And I'd be keen to make fun of you too. Nice. Thank you. The most impressive thing about that whole scenario is that a girl gave a subway worker her phone number.

That's a very unusual form. Oh, that's not fair. She's not above it, though, because she's in the subway eating there. Yeah, it's not about that. I think it's worse to eat at a subway than to work at a subway. She got a 12-inch hoagie. Wait, do they have the metric system in New Zealand? Do they have the metric system?

So do you call it like a six centimeter? No, we don't. That would be a miniature sandwich. That's a Ritz cracker but do you say a crumb do you say you're a crumb do they say foot long uh yeah we still use that and we still use um feet and inches for height weirdly oh but what about for sandwich length uh feet and inches i guess yeah all right this guy actually he has a problem i'm just trying to figure out how often they say keen and if they measure their subways i think no i think it is really impressive that a girl just kind of rent and gave her number across a sandwich counter

that's that's bold that's brave although i heard that in maybe it's just australia but is it new zealand too and you can verify this that that girls approach guys more than the other way around. And in America, it's guys approaching girls mostly. Yeah, that's possibly true. But also guys and girls don't really approach each other the same way, like to ask somebody out. It's really different at home. I feel like you kind of, you meet through friends and that's how you get together. You would never really walk across the bar, side of you like girl or guy because it would kind of be thought of as maybe

sleazy wow um so it's like you can ask me out you just met me you don't know me you have to know we have to have friends in common for this to work out yeah yeah and then you just hang out like five times at barbecues and then suddenly you're like girlfriend and boyfriend so five barbecues and that's it? There's no dating kind of culture the same way. How is that? Why is that? I don't know.

And then when you come to America and someone hit on you, you're like, what the hell's going on? We're not even at a barbecue. How dare you? I got a restraining order. We're not at a barbecue. We're not even at a barbecue yet. At least invite me to five barbecues. Are you guys excited to come to Australia? Yes.

Thank great, great segue, Rose. We are going to Australia. at least invite me to five barbecues are you guys excited to come to australia yes thank great great segue rose we are going to australia did you know that our tickets still available for our shows you owe me it's crazy adelaide brisbane perth melbourne this is not the time that we promote the show and i'm not even promoting i'm just saying that did you know that we have tickets still available back to feeling really sorry for the girlfriend of the guy who worked at Subway, who's been completely loathed. In terms of sadness, right? Probably the least sad is working at Subway, because it's obviously a minimum wage job.

It's not great, but you're making an honest go at it. You're working your tail off at Subway. Good for him. Second saddest is someone eating at Subway, because that's the worst place in the world to get food it tastes bad and it's bad for you and nothing about it is good feel free to send us all of your six inches and footlongs subway yeah we just lost them as a sponsor forever but continue most sad good i wouldn't take their money if they tried to give it what if it was like 20 grand oh fuck yeah i love sure jared fogel can we talk about how he's not that thin uh all right so third the most

sad of all is just being the girlfriend whose uh boyfriend is working at subway fucking people that eat at subway no you're getting ahead of yourself he did nothing untoward yet yeah plus he even told her he even ran it by his girlfriend. Can I have a beer? Is it a New Zealand thing where it's like, oh, this, she probably didn't hit on me. We're just friends. We didn't even meet at a barbecue. He knows that she hit on him.

He said she was so bold and brash that I rewarded her behavior, which is a pretty funny way to look at it. But I kind of, I feel like I've been there too. So this girlfriend. I've got the solution, guys. This is the easiest one we've ever had. Take your girlfriend along. What?

There's no world where the girlfriend is like, oh yeah, sure, I'll come with you on this date. Yeah, we're all going to meet a friend today. I'll meet a friend. You meet a friend. You're there. She's there. You're mistress.

Sharon invited you out. Great. I'll come along with you. We'll all have a nice beer together. You're onto the right track. Here's what I would add. Make it a double date. He says, I'm taken.

But I've got another friend who's single. What? He wants to. That's great. He's trying to set this. He actually wants to become friends with this girl. Well, Sharon. It sounds like he probably just wants her a little bit so maybe he should be honest

with himself and break up with his girlfriend or whatever but like for one date well not for one date but if he's like maybe he's still got some some kind of emotional growth before he's ready for a relationship very possible but if you're in a relationship you can't go on any dates with other people. Correct. 101. What does he say? This is like, it's not a date. I just want to get a beer. Just getting a brew.

Wait, read the last sentence again. I don't view going out for a beer as a date. That's the last sentence? I can't help but feel like I'm about to get myself. I hope he treats his girlfriend like a queen and takes her to revolving restaurants and things. A beer isn't a date. I want to know what his justification of a date is. I hope it's revolving restaurants like you mentioned, because those are the best. I can't help but feel like I'm about to get myself tangled in some kind of bad business, is what he said.

Yes. Can I see the question? I feel like there's something else I really want to make fun of him for. Jesus Christ. Holy crap. Nice catch. This is like the Olympics. Only better, because it's carpeted no risk no risk olympics you know how uh olympic events are risky because

it's not on a carpet this is the part this is the part that i think is funny should i cut the non-existent ties i have with this new girl or disregard my girlfriend's wishes and meet new people like that sounds like it's so wholesome. I just want to meet new friends. But it's just one girl who gave you her number. It was like, that's so flirty. And then you said, I have a girlfriend, but we could get a drink. I think it's also very telling that he said, this never happens to me.

Or this is the first time this has happened. It's like, you need to remember you're being sort of lured by just this idea so much more. It's not like it's actually that great. What he does, he wants to put – he doesn't view this as cheating, but he does want to put himself in a position where he's getting closer to cheating because cheating is like the end of a football field. And he's like, I only want to go to the 10-yard line, and then maybe she'll pick me up and carry me another 20 yards.

And then, oh, suddenly I'd have midfield. No, cheating is that. This is my cheating in the house metaphor. It's the what? The frog in a pot metaphor. Oh, because before you realize it. Where it boils really steadily. And you don't notice that it's happening until suddenly it's boiled.

You've done it. I think you can get in trouble. If you're in a relationship, you could be in trouble for getting into the pot in the first place. Even if it's lukewarm. Is the pot the subway? Yeah. Why are you wet at all? You have to be bone dry if we're in a relationship.

Until we get married and we become crusty, old, dry cracker men. Two cracker men. That's your view on relationships. Two saltines getting married in the sun. A raisin is the priest. Dry humping and just rubbing salt off each other. Two six-centimeter salt married in the sun a raisin dry hungry and just rubbing salt off each other yeah six centimeter saltine uh what were you saying about the thing about cheating oh just that like cheating is a house so you're like if you enter the foyer in any way like that's

already pretty bad even though you you haven't like i don't know you it's it's not like a courtroom where you're like i technically did not go on a date i did not cheat on you but it's like if you're putting yourself in that situation and if you're making you're doing things that make your significant other uncomfortable then even if it's even if it's not technically cheating whatever it is is bad bad business, like he said. He coined it, bad business. So if you're in a relationship, you can't have friends, new friends? You can, but think about the context you meet them in.

If somebody asks you out across a deli. If a complete stranger gives you her number and you say, I can't go out with you on a date, but let's go out one-on-one and get drunk as friends. That's not friendship. That's not what it is. He's playing with fire. Yeah, that's what it is. It's playing with fire. And you know what happens when you play with fire, Rose?

You're going to get burned. I'm serious. I just made that up. Hoda. Actually, if you play with fire, you're going to get burned. That's a pretty cool thing i just what about if you can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen that's even better even better is that a rose original yeah yeah i just made it up holy shit what have you got jake um cooking with spices

very very nice that was a good little alley-oop. That one I have heard before. In a dumb idioms cookbook that I read. All right. Don't go on a beer meeting with this lady. Nope. God, people in New Zealand are so dumb. All right. Your family especially, Russ.

Part two. Next question. Moving onwardward i hate your mom okay frankly upward how are your parents they're great actually they're doing really well they're very excited that i'm coming home to visit do they watch your show and nz yeah they watch it um they get it the day after us so they're a little behind but they watch it but they're so far ahead it's probably airing at the same time yeah it's like a time warp yeah it's kind of like how we leave australia at noon and land at 8 a.m the same day back to our shows oh that is a good that's a good point how long well i was just remembering this one boy at primary school which is elementary school who

went to disneyland for his birthday which which was such a cool dream fantasy thing for kids in New Zealand. But they flew on his birthday one direction. I can't remember which way, but they lost his birthday. So that was like the roughs of mining. Yeah, when you fly back, we leave June 2nd and land June 4th. June 3rd just exists as like an 11-hour flight. Yeah, exactly. So I guess they flew over there the day before his birthday,

and it just never existed. That was the kid that didn't age that year, right? It was Benjamin Button. He de-aged that year. If you stopped aging, how many years before you realize it? Because honestly, you look just as glamorous as you did when I'm the first day I set eyes on you. You are grace personified.

Do you promise? You are. You glow with the glow of what can only be described as a 14-year-old little girl. I mean, my God, Rose, you are incredible. Ew. Ew, man. I'm grossed out.

Why? You've left me speechless. You described her as a 14-year-old girl. No, I said 24-year-old. Didn't he say 14? If you go back to New Zealand right now and time walk. You said 14. Sorry.

Play it back. 24-year-old. See? All right. I can't argue with that. Did I ask, did I cut you off? Oh, you just said something about my parents and they're good. And I go back in a couple of weeks.

Right. For two weeks. And then you go back to Vancouver to shoot season two of iZombie. I do. Which was picked up for another season that's great thanks thanks i'm really excited i love the people i work with so much and we're gonna be we don't know how many episodes yet um how many was season one it was 13 and this one might be more yeah it may be more holy shit yeah that's so much yeah how much money do you get per episode? Cash wise.

Can we rewind? Yeah, yeah. Here we go. How much money do you get per episode? That's what I thought. Just keep on rewriting to that one part. Money per episode. Money per episode.

Points on the back end? Points on the front. You're also like in almost every scene so like when they shoot 20 episodes or something that's like oh that's a lot of shooting for you it is you have to memorize and wake up but luckily because i have all that spare time i just decided this morning on a whim that i'm gonna run a marathon oh did you know that no you inspired me amir because um we used to run together when we lived together. And I said, oh, I've done a half marathon. And you were all coy about it.

And we're like, oh, that's nice. Yeah, I run too. Turns out you had done marathons. Yeah. And I was like, oh, my God, he's so like. Yeah, I was like sort of cool and messy. Messy cool. Yeah.

How would you describe my hair? Unfinished. Okay. Dick. Sh. Dick. Shaggy. Shapeless. Shaggy on the front, business in the back. All right.

Can we answer one more question? Well, a few more, but at least one. We need another guy's name if you have it. Blaine De Beers. Holy shit. You're fast. Good names on this show. Thank you. Blaine De Beers writes, Hey. You're fast. Good names on this show. Thank you.

Blaine De Beers writes, Hey guys, through a series of fortunate events and some mutual horniness, I started sleeping with a friend recently. Mutual horniness, of course. I started sleeping with a friend recently. Neither of us feel really anything for each other

and can still hang out like we used to without being weird. It's a true friends with benefits situation. This is probably working because I'm leaving town in the next few weeks for an extended job in a remote town in northern Canada as a pro athlete, and she moves from the town to town a lot, so she likely won't be here when I get back. Because of this, there's no pressure or expectation

for it to turn into a real relationship, which is great because she's kind of just one of the guys. Despite being a total dime, she prefers the company of dudes and can outpace most of us at drinking and sports and vulgarity. Unfortunately, this masculine mentality also extends to her grooming habits. She's fine with not showering or changing clothes for days at a time if it is inconvenient, and often it is as she lives between couches and the mattress in her van. All of this I don't mind. In fact, I find the lack of fucks given kind of refreshing. The one thing I do have a problem with is the smell of her asshole.

Hmm. Most of the time, it's fine, but if I'm eating her out or we're doing it doggy style, her favorite position, it just reeks. How should I broach this? Do I tell her to clean her out or we're doing it doggy style, her favorite position, it just reeks. How should I broach this? Do I tell her to clean her asshole before we fuck? Stop sleeping with her altogether or just tough it out for the next few weeks. Not many girls up north, so I'm trying to get it in as much as I can right now.

Todah. Love, what was his name? Blaine De Beers. Blaine De Beers. So Blaine is hooking up with a lady that he finds cool and casual and one of the guys but one of the things that he doesn't like is that her butthole smells like poo poo does he have to just take the good with the bad most of the time it's fine unless i'm near it it'd be a real problem if it wasn't fine just like when she was in in her room her butthole smells so bad i can

under what circumstances is this a dream friends with benefits scenario i guess the fact that he still gets to have sex if he no strings attached she's really hot and she just has a smelly but he maybe all buttholes just smell a little bit yeah you can have bad hygiene and still i guess the not showering is the thing that really smells because if you don't shower then there's never soap in the crevasse stare at rose thanks for catching my eye for that special moment your brown eye oh can you bend over and let me sniff your butthole how dare you i just want to know if they all... Let's have a blind smell test. You asked two questions. You called Rose a 14-year-old girl and then asked to smell her ass.

So I'm going to host the podcast now. Give me the Zoom. I'll figure it out. Can we please rewind? Sure. How much money do you make on your show? We round too much. All buttholes might smell true but this girl's butthole smells even worse than most i think it's too if they're actually going away and not seeing each other it's too late this is

not a long-term thing get it while you can right in most relationships whether i agree with amir and rose is just like shaking you are rose- Oh, you disagree? Rose is repulsed. I love this. And this is fundamental for her sake. If she's a real friend, you keep calling her a friend and stuff. Then tell her that she just like in a polite way say, you know, it's really like I love this casual thing, but just how do you feel about showering? How do you feel?

Like, do you think it's important? You know, just drop some really big hints because this is going to ruin her life. How do you feel about showering? Question mark mark how do you think about your butthole i think one i sort of agree with that but also like it's so weird to suggest somebody else shower if you if they're not in a serious relationship it's just friends with benefits if you breathe through your mouth and we've been through this before can you not smell can't you just breathe through your mouth worse though because you smell something you're like i'll breathe through my mouth and you feel like you're inhaling it yeah it does i just think that like well i mean buttholes are

great so i i really i have a hard time imagining that's that bad that he like would have to say something even a stinky one? Yeah, dude. You like a stinky butthole? I don't like it. I just like... I said even a stinky one and you said, oh yeah. I don't like it. Not especially, but yeah.

There's nothing that could really deter me from it, I guess. Even the poop? That's horrifying. If there was poop on it, then I would probably not do it. That's kind of different though. If it smells... If it smells, it's because there was poop on it then i would probably not do it that's kind of different though if it like smells if it smells it's because there was poop on it she's wiped but not showered since she last took a dump why did i agree to do this with you this is the worst it's not necessarily it's not necessarily it's not necessarily last crack sweat and the everything there's just like

bodies smell sometimes so there's it could be a BO issue of dried sweat on the kvass. It could be a million things. But that's part about what's hot. That's like what's intimate, you know, like your smells. There's nothing hot about that. And your secretions. There's nothing hot about disgusting smells. I guess.

I think I agree. Like, I don't like when people drown themselves in colognes and perfumes. Yeah. I think like, as long as you are hygienic and clean, a human smell is so nice. Where do you land on man musk? Less is more. You don't want to smell you from six feet away. If you were shaking somebody's hand and you can smell them, that's still quite strong.

It really needs to be like a hug hello you can kind of encounter do you have any friends that have certain smells whether good or bad you're like oh you smell like a thing i have like certain people that like when i smell them i'm like oh it's instantly do i have a smell uh i don't know if you have a smell thanks thanks bro but i have friends who smell in a very specific way it's it's indescribable but like you can i can smell them and just know that i feel like that about people's houses and it's not like it's not that they have to light candles or whatever but it just a space smells different which is probably why it's so weird catching up with you guys in all these different

places right and none of them smell like your home like this doesn't smell like your home mickle terena smelled like our home. Yeah, it did. It was like dusty wood. Guys, I'm getting all nostalgic and misting up. We had such a good time there. Remember that night we ordered pizza and watched the Olympics? Yes. Yeah.

Now you order hamburgers and watch Game of Thrones. By myself. It's not very fun. On the shag rug. Christ. Here's a greater issue that I realized when I read this question. Things that you don't like about significant others usually stem from things that you do. So you kind of have to take the good with the bad.

So he likes that this girl doesn't give a fuck about her hygiene and that she's sort of cool and casual, one of the guys. And 99 times out of 100, that lends to pretty cool things that he likes about her. And then that last time, that last thing is like, oh, also, because of all that other stuff, she also doesn't wash her butthole. And it's like, okay, I have to take that if I like everything else about somebody. So if there's something that bothers you

about your lady friend or boyfriend, just think about what that is tied to in terms of things that you do like. I think it's articulately said as your greatest weakness is also your greatest strength. Oh, that was actually pretty good. Your greatest weakness is your greatest... I'm sorry for snapping. Her greatest weakness, her butthole is her greatest strength.

It's just things that you don't like about someone often stem from something. You've already said it. We have to interrupt you because you're saying it over and over and over again. Do you agree or disagree? What are your thoughts on it? How much do you earn per episode? How much do I own?

Earn. Own? It was a throwback to when you kept asking me how much I earned. Oh, yeah. My stupid New Zealand accent got in the way.

This is the simple solution to how he fixes the problem he showers a lot the end if every time she sees this guy for the next few weeks he's freshly showered eventually she'll want to match his behavior what about showering together that's what i was gonna say he says that's my thing like yeah come on and then he gets oh, let me let me put this loop up your ass. Yeah. Get off to clean colons. Let's all go get enemas, baby.

That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said. Just candle at dinner while these two tubes of like colons being cleansed. Slow motion flex of corn. Oh, fuck you. It was so gross before you said corn. There is corn chowder in the fridge. I know. Do you like some? Did Rivka make it? No. I'll have some.

Oh yes. Snap, snap, snap, snap. Just kidding. She makes the best chicken schnitzel I know. There is chicken schnitzel. There's chicken schnitzel too. Oh thanks Rivka. That's a smell that can bring you back.nitzel I know. There is chicken schnitzel. There's chicken schnitzel too. Oh, thanks, Rivka. That's a smell that can bring you back. Yeah, that's the smell of Mikkel Trena. Yeah.

Chicken schnitzel. Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments

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Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can

update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and

some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah.

Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah.

So again, you go to squarespace.com slash SEGMENTS. SEGMENTS. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back. How are you doing, Rose? I'm really happy to see you guys.

Yeah? Yeah. Who did you miss more? Both the same. I know, but if you had to choose one. You had to choose. At the very least least flip a coin in your brain and say the name i know and she ended up making a decision and i'd love to hear what

yours is okay i missed a mere more oh wow wow that really don't answer right away that that kind of hurt to hear i really like jake only because um you really inspired my exercise regime oh so at the very least i was I was good for you in a way. Yeah. Did I do anything good? Whereas Jake was neutral or poor. Jake. You inspire people to eat worse.

Yeah. You're a fat. We never, no, Rose and I never ate badly. I know. We would drink whiskey. Yeah, that was nice. That's poison. That's poison.

I haven't touched a drop of whiskey, mother's ruin, since I saw you. Do you not? Really? No, I just have been drinking wine. You've grown up before our very eyes. But seriously, God,

since the day I met you, ravishing. Absolutely glowing. I feel ill. You still miss him more? I take everything back. How much money do you own? That's changed. Watch this, guys this guys look it's like i'm playing the flute fuck sorry one second you know it's weird Everybody listening won't be able to see what you're doing. So it's just going to be you making a weird noise.

Just assume I'm playing the mic stand as a piccolo. We already mentioned our Australia tour. We've never been down under. What can we expect? How many crazy things are going to happen to us? Kangaroos. Oh my God. Do you go to us, like what's the relationship between New Zealand and Australia?

Is it like USA and Canada? Is it like Canada and Mexico? Is it like Kuwait and Iraq? Is it like Iran and Turkmenistan? Let her answer the question. I am. You posed it. And I'm going to.

You don't need to give her an exorbitant number of examples. Sudan? Is this thing on? Connecticut and Rhode Island? It's like US and Canada. And which one's which? We're Canada. New Zealand is Canada.

So that's why you like shooting in Canada. It makes you feel like you're at home. Yeah. No, there is something a little bit sibling-like about it, which I think it's the same about the States and Canada. When we're at home, the only real rivalry is sports. It's always like oh the australian rugby team blah blah but then whenever we're away like i gravitate towards all of the aussies in la it's just like such a similar culture and sensibility and they're just a bit drier than us like our like native bush is like

very dark green and rich and theirs is a little more that's honestly i reckon the only difference so you're kind of like the pacific northwest very lush and wet yeah so wet and jesus i definitely take back that i missed you more i definitely missed you the most jake and australia is more of an outback a dry dry crackling feet sorry saltine cracker um did you go to a lot growing up both you went from new zealand you are a complete sociopathic pervert too no, but I'm interested. When you were a child, did you visit both... Is it a hop, skip and a jump

or is it kind of an adventure to get to Australia? It's a three-hour flight. So you guys definitely made the effort to get to New Zealand while you were back, right? Yeah. Cool. Where are you going? Auckland. What flight did you book?

Christchurch. Christchurch air. It's honestly an insult to me. A personal insult that you didn't bother. You know what the problem is? We have work to do after we get back. So we had to... What are you doing?

No, no, no. Tell me. What are you doing? I have a dentist on the 19th. No, we're shooting our pilot. Did you hear we're shooting a pilot? Are you actually? Yeah.

Not with TBS, but with True TV. They picked up our script and we're shooting... Congratulations. I didn't know that. Yeah. That's so cool. cool and did you remember you had written that role for me in the original pilot what are you doing now we have are you in where you're in first position i imagine with i zombie oh yeah but right when is the shooting you said because you had to be back for it so it must be shooting in june and i only go back in july i'll be going back in august so that's perfect well it's a conflict of interest no it's not

no because we don't like you to have you be in our show it's a conflict of our interest and your interest you're interested in doing it is there still the character Hayley there is I wouldn't give that much away

so tread lightly okay but there is a lady named Hayley in it and are you would you still be available how does it work can you be on a network show what happened to all of the the cool ideas that I threw into the mix for Hayley?

You helped us develop that character. Oh my God, I'm so excited to get my own. You're not allowed to be in it, are you? I do what I want. I love that attitude. She has to be a zombie in it, but she can be in it. Well, genuinely, I'll offer you the part right now. I'm not in charge, but...

You are an executive producer on the podcast. Oh, wait, I am an executive... That's so fucking crazy. I'm an executive... I'm an EP, actually. In all seriousness, that's really, really exciting. Yeah, we're excited to finally be able to shoot it. And...

Hang on, when are you shooting? Actually? We don't know the exact schedule, but they want to do it this summer after we get back from Australia. In LA? Yeah. In Los Angeles.

That's great. It's a great perk that you don't have to go shoot in New Mexico or like relocate yourself or something. Oh yeah. I guess cause it's an office setting and those are more plentiful out here. I would love to relocate for a month. But then what if it gets picked up and then you relocate permanently? That'd be cool.

Yeah. Like if you spend more time in Canada. I spend all my time in Vancouver. It's just just lucky that vancouver is somewhere i really like right what if it was a in a baddie what's that a baddie oh my god amir's trying to he's trying too hard is what he's trying wow it's impossible i'm still reeling from all your perverse comments a Dry, dry heat. So you spent, are you a Canadian citizen now more than a US one? No.

You're a citizen of the world, aren't you? Yeah, I'm kind of cosmopolitan. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Sorry, my question was, you're a citizen of the world, aren't you? And you said, can I see your ass? You were leading, that was a boring question. Well, how is she gonna answer that yeah i guess i am or no let's let her answer it i i'm not interested anymore in anything no i

i um i like not have it i feel like i've lived away from new zealand for a long time but i definitely still feel very strongly a new zealand citizen That's not changing, so nice try. Are you an American citizen? No. Oh, thank God. Haven't been invited to be one. What? How can you not be? You have to be here a while.

How long have you been here? But it would be great to have dual citizenship. That would be wonderful, but I don't ever want to relinquish my New Zealand passport. You mean dual citizenship between Jewel and whatever country you're from? Yeah, Jewel the singer. Yeah.

She's from Alaska. Okay. Sorry about that. I was? Yeah. She's from Alaska. Okay. Sorry about that. I was just joking. I don't know. God, I used to love Jewel. That was a good joke. Yeah.

I love her songs. Yeah. My hands are small, I know. Yeah, that's the national anthem. They're not yours, they are my own. The band is back together. Holy shit. These foolish games.

Give me that guitar. These foolish games are tearing me they're tearing me they're tearing me apart and the band is barking up oh fair bitch better have my money we are a cover band without a cause or a direction um all right we're running a little late but i want to get to one more question if you'll have it fire that means no and what language that's the way she's wishing you die here's a he read my mind here's a question that's dumb ready is that what how it introduces itself no no i'm gonna ask you a question is the language that they speak in new zealand still called english it's a bilingual country and it's new zealand and maori so it's english

and maori but is it called new zealand english or just english it's english so they say do you speak maori uh i learned at university but i'm not very good but i can understand i didn't realize how much maori is part of like our common discourse until going to other places where like place names at home place names are all like largely in maori and like kind of like hawaiian style where like yeah there's a lot of uh cities yeah it's really cool and we all learned at primary school at elementary school the equivalent of um and you like learn lots of songs it's a really musical language so and it's called tereo which is the tongue it means because it's a spoken language traditionally it's always been oral and so like yeah we learned like lots of maori music as kids i guess yeah you don't get to do that in every country so that's nice

um something came up while you were talking i was thinking about a monkey jerking his own urine You got distracted when you were thinking about something completely different God you're so sweet Almost, almost I zoned out totally We've been called out for this So I was wondering how you pronounce the city M-E-L-B-O-U-R-N-E Melbourne

You said Melbourne Yes Rocky I avoided saying it for a long time Melbourne You said Melbourne. Yes. Rookie. I avoided saying it for a long time. Melbourne. Melbourne. And then some people say Melbourne.

Yeah, Melbourne. Melbourne. Like really cool Americans even drop their accent to say it, so they don't even say Melbourne. They go like, Melbourne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people have told us to do that, and then we started doing that, and everyone was like, don't say it like that.

Say it M-E-L-B-U-R-N. It's like I never pronounce anything else particularly accurately in other languages except one time I tried saying Barcelona. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah. And my brother still teases me about it he's like just like if you were consistent about it great but just the fact that you're trying to sound so. You only do Barcelona. Yeah so well traveled. I'm gonna get a quesesadilla a taco uh oh and it's really nice to be here in barcelona that's exactly what's like all right sir so once again is you had a taco bell in la right and oh and oh and, it's exciting to be here in Barthelona. Okay. So just the taco and the quesadilla.

I also want a Diet Coke. And oh, and oh, and oh my. It is pleasant to be in this lovely city of Barthelona. That's great. You are not in Barcelona. And even if you were, you don't have to say Ando. Of course. It's exciting to be here.

Did you know that, we can talk about this. I want to talk about this on the show. Jake did something recently that made me hit him a lot. Hit him? Yeah, like I snapped. Really? Yeah. Can you not imagine that?

I still have, oh wait. Oh, my bruise just went away. I had a bruise on my arm. He did. Can you guess imagine that? I still have, oh wait, oh, my bruise just went away. I had a bruise on my arm. He did. Can you guess what? You're not going to be able to, but there's something that he did that made me so mad that I hit him over and over.

Was it domestic or out in the public? It was out in public. That's a great question. Cause it, it actually happened twice. Once domestically and then the other one out and about. And I lost it. Did he say something bigoted?

No, it was not anything that he said. It was something that he did to me that sent this shockwave throughout my entire system. And I felt like I had to hit him a lot. Did he tickle you? He was close to tickling me. That's a good guess.

It was sort of like a big brother thing. Yeah. Oh, noogie? Close, getting really closer. He put his fingers in your nose? No. Get away from the face. You're getting closer.

Pinched his bum. Oh, even, you're inches away at this point. Oh. I might pass. I washed his asshole. He pantsed me. Do they have that in New Zealand? Yeah, but it's called downtrow.

Yeah, he downtrowed me. The only thing he could have been was a wedgie. Wait. Oh, yeah, that's not true. I want to know the context where you down trowel him at home he was well we were at a friend's house and i was wearing gym shorts so like you know loose drawstring shorts and he pulled yanked it down to my ankles in one fell swoop and i was just uh uh hairy legged in his in this my friend's living room with my underwear. And no one really saw, though. Only one person saw.

Yeah. So you did that like sort of a little Dennis the Menace dickling. And we laughed. Ah, look at him here. So that was the first instance. That was the first instance. Then an hour later, we're walking around L.A. in West Hollywood, walking to get frozen yogurt.

And Jake, while I was walking away from him pulled down my pants again all the way down to my ankle so i was just in the street in my underwear the thing i would take you to task about jake is that it was just too close to the first time yeah well he was just gonna keep i think one of the things that that triggered to me was like i have to do something or else he's just going to keep doing it. Like, he's going to think this is okay. Just set an example. And I didn't know, I couldn't pants him back. So, like, imagine if someone yanked off your pants in the street and laughed.

Like, what are you supposed to do? That person is not a friend. I was at a loss. I'm proud of you. You stood up for yourself. It was a lesson. And it was so weird because I kept hitting him, but I didn't want to punch him in the face.

So I was just continually hitting his shoulder. I love that it even occurred to you to punch him in the face. Kicking your thighs. If you punched me in the face, I think we would be in a very different situation. You'd be sitting in separate seats on the flight to Australia. You'd still be going. Oh, yeah. We'd have to go but we would have to go to like couples therapy i think if i punch you in the face for that yeah it's kind of weird because you like

i think the the punishment of punching you in the face for pantsing me is not as uh disparate different as uh pantsing me from doing nothing at all. Like you went from zero to pantsing me, which is a huge step. And then I went from pantsing you to hitting you in the face. Which is 25%. Well, that's sort of like an immediate reaction.

You could also have just like pulled up your pants and like contemplated some other form of embarrassment for later on. Right, yeah. Been really calculated and manipulated and set up like one of those strings with like a bucket of flour yeah above an old-fashioned prank festival yeah but i i just i couldn't i didn't even think it was like i've never like the first thing you did was kick me and that was like i think that was a real gut that was the gut reaction i kicked

you as hard as i could this is. This is out in the street too. So people saw these two. Did you laugh at all while it was happening? Did you have any of that like, ha ha ha, while you hit him? We were both smiling, but I don't think he, I definitely didn't sense that he was joking. It was a nervous smile. I was like, oh shit, what's going to happen now?

Yeah, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry and good luck to you. Thank you so much. All right, next question. We need a female's name. Peyton Charles. Peyton Charles writes,

Hey, Jake and Shmuel. And Rose. My name is Peyton Charles and I've been having an insecurity problem Ever since I can remember Thinking I'm too big I'm not overweight But I've always had a little more chub on my tummy

And bigger arms and thighs It doesn't help that I'm 4'11 either So my question is Thick girls or skinny girls? When does thick cross the line of just being fat? When does skinny cross the line of just being fat when does skinny skinny cross the line of just being too bony i'd love to hear your opinions and preferences on the subject love peyton charles

she's focusing on the wrong thing she's a midget 411 god damn it God damn it, dude. 4'11"? You miniature. That's why you chose that question. You miniature little mini woman. Be 100 pounds, be 400.

You're still a small. The best things come in small packages. And so do I. So you're telling her skinny is better. No, no, no. Her height is fine.

How dare you? I want that off the record. No, no, no. I say I'm obsessed with thick women and I agree exactly i think now more than ever curvaceous is kind of uh surpassing skinniness yeah i mean i had this conversation with somebody recently where we were driving along and looking at just the variety i

feel like in new zealand there's a lot of um just healthy it's not really like and this is a huge generalization but just like if you looked across like a high school i think there seems to be there's sort of a very middling size which seems kind of healthy right i feel like i have definitely been shocked at how much people seem to go one of either end of the spectrum in the states and i just think it's interesting because i absolutely curvy should be celebrated like any kind of healthy body type should be celebrated. If she is like fit and is eating relatively well, that's what matters. Like that's her heart health and that's going to make her confident and sexy.

But like if she is clinically overweight and it's like going to be compromising and blocking her arteries, that's not sexy. So it's more about health and fitness than specific shape yeah well like well-being what's that feeling good well she doesn't she said she doesn't feel good or at the very least she feels insecure right well i mean that's different than actually like feeling healthy yeah so like you don't feel healthy right now no and i would but i don't look overweight do you feel too thin no i feel too fat really yeah but it's not like i feel right yeah i feel like i feel lethargic i

wake up and i'm like tired and i would rather be like waking up feeling like i could do stuff so it's it seems like the shape of your body is a genetic thing that you can't control but what you can control is how healthy you are whether you're eating right and exercising yeah and if you like glow and you're you know feeling like you're achieving things in your life i think that i mean it's not even some weird sparrow like eerie fairy thing i think people who carry themselves with their shoulders back and like smiling it's just more attractive right which brings me back to fucking healthy sounds the hottest right like a little bit thick like some some cushion like curves on you and you're smiling oh yeah blumenfeld whip it out dude oh micro penis here we go it's so small it looks like a third nipple. Yeah. My cum

shoots in such a thin stream. It's like there's a pinhole in a water balloon. It is a thin, thin ice pick of a thin stream. It hurts. It's so thin. I've seen it used to cut glass. Yeah. It is a laser. I have a laser-ethra.

Does that answer your question? Not even a tooth thick fish could swim upstream of it. Thicker is better. Bigger is hotter. Well, that's all subjective. All right. I'm saying my personal opinion. What do you think?

That's what I think. Your personal preference is a little bit of a thickener to it. Yes. When is too, like, do you think it bleeds into unhealthy quite, like where do you draw a line? In terms of hotness? I don't think you can get too big. That's not true.

What if you're grossly overweight? Do you like your girl's BBW? Yes. So that everyone else in the room is so uncomfortable? That's what Drake says in one of his songs. What does it mean? Also there's another one where he says, he's describing his girl, and he says, her ass is so big that it's almost embarrassing. It's almost, but not quite.

I think that's my perfect woman. Bordering on uncomfortable. Bordering on embarrassing. Everyone is like, whoa, she's kind of big, but it's also like, wow, i would like to see her ass uh so does the health factor in in any way 700 pound woman still just getting hotter and hotter as she gains weight to you i think if she couldn't get on top and like really give it to me then i wouldn't think it was hot but like so like a 700 pound, she probably is covered in bed sores, and we couldn't lay together really. So it's only the bed sores that distract.

I guess I'd fuck a bed sore. Are they open? Oh, no. That is worse than everything I've said, right? It is, isn't it? You're both disgusting. Yeah, no, body body confidence but just being healthy what about for guys do you have a preference one way or another long and lean but teddy bear bigger

hairier cutter fitter thicker beefier and which how do you like your soup actual soup do you like a stew or do you like more of a you give? You give everyone so many options. Pose the question, then stop talking. That's how conversations work. I will. You're absolutely right. What's your favorite color? Blue, red, green? Is it sort of a mix?

Do you have multiple favorite colors? Have you ever seen a rainbow? I saw one once. That's exactly what I mean. Your steamroller. Yeah, steamroller Blumenfeld. I get that a lot uh i think healthy again it's like just in shape and um somebody who enjoys exercise this is a thing that i was thinking about recently

how awful must it be to just not get any pleasure out of exercise i think that's people that are like i just want to i gotta go to the gym use the elliptical for 20 minutes yeah worst part of my day yeah i. People that are like, I got to go to the gym, use the elliptical for 20 minutes. It's the worst part of my day. Yeah. I think everyone that feels like that should find a sport or a hobby. Because there's so many different ways to be in shape. I agree. Like climbing or, I don't know, hiking or just doing something.

Like climbing a staircase at a mall. I have so much fun. Well, climbing really changed the way i i'm uh for a while anyway climbing really changed the way i thought about exercise because i liked climbing so much that then i became passionate about actually going to the gym and working out muscles that i could so i could be a better climber oh yeah but it's true i don't like going to the gym and just lifting weights it seems like that's like the the stripped down version of a sport. I'd rather like do stuff like climbing.

Well, basketball. If you like sport enough, then you find joy in training for it, I imagine. Like if you are really, if you love basketball, you can't play basketball several hours a week. You have to like sometimes do conditioning so you can be a better basketball player. Then you get even more joy out of playing basketball because you're or it's like if you dance you want to stretch you want to become more flexible it's like in what other world is like putting your

leg up on a chair and stretching your hamstring have any appeal right except that it will make your movements more fluid and you more kind of limber to watch. So specifically for this girl, thick girls or skinny girls, Jake says thick. Yeah. I'll say I don't quite have a preference. Like blonde and brunette, I can find both attractive.

Yeah, that's true too. Rose, do you have a preference? Long? Middling, really pedestrian. Yeah, average. Mousy. Perfect. That's a perfect Comic-Con answer.

What's that supposed to mean? I love average nerds. Yeah. People with a little bit of a beer gut. That kind of gets me off. Sexy. I love gamers. I'm a nerd too. Can you guys write my script for me for Comic-Con?

Oh, for when you go there? You go to Comic-Con, right? Mm-hmm. Man, that'd be so awesome. I've never been. You guys should definitely go. Surely you'd have a great audience there. We have been to Comic-Con.

Yeah, but it wasn't the same. What? What? I know. I don't know. I just feel like such shit sometimes. You are shit all the time. I know.

You know what was fun was seeing you guys at South by Southwest. Oh, my God. That was fun. That was really nice austin texas we should all move there absolutely not that's fair just not in summer i love it but it's too hot yeah i love austin i miss austin right now um you're talking about austin, right? Yeah. Yeah. Always. Rose, is there anything you want to plug before we have to go? No. No, I'm good. What about the television show you're on? Oh, yeah.

Please watch my television show. I mean, at this point, you got picked up for a second season. Who gives a shit if people watch it? Oh. Sorry about that. Your Twitter account? At I'm Rose McIver. Nice.

Anything else? Thanks for having me in your gorgeous home, guys. You only made fun of it a little bit. If you have your own questions or your own theme song submissions, that email address for everything is ifiwereyoushow at gmail.com. The opening theme song was written by the Super Mercato Brothers, and this closing theme song is written by Joe Kim from Sweden. No word yet on if it's Joe Kim Noah.

Are you okay? What's going on right here? I'm doing a bit where if I didn't have any arms. It's the best bit you've done all day. Thanks for us for coming on our show. And thank you guys for listening. Thank you. We'll be back next week.

Bye. There are two Judy Dukes Who have a podcast show listening. Thank you. We'll try them if they were you. Fake names, but really made for fun, say, Rosie's Great is the podcast. If I were you, I'd drop that douche too. I'll give my dad sass To show my friends I'm sass Mommy, I love you It's the podcast If I were you

I'd be drinking a meal or two Shady bastard And a nerd rapster Will tell you what to do Howdy