Segments - 171: Soulmate (w/Julia Nunes!)

Episode Date: August 31, 2015

Friend and musician (and fellow podcaster!) Julia Nunes joins us to discuss true love, nude pics, and fanny packs. This episode is brought to you by SlugBooks and NextIssue See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. It's the fan in your life. Right into this podcast show. Step in, really not hashtag dope, I admit. The master would never put up with this shit. If I were you, I'd know what to do. Send an email or two to the Court of Subtlutes. If I were you, I'd know what to do. Send an email or two to the coyest of Jews. If I were you, I'd know what to do. Send an email or two to the coyest of Jews. Very, very good. It was all right.

Julia, what did you think? That was like the end of Les Mis. And that? Just like a band of brothers, I picture, like linking arms and uniting against. It's a power ballad. Uniting against bad decisions, I guess, is the point of your podcast. They said in their email, this is their theme song submission, and would be honored if we use it. And their names are John and Brandon.

And they primarily function as a YouTube channel under the moniker Homebrewed Studios. Not only that, but they made a Pomplamoose-style video of us recording this song that you can see here. What's a Pomplamoose? Pomplamoose is my friends, Jack and Natalie. So it's like a full circle. So they made a Pomplamoose-style video,

and you were friends with those people yeah wait what style is that video uh it's basically them like recording the song it's a video of them recording the song would you say that's the yeah you see everything you hear and there's like it the screen's divided and you see like multiple shots at a time that's kind of like what you do. That is Jack got the idea from me. Whoa, really? Woo! And he's your friend? Yeah.

Got the idea. He stole your shit. The whole internet stole my shit. I've never felt any need to claim the fact that I did it first. But here I am. So when they say, I did it first, bitches. When he said Pomplemousse style video

you're like just what part of your brain's like actually it's a julian newton style video uh not until we started talking about what the actual style of video was and then you were like you do that and i was like oh yeah i did it first that's really big of you our goal is to chip away at all of your uh all of your positivity till yeah at the end of this podcast you're suing compliments it's like uh if somebody made a web series that was like two people talking to each other back and forth and it became more popular than me and jake's web series and then somebody submitted a video and be like we made a brandon and amos style video and i would be i can't imagine i'd get to the point in my life

where i'm like i don't even really think about the fact that they stole me and jake's thing and now it's a brandon and you guys absolutely stole this idea from some other advice show i'm sure there were two men giving advice oh yeah yeah that's true i guess guess we're all constantly... We stole it from Dear Abby. Yeah. The original advice show. There are no original ideas. The Bible took them all. Do you know the Bible was a Poplamoo style book? A Bible style video where you can see everything you hear? Yeah.

And there's split screens? Like Moses's instruments. Of course you went to the Old Testament. You slimy little... That is the famous part. Old Testament's more famous, isn't it? Yeah, everyone always likes the older stuff. Nobody likes the old shit.

When you can get the new shit for free. Julia Nunes, thank you for coming on our show for the first time ever. Thank you for having me, Jake and Amir. Julia Nunes is a podcaster for the H For the first time ever Thank you for having me Jake and Amir Julia Nunes is a podcaster For the HeadGum Network Do you do anything else? Are you up to anything else?

It's like in my spare time Sometimes I write songs About my feelings Play them for crowds Oh yeah When you're not podcasting You mean Yeah just like

Whenever I can squeeze in Like an album or two Yeah You'll make a Pomplamoose style album Or something Wait how did you Did you meet those Pomplamoose people after talk to her about the album you're only asking about i want to know i made an album with pomplamoose funds i made an ep did

they contact you because they knew that you made those types of videos or was it a coincidence it was like youtube was such a small community and everyone knew like if i oh man isn't that a crazy sentence yeah youtube was such a small community it was like yeah i knew everyone who was like killing it on music and like when i talked to jack he was like i watched your videos thought of like a a cooler way to like split the screen up and like i think my girlfriend is the most beautiful person in the world natalie dawn so i wanted to like put her face six times on it and i was like yeah man he like took the way i did it and made it better and we talked about it and then we made more music together that's art man growing changing thriving because yeah for me that would just i would be

angry and sad about it and you're angry and sad about everything i wouldn't even collaborate i would just oh my god i would close myself off to other creative types when you started head gum were you like uh no other advice podcasts uh amir was like no other podcast networks yeah like he doesn't even want to exist in the space with other people doing the same i. I wanted the network to just be me talking into the microphone. He'll never be happy until it's only him and everyone else is dead. Don't you understand? He's a Mortal Kombat character.

Let's see that now. We met so, so long ago, correct? We met at the height of this YouTube smallness that you're talking about. Yeah. Well, I mean, I assume that that is why you know who I am, because it was such a smaller... at the height of this youtube uh smallness that you're talking about yeah well and that i mean i assume that that is why you know who i am because it was such a smaller right internet back then yeah it's true do you remember how we met julia i don't quite remember i don't oh you know what i think we were post we were like starting to post some of her videos on college

humor i is what i think was happening yeah because julia's earliest videos were their ukulele covers right were their originals back then too yeah uh i think the first one you guys did was bye bye bye oh yeah that's correct and then we had that coincided with one of our first shows which was taking place where julia was going to college yeah and i got some some form of internet message from jake or one of you that was i hope it was a myspace message i hope it was a myspace message it could have been a youtube message back when those were not filled with spam wow totally possible what a time to be alive um and then you guys came into my dorm room and we made it tough yeah just two adult men in my dorm room it sounds extra creepy because we're 30 now yeah at the time we were 29 walking into an 18 year old storm room um that was it do

you have any memories of that actual moment or do you just remember the video that we already shot i remember cleaning my room really furiously before you got like realizing that i needed to clean it like 30 minutes before you guys arrived and just like working up a sweat and then being like hi yeah hello it was like freezing cold out uh yeah also like that dorm room was the tiniest little like i did you have a roommate a dorm mate no it was a single but i mean it was like the smallest single in history right and then we were just like making a little music video there yeah uh you did like a wheel wheelbarrow move across the floor because that was the only you wanted to do like a blueberry dance yeah portion yeah music video and the only thing you could really do was a wheelbarrow that sounds about right uh we were young and crazy then now we're all adults and smart

uh this is if i were you the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us i'm amir i'm jake and julia noon's is what my name is cool introduction thank you um so i'm sure you know but we answer emails from people who are in need of our sage wisdom yeah that was in the song yeah exactly sage wisdom yeah i think that's you actually stole that from the song i too am a thief uh all right do you want to try to answer some questions because you know sometimes we don't have three people's opinion i think we can really help extra hard today at least 50 more opinions yeah um all right julia i need to give this dude a fake name do you have a fake name that i can give this emailer um charles that's amazing did you just come up with that at some point in history someone did come up with it

right yeah that's gotta be true i am i'm gonna call my kid charles whoa that's not john everyone else's name is John. Guys, all of these words we're speaking right now, made up at one point. Crazy. Not that long ago. We're talking in a funny little language, aren't we? English is like a very new language. They're all made up by a chimpanzee in a robe, too, which is crazy.

He was at the top of a mountain, just like coming up with words and like throwing them down to the people. That's what you think God is. Just like tucking his words into little pieces of poop and flicking them currently huh that's an interesting one charles uh hey guys i'm in an ldr do you know what that is long distance relationship nice hey guys i'm in an ldr with an incredible girl but sometimes i feel like I found her too early. I'm a 21-year-old law school student, and she is an engineering graduate

who works in rural Australia making a lot of money. Majority of the time, she is my queen, and I dream of her, and I living an incredible life and ruling the world together. But as of late, her work schedule has changed, meaning we won't be able to talk as much, and in general, the distance is starting to take its toll on me, both emotionally Ooh.

Oh, no. She is amazing in every way, smart, beautiful, funny, an incredible cook, and she's so fucking driven. I've had no bad relationships, and I've never been with anyone else, and I sort of crave the new experience and bodies to explore. Although I'm really cynical when it comes to women, but that's a whole other question. The other night I had a sex dream about a girl I used to be into before I met my current girlfriend, and for the next few days after that, I became sort of obsessed with her. Anyway, that's detracting away from the point. I have two questions. Do you believe you can meet your soulmate too early? Or am I just making an excuse to get myself through my own little rough patch? And two, I know your stance on long distance relationships and it's bad, but what i do thanks charles uh uh i assume

from his uh preface that you guys don't approve of long distance relationships not typically yeah but but is this a special case no for there are no special cases sometimes there are special cases where does he live i missed that part uh it doesn't say but i assume somewhere in non-rural australia right i guess the the bigger question is can you meet someone that is the best too early like then it's like oh no you didn't get to experience bad or does it not matter once you find the quote unquote one um yeah i think the the answer like can you meet someone too early like yeah and if it's too early then they're not the one oh so like oh oh he's well it's your you have to first assume that he's not correct in

saying that she's definitely the one, right? So, like, if there's room for error... But he's saying she's perfect in every way, but he just wants to experience other people. But here's the thing with that, because he's saying she's perfect in every way, except we're too young and she lives in a different part of the country. Yeah. So that's not perfect. And I'm obsessed with another girl that I used to be into. She's perfect, but the situation is not.

So if you had the perfect human in your life, but she just happened to live in rural... She's not in your life if she lives in rural Australia. I think this guy would say that she is in her life. His life. Touche. Their lives. Like the perfect human in an imperfect place.

Hand me that guitar. I just came up with a pretty interesting story. There's no actual guitar there. He just said a sentence that he thought was poetic. And he wanted to strum a chord. A perfect person in an imperfect place. I'm so upset. Don't ever joke about music.

Reaching into your fanny pack and pulling out a harmonica. You're just singing, I found love in a hopeless place the hopeless place being rural australia do you think there's something to breaking up with a great person just so you can experience bad people uh i don't think that's what he really wants i don't think the point is to experience bad people i think the point is to experience more people and if that's what he wants to do then he doesn't really need a reason he doesn't really need like distance or uh imperfect circumstance to make that amen amen meaning meaning that if he wants to experience other people he should go do that because that is an indicator of how he feels about the his queen oh so he's like i'm really sometimes i picture us ruling the world together like i definitely want them to break up

why you don't like some guy ruling the world yeah i don't like the idea of this guy thinking he's a dictator power couple see what i don't like is that like he describes her in a way that i'm like yeah yeah like i would love for someone to describe me that way like i want my the person that i'm with to think that i am a queen and that we can rule the world together and then to think that that person could also be thinking about some other princess pisses me off don't like don't don't give it the queen label if like you don't actually feel that way because you clearly don't whoa that's actually true he's thinking well i'm not i don't think they're like i'm not mad at him but he does he is like he's got these dueling ideas one that he wants to rule the rule the world with somebody and the other that he wants to be with

somebody who sucks and like yeah he's like reaching for excuses to get out of there right clearly he just doesn't want to be with this girl anymore, which is fine because they're in a long distance relationship. And this is one of the things in a long distance relationship that doesn't have an end point in sight. Like she's working and super driven to stay working out there in rural Australia. Like if there's no real hope of you guys ending the LDR, I don't advise staying in an LDR.

Yeah. What are your thoughts on long drs or or l distance rs well i or ld relationships just let her answer or l long d relationships okay that's the last one thank you for letting me know although um okay yeah i think uh like physical closeness is super important for a relationship i think like sex is one of the biggest parts of a romantic relationship pretty up there pretty up there in terms of like what makes a romance a romance and if you don't have those two things um and is no end in sight, then like I don't that sounds like a very intimate friendship. Yeah. But what if you see each other once a month and then you get out all as much sex as you

can possibly cram in 48 hours? And that's like totally enough for you and you're not writing emails to an advice podcast about how you're fantasizing about another girl. Oh, shit. If you're like totally happy with your monthly sex, then you another girl. Oh, shit. If you're like totally happy with your monthly sex, then you're great. Oh, shit. I wrote this email.

That's a really expensive mic, but push it over. Drop it. It's fine. It's fine. That's actually 780. Oh, it's broken. And it landed on a very expensive vase.

In your Spanish. Which you keep on the ground. So if I were you, you'd break up with this person um if i were you i would stop like trying to pretend you don't want to get out of there i would just admit that like you're reaching for reasons to get out and just get out you don't my best advice is you don't need a reason to get out if you know you want to very brilliant very poetic you don't have to justify it uh that might be the best thing to say but i think feel like if i were you if i were this guy i i wouldn't be able to break up with somebody that i really really

liked at age 21 and be like hopefully i'll find someone better i feel like i would stay in this relationship for a little bit long long distance relationship yeah like if i were you then that is like that's your thing that you would do but like is that correct is that a good way to do it no i would say not i would say i would have stayed in this relationship for longer than it needed to be yeah well i think what happens here is like if he's if he stays and he continues to have these feelings, then it just turns into resentment, and then he's just wasting his and hers time. Right. Oh, that's also you as a 21-year-old when you were a dumb coward. How about you as a 32-year-old?

Oh, now I'm very quick to cut things off. There you go. That's good. Yeah, I'm in and out. So yeah, by the way, you should be imparting the advice as current you. Right. But at the same time, I feel like the hardest thing to do is break up with someone that is amazing and great just because you're starting to have some seeds of doubt. That might be cutting it off.

Just because she also lives across the country. Yeah, but who knows? Maybe she's not going to be an engineering student forever or he's down to live in rural Australia. So maybe if you are planning on being next to each other i cannot believe you're advocating for this relationship this is insane well she's he she's great she's everything he wants like he considers her his soulmate and then you guys he's having some doubts he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about when he says soulmate yeah he. They lost their virginity together.

He's never been with anybody else. Shouldn't he be the romantic that this is a beautiful tale and that you can stick with it? No, I don't ever think that people know who their soulmate is. You don't get your... The first person you're with is never your actual soulmate. Some people just can convince themselves that they are. Yeah, also if he's never had a bad relationship then it like it sounds like he just kind of puts them all on this even plane like they're all good they're all good enough

like all of his relationships are just fine yeah well he's only been in one if like i feel like he was with it oh the girl that he was into not in a relationship right yeah what i want to hear is like i've been in okay relationships with this girl blew me the fuck away oh so he's just had one food he's like this is the best food ever and you're like how do you know you don't have another oh i love gruel nothing's better than this gruel this gruel is so driven this gruel is so cool this gruel is trying really hard. All right, so that's two breakups and one stick it out even though you shouldn't. Yeah, stick it out until you hate each other.

Oh, that'll be fun. Until you feel like you've wasted your time. Perfect. Until you guys resent each other. Well, how old do you think you can be when you meet your real soulmate if 21's too early? I think you can meet them at any age. At any age. That's Jake's thing, but like... You liar. You liar, liar man. you meet your real soulmate if 21's too early i think you can meet them at any age that's jake's thing but like you liar liar man i said at any age but they just can't be the first person

you just said you were too young 21 year olds don't know that they met their soulmate yet and then she said any age he's like yeah any age i caught you all right So 21 is a cutoff. 22, you're officially old enough to meet your soulmate. 21 isn't necessarily too young to meet your soulmate. I said 21 is too young to know whether it is or not. I think you, at the very least, need to have had other experiences with relationships to have the context of saying, this person's my soulmate or this person's the best match for me. Good thing your parents didn't think that, huh?

They dated other people when they were 18. Didn't they meet in high school? They were married when my mom was 19. So? Wasn't that the example? That was the past. The world was a smaller place. Yeah.

Now that you got Tinder, you don't know who's out there for you. My parents had no idea who was in their radius. Could you imagine how hot my dad would have been if my mom knew what was up? What? Like, she should not have been with that troll knapsack of a man. Oh. So you think that she... Are we talking about your parents settling?

Is that how this... Honestly, my dad looks like a fanny pack. You're taking some visual suggestion from my well we've also said before that my dad looked like a backpack and a potato and a pumpkin potato but julia's wearing a fanny pack today so it does kind of look like your dad he's a small little man that's pretty cute thank you how do you like a fanny pack? I love it. You're done. You're not going back to purse or wallet anytime soon.

No, I use a wallet and sometimes I carry a purse. Is there a wallet inside the fanny pack? Uh-huh. No, that's just a ham sandwich. That's a nice looking wallet. So when do you decide to buy any? When do you decide? Good stuff.

Yeah. How many pockets is that it's two oh good shit you think you can go smaller than that or that's that's as small as it gets this is as small as it gets yeah when do you decide purse v fanny pack um i started wearing a fanny pack when i had crutches for my knee injury yeah um and i really like it and i also think it like i i like tying things around my waist i think it helps complete an outfit and now i have like a oh it's like a belt yeah it's funny all the things that like my mom tried to get me to wear in europe in 2003 which i was too afraid that would look too

nerdy it's now cool i see you also have a money belt under your shirt just in case you get robbed in rome or something yeah i have a traveler's map that folds to the size of a dime. You carry your passport all the time too, I bet. Oh my God, guys, I do have my passport. I was in Montreal two days ago. Oh, shit. And I keep it in the back, like in the secret pocket in the back. Ooh, smart.

Can I see your passport photo? How was Montreal? It was okay. All right. Just okay, huh? Yeah. I played a ukulele festival. Why is that not good?

It was great. Are you showing me? Business pleasure. What are you here for? I start stamping it. Oh, yeah. I got yelled at at TSA for having CDs. What?

Yeah. What does that mean? You can't like this is like you keep us in good condition thank you oh okay just a lot of boarding passes on our floor now yeah that's what you get making yourself very much so at home she would never do this in her own house. All right. We have another question. This one, in keeping in line, when was that photo taken of you?

That's recent, right? 2009. Oh. Whoa. Six years ago? Mm-hmm. Not that recent. No.

All right. Keeping in line with the musical theme, we got a question that was a song. A song cover question i found myself in a tough little place so i've written this here song This is my situation I'll try not to make it long

Basically my friend is dating this girl And honestly she's just the worst It just sucks cause he's a real good guy Yeah that's mainly why it hurts Because I want them to be over And I mean now, not when he's older They've been dating for almost three years And I just want her to get lost

Understand I'm not exaggerating All his friends seem to agree Somehow she's pissed off most everyone But my friend just doesn't see And I tried telling him about this one time when she said some really awful things But then he tried to make excuses for her So that's why I think I really wish that they'd be over

And I mean, I don't know when he's older But she's pretentious and rude and a bitch And I just want her to get lost The last part was unnecessary. He just wanted to show us he could solo, right? Yeah. Do the same solo three times, though. Yeah, he didn't.

Oh, I'll see. Julie's got a musical ear. I thought it was just annoying, and she thought it was annoying and not good. I thought it was great, just unnecessary. The second and third time seems like very unnecessary. We get the gist. You think that your friend's girlfriend is a bitch and you want them to break up.

So is there like a concise question in the email or is it just a song? Oh, there was no text. It was just that song. That is, that's, yeah, that's the entire. That's not even the gist. That's exactly. That is the question. Yeah. You just, he just doesn't like her.

Maybe everybody doesn't like her. Everybody doesn't like her. Except for your friend. Have you ever experienced that? A good guy dating a bad person? I have experienced a friend dating someone I didn't like. And are you in the minority or majority? In the specific instance, are you in the minority or majority uh in my in the specific instance i was in the majority so nobody liked him and it was a female friend of yours female friend boyfriend that nobody liked yeah why did why did she like him uh i think because, uh, like romantic relationships can entrench themselves inside of a person

in a way that other relationships are exempt from. So it's just like, uh, for like, sometimes with a guy, it's like, yeah, this woman is bad, but coming feels good. So that is she more worse than ejaculating is no i don't think that's what it is i don't think that's ever what it is it's not a sex thing like oh this girl gives me sex is like it's not that hard to have sex i don't think anybody's like i need to be with this person because i'll never have sex if i don't i think it's part of it no i think part of having regular sex is mesmerizing and for some people it's not easy to get that and then once

somebody's willing to give that to you you're like i'll deal with the other bad shit because ejaculating feels good and it's it's better than how bad it feels when i'm not doing that i completely disagree i think that that could be like maybe a small piece of it but i don't think that that would make someone stay in a bad relationship. So what does make it? I think it's like when you're in a relationship relationship with someone, it turns into like a codependence that you, like you're just very used to that person being super entrenched in your life. So removing that like really, it's a big piece.

I think like a romantic relationship, it becomes like 30% of your perception of yourself. So when you remove that person, you remove a piece of how you think of yourself. Oh, and then you're like, I don't want to deal with finding another person. Like the idea of losing this person means I'm not going to be me anymore. Yes. So I'll just deal to be me anymore. Yes. So I'll just deal with the badness. Or do you not even consider it the badness? Are you blinded to it?

Man. I think there's also, there's an aspect of like, especially when a bunch of friends don't like somebody, you always hear that person being like, well, you don't see us when it's just us, when we're just alone. Because you feel so comfortable with somebody. And like, if your friends don't like someone sometimes you're like oh shit i shouldn't like this person either but sometimes you're like it almost fortifies you into the relationship where it's like hey it's me and my girlfriend against the world because nobody else likes us but nobody sees us when we're when we're alone and we're we're actually good together we make each other feel really good i was in a relationship where a bunch of my friends would get, like, tired of me complaining about it.

And what I took from that was not like, oh, man, seems like I have a lot of complaints. I took like a, oh, man, I'm a negative person and I should stop complaining so much. Oh, yeah. I should, like, calm down and not whine so much so that my friends will still want to talk to me so like i'm having a fine relationship but i just complain about it a lot right and then your friends like can't even help you out of the relationship because you're not showing them yeah happy totally but do you think if all your friends had an intervention for you saying this person is bad would you like have to believe them or would you be like all my

friends are bad maybe but i don't think like most bad relationships are not so bad that someone would hold an intervention most relationships are just like not amazing and that's why they're bad right a lot of the times you get out of a relationship and then you realize it was bad the entire time absolutely oh so while you're in it you're just sort of like coasting along being like oh some relate every relationship is good and bad. And I'm just going through. Peaks and valleys, ups and downs. Sometimes we fight and sometimes we don't.

And then you leave and you find somebody else or you're totally on your own. You realize for the first time, like, oh, I'm not fighting at all with somebody. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah. I love not fighting with someone. Yeah. Not fighting feels great.

Yeah. It seems like most of these other people in my life support me in what I want. Yeah, isn't that good? Weird. I'm surrounded by positivity. Oh, man. I have less complaints now. Oh, and before, the only person that was mean to me was the person I was dating.

I think the hard part is actually breaking up. The first couple days after that are so bad that people want to avoid it. Yeah. So it's like, I'll live my life at a C minus just to avoid a couple F days. Breaking up feels so terrible. And there's a very easy fix to it, which is getting back together. Which is why people do that. You can make those terrible feelings go away by getting back in the relationship.

Yeah. Especially when the person you're breaking up with really doesn't want to break up really doesn't want to break up and like everything you've ever wanted like love and support and tenderness is right there in front of you because you have threatened to leave right and then maybe you got a lot of leverage yeah so how do you avoid that you have to be be so mentally strong and forward thinking that, no, even though this is easy and good to get back together, I cannot do it. I can't allow myself to do it.

I think the easiest way to get through that is to create a circumstance where you cannot get back together, like be in a different place. Oh, like take a trip, get out of there, get out of town. Move to Los Angeles. That's good advice. a different place oh like take a trip get out of there get out of town move to los angeles that's good advice right just la is just 18 million people that have just broken up with somebody on the east coast this is a secret city that nobody has to know about yeah whenever anyone moves here i assume they are in the middle of a breakup uh are you speaking from experience yes it sounded like it was too too spot on to be something you made up yeah i had like some really like i had a cushion when i broke up with my person i like was home with my family and like he could leave and go back to new

york and we could be away from each other. And even still, like when we were around each other after that, it was so painful that I would, I think of that time as like such a precarious, like it's really just luck that I didn't get back together, that I didn't like stay and. Oh, like you could have easily done that. Easily. Absolutely.

Wow. Yeah. So why didn't it happen? Because I created a circumstance where it would have been very impossible but that's not luck that's what that was your decision yeah that i mean that's my advice is to like create a well we're not actually advising this person we're advising the guy it's actually i have completely different advice for this person oh what is it well to not meddle to not to get involved. It's not his relationship.

Yeah, but what if one of your best friends was dating a terrible... Well, first of all, I feel like it's not necessarily for me as an outsider to decide who's terrible for my... If the girl is terrible, or if they're both terrible, or if they're just terrible together.

I feel like... This guy has such a small role in the grand scheme of the relationship that to try to break it apart is a little selfish. I think the only thing he could do is maybe talk to his friend a lot and just deduce if his friend is actually happy or not.

Because if his friend is truly happy, then get the fuck out of there. Then just don't hang out with the girlfriend if you guys don't get along. But if he's not happy, then I think you just maybe kind of talk to him about that a lot until he makes the decision on his own. Or you put him in a box and send him to LA.

Put him in a box. Take your friend, wrap him up in a bunch of tape, stick him in a... Pack him peanuts. Oh, a poster tube. Yeah, a poster tube. Stuff him into a poster tube. Yeah, a pneumatic poster tube. He'll be dead. He'll poke holes in the top and bottom so that he can breathe

on the way. How wide would the poster tube have to be? That's a great question. What are we thinking? This guy's like... Where are you widest? What's the diameter? Your shoulders. Oh yeah, your shoulders for sure. So that's like 38, 40 inches. Yeah. That's the diameter of the poster tube.

You want to do FedEx Ground because he'll pass out if he's in the air for that long because they put him in a non-pressurized cabin. And then depending on where he lives, he'll be in LA in, what, four days max? So your advice is all shipping advice, right? Yeah, a lot of it is shipping related. A lot of it is trying to... Because this podcast is sponsored by... UPS Ground.

Yeah, I think I like Jake's advice. Like, talk to your friend and, like, help him lay out the reasons he's not happy if he is. Like, help him answer questions that can, like, lead him to see his life more clearly. Because like any sort of like you should do this or you should do that will cause him to argue. Exactly. If my friends all told me to do something, I might not do it just to be like, fuck you guys.

Just to spite them. But I think that the goal should be to either empower him to break up if he wants to, or see if like go into it with an open mind and like maybe he's going to convince you that his girlfriend is right for him. I want to take a second also because if this is a group of friends that are all guys and they don't like this girl, I'm worried. That's reading between the lines and that's true. I'm worried that she just has emotions and feelings and they're like a bunch of bros being like shut up buy your feelings there's well there's a major chance that she's like totally like doesn't even

have emotions or feeling like completely even keel and it's just the this is the first girlfriend that group of friends has ever had yeah and like now his friend is coming out slightly less and he's like she's ruining the group yeah everyone hates Everyone hates her, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's why your advice is the best one because, like, if he really is happy, if she's actually, like, not the terrible person that he thinks she is, then, like, you just need to, like... This is the, like, the goal is to do a little detective work

and find out if your friend's happy or not. Or if, like, because this should not be about making him happy. Like like i'll be happier if my friend's single because we'll be friends again we'll get to spend and you you do mean actual detective work like hide in the bush with like yeah a stethoscope i mean like be a bush yeah sort of snoop around the yard yeah and then when she looks at you you have to sort of settle down and that way it's a bush. Did you say detectives have stethoscopes? Yeah. That's what a doctor has. Yeah, well, you press it up against the wall and then you sort of adjust the frequency so you can hear the conversation.

Ideally in a van or something like that. You can like measure your friend's heartbeat with that stethoscope. Oh, that's true. And you're like, see man, I sense stress in you. Anxiety. That might be because you're holding a, you jumped out of a bush

and you're holding a stethoscope to my chest. All right, let's take a little break and we'll be back with one more question if that's okay with you. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well.

Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly.

Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny, I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying

visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters? Yeah, vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz, with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one build a store an online portfolio the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch just use that coupon code segments to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain hell yeah so again you go to

squarespace.com slash segments segments you save% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. segments and we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love exactly it's a survey that lets us know what you think about uh the ad experience but in order to do that we need to know

a little bit more about you our audience the survey is quick easy and free to support segments it'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it uh It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's gum.fm slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. We're back. All right. What are your thoughts on your podcast? You just started one for our network three weeks ago, four weeks ago. Yeah. How has it been versus what you thought it would be? It's really fun. I'm very much enjoying it.

I didn't know exactly what the form was going to be until like a day before it. And then my first guest was Jake, and Jake basically led through the podcast that it should be like the guest, the reading of something old from their past. Right, yeah. Why don't you just say what your show is in case anybody here hasn't heard it yet. My podcast is called That Was Us, and I have a guest on every show that reads something from their past, something old enough to be interesting, text messages, emails, Facebook, something, some written evidence of how they used to be.

And I make them read it, and we talk about how they were then, like how they've changed now, why they were, why they changed, the circumstances of the world at the time they wrote it, and what they've learned since. Sometimes we learn things within the podcast. I share stories from similar times in my life. uh so far jake has been on the show i've been on the show and danielle's been on the show danielle owens raid was uh reading a diary entry from boy troubles and diet pill times in her life which was early early march last year early early early March last year. Early, early March. How early March? The 14th.

So early it was February. It was a leap year, to be fair. But you're having a good time with it? I love it. I've been doing half an hour podcasts, but I think I want to talk a little bit longer about life and love. Our podcast also started at like 30, and then we just get more and more plump

and robust and then now we're like in between 45 and an hour yeah i could have talked for another 20 about that dude who doesn't think that his friend's girlfriend is cool because i think maybe that guy's not cool whoa it's very possible he did sit for a long time composing a uh bastille bastille cover. So, yeah. Oh, your album. You have a big thing coming up in your life. You forget she does music a lot. You don't fucking ask.

You're a podcast. You're the host. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, I have an album coming out September 25th. It's called Some Feelings. Is your third album? Yeah, sure have an album coming out September 25th. It's called Some Feelings. Is your third album? Yeah, sure.

Is it? It's like I've been making music since I was 14. So I have like a clamshell like picture of me with eyes that I photoshopped bluer that I put out. Like, do I count that as my first album? No. I do. The script on the front is like handwritten you know wow yeah that's like those are your early mixtapes then yeah but like people bought them oh you know what i mean yeah they made money like the internet bought them so you could make money off a mixtape

that's drake says he made a million dollars off a mixtape yeah i wanna i wanna be able to say that maybe there's still time yeah there's still time start promoting your old mixtape yeah i wanna i wanna be able to say that maybe there's still time yeah there's still time start promoting your old mixtapes instead of your new album that's very smart business savvy do you want to manage me uh sure yeah uh what's the percentage oh that's the one i won't do it for less than 50 50 what glam bank cds uh have have you pre-sold albums already or you have to sell albums uh i sold like 3 000 albums on kickstarter before i was even done mixing it is that amazing is that the most albums you've sold ever no what was your most or is it a secret uh i don't know i um i don't know

exact numbers of anything oh that's beautiful yeah i know well here's what i know is like i make i order 5 000 cds of like any one thing and then i have to order more when i run out so i know i've sold at least 5 000 of my last album and and over 3 000 of this one that's not even out yet and when do i get to hear it as a as a pre-order uh i think like two weeks before september amir donated to my kickstarter campaign he donated to my last one too did you that's really nice and i think i guess raise your hand if you're someone else in the room that donated to the kickstarter oh my god is there still time holding an iphone up you can pre-order it on my website okay i'll do that so how do people

can i venmo you 50 bucks can i give you 30 in cash and 48 cents and a stamp and if you have some early tracks on your phone yeah i'll listen to it now it's the best deal cover again just four minutes of so how do people pre-order your album julianunes.com has my store and you can give me ten dollars and and i will give you the promise of a cd on september 25th. To come. And then can people sample the songs? How do we get people into your music?

You can play the 90-second previews on iTunes. If you pre-order my album on iTunes right now, you get it for a discount and you get one track immediately. There it is. Do you get to choose it? No, it's a song called something bad and there's a music video out for it and so that's why it's the one you get you can see you can you can listen to something bad right now on youtube you could yeah and but you want she wants the the cash the

skrilla don't know about the free youtube link you listen to one song you like it you want more which music video am i in and when does it come out, Julia? Oh, man. Amir is in the next single I'm putting out. It's called Don't Feel. And Amir plays just like my very annoying and then very upset boyfriend. The ones that all your friends complain about and try to get you to break up with. But I'm not ready to hear that yet.

I'm not about that noise. No. Amir smashes breakaway glass over my head in slow-mo in this music video. I must have broken 80 glasses and bottles over your head. I'm sure it was over 100. And one of them legit hurt you. Like, I felt bad. Yeah, Amir was so concerned with my well-being. It was very unlike my relationship.

At the time. Because like even the bottles had like a hard part to them. You're like, all right, just keep crashing them over my head. But it has to be this soft spot. Otherwise, like it will sound like a glass hitting a table. I had a couple of eggs on the back of my head. There was one shot that we were really excited about. It was supposed to be like a close-up with like just smash, smash, smash, smash, smash,

like just 10 things on my head all in a row. And not only did we not use the shot, but like three of the things didn't break when they hit my head. Oh, no. One of them was a real Coke bottle that I brought in from lunch. Got confused. Or did you? That's got to have, have to have happened once in the history of breakaway

bottles right that is why we didn't bring in like the snack cart was outside because we just didn't want anything to get confusing yeah is that how the guy in the crow died or something yeah the fake bullet he choked on a coke bottle uh we're running out of time but i do want to get to one last question this one's from a lady so So, Julia, can you read it? Sure. We rarely have a lady on the show to lend her voice. Hey, guys. All right.

Here's the thing. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and we have an extremely great relationship. Until recently, he was studying a few hours away. No big deal. When it had been a week or two between visits, he would never hesitate to ask me to send him dirty pictures. I've never minded doing so, and it's been something I've actually enjoyed doing since the beginning of our relationship. He's back in our hometown now, and I still send him naughty pictures pretty often. That's the thing. It's always me. A few months ago, I asked

him to send me pictures of himself, and he flat out refused. I've brought it up every time he Wow. but he always changes the subject what do i do to get a picture of the d help love sarah wow interesting i feel like most of the time it's guys sending unwanted dick pics this guy won't send any dick pics yeah well the i think the obvious answer was you shouldn't have sent you should have like started an exchange rate early on. Now he's got 20 of yours and you don't have any of his. But that ship has passed. How does she now get a DP? She wants the DP now.

Well, DP stands for double penetration. Well, maybe she wants that too it's like this is if this is just like a small issue then just like don't send him any more pictures until he sends you one because i think that's only fair i think that's a conversation you can have where you can be like hey uh this has started to feel uneven and i'm not going to do it next time he asks you just say no not until i get the dp it actually as long as you do it with that that intonation i think it works oh so you now you came up with it i guess i'm a hero do you think that's yours now uh yeah i think this could be like a lighthearted issue i think it could be like pretty fun and like hot if you

if it's like he's not an asshole but i'm worried you guys i'm worried he's an asshole because he won't send him the deep yeah i'm scared that he like the first thing that occurred to me was like what if he's like hoarding her pictures so that he can like do whatever he wants later and he doesn't want to give her any ammunition oh like this whole relationship has been a long con to get some amateur porn i think i think speaking as somebody who is afraid of sending dick pics like yeah what's your ratio of duties received versus dps out i've sent two dick pics in my whole entire life and it's just because like the my dick looks really ugly i don't find i may i don't know like i've had what i've only also only had one person that asked me over and over again to send a dick

pic and i was and i would always say like i just feel so embarrassed doing it i can't do it and i was never like that being said send me nude pictures of you which she did anyway but she would like i would say you know what i don't we don't need to do this at all i can't send a dick pic i'll send all these like shirtless pics my dick when it's on a camera it just makes me laugh it doesn't look good it's not photogenic and then one day she was having like a really bad day so i sent her a dick pic just to cheer her up with the d. That's really nice, man. Maybe I sent her snap dick things. But it's got to be, you have to be open.

You can't expect the nude pics and not send the dick pic if it's asked. Yeah. So I think what I would do here, she takes a nude photo, really hot one, right? And then she zooms in just past all the exciting parts. Okay. And then she's like, I'll zoom all the way out.

Oh. Then, you know, you screenshot it, you send it. Yeah. I'll zoom all the way out for a picture of your penis. Uh-huh. And then...

I'm getting... You're getting exasperated. I'm starting to rethink my opinion on this because like i'm reversing it in my head and like if a guy is sending a bunch of pictures of himself to a girl and she's like happy to receive them and then he's like i want pictures of you and she's like no i would want for him to respect her boundaries right but like that But that's taking it halfway, right? So he's respecting her. If he says, or if she says, I like getting your dick pics, but I don as that person doesn't keep on pressing after the initial conversation, does that like,

there shouldn't be pressure either way. If he says, you know what? I feel too embarrassed, too ashamed to send a picture of my penis, but I love getting your nude photos. Then that's one thing, but he can't keep on asking her for the photos and say like,

I demand you send me nude photos, keep on sending me nude photos. And he's not not gonna pony up and like have an exchange yeah that's what's bothering me is like the pony up uh part of this like i don't want i i take back like withholding pictures until like if you want to send naked pictures then that's your prerogative but it shouldn't be with like a a an exchange in mind but she's not as she's only sending them because he's asking for them this isn't her on her own volition taking nudes she said she likes it but she said she said that she prompted she also said that he asked for them yeah yeah i think uh if he's if he's asking for them that he has to realize that he might need to pay

for them in a certain way yeah i think that that i like god this is hard because i don't have i don't have experience from like i've either done no nude pictures with the person i'm dating or like all nude pictures all the time. Or all dick pics all the time. Just a burst. Julia finds pictures of dicks that she photographs in the wild. Okay, I have maybe like a new approach. Like if it is embarrassment, if it's like what Jake's talking about where you don't feel confident about the way.

It's not the size either it's just i'll assure you cosmetic problems it's non-photogenic it's all the weird warts on it but it's like okay then like maybe you can like do a sexy photo shoot of the two of you together and he can like see the way he looks hot with you and like how those pictures would be hot for both of you to look at, then he might be like more into sending some solo hot pics. That's true. You could definitely make him feel good enough about his dick that he'd want

to photograph it and share it with you. So it's like next time you're together, maybe you take the dick pic and then the floodgates are open the ice has been broken and then he feels more comfortable sending you some solo shots down the road yeah because she doesn't have a why right now she like guesses that it might be embarrassment and that seems pretty legit also like a guy would never be like i'm embarrassed of my penis unless you're as open as jake or what I'm not embarrassed of my penis. You're putting words in my mouth. I said I'm ashamed of how it looks. Let's backtrack.

I said it wasn't photogenic. We gotta go, but thank you so much. Hey, wait, no. I said it was too big for the camera, right? It wouldn't fit in a frame at all without panorama mode? She's also mentioned that they haven't had a real conversation.

She's only brought it up joking. Yeah, and he just changes the subject the subject yeah so maybe he doesn't he might not be aware that it's an actual issue that she really does want these dick pics because i think a big part of it too is like like why would you really want this a dick pic why would you really want a picture of me dick but if she's like hey i really do i want to look at it then maybe you do give it to her i like the idea of doing it together or at least being there the first time it happens. Yeah. A sexy photo shoot.

Or like talking about why you want that dick pic in like a hotter way than so that it's even. Yeah. Say you want it regardless of how many nudies you sent him. Yeah. It's not that it's unfair. If you're doing the nude photo exchange that it's unfair if you're doing the nude photo exchange it's worth at least having a maybe they already have but like uh one of those don't uh an nda yeah make him sign an nda yeah so that it's illegal for him to disseminate it later

that's actually a good idea although i should probably have i think it is illegal anyway yeah i guess it is it's like inherently illegal oh it's not i mean Yeah, I guess it is. It's like inherently illegal. Oh, it's not. I mean, like revenge porn is a real thing that happens all the time. And the guys are protected behind like the laws. I thought one of the guys that started the revenge porn site just went to jail. But all the men that posted those videos did not. They did not. The guy that started the site went to jail.

Yeah. He also went to jail for jaywalking. It was a completely different crime. Wow. Kind of makes you think. You can also went to jail for jaywalking. It was a completely different crime. Wow. Kind of makes you think you can't go to jail for jaywalking. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking of something else entirely.

Right. Murder. Cool. I think we answered this lady's question. Did you think you did? Yeah. I think you did. Did you think you did?

I think I did. And I think that I agreed with Julia. So that's like me answering it as well. Great. Do you have anything you want to plug before we have to go? You already mentioned your album, which is on sale for pre-sale right now on julianunes.com. Your podcast, that was us on headgum.com.

Is it hosted anywhere else? It's on YouTube and SoundCloud. Yeah. iTunes. That's right. And... Anything else that's not related to any podcasting album? Promote something. Just say something. How about like Save the Whales?

We start pushing you. Say something. Save the Whales. Come on. Promote something already. Sell something already. No pressure. Oh, I have a good thing to promote promote there is a petition to end revenge porn i think that we ended on thematically

good honestly we are at the hour mark so we got to cut you off but thank you so so much uh i want to look it up okay the thing i want to promote is change.org There's a petition to end revenge porn, so you just go to change.org and search end revenge porn and sign the petition so that guys can be held accountable for sharing porn of their ex-girlfriends

because they're pissed that the relationship is over. Yeah, that sounds like a pretty worthwhile cause. Between that and your album, I feel like a pretty worthwhile cause. Yeah. Between that and your album, I feel like people have two things to do right now. Please. Thanks, Julia, for coming on our show. Finally, 171 episodes in.

The hell took you so long? I had to move to LA. Oh, yeah. I had to wait for you to move to Los Angeles. Yeah. And if you have your own questions or your own theme song submissions or own anything, everything is the same email address.

If I were you show at gmail.com, the opening theme song, which you really liked, right? Was from Brandon and John. And this closing one is from Allie and Lizette, one of our most prolific songwriters who made a Delilah cover for us. So thank you, Allie and Lizette, one of our most prolific songwriters who made a Delilah cover for us. So thank you, Allie and Lizette,

and Brandon and John and Jake and Julia. Thanks for having me. We'll be back next week. Bye. Hey there Amir, how's it going in LA? I've got a couple things to say to you But please do not tell Jake, he'd be upset He'd probably call in a bomb threat Would halt sunset Hey there Amir, I found Jake Hurwitz on Tinder

I was mildly confused When I saw he used your picture Yes, he did The bio was awfully morbid The things he said Oh, he tried to fool me Oh, he said that he was you. Oh, your identity was stolen by J.B.

Hey there, J., please don't say this to Amir, but he let slip a secret that I think you oughta hear your mom's involved. I'd like to have this problem solved. It's kinda fucked. Spotted them together underneath a pink umbrella, and I think that Sam would like to know she was with another fella and wasn't here. They shared a hot dog and a beer down by the pier. Oh, I saw them at a bar. Oh, she held him in her arms. Oh, please don't give him harm. Oh, it meant he had some charm.

Jake's a fraud and he's so cool. Amir's the player, but he's a fool who couldn't help but love his beady eyes. Jake's insecure and really shy. He's a fool who couldn't help but love his beady eyes. Jake's insecure and really shy. That's why his pick's another guy. We think that he is great the way he is. Amir and Jake, I promise you that everything we've said is true. Your lives will never ever be the same.

And you're to blame that was a pretty great song even though it was all fake yeah except the part about jake's mom that was a hate gum podcast