Segments - 176: Fantasy (w/Emily Gordon!)

Episode Date: September 28, 2015

Former therapist, current writer/comedy producer Emily Gordon joins us to discuss breaking up, farting, and her new book, "Super You!" This episode is brought to you by DollarShaveClub, and CreditKarma. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com, B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order

and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star.

There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish. You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live.

So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad. Edit this part out. But let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely keep this part in don't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it

oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it in but we'll see you guys what no no no no you've been listening since day one. One. Get chicks since day none. I mean, I ain't really had shit to do since Jake and Amir was done. Not gonna lie. I might have had the tear in my eye. I still get with chicks, though.

No, that ain't the issue. I learned that shit from the pinch, ho. I appreciate all of the info. For that time, made you an intro. That was a time I had to do well. But now Amir likes me well. But I'm in a sticky situation as well And I just don't know who to tell, I was hoping you could offer me some kind of help

I'm stuck in this first world's country's hell If I were you, what you know about? If I were you, take a mirror and ask I said if I were you, if you be in doubt If I were you, guess who's in the house If I were you, what you know about? That was owls. Owls. Of course.

Owls. You guys want to take guesses on how to spell owls? No. Okay, because you're halfway there. Emilyily gordon hi let me introduce you right off the bat that that was a great theme song yeah right i really liked it a lot it sounds like deep ouse yeah it was very deep ouse uh where is that guy from because how do i get that accent uh oddly enough he just says he's from the uk the netherlands he has to be from the netherlands german have you guys heard speak the hungarian rapper no well everybody at home

listening to this and you guys afterwards you're gonna have to google that he's speak the hungarian it's a rapper who's hungarian and his backing musical group and they do a song about war where he references 9-11 tupac a million a million things, and it is just a treasure. It is a treasure to behold. This guy sounds better than that. This guy's awesome. This guy is Aus, A-U-W-S. A-U-W-S?

That is not how I installed it. Aus. A-U-W-S. Yeah. No E either. It's pronounced like house without the H, he says. Okay. Oh, he's on YouTube,s 94 and soundcloud ows al

gabory ows 90 he couldn't just get ows on youtube i guess not like that that was already taken yeah that's insane i want to watch him rap i want to see what his face looks like yeah well you can if you go to his youtube channel i will or what if we go to the uk what if you go to his YouTube channel. I will. Or what if we go to the UK? What if we go to his show? Should we just go to the UK right now? Wherever he recorded that, like a dingy basement somewhere. I feel like we should have that sound effect board where we can, like, us, like, walking, getting into

a car. Yeah. The sound of a flight. Yeah. Hi, we're in the UK now. Knock, knock, knock. House? Are you in the house? Is house in the house? Oh, it's perfect. That's what he'll say

when he's on stage. Oh, that's a great point. Yeah. Can we be his publicist? House, if you're listening, at the very least, Emily wants to be your publicist. No, you guys are coming with me

or I'm not doing it. It's a trifecta. So, Emily, how do our fans know you? Or maybe if they don't, who are you? Why are you here? Why am I here? I am a writer and a stand-up producer. Those are my main two jams.

The big two. I produce a show called The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail. Ever heard of it? Maybe. It's a live standup show in LA. That's also a TV series for comedy central. We've done two seasons so far and I'm in, I'm in that cause we show backstage.

So that's fun for me. That's cool. And then I write a bunch of stuff all over the internet. Yeah. Yeah. And just wrote a book. Whoa. Which is on the internet now.

Yeah. Well, no, not the whole thing. You can buy it, but you can order it. Yes. It's available for pre-order

now it'll be out in two days what's the deal with the book the book is like a self-help guide uh that's funny but like not like a joke self-help guide it actually is like a genuine self-help guide uh but it is also mixed with like terrible stories from my childhood and my teenage years and my now years all of my years essentially all of the years because there's a lot to go around so it's like half memoir half self-help and uh it's called super you what was the worst year you had oh my god what year yeah the most terrible what was the worst year i think there was a really deep you don't have to go you don't have to go into any detail other than just the year i think maybe like middle school years were pretty rough in general.

And then like early 20s years, not so great. Yeah. There were a couple in there that were not amazing. But middle school and then high school, I kind of started figuring stuff out a little bit. And I was super angry. But I was like, I had become like a goth kid. So then I was like, I had like a racket going. Yeah.

But before I figured that out, I was just this like amorphous blob that was like miserable all the time. So that was pretty bad. Did you have braces? No, I didn't have braces, but I was overweight and I was just like a sad little creature. When you were in eighth grade, I had braces, acne, and I was way too thin. Just like not comfortable in any facet of anything. I still showered with a bathing suit on.

I was just, what? Oh, cute. Like in Weird Science. I showered with a bathing suit on until I was like 14. Why? At your home or at school? At my house. You were a never nude.

I was. Well, I had, there were so many people in my family and there were no locks on any of the bathrooms. Oh. So it was like, but I mean, i still as my family i could have been naked i don't know why i was just is it just an israeli thing because my family was like if i'm showering my mom's coming in taking the laundry out is that weird or is that normal yeah that's weird that's weird yeah oh that's weird yeah brothers walking in peeing while i'm taking it

i don't think it's i don't think that's that i had sisters so that's where the gender there's like yeah if there's male. You had all brothers. I think that's totally normal. In and out. I'd walk in while my brother's showering. But if the shower was going, I never knew who was in there. So you didn't want to walk in. I wasn't trying to walk in on my sisters in the shower.

I didn't want that confusing thing happening. No, I didn't want that on my brain for the rest of my life. What if you see something good? Oh, God. You don't want that? No. I had a roommate, a female female roommate once and she would use the toilet while i was in the shower like she would poop while i was showering no yeah that's a

different level of intimate i wouldn't be into that because it would smell you can smell it yeah actually yeah that person just got married so i pulled up a photo of that action happening because my third roommate the door was open so he like took a photo because he was having such a fun time she also took a shit with the door open yeah it was like some i don't know person well i did that too i don't know it was it was college it was camp it was everything was open yeah no i i like i can say that but also i never did that so it's kind of weird i didn't do that and i still like uh i'm married now and like we have a strict like no no peeing in front of each other none of that stuff like i guess i would pee in front of my weird i didn't do that and i still like uh i'm married now and like we have a strict like no no peeing in front of each other none of that stuff like i guess i would pee in front of my

but like pooping in front of somebody it's like i want to still be attracted to that person that's why we do it that's why we don't even pee in front of each other because like we want to keep the magic a little bit of the magic alive totally as much as possible i respect that a lot and some people can still do that while peeing in front of each other i don't think that my husband and i can we're done girlfriends in the past who have like we've pooped in front of each other and it like it really ruins it a little bit you don't want to have sex with somebody you just watched shit come out of their buttholes yeah i don't even put deodorant on in front of my husband i'm like yeah we like keep it like yeah this is sort of an intimate photo. But it's the photo. But it's kind of, it's funny, right?

I mean, you're not taking a shower right there. What's happening with you? I think I was taking a bath or I crouched down like I was taking a bath. A shame bath, it looks like you're taking a bath. You look ashamed of yourself. I mean, I was ashamed. It's a very good booty tooch you've got going. What's a booty tooch? You pop that hip up so it looks like it's a nice shape.

You created good angles for yourself in that photo. Her, she could do better. But you did great. So what gives you the right to write a self-help book? Where do you get off? Where do I get off? You're a comedy producer. Before I did any of this stuff, I have a master's in couples and family therapy.

And I was a practicing therapist for about six and a half years. So that's the real thing. That's the real thing. Practicing, masters. You learned. Oh, I learned. You know. You are a master.

I don't know that I'm a master. Yeah, I think you are the master as it stands right now. Uh-oh. Not good. So Jake and I have an advice podcast. We don't have any of that stuff. We't have credentials we don't have experience you guys should probably stop then right is it our first question is is this illegal am i under arrest i think and that's the thing like i don't even know that i think what sarah what separates therapist like people are always asking me for my advice but i most of my advice comes from just me being a person in the

world and going having gone through a bunch of bullshit and then so i for that you're completely yeah totally qualified and then i also have some book learning on top of that yeah book learning to supplement the real life learning yeah that's where it's at that's the's the key. So we usually get questions that are a little lighthearted. And then we're like, maybe we should choose some real questions that we wouldn't answer. We want to just make sure that you don't have fun on the podcast. I'm so scared right now. They're not that dark. But it's just stuff they're like, oh, I don't know how I would answer that.

Yeah. Yeah. OK. We've got a professional in our midst. I feel like we should play it into them. And I will say, not practicing now. Everybody needs to be aware of that. Is that a thing, though? Like, are you out of practice? Do you get rusty with your- a professional in our midst i feel like we should and i will say not practicing now everybody needs to be aware is that is that a thing though like are you out of practice do you get rusty with your

i probably am rusty with like sitting down across from a person and being like getting them to like tell me about their problems but uh i i've been that's when i started freelance writing i was only writing like mental health stuff and like advice columns and stuff like that so that's how i've to my parents like hey you remember that master's degree i spent all my time and all my money on this is what i'm using it for i have an advice column on tumblr but it's a good advice column i read it sometimes like oh i wouldn't have thought of that i appreciate what is the what is the uh that one's called emily v gordon.tumblr.com and the tumblr is called do you think you're pretty oh that's good which is what a uh the origin story of that is that i was in middle school

uh waiting outside for my parents to pick me up along with one of the most popular girls in my middle school and she stared at what was her name did she have a cool name i'm not gonna say her name let's say it was like bethany oh classic yeah uh she had like mall bangs because this was the 80s uh gorgeous but also like trashy kind of because it's north carolina and she stared at me for like 30 seconds and then went do you think you're pretty and i was like oh i don't my brain like melted out of my ears like what can you say that there's no good answer i'm still trying to figure out that answer and it stuck with me for how, all of these years. What a mean thing to say.

I wonder if she remembers saying it. No. No way. She doesn't even slightly remember saying it. I wonder what she's doing now. Oh, I know what she's doing now. It's not great. She's the CFO of a Fortune 500 company. She's not super happy. I try not to take joy from that, but every once in a while I do. You should comment that on her Facebook page someday.

Do you think you're pretty? Yeah. God. Anyway, that's where the name of my tumblr comes from that's awesome are you glad in retrospect that somebody did that to you one day sure all these things it's all origin story stuff right yeah yeah yeah it's all makes you who you are beautiful uh so this is a real email from a real person we should give like you said uh you didn't want to out that person do you have a fake name to give this person just to preserve ronaldo whoa she was soccer player ronaldo writes hey guys i've been dating this amazing girl for the last six months we met on tinder thanks jake and have been inseparable ever since she came at just the right time as i had a breakup just a few months before I met her. And I guess you'd have to call her

quote unquote the rebound. But it wasn't just about sex or anything. I really do love her. She's smart, funny, dorky, and the sweetest girl I've ever met. Everyone loves us as a couple because we're so similar and it really seems like we belong together.

Now here's the problem. She's a lion. I've been feeling unsatisfied for a while now. I don't love her like I used to. She's one of my best friends, and I know that I love her, but I don't think that I'm in love with her. We're young, so this was always meant to be just a fling. She really depends on me, so I'm afraid of what will happen if I break up with her.

She's crazy in love with me, and that's the problem. She has a history of depression and hurting herself, and I could never forgive her if she hurt herself because of me. She lives with her dad, and I live with my parents. She doesn't have a good thing going at home. Her parents are divorced, and her dad can be a prick, and her stepmom and her stepsister can be worse. She doesn't go to college and just goes to work. She's had a really rough life. She's almost lived in poverty for most of her life. I love her so much and I hate feeling this way. Of course, I want us to stay friends, but I know that never happens. I just want out of this relationship, but it just makes me feel like a piece of shit. I might just be, it might just be that this is not the right time, but I'm not sure if it will ever be the right time.

I just want to be a good guy. Please, please, please help me love Ronaldo. Woo! A lot of stuff. Split personality, I think. I feel like there were three distinct parts to this. The first part was amazing girl. I love her so much.

Second part was I do not like this girl. Yeah. Third part was this girl's sob story yeah oh god and i will say that the things that men do to because they want to be nice guys are often some of the most damaging things you can do to women oh interesting for example i want to be a good guy and i want to say i want to like i've got to be like the nicest guy and like i don't want to hurt her but in not hurting her you're with someone you actively resent and that hurts someone way worse like that's way more damaging I also think there's some sort of weird complex

that a guy or maybe just people in general but someone has to be like I am your source of happiness you are nothing without me so if I away, your world crumbles and you die. You're a little baby. Yes. That's not true. Yes. Like this girl existed and did fine

up until six months ago when they met and now that you're in a bad relationship, you think what? Do you think this is somehow good for her mental health that you're with her

when you actively don't want to be with her and I'm sure she can feel that and kind of sense that? Right. So all the things she doesn't have going for her like her poverty and work situation now she also has a boyfriend who dislikes her yeah he doesn't dislike her though he's just you know like he's no longer in he loves her but he's not in love with her he's staying with her out of pity it's not love right you're good you're good you're good

taking the words right out of my mouth you're very good i don't know when guys put ladies on pedestals and are like this little creature i've got to take care of and she doesn't have anything without she'll be fine i promise you i don't know this girl but you don't think she'll be sad as when it happens she'll be sad but you know what she can handle sadness she's a grown-ass woman whoa uh grown-ass ladies can handle being sad for a little bit. You staying with someone because you're afraid that they'll be bummed when you break up with them is not enough of a reason to stay with them. It's not fair to her. Not fair to you. She'll be bummed. Anybody who gets dumped, anybody who goes to a breakup will be bummed. It's okay

to be bummed. And then you can kind of bounce back from it. And you can kind of learn from it and move on. She gets she's grown up enough to do kind of learn from it and move on she gets she's grown up enough to do that i don't know her but if she's like every other human on the planet she's grown up enough to do that but i feel like this is a very common thing is i don't want to break up because uh i'm gonna quote unquote be the bad person yes i don't want to be like oh i'm hurting this thing that i i care about a lot yeah and then you break up with them and then you can't console them can you you can't console them, can you? You can't be the one to console them.

So then do you have to be like a meanie and be like, sorry, we're broken up. Go find help somewhere else. Yeah. A little bit. Yeah. I mean, that's what breakups are. Like, why on earth do you feel the need to be the sun and moon and stars for someone? Like, this happens all the time.

Breakups happen all the time. For the most part, every relationship you're in will end up ending. And just because, I mean, not mine, of course, but I'm married very happily. He is my sun, moon, and stars. He is my soulmate and I love him forever. But I just like, why are you pity, like pity staying with her? Like she's a tiny little fragile chick that can't handle. So why is he?

What's the answer to that because i also feel like i feel like a lot of guys want to be that for women they want to be i think it comes from a good place but it's a misinformed it's totally misinformed yes i had a girl the first time this happened i i um was like trying to break up with someone but i was like dragging my feet i was like i don't want to be an asshole i we were together for a long time and one day she just like called me out on it she's like if you want to break up with me do it i can handle it i know you think that i can't yeah she was really cool and then you're like now i don't want to and i was like because that was so cool she basically just she was just like do it you know i dare you like the bad guy in a movie just being like, pull the trigger.

Yeah, point the gun at his forehead. Like she put the gun. Yes, exactly. And it was like, I didn't have this. It wasn't her that didn't have the strength to survive the breakup. It was me that didn't have the strength to do it. To inflict any kind of harm on anyone. But that's part of what being in life is, is that sometimes you're the one hurting another

person and you don't, someone you care about. And sometimes you're the one being hurt by someone that you care about. It's just how the world works and it's it's a bummer but you're like i think guys are often given this message that they're supposed to be like a prince to the woman that they're dating a protector and so part of what they're protecting the women from is their feelings right which aren't love they're like i have to protect her from the fact that i don't like her like that's not that's not part of the deal like she she can handle that what she can't handle it's ultimately more helpful towards everybody's like personal growth yeah to certainly you know what ingrid michelson says of course we all know what ingrid michael every broken heart in the world still beats it's pretty beautiful

lyric actually she's sweet you should hear her sing it it's pretty cool yeah and you're not like a heartless creature if you break up with someone because you don't want to be with them you're it's to me it's more heartless to stay with someone that you don't want to be with i just i mean ultimately how many comes out your advice tumblr has people can ask you questions yes how many questions are about i don't i breaking up is hard and I don't know how to do it? Almost all of them. A lot of them, yeah. It's a common thing. Everybody wants permission from someone else to do a breakup because they want to be absolved of feeling like a bad guy. And bad girl, that is genderless.

Everybody wants to be absolved of feeling like a bad person. But it doesn't make you a bad person to hurt someone if you're doing it for the right reasons. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That sounds bad. Is it almost like the sadness you're giving them isn't necessarily negative? Yeah. Like, yeah, you're giving them a new emotion, sadness.

And you've given them happiness. And now you can give them anger. And it's just part of all being human. Relationships change. That's what they do. And not all of them are positive changes, but they end up, you don't want to be with someone

that doesn't want to be with you. Right. If this girl found out, like, hey, your boyfriend is with you because he thinks you can't handle being alone, do you want to be with him? Right. Oh, no, I don't.

Let's send her that email. Oh, God. Just forward it to her. We should start being vigilante superheroes like that. We don't need to be cruel. We don't need to be cruel. But we do need to be cool. Yep.

Be cool, not cruel. That's a good slogan, actually. House, can you turn that into a song? House, if you're out there. Do you think, this is a completely metaphorical, not really metaphorical, but a question that can't be answered. Of all the breakups in America this year, what percentage is the guy breaking up with the girl and the girl breaking up with the guy?

Oh, that's a good question. Do you think it's 50-50? I think it is, right? I don't know. Because that question could have just as easily come from a girl. It can't be exactly 50-50. It's probably close, but you know. I mean, it can be if it's an even amount of people.

Now, let's say, what are the chances, though? What are the chances? Oh, my God. I think it's 42, whatever it's an even amount of people. Now, let's say, what are the chances, though? What are the chances? Oh, my God. I guess exactly. I'm going to go 42, whatever the other of that is. Yeah. But of the questions you receive, you're not getting them mostly from dudes or dudettes. It's a pretty equal split.

And sometimes I don't even know, which I think is awesome, too, because I find when I'm reading the questions and there's no gender mentioned, I'll put on it whatever I'm thinking. And then I have to back away and be like, oh, this could be a dude or a lady. I have no concept. Could be straight relationship, could be gay one. I have no way of knowing.

Well, I got one from a lady for sure. Let's do this. Are you ready? I'm ready. All right. We did pretty well on that first one. Yeah, that was good. Nailed that.

Do you have a fake lady name? Ronaldo. Cristella. What? Cristella. Cristella is good. Yeah? Ronaldo. Cristella. What? Cristella. Cristella is good. Yeah, like Cristella. Hey, guys.

So I'm in quite the predicament. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a month now, and at first I was sort of sexually attracted to him, but now I'm becoming grossed out by him. For example, his neck hair really freaks me out, and his moobs make me think that I'm cuddling with an overweight 12 year old am i just being oh man boobs got it am i just being a shallow piece of shit he has a great personality but i can't see myself ever being with him sexually which is kind of a big deal for him

and it's really becoming harder to put off sex should i break up with him i think he should be with someone who can willingly be with him sexually if If so, what should I tell him my reason is? I think I might be gay, so I could just tell him that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Again, with a turn. Twisty turnies on the end. These are all written by M. Night Shyamalan.

Wow. Also, the year is 1600. Is it shallow? It's a monster. Is it shallow to break up with someone because you're not sexually attracted to them i don't think so i think also if if it's been a month to me that's not a very long period of time i yeah you don't really need to construct a super thought out reason if it's only been a month i feel like you just say hey this is not working out for me i

don't think it's necessary to look a human being in the eye and be like, I'm breaking up with you because your man boobs make me feel disgusted. Yeah. Like there's no reason. Yeah. Physical attraction or your physical appearance isn't something you can really work on, I guess a little bit.

Yeah. But I don't want an exit interview where somebody tells me I'm ugly. Exactly. Yeah. And there's somebody who will be attracted to this guy. And I'm also wondering, were you sexually attracted to him at first and somehow it went away she said sort of so it seemed

like it was she was giving it a try and then it tipped in the no and i feel like sometimes when you're with someone who has a great personality you'll start to like love the things about them that maybe would have grossed you out before and other people yeah but it also goes the other way that once you notice something oh yeah i here's what i found i've done in relationships i'm with a guy i kind of i can tell it's not like it's not great it's not right there's something sorry name names just what's the guy just just okay great ronaldo uh and it's not going right and then i'll find something like in a very seinfeldian manner yeah and be like crystal like just like that's the thing he's got back hair

well fuck that shit i can't handle back hair yeah and and then that becomes the world is like that guy's back hair when really it's about like we're just not compatible i might be gay there's a bunch of things going on yeah but i say it's about that because it's the easiest most concrete thing right something that you can latch on to and explain to your friends exactly and it's like he has too much neck hair he has man boobs i there was a guy i dated that thought it was okay to just fart it like and like at like cocktail parties like did not like loudly and like thought it was just like a cool fun thing to do and i i was like this dude sounds awesome right and it was not just that it was that we were incompatible in a million

different ways but it's so much funnier and so much better to tell your friends, like, this guy fucking farted at every, and thought it was fine to fart in business meetings. But it's not really like that. It's borderline Amir, actually. Yeah, I will fart. I will fart. Yeah?

I'm a farter. You're a farter? Do you fart in front of your husband? We don't. Isn't that crazy? No farting either. No farting. It is a little

nuts you're holding it in a long we excuse ourselves we don't need to get super into it into all the details but yeah it's just like one of us will excuse ourselves and then be like i'm gonna go to the bathroom and that's probably what's going on do you wish the the fart gates were to open no i'm fine with it you're a cute fart exactly. And I think that is different for everybody. And so I have no qualms with people that do fart and couples that do. The way I've always done it is like fart gates halfway open. Ajar. If I farted as much as I always fart in front of like a significant other.

Terrifying. Yeah. They'd run. They wouldn't run. They'd be blown back. It's like, oh, we're all tooting here. This is nice. And then I just have loud, smelly, wet-sounding parts.

Yeah. You don't want to have that in front of somebody. Yeah. Do the ladies reciprocate the farting? I mean, nobody farts as much as I do, except for you, I think. And that's why you guys are meant for each other. Yeah. That's true.

Amir's my soulmatemate and i will die alone like if it happens in our house it's not like a huge deal but like and i was like at some point this will probably change but it's been like eight years now yeah at this point yeah i think we got it locked in all right eight years makes a habit right that's what they say the eight-year itch or whatever so you say it is not shallow to break up with someone because you're not sexually attracted to them it's a huge part

of a relationship yeah absolutely and also if you might be gay figure that out if you're not sexually attracted to him not because he's unattractive

but because he doesn't have a vagina yeah get in there give that a try for sure do you owe somebody an excuse

what do you mean I'm breaking up with you do I have to tell you why? Why? Why are you breaking up with me? Yeah. So obviously, yes. See, I don't think you owe them anything.

I think the kind thing to do is to give some closure. But closure comes within you. It doesn't come from another person, really, ultimately. We want to believe that someone is like like here is your key to the city but really it's like on us to kind of get the closure but i think it's a kind thing to do even if it's a little bit of a massaged truth right yeah but i think that's also the best way to because the danger in saying like why why are you breaking up with me well i don't really like your neck hair and i don't like your man boobs i'll go to the gym and i'll shave and then you're like oh yes like you don't want the problem to be fixable if you're saying like why do you break why are you breaking up with me

i think the best thing to do is always be like i'm not emotionally invested in this and i don't see myself getting there right and then what does somebody say to that yeah it has to be an unfixable problem and then it's also it helps that if it's on you it's not like oh it's nothing but then that's the whole that's why it's not you it's me that's the cliche and you never want to say it's not you it's me but there are you can put it on yourself yeah but isn't everything both them and you like they're one way and you're reacting i always especially when working with couples you think of it's three things in the room it's the one person the second person and then the relationship between them is a third thing it's like its own it's like it's its own existence it has like a pulse it like has ways that it works like it's a different

i love that visual yeah cool and so you you can you have two people but you also have this thing they created it's almost like a baby that they've made which is how they relate to each little shadow figure in the back so i think it is always both people in some ways right um but that doesn't mean it's like well you get 40 like an insurance after an accident like you have 40 of the blame and you have 60 like ultimately those numbers don't matter but yeah it's like the point is this isn't gonna work like that's always like this isn't gonna work i'm sorry so that's the closure gotta go yeah gotta go you don't have to know exactly why it just is and i've definitely had those things where i've been dumped and then like just like frantically being like i can i can face it i can change i can change do you really want to be with someone that you're having to like

beg to come back to you that's like i've i've gotten them to come back and then when they did i'm like oh this feels bad too it's bad all the way what you want is a time machine to come back. And then when they did, I'm like, oh, this feels bad, too. It's bad all the way. What you want is a time machine to go back to before this felt bad. That's what you want. And you can't have that. It sucks. And if you can't have a time machine, breaking up is the next best thing. Sort of like a time machine to the future. Ooh.

Like Doctor Who. You kids like Doctor Who. Yeah, totally. Doctor Whom? All right. We're going to take a break. Just a real quick one to thank a few sponsors. But then we'll be right back if you promise not to leave.

We can borrow your brain for some more wisdom. We'll be back with more Emily right after this. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct. And the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties,

which QB threw for less than 350 yards, and if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play Pick 6 from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the nfl wow so if you like watching football and it sounds like you do i do yeah i do a lot this this can really heighten your joy that's right i grew up a raiders fan and now i'm just a fan of the league in general but i still have a fan of gambling enough yes you're a fan of gambling yes and i do have an affinity for the silver and black.

So if you like football as much as me, which is not likely, because I do know a lot. Do you know what a nickelback does in a cover two defense? Or do you know what a play action pass is? These are some advanced things that I know that you wouldn't necessarily know. I basically know run and Hail Mary. You actually know both of those? Yeah, running is when you run and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right?

Damn. I think you should download the DraftKings pick six app. Select between two and six players. I have a sure thing for you to put some money on. You select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat. It's that simple. And for all first-time pick six players, check this out.

New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings pick six app now and use code SEGMENTS. That's code SEGMENTS for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in Pick 6 credits only on DraftKings Pick 6. The crown is yours. There you go. Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say, gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.oregon

connecticut must be 18 plus age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions pick six is not available everywhere including new york and ontario void were prohibited one per new customer non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash. Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show.

Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one first stop, one stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning

customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into

each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters? Yeah, vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think.

And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah.

So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back.

All right. What a great ad that was. I like the ad. Didn't you like the ad? The ads were good. I like that specific ad specifically. We haven't recorded it by the time I'm talking, but I'm sure it will be very good.

When we have aired it, this episode, it will hopefully have been recorded. Yeah, and it will be very good. When we have aired it, this episode, it will hopefully have been recorded. Yeah, and it will have been good. Just like dead air for 90 seconds, and then we're back. We're like, how great was that ad? Emily, what's your podcast? Oh, yes, I have a podcast. I didn't even mention that.

I have a podcast called The Indoor Kids that's about video games, but it's also about basically anything that keeps you indoors. So movies, TV shows, books. Board games. Yeah, board games. We just went to a board game convention in Indiana. about basically anything that keeps you indoors. So movies, TV shows, books. Board games. Yeah, board games. We just went to a board game convention in Indiana. It was pretty fun.

Yeah, you did. Yeah, it was super fun, in fact. It was just like an airplane hangar with nothing but conference tables. Oh, that actually sounds really dope. Shit tons of people playing games all day long. Was it in Indianapolis? Indianapolis, yeah. It's called Gen Con.

Super fun. Amazing. Cool. Did you record there? We ended no we i mean we recorded from like the floor as we were walking around but we didn't like do like a live show there right but um i did get a bunch of legend of zelda jigsaw puzzles oh shit i do like a good jigsaw puzzle it's great there's nothing more if you're like an anxious human being oh than doing a puzzle oh man It slows me down way more than like video games or anything else these days. It's like a great, it just feels like it's very zen. It's the equivalent of that little rake on the sand. Yeah.

Getting a piece. Nothing feels better than getting a piece. Oh, and having it like make that little noise when it snaps in. Nothing zens me out about doing a puzzle. I get so amped. All right, get all the pieces. All right, all the corners here. We need to do the outlet.

Don't look at the box. Don't look at the box, Grandma. You look at me, cheater. Let's do it upside down. Let's do it upside down and flip it around at the end. Snorting cocaine. Did you do like extreme jigsaw puzzling? Yeah, just doing coke the entire time.

You're going to get a piece. But our friends Jeff and Pat have been on a bunch of episodes of your show yes they have so if you're listening and you want to hear more of Emily and some of Jeff and Pat you can check out those episodes and Kumail Nanjiani who is my co-host people have heard of that guy Kumail was in some of our videos yes he was some of the really early videos back in the day I was watching the ones that Thomas Middleditch did uh Dubes. With you guys. Yeah, because I don't know how it came up, but he was talking to me about it. Oh, he said people still come up to him. Oh, yeah.

All the time and call him Dubes. Oh, yeah. And he's like, it's a blessing and a curse. Oh, yeah. He's like, I love it. I love those videos. But he's like, it's been a little while. Yeah.

But it's still quite popular. And so I went back and watched them. And they're hilarious. He's so good. He's so funny. He's tremendous. I think in those scripts, we just wrote like, the second one for sure it was like a page and a half for us and then like one little bold sentence thomas improvises yeah he did like auditions and he will

like half an hour it was just him in a wool sweater in a hot office doing characters laughing so hard because then i watched the outtakes, too. I think you have outtakes up. Yeah, for the third one. Where he doesn't know what a DVD is. Oh, yeah. It's so funny. And it's just us laughing,

and he's just like, guys, come on. Oh, I love that the world is waking up to how genius he is. He's so genius. And so is Kumail. My husband, he was great in the videos, too. Kumail's is fine, too. But Thomas.

Thomas. You should marry Thomas. Thomas. Thomas! Yeah. You should marry Thomas. No. I would never. Could never. Could never. I'm not into white guys.

Nice. Thank you. All right, cool. And your book? Super You. Super You. Yes. Available on Amazon.

Release your inner superhero. And at your local bookstore, my hope is my mom founded a Barnes & Noble today. That's the coolest thing in the world. Yeah. That's the cool thing. They took a picture of themselves having lunch with my book sitting between them. And I was like, I don't know if you have this experience with your mom, but my parents and my grandparents could never really understand a digital success. What you do.

I couldn't be like, hey, this video has 500 has 500 000 views and my mom would be like oh cool yes but like when there was a physical anything like there's an there was like me and amir were like in a usa today one time and my mom was like this you guys made it that's true i do feel like older people want like a tangible thing yeah yeah i mean if we had a book in a store my mom would fucking lose her shit yeah right and then if that book was written by one percent of the people that listen to our podcast it would be a huge success but my our parents would love it so much more than this show or anything we've ever done yeah um what was i gonna say oh is there an audio version of your book there is there's a book do you read it i do i did it was a

very long process how long did that take it took me it took me four full days like wow and uh and when i got the they sent me a bunch of the cds which i'm like no one's gonna order a cd it's like and it's over six cds it's nine and a half hours that's is it a digital thing that i can download yes it's also on audible uh that's awesome that's and a half hours that's is it a digital thing that i can download yes it's also on audible uh that's awesome that's what people should do that's the key yeah yeah which to me because i like reading and i'm not good at like listening to books so i keep in like oh yeah you don't have to do that though but everyone's like no that's the thing we love yeah so it's on audible especially if they're listening to podcasts yeah we all like that stuff exactly and it's me and i

kept being like when i was doing the reading i I was like, well, I may kind of like go off and like do a little asides. And they were like, no, you're going to read what's on the page. And I was like, but Aziz and Tina Fey. And they were like, you're not Aziz and you're not Tina Fey. And I was like, okay. So I had to read it word for word. And nothing makes you feel weirder about yourself than like reading an entire thing you wrote.

You have to be like editing a little bit as you're doing it. Like, oh, shit, I should have. Exactly. This work would have exactly been perfect the whole time and you're just in a little tiny room by yourself with like a guy super far away from you going do that again and you're like oh gosh it was a great experience but it was like it was uh very interesting how do i not get his job right this is stop recording podcast right now shit you're on track that's uh yeah gateway drug uh all right cool good good then it's agreed um you want to answer some more questions let's do it um another lady uh her name is cersei oh really nice i actually guessed correctly

we're making a story yeah so hey guys and emily so my boyfriend and i are both in college and we've been dating each other for a year and a half now we've recently started sexting and he keeps asking me to tell him my quote naughtiest fantasy i don't really have one so i asked him what his was and he immediately started talking in great detail about my roommate catching us having sex and then joining us. This makes me feel really uncomfortable because I don't like thinking about her like that. I feel like I wouldn't want my roommate and her boyfriend including me in their sexting, and I'm also afraid he might have a thing for my roommate. Should I be worried and should I say something?

Or is this just some sort of fantasy that I should let him play out? Thanks so much. Love, Sir C. Interesting. Yeah. I got, I certainly have an opinion,

but I don't know. I want to hear what your opinion is first. I think that's a little fucked up. That's ballsy for the guy to suggest. Just immediately. I know like when I'm telling somebody my fantasy, when somebody asks my fantasy, like I know that they will want to do something to make it come true.

That's why you tell someone. Right. But he's the one who brought it up. He's like, what's your fantasy? She's like, I guess I don't have one. He's like, well, mine's you and your roommate. But that's what I'm saying. So he's saying that knowing that like he's...

He's testing the waters. Yeah. It's manipulative is what it is. So like you could, I could be like, hey, my fantasy is like you in a Princess Leia costume. And that would happen. Like they would do something. That's a one-on-one thing. Yeah.

Right. But, and then to, then to say like, it's you and Cameron Diaz. And that's like sort of unattainable. And you could entertain, you could talk about that. Yeah. But to say it's you and your roommate is too, it's manipulative. Yeah. I would call him out.

I'd be like, fuck you, man. Yeah. But that's hard because it's like, let's talk about our inner secrets. And then he says his. But he took advantage. That one is bad. I don't like that. That's good. But he also could have been like, you and I are having sex and someone comes in.

Oh, yeah. And I like the idea of a threesome. Getting caught is a total fan. Yeah. Yeah, I get all that. That's all totally fine. But when you take it to like a specific, I want it to be this person and I want it to be on a Thursday.

And what are you doing on Thursday? Then it's like a very specific. And then you feel bad because you're like, shouldn't I be more fun? And shouldn't I want to do this? I think what she should do is respond. Oh, I just remember what my fantasy is. It's you and I having sex and then your roommate walks in and then the three of us bone. There it is.

Like, that's it. Like, I call your bluff. All right, let's do this who wants to go first with the two dudes two dudes and then yeah let's you want to see how this feels i'll let you know how it feels this is how it feels oh so there's no way there's no quicker way to quell the threesome desire inside a guy my fantasy is to fuck somebody else entirely and you're not in the room at all. That really gets me on. My favorite kind of threesome is me and two other dudes, actually. And you not even watching.

I don't want, I want you in the closet and you also have headphones on and can't hear and you can't see. You're playing Game Boy. I want you to be a cuckold. I'm a cuckolding fantasy person. It's so tough. You have to be like cuckold. I'm a cuckolding fantasy person. It's so tough. You have to be like, have your fantasies. Don't be ashamed of what your sexual fantasies are ever, unless they're illegal. And then come on, get some help.

But don't be ashamed of those. But also kind of be aware that when you're communicating them, be aware of how it will sound to the other person. I can understand this dude having this fantasy. Yeah, sure. I've got fantasies like that. Absolutely. But you don't articulate them to the person who i mean but it's hard because you want to tell this person to be open and honest oh no uh and what if it's a threesome can he never say that i think that is a conversation that every couple has to explore

but i feel like the threesome conversation there's no like polite nice way to it's also tough to bring up it's one thing to bring up i want to have a threesome because i think that will spice up our sex life and it's another thing to bring up i want to have a threesome with kathy yes and then you're like i think you just want to fuck kathy exactly and that's not really a fantasy or a i mean it's you wanting to sleep with someone else yeah yeah and that's not really a fantasy or a, I mean, it's just you wanting to sleep with someone else. Yeah. Yeah. And that's not okay. And I, or it is, but, and maybe it's okay to even have it. And maybe that's a question I would respond with is like, is it cool if it's someone other like, and I'm just throwing this out there.

What if the two of you went to a hotel, hired a prostitute and I said to the prostitute, what I want is for you to interrupt us, walk in on us, and then we can all have sex. Because I think what trips up a lot of girls is, oh, that means he's lusting after my friend. When honestly, for a lot of the time, the guy is just like trying to think of another person.

It's not even about that roommate. It's just about like, I want it to be another girl. How cool would that be? And maybe the girl would be more open to that than like, well, now, now you just want to have sex with Kathy,

which I totally get. So to me, that's what sex workers are for. Sex workers? Yeah. I mean, prostitutes, that's what they're for. Like they're there for like to help you with fantasies and there's no strings. No strings. So you're pro prostitutes?

Okay, I'm getting into a real can of worms here. You're pro-stitutes? I don't want to... Oh, you're definitely not anti-stitutes. As long as i was you know as long as they're they're taking care of themselves and they feel good about what they're doing and they're getting paid and doing what they need to do i don't i do not have a problem with it cool and uh i i feel like that they're there to help sometimes to help couples do stuff uh that's fun that you know doesn't uh involve their friend kathy have you uh have you heard of thrinder the tinder for throuples twitter mentioned thrinder to me the other day and i

don't know that's what it is it's for singles to find couples or couples to find singles that's interesting i think that's also good too to me like the less strings attached when you're talking about fantasies yeah the better i've always like you never want to have a threesome. I don't think you ever want to have a threesome with somebody that you all know. Yes. Oh, it's got to be anonymous. It's got to be a stranger. Yes.

By the way. I don't think a prostitute's going to be a very good actor. I'll just say that. Oh, come on. They're going to come in, oh, I caught you. Oh, yeah. You should do, like, someone's SAG-AFTRA. Do it again.

Do it again. Or have some auditions. And then maybe reach out to Central Casting. Yeah, yeah, you should do like someone's SAG-AFTRA. Do it again. Or have some auditions. And then maybe reach out to Central Casting. Yeah, yeah. And then you can get an extra, someone who's been doing background work at the very least. What's Stephanie Zuniga doing right now? Stephanie Zuniga.

I don't know where that came from. Is she camera ready? Oh, she's ready. She's from Mello's place. That was like a really good option. Thrinder's a solid one. I was reading like a ladies, like a Cosmo or something. And the question that the girl had asked, like wrote into that advice column was, I

had a threesome. My boyfriend and I had a threesome with our pal. And the next morning, I decided to run out and get everyone coffee and breakfast. And when I came back, they were going at it without me. My boyfriend and my friend were going at it without me. And my thought was, why the fuck did you leave the room? What's wrong with you? Go get coffee and breakfast what in the fuck is wrong with you don't do that but you stay in the room you stay in the goddamn room and you get room service what's wrong with you but if you leave if you if you feel so threatened to leave that your boyfriend will just

start fucking this other girl then something's wrong with your relationship you got to trust the boy to be leave him alone for 15 minutes while's wrong with your relationship. You got to trust the boy to leave him alone for 15 minutes while you get coffee. Well, I think you got to set those parameters up ahead of time. The only thing keeping them from that is that you're in the room and that it's probably not a great relationship to start with.

If you have jealous tendencies, I don't think you can have a threesome. I feel like you should, like, it's so, the line between three-way and him fucking, I don't know. It's a tough line, but that's so the line between three way and him fucking, I don't know. It's a tough line, but that's what the parameters that need to be set up ahead of time. I'm all for it, even though it's not super sexy. If it's going to be a threesome, you have to set up rules ahead of time that are like nothing without me there.

Like whatever rules you want to set up, you only look me in the eyes. Don't look at that penis, whatever. Don't let her make you cum. Oh. Yeah. Whatever rules you guys want to set up. And if they had set that up ahead of time because this poor to me this poor dummy boyfriend was like i got to do it last night i'll do it again today if she's not here we'll figure it out later like don't go get coffee don't put it in that situation did they act

like they got caught or they're like hey we're doing it again come on in and the question i think what she said was that they just kept going at it and can you just picture her walking in the room with like i got bagels oh that's this happened on one of our podcasts where like this dude and his girlfriend participated in an orgy and then the guy like got sort of yet jealous and he left and the girlfriend stayed in there and like continued to fuck with people and he was very offended yeah it's hard you have to keep you never want to leave. It's true. You don't want to leave the room.

Don't leave the room. Because you're only setting yourself up to be really hurt. Exactly. You got to be in together. You're either in it all the way together, or if one of you leaves, the other one probably should leave too. It's a very dangerous thing to test people. Oh, sure.

Oh, yeah. There was just this, and this is bringing it real down, but there was a story about this murder-suicide that happened, or attempted murder-suicide that happened at Yale last year. Which part was not successful? The guy stabbed a guy in the neck, but did not kill him, and then jumped to his death. And they were like, what happened? They seemed to be friends. What was going on? And there was a girl in the room, they'd been having a threesome, and he got upset that his girlfriend was like really enjoying this other guy too much so he stabbed the guy in the neck and then jumped

to his death that's insane to like decide to do it like that moment like unless he was thinking of that the whole time i don't know but i'm like well that's the worst case scenario poor girl by the way i was like oh my god holy shit at least she lucked out and the murderer died i suppose that's true that'd be funny if the guy survived and then he jumped out of the window just broke his legs and like well what the hell was that ron sorry man i tried to kill me i tried to kill me too still that's so fuck dude don't ever let a girl do that to you guys well not even the girl's fault clearly the girl was like i'm totally fine i'm doing fine they had their own issues clearly right one second i'm being eiffel

towered and then the next the next it's just a t-bone poor thing poor guy that died uh poor guy that got injured there were and the two survivors are still at yale they didn't release their names but they're just going to yale pistol wave Pistol waving, New Haven. Represent, man. Born and bred. When was the next? I'm sorry. Are you okay? Jake was the guy that was stabbed.

Oh, cool. I was the girl. When was the first test they took after that? How do you like, all right, shake it off. Accounting. Come on. Gotta get in here. Gotta get in my brain working.

Cannot imagine. Can I ask you a general therapy question since we're running low on time sure but i want to squeeze some more answers out of you therapy for everybody or like would you recommend it for literally everybody honestly yeah i think i would i think it's um to me if you're in a good place it's like a spa day a little bit it's like a massage or something like you're doing a thing to take care of yourself. And like, so you don't get any other relationships in the world where you get it's all about you. Yeah, like, it shouldn't be like that in any other relationship. But this is a relationship. It's not about the therapist that you don't get to hear about their

life. You don't care about their life, you shouldn't. But like, they're just there to listen to you, whatever you have to say. So read a good place. It's just that it's just me time, basically. But if you're not in a great place, it's just that. It's just me time, basically. But if you're not in a great place, it's good to kind of help you find the skills you need to move into a good place. So I do think it's for everybody. All right. So I've never done therapy.

Oh, it's super fun. You should do it. Well, not always fun. I always say I would do it if somebody made the appointment for me and I just had to go. Is there an app like Therapy Uber? Yeah, Thuber. Is there a Thrender for therapists? By the way way we should totally start that oh yeah that's a really

great idea like someone just comes to your house oh my god for like 45 minutes and then you leave should we cut this part out so that we can save this idea that poor therapist though uh because what if it's a rough situation and then you're like in someone's house so that's creepy oh yeah yeah well think of postmates but instead of chipotle it's mental health i don't hate that you still get guacamole yeah yeah yeah still get guacamole just like a little you've done well today do therapists go to therapy uh i did and i in my program we were required to go through therapy while we were in school are you more conscious of like wow this person's not a good therapist yeah but i i think it's also like it's like it's just like any relationship it's less about like how much training I think it's also like, it's just like any relationship.

It's less about how much training they have and what their approach is and more like, do you get along with this person when you sit down across from them? That's it. So it takes two. Yeah, me and you. Somebody's a good therapist to somebody

and a bad therapist to another. And I always tell people audition therapists. If you go in to see a therapist and you feel judged and they think that you're a bad person, like anything feels off, you're going to see a therapist and you feel judged and like they're not, they think that you're a bad person, like anything feels off, you're going to feel uncomfortable because it's uncomfortable at first to talk about yourself to a stranger. But if you're feeling like this is not working and you don't ever want to talk to them about

your stuff, don't keep going. I know a lot of people, they're like, you just, well, that's my therapist, so I have to go. You got to power through. Yeah, there's tons of them. Literally hundreds of thousands of therapists. So don't see that one again Yeah, there's tons of them. Literally, hundreds of thousands of therapists. So don't see that one again. Try another one if you're feeling so what's the easiest way for me to find a therapist. I really like psychology today, which is an oddly amazing

magazine. It shouldn't be as great as it is. But it's like amazing. They have on their website, a thing called a therapist finder and you put in your zip code and then you can put in insurance stuff and you can also like just find therapists that are nearby. I tell people, if you're like a liberal kind of person, I always look for people that work with gay and lesbian populations because even though I'm not, to me it signals this is a person with an open mind that kind of their values might reflect mine. And if I'm looking for someone who would absolutely no way try to help these hedonists, you're a, you're a, you're a Trump supporter.

Is there a filter, a filter by this guy doesn't speak to gays. How do you even find that out? Pro wall. I just do talk to gay people too. Not that I am gay, but not into it, not into it.

Uh, you can look for like religious people. They're, they have a lot of caveats and it's all in how the therapists describe themselves so there actually are like lists like they categorize themselves a little bit because if you're a religious therapist which they absolutely exist you probably don't want to see someone who's like an atheist yeah i would fucking go see that therapist just to like make them real uncomfortable and then you probably deserve to be thrown off a little bit maybe so maybe the boat baby oh hey yeah so i was getting railed out by these nine dudes and okay sounds great

oh no yeah it was great um it was fucking dope um anyway have you thought about the lord yeah jesus is hot i would let him fuck me uh but that's what some people want and that it's available too but i really like i think their site is very clearly laid out and there's good people on it um so i'd recommend that friends therapist is that a weird no-no are you finding that if all my friends go to one you just want her to give you therapy is this is this therapy the room um i think it's fine to go to someone all your friends go to i maybe wouldn't go to the same person like your significant other goes to. Right.

Just because that's like, it just gets a little weird. But some people do that, but I personally would not do that. Interesting. Yeah. All right. Psychologist today. Psychology today. Holy shit.

And they have a thing called Therapist Finder, and it's great. And it also can put in sliding scale, which is an option, which means that instead of going through insurance, you just pay out of pocket, but you pay based on what you make, which is good for maybe some of your listeners that don't only have a small chunk of change. Oh, that's really cool. Yeah. Cool. Yeah.

Awesome. Anything else? Real advice. Yeah. So much real. For the threesome girl, I think she should find out. Well, I just want to finish up there because i feel like we bailed on her and she needs to decide if she actually wants to have a threesome and entertain

the fetish right she doesn't yes in general in general and i would and i don't know i think it's okay to call him out for if his fetish or his fantasy made her feel shitty yeah you want to be completely honest and then you could say oh i'm down to do this but this part made me uncomfortable if you are down to do it or if you're even down to just like she might just be down to sext about a threesome type oh that's a fun time sext about it but never do it yeah just like to to live out the fantasy a little bit but you know not to do it with the roommate because you don't feel like that's sort of cultivating a weird relationship i also feel like girls now are expected to just be like totally down with everything anal on the first date you

don't wait to the second date for anal would you say that yeah is that what the back cover of your book reads yeah it's around my quotes uh and i think it's true for dues too i think dues are expected to just like want threesomes immediately want anal immediately. It's okay to, like, sex, just sex, totally great. Just fondling and not even having sex, totally great. You don't have to do all the things all the time. Nothing's wrong with missionary. This is the religious psychiatrist. Yeah, you're still the religious therapist.

Cool. Emily, Gordon. Yes. Thank you again. Thank you, guys. Great job. This was great. Your listeners Emily, Gordon. Yes. Thank you again. Thank you guys. Great job. This was great. You have great,

your listeners have great questions. We should have you back because there's so many more questions that are, that need your wisdom. Yeah. Let's do it. And if you have your own questions

for Emily, but mostly for me, Jay, because unless, do you want to be replaced, Jay? Is this crazy? Oh, wait.

Wait a second. Wait, he gave great advice. Maybe he's getting replaced. No, no, no. You need a host. It's Oh, wait. Wait a second. Wait, he gave great advice. Maybe he's getting replaced. No, no, no. You need a host. It's me, Emily, and Aus. He knows how to record shit. If you have your own questions for us, it's ifirayoushowatgmail.com.

Thank you to Aus for recording the opening theme song. And Emily, what's your Twitter or Tumblr or whatever you want people to... How do people find you? At Twitter, I'm TheGynamite. Great name. I know. tumblr or whatever you want people to how do people find you i'm at twitter i'm uh the ginemite great name i know if i thought about it when i signed up years ago i maybe would have maybe done something closer to my own name it's t-h-e-g-y-n-o-m-i-t-e ginemite nice yes uh and tumblr i'm at emilyvgordon.tumblr.com. Awesome. Thank you, Emily. Thank you. And this closing theme song is by Shane McInerney and his accomplice in rhyme, Donald Considine.

Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week. Bye. Bye. We had an idea To write a short song here About these two guys Who see through the lies Believe me Jake is the first one

He's awfully handsome He fucks and he cheats half the time he's asleep. It's awesome. If you have an issue, you have an issue, send it in to these two handsome Jews. Cause Jake and Amir, the guy that you'll hear,

to solve all our problems, make us all cheer And it's if I were you, show gmail.com Don't talk If I were you,atRadio.com If you're in a pickle, if you're in a pickle, they may provide a laugh and a tickle. Cause Jake and Amir, thank God that you're here to solve all our problems and make us all cheer. And it's if I were you, show gmail.com. Don't talk. If I were you, show gmail.com Don't talk before you show gmail.com

See that cheese? Fucking shit.