Segments - 179: Hickey (w/Laura and Angela)

Episode Date: October 19, 2015

Friends and fellow HeadGum podcasters Laura Lane and Angela Spera stop by to give advice on texting, flirting, and your sex number. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace, Naturebox, and MeUndies. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star.

There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish. You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live.

So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad. Edit this part out. But let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it in But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no.

It's a show. It's a show. It's a motherfucking advice podcast. Only one on the internet. Hosted by Jake and Amir. Oh, the things you will know. If you listen to this advice podcast, download it on the internet. Type it into your browser. If I were you.

If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. Austin Archer. Who? Austin Archer. Dude, I like that. A singer-songwriter-actor type living in NYC. That was really good. You guys live in NYc we do we do did you pick it on purpose no i picked it because i love irish punk rock oh yeah yeah it was like

once yeah and that we should only listen to it one time i mean give it a break i write songs about my dog we could jam together actually sure yeah do you want to write songs about dogs do you know how to play a guitar i do do you want to sing a song about your dog. We could jam together. Actually, sure. Do you like to write songs about dogs? Do you know how to play a guitar? I do. Do you want to sing a song about your dog? I thought you said that was a fake guitar. That was a blow up. That was because we didn't want to play it on your podcast.

We should tell everybody that's listening who the heck you guys are, just in case they don't know. If they don't know, now they know. It's Laura and Angela. Hi. Hello. Y'all not only have a book coming out and a podcast so on your network on our net so i shouldn't say you don't even you not only have a podcast we have a book coming out yeah

same name for everything you wanted their bigger accomplishment to be better have a podcast on our network yeah both of them are called this is why you're single right correct and it's sort of like a female if i were you it's like a different angle on the same theme, which is giving advice. Although we were listening to your podcast every week, but your guys' advice is so on point. Really? I mean, I hope ours is as good as yours. I mean, we should say that. I feel like our views are really similar.

We wrote an advice book, so. Yeah, I know. You guys are really good at this stuff. Sorry. This is why you're single also a book available yeah our book's really funny you can buy it right now on amazon would you say uh yeah you can pre-order on amazon brides and noble and if you don't know this is why you're single book.com boom bam it's that easy it'll come december 8th just in time for the holidays yeah jake and i's your

friends uh jake and i do uh hope that we give good advice, but sometimes at the end of the day, it's two 30-something-year-old white dudes talking. So we can only give it from our point of view. So I'm kind of excited to have two ladies on the show. Oh, yeah. Two white ladies. We'll try to add two.

Well, babies have to tell the listeners. Laura's Asian. Know what you're getting into. So I found at least a few questions that maybe Jake and I wouldn't necessarily answer because they're coming from a female point of view that hopefully you guys can provide. That's so thoughtful that you sifted through all the mail to find questions tailored for us.

Well, I did a Google search for slut questions. Oh, really? No, although one of them is about sluts or at least the word slut i'm like it's probably i don't feel as comfortable answering this question without any girls in the room so i'm happy that you guys are here whenever i say that word i'm like i'm like i'll say i'll be like oh that's something like a slut i'm like wait no stop that's anti-feminist why do i say that word don't say that word don't slut shame that's a new thing is uh like i'm i'm i'm seeing

videos and stuff that i made like in the early 2000s and the word bitch is used a lot the word slut is used a lot and it makes me cringe now yeah i try not to use that word although i use the word bitch a lot but in like a positive way i'm like that bitch was so smart yeah i'm like that bitch's skirt is so cute oh so you're you're turning it isn't that like kind of what the n-word was like they started using it yeah in a positive spin maybe i don't or or maybe this is another thing women hating other women let me speak with very very very much validity about what the n-word means i don't know i don't i don to be the authority on the word bitch.

Actually, since we're already in the zone of it, do you guys mind if I read this quote-unquote slut question first? Well, you haven't explained what the show is. We sort of did. Yeah, it's an advice podcast. It's called If I Were You. It's actually the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by Jake and I.

Really? And people will write into the show at if i read show at gmail.com seeking our guidance sometimes it's just jake and i and sometimes we have very wise friends with us today we have lauren angela from the very hilarious very popular this is why you're single podcast thanks you guys were our first endorsement for our book. Were we? The very first ones we got. You guys wrote back right away. It's almost sad how quickly you wrote back, actually. I was like, hey, don't they have a lot going on?

That was really nice of them. You emailed me nine different quotes and then called. We treat our email inbox like a to-do list. So if we don't get back to you right away, it'll be weeks. No, that's how I am. I like to just check stuff off my list. Yeah. So why don't we check this question off the list?

That was such a good segue. Oh, my God, I'm dead. No, okay. Oh, this is another part of our show. We give every, even though these are real emails from real people, we're going to give them a fake name to preserve their anonymity. So we're not actually going to call these people out. Angela, do you have a fake name for this question for the slut question yeah boop doggity dog

i was gonna go through famous sluts in history oh that could be good i don't know okay who's history's most famous slut i don't know um king henry the king henry the second wife didn't she like she like made him like leave his wife yeah she was a trollop she. She made him leave his wife. Yeah, she was a trollop. She made him leave his wife to hook up with her. We can't say slut. Who was her? I watched the Tudors, but now I can't remember.

There's no trollop shaming on this show. I learned all my history from her. Scarlet Letter. Let's call her Scarlet. That's a whore's name. No. I say that tongue-in-cheekly. You're great.

Tongue-in-cheek. Scarlett writes, So my last relationship, which ended around eight months ago, was quite a shit show. It was both amazing and emotionally intimate, while still leaving a shit stain on my life. Anyway, when shit started really hitting the fan, he left me for his best friend,

but then wanted to get back with me, but then didn't want to hurt her by breaking up whatever it's a long stupid story he started insulting and blaming me for things that went wrong in our relationship which he did while we were dating too this wasn't new and calling me names his favorite of which was slut wait why is she the slut when he's the one that like hooked up with oh, it gets worse. Don't worry about that. All right. A little bit more. Now, this was a problem when we were dating as well.

A few weeks into our relationship, he learned that I had racked up a decent amount of guys I had made out with or done more with for the past year. He'd only kissed three girls in his life, including me. Meanwhile, he was my 18th person that year now i adamantly i adamantly made it really clear to him that i only had sex once with an old boyfriend of six months so it wasn't like i was going around fucking guys i would just have some innocent fun with a guy and purposefully i wouldn't date them or get emotionally attached so it wasn emotionally attached. So it's not like he wasn't special as a boyfriend. And I never touched their dick.

I was adamant to him about that. Nothing under the pants. He was really passive-aggressive the entire time we were dating, saying that he was fine, but then he would use it against me if I hung out with my guy friends. Now, back to this shit hitting the fan. Eventually, I started getting defensive, specifically about the slut thing. He knew I had problems with intimacy, but he degraded my body anyway, saying things like how everyone got a piece of it and that I was planning to, quote, give myself away to all my guy friends, too, which is very false.

When I told him that he knew I only had sex with one person he said that you don't have to have sex to be a slut oh my god and that i was a slut with what i was doing in the face and it was disgusting and that i should be ashamed of myself etc etc my question is is it still considered quote-unquote slutty if you aren't fucking i mean i know this guy was a dick, but I kind of wonder if he has a point. Because of how close and honest we once were and how distant and bitter we became, I'm not entirely sure how to interpret this. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you, Love Scarlet. Am I the only one that's going to side with the dude on this one? Thank you, Mikey. He's a capital S. I mean, 18. 18. What? Above the pants.

And I mean, I know she was adamant about not touching the D, but I can't trust a floozy. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sorry, go ahead. I only know this. I'm just glad her question wasn't like, so do you think we have a future? At the very least, she did realize this guy was a mean terrible human i mean listen as you were reading that question all of us were like cringing trying to jump into her defense like midway through the email don't talk to him again stop this guy's so horrible

this is why you don't talk about your number okay but no also even if your number even if she touched 18 d's right it shouldn't matter. Yeah. This is just his insecurity. Right. That's all on him. Yeah. He's obviously a jealous, mean, bad person. And he also hasn't gotten... God knows he just tried to hook up with more than three people.

Right. Usually. Right. The fact that he hasn't. You're never just three for three. Why has he not? Because he's a douchebag. Yeah, he's a real doucher.

But the question is, specifically, is it considered slutty, quote unquote, if you aren't fucking? Do you consider that a... Let's just get rid of the word slutty because that has a negative connotation. Right. Okay.

What's a more accurate, less negative word for quote unquote slutty? That's a really good question. What is an appropriate word? Is sleazy loose? Sleaze loose. Overly promiscuous?

Oh, promiscuous. Promiscuous is pretty good. Man, all promiscuous see that's why i feel really conflicted about this because i feel like you should be able to do whatever you want you should be able to hook up with how many people you want but yeah i guess if you're like as long as it's not under the pants yeah if you've got like there has to be a line laura yeah and that line is a zipper uh yeah but i guess if you were like going to describe a friend like is she prude or is she like more loose like yeah you can definitely be loose if you have... Oh, now you're getting uncomfortable.

Imagine how I feel. I mean, I know that it would get in my head if I was dating somebody who had a really high number. It would freak me out, but not to the point where I would not date them. But that's not the... Yeah, but the question is... Is it slutty? Is it slutty? Is it slutty? Is it loose to like

make out with a ton of dudes and like kind of mess around? I think it's just a matter of semantics, right? Maybe it is promiscuous to have lots of partners, but is that a bad thing? By definition, it's promiscuous. I think it is promiscuous,

but I don't think it's a bad thing. Right. And like he should be stoked. Like she got a ton of practice. Thank you. So yeah, some people can say be stoked. Like she got a ton of practice. Thank you. Like, so all these, so yeah,

some people can say promiscuous and some people can say slutty. It sort of matters. Her question is, is it slutty? It might be considered slutty in the eyes of some people, but are those people the kinds of people that you want to be your boyfriend? That's a great question. Yeah.

That's a great point. What about her followup question, which is, uh, uh, uh, that's a great point. What about her follow-up question, which is, sorry, this is pretty much the main one. How close and honest. Is there anything negative? Like, there's this idea that guys always lie up about their number and girls like to lie. Yeah, I hate that. What is the deal with the trending down?

No, guys should be stoked. I mean, as long as they don't have any diseases, shouldn't you be like great she learned some new moves right but do you find yourself as a lady uh not wanting to sleep with because as a girl you probably do you care about a guy's number um yes and i wish i didn't like i i've asked yeah i've asked what the number is yeah i want to know out of curiosity. You never really need to know. I mean, I was just seeing. Do you want it to be lower because that makes you more special?

Or do you want it to be higher because it's like, oh, I'm sleeping with a guy who's good at this. Like I don't want to play basketball. I want like a middle number because if it's like. That's a totally unrelated thing. I just don't like you. Yeah. If it's too high.

Yeah, I know. Then I even hate that I want a certain number because I feel like I don't want men to judge women. What's the perfect number? That's a great question. 14. But if I'm going to a restaurant, I want my chef to have prepared a thousand meals.

Why is it not that with a sexual partner? I do feel weird. If it's like zero and you're like 30 i'm not saying that oh so you're saying it could be too low well it's like you want to have a similar average like similar number i would just be like curious about why that like why what happens right like i'd just be suspicious i guess that i wouldn't necessarily yeah you're not go for it i think maybe the the it's not necessarily like the amount it's sort of like does the number coincide with the kind of person you think that is yeah so if you're dating somebody and you think

she's very sweet and innocent you say like how many people have you slept with i'll tell you my number she's like oh 950 and you're, fuck, you are not who I thought you were. Yeah, it's all about expectations at that point. Yeah, that's true. I like the idea of you wanting it to be close to your number. Yeah, because you want to be like a similar level of experience, I guess. But like at a certain point, isn't it sex? Yeah, it shouldn't even matter.

It's not about experience. Like I could have had sex with 100 people or 50 people and I'm probably going to be roughly the same at it. Yeah. To be real real, I have the opposite problem. I have kind of a low number, and sometimes I feel the need to lie up with guys. Wow.

Because I feel like they think there's something wrong with me, and there's not. I was a late bloomer. Whatever, guys. Whatever. It's kind of... That actually makes a lot of sense to me because I have been with people that...

When I found out that they have not had sex with a lot of people or like in one instance, I found out that they hadn't had sex with anybody. I like really freaked out and I had wanted nothing. Right. Because I'm like in my head as a guy, I'm like, oh, yeah, this this person only has sex when it really means something. Right. And I don't want to have anything meaningful right now.

Yeah. Yeah. There's a stigma. mean something right and i don't want to have anything meaningful right now yeah yeah there's a stigma well that's just because jake didn't want to have anything meaningful but if you wanted to if you if you were with someone that and it was meaningful then maybe you should tell him because then maybe he'll be actually honored that's another gamble what number did you say when you lied? 58. Yeah. I figured I'd play it safe. 58? No, I was like, I'm not going to say it because I'll give away my real name. But I know because I already saw you started to mouth the word. All right.

I saw the teeth with a lower click. It definitely started with an F or an S. You know every number starts with an F or an S? It's kind of an interesting linguistic fact. It was a letter that starts with the mouth closed. Or about the first number what a funny clue that is i am a certain age and to pronounce the age your mouth has to be closed how old am i porty poor um so there is there the number quote unquote is kind of a secret thing that shouldn't matter, but kind of does. There's some weight to it.

Right. So do you when you're with someone, do you do you ask? Do you know? Do you want to know? How often do you know and how often do you not know? I asked. And then he's like, why does it matter? Oh, that means a lot.

Yeah. That's what you say when there's a lot. And then... It matters because you won't tell me. I was really glad. I was like, yeah, I like having my... It's good to have your own little mystery. Do you know your specific number?

Yes. Do you keep... Is it a number where your mouth needs to be closed? Is it 69? Do you keep a running tab or like a excel spreadsheet i'm married now guys but like how many times have you had sex with your husband yeah write it in my calendar every time it happens you have to have a diary the thing is with with girls they could sleep with pretty much as many guys as they want. So that number is kind of less meaningful. With guys, it's like an accomplishment.

Look how many girls I've tricked into boning me. That's what that number means. With girls, it's like, yeah, you can sleep with a new guy every day. It's not that impressive. Because guys have like a lower standard, are you saying? That like they'll just sleep with anybody? Yes. Well, I'm saying guys are often trying to sleep

with women and it feels like women are often trying to choose which guy they accept advances from right do you guys feel like that as women or is that just something we're projecting because of like you don't want the guy to like judge you right that's what you get hung up on it's not like oh should i sleep with this guy or this girl like having sex girls want to have sex like most of the time if you go to a bar and you're like making out with a girl she probably wants to have sex with you but she's thinking are you saying she's like but i want to hear from him again and she doesn't want to come across as like as like easy or like a slut or like if she's really truly interested in you and wants to date you long term then she's not going to probably not do it right but that doesn't that doesn't register with

guys if a guy's making out with a girl she's like he's not thinking oh i probably shouldn't sleep with her tonight because then she won't call me right right well yeah definitely we're just thinking we want to sleep with them right and also would you judge a girl if you if she slept with you the first night you guys met no if you had like a great date before that and like no i would not but also i understand i wouldn't judge them but i um get tired of things really quickly so i think there's definitely value in not sleeping with me the first time because then it makes me like pine for somebody it makes me want yeah guys like i definitely understand that but here's the hunter gatherer thing so then the other option is she makes you

wait and then there will always be the date where it does happen and then you'll lose interest then right so what's the point of dating going on three dates but then maybe you're hooked by then yeah like she's just trying to trick you into falling for her by the time she's not tricking you she's just saying like hey maybe after after four or five dates you'll actually like me as a person. Exactly. So, like, the trick is to... I can dupe you into thinking I'm cool. Right. And if I sleep with you tonight, you won't even give me that opportunity.

Exactly. Right. So that is the advice for ladies. Right? I guess so. Is to wait. Unfortunately. Have ladies given you that advice?

Is that a lady-to-lady advice? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, you're like don't sleep with him like because yeah it's what i don't know we also will we say like you know do you do you right yeah because there are there are men that are not like jake we'll uh we'll come back even though you sleep with them for the first time yeah yeah like you should you should own your sexuality. Yep. It is interesting because a guy has never given me the advice of don't sleep with her

even though you can. Make her wait. So what's the difference there? Well, I think it's because there's like this perception that like once you sleep with her, she'll be hooked on you. Where it's like the opposite for women. There's the perception that like once you sleep with him, he will be over it. Like he's like, he's won his conquest.

That's interesting. So it's like the opposite perception for men and women. That is kind of true, though. It's like in a super basic mean way. Like once you've slept with a girl, you've quote unquote beat the video game. Like you're not sad. Oh, but that it's a sad reality. But I do get that.

That's true. I don't necessarily think it's true, but I feel like it is for some people. Yeah. Like, oh, I've already slept with her. I don't necessarily need to go out with her again. Like you said, they'll quote unquote lose interest. They shouldn't though. Like sex is different every time.

Like it could. Yeah. And it gets better with age. And better the more you do it with the same person yeah you could play lots of different video games like i've seen the boss in sonic the hedgehog plenty of times right it's like it's like settlers of katan you should get the like war warriors and like barbarians like special oh there's the expansion pack think of sex as a board game not a video game so like you

like apples to apples there's like the 80s uh add-on pack or or uh cards against humanity yeah and you can play with multiple people like more and more folks like you've slept with me but you haven't slept with me simpsons edition exactly yeah which is like when i dress up as marge right right right right so uh is it still considered quote-unquote slutty don't use the word slutty it's never i feel like we came up with that it's never considered slutty except for in somebody else's eyes in somebody else's eyes and then that that person is probably someone you like should not want to be with right but i feel like i've been called a man whore before and how did you feel about that fine do you like that stigma i do you like that title it didn't really bother me i guess but then i was it was also but you were probably i'm not equating it like i'm sure that yeah you like were like fine with it you were like yeah

it's true because i don't want to settle down. Right. I guess I'm not dealing with the same level of shame as women have to when they hear the word slut. There's also. Like man whore is almost sort of like mockingly. Right. Like adorable. Like you scamp.

Yeah. That's exactly what it was. Yeah. There's also a difference between a stranger calling or like a friend calling you a man whore and then like somebody that you dated calling you a slut. It's like, well, yeah, you dated me yeah i think so like yeah somebody you know like if you think i'm so gross and horrible then why are you with me it's really it's so harsh yeah if any of my exes call me that i'd be like it's like heartbroken yeah either get over it

and date me or think i'm a slut and don't date me but you can't do both don't say it yeah what about girl on girl slut shaming does that happen where girls are girls are judging unfortunately what do you think is worse or i mean not like worse in the world what do you what's a bigger problem guy slut shaming or girls or poverty or the the war in syria yeah that's a good question. It's all about context. I feel like it's case by case. Yeah, I mean, women should support other women, but it depends if I like the girl or not.

Oh, God. That's a bad answer. If she's like a mean, bitchy slut. When you see a girl like that, that's sleeping around with a lot of dudes, do you look down on her? Well i had a friend like growing up and for whatever reason she i i mean now i realized it was like a low self-confidence thing but she would flirt and try to hook up with like every friend's like boyfriend or even if she wouldn't like end up hooking up she'd be like

we'd be at the beach she'd be like in her suit, just like totally on top of like whoever's boyfriend it was that was there. She did this like every single friend. It's like a power thing. She's an effing slut. Yeah. It was like a power thing. She wanted to know that like if she had the chance, she could get every one of our guys.

That resonates with me. So you're the slut. I am. Yeah. Which is why you were called that. Right. Yeah. So she was like a horrible person, but like she needed it for like her own validation.

So in that case, I'd be like, yeah, little slew. But yeah. You wouldn't say the T. Get away from our men. You know what? If you have a really nice friend that sleeps with a lot of people, then you don't call them a slut. Absolutely not.

So I think it's just a word that people use, like that women will use towards other women in place of like bitch. Which is another word you like that women will use towards other women in place of like bitch which is another word you're not supposed to like if i have a friend that hooks up with a lot of guys and she's not looking for a long-term relationship and she's just like owning it and like get it girl like use protection and you get it so i don't know that the problem is that you're like oh she's sleeping with so many people no it's not it's like the context it's just like i don't like that girl and she's sleeping with a lot of people yes now she's a slut it's like i don't like that girl. And she's sleeping with a lot of people. Yes. Now she's a slut. Now she's a slut. It's like, I don't like that person and they're fat.

So you would call them a fat. Right. Exactly. Or, but if you like love a person and they're fat. It's like, they're totally little teddy bears. Great for their size. Yeah. Or whatever. So, yeah.

Cool. Decided. I think we dissected. I dissected. I like the word slew, which is like slut without the t yeah not any of the harsh commitment yeah or sleuth maybe looks like you're sleuth yeah or soothsayer i'd say this lady was not being a soothsayer i don't know she could have touched that guy when she was doing that i mean you could have

touched as many d's as you wanted to and it it would have been height. All right, should we go on to the next question, which is about a girl, but written from a dude. Laura, do you have a fake guy's name? Barnaby. That's a great name. I like that a lot. Is that a name? I don't want to name this after a potential future child name

that you have. Nope, it's not. I would never name my kid Barnaby in a million years. Just a guy named barnaby jannica and danica yeah he would be like he would have to own a circus yeah and have a cape and that was before he was your child yeah exactly uh barnaby writes hey guys i'm 17 and in a confusing relationship i've been dating my girlfriend for three months we met in summer camp last year and she had a and we had a crush on each other.

She's hot, has great boobs, and loves to straddle me. She lives in New Jersey, and I live in Long Island. So the commute isn't the best, but I like her a lot. The only problem is she's an absolute lunatic. She's a very defensive person, meaning that if I make one negative comment about her, she starts yelling at me and threatening to break up with me. She had a falling out with her camp friends, who I became really good friends with this summer.

They all tell me that she's a psychopath and that she's manipulative, and I'm starting to see that now. She constantly gives me hickeys to remind the girls at school that I'm taken. How old are these? 17. She also recently texted me that if I ever cheated on her, she would, quote, make me regret it. What does that even mean? Should I be concerned?

Is she really insane in the membrane or does she just really like me and is acting like a normal girlfriend? Do either of you have a psychotic ex? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks. Oh, my God. I love this. god i love this this is a good question similar to the last one in that psychotic and slut or words that get thrown at women a lot yeah which is bad like oh what a crazy bitch yeah right so he also didn't specify what the negative comments are he's saying to her are right because he's calling her a slut yeah he's like every time i call her a slut she gets all crazy in her head yeah this is the

boyfriend from the first question and maybe he's like i'll cheat on you and she's like you'll regret it if you do but he's like only leaving the part that like she says you'll regret it do you know any crazy girlfriends like this crazy girls like this are you friends who knows maybe somebody's out there calling me a psychopathic lunatic right how do you know i really think that that's one of the most damning thing uh things a guy or a girl could say it's worse than slut it's worse than bitch i think calling a woman crazy yes it's like when i hear that i write somebody off so quickly yes like oh i can't deal with that she's crazy like that's that's worse than any of the words. Because like 99.9% of the time

they're like 100% not crazy. They're just like being a normal girlfriend. I also, yeah, I don't think people are ever, I mean, well, they are. There are crazy people in the world.

But there's, it's very rare that somebody is a victim of someone else just being totally batshit crazy. Right. Like, they have to be a little batshit crazy right they have to be a

little bit crazy too you have to be a little bit crazy to put yourself in a relationship crazy attracts crazy yeah i mean there's crazy guys and there's crazy girls but let's assume for a second this is a crazy girl okay because it is a possibility that she is kind of crazy. What makes some people act this way, whether it's a guy or a girl? Insecurity? Like threatening to leave? Yeah. Well, she's clearly very nervous he's going to cheat on her, which is why she's leaving her mark.

The hickeys. The hickey mark. I've gotten some hickeys that I didn't want. I don't like the hickeys. Are you guys pro or anti-hickey? I mean, I don't want the mummy, but that guys pro or anti-hickey i i mean i don't want them on me but that's because i have to do like like on camera stuff but i mean even when you're a team so in college i mean i give them really easily like i'm just a you get them really easily give them

really easily without meaning to yeah so i had an make a good suction yeah i had an ex-boyfriend in college and we like had our post-relationship relationship which is the worst yeah where you're like still hooking up after you break up whatever so jokingly i was like i'm gonna give you hickeys they're like nobody i'll date you and then i accidentally gave him a hickey the size of like a fist on his neck and then i was like really embarrassed that i was like everyone knows i did that and that's not the size of how big was your mouth of my wrist i don't know what happened she swallowed his head because i think it's like i was joking i was like and then it was like it looked like somebody punched him in the neck like oh my god and i

remember like being in the cafeteria at school like walking next to him and being like i hope nobody puts this together every day how do you like get rid of hickeys i don't even remember because um i use ice you have to suck on the other side didn't they say like use a spoon or something i don't know like a cold cold spoon that you like rub on yeah something cold of a bruise what about visine oh i've never heard of that can you put visine on your skin it's all the same thing right i think not i think you have to blow on the other side of your body okay because you have to make like an equal but opposite reaction so if somebody

could like suck your neck waste enough time doing that the hickey will go yeah it takes you three weeks to blow on my right knee uh but like that's a funny story that's basically like this story so like this guy can be like she's crazy she wants to give me hickeys and then i talk to her and she's like yeah i was just joking around and I gave him a hickey. Right. Or people can't give you a hickey without you staying still. So he can stop her from giving him a hickey.

People can't give you a hickey without him getting on a train from Long Island and going to New Jersey. He's so willingly in this relationship and then also complaining about her. And hickeys feel good. So he probably likes them. And then he's like, she about her and hickeys feel good like so he probably likes him and then he's like she keeps giving me hickeys but then he's like oh yeah girl keep it keep it going when she's like sucking on his neck i also kind of feel like this is an epidemic of people who are still in high school where you just put up with the worst relationship you

imaginable because you're getting straddled for the first time right you're like well yeah this girl has nice boobs and she sits on my lap so that's did he describe her personality at all other than crazy he was like she's great she's got big boobs and she straddled me yeah she's super hot all of her friends hate her but that's what i said isn't that what i said once that people stay in bad relationship because of sex but you said you totally disagreed no yeah i don't because they don't do it now i think they do it when they're young oh so youngsters often do because they don't realize right they don't know there's better stuff out there having sex is better than not having sex and i think that that's

true until you're like not 16 anymore i think it's true for even adults who can't necessarily have sex very easily that when they do get it regularly they're willing to deal with some crazy business for it and i don't think sex is that important ladies weigh in um i'm trying to think if like i've ever sorry weigh in if you agree with me change the topic oh god i'm not interested um no i agree i think people thanks all right cool uh so no continue no i think people yeah people stay in relationships unfortunately longer than they should like i've seen so many crazy relationships they do but because of sex i don't think anybody stays in relation a bad relationship because they're like i won't get laid if i broke no and yeah no that's true it's more like they i think they almost like the drama, weirdly.

It keeps their life interesting. It's like it gives them something else. 100%. Whether it's like escaping work or like thinking about other things, but they like the drama in their life and they keep it going because they're like, mm-hmm. I disagree with that.

I hate drama and I've stayed in dramatic relationships because... Of the sex. Of the sex. Because you like having regular sex and because no no no no because breaking up is hard right and it's like this temporary badness is fine because it's better than dealing with a breakup so i think people stay in relationships for too long one because

breaking up is hard and two because especially if it's your first relationship this guy asked is this normal if you've only been in one, you don't know what's normal and what's not. Well, so the answer for him is, whether or not this girl is crazy is that it's not normal or it shouldn't be to be in a volatile relationship where everybody is telling you to break up with somebody.

That's not normal. Right. So now you can take that information and go do what you want with it. But we'll say that it's not normal. Yeah, agreed agreed i think you might as well get rid of this lady i think the only way crazy people realize that they're being bad is if they're punished for their actions not punished like i'm gonna punish you but it's negatively affecting like this girl is threatening saying if you cheat on me i'll hurt you so let's break up with her and then she'll be like oh maybe

that wasn't very good this guy broke up with me maybe i should alter my situation going forward yeah if you're fighting more than things are peaceful that's not normal i mean it's not normal for things to be perfect all the time either but um that relationship sounds batshit crazy the relationship does oh that's good the relationship it takes two crazy crazy attracts crazy crazy attracts crazy that's what you said don't pin it on she said that i played off of you uh yeah it was an l you great minds think alike is another way of setting up the dunk uh great sports metaphor yeah really i'm in it what were we talking about uh all right let's take a small break to thank one more sponsor and we'll be right back with another question for lauren

angela and i guess jake too thank you to squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show hell yeah jake you've been building on squarespace for decades at this point exactly eons it feels like yes so you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote.

Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well.

Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly.

Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and

some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters.

Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial.

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Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct. And the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards.

And if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL. Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do. I do. Yeah yeah i do a lot this this can really heighten your joy that's right i grew up a raiders fan and now i'm just a fan of the league in general but i still have a fan of gambling enough yes you're a fan of gambling yes and i do have an affinity for the silver and black so if you like football as much as me which is not likely because I do know a lot. Like, do you know what a nickelback does in a cover to defense? Or like, do you know what a play action passes?

Like, these are like some advanced things that I know that you wouldn't. I basically know run and Hail Mary. You actually know both of those? Yeah. Running is when you run and then Hail Mary is when you wouldn't necessarily know. I basically know Run and Hail Mary. You actually know both of those? Yeah, Running is when you run, and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn. I think you should download the DraftKings Pick 6 app. Select between two and six players.

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or visit ccpg.oregon connecticut must be 18 plus age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions pick six is not available everywhere including new york and ontario void were prohibited one per new customer non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months limited time offer see terms at pick six dot draftkings.com slash... Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. So, Lauren Angela, how many podcast episodes have you done at this point?

Let's say it's the middle of October. For those of you who don't know, we were recording this in late February of 2012. So it's middle of October 2015. We're also in Russia. Wait, what does it say at the top? It'll say the number.

I think you've done roughly five or six now. Wait, what does it say at the top? It'll say the number. I think you've done roughly five or six now. Oh, that was number 11. 11 podcasts. Okay. You guys are on our number 11 podcast. The double digit club.

11's a good number. What do you guys think so far? It's so much fun. It's pretty fun. Do you guys like it? Yeah, it's, we're narcissists, so it's fun to just talk

all the time. Although, it is easy like when you're narcissists so it's fun to just talk all the time it is easy like when you're sitting in a basement just talking to your friend it's easy to forget that eventually this will be broadcast and other people will hear the things that you say and they're they're forever there's like so many times afterwards we're like oh my god oh my god did we say anything bad what did i say bad what did i say has anybody come out and been like hey you were talking about me on that podcast yes and for angela her ex like was like great cycle of we don't want to get her in all right i'm gonna be quiet yeah that was it well that wasn't a fair question did anybody get mad tell me about them he was mad at you no it's cool we had like a couple we did this like promotion

for our book where if you bought our book and like sent us a receipt we'd like do like a private phone call for like 10 minutes so we had like a bunch of people that have done that and it's been the coolest thing ever to actually talk to people that are listening to our podcast and we like call them on the phone or we've like skyped with them and that's we're like oh my god you're like a real human that like listen yeah and they'll like ask us questions and reference things we've talked about in our podcast. That's been pretty amazing. That's so cool. Yeah.

For those of you who have not listened to any episode, Jake and I are in your last episode. So after this episode, if you want more of the four of us talking, highly recommend checking out This Is Why You're Single on headgum.com. Yeah, we give you guys a man-child quiz.

Yeah. We find out if you guys are man-children. We won't give away the answer. Yeah. If you want to find out who was the bigger man-child quiz. We find out if you guys are man-children. We won't give away the answer. If you want to find out who was the bigger man-child, check it out. Jake's currently sucking on a pacifier. Well, that's awesome. Thank you guys for even being on our network.

Thank you guys for asking us. We were so excited. No doubt. Thank you guys for being on the show today. All the way from Brooklyn. Holy shit. We flew all the way here just for this for this yeah you don't have 18 other meetings in los angeles no we're turning right around and going home now yeah how does our head we just pretended that we had a bunch of meetings so that we can come to your podcast have you guys ever done a

live show oh yeah oh well we do a live we do a sketch and not like we've never done like you mean like a live podcast yeah you guys are doing that all over the place. All over the place. You're doing one, I don't remember, you plugged it on your live show, but now I don't remember the location. Well, it might have already happened by the time this comes out, but yeah, we were, we sometimes tour with the show and it's really fun to like do it live and get, like feel that energy of the crowd, get feedback instantaneously and meet people after.

Yeah, that sounds cool. You're doing one in February, right? We are? Oh, in Santa Barbara? like feel that energy of the crowd, get feedback instantaneously and meet people after. Yeah, that sounds cool. You're doing one in February, right? We are? Oh, in Santa Barbara? Yeah, hopefully. Hopefully. We're doing one,

we might be doing one in New York soon. Oh, cool. We'll come to that. Oh, yeah, New York. We're doing November show in Brooklyn. I don't know if we've announced it yet, though. Well, I guess we just did. Surprise! Well, it's very vague right now.

Clearly, we're not good at this yet. But whenever shows do get announced, you can check it out at FiverrUShow.com if you're interested. Do you guys have time to answer one last bit of advice questions that we got? Yes. Yes. That's why we're in California. Yes.

This one is from a girl. Can we get a fake... Also, we don't want to walk down like a hundred stairs. Jake, we'll carry you down. You're living in a tower. Yeah, they live with like a castle up on a hill. It's like 500 stairs to get here. I haven't left in a week.

But when you do get here, it's a palace. Yeah, I've gone downstairs and forgotten something and just been like, fuck it. I'll figure it out. Usually New York is the one with the sixth floor walk-ups. Now we brought a little bit of that to Los Angeles. Oh, that's a good way to look at it. Only the pizza here isn't as good.

Yeah. And those are the only two differences. And also, you don't live in a mansion in New York. Right. This would lead up to a small apartment. Right. A studio. All right.

The question is called texting with boys. Do you have a fake lady name? Either of you? Angela Goffway. Texting with boys reminds me of riding in cars with boys starring Drew Barrymore. Let's call her Drew Barrymore. Who was in this movie with Kevin Bacon.

I've been dating this guy for about two weeks and things are starting to get pretty serious, or so I thought. The first two weeks, we text back and forth all day long, and then all of a sudden, he just changed. Now, I'm lucky if I even get a good morning text. How come the second a guy thinks he's got you, he gets lazy and no longer puts the time to do stuff like check in throughout the day? My girlfriends told me that guys just don't like to text as much as girls should i take this as a sign that he's getting over it or that he's just getting complacent help me read between his absence of lines oh i like

that very nice very well crafted email yeah thanks. Drew Barrymore knows how to write. Dang. So what do you guys think? First thoughts. This is why I hate texting throughout the day because it gets rid of all mystery and you can't keep that up. I totally agree. People do that at the beginning of a relationship and then there's no way to keep it up and

then you're going to really quickly feel like you've lost the momentum in the relationship and then also by the time you go on a date, yeah, you are kind of bored because you already know what they did all day because you were talking all day on gchat or texting i'm like so against it and everyone of my friends does it and it drives me crazy i think everyone is against it and people do it because they think the other person's into it and nobody wants to do it the conversations get so boring so fast you're like you're not that interesting 24 hours a day yes like no matter how interesting you think you are you're not but it's also if you just met somebody and you're like excited about them you're like exactly about them i want to know what they're up to so it's not just out of obligation but that sets the precedent because

at first you do like it's exciting to see that name in your phone holy shit i want to see it again i'll nudge it again and then it's like three months in it's like wait you don't text me as much as you used to. Yeah, and then you're like automatically going to feel like the relationship has like died down. But it's like maybe it hasn't. It's just you set this stupid precedent that you cannot keep up. I'm real guilty of this.

Like 24 hours, nonstop texting. Like constant, constant communication. Yeah. Even when you're just flirting. An inside joke or like if you've got like a funny Even when you're just flirting. Like I'm all about like an inside joke or like if you've got like a funny video that you saw, whatever. But like not throughout the day.

Do not do it. It's more exciting when you wait a little while and it's even more exciting if the person disappears. Like I've been quote unquote ghosted where the person doesn't respond and my mind is like holy shit i'm thinking about this girl all the time now because she didn't get back to me for one two three hours

and i'm like oh my god what can i do and it totally works i really think that like girls work from like attention but like guys work when they like don't know where you are like they guys work i'm not like articulating that like but guys work from no having no contact does that make sense yeah guys get off that fuels us yeah that fuels you whereas women get fueled by like more interaction right it's the same thing like more coal on the fire and we're like uh suffocate the fire yes right exactly yeah we talk we always talk about in our book um we say like girls what's the website again we should say it

at least one more time this is why you're singlebook.com boom love it so like girls also do that thing where they're like

I'm gonna post I'm not hanging out with them tonight but I'm gonna post a bunch of pictures on like Instagram and Facebook of what I'm doing

and he's gonna think I'm so interesting and fun and he's gonna be like no like I'm not wondering where you are I know exactly where you are

and I don't care anymore I wonder how many instagram photos are meant for one person so many so many all of them i'm borderline all of them there's not one where i want to keep my fans in the loop it's always for one human look what i'm doing look how many likes look at the comments and look how cool i am yeah it's like a little bit of a bragging thing and every time you like someone's photo do you not feel like i just winked at her i kissed i gave her what she wanted i just walked through a crowded bar caught her eye and walked out with a really confident wave that's what i think is happening when i like someone's photo that's that push notification she gets once you get that yeah once you get that like you're waiting for you like all right then you throw your phone in your purse and you're like i don't need to look at my phone again

for like a day i saw the name i like to read it's such a fun exciting name to read from but so this girl is saying uh the guy has sort of slowed up with the texting and does that mean he's not interested anymore? That's your fault, though. You shouldn't have been talking to him. That was both their faults. They both went too hard too fast. Yes.

They set up a precedent. If somebody responds to you right away, you feel the need to get back to them right away. It feels weird to wait three hours. They respond instantly. And then you wait three hours again. They respond instantly. And there's always the thing like, well, he texted last. I don't want to be rude and not text something back. then like half the time he didn't ask your question he was just like answering your question and then you feel like all right i shouldn't be

the last i should i should i feel an obligation and then it never ends yeah i definitely try to err on the side of less like if it's just a haha i don't don't respond. Right. I'm like, that doesn't count. But then she's probably really sad. I'm just like, shoveling coal onto the fire. It can't be enough. Like the train is going full speed towards a ravine with no track.

So you always have the last line. Yeah. But I disagree with that. That's great though. I don't do that. Oh my God. Women would love that. Yeah.

Because I really, I believe that most guys, it's like what she said in the email. Like I really do believe that guys don't do that. Oh my God. I would love that. Yeah. Because I really, I believe that most guys, it's like she said in the email, like I really do believe that guys don't like to text as much as girls do unless they're Jake. Well, that's only in the beginning because like I've been, whatever's happening to her right now, we're like, they are dating. And once you're dating, then yeah. Like, but I think it's transitions to a more meaningful relationship that transcends texting. I agree. Now we're going to see each other relationship that transcends texting. I agree.

Now we're going to see each other later. So we'll have a conversation. Right. And I also think once you're in that stage where you're in a relationship, and if you're not hearing from that person as much as you would like to, you should feel comfortable enough to say something about it to him, not to your friends. A good morning text is pretty intimate. That's not a casual thing.

I'm not texting a lot of people good morning text is pretty intimate. That's not a casual thing. I'm not texting a lot of people good morning. I couldn't see why she would miss that because it's like this really sweet thing. This is a problem with my friend. They say, he used to text me good night. He used to text me good morning. And then when it stops, you're so sad. Right. It's not necessarily that you blame him.

The honeymoon period ends, but it's sad to see it go. It's a little sad. I remember when I was a kid, my mom used to meet me at the bus stop. And there was a time when I was like, I remember having this conscious thought, like, I will outgrow this. I'm not sad that it's going to, I don't want to be 16 years old and have my mom running down the street to hug me. But at the same time, you're like, oh, it's going to be all right.

I guess this is growing up. But at least you were aware. You were aware that it was going to end, which is what a lot of people don't realize with the good morning text. Right. They're going to go away. They're going to go away. And it's nice that they happened. And it cultivated a happy, loving relationship.

But there's got to be a next. They shouldn't disappear completely, though. That's fair. I think like, you know, keep like we say, you should always be courting. Texting is a part of courting.

ABC. Always be courting. That makes a lot of sense. But I guess the courtship sort of, it definitely peters out. When in the beginning, you're like a hundred percent full steam. All you're thinking about is courting.

And you should probably still think about courting but inevitably you just you can't keep up that rate that's it's absolutely impossible to be stayed that obsessed with one thing let alone a different human for that long you mentioned that she if she's feeling like this she should say something to him yes which that that makes a lot of sense to me, too. I think she should. And she shouldn't say it through text. Oh. She should say it in person.

And she should be like, you used to do this, and you used to do this, and now you don't anymore. Well, she should be careful how she says it. Right. Like, because it's, you're talking about texting. Also, it's only been two weeks, people. It's such a trivial thing. Two weeks. Or I thought she said three months.

I've been dating this guy for two weeks. Yeah, the last one. All right, wait a minute. I feel like we had a great conversation aside from this question Because two weeks he stopped texting you I think maybe I think maybe he found another girl

That quickly? I don't know, two weeks, I would think it's still on Yeah, and I guess you can't really have that sit down chat after two weeks Things used to be so different two weeks ago Things have changed Remember in early October, now it's just the middle of october yeah exactly where did we go wrong but even two weeks is a lot to be texting all the time like you can't keep that up i don't know i don't think it means that he's less into you but maybe it does it also doesn't not mean that

right so it's just it's still sort of it's not enough evidence i would say well i guess if you missed the good morning text maybe you just start sending him some because what i want to know is like text aside like how is he in person that's important oh we haven't met yeah this is all through tinder uh so real quick lightning round uh uh uh uh uh uh should uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, It's definitely not a sign that he's more into it. It's definitely not a sign that he's more into it. Cool. Guys, that's our time. But thank you for coming all the way to Los Angeles to be on our podcast. No problem.

This was so much fun. What's the name of your show again in case people want more? This is Why You're Single on the HeadGum Podcast Network. Yes. So many ways to find us. It was fun to be your guest. And thanks for being our cool Network. Yes. So many ways to find us. It was fun to be your guest and thanks for being our cool bosses.

Thanks. I don't consider myself a cool boss. I consider myself an awesome boss, but yeah. If you have your own questions. Consider myself a good boss.

If you have your own questions or your own theme song submissions, we start and end every episode with one. Send it all to ifireyoushowatgmail.com. The opening one was written by Austin Archer. Remember that dude from Newmail.com. The opening one was written by Austin Archer.

Remember that dude from New York City? And this closing one was written by a lady named Jess. Jess Momo. She wanted me to shout out her YouTube channel, but she says it's pronounced Mao Mao and a space between Jess and the M-O-M-O show. Jess space M-O-M-O show. So much traffic heading your way. Enjoy it.

Thank you for the theme song. Thanks again to Laura and Angela for stopping by. We'll be back soon. Thanks guys. Bye. Today I don't feel like doing anything. I guess I'll listen to the pinch and a smear From suicide at a coffee shop To a handjob at a bus stop

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