Segments - 184: Parental Love (w/Dannielle and Claire!)

Episode Date: November 16, 2015

Fellow HeadGum podcasters/friends Dannielle Owens-Reid and Claire Beitcher stop by to discuss obesity, sibling rivalry, and why Amir will die alone. This episode is brought to you by TIDAL and MeUndies! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star.

There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish. You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live.

So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad. Edit this part out. But let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it in But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. No. If I were a magnet, I mean you'd probably wanna be my friend

Put a sauce on my shirt or dip my toe in an ocean But if I were you, I'd call on two coins Choose asking if I should seize the cheese or call you fox Should stay in school If I were you, I would laugh. If I were you, if I were you, the show starts now. Breezy. Nice.

What state does that take you guys to? Because I'm feeling a legit North Dakota vibe. I was going to say Montana. Really? No shit. I thought you guys were going say hawaii oh there's a little pluckiness that was hawaiian but i pictured like yeah the hay and a blue sky oh totally idaho idaho so we're all sort of in the general uh vicinity of one another definitely in

the middle of nowhere yeah yeah uh let me just say who this was who made it it's gabby soul gabby g-a-b-b-y-s-o-l.com website made with squarespace so you can listen to more of gabby soul songs if you go to gabby soul.com uh and we're here with more podcasters from the headgub network claire and danielle hello hi you guys are the host of couple of questions correct jake and i it's a it's a very in-depth very interesting well how would you describe your podcast you basically get couples that have been in a relationship for at least two years and you fucking ask the hard-hitting in-depth you get in there interesting questions yeah you you split you you get in deep and then you you start

unraveling jake and i began openly weeping during our episode right right right right right it's true you were asking you showed up crying yeah well i i was having a shit day just because i'm i'm a i'm a scared of fog and it was foggy you're a scared yeah i was a scared but here's a real story from your podcast day claire wasn't there right true and there was a swarm of bees that attacked the entire porch yes and we heard it coming and we heard it coming it was very terrifying are those we thought it was a weird swarm of like flies and we're like are they they kept on it got to the point they were like four feet away and that was the first time we realized it is bees everyone get inside now it was like a plague it happened so fast there were so many

bees everyone get inside it's more like amir and i were inside like no thank you and you and joanna were like let's take pictures yeah i was like i just want to make sure they're bees and jake jake smeared honey honey on his neck and ran outside and then i think joanna is the one that uh she got in touch with me after and like said it was like something where the bees move nests or something. Like the queen migrates to a new location and it happens like twice a year. Whoa. And we were there for it. How did she know that?

She Googled it. You love calling her out. I'm curious because like when I see a swarm of bees, I think, I don't know if that's happened to me. Right. But I would just think like, oh, they're flying around. Yeah, like birds do. I kept on saying the cat must have pawed their nest or something. Yeah.

But she would not blame the cat. She was like, no, no. They were also spelling letters. Did you guys notice that? At one point I looked up and it was a giant FU. Like they were taunting us. They're human slaves of sorts. Yeah.

They were taunting and teasing us. I remember that. If bees wanted to, they can kill us all. Fortunately, they're not. Fortunately, they're dying out because we have destroyed their natural habitat. Thank God. But what if all of the bees in that swarm stung you at one time? I would die. You would die.

I would be dead. You would die. They could do that one by one. They could kill a couple people. And then what? What are you going to do to kill the bees? The bees die after they sting you. Is that true?

Yeah, they only have one. Yeah. But how many are there? I don't think there's... I think Claire made it very clear there are about seven left, right? Oh, there's only seven left. That was the last swarm. It's all in Claire's book, The Last Swarm.

So you guys can pick it up on Amazon now. That's why I couldn't be there that day. With a capital B. No, I just kid. But your podcast is, it was one of our favorite interviews because you weren't asking us questions necessarily about like. Is Amir really like that in real life? Yeah, or like how we work together.

You were just like, when was the last time or the first time you were like, you had a serious conversation with Jake and I was just like, whoa. Yeah. Your last fight. Do you guys ever get angry? It was like the beginning of therapy.

You were breaking us down so that you can build us back. And we haven't been the same since. Oh, that's so nice. So if you haven't, I drove a wedge between us that is slowly but surely separating us. If you haven't listened to same since oh that's so nice uh so if you haven't drove a wedge between us slowly but surely separating us if you haven't listened a couple of questions you can start with jake and i's episode and then uh move on you guys have like five or six seven episodes at this point that sounds right yeah where you talk to different couples what are the rules they have to be

together for two years at least and we have to we have to like be inspired by their coupledom. Yeah, we can't hate each other. It's not just any old couple. You can't just be like, how is it working? We're in a loveless marriage and we leave each other alone. Huh.

Well then, I'm sorry. This episode is brought to you by Nature Box. So, this podcast is an advice show. People will email us

who are in difficult places in their lives and they're seeking guidance sometimes it's just jake and i sometimes we have our friends on the show are you guys uh ready willing and able to help us assist these listeners one thousand percent yeah bring on the worst do you guys have advice giving backgrounds i well my entire career is advice based really yeah you should have this show because only like three percent of our career is that so true wait what was your career before this yeah uh i have before being on this podcast we're launching you today before six minutes and 24 seconds ago uh i have a couple of websites everyoneisgay.com, where we give advice to LGBTQ young people,

and then the Parents Project, where we give advice to parents of LGBTQ kids. And then I wrote a book called This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids, and it's advice for parents of gay kids. That makes sense. What's the Q? What's the Q? You said LGBTQ. Q stands for queer.

Oh, and how is that different than gay? Um, a lot of people don't identify as gay. They just kind of identify somewhere in the umbrella or somewhere in the scheme. And I think it's a more comfortable word for people to identify with. But it really depends like any identity kind of depends on the person. So if someone's like, hey, I'm queer, you can just ask them what it means to them. So you can be queer, but not gay or gay, but not queer, or it's not that cut and dry. You can be anything you want gay or gay but not queer or it's not that cut and dry you can be anything you want to be thanks man i really appreciate that problem we don't pound getting uh all right this this question is short and sweet these are real

emails from real people we're going to give them a fake name to preserve his anonymity danielle why don't we start with you? Do you have a fake guy's name? Chauncey. That's pretty good. Really quick with Chauncey. Claire, last name? Banalgo. What was it?

Banalget. Listen, dude. Chauncey Banalget? Right. That's beautiful. I haven't seen my parents kiss each other in five years. Are they not chill with each other that's it so how did now we just all say what do you think yes or no yeah well you can elaborate more but yeah essentially have you seen your parents kiss in the last five years

what kind of kiss oh great question french straight french i don't think i've ever seen my parents uh french are they not chill with each other in front of me oh great question french straight french i don't think i've ever seen my parents uh french are they not chill with each other in front of me oh that's a good question have you ever walked in no no not that i know of um i don't think i've ever seen i mean i saw daddy hurting mommy jesus i've seen i've seen like um what have you seen? You know, like getting home from work. I'm home. Kiss. Oh, yeah.

Kiss on the cheek. But I've like never seen my parents. Sexual. Make out Chauncey, if that's what you're asking me, if I've ever seen my parents do that. Do you feel like his parents not Frenching? Like, do you think that makes them not chill with each other well chauncey i guess i'd ask you if you saw it if like six years ago were you seeing your parents friends yeah like what is the shift from yeah what are we going away from what i think you know relationships ebb and flow i think they

do you feel like five years is too much of an age i don't know i mean maybe like their maybe their relationship isn't as sexual but maybe it's intimate in different ways maybe neither of them need that anymore maybe yeah i can't i don't i can't how are we supposed to comprehend relationships that have lasted longer than we've been alive i don know. Like my parents have been together since 72. It's like a 42 year relationship. I'm only 51. I don't quite understand it. I can't think of anything I want to understand.

I would love to know and also hate to know at the same time if my parents have a good sex life. I think. Like an interview with my mom where if I was allowed to press a button at the end and forget everything, i'd like to men in black learn everything and then men in black myself i am so curious but then i don't i don't want to know i can't imagine uh being it just it has like i've gotten what do you know what do you think yeah so far you haven't said anything um except that he's 50 years old yeah i just imagine the

the flame which starts burning very bright gradually gets smaller and smaller and then after 40 years it has to go away entirely i don't think it has to but i think it does a lot yeah and i think what we see on tv is that it's supposed to it's like everything we see with couples is like once you've been a couple for a long time it's going to be terrible and you're not going to like each other anymore. So this is correct. I feel like the relationship at first is like, it's like evolutionary. Are y'all good at boning? All right, I'm attracted.

We're good at boning. We can bone and we can have kids. Now it's like, all right, are y'all good at making a partnership where you create life and raise those children? Forget about the boning. That's sort of over with. How well can you turn this one-year-old into an 18-year-old? And then if you have time, you can bone, but that's really not necessary anymore. And thus, evolutionarily speaking, it seems like your sex drive diminishes as you get older, because that's not a necessary part

of procreation anymore. So, whenever I see people in their 50s,s and 70s i feel like all their love and all their energy uh when they were teenagers uh which was about their uh orgasming has now just transferred to i love my grandkids okay here's why is that truly what you think yeah i disagree and here's why okay one of my favorite old people couples they're gonna be so upset i called them this but um they're 35 is so my friend molly's parents one thing that she says about them was like i love their relationship and one thing that i love is that my dad still touches my mom's butt whoa i was gonna say something really similar you do it then no no that's it my dad grabs my mom's butt and every time i do i'm like gross but also fuck yeah right that's good that's nice well your mom always sort of screams and rolls her eyes when

it happens she hunches her shoulders and squeezes her clavicles not clavicles um sorry you were saying like i did say it yeah uh but isn't that the exception to the rule i don't know i mean i i think it is the exception to the rule but i think the rule sucks yeah you are good i don't buy it i don't buy it you don't buy my theory i just i don't know i don't see it so um black and white i guess that each stage is like this thing yeah i think something about amir is that he turns everything into a math problem yeah okay he doesn't have or a graph so all i see is like you can't it's called diminishing marginal utility you can't enjoy something the same the first time second third millionth time

you're waking up next to the same person for the ten thousand fifty thousandth time you cannot be that excited anymore i think that it's not linear because i think you're not enjoying it in the same way like for example like that law i think applies like say ice cream oh i'll take a bite of ice cream like that's delicious the next bite it's like oh it's still good yeah like 10 bites later it's not it's still good. Yeah, but less so. Like, 10 bites later, it's not as good. Right. But I think, like, a relationship is much more complex and dynamic so that as you age, like, for example, I was talking to my grandma on the phone last night. That's awesome. She just, thanks. She just moved into, like, you know, it's not like a nursing home.

Assisted facilities. Assisted living place. Yeah. Like, two months ago. And this was the first time I talked to her. So I'm not that great. And she was like saying something and then she mentioned like,

oh, maybe I'll have a pup up look at it. Oh, what? Like, she's not crazy. She hasn't like lost her mind or anything. You haven't told us if your grandfather's dead or alive. He dead. Oh, okay. I was able to sort of ask yeah yeah so there was like this moment where she was like oh what like he's he's of course he's not here anymore i can't ask him right and i mean i only knew them as my grandparents so i didn't see any like ass grabbing maybe that happens with like definitely i mean you know they boned at least a couple times.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. Never saw them do it. Similar to my parents. But there's something I think so sweet about when you get to be that age, like just wanting to share that thing with someone or knowing like that person was that in your life. Like they spent every single minute together, at least, least you know for the last probably 15 years of their lives

like isn't that better than sex yeah so maybe they are i shouldn't say that you don't like the person anymore you just have no you have less of a sexual desire to like get off with that person yeah but do you think that apply that's because of the person or do you think that's because of the person, or do you think that's just what happens to any living thing as it ages because it doesn't need to be recreating anymore? Yeah, I would say like old dogs don't hump legs. Right. Wow, that's actually really smart. That's your autobiography.

Yours is Fear the Swarm, and mine is Old Dogs Don't Hump Legs. Forthcoming. It's you sitting on a porch somewhere. Petting an old dog. Disappointed. Don't be frowned. Why not me? What do you think, man?

I really, yeah, I think I'm of the school that like relationships change and like either for good or bad, like you sort of have to be able to adapt as they're going. I think you can still be happy in a moment like, hey, we're older. We've built a family. My parents are like, I think my parents are happy to check in on us and see if we're doing well. And maybe there's not like fire in the, maybe there is. Maybe they're still going at it. I hope so. Go mama. there's not like fire in the who i don't maybe there is maybe they're still going at it i hope so go go mama but i guess i don't i don't think that um i don't think that it gets worse

as you get older i think it gets different and some people handle it better it gets different and some people handle it better that's not a that's of my book. Don't give it a title yet. I like it. The specific question was, are they not chill with each other? I think my answer is that they're still chill with each other. It just isn't as physically romantic as it used to be, perhaps. Or maybe they're making out once you leave the room,

like a bunch of horned up teenagers when their dad leaves or something. Yeah, maybe the new thing for them is to do it behind your back. Chauncey. Oh yeah. That really gets them off. Yeah. They probably do it right outside the door. When you're asleep,

they're on the hallway floor. Fucking don't fucking wake them up. And Chauncey is just wide awake in bed, wondering if his parents are chill or not oh they're real chill dude they're chiller than you'll ever be it's so fucking chill uh did we all get to answer the question i think so more or less tight really we need more information but that was good enough for now uh let's keep it in the familial question we need a fake girl's name oh shit i was gonna do first name last name yeah but you were looking me directly you're right Keep it in the familial question. We need a fake girl's name. Frida. Oh, shit.

I was going to do first name, last name. Yeah, but you were looking at me directly in the eye. Because I thought of it as you were answering. Last name is Frida. Oh, that's good. Last name, Frida. First name. Dania.

Dania, Frida. Oh, my God. Have you ever seen Claire freeze like that? Never in my life it's because i have this one go-to name that carla lababador and i'm trying so hard to not just say it carla lababador yeah you got a stockpile of good names billy banu was in wait we were talking about billy banu before the podcast right yeah i won't tell anybody yeah don't tell anyone i still use that screen name. Yeah.

Oh, yeah? She's still all up in the AOL chat rooms, Town Hall 22. Kids only, bitches. With a Z. Oh, my God. There's a Z in only two. All right.

What was the name? Frida didn't need it. Can I just say I didn't mean like I currently go on Kids Only? No, of course. When I was a kid using that name. We're editing this out. We're going to play Kids Only, only bitches nine times in a row uh guys i'm in a dumb situation i've been cursed with an ungrateful brother as a college graduation gift for my brother i told him that i wanted to take him to iceland it's a trip that we've been wanting to take together

for years and i figured that it would make a great graduation present i even offered to pay for both our plane tickets and lodging if he could help me pay for an Airbnb and rental car. Sorry, she would pay for the plane tickets, he would help for the Airbnb. He initially said that he thought it was a good idea. He even seemed excited to go until the other day when he flat out said, I don't know if I'd be able to go. He is graduating in 2017 and he's already telling me that he won't be able to get off from work from a full-time job he has yet to receive. He is graduating in 2017 and he's already telling me that he won't be able to get off from work from a full-time job he has yet to receive. He hasn't even graduated yet and he says that he's too busy. Like, what the fuck kind of ungrateful person is this? I am very hurt by this

and I want to discuss it with him. There is no way that I'm paying for two round-trip tickets to Iceland for someone who doesn't even want to go. How do I bring this conflict up civilly? Civilly. Oh, and this girl's gonna be at our live show in Philly. Nice. Okay, Denani. I got something to say. Was that it? Denayi or Denani? Denia, but her

friends call her Denani. Great. Denani. I have a couple things to say about this. I feel very passionate, and here's why. If he doesn't want to go, why on earth do you want to spend the money on him? Because, yeah, right. That's a good question. If he doesn't want to go, why do you want to go with him?

If he doesn't want to go, and he's being honest with you, that seems like a good brother and not a bad one. Oh. He's not being honest. He's saying he's being a coward. He's like, I can't go. I'm being a coward. He's making up an excuse. He is being a coward. That's true. I'm busy with work.

And he hasn't graduated yet. He graduates in two years. Here's what I think, though. She's upset not because her brother's angry. She's upset because there's... They're slowly drifting apart. Yeah, that's sad. I think that's what she's like going through.

And she's like manifesting the sadness as anger towards him. Do you guys have brothers? Yeah. How can that be? Aren't you guys sisters? Well, you know, in Jesus's blood. What is that called? What do Christians say?

What's your book? You know. How are we all related or whatever? I'm part Christian and i drink his blood yeah is that christian or is that dracula am i a christian or a vampire i never quite figured out we're all poisoned by the same man uh so yeah kind of are you close with your brother i got two you got two oh i have two brothers oh yeah two older brothers one older one younger are they better than your sister Plus I got a sister.

Holy shit. You got a sister? No, no sister. Three of you? There's three. You're the middle? You're the youngest? You're the youngest. On the baby.

Yeah. Interesting. So you want to go with it. Oh, you know about family dynamics, huh? Yeah. Would you imagine, what do you think Amir is? Or what would you have imagined he was before you found out? It's hard to go back, but I would maybe think oldest.

Really? What do you think I am? Out of how many? Do you think I have brothers and sisters? And what number am I? I'll feel really insulted if you say only child. I think you maybe have a sister. That's true.

And that I think your sister is maybe like six years older than you. Wow. It's a hard one for Jake because he has like five brothers and sisters of varying ages. So you honestly couldn't get it wrong. This feels like a trap. This feels like a trap. But you nailed sister. Yeah.

That's like a good thing to know that I have. Yeah. He's got four sisters, one older, three under, and then a younger brother below that. Three of them are triplets. It's a whole spider web. It definitely was a trap. Well, the thing is you couldn't have gotten it wrong it was a mind unless you said older brother yeah true i i wouldn't have guessed older brother that's good which is the one thing which is why

i didn't well anyway if if you wanted to plan a trip for your brother and he's like uh yeah maybe would you like would you be offended would you be angry would you be hurt it's hard to put myself in that situation because i don't think i would do that you don't think you'd ever plan a trip not for a sibling no um yeah i don't know i just i wouldn't but i can relate to the like the kind of drifting apart from a sibling right do you bring that feels real to me do you say something up the drifting i think i think well i mean there are four of us so there's different dynamics and

i feel like at times other people have felt a drifting yeah um not to get into too much specifics to respect their family members just name names i would like to know all their names. Who's drifted apart the most? Who's still the closest? Okay, DeLule. DeLule? Shambian. That's really good. Actually, just to cut to the chase,

who's your favorite sibling? Yeah. Probably DeLule. Probably DeLule. I knew that. I've always been more of a Shambian man. I mean, Shambian,

like, he's kind of hot and cold. Yeah, so your parents named you DeLule, Shambian, Claire. Yeah, and Banuki. cold. Yeah. So your parents named you Deluli, Shambien, Claire. Yeah. And Banuki. Banuki, yeah. I was going to guess that.

Much like the last couple, their creativity ebbs and flows. Just like that, yeah. I think that drifting apart from siblings is painful. And it's part of getting older. And maybe some people don't do it. I feel like I've drifted a little maybe but you know you become adults you're not kids anymore who knows if it's still gonna work to me this is a perfect situation you you seem like a great older sister because you've uh

you've expressed interest and you've even offered to buy the gift so that's it you don't have to get him a gift anymore because it's like i wanted to get fly him to iceland and he's saying no so she's out of that responsibility and then two uh she can now go to iceland with somebody who really wants to go probably somebody that's like uh closer to her than her brother so it is a sad situation i wouldn't bring it up though i wouldn't say like hey how come you don't want to go with me because then what's the best case scenario you guilt him into going with you that's not fun either yeah but you could talk to him about drifting a bar you can be like hey we don't have to go to iceland i'm not trying to force you to spend two weeks with me but do you want to go camping this weekend you know and then you have

like two days to hang out and then also it's like yeah you're becoming adults and people grow and change and i think it's cool that he's becoming his own person you know yeah yeah i mean would you be offended if your sister said that no thanks to a trip? I guess I wouldn't be offended. I would be sad. I think it's like, I don't think for me it would manifest in anger. I wouldn't be like, you're an ingrate. Why don't you want to come?

But I would probably be hurt. But yeah, I think I would be pretty passive about it. What do you do? You have a fucking ungrateful brother or sister. Yeah, I'm trying to think if... There's been times when I offered my brother things and he didn't want them and I felt a little hurt or something.

But I was never like, you're a dick. I've given a gift that was given back to me because it was deemed inappropriate in one way or another. And I'm not offended. I'm like, all right, it's your thing. If you don't want it, you don't get it. And that's fine. What gift?

Was it a bust of yourself? What's that? Just a bust of you? Yeah, it was a bust of me. It's a full-size wax statue. It's beautiful. That would make me mad. I think when you offer to do someone a favor and they don't want it, you can't get mad at them.

That's such a weird thing. why are you mad at me? You gave this to me. I can destroy it. It's like it's it's really it's always to me, I think, comes back to sadness. It's never madness. Yeah. Madness is just sadness. You forgot to cry.

Right. Can that be my book title? I forgot to cry. So now be my book title? Yeah. I forgot to cry, so now I'm upset at this person. So now I think you're a dick. If I just cried, I would be sad and not mad. And now I'm not glad because of that. I think the real danger with that, though, too, is when people are sad, I would be way warmer towards them.

If I made someone sad, I'd be like, how do I make this right? But when I make somebody mad, I'm like off i'm mad too yeah this girl seems like she's going she wants to guilt her brother into going that's not a good situation well it's tough when the gift is something you have to participate in for two weeks yeah like i'm sure that her brother would appreciate i don't know like two tickets then he could bring whoever yeah for sure that but like what about like a photo album of like him through the years or like their relationship through the years i like the computer idea yeah computer that's like a very fucking practical and then just be like you have to video chat with me twice you know i don't know well i think like i might have work it's already playing. He's jerking off already. The computer only connects to her computer.

It's a one-way only. But I think she wants to give him a gift that is kind of about her. Oh, interesting. Maybe he doesn't want that gift, but she's mad that he doesn't want the gift that she wants him to want. Is it like giving somebody a bowling ball and then being like, oh, well, if you don't want the gift that she wants him to want is it is it is it like giving a somebody a bowling ball and then being like oh well if you don't want it i'll have it like that's what happened in the simpsons i think it's like giving someone not to undermine the

simpsons but i feel like it's maybe like i love bowling here's a bowling ball for you yeah yeah now you're gonna come bowling with me right another person's like i'm not that into bowling or i don't even have arms we forgot to mention this girl's brother does not have arms yep so how is he supposed to go glacier hiking mountaineering actually mostly feet yeah so how's he supposed to get the airbnb right he can't type yeah how's he supposed to hand his passport over to a ticket agent he can't do it this whole thing is a slap in the face which he can't do because he's armless but he's still a great person yeah give him a break so do we sympathize with the sister or the brother here we say sister ask your brother what he wants

sisters ask your brothers what they want and i think sister tell your brother what he wants. Sisters, ask your brothers what they want. And I think sister, tell your brother that you're afraid your relationship is going to change and you love him and you don't want to lose him. That's beautiful. That's sweet. To adulthood. Which is why I'll pay for your ticket to Iceland and we can go during your school. You won't have work. You don't have to worry about that.

Oh, perfect. We'll go during spring break when you would really rather be home with your school. You won't have work. You don't have to worry about that. Oh, perfect. We'll go during spring break when you would really rather be home with your friends. That's the worst. All right. Let's take a quick break to thank one more sponsor. Then we'll be back with more Claire and Danielle right

after this. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support

because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody,

but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available?

It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com.

Oh, vision lifters? Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think., Visionlifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your

first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience.

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Take this survey, and we will read the results it's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people yeah you do and we're back uh have you guys learned more about yourself interviewing other people on your podcast like do you find yourself learning uh different things about you or is it mostly the external i'm just learning about these other people i would say yes well not necessarily learning things about me but well we started because claire and i were both in brand new relationships, and we were like obsessively asking questions to one of our fave couples. And then that person was like, you should do a podcast.

And we were like, okay. And then we just like a couple of bouncing beans, just like got every couple we could and asked them so many questions because we like wanted to be in really good relationships. Oh, so you're like, you're asking like, how do I attain this thing? For me, I felt like it was not

understanding what a relationship was and i was like tell like you're all in them you know what they are tell me what they are and for a while in terms of your original question i think i struggled with then um thinking that my relationship had to be like all of these people's relationships like why aren't i in soulmate love with my other yet? Yeah, and that if I wasn't like feeling the things that they described or things weren't like happening in that same way, I was like, oh my God, well then, I guess this isn't a relationship. Right.

So it kind of gave me a lot of anxiety for a while. It seems like there's two kinds of relationship beginnings. The one where you like slowly like get into a cold pool of water and then you're like getting into it and then by the end you're used to it and then there's ones where you like dive right in we're like i was in love the first minute don't you feel that way and then you're like uh i guess i don't know yeah yeah yeah we had a we've had some guests who were like the first night they met like they just knew that was it yeah um and those stories are great and true and real and honest but then like if i haven't experienced that does that mean like after the first date should i not go on a second date because i'm not feeling it or

can i like grow into feeling that emotion saying that she learned every everybody's different right everybody's different yeah yeah yeah and i think it's like a disservice to your own process and experience if you're just comparing it to other people. Which is like something. You've never been a person that would dive in and love something right away. Right. Like I would never, I'm just not that kind of like emotional, like unless it's like a really good sandwich,

I can't imagine like having love at first bite to which is my cookbook yeah there's another yeah thing in there but i'm also guilty of like cutting things off too early because like maybe because i'm getting older i'm just like you know i've hung out with this person three times and it's like what am i doing here i'm not gonna marry this person should i see her for a fourth fifth sixth time or should i just cut it off at this point i think that you know what you're supposed to do i do yeah i do i think if you're like i'm not feeling it i want to cut it off like i don't want to be dating you if that's how you feel right you know what i mean it's like a self-fulfilling thing yeah totally so it's like

kind of the same thing and then like the other common thread that i've noticed is like every single couple they are one another's best friend they just are and like that's how i feel about julia too like she's my best friend in the world and so it's like even when we're having a huge fight that lasts for three days it doesn't it's like at the end of it she's the one that i want to talk to about the fight and that's a thing like with every single couple they're like yeah i mean we're best friends so we figure out how to work it out and like if she needs something i'll do it and even if it's like hard to figure out like she's the person that i want to be with so i don't know i guess well what the fuck am i this is my best friend i'm not gonna fuck you that's why we interviewed you guys on the podcast it's really just about best friends shit i guess i'll get

married to jake jesus okay i mean what choice do i have at this point if that's the common thread i'm kind of fucked it seems like it's working though yeah that's true i love you dude i think you guys are a cute couple so right if we were just down i feel like that would just we already live together and work together i mean no having sex is the one thing we haven't done yet yeah i don't know but you do kiss yeah we just haven't penetrated yeah and it's that wall that we can't break through yeah are jake and i the only non-romantic relationship you guys have had on the show? So far, but we're having, we're going to have more. Like partners in different ways.

How long have you two known each other? Not that long. Not long. A couple years. Do you pass your two-year test? Oh, yeah. I guess we do pass our two-year test. Do we?

We met right after I moved to LA, and I just passed my two-year. Wow. That's awesome. Maybe we should interview ourselves. my two year. Wow. That's awesome. Maybe we should interview ourselves. That's a nice idea. That's a great idea. Oh, yeah. There's a couple of things I'd like to ask us.

A couple of. A couple of. What other common threads do you see with like successful relationships? They talk so much. They talk constantly. Constantly like texting communication? No, no. I mean like with

emotions and feelings and how they work bottled up yeah nothing stays bottled up nobody's like oh well i had this thing that i was upset about for six years and i'm still upset about it and i'm getting it out on a couple of questions like everyone has if they've gotten through things it's because they've talked about it and they've had to figure it out that's a good one good communication some another thread yeah uh some people have broken up and gotten back together whoa i don't know how many i don't know how much of a thread that is yeah but i feel like i know a bunch of people you don't know that because it's like i think people sort of are ashamed when they're when they've broken up and gotten back together they like don't like to talk about that part yeah of when they i don't know there's something that's like not it's not like a picture book story romance when you're like we broke up for a while then we got back

together no one's like how romantic right i was like are you sure it's still good yeah because they broke up for a reason right and oftentimes your friends will be like fuck that other person you could do so much better it's like i'm back with them and they're like ah he wasn't that bad but i think most of the times people broke up it was because they like weren't ready to be together like jesse and zinzi broke up for a day i think like they and then they and the way they got through it was through talking so much right yeah i think it's maybe it it like ties into another uh thread i see which is um people just being like thinking the other person is like cool and interesting oh like actually having like a crush on them always yes yeah just like thinking like oh like you want to hang out with that you're you're like a weird unique person who was outside of me who was another person yeah i realize now as you say that

fucking get it they like get it you know what i mean it's more than thinking you're cool it's like you're cool and i have this view of the world and you understand that view it's like a i've in the last two years i've only felt that towards dudes like oh that guy's gonna be my friend oh that guy's a great guy oh i miss that guy i haven't felt that with somebody that i was also physically attracted to yeah what do you like like look for in somebody in a friend like do you ever see um like like similarities and the kinds of guys you want to be friends with and like yeah maybe girls have those qualities too oh interesting so i'm thinking of like my most recent friends so like so like billy yeah billy's awesome he's like super nice yeah he knows sports yeah billy

uh i think i like people that are not negative so like you see this guy like oh that's a good guy like I can't say oh that's a good guy about a lot of guys but like Billy's a good guy his name is Billy right off the bat good guy he's like a friendly dog yeah exactly he's like he has no negative he never like talks shit about people he's just like constantly

looking at the positive thing he doesn't get upset they do love Billy yeah Billy's the best he's also very like sense of humor we were able to joke around very easily we have common interests so like we talk about sports a lot and that's a very easy conversation to have but what am i going to an amazing shape so there's sort of like an inspiration thing yeah you look at billy and you're like how do i become more of a man like you are right yeah he's a strong he's a strong man with a good attitude yeah you ever look for that in a lady

i don't think so strong man with a good attitude i think parts of that though you should be looking for like somebody who inspires you and who you like look at and you're like man she's the fucking best like those are the things you should be looking for. I think it would be easier if I was just sexually attracted to the dudes that I was becoming friends with. Is there a pill I can take? Cool. I know a lot of guys who have taken it. Have taken the what? Taken that pill.

That pill. But like when they were like a lot younger. Right. People, like when they were in the womb god made them swallow it so you are born that way but it is but it does have it's a it's a pill you take yeah yeah all right yeah so in utero it's an interesting choice you don't necessarily get to make a fetal decision all right okay that's really god forces it down your throat. Horror movie, I think is what it is. Yeah. Another book.

A Fetal Decision. I'm more interested in talking about you finding a mate, actually. I'm really into this now. I've never, we've never really talked about it on the podcast. Right. I mean, I've hung out with ladies and they're all cool and friendly. But then for whatever reason, I don't have that like crush aspect where I'm like, I can't wait to see this person again. I really want to see this person again.

Ooh, I'm getting like butterflies in my stomach whenever I see their name pop up in my phone. Have you ever gotten that with women or has it only been Julie? Yeah, I must have with my previous lady friends. You did, yeah. I remember a couple of years ago when there was like somebody you were about to start dating.

You would like G-chat me, like, do I text her this? Do I text her this? Right. I'm so nervous. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, I think that it's that. it just sticks around and changes a little bit it's like i still i've been dating julia for like a year and a half so not that long but way past the crush phase for sure at least for me my crush is the point where you're nervous about what to text her yeah exactly but i

still like if i get a text from her i'm like oh really yeah definitely jeez after a year and a half yeah jeez louise maybe i mean there has to be something about me where like i just become less excited about things over time no i have dated like 11 other people and it's all the same it's all like one month in i'm like okay i'm not excited and three months in i'm like do we have to have sex right so like it's just about finding the person that'll push that limit as far as it can go. Yeah, exactly. Right. Because at a certain point,

like some, there are just like other chemicals in your body that start working that aren't like raw sexual desire. Yeah, totally. And it's like bond and loyalty and friendship and all that stuff. It's what Chauncey's parents are maybe feeling. Yeah.

And that's how we know that they are chill with each other. Yeah, because Danielle gets excited from texts from Julia. You know, it's another thing is, like, I enjoy being single. So, like, I'm constantly weighing, does the relationship pros outweigh the pros of being single? So, like, if I rate my singleness at a 95 out of 100, like, if a girl comes into my life and she's a 90, I'm like, oh, that's awesome.

But you know what? Being single is actually better. So if I was living- See what I said about turning everything into a math problem? Yeah. But if I was leading a lonely life, if I was leading a lonely life where I was living by myself,

going home and microwaving a TV dinner and then just masturbating and falling asleep every night. That sounds fucking perfect. Yeah, nevermind. Okay, that sounded awesome. Imagine if it was bad. I would hang out with ladies that weren't necessarily, or just as good as the ladies I'm hanging out with now,

but they would seem better because I'm putting them up against what my single life is like. But you don't know after, say, three dates, and they're like chill, but you're like, I don't know if I'm gonna marry them, which is a question I ask myself a lot or used to right um you're kind of denying yourself the process of getting to know who that person actually is right who they haven't just been on three dates or who you have been on

three dates like and what your actual connection is to see if like, maybe your single life is a 95, but maybe like after three months of dating them, your semi-coupled life is a 96. God, that's a long commitment, three months to give someone that girl a son. But she turned it into a math problem for you. Yeah, she turned it into some math. And how many times a week am I seeing them? I also think that you don't necessarily love being single. You just love your life right now.

Like you love where your career is at. You love hanging out with your best friends all the time you love where you're where you live and the difference is they're like there totally can be a person who you love hanging out with your friends and that person like the two when the two of you together you like feel like you look hot together and she tells funny stories but when you tell stories together they're even funnier oh shit and then there are like things that are happening in your career and she tells funny stories, but when you tell stories together, they're even funnier. Oh, shit. And then there are things that are happening in your career, and she's the first person you want to tell. Oh, damn.

You know what I mean? So it's like you still have your fucking great life. It needs to be a movie star. It needs to be a hot smoke show that I can... Claire Danes. Yeah. Boom. Any Danes, really.

If Claire is a sister... Danes, Judi Dench. Or a K a sister. Danes, Judi Dench. Or a Kirsten Dunst type. Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Yeah, somebody that excites me. Yeah. Yeah, that I can be with, with my friends.

That's a hard one because it's hard going into a friend group. Yeah. It is. Here's a title for a book. Okay. Okay, great. Catcher in the Rye is taken, so let me cut you off. What about The Great Patsby?

No, that's close. Okay. I love it. Different. Different isn't worse. Different isn't worse. It's a... So just because my life...

It's an illustrated self-help book. So just because my life is going to be different with somebody doesn't mean it's worse than. Yeah, man. It's just different. You can still have this life with a person. Right. Sliding doors. So you're seeing it.

Let me ask you guys this question. Do you guys think I should have given the ladies in the last two years of my life a longer shot? Or because I thought that I was sort of cutting them off, then that meant that I wasn't, I shouldn't have stayed with them. Does that make sense? Okay. That was confusing, but I get what you're doing. Everybody at home knows Amir is lying face down on the floor right now, slowly unbuckling

his pants. Let every good thing in his life slip away. Everything you've done was perfect up until now. Because it led me here because it led you here to this life that you love true you know what i mean and i don't think one of my favorite quotes of any of our couple of questions couple of questions we've had is from uh the episode with liz feldman and rachel can too and rachel just said it doesn't have to be that hard and i feel like that's the most important thing of all of it it doesn't have to be that hard you shouldn't be like going over and over in your head like did i do a bad thing

that i cut off this relationship with this person i didn't really give a shit about i didn't really care when she was talking and i wasn't really paying attention but isn't that my problem if i don't give a shit when somebody that i should care about is talking i think you can try a little harder but you still can't fake that last yeah that last however many percent that's your yeah job to decide totally i think you need to be more open definitely oh definitely like when you said that couple's name uh zz which one jesse and zinzi zinzi for example i couldn't date someone named zinzi because i can't imagine introducing somebody named zinzi to my friends yeah but if you met someone named zinzi and that person like blew your mind

and made you laugh like no one else and was your favorite person to talk to. I know, I feel like conflicted. I feel it, but that's how close minded I am. A mirror and Zinzi is perfect. Yeah, from A to Z, that would be our book together. And yet still something about having a unique name. I feel like I can't, like, hey Zinzi,

tweeting at her, texting her, hey, Zinzi. I'm not even tweeting at her. She's your fucking girlfriend. Yeah. I mean, how fucked up is that? I need to date a Rachel. Because that's something that only exists in your mind at this point. That's right.

Yeah. I'm a flawed mind. I have to be more open-minded. You're closed-minded. Preaching to the choir. Yeah, closed-minded, definitely. I mean, if you're looking back on the past two years and your first first thought is like but should i was i supposed to marry any of those girls are those girls my wife not marry but should i have given them a longer shot

because but you would only give them a longer shot if you were going to marry them right uh but you're saying you don't even know that the information until you're two to three months in that's in my mind right but i'm talking about like the transit of property of your own mind right that's a movie that's like 50 first dates yeah or like whatever like ghosts of girlfriends past oh that's a great movie if someone really good luck chuck that movie owned. I don't care what people say. If there's like someone in your past that still haunts your heart, I think you would know that. I guess there are ladies that I think about still more than others.

Then let's make that movie, baby. What are their names? Zinzi is one for sure. Zinzi comes to mind. It's never going to work. I'll tell you now it's never gonna work you can't tweet at her how are you gonna ask her to marry you you can't tweet at her we had a therapist or an expert therapist on the show a couple weeks ago emily uh gordon

and i was asking like should i go to therapy she's like everybody should go to therapy whether you think you should or not i still i've never gone to therapy this and this sort of is getting me into it because you guys really made your podcast bleed into our podcast yeah we really did you should i love therapy i swear by it i know you should julia didn't give a single shit about therapy until i was like and today my therapist said and then she was like god your therapist is good and i was like right and then she was therapist said. And then she was like, God, your therapist is good. And I was like, right. And then she was like, I'm going to go therapy.

And now she loves it too. Does she go to your therapist? No, we don't go to the same therapist, but her therapist was a recommendation from my therapist. Very cool. Yeah. I cannot imagine where I would be today without the help of therapy.

Wow. Yeah, I think it'd be bad. Maybe it would have turned out okay. Almost as bad as my current state. Imagine that. Stiff-arming ladies because of the name they have. That's not okay. That's not all right.

Do you guys mind if we answer one last question? Just because I don't want to feel like I'm short-changing our audience. I understand. This is another lady. Claire, first name jasmine jasmine i love it but you have to say it that slowly otherwise she won't respond to it there's three a's four z's and m a lot of h's you could not date her last name or just last initial we

want to keep this fake person anonymous, too. T. I love that. Wait, I want to know what T stands for. But it stands for... Trinkets. Yes, Mina Trinkets writes, I recently matched with this guy on Tinder that I wouldn't normally swipe right on the app

or in real life. I live on an island where the pickin' is very slim, other than the occasional batch of tourists, but this guy had me when he mentioned Larry David in his bio. We matched back in July, and we've been talking every day nonstop. My dilemma is this. This guy is my soulmate. He is extremely kind, huge comedy, music, and film nerd, loves sports, and is extremely smart.

I'm talking Amir, Pat Castles, and Thomas Middleditch all rolled into one. It makes me laugh like crazy. I'm absolutely sleepily absent from the perfect man. That's fine. The issue here is that he is 300 pounds. This guy's personality alone makes me want to jump his bones.

But when I think about putting his dick in my mouth, the only thing I can think about is getting crushed by his thighs and his stomach resting on top of my head. I don't want to say that I'm repulsed, but god damn it, I think I'm pretty freaking close. I think I'm such an, I feel like such an asshole saying this as I'm not the skinniest person ever, either. I've got ass and thighs for days and my second smile, aka double chin, is so real.

He is offering the world to me and I'm hesitant to take it. I really, really like this guy, but how do I get over the physical part? This guy has made several playlists for me and is on the search for this rare fish slash Harris Whittles t-shirt that I've been looking for for months. So I know he's really into me. And again, I like him a lot too, but I don't know if I can lead him on anymore. If I can't imagine being physical with him. And goddammit, I like to fuck,

so this is important for me. That is all. Sorry this has been so long. Love, Jasmine. Trickets. Well. Well, well, well. Yeah.

What do we do with this one, guys? Well, I want to agree that she does sound like an asshole. I think there are nicer ways to say things. But what can you do? What can you do if you're not physically attracted to someone? We peel back the language. I think she was trying to ham it up. Yeah.

It's important to be physically attracted to somebody. But do you cut off your soulmate because he's 300 pounds? Is it your soulmate? Yeah, that's part of being your soulmate. It's all those things and you want to fuck him a lot. Yeah, also anyone can search for a fish t-shirt on eBay. I feel like that... Also, have they met?

Like, I'm very confused. I don't think they've met. It doesn't seem like they've met. I don't think they've met. Wait, they haven't met? I don't think so. I thought they met once. Am I imagining?

That was my fanfic. I don't know. Let's say they've met once or... I'm really curious about what island she lives on. Oh. I feel like she lives on Catalina, because it sounds very LA to me. The tourist. I feel like it's Kauai.

Yeah, I thought it was Hawaii also. Because if it's Catalina, she could... I feel like her Tinder radius is wide enough that she could come to the mainland. Would that be great, though? If it was... Oh, the tourist. If we just great, though? All the tourists. If it just couldn't get there quite. Maybe it's just Governor's Island, New York.

It's very remote. It's like a five-minute ferry ride. I was imagining Papua New Guinea. Oh, yeah. This man is probably a traditional Samoan, a 300-pound warrior man, a fisherman, a spear fisherman by trade trade and a fish t-shirt salesman by night wow and uh he's just looking after her best interests unfortunately his girth repulses

her uh i kind of feel like if she was just like hey if you lose 100 pounds i'll blow you he would oh he's already searching for the instead of spending time doing the fish research. Like if he just did 50 crunches. Yeah. Single time you and she should send him like, why don't you research this? And it's a picture of a treadmill. And then then it's like, yeah, she's like, why don't you just change who you are? Yeah, maybe it could work. Yeah.

Maybe if they enter into an emotionally abusive relationship, it'll be great. Thank you. Yeah. Although I will say that I don't think that high five was genuine. It's half bad, but then also half urging him to be healthier. Because 300 pounds is too large. You can't be healthy and that big. I think if she emailed and she was like, oh, the way that he eats repulses me.

I'm grossed out because all he eats is pizza and fried chicken and i love to eat vegetables and this thing then it's like a different it's more about lifestyle yeah it's more about lifestyle and not just the way that somebody looks and it's more like oh how are our lives going to integrate together if i do this and he does a totally different thing right i mean you know honestly like i don't think that there's something so wrong about like i don't know like not being attracted to that person's body if that's like what i don't know i mean sure like it's the person that's inside that counts but it's i think it's better to be honest than to proceed and like

know that you're not going to come around to it am i wrong other than trying to change the person like isn't there someone who will love that person how they are yeah but isn't how they are unhealthy like don't you want to help i mean you don't know that you know isn't 300 pounds is like uh obese or morbidly obese but like he could be i don't think he could have like an illness that makes him obese you know what i mean he has for being overweight i think that physical attraction is important enough that this she can't enter into a relationship with somebody she actively doesn't want to sleep with however isn't it easier to find a, like, she's found the hard part, which is like the soulmate personality.

Isn't it easier to ask this guy to lose 75 pounds than to find a 225 pound man that will give her all the other stuff that she loves? Interesting theory. I'm saying she's 90% of the way there. What, is she going to start with someone who's only 10% of the way there and ask him to be the other 90%? Ask him to be into sports? That's not going to happen. That's just Billy. I think that maybe the person who is both of those things exists.

Yeah, I think that's... Yeah, yeah. But she's dangerously close to finding that guy. But she still didn't. So it's easier to tell somebody to change something physical about them like their weight than it is to tell somebody to get into the same sports and music that you're into but it's still not necessarily good it's still not like but also i feel like i feel like there's got to be more there because if she was like so fucking into him

she couldn't stand it it just like would not matter right it just wouldn't you know but she's there's got to be something else there that she's like oh nobody's fat so i don't know what yeah maybe it's what she like thinks that other people will think yeah i mean there's think of gotta be oh sorry continue i was just gonna say is there a world where she tries to kiss him and then just see how it goes? I like that. I think there is that world. Parallel universe. Just like a little kissy kissy.

What did she say in that thing? Like she can't imagine putting his dick in her mouth. Yeah, dick in her mouth. His stomach and thighs. Maybe you'll like it. I think if he laid down flat on the bed, there wouldn't be a major risk of any of any of that well also i'm gonna just i'm gonna blow everyone's mind for a second holy shit if he

listened to this podcast he would be mortified and would never want to speak to her again so maybe if you're talking about the person you're dating that way you suck interesting can you imagine listening to a podcast and hearings being like whoa i know i'm the only person on earth searching ebay for that dumbass fish shirt who lives on an island and yeah and i also live on it's just sitting at his desk it couldn't be me somebody else it's not well here's yeah it sounds heartbreaking yeah yeah what if you if like our advice is to say okay so maybe this guy isn't for you so just stop hanging out with him uh and if that's option a and then option b is giving him some sort of ultimatum where if you lose weight i'll hang out with you wouldn't which is the lesser

of two evils right we understand this is already an awful situation maybe he would go for a bad situation but they exist it's giving him an option. I think the third option is what Jake said of try a little kiss. Try a little kiss. See what happens. There you see him. But it sounds like she wants. Sipping there across the way. That's beautiful.

It sounds like she wants you to tell her. Yeah, it does. To not date this guy. That's what I'm saying. It sounds like she's like, look at this awful thing I have to deal with. But my thighs are big too. I think she might be asking us for permission i think she might be she asked me she's like this guy's totally gross right and it's nasty

if i kiss him and what if i'm like no actually it's totally cool and now she's like oh okay good because that's kind of how i was what i was leaning towards anyway so maybe you don't ask him to lose weight before you enter the relationship you enter it it. And then in a more polite, loving way, you try to urge him towards leaving, living a healthier lifestyle. And what's so wrong about that? You keep coming back to this, this part about changing who he is.

But he's changing it for the better. Yeah. Is it mean to say that? You have to educate. I don't know. We don't know. We genuinely don't. Yeah.

We don't know. I mean, I think don't yeah we don't know yeah i mean i think telling someone to change who they are for you is bad yeah regardless of how i think if the two of them entered into a relationship and they both like the thing about weight especially is like it's so much more complicated it's not just like i don't like those shirts you're wearing it's like somebody's body and how they treat themselves and how they're eating and like what sicknesses they might have right he's lived in his body for 25 years and you've known it for two and a half weeks exactly and if you enter into a relationship and both of you are like here's the thing the way that i feel regardless of how much you weigh the way that i feel is bad i feel like sad all the time and i when i get very sad i eat even more and that makes me

uncomfortable and i'm embarrassed um and the two of you both feel that way and the two of you want to change that together that's so much more different than like i don't like the way you look please stop eating right you know so it's just like very different i guess what's the advice here go for it leave them alone or i say try kissy kissy if you wanted and i feel like what you're saying is there's nothing wrong with like trying to help somebody have a healthier happier lifestyle but it's there's something wrong with doing it for your own purposes yes and if those if you're motivated by like i don't want to be embarrassed when we walk into a bar then don't tell them to lose weight but if you're motivated by like, I don't want to be embarrassed when we walk into a bar, then don't tell him to lose weight.

But if you want to get into a relationship with him, fall in love with him, find out why he's unhealthy. And if he'd be happier, if he wants to change, then you help him do that. It's like if he if he didn't feel comfortable in his body and he came to you and he was like, I don't feel comfortable in my body. Do you have any tips? Then she could be like oh yeah here are my tips but like to just say we've been dating for a couple of weeks and you've searched for a shirt on ebay for me but you have to lose a hundred pounds before i put your dick in like that isn't that isn't cool and i agree i think she should try some kissy kissy yeah i'm done with kissy

kissy yeah try the kissy kissy see him once maybe the kissy will be so good that you'll want to blow him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But make sure he's laying down on his back. Yeah. Fully supine. Yeah. If not arched backwards on a medicine ball of sorts.

A beach ball. Oh, man. A yoga ball. What are those giant spheres called at the gym? Oh, yeah. What are those called? Oh, a yoga ball, I think. Is it really a yoga ball?

Or are you just saying what I said accidentally it sounded right or an exercise ball it sounded right the last blowjob exercise yeah yeah the blowjob ball you guys know what i'm talking about bjp yeah they use them in yoga classes but that's not what they were meant for really deviant perverted yoga classes uh claire and danielle thank you so much for coming thanks for having us. How do people listen to your podcast? A couple of questions. Where can they find it? It's part of this great thing called HeadGum.

That's us. So if you go to HeadGum.com you can find it in the podcast page or you can Google search. It's Cupla with an A at the end. It shouldn't be too hard to find do you have anything else you want to plug while you're the mics are in your faces i guess a couple of questions it's a podcast i'll listen to it that would be great yeah we're on it yeah

is our episode up when this premieres yes we'll make sure of it okay great sweet we should probably plug like one thing each okay we don't sound like losers. You go. I'll plug. I don't have anything. You brought it back. You're like, no, we should plug. You're like the kid who asked for more homework. I could draw you stuff.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could draw you stuff. Like I make people presents that they give to loved ones. Do you have the holidays are coming up i do have an etsy it's hair creature um i got a tumblr with my art on it claire beecher hair creature dot tumblr.com i like claire beecher hair teacher hair creature whatever whatever he likes it it's like he was like yeah rhyme um i worked on a movie the overnight that's now available on itunes that came out over the summer uh check it out there we go that's really good uh i have fashion videos on youtube what the hell does that mean i'll make videos about fashion like really guys fashion girls fashion whatever

uh it's like androgynous fashion kind of like hey i'm a girl who wants to wear boy clothes and i it's very hard to find here are some tips so nothing so would there be tips for me i'm only thinking about myself always yeah that's fine i want to dress more androgynous should i wear uh cool So check those out. What was the website? I mean, just if you go to heydanielle.com, then you just can find all of my stuff. And that's Danielle with two N's. Oh, yeah.

Thanks, Claire. Thanks, Claire. With four R's. If you have questions for our podcast, that email address is always if I were you show at gmail.com. We'll do our best to answer it, whether Claire and Daniel are back or not. We also start and end all of our episodes with original theme songs written

by you all. The opening one was written by Gabby Saul. And this one is written by John Pilat. How'd you pronounce that? Pilates. Johnny Pilates. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week.

Bye. Hi, Mr. Hurwitz. Should I come on her tits? I should mention she's my old friend's wife. And Jesus Amir helped my penis to steer Away from the challenge and strife It would help to appease and start seizing the cheese Or fend off advances from this shrew

It would be hashtag dope and I would just love to grow At least if I were you