Segments - 188: Red Dot (w/Jonathan, Jerah, and James III!)

Episode Date: December 14, 2015

Friends and hosts of "Black Men Can't Jump in Hollywood" join us to discuss ghosting, fading away, and unread texts! This one is a party. This episode is brought to you by SkurtApp.com, BirkSun, and ClubW! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com, B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order

and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star.

There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish. You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live.

So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad. Edit this part out. But let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely keep this part in don't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it

oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. I'll tell you what I would do. If only I were you. Shark.com.

Hey, welcome back to If I Were You. No, not welcome back. This is the beginning beginning that was the perfect intro before let's do it one more time ready we just heard something great that was amazing out the way this episode is more of a party than anything else we have three guests for the first time ever wow uh jarrah james john jake i'm everybody has a j name yeah that's kind of cool yeah you know we have one a name though get out your name is still cool well my name oh i guess i can have a j name if you wanted to give me one like uh what do you think what do i look like oh oh oh

june oh i'm not saying that wait what about josh josh you know what? No, I don't say Josh. No. Let's say a Joseph. Oh. I like Joseph. I have a cousin, though. His name is Jamar, which I feel like it's almost like adding a J to your name. And then there's Jameer, Jameer Nelson. Oh, yeah. Jameerakwai.

Yeah. Oh, Jameerakwai. Jameerakwai is good, too. Jameerakwai is also nice. This whole podcast is just about renaming me to be slightly cooler. Guys, thanks for coming on our program. Thanks for having us, Jamara Kwai.

For those of you who don't know, these guys are the hosts of their own show on the HeadGum Network. It's called Black Men Can't Jump. Hey, so technically, are we on our boss? Is this like a review with the boss? Are we on the boss? This is a performance review boss this is a performance review

this is a performance review oh crap I didn't know I'll tell you right now by the end of this podcast only two of you will be the host of Black Man Can't Jump

and I'm one of them how is that fair a fight to the death me and James are already fighting for a microphone I'm just saying it's like we changed

your name to Jamar and now you are. Well, thanks for coming on our program, you guys. We really appreciate it. We are in your home court right now. That's true. We're in New York. We're in New York. Our producers, our name drop Nick

all the time. Do you ever call New York Nick? Has Nick ever talked on our podcast? Nick has never spoken. Nick has never said anything. Not once. But Gerard feels the need to bring up his name all the time

and now it's on your episode. Now on your episode. It's hard not to acknowledge his presence. There's two other people in the room right now. Yes. It's true.

Other producers are popular on other podcasts? Is that true? Like who? Engineer Cody. Who is that from? I think it's Comedy Bing bang bang i bet you uh their engineer producer doesn't have good hair like nick and they got some good hair nobody

is like we definitely have the best looking producer oh yeah that's true they're by far i've never seen another producer but it'll look like i would put money on yeah yeah well because nick's like one of the best looking humans that you know. Yeah, exactly. Are we pipping out our producer now? I love that whenever somebody compliments Nick on his appearance, he just goes, yeah. I mean, I feel like...

I've never seen him shake his head. No, he doesn't shake his head. Everyone's wishing they could see a picture of him, but he will forever be behind us. We should put up a Nick pic. A dick Nick pic. Yeah, we have to. A Dick Nick pic. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, snap. Isn't it more a Nick Dick pic? A Nick Dick pic. Oh, yeah, a Nick Dick pic. This is going to be a picture of Nick. Or are we calling Nick a dick? The Dick Nick pic. Either way it works out.

The pic of Nick being a dick. True. On your guys' podcast, I feel like it's a very intellectual discourse, just breaking apart race gender stereotypes in film and then there's jake and mine podcast which is just like advising people about whether or not they should break up with their girlfriend not as important that's super important yeah yeah more important to specific like two people and less important

to everybody else on earth i mean i't have a girlfriend, so I mean... Yeah, yeah, let's start with that. Just so we're fully caught up. You guys single? Just so I understand your viewpoint going forward. I'm dating someone. I am also happily dating someone. Happily dating?

Oh, God. Oh, shit. That makes you unhappy about it. I didn't know. Your girlfriend wasn't mad a second ago. And that's why I'm not dating anybody. Because I fear that. I fear little mistakes.

Thank you. It's dangerous. It's like thin ice. Yeah, tiny little fights. You say the wrong name by accident. Can I say this, though? The person that I'm dating is my first girlfriend ever. Really?

What? I didn't know that. How long have you been dating her? Over a year and a half now, I think. And how old are you? 27. Oh, so you did start late. This is an adult relationship now.

A year and a half at 27, that's pretty serious. Let me just say this. The girl that I'm dating right now, this is my last girlfriend. Oh! Thank you. Yeah, he just means he's going to die alone alright thanks for coming everybody we'll be back

no so you guys understand this is an advice podcast people will email us their questions they're sort of seeking our wisdom and guidance sometimes it's just Jake and I sometimes we're joined by friends today we're joined by the most amount of friends we've ever had three in the same room.

Five people. One podcast. So many opinions. I'm so aware of how people cannot distinguish whose voice is the podcast. Oh, yeah. At one point, me and Jim were sharing a mic. So it was two dudes, one mic. Yeah.

I wonder if we just said two people on the mic, anybody would call us out for that. If we just said there's two people in the room. Or if we just said there's one guest. Yeah. It's me doing voices like Carl Winslow uh so are you guys opinionated are you guys down to help at least lend your wisdom there's no right or wrong so it'd be a bad time whether or not this is good advice right if i were you so it's all like you can't go wrong yeah all day right oh yeah yeah definitely ready yeah you just need honest all you got to be honest. You just got to promise me you'll say what you think.

Absolutely. I think I'm going to be really good at this. All right. All right. Okay. I actually agree. I think you will be very good at this. I think I will be the best at this.

I actually think my girlfriend will be the best, but I guess that's me. All right. Ready? Yeah. Here we go. Oh, this is also a great part of our show. We have to come up with fake names for these real people.

Do you want to start giving us a fake name? For a guy or a girl? For a guy. Let's say Charles. Charles Love. Oh. Charles Love. Charles Love.

Bang, bang. Love that. Charles Love writes, Three years ago, I dated this chick and we ended up breaking up because I was a dick. Cut to 2013

and we start dating again. It's been about two and a half years and things are starting to go back to the way it was before. I'm finding her too clingy and annoying and not that attractive, even though she's like a 7.9 out of 10.

We're always getting into arguments and honestly, I don't know whether to break up with her or not. I want to, but when I think about breaking up with her, I miss the sex and stuff. I don't want to feel lonely. I always feel like I can get with other girls

when I'm with my girl, but I hate the feeling of dating her or even screwing somebody else, and then I get jealous when she talks to other boys. I know I sound like a dick, but maybe I'm still with her because I don't want to be alone. I'm 20.

So what should I do, guys? Should I break up with her keeper or have one last root and then boot? Some days I do feel like I love her, but other days, not so much. WTF is wrong with me. Help, please, sincerely. Charles Love.

Who wants to go first? Because I got to stay in it for a while. This has to be a video podcast because your reactions are so funny. I feel like you're about to tackle me. Help, please. Sincerely, Charles Love. Who wants to go first? I got to stand in for him. This has to be a video podcast because your reactions are so funny. I feel like you're about to tackle me. That's the one you want to first off. I thought that Amir wrote the email. Charles, put yourself

in the face, Charles. Let me tell you why. Charles Love. His last name should not be Love. No, no, no. No, no, Bray. I'm not going to defend Charles Love over here. His name is Koo. First off, she's a seven point. What is that? A seven point?

Nine. Shut the hell up, Charles. You got a girlfriend, and you probably ain't that damn attractive, Charles. Oh, man. I'm saying it. He said his girlfriend ain't that attractive. He said he ain't that. You know what's happening now, Charles, two years later?

You're being a dick again, Charles. That's what's happening. How about you be a man, figure your shit out. All right. No, no. Screw Charles. We started off like this. He gave her a 7.2.

Nine. 7.9. Just say an eight then. Damn, Charles. 7.9. Who does that? I have to agree with you on that one. Just say an eight.

What's wrong with you, Charles? Charles, be a human, okay? All right, all right, all all right all right try no i'm not one more thing about charles okay if charles has a hot top fade screw yourself again charles okay oh i'm gonna tell you why you're putting a haircut on him because i feel like i know what charles looks like in any race he might be okay in all races he's still an asshole you think he looks better you think it looks like iman shumpert yes yes i feel like somewhere right now charles has a gold chain oh um sorry go ahead bro okay listen i'm really happy you're going next verbal lashing first of all i do have to say though

he's not you're not crazy charles you seem like the more sensitive kind it's kind guy yeah i mean look i'm not i'm not gonna defend all of charles actions i do think the way that he's looking at relationships is a little problematic right now sure but you're not crazy also you're very young and it makes sense that you would like be thinking about other girls and all that stuff even when you're the most happily married people think about that stuff didn't all of his

problems disappear when we heard he was 20 yeah it did everyone just laughed I think it was just because he was like three years ago

I broke up with her and then we got back together and now we've been together for two and a half back in my old behavior so like for me I added up like

five and a half years and then when he said he was 20 I was like you're talking about a high school relationship you were like nine when it started what no we got nipped this in the book i will say here's the thing i will say to gerard maybe to gerard's point i don't know really what he was trying to say but like when you look when you're in a relationship for love and like you have to know that there are going to be some days that are not going to feel as good as others.

Right. That's natural. But that doesn't mean that like the relationship is a mess. That being said, just wanting to stay with someone just because you like having sex with them and you're jealous of them having sex with somebody else is not a good reason to stay in a relationship. Sex is hard to have when you're like 16. Right. Post 20,

I don't need a girlfriend so I can have sex. Yeah, you're 20. If anything, a girlfriend is a little bit more prohibitive to me having sex. I have way more sex

when I'm single than in a two and a half year relationship. Especially when you're 20 because that time you can go to the gym and get ripped in two seconds. Yeah.

This is my thing The only reason I'm saying that About Charles This is my thing I feel like man We're getting We've been doing like Not us in this room

Because we're all wonderful man Obviously But like in general Man are being like a bad rep For cat calling a dude And being just jerks Come on man We gotta step up

Because right now We don't nip this 20 year old Charles in the butt And be like Charles step up Or just be nice Charles is gonna be You know who he's gonna be He's gonna be a 30 year is going to be, you know what he's going to be? He's going to be a 30-year-old dick.

It's good that he's coming to us now. Yeah, so Charles, me being angry with you, Charles, is just me being like, I love you, Charles. Be better, Charles. But now, here's my thing, though. What are you saying he should do? Are you saying he should stay with his girl? I think he needs to just decide, sit down, have a conversation. Do you really like her? That's it.

And if you don't like her as a human, if you don't like hanging out with her, if you don't like hanging out with her if you don't like being around her without having sex well the hardest the hardest breakups the hardest breakups are ones that don't like stem out of a specific fight or reason like oh i like oftentimes hear or like uh remember feeling like oh i wish she just did something bad because that would give me a reason i can point to be like you cheated on me me. So a lot of times people are just like, oh, I'm just going to be so mean to her until she does something awful. Then I have a reason or she'll break up with me and I can get out of it. The problem is breaking up is so hard because you will feel lonely afterwards. So like that's that's the hardest kind of breaking up to do, especially when you're 20, because you don't know what's going to happen between 20 and 30. This is like 20% of his life has been with this girl. So he's like, holy shit, what am I supposed to do without her? What if I don't find anybody else? Odds are he will find somebody else. Yeah, he knows he will, I feel like, really.

If you're 20, nothing's actually happened yet. Yeah, you don't have a career. You're going to grow up. You probably haven't even finished growing as a man. This is what 40-year-olds would tell us. We're like, no, we're 30. We get it. And then at 40, it's like, 30?

You haven't even done anything yet. So you don't know. It's true. It's all relative. This is what I want to say to Charles. This is James III. Charles, this is James III. Oh, hey.

And look, man. The name does carry a lot of gravitas. The voice gets extra deep. The whole time, man, it doesn't sound like you're talking about her and how you feel about her. Exactly. And and you might not want to be alone, but that doesn't have anything to do with her. The sex also. I'm sorry to say it doesn't have anything to do with her. Sex feels good. It does. Sometimes it's not the best time, but like sex, but sex feels good. It does. So you got to, like Gerard was saying, you got to like, you got to be a man and you got

to think about how you feel about her. And if you love her and want to be with her, then you need to stick it out. But you don't need to just have one and done or whatever the fuck the last line was. He said like one last root. It's been two and a half years. It's like, yeah, one last good one. A root and boot is what he called it. A root and boot.

Charles, Charles, Charles, you knew that was going to get read. You said root and boot, Charles. Root and boot. Who says root and boot? Come on, Charles. I can't be a friend of yours, Charles read. You said root and boot, Charles. Root and boot. Who says root and boot? Come on, Charles. I can't be a friend of yours, Charles. You can say root and boot. Knowing people are going to hear that.

To be fair, he's probably British. Oh, you said root and boot? Oh, respect. Respect. Love it. Because you don't say anything with an accent. It's like, oh, that kind of sounds cool. Yeah, it's charming.

That was charming. I mean, how often do people stay together because it's like, oh, I don't want her to fuck, it's charming. That was charming. I mean, how often do people stay together because it's like, oh, I don't want her to fuck somebody else? I mean, that's the weirdest thing, man. I try to think about people taking a dump. Isn't that weird? Wait a minute.

Hold on. Let's just talk about it real quick, though, because that is like some possessive, like weird, disgusting stuff. I can't connect that

part of my brain to make me care about... I get that. Because you don't own her. Like, she can have sex with whoever she wants if you guys break up it's true

but the thing is it's so weird and I defend people who think like that but it's like I've had that thought of like let me tell you why it is a very gender biased thing

where it's like I feel like we live in a world where like women definitely control their sexuality but men are such assholes

in a way where it's like a man and woman can like agree to have sex but at the end of the day that dude could be like I fucked her and sorry to use crass language but it's like it's that thing of like well someone's it's so it's so like harsh and aggressive yeah and it's like if someone says that to someone about somebody you love or loved it's like you month it's like it instantly brings out like because you know what it is to be single and just to fuck yeah and it's like it break you

up is almost like casting somebody into that vile world. You respect her more than, you know, it's like, it already, I'll make him defense like respect her more than that. Like, why are you just,

you what? Like, I don't know. Even if it was like a consensual, it's like, it's just a right. Cause especially cause you spent the last two and a half years in a relationship where there's like,

wait a minute, I'm going to the parks and go to the museum and meeting her family. You just got drunk with her one night and you get to fuck her. That's so disrespectful. Almost. But like, that depends if like, that's what she wants wants like if somebody's not like if if charles girlfriend wants to go out and just get like raw fucked like hell yeah then she gets to do that if she's single

yeah i think it's like charles isn't allowed to keep on care like i mean he can care but like care but he should put it out of his mind and that's not a reason to stay in a relationship i feel like he's also like using that idea as like is that love wondering if that's not a reason to stay in a relationship. I feel like he's also like using that idea as like, is that love? Wondering if that's love. No, no, but,

but do you know what I mean? But that's what he's wondering. He's going, he's going, I'm, I feel bad when I think about her being with someone else. Like sure. It's insecurity.

Right, right, right. I will say that. I will say that. That'll be my last point. I was like, dude,

love, you'll know it because you will want to do, you will want to make her happy. will stop thinking about your happiness you'll start thinking about hers and if all you're doing which it sounds like honestly from your question if all you're doing is thinking about your happiness and how much she's not making you happy then it's like dude then get out of it because that's not what love is about love is about making the other person happy i always thought love was just maximized like. No. At age 20, the most you like somebody is love.

And it's different when you're 30, because then the maximum becomes a different amount of maximum. Right, right, right. But I'm very analytical, mathematical. No, I think the same thing. It's like, are you single? Yeah. See, I'm also single. I think of love as very like.

I like it the most. Yeah, to me it's very conscious. It's like, okay, I'm deciding whether or not I'm going to let this relationship go into a point to even become love. It's like, okay, I like this person. Let's stick this out and get to the point of love. It's very calculated. It's a good risk. Let's do it.

Right, and some people start out with love and get lower. I think I start out with like and get higher. I start out with love and I get lower. So sometimes I just need to like know when to adjust like. The levels. Yeah. So like. You need a level later.

I can basically always fall in love at the drop of a hat. So most of the time I'm like looking not for love at all. Right. I would every once, every couple of years, I'm like, time for love. And then basically whoever's nearby just gets all the love. You want to love. I remember you fucked a cactus once. Yeah, I loved that cactus.

I guess it was the first thing I saw. Did we advise this gentleman? I think so. Charles, man, we love you, man. Just step up, Charles. It's true. It really is, Charles. It's true. It really is step up, man. That's it.

I feel like at age 23 and a half years of being in a relationship, you gave it a go. Why don't you see what else is out there? Go out there, run amok. Yeah. Be like young James was. Don't do that to me. But also, don't be a dick and don't be like the reason I'm leaving you is because I want to have sex with other people. I don't know.

Just say it in a – Don't do that. Just have more – I want to have a more robust experience. I want to experience new things, learn. It's so hard to say that. It's hard to say that. That's what I was saying. It's hard to break up with someone without a specific reason.

I remember when I was like 23. We were both being so cryptic. And finally I was just like, yeah, I want to sleep. She's like, do you want to sleep with other people? And I was like, yes. were like both being so cryptic. And finally I was just like, hi, yeah, I want to sleep. She's like, do you want to sleep with other people? And I was like, yes. And she's like,

get the fuck out. I was a doster when I was younger. I guess they call it ghosting. I'm not proud of it. And I may be still doing it now and then. I hate it. I may be now. I'm trying my best to stop.

A lot of people ghost now. Yeah. It was easier to ghost. I think it was easier to ghost before when you could be like, oh, that text didn't come through. Cause now like your text comes through on like four different devices and now like you have

social media so like i may stop texting but if i do like a post for like a show or for instance one time i posted this is my fault i posted our podcast it was like oh check out a new episode and i did not respond to text messages in like three or four days so she's like oh you can post about a podcast but you can't respond i was like that's very valid I am sorry that's actually your fault for not hiding her on your Facebook feed it was like it was my fault again

well my issue with ghosting is one it's easier for the ghoster it's easier for you not to do anything than to actually deal with a confrontation but two what is she hoping to get out of calling you out

like whenever I'm ghosted I'm never just like hey you ignored me and then it's like okay I'm putting her in a position where she has to respond to me. To be honest, I don't like you anymore.

That's what I wanted to hear. I've been ghosted recently and it happens. Sometimes it feels good though. I only ghosted two and I'm like, good for you. It depends on how long the communication has happened for, I guess. My dad ghosted me, actually.

Oh, no. After 41 years. But I think it's so... People are so afraid of confrontation, but it's like... Well, I don't know. I guess it's because some of the people, when they respond so badly to hearing... It's totally just being afraid of... I don't want to have to stare someone in the eye or text them

and say, listen, I don't want to hang out with you anymore. That's a difficult thing to do. But that comes back to choosing people that you would feel comfortable... That could handle that news everybody can't handle it nobody's not all the time some people freak out some people freaking out is fine like they're not gonna jump off a building because you said hey i can't be with you right now someone might stab you with a fork or something yeah yeah that person was gonna stab you that's what i'm saying they were kind of just looking for an excuse to do it the entire time if you ghost them that'll probably do much worse than you than being honest because in in reality it's it's the more it's the more polite thing to do even even at the even if at the time

they feel like anger eventually they'll be like well i'm glad i know it's better to know now than to yeah i know i'd write a question to a podcast and be like, yeah, there's this car on a road. There's a middle ground and it's called fading away. No, that's ghosting. Fading away. Ghosts. What? I fade.

Like, nobody's like, what was that? I know what you're saying. That's dropping subtle hints. He's gone. A ship disappearing on the horizon. Totally. That's ghosting.

That's ghosting. It's a slow ghosting. It's a slow ghosting. It's pulling off the bandaid in the shower. That's what it is. Well, you guys started off early. It's a slow ghosting. It's a slow ghosting. It's a blowing off the bandaid in the shower. That's what it is. Well, you guys started off early. It's a slow ghosting.

I've never seen text messages. Like, I don't respond to text messages for like an hour or two. Yeah. Just naturally. So that way it's like. Even if you get it right away. Even if I get it, I'm like, oh, I definitely respond a little later. You don't want the person to know that you can respond right away.

You got to set a standard of like, hey, I might respond. I'm sorry. No, it's 100% true. I'm sorry no it's a hundred percent true this isn't even this isn't even just for girls this is everybody yeah universal people should not have access to you 24 7 that's good yeah you have to you have to slow you have to tighten the faucet yeah you really it's got to be a drip it can't just be like the floodgates are open now we're having full-on like back and forth conversation but it does speed up really very quickly like you wait an hour she waits 48 minutes,

then you're like, all right, I'll wait 47. Then that number gets lower and lower, and suddenly you're not in a chat. It's instantaneous. I like to be confusing. I like to zig when others zag. Unprofessional. I went on a Tinder date with this girl.

Yes, dude! Oh, we can talk about Tinder all day. But I went on a Tinder date with this girl and I thought we had a good time. And she said we had a good time. And she was like, yeah, let's go out again. She said that. It was great. I was texting her trying to figure out a time

every time it was kind of busy. And then I realized, oh, she's slowly ghosting me. And then I just texted her and I was like, hey, by the way, if you don't want to go out, just tell me and I'll stop asking you. and i was like hey if by the way if you don't want to go out just tell me and i'll stop asking you and she was like oh yeah sorry i'm i guess i don't yeah i was like do you understand how easy this was to just text me that like i don't know you calm down just text me you don't care like i thought you cared that's why i was trying what if it's the 10th date you don't want to go on an 11th then i mean yeah maybe oh maybe just because it's like do i do it in text do i do it in person

yeah but like i still think telling somebody straight up is just a better way because then it's like definitely they know and then like if they start acting crazy then that's their fault but if you start ignoring somebody how do they know it's like yeah how do they know if you're busy or not you don't want i don't want like uh five seven ten however many girls that will end up being before i kill myself out there mad at me i want at my funeral when the girls come together if they do i think they should all come to my funeral oh they all should come i don't want them all to be mad if i died in an accident there would be like eight different people being like we were so close they would be like you how did you know me?

We're dating. I'm just saying it's hard to have that conversation, but I think it makes you look like the better person later on. Maybe that's another layer of selfishness where I'm like, I want to be such a good person that I'll be honest to them. I'm not even worried about them. I'm just worried about their perception of me. Yeah, but you still did the thing that was more polite more polite and everybody prefers honesty true or would you rather be ghost i want you to lie to me uh you lie to me if i have somebody out twice i think it's it's two dodged texts and in a non-response that's it let me let me and i'll never my example like

of the the recent time when i got ghosted and i was like oh i respect what you just did here okay we went out on a date and it was one of my co-ed and I was like, oh, I respect what you just did here. Okay. We went out on a date and it was one of my co-workers' friends. I was like, I was trying my best not to be a douche because it was a co-worker's friend.

So I'm like, all right, this has got to end cordially or something. Where'd you go? We went to like, I let her pick. We went to a restaurant.

We were there for like two and a half hours. Meatball shop? Dinner. We went to dinner, which is like an NFL stadium. I don't think I've ever been on a dinner date

in my entire life. Listen, this is the first time I've been on one as an adult where we had to eat food and talk for a long amount of time. It was fine. Leave. Then we started texting in the week. And I'm like, okay. The date was very weird because she was talking about herself a lot, which I guess you are supposed to let happen. Yeah.

And I'm like, this is... Supposed to let happen. No, I was trying to like... I didn't shush her. Hopefully, after you talk about yourself, I'm going to get one of those like, hey, what do you, this is. You're supposed to let happen. I mean, no, I was trying to like, I'm like, hopefully, hopefully like after you talk about this stuff, I'm going to get one of those like, hey, what do you do? Right. That happened like twice.

Anyway. So like we keep going in this conversation and I'm like, we texting and I'm like, all right, my coworker, I'm going to see her on Monday. So I'm going to set up a date too. Okay. So at least like whatever happens, at least I was like, hey, you heard from me, date too. We planned this date and that, or like a day. Yeah. And I just stopped hearing from her. A date. So I'm like, so it's one of those things where like, oh, you heard from me, date two. We planned this date, or like a day, and I just stopped hearing from her. So I'm like, so it was one of those things where like, oh, did the text not go through?

After the date was planned? Hear me out. So it was like, so this is like, we said, oh, maybe Saturday. She was busy. I was kind of busy. She's like, all right, I'm going to follow up later. So like followed up later, didn't hear anything back. So I'm like, okay, either you're busy or this is the ghost moment.

This is the moment, and I'm like, I'm'm gonna let this ride for a little bit let it ride for a couple hours see what happens okay she didn't say anything so i'm like all right i saw my coworker like you know let me just say so i was like yeah we could do something else if you want still didn't get response like the ghost it happened so now i'm free yeah but also i was like i respect you for like you know what before this day two happened we gotta spend money i'm gonna just stop but don't you wouldn't you respect her more like, hey, I actually wasn't really feeling it. No.

How do you respect? I'm fine with that. You didn't respect. She did the easy thing. I understand. Time out, time out. It's okay. It's okay that you're fine with it,

but that's not a thing to be respected for. I love it. I'm okay with it. Why not? I don't want to be jumped. I fucking know what I've been jumped. She didn't do something that was hard. She did the easiest thing to do, which is not respond.

No, it's hard. That's like sign language. It's tough because she did save you another dinner. She did save you another dinner. Don't worry about the result. She could also save you another dinner by just saying, hey, I'm not feeling it. Look, man, she could have. But the thing is, she did what happens.

Oh, she saved your precious pride. She did whatever she had to do. And I was like, look, game peeps game. You did the ghost. And the thing is, as a fellow ghoster, I could see when the ghost alley-oop was happening. I was like, oh, this is the moment. Next question. Let me finalize it.

Ghost happened. I'm so mad. Iris, James, this is the moment. Next question. Let me finalize it. Ghost habit. I'm so mad. Iris, James, come on, James. This is a great disagree because you and I could date and stop talking to each other really easily. Easily. We could date and be done. First of all, look, when people ghost, I get it. I understand it.

But it's just like, I'm just like, it would happen so much quicker and you would save me like three or four texts. I like being on my phone. I blame on the ghosting. I blame that on the ghosting. The ghosting should know. They've been ghosting. No. You don't know because some people are actually busy.

Wait, wait, wait. James hasn't said a lot. I just want him to have the final word, the closing argument. I mean, I'm just going to say this about ghosting. Get another thing. We have, human beings have worked for just too many years to develop what has become our current day language, okay? And we are failing ourselves by choosing to not communicate to each other. So really, you know, you would save yourself a lot of time

and a lot of heartache and a lot of pain if you just tell people how you feel. Amen. Ghosts don't have pain. No, no. James has the last word. James has the last word. Isn't that the last word now, though? James, thanks. Thank you.

Ghosting is the absence of pain. Next question. So maybe there is no absolute truth. Maybe some people prefer ghosting. Some people don't. Yeah. Next question. We're actually roughly over halfway done. So let's take one break.

We'll take a break. We got really deep. And we took a pivot. And I feel like we answered five questions, but only one was asked. We'll be right back after these commercial breaks. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back.

That's correct. And the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards. And if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff then you should play pick six from draft kings which is an official daily fantasy partner of the nfl wow so if you like watching football and it sounds like you do i do yeah i do a lot this this can really heighten your joy that's right i grew up a raiders fan and now i'm just a fan of the league in general

but i still have a fan of gambling enough yes you're a fan of the league in general, but I still have a fan of gambling. Yes. You're a fan of gambling. Yes. And I do have an affinity for the silver and black. So if you like football as much as me, which is not likely because I do know a lot. Like, do you know what a nickelback does in a cover to defense? Or like, do you know what a play action pass is like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i basically know run and hail mary you actually know both of those

yeah running is when you run and then hail mary is when you chuck it right damn i think you should download the draft kings pick six out select between two and six players for you to put some money on you select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat. It's that simple. And for all first-time Pick 6 players, check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in Pick 6 credits. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings Pick 6 app now and use code SEGMENTS. That's code SEGMENTS for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in Pick 6 credits only on DraftKings Pick 6. The crown is yours.

There you go. Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say, gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.oregonconnecticut. Must be 18 plus. Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions. Pick 6 is not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario.

Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Non-withdrawable. Pick 6 credits expire in six months, limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash... Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly.

It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free. To support segments, it'll take two minutes, and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's gum.fm slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s. t s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people yeah hey we're back during the break uh we started yelling at each other again

this is a perfect opportunity to bring somebody else in the fold right now it's a 5 27 to 32 year olds talking about what we know which is about being dudes in our late 20s right but there is a 20 year old female in the room. Why don't we just ask her some questions about ghosting? Carly, HeadGum Brooklyn intern east

has how many unread texts, how many unread conversations in your phone right now? 130 exactly. 130. 130. 130. You have a red dot. This isn't her email.

This is text messages. Yeah, these are text messages. Are these texts that you didn't even open? So you'll see the beginning of a sentence, dot, dot, dot, and be like, I don't even want to finish that?

Right. Because of the whole preview thing, I'll preview the text and I'm like, I can't deal with this right now. Oh, and then you just never deal with it. Right. And then I just let it sit there and decay. Of the text, and I'm like, I can't deal with this right now. Oh, and then you just never deal with it. Right, and then I just let it sit there and decay.

Of the 130, how many of them are from boys? It's not like, okay, I'm not some connoisseur of men. It's not like every text I'm receiving is a male suitor. Before the mic was on, you did say a lot of them were dudes. Many of them are dudes. I mean, 130 isn't... Like, I don't even know if I've ever gotten a text from 130 different people in my life. No.

Okay, no, I'm looking through. I'm looking through. Can I ask you this? Do you mind reading one? Like, a later one? I want to know, like, a later one that you haven't read. Okay, well, okay, because I'm trying to see the last text. I'm not looking.

I'm trying my best not to look in the phone. People, a little bit. Not the last. I'm trying my best not to look in the phone. There was last. I'm trying my best not to look in the phone. There was one from my roommate. It's stuff like that. She said, going to be home later. I wasn't going to open it and be like, great.

Wait, but why don't you just open it? You can just open it and not respond. You said you liked looking at the red dots and saying, go Carly. Oh, okay, yeah. Talk about that. Talk about that. I want the more juicy ones. It makes you feel powerful to have unread text,

like unresponse. Well, isn't it that, so I was saying before we started this, it's the same sort of vibe as girls on Tinder. Girls on Tinder are like, I hold the power because most guys swipe right anyways, which is why Bumble and all the other stuff is popular because the girls have to be proactive about it.

It's the same mentality. It's just not an app it's like on my phone can we talk about now benefit of the doubt though benefit of that real quick uh do you see some of them like do you get like the notification and you can like kind of see part of the text no no i see most i it's usually i can read the whole text like i got one on thursday my friend's phone's about to die if you go out text my friend and it was his friend's number i didn't oh that's so desperate i've sent that text before you gotta open it oh okay okay okay you sent that dude your number right it's like a it's like a yeah it's someone i know oh okay do you all right let me ask you this question all right so i know i know some women sometimes were like, they won't save a guy's number in the phone. So even if a dude is texting or something like that.

Yeah. So it's like when they're texting. You don't do that. I do that. I mean, look, man. My phone situation is a whole different breed. Okay. All right.

But you do that, right? I mean, I don't like people, period. So I don't say nobody number until I have to. So I just saved Jamesames number you have four contacts i'm just saying as a straight even as a straight like organizational thing you went down there you're gonna ask it all right how long has his number been in your phone hey man this is about me right now okay okay fine this is a question to man, this is about me right now. Okay, fine. This is a question to Carly.

This is a question to Carly. What's the oldest text message you haven't read? You should have told me this before, and now I've got to scroll. Oh, my God. How many? I don't understand your phone right now. Last summer, someone said, hey, I'm here. I'm assuming it was a party or something. Don't you want to at least mark it as red to get rid of the dots like doesn't the dot bother you no it likes she likes it she likes it off

on the dot no you do no here's the thing here's the thing because people get off people get off people get off on unread emails people get off on unread i. People get off on unread notifications. I've seen people, like, they have, like, 100, 500 notifications. I'm like, why don't you just click that button? They're like, I don't know. Why can't I be bothered? What do you mean you can't be bothered? It's a one click, and then all of them disappear.

You don't want to do it because you like looking at that number because it makes you think more people like you than they actually do. Oh, my God. That's it. I was saying. Wow. Okay. No, I have a rebuttal.

I'm a competent young woman. No, my generation is what? The whole like we're based on like instant gratification, like likes on Facebook, likes on Instagram, like instantly no. This is contradictory, I think, because all my friends, most of my friends, hate that I don't open the messages.

They think it's annoying. They call me out on it i mean right because it's rude right it is in certain contexts okay to be fair to be fair literally i scrolled past one that was like from at&t that was like oops you forgot to pay your bill last week so like it's like okay i didn't open that but i also i should delete it but i just haven't gotten around to it but emails i totally open that's well what about ghosting are any of those 130 you not responding to a boy inquiring about you I don't do

the ghost if we're if we're pivoting a little bit yeah it'll be the fade away it'll be like a oh maybe next

or explain the fade away explain the fade away the fade away is ghosting or I love how you guys I love how you guys have turned no the fade away the fade away is different if it goes long enough then it's is ghosting. I love how you guys have turned.

No, the fadeaway is different. If ghosts vlog enough, then it's not ghosting. No, no. Ghosts are literally transparent. No, the fadeaway is different. Fading away. Set up the fadeaway. No, a ghosting is different than just straight ignoring.

That's the stiff arm. No, the fadeaway you can even be like, because a lot of my interactions with human males are through people I know. So it's like a group thing. The fadeaway you can even be like Because a lot of my interactions with human males Are like with Through people I know So it's like a group thing It's like we keep hanging out And we pivot back to being friends

And it's like I don't do the extra stuff Of like us texting or us Snapchatting together We're just friends again I respect that Because that's changing I don't ignore them It's just I stop giving you like

Any kind of fun vibes Wait, wait, no No, that's worse Okay You understand I don't ignore them. It's just I stop giving you any kind of fun vibes. Wait, wait, no. No, that's worse, okay? You understand? No, because basically what you're doing is you're friend zoning them, okay? That's me basically. No, that's not okay because I'm not your friend.

Why is that? Because we're not friends. That's not friends. Let me tell you why. She said they were friends. No, no, no. You weren't friends. You know what it was? You know what it was?

You know what it was? You messed up. No, no. No, what it was is he likes you and was like, oh what it was? You messed up. No, no. No. What it was is he likes you. It was like, oh, I got to get to know her. Let me see who she is. And he tries to make the move.

And she's like, you know what? I don't like this. I'm going to put you back in the friend zone box. He wasn't friends. I bet if you opened him, if you were like, hey, do you want to go out on a date? Jarrah, here's the thing, though. That's meaner. If he doesn't want to be friends with her, that's his prerogative.

And he could stop being friends with her. She's not friend zoning him. She's like, we were friends and if you had an ulterior motive while we were friends, that's on you. That's not what Carly said. That's not what Carly said. No, I reword the relationship.

Because if I went to that place in the first place, I must enjoy you as a human. I enjoy being around you. But then, no. Do you ever say, because this goes back to what my point was before, do you ever say,

we are better as friends? No, not straight up like that. But the last, okay, to be fair to me, because I feel like I'm in a lot of heat right now. Why? He was yelling at you before. There are like five dudes in here where I'm just like yelling at.

You represent a lot of women to us tonight. Wait, wait, can I just say though, There are like five dudes in the world just like yelling at you. You represent a lot of women to us tonight. Wait, wait. Can I just say though, when I was yelling before about the gratification of not unchecked Facebook notifications. It wasn't to you. It wasn't to just,

and it wasn't to females. It was to everybody. There are guys who do it too. Okay, I just want to put that out. You represent something greater. It's your generation, Melissa. I'm here feeling it out for you. You're welcome.

No, but it's the last time this happened, this same situation, but I was the person being told like, hey, this was weird. Let's be friends again. And I'm totally fine with that. Just be up front. And it's nice that he was up front, right?

Right, it was a conversation and we're friends again. Not a big deal. Literally, not at all. Social cues And like the way people Give them and receive them Are so different right

Yeah I don't necessarily Want to be told like Hey we're better off as friends Sometimes like I want to be trusted That I'll understand that That's because you do that

To other people And you're like It's like treat people How you want to be Treated yourself But in the opposite You want to be treated How you treat other people

Yeah That way you don't feel As guilty I think that's right but it also sounds a little loaded because you don't want to feel guilty but i feel like everyone and no i'm gonna speak for myself okay oh this is my thing i didn't so far so far you've been speaking for mankind for me too the thing is like i feel like everyone's been in a situation where it's like, you know, again, because we live in a world now where a lot of dudes mess up for a lot of other dudes. So it's like, to prove that you're not a dick, you got to be nice, cordial, as you should

be anyway, which sometimes can be misconstrued as like, I just want to be like your friend. So that guy has probably always made his intentions or social cues of like, I like you. I'm trying. You don't know that. Which now is becoming a mix of like i like you i'm trying which which it now is becoming a mix of like oh the signals are mixed okay so maybe the guy does the thing of like hey i want to get on a date now this is official i like you right then the whole friend zone thing happens and it's like we weren't friends like i was always trying to pursue you you just didn't you just didn't see the cues because you weren't attracted to me and now i'm the mean one because i'm like no but then i said go ahead well but then are you saying

that like are you saying that like that moment before the date y'all weren't friends like because because that's like not really but you're right but here's the thing you're right you can pursue somebody first of all it's different it's. It's different for her age than our age. True, very true. But once you get out of school, you can't try to be friends with somebody just so that you can have sex with them or date them. See, the friend word is the problem.

It's messed up. See, the thing is, I think the word friend needs to be like, I feel like people use the word friend in a very grand scale. i'll be waiting my friend i say hi to you we have we have conversations but we're not friends do you have any female friends i have plenty and the thing is the way i define like especially when it comes to gender and i feel like it it has to be a line when it comes to my female friends i do not at any point under any circumstances would want to have sex with my female friends because they are legit a friend. I feel like if there's a point

in your friendship that you're like It's not that you don't want to but you make the distinct line not to. No, no, no. I feel like a friend is someone you don't see

as like I don't have sex with my friends. I'm like yes, you may be attracted but we're just not that's not a thing. Basically my thing is if there's a day

where your friend comes to you But women are doing the same thing. Hear me out. Hear me out though. No, I hear you thing is if there's a day where, like, your friend comes to you. But women are doing the same thing. Hear me out. Hear me out, though. No. Okay. I hear you out. I'm listening.

What I'm saying is, what I'm saying is, is just because, all right, a guy is nice doesn't mean he's trying to be your friend. He's probably trying. But here's my thing. It's just that if he wants to be more than a friend, then he needs to say it. And if he hasn't said it, and then when he finally does and the person's like no I think we should just be friends because that's what we were and he can't be like

you know what no because the last three months I wasn't really trying to be your friend I was just trying to get your pants well screw him then that's what I'm saying

the thing is I feel like that word friend is what's throwing things off because I keep saying that you weren't friends you're like oh for the last three months you were friends

and no I think again that's the signals what do you think it's the I think some people it's the romantic comedy problem, right? It is. Because in romantic comedies,

right? Please, please, please. Well, did you have something? No, I didn't. Well, because like, you know, in romantic comedies, right? There's the dude,

the guy, he's like, oh, he's like, I'm a nice guy, you know, blah, blah, blah. And then like, and then never says it, right? He's never like, I like you. You get like Blah, blah, blah. And then like. But he never says it, right? He's never like, I like you.

You get rid. Like, the friend zone's a great place to be. I fuck my friends all the time. That's the way you get in. Like, I think it's wrong to despair in the friend zone. Like, oh, she fucking friend zoned me. That means she likes you. That means like you can get to know somebody.

Like you care about your friends and then like you can elevate it yeah I agree with with Jake there's a friend zone there's a friend zone work the problem is that there's a lot of expectations where like

I want to fuck before the friend zone definitely works make a relationship like friend zone well that's actually a real thing like there are studies on that that like younger people especially like economically

and stuff like do all of the really serious relationship stuff like going to sex first and all that stuff just to figure out if you're compatible on that before getting super invested and realizing

we don't function on X, Y, and Z levels. People do that stuff first. That's a real thing that's happening in the world right now. We're not answering any of the questions. We have to answer one more question. We have to answer one more question. All right, we could do one more question. But do you want to stay on the microphone, Carly?

I feel like the more opinions are possible. We need the lady now. Yeah, sure. That's what we need. We're all sharing, what is it, four mics? Four mics. It's humble. Carly, do you have a female name?

A fake female name for us. Chartreuse. Wow. Chartreuse. That's a beautiful name. We've got to put Nick on a mic. It's a party now. Nick's going to host his own podcast after this. Wow. Wow. Chartreuse. That's a beautiful name. We've got to put Nick on a mic. It's a party now. Nick's going to host his own podcast after this.

Yeah, exactly. So I've been hanging out with the guy recently, but every time it's late and it's... Hello. Oh my God. I already know where this is going. So I've been hanging out with a guy recently, but every time it's late and it's time to go to bed, he refuses to sleep over. I've asked him why and he won't say

He just says it's because it just Doesn't want anything to happen But we've already hooked up He keeps asking to hang out But with no sleepovers in sight Am I being inconsiderate asking for sleepovers Or is this normal? Signed, Chartreuse

Can I just answer this? This is very clear cut to me He just wants to sleep with you and he doesn't want anything more than that. And for him, that's the borders that he's putting up. He's making sure I'm not going to sleep over because then when you

sleep over, then there's a morning thing and then you might have to do something together in the morning because you're together and you know that the person doesn't have to do anything. So he's just setting up very clear borders for himself so like if you want something more to happen and you know that he doesn't then stop doing it do you if you don't care then then whatever do you guys like sleepovers and i'm okay with sleeper i'm just saying i'm i'm just saying what he probably yeah yeah he has like a personal problem what if he just like has what if he's

really gassy or say he rolls around and snores. Yeah, he could be a snorer. He could be a fucking sleeper. Wait, first of all, if you're gassy, you'd be gassy anywhere. Why is sleeping out there anything to do with it? Carl, what do you think? Because I got an idea. What did you think about what I just said?

What Jonathan Braylock just said? Okay, I think if I was... If Carly Oscar was chartreuse, I would say, I would say, yeah, he's probably not down to take the super, you know what I mean? Like be serious about this. But I also, I don't know how, I don't know what her situation or what their situation is. Yeah, what she wants.

Surface level email. That's exactly it. Sorry, go ahead. No, you go. You go. You go. You don't know what she wants, right? Yes.

Right. What does she want from it that's different from what he wants? It depends. Because she doesn't say, she didn't object besides the fact of the sleeping over. All. What does she want from it that's different from what he wants? It depends. She didn't object besides the fact of the sleeping over. All she did was ask, do you want to sleep over? She wants to sleep over.

But she never said that. She was never like, I would really like it if it would make me feel better. She's saying that to us. Yes. Well, I think, so that's my thing,

is like if she, so if she really wants him to sleep over but doesn't necessarily want a relationship, I shouldn't even say necessarily because this is the thing that we should talk about. I don't know if we have time, but sometimes women will say, maybe men do this too. I'm sure they do. But I've experienced women will say, I don't want a relationship. But they don't mean that. They just say it because they know that's what a guy wants to hear.

But the fact of the matter is, say what you say. Say what you want. That's Jonathan. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's Jonathan Bray hear. But the fact of the matter is, say what you say. Say what you want. That's Jonathan. That's Jonathan Braylock. I'm talking about personal experience. I've experienced it multiple times and I've heard my friends tell me the same thing. Rob Milligan wasn't a friend that told him that, for the record. Maybe that was James III.

I agree with what JB just said 110%. But this is what I think needs to happen. It's our truth. It's our truth. This is what you need to do happen, it's our truth. It's our truth. This is what you need to do, okay? It's our truth. It's our truth.

I'm sorry. Okay? You gotta find out, you know what I mean? You gotta find out what is aversion and what a sleeping over is. And you gotta tell him

why you want him to sleep over. Like, if you just like to cuddle, but you ain't, but it's not love for you, if that's what it is, okay, cool. If you want him to cuddle and you want it to be loved, that's also cool, but you got to tell him.

If he's a sleep farter, you know what I mean? You got to ask him. You got to ask him why he doesn't want to sleep over. You got to see what that's about. Y'all got to talk it out. Yo, Char, can I tell Char because I know what's happening right now, okay? I can tell what's happening. I know what's happening.

One of two things. It's basically what we've been talking about talking about okay char's being friend zoned dude she just said no no no no no no no no no hear me out hear me out hear me out no no hear me out hear me out this is this is a reverse friend zone this is a reverse this is a reverse because she said we've already she said she said we already hooked up or we're already hooking up. She said hooked, hooked up in the past. So what that means is, oh, hear me out,

hear me out. Well, basically what it is is like it's probably one of those things where like God knows, I mean, who knows what the situation was when they did hook up. It may have only happened once.

But what if she still is hooking up? She didn't say hooking up. She said we already, that's semantics. No, no, no, it matters. It matters. Because anybody I hook up,

I'm hooking up. But I'm like, yeah, man, we're hooking up. Why is it reverse friendzoned? Because They're still hanging out Doing all the friendly things And at the end of the night

She's like hey Do you want to come up? And he's like no I'm good Basically what he's saying is I like hanging out with you I respect you as a person But I don't want to take it past this Into a sexual

This happened to a friend of mine This happened to a friend of mine Who was dating a co-worker. And they hooked up like once, but then hung out a lot after that. And it never went beyond that. And she didn't understand why. She was like, why? Why is this happening?

And it was literally exactly what Jeraa is saying. He just wanted it to go back to the way it was before. This is a clear cut to me, baby. But in that case, honesty is Okay, but in that case, honesty, sorry, honesty is the best policy in that case, then. Hey, he might lose his friend. Whoa, Javon, please get away from the mic. Can you say that again?

No, no, no, no, no, no. He might lose a friend. Can you please let the lady speak? No. Can you say that one more time? Honesty is the best policy, and I'm not a vigilant person. I will miss it if you... You rolled your eyes at honesty is the best policy.

No, it's trite. You guys broke up. I get it it if you... You rolled your eyes at honesty's defense. No, it's right. You guys broke up. I get it. We know why you're asking. It's a dumb thing to say, but it's true because at the end of the day, I'm not going to notice the little microcosms that are going on in this relationship

for me to be like, oh, this is exactly what's happening. So if you just ask, if you just tell someone, if you hook up with someone and you say, hey, do you want this to happen again? Let me know, because I want to be sure that if I say bye,

bye or not, just ask. I don't know. I'll tell you right now, the reason, the first thing that I, that really made me start liking the girlfriend

that I have right now. The first girlfriend I ever had. And there's a reason for that too. Like I was very, very, very picky. It's because she was very straight up honest with me from day one. Like very,

very honest. And I was like, Oh, here is a person that I can, I could probably do life with because they're going to be honest. And here's the thing. Here's the thing. Everybody, there's so many different codes and so many different like like amir was

saying there's so many different like you know standards of what what people think are like socially acceptable and socially unacceptable but the reality is not all of them line up with each other and what does line up at the end of the day is people know if you tell the truth you tell the truth like if you just say exactly what is on your mind and stop trying to play these little dumb games that's it just like a man has never been threatened by a woman before i've been threatened after telling the truth and you know no that is not even a joke that is legit not a joke but you've been it's also about being compatible right because like i don't necessarily want 100 honesty i

respect that you do. Yeah, exactly. That's fine for you. I have tapped into myself and I'm like, oh, I like a gray area. I like that we can lie. I could know your lie and be like, you know what? Awesome. Thank you for doing that.

Well, that's fine. Here's my thing. If you want gray area and like gray area, then you can't complain when something happens and you didn't expect it to happen. You cannot complain, period. You can't do that either way, though. You can't do that either way. You can't complain. You can't do it either way and you didn't expect it to happen. You cannot complain, period. You can't do that either way. You can't complain. You can't do it either way.

You're over here trying to give speeches and soliloquies. I agree with you. Let's take it back to Amir's funeral, okay? I'm done. Because, no, really. I died eight minutes ago. Because at Jamiroquai's funeral, he wants people to be there because they love him, right? And the people will be there.

People will love you if you are straight up with them. Even though, and we hear people saying that, you know, I think I like it if people lie to me. I think I like it. I think I like it. And Gerard has even said. Don't be saying my name so much. Don't be saying my name so much. Gerard has even said that he respects that, right? Look, man, I just want to feel loved.

So if you got a lot of me, you feel loved. But I'm saying a lot of me. It's not even honesty versus not honesty. It's just do you and you'll attract other people that do that.

And if games respect games and then honesty. Yes. So attract your messy life and that's fine. Oh, I know you're judging. I don't want to hear you complaining about it.

You're judging. Because you complain about it, son. Because I try to be honest to the world and and when I do, the shit don't go. You are ridiculous. It doesn't. It literally doesn't. I'm like, hey, listen, I don't think this should work. Why not?

And I'm like, oh. You don't need to answer that, because that's on them now. No, because now, the thing is, at the end of the day, as a man, if I don't say anything, now I'm the dude. Don't mess with Rob, because he didn't do – No, you're not. No, you are not. I've seen it happen.

You will complete – I've seen it happen. I can name five people it's happened to. Guys. I'm in these streets. But they're messed up. This is great, though, because your podcast comes out, what, the day – what day of the week is it?

Friday. Friday? So this is coming out on a Monday. This conversation is going to happen. Me and Amir are coming on Black Men Can't Jump. Before we go, why don't one of you explain what your podcast is just so our listeners can have an idea

about what to expect from your show versus ours. All right, so this is John the Braylock. A lot of yelling. Our podcast, once again, is Black Men Can't Jump in Hollywood. We review the films of leading black actors, and then we break them down in the context of race, and we talk about why there are so few leading people of color in movies.

And we're talking about major pictures. All studio pictures, no indie films. So, yeah, we just talk about the film. We talk about the race. We talk about the actor, whatever. We've had great guests on the show. Keegan-Michael Key's been on. Phoebe Robinson.

Phoebe Robinson, Natasha Rothwell, Turo Castro, Cypher Sounds. So, yeah. That's what we do. And check it out. Sweet. Awesome. James, John, Jara, Carly. Yes.

Carly was... So many. Carly, you're awesome. Thank you. Don't let Jara corrupt Carly. Yes. Carly. Carly, you're awesome. Thank you. Don't let Dara corrupt your mind. First of all, who was on your side when we started this? Was it just because you were sitting closest to me, though? No, don't do that.

Ultimately, she said, I will just repeat the rest. No, we should end the show. This is the last thought. We're going to fade it out into a theme song. Thanks for No, no. We should end the show. Can I just say, this is the last song. We're going to fade it out into a theme song. Thanks for listening, everybody.

Keep talking. No more. No more. Keep it honest. Yes, thank you. No, hold on. Wait. Am I still going?

Is it still on? Do they still hear me? If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. I'll tell you what I would do If only I were you