Segments - 194: Get At It (w/ iJustine!)

Episode Date: January 22, 2016

Internet star and new friend Justine Ezarik joins us to discuss tattoos, calling dibs, and DJ Dogs. This bonus Thursday episode is brought to you by Ring.com and BlueApron.com! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. If I were you, the show. If I were you, the show. I flew a kite this weekend. Hashtag dope. Whoa. What did you think about that? That was really good. Yeah. What is the last thing he said?

I what this weekend? I flew a kite. I flew a kite. Nice. Yeah. Who does that anymore? Not enough people. That's the answer.

Really quickly, Justine. Hello. Do you want to... to? How do you say your last name? Ezerick. Ezerick. Yes. Justine Ezerick. Yes. I just wanted to say real quick, one to introduce you to that song was written for us in September of 2013. And I just found it yesterday. September of 2013 where were you two and a half years ago we were still living in new york wow yeah i was just getting back from burning man i bet no it was right when we got back from london remember when you had a scooter oh that oh 2013 when did i go to burning man 14 yeah see this is how much time is bad now that's what burning man does to you man that was when i was on this oh no well past september i was off the scooter right no so that was that same summer yeah so sorry this is so boring no this is great i have no idea where i was so i can't even participate i have no idea where jake was yeah you're a guest in my home i'm like no i was on

the scooter wait i was at burning man it makes no sense but was on the scooter. Wait, I was at Burning Man. Where was I? It makes no sense. But that was the summer. Burning Man was the summer of the scooter. Oh, was it? Yeah. You remember the summer of the scooter, Justine. Well, I know I've been participating in the fall of the hoverboard. So, you know. It's the same thing.

It's a very, it's actually way less. Actually, no, they're probably equally lame, maybe. Have you ever ridden a hoverboard? Whoa, she's pro hoverboard. Whoa, I love the hoverboards. Whoa, I love the hoverboards. Actually, I made fun of people. I was like, I don't like you. Judging people is not a nice thing.

So I was actually judging people thinking the hoverboard was stupid. They are stupid for getting on them. And then I got on one, and now I'm stupid. Do you ride one? I mean, in my house. But do you ever go down the street in one? No, my sister did twice, and she fell. And she basically, her entire body was so

bruised i was like cool that's but see like i'm not saying they're not fun they're not cool though right i don't know the people that i see on them are kind of cool i guess that's kind of true they're like cool people i don't want to leave the house yeah then then again at the same time when i walk past someone that's riding it they never look me in the eyes they're always staring down and kind of always on their phones yeah i was like this is whatever this is fucking cool i i was so excited to we were at some house where they had a hoverboard yeah i was like oh i want to go on it and i like put one foot on it and i felt so unsteady you know what now is not the time no it takes some time it's not hard once you get used to it and if you've ever used like a Segway before.

I haven't. Well, it's like a Segway. What about a skateboard? Is it easier or harder than a skateboard? I think the learning curve is it's easier for the hoverboard. Easier than a hoverboard. Skateboard, yeah, it's a little bit more difficult. Cool.

All right, fine. I'll get one. Okay, fine. Easy. That would be a cool office purchase, actually. They are catching on fire. Yeah. So you need to be careful. It seems so dangerous like someone will get hurt you'll just ride it until you hurt ride or die skate or die yeah can you tell i'm 33 that i'm just like being

an adult about hoverboards like you'll just get hurt what's the point you will and then you're gonna get one and be like it was worth it have you fallen off one um yeah i have awesome yeah not as hard as my sister twice hit her head both times oh that's like that's bad it's bad it's super dangerous no of course not oh god fell on the street yeah yeah she's she's still alive she actually has a vine of it and it's like the best thing ever because she was filming a video oh my god as she fell the camera stopped recording so it's really unfortunate that's like a great just search on vine it's good yeah how can one see that okay it's great cool uh so justine uh uh how are you what you are what have you done and why do people

know you perhaps you're you're kind of a big deal uh and in case somebody's listening they're like i don't know about this justine character what's like the elevator pitch as to who you are oh geez and why you are you know sometimes i'm not sure about myself either but you know i mean i started doing the whole internet thing super early so i mean i i go back to the days of do you guys remember campus hook yeah that was a college humor i know i know so i go all way back to like, I remember that was like the first sort of social network that I kind of joined because my college didn't have Facebook. Wow.

So I couldn't do anything. So I was joining like pretty much every social network, making videos, making my own websites, coding everything, you know, back in like sixth grade, I think. Wow. Shit. Really long time ago. Yeah. So I mean.

College humor was really early, but I feel like you predated even the college humor original videos it was you were doing stuff in like oh four right um i think i mean i started posting in like oh five like officially do you remember rever yeah yeah oh my god like everything wait so the name i justine were you like the first person to do that did you get the ipod i think it was when the ipod came out so that was like your play was that like your playdate the iPod? I think it was when the iPod came out. So that was like your play. Was that like your play on the iPod? Like, was that you? What I'm trying to say is like, now there's iCarly and iRobot and iEverything.

And like. Just want to say I registered my domain, iJustine.com in 2002. iCarly was 2005. And I'm pretty sure they've already admitted to ripping me off, but it's cool. That's insane. Yeah, you were like the original,

one of the original, one of the first like vloggers of sorts. Yeah mean it wasn't i wasn't sure why i was doing it but it was fun and i really started doing it because i went to school for production and editing so i wanted to teach myself to edit a little bit better and then people started watching the videos that i was posting so they were sort of like demo reels so i could get like production jobs wow and it was just very strange and then you became like the talent yeah because nobody would want to be in my videos but now it's really funny because everyone wants to be in the videos well now you're like this huge quote-unquote youtube star true i guess millions of followers subscribers you're screaming i don't know you're i'm screaming no no okay i was

gonna say i didn't think i was but i don't But I don't know what you want to identify as. You know, I'm not sure either. You know, I make fun videos, and I love what I'm doing, and somehow it's a job. Yeah, and you're still doing it? Yeah, still doing it. Still making videos? Yep. Still releasing it yourself?

Yep. Still shooting it yourself? Yep. Editing yourself? Yep. Oh, man. Yep. That's why I said I don't leave my house.

It took me forever to get here. I was like, sorry, I don't get out much. Yeah, you hoverboarded here from Santa Monica. Would you live with your sister? It probably would have been quicker. I don't know, but she's pretty much at my house all the time, so we basically live together. You might as well live with your sister. Might as well.

So if you don't know about this podcast, it's an advice show, basically the only advice show on the internet that Jake and I host. Okay. And it's called if i were you and it's just jake and i giving advice as we would uh if people need it and then sometimes it's just me and jake and sometimes we have guests and today we have you this is great uh very exciting are you willing to lend some of your wisdom oh yeah i've got tons of it okay this is perfect it'll be great um so the way it works is we comb through these questions that are emailed to us. Emailed?

Emailed. Emailed questions? ElectroMail. Some of these came over telegraph. Can you tell these 33? And we're going to give these real emails from real people, fake names, just to preserve their anonymity. And I was wondering if you can give a fake name to this guy who wrote us an email not three days ago.

Do we get to read the email first and then give him a name? Oh, we've never done that, but maybe we could. Okay, okay. I'd like to. All right. All right. So somebody wrote. This is a really short one, too.

Good. That sounds good. If a girl doesn't like my Instagram photos, is that a pretty good sign that she's not into me? That's the entire question. Who wrote that? He sounds like a bob. Okay.

He sounds very insecure. Yeah. But that's okay. Because usually if she doesn't like your Instagram posts, it's probably because that's a plan. Oh. Yeah. Because she knows that you're going to get the notification. And then he's going to be like, oh, she's thinking about me.

So she's only going to do it strategically. Right. Oh, I see. Very strategic likes. So do you remember poking on Facebook talking about early internet? We're all in the 05 to 08 internet phase. You can still poke. Really?

It's like hidden somewhere. I got a notification. I was like, someone poked you. I'll still poke with a poke. Do you remember the gifts? I said some pokes a little bit. What are the gifts? You need to give the actual gifts.

Oh, yeah, gifts. You have to purchase them. Yeah. That would be the most insane thing in the world. Yeah, you'd like buy an icon to send, buy an emoji. I bought so many for people. Like, it was disgusting. It's kind of fun because it's like a silly way to spend $5.

And then it's like, oh, now I'm able to give you a smiley face. This is incredible. Them movie, man. Anyway, what was, Bob? Oh, Bob. Bob said, if a girl doesn't like your instagram posts does that mean she's not into you no she might be so you have you ever had a crush on a guy and purposefully not liked any of his instagram photos oh yeah for sure none of them

though no not i'm sure okay it's strategic he's saying none of them i don't believe it he might have missed the notifications no No, no, no. Well, she hasn't liked any of those Instagram photos. Maybe she's not. Is that a telltale sign? I think that's the answer, though. If she's liking a couple, then she probably does like you. And if she's liking none. Then she really doesn't like you.

This question is so funny because you want to be like, oh, come on. You're making a big deal out of nothing. But then the answer is like, yeah, if she likes none of your posts, she probably doesn't like you. But I get likes from girls that don't necessarily have a crush on me. So likes can either mean nothing or something, but not liking can only mean nothing. I think likes on Instagram are always a little wink. They're a little wink. I'm getting from friends.

It doesn't have to be like I like you, but they're a little like, you're a little wink. I'm getting from friends. It doesn't have to be like I like you, but they're a little like, you're cute. It's like a little wink. I think we need more information, first of all. We can't. This is all we got. Does he have his Instagram?

Bob, I'm sure, does have it, but I can't access it. Well, actually, you probably search his email. Yeah, you should search and see if they're likable. Yeah, you can search for him. Oh, you want me to search? We need more information. There's a lot of diving here. Wait, like what kind of photos he has, how often he...

Let's see them. And how many likes he gets on each of them. This guy who wrote this email is like mortified right now. Don't do that. Bob, great guy. Here's a reverse question. What if she's liking all of the photos? Then does she like him?

Or is that like... That's so platonic. That's a little standoffish. I don't even give a fuck. I'll like that's so platonic that's a little standoff give a fuck i'll just like yeah that's a lot you might need to reassess if you like this girl well when i like a girl i like every single photo oh maybe that might be a dude thing i think the girl were like very this account i recognize that has no there's like no game associated with it at all what this account is private nice i'm so how many posts do you have though uh uh uh

three oh just 20 oh oh okay you know what this it sounds like his instagram might just be bad there's also a chance that he has bad photos also the question is does she follow him because if she doesn't follow him and doesn't like then that's fine but what if she follows and doesn't like oh you know what though sometimes 20 only has 20 pictures. Yeah. Here's a barrier for me anyway. If I'm looking through Instagram and there's a picture posted by a girl that I like and I want to like it, but I see there's only like two other people

that have liked it. So if it's like the amount that my name will be right under the photo as people are scrolling, I'll wait until it's like, oh, this photo's got 22 likes. Then I'll like it. That's also good to do. Only the person who posted will find out.

Sometimes I also get a notification, this girl liked your photo. And it's like from last November. I'm like, oh, this girl's digging deep. You gotta be so careful. That means more than someone that just likes a photo that just came out. Yeah. Do girls play this game? Or is it just a guy thing? Oh, no, i think everybody does so when like when you like a boy are you like oh i'm gonna like this photo or i'm gonna follow him or

i'm gonna wait or i hope he likes mine it's a little of both i mean i think you have to be strategic about it or you can just be up front and be like hey i like you or yeah but not up front that's never oh it's so scary it's not i remember it was over the holidays i was showing my mom like one of my friends instagrams and she was scrolling through trying to enlarge the photo. I was like, Mom, no, this is a double click. I was like, this is from last year. Stop it. My sister swipes the phone out of her hand,

and then I go to dive to grab it in case it accidentally likes. I think I might have told this story on the podcast, but that happened, the exact same thing, but it was like 79 weeks back, a picture of a guy and his ex-girlfriend that this girl was using to show like showing her dad a picture of the guy that she liked and he liked it uh you have a million followers on instagram i think that's noteworthy that's a lot of followers you're making everybody feel a little weird all right you since you sat down

all you're talking about is her millions of followers on YouTube, her millions of followers. We're just three dudes hanging in a room right now. Here's a question. If a guy likes your photo, how can you tell it's one of the 24,000?

I need to be following that person because then I'll get the notification. So if I'm not following them, then it might be meaningless. Yeah. I got the exact same thing.

I also have like a million instagram followers i i don't know off the top of my head i mean i could check don't i mean uh if it's a million that's a i think you would know if it was a million i know i should it's funny i don't even keep track of that kind of thing but even if you don't keep track but like you just at a certain point just got to a million because it just said one million. That must have been a mile marker when it happened, right? Yeah. Like a million, you're like, oh, dope.

And then you didn't have to think about it. So Jake, you have 37,000. 37 million? No, 37,000. I thought you said million. No, of course not 37 million. That's good, though. That's, yeah.

No, that's good. Thanks, everybody. Nah, yeah, that's a million. So really, what this boils down to, Bob, I don't think she likes you. Or you need to post more Instagrams. Okay, yeah. You can't, you can't, he's fishing without any, like, lure. Yeah.

He needs food. He's not posting any photos and he's wondering why this girl's not liking him. Yeah, he needs to post it, like, prime time, like, on her lunch break. When she's on there. Oh, interesting. How often do you post? Uh, like, once a day that's pretty good twice that's where i'm doing something fun have you gotten into snapchat i do like snapchat

so had i started snapchatting my instagram just died out like i find it hard to like do both at this point yeah i think it's one of those things you just sort of have to actually enjoy doing like i was got into vine for a while and then I was like, okay, over that. So I just, I don't really know. Yeah, of the like, since you've been around for almost, I guess,

even longer than Jake and I have, you've seen it all. You've seen the rise and fall of so many social medias. Yeah, have there been ones where you're like, oh shit, I should get into this one because everybody's like,

you're like early adopting all of them. Yeah, I mean for Instagram, I think I was the 103rd person to join. So that's like so long ago. How did you do that? I don't know. And then at the time, there was also another website called Daily Booth. Oh, I remember Daily Booth.

Oh, man. God, I was obsessed with Daily Booth because I love sort of like the photo responses. But the problem with Daily Booth is it didn't have an app. So they both came out around the same time. So I feel like if Daily Booth had an app, it could have been Instagram the same time so i feel like if daily booth had an app it could have been instagram yeah so you know you're like a you're an internet historian it's kind of interesting because you have such a specific memory because you were so like prevalent and big so early on starting like 2003 what other like social media stuff do you remember besides

campus hook and daily booth oh my gosh i mean of course myspace back in the day i used myspace they used to call me the ipod girl because i mean like i didn't have a job i was still like living at home and i found this site where you could do like affiliate links where people sign up and then you get free things yeah oh this was great i had like five ipods and oh my god so i would like have all like my myspace photos like all these pictures with me and my ipods and be like, you can get one too. And refer like 25 people to sign up with their credit cards. Holy shit. I mean, I was obsessed.

You really were. Wow. You know how to play the game. Yeah. Those free iPods. From Big Echo. Of the ones that are big now, which ones are you still like using?

I mean, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat. There's a new one that came out recently called Peach. I just heard about this last week. That's what Sam told us about. What's Peach? I don't know. Do you play swing? I think it's by like the same guys that did like Vine.

So it's sort of that crew, but it's kind of cool. It's sort of like a Facebook, Twitter type feed thing, but it's sort of a more closed network right now. So it's kind of like just your friends. Oh, I see. As opposed to like following like public figures and stuff like that. So it's kind of neat.

It's still really early. Will you follow me on Peach? I'm actually converting from Plum. I've had a Plum account. What's your Peach? Peachy Fuzz 44. Peach boy. Little Peach boy.

Oh, yep. Cool. Well, I'm glad we got to ask that. You got to answer that question. Yeah. So the answer is probably not, right? He needs, I don't know. He has to do a little digging, but like.

Post some more. Oh, I'm sorry. If you only have 20 photos, like, did you just join like this week or what's that? I'm not sure. I'm confused. I like that we're Instagram bullying him. I mean, at this point, like, what are you doing? 20 photos.

Get out. Shit or get off the pot. Yeah. Private account. I will only at this point, what are you doing? 20 photos? Get out, get out. Shoot or get off the pot. Yeah. Private account. I will only allow 20 people to follow me. Oh, Bob. All right, Bob.

Here's another question from a lady. Oh, hello. Should we read the question again first? Of course, yes. All right. Hey, guys.

Here's the problem. Back when I was a high school senior three years ago, I called dibs on this freshman that I knew was going to get really hot when he was older. Let's call him Mark. So I began planting the seed and flirting with him and texting him. Anyway, I graduated and totally forgot about him. Now, three years later, my younger brother is on a sports team with Mark. So when I went to one of his tournaments, I saw him and I was right. The guy got super tall and super hot. He's still single, so of course I'm trying to replant the seed and get at him. Here's the issue. My younger brother's not happy about it. He thinks it's weird. I'm trying to get at someone his age,

18, and he thinks it's embarrassing. But what my younger brother doesn't understand is that I began settling this thing three years ago. I'm supposed to just stop trying to get at Mark when he's finally all grown up? My brother's biggest issue is that it's someone on his team that he has to interact with on the daily. Am I supposed to respect my brother's wishes, even though I called dibs on him three years ago and I have a really good eye? They're not even they're not even friends they're just teammates what's the problem should i keep on keeping on thanks guys love jill it's perfect mark and jill bob and oh yeah mark mark's this guy's name um does this ring true to you as a lady of any of at all at So wait, what are the ages, do we think?

She was 18 when he was 15. Right. Now he's 18, she's 21. 21 or 22. Do you have a younger brother? I don't. I have two younger sisters, though. Okay.

So I definitely have dated someone my sister's age. Yeah. And have you ever been like, hook me up with one of your friends? No. No, not really. I'm not really sure how to answer this. But I mean, if she wants to go out to the club or go to the bar your child boyfriend is not gonna be able to go with you oh so you're more concerned about the

age difference being under 21 but i don't think she's trying to like i don't think she all she wants to do is get at mark yeah three times get at it i think she's just trying to hook up i think she's trying to like okay all right just like one done thing then go for it don't tell your brother get at it oh you're saying it's okay your brother can't what the what's the female edition of cock block it probably is cock block right isn't it vag bladge well it's still blocking from getting a cock but it's like you're you're not blocking my cock you're blocking my vagina yeah but he's blocking a cock from her pussy footing i would still say it's cock plot yeah i'm i'm not sure of what the phrase that we want to use

about the blockage but sure it's not pussy footing right brother blocking oh that's pretty good i'm not sure a bro blow i think that means something else which is a different question we have coming later uh so you're saying a brother can't say no i mean if she wants to get at it like i don't think she's gonna have would your sister ever tell you no to a boy or has she ever tell you no to a boy? Or has she ever? Yeah. She's like, he's an idiot. Right. I'm like, you're right.

Oh, but you were, see, that's the difference. You like, that's like an opinion you respect. Yeah, yeah. This guy is not like, oh, no, this dude's a jerk. He's not right for you. He's like, no. You can't hook up with her. It's going to suck.

I mean, that whole, that's going to be all around the school. I mean, basically, she's going to look, I don't know gonna be all around the school i mean basically she's gonna look i don't know i'm not sure what kind of one thing that she might want to consider it sounds like she doesn't need to but like it'll probably be pretty annoying for her brother to like have to deal with that in the locker room like oh i fucked your sister i fucked your sister yeah but and i'm not saying she has to care about that. I just want her to be aware that that's one of the consequences. I remember when my sisters were all seniors two or three years after I graduated. And I used to want to hook up with their friends sometimes. And they would be like, no, you can't.

And most of the time I didn't. But sometimes I did. And we just didn't tell them. Oh, so that's true. It could be a secret. It's also this guy. There seems to be two kinds of sisters. I don't have a sister.

You guys have many. So maybe, and like, tell me if I'm wrong. But the one way is like, nobody's fucking my sister. That's gross. You can't do that. And then the other kind is, yeah, I want my sister to have sex with as many people as possible because that's good for them and they want to help them out. So is that like a phase that you grow in and out of? Or is that the kind of person you are?

Someone who's like saying, no, you can't have sex with my sister. Or two, please have sex with my sister. I think this is a guy thing. I mean, me and my sisters never really had that conversation. It's definitely like a protective. Like when I was in high school, I didn't want anybody to have sex with my sisters. And now that I'm older,

I don't necessarily want everybody to have sex with my sisters. And now that I'm older, I don't necessarily want everybody to have sex with my sisters, but I want them to have fulfilling, happy lives. And I understand that part of that is having meaningful sex, or not meaningful sex, but just the kind of sex that they want. I don't know. I just hope they're doing whatever they want. Were you protective with your older sister as well as your younger? Or is it a younger sister thing? No, I mean, I would try to be protective of my older sister, but it was hard to be intimidating to the guys that my older sister would hang out with

because I was scared of them. Like you as an 18-year-old walking up to a 30-year-old. Right. Get away from her! When the triplets would come home with guys, I could just be in the room and be like, you know, I would be like an asshole. But when my older sister would come around with boys, I would like you want to talk to the football around dude i would be like a little dick and i would like hide but then when like that guy left i would like do things to

to ride him i would like do little dick like things try to eat away at his reputation yeah spritz clorox on his sandwiches and little things like that yeah they poisoned him like putin uh so you're saying go for it i mean i think our best bet is wait till he graduates high school first because that's just weird you're talking about the age thing again still yeah i mean look no issues with age but i feel like when you're 18 in high school and you're in college that's then it's a little strange but if you just want to get at it then just get at it and don't tell anybody that's what i'm saying get out don't tell anybody yeah all right it's all like it's a little strange. But if you just want to get at it, then just get at it and don't tell anybody. That's what I'm saying. Get at it, don't tell anybody. Yeah.

All right. It's all like it's legal, so that's fine. Yeah. I'll say get at it and don't tell anybody. That way you can have your cake and eat it too. Yeah. Otherwise, you just have cake. It'll be hot.

This girl called it three years ago. It'd be a shame for her not to sell high after buying so low. I think she really just wanted to sort of brag about having a good eye. She called it. It's funny because that's like, I guess I didn't even think about it when she's like, how insanely creepy would it be if we saw a 15-year-old and I was like, dibs.

I'm telling you right now in three years she's going to be in a slow show. But when it's a girl doing it to a guy it's a little less creepy. I guess a little bit but it is, ultimately I wouldn't be as proud of it as she is. No, I don't think she should tell people about this email, Jill. When I was 18 and he was 15, I called that he was going to be a sexy ass dude. And I was right.

Do you have an age limit? Do you inquire or care? I mean, 18 might be a little young. But I mean, yeah, right. Yeah. But for you, do you like... Look, if you're a nice person... Yeah.

And you like video games and you're kind, and you don't mind that sometimes I want to sit in my house and do nothing, then yeah, it's great. It could work out. I love video games, but I'm not kind. Does having a lot of one of the requirements... It depends on what console. Oh, wow.

Interesting. I love GameCube. Oh, my wow. Interesting. I love GameCube. Oh, my God. I used to love GameCube. Crazy taxi. Crazy taxi. I almost failed out of college because of the Mario Kart GameCube.

Wow. The cube. Yeah, it was great. I remember when games used to come on CDs, although those were like mini CDs. Yeah. Now the games don't even come on a CD, right? Yeah, it's all like downloaded wireless data. Well, they still have them on cds which actually especially for like xbox because

it takes forever to install it's better to even get the cd because it takes so long to download yeah like five terabytes of shit over wi-fi cool this is great yeah i remember getting a game recently like i don't even it's it's been two and a half hours and I don't think I've played it yet. Is this the game or a movie? It takes so long. Can we play Tetris yet? Cool. Jill, get at it. Yeah, Jill.

Get at it. Don't tell. Let's take a break to thank one of our sponsors. You don't have to do anything, Justine. Okay, cool. I'll take a drink of my water. Yeah, take a drink of your water. And then we'll be back with more questions quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments and we want to hear from you guys

to keep making content you love exactly it's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience but in order to do that we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes, and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right.

So if you've been talking about the ad somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show.

Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct. And the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards, and if you think you can pick who will do what

before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL. Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do. I do. Yeah, I do a lot. This can really heighten your joy.

That's right. I grew up a Raiders fan. And now I'm just a fan of the league in general. But I still have- You're a fan of gambling. Enough. Yes, of course. You're a fan of gambling in general.

Yes. And I do have an affinity for the silver and black so if you like football as much as me which is not likely because i do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback uh does in a cover two defense or like do you know what a play action passes like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i basically know run and hail mary you actually know both of those yeah running is when you run and then hail mary is when you chuck it right damn i think you should download the draft kings pick six out select between two and six players for you to put some money on you select between two and six

players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat. It's that simple. And for all first time pick six players, check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings pick six app now and use code segments. code SEGMENTS for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits only on DraftKings pick six. The crown is yours. There you go.

Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say, gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.oregonconnecticut, must be 18 plus, age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions, pick six is not available everywhere including New York and Ontario, void or prohibited, one per new customer, non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months, limited time offer, see terms

at picksix.d draftkings.com slash right promos there it is thanks draftkings hey we're back with justine hmm is eric is eric yeah that's good eric is eric is eric what kind of last name is that oh shoot it's something i asked the hard-hitting questions after the break. No, I've got it in my notepad somewhere. Yeah, it's fine. I'll look it up for you. I'll just say Polish. It actually, yeah, it's over there. All right, there we go.

All right, cool. I love it. You're still making videos for the internet. Yep. Still hustling. You're still the same DRE, right? But have been low-key. Hated on by most Gs.

What are you working on nowadays? Well, you know, still doing the YouTube stuff and I did a book tour and everything last year. You wrote a book? I did, yeah. It was really kind of crazy.

Did you write all the words in it? I wrote most of the words. Okay. Is it a picture book or is it all like a chapter book? It's actually a picture book. There are some pictures. She wrote the words in the picture.

I just want to know if it's sort of like a cooking book or something. Is it a cooking book? It's actually a picture book. There are some pictures. She wrote the words in the picture. I just want to know if it's sort of like a cooking book or something. Is it a cooking book? Is it? Yeah. Like, what's the length of the book?

So, it was kind of telling sort of my internet story, but it was also kind of weird because when I wrote it, I don't remember anything. What do you mean? That's why I started tweeting

and like making videos and blogging because I can't remember anything. You're like the girl from Memento. Yeah. So, I'm going back and I like laid out all of my tweets from like 2006 and i'm going back and like trying to take pictures from like flickr and try to find websites

flickr that's another great one yeah i remember trying to piece together my life and figure out how the hell did i get here so it's kind of an autobiography yeah but it still follows along with like the where people can kind of trace back to like where they were at that time in their life too. Cool. I didn't know Twitter was around in 2006. Yeah. I remember back in the day you had to like text your tweets in and I was so confused. 40404.

Yeah. Well, that's the reason that Twitter had that text limit because it was supposed to be only text message based. Right. So 140 characters was enough for the text and your username holy shish kebabs wow see i should read your book so what are you doing now that the book is done oh so i actually got a puppy recently congrats thank you oh my god that's a big deal the hardest thing that i've ever done in my life yeah everything i'm i'm thinking about getting a dog actually okay cool so do you uh plan on leaving the house for three months or doing anything all the time i love traveling next question

why i'm never home i also hate dog food my god no it was like the craziest thing ever but i did this project where i was you know promoting like pet adoption and i told them i was like there's no way i can get a dog and then i saw this dog and i fell in love oh my god naming him after my sister's boyfriend what are they still going out yes oh my god what if they break up oh god well then we've got we've got mad and mad so what is what kind of dog is it so we did a dna test it is a we thought it was a poodle maltese but it's a poodle chihuahua lasa apso if that's how you pronounce it i want to see pictures so bad oh my god we will i'm talking about getting a poodle myself actually you should oh you're so

sweet and so smart okay all right this is getting really nervous i really want to get a dog we're gonna talk we will we'll talk after but my dog is a dj he's actually working on an album sorry excuse me what uh a dj album music i'll have it on spotify and itunes and everywhere does he what does he do? Does he spit fire? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You should hear him. He's great. So he can flow.

Yeah. Who does his beats? Who produces his tracks? I've actually been working with a bunch of different artists and you know, like my goal is really to get like Skrillex or Diplo or Zedd or something to collaborate with him. But I need to show that he's a worthy enough producer himself. So we're working on that. But what would be really fun is because he has a rescue.

So I want to do like a tour where we go to different cities and then people and different shelters can bring their dogs to the tour. So people can adopt at like the shows and then like a portion of his album sales. And of course, he's going to have music videos. Of course. So a portion of that will go to like helping, you know, different rescues and stuff like that. That's beautiful. How old is this puppy now? He is now seven and a half months whoa very new yes he's real

fresh does he have a website he doesn't have a website but he has twitter instagram yeah does he have a hashtag or does he have his own uh instagram uh dj mini matt is his instagram does he have more instagram followers than jake does how many did you i think it was a million. You loser. You're losing to a doggy. I think he might have like 70,000. Dumbass. He has more than you too. Dick, can he repost something with the repost ad? I'd love for him to re-gram.

I actually have a pretty cool photo I took of a dog the other day. I was going to bring him, but I have to go somewhere after this. I'm sorry. I'll come back. I'll leave like three days before I have to get here. Yeah. Why don't you come back on Sunday? So leave tonight.

Yes. West side to east side. If you ever need a dog babysitter. Okay, great. I'll watch the dog. Well, it's called dog sitting. Yes. Oh, right.

Yeah. That's actually the hardest part. Dog babysitting. This dog has an album, so I don't think it's quite as simple as dog babysitter. It's artist babysitting. Well, even when I got the dog, I was like, that'll be fine. I could just have people watch him. But now I'm like, I don't want anyone to watch him.

He's like my child. Right. I can't even imagine. Do you ever get mad at him? Yeah, a little bit. Do you ever say, oh, you're a naughty little doggy you you naughty dog you're just so you everybody at home listen amir's amir's not just saying that you're also you're miming slapping i'm hitting the so you're saying something i'm hitting the

spout you're essentially asking her if she's abusing the dog you have to have a little tough love sometimes actually i don't know if you know that you naughty dog yeah you lift it up by the neck justine and you wiggle the dog and say whatever no i mean if you want to if i am you know waving my hand like that i'm usually catching puke or crap coming out of his butt so that's where we currently are you can let it land on the floor actually and then pick it up I feel like you're doing that wrong. So you're catching his shit before it reaches the sidewalk? Yeah, he can hit the sidewalk.

No, in the house. In the house. Don't hit the table. Oh, thank God. It only landed on my hand. Oh, God. I did this thing where I was fostering rescue dogs. Oh, that's so sweet.

And I had this one dog. Her name was Betty. And I remember at four in the morning what she was like sort of like barking a little bit and i woke up and i just woke up and it's like the moonlight the blue moonlight was shining and she just she backed away from my bed she crouched she took the hugest shit on the floor she She wanted you to see. And I just like put my hand, I was like, why did you, you're the boss of me.

She gets to decide. Yeah, now you have to clean up this shit. It's wild. It's like living with a bully who can't talk. You asshole. But they look cute. Oh, so cute. What if they didn't look cute? But they really are,

they're in charge. Yeah, for sure. I'm like, what do you want to do today? Okay, this is what we're doing. Oh, you want to go into the studio today? Okay, great. Let me get my shoes. Thankfully, you're living that freelance lifestyle.

You don't have a nine to five. It's true. It's true, yeah. So your hours can be dictated by this animal. It's true. When he naps, I nap. Like the first couple of months that I had him, I like had to cancel everything. He had terrible allergies.

Like I couldn't leave him because he was like itching his body to death. And I mean, I thought, I was like, this is the end of me. And when you leave, it doesn't she or he cry? It's a boy. No, he's actually very good. They call that separation anxiety. And there's actually a couple, because my dog, little Betty, had separation anxiety.

Oh, Betty! And there's some ways to there's some ways to treat it. Actually, Justine and I are talking about doing a little dog podcast. What is it called? This would be great. A dog cast. Follow me on Instagram. DJ Mini Matt.

DJ Mini Matt. 70,000 Instagram followers. Oh God, he's cute. How is that fair to me? You know, should be a DJ. Do you have time? I know you have to go to dinner, but do you have time to answer one more question? Oh yeah, we're good. It's probably going to, if I leave now, it's going to take me five hours to dinner, but do you have time to answer one more question? Oh, yeah, we're good.

It's probably going to, if I leave now, it's going to take me five hours to get there. Yeah, so you're going to miss it anyway. Where are you going to dinner? It's actually not a dinner. Cool. It's an event. I hate to, yeah.

It's a food-based evening event, and they'll have chicken and rice and a dessert. Chicken, rice, and a dessert? But I wouldn't call it a dinner. Yeah, okay. Just chicken and rice, no vegetable? I'm not even sure where I'm going, it a dinner. Yeah. Okay. Just chicken and rice, no vegetable. I'm not even sure

where I'm going to be honest with you. You're getting kidnapped at 6 p.m. We should say this is kind of another exciting part of this podcast.

We're recording this Thursday at 5. This is going straight online. We usually wait a bit. We're going to post this today. Bonus episode Thursday. Wow. It's instantaneous.

Within an hour. That's really great. This is as close to live to tape as podcasts can be so if you have anything you can plug something that's happening in two and a half hours hmm oh i've got nothing all right other than this event follow my dog dj mini mats album drops at six okay what's our next question? I just can't wait. I know. Great question. This is, oh, don't give me a name yet.

Let me read the question first. Excuse me. Here's my sticky situation. My current girlfriend of a year has her birthday coming up at the end of this month, and her ex-boyfriend is buying her a $200 to $400 tattoo. I can't help feeling pissed off. Our relationship was being swell up until now, and because of this recent predicament, materialistic sides of her personality have come to light. And when I think back through her history, I should have seen it all along,

because it's exactly who she is. This shit has hit the fan, and I'm having trouble with our relationship. I hate to think it's essentially because of this whole tattoo thing, in which case I know I'm very jealous about it. But I also feel like the ex-boyfriend is crossing the best friend line a little bit. I feel like my, I like my, sorry, I still like my girlfriend a lot and I could possibly get over all this

and continue happily dating her. But I felt my love slip a little, having a clear picture of who she is so my question is am i being totally am i totally just being a jealous bitch or is the ex-boyfriend doing something icky by buying this 19 year old ex-girlfriend of his a tattoo and is my girlfriend fault here thanks to the advice love sammy sammy sandwich uh you guys should just break up that's it like get out like honestly i love that fucking advice so much like you already know this is not gonna work and how old are you 19 trust me well she's 19 maybe he's he's 40 he's 48 he's 45 okay then you need to marry her now because

you gotta lock this shit up yeah he called this when she was four an ex an ex an ex giving your current girlfriend a tattoo what a what a slap in the face that is and she's his name on her on her lower back yeah we need to know what the tattoo is yeah just the fact that it's a permanent thing that you'll have to stare at. It's a big heart that says, Sammy's a bitch. It's like, buying her a gift is one thing, getting a tattoo is another. And then the fact that it's all combined into one mega F you. He also slipped in the fact that he's crossing the best friend line.

Anytime you are dating somebody, they like i'm still real i'm still best friends with my ex i would be like and we don't date anymore that's it that's a good friends i'm friends with most almost all my exes all my exes hate me and they hate you i respect people being friendly with their exes it's fine people being friends with their exes i would probably be like i don't want i don't know i don't like it but if like best friends with your ex but wait the best friend line is he is that his best friend or is that her best friend sounds like her he doesn't like this guy at all okay how many exes do you have that you're friends with all of them i mean like a handful you can tell us exactly name names please name names no but i think i mean i think as you

get older too it's like there's no point if you invest so much time with someone would any of them give you a birthday gift um no yeah that's good that's yeah that's where it definitely i think crosses the line yeah i think i'm i could probably actually say that my i'm like friendly with or i'm friends with my exes like nobody really hates me yeah and maybe i would text them on their birthday yeah that's max or like an emoji speaking of birthday i got you a present what what yes how and as you were telling me it was your birthday i was ordering something for myself so i just ordered two of them oh my gosh this is the first gift giving okay hold on this is this is a podcast of firsts wow holy shit here you go i'm holding in my hand a deck of cards called poop the game yes and it's a card

game called poop correct yeah i haven't played it yet but i was on amazon and i was looking for a game that had to do with poop like just you know i'm not really sure where i was going with that you were looking for well before you knew that poop this game existed you were like just googling i looked up is there a game about poop i looked up poop board game and then they saw these cards and so you how did that come up i don't know i was looking for video ideas have you played this game before i have not but i think you kind of play with a bunch of people and then you keep putting cards into the toilet, which is the center of...

Wait, into an actual toilet? Not an actual toilet, but then you can clog the toilet. I'm not really 100% sure, but it sounded fantastic. This is amazing. So I just added an extra to my cart. This is the best gift I got today. No offense, Jake, because Jake also gave me his gift today, but it was a real piece of shit compared to this.

This is an actual... Yeah, this is an actual gift. What you gave me was what today, but it was a real piece of shit compared to this. This is an actual gift. What you gave me was what? A Kleenex. It was a framed photo of the two of us. Let's see. How to play Pooh. I forgot you took that photo the day we met. Which you do with everybody, just in case the relationship blossoms into something

special. We should take a photo together oh yeah that'd be great that's nice i'm at me just me and you okay all right okay yeah i've got this yeah i've got the polaroid camera uh okay so this is not okay the girlfriend is kind of going a little bit too far she shouldn't accept a tattoo a permanent uh mark on her uh i think it's a picture of the guy uh flicking the current boyfriend off on her abdomen. So why is he, this guy keeps on being like, I thought she wasn't so materialistic.

Is he just saying like, maybe she's saying, it doesn't mean anything to me, but it's an expensive tattoo and I want it and he wants to pay for it. Yeah. I mean, it seems like this is just opening a whole can of worms. I agree.

But let's, I'm just going to just take, just for posterity, I'm going to take the stance of like, of not being jealous, right? Okay. So you just say like, wow, what a fucking loser. This guy wants to give my girlfriend $200. Yeah, baby, take

it. Yeah, I'm gonna take it. That's this herb, like opening his wallet to somebody that I'm fucking, right? Like, you can be empowered by that situation too. But the fact that it's a tattoo is just a constant, like she wants, she wants to,

if not consciously, but subconsciously look and think about this ex-boyfriend every day for the rest of her life. When, if he said that he thinks she's materialistic and this is not something new, I mean, it's already,

I think clearly something's not going well. Right. I think this, yeah, this thing, it definitely, it's coloring the entire relationship for this guy right now. It's like this boyfriend's doing this and then he's like,

and I, now I don't know if I like her at all as a human being. Yeah. I mean, if you think you don't like her, you probably don't like her. So you should save your time and do something else. There's a girl out there who's so good she won't even get a tattoo purchased by her ex-boyfriend on her birthday that's true and why don't you look for that it'll

be like a breath of fresh air jill also is looking to get it so should we jill was trying to get at wait did we ever give this guy a name oh yeah what'd you call sammy jill and sammy actually might be a thing. And then maybe she'll like your Instagram photos and Bob will get up on it. Let's all get Jill and Sammy tattoos. You should do, since you use email and all this, like, high-tech stuff over here, you should do an email intro with everyone.

Oh, yeah. And they can fight it out. You should have our podcast because you would make it so much nicer. I just wanted to intro you guys. I think you guys all have some things to talk about. That is true because we are ending one relationship. We should start another one. We should.

Yeah, that way the universe stays at balance. Because I think Jill's probably going to end up in jail because Mark probably isn't actually 18 and this is all going to come out. Statutory rape. And she's lying to us. She called dib when he was in middle school. Yeah, she shouldn't write that.

He was 15. That's high school. Yeah, yeah yeah but i was just you know yeah but she was probably 18 at the time she said she was a senior oh this is getting wild let's not think about it too much let's stop uh speaking of intros i told did i ever mention that the guy who wrote the opening theme song's name was massimo i don't think so i don't know if he did uh massimo. So thanks, Massimo. And the closing theme song is written by a group or a trio of humans called Webster, Webster, and Cohen, which sounds like a law firm. Justine. Yes.

Thanks for coming on our show. Thanks for having me. This was great. So exciting. It's going to be online. You can listen to it at your event later. I can't wait. Which is what you should do.

I will. You should put one earbud in and then the other one like sort of dangling down. Or if there's an aux cable there. Oh yeah. Maybe you could play a speaker. Like look where I just was. Yeah. Listen to this. Yeah. That's actually not a terrible idea. Sure it is. If you're listening out there, have your

own questions or your own theme songs. The email address for all of that is ifiwereyoushow at gmail.com Thanks for listening. Thanks again for coming in. Thanks. And we'll be back on Monday if you can believe it.com. Thanks for listening. Thanks again for coming in. Thanks. And we'll be back on Monday, if you can believe it. Monday.

Later, everybody. Peace. Bye. Bye. Listen to these two young Jews giving their views. Because I wouldn't have a clue. that was a head gum podcast