Segments - 199: Homework (w/Brian Murphy!)

Episode Date: February 11, 2016

Murph is back! And he joins us to discuss being a 90's kid and songs that will pump you up. This episode is brought to you by TIDAL, and NatureBox.com! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star.

There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish. You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live.

So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad. Edit this part out. But let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it in But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. Get your crab claws out.

It's about to get real. They ain't hashtag nope. They ain't hashtag dope. You got one smoke show and a diva roach. Yo, they killing it. Because they be hanging with crayons. It's turning matches into snatches. And they're keeping their fans pissed.

Clams dipped and spread on your boobs. You're a garbage man if you call Thomas doobs. Now that being said, keep it trill instead. Because I'd rather sex my ex in the academy of heads than kill myself dead inside a Starbucks So I'll email in my problem to these two question marks Got an STD, wanna seize the cheese, some 10 cent piece Making you earn that booty, well just let them preach and tune in for free

Meanwhile they're protecting your identity, with anonymity Can you guess the theme, then let me hand the mic over to Theodore Leslie That loose meat, that goose meat, I a gay skeleton, but I got caboose meat How's that for fair? Well, I'll tell you what Dope dome, Wolf Induction, shut the fuck up Bitch, I'll run your neck so fucking fast It'll feel like an undeserved Sunday blast And you know that I'm a beast in every single regard

Cause rapping in this voice is so fucking hard Man, we're out of time, unless she's goddamn fine In which case, swipe right for that goddamn dime Lick or crack to clit and that fuse is lit Cause she's a bomb and textjake.com Got you this shit, this ain't no rom-com So show me your pom-poms, I'ma glom on And go nom nom nom, mom

Turn the podcast off But really you my bitch, wash that dish, leave it on Now I really gotta bounce, but before I do Let me give a shout out to that Ben Schwartz fool And all my day ones, y'all get one too. So say it with me. Todah. These two Jews are teaching us Hebrew.

But I'll let the pinch get me out of the cinch and tell me what to do. YouTube that shit? Nah, pure heart rule. One thing you gotta know and that's yo-yo. Oh, mercy. Wow. Damn, that was really chock full. That was dense.

That was an encyclopedia. Yeah, that was... You guys have come a long way. I don't even get half the references. Really? That was all of D12, right? I recognize... I'm the only singer of my band.

The one guy, the main guy, sounded like he was recording but didn't want somebody else to hear him rapping in the other room. It sounded like he recorded that while his mom was home. Yeah. these two juice are going on with you teddy nothing too i'm not trying i'm not trying to do something artistic that's just you have a roommate or something you don't want them to hear the punk song you're recording on your acoustic guitar i'm barely even oh geez

murph what are you doing in there nothing dude i'm freaking on the computer man i'm not trying i'm not trying to do art i'm not putting effort into i'm not making something i'm not trying to sing why would i do that i can't sing why would i try to do that yeah effort was so not cool for like 14 years i promise you i'm not even trying i'm not recording something because i would suck at yeah why why would i freaking practice and try to get better why would i do that there's nothing lamer than effort i'm age 10 instead of something, it's like, oh, you try? No. Do you try to sing?

No. No? You're either good at singing or you're not. There is no try, which is why I don't try. I just try. If everybody stuck it out with their high school punk bands, we'd all be amazing singers. Yeah, that's probably true. I really should have never quit.

No, I'm sure some people would just not get better well tom delong didn't necessarily get better but he got a lot more successful he did try uh yeah there's a a curve of how cool effort is and like starting at age nine it starts to get less and less and it it peaks at minimum at like 16 i think that's the that's when effort is the worst yeah right and then it starts to get power through and power through and you are like full peaks at minimum at like 16, I think. That's when effort is the worst. Yeah, right. And then it starts to get better. And if you really power through, if you power through and you are like full of effort at 18

when everyone thinks you're a fucking loser, then in your 20s, you're like, oh, wow, he's an artist now. Yeah. Wow. It's the same thing as like being a nerd in high school. You're just like, no matter what you do in high school, you're a loser unless you're like playing sports, right?

Or in a band. Bands were's true yeah but they have you have to be like relatively good no you also have to kind of already be a cool kid and then have a band like there were so many bad bands in my high school that had followings just because it was you know the cool kids band the cool kid grew his hair out and now he's an emo, you know... The cool kid's band. The cool kid grew his hair out, and now he's an emo kid. You know what I mean? Yeah, dude, that's the coolest kid. They're not real. They're fucking cell house kids. I'm the real deal.

Not like me quietly recording in my room so that my dad doesn't hear. This is punk. This is punk. Just plug the pedal right into the computer so nobody hears it. I'm wearing headphones so that literally nobody can understand or hear you uh episode 199 episode 200 no we did it boys 200 episodes congratulations

it's been a long road it's actually yeah but you know we got here200. We did it. Yeah, the countdown won't continue until the next episode. Until what? The next episode. This sort of isn't a benchmark episode. This is a throwaway is what we call it in the podcasting biz. But we're happy that Brian Murphy is here. He's back in the house. Hey!

First episode since number 99? Yeah, I believe so. So you did episode 99. You missed 100 through 198 and now you're back, baby. I'm back. Yeah, I believe so. So you did episode 99, you missed 100 through 198, and now you're back, baby. I'm back. Yeah, dude. Back in the game. By the way, I don't think you said

who recorded that song. You're right. I didn't. Eric Dale. Eric Dale. It does sound like a guy who's not allowed to do rap in his room. Eric?

Eric? Yes, Mr. Dale. What are you doing in there? Are you trying? Actually, his email... We don't try in this family. His email kind of sounds like that. Hey, guys, this is my second theme song submission.

My first attempt at writing or performing a rap ever. Hope the flow passes the muster. I feel like I should give credit to the random YouTuber I got the beat from i literally googled basic rap beat uh feel free to shout them out or not i don't care i don't have any channels and whatnot of my own to shout out but you can credit me as eric dale oh eric dale you're good man you're good enough you should keep at it sing louder sing louder dude sing prouder rap harder rap faster rap battered you just like fucking commit man the the flow's tight the lyrics were all great it was good we just railed into it for four minutes and it was like once he became a human being we're like

oh fuck as soon as he said himself that he wasn't sure of himself then now i want to build him up before i wanted to break him down isn't it weird how fucking shit works like that how you felt bad how you like want to tear people down until they tear themselves down and you're like oh come on no you're cool that's like the eminem and eight mile thing like i did this i'm i went to this school i'm an idiot now tell them what they don't know about me and he's like oh shit i can't tear him down because he already did it to himself. Yeah, and then he shows the whole crowd his white ass. Yeah.

Be a rabbit. Have you seen 8 Mile? I've seen bits and pieces on TNT. You've never seen 8 Mile? I don't think so. Him and Brittany Murphy have sex in a factory or something? Yeah. That happens, right?

Yeah, dude. That's cool. Who'd have thought Murphy was the the one to go that's your last name oh yeah that is are you guys related yeah she was my sister holy shit i'm sorry i can't believe you called her britney murphy yeah i was trying to you know i can't believe you guys made it real dark and personal you didn't see your sister's movie and then when you did you said oh i think i saw when britney murphy fucked eminem in a factory right i didn't i didn't fully think out the joke you're also cousins with marshall mathers oh yeah jesus which is weird so it's all in the family mckay pfeiffer is your father yeah wow uh so what is this this is an advice podcast for those of you listening for the first time. It's called If I Were You. It's actually the only advice podcast

on the internet hosted by me and Jake. Sometimes we're alone. Sometimes we have friends. Every hundred or so episodes exactly, Murph joins us. An old friend, colleague, acquaintance. Acquaintance turned friend turned colleague

turned stranger. Back to acquaintance. Acquaintance turned friend turned colleague turned stranger. Back to acquaintance. Yeah, full circle. Yeah, we're back to we might nod at each other if we saw each other on the street. Oh, yeah. Take out one earbud as I walk by you. Hey, what's up, dude? Are we going to stop and talk? No.

All right. A single earbud friend. See you in a hundred episodes. You've done this before. This is old hat, dude. You get it. We're going to be answering real emails from real people. Going to give them fake names to preserve their anonymity. I actually have one that's sort of appropriate with what we've been talking about so far.

So why don't you give me a female's name? Jessima. Nice. Another one. Oh, come on, dude dude we can edit that out that's not your best foot forward man come on jessima cheryl writes i have a big picture question that as an avid day one listener i'm certain you haven't addressed great start i'm a 20 year old junior in college and i am Great start. However, I deleted all my social media accounts and I refuse to be one of those divas texting constantly, scrolling through Insta while in a goddamn conversation and taking pics slash selfies. I feel like life has become about documenting shit you do and desperately trying to prove to the world that your life is cool and exciting instead of actually living in and truly enjoying the moment.

There's not a day that goes by where I don't fantasize about living in another generation, preferably the 60s. But honestly, I'd be happy if I was a teenager in the 90s. So I wouldn't have to grow up with this BS. I'm curious about your guys's perspective on this. Since you were adolescents before the onslaught of technology, yet participate actively in social media as 30-year-olds. Was growing up without it better? Should I just accept my generation for what it is?

Am I being a curmudgeonly grandmotherly youth? Thank you. Love, Jessimo Cherrill. Jessima. Jessima. Cherrill. Carol with a chair. Are 30 i am 30 you're 30 in october jake's 30 i'm 33 teenagers in the 90s i also like that she said that she wanted to grow up in the 60s yeah fuck it i'll even take the 90s you imagine ruled. Can you imagine if your brother got drafted?

I'd rather be in this shit. How fucking sick that would be. I'd rather be fucking knee deep in the mud here in Viet Cong getting shot at than have to fucking listen to one other person Snapchat their brunch. Oh, then she could have gone to Woodstock.

The 60s probably were pretty chill. The 60s were chill, I assume. The 90s were definitely a simpler time. I will say, though. You always say it was a simpler time when you were a kid. Yeah. I would advise her to be a little less curmudgeonly. Because I think that when we grew up and stuff, I mean, didn't you guys sit around with your friends in AOL chat rooms and shit?

Yeah, that's what I was thinking during this question. Like, there was still dumb shit that I did to distract myself. Like, I would come right home from school and, like, get onto the computer, be on AOL for, like, an hour, then watch TV. And before that, I was like, I would come right home and watch TV. And now

my phone, like, distracts me from TV a little bit. bit yeah you don't have to tv as much uh yeah i don't know i guess like i'm with her a little bit like i definitely notice when people have their phones out yes hun yeah like at concerts when all the phones go up that's the thing i had like a nervous breakdown i was like super stoned at government governor's ball and sick yeah dude it was fucking ridiculous and i was just watching kanye right sick sick yeah and all i could see in front of me was like just i mean it's a sea of phones but i i kept on looking at this one person's phone and all they were doing was just like they were like holding the phone and then zooming in zooming in and trying to like take a picture of Kanye.

Like fully zoomed in, like kind of green. And they would like tap it and try to take a picture, but it would come out of focus. They would tap it again and they would zoom in, zoom out. And I was just like, I just wanted to tell them that it does. You don't have to zoom in. You can zoom in afterwards. Just buy it on Getty Images. There are better pictures of

kanye out there right you're not gonna take the perfect one and like then people taking like full five minute videos of his performance like that's just filling up your phone yeah what are you gonna do watch that later man and it's so i definitely understand and sometimes when i'm talking to somebody and they're on their phone i just want to just like catch a little glimpse of what they're doing just and i'm like if if they're emailing, if they're texting, that's okay. And if it's scrolling through Instagram, I'm like, fuck you. So I do get it. I do get it a little bit. And now that I'm Snapchatting, I've discovered a new sad thing. Do you Snapchat? No. So Snapchat, you turn it on and it's your camera instantly and sometimes it's facing out

which is fine and then sometimes it's facing back at me so like turn it on and i just see my sad bored complacent resting face just like my fat on the toilet like and that's like the first thing you see when you turn on snapchat which is like a perfect logo of what your life has become when you're on snapchat it's like my mouth open drooping down greasy forehead like swiping through stuff and the fact that you can like sometimes see it staring right back at you when you open the app uh i highly recommend switching that default to the outwardly facing one that way you don't have to stare yourself into the soul before seeing what somebody you don't know added to their snap story, which is a whole other piece of social media obligation that I've added to my life for seemingly no reason. I used to like, oh shit,

I got to scroll through these Instagrams. Like, what if I have an unseen Instagram? I got to clear this feed. Yeah, but I don't remember any Instagrams ever. Like, I'm spending at least 15 minutes a day looking at the photos, but I can't tell you one. But also, life isn't so good instagrams ever like i'm spending at least 15 minutes a day looking at the photos but i can't tell you one but also life isn't so good that you like shouldn't be distracted from it ever like yeah most of all of these times that you'd be sitting on you're sitting on the toilet and looking at yourself and you look like a schlub yeah most of life is just schlubby stuff it's just trying to get into a parking space cleaning the dishes

taking shits it's just real dumb most of the time yeah toilet is fine i think toilet smartphone use is good uh i feel bad about myself when i'm using it while i'm talking to people like if i get an email while i'm talking to someone sometimes i'll check check it, which is bad. I'll look at my phone while I'm watching something on TV, so I'm staring at two screens at once. I'll shut off my computer and take out my phone and go to a website I was just on.

Why did I even use my computer? The worst is when you're answering email, then you have to pee, you get up to go to the bathroom, and on my walk to the bathroom, I will look at my phone. Check my email that I was just on it's true it's fucking crazy but if you look at older generations i mean have you ever gone to visit an aunt or an uncle or something and they just have local news on all day yeah it's like like the in the background 24 hour news cycle is for like older generations just so they can have white noise and that's their twitter

feed yeah exactly if anything happens i want to be the first to know yeah right if anything i think you could be a little thankful that we live in a time where the stuff we consume and do can be so curated by like you get to choose who you're following on your phone or on your email that's like yeah nice and also i mean i know i have friends that i would have lost touch with in high school or whatever that i've reunited with over the years because of facebook or something because it would just be like you know you see somebody on messenger that you haven't seen in a while and you're like oh hey are you going home for thanksgiving or whatever like while you're in college and you stay friends with that person or whatever. Yeah. I think the key for her is to find the joy, the good parts of it. Right.

Which is like, maybe you follow news stuff on Twitter. So you have a Twitter account and you follow news feeds. Suddenly you're becoming smarter because of Twitter rather than following friends. I can't recommend this app. The New York Times, now this app, it's great, great for sort of meaningful news. And it's like you want to read it. It scratches the itch of Instagram while reading news. Yeah, exactly.

And you're right to say that she should find the joy in social media and all that stuff because it's not going anywhere. Yeah, it's not going to make her any happier to be mad at her generation. It's not going to do anything. I think she should, like, join Instagram and follow just, like, any Instagram that makes her happy. Like outdoorsy Instagrams. It's a nice way to find places you want to visit. Yeah. You can use it for good. The douchebags have been around forever.

Like, the people she's talking about are just the assholes her age right the percentage of people that are just out in the world that you're going to become friends with and really connect with is very small yeah so the these people that she's talking about are just people who aren't her friends right what if but she's only 20 what if when what if the pool of i feel like us being 30, there's a bigger pool of non-douchebags. Maybe when you're younger now, they're mostly douchebags. I can't imagine going to high school and college while having all these distractions. I feel like I would get a lot less done.

Now I have to do real work, but if I had to do something boring like schoolwork, and then also have all this stuff like staring at me or like i'm on my computer trying to like learn while facebook instagram twitter whatever is happening i feel like i'd be so much more distracted we kind of had that stuff with instant messenger though right yeah we had one thing yeah like i am or g chat we had the whole like the whole internet when you were at at your computer during high school yeah but there was no i didn't have were at your computer during high school. Yeah, but I didn't have Facebook when I was in high school. I didn't have Twitter. I guess there was no social aspect to it.

Yeah, no social media. So it is harder, I would imagine. But at the same time, is growing up without it better? Is her first question. We don't know anything else. But I don't think it is better. I remember going outside a bunch as a kid, but then I also sat around and watched TV. There were times when I just lie upside down on the couch and be like, this is so fucking boring. Yeah, do you remember?

What am I doing today? Being in high school or something and not having a cell phone and not having any way to talk to people except for the landline and just sitting around and waiting for somebody to call you so you can leave your fucking house it was so life was so boring it was so boring yeah imagine having nothing to do like even right now there's always stuff i can do even if it's as small as tweeting something, trying to stay socially relevant. But there was a time in my life where I just woke up and I'm like, I have nothing. It's summer.

I really don't have anything to do until school starts. I have zero. Yeah. I'll, what, read an encyclopedia, I guess. Isn't that kind of nice? If you're 19 years old and you just wake up on a saturday and you don't have a soccer game that day or something what do you do you're not you're not sitting there and you know writing a screenplay or something oh you could be that would be great

but you're either scrolling through your phone or you're just sitting there being like oh my god that's why i a little bit like miss school school because none of my stuff is currently being graded. I'm creating stuff and it's like, I don't know if I passed or failed. It just exists. I need somebody to judge me. Nobody's judging me. And I feel like I missed that.

People judge you. You have ratings on your podcast. You think grades are just more complicated. The grades are from fans, not like teachers. Yeah, I need a B or a C. I need somebody to be like, that podcast episode was actually a B minus. Oh, God, I would hate the grading system. Because you didn't get good grades.

I got great grades. Did you? They were all over the place. Sometimes I got really great grades, and sometimes I got really bad grades. What was your GPA in high school? I think I had three points or something. Is that like A's, B's, and a little bit of C's? Did you guys do a GPA in high school, or was it just like A, B, C's for you guys?

Well, GPA is an average of the a's b's and c's right but i mean did they actually give you a gpa yeah on your report card yeah they did i think they did i think they did for us no yeah they did i i don't remember what it was i think it was a three something you have to like submit that number to colleges, didn't you? I went to a small college in New Jersey. Homeschooled and... I didn't do homework in high school. What? I just didn't do it.

Wait, like it was assigned and you didn't complete it? I would try to scramble to do it right before class. Like at my locker in the morning or copy somebody else's homework or something just real quick or do it on the bus or something. Right. You had to just show something. But I remember there would be times like because for math, you didn't even necessarily have to have all the answers right. It just needed to be done. And there were days where I was so lazy that I wouldn't even like I would just show the teacher.

She'd be like, go around checking homework. And I would show her the blank piece of paper. And I'd be like, I'm sorry, I didn't do it. Yeah, me too. What do you do with the teacher? You're like, okay, fuck you. I had such a bad reputation eventually that those teachers would start spending whole minutes looking over mine while they kind of glazed over everybody else's. They would take and they

would be like okay you clearly copied this answer because all of this work leads nowhere this is nothing you just wrote numbers that's really funny they they know more than you and you're like all outsmart them they're just the teacher what do they know how do you get away with that for years though because if you show a lot of work and then you have like a question and you question, and you can genuinely, like, earnestly say, like, I tried, I just didn't really understand this. And it's like, okay, well, I see that you put in the effort, and they wouldn't, like, deduct you for missing homework. But, yeah, then, I mean, teaching has seen it all. I did my homework probably half the time, to not be hyperbolic, but, like, half the time, I actually did it. So did you just get C's in high school?

I got B's and C's and a couple A's here and there. Did your parents know that you didn't do your homework? Yeah, probably. Did your teachers like you? Yeah, because I was nice. I was a good kid. I was apologetic. I was funny and I was nice.

And I would make jokes that weren't at nice and i was and i would make jokes that weren't like at the teacher's expense i would make jokes like for the teachers so they liked me and i didn't ever get really bad grades yeah i was a loud kid who wasn't like a criminal right you know not disruptive i would positive jokes yeah like kids in my school would just be like this dude just sat on his desk and wouldn't wouldn't get down even though the teacher begged him to so the principal had to come in and wrestle him down what is why just weird acts of defiance that weren't funny or anything so the fact that you only did homework half the time it's like oh you're still pretty good yeah yeah it's like oh

you should have done your homework but damn it brian like you. At least you didn't sit on your desk. I guess that was a pretty low stakes example. A high bar. All I have to do is not protest. Did you guys have any kids expelled from your school? I think so. I can't totally remember. There wasn't like an incident we had a couple like drugs on retreats

kids getting expelled situations yeah we did really? I mean like weed nothing beyond weed kids would show up we had like academic probation if you got in trouble when you were on probation

you got expelled my school was kind of strict about it, I guess. Did you have any friends that were expelled? Yeah. I had like two friends that got expelled. Damn. That's baller, dude. Yeah, dude.

That's so cool. It was kind of sick. Yeah. What'd they do? One, they smoked weed in the... Math? With the teacher. I think they like cut class and smoked weed at the athletic fields

or something and they got caught damn yeah it's pretty cool are those kids good people now or they like do they turn out to be bad people i lost touch with one of them but the other person is a good person oh yeah she's doing well yeah yeah i wonder how expelled kids end up turning out is it just like a 50 50 still? Or is it like mostly bad seeds? Probably 50-50. Because I feel like some kids take that as a turning point. You're like, okay, you got expelled from your last school. This is your last shot.

Yeah. And then they do better. And sometimes like they're acting out at school because that's not the right fit for them. Yeah, they're like smart. That's the coolest cool to be is like, I'm smarter than school. Right. Like the kids who got bad grades but a great sat score without studying some of them have like problems with addiction and then that's not

necessarily gonna that's even cooler man yeah dude that's the coolest you could be one's a doctor and one's dead that's so that's why i lost touch with him the doctor yeah i still talk to the dead one every fucking day i write on his Facebook wall every year. Mercy. Speaking of social media. Thank you. Let's take a break real quick, and then we'll come back with more questions and answers. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show.

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See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash... Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftK draft kings and we're back murph uh what have you done for the last hundred fucking episodes where the hell have you been dude where have i been you don't call you don't write i'm sorry uh i was uh working on a show for mtv called middle of the night show. That's done now. All right.

All right. It's funny. That came and went in between those 100 episodes. Between 99 and 199. Like a shooting star that no one saw. And then exploded into the night. Yeah. No, it was a great experience.

Alex Watt, RIP. Yeah, it was really fun. And now I'm working on a pilot for True TV with my wife, Emily. Emily Axford. Emily Axford. Another, if I were you, guest favorite. Yeah. What is that?

What's it called? It's called No Dumb Questions. And I'm not sure exactly how much I'm allowed to talk about it. But it's a fun show. And hopefully it'll become a TV show. Edit what I did say out, actually. You actually just got in trouble. Oh, God.

I'm not allowed to mention. They're canceling the pilot. Yeah. That's exciting. Yeah. We asked you to do a podcast for HeadGum. Yeah, and we are totally going to do a podcast. We actually have a contract right here.

Yeah, it's very strict. You guys you guys own us i should have read it we're actually not a knife because you sign in blood we're not letting you leave until you start it oh yeah it can happen right now hey welcome to murph's podcast welcome to the first episode of uh murph at jacob amir's house but you know do you you don't have an idea for a podcast yet right no we have we have an idea we so we had one originally that was uh kind of uh very pop culturey but uh we're not pop culture nerds in that way so it came off kind of weird like we watched we watched buffy the vampire slayer together and it just ended up us both being like buffy was good i think i'm on uh team angel and uh buffy I like them together.

You like it? We don't know who wrote it or what they really went on to do. Yeah. So I think something stupider and maybe that'll get us a little bit more passionate would be a better idea. We talked about doing something where we might call it like trouble in paradise or something where we both bring something to make the other person angry oh like just like a statement that's not it's not personal but it's just like right this movie that you always talk about i actually hate it right here's why it's bad or something like that are you gonna blindside her about it or is it we would blind yeah because they both emily hates the blind side yeah so emily could em. So Emily could come in and be like, I actually hate pro wrestling.

And this is why it's dumb. And this is why I would be crushed. That's really good. All the stuff you've been polite about. It's almost like empowering. It's bragging about how strong your relationship is. Yeah. Well, it would be about dumb things like that where we could get into arguments

about, you know, why the ultimate warrior is cool or something instead of we're not going to be like, you know, oh, this serious relationship thing. I didn't like going to your house for Thanksgiving. Yeah, yeah, no. Your mother's weird around me. You're welcome. Yeah. Oh, that one's really gut-wrenchingly real.

God. Well, people are fucking, I'm waiting for it i can't wait uh just announce a date right now let's get it set in stone premiering what's out when does this come out uh this will come out let's see it's wednesday february 10th this will be online in seven hours all right so this will, our podcast will be out in three hours. Oh my God. You have to run home. Jake and Amir promise this will be up there. Episode 199 of our show is episode one of your show. It's a crossover.

So cool. Let's answer some more questions because I feel like we only got to one. That one was more of like an overarching thesis. She was just like, what is society right now? That's another good idea for a podcast. That's like one big question. It's almost like people suggest a theme for a podcast. One big question. That's a good title too.

Shit. I don't know. You want to outsource that to Murph and Emily? Yeah, take it. One big question. I'd love that. Oh, that'd be another funny idea for a podcast is outsourcing it to like India. So you just get like

four Indians in a room somewhere in India and be like, hey, yeah, your assignment is to make a podcast. You don't have to do telemarketing or data analysis or entry.

Just make a podcast. That would be really cool. Let's do that. Seems a little racist, right? Yeah, well, that's what it's called. That's what the first episode covers, is this podcast racist? And this, my following impersonation

will be why it is racist. Okay, so ask me, is this racist? I'm going to ask you not to do that. Because you did just, you put on a turban really quickly. Can you do impressions of people without it being racist? I don't know. There's I feel like it's not like cut and dry, right?

There's some sort of gray area where you could do an impression that's not racist and you could do it. Well, you can't impersonate a people, right? I don't know, dude. You can impersonate Southern people. If I did like a twangy Southern accent, nobody would be like, hey, Jake, that's really racist. And if they did, I could probably be like, no big deal. But then if I did a really offensive, and I'm already calling it really offensive. If I just did an Asian accent, I think it'd be offensive.

What if it actually sounds like them? Yeah, I don't know. I think it's just like the way it makes people feel and if it makes enough people feel like uncomfortable then hey it's racist let's get to an actual question uh do you have a guy's name murphy uh yeah bucket uh all right bucket rights dope dude hey guys currently preparing great nickname hey guys currently preparing for a bodybuilding show which consists of me doing my thing up on stage for one minute the only problem is that i can't think of a song that would be unique and powerful do you

guys have any ideas to help me beast this i'm just gonna put up a bunch of words at the bottom here in case you do a word search thing watermelon pineapplemelon, pineapple, almond, tree bark, tits of mackerel fish. Thanks. Love, Bucket. All good buzzwords to search. Knowing that he needs a song to pump him up for a bodybuilding competition made me do this silent laugh that almost made me cry instantly. I was so excited. This was just to pump him up i think this is him he's on stage shit yeah i know that's why i'm psyched this is amazing what an amazing opportunity to help a specimen reach his true

potential yeah he's gotta tweet a picture at us right i want to see how beefy he is yeah tweet a pic at chmerf. Yeah. Are you still lifting and doing all that? Include me in the mirror on it, too. You're out of that? You're out of the game? Yeah.

You do jujitsu now, though. I do do jujitsu. Oh, still? Yeah. Oh, cool. So I'm digging that. But yeah, let's actually... All right, what's a good song for this dude?

It's got to be epic, right? Yeah, I've got one that I think is really... It's a little subversive, but I think it's pretty neat. I believe in the rhythm of the night, dancing to the morning light. Not that. Oh, not that. My suggestion? Yeah.

I get to go first? Sure. It's, I feel pretty, oh so pretty. So it's sort of like playful, a little coy, a little saying like, it's almost like I don't need the song to be huge and masculine because I am huge and masculine and I am pretty and I feel gay. I feel pretty and witty and gay. Yeah, dude.

It's fucking owning that shit. That's my suggestion. All right. Murphph you got one no i gotta think i gotta think long and hard about this yeah um yeah the first thing i think of are like uh like just like when i hear that beast song i think of like um what's that band that goes like up down but that's what everyone's going to be doing. Let the bodies hit the floor. Click, click, boom. Like all that shit.

Don't do that. Don't buy into it. I'm saying, I feel pretty. That's too far in the other direction, I think. Yeah, they're subversive and there's just wrong. What about Rocky like a hurricane oh here i am yeah that's good he swaggers over to the front of his day rock you like it and then he strikes perfect lat pose in the back

are you ready for the weather then he turns around perfect abs pops it back on the left pops it back on the right you know all the moves yeah dude what i mean there's also something to like a mash-up or something oh yeah so it starts with that yeah like uh or a or a remix or just straight up bangerang by Rufio. How's that one go? In the beginning, it's like, I don't want my ball boys being roundies. I don't want my ball boys being roundies.

Bangarang. I think if he came out at Bangarang and then started to really bust moves, I think that'd be pretty sick. I also like the new Missy Elliott song. She's like, It's bait, but don you're doing is dumb. Oh, wait, wait.

Guys, got it. We're actually out of time. No, no. Power by Kanye West. Oh. Dun-na. Hey. Dun-na. Oh, that is cool. Hey, i'm living in that 20

a lot of kanye songs would be good also like the one that goes oh yeah yeah i i like power though because it's a little a little lesser because no no one man should have all that power referring to his body no one should be this shredded that is cool so it starts with i feel pretty oh so pretty and then and i pity any girl that isn't me yeah mashup come on i love it we can get girl talk to do it yeah that's perfect uh tweet us a picture of your body bro more than anything else uh all right let's answer one more question before we have to go is that okay yeah are you in a rush anybody nope

all right i feel bad we only got to three questions is this lowest lowest uh question no there was an episode where we didn't answer a question yeah we didn't get one so zero is the record and you guys have him on the 200th episode we don't know yet it's all a surprise no but everyone's fucking speculating right like the twitter sphere is a buzz with this shit who's gonna be to episode 200 we don't know so you guys are fucked like you have no yeah we actually both of you guys. Ben's not answering your texts. Do you have Thomas Mill to just email? Does Thomas still talk to you?

Not to us, but he'll tweet, and I assume it's to me. Alright. Another females question. Alright. Ladies choice. Let's see. Ladies choice, because this is a lady's voice

and it's the latest okay bucket and basket my two really my two twins uh i dated this guy for like a month we snapped we laughed we had sex we talked every day for a month then one day he stopped i reached out a week later to say hi and you can tell that he wanted to pull a classic fadeaway. Now it's been like two months since we last talked, and here's the question. I want to know what happened, and why he did the fadeaway. How would be an appropriate way, and a smooth way, to ask that, without seeming desperate?

Note for the pod, you should do an episode where you talk about yourselves. How did you guys meet in moments you guys have had together all right now let's do that moments we have had that is nice we'll do it we'll do an all all us asking each other questions episode that's good all right uh but the fade away have you ever been faded away no have you ever faded away no has it mostly just consistently been in relationships and you so you've gotten closure as to why it ended why like you you never were left yeah wait a minute what happened yeah totally uh jacob i have faded away on several people and they almost everyone i've ever dated do they ever reach out and be like why or is it like understood no i that no

they don't nobody i don't think anybody's ever reached out there's been times like when i fade away from somebody then we like we'll meet up again like at a bar maybe like you know a month or two later you'll just meet up for and have sex or something one last time and they'll talk about like you don't yeah you stopped calling me and i would just be like oh you never call me on my cell phone do you know hotline bling yeah that would be a bad one for the workout one right yeah for sure don't do that one don't do it uh how about you uh i try not to ghost like to leave uh confusion i try to like give a explanation but i have been like i i've had like certain things and and i'm like i wonder why it ended and i was too proud to ask and then i realized i why ask because the answer is always the same i didn't like you enough to want to see

you right yeah and it's never like it's because you did this specifically it's always just like there's this generally i did not a satisfying answer that this guy will provide because no matter what it is he probably won't be 100 candid which is i just didn't like you enough to keep on seeing you yeah or he'll be like oh i met somebody else yeah he'll just the he doesn't want to somebody else. Or he'll say he's busy or something like that. Yeah. He doesn't want to see you anymore. He didn't necessarily do it in a great way.

But I don't think there's an answer that sheds any worthwhile light on why you got ghosted. Yeah. And the without seeming desperate thing, there's no way to reach out after two months and be like i was just thinking you know what happened to us there's not that's not there's no smooth way to do it yeah i feel like if you were gonna ask it should have been right away like hey just out of curiosity why not now sure and it's kind of irrelevant right i mean it would be easier for her to just cut this dude out of her life and just be done with it yeah because there's no there's no good answer that comes from this she's she doesn't have a future with this guy nobody

that's actually worth your time would just stop talking to you right so that's like the what do you glean from this from his response there's there's no answer that like gives you new information going forward into a different relationship. It's like, okay, so this next one, I'll just, I won't do whatever I did last time.

Right. You didn't do anything last time. He just stopped talking to you. Yeah. You guys just aren't right for each other. Uh, what was I going to say? Uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh uh uh uh uh fuck no wait come back this is me in my in my mind i'm like on a on a raft this is you texting away from an island oh a lot of okay i got it a lot of the times you reach out again because you're hoping that it leads to more uh like a second chance like oh hey i was just wondering what happened and then it's like oh we're talking again oh hopefully we can hook up again so maybe you don't actually want an answer you just want to be with him again which is probably not going to happen right you're just

putting off getting over it yeah you're like i can't get over it until i have an answer i need closure but really any end of a relationship is the closure that you need to move on and a meaningful relationship you can always ask somebody like i feel like you're people are a lot more open with each other in a really meaningful relationship then you actually get some good information like you were too jealous and that weighed on me or like you were too dependent or you weren't available that kind of thing yeah but on a after i've been with someone for a month and if they ask like why i didn't want to be with them and i it's because i thought their voice was annoying i would probably just be like i got really busy with work i'm sorry are you sure

is there anything about me i can change? Can you change your voice? Is that like a surgery you can have? Yeah. Whoa, dude. Awesome. Wait, Bucket? Hey. You guys know that Kanye West song? Blended on a pop and a few pecs to that bad boy.

I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. I feel witty and gay. Murph, thanks for coming on the show. Yeah, thanks for having me on the 200th episode. 200 minus one. It's a true honor. I've been having some dark thoughts lately.

But, you know, it means everything to know that you guys believe in me as a friend and a colleague to have me on the 200th episode. Let's def schedule 299. Just looking at my calendar. What is your April of 2017 like? April of 2017, I will still be middling uh in my career season two baby we're back vh1 classic what's up i'm 39 somehow how did that happen in one year you aged nine years in one year you look like you were president for two terms.

You look so sick. You look like Obama at age 58. If you have your own questions or your own theme song submissions, the email address for all that stuff is ifireyoushow at gmail.com. The opening theme song, rap song, was written by Eric Dale. And this closing one, great name too, Johnny Ottawa. Thoughts? Love it. Love the the name let's hear the song murph see you in 100 episodes uh and we'll be back in one episode i'll see you guys oh man we'll be back soon bye i know exactly what to do

and if i didn't know what to do i'd email you and if i were you show at gmail.com that was a hate gum podcast