Segments - 208: Nerd Cave (w/Caldwell and Nathan!)

Episode Date: March 28, 2016

Friends/illustrators Caldwell and Nathan join us to discuss guilty pleasures, anime, and adultery. This episode is brought to you by ScoreBig, Squarespace, and Headspace! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star.

There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish. You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live.

So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad. Edit this part out. But let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely keep this part in don't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it

oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it in but we it in. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. If I were you, I'd ask Jake and Amir what I should do to get their point of view on what I'm going through. Whether you need to seize the cheese or just want to feel hashtag dope. If I were you, The show starts now. Hey, now. That was a little hipster happy tune. Yeah, it was like a Scrubs song. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's like how Scrubs ends.

I can't do this all on my own. Yeah. He really is no Superman. We have two guests in the studio. Yes, sir. Holy shit. Nathan Caldwell. caldwell and nathan that's right hello hey the draw boys that's right the legendary draw boys do you call you the draw

boys uh they can yeah i've seen people call us that draw what is that even a pun of you're just saying that it's just like a thing that we're like the talk boys yeah the laugh boys yeah i like boys you know like there's lots of different something boys i want to be the soup boy me and you are the candy boys candy boys because we like that song cut candy boys yeah candy boy we should be the song boys then no no i think the girls who came up with that song are the song boys okay you think you could i'm the game boy what should what should i be what's my defining thing i think soup boy i like that yeah you got can't because like you're campbell soup boy and your nintendo's game boy hey i don't i have no sponsor yeah and i really like the game boy brought to you by me undies undies game boy do you guys like soup love soup really yeah i can't get enough of the stuff what's

your least favorite soup oh damn um i will say i have a story about soup that relates to this i'm not interested in that all right that's a very simple question chili this is a this is a quick 10 minutes and out. We don't got time for a soup story. I'm glad you asked about soup. I've got something to say. Menudo is my least favorite type of soup. That's a band.

It's also a soup. What? Menudo? It was a soup first, dude. Menudo? Are you one of these fake soup boys? No, I swear. Name three types of soup easy uh

corn chowder all right all right chowder backstreet boys horse dill horse dill spaccio just as i thought another fake soup boy and corn i better not see you on the soup for if i see you on the fucking campbell's forum that fucking fake soup boy nonsense you know i'm all up in that subreddit soup reddit yeah super bravo bravo thank you wait what's soup reddit a pun of subreddit it's not it's like jawboys it's not a pun that's pretty good that one i did miss for sure um do we care about what your least favorite soup is or should we move on i feel like there's gonna be someone out there being like they never answered you did answer you said menudo i don't know what that is i i'm just not a fan of

tomatoes in general so so a tomato soup would be a no a non-starter what about a bisque it tastes like hot ketchup to me yeah what about a bisque though though? I mean, if it's well-hidden, if the tomato element is like... What if it's subtle on the nose? Yeah, if it's subtle on the nose... Hard-hitting journalism. Sorry. Hard-hitting soup drive. Sir, sir.

Tomato lobby. Mr. President, what about a bisque? They grilled me. Tomato soup is the only fruit soup. Hi, this is... only advice podcast on the internet hosted by me i'm amir i'm jake and i'm also the host thank you and uh we have two guests in the studio one of them h caldwell tanner correct nathan yaffy or jaffy yaffy but you got it yeah Nathan Yaffe or Jaffe? Yaffe. Got it. Yeah, like how it's spelled. Yeah, with a Y.

Let's go with Jaffe, then. Laffy Yaffe. Laffy Yaffe. Did anyone ever call you Laffy Yaffe? I've gotten no Yaffe, no Laffy. That's good. Okay. Yaffe Taffy.

Yaffe Taffy boy. Caldwell and Nathan are illustrators, extraordinaires, very talented artists. You guys both work for College Humor? True or false? True. You guys both have a podcast on the HeadGum Network? True. True or false?

True. Yeah. Jake and I were on episode three of that podcast. It's true. It's a nascent podcast, but you guys have helped us grow, helped us kind of reach our full potential, so we thank you for that. Well, it's very unique. It's an awesome show. We love having you guys because no other podcast, I think, ever creates an original piece of

artwork at the end of every episode. I don't think so. It's hard to come up with an original idea for a podcast. Yeah. It really is. Let alone original art in every episode to create. It's true. We thought, you know, like, we want to make a podcast, but

that seems easy. That seems like not enough work. So you have guests on and you talk about what you should draw and at the end, you end up drawing it. Yeah, it's a goal-oriented podcast. We have an objective. Which I think helps us

because otherwise it would just be nonsense. It would just be 40 minutes of soup talk. It's pretty close to nonsense as it is. And now it's only 30 minutes of soup. And then you draw soup at the end. We have yet to draw soup. Oh my god. Let's get that in there. I don't want to give our episode of what should we draw away, but I think I ended up with what should be a prize winning New Yorker cartooner cartoon oh yeah it's gonna win all of the um the the toonies i love the toonies bill watterson is furious you robbed

him yet again god that hack nobody dislikes calvin and ob the end result suzy thank calvin's Calvin and Ob. Except for Susie. Thank you. Calvin's lovable neighbor. Oh, yeah. She must get so annoyed with Calvin and his snowballs. Now, actually, Jake, there's a lot of subtext there. She's actually got kind of a crush on Calvin. That's true. You might need to do a closer read.

Calvin's father really dislikes him then. Yeah, that's true. Calvin's dad fucking hates him. That's another subtext what about biff the bully um oh they're in love interesting okay everyone is biff the bully is actually a figment of calvin's imagination oh cal everyone in calvin and hops is a figment of calvin yeah dude yeah i've got this crazy fucking theory it's actually calvin you see pissing on the Boston Red Sox.

That's the real Calvin. And he's in an insane asylum. Just pissing. Thinking about his childhood. Thinking about the ideal life he could have had if he didn't get arrested for peeing on shit. Does it ever say where Calvin lives? No, I don't think so. I think it's some vague East Coast town.

I wonder where Watterson's from. It's from Hawaii. Wouldn it's definitely a good one. It's from Hawaii. Wouldn't that be the most surprising thing? My guess is that it's like the Berkshires. Really? Northeastern somewhere, definitely. Western Massachusetts is my theory.

One of those places where you can just kind of become a hermit with no real problem. You have kind of like an old painted white house with kind of like chipping away paint yeah uh and no one really knows what your deal is uh you know kind of like just kind of a standard kind of like kooky hermit type sitch kooky hermit yeah of course i don't know i was more of a baby blues kind of guy i never really got into that calvin shit the spaceman spliff shit spaceman spliff no thank you. Dope rap. Oh, that is pretty good.

What's the actual name of it? Space man. Spiff. Oh yeah. Oh wait, what's the bull? Is the bully's name Biff? No,

you're thinking of back to the future. What's the bully's name in Calvin and Hobbes? It might be, I don't think it's Biff. It's something close to Biff. Maybe like Griff, maybe or something like that. It's Spliff. It's Spiff.

It's space man Griff. Yeah. Cause the bully the six-year-old bully is always trying to pressure calvin into smoking weed that's where hobbs comes from yo it's just because calvin's high all the time look at my youtube videos it's called calvin's high all the time fan theories so in your podcast you guys create art in jake and i's podcast we we don't create anything but we advise people out of their difficult creative solutions yeah which is almost more important than like a painting because we're actually helping a real person

i should mention that we do we record all of our podcasts from a soup kitchen oh shit i would love that we really disrupt the workflow my favorite kind of kitchen every kitchen oh boy dill just hot water and a slice of dill that's right a slice so these are real emails from real people we're going to give them fake names just to preserve their anonymity sure uh caldwell why don't we start with you this is a guy 18 a 17 going on 18 year old guy's name okay um do you usually have a theme on these yeah but they could be anything you want how about to dictate the theme right now how about uh fake names from our youtube show drawfee youtube.com slash drawfee yes we uh we come up

with all sorts of kooky characters that have fun names okay all right so you want to do let's say this one is porfo porfo oh that is a good name is that a recurring character that is yeah all right porfo writes fan favorite uh i'm a 17 i'm 17 going on 18 and in my final year of high school every morning i wake up make breakfast turn on the tv and there's this kids show game shakers which i watched ironically to insult it but recently i found myself liking it my family come in and out of the living room and say some shit about how it's a kids show and i just nervously agree with them i went i want to continue watching the show without seeming like I enjoy it. I could watch Family Guy or The Simpsons in the morning,

but I'm weirdly into this show. How do I proceed watching it every morning without seeming like I enjoy it? Also, I can't say I'm waiting for the next show because I turn off the TV after the episode is done and I continue to get ready. Thanks, guys. Preferable fake name would be isaac sorry

unfortunately that's not part of the game tough luck porpo do you guys know what this show is game shakers both nodded you do not uh well i i on my way to work i drive past a giant billboard for it every day so i called game shakers so have two nieces, and I'm sort of tangentially aware of the world of Nickelodeon shows. Kids consume TV shows like none other. Like, they'll stare at a TV for, like, six hours straight watching. And it's, like, always a new show every, like, three months. Like, oh, that show's over. Wizards of Waverly.

Well, I don't watch it anymore. Now it's Game Shakers. And I've actually seen them watch Game Shakers. And it's a show about... It's pretty, oh, that show's over. Wizards of Waverly. I don't watch it anymore. Now it's Game Shakers. And I've actually seen them watch Game Shakers. And it's a show about, it's pretty ingenious. It's a show about a company that makes iPhone games. And then you can actually download the game. So the kids are consuming it while they're watching the show. And it stars a bunch of kids and Kel from Kenan and Kel is their boss.

Kel's back. Yeah. Yo, that's dope. Welcome back, Kel. Welcomean and Kel is their boss. Kel's back. Yeah. Yo, that's dope. Welcome back, Kel. Welcome back, Kel. We all thought Kenan was the man. Here's the thing. Porfo is on like the cutting edge

with this shit. Like, number one, he's up on Kel's resurgence. Number two, this is like, this is like a fully integrated show. You're on the ground floor

of the tech renaissance right here. You got nothing to be ashamed about, think 17 17 going on 18 you're you're prime age to be the next uh zuckerberg that's true you know he's doing market research yeah you're like a sponge so this show you're saying is actually good to listen to i'm i'm with you guys in that like he's he's old enough now to own his decisions like he doesn't have to say like he doesn't have to worry about people making fun he's almost 18 it's like i'm an adult motherfucker i choose to watch this yeah i like this i i will say you just gotta own it you just gotta fess up definitely own it fuck i like it i will say i have like uh i had a shockingly

similar experience growing up what was your guilty pleasure show? Oh man, you guys. I'm just going to take this deep down into the nerd cave and we're never coming back. You realize that. That's why we had you on the show. Cool, cool, cool. Did we not start off in the nerd cave? I thought that was the name of the studio. We started off in the...

We started off so cool when we were the soup boys. We were in the soup garage and now we're in the nerd cave. I used to really love when I was in like eighth grade. So I guess, you know, what, 14 maybe? I used to love the show Digimon, which is like... Oh no! Nerd!

A nerd gave Caldwell a dead arm and his hand broke. Oh my God! It was all a trap! So what age was Digimon for? Younger kids? Yeah, it was like, you know, it was... Young trap so what age was digimon for younger kids yeah it was like you know it was it was um younger it tied in it was like basically like the tamagotchi tie-in show but for like you know they were battling tamagotchis was essentially it was a show for seven-year-olds and you're watching it absolutely and again it's yes seven is correct like seven and fourteen it feels like

a huge difference but like you're 28 wouldn't you date a 21 year old or something yeah without question people have it's all relative but you don't think of it as seven years old or think of it as twice their age so it's like a i mean it's like your age dating a 60 year old that's so hot yeah so hot Don't talk about his wife like that. Or a 15-year-old, even hotter. Oh, more illegal. I remember, like, there's nothing more embarrassing than kids watching shows that were meant for somebody, like, four years, even, like, three years. Like, I went to my cousin's birthday party. I think she was turning 11, and they played a Barney song.

And, like, all the kids had to act like they were melting, like, from hearing the song. Like, oh, don't play Barney! I'm like, like, all the kids had to act like they were melting, like, from hearing the song. Like, oh, don't play Barney! Like, I'm like, aren't you, you're nine, Barney's for, like, six years old, six-year-old. But, like, the fact that you're just, like, three years older is, like, such an embarrassing thing. Yeah, but each year when you're that young is incremental. Yeah. It's...

It represents half your life. It's a milestone. Yeah. Yeah, when you're, the difference between seven and eight is, like, the difference between, I don't know, 30 and 35. Mm-hmm. Mathematically speaking. Of course. when you're the difference between seven and eight it's like the difference between i don't know 30 and 35 mathematically of course all those 35 year olds like oh that's so 30 yeah when i hear like uh third eye blind now i just melt like oh come on embarrassing just kidding play the new stuff i jump around what was your tv watching while you get ready in the morning show oh in

high school i never really had, like, a specific show because I feel like, I didn't have a TV in my room or anything, and, like, I feel like it would just be, like, whatever my parents wanted, so I feel like we were, like, we were rocking out to the Today Show. Oh, like 6 a.m.? Yeah, yeah. Seeing what Al Roker's up to. Yeah.

This image of being able to leisurely get ready with the TV on is so foreign to me. It was a mad dash to wake up and just make sure I had clothing on my body. You were like a, hey, bus is coming in three minutes, wake up, kid. Yeah. I switched to that, too. I remember in middle school when I was a little more obedient, I was watching Saved by the Bell.

Yeah. Disciplined. I was like a little more obedient. I was watching Saved by the Bell. Yeah. And then like in high school, by the time, like by the time I was a senior, I was waking up with like four minutes to get to school by the time it started. I wake up on the bus somehow. Trick is falling asleep on the bus.

Here's the thing. I mean, I guess if, if this person, if Porfos waking up this early, is do they, I don't, I don't want to speak to their,

their means, but like, I don't know if they have like a, like a laptop or like at the very least least a computer lab they could hide out in. Yeah, nowadays you don't even need to watch TV. You can just watch it on your phone. Yeah, I imagine they've got a phone. Yeah, but you really have to watch it on a big television to really appreciate it.

Game Shakers is like gravity. Yeah, you can't just watch it on your phone. What you've got to do is wake up early go to an imax theater game shakers is like what's that terrence malick movie where it's like you can't watch it on your screen you have to watch it in movies it's like with brad pitt oh yeah um fuck me i know what it was real life book yeah tree of life yeah game shakers is kind of like tree of life i would say so i mean it's no bella and the bulldogs but what are you gonna do yeah i think you gotta you like like jake was saying you're old enough to own this decision yeah i think you gotta lean into it i think you gotta

start buying the merchandise yeah uh start using the catchphrases i don't yeah i don't i don't agree with this see i don't know where like the line for these shows is so blurry like watching degrassi is almost cool but it's also made for kids it's like why is that cool when you're 18 i think liking anything is really really scary yeah like to admit that like everyone else think like oh i like this shirt unless you don't i i like this band oh does everybody else hate it me too so i need 80 it's such an insane limb when you have an opinion about anything. You've got to full on Aaron Burr this shit and just bury those opinions.

What is your family like? What are they watching that's so much better than Game Shakers? They're watching the Today Show on loop. They're getting that Roker dose, man. They're Roker dosing on Roker dose. They're roped out I remember They're stoked on the Roke

My embarrassing show There's nothing wrong With the Today Show Yeah it's fine Yeah I remember as like a 14 or 15 year old I used to watch

The Rosie O'Donnell show After work And that was kind of My equivalent After work? Oh sorry You put it up The factory

What were you doing You were 14 Yeah I was a blacksmith For two and a half years. Just making horseshoes. And then hanging up my hat and going home and seeing Rosie O'Donnell, this overweight lesbian just throwing

coosh balls into the audience. I don't know why it resonated so much with me. I mean, Rosie O'Donnell's a loser. I'll probably sue her. I'd like to take some change out of her fat-ass pockets. Did you see it? Do you guys remember that Donald Trump really put Rosie O'Donnell on blast? I do not remember that, but I fully believe it.

Everybody just search Donald Trump, Rosie O'Donnell. It's really funny. This is what's going to sink his campaign. You just got to resurface that now i i'm just picturing you watching this show just like polishing like several swords yeah wondering why what happened to my life uh so i guess don't worry dude everyone has their guilty pleasure um but yeah maybe own it yeah own it but also hide it yeah i would say, yeah, own it slash shrug it off. Whatever, yeah, leave me alone.

This little light of mine, I'm going to put it in a cavern and let it shine in there unless people really try to find the light, in which case I might turn it so dim that people will mistake it for the moon. Let it shine, let it shine inside indoors away from everyone else um are you guys ready for another question absolutely hell yeah um this one is a lady

nathan do you have a lady's name uh legsy no let's get another one okay uh how about right no legs he's good how about how about Gunthea? How about Legzi Gunthea? That's her first name. Her last name is Jones. This is more of an interesting exploration of the male psyche than anything else. I hooked up with a guy who lives far away whilst on a visit. We somehow got to talking and became friends as we texted daily for a few months. Obviously, it's quite odd to chat

with someone for hours every day that you have no interest in romantically, but if you genuinely like them as a friend and a human, why not? Upon a second visit, I was excited to find out that he had begun a relationship with someone else just that week. One night during my visit, we had to stay in the same bed. Nothing sexual happened, but we found ourselves cuddling and holding hands in the middle of the night, which we shut down and never spoke about. However, later that week, we ended up sleeping together. We...

What a turn! We both felt quite badly after. We still chat sporadically as friends, despite both being in relationships with other people. Do you think he was just an opportunist and seized the cheese because he could despite being able to do so with his super hot girlfriend? Or were his motivations possibly romantic?

If the former, am I kidding myself in thinking that we are actually friends and he just wants to keep his options open? Perhaps the best way to answer this is to see how you guys would feel in this situation. And if you were him, under what circumstances would you have slept with me? Thanks, guys. Love, Legzi. And what was her last name? Gunthia. Gunthia. Gunthia hyphen

Jones. So this is a lady asking for a guy's thought, and I thought, hey, we're four guys in a room right now. Maybe we can shed some light. Just four normal guys. Yeah. Four dudes. Four brains. Four man brains shed some light. Just four normal guys. Yeah. Four dudes. Four brains. Four man brains.

Before we all loved game shakers. Yeah. So, specifically questioned, do you think he was just an opportunist and seized the cheese because he could? Or were his motivations possibly romantic? It seemed mutual. I think that the signals were there, and I'm sure it might be slightly immoral because of their prior engagements,

but it didn't seem like anything too... Risqué was going down. It seems like there was a good feedback loop, I guess. This feels like the first scene in a Nora Ephron movie or something. These guys are getting... I'm calling it right now. I'm putting down some big money like these guys are getting I'm calling it right now I'm putting down some big money these guys are getting together it's a story about them after

the love stories about them yes exactly you're saying it is romantic it's more than just a hookup yeah because like the fact that they're remaining friends and like that's I think that I think that a lot of people maybe dudes especially don't get this that like you are supposed to be friends with the person you're in love with. Those aren't two different categories. Caldwell's married, everyone. What was the first thing that she said before they had a date? They hooked up.

She visited, they hooked up, and then they kept in touch. She visited again. The guy was with a girlfriend, but they still hooked up. No. Okay. So you're not friends with this guy. Yeah. They never had a friendship.

It was a date. It was a hookup. Then it was a cuddle session. Then they had sex. So where I don't think that you could explain to either of your significant others that it's just a friend of yours. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely somebody that you're dating and hooking up with while it's just a friend of yours. Yeah. Yeah.

Definitely somebody that you're dating and hooking up with while you're with her. Oh, no. Yeah, don't get me wrong. It's morally despicable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But at the same time, like... But I mean, how many... We're all morally despicable at times.

This is the driving conflict. I'm trying not to judge her. I'm just saying what you have isn't a standard issue friendship. Sure. Nor is it a one night stand because you guys are continually talking. It's an affair. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's what it is. All right. There's a word for it. Oh, right. They're having an affair. Do I have a friend? No. No, you're having an illicit affair.

You have a, what's it called when there's a lady? It's fine because it's just a friend I fuck. A mistress? Yeah, you have a mistress. You have a mister what's it called when there's a lady? It's fine because it's just a friend I fuck. A mistress? Yeah, you have a mistress. You have a mister. And he has a mister. No, no, no, this is different. This is different.

This is just another fucker. No, no, we slept in the same bed and nothing happened except that we cuddled and then fucked later on. Yeah, we... We quickly shut it down and then had sex. She was so adamant. Nothing sexual happened. We kind of cuddled, but we shut it out and never talked about it was so like adamant like nothing sexual happened we we kind of cuddled but we shut it out and never talked about it this is this is why three hours later

we fucked and then never talked about it until we had sex then we felt she really buried the lead yeah it was i mean again this is this is why it's like it's narratively rich yeah speed which amir uh while you were reading that all i I could think about was, have you ever considered doing books on tape? No, I haven't actually. Because I listen to this podcast when I'm not here also. Why? When I'm not performing on it, I sometimes listen to it. When you're not on it.

You're very good at reading the questions in a narrative a narrative tone oh cool thank you i think i'm getting better because like at first it's hard you're just you're just reading it and then it's like oh i should probably be reading it in an interesting way so as to keep people's attention i think that when this i think that's the progression here is that we steal this wholesale make it a steamy, complicated romance novel, read by a mirror. A Nicholas Sparks novel. Yeah.

That's a cool idea. Here's the thing. Most books are books first. This is going to be a book on tape, then a book. Your voice is going to be the selling point. So Amir's just going to stream of consciousness, write the book. Yeah. Okay. I'll just treat this as the opening chapter and then start waxing poetic, spinning a yarn, a story, a weave.

Yeah, Legsy's Lament. So, we have questions like this a lot. We're like, we're just friends, right? And I feel like the guy doesn't necessarily think that. No, I know that people sometimes have sex with their friends yeah but i think it's a little dangerous to be having sex with your friends while you're with somebody else exactly then it turns into really not a friendship then as nathan mentioned it's an affair i think that's really the like that's that's the that's the point we

really have to drive home i'm just picturing If you're having sex with somebody, it's an affair. And it's not fair to the people you're making. An affair is not fair. An affair is not fair, and frankly, it's an affront. That's all I got. So choose, lady. Choose. You gotta have one or the other. You can't have a friend that you bone and also a boy.

It's an affront to go behind someone's back. Wow! He's good. And you want to confront but you don't want to attack. Keep going. Jake sort of sets him up and you knock it down. Yeah, but not in

a good time. You wrap up the question like, wait. Okay, I got it. You got to air these grievances. Now there's a slam poem to sort of take it home. I'll give you the break to think about it. Why don't we take a small pause to thank a few more sponsors

and we'll be right back with more Jake and Caldwell. I guess we're going off air. It's a four day break and then we'll be back. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show hell yeah jake you've been building on squarespace for decades at this point exactly eons it feels like yes so you know how easy it is to use their simple intuitive drag and drop design technology yes yes yes easy to, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop.

Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace.

Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah.

But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com.

Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio,

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It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ad somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. Hey, we're back.

All right. Yeah. Hi. What do you guys got going on other than your podcast and your business lives? You know, your various businesses. I know Caldwell's a fisherman. It's true. A blacksmith, a fisherman.

I'm a monger. I'm a fishmonger. Oh, sorry. How dare you? There's a difference. Apologize. Name three type of fish. Corn, bass, horse.

Well, you know know Nathan's out here We've been working on some Drawfee stuff together Which has been fun We Actually I was in New York before We've been kind of bouncing back and forth Between the coast

We've been doing that bi-coastal How do you like that? Very nice Great So good As long as you don't do anything in between, I feel like you really hit up the highlights of America bouncing back and forth between New York and L.A.

Exactly. Cut out all that middle America crap. Coast flyover state. I prefer to puddle jump them. I get myself one of those planes with pontoon legs. Prop planes. Yeah. That's cool.

So you visit the Great Lakes. You visit the Hoover Dam. Any body of water, really. Of course. Prop planes. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. So you visit the Great Lakes. You visit the Hoover Dam. Yeah. Any body of water, really. Of course. Great canyon. Salt Lake City. It was a pricey investment, but I think it was worth it.

Most people get a car or lease. I just got the puddle jumper. That's really cool, dude. You got to go, man. Jake and I are actually going to DC, Brooklyn, Boston, and New Haven in just a couple weeks. Got a tour coming up? Yeah, we have a tour coming up. So if you guys live in those cities and you want to check us out, go to ifireyoushow.com for tickets.

Do you want to take my jumper? You know what? I think we might fly commercial. Okay. Sure. It's available. I'm going to hop on a Delta flight. Thank you.

I don't trust you to land the plane in lakes across america what if i deliver me safely to washington dc that's fair i do not have a pilot's license but the plane is called the jake i'm in fuck it dude if i'm going down i'm going down in the jake it's a it's a lake jumper called the jake jumper thank you the jake lumper oh a lake jumper called the jake lumper the jake lumper i'll take that that's a cool nickname for me yeah or just like a name change hey man i'm jake lumper oh whoa oh is lumper gonna come through lumper in the house bad name got humped by the lump oh anything else new happening exciting that you guys want to plug

other than your podcast can we just plug the podcast twice yeah yeah i don't know if we've ever even said the name yet it's uh what should we draw and then how do people find it uh you can find it on head gum hell yeah yeah i can search for it in itunes and you can go to what should we draw.com to see all of the the drawings we've done for the show, as well as some cool fan art that people have been making. Sweet. Dope, dude. And if you guys like me and Jake, you can start with our episode. And then Emily was on an episode.

Emily was on an episode. We had our buddy Jake Young. We had Hallie Cantor. Oh, shit. All the old College Humor boys and girls. Thank you. We've got Jeff Rubin coming out. Oh, man.

Oh, really? Yeah. What was his? His was about video games. I was like, dude, he's obsessed. girls thank you we've got uh jeff rubin coming out oh man oh really yeah what was his his was about like video games it actually i think we ended up yours was about play-doh yeah we had a whole discussion and then amir just comes up with this like has nothing to do with what we've been talking about just a just a pun i'm a big fan of like those side swipe episodes where like we spend we try to like we spend an hour just trying to deconstruct

what we're going to draw, and then Amir just presents this beautiful New Yorker-tier comic just on a platter. I once tried to create a Farside-type comic. Oh, I remember that. David Cho in College Humor. I remember that shit. What was that called?

It was called Cat Basso. The problem was I didn't have enough ideas, in college humor i remember that shit what was that called it was called cat basso yeah uh the problem was i didn't have enough ideas and chose david show who illustrated it like illustrating is not his strongest suit so like it was basically mediocre attempts at both but i feel like if you guys teamed up together with someone funnier than me you guys can maybe like start taking the torch of uh the Farsight. I think, I mean, yeah, that's the plan, is eventually just to become like a viral comic machine.

Yeah, I would say so. Does print comics interest you guys at all? I would like. It's kind of like a, I think at this point, it's just like a feather in your cap more than anything. Print's a dying media. Thank you. It's all about podcasts right now.

Farside would be the best Snapchat. Larson was born too early. It really would, though. It would be. Actually, it would be the best Instagram. Yeah, I'd follow Farside. Because it's a one-panel Insta. You know what?

I almost, I started, or I wanted to, I looked up Farsides to put on Instagram just because I think a lot of the people that follow me are younger and probably maybe don't remember Farside right and then I read somewhere that Gary Larson like specifically asked Farside fans not to put his stuff online oh man yeah he's like he's like so old school he's like it doesn't deserve to be on the internet like you have to hold it it has to be in a gallery I just want to be like just make an Instagram account dude people will like discover it so much more readily maybe maybe this can be our new campaign doesn't he want people to read the comics rather than just preserve their uh yeah my books dude got that scholastic it's got to be a gallery yeah i

remember like book fairs everyone's like what books do you want? I'm like, comics, only the comics. Well, we said there's nothing permanent about digital stuff, but I can't get songs off my phone. They're baked in there. That absolutely nine days story of a girl's song plays every single time my phone connects to Bluetooth. Oh, man. Yeah. I can't get rid of it.

I rode across the country with Ben Joseph. Sorry to hear that. Was that on purpose? He forced me. He took me hostage. He fucking gaslighted me. He hunted and gathered you. Yeah.

Yeah, he... I guess the correct term would be he bamboozled me into driving across the country with him. I woke up in the car. But he had the same issue, because I guess it's term would be he bamboozled me into driving across the country with him. I woke up in the car. But he had the same issue because I guess it's the number nine. Like numbers play before alphabetical stuff. So every time we connected. This is the story of a girl. Oh, really?

And like it starts so loud. Yeah. Like you can't hide from it. It's been, that song has embarrassed me many a time. It really, I will say, driving across the country and listening to that song like at least twice a day, it really like, it goes around the bin and becomes very funny. And then it goes around the bin again

and becomes the worst thing you've ever fucking heard. That's like the guys who made up that song, how they feel about it too. We have time for one more question it's actually about animation and anime conventions so i feel like it's perfect well curated sir yeah this was actually a coincidence though i should have searched something along these lines these questions found me knowing that you'd be here you have like a just a nerd shit full it's a nerd tag actually. Um,

all right. Are you guys ready? Uh, we need a guy's name. Guy's name. Oh, a guy's name. Uh, Chris.

No, I love that. It's spelled Chris, but it's pronounced Chris. Yeah. You know. Right. Big fan of the show

and super excited for Lonely and Horny. That's right. We have a new web series out called Lonely and Horny. You guys can watch the trailer and pre-order it right now at vimeo.com slash lonely and horny. Chris, write all that. The title alone describes me, and I had a kind of an urgent question regarding both my current state and an upcoming convention. In two weeks, I'm headed to Anime Boston with my brother and our best friend. There are going to be a lot

of hot cosplayers, and I was hoping I could charm one of them into coming back to our rented apartment to do this and that. I am a certified virgin to the female genitalia, and I'm also 20, so I obviously don't have much time left. Is there any advice you

can give me on convincing a hot girl that I'm worth having at least a one night stand with? Is the fact that I've got a rented apartment with two other guys creepy? My brother and my friend are also interested in getting it on with people, and in the off chance they get lucky,

that could make for an ugly scene. Would it be best if I told you guys, would it be best if i told you guys would it be best if i told the guys to shoo for a bit i myself will be cosplaying scott tracy from thunderbirds who i doubt most other americans would be familiar with i also have a beard which doesn't fit the character would i have more luck cosplaying someone more recognizable or would the chicks dig the obscurity and creativity of my portrayal of Mr. Tracy? Thanks and best wishes, love, Craze.

Oh, Craze. Nathan, are you an anime convention kind of guy, or is that more of a Caldwell thing? Caldwell, probably more so. I've been getting into anime. I started getting into anime because Caldwell used to be my boss, and I wanted something to talk about with him. But I genuinely like I mean I've there's so much bad anime out there but Caldwell luckily has like sifted through all of that for me and would just give me good recs okay great so you

guys are I feel like between you three you guys and Jake you guys can figure out how to help this guy sure go to an anime convention and also woo a lady, hopefully. First of all, there's nothing sexier than putting a time limit on your virginity. It's 20, so I... Time is running out for me. I'll be dead in 80 years.

That's when I combust if I haven't had sex. I have a Cinderella curse on my dick. It's turning into a pumpkin. When he said his costume. Who is that? There'm trying to there's there's a new show on netflix that is like a kind of bizarre throwback show and i don't know if he's referencing that one or if he's referencing like the classic british show can you can we like do like a quick google maybe yeah i'm i think the show he's thinking about what was the name of

the character um scott sc. Scott Tracy from Thunderbirds. Okay, so I'm going to go out. Oh, yeah, it is. The 1960s. He's talking about the show that Team America is based on. It's a show made entirely with mannequin puppets and action figure sized toy planes. So it's not even an anime. Look, this might be totally wrong what I'm about to say, so you guys can tell me because i don't know anything about these conventions but if it's anything like halloween yeah you want to

have an instantly recognizable uh super popular costume actually what is an anime convention what is it a party it's like comic con yeah actually anime here's the thing i i kind of i was um as i discussed before on the show, I lived my life just like stuck inside a deep pillar of shame about the things that I liked and enjoyed. So you never went to one of them? Not until I was, you know, a little older. Not until I was like, you know, 18, roughly like early 20s.

And is it parties or is it walking around during the day panels? It's a little bit of both. But like, from my understanding, it's like little bit of both but like from my understanding it's like fuck camp for teens oh it is like people nerds nerds get wild at these things that's great especially in anime boston and otacon like oh yeah it's just popping rent the apartment with your brother and his buddy yeah step one so what's a good example of a good costume like jake said what's one that's instantly recognizable? Keep in mind this guy has a beard.

Because you don't want to be so popular that you're just one of the million of like Edward Elric's walking around. Thank you, yeah. Now I'm trying to think of a good bearded character. What if you do like the anti-joke and you go like as the Joker from Dark Knight? Or just do like the Pikachu onesie. Jeff that jeff jeff rubin again bringing it back he wore that to a porum party actually it's porum time so it's a triple callback i think that with the beard you could all you could do like kind of like a unique spin you could do like a batman with beard if you wanted oh i think you could like you got to lean into

the beard a little more and either do a slightly ironic costume like that. Sorry. Did you have some good examples of anime characters with beards? There's strikingly few, I think. Because it's a Japanese thing and they can't grow facial hair? A little bit, maybe. You could be... Well, there are so many angsty teen anime characters. You could just be one of them, but slightly older.

You'd just be like oh i like that i'm uh shinji with i'm shinji but grown up shinji's dad has a beard you could be gendo akari from the genesis evangelion am i still allowed on the podcast i feel who's still listening on this level of loser we're talking about no we we gotta we gotta delve into this man we gotta dip a toe into this loser you could be van hohenheim well clearly yeah this guy is going to be competing among a lot of virgins right we're trying to take home a cosplay so do you think that allows him this is his best bet i i it sounds like a lot of people go there with the expectation that they're gonna have sex

a lot of people that aren't like well i i guess i honestly don't know but i think a lot of people go there with the expectation that they're gonna have sex a lot of people that aren't like well i i guess i honestly don't know but i think a lot of guys go with the expectation that that they're gonna expectation expectation they're gonna have sex i don't i can't speak for the ladies i feel like any any uh time dressing up is just like terrifying because it's just inviting all sorts of creepos right well i will say also that going to boston going to a big city in general is like kind of helpful for getting laid because you're going to be around a lot of new people even if it's not at the convention like you should just get on those dating apps yeah oh that's a good yeah like so pre-swiping yeah and then take some take some costumed pictures for the app do you think that is there

is there a nerd specific dating app or like a like a oh interesting you know it should be an otaku tinder yeah right you have to like the quiz is you can't download tinder and tell you say who yeah in taku is name three thunderbirds do you remember old video games i remember like playing leisure suit larry when i was nine i was like who won the 1971 nba finals to like verify that you're 18 years old or own an encyclopedia so one or the other i'd be like that but for an app i like that yeah i would ask you a very a very specific series of questions or just check to see if you have a crunchyroll account one of the account crunchy roll i do think nathan had the right idea though um which is that this person should just dress up as like a badass version of a character like i don't know what color of beard they're working with but like if you go as like a like a badass link from legend of zelda that's a fun

angle oh that's kind of cool yeah or like jack's lumberjack link oh yeah or like a even a lumberjack of anything like matt you mashups are big these days yeah hipster just hipster in front of any yeah hipster is the new sexy yeah hipster zelda hipster metroid yeah or you could you know what shave it and shave it down into a nice goatee. Get yourself a Tony Stark look going down. Oh, Iron Man. Yeah, yeah. Or you can just... Iron Man with the white t-shirt and the rolling chest thing. Oh, yeah.

Like, not the actual Iron Man costume. Because that way you just get to wear a wife beater. Yeah, that's so dope. You want to be comfy, is the thing. There are going to be people in full mech suits there. Right. And you want to be more maneuverable. If you see someone from across the con floor, you're going to want to be able to get over there.

I mean, if we're being honest, you really should just dress up as someone from League of Legends, and you'll definitely get your dick kicked. Yeah. League of Legends is like a perfect eSports. I think it's really important to dress up like somebody you already look like. Yes. Because if I went and I dressed up as Superman or something, everyone's like, oh, that guy doesn't look like Superman.

That's not cool. No. I'd have to dress up as some... I can't think of any superhero. Post-crisis Aquaman. What's that? Yeah, like Aquaman with the hook hand. Oh, could I do that?

Does Aquaman have a lot of... Oh, yeah. You for sure have the Aquaman look going. All right. See, so that's what you'd have to do. You've got to embrace somebody who you look like already, because that's what gets people excited. Is there a cosplay app where you can take a picture of your face and it matches you with fictional characters?

That's a really fun idea for an app. Yeah. Let's delete that. Let's just roll that back and get that off air. Sorry, that's ours. That and Nerd Date. Tinder. Is there a...

Wow, that's a good idea can i i want to if i can offer just like a kernel of like real advice amidst this which is like i think that i was offering real advice this time i do think that like you're you've got the your intentions are noble uh and i know that you're you're worried sounds like the beginning of a video game. Yeah. Your intentions are pure. Good sir. You are now equipped with pure intentions. But I do think, like, just, you know, there are a ton of people here, and they're like-minded. So, like, I don't think you need to go in, like, fully with the expectation of, like, getting laid. Just, like, don't be yourself. Be disingenuous.

But no, just, like, take it easy. Like, have fun. Meet people. And, like, if it happens, naturally do it. be disingenuous but no just like somebody else take it easy like have fun meet people and like if it happens naturally do it but like kind of see if you can string something out like along you know just get something started like you've got you've got three days and but like don't let that be your time limit like that's one of the overarching themes of lonely and horny the new web series as well so hopefully he'll watch this entire thing and learn a lesson the more you want

it yeah now lonely and horny is an anime right yeah you should dress up as ruby lonely ex lonely ex horny is that an anime joke i don't yeah it fucking is quite it was perfect drop the mic uh oh there's an audience full of caldwells and they're just losing their shit that one 11 nerds across the country but yeah as someone who was probably either 20 or close to 20 when I lost my virginity it's like there are people who are able to like go into a situation like

I'm going to get laid and are successful it doesn't sound like you're that guy so already overthinking it yeah like the best luck i ever had is when i'm not looking for it i'm just like there like you're there at the convention because you like anime and you should just be like you should people like it when it seems like you're enjoying yourself and having fun and are happy with yourself. And people can sense the nervous, wanting energy.

Those girls in those cosplay outfits are very, very used to just nerdy guys hitting on them relentlessly. Just real quick. So if you can do something that's not that, if you do the opposite of that, which is leave them alone and be cool with yourself. I would say girls not even in costumes. Girls everywhere in the world.

Just the nerdy guys hitting on them. For sure. So the coolest thing you could do is... Just all guys. Just the male gays. Uh-huh. Cosplay is not consent. Cosplay is not consent.

That is just like an actual... That's some just real life advice right there. Cosplay is not consent and then real quick i wanted to talk about the whole like uh when you're going out uh to a new city like staying with friends or getting your own room in hopes that's sort of a conversation to have oh yeah i it's really going to be rare that all three you guys are going to have sex i don't know so the move is just everybody first of all save, save the money, get the shared place. And then if something dope is about to happen, just know that you would vacate the apartment for your brother or his buddy and that they should do the same thing for you. Hey, guys, just have a little check in with everybody.

Just have a group text and, you know, have a shorthand for like, I need the apartment. Right. And if like, you know, if everything goes amazing and you all like need this apartment then you just like figure something out yeah can't you just go to a hotel yeah you gotta you get another room splurge it necessarily you can't just like check into a hotel last minute that's kind of expensive but if you're a 20 year old virgin and this is your one opportunity that's when you go that's when you go for broke that's when you cash in the bar mitzvah money yeah i think that you just tell

your bros like i'm gonna need the the air mattress tonight uh you guys just put it in the street i don't care i got a girl dressed as sakura coming up here in 20 i need you guys to vacate i'm 20 years old for christ's sakes gonna die alone yeah i don't know what like i don't imagine this is like a three-door like apartment situation i'm picturing a singular air mattress that they're all sharing yeah it's probably not a studio a share mattress whoever is having sex gets the most private room that's that's the rule that's the rule all right good luck uh what do we call him chris yeah good luck just hey chris just chill yeah keep it cool, Chris.

Keep it cash. Thanks to you guys for coming on the show. Oh, thanks so much for having us. How did it feel? It felt great. It felt like nice to not... It flies by, right? That was seven hours. Wow.

Well, the break was six of it, but still. We watched six basketball games during the break. If you have your own questions or theme songs, not YouTube, but anybody listening at home, the email address is if I were you show. If I were you. If I were you. Jake and Amir. They'll help you too.

We'll record and send it later. The email address for all that stuff is if I were you show at gmail.com. Jake and I once again are going to Brooklyn, Boston, New York, and Brooklyn, Boston, New Haven, and D.com. Jake and I, once again, are going to Brooklyn, Boston, New York, and Harry. Brooklyn, Boston, New Haven, and D.C. Yeah, Mr. Wave in 203, baby. And our new web series, Lonely and Horny,

still available, thanks to everybody who's pre-ordered it so far. We're overwhelmed with all the tweets and Snapchats of screen caps of people who got it, and we're trying to do our best to thank them all individually. But consider this an overarching thank you, in case we don't get to you specifically. Nathan Caldwell,

one last time, name of your podcast. What Should We Draw? Whoa, they just kissed. How do you end your podcast? We usually high-five our French. Mostly French. Opening theme song song once again

was written by ryan smith and this last one was written by ian taylor thanks ryan thanks ian thanks to you guys for coming on the show thank you for having us and thanks to everybody at home for listening we'll be back i think on monday but maybe on thursday later is anymore bye If I were you, by Jake and Mia, they may tell you you're not worth it, or maybe even a queer. their best going to land there on their quest to give advice on a podcast maybe even try and make you laugh don't Starbucks suicide

because of this house I guess this is pretty hashtag dope uh oh what's this is pretty hashtag dope Uh-oh, what's this? It's hashtag no You do you and I do me Why can't we just seize the cheese? Seize that cheese See the chase hidden track oh should i put it after like two seconds of silence or like maybe 45 minutes of silence well then people will really never ever listen to it or they'll be like confused like oh

i downloaded this episode and now why is it an hour and a half long it seems like they're wrapping up at minute 42 i wonder how many people will listen to this yeah in relation to how many people start it right i would bet it's roughly 50 percent really yeah interesting cool that's pretty great well if you're still here it means let's say you're driving and you felt bad like changing the track uh mid mid drive which is nice that's good for you you're a responsible driver you're safe that being said go to lonely and horny.com but it also could mean that they're a big fan oh and they were just going to listen to it through yeah uh and if that's the case if you consider're a big fan. Oh, and they were just going to listen to it through. Yeah. And if that's the case, if you consider yourself a big fan and you haven't pre-ordered Lonely and Horny,

then I consider you a foe. What? A frenemy of mine. Oh, I thought you meant a Vietnamese noodle soup. Oh, I consider you a foe. Yeah, a bull. A bull of pork broth. You're a bowl man or woman. Another way people are still listening is if they're washing something and their hands are wet. Yeah, that's possible. And if your hands are wet and you want to dry them up and pre-order our new web series, Lonely and Horny.

Yeah, that's good. Go to Vimeo.com. Oh no, you can go to LonelyandHorny.com. Yeah. So just if you're not afraid to type into your browser LonelyandHhorny.com. Yeah. So just, if you're not afraid to type into your browser lonelyandhorny.com, you get 15% off with the coupon code HORNY, and you can start watching these episodes beginning, is it next week, the week after?

Yeah, April 8th, a week from Friday. It's coming out. It's happening very soon, folks. So you can pre-order it now, and that coupon code will disappear on April 8th. So if you've been delaying, don't delay. Just get her done today. And we cannot thank the people that have pre-ordered enough.

Yeah, for real. We really appreciate it. And we're getting such positive feedback in the Twitcher sphere and Facebooker sphere and Snapchat. And we just keep getting emails about people supporting, uh, lonely and horny and it warms our heart. We can't wait for you guys to see it. Uh, so toda.

Thank you. Namaste. Uh, and why don't we actually, let's, let's actually, this is the actual end of the episode. That was a head gum podcast.

All right. Now three minutes of silence and we're back. Hey, so now the real, we got to keep going until only four people are listening, but they're all been mowing us a thousand dollars. Uh, no. All right, now three minutes of silence and we're back. Hey, so now the real thing. We got to keep going until only four people are listening. But they're all Venmoing us $1,000. No. All right, we'll be back next week.

Thanks, guys. Bye. That was a HeadGum Podcast.