Segments - 214: Sex Dream (w/Rahul Kohli!)

Episode Date: May 2, 2016

Actor and friend Rahul Kohli joins us to discuss James Bond, astrology, and going dutch. This episode is brought to you by MeUndies and Trunk Club! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Two friends picked up the mic and fixed things. Check the mail and then get these, these, these, these, these. Ridiculous issues we need help with. So sit back, relax, and grab a snack. If I were you, I know that I would be okay i got the answers to the only thing you need i didn't know lincoln park was fancy is that what it is i think that was like i thought it was beastie boys at first but then yeah and once once the chorus kicked in i realized it's chester uh-huh oh is that his name is that the guy with the fire tattoos yeah god uh that guy's name is david i'm trying to find any more

information about him but now that's all he's ungoogleable yeah he's lost uh forever uh so thanks david for that really uh epic theme song submission uh raul hello sir raul coley that's just how i pronounce your name i don't know it's perfect you didn't anyone would think you were told how to do it thank you for joining us for uh this is this is a first for us in many ways yes uh first british guest oh really yeah well rose kind of counts right because it all sounds the same yeah yeah accent wise first you're not the first guest with a silly accent yeah true you're the second guest that sounds stupid well british people just automatically sound smart oh yeah we're the one oh i'm gonna smash that stereotype tonight no it's too late you're

already you're already you already said smash that stereotype tonight. No, it's too late. You already proved it. You already said smash that stereotype. Even that sounded kind of smart. Oh, today is charming. Yeah. I think it's all James Bond related. Like if James Bond was Southern, we'd all be like, oh, wow, that's a really hot, sexy Southern accent you have. A cowboy.

I had sort of like an old College Humor video idea where James Bond isn't really good at Daniel Craig not knowing how to use his iPhone. Yeah yeah i feel like that's just something that because you never really see james bond with a smartphone right he seems like he would have an android well he would have like some sort of state-of-the-art something like embedded into his wrist right right but if he like uses the stylus wrong his hand blows up yeah well he only uses whatever piece of crap sony have just released right because the product placement yeah so he only uses whatever piece of crap sony have just released right because the product placement yeah so he's always using some nonsense that no one but him really uses yeah and it's like an insert shot somebody else's hand clearly they have to like add it in

the day before it comes out because that's how like close to the cutoff it needs to be yeah the galaxy s5 whatever do you have a samsung sorry i shouldn't be oh no i'm i kind of float between my iphone and my samsung good man i don't like being bullied by either side so i thought i just gave in to both really yeah i let apple win a long time ago oh did you i have they have completed the takeover how bad does an iphone have to be for you not to use it at this point um i don't know i hated buying the iphone 6 i didn't want it i couldn't stop myself from buying it i was like it's too big and even as i'm holding i'm like i can't use it with one hand anymore i'll drop it the giant version no i got the same i got the smallest one possible that was also the new

one because i should have just stayed with the five i liked that and that you should get the new one which is the small body this is such a waste of time it feels like an iphone product placement we'll talk about what the podcast is uh well first rule you're uh we met you through rose yes uh you work on i zombie with her and i came to vancouver and saw you guys perform live that's right it's a trip for us and we all came down and shit ourselves and giggled and and then i was like i want to be on their show which is great we were going to have rose on today and they're like oh why don't we just have her on instead the lead of the show yeah the emotional lead roses oh yeah i see her she's outside the window she's knocking she's

motioning that the door is locked yeah i double locked it don't worry she can't get in she's gnawing on the knob actually she's trying to get in like a gopher she's burrowing through the floor she's so strong she's in here fuck she's biting me uh what do you know about rose that we don't oh well did you do the marathon oh no that's good anything you want to know about rose is how the marathon was approached how we were all roped into it how excited she was to do a marathon a week after we wrapped and how none of us showed up is she the only one that did it yeah and in rose style she killed it she did great she did it she actually ran it she committed to it she i was the only one who was like no from day one like i i put up pictures of like people eating

donuts like yeah training's going well because i wasn't going to do it right and um but everyone else that the kind of the the american guys were really sweet and like oh my god yeah you know i'll be there that kind of thing and who built who built the latest who's like the oh it was a mass one so i i built first and then just i don't think anyone showed and that's a mirror included by the way yeah i was i was i said i would maybe do the half with her didn't do it didn't do that but she ran the whole oakland marathon yeah yeah and she had all these ice packs strapped to her legs and or so we think damn oh because nobody was there actually that's true yeah actually the oakland marathon is until july yeah i'm just looking it up right now there was no marathon in oakland yeah holy shit she thing. And I can see the medal she's wearing is like a...

Chocolate. Yeah. It's guilt. It's Hanukkah guilt. I can see it's melting onto her shirt. So, Ruel, as you know, this is an advice podcast. We do our best to answer some emails. People are in sticky situations.

Sometimes it's us. Sometimes we're here with a friend. Fortunately, you're here to grace us with your wisdom today. We're the modern day Ricky Lakes. Yeah. That's actually, we should say that in our iTunes description. Modern day Ricky Lake. Modern, I think Ricky Lake is still on.

Is that possible? Is it? Is that even a device? I thought that was just a talk show. She also was. Or chat show as they call it. Ricky Lake was so young. Do you guys remember, how old do you think Ricky Lake was when she just a talk show. She also was... Or chat show, as they call it. Ricky Lake was so young.

Do you guys remember... How old do you think Ricky Lake was when she had her talk show? I remember... I would say late 20s. Yeah. I remember playing the... She was 14. Oh, my God. You want to feel old?

Zach Morris is 90 today. I remember playing the 58 game, trying to guess which celebrity is 58. And Ricky Lake was the worst guess. I don't know if I came up with it or somebody else did, but they were 21 years off. She's like 37. Today she's 37? No, like when we were playing it two years ago.

Let's see how old Ricky Lake is. Sorry, I'm going to look it up while you talk about the podcast. All right, so I mean, I already explained. Oh, my God. I don't want to interrupt, but oh, my God. 40. You're already interrupting with like your uh phone signal noise sorry about that here we go look at that iphone 6 yeah enormous

uh age guess for ricky lake i'm gonna say i i'm a borderline no she's 40 okay guess uh i'd say 47 48 i'm gonna guess 47 as well because i'm looking at it and it is 47 wow i'll guess a star sign as well why not libra uh i can tell you when her birthday is will you know yeah uh september 21st oh my god that was close is it virgo i was like a few days off that's crazy so excited that you were wrong oh yeah i was still wrong uh all right so let's uh let's we need some fake names to to preserve these people's poor people's anonymity uh do you have a guy's name for us oh uh deepak deepak i always shoot for deepak when i panic it's the name of a relative i have that i really dislike oh and i'm calling him out on this podcast. I love that.

Why do you dislike him? He's just a prick to me. He's always been a prick to me. And it winds us up. And even when I was never working for years, and even when I got iZombie, he was still a prick. He still found a way to cut me down after a headshot or something. He saw. Classic Deepak.

Fuck you, Deepak. Well, hopefully. I mean, most of the people that write in are pretty terrible humans. So let's see. This guy doesn't seem too terrible. But Deepak writes, Well, hopefully, I mean, most of the people that write in are pretty terrible humans. So let's see. This guy doesn't seem too terrible. But Deepak writes, a girl who I just started seeing told me that she feels uncomfortable that I keep treating her instead of going Dutch. This blew my mind. I felt bad letting her pay afterwards.

I always assumed that going Dutch was for chumps after the relationships become more committed. Am I just too old-fashioned when is it okay to go dutch and when should i treat a date uh a concerned padawan love uh deepak do you know going dutch is that an american thing or is that no that's this paying halfway right yeah that's right who are the dutch yeah i thought it used to be wearing two condoms for some reason i I think that's double Dutch. No, but that's skipping. I get confused with this.

Yeah. Wearing two condoms. We just call it double backing. Or you can call it. What's the point of wearing two condoms? Going Swedish. Is that like a. The Swedish are very careful people.

Is that to last longer? Is it for more protection? More protection, I'd imagine. Got it. Actually. I don't think you'll last long. I mean, that's, you just won't i'm just surprised if you finish at all used to say like you got to double bag it if you're going with somebody who like uh sleeps around a lot but

actually going uh double bagging it creates friction between the two condoms and they're more likely to tear so nobody should put two yeah that's why we suggest the triple bag method so top two tear obviously and then you're left with what the correct amount, which is one. I've always advocated five condoms and... No, five is the ideal, obviously. Yeah, five is number one. Best way to go is five. Five and a vasectomy.

Yes. Also abstinence. Oh, sure. So you'll remove your dick, put it in five condoms. If you will be a eunuch... Yes. So that's no testicles. No testicles, one dick. no testicles or no i'm

turning to a rule well like he's a eunuch oxford dictionary i thought it's no balls yeah eunuchs no balls they have the dick castration is uh is that no i think that's no balls too isn't it no all right so what is it when you don't have a dick because that's what i've got a woman yeah i've got balls no dick I've got four balls, two dicks, six condoms. But none of them are in the place that you would think. Yeah.

They're around your thumb. I see that. Oh yeah. That way you can finger someone without getting them pregnant. That's a really dumb ring that I have to wear all the time. So going Dutch on a date. The theory is that like old fashioned people, like you should pay for the whole thing.

And then like, there's this new, new new type of fashion which is like you know everything should be split because it's like men and women are equal like let's split this bill uh in an egalitarian way so what do you do do you err on the side of paying for the whole thing uh do you split do you go dutch well when you when i take a buddy out let's take relationships out of it when I take a buddy out, let's take relationships out of it. When I take a buddy out or we go out for a work dinner or something, someone's always trying to pick up the whole check usually. And that's without trying to,

I'm not trying to sleep with my co-stars. Yet. Just because I, yet. Yeah. Season two, season three. But like. Spoiler. It's just courtesy, right?

I always, I was always brought up like, someone's trying to pick up the check and there's a big fight about who does it right you end up splitting it anyway and i think dates can kind of be like that i i if i've asked someone out or i'm going out on a date i will try and pick up the check but i'm also hoping for a fight about it if you just let me do it then i'm then next time i'll i'll if there is a next time right i'm doing it to have a little like i want you to go no please no and pretend you're reaching for your handbag or whatever at least do that yeah and then but then i think dutch after a while once you've gone out a lot then i think it's fair to

dutch the fact that you you shouldn't be you're literally feeding someone constantly after a while you should be right it's kind of crazy to be on like year five of your relationship and you're just still paying yeah every every meal and still waiting for the fight but i have but in my experience i've always like offered to treat for the first dinner and i think it's always best exactly what you're saying like people the a little protest you say no no i want to get it i got it and if they protest again then it's like all right hey i'll back off like and then but if they don't if they say thank you then that's the correct thing to do always one one act of protest yeah the person either acquiesces or like says stands their ground this is like that rule which i don't like uh

do you guys do this like the you can't eat unless everyone has their food rule so you get food i haven't gotten it yet you can't eat it and then i have to say you can't eat unless everyone has their food rule. So you get food, I haven't gotten it yet, you can't eat it, and then I have to say you can eat it, and then you have to say, no, I'll wait, or you say I'll eat it anyway. The correct way to do that one is as soon as my food comes, you say to me, please eat. And that's the right thing to do because the food's hot, it's ready.

And then do you eat is the courteous thing to eat? I think it's weird to be like, no way i'm waiting i would finish that's the thing like there's enough time will you finish and lick the plate that's on the restaurant at that point but yeah i'll i'll finish send the plate back for seconds pay for the meal i'll order dessert sometimes before they get their food uh i i think i usually will start eating but i'll order dessert sometimes before they get their food uh i i think i usually will start eating but i'll but i'll take it a little easy pick it a fry have a bite of the burger there's a lot for some of the food there's a lot of bullshit theater you have to do at restaurants i mean the wine we had this recently with the wine tasting like i don't fucking know what wine

i want oh and then they come over and he makes a massive deal about it i sit there i have to act like when i'm on a date i know that you're a good year this red one yeah yeah more please i heard something too i think gary vaynerchuk the wine guy told us that like by the time you've chosen the wine and they come and they pour it for you you're not tasting it to say like yes i like it you're taking you the only reason they pour a little bit is you're supposed to smell it and make sure the grapes haven't gone bad like if the wine is actually spoiled then they i still don't think i'd know you've already made the decision i saw somebody pour ketchup into a wine glass and you'd sipped it and you're like this is great you spun it around it was a1 steak sauce anything else that you don't do that with the coke to make sure it's flat you

don't do that with like you know what i mean so i just i always find it just this big bullshit thing where we have to buy into this performance that oh yeah we all know what we're doing it's all this really weird dance and i think that's like the the goal of all of it is to just make sure that people aren't stumbling too much yeah so like you offer to pay and somebody says no he said no i got it and then like it's over but if you offer to pay and someone says no i really want to pay no i got it like no i'd really like to pay yeah you can't again be like no and i would love to treat you yeah i don't i don't allow that then it's like then the dance gets fucked up yeah it's just it's like a little bit of gentle foreplay right exactly and i think they're sorry go ahead no you please i don't want to god forbid i speak oh come on no no i mean you listen to the show it's a fucking steamroller over here jesus christ sorry i just i had to

say that i had to go to the bathroom what were you actually about to say i honestly forget okay great i don't like i don't like rules like the food thing that end up in like it it's you're being polite i'm being polite and then we end up in the same place where we started so like i get the food you have to say i you can eat i have to. So I get the food, you have to say you can eat. I have to say no, I don't want to. You have to say you can eat, and then I eat. I'm just going to, let's skip those steps. I'm just going to start eating in front of you.

If the food comes and you don't even acknowledge that I haven't gotten my food and you start chowing down, I'm going to tell you to eat. Right, but why do i have to fucking wait for the green light let me just drive well because you are you have to wait for the green light on the road you have to wait for a green light but right now it's an intersection it's on me it's rude if i don't say you can eat and then you can eat and then like you know hey fuck me but it's it's on the person who doesn't have the food to immediately say you eat it's all about

acknowledgement all of these dining rules and date they're all acknowledgement right like it's it's it's paying for it but you're gonna pay but they're acknowledging that you're paying right then just sitting there looking in like how you know and the same acknowledgement is 100% yeah that's all it is so this is what i do uh i usually i dine in dash every day that i've ever been i will never go on a date because i don't want to deal with this thing no what i do is i'll be like oh let me get dinner you can get whatever like the next thing two condoms yeah you can get two condoms i get that i get the dinner and then i get to wear two condoms later uh or like i get the dinner and then we'll go get frozen yogurt you can buy buy that. You can buy that or a drink off the witch or something.

Yeah, and that feels like an extra. It doesn't feel tangible to me if somebody pays for half a meal because that's just electronic money going up or down. But if I can get a free frozen yogurt out of this meal that I'm giving someone, that feels like more of a win. Free frozen yogurt was the price of dinner. Right, but it feels like a little treat that I got for paying for the dinner. They call that going Jew.

I'm going Jew with her. And then if we don't go out for frozen yogurt, I say, just send me a gift in the mail. So here's my address. We'll book an Uber on their account. I'll call the car. That is an interesting theory because it also prolongs the date. It's sort of like, that's like a little bit of a game. You know, like, oh, let me get dinner and you, why don't you get'll go get ice cream that's funny she's like i don't want ice cream uh no i

want to go home immediately we just split a cheesecake i don't want to now go get ice cream with you has the dating kind of game changed like i mean i don't remember just going for dinner like do you know what i mean it always starts either a bar for or you go bar later or right dinner is on a date is like that's that's going to dinner with somebody is like, I better be in love with that person. That's year two. You've spoken about how you hate dinner dates. Really? They're awful.

I am a shame eater. So like, I don't want people to see what I eat. It's just like pouring ketchup over everything shoveling food into my mouth it's because that's when you look the worst yeah the eating's not sexy for me i don't look i'm not a sexy eater especially for beta gents like yes oh god there's always some shit in there but you cannot eat a sandwich on a date if you have a beer no it's just it's it's all in the mustache you've showed up like at 6 30 p.m on like a dinner date and be like oh i've already had a huge lunch i can't oh yeah anytime anybody's ever asked me to order food i say i'm not even if you're starving yeah then you'll you'll run to the bathroom and put like

take a gas station sandwich out of your pocket and shovel into your mouth it was like just before we were leaving new york and i had a date and i didn't have time to eat so i just went into that pizza place and i got two croissants you shoveled them into your mouth i ate one immediately then i put one in my pocket to like eat quietly on the date uh like in the bathroom yeah and then when you go to pay you take out your wallet and there's a little croissant in there like oh don't mind if i chew with croissants uh so what do you suggest when is it okay to go dutch when should i treat a date do you say always just offer to treat i oh i'd say so let's say if there were five dates if he goes on five i'd say pay for the first one

or two if she puts up a fight immediately um then then then yeah you can the next one if you know she's going to do that then by two three four you could say well why don't we split it that's the compromise rather than you pay the compromise can be well let's split it i guess the hope is that she's always saying like oh let's split it and you say no the first few times and then maybe like date three or four you're like sure because i hate deepak though i'm hoping she just sits there dead silent every time the check comes just looking at you want to staring at them to know i wanted a free meal actually doesn't it also depend like how much money they have like don't you always like has to see a w2 or 1099 oh yeah that's interesting that way you can get their tax record if they're like actually poverty stricken you can

be like it's probably my obligation to pay for this i'm more of a fan of like you get the next one rather than splitting yeah so like and then if they remember they of like, you get the next one rather than splitting. Yeah. So like, and then if they remember, they say like, oh, you got last dinner. You said I could get this one. Then I'm like, okay. I think there's something gentlemanly about not putting up too much of a fight. Like you look like a wiener if you're like, no, I really would like to pay. So you say, no, you get the next dinner. Then she does.

And you say, oh, come on, let's at least split it. And then she says, no. Or yes, if she does, then you write her off forever.'s at least split it and then she says no or yes if she does then you write her off forever it really is a cat and mouse places wait this was always a one we used to when we were younger you go to places where you pay for the food up front so you stand at the till so it's a line right and you end up so if you're on a date you go single file you've boxed her out yeah you order and you collect your receipt and then you just stand by her site and now she's forced to pay for her side of the meal you've gone dutch you didn't even know

game over you win that option is to offer to pay the other one is to full-on box her out but she's she's out there trying to get in so she can get in on the free on the order yeah and you just no yeah she doesn't even eat. Got stuffed in more ways than one. Nice dude. I meant stuffed by food, not by your dick. Gotcha. Nice dude. You never know.

All right. Let's get to another question. This one is written by a female, if you can imagine. Wow. Is your phone on airplane mode, by the way? You know what? I turned it off when I looked up Ricky Lake. And I didn't turn it back. You guys to check out maury povich's age oh it's definitely

in the 70s at this point right maury povich maury povich age i'm gonna look it up uh you have a yes for maury povich oh 68 i'm going over 71 i was gonna say 72 oh god i went too low i labeled okay he's a capricorn i panicked um well first of all he did you guys know he's dead wow amazing that's actually not true uh he's 77 and he's alive wow that's nice he's also he is definite he's uh he's um a libra what's a lira? January 17th. Is that really? No. What is it? What's a Libra? Libra. What is he?

Sorry. January 17th. He's a Capricorn. That's me. Oh, yeah. I should have known that. Dude, I just fucking guessed his dog sign. Oh, you did guess Capricorn. That's amazing.

And you were really close on the last one, too. Jeez. He was born in 1939. Jesus. That's kind of crazy. He was born in a concentration camp oh come on what he was a ghetto baby um you guys want to guess jerry springer's age no i think we should just get back transition yeah yeah for the next between every question do you have a female's

name um no great i know right no one's ever taken a knee before i love it no the next question was no oh got it how do you spell that and you n-e-o no n-e-u-x that'll do yeah she's french no right uh this is my third freaking email and this time i really need your help a little backstory i have a really hard time not banging guys immediately after i meet them honestly even if they're not my type, as long as they're hot, I'll just do it for fun. Heh. This hasn't always worked out for me. And despite being taught lesson after lesson to not fuck every guy who's attractive, I keep seizing my cheese. So here's the story.

I hung out with this guy from work a couple weeks ago. Night one, we went out for $4 PBR pitchers and went back to my apartment to smoke weed. Obviously a great time, funny guy, whatever. Night two, he came over to smoke and things got a little triple X rated. Now I told him that on the first night that I was seeing two other guys and since then I've become kind of serious with one of them. I don't really want to mess things up with my current guy as he's really nice and I do genuinely like him.

But I really like this work friend as a friend. We have a lot of fun together, lots of laughs, etc. So here's my question. Is it possible to stay friends with someone after you've banged? Is there any going back from the choice and moving towards just being friends? He has tried to hang out a couple times since, but I was actually busy both times, and since then has pretty much stopped hitting me up. I'm chatting with him right now,

trying to rekindle this friendship, but I don't want to be mean and lead him on, thinking that I want to keep fucking when I'm actually seeing somebody else. Thank you in advance. Love the show. P.S. Jake, I think we're soulmates. Let me know if you ever want to party if y'all come to Atlanta for a live show.

Lots of love. I'm Jewish, so happy Passover, because that's coming up. Love, Neo. No. Yeah. So oftentimes we get questions that like, oh, we should save that for a female guest,

because it's like a female-related question. This girl's asking a dude question. Dude advice. So we so we're dudes by the way every guy is like this girl which is what just wants to fuck everyone and then yeah it's interesting and like i only want to fuck like i want to fuck everyone who's attractive it's cool to have a girl i can't stop doing that yeah it's fun to have a female say that yeah we have a lot in common maybe we are soulmates how about that specific question? Is it possible to stay friends with someone after you've banged? Have you ever banged and then become friends?

The problem isn't that she's, like, it might be possible for her, but it's not necessarily possible for him. Like, if he went on two dates with her and they fucked and he's trying to hang out with her more, he's not trying to be her friend right now. He wants to date her yeah so i i don't think that she can like seamlessly make this transition without uh at least talking to him about it and he might not feel like being your friend the end i agree it has to be i think it is possible to be friends after sex but it has to be completely mutually right like you both have to be like yeah we're not doing that again right but let's hang out has that ever happened though i think so like a one night stand nine times out of ten when someone

when someone's like usually if it's not a terribly uncomfortable situation um i always find that usually one person's kind of like i don't want to go, but I kind of liked you enough to hang out anyway. It's you. It's only the kind of, I guess what makes it difficult is when it's, it's never really both parties feel that way. But I think it's possible to be friends with someone after you band. I think it might be even easier for some people.

I've had sex with almost all of my friends. Yeah, but they were friends first. Can you imagine befriending someone that you've only had sex with? Well, they were work buddies. Then they fucked. Sorry, what's your question can i imagine being friends with somebody i've let's say you you slept with somebody uh on the first or second time that you've ever seen them yeah

and then they're like i don't want to sleep with you anymore but we should just be friends well isn't this a scenario where i'm saying that to them uh no let's say you're the guy and she's the girl so a girl saying that to you i like sleeping with you but now i just want to be friends with you uh i guess i would probably be like well i don't i have a lot of friends so so we're good i mean it just for the sex part actually that's the one that's the thing that i like yeah not so much the hanging out before and after the problem here is that it's always gonna especially with unfortunately with dudes it's gonna take a huge ego hit because everyone thinks that they've got that dope dick yeah i'm getting that's what

and that everyone's turn out after they've had sex with them so when someone's like oh no well let's go see jungle book together yeah you're only gonna be like i didn't do my job it's true especially if you like if the date before you had sex and you're like all right actually i now i definitely know i like this other guy more yeah but i'm still down to like uh go see a movie with you or a play yeah who would you want to do that? And then do you go Dutch? Yeah. Going back to that. If you've had sex and now she wants to be your friend, do you go back to going Dutch? No, I definitely not. Now she pays. She owes me cash for what she's done to me.

This 180. Yeah, that's true. It is a huge ego hit. Yeah, that's for sure. That's for sure. I think it's possible to be friends with somebody after you've had sex but i don't know how soon after and also i don't know if it sounds like she's the kind of person that needs a lot of male friends especially if she like is trying to give this relationship a shot right to like want to keep on hanging out with somebody that she had sex with i don't have

any female friends like that doesn't happen anymore. A girl doesn't chat me up. I'm already starting to talk like you. A girl doesn't chat me up, and then we just hang out, and now we're friends. And there's no romantic interest anymore. Most friends that I had were female were people who didn't fancy me back. But I just didn't want to cut them completely. That's how you make girlfriends it's like you have a crush on somebody who doesn't like you yeah all right i i had a solution for

her is and i think because of the ego and stuff i think she has to just keep sleeping with him as friends so he's getting so but then she can keep taking it back a little bit oh so at first it was full-on full frontal penetration everything scale it back until the point where it's just a hand job it's a total fade away yeah that's and then their friends no more sex he's already might be wanting someone else they can hang out so she still has to like just grin and bear it and do another six or seven sessions yeah like you don't cut them off you fade out exactly yeah the crossfade and then hopefully it starts a transition to a new scene he's just getting to second base yeah all right we hung out but i just

i think i just felt her up which is kind of interesting over the bra too jesus and last week she let me unhook the bra i don't get it it was awesome but i think that might result in uh him liking you a lot because like, because you're technically drawing. Oh, dude, I would be so fucking confused and enamored by that. I can't do this. I can't do it. Like, I can't sleep with you. It's like, but we already have.

Yeah, what a mystery. But why? She also sent her phone number in case we ever do a live show in Atlanta. Oh, tight. Because she says that you guys are soulmates. Yeah. It's funny that she's like, I want to give this other relationship a chance. Also, Jake, text me if you come to Atlanta.

I want to give it a chance. Does she just want to be my friend? Yeah, I think she just wants to hang out with you. Ah, good. That makes sense. All right. Let's take a quick break. We'll come back with more questions after these messages. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting

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somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop.

Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday?

Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting.

Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah.

It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a z so if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one build a store an online portfolio the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch

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And we're back. A couple interesting facts about Jerry Springer, starting with his age. I'm going to say 83. Whoa. What do you say? Oh, he's been around for years. I'm going to give him Maury's age, because I was wrong. 77.

77, 78. And I will guess Libra for this one. Really? No, Leo. Why not? We'll switch it up. Leo. I'll tell you he was born on February 13th, so he's not a Leo.

Okay. What does that make him? Aquarius. Another interesting fact. He was born in February 13th, so he's not a Leo. Okay. What does that make him? Aquarius. Another interesting fact, he was born in the United Kingdom. Really? Yeah. Oh. Wasn't he the mayor of Cincinnati?

Yeah. Yeah, he was. I could be a mayor. Fucking Cincinnati. You're allowed to be the mayor, yeah. You just can't be the president. But even then, there's like some kind of... And what's his age?

Wouldn't you like to know? Holy shit. What a fucking cliffhanger. He's 72. Oh, he's younger. He's younger than Murray. Yeah. Dang.

Montel is young as well. He's 69. We're not going to play the game anymore. He follows me on Twitter for some reason. Montel Williams? Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, it was random.

Hey, don't sell yourself short man i'm sure it's not right he's a big fan whatever i know you can guess his sign montel if he follows me he's a cancer isn't there a new sign they're like they just made a new one a new one isn't there no i thought they like made a new sign recently it was like actually there's no more capricorn they split it up into two am i making that up i thought that like made a new sign recently. It was like, actually, there's no more Capricorn. They split it up into two. Am I making that up? I thought that like there was something where I thought I wasn't a Leo anymore. Yeah. I mean, you would know more than us.

Apparently. Yeah. All of a sudden I'm this like astrologist. I mean, the fact that you can hear a month and know what the sign is makes you like, I think you're a fortune teller now. Well, you know what? I didn't have sex until I was 20. It was a long period of just reading and studying yeah horoscopes

and looking at my crush and one and looking for which publicate like which book said we were compatible oh i mean i remember you i used to read the horoscopes in my sister's like cosmopolitan i used to do that but i was i was fucking the entire time you gotta believe that um tell me a little bit about iZombie uh it's currently in its second season uh yeah we just we just had our finale about a week or two ago oh so the second season's already fully aired all done and you guys have recently gotten greenlit for a third yeah so we were we were picked up for a third season while still filming our second oh man that's so we felt like the walking dead or something you know what i mean like we were picked up for a third season while still filming our second oh man that's so we felt like the walking dead or something you know what i mean like we were showing off we bought loads of

unnecessary stuff i've got a parrot and a rabbit yeah why not man a parrot and the lamb i got my grill done ice in my teeth i feel like two of those things are so expensive and then the parrot is just i mean how much could that that's just flamboyant for the sake of that. That's pirate chic. And I fucking hate pets and animals anyway. And it is loud. The parrot sits shotgun in the Lambo. Also has a grill. Yeah. But yeah, so we're back in the summer to shoot season three.

Shoot in Vancouver. Shoot in Vancouver. Rose McIver. No, McGowan's going to be taking over. That's amazing. What an upgrade. Holy shit. There is a weird coincidence.

I don't know if this is something no one knows. I think her wig, one of them didn't fit because someone made a mistake and it's fit for Rose McGowan's head. Really? Yeah. And that's why she was constantly playing. It was too tight. Does Rose have a bigger head than Rose? I don't know, but there was a size.

We have to know who has the bigger head. How long? Wait, is this like your biggest thing that you've done or it's my only thing this is it yeah so this how long were you hustling before 10 years 10 years 10 years yeah man like were you coming close to a point of being like oh i was joking i'm done yeah i don't want to act oh definitely d-pack is just telling you. Yeah. Deepak was loving fucking print. No. So like I, I went to drama school at 18. I think I got out at 2021 or something like that.

And then I, somebody didn't have until 28. So for those years, I mean, I was just doing, I didn't. Oh, right.

In the commercial world. Like I did add like commercials for stuff in England. Yeah. Beers and things like that. But no one would give me a speaking role because of your funny uh talking way yeah and like i i was always and i was also because i was too big i was six foot four at 14 so when i was in my early 20s and you're eight foot three now yeah yeah amazing and i'm still going this is so cool um bro is swallowing the

microphone like a little tylenol pill we're all sitting on top of Rollo because he takes up the entire room. He's like Clifford with his red dog. We're on each of his knees. He's growing right now. We're still growing. He's busting through the window. But yeah, so even as a kid, I couldn't play my age. Oh, interesting.

For years. So I think once I got older, everything kind of worked out. I've heard recently that it's a lot harder to get a role as a man 21 through 27 like people just don't really get cast yeah you it's it's a much later thing for for male actors um like john ham didn't i think madman happened his mid-30s ford for han solo happened in his mid-30s pretty crazy that you have to like endure so many years of reject like did you come close to a lot of things too oh yeah i was always like there was there was jobs where i was down to the last two and all of that nonsense didn't you also say you got this role on tape you didn't even audition

you just sent one tape and like all right you're in something like that yeah it was i i was i was put on tape they couldn't find who they wanted in america they checked canada um and then they opened it up to the uk so people from the uk were sending tapes over and and yeah off the tape they uh they they were desperate as fuck it's amazing to do that so like that did you even ever go in front of the producers or no never no screening no network so they just like said yes off the tape you're on a plane and then you're on set and they're like i hope this fucking yeah and they were really scared they were really scared because everything had worked and they met all the cast and they clicked and there was this anomaly this this english actor coming over who's just gonna

be a prick yeah and they didn't realize i was i was six foot four oh man until the day before we started filming and i met the producers and they were like oh shit yeah you're like roses tiny and like actors in general aren't aren't big so there was a lot everyone had to have heels and and uh they had to shoot it like lord of the rings so people were close perspective yeah you're always in the background yelling yeah it looks like you're standing on a table you're so small m They use bigger mugs. Yeah. Sit on massive chairs. It's all a perspective game. You're a gandalf. Cool. Should we try to answer a few more questions?

Definitely. Can you talk like an American? Can you do that? Is that part of your acting wheelhouse? That was the best. That was pretty good. Because on the show, you have that accent. You have an English accent on the show? Yeah. You don't have to do that. You don't have to do the rose thing where it's like you have to pretend you're from america oh no no no she does it so well do you remember the

first one of the first times we ever met rose she was like she was living below us and she was like running sides for an audition and living in la like oh everybody's an actor and we didn't like it's just really depressing sometimes when you meet somebody who's a shitty actor and like we didn't know anything about her and we're like oh yeah we'll help you run the run these lines like oh man this is going to be a disaster she came up and she just did this amazing american accent for like some crime drama yeah and i remember like oh you're actually good i was crying well yeah want to want to feel good about yourself never fucking put rose on tape i do it in in in vancouver we we i seem to read with her a lot for some reason we tend to just

do her tapes and she just crushes every single one and just makes you feel so talentless well she's like a real actor oh yeah she's legit yeah her first role she was on piano when she was a baby right or something like that we're just like comedy people like jake and i's like all right let's i hope i can memorize the words right isn't that what it is to be an actor you say the words right it's memorizing the words and saying them funny for rose like okay that's the beginning and now who's my character and how do i like yeah i would yeah how would my character react to this yeah and then also i just think if you furrow your brows when someone speaks oh that's good that's just like you're

really thinking about what's going on i got do you remember the guy uh matt walton right he's the guy that played our boss in the take me or fired thing uh-huh he was saying uh he gave me a really quick acting lesson because this is the first time i was acting in anything that wasn't like a two-minute internet sketch uh-huh he's like imagine you're being chased by a bear like how are you acting and i was like i'm running i'm screaming i'm scared he's like uh or he said you're locked in a room with a bear right i'm like i'd be afraid i'm cowering i'm afraid of a bear and he's like no you're you're looking for the for the you're looking for the way out you have to be like you're concentrated you're thinking like how do i get away oh i didn't think

about like my character's motivation right being like get me out of the room with the bear all i was thinking is like my character in this moment is like i'm screaming my hands are in the air and i don't know what to do and action and i get mauled by a bear. That was an awesome commercial, by the way. When you get fucking destroyed by a bear. Yeah, yeah. That's acting. All right. Female name. Oh.

Regina. Regina? That makes sense. No and Regina. Regina writes, Hi, I'm Regina, a senior in high school. Gross, I know. So into the story.

I have a smallish circle of close friends, and this past fall, one of my longtime second-tier friends joined our group. Anyway, I've known this guy for forever and never felt sexually attracted to him ever. Actually, I found him quite gross in the past and have been concerned about his oral hygiene. He's kind of a hopeless puppy dog we took in.

I've always had a soft spot for him and made sure to include him in our plans but here's the interesting part i had a sex dream about him a few weeks ago and i enjoyed it this freaked me out and has completely changed how i see him the day after this dream i had a hard time looking him in the eye but i found myself staring at him the food I usually noticed in his teeth had disappeared. So sometime passed and I slowly got over the awkward sexual feats. I basically forgot about it. Then he invites me to go to the beach with him and another friend of ours and offers to drive. And for some reason, once I get into this car, I'm a hornbag and I have an extremely hard job keeping it in my pants. I'm very glad that our other friend was there or else I probably would have jumped him.

This was over spring break and now back at school, I don't know what to do. The weird sexual tension is back. I can't see a way we would casually mess around without my other friends finding out. I sound like such a horrible person, but I know they would judge me and I don't know if I have enough energy to stand up

for this dweeb I've been hooking up with. So please help me on this possible sexual adventure. Thanks, love. Regina. I love it. This question's great. Doesn't this sound like the guy wrote it in like a fantasy land? He's like,

there's this guy that I don't really like, but recently I've been kind of attracted to him. I had dreams of him. Yeah. And now I want to fuck him a lot. It sounds like a dude wrote it. It sounds like a dude wrote it. It's a vanish.

It sounds like it would keep it in my pants. I always, that's, I never really hear girls say that. Yeah. Keep what? Your vagina? This guy's like, it does have to come out now, sex. It does have to come out, but yeah. You know the secret where you put something out in the world and you hope it happens?

So my theory is this guy wrote this about the girl and like, what if she had a hard time wanting to fuck me she doesn't know and she's so conflicted about it but then this fucking knows he has food in his teeth yeah like maybe he just brushed his teeth on one day like that's i i just like i love sex dreams they change everything they do they like they really make people you would never be – you just get so curious. Oh, interesting. I think sex dreams are like the – maybe the key to the universe. Really? Yeah.

I feel like my mom must have had a sex dream about my dad because otherwise there's – my dad is this guy. He's a little – He's a mushroom man. My father is – yeah. He's moss. He's a stool. He's a shrub. My dad is, he's a shrub and my mother is like a woodland fairy pixie.

Perfect woman. She's a model. Yeah, a mommel. Yeah. Anyway. Sex dreams, had them? Oh, yeah. And it's, it has, it's, and it's usually for me, it's, it's, um,

I'm trying not to make eye contact with my girlfriend. It's usually with my girlfriend. She's got a knife. I don't see her. It's, it's usually with, uh, like it always happened with colleagues.

Oh, like you have, like it'd be someone at work who I couldn't take, like I couldn't stand. And then we do some shit in my dream. It's always somebody that you don't on the, like daily have, uh have sexual fantasies about. It's somebody that like sort of is like deep inside your subconscious.

And it's always good. Yeah. It's always really good. Because it's your dream. You can do anything you want. And it's such a release too. I think that like, I've always had the weirdest wet dreams. There was one that I can remember where this total nerd from my high school.

Blew me. It was even less interesting than that. She was there. Oh, a female nerd. Oh, yeah, yeah. She was like a real nerd. I was not attracted to her, but she was there, and she told me to put my dick in a fence.

I put my dick in a fence, and it felt my dick in a fence and it felt so good. And then I came and it was, I mean, yeah. So you didn't have a sex dream about a nerd. You had it about a fence. Yeah, you fucked a fence. And I still now to this day, I love porn where like some weird like fandom domination where a girl tells me what to do. Was it like a picket wooden fence or like the gate? It was a wooden fence that had a little hole in it

Like a little knot A little knot in the wood Painted white or are we talking natural? It was all natural Barely fit in the hole I saw your recent porn search It was big natural dot dot dot fences It was so cool

And that's when you took up fencing, right? I never had a wet dream Never in your whole life yeah that was one of the weird that like i i i never had one like that skipped well i really i had jerking off like were you just yeah i think that's what it was prematurely when you if you're early some people like i know you had a wet dream before you started that's right i started masturbating before i had wet dreams oh but you so you still hadn't even though you were masturbating yeah because like every once in a while if i like i would try to do things where like i gave up masturbating for two weeks there was one time for 12 hours i dated i was dating a girl the worst thing in the world is when you have a wet dream sleeping next to your girlfriend which just happened to me twice wow

it's like i know that i'm having a bad sex life and i have to get out of that relationship was it her in your dream or is somebody else it was a fence it was a fucking door always my loved ones with the fence how many wet dreams would you say you've had in your life oh tons literally two thousand pounds worth just so many um yeah you had to throw away a mattress it was just cake through it's like i've ever seen that hawai Hawaiian Punch commercial where they open a door and a guy surfs out on this wave of red? Yeah, it is overcoming. It is absolutely a tidal wave of semen. So that's just one wet dream, but it was just empty.

It was so much. You were flat in the morning. See, because I was such a big fat virgin when I was growing up and I was just so removed from the dating world. I didn't have a kiss until I was like 18, 19 wow so what was happening was during my my sex dreams as a kid i would get so excited that it was about to happen i'd wake myself up i remember that like it would be that it would be that girl from school and she'd unbutton her school shirt or whatever and i'd be like and i'd literally wake up i've been there too man that's so sad when that

happens you get so excited do you remember who your first uh sex dream was with was it an actress was it a person it was a girl at school oh was yeah your first sex dream yeah and we're friends on facebook so i won't say her name because i probably post this on facebook and then and then she everyone's gonna read it well she might she because maybe she was having sex dreams about you maybe i wouldn't have thought so definitely not mine was with robin givens who is a character on abc's head of the class uh she's this african-american actress she's 51 years old now i feel like i should what's her sign at her don't tell us i'm gonna guess taurus oh i was gonna say taurus but I'll say Sagittarius. Her car is a Taurus, but she's actually... What's November 27th?

Sagittarius. Is that true? Yeah. Perwitz! For the epic win! One for one! Batting a thousand. Did you ever have sex dreams about actresses, or was it mostly people that you knew?

My first sex dream was I was in a pool. I've never told this to anybody. This is crazy. Maybe you shouldn't do it. You're right right this is gonna be replace my virginity story this is too special my first sex dream i was uh in a pool with tiffany amber thesen and mark gossler whoa zach morris was there too yeah and somebody i don't i want to say it was screech but i bet it wasn't but it was like you have a choice like what you get to have sex with either zach or kelly and i thank god i chose kelly that was the fucking difference dude

but like in a dream you really never know which way you don't know what's gonna happen because like you you don't know yourself in a dream and even like also what if i had chose tiffany and they're like all right well it's opposite. And now you're getting fucked by Jack. It was worth it just for the opportunity, sir. But then I had sex with Tiffany Ambruth-Eason in this dream. It was the best. I think to this day is the best sex I've ever had next to the fence. Yeah.

Number one, fence. Number two, Kelly Kapowski. What was this girl's actual question? I don't know if we answered it. Oh, should she go for it?

She's trying to keep it in her pants. Yeah. It sounds like she just is developing a crush on this guy and that's fine and that's okay and she should see it through i think she should kiss him yeah that's it yeah because the problem is we crush the whole dream or it could make her feel like actually the next levels would probably i'd be comfortable it's fine to fall for somebody and it's like she's worried that other people are going to think it's he's they other people might not share her opinion of the dude we're all that kid that's what we're like go for it kiss him this could be your opportunity please for the love of god yeah kiss this 15 year old nerd but and also like you know he seemed he enjoys eating from the sound of

it yeah this could be a benefit she could have a lot of fun he might go down on her yeah and then your pussy will be in his fucking teeth but i think in high school she's in high school and i high school thinking what other people are going to think ruined so many potentially good relationships i agree like i broke up with a girlfriend that I liked because I heard a bunch of rumors that she might dump me. And there was, when I was a sophomore, I was like hooking up with a freshman who I really had a crush on. And like somebody else who was a sophomore was like, I can't believe you're hooking up

with a freshman. I was like, well, I'm not anymore. And it's like, just do what you like to do and not what everybody else is going to think because it's going to feel good for you. It's something that you want. But in high school, what other people think is everything. Public opinion. Oh, definitely.

One of my biggest regrets at high school was I wasn't popular. I was known. Me and my group of friends were known, but we weren't popular. We were that in-betweeners. What were you known for? Just being dickheads. You guys were just like, you're sort of like the class clowns.

Yeah, class clowns. So people knew knew who we were but we weren't popular so it wasn't for good reason i remember that you were there for like uh comic relief and not like you know nobody wanted you hanging out all the time nobody wanted to hook up with you exactly but we were still known but i i didn't take drama at school even though i felt i could do it i never took it because i was people made fun of taking drama and it could have been my way in to to to everything yeah to unlock everything at high school if i had done it there i would have shined it would have i was you know i was good at acting you would have been that person that other people would be intimidated to get on tape with instead of just Rose. With my American accent. Well, you're still obviously good at acting

because you booked out on tape once. That's it. That's all it takes. Just got to do it once. In this business, baby. All right, go for it. What else do I say? That's it.

I think we're out of time. How was that for you? It was everything. Was this your first podcast? Have you done podcasts before? I've done podcasts before, yeah. Only recently, actually. I haven't done, usually they were gaming-based.

Oh, are you a gamer? Massively, yeah. Oh, really? It's two hours of me talking about video games, but I haven't. Wow, what's your game? Right now? Yeah. Oh, God.

I haven't played anything since I left Vancouver, but I was playing Metal Gear Solid, and I'll play sport. I'll play everything. Wow. Still. I literally will play everything.'s your system of choice do you have a playstation for playstation 4 got it it's it's the one what video game do you think you've played more than any video game in the world like you've you spent the most of your life the one i can remember off the top of my head was a game called red dead redemption which was set in the wild where it's grand theft auto in the wild west yeah oh that's like your grand theft yeah but i love deadwood same oh my god we could have talked about deadwood this whole i'll start a deadwood let me stop and then we'll re-record only about deadwood actually uh um but i i i played that so

and then my buddy was a big fan and we grew up watching Westerns and Deadwood and stuff. So we went online. And all you would do online is pick flowers and hunt. It's like Oregon Trail. We were doing eight hours a night just picking flowers. This cactus we had to collect. And we had to kill this bear. Or skin these rabbits. Wow.

And that's it. And we did that for like 60 hours. Damn. Yeah. I want to get into gaming. I feel like i'd like it i think you'd love it i'm gonna try yeah you do need a hobby yeah one that's uh as useful as gaming i think is a good one to pick up sweet all right uh all right uh if you have your own

questions uh or your own theme song uh the opening one was written by david is awesome this closing one is written by ethan ewerborg uh the email for everything is if i were you show at gmail.com role do you have anything to plug before you go where can people find you oh just uh at raul coley 13 on twitter and every sort of app and snapchats and always 13 because it's always 13 just because november there you go all right and taylor swift apparently that's her one as well oh really really 13 no big deal yeah hers is just taylor swift 13 i always say it's because of that because she stole it from you yeah we got beef me and her we'll be uh we'll be back next week unfortunately without rule but we'll have you back soon enough definitely people are gonna love this shit thank you guys for having me of course thank you for coming uh see you guys soon Thank you. So we tweet him So can they get a show on TV? Or did they have a show already? Wait a minute

If I were you I would tell you to Make a billboard Make a Tinder I'm wearing me undies But I stopped getting nature box That's a problem Cause I'm way too broke to pay

But I didn't eat yet today, no These two dudes saying if I were you Got real better hope that I won't sue Last one didn't end like a shit of Jake. On blast and he still won't get fake. Get Milana back on for God's sake. I'm in another place waiting for the other space. Swipe right for the 10 cent piece, kids.

Right? We can get Ben Schwartz if you want to have at it. We can get Team Mids up in Silicon Valley. Everybody's got a show when you're thinking you're ready. Eight episodes left and you want more money. Eight episodes left. Jake and Amir. If I were here.

If I were you. If that ever true, it's not true.