Segments - 217: Let's Go! (w/Hoodie Allen!)

Episode Date: May 23, 2016

Rapper and Friend Hoodie Allen joins us to discuss gold diggers, summer camps, and whiskey dicks. This episode is brought to you by TheTracker, BlueApron, and Squarespace. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Whoa. Very cool. That was a little too rock and roll for me. Was that something corporate? It was something corporate, but it wasn't the band Something Corporate. Oh, it was just, yeah. Putty, your thoughts? That was, I think that's what the kids call post-hardcore call post hardcore oh what's that um really it's not just pop punk yeah no that's not pop

punk that's like that's like hardcore post hardcore uh very popular in the alternative warp tour scene you can go see them all this summer at your favorite outdoor music venue sponsored by vans sponsored by vans vans is there still a warps tour oh yeah there is but we shouldn't talk about them unless they're paying us money all right cool all right nice fuck those guys what band what band was that basically a parody of like what sounds what actual band sounds like that i don't i don't know like someone that's not gonna be very successful in 2016 i feel like the voice was very pop-punk-y. It was. It needed a deeper voice. I wanted to hear some screaming, some guttural. That was auto-tuned.

If I were you. Have we gotten a hardcore song yet? I would love a hardcore song. Well, that guy's name was Wesley Forquay. Forquare? F-O-R-Q-U-E-R. It may be short, but I wasn't sure how long a theme song should be.

I'll tell you, it was long for a theme song. It was enough. Also, if you want, please shout out my SoundCloud. Soundcloud.com slash Scream to Breathe. That sounds like a hardcore band. There we go. Scream to Breathe. F-I-W-E-R.

Yeah! That's a pretty solid name for a hardcore band. It must be hard to be a music producer for one of those. You have to set the mic set to, like, one. Because he's like, I'm going to scream at the top of my lungs. Make sure it doesn't peak. I don't know. You're a musician.

What do you think? Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, scream to breathe. You ever scream in your songs? No, just in my sleep. I love that. I am a demented individual, actually. Hoodie Allen, you were on, this is your second time on the podcast, right?

Oh, man, it is. I'm very excited to be back. There's a moment that I listen to over and over again on our first podcast episode. Oh, really? I think it's kind of classic. Episode 86, by the way. I just looked it up. You haven't been on the podcast.

The real listeners know. In like 140 episodes episodes what's the moment they listen to oh um when when we we gave a whole uh answer in rap form oh yeah um maybe we should do that at the end of this episode maybe yeah keep people listening you want to leave a little treat at the end of the episode otherwise they'll die off they'll stop you know what we should really bury it in the ad. Oh, yeah. You go to the mid-roll. Don't skip. Underneath the ad, you'll hear us freestyling. You can unlock the freestyle

if you buy a Squarespace website. No, we'll put it at the end of this. Is this QR code? The real deal. Yeah, no QR codes necessary. Thanks for coming back. Oh, man, of course. This is your second studio.

You came to our first house, which is where we had our first studio. Yeah, this house is awesome. it's necessary uh thanks for coming back oh man of course this is your second studio you when you came to our first house which is where we had our first studio yeah this house is awesome do you like this house better than the other house um i mean this house is that vimeo money like this is the house lonely and horny built yes house lonely and horny for sure uh we're actually leaving which is great by the way if you guys haven't checked it out and are listening stop listening right now

and check it out oh wow thank you high praise now we don't even have to do the episode it was supposed to be an ad for maybe a show

but yeah you got it out of the way Amir is writing hoodie a check right now quicker than the scream and breathe intro I feel bad that we woke you up

and dragged you over to our studio we're like we have to record right at 11 you were asleep an hour ago right yeah but weren't you also uh i think i woke up around nine okay yeah okay yeah you gotta understand he's still on new york time so yeah like 2 p.m no that makes it that makes it worse oh yeah it's like 2 p.m and you're asleep yeah is that what you do are you a late late to bed late to rise actually i am i'm definitely like

a late person but like in la you sort of feel motivated to be up earlier yeah everything happens three years three hours earlier here sports yeah which is trippy like 6 p.m start time it's still light out crazy and well i like it i like it when it's football season because you're like really like oh yeah 10 a.m like yeah i mean that's cool season's perfect like i wake up and there's football until i go to bed it's so nice sunday's my favorite day of the year because of your church going right yes i started with church and then fantasy football uh all right so i mean you're you're an old veteran you don't need us to explain it but just in case this is your first episode ever listening to the show i'm sure a lot of your fans like oh hoodie was on this podcast let me let me tune in and see what's what i should

let you guys know that this is an advice show we're not just going to be interviewing each other we're actually people will email us seeking our guidance, our wisdom, really. Sometimes it's just me, Jake. Sometimes we have a guest. Today we have you, frankly. Frankly, it's you. Quite frankly. These are real emails from real people we're going to be answering. And if you have your own questions, you can send it to ifireryoushow.

This is the first question. Let's give this dude a fake name if you can, Hoodie. Hoodward. Hoodrow. Just so we can preserve their anonymity a little bit. It's a guy? It's a guy. But when you do say it,

you want to get really close to that microphone otherwise we can't hear it and then it goes away forever. A first name and a last name or just a first name? Ooh, let's go first and last. Felipe Bonaventure. Wow. Thank God I said first and last. What ifaventure wow thank god i said first and last

what if you just said felipe what a waste that would have been it's the coolest last name ever yeah felipe writes hey guys uh first of all i'd like to preface this email saying i only found your show in the past february but fell in love immediately i decided to start from the beginning and i've only gotten through the first hundred. My favorite so far is the one featuring Hoodie Allen where you all rap. No. Wow. You fake fan. Anyway, here's my conundrum. I'm a 25

year old male. Not quite an FDR male dime, but not too shabby looking either. Why FDR is male dime? I thought about it for a little bit. I think it's because FDR is on the dime. Yeah, I should have thought about it a little bit too i just ask questions you know i don't find my own answers i'm a fucking hack all right let me finish this sorry yeah so not quite an fdr sorry go ahead yeah all right fuck you hey come on is my mic on yeah it is all right of course

it's always on you don't have to ask. You're recording? Yes, always recording. Have we started? Yeah, we started. Stop asking questions. Did you guys play the intro yet? Yeah, we did the intro. Remember it was this? I'm on this episode?

Yeah, you're on it. Yes, you are. Yes, yes. Every reality as you know it is true. This guy's last name is Bone Adventure? That's correct. 25-year-old male, not quite a dime, but not too shabby looking either. I'm pretty quiet

and I'm reserved mostly making it a bit hard to meet and hook up with women on the other hand when I drink I get wild I gain a lot more confidence

and I can pick up women with greater success the problem arises when things start to progress and my drunken skills land women in the bedroom

where the copious amounts of liquid courage start to catch up with me for more than half of the past several encounters in which I've brought a chick home my dick land woman in the bedroom, where the copious amounts of liquid courage start to catch up with me. For more than half of the past several encounters in which I've brought a chick home, my dick quits on me, leaving me blue-balled and the girl unsatisfied. It's a classic case of a whiskey dick.

My question is, how do you guys recommend combating this blue-ball epidemic, especially considering that I need the drink to get my chill on with the ladies? Yours truly philippe bonaventure all righty so this guy has to live in this delicate balance between drunk enough to talk to girls but not too drunk to hook up with them yeah uh initial thoughts do you have any initial thoughts does this resonate with you at all uh i i do have some initial thoughts but i almost i almost want to pass it to you guys first. Okay.

I also have some initial thoughts. Okay. And I appreciate the pass. Yeah. I will accept. And I will too pass. And I will take... And I to me.

And me backwards. And if the three of us pass, we move on to the next question. For it has been decreed a pass. The first pass in 200 episodes. i have a three-pronged approach here wow to varying degrees we'll call it a salad fork theory so number one yeah uh no more whiskey drink vodka red bull oh you think whiskey dick is specific to whiskey the red bull and a vodka red bull is going to keep you fucking i think that there's a chance that you think it's a tiredness issue?

I don't know exactly what it is. I just know that I always fuck real nice on vodka Red Bulls. It's true. It's true. Second is, this is another thing that I used to do at like an hour before the bar closed. So like in New York or I think it was like 1.30 or something. Yeah. Here it would be like 12.30.

Anyway, I get an alarm. I set an alarm on my phone that just says drink water. Okay. So I'm out. I'm would be like 1230. Anyway, I get an alarm. I set an alarm on my phone that just says drink water. So I'm out, I'm drinking, I'm dancing. Then 130, I start drinking water. For me, it was all about not being hungover. But I can see that it working for this guy. You start sobering up enough to... Yeah, you want to be drunk enough to meet, but not too drunk to fuck. So you're drunk when you meet. And then if you feel like it's gonna go a certain way you're gonna go home with somebody then you start drinking water uh my last and this is uh my real advice is that i don't think anybody is as amazing as they think

they are when they're drunk everybody's like when i'm wasted i'm like super charming and i can bring anyone home it's like no when you're wasted people are wasted. And they think that you're not an idiot and they go home with you. So just drink a little bit less. It's mostly about the courage element. You have to kill the part of your brain. The power is in you. Yeah, the whiskey doesn't unlock it. The power is within you.

But the question is getting over that anxiety. Like, are you guys good at talking to ladies completely sober? You're sober. You see an attractive lady do you have the do you have the balls to overcome the anxiety of oh my god what if i get rejected i think so but that that mostly comes with being a world famous rapper yeah the problem is that he's not a famous well you know what i i don't i don't think you know i don't think this is a an issue. I think this all stems back to confidence in general. And if I was to take a guess, I don't think he's being... And sorry, Felipe.

I'm not trying to tuck it down. This has happened to everyone before. But I don't think it has much to do with the fact that he drank too much and now is impaired. I think once he gets into that situation situation he's probably just getting nervous oh you think he can't fuck because he's nervous in the moment rather than because he's uh too fucked up on whiskey i don't know maybe i he didn't really say he's ever had sex before i guess yeah i don't know like i i don't know but i'm saying like yeah explicitly it's not like oh no like the the alcoholic i don't know i'm sure he's just like oh damn this actually worked this time.

Every once in a while, too, like when it does, like when you, basically when your dick goes limp once, you sort of start to think that it's like a chronic problem. And then it's a little bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like I found that if you just get your dick hard and fuck and you were like, I'm a beast, I can do it. Then like you can usually overcome limp dick. It's literally only happened to me one time in my whole life. Yeah, usually there's two types of problems. One is like, I can't get it up, and the other one's like, I go too fast. Like, I can't keep it down.

And this guy is more on the first spectrum. I feel like I find myself more having problems with the other one, which is like... Come too quick. Yeah. You're a two-pump. Would you say you're a two-pump chump? I would say I'm a three-pump hump.

Really? Yeah. Like a little camel jerking off everywhere. I'm a three-pump hump. I'm a nine-pump lump, meaning I just lie there and I sort of thrust upwards if somebody's on top. Yeah. Here's another thing I'd like to submit.

I don't think the confidence comes into play even with talking to people. It's literally only approaching. It's breaking the ice. Yeah. The scariest thing is going up to someone. Yeah. Once you've gone up to someone, like if I'm introduced to somebody and they seem to like me, I'm fine.

Yeah, that's true. But if we're all standing in the corner of a bar and someone's like, hey, Jake, go talk to those girls. Yeah. I'm like, I don't want to do that. It goes back to that original math nerdy thing that I always think. It's all about the rate of change. To go from zero to conversation is the hard part. To stay conversing, that's like a plateau.

That's easy. But Jake, isn't the reason that, like, I don't know, like the reason why it's difficult to just go up to a random group partially at least this is how i see because i'm not a world famous rapper no no no no i'm a north american quasi famous comedian it's not close i understand no you guys have done shows in australia like that's global thanks man um i really appreciate it you know of course but uh you know it's it's like i started thinking about oh like if it's an attractive group of girls like you're not the first person who's done this tonight or to them in their life and it sort of immediately lumps you in a category with a bunch of people who right who maybe are of lower value potentially or yeah you know and and you don't want to just be another one of those things it's

it's much easier when there's some sort of way that you've come in contact with a person rather than that. Common ground and sort of equal... I don't know what the word is exactly, but it's something like common ground, or even playing field. That's what it is. If I go up and I'm just like,

hey, ladies, then I'm automatically in company that I don't want to keep because I'm every other creep that's gone up and said, hey, ladies. So how do you get across the fact like, don't worry, I'm not an asshole. I'm a in company that I don't want to keep because I'm every other creep that's gone up and said, hey, ladies. So how do you get across the fact like, don't worry, I'm not an asshole. I'm a normal guy. Well, that's why I hope to be famous because then people come up to you and they're like, oh, you're famous. And then like the girls would see that. And then they're like, oh, these guys are famous.

What if you're not famous? What are you talking about? You're more famous than I am. You know what you could do? You could go up there. Who's the most famous. You could go up there and then have another friend be like, hey, man, I don't want to bother you, but I loved you in that movie. And you're like, oh, yeah.

And then you're just like, then you start talking and you're like, yeah, that's just a fan or whatever. I bet. Also, I saw you walking in with him. No, no. I don't know. I'm friends with all my fans. He's my Uber driver.

There was one time when I was on a date and the girl went to the bathroom and somebody came up to me and they're like, sorry, I didn't want to bother you while you were on a date. But like, I just want to say I'm a big fan. And I was like, come back in five minutes, you fucking piece of shit. Bother me on the date. This doesn't do me any fucking good. You're bothering me now. Your genuine interaction is meaningless to me. Jake, why are you yelling at that stranger? bother me on the date this doesn't do me any fucking good you're bothering me now your genuine

interaction is meaningless to me jake why are you yelling at that stranger i don't know dude what were you saying to me about well i wanted a photo this guy was sorry i thought you were the dude from coldplay never mind fuck shit uh so what's what yeah i don't know oh well a little bit of drinking to to loosen you up and not too much to get whiskey dick i guess is the basic general there is a magic there's a magic point where you have the liquid confidence but not the liquid motor skills yeah there's a zone in the middle you want to stay at a five but really really just learn to love yourself more wow yeah because that's better advice we're telling him to just stay a little bit no i mean like you know one is like i think an immediate change and the

other one is like you know you're writing an email to not us i mean i guess i'm just part of it you're writing email to he was probably hoping you were here yeah oh he was actually yeah you're writing an email to us felipe and you know i know you're setting the scene, but, like, you know, you could describe yourself in a more complimentary way. Like, you don't really want to go around, hi, I'm Felipe, and I'm not that attractive. I'm only almost a dime. You are a dime. We're all dimes, if you want to be. And plenty of dimes are terrible people for other reasons.

Yeah, you're talking about just being physically attractive. Yeah, that's just one small component. I'll say this is a very well-written email. It seems like a very nice, normal dude. My fans are geniuses. I believe in your smell. This guy's 25 years old. Is that on the older end of your fandom?

I think it'd be on the older end of someone who maybe like come to a show like the shows tend to be younger but like anytime i'm in new york and like i i run into someone it's always like a 25 year old you're gonna run for a minute now yeah it's like your fans have grown up with you they have uh all right seeing that for sure we need another male's name for another male question this is still you oh it's still me you are you get the honor you're the guest damn um you knocked it out of the park with felipe bonadventure and i don't know what you're gonna do i mean i for these i turn off my brain i let whatever comes happen that's how that came so what came now was kellen winslow tight end for the cleveland browns eight years ago no his dad oh that's you're right that was

kellen winslow jr got it all right kellen winslow senior writes hey guys i have a serious question my granddad had a gold digger for the past three years recently it's become more of a serious problem as she started talking about marrying her he He started talking about marrying her. She's in her 50s and he's in his 90s. She told him she would only move in with him if he married her. My granddad wants her to move in badly, but my cousins are living upstairs in his home because they can't afford a house and he can't climb the stairs anymore. This has led my granddad to becoming very hostile towards my cousin as he's eager to get them out of the house and get the gold digger in.

Now, the gold digger. She had a former husband that she divorced because he was depressed. She rarely calls my granddad's house, but phones him twice a day when she's on her lunch break at the bank. She never helps him with anything when she's there. Whenever we try to do something to help him, she discourages him behind our backs. For example, once we tried to get him out of the house in a wheelchair and she discouraged him saying he had nowhere to be in the wheelchair

and he would end up rolling out into the road. At the moment, we have to keep the wheelchair at our house because he's scared that she will see it. If he marriesries her she'll send him to a retirement home wait for him to die we've tried telling him what she's doing but he doesn't believe anyone and his memory is getting worse and worse and forgets the entire conversation it seems like there should be some law against gold digging is there anything i can do about this don't just say you do you love kellen winslow you do you uh have you everellen Winslow. You do you. Have you ever experienced this in IRL? What was the cousin part?

I'm saying that, to me, it sounds like the cousins are gold diggers. Oh, the cousins are living there for free. They're freeloaders. I don't want this gold digger moving in. I'll have to leave. Kicking out my cousins. Everyone's using their grandfather here. Yeah, everyone's.

But it should be cousins that use the grandkids. Why? grandkids what happened like they're just because they're related yeah because that's that's his grandchildren well the no the grandfather chose this woman and i feel like if you're 50 and you fuck a 90 year old for three years then you get money that's doing the most work for your family that's a job like she can work at a bank or she can fuck an old guy you want to fuck an old person for three years of your life oh so you're saying the gold quote-unquote i feel like gold digger is derogatory maybe we should just call her the 50 year old lady in this case for sure well i mean i yeah i definitely question the the title that she's been given as gold digger. Yeah, unless she has a shovel. So you're pretty. 1940s San Francisco.

She's sifting. She's sifting for gold. She's mining. So you're on the lady's side. I'm not necessarily on the lady's side, but I'm definitely not on the cousin's side. But this guy's neither of them. Right. I guess.

He's neither the cousin nor the lady. Well, he's definitely on the cousin's side. Yeah, he's on the cousin's side. So I'm not on his side. He's saying this woman is taking advantage of him and then you're saying hey it's not taking advantage of she's actually fucking the no i'm saying everyone's taking advantage of him so i want the lens to be widened a little bit yeah right now zeroed in on this lady and i think you should look at this from a more holistic point of view of the grandfather's perspective what makes the grandfather actually happy? Is it this lady?

Then if so, there's got to be some way to more organically integrate her into his life. I mean, let's kill her. What? Wait a sec. Then we'll get her gold. Everything that she's sifted.

So you're like the whole idea of like a lady marrying a guy. Then when he dies, she gets, he dies, she gets all of his money. You're okay with that arrangement as long as the guy is happy and does it willingly. I think so, yeah. That's a hard stance to take, and I respect it. Well, I just don't understand why the grandchildren are like, that's my grandfather. That should be my money.

It doesn't make that much sense. Do you think it all has to do with money? I mean, it seems like they're worried that she wants to come in and take the grandfather's money, and that she's no good for the grandfather. But that really does feel like it's a little secondary. It all comes back to the cash that this guy is going to leave. That's why they have to kill her. But I mean, no, not really.

We are condoning murder. Well, she's waiting for him to die. She's in her 50s. She's got the money. You distance yourself. Then you marry her when you're in your 50s. She's in her 90s and the gold digging cycle continues oh my gosh i like that uh well jake would it change your mind if

you found out that they actually weren't having sex oh i i guess that's a good question it would change my mind if this if the 50 year old was like a very bad caregiver for the grandfather i mean that's how that's how she's being portrayed, obviously. Well, so far it seems to be just a discrepancy about a wheelchair. And for all I know, the grandchildren might be in the wrong because they just want to put grandpa outside in the wheelchair. This is your mom or something. You're defending this lady to the hell.

I wish Kellen Winslow wrote if this lady was given any blowjobs or not. Right. I mean, at the very least we don't know because what if he can't get hard then i feel like the then she should be dancing naked for him or something and then she deserves the cash yeah because they're like one dollar bill at a time it's funny i read this question i'm like everyone's gonna be against the lady maybe i'll throw out the idea that maybe it's not a crazy thing for her to be in the right. But you're like 100% gung-ho.

This girl's kicking butt. The first sentence is like the gold digger wants to move in and that can't happen because my cousin is living upstairs for free. Multiple cousins. Like that's crazy to me. But that's how family works. The default is family. The grandfather wants the cousins out. That's not how family works. default is family the grandfather wants the cousins out that's not how family works he's 90 he doesn't know what's up with living up there i also never

had family that was like oh i guess my father is like super rich um but like my when i was going at my grandparents my one grandfather uh like i don't think he had any money when he died. And my grandfather that's alive now, we're definitely paying for him to live. So I'm not thinking about collecting a check anytime soon. I never had that rich grandparent dying thing that other people get. Yeah, sometimes it's a great uncle. My cash flow is coming when my father passes. And you better believe I am not letting a harlot into his house.

Disrespecting my mother. I'm going to assume that the grandfather had a wife who maybe passed before he did. That's a safe assumption. So now he's, you know know he's found this opportunity here yeah i mean this is i mean like this is sort of like the the 90 year old dream right yeah i mean 50 year old yeah like he's so i'm in my 20s and i can't wait to to date a negative 20 year old so it's not a percentage no think of it as a percentage. So five ninths of you.

So like you're dating a 15-year-old. Yes. I've never done that ever. We're going to edit this podcast. You're dating a 15-year-old. Yes. No. Yes.

No. No. Never. That's the full quote. She's mature for her age. So Jake is on team 50-year-old lady. I'm on team grandfather. Okay.

Whatever he does. And right now the grandfather wants the cousins out of the upstairs and the 50-year-old sexy maid lady in. We imagine her as being quite busty, right? Oh my God. Have you ever gone to the bank and just like wanted to pork your bank teller? Yeah. Okay.

Well, that's what this granddaddy's doing he's living the american dream and i say we let him live it because he's only got i say weeks if not hopefully months to do it oh let him make a direct deposit to that ass nice keep fucking or you're telling hey grandpa you can marry this lady but we're gonna make a prenup for you oh that's nice and we want prenup we want prenup but how is he gonna where are they gonna do the wedding though city hall are they gonna wheel him that like what is going on the wheelchair is there it's a no it's a no deal there's no access it's all stairs you have to do it in a very flat location uh all right the driveway what should so uh what should is there

anything i could do about this uh you have to convince your grandfather it's it's ultimately his decision he's a 90-year-old man. He's been there before. It doesn't seem like he's all there mentally, which might be a problem for you. Also, you got to learn to love yourself, man. The tone of this game. He comes back to self-love and self-worth.

Good lordy. All right, let's take a break. We'll come back with more questions for us on Hoodie. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments.

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Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at pick6. dot draftkings.com slash right promos there it is thanks draftkings and we're back hudra what what brings you to los angeles you don't live here i don't live here um i'm trying to make some new music oh uh so i'm

i'm working with uh writers okay well not really working with producers. I'm writing songs with them. And yeah, so that's why I'm here, very casually. What does it mean? Like, you write, what does it mean you work with a producer? Like, if you're a rapper, what part do you do and what part do the producers do? Well, I... And you work with different producers for every song? Not for every song.

You know, it's good to find, like, someone who you can gel with and do a couple of multiple songs with, maybe even album with. Wow. But um but yeah so i've worked with a few different people while i've been out here just you know you start from scratch you know sort of basically make a beat come up with you know melody ideas and a hook maybe some lyrics and oh so you start with the music the beat and then you like okay what lyrics would fit with this or you're like i want to do a song about growing up what beat can you do about that thing yeah well it's perfect yeah no i think i think people have different uh styles i usually let the music sort of inspire the ideas oh so like once i hear something that i like it will sort of just bring out some things for me like

like can you give me an example like you heard a beat and you're like oh this song should be about this um i'm trying to think i mean it's not even this sometimes i'm just like i'll just like freestyle ideas like freestyle singing sort of stuff and like then the words accidentally come out in form and then like the idea sort of becomes cemented it's a very like free form process. Interesting. Very artsy. But you're not ever like bunny rabbit, bee rabbit in the back of the bus in Eight Mile

where you're like scribbling on a, like a... Oh yeah, I mean like when I actually write the verses, yeah, yeah, then I'm like writing. Oh, then you're like listening to the beat and it's in here. Yeah, exactly. Gotcha.

So I'm listening to the beat and writing the song and stuff like that. By lot of the start by hand no usually by computer nice yeah i i like just throw it in the laptop and stuff like that um but there's times when i'm like oh i have this idea like in this concept and even some words and you kind of wait till you find like the mood of a beat that like fits for it so just specifically let's say the song famous for assholes that was an idea you had that was a no what was the origin of that oh man uh i think we had that beat of the and like had that and then it just sort of came out those words just came out

famous for assholes came out while you listened to the beat. What about James Franco? That's a good question. I think I knew with that song that I wanted to make a song that sort of encompassed the pop culture era that we were in, and I decided early on in the process that James Franco was the archetype for it. So I knew that he was going to be

working there. But, yeah. Shout out to James Franco. Has he heard that song? I don't know. He's like, you know. Davey definitely has. Oh, man. I hope Davey Franco, we pull him for you, man.

You got to be a star. Yeah. So your last album came out when? January. January. It's called Happy Camper. I put it out for free. Oh, it was one of those free ones? Well, yeah. You can buy it, too, if you want. But it's also for camper i put it out for free so oh it's one of those free

ones well yeah you can buy it too if you want but it's also for free what is that what is that what you want i mean i guess so like when i saw it on itunes was it free when you saw it on itunes you could buy it but it but if you uh i'm obviously you could stream it on spotify or soundcloud or you could download it directly on my website like i've made it like one of those like if you click it it downloads the zip file and you can put it in your itunes and all that sort of so how do you track how many people bought it or download it or listen to it you know money in my bank account but if it's free why did it go up i downloaded it for free oh yeah i got zero more dollars um uh the real answer is like, like, I can see how many clicks that like, that link has gotten. Oh, so you know exactly, but not necessarily everybody has access to that number.

Nobody has access to that number, I guess. Yeah. And your next album will be the same thing. It's free if you want, or you can buy it on iTunes. I don't know. I was thinking of charging like $1,000. That's amazing. And how many people would buy it. That's cool. If I could get like five people to buy it, i can eat yeah you're breaking even yeah expensive potatoes you're buying really expensive potatoes well you have to recoup the recording costs and stuff yeah

i see you gotta recoup the recording costs and then get idaho potatoes yeah so i always yeah i usually get yukon gold but i don't have potatoes it's cool sweet potatoes oh i like that you like potato pancakes uh-huh lockers lockers of course uh so you're in la right now working on the next album and and hanging out with you guys oh yeah of course what about a tour um i don't know yet you don't know when you're i'm not i i'm not here to promote anything i'm here to i'm here to give advice to to lonely boys and girls you're just here to chill yeah i'm here i'm which is cool i i don't have like do you have stuff planned like i'm going to europe i'm going to europe in august and september like a european tour but do you do that just like when you want to you contact people and you're like because now i'm curious yeah just like before before he wasn't interested at all

yeah but like about potatoes do you get to just decide what you like hey now i feel like recording i'm gonna do that or like oh now I feel like going on tour. Or is it more regimented? Sort of. I mean, is there a season? Yeah, there's a cycle to it. Like, you know, I've been on tour like most of this year. And like February and March was like the, you know, like the ticketed tour.

And then like April was a lot of college shows. And then I knew I'd have a period of time off. So like that's a good time to write new music. And then kind of think, well, it's going to take me this long and then that means i should probably go back on tour here so like you know those those tours get planned out like months in advance right so usually it's good if you line it up with like new music um and put some thought into it so it's not just a random i'm on tour again you know that's how i've felt like things have been successful yeah and how many of those cycles have you done like new album tour new album tour oh my god uh it's a bunch since 2012 oh my god i'm old

no we're old yeah yeah you're you're still in your 20s um i've probably done like seven national u.s tours i think at this point jesus damn you are old yeah wow i didn't realize how old you were yeah that's really old you sleep on sleep on a bus and all that shit oh i do sleep on the bus i love i sometimes when i sleep on the bus for a while i can't even go back to sleeping in a bed for like like well i have to you need that rumble yeah like I can't even go back to sleeping in a bed. Well, I have to. You need that rumble. Yeah. I don't just ask people to let me sleep in their cars and drive me around.

But I like that because the rumble is legit. Do comedians ever do... I feel like that's what we're missing out. When Jake and I do shows, we do four shows. We're sleeping in a hotel, wake up, drive. We're not ever doing sleeping on a bus, waking up, going to soundcheck, doing a show, then sleeping on a bus. I think because we don't have the footprint

that like an actual show like hoodies would have. Like we don't have that many people working for us. Yeah, like if we had a crew and all that shit, then maybe we would need a bus. But anytime we go, anytime we travel, it's like... Is it just you two and like a tour manager? Yeah, it's basically four like a it's us too manager yeah it's basically four people is usually like the max that we have on a tour so having a bus would be kind of awesome

but it would be awesome maybe we should get a bus even if it's just like an rv we can have hire someone to ship us basically to the next city while we're sleeping yeah and that would be awesome yeah it seems like with four people, it almost makes sense to fly places. Would you, like, this is crazy, would you be our driver for the next tour? He's about to go to Europe. I know, but if you...

No, I actually think I would very much like being your driver. I feel bad. I have to advise you against that. Your time is so much better spent. No, no, I really have nothing going on. Yeah, he can drive our van overnight. And then when we get to, let's say, a Kansas City or a Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

Of course. What happens to the drivers? They sleep in the car. Oh, they'll do meth. They'll do a little meth. Now I'm on board for this tour. Some drivers do do drugs i remember i was on um a big summer tour with where i was the opener and um a couple of like the truck drivers

got like kicked off the tour for like doing like a really crazy cocktail of like illegal drugs and then like driving oh while they're driving that's fucking really yeah i guess it's kind of crazy they have to drive all night i mean like the lives they live are very crazy and counter to right normal people so sometimes you have to be a little yeah you have to be a little wild if you're like i want to drive a tour bus for a living or i want to carry sound equipment it's a good paying job the tour bus driver is like the highest paid person oftentimes of a crew member um so any kids listening who are like i want to go to college but i might just want to drive a tour bus

drop out of school and with that bit of free advice let's get back into the paid advice uh we have another question from a british university student so uh what he's loving it if you have a british dude's name we can answer this guy's question oh he's laughing now he's crying i'm thinking now he's eating a banana now he's asleep he's asleep oh yeah it's got to be like okay you guys decide is it is it oh like a vote yeah it's a vote all right um wait get up through my rupert the rupert the fourth that's good or harry potter oh hp i think rupert the fourth well now you guys are split and there's no one to decide except for me again i'm choosing the Weasley twins.

I'm going to go Rupert the Fourth. Hell yeah. Rupert the Fourth writes, Massive fan and listener since episode one. I'm a British university student. Lots of British action. That's all I have. All I can say is massive.

Massive fan. Massive fan. Inches wide. What a strike. I'm a British university student and this summer I'm coming to America to work as a camp counselor. Summer camps are basically unheard of in the UK, so this summer is going to be an interesting experience as they are a bit of an alien concept to me. All I really know from them is from watching American TV and films based around camps. What I would like to

know is, is your experience at summer camps, if any, what should I expect as a counselor and anything I might need to know about summer camps? Thanks, guys. Love, Rupert the Fourth. P.S. If you ever play the game where you give her, oh, this guy just including random words just in case we search those words, is Bluetooth, pepperoni, industrial, clunge, ancestry, and crundle.

Fortunately, we liked your question so much we're choosing it au naturel. Let's give it up for Rupert Fourth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hoodie, do you ever go to sleepaway camps? This is like, I feel like you either do this or this is just the perfect episode for me to be on because I went to sleepaway camp for a long time and I'm very familiar with the idea of a British counselor. Oh, really?

That's like a very common thing. Do you guys go to sleepaway camp? No. I never did. Oh, bad Jew. Yeah. I was also a bad Jew. I didn't like it.

I'm the only one here with a sleepaway camp experience. Did you go to Jewish sleepaway camp? What does that mean? By nature, a lot of them are just sort of Jewish in their composition. Right, but like... But they're not making you do like... Prayers. Yeah, you ain't going like...

Hava... Hava... Thank you. That's how Amir spent his summer anyway. He just wanted to do it alone. I didn't go to summer camp, but I would say 99.9% of my friends did. Sounds like it was a punishment.

Why didn't you go? What happened? I was afraid to sleep away at age 10. Did you do day camps? Yeah, I did sports plus day camp. But I never did Jewish sleep away camp. But so like i never wanted to go i yeah i did like sports plus day camp yeah but i never did like jewish sleep away camp but then like all my friends would come back and they had hand jobs and like fingerings and i never did any i'm saying like i don't like it's very

it's very important uh so what is your specific jewish or sorry summer camp sleep away camp experience fantastic where did where was it what was it called i i mean i don't know if i'm just giving free promo that's okay if you like the camp i do like the camp there we go yeah um it was uh in it was in wayne county pennsylvania it's called chernawanda okay um yeah but that was i went i went a while ago um of course because it was like two summers ago instead of my european tour i went back to and you had like camp friends friends that you only saw during these camp sessions i think i picked the camp because um a lot of my a lot of kids who lived in my town went there right and i i was in a different school than them so it was a way for me

to like become friends with the kids who were in my town partially. But then it was just like the place. It was the thing to do. Yeah. Like you go for eight weeks. Eight weeks? Yeah. You don't come back home for eight weeks? Nah.

And you play sports and you hang out with girls and you hang out with boys too, I guess, in the bunks. I don't know why I didn't go. This sounds so fun. Like I would love to do it right now. Is there an adult sleepaway camp? They just saw it on Shark Tank. They do it in New York.

Just a bunch of 30-year-olds? It's a little lame. It definitely is cool in theory. Then you're like, would all these people pay a shitload of money to just go and play dodgeball? What I want to do is I want to go back in time

and convince the 14 year old me to give it a try i it's there's there's it's very developed like you're you're gonna have your first of a lot of things right you're gonna always it's one of those things where you could always be like oh man you remember that like that championship game we played and marty hit the three-pointer it's like you know like well no i wasn't there so i don't remember it but like uh you know you just have a i remember like going to like sneaking out i wasn't there so i don't remember it but like uh you know you just have a i remember like going to like sneaking out of the bunk and going to girl's side and like staying over there and like you can't go to girl's side at night like that's like illegal

and then you go and like you hook up with a girl yeah and then you like a lot of sneak all the way back but then like the security like might find you and hunt you down and then you miss and you miss field trips if that happens and stuff like that. Isn't it funny that parents, I mean, it's not like parents don't know this happens at camp. Yeah. Like if you're the parent of a 15-year-old. But that's the older spectrum. That's the older spectrum of camp though. There's like seven-year-olds too.

Right. But like what if I have a 15-year-old one day and I'm just like, all right, I send you to camp to go get fingered by a bunch of different boys. Oh, you mean if your daughter is going to camp? Yeah. Like don't, like your daughter is going to camp? Yeah. Like, don't... Like, your parents know what you do at camp. But I think it's okay. Your daughter will definitely be, you know...

You can't have Fris... Say it. Frisky? Risqué? You're talking about my future daughter. You're talking about my mom! My daughter would just be playing volleyball. All right. So, what the fuck are we telling you wait what do we tell them that summer campus you said you had specific experience with british yeah i mean i i had i had australian counselors i

had new zealand counselors i had british counselors this this is a big thing for like people from the uk i feel like to come over these places and they're like, oh, you'll be like a soccer specialist and a general counselor. I bet they're also fucking each other, these counselors. Definitely. Yes, they are. That's another really good part of it for them. It's like, you know, sometimes the girls who are, well, it can be boys too, but let's just say, sometimes the girls who are campers eventually get, like they stay in camp and now they're too old to be campers they turn into counselors and they you know so they're counselors themselves and they're like oh wow who are these yeah who are these 19 year old like

uk boy and then like 19 year old like jewish girl and they have a fun summer mixing cultures every it seems like the rules are actually like... The rules getting broken are way more severe at the top. Like, when you're 10, you're sneaking around, playing spin the bottle, and stealing girls' underwear and putting them on the flagpole, I think, from watching or from reading Arl Stein's shorts. But anyway, when you're a counselor, you're like, oh, you're sneaking around

and you're smoking weed and fucking people. Wait, why do you do that? I mean, a lot of my friends got kicked out of camp for smoking weed. Why don't you do summer camps? Did your friends not do it? Most of my friends, we had like a pool club that was like near our house. So all of the kids in the neighborhood just went and did that. But I also like, I love my mother too much to leave her during the summer.

Are you kidding? That's prime me and mom time. When I was 12, camp was... I think I might have even talked about this on the podcast before, but my mom and dad used to threaten me with camp. Like, if you don't get your grades up, we're going to send you to sleep away camp. Yeah. I was like, no.

We're going to send you to a place where there's a lake and you play sports and hook up with ladies all night yeah like you better not take away my summer with my mother i want to play tennis with mommy i want to go shopping for school supplies with mom in july before the sales hit so but it sounds like the advice for this guy is to just like enjoy it this oh man you're gonna have this amazing summer you're gonna have a three month long boner i mean like especially coming from england he's gonna be such a but don't expect don't expect to be the only english guy there all right really is there multiple there's oh yeah you better get you better have your game ready to go because there's gonna be more handsome british men wow there too and you better hope to god there's not an australian there because you know that's

even more exotic even hotter yeah that's where the guys are even hotter and their accents are slightly weirder so you're fucked if there's an australian guy there there's a guy from just fucking blow your brains out and bunk nine it's not gonna happen for you but if you're the only exotic person there oh but you know treat treat the kids well like you know those could be people who you end up knowing for a long time as as they grow up like you know i had counselors for um you know once you have them for one year like and they come back like they come back with the same bunk usually so like you have that person again and again i'm i went on tour like this past february march and like in chicago and wisconsin dates to the people who are my counselors when i was at camp were there wow like we're still cool

that's awesome. Lifelong friends. So you could make some real, yeah, you could make some real connections here and go have fun, British guy. What is his name, Ronald IV? Yeah, Rupert IV. Rupert. We're almost out of time,

but I did want to do a freestyle advice one. So maybe we'll read this question. We won't delve too much into it. We'll just give our... Straight up advice. Straight up advice. Immediate reaction. Yeah, as a rap, freestyle rap.

Let me read the question first. Of course. It's from a lady. Nice. That means you have to come up with a lady's name. Oh. Salstem. Salstem.

I love it. That was Charlene. Charlene Salstem writes,stem. I love it. That was Charlene. Charlene Salstem writes, I love my husband, but I feel like it's become more of a best friend relationship. Our sexual needs have always been a bit out of sync, and I play a dangerous game of sexual chicken where I stopped initiating sex to see how much he wanted me. The answer ended up being not nearly as much as I need, and the frequency that we have sex has steadily declined until now where almost nothing is happening at all, maybe five times this year. I have told him about my Mexican standoff,

and he made more of an effort, but now I'm entirely disinterested in having sex. I thought maybe my libido was just gone, but recently we tried to set some friends up and went on a double date with them, and the entire time we were at dinner, all I could think about was this other guy, Nick. And if I can get him to choke fuck me in the bathroom before either of our dates missed us. I try to avoid talking to Nick when we hang out with that group of friends because I honestly don't trust myself with him.

But it's really hard to avoid him since we hang out in this group of friends fairly often. The bigger problem is that when I talk to Nick, I get so wet I could drown a toddler, but I can't even get it up for my husband. Should I try to stick it out with my husband until I become disinterested in him sexually again? Sorry, should I try to stick it out with my husband until I become interested in him sexually again?

Or is my attraction to Nick simply a sign that I need to move on thanks charlene p.s i'm 27 we've been together for seven years and sex has been an issue for at least four of them let's go you need that dick you gotta fuck nick you gotta fuck nick he is sick his dick is thick you gotta fuck nick you gotta fuck nick i think that you should just fuck nick yeah drowning in that shit from nick everything you do is so sick have you heard of ashley mad. Take Nick to the Radisson. Oh. Yeah, this shit is happening. That's good. Your husband's got a real small peen.

Oh. I don't even know what that means. Come on. Mine's way bigger in comparison. Yeah. Fuck Nick. Hang out with me and Marvin Harrison. Oh, wow.

He's a pro bowler. All right. Give me a beat because I got to go. Whoa. Hey, you. Stick with your husband. Your life of loveless, sexual nothing. It's an arid desert from now until you die.

But don't cry. You have kids. Invest in them. As you slowly become disinterested in fucking your husband. What's the point? You've seen that dick from end to joint yeah head to joint that's one dick you might want to go and see nicks i don't need a beat i can do it acapella fuck me and nick we are real fine fellas why am i auditioning to have some sex

with charlene well i just know that i'm the best when it comes to having sex we can do it doggy we can hang out oh shit my mom's listening to this podcast right now i'm just best when it comes to having sex we can do it doggy we can hang out oh shit my mom's listening to this podcast right now i'm just kidding i am a virgin so is your husband god is great let's go indeed i do think she shouldn't cheat on her husband oh i think that they should break up isn't it weird it's time for you to wake up oh girl wow take off all that makeup and maybe you can make up wow and i know you really need that dick and your husband's not giving it maybe you should think again if you want to sit consider

it maybe you should not play those games oh i like that sexual life is so insane girl i know you're waiting for that dick let's go i'm done that was really good i felt like i had to top the last time uh thank you so much for joining us. Absolutely. Regaling us with your stories, your raps, your singings, your wisdom, your advice. Anything to plug? Anything at all? Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook.

Just say something. People want more. Snapchat, Hoodward Allen. And let me know if you think that I should perhaps start a podcast of my own. Shout out to the HeadGum Network. You know what we do all day. We out here. You guys, if you want Hoodie to have his own podcast,

hashtag HoodiePodcast. I'm not going to check that hashtag. We will. We will. Oh, we will. If you have your own questions, your own theme songs, submissions, that email address for everything

is if I were you show at gmail.com we'll do our best to answer it sometimes we'll have hoodies sometimes we won't that's just the nature of the business

he's not always in Los Angeles we're doing what we can 140 episodes though hopefully that opening theme song I forget who it was Scream to Breathe

oh yeah Scream to Breathe hell yeah dude already downloaded all his biography West for Claire and his closing one was written by a guy

named Amir, but A-M-E-R. It's called Here Comes the Wolf. Ta-da. Thanks for listening, everybody, and let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! He goes on a wiki page He logs in and he'll make a choice He won't wait for the aftermath Just like a psychopath he grins Cause he knows it's happening somewhere He's so subtle But he's only gone He's a user

He's a co-user Here comes the wolf He's gone, gone Here comes the wolf Here comes the wolf. Here comes the wolf. Here comes the wolf. Here comes the wolf.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.