Segments - 227: Pokemon Go (with Travis McElroy!)

Episode Date: July 31, 2016

We are joined by fellow advice podcaster Travis McElroy to discuss pain, pleasure, and the difference between a canoe and a kayak. This episode is brought to you by MeUndies, BlueApron, and Squarespace! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken.

Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Yo, if I were you, I'd tell you what I'd do Yeah, I'd do me, but yo, do you I'd seize the cheese Can I have some advice, please? Jake and Amir are gonna give it to you

These two Jews hope you threw your blues But if you're nasty, these dudes gonna put you on blast On a Monday, a Thursday Don't matter the time All that matters is you gonna get advice When you shout With a pitch in the mirror The message is clear

Ain't nothing to fear Just look in the mirror They got your back twice If you act nice Help with your life Give you advice If I were you The podcast show

If I were you If I were you If I were you you podcast show okay all right that was really good it's important to me to know right now hi how's it going hey is seize the cheese something you guys have said on the show before or did they make that up for this song wow what do you what do you think oh i wanted to i want to believe that this guy just went seize the cheese it's great i love that it's a good song yeah we said it in one of our first episodes ever really and uh it stuck was it were you talking about literal cheese or was that like you gotta risk it for the biscuit you know that's really good thank you that's griffin's i'm stealing that from him you can secondarily steal it from my little brother that's fine uh i think it was an auto auction

or a police seizure auction yeah it was it was quite literally it was about nacho cheese yeah so it was literal cheese this is real life but then like since then we've gotten like pizza hut and like dominoes like using that phrase to sell their product also when people write in they say like this girl i want to ask her out should i seize the cheese yeah i love that travis mcelroy oh hello uh just got to introduce you for anybody listening that happens to not know who you are which is growingly because, as you told me less than 20 minutes ago, you host eight podcasts? That's correct. Seven on the regular, one once a year. And what's the biggest, most well-known podcast?

It's probably My Brother, My Brother and Me, or Adventure Zone at this point. I mean, both have hit pretty big. My Brother, My Brother and Me is the one I do with my older brother, Justin, and my little brother, Griffin, where we give advice, which I don't know if you guys know about Advice Podcast. Have you heard of this concept?

And we have no idea. We're really bad at it and we have no idea what we're talking about. That sounds a lot. Yeah. You guys should try it. It's really fun.

We might give dumb advice. It's really great. It's so easy because you don't need to know shit. Yeah. And you just start every episode saying, hey, don't do any of this. And you can say whatever the hell you want. It's amazing. I listen to your podcast.

You guys have like a disclaimer. Yeah, yeah. We should do that because otherwise we're idiots. We're not experts. And we're serious about our disclaimer. Like people have written in like, so I do what you guys said. And we're like, no. No, why did you?

No. No, we said terrible things. Awful things. Things that'll send you to prison. Don I did what you guys said. I'm like, no. No, why did you? No. No, we said terrible things. Awful things. Things that'll send you to prison. Don't do the things we said. And people think we're joking when we say don't do the things. So maybe that's one of the main differences

between me and Jake. I think we try to actually give advice. Oh no, do I have to actually give advice on this show? Oh no. It might be that. Oh no. We thought it'd be fun because whenever we ask who we should have on our show everybody's

always like oh you should get the mcelroy brothers from my brother my brother and me they have an advice show me and jake have an advice show so we had the brilliant idea jake and i would go on your guys show you would come on our show both episodes if we play our cards right yeah are out today but you know we let the face decide you know we just roll them bones and see what happened i wish we were in control of it, but who knows. If you haven't listened to My Brother and My Brother and Me,

there's a great chance if we did everything correct that an episode with Jake and I is on right now. And where can people listen to that? You can go to, let's see, the easiest place is probably

mbnbam.com, which will redirect you to maximumfun.org, which is the network that hosts our show. Or you can go on iTunes, search My Brother, My Brother and Me, and you'll find it.

Or you can just Google My Brother, My Brother and Me, and it'll pull it up. We believe in you. If you ever need some more advice podcasts in your life, everybody, please check that out. If your problem with Jake and me have been that there's not a third one of them,

might I suggest My Brother, My Brother and Me? There's three of us. The problem is everyone says that we're two Jews. And I don't think i'm not getting that vibe yeah and i also don't think you can rhyme three let's see three i can't think of a jewish word right three three uh me uh me means which means me in hebrew three of me it's kind of like three brothers i'll give it to you how about this is the new my brother, my brother, and me? Can I tell you? Your studio is far nicer than ours. Oh, really?

I get to be in the same room with you, which almost never happens with me and my brothers. We've recorded 300, well, when this comes out, probably like 314, 315 episodes. I hope we're on pie. We're episode pie. Oh, that would be so cool. As of recording this, we've only ever recorded in the same room not counting live shows like three times holy shit yeah in all those episodes one in a hundred do they so griffin is in austin texas and justin is in huntington west virginia which is where we grew

up damn and uh i'm trying to even when griffin and i lived in cincinnati together like in an apartment we'd go into separate rooms to record because we had no idea of like that normal people recorded in the same room and we're just like okay we're ready to record bye and like we shut our bedroom doors and like recorded our own computers interesting yeah we didn't know any better it wasn't until like 100 episodes later that people were like how do you record in different cities and we're like what do you mean and they're like i don't do that it's like there's nobody there's nobody else i don't think we've ever recorded an episode of our show apart yeah so much of what we do is like talking over each other and if there was even a slight delay

skype or otherwise we've tried to do the whole thing would fall apart we've tried to do video before and it was like the stupidest thing we've ever done because it was like we spent the whole time just making faces at each other and we're like we can't do that i can't see i can't look at you gross weird see if they look at me they can see me zone out and try to think of jokes to come up with while they're talking yeah i'm not listening to the shit they're saying i'm trying to think of what i'm gonna say now yeah or doodling while not listening usually napping a little bit or eating some cereal with it muted you know what i mean yeah got it what's your go-to cereal? You know, when I was young, it was Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

But now, as an older man, I like a nice, like a Crispix, like something where it's just like I feel like an adult cereal or some kind of plain cornflake. I wonder if they should do a single flake. Some sort of cornflake. A large flake that I break up into pieces, you know, something. I wonder if you could get a, or if Cinnamon Toast Crunch is ever going to be like,

why don't we do the Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal without the cinnamon sugar? Is that trying to make it healthy for adults? They have to have like a one-third, it's still kind of like, do they have that where it's like, it's Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but like for adults. Isn't it like, it's like General Mills or whatever.

Like they have a large line of, it's not Cinnamon Toast Crunch isn't the cereal that's like general mills or whatever like they have a large line of it's not cinnamon toast crunch isn't the cereal that's like trying to reinvent itself yeah but like i feel like they add the cinnamon sugar after yeah they can do like oh you just want the toast crunch that's right i'd like toasted crunch i will say i miss the days of my childhood where before everybody was like let's let's make it healthier everyone when you know what french toast crunch yeah fuck it and like everything was like oops all berries and like it's just a bowl full of chocolate chip fucking cookie chris is just straight up cookies in a bowl there was a cereal where they went you know lucky charms what if we removed the cereal part and just had all

marshmallows was that really yeah that cereal hurt my teeth even as a kid yeah i ate it and i was like this isn't right i'm eight and i hate this i'm eight and even i'm like this is no this is diabetes mom and so but like then everyone's like now everything's whole wheat and it's like okay i get that i'm an adult now i've got a kid on the way i'm glad that exists but i miss the kind of like thunderdome no holds barred like what kind of sugar shit can we put in our cereal we don't even like kids once the kid pops out then you'll be right back in the cereal aisle

with the sugary cereal to the point where there was like kicks and everyone was like this is all you got if you want healthy cereal enjoy your kicks I guess the slogan for that was kid tested mother approved yeah it was like this slogan should have been like this is the best we can do

nobody really likes it you're not gonna buy sugar do this one enjoy your kicks a giant box they always came in a giant box yeah to really punish you for buying it like you gotta work your way through this i didn't say the results so much right now i pops was my shit you guys remember waffle crisp oh yeah waffle crisp like if you ate waffle crisp you could i always felt i was like 12 and i felt like i was having a stroke like if you ate waffle crisp you could i always felt i was like 12 and i felt like i was having a stroke because if you ate waffle crisp you would smell the waffle crisp for days afterwards i felt like it was like smelling your hands and like your face like where why do i still it's like up your nose like it just got everywhere it was so pervasive

you could smell it did golden grams ever had marshmallows or is that just no there was there was uh chocolate golden grams was that it i No, there was chocolate Golden Grahams. Was that it? I feel like it was Golden Grahams and chocolate Grahams mixed together in a thing. There was s'more cereal, Rice Krispies treat cereal. Oh, yeah. Rice Krispies treat cereal.

Cereal's going to be illegal soon, in the same way that large sodas are. Pretty soon. You think someone's going to be like, why do we even make this stuff anymore? I'm like, what? Oh. In the same way cigarettes can't market to kids, I have a feeling like you can't have

an animated tiger yelling at kids during Disney shows to eat your sugar cereal for breakfast. It's not okay. It's going to be illegal, I bet, within the next, I don't know, 7,000 years, I bet. Somewhere around there. 7,000, yeah. So we have emails. We have real emails from real people. Oh, okay.

Sorry to interrupt. You didn't mention who wrote the song, I don't think. Oh, yeah. So we have emails. We have real emails from real people. Oh, okay. Sorry to interrupt. You didn't mention who wrote the song, I don't think. Oh, yeah. His name was Nick, and he's from Australia. That's really good. Nick was sitting at the edge of his seat just thinking we were never, ever going to hear that. You sons of bitches. Shit.

I wrote you a song. Mate. Screaming mate over and over. Mate. Come on, mate. I can't. Oh, this is shit. I'm not even going to try to.

I have no idea how to do accents. He said, I hope you enjoyed listening to me failing to hide my Australian accent in a shitty rap. I never would have guessed, Nate. I also never would have guessed. I thought you did great.

It's interesting how when you sing, you don't have an accent. Yeah, it's really hard to like... I've got no idea what genre of music that was, by the way. It was like... It was like R&B rap. Yeah.

It was like genuine, but Australian&b rap yeah it was like genuine but australia oh yeah australia genuine australian genuine that's a very specific theme that he hit and i guarantee that there's somebody that if you say nationality an american pop star yeah that person exists in that country and calls themselves that yes there is someone in australia who's like i'm'm the Australian genuine. I want to meet like the Kenyan Kesha. Oh, that's good. That's a fun alliteration.

Yeah. That's fun. What about Kenyan Lamar? So it's a Kenyan Kendrick Lamar. Oh, that's cool too. Oh, yeah. What about an Estonian Eminem? So it's all about alliteration.

Yeah. All right. Okay. So like we said, this is an advice podcast. It's called If I Were You. This is actually the only advice podcast on the internet

that Jake and I host. Oh, okay. Fair enough. That's a good twist at the end there. We've got to give it a disclaimer. We used to be

the only advice guest hosted by brothers and then the vlog brothers started a podcast and we were like, well, hold on. And they do an advice. No, they're great.

I love them very much and they talk about our show on there all the time. Okay. Well, you say the word, we'll take them out. Well, I'll let you. And they do an advice. No, they're great. I love them very much. And they talk about our show on there all the time. Okay. Well, you say the word. We'll take them out. Well, I'll let you know if they ever said their advice. Right now, they do sincere advice.

If they ever said any bad advice, watch out. There will be a turf war. And it's going to be in Cincinnati, Austin, Texas, and Huntington, West Virginia. We've got a lot of different fronts going. Yeah. You guys have three states. So these are real emails from real people travis why don't you give me a fake man's name that uh we'll give this guy just to preserve his anonymity uh cletus

jenkins that's pretty good thank you did you know any do you actually know any cleat i do my dad actually does a radio show with a guy named cleat i don't know that it's his uh given name but he is a country music performer who does a comedy kind of weird-al thing for country music. Took on the name Cletus T. Judd. Right. You hear Cletus a lot in comedy,

but unless, I don't know, I'm not from West Virginia, are people actually named that? I don't know. I've never known anyone that were like, I was born a Cletus. Yeah. My given name is Cletus.

My parents looked upon me and said, ah, a Cletus. Yeah. A wild Cletus my parents looked upon me and said ah a cletus yeah a wild cletus appears a cletus fetus nice that was good that was really good should we keep doing going or is that no that's fine we can end it yeah we can just end the show there we're not gonna do any better than that cletus fetus jenkins writes hey guys day one listener and i've uh i've never been in a really bad situation That was interesting to write in about Until now I matched with a smoke piece dime show

On Tinder And everything was going normally A hot lady I thought it was like a gun Or maybe some kind of drug paraphernalia Which would be a way more exciting Tinder match I matched with a hot girl on Tinder We talked about our jobs and hobbies And and we were getting along really well.

After a couple of days, the conversation finally heated up, and we started talking about sex and asking each other what we liked. Then it started getting weird. She started asking me strange things like, are you strong? Have you ever been in a fight? Then she sent me the message, if I gave you a blowjob, would you beat me up? Sorry. No, no, no you beat me up? Sorry. No, no, no.

Let me say that again. If I gave you a blowjob, would you let me beat you up? Ah. Yeah. That makes more sense. Way better. I kind of dodged the question, and I asked her why she wanted that. And she basically said being able to beat up a big, strong guy would turn her on.

For reference, I'm six feet and pretty muscular, and she's 5'3 and tiny and doesn't even seem very athletic. To be honest, when I think about her beating me up, it kind of turns me on. But I think that's just because she's hot. We've been having role-playing conversation where she is telling me how she'd beat me up, and she's super into it. I really do like her, and of course a blowjob sounds great, but I'm honestly scared that if I do this, then she's going to get carried away and seriously hurt me or something. I can't tell if this is just a kink or if she's legit insane. Should I do it?

Love, Cletus Jenkins. Okay, one, Cletus, she is not legit insane. This is like legit insane is like a real thing, and this is not that. Yeah, she's within the realm of normalcy. This is like legit insane. It's like a real thing. And this is not that. Yeah, she's within the realm of normalcy. This is completely normal. This is a fetish, not a disorder. Yeah. You know, the thing is, to jump way, way back to the very beginning of this question.

Oh, back to the cereal? Yeah, back to the cereal. Can we talk about that intro song for a second? I met my wife and have been with her since long before like tinder or anything was a thing pre-tinder pre-app i was yeah so like i'm i met my wife in like 2008 i want to say 2009 we've been together for like you know going on seven eight years now yeah congrats uh hey thanks we're pretty great. And so, but even like, I remember when like AOL Instant Messenger started being a thing. Oh, yeah.

And like, I was instantly wary and didn't believe anybody who was like, I am a girl and I think you're nice. And I'd be like, I've fallen for that before in the conversation. So already. You still think your wife is catfishing. I don't trust her. I don't trust her one bit. What's she after?

But here's the thing. I'm confused by what the issue is here. If she wants to beat you up and she thinks that would turn her on, and the idea of her beating you up kind of turns you on, that seems a way to win. I don't... Unless she has secret Krav Maga training, where she's going to...

She's hustling you. Yeah, where she's gonna like she's hustling you she seems like not that like brutal but like when you really get down to it she's going to just destroy you like when you lose that pool for a game you're like alright you wanna start playing for money and then you turn it on unless she's hustling you

he's gonna be like alright hit me as hard as you can and like stick his face out and then she's gonna knee him in the groin. Yeah. Like, pumped. She's just going to Bruce Lee the shit out of him. And like, you know, water in a bowl. He goes flying backwards through a brick wall.

Roundhouse kick to the temple and he's instantly dead. You said it was okay. You promised me it was fine. It does seem like that's his big fear. Like, he's down to wrestle a little bit. But he's like, I don't want this to get out of hand but the thing is is like this isn't the first time anyone's dealt with this problem that's why safe words exist oh yeah is that you say like you know the safe word is nilla wafer or whatever and then like she punches you super hard you're

like nilla wafer nilla wafer as she's walking towards him nilla for no way i gotta go she starts putting on just like gloves coated in like broken glass and you're like no way for no way for no no no no flavor i forget and then you're dead but i think the problem is is like this is not a sustainable fetish that this is like you you're not going to form a relationship based on her giving you a blowjob and then beating you up every time wow like because like that happens once but for the next time she's like hey do you want a blowjob you're like that's it and then you start like having a pavlovian response where you start fearing blowjobs yeah because you know what happens after you start flinching from blows to blows that's what they call it but like you're not going to end up in like a committed relationship

with someone who in order to be sexually engaged with you has to beat you up yeah what an exchange rate that is yeah and also for her to like it sounds like they've never done anything sexual before so to want to start there sounds like we haven't even met yet right so like it should be like we met we had sex and we've been like seeing each other for a couple weeks and then she proposed to this deal i feel like the question he has to ask is like is does she really need to? Like when I play with my little cousins and I'm like high five way up high, way down low. And they like, and I do you're too slow and they like catch me or whatever.

And I'm like, oh, you got me. Like I could actually, I'm pretty fast. I don't know what you guys have heard, but he could get away from her. There was that one time where it looked like he legit clipped his finger. No, no fucking chance. No, no, no. Go to the replay. We'll from it. There was that one time where it looked like he legit clipped his finger. No fucking chance. No, no, no. Go to the replay. We'll watch it.

When you had his nose that one time and he didn't buy it, it seems like he knew that you didn't really have his nose. Right, and then there was that time when he had my nose

and I acted, but I wasn't acting entirely. I legit looked in the mirror just really quick. Just to make sure that he didn't have your nose. It's still... All right, it's your fucking thumb, bro.

I never felt for a second. It's not like this is a one-off deal. I'd do it. I'd do it. Because I thought you were going to say that she wanted you to beat up her husband or something. Like, how big and strong are you? Could you come beat up her husband? That's dangerous.

No, no, no. But just like, this sounds like she's looking for kind of a one-off experience and if you're like considering it maybe you're down for the same thing would you be down would you be down to get beat up you know no five foot three is like not like a tiny five year old that's like a fully grown adult human i just feel like there are a lot more questions to ask like i wouldn't i would be interested like, wrestling or something and letting somebody pin me. But if the fetish is legit, she wants to, like, kick and punch me until I'm in a lot of pain, then I think, no, I can get a blowjob another place. Yeah.

They're not – blowjobs are, like, you know, they're rare, but they're not – Yeah, but this girl's really hot. Yeah. I think it's still i feel confident that i could get a blowjob from an attractive you know i'm gonna go with i would not do it but to be fair cletus does say like the idea of it kind of like he's into it too yeah so like hey like don't judge her if you're like no i'm also kind of into the idea like oh man i'd fear that like i'd snap to like a self-defense mode,

and that's when it becomes a bad situation. Oh, you'd be like Jason Bourne. Yeah. Oh, I was threatened. They'd slap me, and then I would slap her back. She's like, whoa. I'm like, whoa, sorry. I don't know what happened.

The blood just came in my eyes. Yeah. I saw red. I couldn't help it. Holy shit, I have Navy SEAL training. I've been tickled before, and when I'm wriggling to get away, I've hit someone. And then I was like, oh, my god, i'm so sorry it was like such a fun silly moment

and then i hit somebody by accident when i took a stage combat class in college and like we were practicing like you know the naps oh yeah and my teacher came by and like that word of like warning grabbed my like wrist and held my fist up and said completely seriously i want everyone to look at this travis has fists of iron if he would ever accidentally punch someone he would kill them wow i was like what like one i don't like when i was 21 and this happened i was like the power but now at like you know 32 i'm like i wouldn't i've never been in a series fight in my life i don't even know how to really punch that good i guarantee i would not one shot kill someone with my punch but at 21 i was like i have to be careful i bet you can never maybe not kill but i bet you can like concuss a

cat with those like you have very thick hands i could concuss a cat i've killed cats if you box the cat yeah i killed that once too by. I killed a cat once too, by accident. I killed a mouse on purpose. I didn't, I didn't feed it for a week by accident though. I was cat sitting. That is true. Like, here's the thing,

man. Like the human body is not nearly as like resilient as we think it is, especially depending on how old Cletus is. Yeah. If this girl like punches him wrong in the nose, he could die. Yeah. Like, that's a very real possibility.

Like, if she punches you in the temple too hard, you could die. I don't know that this is worth it. Yeah. Well, I like what you said about a safe word. I feel like having a safe word is a good start. The problem is if she pays up front with a blowjob, and then, like, you get hit once, and you're like, nil a waiver, and she's like, what the fuck? Oh, yeah, like you got off and I really did. I punched you once.

You'd have to set up, you'd get at least six punches, and then if I were to institute the safe for it, you've got a lot to work out before you engage in this. Yeah, you guys have to sign a contract. She also said that they did role-playing over text, right? Right. So maybe that's a good indicator of how serious she was. And then I stab you. Okay, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. If it hits to my back or shoulder, I can handle a lot.

If it's like she wants me to expose my face while she punches and slaps and kicks my balls, I can't take that very much. No, no, no, no, no. Not worth it. Balls and face are off-limits. Yeah. I think that's a fair rule.

Same as growing up fighting with brothers. No balls, no face. Come on, be. Not worth it. Balls and face are off limits. Yeah. I think that's a fair rule. Same as growing up fighting with brothers. No balls, no face. Come on, be cool. Did you guys beat each other up? We did a lot, but never punched in the face with balls. That was always like, whoops, I'm sorry. We're done. Fight's done.

Don't tell mom. Don't tell mom. No, no, it's okay. By the time we got to Griffin, we would just pick him up. Yeah. Because Joss and I fought like crazy. What's the age difference between you guys? Joss and I are exactly three years apart.

We have the same birthday three years apart same birthday same birthday november your middle right yes and then griffin is about three and a half years younger than me so oh so it's three three three that's like you and your brothers isn't it yeah we're four four four excellent but i'm the youngest how's that it's nice right yeah i imagine it is i only knew for three years i wasn't able to fully appreciate it an interesting interesting thing about your birthday, 11-8, is that it's kind of my birthday, which is 1-18. Okay. We'll count it.

So we got another email here. Another guy's name? Let's go with Orion Jones. That's great. Thank you. That's a strong name. He's a superhero detective. Did you just make that up? Yeah, I did. That's really good. Thank you.

Fuck you. Orion Jones, attorney at law, writes, Last winter, I went on a poorly planned canoe trip in a remote location. One member of the group, let's call him Sinead, had never been on a canoe before. We only made it a couple hundred meters up the

river before he managed to tip the canoe, sending us into the ice-cold water. We had to turn back right away, get into our cars, and warm up not to die of hypothermia. We're planning to attempt the trip again this summer. How do I tell Sinead we don't want him to come this time? He's Indian, like from India. Not the kind that knows how to canoe, obviously.

Cool. Cool, cool. Orion. Come on. Racist at the end. I was on your side he was just saying if it helps color the story it didn't color the story he also he implied that all native americans know should know how to canoe i also did not need to know the ethnicity of the person who tipped a canoe over to be like oh he Indian. Of course. If there's one thing I know about India, it's their tipping canoe ability. Yeah, tip a canoe. And Tyler, too.

Nice, dude. Isn't he from West Virginia? No. Has any president ever been from West Virginia? What's from West Virginia? What is it? Me. Cole.

Who's the biggest name from West Virginia? Oh, man. Kevin Pitsnoggle? Is it Kevin Pitsnoggleel i don't know if that is west virginia mountaineer uh the mountaineers at marshall university is pretty big we made a movie oh we are marshall from yeah randy moss is from huntington chad pittington oh that's pretty well he went to marshall i don't know if he's from huntington right um soupy sales is from huntington soupy sales um we uh brad dorff is from huntington. Soupy Sales. Brad Dorff is from Huntington.

Who? You're more famous than that guy. No, no, no. I should be from Huntington. You've seen Dune? No. Oh, he's in that. Anyways, it doesn't matter.

You're more famous than that guy. We don't have a ton of people. You guys could be in the Wikipedia page. I think we are maybe one of the, we're in the top 100. That's great. Most famous people ever. The Huntington 100, they call it. Yeah.

That's amazing. Very elite. It's you, Randy Moss, your two brothers. They're still filling out the rest. Cletus. They're wives. Yeah, our wives are up there. We all do podcasts with them.

Ever been on a trip where you didn't want to invite somebody? You know, I am like, I am times uh overly inclusive i i too much like yeah if i'm gonna throw a thing and it's like like when we had our wedding they were like we can fit 100 at most 120 and i was like i want to invite 150 people and i did and thank god like i invited most people knowing they couldn't come yeah so we ended up, like, getting down to the 100 number after RSVPs were in. But, like, it was driving me crazy to, like, I was like, but this one guy that I was friends with when we were nine, he'd be so hurt if I didn't invite him. My wife was like, he doesn't care. You don't know.

What are you arguing about? And I was like, no, this is important. What about bachelor party? That's an even smaller list. Yeah, okay, bachelor party is a good bet but the thing is is it's been a year right they said it was in winter it's been like a at least six seven months right yeah yeah i i don't think you need to tell him oh you just don't say anything yeah you just go and they're like oh i didn't even think like with social media he'll find

he'll find out if he's part of the crew but here's the thing the question is is it better to find out afterwards and let him assume things or just straight up tell him to his face we don't want you to be there one thing is definitely harder yeah i there's a bit of a so i'm not saying it's better but there's a bit of like a social understanding of like you going like oh like we didn't even think like because we know you're not super interested in canoeing and because remember i didn't even tip we honestly just didn't think about it and obviously you're lying and they know you're lying and you know they know you're lying i think that would work if they didn't like just a millennial uh like language that we all speak which is what just like a sort of a passive apology like excuse after the fact i think

so like oh so or i'm gonna try to come by oh yeah i'll try to make it it feels like everybody like my parents and my grandparents generation was like very blunt and told you how it was yeah aziz ansari has a great bit about that in uh his stand-up special modern love what kind of indian is he uh i think he's the kind that doesn't know how to paddle a canoe. He's the tip of canoe kind. But where he talks about like back in the day, like if you made plans with someone and you went like you were away from your phone.

So either they showed up or you assumed they were dead. And nowadays it's like right up until 30 seconds before they're supposed to be there. They can text you and be like, can't make it. And you're like, I'm standing here like, and you're constantly scrolling through your phone, looking for things to do. I mean, I'm guilty of this too, they can text you and be like, can't make it. And you're like, fuck, I'm standing here. And you're constantly scrolling through your phone,

looking for things to do. I mean, I'm guilty of this, too, of going through. I'm like, anybody doing anything? As I've made plans with someone that I want to cancel. Even the way, when I say I can't do something, my friend's like, hey, do you want to come over for dinner? I'll go, uh, maybe not, which means no. But maybe it's supposed to be 50-50.

Maybe technically means I could come but i'm saying maybe not instead of no because it just feels rude when he's like you want to get dinner and i say no i think that if you're planning you have to have a reason that you can't but yeah you have sometimes you just don't want looking forward to having a kid kids can be the best he sees to get me out of shit now i'm already using it with my wife pregnant where like we get to a party we're there for an hour and it's time to leave i'm like she's really pregnant yeah at what point do you start texting the kid like hey i'm not gonna make the baseball game not gonna be a baseball game i'm i don't know i'm gonna be honest with you i'm just napping yeah maybe not i'm gonna try to come through yeah i'll keep you posted there's a

marathon of star wars movies they can't make it um i think that if how far out in advance did they say they were planning this uh planning to attempt the trip again this summer if you're far enough out i think you say hey we're doing this thing last time you ruined it you tipped the canoe and but we want you to go because we like you but we need you to go take some canoe lessons and not fuck it up again by the way it's also it's summer now like there was a real risk when they fell in the ice cold water if it falls in the summery water that's kind of fine go kayaking instead. It's way harder to tip a kayak.

Oh, yeah. I don't even know the difference. So canoe, as I understand, I'm not an expert, but a canoe sits lower in the water and is straighter sides. And a kayak kind of like you get in and it's kind of curved up. And it's a lot easier. Like it sits higher in the water. It's easier to maneuver.

I've gone kayaking before. I've only canoed once in my life and a kayak like you roll up and they're just like here's your kayak here's your paddle here's your vest don't die and it's like it's really easy not to fuck up it's exhausting it's really hard but like works the triceps yeah i mean in your chest like if you're not prepared you will die so our advice is uh invite your friend but switch it from a canoe to a kayak. And maybe tell them to practice stuff. Go to the gym.

Do some rowing exercises. Do something. Is crew canoe or kayaking? I think it's canoeing. Oh, shit. That's why they call it k-crew. Yeah, exactly. I forgot they called it that.

But here's the thing. Your friend fucked up this canoe trip last time. I think you're well within your rights. Like, hey, we're going on this thing. I want you to know ahead of time. Last time. Because you fucked it up last time. Yeah, last time we could have died because of you.

So this time we're going to do the thing where we don't invite you. And then when we come back, if you want to go to an arcade or whatever you're good at, we'll go do that. If this guy really, really is adamant, like, no, I want to come on the canoe trip, then I think if you get him a boat they can't tip over you get a little give him a really embarrassing like say like a swan and he's gotta like you know run his feet to paddle a floaty a donut float yeah and he's gonna sit by him by himself like you tie it to the back you tie it to the back of the kayak he's wearing a donut floaty like that cartoon that's great you could chill you could drink a beer you do your thing float down the lazy river. Yeah. I will say a similar thing happened to me

and my older brother and some of his friends, one of whom his family had like a whitewater rafting business about an hour north of Huntington. They were like, hey, we're going whitewater rafting. And so I went with them. I think I was like 19 at the time. And there were lots of instructions that we received, one of which was like like if we hit rapids

don't stop paddling unless we tell you to right and we hit a big rapid and it like bounces up almost like at a 90 degree angle to the water and so i immediately like ducked down in the boat i was like fuck this i don't want to die yeah and so when i came back up like there were eight of us in the boat originally when we landed there were three of us left in the boat and the other five were just like floating around. And the three cowards were the ones that survived. You're holding on instead of paddling. And so if after that, my brother would be like, hey, you're not going whitewater rafting with us anymore. You are terrible at it.

I'd be like, I totally get that. I hate it every second. It's possible your friend hated it. It's like a prisoner's dilemma. You can either hold the boat and survive or paddle and try to fall out, but try saving everyone. I'm always going to duck down on the boat. I'm the most important everywhere I go.

If you land and you're in the boat, you should immediately just jump out and pretend that you fell. If right now this whole studio tipped over, I'd let you guys go. I wouldn't even try to help you. Yeah, I would just, you hold on, you survive, and then you fall out.

You're like, you bastards, you didn't paddle. Yeah, you come up like, well, I was the whole time. I don't know what you guys are talking about. I paddled extra hard. That's why I stayed on. Yeah. Oh, were you guys not paddling hard enough? Oh, shame, shame.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. All right, let's take a break. We'll thank a few sponsors, and we'll be back with more advice giving after this. Thank you to squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show hell yeah jake you've been building on squarespace for decades at this point exactly eons it feels like yes so you know how easy it is to use their simple intuitive drag and drop design technology yes yes yes easy to, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop.

Yeah, it's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help.

I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. You know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own freaky tuesday interesting freaky

tuesday so that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change but ultimately it's not a full body swap right mostly you're just concussed yeah which is new just kind of like having a new personality yeah it's funny i consider myself a vision lifter which is why i recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to

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How do these questions compare to the ones that are in your show? You know we so uh they're longer um i am the one who goes through the questions for my brother my brother and me is it email too yeah and we get a lot at this point and the tricky thing is like we don't want to like give real advice and so many people ask for real advice and it's like oh that's not funny um so you're just sad yeah sometimes we get sad like you know we pride ourselves on like we've built a very strong like community and relationship with our listeners and so sometimes like people like really need help and really want us to help but it's like yeah we

we can't not only are we not prepared to like that's not what the show and it always feels a little bit like gut-wrenching that's like i, I really want to help you, but I can't. And then what percentage of questions do you get are relationship questions? 92? Yeah. That's really what people have the most problems with. It's the most confusing thing, because everything else is about you. And then, like, how do I deal with somebody else?

That's the confusing part of life. Or the thing that we get relationship, best friends-roommate questions. Oh, yeah. And office. Like like i hate my co-worker or my boss is terrible like those three types of questions make up about 95 right and then there's some silly fun ones yeah we did we did one week like just like i think it was like all roommate questions oh yeah because we were like after that week please don't ask us any more roommate questions for a year that didn't go well but

like that's the thing is like we get i would say at this point about 400 questions a week holy shit and we do maybe four yeah like i put six on the list and we get to four yeah and so it's like it takes about three hours to go through all of them once a week and then to pick the ones that i'm like i think this will be okay well written funny and short like that's the thing is we're usually looking for like two or three sentences oh two or three sentences yeah well because the thing is is like people always try to like fill in all these details and it's like oh no that's too specific and that's not funny do you ever like what do you edit not really questions i mean i used to right when we first started out i would be like oh this is a really good question but it's like five paragraphs long and i was like we get so many questions now that i don't have to add and

we've also said on the show like keep them short right if you want them on the show we're looking for like two to three sentences and then like someone will send like an eight paragraph thing it's like i told you i told you specifically not to do this so now i just like buzz past those right you know so these are good to answer answer your question, these questions are good. Okay, great. I was just looking for validation. Yeah, yeah. You guys are great.

I'm having a great time. We haven't had any... I feel like the influx of Pokemon Go questions will start soon. Yeah. Oh, very much so. We're already getting those on all my other shows. Are all three of you playing? I think so.

I definitely am. Yeah. Not obsessively yet, but it's a really good time killer when you're like... Especially in LA, sometimes we've got to park like a half a mile away from the place you're actually trying to get to you might as well kill yeah you're just like walking you don't kill them no you catch them you gotta catch them all it's not you gotta murder them all then what do you do after you catch them like you raise them like your babies oh really once you have them you do things to them yeah you don't do things it's not weird you either want to kill

them or have sex with them i want to fuck a little charizard well you can do that too but you gotta pay extra for that expansion so you're walking around you're collecting the yeah you're collecting them and then there's like gyms and like you can rename oh yeah what's a gym so basically a gym is like a really uh usually it's someplace that's like super popular in the real world. Like Central Park? Yeah, exactly. And then you would go and somebody is like... Basically, they have established that they own the gym, and you have to defeat their Pokemon to take control of the gym. Oh, and you can only do that if you have all of the best Pokemon. Yeah, so you've got to raise your Pokemon and make them stronger

so you can compete in the gyms. How do you make Pokemon stronger? Oh, God, it's so dorkyy if you spend some money on the food packs then well feed them basically every time you catch a pokemon you gain stardust and pokemon candy of that specific type and then you can feed them some candy and i guess sprinkle candy makes you go stronger and it makes them stronger listen i know it's dumb as i like this is like the fifth time in two days that I've had to explain it. And you get halfway through the first sentence. We're like, listen, I know.

I know how this. It sounds like it's how I felt every time I've ever explained a fantasy novel I love a lot. I'm like, so there are these elves. Is it any dumber than somebody when I overhear people talking about Game of Thrones? No. It's not any dumber than basketball. That's not fair. No, no, no.

Fuck that. Oh, yeah. We run and we try to shoot the hoop. Give me a bucket. Thrones or did you see it's not any dumber than like basketball no no no fuck that oh yeah we run and we try to shoot the I love sports very much but if you've ever tried to explain sports to someone who's not at all like football is it great I love football but like when you try to explain like why they did the play and what the action was and you watch someone just go

and just like shut off you're like I okay he threw it he caught it it was good and it's like okay great thank you so much i got that that's like that's how i feel explaining pokemon go to people like at any video game where it's like my wife has never been a video game player like she used to play wow and she's played like dnd and everything but she just doesn't play video games but she loves watching me play them until i try to explain what i'm doing to her and she's like i don't care like she watches skyrim and like and she's like oh yeah that's those are i like i

also prefer watching people that oh it's great because especially those ones where it's like really immersive we're like she knows skyrim is like the game where i'm the lizard person with the wife at a house and she's like how's your wife doing i was like she doesn't exist when i'm not there and she's like she probably misses you and i'm I was like, she doesn't exist when I'm not there. And she's like, she probably misses you. And I'm like, okay, honey. And like, so I'll make a trip to go visit my wife in my house in Whitehaven. And it's like, so like that, that's fun. And you don't really get that in Pokemon Go. Like there's nothing in Pokemon Go that makes it cool.

Like I get that. You can't be like, the graphics. I mean, the coolest thing is like pointing your camera at a thing and seeing like a Pidgey sitting on your desk. Like, it's a good evolution of video games. Two questions. Yes. One, can you win? You can be the very best like no one ever was.

But to catch them is your real test and to train them is your cause. Is this a Steve Tom? It is. It is, in fact, to the cartoon. To train them is's your cause yeah um because there are no better causes to fight for in the world right now except you're wrong um no it's dumb that's the thing it's dumb just like pokemon was dumb it like all of them have been dumb and anybody sitting there listening going oh hold on no it's dumb and that's okay like it's okay for things to be dumb and fun and they are like like mobile gaming is on. No, it's dumb. And that's okay. It's okay for things to be dumb and fun.

And they are. Like mobile gaming is supposed to be. It's just dumb. So it's a thing you do to kill time between and to get out of the house and go do a thing. And anyone who sits there and is like, let me tell you how cool it is. It's like, no, no, no. You are wrong. It's not stupid.

I love it very much. And it's very dumb. And so there's all these reporters are killing me right now because legit media wants to talk about how stupid Pokemon is. I'm just going, yeah, you're absolutely right. What's the story? You ever play Pong, man? Pong is dumb. Are you kidding me?

That shit was dumb. But it's fun. Most games are kind of dumb. They're just enjoyable. It's dumb. It's fun. It's not like breaking news. Like, oh, this game isn't intelligent yeah that's fine it's not a math test and my second question is this came out of left field for me if you're a gamer did you know

that this was coming for a while well i highly anticipated they've been talking about it for a long time so long in fact that i think people kind of like lost interest in it okay because this is like years as far as I know that this has been in development and talked about. Got it. And then it was just like, it's done now, here. And it was like, oh, cool, great. They weren't like, it's coming Tuesday.

Well, I think they're doing like a slow release of things. Like it's still not available in Asia. It's still not available in Europe as far as I know. Oh, wow. It might be by the time that this comes out, but like it's under reporting. I don't believe it is. I wonder if it'll help tourism.

I mean, probably. If there was a Pokemon that's only in Spain, wouldn't a bunch of doofs want to go there? I mean, they do that specifically, where it's like, if you get, for example, water type, you only find around water sources in real life. And it's like, if you want specific type of Pokemon, you've got to go to Spain. In fact, there have been people jokingly asking about, on twitter like hey they should put rare pokemon at polling places in november oh wow yeah dog they should that's an excellent point i can already see the south park episode about this where they're like it's a factory of people working but they're actually just playing pokemon go so they don't have to pay them anything yeah it's listen it's dorky

i get it and you know what it's trending towards like a dystopian thing very much and you know it's so easy to make fun of like i like i it's because it's it's like it basically the parody's right itself of somebody like walking to a pit while they're looking in their phone i get that but that's great let me write that down the thing is like we live in a world we live in a culture and a society right now i can't speak for other uh like countries but like where it's so easy to make fun of things that are fun but dumb. Where it's like, yeah, man, I know. It's fun. It's like people who hate on My Little Pony or that kind of thing.

Yeah, this doesn't affect your life whatsoever. You're just being snarky and making fun of something someone enjoys. It's okay for people to like things yeah without them being like rembrandts and like the beatles like it's okay they say that about like trains in the 50s like look at this miniature train what a waste of time it's all been that shit where it's like monopoly it'll never catch on it's like it's fine man that's cool computers this is dumb who's ever heard of role-playing games and it's like i did um yeah there's just all this shit where it's just like yeah and you know what it's fine yeah me playing

pokemon go doesn't affect your life at all don't worry about unless you bump into someone because well on that they're they should punch me in the nose i bet data rates are gonna go up too oh most like walking around oh yeah it kills your battery like it destroys your battery that's why you have nine Mophies. Yeah, I've got my Mophie plugged in right now so I can get it charged back so I can, on my walk back to my car. Yeah. I'm pretty excited. You have an external battery pack, two Mophies, a computer, and you brought an iMac just to charge your other Mophie.

Yeah, and I also have my gas generator sitting outside of the building. So I'm all set. All right. Do you want to be able to answer one last question before you get the heck out of here? Sure. Great. Oh, I'm not going anywhere. Oh, I'm not leaving at all.

I live here now. That's great. It's very nice. Yeah. I mean, you're in LA, so you might as well use our studio whenever the heck you want. Well, I have you on record saying that. You all heard it. That's legally binding.

I only say that because I know you're moving out of los angeles that's fair where are you moving i'm moving back to cincinnati uh with the baby on the way like my family is uh about two hours from cincinnati and theresa's family is about an hour away from cincinnati and we we were only ever planning to stay in la for like two years to like feel it out and be like hey and i podcast full-time so i can do it from anywhere um it's fucking what a future you can live anywhere you want does your wife is her job mobile too well she doesn't like we both just do podcasts and you know uh our our job is being on the internet it's super fun i highly recommend it everyone should do it yeah we could live anywhere

we want you choose to live in this fucking hellhole that hasn't seen water in 10 years. It's true. Jesus. It's becoming Planet Arrakis from the movie and book, Dune. See, not a drop of rain ever falls on Arrakis. Let me say a little bit about Dune. As long as we're talking about dorky shit. So there's this guy, Paula Trank.

We're at the four-hour mark. Also known as Maudie. We really have to. We really have to we really have okay okay you told him he could live in the studio i didn't i'll come back every episode tell you a little bit about dune each time this door is locked we can't get out two sentences of dune every episode uh all right there's a question it's actually from a middle-aged man okay the other two could have been too that's oh's true. Oh, I need to give you a name, don't I? A name that's specifically middle-aged.

I like the idea of a racist middle-aged man going on a canoe trip with his friend. I secretly hate my Indian friend. Let's go with Charizard. Charizard. I need a good last name No, Eli Charizard Charizard was the ultimate last name He's Jewish, I like that

Moved in with my girlfriend And our once glorious sex life Has dwindled into a luxury so rare That every blue moon it happens I feel like a 14th century Noble woman enjoying chocolate which for all she knows you know a very relatable uh analogy which we all got the not having sex one yeah like you didn't need this and then like let me explain to you what not having sex is almost more so if he

was like not giving himself chocolate then we would need the reference 14th century noble woman enjoying chocolate which for all she knows may or may not be the last chocolate ever shipped in from the new world for another decade how could i stop from being a classic sitcom middle-aged man condemned to a sexless marriage because i'm so so tired of sneaking out of bed when she falls asleep to masturbate to porn on my iphone in the cold bathroom it's getting sad heat up the bathroom step one and there are big scary spiders in there what p.s when sex happens it's great she comes or at least pretends to every time super cool yeah great um i there is a very

real answer to that oh really yeah the fact of the matter is is chances are if you step back and you take a look from the uh situation from the, you are taking for granted, you're taking your girlfriend or significant other for granted. How so? Because you live together now and you see each other. When you didn't used to live together, it was probably like when you were going to go on a date, you like, you know, cleaned yourself up and you made plans to do things and you went out and you met somewhere nice and you really like earned it and were very romantic. And now, yeah, now you live together and you're like sitting on the couch watching Netflix and you're like, we you really earned it and were very romantic. And now you live together and you're sitting on the couch watching Netflix

and you're like, we'll probably have sex tonight. Well, you used to work for it. Yeah. And you both did. I'm not saying you have to work to earn sex from anybody, but you used to make an occasion out of it

and it was a thing where you'd go on a date and it was very romantic and you established an air of romance. Oh, yeah. Whereas now you're just assuming sex happens because you're in a relationship, and that's not sexy.

There's nothing romantic about that at all. Would you say he has to lower or raise his sexpectations? I think what you should focus on is, especially, I'm sorry to call you out, but if you're sneaking off to the bathroom to masturbate, it sounds like you're pretty focused on your own needs and your own wants. Oh.

And I would say that if your significant other, their interest in sex has decreased, it's probably because you are not making them feel sexy oh that you are not making them feel wanted so that's much better are you sure you don't want to host a legit advice giving podcast yeah that was like fucking i could i can't even add anything to i've been working a lot i've done 314 episodes every so often i learn a little bit about relationships i was gonna say he should not even go to the bathroom anymore. He should just fucking do it in bed. And if she rolls over, he's like, check it out.

But I think that at the end of the day, like, you should focus on making her happy and giving her whatever it is that you're not doing. Yeah. And you know what? It might, I'm not saying it's all your fault. I think it might be both of you. But the only person whose actions you can control are your own. And also, tell her. Like, if you're sneaking off to the bathroom, like, you would be amazed how much your life will benefit just by saying, like, hey, I want you to know, like, what I'm thinking and feeling right now.

And in this moment, I feel like we've kind of lost a little bit of the spark. And I don't want it to be like that. I want to find it again. And we should do whatever we need to do that and like it's important to me because sitting on it and feel knowing you feel that way and not telling your partner is a really great way to ruin your relationship because you know it and you know how you feel you're writing into an advice podcast you shouldn't be talking to us about it you should talk to her about it uh i think do you want us to unmount the you have to drop the mic well i'll

just take it and walk around the room i feel like i should be here it's mounted to this maybe you can lower it onto the couch yeah because that's a mic drop that's the end that's the right answer i mean really when it comes down and uh because i will say that even though we do bad joking advice on the podcast like the number one answer to any interpersonal question is always like, okay, have you told them? Because if not, that's step one all the time. It's like, you know, you asked about millennials and it's like, is this the thing, the indirect communication where you just kind of want people to read your mind and know how you feel so you don't have to actually say it? That's dangerous, especially in relationships. I think in relationships, everybody's kind of invested in each other.

It's one thing to be like, I'm going to tell my friend what i think because there's a bit of a risk to be like well fuck off and then but like you're somebody you live with is way less likely especially if you use i statements and you say like i feel this way i feel like i'm not doing enough i feel like i feel like you're making me you have to be very careful because if you say like i feel like you're not interested in sex anymore. I feel like you're not. And it's like, whoa, fuck you. That's a nice statement.

Made a you statement immediately. But if you say, I feel like I'm not doing enough romantically. What can I do for you? You know, do you want to go out on a date this week? Do you want to go away for a romantic weekend? And, you know, also at the same time, there is a difference between like when you first start dating and you're very excited just to see each other and then you live together.

I'm not saying you have to lose the passion, but it does happen. Life gets in the way. Isn't that inevitable? You can't keep up the same rate of sexes. You can't. But I also think his sounds like it's slowed to a rate that he's really not okay with. I think that's what it comes down to. It can slow to a rate where everyone's comfortable.

Like, I enjoy this. We do it once or twice a week, and that's fine with everybody. But if it slows to a point where one person in the relationship is unhappy, say it. Have you said it? Have you said it?

Or have you emailed it and sent it? Otherwise you're just sitting there quietly like stewing about in life i i want her to spontaneously want to have sex with me without me having to say something yeah no no no i think that i mean going on your point like when you move in with somebody the sex in a relationship is you know maybe that's not necessarily exciting anymore but there are a lot of exciting things that happen when you move in with somebody yeah so explore that and i think that is going to inject romance into your life. And then that might turn into sex.

Every so often, just focus on her. Don't expect her to do anything to you. And also, try draping a towel over the corner of the tub and placing your phone on the toilet seat if they're close to each other. Because then it will be a space heater and some, like, sticky traps to kill the spiders. And you know what? Maybe try beating each other up. I'm sure that that works. Have you tried fucking in a canoe?

You gotta be careful. You gotta go front to back, not side to side. I recommend a kayak. It won't tip over. It's a lot harder. It will tip over. It's a lot harder to tip over. Don't make promises.

You can still fuck a kayak over. That's where we get sued on this. Don't make promises. You can still fuck a kayak over. That's when we get sued on this episode. What happened, you guys? We fucked a kayak over. I don't know. I don't know how else to say it. Congrats, I guess. Yeah, good for you.

No, it was great. The water was cold. Travis. Yes, thank you for coming on the show. Hey, thank you for having me. Where, again, let's remind our fans where they can find more of you and your online persona. Well, you can find me on Twitter at Travis McElroy or at MBMBAM. My brother, my brother, and me.

And you can just, like, Google my brother, my brother, me or search for us on iTunes or go to MaximumFun.org. Yeah. I also do a show that's not on MaximumFun.org called Interrobang where me and my friend Tybee talk about, like, the things that are frustrating us in the world and I do a show with my wife called Schmaners where we talk about etiquette in the modern world and how it still applies between the three Macroids we do something like

13 or 14 podcasts suddenly I feel lazy, maybe Jake and I should start more podcasts you should man, it's great and so you can find all of those at macroish shows.com m-c-e-l-r-o-y and like we also have um some weird like youtube stuff on there and everything do you have the record for most podcasts hosted right now i don't know i don't think so because for

a long time my wife's rule was i could only have as many podcasts as paul f tompkins has at his highest point uh the pft rule. I think I've surpassed that, but I'm not sure. It's possible that, I know Scott Aukerman's on a bunch. On a bunch, but hosting this morning? It's true.

I don't know. I just don't know. We'll have somebody look into that for you. Anyway, if you have your own questions, your own theme song submissions, everything and everything is to be sent to

ifirewshow at gmail.com. The opening theme song was written by Nick. This closing one is written by, I couldn't find it. All I have written is Con-a-lock-ney. Con-a-lock-ney? I think that's how he said he pronounces it. Con-a-lock-ney. So thanks to Nick and thanks to Colin Ockley and thanks to you guys for listening.

And thanks to Travis again for coming on our show. Thank you. And once again, if all goes on our show thank you and once again if all goes well listen to Jake and Me on My Brother and Me right now you can do that right now

so check it out and listen to their other episodes too cool peace bye everybody the show if I were you if I were you if I were you the show the lads

are all your questions and they'll give their advice I promise they'll be funny but I can't

say that they'll be nice but hopefully you'll be like the pension you won't give a fuck cause other

boys might kill yourself inside of a star box if I were you if I were you Hey, yes, again, if you are still listening, we should mention that there are still tickets available to our show tomorrow, August 2nd, Tuesday, August 2nd, at the O2 Shepherds Bush Theater in London, England. That's right. We do not come to London very often. And I believe the last time we were here was two years ago. Well, shit.

If you haven't seen our show, then you should come see it. And if you have seen it, then you should come see it and if you have seen it then you should come see it again it's gonna be a wild party you guys ought to come hope to see you there toda that was a hate gum podcast