Segments - 229: Trump

Episode Date: August 15, 2016

In this episode we discuss sisters, stalking, and our Eurotrip. This episode is brought to you by MeUndies, BlueApron, and Tidal! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken.

Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. We'll be right back. I will show you counterculture to the fucking guy and i'm like enough with the guy already i want to be like society not even society society's fine but like the man is the bad part that's what i all right it's like society includes me so like i'm down with society the man doesn't include you the man doesn't ever include me you got a man neither is my old man oh dude and i'm a little boy, and I'm lost. That's why I'm taking guitar lessons. That's why I wrote that song. I actually didn't write it.

That was written by Thunder the Covers. I think we've used them before. Thunder the Covers is a great name. Have I said that before? Maybe so. They're two brothers covering their favorite songs on YouTube under the alias Thunder the Covers, and they made a bunch of songs for us.

That was one of them. We're going to close out the episode with another one of their songs. Very tight. Thunder the Covers, thank you, Toda, for embodying rock and roll for us. And I am a rock and roll. I am a rock god. What? I'm a rock god, and you're a cock god.

Thank you. Actually, you're a cock cod actually you're a cock cod you have a fish uh your ankle bleeding no it's not dude what is it though it looks like it actually fine it sort of is actually you have two tattoos on one ankle uh and i would have guessed they're on two different ankles which is weird because we've known each other for 10 years at this point. Yeah, this is a bad looking one. You're getting them both removed. You're in the process of getting them both removed. Yeah.

It takes about over a year. Eight sessions, eight weeks apart. Yeah, yeah. They laser it, right? And it hurts when it's happening, but I can't really tell after the fact. But now it's noticeably different. Yeah, today's session was a bit rough. It was a deep cut.

Now my ankle looks like a boil. Yeah. It looks like I have one of the ten plagues. Boils, of course. You also have a tattoo of a locust on your other ankle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so you have two of the ten plagues. And then, well, this also sort of looks like the lamb's blood over the door.

Oh, really? Smears. Not really a plague, but still within the ten plagues. Well, this also sort of looks like the lamb's blood over the door. Oh, really? Smears. Not really a plague, but still within the story. Sort of protection, yeah. Yeah, within the story, the angel of death will pass over. It's definitely all Passover related. So how much did this one hurt versus the other ones? Because this one looks like they're starting to scrape it with a needle.

You know what's odd? This one hurt the least. Oh, interesting. But it showed the most. Yeah, and I don't entirely know what the logic is. But I think that the lady that was doing it said something about like, she's sort of breaking apart like the outer rim of the tattoo now. So maybe that's it. Maybe that's why it's bleeding. I don't know. She definitely spent a longer time with the

laser gun pointed at my ankle than she has before. has before. Laser. Don't get tattoos, kids. Don't do it. Yeah, you're spending so much money getting it and then money removing it. It's not even the money. I would pay double the money to just have it be gone. Triple the money? Yeah, probably. Triple the money.

It's the time. It's like the time and the effort. It's like an hour and a half out of my day every six weeks for the next year and a half. And how deep are you into the process? Today was the sixth session. Of eight? Yeah. Well, they think they predicted eight.

That's what I paid for. Oh, I see what's going on. But what they think it's going to end up being is 11. But I only pay for eight. And no matter how many sessions it takes, I don't pay for another one. Oh, but you still have to go. I still have to go.

I'll probably have to go to 10 sessions. Would you have gone if they're like, it's 11? Yeah, I mean, this... You're in it for the long haul. I have a tribal sun tattoo on my ankle. I would go for 1,000 sessions. 1,000 tribal suns. And it does burn like the heat of a tribal son.

The laser on my ankle. It's excruciating pain for like 10 seconds on each side of my ankle. More pain than actually getting the tattoo. Oh, yeah. Like 10 times more pain than actually getting the tattoo. Oh, you. Former you. Hot, hot heat.

At least your eyebrow ring you could just remove, right? Well, actually, I mean, yeah, the eyebrow ring you could just remove right well actually i mean yeah the eyebrow ring there's still a tiny little hole in my eyebrow and actually every every like couple months i can like squeeze a bunch of pus out of it like it's a zit oh dear it's kind of awesome i'll show you after the show fuck yeah let's do it live all right uh all right what is this this is a advice podcast it's Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. I'm Amir. I'm Jake.

We survived Europe. We're back from Dublin. We did. Back from London. It was a good old time, wasn't it? I went to España. You went to España. I went to New York City.

You went to Nueva York. Nueva York. For your birthday. Yeah. You're now 31. I'm 31 years old. When we started making Jake and Amir's, you were 21. Oh, wow.

Solid decade. Yeah. Solid decade it's been. Pleir's, you were 21. Oh, wow. Solid decade. Yeah. Solid decade it's been. Pleasure to know you, brother. What do you do? Hey, dude, put down the gun, man. We had a good run, didn't we, man? I thought we had a great run.

I think we're still having a good run, man. I think we're coming to an end. I don't know, dude. I think we reached a dead sprint the last year, and now it's time for me to be a dead man. Dude, we just got that couch. Boom. Oh, no, the couch. He hated this couch.

Oh, there's a couch. Why get your tattoos? I'm just shooting the couch. Put down the couch, man. Don't shoot the couch. All right. These, as always, are going to be real emails from real people. We're going to give them fake names of course to preserve

anonymity you have to preserve the anonymity um so for question number one all we need from you jake is a boy's name a boy's name let's do olympia olympic athletes no let's do another one okay let's do um no that works all right great um michael phelps wow most decorated olympian in history my hero and on and yours whether you like it or not all right michael Phelps writes, Hi guys, I was walking at a local park this week playing Pokemon Go when I ran into a beautiful young lady in her car who was doing the same thing. I'm 30, she looked to be around my age. She had parked to attack the Pokemon gym at this park. Okay. We got to talking and I bestowed some awesome Pokemon Go knowledge

upon her to help her take the gym. She seemed very friendly. Alas, I did not ask her out because I was a sweaty mess from an hour of exercising and not in a sexy way. But here's... Wait, like he was exercising at the Pokemon gym? No, I think

a Pokemon gym is what it's just called when Pokemons are all there. He went to an actual gym in addition to that. Sorry, got it. But here's where things get sticky. When a player takes over a gym in Pokemon Go, their character's screen name is revealed. I searched the name on Google and with a bit of sleuthing found her real name and Facebook profile. Turns out we have a lot in common,

same favorite sports team and same career. Can I message her and try to spark up some romance? Or was that too sketchy of a way that I stalked with her Pokemon name? And should I just accept that my opportunity to seize the cheese has passed? Thank you. Love, Mike Phelps.

Mike Phelps, you're a goddamn you're a goddamn greek god yeah you're an olympiad this is this is actually a different guy uh-huh oh i thought it was no yeah you forgot that you gave because he's in rio of course all right uh is there too creepy of a stalking i think the time hasn't actually passed but i am tired of these fucking herbs asking this question. Which is what? Which is like, is it too creepy to ask her out now? I missed my chance. Right. Like, if you, it's so much scarier to pull the trigger now, like having done all this research. No, I think it's scary to do it in person.

No, it's not. It's like, if you. Have you ever met someone out and asked them out while you were talking to them, while you met them? Yes. But isn't it so much easier to just like have this conversation, you go apart, and then you follow them on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook? I guess if they give you like their name or something, but like this guy would dig a, he did a lot of digging. Right. So you're saying is it, is it too, will you say it's easier to do it in person? I don't think either is easy. One thing is harder and the other thing's creepier. The other thing's lamer. So I guess my advice is if you find yourself in this situation, and I've

been there too, where you're like, I'm too scared to ask her out. I'll try to do it later. But you know, you already know how much of a wiener you'll feel like reaching out to her. Just like, at least try to get some more information. You don't have to say like, hey, let's get a drink this week. But like just something. A little bit of anything. Bunt. You don't have to swing.

Bunt. Is it too? Don't let the pitch go by. But that's beautiful. Glycerine. Glycerine. Let's say I meet someone at a party and I don't end up getting her name or number.

But later that week, she follows me on Instagram. That's different. She's following you. Okay, but she's doing it to me. Okay, let's say I follow her on Instagram. She follows me back. Is that fine, flirtatious, friendly, or should I have done something at the party? I think it's also, I mean, it's fine, flirtatious and friendly. And also you're

a little bit of a wiener. Right. But isn't it also won't, I will posit this, isn't it nicer to ask someone out over text because it doesn't put them on the spot? I understand. I feel like you're positing that because you're afraid to ask people out. Yes, I'm reverse positing. Yeah, you're reverse engineering. Yeah, to the point where I'm... I'm actually nicer because I'm afraid. Yeah, and it's convenient that I'm afraid because then I don't have to ask them out in person. I think people have been getting asked out for centuries. So even if they say...

There are polite ways to say no. If you ask somebody out and you're saying, like, hey, let's go out next week. They say, oh, yeah, I'm pretty busy, but I'll let you know. Or like, yeah, text me a time and then they'll say no over text. People are good at deflecting. I don't think you need to justify your cowardice. Justifying my cowardice is my autobiography title. But what about this guy specifically? He's not saying, is it too late? He's saying, is it too sketchy that I stalked her

in that specific way? Like he found out her Pokemon name without her giving it to him. And then he went back and Googled it and found it on Facebook. It is, it is sketchy, but I don't think it changes the future at all. Like if she liked you in that moment,

she'll be happy that you sketchily found her. And if she didn't like you, then'll be happy that you sketchily found her. Right. And if she didn't like you, then there's no way you could have found her that would be cooler. You know, like, I don't think she was on the fence. And then because you stalked her, sort of, she would be like, oh, fuck this guy. Yeah. It seems like advice is sort of meaningless. People either like you or don't.

And texts that you send or don't are entirely dependent on whether the other person likes you or not. Careful about that advice because that could be the end of our podcast. All right. Nothing matters. It all depends if you're cool or not. Yeah. It's true. As long as somebody likes you, there's no lame way to go about it. Like if a cute girl reached out to me because she stalked me and found me, I'd be like, oh, that's amazing.

Look how much awesome effort. Thank God. The miracles of modern technology have brought us together. Right. But if it was like a creepy lady that I didn't necessarily like and she's like, hey, I found you because I saw what shoes you're wearing. And then I went to Google Store and went to the receipts and I found that you're tight. And I'll be like, oh, this girl's crazy. I'm not into it.

I feel like this lady, she's playing Pokemon Go. How nerdy, sketchy can you get? Yeah, I think she's in your world. This girl's in his wheelhouse. Can you catch them all? Hey, this is the text. Hey, I'd love to catch you all. No, no, it's fine.

It's fine. This is good. Gotta catch them all. So you sent her an audio note. Oh, I'm sorry. Dozing off, man. But you are hard. Yeah, I'm having a wet dream.

Specifically, he said, can I message her and try to spark up some romance? I think we say yes. Yes, you can. But you know what? Take a nice long look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're good enough, that you're worthy, that you can ask people out in person, or at the very least, flirt a little bit. Yeah, set it up a little bit so it doesn't come out of left field.

Yeah, just get the, it's like playing golf. Get the ball really close to the hole so later you can tap it in. That's good. You don't need a hole in one. No, but he's like, he sort of just like left and now he's like trying to make a chip shot from the sand trap. I mean, he's got the sand wedge. It's a 38 footer. You love golf.

He's going from the rough. What else? I was going to say something that this reminded me of. Oh, yeah. Stalking people online. I feel like it's a lot more common than people think. Oh, yeah. Everyone's like, ooh, I'm kind of weird.

I'll stalk someone online. But everybody I've ever gone out with from a dating app is always like, oh, I saw all this stuff. I looked at your Instagram. I looked at your Twitter. I did your Google research. There's got to be a new word that's not stalk. I mean, it's just research. Yeah.

Stalking makes it sound negative. Right. It's just pathetic. But nobody goes in completely blind. Imagine just like you meet someone in person. You're not going to ever search their Twitter, their Instagram, their Facebook on Google for anything. You're going in blind. I feel like that's a rarity nowadays. Yeah, it is a rarity, but I would encourage it. I think it's kind of nice.

Yeah. That way you're learning everything on the fly. Yeah. What I wouldn't do, which I hear some people do is do the follow before the meet. Oh yeah. No, that's not good at all. I don't, I, You can't follow until you're like basically engaged because then it's like I'm following all these people I've been on like three dates with and I have to unfollow them eventually. When do I unfollow? That's another bit of advice. Don't follow until you're ready to legit pop the question. And then when you do, you say, can I follow you? I don't know if anybody puts as much into Instagram following as you do. Oh, really?

I don't. I don't. You definitely care about it more than anybody I've ever met. Okay. But maybe that could be. I could be the norm and you could be out of it. Right, exactly, yeah. Let us know.

Follow me on Instagram and send me a DM. All right, next question. We need a lady's name. Ooh, Katie Ledecky. Very nice. USA. USA. USA.

I'm having an ethical dilemma, writes Katie, and I hope you can help, writes Katie. For the last year and a half or so, I've had an occasional long-distance lover whom I met in the city where I used to live. We at first dated casually for a couple months. He liked me and treated me well for the most part, but for many reasons, I knew he wasn't for me. Namely, because he's not very smart and is kind of a racist. However, we have had awesome sex right from the start. We just jive physically. I soon moved to a different city, but we've stayed in touch and have met up a few times since. We barely talk between visits, and our last romp was last summer.

He recently informed me that he's coming to my city in September, which excited me because I could really use a good lay. But then, wondering what he's been up to, I checked his Facebook page, and I was appalled, though not surprised to learn, that he is an avid Donald Trump supporter. Saw it coming. I consider Trump to be the worst thing ever to happen to this country in modern times. With this knowledge about my fuck buddy, I don't know what to do. Should I stick to my morals or do my best to ignore this objectionable side of him so we can have fun together?

I just don't think I can let a Trump supporter inside me. But this one happens to be one of my favorite persons to have sex with. What do you think about sleeping with someone you don't respect? Interesting twist. Great question.

One of my faves. It leads politics. Sex. Yeah. I don't want to turn this into a political show, you know? Yeah. Let's not. Let's stay bipartisan, objective.

You know? Maybe veer slightly to the left of center. Or to the right. Right. And you won't know. One of us is conservative. One of us is liberal. It is safe to say one of us is a staunch. Yeah. One of us is pretty staunch. And is liberal. It is safe to say one of us is a staunch. Yeah, one of us is pretty staunch.

And the other one's a little kooky. Yeah, a little kooky, one is staunch, and the other one just ate lunch. Well, I feel like I have sex with people who I don't respect all the time. Correct. But in what way do you not respect them? Yeah, that all the time. Correct. But in what way do you not respect? Yeah, that's the difference. I feel like while remaining nonpartisan, left of center, Trump is one of the most vile, hateable, loose cannon bigoted, orange blob men there is. Yeah. So if somebody I knew liked him,

I do think I would lose, I wouldn't be turned on by them. You couldn't possibly be sexually attracted to someone who actually looks up to, reveres, and endorses this plump racist carrot man. Yeah. The yam man. Yeah, he's a yam man, a sponge.

He is a blonde tooth. He's a bean. He's a lima bean. A kidney bean, perhaps. Yeah. So you're saying you wouldn't even be able to be turned on. But then I do, I have always loved to have the last word via fucking. Right.

You always say the best way to get back at someone you don't like is to sleep with them yeah but isn't that also giving them what they want isn't that a w for them yeah that's the that's that's the thing i get i mean isn't there is that just you reverse justifying because you wanted to fuck somebody you're like yeah that's how you get back at them that's true yeah yeah so maybe it's not how you get back at them um right maybe but then like what you you deny yourself something that you want and that gets back at them but you're unhappy right i think you should just try to find a penis that's not attached to a trump supporter there are plenty of them yeah that's easy to say but this one, she knows it's great sex. She knows it's coming. She knows it's easy.

Yeah, but he doesn't even live in her area. That's too, fuck buddies are not that impressive to have. Like, it's not hard. You can find somebody that you like having sex with. Maybe not find somebody that she likes this much. What if he's the best? She definitely can. His penis is racist.

He has a racist penis. Well, he has a racist mind, body, and soul. So the thing that's attached. Yeah. It's a racist penis. You don't want to get fucked by a racist penis. Right. It's just like I wouldn't, I don't think, I'll go on record and say I wouldn't fuck a racist vagina.

Oh, really? Yeah. I wouldn't do that. A really hot but racist vagina? I wouldn't do it. Do you think he's, can you be a Trump supporter and not be racist? Well, she said that this guy is racist. A little bit racist.

And I guess I'm not... Yeah, I think you have to be racist to support Donald Trump. Oh, you do have to be. At this point, let's say at this point, I think you do. Maybe not at first. But I think if you're still supporting him now, you've got to be a little racist.

Just a little bit. It doesn't have to be full-blown. No, no, no. You don've got to be a little racist. Just a little bit. It doesn't have to be full-blown. No, no, no. You don't have to be like KKK. Yeah, yeah. But you do have to recognize that the candidate that you like has given the KKK a voice, has retweeted white supremacists, and, you know, didn't denounce David Duke for a little while. So you do support that guy. Yeah.

So it's like adjacent racism, subtle secondhand racism. I would say that. Supporting a racist rather than being racist yourself. Sure. Which is, they go hand in hand, don't they? Yeah. So the advice for this person specifically is maybe don't sleep with him. I would say don't sleep with him because it'd be nice to piss this guy off a little bit. Trump supporters aren't angry enough.

Yeah, this guy's mad. So maybe he'd be like, hey, because you like Donald Trump, I can't sleep with you. Ooh, that's a nice way to turn the tides. Yeah, he's like, wait, but Trump's the man. What are you talking about? I really thought he was going to get me laid. It's funny because we don't, as much as we don't know personally any Trump supporters, I bet a lot of Trump supporters don't know any Hillary supporters. Yeah. So I guess it's almost not a great thing that we're keeping these two people apart. Yeah, we should at least- These guys could bridge the gap. Yeah. A reach across the aisle and a reach around across the aisle. That's not a bad idea. Do you know any Trump supporters?

Not personally, right? No. Even like conservative people that I knew from back home that used to do like, you know, make the anti-Obama Facebook statuses and stuff. They're kind of mums the word on Trump. Yeah. The most you can be into trump is sort of a silent supporter yeah you can tell that someone's a trump supporter when they're just a hillary hater that's masquerading right yeah you hide they're both awful yeah equally if i might say so myself i mean neither candidate is good this year what did't you say so? They do sort of look alike. You've said that before. Yeah, nobody's tweeting about that, but I feel like I take off my glasses and I'm looking at a picture of Hillary or Trump.

It's very similar. It's actually two baked potatoes. You remember the old chicken nuggets? The old chicken nugget cartoons? Like the little action figures that were chicken nuggets? I do. So imagine Trump is sort of a chicken nugget cartoons. Like the little action figures that were chicken nuggets. I do. So imagine Trump is sort of a chicken nugget with a little blonde wig. So there you go.

It's all in my face. So now your choice is clear, America. All right. Let's take a break. And we'll be right back with more questions and answers after this. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience.

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Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description,

or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality.

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And we're back in Alia. Back in Alia. Back at it again. What did you think of Dublin? What did you think of London? Did you have fun? Yeah, I had a great time Shows were crazy Thanks to everybody who came out

Love that we did that Dublin show 200 people in a fucking tent Yeah, that was a unique experience And then the old fancy theater in London The Victorian O2 Shepherds Bush Empire. Always a pleasure. Always love meeting those foreign fans. It's funny, whenever we walked around,

looking a little bit hungover in Dublin, everyone asked us the same thing, which was, you didn't go to Copper's, did you? Yeah. Tell me you didn't go to Copper's. And that's fair question. We only went to Copper's twice. Yeah, out of three possible nights.

So one night we were stumbling around trying to find the best thing in town and then at 2.30am we stumble into taken to really, to Coppers what's it called? Copper Face Jacks I remember someone told me don't go to Coppers no matter what you do

and then I didn't really it didn't register when we were like on our way to coppers that that i was going to where they everyone told me not to go yeah um so i didn't go in with like any attitude or skepticism uh-huh and it was it was great it blew us away exactly what i wanted it was exactly what i wanted a wall-to-wall, never been, I've never been to a crowded, a more crowded dance party. It was overflowing with people. Floor was sticky. Drinks were cheap.

Everybody just, closest thing to an Irish Greco orgy I've ever seen. When we first got there, it was just like Taylor Swift is blasting. Huge crowd of people. Guys just like power walking through the dance floor pushing shoving and i and i usually like hate that but i was sort of like into it so i was just standing up as rich most like as rigid as i could yeah not letting anyone push me we went to the bar and there was like that girl had ordered like uh a couple shots and like she had one she was trying to give one to somebody

else and i just kept on not moving and finally she kept on like pushing me and finally she was just like do you want to take this with me yeah it was a drunk festival it just changed the whole entire night it was great and we didn't even i didn't even realize how big of a deal coppers was it's like it was voted like best bar or club in europe it makes like what 50 million euro a year or something and uh i just googled it and it was like the first thing that came up is 12 reasons why coppers is such a bizarre national phenomenon national yeah everybody in ireland seems to know about coppers they all have an opinion everybody tells you not to go and then everyone's there.

Yeah. They're like, don't you didn't go. Yeah. I spent a lot of time there too. All right. I was there last night also. It has a... You were at coppers?

What time? I was there also. It has a three star Yelp average review. That sounds about right because everybody that's there loves it. But then some people are there once and never go back. These reviews are great. You know what? That's because Jesse was there with us,

and he would have given it a one-star review, and I would have given it a five. Right, but then we went back the second night, and he really liked it. Oh, perfect. So maybe everyone's a little bit of everything. Maybe half of them say, did I just step into a frat house,

and half of this said, I have to admit it, I had a great, I hate to admit it, but I had a great time at Copper's. Yeah, I mean, they're playing Gangster's Paradise. That's another thing. They don't give a shit about like cool, popular hip songs. Well, they play those too. Like they'll play.

But I don't think any place in LA would ever play Gangster's Paradise or like fucking One Direction. Right. Totally. They're playing like the most, like, you know, Kendrick Lamar,, Drake, current rap song. Yeah. And then all of a sudden they'll play One Direction. It's like a cool club mixed with a dumb karaoke bar or something. Right.

They played Celine Dion at one point. They didn't give a shit. Or Alanis Morissette. The DJ is just as drunk as everybody at the bar. DJ was a wasted iPod from 1999. But we loved it. And the shows were great. And London was also awesome.

Yeah. Being in Shoreditch is just like, it's just like living in Brooklyn all over again. Yeah. The hardest thing to find is that sweet iced coffee that seems to only exist in America. We love our sweet iced coffee here. Yeah.

In London, it wasn't terrible. You just get like the iced Americano, but it's not perfect. It's not the same. It's not perfect. It's just not the same. It's not. It's really not the same. I love Starbucks.

But thank you for coming to those shows, everybody. Our next one, I think, is in Toronto on the 28th or 27th. Yes. And then we are going to the Midwest in October. Finally. We're going to the Midwest in October. Finally. We're going to Chicago, Minnesota, and Detroit. First time ever in Detroit. Dope.

And the first podcast ever in... Chicago and Minnesota. Oh, wow. We've never done the podcast in either of those places. Yeah, I don't think so. Hell yeah. Heck yeah. Do you want to drive or fly to those cities in between?

I was thinking, you know i i might want to i was thinking i wanted to drive but it's like what 300 miles between each yeah it's like a six it's like la to san francisco every day oh yeah probably not because we'll be hung over they should fly all right thanks man or we can just uber who gives a shit right oh that's true so we'll call it money money money money money with a thousand dollars a copper face I'll do $1,000 to Copperface Jacks. It's really hard to spend $1,000 at Copperface Jacks. I know. It takes you like an hour and a half to get lost.

So I didn't spend any money. According to everybody that's been there, it's all cops and nurses. So it would have been really easy to tell on somebody who robbed you. That's true. You just walk up to a nurse and complain. Cops rob people all the time. Anyway, let's answer another question.

Let's do it. This guy is a guy. His guy, this guy's name is? Oh, me? Oh. Another Olympian? Yeah.

No problem. Ashton Eaton. Really? Yeah. Track and field hasn't started when we're recording this, so it's weird to imagine people running on land. That's true. It's been all gymnastics and swamastics.

I'm very excited for track and field, though. Ashton Eaton's been in every single commercial. Oh, really? He's a big deal now? More so than your boy Trey? I don't think Trey made the Olympic team. Wow. He injured his hamstring or his Achilles or something.

You hate to see that. But Ashton Eaton won the gold in London. And he writes, Hi, my name is Ashton Eaton. Anyways, I have a legitimate problem. So I landed myself a date with an amazing girl we'll call Emma. This date went really well, and we've been talking practically nonstop since then. As any normal millennial will

do i stalked the shit out of her instagram account it's funny to go three in a row uh while i was creeping on her instagram i came across a few pictures of her with a friend who looked very familiar i did some more detective work and sure enough i discovered that i drunkenly made out with emma's friend at a halloween party i thought this was kind of bad so i did some more investigating and here's the real kicker. Turns out that this friend I made out with is actually Emma's older sister. Very close friend. Unless Emma is insanely chill, I'm pretty sure she doesn't know that I made out with her sister.

When and how do I break the news to Emma? Do I tell her before things get too physical? Because sooner or later, if I keep seeing her, I'm going to meet the sister. Is there any hope for me? Thanks for your time. Ashton. I think that he's getting ahead of himself. Again.

Yeah. I mean, he can't tip his hand and be like, I dug through your Instagram very deeply and I think I made out with your sister. Just let this stuff come out naturally. Pretend he didn't see it and one day he'll run into her sister and be like, oh, this is awkward. But he doesn't have to say, I made out with your sister. One day they'll meet each other. I mean, she probably already knows because she probably told her sister about you. And her sister was like, I made out with that kid once.

It's not a big deal. I don't think she knows. I don't think they know. I don't think she would know. It doesn't matter then. They could just let it progress naturally. And when you actually meet her, you say, oh, we've actually met before. Follow her lead. See what's up.

So you're saying there's no need to come out ahead of the story. I don't think so. You don't say, by the way, just so you know, I know that I hooked up with your sister. Too much. You're making it weird. You're making it weird way too early. And also if you wait, if you delay, maybe it's less of a big deal.

Like maybe you're not going to go on a second date with someone that hooked up with your sister, but if you've been dating this guy for six months, that's something you can get over. Exactly. I don't think making out with somebody's sister is that big of a deal. It's a pretty big deal.

Have you ever made out with two sisters? Maybe. I don't know if I can think of right now. Yeah. I think it's a unique thing. I mean, it's cool. It's awesome. But I don't think that it's like a deal breaker to anybody.

It's only making out. What if somebody made out with your bro? Would you marry? Yeah, I've made out with somebody that made out with me and my brother. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, it was that triple kiss at Copper's, right? Yeah, between me and my brother.

I was the girl. We got sloppy that night. That's what Copper's will do, man. You did? you've hooked up with somebody that hooked up with your bro yeah that's awesome dude thanks dude who's the lucky dude you right right i'm sorry about that uh no but can you name the girl just on the podcast just so i know i don't want to say her name i'll give her instagram handle how's that that's great is that cool yeah yeah

alright cool hold up let me find my phone okay I'm on airplane mode oh here I'll do it you may be going airplane mode

for the podcast I don't know that's okay you can still use wifi oh really yeah hop on the wifi and find that that late

lucky lady's Instagram handle hold up one second alright cool oh phone's dead why is it dead my phone died well

here use mine. That way you can, I probably follow her, right? You're on airplane mode. No, I'm, three hours later. All right, so don't say anything. I say don't say anything. And then just act surprised. You think he's good at acting surprised?

Oh! What? Oh my goodness! Oh, when you see the sister, do you still say, I don't remember? No, I don't think you have to take it to your grave or anything. I'm just like, oh, my God, I did not know that you guys were sisters, whatever. Yeah, that's so random. This is such a random occurrence.

Yeah, it's all good. See, man? It's all good. It's all good, man. Let's get to one more question. Can I? Yeah. For me, so? It man. Let's get to one more question. Can I? Yeah. For me, so?

It has to be like a 60-second question. Quick one. Ready? Yeah. Hey, manes. Oh, wait. Guy's name. Ryan Lochte.

Love that. Got it. Do you like Ryan Lochte, or is he kind of a tool to you? I think he's cool that he's 31 or 32, and he just keeps on getting better. I think that's cool. I think he used to be a tool, but now he's cool that he's 31 or 32 and he just keeps on getting better. I think that's cool. I think he used to be a tool, but now he's cool. He's a cool tool. He did bleach his head for the Olympics. That's kind of lame, but whatever. Alright.

Who am I to say? I'm just a comedian. Anyway, Lochte, you rule. You're not a tool. You're cool. Got a complicated situation on my hands and I need some input. So I currently live with my best bud in Chicago and we have been for two years. About a year into my roommate ship, he starts dating this girl and now at the end of our lease, he's moving in with his girlfriend. His girlfriend has a single roommate who I was

never really attracted to despite my roommate inquiring if I'd be interested. A couple months ago, I did get really drunk and I dunked my D in the previously mentioned gal's V. We parted ways and didn't really talk about it. And we saw each other a few times after the fact. She texted me a few weeks after and says, let's just be friends, which I'm totally cool with. The problem is I hang out with my roommate and his girlfriend and the girl that I banged every other weekend. And I'm finding myself getting more attracted to her every time we hang out. And recently, she asked me if I'd be down to be roommates as my current roommate's girlfriend is moving out. My question is, should I do it? And should I try to get over

her instead of making it happen again? Or should I just say, fuck it? And well, fuck it. Your pal, Ryan Lochte. Easy answer. Don't move in with her. See this little attraction through, though. You obviously like her a little bit, but I think moving in is going to ruin anything. Insane. Insane to move in with someone you've hooked up with once. And that you're sort of growing attracted to. Yeah, it's like a one in a thousand chance that turns out well. Yeah.

Prove us wrong, actually. Don't do it. Don't you dare do it. Locked. All right, cool. Thank you for listening, everybody. Thank you for writing in, everybody. If you have your own questions or theme songs,

just like Thunder the Covers had, that email address is ifiwereyoushow at gmail.corn. Nicely done. Thanks, everybody. The opening theme song. Oh, yeah, Thunder the Covers. Closing one is called Digital Witness by Thunder the Covers. Todah, and we'll be back next week.

Later-o. Square space, ads indeed. Need a dicks to feel comfy. Ooh, ooh, ooh. I want all your advice Even with the book and story It's better than the radio Even with the book and story

It's better than the radio That was a HeadGum Podcast.