Segments - 23: Would You Want That?

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

In this episode we discuss family trees, five letter words, and some light game strategy.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet

set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad

at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number, so you have to edit it out, okay?

Let's hear it. 0913662. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in, but we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. too. Now you have to edit it out. But we'll see you guys there. Now here's one more effort for only positive motivations. They swear! Sadness. Another podcast.

Sadness. Each app different from the last. Sadness. It's the Swiss Army knife of shows. Now let's meet your two emphatic hosts. Yeah. Sadness. Sometimes he just needs a little contact.

Yeah. Yeah. Samir's love language is touch everybody. I get cranky. That's cranky and hangry. That's right. Yeah. Which is a combination of hungry and hangry.

Yeah. Right. I'm just tired. Right. I'm just tired. I'm just tired of this whole dog and pony show. We're fucking back in the lab slash studio. That's right.

Cooking in the kitchen. Let's tell you guys right up top to stop listening on your podcast app and start watching on YouTube. That's right. This is a highly produced, shot in, I want to say 4K episode. 4K. Casey? It's 1080p. HD at the very least.

1080. That is HD. I really thought it was. 4K episode. 4K. Casey? It's 1080p. HD at the very least. 1080. That is HD. I really thought it was. 4K. It doesn't really matter. 4K. 4K. 4K.

I have trinkets for thee. Is there a reason it's not shot in 4K? The same as for the content meeting. Granted, I don't know the difference between those two things, but I'd love to, what is it called? Up charge or like. Upsell. Yeah, you up shoot like to a resolution that you can't even air yet. Future proof it.

Oh, I see. Yes, exactly. Right, right, right, right, right. Can anything stream in 4K or is that like for IMAX movies and stuff? And if not, 4K. 4K, 4K. I think anything can stream in 4K. On YouTube?

On YouTube, yeah, but you need the right equipment. That's cool. And this switcher only exports in 1080. Yeah. The 4K switcher, I think, is like at least double the price. Let's not do that. Yeah, let's return one of these cameras, actually. I quit.

We're deep in the red. We are in the crimson. Is this a frame? Because I feel like we could just get a regular Samsung OLED. Yeah. I can sell it on Craigslist Marketplace. Wait, that signal board, that's gold, right? We can melt that down. No, this is plastic.

I already bit into it. I had a jeweler look at it already. This is a $40 thing we can sell. We can get good cash for that. You could maybe get two bucks for that iced coffee if you wait outside Intelligentsia. Yeah, and I'll say, how much are you going to pay for your cold brew? I'll give you this for $1.50. I'll suck your dick.

My company's going under man first segment it's a game you thought of a game I thought of it's sort of a royalty free version of would you rather it's not even really a game it's a discussion

it's a leaping off point so everyone knows about would you rather but I guess that's legally owned by somebody else. That's impossible. So our game is called would you want that? Would you want that? So it's not like would you rather like can you beat a thousand gorillas or a million ants or some shit. It's like I'm going to present you with a situation and say would you want that?

Would you want that? Would you want that? Would you want that? Yeah. want that? Would you want that? Yeah, exactly. All right. So the alternative is just not have it. Yeah. So I'm going to give you something.

Yeah. So would you rather still, but it's just this option, this opportunity? Yes. Or nothing. Or not. Yeah. Status quo. Okay.

Or no. Yeah. You find out that you're not your parent's child, but rather your aunt and uncle's kid. And you find that out because a distant relative you didn't know about passes away and gives you $111,000 in his will. Would I want that? Yeah. No. You wouldn't want another year.

It's $111,000 for free tax-free. And then you just like, you're still you. Right. Nothing is different. And I still love my parents. Correct. And I love my uncle. And they still raised you.

Yeah. But at birth, they basically gave it to you. That amount of money doesn't move the needle for me. But how does the family news move the needle? That would affect me more negatively. Why? Than $111,000. Why is it affecting you negatively at all? Well, why did my aunt and uncle give me away? That would affect me more negatively than 111. Why?

Why is it affecting you negatively at all? Well, why did my aunt and uncle give me away? They weren't ready to raise you. I don't accept that. They have several other children. Yeah, but they basically were at capacity. Then it sends me on this weird little journey where I need to learn more. Like I already know a lot about my parents,

which is really nice. Like I know where they went to school. I know where they went to high school. I know their relationships with their parents. And that's all still true. Yeah, I know. But like, I don't know that stuff about my aunt and uncle and that's fine.

But like now I'd have to know that about my parents and I'd have to learn that about my aunt and uncle. I'd have to be like, I don and uncle. Well, switch those around. You don't know about your parents. I don't even know where my uncle went to high school.

Yeah, exactly. I would need to find out and then I would care and I want to look at old photo albums. Yeah. I don't have the time. My time that I would have

to spend doing that is worth more than $111,000. $111,000. Hit me with a million and I'll consider it. No way. That's way too much money.

I might not even do it for a million. Oh my god a million dollars cash. Yeah, just buy a new house I can still I can young enough that I can learn about your times ten a conversation and have your relationship literally All right good Good to know. Yeah. Would you? Fuck no. Are you kidding me? I don't know anything about my uncle.

All right. I got one for you. Okay. I came up with them as well. Never poop again. Interesting. No. I like to poop.

But it's not always convenient. No, it's not. A nice poop saves my morning. I understand what you're saying that sometimes it's inconvenient, sometimes you got diarrhea, sometimes it's annoying. Yeah, it basically would eliminate any kind of like stomach discomfort,

diarrhea's gone, constipation is gone, and inconveniently timed shit. I mean, it's also just, it's gonna be cleaner because you're not gonna to have to wipe. You won't have fecal particles on your person. But the relief that you get from pooping is very primal and enjoyable to have like a something there and then you poop and it's like you get a little high from that a little bit. And that's what you live for now. Actually, throw it in peeing and then we'll consider it.

Yeah, well, I think peeing is more annoying. And I don't get the sense of relief usually. I mean, I get a great sense of relief when I have to take a major piss. Yeah, like a burning piss. Yeah, but yeah, I think peeing is a little bit easier. I'd probably forego that for sure. I think I would do both. You'd get rid of peeping and pooping?

Yeah, I'd love to not have to pee or poop. Interesting. All right, would you do that for the aunt and uncle thing? No. Good man. I feel like you just hate the idea of your family being a little bit different. I just hate my aunt.

Oh, here's a good one. If I may say so myself. A nude leaks of you, but everybody is impressed. Would you want that? Oh. It's all over Twitter, all over over instagram it's pretty viral yeah and people just think i look hot my dick looks big yeah absolutely you want it yeah no shame in the family like oh my god everyone's talking to you bringing it up um

pointing i mean saying that i don't think that you can actually you couldn't guarantee me that everyone would be impressed i'm telling you right now. That's 100% impressed rate. 95%. That's what I don't want. I don't want the discord. I don't want the discourse. No discourse.

If it's universally praised and adored. Yeah. Then yeah, man. You're not asking anybody in your family or loved ones what they would think about that being out there. They wouldn't care. They wouldn't care. The garbage that is out from us online already, like. Trumps that.

Yeah. This would be a viral thing. You'd have to address it. I would have to address it? What would I have to say? Well, people would constantly be coming up to you. Yeah, but I wouldn't have to address it. I would be like, how dare you?

That's my private cock. Yeah, and those abs are shredded. You're sick. Yeah. I can't believe you looked at it. Interesting. So would you want that or not? Like the alternative is to just not have that.

Well, I guess I'm sort of thinking of it in the lens of like I would be ripped. But is it just like the lighting? Just the photo. Then everyone's going to think it's Photoshopped. So I say everyone's impressed with your nude and your fear is that they'll know that it's fake. Yeah. If you're telling me that I could have a perfect body and...

All right, how about not the body part, but just the dick part? The dick part's so impressive that everyone's like, oh my God, that's awesome. I can't believe that's Jake. Yeah. It's your body as your body. Right. Or just not. Yeah. Or I guess maybe. Would you want that? I think not. Interesting. So you did a little 180 there. Yeah. Cause it's more about the abs

than the dick. Interesting. But if the abs came out and you still don't have perfect abs or whatever you consider the perfect abs, but in the photo they do look like the perfect abs plus the dick would you want that yeah you would want that yeah and you i would never shame my aunt and uncle in that way aka my new parents okay would you want to just erase a bad memory from your head? A bad childhood memory? Or a bad, you know, more recent memory? I think not. Because I don't have like one specific thing that I think set me off or still traumatizes me. Yeah.

So like I like having access to my full library of memories. Your full catalog. There's not like something. Yeah, there's not something that like digs at me or bothers me. Although if I found out that my parents weren't actually my parents, maybe it was something there. Yeah, you'd want to erase that for sure. I once pooped myself in kindergarten. That wasn't great.

Yeah. But you wouldn't necessarily want to erase that memory. And who would you be if you did? Yeah, I would be a different guy that didn't shit themselves. Yeah. It wouldn't be me. Right. And you would maybe have answered differently to the poop question.

Yeah. And then people would be like, remember when you shit yourself in kindergarten? I'd be like, I didn't know what you were talking about. Right. And then you'd be a liar. Yeah. I'm like, what else am I fucking forgetting? Yeah.

It would set me off on like a weird sort of always second guessing myself. All right. So you would not want to erase a bad memory. I wouldn't want to erase a bad memory. How about a good one? Yes. Okay. You give someone 2% of everything you own, your net worth, 2% annually goes to this person and they deal with your taxes. So you never have to even think about what you owe, how much you owe, receipts dealing with that and they just deal with everything yourself uh two percent of my net worth yeah um let me just do a little math two percent of my current net worth or like my annual whatever you make every year they get two

percent and they do your taxes for you. So you never have to think about it. Are they a tax write-off like an accountant? No. Me paying them wouldn't count as a loss. Correct. I don't know. I mean, I pay my accountant a lot of money. So it's kind of like.

You still have to deal with the accountant. Why would I have. This person would interface with the accountant for you. Okay. But I wouldn't have... Because I'm not dealing with taxes at all in this scenario, so why would I have to deal with my accountant? In this scenario, you wouldn't have to deal with it at all. By the way, I love my accountant. Yeah. VG? You could contact her.

I would want to stay in touch with her. Is everything going well with the person that's doing my taxes? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Don't even tell me. Money goes out of your account. You have no idea what it was but okay um so basically it's an assistant who's going to interface with vg and handle all of the taxes everything are they doing i'm giving them my routing and account number they're doing all of your financial information quarterly i mean they'll have to they'll have to tell me they'll deal with it no they won't they can't deal with everything they can't deal with everything they can't possibly they would have to tell me some stuff. They'll deal with it. No, they won't. They can't deal with everything.

They'll deal with everything. They can't possibly. They would need to tell me when the money was going to be removed. Sure, they'll tell you if you want to know. I don't want to deal with them. They'll deal with everything. You just close your eyes and every three months money goes out. It's like, yeah, I handled everything for you.

Yeah. I would, I, it'd be really hard for me to trust because every single time in my life that somebody has promised to make something easy by helping me work at something they ask me way too many questions and it becomes they just need your password to your bank information everything else is taken care of going forward forever um And they're not going to steal anything? Are they going to accurately report all the lies that I do to bring my income lower and lower and lower? They'll deal with the account. Okay.

They'll deal with the lies as well. Yeah. Okay. As long as, and if I know for a fact that they're getting me the best possible. Yeah, better than you are because this is their job. Yeah. Right. They can figure it out. Yeah, then yeah.

Okay, great. So this is what a money manager is. Right. So you can actually hire one of these people. Yeah. Okay. So I'll link you with one of them. No, this is what I'm saying.

Because you said you would want that. Yours is a magic person. So 2% to do your taxes. Money manager is not easy. That's an actual offer. That's not going to be easy. That's an offer. That's on the table.

No, I'm not taking it. You just deal with it. It's a human. I wanted the fairy. I wanted the'm not taking it. Deal with it. It's a human. I wanted the fairy. I wanted the genie that was going to do it. There's a chance someone would Dane Cook's brother you, which is take advantage and slowly siphon your cash. That's right.

Or even worse, they'd send me like several emails and ask me for stuff that I don't know the answer to. Yeah, but once the system is in place, they'll do everything for you. I don't trust that that's going to happen. Would you like to understand bird? Would you want

that, mate? You don't understand birds, mate. You would understand birds. I feel like I understand birds. You would hear all of their calls and know exactly what they were saying. Oh, I see.

I know. I would translate their squawking to talking. Yeah, right. You would hear it as like food, danger, whatever birds are saying to each other. Let's go south. Yeah. You know, like that's, you would hear, all bird song, you would hear as an English language in your head. So when they're just chirping and singing

in the morning. It's like a beautiful day. Yeah. Right. You're hearing, worms over here. There's worms right here. Worms, my tail.

Get your worms. One worm, two worm, four. Another beautiful day. There's a cat. Eating, pecking, pecking, puddle, pecking the puddle. Get away from my nest! Get away from my young! Protect the egg!

Squawk! That was a squawk. Sometimes they just say squawk. I think I would. Yeah? Because I think I'd be able to monetize that power. Yeah. I'd be able to translate what birds are saying.

And then I would be like a bird whisperer. A bird trainer, bird whisperer. I'd be the to translate what birds are saying and then i would be like a bird trainer i'd be the most unique asset in bird whatever and you'd hire somebody to manage that wealth for two percent yeah because at that point i don't want to have to deal with the quarter would you pay to have your colon removed so you would never have to shit you could get a bag place under your nuts you eat a pizza and it slides right out a hole how cool is that and guess who's your fucking dad my uncle yeah okay how about this one yeah i'll give you an apple vision pro headset for free um yeah but oh no i'm out there's conditions. I barely wanted it when I was just going to have it. You have to use it to watch a movie on your next flight.

Oh. Yeah. Sure. Yeah? Yeah. So you'd put it on, plug it in. Yeah. And on your flight, you have it on.

I feel like I do much more embarrassing things on my flight. The porn thing? Already. Yeah. Cheeky fap. The red tube of it all. Is your Wi-Fi working? Can I use your hotspot showing them my red tube login?

Is red tube still a site? So you would. You wouldn't feel the quiet shame of putting a headset on in public. No, I don't feel shame for anything that happens on a flight. Everybody becomes invisible when they walk through that door. Especially once you put the goggles on. You're the worst version of yourself as soon as you step onto a plane. Yeah.

And I don't think anybody's going to care if I'm wearing those things. That's cool. Okay. That's good. So can I have them? No, that's not an actual deal. The money manager. The money manager was a deal. You got another one?

Let's see. I have two more. Okay. So anytime you're sick, anytime you have like a cold, a flu, you could snap your fingers and a random person somewhere in the world would instantly have it. Oh, yeah. I would do that. You would just.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I thought that'd be harder. A loved one? Yeah. Let's say a loved one just to try to make you pause i feel like my mom can handle that shit better than me okay especially if it's my hand no i wouldn't want luke to be sick yeah i'll be tall uh we'll talk offline but yeah sure

actually i have a dog-related one. Okay. Medication that makes Dingo live longer, but he has to sleep in your bed and snore. Yeah. How much longer? I don't care. You know there is a new medication that makes dogs live longer, and it's getting through the FDA approval process, but it's not there yet. Wow. Great.

That's good. Solid timing. Dingo's only one. Yeah. Great. That's good. Solid timing. Dingo's only one. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be great. Yeah. That would be incredible.

He already does sleep. You know, he sleeps under my bed. Okay. And does he snore? He doesn't snore. He's perfect. Well, this will be an extra year of dingo for the snoring. Just one more year?

Like that. Yeah. That sounds – I mean anything for him. That's nice to hear. This one's kind of a – this one's been out there before. Would you want to know how you were going to die? I think not. That would weigh on me.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give me the randomness. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to be hit by a bus, by the way.

I know that shit. Because I'm driving. A bus did narrowly avoid me the other day. Really? No. I feel like I'm being Final Destination or some shit. All right. my last one. I'll give you a new phone every year on the year.

You don't have to worry about buying the phone, setting it up. Just wake up and that newest iPhone is there. But you have to keep it on low power mode. Ooh, no. Not going to do that. Yeah, basically buy a new phone every year or maybe every year and change. You got to figure it out. It's a tax write-off and it's not that hard to figure out.

But also low power mode is not that big of a deal. Yeah. Low power mode, it's just tacky. It's tacky. You don't want the yellow battery. Someone is like, oh, can I look at your phone? And they look and they see that yellow battery and they're like, oh, you don't have your shit together. Yeah. If you have a yellow battery, you have a yellow belly.

Yeah. You're a coward. Coward. You're scared of running running out we live in a world with ubiquitous chargers they're everywhere you can't you can't hold a charge yeah oh my god remember the mofi oh my god that was i mean that was one of these basically would you would you like to double your phone battery yeah but triple the weight weight in size. I had a Mophie. Yeah, I remember you had a Mophie. You loved the Mophie.

I needed the Mophie. Yeah. I mean, now the phone, the batteries are good enough. Yeah. I used to make fun of you so bad for the Mophie, but then I would need

to use it sometimes. Yeah, borrow it sometimes to have the Mophie. You're such a loser. Can I use your lame-ass Mophie? All right, I have one last one too.

Okay. You know, like video game stats? Yeah. You know, like you can increase your your strength your height your build your intelligence dragons yeah your wisdom yeah this is also dnd uh so your dexterity your constitution you can increase all of your stats

yeah bigger for what what am i sacrificing this is i'll be dumber your max dick stat is four inches what four inches rock so you can increase all of these stats to whatever you, you basically can build yourself as the perfect person that you want to be. So I can be a Hemsworth, but I have a four inch penis for it. Right. So yeah, exactly.

Interesting. Four inch dick. So I'd have a bigger dick and then also be Chris Hemsworth. Yeah. So you'd basically be rib smart and your dick would be an inch and a half bigger than it is i'll fucking kill you that's enough holy shit your tiny dick is fucking me i think it would change too much in my life to be hot now i couldn't just it would what would that entail it would set off a series of events that would change everything yeah it would change too much in my life to be hot now. I couldn't just, it would, what would that entail?

It would set off a series of events that would change everything. Yeah, it would change the history. Yeah. I wouldn't be me if I were hot. Yeah. Would I be instantly differently hot or would I have always been hot? I guess you could, you would be, you'd be like always been hot. It wouldn't be like, oh my God, this is you're a different guy. It's basically

like just tweaking existing you. Yeah. I'm afraid of the ramifications. Would you want an Australian accent? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I think so too. Yes. Yes. Yes, mate. Yes, I love one.

What was that? An Australian accent, mate. Yes, from Australia. Aren't you love? Mate. Yeah, that was, would you want that? Would you want that? Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show.

Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote.

Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace.

Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah.

But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, visionlifters. Yeah, visionlifters with a Z.

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So again you go to squarespace.com Slash segments You save 10% off your first purchase And then use the coupon code SEGMENTS When you're ready to launch that free trial Thank you Squarespace Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show Heyo DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings.

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Yo. Another car-based game. That's right. Did you play this growing up, Ghost? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you call it Ghost? Yes.

Okay, so you know the rules of the game. Yeah, you start spelling. I continue spelling. We're trying not to spell a word or be stuck saying the final letter. Yeah. You can't finish the word. And then if you come up with a letter that doesn't make sense, I can challenge you. And there's no word for that. If I say W, you say H, and then I say T, you can be challenged.

What are you talking about? I got nothing. Okay. And that gives me a letter. All challenged. What are you talking about? I got nothing. Okay. And that gives me a letter. All right. What do you think about this for stakes? I didn't ask you about this offline. If you get a letter, the other person gets to slap you.

It doesn't have to be like super hard, but just to sort of like knock you up a little bit. Not interested. Okay. What about a punch in the shoulder? That's a little better. Still like a physical sort of ow. Yeah. But it doesn't actually like hurt you.

Actually, you could choose slap or punch. Okay. Yeah. Slap or punch. Fine. Yeah. I'd be really annoyed if I like have. If I won 5-0 and I just kept slapping you.

Yeah. Yeah. A bruised arm for the day. Right. For this. Yeah. Okay. That's why I would choose slap. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know if I want to slap you is the you. Yeah. Yeah. A bruised arm for the day. Right. For this. Yeah. That's why I would choose slap.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know if I want to slap you is the thing. Interesting. Yeah. The slap sort of wakes you up. Right.

It hurts for like a second, but you're like, it's almost like a cold plunge. I would be worried that you would just like hit my jaw wrong. Or your ear. Yeah. And then I always have like a, I think I'm just too old to play these games. Yeah. Because like if my neck goes the wrong way, I'll have a little crick in my neck for the rest of the day

and that's not interesting we could try non-physical punishment I don't know if you can beat literally beating you but yeah I mean that's fine how about pulling out one of my beard hairs

oh that sounds like it would be more painful. For sure. But it won't. But it won't injure me in a lasting fashion. I don't know if I'd be able to grab one of your beard hairs. You can grab one. Grab a wiry one and yank it out. Okay.

And then you slap me. And I'll slap you. Yeah. Okay. Let's start. Should we do rock, paper, scissors for who gets to do the first letter? Okay. Because it's kind of an advantage. Okay. And then after that, it's whoever loses gets to start. Should we do rock, paper, scissors for who gets to do the first letter? Okay. Because it's kind of an advantage.

Okay. And then after that, it's whoever loses gets to start. Okay. Okay. Ready? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Me. I'm so happy.

I never thought it would be me. It's me. Hell. D. Interesting. Yeah. L. D. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty interesting.

R. I just said Y. Shit. D. R. Yeah, there is often like I accidentally spelled a word thinking it would extend a word, but like, oh, wait, that is a word. Yeah.

You know. only spelled a word. Thinking it would extend a word, but like, oh wait, that is a word. Yeah. D-R- A. I. Nice. Very nice. Really good. You think you got me? I feel like you've played this

game before. Tree. Is there a word besides the word that I have to finish? Is the question here. Tree. I mean, no, right?

It has to be only one. There can be only one. Is drazen a word? It's? It has to be only one. Yeah. There could be only one. It has to be. Is drazen a word? It's kind of like a drunk raisin. A dry raisin. Yeah. Drazen.

I'll let you go drazen just because it would also end up with you losing. Yeah. Okay. So that's an N. You want to pull a beard hair out? Okay. Or a slap, but you want to go for the hair. Yeah.

I'll get this side. There should be one. Can you see this? Yes. Okay. What if I pull it and I fail? It's like it's the yank, but not the yank. Yeah, yeah.

No, it's not getting it out. You get one chance. Get one yank. Yeah, like if I tried to slap you and missed. It's not getting it out. You get one chance. You get one yank. Yeah. Like if I tried to slap you and missed. It's so thin. Get a good grip on it. This hair will never grow back. That's fine.

It slipped out. Good man. I have to use my fingernails. My pads are too greasy. You know that. Didn't even hurt. All right. All right.

So you have one letter. I have a G. Yeah. Okay. And I lost, so I get to go again. Okay. D. D.

Let's see what you do this time. Let's see if you can top it. L. As in you're about to take an L. You're about to give your ass an L one second I'm thinking you what

impossible impossible you can challenge of course why I still see the hair that I want and I'm coming back for it and I'm not coming back for just that one hair nothing starts with L-U I'm coming back for the whole fucking thing I'm gonna bite your beard off L-U. I'm coming back for the whole fucking thing. I'm gonna bite your beard off. L-U-C. I.

I've caught you in a a bishop block. I have you completely cornered and checkmated. Cause L-U-C-I. Yeah. I see you're already removing some hairs for me to grab.

L-U-C-I. Lucy. Lu-C. Lucy. Yeah, Lucy. I lost. I literally don't know what word starts with L-U-C-I. So you can challenge.

I know. You want me to challenge. Lucy. know what word starts with L-U-C-I. So you can challenge. I know. You want me to challenge. Luce. It's not Lucinda. Luce. Lucy. Lucy. Luce.

Lucy. Lucy. Lucy. Lucky Lucy. You're stalling. Just fucking loose already. You want me to challenge? Take that L.

No, I can think of the word. You see I. E. Challenge. I was spelling Lucier. You know the cocktail bar? That's French for you are a looser. Lucid.

Yeah, so you're either going to have to say D or challenge. Now I'm coming back for the hair at this point. Were you good at this game growing up or am I just bad at it? I'm really good. Yeah, I know every permutation of every word. I can't quite see. You're going to have to pull it out. Okay, there's one one get a good grip brother

ooh got it that one smarted very nice yeah you can see the whole follicle 1080p that one's gone save that you're gonna want to save that oh good lord Symbolical. 1080p. That one's gone. As in this is a puke. Save that. You're going to want to save that.

Oh, good lord. Okay. Okay. If you lose again, would you do another hair or would you do the slap at this point? I'm going hair all day. Hair all day. Okay. Now I'm scared.

K. That's really good. Yeah. That's really good. Yeah, it is really good. N. K. Oh, shit. There's. Okay.

The writing's sort of already on the wall, as it were. Or the knoll. Yeah. Yeah. O. C. Yeah. At this point, it's a montage

of plucking. Yeah. It's gotta be knock. It has to. There's no other chances. There's no other world. Let's just get this one over with. Wanna grab her from this side? So you have GHO at this point. Yeah. GHO. Not an issue.

I actually am starting to think that going first is a disadvantage. I can go first next time. Okay. Okay. Let's see this one. Ow. Alright. Didn't get it. It didn't get it. I'm number three. This is unbelievable.

You want to make me, if it really hurts, you want to go for a mustache one. A nose hair. That'll kill. Well, I figure you can choose the hair. We should do it with waxing. Interesting. My ass. really hurts you want to go for a mustache one a nose hair that'll that'll kill well i figured you can choose the hair yeah we should do it with uh waxing interesting my ass yeah all right you go first okay p pass i don't think so p okay p actually p-a-s-s that's pass yeah spell that p-a-s-s that would be bad for me. Bad for me. And I can't.

I'm not going to do that. Can't risk it. Okay. So I'll do P-O. P-O? Mm-hmm. R. Poor is a word.

P-O-R? Oh, poor you. You just lost the game. It's two zeros. Two O's, of course. Okay. Poor. P-O-R.

You're thinking that I can only spell the word porn. That's what you're banking on. And I might just take the L because it's so funny if I do. P-O-R. There's also port. That's also P-O-R. P-O-R. Damn it, that's also um poor poor damn it that bad okay that's also bad there's not a world where i win this game um um oh god damn it are you okay

god damn it you can try to delay the inevitable a little sort of go for like porous or something yeah yeah there's just all of the words come back to me um hum There's just all of the words come back to me.

Hum. Hum. I'll just say R. P-O-R-R. Yeah. I. Yeah. You've already thought of porridge, haven't you?

I've never stopped thinking of it. It's always been porridge for me. It's the porridge for me. Porree. Porree. Yeah. Let's just get it over with. Yeah. It's over.

It's porridge. Yeah. And it comes back to me. Yeah. So this is G-H-O-S. Yeah. Am I going mustache? Yeah, because it'll hurt.

And I deserve it. They're coarse. Yeah. Can you see? But I can't like separate one. I feel like I need reading glasses to get in there. Okay, I see one. Yeah.

Yeah. Ooh, that hurt a lot. You got two. I owe you one. You got two. That's true. Leave it there. For David Cross.

I wanted to see that. Oh, that one hurt. Yeah. G.H.O. You're down to your last out. You would still, if I won again, go taking out a mustache hair yeah yeah not a slap i don't i don't want to be slapped and i think i've proven that i am incapable of winning so i'm not gonna risk it um i don't i do you have a strategy i do yeah you do i'm so like i am just it's a roll of the

dice for me every single time yeah i, I'll play the strategy after I win. T. H. TH. THA. THA? Yeah. And with R she blows.

Yeah, it can't be R, it can't be N. But there's nothing else. Oh, there's nothing else. Yeah. You're fucked now. Take the L and get fucked. Shut up for a fucking second. You can challenge. I know the rules.

I obviously know the rules. I invented this game. Comeback kid is ready to sweep. I'm feeling lighter now that I don't have as much beard hair. I can think clearer. I think the follicle on this one was in my brain. Look, man, it's a lot of dead air for a podcast i think i have to just slap you i think for the listeners i need to slap you right now are are the harsh he blows that's a word is it

yeah bar casey on the switchboard check bar scrabble word. Scrabble dictionary. Thar. Scrabble dictionary. It seems like it's an old timey pirate slang. Yeah. Thar. So you wouldn't accept what? It's like there, but they're in their accent. Yeah. No. Scrabble dictionary says yes. That's right. You slap.

You beat this shit up. What do you want? I think I'll do a slap. But you don't have to go insanely hard, obviously. Can we get it on camera? I don't have to go insanely hard. You took two bearded. I took too much that shit.

I'll take a slap. You break my teeth. Woo! Dar's not a word. Okay. Why do you have to stand over me? Can you stay low? Alright.

I won't do it hard. Shut your eyes. You're going to flinch. Two for flinching. Okay. Ow! You scratched me. I did not. You scratched me. scratched me blood did that hurt yeah it hurt but it was

in a fun way okay yeah i went pretty limp okay uh do i go first or do you uh i guess i guess why doesn't loser choose loser chooser yeah i'll go frizzy. Okay. Okay. R. Trick. You're tricking me. Nothing starts with R. R, that's another word. He's on fire and scrabble.

There's no way these are words. Yay matey. There's only way these are words. Ye matey. Yar. There's only four words. Thar. Yar. Yar. Yar. I can't believe thar is a word, by the way.

Okay. Ar. Ar. Ar. Ar. Ar. R-A. No.

No. Shit. I. R-A. No, no, shit. I. R-A-I. I'll give you two seconds. No, no. R-A-I-S. I.

I. R-A-I. I. A, I. Wah, Razor. Yeah. He's thinking. He's trying to see if RazorNet is spelled differently. It's got to be RazorNet. That's the weird thing about Razornet.

There's a silent R. How do I get away from Raisin? It's tough. Yeah. We're backed into Raisin here. Raisin is locked.

And loaded. Let's challenge. Raisin is locked. And loaded. Yeah. Yeah. Let's challenge. I just blanked. I have no idea what starts R-A-S-I. Raisin is the word. Yeah. Is there a way out of it? I don't think so. I don't think so. Yeah. Hair again.

Let's go neck. No slap. Yeah. Slap is funnier. Yeah. I don't care. Yeah. I'm not risking that. Okay, I see a neck one. Wait for it. Oh, God.

This is another point for YouTube. Oh, yeah. Oh, dear. Oh, no, no, dear. That's a sensitive spot. I can feel it. I can feel it already. Oh, yes.

I missed it. Really? It. I can feel it. I can feel it already. Oh, yes. I missed it. Really? Hurt like you got it. Cool guys. All right. You want to talk strategy? Yeah. Last segment can just be sort of a teaching aid.

You almost blanked me. Yeah. You almost blanked me. I almost thanked you. Yeah. I lost on thar. Yeah. And I spanked you.

Yeah. So this was my strategy. Yeah. And I spanked you. Yeah. So this was my strategy. Yeah. When you start, you're getting letters one, three, five, seven, nine. Right. So I was nudging it towards a five letter word. That's your THs, your KNs. Basically a word that starts with two consonants.

Think of your word awards. Yeah. Yeah. There, knife. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. So whenever you said T, I said H. Whenever you said K, I said N. Yeah. Their knife. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. So whenever you said T, I said H. Whenever you said K, I said N.

Yeah. It fucked up once because I was spelling like think, but T-H-A-N is the word. Yeah. So I was locked out of that. Yeah. And then you ended with R. What were you going to spell if? I didn't have anything.

I see. Yeah. Okay. When I start, I'm trying to get you to two, four, six, eight. So I'm saying P, you say O, you should have said H. Right, right, exactly. Bone ends up on me. You said P, O, I said, okay, any consonant basically nudges you towards a four-letter word.

Yeah, right. Pork, porn, porridge was lucky because it actually ended up back at you. Right. So when you start, when your opponent starts, go for the five letter words. When you start, hope that your opponent doesn't know that strategy and you can end up at a four letter word. And I didn't. So it's interesting because if, I feel like I grew up playing when everybody was just, you know, in the car, it's all random. And if it's all, if it's always random. It's harder with three or four or five people playing. Cause then you don't, you know.

Yeah. Then it does depend on where it starts. This strategy is simply for two-player ghost. Yeah. Well, it wasn't ideal because I was playing no strategy and you had strategy. So I was really cut off at the knees there. But I'm glad we got one slap in. Yeah, me too. My mistake was doing T-H-A and then I'm like, okay, now I can't do think.

Is there a T-H-A-I word? T-H-A and then I'm like, okay, now I can't do think. Right. Is there a T-H-A-I word? T-H-A-I. T-H-A-L? Thatch or something? T-C-H. T-H. Yeah, what could you have done that wasn't? T-H-A.

I guess, no, because. T-H-A. I mean, thar I didn't even know was a word. Right. Let's see if there's an autocorrect. T-H-A. Oh, no, thai, that's a word. T-H-A-I.

Right. D-H-R. Oh, we already removed that. T-H-A-T is a word, of course. Yeah. Wait, so I started with T word. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Wait, so I started with T and you did H. Yeah. Yeah.

It would have been bad if I had done I. No, not really, actually. Yeah, because then thin takes away think. Yeah, think. Yeah. Yeah. T-H is an exception to the rule. Right.

I guess I should have always done that. I should have always, well, I guess I couldn't have always done that because I would have said T and you might not have always said H, huh? For that tip, I will be removing a hair and it won't be from your face. From my mom's pubis? From your mom's pubis. Really? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah, yeah. Let's go. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. I'm obviously joking.

Hey. Hey. Yeah. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah. Let's not go there. I was joking.

Let's not go there. We didn't go there. I'll slap your ass. You already did. I'll slap your ass. Your hands are shrinking. I'll slap your ass. Yeah.

And it'll feel like getting poked. Because that's how thin my fingers are. All right. Good app. Yep. Great app. Yeah. And it'll feel like getting poked. That's how thin my fingers are. All right. Good up. Yep. Great up. We learned some.

We slapped some. I was able to remove four hairs from you. Ultimately. Yeah. I went two of five, but twice I got two hairs. Yeah. Not bad. Oh, no.

Three of five. I only got two hairs once. One hair once. Yeah. And then I was over three on the other. Really? Yeah. Wow.

Kind of disappointing. Yeah. Not a great showing. All right. For more of us, we'll be back next week. As always, thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. And then we're also on Patreon, patreon.com slash JA.

Ja. That's right. That's right. Watching Jake and Amir episodes, commentary as it were. Yeah. And of course, we'll be back next week. So we'll see you then. Bye, everybody. That was a Hiddem Original.