Segments - 236: Bad Laugh (w/Grace Helbig!)

Episode Date: October 3, 2016

Friend and comedian Grace Helbig joins us to discuss honesty, burping, and four minutes of unbroken eye contact. This episode is brought to you by MeUndies, and Squarespace! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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They'll answer all your questions with stupid advice They'll tell you just what they would do And they'll preserve your just what they would do and they'll preserve your dignity by keeping anonymity so listen to if i were you listen to if i were you dang what'd you think of that grace that? That was so good Thanks, I made it Oh, okay What were we saying? People make you guys original theme songs for every episode

Yeah, that guy seems like he just freestyled over a Mario theme song Yeah, that sounded very 8-bit or whatever Well, funny you say that Because this is the third time the Super Marcado Brothers have made theme songs for us and they did it entirely on an NES Nintendo and then sang over it. That's really dope. Good work. Good on ya.

And if we enjoy it, we could plug their website, which they say, but again, I would like to get some money out of them. So let's say we are willing to plug it. The podcast is pretty popular. It would do really, really well for you guys. And if you could email ifrbshow at gmail.com with an invoice. They gave you a free song. A free intro.

You don't feel like that, do you? Sorry. If you can send us how much money you think you can afford. You're a monster. Fine. It's supermarcatobros.com. That's supermarcatobros. How do you spell marcato? M-A-R-C-A-T-O. And then they're coming to see us in October in Minneapolis.

Hey! They can pay you then. That's exactly right. That way we don't even have to deal with the PayPal transaction fees. Yeah, it doesn't get lost in the Ethernet. Yeah, if you can... What's the difference between Ethernet and Internet? It's just, you know, regionalisms.

Grace is crying right now. I am. You invented the word regionalisms. So thanks to the Super Marcado Brothers. Grace, how are you doing? I'm well. How are you? I can't believe you've never been on our show before. You've never asked me before.

You're right. That's what I can't believe. We never asked her. Because the first time we asked her, she came on. That's true. And if anything, there was once where we asked you not to come, remember? Yeah. And I still came. We wouldn't let you record.

I watched, and it was really sweet. We were just on your podcast. Yeah. Is that out yet? Nope. Okay. And I don't know exactly when. In the next, like, month or two months or so.

Okay, cool. So maybe it is. They deleted it. There was no recording device. It was a fine episode. It was just a conversation in the hallway that we had. You drunkenly pitched her

at a bar. Your podcast is called Not Too Deep? Yes, that's correct. And you want to explain what it is? Sure. It's a podcast. Okay, perfect. So you guys are on the podcast. Or the internet. It's on the internet.

It's also on the full screen app. You can watch it there and then you can listen to it on iTunes and SoundCloud. Oh, yeah. They videotaped ours. Yeah. So you can even see us. We did our Matt Damon bit on that podcast, actually. Solid bit.

Lots of solid bits in that episode. Maybe the most bit heavy episode of Not Too Deep we've ever had. Oh, shit. I wonder if that's going to be alright for the fans. They'll love it. Much like that theme song, we did eight bits. Thank you so much for coming on our show. That is the end.

Grace has mixed a grapefruit LaCroix with half and half, which I've never seen before. Actually, she dumped out the entire LaCroix. A can full of half and half. It was all cream. Straight cream. With a splash of vodka at the top. Straight cream, homie.

I mean, try it. Have you ever had vodka and milk? Have you ever done that? That's like a white Russian? Vodka and milk. Oh, yeah. Isn't that a white... No, what's in a white Russian?

Rum? Google it. Google it. Just a little Google. Wait, if you mixed vanilla vodka with milk, that might be not the worst thing in the world. I think so. Oh, yeah. Or vanilla almond milk, vanilla vodka, just a pump and a half of Hershey's syrup.

No, there's actually a drink where you mix soy milk and vanilla milk and like vanilla vodka and like um frangelico or something and it's really good jellico yeah when i was in high school i mixed vodka with milk you did because i thought like at that i was so dumb about drinking that i just like in my head it was like vodka needed to be mixed with something otherwise you would be dead and like then when I was in my 20s I realized that you could just some people drink it on ice and you could have it straight and that would have been so much better no I just didn't have any

there was like nothing except for because that was the first liquid you have you're like alright so now let's try it's like when you beat Mario you play it again yeah you had breast milk vodka then OJ vodka a white Russian is a cocktail made with vodka, coffee liqueur, and cream. Vodka, coffee liqueur, and cream. Sounds pretty great.

Don't get me started on what coffee liqueur is because I don't know that either. But that's okay. This isn't an alcohol podcast. It's an advice podcast. Did you know that this is the only advice podcast on the internet that Jake and I host? I do know that now. How is that for one of a kind? That is, I mean, what?

How niche? No other show can ever claim that. That's so true. Do you make shirts that say that? No, but we should. We should. This is a dad joke podcast. You've done Billy and Adam's No Joke Podcast.

This is Jake and Amir's Bad Joke Podcast. Oh, all the hits. I think I'm trending towards a life where 50% of my jokes are bad jokes on purpose. I like that you're trending towards that. Yeah, I'm heading there. I'm trying to hit it. You're ready to have kids. Yeah, I'm ready.

Mentally and physically, I'm there. Yeah, your maternal instincts are kicking in. I'm lactating. You're with child. Oh, my God, you're pregnant. So people will email us at ifireashow at gmail.com. Jake and I will comb through literally tens of emails to find the best ten. That's amazing.

That's amazing. You guys are doing the Lord's work. Yeah. How many episodes have you done? 200 something. Yeah, 230 something. That's a lot of advice that's been given. Yeah, and some of it has even been good. Really? Yeah. Occasionally.

Do you legitimately try to give advice? I think so. I think we do sometimes get a little silly. We do sometimes make fun of the emailer. For sure. That's gonna happen. You just shit on them a little bit. Just a little silly. We do sometimes make fun of the emailer. For sure. That's gonna happen. You just shit on them a little bit. Just a tiny bit. It did get to the point where people will sometimes

remind us to answer the question at the end of their email. But yeah, we try to help. Because if you're confused, you're a little bit dumb. And if you're even a little bit dumb, we will find that thread and pull it until you feel so bad about yourself that you regret not only emailing the podcast but listening to us most of the list most of the questions we choose they'll turn off the podcast before we get to the real yeah help because we've

shamed them they're nasty little angry boys two role models actually role models this i have an email right now from a nasty little angry boy but we can't say but not one that i can read on the podcast oh yeah it is just i went on a grinder date last night uh but we like to give these people fake names in order to preserve their anonymity so do you have a fake name we can call this guy um um magic johnson okay that's really fake yeah where did you even come up with that fake name did you guys ever do that thing where Magic Johnson. Okay, that's really fake. Yeah. Where did you even come up with that fake name? Did you guys ever do that thing

where you check into hotel rooms under different names? No. Oh, someone once asked me at a convention if I wanted to do that the first time ever, and I was like, yes, I do. And they're like, what name would you like to go by? And I just said Janet Jackson. Somebody more famous than you.

Paparazzi there. I'm just so excited to be under a fake name. Yeah, I want people to know that I'm coming. You can be anyone you want. I was like, Janet Jackson was the first thing that literally spit out of my mouth. And every time I ordered room service, they said, thank you, Miss Jackson. And I was like, this is perfect. And I'm sorry, Miss Jackson.

Yeah. Are you for real? We don't have cream burgers. Four cheeseburgers right now? Room service is so pricey, but we won't get into that right now. Magic Johnson writes, My girlfriend of six months recently broke up with me, and there was one thing she said to me during a low point she was having.

She basically said that she couldn't be with me in the long term because there were certain things about me on a fundamental level that she did not like. At the time, I didn't ask her to specify because I didn't want to get in an argument. But now I'm curious. I might want to change my personality. Maybe there are those things that I need to know to keep more out in the open

when meeting new people. Is this something that would benefit me if I knew? Would you guys want to know? Thanks. Love, Magic Johnson. Give it up for Magic. Wow. All of us not quite. You're sort of just

patting the tips of your fingers together. I'm doing like what an evil genius does when they have a plan. You're hatching something. This is how I celebrate someone's pain. That evil genius, an evil genius who puts his hands together as clunky as you're doing it, looks like their evil plan is really, really dumb.

An evil genius with not the greatest motor skills. Yeah. Otherwise, he would have done something more admirable. Yeah. Yeah, he's sort of annoyed at his hand-eye coordination. So when someone breaks up with you you do you want to know why oh how about that in the general sense i already know why oh you out yeah it's always the same reason yeah which is uh that i broke up with them if someone ever rejected you

you've never been broken up with no okay that's an intimidating pattern have you ever wanted to go out with someone and they said no like before you got into the relationship i've asked someone on a date and then they said yes and then but then they texted me later and said that they didn't actually think we should go on a date did they they say why? Did you want to know why? Would you want to know why? No. I mean, it doesn't matter why, because the result's kind of the same. Well, that's the question. Is it helpful to know why someone is saying no to you in a general sense? Or do you like the blindness of a ghosting rejection?

Just the blissful ignorance of knowing all your faults. I think in my brain i don't want to know what everyone thinks about me period like how dangerous would that be if you knew exactly could read people's minds what they were thinking it's good that you exist on the internet yeah i can read my own fans don't like me anymore uh i don't need to know what strangers think so if i can get the furthest away from that as possible is even people that are saying no to me I still don't know why

I just assume hey we're not a good connection or a good match you can assume anything right you can assume that you're ugly to them yeah I assume I'm ugly to you is how I end every rejection I get I'm ugly to you is how I end every rejection I get.

I'm actually busy this week. I'm busy. Oh, I'm ugly to you. I get it. It's happened before. If I was hot to you, you wouldn't be busy to me. That's the truth. I'm actually rejecting you because you talk like that, you fucking weirdo robot man.

I think that's the truth. I think that's the kernel of humanity and everything but even someone that's attracted to you attractive to you that can change based on how well you get to know them suddenly like let's say i meet someone who's really attractive but she's a mean and angry and bad person sure at first that's fine i don't know about the mean and angry side she's still gonna be hot she's still hot she's still hot yeah but then after a while the meanness catches up to the heat and suddenly it overpasses the heat so she is she's still ugly to me or she's still attractive she's still hot she's still she's still hot i mean there's just like think about how sexy hitler was oh my god like he did some of the worst shit that you can do well he did like

some good stuff but he did actually do some bad stuff so wait a second no i'm saying he did some bad stuff he did no what you said first is that he did some good stuff i just mean he's like art his early shit his fucking paintings and shit were like some of that was on point but then like he did some pretty nasty shit i don't even want to go down this path anymore. I'm just vetoing engaging in that conversation. I started the joke. And I'm out. I tap out. And for that reason, I am out.

But would you rather not know if it's like a first ask and someone turns you down? But this is like six months later. Yeah, this is different. Yeah, that's true. Where it's like, I know you more as a person rather than just your appearance. That's why it's even worse. Because it's like, oh, don't get me wrong. I do think you're attractive. I was with you for half a person rather than just your appearance. That's why it's even worse. Oh, don't get me wrong.

I do think you're attractive. I was with you for half a year. Yeah. And yet still something is so fucked up in you that I'll say no more. I'm willing to have this bad conversation. And she said fundamentally wrong. Unchangeably wrong. Yeah, that I don't like fully understand.

Absolutely unchangeable in you. I think that's in any relationship. You could like, if they have fundamental differences, it might just be because he's a, what's a good fundamental thing or a bad one to have? He has a dry sense of humor. Oh, yeah. Or something. Or no sense of humor. Yeah, or like he's low energy and she's high energy. So she's like, you know what?

We are not compatible. And you can't change that about yourself. No, yeah. It doesn't mean that you should change something moving forward. It just means that somebody else might be a better match. Yeah. No, that's totally true. Did you ever take those Myers-Briggs personality tests?

Oh, yeah. Like introverted, extroverted. I just recently become obsessed with them. So what are you? I'm an INFP. I'm a mediator, a healer. Yep, all of the things. That's exactly why you need to be on this podcast. I know, right? So you're introverted? Yeah, big time.

But your show and your online persona is so extroverted. This is what I learned. Introverted doesn't mean like that you socially shut off. It just means that you don't gain energy by being around a big group of people. It takes energy from you. Like I have extroverted friends that are like they don't like being alone with themselves when I love being alone. Like when do you feel like you're charging? Do you feel like you're at a when you're at a party surrounded by people that's you at your best or do you feel like i guess it depends if it's like a party of all my friends i'm down but if it's like hey i'm inviting you to a party and i get there early and i look around and it's strangers i'm like oh no this is bad does that mean i'm introverted or extroverted i don't know i bet people have like varying degrees of both in them like i like being

in a small group of like my close friends yeah that i enjoy but if it's like i'm going to a convention all day i I'm like, all I want to do is be alone in a hotel room by myself ordering cheeseburgers as Janet Jackson. Here's a question I once asked my friends.

Would you rather throw a dart against America, a map, sorry, throw a dart into the map of America and you have to go to that city with any three friends

you want for a week or somebody pays you an all expense paid trip to anywhere you want in the world but you have to go by yourself. Map.

Dart. Friends. So like rural Wichita, Kansas. Love it. Three friends in a shitty house. But you could aim

for like Vancouver or something. Yeah. It depends on how athletic you are. You'd rather do that than like an all-expense-paid trip by yourself to like Japan or Iceland or somewhere exotic that you wouldn't necessarily ever go to.

Totally map, dart, friends. I think tiny towns in America are more interesting than like big, you know, tourist attractions. But it can land on St. Louis. Great, I'll see that arch. Show me that arch. What would you say? Solo dolo vacation solo dolo i'd probably if if the two options i might even rather go spend a week by myself in the tiny town in america too i just fucking hate my three best friends but you can bring anyone

you want uh yeah but i mean it sounds like a i could do i i could do the american one pretty easily but i'm probably not ever gonna to send myself to the Faroe Islands. Right. And I think I'm more like you. I'd rather be in the middle of nowhere with my friends. Like, that sounds exciting to me. I've never traveled alone. Have you?

Yeah, a lot. Cool. Yeah, it's fine. It's cool. It's fun. It's not worse. I love traveling alone. It's the best.

Yeah, I love going by myself on an airplane. Yeah, yeah. That is great. Like Yeah, I love going by myself on an airplane. Yeah, yeah. That is great. Like a real adult all by myself. Wow. And I get to wear a bib, and then mommy picks me up at the gate. And sometimes I get a pin with the pilot's wings. Back to this guy's original question.

Is this something that would benefit me if I knew? Oh, that's so hard. I don't know. I mean, but I don't think, think like you were saying he shouldn't change his personality necessarily i think constructive criticism is always helpful you don't get that from your ex though yeah like there's no world that i wanted like know what all my exes think of me that's but see i think that's what guys and girls are different because you do i after a period of time like after like let the dust settle, and then I'll probably be like,

hey, by the way, what's wrong with me? What's that called in the business world? Like a post-mortem? Like, all right, the festival is over. Now let's meet for a week and discuss what we did right or wrong. You think that you don't know why? No, I assume. It's more of a conversation.

I think I'm decently self-aware, and so I would know where the problems lie. But if there was something from that person, because I mean, especially long term relationships, you respect that person enough that you're like, at one point, I thought you were the greatest person of all time. I chose you above all else. Right. And so it's like, I respect your opinions about me, but I don't want them to come from

like a place of just pure like pain, hurt, like, you know, for the sake of just hurting me because that person's hurting. Because then I don't want them to come from like a place of just pure like pain hurt like you know for for the sake of just hurting me because that person's hurting because then i don't trust what they actually say that's true i like the idea of like a year or two later yeah having clear eyes full hearts i feel like they have good insight on like you know your professional life or something but not like how you are as a someone in a relationship if i've met they would know the most they did it they experienced you the ride. No, but like you the ride changes. You're not the same person.

I'm not the same guy as I was when I was 27 when I was dating somebody. Yeah, but maybe there are things about you that you could perhaps tweak accordingly. Of course there are. I was a despicable monster. I already know though. Despicable you.

So would you say find out or not find out? Don't find out. You're good. Grace, final answer? I'm kind of torn between the two. It depends. I mean, I don't think you can... If you find out, everything has to be taken with a grain of salt, right?

You can't actually be like, okay, that's exactly what I'm going to change. You didn't hire a consultant. Yeah, that that's it you need to hire a matchmaker a tony robbins all of them but it didn't like it didn't work so like what would he want to change he would want to change something so he could go off and have a relationship with somebody that was exactly like his ex-girlfriend it wouldn't necessarily be changing if someone that you broke up with said to you there's something fundamentally wrong with you you'd be like cool bye i would be like there's something fundamentally wrong with you you're staring in a mirror you're stupid motherfucker change i would just want to know not necessarily you know

take that as the do you think you know what someone would say what your fundamental flaw is yeah probably you don't have to say it out loud, but would you say it out loud? Sorry, I couldn't understand what you were saying. I'm good. I'll just keep it inside. That's a good one. Do you know what they would say about you? Whatever it is to be like,

what's the one where you don't kiss on the inside? The one where you're just empty on the inside yeah oh yeah no words it's like sociopathic or something yeah some version of like i could i could like fuck somebody else and then come back and like nothing will have changed yeah and then like yeah and like we'll have like a two hour long crying breakup talk and then like i leave the house and forgot that happened yeah you just want a panini i'll just go to starbucks and get a croissant and be like listening to blink 182 you just love blink 182 all right tell me what you think what's yours mine wouldn't be anything i'm perfect all right this next question that question comes from... No, I think mine would be empathy, sympathy. Like when someone feels bad or is sad, I'm unable to be like, I really feel bad for you.

You can't relate? You have compassion? Yeah. Just pure monster? Yeah, pure monster. Pure monster. What would you rather have? Somebody that was not compassionate and couldn't empathize or somebody that was like...

Borderline faking it. Could do it and then turn it off. Oh, God, yeah. Because you have to marry either me or Jake by the end of this show. The door is locked. And this guy in the corner is ordained. Would you rather have the honest truth or the dishonest? Ruth. Hi, I'm Ruth.

I'm Ruth Bader-Truthsburg. Those are two tough ones. Yeah, they're both equally great is the problem I understand when you're coming in. Good to know about yourselves. Here's a more lighthearted one. Okay.

Not from Magic Johnson, but rather from another guy named... Oh, Oprah Winfrey. No, no, no, Stedman. So you only know black billionaires. Stedman Winfrey. So you only know black billionaires. Stedman Winfrey. Stedman. Oh, he took her name?

Yeah, of course. That's awesome. Amazing. Stedman writes, 20-year-old dude from Australia here. I was hanging with my friends and there was a new guy in the crew and his laugh was really similar to mine. And everybody wouldn't stop talking about how much they hated it. I thought his laugh was rather contagious contagious but everybody else had other thoughts is there any way to change your laugh what would you recommend wow wow that's a layered question it's funny he's

looking he's looking for a new laugh this guy give him laugh suggestions that's really good i mean do you think you guys can pick out your own laugh? Like, do you know the sound of your own laugh? Yeah, I think so. I do like one really loud. Like that. Yeah, you can do... I think sometimes it's not even a ha ha ha. It's just like a ha!

Yeah, one loud thrust. When you get his laugh, it feels good. Yeah, and sometimes I do it like a little Japanese schoolgirl, so I'm like hee hee girl so i'm like it's like a pre-wipeout thing yeah a little and i sort of cover my mouth because it's great disrespect to see my tongue right yeah it is great dishonor do you like your laugh um i do as an adult now i think somehow i like my dad always had a great laugh growing up and I think somehow like influenced how I laugh. I never knew

that I had like, quote, a decent laugh until I moved to New York and started doing comedy and like would sit in the audience and all my friends

at the theater would be like, we love when you sit in the audience because you laugh really loud and it's so distinctive. Wow. And yeah,

I never knew that until someone told me. Having a good laugh is just a great thing well laughing is the best feeling in the world it feels so good it's such a weird thing do animals laugh?

hyenas yeah they're hilarious could you change your laugh? that's a good question could you have a surgery? I think you can change it I think you can work on it and I think you can work on it. And change it?

Mm-hmm. I remember changing my smile as a youth. Changing your smile? That's your laugh. Yeah, that is my laugh. Yeah, I remember I used to smile naturally, like just upper teeth and gums, and I thought it looked weird.

So I opened my mouth wider. Not unlike Magic Johnson. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, that looks happy. I think you should go back. Yeah. The first one's a little, like, less offensive or, like, aggressive. Oh, it's more gummy.

Yeah. That's for sure. They're all Asian somehow. You have the Asian schoolgirl laugh. It's because Israel's technically in Asia. Oh, interesting. That's true. That's true.

Do you change laughs like you change your handwriting? Oh, yeah. You could do that, too. I changed my signature once. Did you? I changed my signature recently. Really? Whoa.

A little inconvenient. A couple of my checks bounced because the signature didn't match. Whoa. Why did you change your signature? Because I was, I don't know. I just thought my signature was, like, ugly. And I was like, I can make it look cooler. I haven't changed it since I was, like, 17.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Did you ever, like, practice? I worked on it for an hour. You practiced and made a signature? Yeah. I practiced penmanship when I was in like fourth and fifth grade. I remember all of my friends, we were all trying to figure out what our penmanship looked like. And at one point, I did like the flat letters on the bottom.

Yeah, but it took me like twice as long to write. Did you have really good girl, fourth grade girl handwriting? No, I wanted, I have, fourth grade girl handwriting? No, I wanted, I have, my handwriting's, you know, just so average.

It's a classic. Yeah. Classic. I don't like talking about it. I only like talking about things that I excel in. That I'm amazing at, that I'm special in. Slightly above average.

Like, that's the last line of your resume. Special skills, sometimes above average. Sometimes above average penmanship. Is there any way to change your laugh? You're saying yes. Yeah, I think you'd start laughing from the belly.

I think like a nice... Oh, I hate that. Like a Santa impersonator. I'm going to suggest this guy does a nice belly laugh. Okay. And I think it's a natural thing that is in your DNA, and you can't objectively, genuinely change. You can change your fake laugh,

but I don't think you can change your real laugh. And you don't want to, because then you're paying more attention to how you're laughing in situations than what's funny in the situation. It's true. Laughing is like an animal noise that we make. Guttural.

Yeah, you can't really control it. Yeah, it's like a sneeze. You can't change the way you sneeze. Wow, that's a really good one. I've actually worked on my sneeze. I've held it in versus letting it blow. But, like, you know, like, there are some people that are like, like that.

I can't do that naturally. I can't do the, Grace loves it. It's just so funny. What if there was a tickling but for sneezes instead of laughs? So I sort of tickle you and you start sneezing. Here, let's give it a shot. Crawling over the mic.

Get off of me. That would make life different. Forever. I've met people that can make themselves sneeze. Really? Yeah. People can make themselves burp. I've never seen people make themselves sneeze, though.

Jake claims that he can't burp. You can't? Yeah, I can't burp. Let's talk about it. Why? I don't know. I wish I knew. It's not a why.

It's more a how. It seems like it's a natural. The gas either goes up or floats down to your asshole. Right. Well, sometimes I won't burp. I can't make a belch. But sometimes if I really need to, it'll escape my mouth and really... Oh, silent but burpy.

Like a... Something like that. But that even sounds more like a burp than it is. It's mostly like the carbonation leaving your ears more than anything. Like a cartoon with just steam coming out of your ears. Yeah, when he gets mad, he just steams out of his ears. Sometimes at a bar, like if I've had

like two beers or something, I really need to burp. That's awesome, by the way. When I have like two beers? That's really cool. Really? Yeah,

when you go to a bar and you have two beers. Yeah. That's really cool. Actually, this usually happens only having one beer, but anyway.

Still. Yeah, any beer at a bar. Thanks, dude. That's really cool. I'll go to the bathroom and just pull the trigger. What does that mean?

Not puke. If I just like hit my gag reflex reflex i will make like a fucking screaming loud burp sound like a homer simpson like a oh and like that's my burp for the day but you have to go do it in private because if i'm just i i've yeah i have to stick my finger down my throat to hit my gag reflex you can do that in public. I'm sure people wouldn't judge you that way. No, I don't think anyone would think it was loud. On a date, I'm thinking you could just sort of reach down there, wrist deep, and go bleh. You want them to see all of you.

That's true. And hear and smell all of you. So there's something fundamental about you that I don't like. It's the way you burp. It's the burping thing. It's when you tickle your uvula in public and scream belch out of your eyes and ears. I had a Jake burp almost come up, but never mind. That's awesome.

If you want, we could take these microphones into the bathroom. Well, no, I wouldn't be able to do the finger gag burp. We shouldn't talk about this anymore. It's important. It's not becoming. Yeah, it's unbecoming of you. Disgusting. Let's take a little quick break and then come back with more grace and more questions and more answers after this.

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Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings.com slash. Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. And we're back. All right. How are you, Grace, in general? In general, still doing well.

We're recording this in the smack dab middle of September. Right. How's your September going so far? Really good. We're doing lots of Dirty 30 promotion. Well. Yeah. Why don't we get to another question?

So basically. Thanks. Dude. Appreciate it. What't we get to another question? So basically... Thanks. Appreciate it. What does Dirty 30 promotion mean? It's a movie, Dirty 30, that myself and Hannah Hart and Mamrie Hart have coming out on September 23rd. What did you do for it? We went into a bunch of

rooms and talked in front of cameras to people about spoofs and goofs. And did you write the movie? Did you just act in it? Did you direct it? Mamrie and I wrote the story. Mamrie wrote the script. And she and Hannah and I are in it, along with a bunch of other content creators

and comedians. Adam Lustick, who has a podcast with you guys, is in the movie. That's right. Amazing. How was shooting the movie? When did that happen? That happened last November.

And it was really fun. We found this house, this giant party house in Eagle Rock that we shot in every day, and so it really did feel like a party. Wow. That's so dope. Eagle Rock, too? Eagle Rock! Were you involved in the editing of the movie?

No, I did ADR one day. And that's it? And that was it. Other than that, it's like, just show me the final cut. Yeah, they showed us the final cut, then we gave notes, and then they showed us the final, final cut. Hell yeah. It's really cool.

Yeah, it's fun. I think we're going to see it. I hope so. Are you guys coming? We got the invite. And I RSVP'd. Yes. Wow.

Okay. Cool. Is that tonight or next week? Next week. Next week. It's the 20th. Yeah, yeah. Sweet.

When will this come out? I don't know yet. Okay. Yeah. Well, people can still go get the movie at Dirty30Movie.com. Oh, you can download it? Yeah, it's direct download, and it's playing in some select theaters across the country. And then in two theaters, one in New York and one in LA, it's just playing as a movie.

Really? Yeah. That's dope. It's crazy we just found that out. Where? When? No idea. No idea.

Find it yourself. I know. Dirty30Movie.com. Yay! 30 as the number. 30 as the number. Do you want to say what the movie's about? Sure.

It's like Can't Hardly Wait, but for a 30-year-old that's having a shitty time in life and lets her friends throw her a big house party for her birthday. Oh. Who's the person having a shitty time in their life? Mamrie Hart! All right! I throw the party! Yes, dude! Also, my character's in a loveless marriage!

Oh, really? Yeah, it's really fun. There's lots of storylines. It's cool. It's like a house party film. Yeah. Do you remember Turning 30? Yes, it was last September.

Was it a big deal? I went to Greece for my birthday. Much less exciting than the Dirty 30 plot. Yeah, I know. Mamrie, it's kind of based loosely on Mamrie's life. She turned 30 a couple years ago, and a bunch of her friends at that time, she realized, were freaking out about turning 30. Yeah, it's a big one, right? Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. It didn't feel that crazy to me, and she didn't think it was that crazy to her. She threw a weapons party for her 30th birthday.

That's cool. What does that mean? She used her friend's warehouse out here in Los Angeles, and she dressed in a gi, a karate gi. And she had blow darts and a pellet gun and Chinese throwing stars. And one handgun. And a fucking gun. One handgun somewhere. One AR-15. I trust you guys. Anybody can lift this up and shoot it all.

But I want you guys not to. lift this up and shoot it all. But I want you guys not to. Yeah, in hindsight, not the best idea for a party with alcohol involved. It's so dangerous. Alcohol and firearms party. But we were very responsible. And she made a bunch of trophies and wrestling belts for everyone who won because there was all these different levels. Yeah, it was really fun.

It was really, really cool. And our friend's mom came and was just shooting the blow dart. It really fun. It was really, really cool. And our friend's mom came and was just shooting the blow dart. It was great. Yeah, it was really cool. I wish my friend's mom was at my 30th birthday party. You didn't invite my mother. Jesus, that was fast.

She wanted to come. It sounds like you've been sitting on that complaint for a while. We all went to Vegas for Amir's 30th birthday. Oh, really? Yeah. Me, a bunch of friends, Amir, not my mother. Of course not your mother. She was unceremoniously uninvited.

Jake invited her, and I had to call her and tell her not to board the flight. She had a plane ticket. Well, I told her to get off of her flight because she wasn't allowed. Yeah. She was like, well, can I just go to Las Vegas and not hang out with you? And Amir said, no. We'll run into you and it'll sour my mood. Yeah, she knows what she did.

As a 30-year-old. Was it fun? Was Vegas fun? Yeah, 30 was fun. I was excited about 30. I think of 30 as almost like a fresh start because I felt like, oh, I was getting older in my late 20s, 27, 28, 29. And that's 30. It's like, oh, I'm at the beginning of a new decade. Sure. So it didn't feel like, oh, I was getting older in my late 20s, 27, 28, 29. And now 30, it's like, oh, I'm at the beginning of

a new decade. So it didn't feel like, oh my god, I'm getting old. It just felt like, okay, we're restarting. Yeah, 30s are the new 20s, says people. Yeah. And then when you turn 40, that'll be the new 20 too. That'll be the new 16. Who knows? We don't care. I don't know. I forget that I'm 30.

Everyone says that except like 16-year-olds. Like, hey, 30 is still 30. You old loser. You can't hang out at this warehouse party. Give us our pellet guns. Do you feel any older? Like when you hang out with 18-year-olds or see teenagers? Yeah, when I see teenagers, I feel like physically older.

But in my brain, I still feel like I'm 22. I forget that I'm 30 until someone asks how old I am. And you say 30. Then they're like we need to see your ID. You can't buy these 40s. That's great. You can't buy these 40s

unless you're 30. Right back to you guys after another break. Jesus. No, we'll stick around here. Do you have time to answer a few more questions? Of course.

Heck yeah. That's a good song. No, we'll stick around here. Do you have time to answer a few more questions? Of course. Heck yeah. That's a good song. This is the lead-in for the final few questions. Amir does this every single time. It's just a quick five-minute song. Yeah. I know all the words so far.

Oh, that's great. You could sing along with him if you don't mind. I'm done. All right. Do you have another rich black person's name? Morgan Freeman. That's true. That's classic.

Morgan Freeman writes, I have found myself in a problem. Me and my girlfriend of nine months have recently moved to college. We are at different colleges that are about 30 minutes away from each other. The problem lies in the fact that she's a very jealous person. She will never let me go out to parties or clubs because she's worried I will cheat on her, which makes my social life rather dull. The problem gets even worse because recently I've become friends with a girl in my class. My girlfriend would hate this,

but I don't want to lie to her. Me and this girl talk and joke quite a lot and get on quite well. So this has made my experience of moving to college much more comfortable. Should I tell my girlfriend? And if she takes it badly, what do I do?

I feel this new girl is really special and I kind of like her. Thanks for all your help Love, Morgan Freeman Wow Your girlfriend is going to be so pissed at you When you dump her for this new girl I know, for this new love of your life

She's going to be so upset And wonder what she did wrong What was her fundamental problem? What is my girlfriend so jealous of? I'm just falling in love with someone else That makes me feel whole. God. Oh, you should have forbid me to go to class. Or to college in general.

Yeah, maybe if I had gone to the club, I would have gotten something out of my system. I like the idea of forbidding people. Have you ever been forbidden to do something or made a rule that forbade others? In a relationship? Yeah. Now that I can remember off the top of my head. You better not do this or you don't do that.

He's like, don't cheat on me. Oh, that's a hard and fast rule. That one's always sort of established at the top. I mean, but when it's not said out loud, then it's like, for interpretation. You never said not to. You've been heartbroken. Yes, I did. The first date, I went over ground rules.

I said no cheating, and you said fine. The heart broke. Yes, I did. The first date, I went over ground rules. I said, no cheating. And you said, fine. I thought you said generally, not on you. I think even on tests, like when you take as couples. Jesus. Yeah, that situation sounds like it sucks. Yeah, but luckily there's a pretty simple answer, which is you don't have to deal with your angry girlfriend.

And if she takes it badly, you don't have to deal with your angry girlfriend. And if she takes it badly, you don't have to do anything. Yeah, also, why is she so jealous? Does that come from a moment in your relationship or from her in a previous relationship? Yeah, a lot of young couples are, and it happens to everybody, but doesn't it seem like jealousy is much more prevalent in young couples

and then some people grow out of it and some people don't? Yeah, do you get more jealous or do you only get less or the same i was definitely like i was fucking i was jealous out of my mind when i was like 18 yeah it's like when i was going into college too but now i don't do it i don't get jealous it's your right to be hellish maybe she thinks it's her right to be hellish. Yeah, but also, like, that's probably it, definitely. So what are you going to say or add to this conversation after I clearly have nailed it? I mean, nothing other than, well, what's the next problem that you need to solve?

He's saying she's, like, jealous and it's annoying. But, like, at the same time, he's doing something that would make her jealous, i.e. starting a relationship with somebody else. Right. Her fears are coming true. Her jealousy's not unfounded. But did she manifest them because she was so strict

that it made someone act out? Oh, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yeah, the secret. Maybe if this girlfriend was so great, he wouldn't even think that other girl was that great because he'd be like,

oh, my girlfriend's better than this girl. This is why we always tell people when they're going to college to be single. Well, that's the thing, too, is I feel like a lot of young relationships, you get jealous because you kind of know that this isn't going to be it forever. But sometimes you hear about, oh, I dated my high school sweetheart and now we're in love and now we're going to have a kid. We had a kid and now I think I'm going to have another kid. See, when I hear that, though, I'm like, I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, it's very depressing to me. That doesn't sound like a beautiful love story.

I'd be like, oh, you're just both afraid, I guess. Because he didn't get to have sex with a lot of people, or because he didn't get to be in relationships with a lot of people, or because you went to an ice cream store once and then never went back? All of the above. Especially the ice cream store one. Where did you go to college? I went to a small liberal arts college in northern new jersey called ramapo called princeton we had a we had a show at ramapo

yeah we did have a show at ramapo cool yeah it's it's it's ramapo baby it's not the best did you have a high school sweetheart did you have a college sweetheart did you have a college sweetheart uh that we i dated for like two and a half, three years. That's a lot. That's almost all of college right there. Well, I dated like the two years that I was a junior and senior. Oh, hell yeah. College boy.

Junior in high school. Do you know my dude? He goes to fucking Ramapo. Did he go to Ramapo? Oh, no, no. I... No, he did it first. Do you think that she is dating a senior in Ramapo right now? No, I think that she was a junior or senior in high school dating a college... No, no, no. No, he did it first. Do you think that she is dating a senior in Ramapo right now?

No, I think that she was a junior or senior in high school dating a college. No, no, no. I dated him my junior and senior year of college, and he was a year below me. I met him at Ramapo, and then he transferred to Rutgers. Yeah, so. Rutgers-Ramapo. That's like the Romeo and Juliet. Machu Capulet.

Oh, man. It's the Jersey Romeo and Juliet. Which is anotherulet. For real. Oh, man. This is a Jersey Romeo and Juliet. Which is another movie you're working on. Yeah. Jersey Juliet. Jersey Juliet. Not bad. Great reality show.

I mean, let's tell them to eat immediately. Or Rose by any other name. That's really good. Really? You can be, not Romeo, but who's Romeo's ugly friend? Mercutio. Tybalt? Uglier. Mercutio. Tybalt? Uglier.

Mercutio, then. Grace had it. Oh, yeah. How about you? Did you have a college sweetheart? I had a college sweetheart. I had a post-college sweetheart. And then I had a post-post-college sweetheart.

Wow, look at all these sweethearts. Three sweethearts for the price of one. How did that go after college? You know, it's funny. I started the college sweetheart-ness right as high school was ending. And then I started the post-college one right as the college was ending. So you dated someone completely through college? Not completely through, but maybe for the first two or three years.

Gotcha. Wow, that's a long-ass time. That's the whole time you were in college? Yeah. Not the whole time. Do you regret it? No, I mean, I don't regret anything, but it is fun. I didn't have the, like, I didn't, I wasn't so, like, confident and cool in college that I felt like I was missing out on, like, hooking up with other ladies.

Sure, sure, sure. So I was like, oh, I'm happy to have this girlfriend that i like for my freshman and sophomore year that's nice i was just a a stringy greasy little jewish tweenager i mean i was i was 12 in college so that's one of the things i took my psats at age nine oh wow failed them i got a four on them i got a fucking eight but the fact that i even took them guess, was impressive enough to get me admitted. You showed up. I went to some university of Judaism, which is hardly a school, just like where my mom takes Mahjong classes. She takes classes for the game Mahjong?

That's correct. You have to learn how to play Mahjong. So it was hard to find a girlfriend there, I guess. So you sort of stuck it out with the one of your mom's friends who was down to date you. She was 59 and I was 12. Or, yeah, 58 and I was 12. That's beautiful. But when I turned 14, she was still 58.

No, she wasn't. She was a warlock. What do I do, says this guy. Just break up with your girlfriend? It's okay to break up with her? It sounds like your girlfriend isn't that great. Sounds like she's not that great. And if you're a jealous person out there, maybe don't be jealous.

Or maybe there's a reason to be. We don't know this guy. He could be like sugarcoating his situation. Yeah, I keep on rejecting the jealous idea because he is bound to cheat on her right now. Is jealousy wrong if it's well-founded? No, not at all. Are you jealous if somebody cheats on you, or are you just appropriately angry?

Yeah. Is that jealousy still? I don't know. $64,000 question. Either way, though, I agree that it sounds like they shouldn't be in a relationship. So that's easy. She should figure out where the core of her jealousy thing lies, because that sucks to continue with.

Yeah, that's true. You've got to work on your jealousy. Everybody out there. She's going to bring that baggage into everything. Should I snap? Nice. Oh, shit. Oh, my God.

Your thumbnail. It landed on my cheek. No, it's crawling. Not unlike Fantasia towards my eye. Fantasia. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Sorry. That was Fantasia.

I stopped caring about life for a little, let's say a second and a half. Okay. I didn't know if I was alive or dead. I was just humming a Fantasia tune. And the sad part is I didn't care. You blacked out to your own sounds of Fantasia. Yeah. That's an impressive skill. When I say Fantasia,

what do you imagine moving? Fantasia Burino. Okay. So you didn't answer my question. Pop icon. Jake. Do you have time for one more question? Yeah. One my question. Pop icon. Jake. Do you have time for one more question?

Yeah. One more question from? Fantasia Barrino. I like that. Who is Fantasia Barrino? She's the American Idol winner season something.

Hell yeah, dude. She's in the color purple. She is. The movie or the color? The Broadway. Oh, the show. Mm-hmm. I think so fact check

fact check let's just have a podcast rarely have just eight seconds of silence should we do it it's kind of interesting it's a good room tone yeah room tone

alright let's do eight seconds of silence so for anybody listening at home this is just eight seconds of silence your phones are broken it didn't it didn't skip

if you're diving you're at the gym you're doing a chore at the gym you're doing a chore just enjoy this you feel like you lost service for a second no buffering no this is just eight seconds full silence don't worry we're gonna come back at the end when i eight seconds hold on i'm gonna okay let me finish talking yeah because we do want to get to it yeah that's one possible like it'll sound like one mississippi two mississippi right but for eight seconds okay well the question Okay, well, three Mississippi.

Well, I have a question for you. Four Mississippi. Yeah. When I edit this, should I drop all the levels down so it's actual silence, or do you like still hearing the faint room tone? I like hearing the silence that we hear. Okay, so it is room silence. That being said, it's going to be five Mississippi. Six Mississippi.

Yeah, and then obviously we know what's next, which is seven Mississippi. And then finally, do I say eight Mississippi or does that bring us to the ninth second? Eight Mississippi. That's nine seconds. You can't say Mississippi after eight. Eight is the end of it? Oh, yeah.

I mean, I don't know. Isn't that seven and a half? You start with zero Mississippi. I'll just look at the time. I'll just move on to the question. Oh, yeah. We don't have time for it. That was it.

Viewers missed out. All right. Eight seconds of silence? Yeah. Okay. Ready? Ready? Mm-hmm. Starting in missed out. All right. Eight seconds of silence? Yeah. Okay. Ready? Starting in three, two, one. That was awesome, guys.

I hated it. Neither of you guys would look at me. I wanted to make eye contact with somebody. Have you ever done that? The four minutes of uninterrupted eye contact is supposed to increase your levels of intimacy with someone to like 10th degree. Wow, really? Yeah, there's a whole BuzzFeed movie. Staring at each other?

Yeah, there's a movie, YouTube video that BuzzFeed did about it. Have you done it? No, I hate it. I don't want to do it. I hate intimacy. Hannah loves it. Wants to do it with everyone she knows. Have you done it with her?

No. I reject it every time. Four full minutes. That's such a long time. And these couples, it's all different couples of varying relationship lengths. There's strangers. There's people that have been together like six months, 10 years, 50 years. And people just start crying in the middle of it.

Totally silent. I couldn't take it. I think that's one of my things. I can't take things seriously. I wouldn't be able to do that. Oh, yeah. People i want i i'm more like hannah i think i want to do it so badly you should do it i instantly love it i'm like fuck it if it makes me feel something if it lights a fire in my heart my god but this is from the sociopath that feels nothing i feel everything so intensely but then I can just move on

very, very fast. High peaks, low valleys. High peaks, low valleys. No middle ground. No one can keep up with it either. I can see that. He's a little mouse boy that you can't little catch.

I'm a fucking mountain lion. Mouse boy. I'm not skittish. I'm Yiddish. No, gelsa voice, a die is a die. All right. Did we get this guy's name? One last guy's name?

Oh, we called Fantasia. Fantasia. Around. Sorry. Sorry. Shut up. Daddy's talking. Sorry for calling myself up. Daddy's talking. Sorry for calling myself that.

Uncle's talking. Fantasia. What's your nickname? Aunt Amir? Yeah, Aunt Amir. Uncle Jake and Aunt Amir. I can see that. Yeah.

You get that. I get it. I love it. All right. Lastly, around five or six years ago i had to make a presentation for school in my english lesson about pets i had at home nearly everyone in the class had some sort of animal and i didn't so i decided to fabricate two cats my own called teela and cheddars with a z using a variety of stock photos and images from google i convinced my entire class that i did in

fact have two cats and even improvise a few risque stories about the antics which they supposedly got into. Risque. One time, Tila fucked Cheddar's. With a Z. Cheddar, yeah, she fucked him with a Z. A few years later, I became really close with one of the girls in my class, and we formed a strong platonic relationship with her. I had totally forgotten about the presentation I made of those years ago, and she brought

it up one day, and we were seeing a movie together. In hindsight, I should have just told her that I made it up at that moment, but I didn't, and now the two cats she believes I own are embedded into the friendship. I am afraid that if I tell her I made up the cat's existence and subsequently lied to her about them

for three years, she'll be really upset, and the friendship will become awkward, and she'll refuse to speak to me. Should I tell her that Tila and Cheddar's don't exist, possibly causing awkward repercussions? Or should I literally seize the cheddar cheese and stick with the lie? Please help. Love, Fantasia. Fantasia Barrino. Fantasia Barrino.

Greatest singer of our time. Oh, wow. Greatest singer of our time. Oh, wow. Greatest singer of our time won American Idol season something. Season something. Cheddar Centilla. This happens a lot to me where I'm like, I'll just brush something away under the rug, and it's easier to lie about it or not mention it.

And then it grows and grows and grows. And then I'm like, shit, now I have to have this weird conversation where I didn't really do this, and I had to say that it's much better to just be 100 open at first about things rather than letting things snowball out of control thank you step off your high horse she's three years down the line what do we do now in the future she won't lie he he is he it's a he? It's a he. It's really read like a female. One thing he can do is test the waters. Tell her Cheddar's wasn't real. But then that will make it worse. No. I'm going to go all or nothing.

He went full crazy by getting Google image. I mean, this is the most hilarious problem that someone has. And so if you tell this girl, like, I'm sorry. I freaked out so much. I made up two cats with the dumbest names for cats. Why, Teela? Why, Teela?

Do you have a cat? No, I have a dog. I don't like cats very much. What kind of dog do you have? She's like a mutt. She's got a little boxer face, but she's kind of squatty like an English bulldog. Okay, you're holding up a picture of a cat. You have a cat. I cannot believe you're lying to me. This is a dog. I love a saucer. A milk saucer a cat. You have a cat. I cannot believe you're lying to me. This is a dog. It's tricky.

Oh, yeah, listen to that. Out of a saucer. A milk saucer. Does your dog have a really dope name? Goose. Oh, no, I'm thinking of someone else. Oh. What do you say?

I feel like come clean, and that's something to laugh at, how ridiculous that is, and that you held that in for three years. That's the dumbest. That doesn't change anyone's life. But the problem is he's been lying since then. He's been doing current lies. So it's not about – It's one thing to lie to the class during the presentation.

But then the friend was like, oh, yeah, you got those two cats, Tila and Cheddar's. And he's like, you know it. That's correct. And then like who knows? Maybe he's even been telling stories about them. Yeah. Hey man, what's up? Tila was sick last night.

I actually have another risque story about the antics they supposedly got into. This friend loves it. Tell me more. Why did you say supposedly got into? Tell me more, Fantasia. Tell me another Tila and Cheddar's tale. But this is just a friend. This isn't like romantic interest.

That's what he says. It says the... Platonic. Platonic, and he This isn't like romantic interest. That's what he says. It says the platonic and he says the story I feel like it's not platonic. That's why he had to put platonic in there. That's why he's so worried.

Do you have any male friends or is that impossible? No, impossible. Improvisable. Impopsicle. I have a lot of guy friends but this sounds like the issue is

I think a friend would laugh at that. Yeah. If it's a romantic interest then it's like that has grounds for weirdness because you're like what else could you lie about friends lie and laugh

yeah I lie to my friends constantly and then come clean and we laugh and laugh the night away I remember one time you lied to me and we stared at each other for four months and I laughed and you cried and we cried the night away that's my favorite we cried the night away.

That's my favorite song. Laugh the night away. Laugh the night away. It's the kids bop version. Is there a world where he gets the cats? But then at some point, that's going to burn a hole in his little heart that this is a burden.

Three years, that's got to be... Then he has to lie about the age of the cat. And then it's like, in his little heart that this is a burden. Like, three years? That's gotta be... Then he has to lie about the age of the cat. And then it's like, your Google images that you used in your presentation don't look like these cats. Yeah, he's starting to, like, Photoshop gray hairs on the cat. What is this photo of Tila on her first birthday? This is from last year.

I know that Tila's six. In the background, I see a Durant Warriors jersey. You're telling me that this is from Teela's third party? How could you have possibly... She's a mere kitten here. She's a mere cat, which is a pretty good name for a cat. If they've been friends for three years, has she never been over to his house at all?

That's right. Because she's allergic to cats. He recently became friends with her. Oh, the story. That was three years ago. If there's still time, if it's not three, if there's still time, I don't know, lie. I always say lie. Just keep lying.

Keep lying. Keep lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying.

Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying.

Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying.

Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying.

Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying.

Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying.

Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying.

Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. Lying. What would I do? I would probably continue to lie.

It's easier to lie. It's easy to lie. That's why people do it. Oh, okay. I guess it's for Joseph. What would I do? If it was what would I do, I probably would have told the truth. Oh, that's really nice, dude.

Thanks. Wow. Because I think it's silly enough. I tell lies about real shit. This is pretty- But that's so silly. If my friend told me that their dog they made up three years ago was fake, I'd be like, you...

We gotta work on some of your shit. That's what you want to avoid by telling the truth. No, but this is so... This is silly. It's funny. It's a sweet lie. It's something you definitely laugh about. If he had lied about, like, you know, his...

That's okay. Someone is using the restroom. I think I just had rain sticks in your wall. Oh, if you listen his that's okay someone he's using the restroom i think i just had brain sticks in your wall oh if you listen to that it's the didgeridoo of ending the show i feel like if he lied about something like lying about his mom dying or something like that something serious yeah something more serious but this is just he made up two cats and one he gave a z at the end of the name so like sh's with a Z. Cheddar's with a Z. Oh, the risque stories.

If I could just regale you with them. So risque. Risque also with a Z. One time, Cheddar's had a ball of yarn, stuck it right into Tila's buttocks. It was the most risque thing I'd ever seen a kitten do. These felines. But that should have been a red flag for his class that that kid didn't have cats if he's describing their behavior as risque. What a weird assignment.

We had a PowerPoint presentation. I know, that too. What teachers like- Everyone do a lesson about your pets. We all have them, right? What about you, Fantasia? I have two cats. Cheddar?

With a Z? Cheddars? With a Z. Cheddars. With a Z. And just scanning the room looking for names. And just these crackers. And tequila tequila posters. Oh, yeah. That's another weird thing about this class.

Is the tequila tequila. They're everywhere. They're everywhere in this classroom. All right. Cool. Teacher's a fan. That's what we would do. Thanks for coming on the program Grace

thanks for having me I'm glad we finally got you is there anything you would like to promote now that you're here dirty30movie.com go check it out, go download it it's fun, it's not terrible that's a pretty ringing endorsement

for a movie, most movies are it's not bad solid not bad I'll see. Solid, not bad. I'll see it. Fuck it. I'm in. And if you have your own questions or theme song submissions, that email for every single thing is ifiwereyoushowatgmail.com.

The opening theme song was from the Super Marcato Brothers. And this last one is kind of interesting. Oh, you have an end song. Yeah. We have too many to use. We got to use two at a time. Says, Martin, this is a theme song submission set to the tune of a folk version of the Swedish national anthem. Wow.

Have you ever been to Sweden? No, I've been to Finland. Well, you could have gone to Sweden. Instead, you're in fucking Reno, Nevada with a week. In a week. For a week. I'll learn my prepositions after this. Thanks so much for listening, you guys.

We'll be back next week. Bye. Peace. Now you have to say bye in a cool way. Goodbye. Perfect. Thank you. Oh, two slimy Jews in a room all alone.

They're making their money off the podcast. These Jewish-ass clowns are called Jake and Shmuel. They have a podcast called If I Were Jew. They have a podcast

called If I Were Jew. Fucking Jews. Oh, hey, me again. If you're still listening to this episode, that means you have a thirst for a podcast that may or may not be able to be quenched. But I wanted to mention a few new shows on the HeadGum Network.

Just in case you needed more, a little bit more of me and Jake in your lives. The first one's called All Fantasy Everything. It's a really funny comedian named Ian Carmel, and he drafts the world. It's like a fantasy draft, but not for sports. Jake and I were on his second episode about sandwiches. It's me, Jake, Ian, drafting our favorite sandwiches. At the end, we have a team of five sandwiches, and you guys get to decide who did it best. We had a really, really, really fun time talking about sandwiches for an hour and a half. So if you want more of us,

I recommend listening to All Fantasy Everything and start with that sandwich episode. Another podcast on HeadGum, another new podcast, I should say, is I'm Still Right, which is a podcast in which Luke Kelly Klein, another really funny friend of ours, has friends or old lovers on talking about their biggest fight and discussing who is still right. Jake and I were on the first episode of that. It's called The Podfather Punch. And if you like what you hear, you can hear more episodes. I think they're up to three at this point. I'm still right. We have a show called Black Girl Nerds right now, all available, and you can check

it out, as always, on headgum.com. What else do we got? Oh, Jake was on High and Mighty this week talking about porn, which was pretty amazing. If you've ever heard Jake talk about porn, you never heard about a fan passionately discuss one of his greatest strengths before. So I recommend listening to that one. It's High and Mighty, appropriately, episode 69, Porn, with Jake Hurwitz and Bob Castrone. A lot of funny shows on the HG Network, but those are a few that we're highlighting this week. In case, you know, you're still bored, you're still on a commute, you still want more. Oh, here's another one I should mention. Best of the Worst, a new podcast with Jamie Lee, who's a really funny stand-up comedian. We're very happy to have her show on our network. It's her and sometimes her husband

talking about the worst X, Y, or Z of people's lives. She has an episode about the worst date, an episode about the worst celebrity encounters, the worst relationships. If it's the worst something, Jamie Lee will talk about it. All right, that's our little, that's my spiel. I'm out, I'm done. We'll be back next week. As always, ta-da for listening.

Goodbye, everybody. That was a HeadGum Podcast.