Segments - 248: Facial (w/Mike Karnell!)

Episode Date: December 5, 2016

Mama Bear and friend Mike Karnell is back on the show to discuss losing weight and saying I love you. Episode is brought to you by MeUndies, Seeso, and Squarespace! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Remember, remember the 5th of December. That's what they say. Thank you to MeUndies for sponsoring this episode. Yeah, dude. We just got a MeUndies fun pack over there. Yeah, I had some Christmas lights. There are some dope new threads. It's holiday time, which means you do need to get people gifts,

unfortunately. That's sort of the rule of the holidays. Gift giving and receiving is actually one of my favorite parts of the holidays. It's actually the receiving that I love the most, the giving I can do without, and I often do without. I haven't given a gift in six years. And I've taken several that weren't supposed to be given to me. What better gift to give to the If I Were You fan in your life than a MeUndie? Huh? That's like an inside joke that you can wear. And it's comfortable. They have four new styles for December.

Snowflake one, the Christmas lights one, the ladybug one. They're all available if you go to MeUndies.com. And if you go to MeUndies. and if you go to me undies.com slash amir or slash jake you get 20 off your first order gotta love it so if you use the coupon code you can help us out then you get the gift give it to somebody else we're helping you out then they get the underwear it's like a triple win situation helped out everybody's been helped out because the comfortable is stylish the comfort sorry the underwear is stylish. The underwear is stylish. The underwear is affordable and the underwear is comfortable. And the style is comfort. You know, I went home over Thanksgiving this past week and I wore a pair of old Hanes. What? And it was abysmal. Yeah. I went

to the gym and afterwards I didn't put on the undies, I put on a pair of my old underwear that was still at my parents' house and oh my god. Yeah. It's despicable. It's crazy. It's like wearing a shirt around your crotch.

At the end of the day, also, like, they were so stretched out and baggy and loose and gross. So,

upgrade your shit or upgrade a shit for some loved ones in your life. Go to meetundies.com slash jake or meetundies.com

slash amir for 20% off your first order. Holiday season is upon us. Shipping is free in the US and Canada. Save some money. Get someone a good gift. Support the show. Support yourself. Enjoy this episode. Carnot was in the house.

And I think things got very, very real. Dope. Awesome. Let's get started. I ain't worried about Kobe. I ain't worried about the Game Boy. I'll email Jake and Demir cause I love those Koi Goys. The only advice podcast hosted by these two Jews.

I want to talk to the smoke show, but I don't know how to. I know you'll make fun of my question. And I think I can handle it. Unless Ben Schwartz is on the podcast. And he'll ask you something real quick you just gotta seize the cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese

mom turn down the podcast please please please please you just gotta seize the cheese cheese cheese cheese mom turn down the podcast please please please please please please it's a fire you show oh Cheese, cheese, cheese. Mom, turn down the podcast, please. Please, please, please, please, please, please. It's a fire where you show.

It's a fire where you show. Very true. That was so bad. Mike Carnell coming in hot. That was bad. Cyberbullying out the gate. Listen, I respect the passion for the show, but that was bad, right? We're not going to just let him that slide.

Actually, let me read this guy's email because it's really funny. The guy who wrote and recorded that song said, My name is Frankie. I can't sing for shit, but I wrote this song and wanted to submit it. All right. I got respect for Frankie then. It is bad. It sounds like he recorded it without wanting anyone in his house to know.

Yeah, like he was in a closet. Sounds a lot like take one to me, Frankie. Mama sees the cheese. What? Nothing. Not after we do it. I'm on the phone with my fucking friends Remember when you had a landline And like you're talking to like

Maybe a boy or a girl And then you hear like someone pick up the phone And you're like hang up I can hear you silently breathing I know you're listening mom Remember the fucking crazy shit that you used to do Like you would You would call somebody

And then you would the two of you would call somebody else and like oh so it's call waiting so it wouldn't yeah so like i would call and be like hey do you have a crush on abby and they'd be like you would do that abby's on your fucking oh i didn't do that you never did that you did that like call people and ask about crush it literally that's actually illegal that's illegal what you did oh yeah you're a fucking punk for that. I was talking about like, hey, call me while I'm calling QVC. So it's call waiting. So the phone doesn't ring. It would be me and the Rosenberg twins trying to find out how we're going to get to the movies.

And that's it. Did you guys ever prank call? No, I don't know. I was never a big prank caller because I would just like giggle. Or crank call. I did have the Crank Anchor's physical CD as a kid. Or Jerky Boys. Yeah, I i mean i was never a pranker i remember i remember doing a prank where i would call baskin robbins with my uh no not baskin robbins i would say i'm baskin robbins we would

call people and be like hey for 31 000 can you name 31 flavors in 31 seconds. Go. And you'll be like, oh, chocolate, strawberry, vanilla. 31 flavors in 31 seconds. Do you know how prepared you'd have to be to get that right? Cherry, vanilla. Cherry, vanilla, mint, chocolate chip, chocolate chip, rainbow sherbet, orange sherbet. Holy shit, he did it. Oh, my God. You actually have to give him money.

I'm sorry. You win. Mom, can I have $31,000? And that's the ultimate scheme. Hey, this is If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet, hosted by us. I'm Amir. Jake. And we're here with Mike Carnell.

Hello. Host of his own HeadGum podcast, Twinnovation. Great show I do with my two, our mutual friends, the Rosenberg twins. That's right. And you've been on this show before. Once before, yeah. Welcome back. Happy to be here, bud.

Do you remember the first episode we did? Yeah, well, I remember it was right around, like, the Warriors, like, losing to the Cavs. Oh, yeah, it was like a sports question about, like, an abusive, emotionally abusive... She was like, my boyfriend gets really upset when the Warriors lose. I think I'm going to be fine because they were up 3-1. And we read it after the finals. We're like, yo, did this... Like, what happened with this relationship? Oh, yeah, you know, I emailed her, like, hey, is everything okay?

And it bounced back. Oh, no. Mailer Damon gotten away. I went to her Facebook, and it was just one of those memorial walls. She ended up responding, like, don't worry. At the very least, he's a huge Hillary Clinton fan. And I think, like, everything is going to be fine. What could go wrong?

November 7th. All right. So we got some more questions from more people. The way it works is people are confused, scared, anxious, so they email Jake and I. We try to answer their questions as best as we can. Sometimes it's just us. Sometimes we have a friend in the house. Today we have

my roommate for tonight, Mike Cornell. Thank you again for letting me stay. I am gonna be staying with Jake tonight just because we have an early again for letting me stay. I am going to be staying with Jake tonight just because we have an early departure for our road trip. Yeah, buddy! But it's just an early... Thank you again for letting me stay. No doubt.

Your new TV remote is fucking bonkers, by the way. I bought a new TV, and if you guys haven't bought a TV in the last six months, now remotes are basically another TV. It's like a cell phone. It's an iPhone 7 Plus size remote. Yeah, it's an Android- like basically another tv it's like a cell phone it's an iphone 7 plus size yeah it's an android type phone but it's the remote you tried to show me your tv last night and it was dead yeah it took it took me an hour and a half to charge my remote you can't

even turn it on like while you're charging it i can use the actual remote like the cable box remote that i've been using oh but if i want to ball out and use the Android remote, I have to charge it. Bullshit. Yeah. All right. So this question is from a lady. Do you have a lady's name for us, Mike?

Priscilla Jenkins. Holy shit. How long have you been sitting on that gold mine? PJ. Oh, my God. Whoa, easy on the LaCroix while recording, bud. LaCroix while recording. LaCroix while recording.

No LaCroix while recording. You and I did have a conversation late last night for I think like 15 minutes where you just had your mouth guard in. Yeah. It was supposed to be very quick. Like I came in late. I was like, hey, thanks for letting me stay stay and then we just ended up talking and the whole time

grind guard did you make fun of it at all no i let it slide because we were having a good conversation in good time and i want to like ruin the vibe at first the grind guard was a like huge sore spot in my life and now like i wake up and i don't want to take it out i love it like i don't know it kind of makes me feel like a basketball player even though my ankle hurts i can't even walk yeah you're not very athletic my favorite one of my favorite voices that you do is it's not even a voice i guess it's just your actual voice with the grind guard but you do like ultra confident guy with grind guard that's why i didn't say anything last night because you were just like oh i was like he hears himself and he knows he's not acting like anything's wrong yeah i just had a lisp for an hour and a half.

I should do an episode of the podcast with the Grind Guard. Oh, man, it'd be really funny. Hashtag Grind Guard if you want to see that happen. Listen, if it gets trending. 30,000 retweets. If it gets trending on all of Twitter. Or not even internationally. It could be like a national Grind Guard hashtag trending.

What if it's the number one trend at any point during the day when this comes out? Hashtag GrindGuard. Will you do it? Yeah, definitely. For sure. Start the campaign now. Priscilla Jenkins? Yes.

Writes, I've been in love with my boyfriend for a couple weeks now, and we've been together since August. That's right. I plan to tell him I love you for the first time on his birthday dinner, but then I decided I wasn't sure I wanted to say it. I was afraid, scared, etc. I'm actually writing this now after this all happened. Haha. Anyways, we hadn't seen each other for a few... Jesus Christ.

How many LaCroix's did you have? LaCroix. All are at LaCroix. We hadn't seen each other for several days, so I'd say we were both horny and DTF. The physical and emotional chemistry that we had led us to getting intimate, and with the L word on my mind, I blurted it out during sex for the first time. That'll happen. In the moment, I said sorry, and we didn't stop having sex. Actually, we ended up fucking harder, and we had the best sex I've ever had.

Afterwards, while lying next to each other i did decide to tell him that i do love him he didn't reciprocate which is okay i said i know it's early and i said there are no rules he's had a lot of girls burn him and not many girls have cared for him the way i do and he's just not there yet i really feel embarrassed and like i messed this whole thing up did i mess up would you be freaked out if you were him? Did I just ruin sex for him now because he's going to equate sex with me having said I love you? Is this a really bad first start at love? Help!

By the way, I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 25. This is her first time saying I love you to someone? I don't know about that. But it's definitely the first time she said it to him. 25-year-old dudes are tough, dude. They want to just be living it up. Very few 25-year-olds want to be locked down. It's a scary thing if you don't love someone to hear that.

Because then it goes from like, I can break up with this person and sort of be all right, to like, oh, shit, I'm going to hurt this person. They love me. I don't even love me. When somebody uses the word love, like when don't even love me right when somebody like uses the word love like when somebody's in love with you it it almost like elevates you to this this position that you didn't want you have you have you hold too much power oh dear i don't think she fucked up though i'm i think that like it's totally i think that it's not even close as serious as she thinks it

is she's she i can understand why she thinks it's the biggest deal in the world. Yes, I totally get it because she actually loves this person and is worried that she's going to lose him. I think that it's fine, and if I would just not bring it up ever again. Including ever saying I love you ever again? Don't see what happens in the next few weeks. Yeah, now he knows your feelings, so you don't need to reiterate it. The worst thing you can do is pressure him to say, I love you.

You said it. You can stop saying it for now. Now he knows. It's in the ether. Also, do you think they fucked really good because he was trying so hard to come and get out of there that he was just going as hard as he could? Oh. He's like, I gotta get out of here.

Or is good sex for her the opposite?'s like wow it lasted forever he was so emotionally distant oh oh he probably got caught when she said i love you he probably got caught up and was like fuck yeah somebody loves me because you know you get you're right you're at 100 confidence when you're fucking but if he didn't say back then that's not a great sign because that's like when you're fucking. But if he didn't say it back then, that's not a great sign. Because that's like when you're at your most emotionally invested. It's tough to spring that on people, man. Well, she said I'm sorry right after. I don't know if I would like,

if somebody said I love you, then they said sorry. I wonder if I would keep on fucking. It's such a big moment, but I don't quite, do you remember like your I love you's, your first I love you's? For some reason I don't.

I refused to tell Kristen Robine that I loved her in high school. Wow. How long were you going out with her? Summer going into college, I just lost like 50, 60 pounds. You were looking good. I was looking good. How'd you do that?

I just started running like three miles a day and only eating chicken and broccoli and no carbs for like a year. Interesting. It's funny when people ask like, oh lost 50 how did you do that like what's your stop eating like a fucking raccoon i had a bad year of never eating delicious things and i lost 60 pounds but i mean you it's a pretty complicated history the history with like my the first girl that i fucked you know it i like basically like slept with jake and i both former ex-best friends ex-girlfriend ex-best friends ex-girlfriend yeah and this happened you know once she became our girlfriend so he became an ex-best friend oh so you started dating a friend's ex he thought that we were hooking up like i didn't like her

they were dating he was like you should be nice to her i was nice to her and was hanging up he thought that we were hooking up and like we almost got in a full fist fight on a train like on the t on the way home from a red sox game that we all went to like a full shoving match almost got in a fist a fist fight and i was like fuck you dude i'm not doing anything and then it turns out she was trying to fuck me and i didn't realize it and so we weren't friends and all my friends told me to to like fuck her i said no not until i was like if you're not going out with matt i'll think about it but so basically this drove him insane and he like dumped her and then was like spreading rumors and lies about me so i was like all right

i'm just gonna like fuck this girl that you're telling everyone i already fucked we get so many questions like this situation yeah i was like well if you're I'm just going to like fuck this girl that you're telling everyone I already fucked. We get so many questions like this situation. Yeah. I was like, well, if you're going to tell everyone I'm fucking her, I'm just going to fuck her, dude. How do you like that? I've heard that before. How do you like them apples? Yeah.

I was like, okay, fine. I'll just do it. The rumor informed the reality. So then we dated for a while and she said, I love you. And I just like refused because I knew it was exactly what you said. I knew that I didn't love her. And I was like a freshman in college. I was like, yo, I'm trying to fucking go nuts here.

Are you crazy? I just lost all this weight. I'm not trying to get locked down. So I was just like, I... You want to see me get fat again? I didn't eat chicken for you. Yeah. You think I like broccoli?

Yeah, I was just like, I won't say it. She's like, I was like, I won't say it. I like don't, I was like, I don't, I've told someone I don't love you. So they'll be like, I love you. And you're like, I don't. I don't love you right now. I don't think, yeah, I've never ever responded to't love you. So they'll be like, I love you. And you're like, I don't, I don't love you. I don't think, yeah,

I've never ever responded to, I love you with like, well, not me, but I had to, dude, you got in trouble once for reciprocating in the moment. Oh yeah.

Yeah. What do you mean? Uh, someone said, I first name, give me a first name, middle initial and or social. Give me a frick freaking first name.

Can I mouth it to you? Yeah. You, I don't think you'll remember. Can you just edit this out and i'll say your name wait can you bleep it well i don't want to i don't i might forget i don't want to put any extra work yeah yeah this is a real intimate moment jake and mike have now left the room oh right oh yeah I wasn't really I don't think I was living in LA you were doing your own thing

I said it first you were so overwhelmed with emotion at the time we were like there's more than that we were on drugs and we were at a major laser concert and major laser said grab somebody and tell them you love them we were like dancing and i just said it because i don't know i was fucking i was how many times have i told you don't listen

to major laser yeah you don't always do what major laser tells you to do if major laser told you to jump off a bridge and they will in their next my now fiance the first time i told her i loved you i was with you rolling my face off on molly where was it at that house party i like flew in i was gonna say i love you that week and i like planned it i like flew in how long were you together not that long like maybe like months maybe like three months so what party was it i flew into brooklyn we started at jake or jeff and amir's old place oh above the chocolate factory that's right they were still there and then we went to a house party and i was like i'm gonna say it the molly fucking popped in and i was just like yo i remember going to you so i was peaking i was peaking and i just like

grabbed her face i was like i fucking love you and then she said it back and we just like made out and it was just like great wow that's a great but it was on Molly but it was like totally I was planning on doing it anyway

so it was like and then what about like the next day what do you say like at night in the morning it's great you keep saying it

it's great it was awesome it feels really good you break the seal it feels really good when someone reciprocates it and you don't have to worry about that that's not necessarily

what this girl's going through right right right when you break the seal and you're both saying that's a beautiful thing when you say it and you don't have to worry about that. That's not necessarily what this girl's going through. Right, right, right. When you break the seal and you're both saying it, that's a beautiful thing. When you say it and somebody's like, I'll get back to you. Yeah, what a weird moment. I think that she's going to be okay. I would just like not bring it up.

Yeah, because the worst thing that you could do now is dwell. Yeah, is to dwell and to pressure this person into saying it when they don't feel it. It'll only be a big deal if she makes it a big deal that's correct he it's not like he's gonna like forget he's basically hoping that she doesn't bring it up for a while would you say be well don't dwell yeah that's a good advice do well not to dwell for sure do well don't dwell be well don't dwell uh priscilla priscilla jenkins pj chill out yeah uh let's get a guy's name okay um uh roy matherson wow very cool roy matherson that's all his first name right

roy matherson let me cut right to the chase I'm in quite a moral quandary. Okay. I was on Bumble today. And who do I stumble Bumble upon? That's right. My best friend's current girlfriend. This, of course, immediately brings up the moral dilemma. Swipe right or swipe left? Neither.

In utter disbelief, I anxiously closed the app. This itself might have been a mistake as I closed the app before obtaining proof of this girl's possible transgression. That's stupid. You guys, what do i do do i tell my best friend his girlfriend might be searching for a assorted affair without being able to prove my case with hard empirical evidence and risk the chance that he doesn't believe me or worse yet potentially believes there's some maleficent motivator behind my confession or do i wait to see if i can find her again on the app acquire that sweet sweet evidence or should i not say anything at all you gotta look out for your boy on this one and get that screenshot dog so you would you say before if you saw go back on there

find her do not leave the app until you find her get the screenshot and tell your boy so you wouldn't tell your boy before the screenshot he if he really likes her he's not gonna want to believe it that's really to the point where you wouldn't even tell him what about just like taking her phone at some point and stealing it yeah and being like what is this and then she's like we're looking to find a girl so that i can fuck you're too fucking fiat oh yeah there i mean there's also plenty of reasons that people in relationships have those apps right like they could they could be just doing it as a fun thing. Too theatrical to grab her phone, I think. Yeah.

You want to sort of steal it in a quiet moment rather than theatrically grab it. Yeah. You have a nice moment. Be like, hey, man, are you in so-and-so cool? Is it going all right? Yeah. Why? Did you see her on Bumble?

I knew you wouldn't believe me without a screen grab. She's on a bubble date right now. She's on her way here to meet me. So you say you got to find her again. Have you used these apps? I don't really know. I put together what Bumble was during the story. I didn't know what it was.

Wow. What is it, Tinder? It's basically Tinder. What's the difference? Guy can't message the girl first. That's cool. That's an interesting wrinkle. That's actually, yeah.

It's just like a better Tinder for girls. But if he's in a huge city, there's a chance he might not ever find this woman again. It's that vast of a sea. Well, they also got the mutual friend thing. Doesn't that usually bump people up to the front of your queue? I'm just saying, there's a possibility he can't. If he doesn't tell him right now, then he can never bring it up for the rest of his life. Then he dies with that secret, as far as I'm concerned.

He could plant the seed in his friend and just be like, hey, I think I saw your girlfriend on Bumble. Isn't that weird? Do you want to do some investigative work on this? Is that insane or did I do that? You could be like, yo, you should just like, I mean, you never promote snooping, but at this point, she's a known potential cheater. Here's what you do. You Photoshop it, and then it's a picture that she doesn't use. So he shows her, like, is this your Bumble profile picture?

And then she could be like, no, that's not even my main profile picture. And he's like, how did you know that this is your actual profile picture? How do you know where your profile pic is? Then she's caught in the act of lying. It's so theatrical. And then ideally it's on a stage so you can spotlight her. Raise the house lights. Here's all the guys who have swiped right on you. Boyfriend's alone

in the audience clapping. Well, well. Bravo. Bravo. Encore. She's just like, alright, I'm gonna dump you. Wait, wait, wait. That makes a lot of sense. I love you.

I went through way too much trouble instead of talking to you. Dropped five Gs renting the theater out. Speaking of, we have to get out of here. There's an afternoon show of Les Mis. There's a line between, like if you were to rank all your friends between how close you are and how far you are from like best friend all the way down to acquaintance. Yeah. Where would you draw the line of, I tell this person that I see his girlfriend?

That's a good question. Ooh, yeah. Seven, probably. After that, it's not my fucking business and I'm not like here to get into your shit. So where do I land? I'm dating someone. I would definitely tell you, 100%.

If I was dating someone and you saw her, you would have told me? Yeah, I won't tell you your exact number, but suffice it to say, you're in the area where I would tell you. That means I'm a seven. Or higher. Or higher.

Between seven and ten. No, you would have said higher. No, man. Come on. You're dead seven, dude. I'm the bar. I don't think you could tell people who are like fucking acquaintances. Right.

Like, would you tell Marty? I would tell you guys oh and then yeah that's actually the closest seven or higher i know marty doesn't listen to this he's like fuck i'm a six that's that's the best he could be marty could be right under me for all i know i guess i would know i would tell marty we're tight we're cool right marty why aren't you answering marty you tell me right no all right that's what would what's your number jake um what's your cutoff i'd probably start doing what you said like tell tell people that are close enough that they would be the right person to like let somebody know yeah case by case it's hard to say i mean it's gonna come back to you though

if the shit goes hits the fan yeah i mean who told. I mean, it's going to come back to you, though, if the shit hits the fan. Yeah. Who told you that? I guess it's- Fucking Jake Hurwitz? I can also see a world where I just- He doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. He's a whore. Can't you also see a world where you're just like, oh, I'll just swipe left and pretend I didn't see anything. Now my life is just as dramatic and no big deal.

Not for my boys that are from seven to ten, dude. I always got your back. Is it possible that it's just a girl that looks like that girl? It's possible. Well, I know. They show you names. Same name? Name and age. It's only first name, though. First name and age. And looks like her? I mean, you gotta take a screenshot. Like, it's not a bomb. It's not gonna explode.

Take a screenshot the first time, you idiot. You're an idiot. In conclusion, you're an idiot. You fucked up. You should have swiped her. Now get back there and get the evidence. So, Mike says, go back, get the evidence. Jake, what do you say? I think I'm for going back and getting the evidence. But if you can't, I think you can say to your, if it's your best friend, you could say straight up, I saw your girlfriend on Bumble.

Yeah, I think I could come to you straight up. Yeah, and I wouldn't be like, prove it. I would probably take you at your word. Yeah, I'd be like, don't make, come on, man. I have the screenshot, but I don't want to have to show it. In fact, I'm going to delete it as a token of my faith. Jake, I need you to just go break up with your girlfriend. No evidence, dude. Just come on.

Let's hit this road trip and let's, don't look into it. Don't come back. That is a tough little prisoner's dilemma. I think I would. What do you do? I think if it was best friend, you got to just say. What number do you cut off at? I cut off at 10.

You wouldn't tell a 9 out of 10 that there's significant other. If someone's a 9 out of 10, you're friends with your close. Without evidence? No, I don't tell them. Well, but in this situation, you're the one that saw it. Because there's a chance that they're closer to their lady than they are to me. A 9 out of 10? Yeah, 9 out of ten yeah nine out of

ten so you wouldn't tell me i'm assuming i'm not a ten you wouldn't tell me if you saw my fiance like fucking that's a little that's a little different because i know your fiance too so i would definitely not tell you oh my god dude you're fucking hey guess who just got bumped down to a five whoa i'm still in the top half yeah you're not you're not a bad guy you're letting me crash it's just morally gray now i'm gonna let you half? Yeah, you're not a bad guy. You're letting me crash. It's just morally gray. Now I'm going to let you, bad things happen to you and not protect you. Like the squirrel.

I'm going to fuck your girlfriend, man. All right, cool. Let's take a break. Thanks to some sponsors. We'll be back with more Mike after this. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly.

Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag-and-drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first-stop, one-stop shop. Yeah.

It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah.

How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed.

Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio,

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We were just talking about John Gabrus' episode on Twinnovation. Yeah. On our episode last week. The shitter shredder. Yeah, his shitter shredder idea. The whole episode was great. We already promoted it, recommended it, but let's do it again. Thanks for the bump.

No doubt. And I think we can even put, there's a really funny stretch of a few minutes in there that we'll put at the end of this episode to whet your appetite so that you can go back and listen to Gabrus on Twinnovation because I think it's high comedy. Yeah. And like, so we, everyone, the three of us, me, the Rosenbergs, and this time Gabrus, take a turn pitching inventions. Right. We go around and pitch our one invention for the week. And this was Gabrus talking about like his invention, which is like, well, listen to the episode.

But it's for toilets. It was like witnessing a perfect game. It was such a fun. He's the perfect compliment because he's like another, like I need someone to balance me out. Otherwise I'm like, I shouldn't be the top dog and i consider myself the top dog you are the top dog on that show it was so nice i like had a bigger brother in the room yeah it's not really good and it was i mean you had your own twin for the day yeah yeah it was like two sets of twins and we all

we all realized the four of us on air realized that our favorite food is wings. And then we recorded Gabrus' podcast right after that, which isn't released yet, about wings. I think it will be when this comes out. It's an hour and 15 minutes of just wing talk. And we order wings and eat wings. And now we have a text thread where whenever we eat wings, we send each other photos and talk about what's good and bad. Did you change the group name to the Wingdings? Oh, that's probably a good idea. There's no group name, but we should.

I texted Gabrus as I was listening to your show. I was like, this episode of Twinnovation is amazing. And he wrote back. He's like, yeah, I love all those guys, especially Carnell. We're like super, we just click, dude. He's just like my brother. That's awesome. I heard you say that story to Jeff.

And you said, especially Jeff. Oh, yeah. And I said the same thing to Dave. It's fucked up, dude. You said, especially Jeff to Dave. Yes. Shit. What were we talking about earlier that I was like, you said especially Jeff oh yeah and I said the same thing to Dave it's fucked up too you said especially Jeff to Dave yeah um shit what were we talking about earlier

that I was like this could be a good story for the podcast I was telling you about that squirrel yeah you had a fear of squirrels uh I don't trust them they're not to be trusted

they're like fucking fat rats always hiding acorns they can climb they're fat rats that can climb it is funny that we're so afraid of rats if i saw a rat in my backyard i'd be like holy shit what the fuck is a rat if you

saw a big rat you'd you know what if it had a bushy tail it's fine if it has wings we're good because it'll bite you and you'll get the plague oh but squirrels don't have that and i think they do too that's why i don't trust them we don't know they won't tell us what they have they won't tell us for christ's sake never gone on record what is big squirrel hiding uh all right do you want to answer some more questions yeah i loved i loved the first half hell yeah i don't like that you're sipping on that la croix again you know you know it's bubbling up can you tap my back until I spit up? No Laquawah, you're Laquarding. That's good. All right.

Another lady's name. Middle fingers up. Another lady's name. Jessie Abernath. Not Abernathy? No. Abernath. They dropped the Y at Ellis Island.

I like that. Less Jewish, for sure. Hi there. A few weeks ago, my best friend's cousin came to visit her for a week. I ended up hooking up with him on the first night of the visit, as he's a very affectionate guy. We ended up hooking up more and acted sort of couple-y, cuddling, hand-holding, etc. for the rest of the week. Now he's gone home. He's in the UK. I'm in Canada. And he texts me 24-7. He calls me every day. He seems to think like we're in some sort of crazy LDR relationship, which I did not agree to. So here's my question. Jesus Christ. How do

you break up with someone from across the ocean when you weren't even dating them to begin with? I can't just ghost because he's my best friend's cousin and they're really tight. Help. Love the show. What's her name jesse abernath jesse abernath uh i mean have you ever been on either side of this thing instant love and affection i broke up with remember michelle yeah i broke up with her we were doing long distance yeah but that was like a serious thing we like we are gonna be like this yeah did you ever like accidentally back into a long distance thing how about your current relationship that's also started long distance yeah did you ever like accidentally back into a long distance thing how about your current relationship that's also started long distance but i loved it that was remember we were in israel and there was that girl that i like spent a couple days hooking up with it's

like camp for grown-ups you meet someone on this tattoo on my wrist i met on a trip when we went to uh poland to visit eddie really i like spent five days courting this girl joanna did it work uh we made out we couldn't fuck jeff kind of like me and jeff had a big fight it was me and jeff visiting poland and we had a like he had he went nuts one night because he liked her no he was just like being a fucking jerk uh and he like purposely sabotaged my plans no he was we we like talked it out the next day because we had to travel together and i I was like, what's your fucking deal? I was like, that was fucked up, dude.

Jesus Christ. We're all good. Sometimes your boys let you down. But it's truly bliss when you're on a week vacation. Yeah. And I remember I went back. As we were leaving Israel, I was talking to this girl about, oh, you're going to come and visit me in Brooklyn.

And then we're texting and emailing. She's like, are gonna like uh kiss anybody else while you're i'm just like i'm afraid you're gonna kiss other people while you're back in new york and i was like oh record scratch definitely i'm gonna i am i'm kissing someone right now birds that are flying in the air just take a swan dive into the ocean that's straight into the pavement that same poland trip jeff and i this sounds fucked up i might have told us on streeters podcast we like picked up a girl at Auschwitz. What?

I hooked up with her, but we flirted with her and brought her back to our place in Poland. You flirted with someone at a concentration camp? She was on our tour. You know, Hitler tried to squash life out of people. So it's nice. Incredibly respectful during the tour. There was absolutely no flirting or anything. But there's one bus from Krakow to Auschwitz.

Jesus Christ. There's one bus. And after our tour, this bus didn't show up. And it's kind of raining. And you can't really complain about it kind of raining on you at Auschwitz. Because they didn't even get to wear shoes. They took their shoes away. That is the worst thing about Auschwitz. The fact that't even get to wear shoes like they took their shoes that is the worst thing about Auschwitz the fact that they were barefoot the whole time so we kind of like

cuddled we kind of like walked over to her because we'd been standing there for an hour like hey what's up like we're like what's your deal she's from Finland and we're like we're just gonna get a cab before it's too late so we can just get home we'll just pay for it like whatever do you want to join with us since we're all going back to krakow she's like totally and we took this like weird taxi ride through like polish villages the cab drivers like showing me photo albums like while he's driving with his knees i'm like jeff's in the back seat not knowing what's going on and i'm like freaking out because it's like rainy small car we get back and convince her to not take her train out of town come out drinking with us it's like

1938 all over again yeah and so she came out drinking and then like we tried to bring her back to eddie's apartment oh boy which was like a studio apartment he was already sharing with his boyfriend at the time then the two of us were crashing and we brought a third person he's like get the fuck out of here so we like kind of hooked up outside the apartment and then she like went back to the train station but she messaged me on facebook and it was just like very it was like are we together she was just like are you gonna come to finland and visit me i was like no but did you say no or are you like yeah i was like yeah sometimes you should come to you should come to la it's nice and warm so that's the thing does this person deserve hard truth she should she be like listen man it's not gonna happen with us i

mean the text i was gonna say that you could ghost this person, even though they're friends with your cousin. Yeah. How close are cousins? We'll talk about it. She basically still feels a connection. Like, this guy can still reach her through the cousins. I think you can just respond less and less. And maybe at some point your friend is going to be like, hey, are you looking to worry about your cousin?

You're saying fade away. Yeah, I'm saying to fade away. Definitely fade away. See, I would say, which is sort of the difference between us, I would say just like, hey, I can't really do this right now. And then like that cuts it off. But there was never anything established to not do. No, but he, for whatever reason, he got that feeling.

Well, yeah, sure. He got that feeling. And he's trying to set this precedent of we're going to talk this much and I can call you. Right. And you just fucking stonewall it. You set the different precedent that you respond to one text every two days

and that you don't answer any calls. No, I think that'll get him upset and he'll like Who cares if he's upset? I would say you're one... What the fuck do we owe this jabroni? I think you send him one... Me and Mike are going to fucking... We're going to the UK. You send him one uncomfortably long text like, hey, listen, I know that we had an awesome time.

I don't know if I can keep talking to you. I feel like what we had is done, blah, blah, blah, however you want to phrase it. But I can't really respond to you that much. It's a weird text to send, maybe. But then he gets the message instantly and he stops texting as much. Yeah, but like whatever. Just like ignore him. Don't even put in the effort.

Yeah. Two options. I'm 100 100 down to not even drafted and when the cousin comes when the cousin comes you can be like hey yeah i'm sorry i like he was like literally texting me and calling me all day and i didn't want to hurt his feelings i didn't know what to do he you're close to him uh if it makes you feel better i'll send him a text telling him like how i feel but i figured it was easier since he lives in an across a fucking ocean for him to move on but then if he comes and visits the cousin again you don't want

to have like broken up with him yeah let him smash when he comes in yeah yeah but it's not a breakup it's just a pause yeah and in that if that cousin i think you hit pause without ever actually touching the button i think the movie will end and stop and rewind and it's gonna go yeah and it's gonna go back to the home screen. If that cousin comes to you, just be like, hey, I had a good time, blah, blah, blah. Leave it. Be soft with it. Don't cut it off so when he comes back to Canada,

he can smash, dude. What did we call this lady? I forget. They fucked for a week. They must have some chemistry. I believe, what was the name? Ashley Tabernaff? Jesse Tabernaff. Jesse Abernaff. Jesse Tabernaff. Jesse Tabernaff.

Jesse Tabernaff. All right, we have time for one more question if you don't have to leave us quite yet. All right, let's do it. I mean, no, I'm hanging out with you guys. Hell yeah. This is one last guy. Okay.

From Toronto, if it helps. From Toronto. Dimitri McMullen. Was that bad? Are you mad at me? That's obviously somebody in my life who wronged me. That's Amir's childhood best friend who died tragically when you shoved him into a subway. Oh, come on.

Get over it. Let's call him Dimitri McFucknugget. This is a really good question. Are you guys excited? Oh, yeah. All right, this one's going to be good. I have a question that might be a tad too crude or rude for the podcast. Whoa.

I really have no one else to go to help for this. Long story short, I want to give my girlfriend... What do you guys think? I'm scared you're going to say a disease. A facial. No, not a spa facial. The type you give a dime with your God-given sausage. I am a legit day one fan,

and I don't think I ever have a question with a more important topic. One, is this normal to want? Two, am I sick? Three, will she be mad at me for asking? Four, have you ever done it? Ayo, Jake, I'm looking at you. Hashtag yes, dude. If so, how would you go about

asking to do this or even doing it? To give you guys some context, we have been in a serious relationship for three years. We're both 27 and we have sex very often. I can't go to any of my close friends for fear of it coming back to her because we all share the same friends my dudes please help me with this hopefully sticky that's a tough stitch because when your friends know your girl you can't be like i want to come on my girls because every time they see your face it's gonna be like can't uh good fucking luck dimitri yeah that's a tough one uh p.s this has nothing to do with disrespecting your domination i know i know some people would

think that we have a very loving respecting relationship the last thing i would want or anyone to think is that this is about disrespecting or degrading her i just find it so damn hot yes yeah but that stems from like a dominant like it's okay to for yeah it's okay to be like if you're into dominant stuff like that's okay yeah he's just saying this is a fetish he's saying that but it's dominant fetish yeah yeah he just doesn't want to but they're like you can trace lots of dominant stuff like even doggy style is kind of like a dominant dominant it's not negative as long as you're as long as the other person's like comfortable and into right right as long as it's consensual dominance uh do you feel comfortable answering the question have you ever done this um i have done it to like

one of my uh like an earlier girl i slept it's like fucking weird can you name names no i won't name it you won't even whisper it's like you know it's just not it's kind of like when someone titty fucks you for the first time you're like oh porn lied like this isn't even cool at least that's my opinion i thought that like titty fucking was the biggest letdown for me as a teenager completely agree on titty fuck oh really i disagree i thought it was great it's fine fucking is to me that's like the biggest waste of oh my god jesus christ i didn't want to set up that porn did when i was but it's so weird because when you watch that was the best but when you got titty fucked and liked it i didn't get what does it mean to get titty fucked?

They put their boobs together and they make a tight circle. You titty fuck them. Yeah, I mean, or they could titty fuck you. It's basically... Oh, I see. You know, them fucking me with... I was thinking them doing it to my titties. Right, no.

Them doing what to your titties? You're so insecure with your sexuality. Them doing what to your titties? Fucking me. Who's fucking you? Well, that's why I was confused. You said somebody titty fucked you. Them doing what to your titties? Fucking me. Who's fucking you? Well, that's why I was confused. You said somebody titty fucked you. Yeah, they took their...

That makes Amir think that my dick is going between his chest. Oh, no. But I guess you say a woman can titty fuck a guy with her titties. The weird thing is when you watch porn, it looks like they're amazing at titty fucking. It looks like it works. That's because they're drenched in oil. Yeah, but they do an effective job. Because it's slick, like that's because they're like drenched in oil yeah like it's but they do an effective job because it's slick but like in real life you're not covered in oil you're like if you're a teenager you're in a fucking pass in your car seat

someone's like spitting on your dick and like trying to make it just doesn't feel good it does and like at the very best it like feels pretty good for like three strokes and then like somebody loses control of an appendage and just go to the vagina anyway uh so you said you did it you don't like it no it's just weird it's like i mean also the person i did it with wasn't like it was like my idea like this kid but i was like a teenager and i thought you know porn like porn really fucks up the first like three years of your fucking yeah like you really think that some things are getting pulled porn's fucked up all of my fucking forever yeah you gotta lay off the porn yeah porn stuff doesn't

work when you did it did she ask you or you asked her um i think like in the heat of the moment i was like a like a dominant move and i was like you know can i i don't want to i don't remember what i said but i bet you it wasn't like i don't want people to hear it. Because it's a really uncomfortable subject to broach, but it's just not cool. It's on their face, and they have to clean up. There are girls that are super into it, I'm sure, but I think few and far between. I think it has to be on them.

It has to be them broaching it. It has to be them asking. And if he's in such a respectful and friendly relationship, if he if he asked he'll probably say yes just because out of like trust and love what if you wait for the yellow light which is her asking is there anything you would like well that's what i that's so that's what i'm gonna say i think i think try trying to like do it in the heat of the moment is like if it works then it's then it's like that's real nice it's like hitting uh that's what's that's a grand slam if you can pull it off degree of difficulty dive if you can do it you're gonna win the gold there's like it seems like there's a pretty high risk of like oh like i'm gonna come

on your face just like oh get the fuck out of here you know you're not you are so i think the way to broach it is to say like what are what are your fantasies? Is there anything that you want to, like, anything that I can satisfy? Set her up, dude. Like, for example, with me, I'd love to come on your face. What's something like that for you? I want to come on your face. All right, that's not fair. This is not something that has to actually be manipulative because just like you have a fantasy that you'd love to see fulfilled, she probably does too.

Hopefully. So you can, you should. A one for one. Yeah, you should want to see fulfilled she probably does too hopefully so you can you should a one for one yeah you should want to know for two oh fuck uh so you should find out what what her deepest darkest secret fantasy is and see if you can fulfill it's also very healthy to explore this stuff and when she asks what yours is you yeah let her know and you don't have to do it with any sort of expectation like when i tell you this will happen what do you don't be ashamed of like wanting to do this the expectation should be that you can tell her without being judged what do you think the male equivalent is of her saying to him all right you can give me a facial but i want you this is my fantasy and that's like

sitting on his face or squirting in his face. Squirting in his face. But that's so literal. I'm talking about something that's equally as like kind of dominant or a little bit shameful. Oh, like getting fucked with a dildo? Pegging's a little fucking fart. I don't know if that's a good word. I think that's too far. Maybe like fingering his ass or something.

What about blowing a dildo? Blowing? Blowing something. Oh, that's interesting. So like if she wears a dildo and she gets to basically simulate what it would be like for him to have a dick. That's fucking real intense. That's quite the jump, man. Don't you think that's complicated?

I don't think it's healthy. I'm going to undergo this awful thing, so you have to do something awful. Then this relationship is this weird trade-off of like, all right, fine, you humiliate me, I humiliate you. I'm not saying he should do this or it has to be equal. I'm just asking a hypothetical. I like where your head's at. What you're saying is that there should be some sort of equivalency.

Yeah, but hers might be a lot less shameful. That's fine. If we're agreeing to do it, we don't judge that there's no shame. It's not viewed as shameful. We're agreeing to do this as a couple. This is something that this guy really really really wants to try to do what's something that she really could squirt in his face squirt in his face i mean i've seen that when they love somebody google bonnie rotten when you love someone you kind of you want

to stop googling it uh see there is this so maybe the best advice is to say hey I got this fantasy what's yours yeah I want to no no no no what's your fantasy well I would say what's your fantasy without like saying yours first let it come back to you Demetrius should go into this

it's going to be so transparent she's like why do you have one well I mean I guess I really want to I have a bunch it's gonna be so transparent she's like why do you have one well i mean i guess i really i have a call on your face it's so easy to sell like oh with you i have a million i have there's a million things i want to do dimitri should go into this knowing that there's like a i mean at best 50 50 shot that this works yeah i think i think most girls are not would only do it because they love you and they know that you like it right i don't think that but very few will actually like it that being said i think that having a fetish for i'm lucky that this is not one of my fetishes oh thank god uh but having this type of fetish is like it's probably better than you know like really wanting to uh get like fuck someone in the ass

because that's not just like a dominating thing that's like a pain thing that's like a you have to necessarily a pain thing you have to like work to get it done you gotta work work work we can work from home yeah this is this is like it's more about like cleanup and i think probably reassuring somebody that it's not like a humiliation thing just imagine that's like the real life have you done this did you answer the question you know i have i have you have i mean it's it's weird because it's not like a porn where you're like expecting it or the girls like in porn they're pretending that they like it you're like in the dark there's only moonlight you like stand

up and like come on her face and then it's just like quiet and she's like all right and then like has to go to the bathroom and watch her come off her face it's what's happening to me like different ways where mom turned it off oh fuck i forgot mom your mom too jake's mom turned it off they're sipping tea drinking like listening together one time where it was like she asked like while it like while we were hooking up like do you want to come on my face oh then you go for that that's a green light as soon as you finish that sentence I was coming and then like the other time it was just like

maybe during a blowjob instead of coming in somebody's mouth and they didn't want to talk around their mouth yeah it was just like you know angled towards their face and it like wasn't anything it was almost incidental yeah what about it's fine to have dominant fetishes what about doing it like i think it's so much fucking sexier

to like come inside something it feels a million times better but if you're used to that this is like the exciting alternate i am used to coming inside people's mouth and i still would choose it over uh what about doing it in a shower i feel like that's the easiest cleanup how the fuck are you gonna get to her to your dick level in the shower? How big is your shower? Oh, you have a big shower. Thanks, man. I feel like the shower thing, that's a silver bullet if she says no based only on cleanup.

Yeah. Because I'd be like, all right. It's a rare scenario. It happens on your face and then instant. Yeah, but cum gets all weird when it gets wet. It gets like white and like harder and like gross. You got to use a lot of soap. It's like worse. Doesn't it get like gummy when it gets wet. It gets white and harder and gross. You gotta use a lot of soap. It's worse.

Doesn't it get gummy when it's wet for you guys? It doesn't hold up well to water. When you jerk off in the shower and then if it happens to be in your hand. Which is fine. Which is fine, guys. Nobody's judging. It changes consistency with water. I didn't know that, actually.

Yeah. Yeah, it does. Good to know. It might be even worse in the shower. Anyway, so that's our advice slash DIY science experiment idea for you guys. What was our final advice?

Just like broach the subject, honestly. Yeah, or either don't say anything or bring it up as like a conversation about various fetishes. Hey, let's have a conversation

about what turns us on. Maybe if there's like her birthday's coming up or... I know what I want to give you. Or if there's a Valentine's Day, then you then you're like hey it's your birthday i'm gonna do whatever you want so when your birthday rolls around oh there's a little reciprocation sounds a little manipulative but that's what i'm saying where like it really doesn't have to be because you should also uh

truly want to fuck your girlfriend in a way that she wants to. Yeah. It's worthwhile to know. It's worthwhile to know. You're saying, do you give this an equal 50-50 shot like Mike does? I think if he does it

the right way, there's 100% that he's not going to do it. 100? Him describing his relationship, him specifically, I want to change mine to like 90%

because I bet that if he asked and she really loves him, she'd be like, if you really like that. Yeah. Yeah. She's going to let you do it.

She's, we're going to. A hundred is high. Don't say it. 90. 90. Well, I got riding on this anyway. I'll say a hundred percent. Jake, no.

It's happening. We're getting sued. He has to break up. Your honor. Sorry. He said, if you love me, it was a hundred percent chance. The esteemed court. Jake Hurwood said 100%.

My client did not cum on his girlfriend's face. I tried to tell him 90%, he wouldn't listen. Mike's crying in the crowd. We find your defendant guilty of misstatistically representing the situation. Lock him up. A bunch of jailmates coming out of my face in the shower. 100%. Oh, it's hardening up.

It's changing consistency. Amir was right. They're gummy worms. All right. Thanks, Mike, for coming on the show. Hey, thanks for having me, boys. Coming on our face. Thanks for coming on the show.

Absolutely. If you have your own questions or your own theme song submissions, that email address for everything is ifirewshow at gmail.com. Again, Mike, anything you want to plug beside your podcast? Jake and I are going on a little road trip right now. You want to plug the road trip that will have already commenced, finished, I should say, before the episode comes out.

Yeah, but you can go back and like all of our Instagrams. We're going to go do a little California road trip. Death Valley, Yosemite, San Fran, and back. Is this Mike Carnell? Are you almost saying... Is that your name? Yeah, that's my name.

It's Mike Carnell. Instagram. Instagram's Mike Carnell. Is your name Mike Carnell? We've been friends since middle school. I should really know before we go to Yosemite. The opening theme song, again, was written by Frankie. Oh, you know what?

I never quite... He did want to plug something something and I totally dismissed it. What is Frankie going on? It could not have been a SoundCloud page. Yeah, he said he doesn't do music, obviously, but his Instagram handle is Frankie Becerra. If you can't pronounce my last name, pretend the C is an S.

B-E-C-E-R-R-A. Frankie Becerra. So if you guys like that song so much you want to see frankie becerra's on instagram that's rough you love this music so much that you need to see his photo what if like me you're like that's bad uh and you don't have to follow on instagram okay thank you follow mike carnell uh and this closing one is written by cameron here we go cameron yeah, the rapster This is amazing Dipset, dipset

Who does have a SoundCloud page Soundcloud.com Slash Cameron hyphen Williams hyphen M Okay He's actually a beat maker Less than a rapper Anyway, enjoy the song Thanks for coming on the show, Mike

Thanks for listening, everybody And we'll be back next week Oh, also, Gabrus' episode right now Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah I was gonna put John Gabrus' On to innovation. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to put John Gabrus on Twinnovation. A little taste, a little teaser of it at the end. Put it before the song. Before the song.

Come on, dude. All right, I'll do it now and then the song? Yeah. All right, okay, we'll do it right now. Here's a clip from our Twinnovation episode with Johnny Gabrus where he talks about the shitter shredder. Yeah, well, I don't have a problem with my shit.

I haven't taken a solid shit since I was like 11. So I don't have to worry about getting the shit down. It's the paper that always fucks me up. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, I mean,

I'm pretty thick. I'm pooping pretty, but the squatty potty just shoots it right at me. Yeah, I bought the squatty potty and I barely need it because I just am always just like,

this is how I describe how I shit. Have you ever watched The Deadliest Catch? When they pull the net up over the boat and they just pull the thing open and it opens and crabs and boots and shit fall out, like, in one big shot? That's me. I have the window of my bathroom.

I have my own bathroom in my house, thank God. It saved my marriage. But I have a window right there that goes out to the street. And one time I went in there, dropped my, I was like one of those like barely made it in, like just dropped. And it was like shitting as I squatted. And it came out like a fucking sneeze. It literally was like like that. And I heard people go, oh, they were walking by on the street.

It made such a loud noise. They were like, oh. So it operates right as you flush. A bunch of birds flew out of a tree. It was like a fucking bomb went off. So somewhere someone was watching a water cup shake like a dress. But you have a his and her bathroom

off of your... You got it, yes. We have a master bath. Off of the master bedroom. We have a master bath and mine is the sin bin, as we call it. Sarah and I just moved To a place with two bathrooms Changed It's literally saved our lives

Cause When you're married And you live with a girl For a really long time The It rarely happens But once Every three months

Your shit lines up With their shower Yeah And it's like The worst part of your marriage Is when you have to go Cover your ears Cover your nose

I'm just I can't stop You can either get out Right now Yeah Or I'm coming in exactly i mean i've pissed in my sink a bunch of times back when i lived in brooklyn yeah or pissed in a pint glass and then poured it in the toilet kitchen sink or bathroom sink kitchen sink the door's locked whatever but now with my own john i think with the shitter shredder i could shit confidently that was just as funny as i remember now that we're back now let's do the closing theme yeah i feel like you're rushing through this now thanks

everybody bye follow you show uh-huh when i got some time or i'm feeling low one solution to your nuisance is the podcast show jake and amir ace and Jocelyn Or maybe The Pinch Got some batteries in my Game Boy This weight is like an itch Monday or Thursday To that hip, come to let's try My friends call me every time But I won't lie Sorry guys, I can't come out tonight

Did you know a guy went to a Starbucks And he freaking died? I think of all the hours I spent watching these dudes Now in audio form They are taking over the tubes Amir, make sure these audio levels are good While Jake's just sitting there Uh, he's got wood Outro Music FIWU at gmail.com. Woo! All right. FIWU show.

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