Segments - 255: Smile (w/Billy and Adam!)

Episode Date: January 23, 2017

Friends and fellow HeadGum podcasters Billy and Adam join us to discuss virginity, anxiety, and how to change the world. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. I killed myself at a Starbucks I blow my brains out right there If these two little slimy Jews Told me that's how I can show that I care I've got a bit of a query

This girl, she's a dime, she's a ten. There's just one little problem. I think that she wants me dead. I keep finding all these papers. Labeled plan of attack. This girl's been nothing but coy to me Is she gonna stab me in the back? Do you have any suggestions? Should I hit it and quit?

No matter what you say I'm probably gonna go for it If I were you If I were you I'd tell you what I would do If only I were If only I were If only I were you Dang.

Dang. Thank you, Dashboard Confessional. That was lovely. I'm stunned, man. You're crying. Yeah, I am. But I was crying before the song started. Unrelated.

I'm going through some shit right now That was Jeremy Lindenfeld Who's 18 Wow 18 And would love a shout out to his band Sea Den S-E-A-D-E-N

They're on YouTube They're on SoundCloud D-E-N? Like Sea Den? Like it's in the Like a den in the sea. A den in the sea. Not like a sedan.

Yeah. That's different. Completely unrelated. Like Ursula's living room. That's a den in the sea. Ursula's living room. When my Uncle Dan goes swimming, that's a sedan. He only goes swimming in the sea.

He drives a coupe. A two-door. Sport. Billy and Adam in the house. What's going on, guys? Thanks for having us. They're back and better than ever when was the last time

you guys were on the show when was that Bill maybe like we just started the podcast we just started No Jokes so maybe like a little less than a year ago less than a year

the episode was called Olive Oil I don't remember yeah we talked about masturbating with olive oil it was someone who that was Billy this is your third time

on our show Adam's second because the first time you were on the show we went to McDonald's and we got a filet of fish. That's right. And my stomach just started to feel normal today.

That was a great day. I remember having a great day with you guys. It's funny because we're recording now, you just brought donuts. So it's like some sort of theme in our lives where we eat foods that are bad for us. There was that half piece of cheese on a donut downstairs.

Yeah, that was the fish donut. I had them. That was just the fish donut. The fish donut. They just squished white fish. Ew! That was like

a Boston cream donut except with fucking fish and stuff. Oh, God. I got you the Boston cream and I got Amir the white fish. The white fish donut. It's Amir's birthday.

They were like, what? It seems anti-Semitic that you got me that. A little bit. Of course. Why did you give me the white fish? White fish donut. If we say white fish donut one more anti-Semitic that you got me that. A little bit. Of course. Why did you give me the whitefish? Whitefish donut.

If we say whitefish donut one more time, it's going to be appetizing to me. It's disgusting, but if we keep talking about it, I want it. Whitefish donut. That's Adam's fantasy basketball team. Whitefish donut. Whitefish donut, yeah. I was a big gefilte fish addict when I was a kid. Oh, really?

Huge gefilte fish addict. I'm an addict. Yeah. You needed it. I needed it. Yes, Jake. I needed it. Yes, Jake. I needed it. Yes, Jake.

I needed it. He legitimately needed it. Yes, my parents were... Everyone in my life was repulsed and disgusted by my penchant for gefilte fish. And then even more so by your withdrawal. Yeah, exactly. Or withdrawal symptoms. Where they...

Yeah, they detoxed you for a month. You were throwing up bile. Take me to the Hannafords. Yeah, it was really bad. And at my bar mitzvah, I actually had the caterers, the two lovely Israeli caterers, make me, the bar mitzvah boy, my own individual plate of just gefilte fish. But I ate alone in silence. Yeah, this is the fish for the public, and this is Sir Adam's fish.

This is the new man's fish. Nobody gets my fish, papa. You're like Veruca kosher salt. Just like a very well-to-do Jewish gentleman boy. Exactly. Who needed his fish. Adam taught me one thing about gefilte fish, which is that it's the only fish in the supermarket

that doesn't need to be refrigerated. Red flag. Big red flag. Oh, it's in the cereal aisle? But that's fish. But that's fish, though. It's next to the peanut butter? From the sea to aisle seven.

Seriously, exactly. You could just eat it right out of the bag that they bag it in at the grocery store. Astronauts bring it to outer space. Nothing affects gefilte. So gross. Fruit Loops, gefilte fish. And then over there in the refrigerated section is the real fish. Gefilte fish does have a cereal mascot, right?

Yeah. It does, doesn't it? It's Gilly the fish. Gilly the nervous fish. Gaviltifish does have a serial mascot, right? Yeah. It does, doesn't it? It's Gilly the fish. Gilly the nervous fish. Oh, jeez. He swims in jeans. Only fish that wears jeans in the lake. Solid app.

Solid app so far. So great. We are out of time, but thank you guys so much for coming. Once again, check out the No Joke Podcast. Super fun. Get your white fish donuts wherever you can get them. That's funny. This is our podcast.

This is If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by Jake and I. Sometimes we're by ourselves. Sometimes we're friends. Now we're with friends and fellow HeadGum podcasters, Billy and Adam. Hey, what's going on? You guys have your own show on our network. We do. It's called No Joke.

That's right. New episodes come out every Friday, which is the day in between Thursday and Saturday. Oh, that's a good sandwich to Jake and I's show. It's like we got the Monday show. Yeah, right. Billy and Adam on Friday. That's right. Oh, nice.

We're the bread, I would say, and the rest of the podcast would be, I would say, the white fish. The meat. Yeah. The white fish. Yeah. In the donut. In the donut.

So unlike your podcast, here we're basically trying to advise people out of their sticky situations. Great. People will email us. They confused they're scared they want to know what 31 to 35 year old white people think about their situation who doesn't who doesn't who does not who does not want who's 35 in this room me you're 35 yeah good man thank you look at all exactly of course he's 30 yeah Look at Corsi's trim Yeah Yeah, truly I can't wait to be 35 A second, yeah, dude 35 looks good on you, Bill

You could be president, that's the year You should be president You know what, maybe I will be Are we okay with that, by the way? 35 is the floor, right? You have to be at least 35? Yeah What if there's a 27-year-old genius who is clearly the best president? I'm fine with the floor.

I actually think there should be a ceiling. Yes. I don't think you should be able to... I said this to you guys before. I don't think you should be able to vote after 65. 65. I think 65, you can't be president anymore either. You're on the way out, brother.

I think you need to take a driver's test. Make way for the future. Same thing. When you turn 50, 60, 70, every 10 10 years you have to pass a driving test again. You should not be grandfathered into assuming you're safe. When you're 80 taking your driving test, they actually just drive the car off a cliff. Off a cliff and that's the end of your life. Hey, you're good, buddy.

He passed. Thump. The new Rams head coach, Los Angeles Rams head coach. 30. That's silly, man. 30. He'd be the youngest one in this room. How would you do that? How could you then coach men? There's definitely people on the team that are older than her.

For sure. Oh, yeah. I would say most of the team is over 30. I don't know. With football, I guess it's a young... He's a millennial. He rides his bike to the stadium. I guess the front line is all over 30 and then the...

Yes, exactly. Everybody. The fast people are in the teens. Yeah. As they should be. I'm trying to find the best question to start with. Here's a good one. Everybody. The fast people are teens. Yeah. As they should be. I'm trying to find the best question to start with. Here's a good one. Cool.

This will get us, set us on our way. Great. Adam, why don't we get a fake guy's name? How about Tad William Smith? That's pretty good. Nice. So his last name is Will Smith? William Smith.

Is there a hyphen? There's a hyphen there. Oh, William Smith. Between William and Smith. His maiden name is William. That's right. And he married a Smith. He took his wife's name Smith. Oh, William Smith. Got it. Okay. Tad William Smith. Very progressive. Super progressive. So here's the deal. I'm currently doing a year-long service program in a new city, and the program set me up with two worst roommates I've ever had in my life.

It's not that they have any annoying habits or that they don't clean or anything. It's not even that they're not good people. They're both also involved in a year of service and genuinely seem like they want to make the world a better place. Assholes. The problem is that I just hate being around them. For whatever reason, our personalities don't mesh. They constantly annoy the shit out of me for just being who they are. Awesome.

So I guess I just need some advice on how to survive seven more months of this shit. Have you ever had shit roommates? Side note, I don't think this plays a big part, but just for context, I'm a man and they're both women. Oh, geez. Tough little addendum there. Every neighborhood has crazy neighbors, and if yours doesn't, you're the crazy neighbor. Yeah. And my dude, you're the weird one.

Yeah. They don't like you. You're the weird one. Turn the They don't like you. You're the weird one. Turn the mirror around, my man. Perhaps. Well, have you guys ever had shit roommates is the first question. I personally have been fortunate enough to always be able to essentially choose my roommates. Same.

Even in college? Oh, no. In college, I did have a shitty roommate. I should take that back. My freshman year roommate was a bit of an asshole. He was a weird guy from Philadelphia. He was just persnickety and didn't like me having friends over, even though college is a time for friends. This is what you told him.

It's kind of a big part of it. But college is a time for friends. This is time for friends, no? So he was sort of a prick. He was a prick. But other than that, my roommate, I've been kind of at 1,000 with roommates for the most part. This dude hasn't said one thing about his roommates that I can give any advice on how to solve it. They sound like the most part. This dude hasn't said one thing about his roommates that like I can give any advice on how to solve it. They sound like the most ideal.

Their personalities don't clash. Or don't click. Yeah. It just sounds like Tad is a misanthrope. And I appreciate that. I just, you just don't like people, Tad. I don't think you might not like other human beings. Yeah.

Is that what that means? Yeah. You just try a little harder. Just try a little. Just try to relate to them on something. There you go. He might love them. Yeah.

The problem is he might love them and he has to, he's pretending like he's not. Has anybody ever done a 180 like that in your life where you hated him and then you're like, wait a minute, I should just view him in a different lens. And now I think I like this person. I've never taken someone out of the hate pile into the love. Into the love pile. It seems like it only goes the other way. One way. That's a one way street.

Like I like this person and now I no longer like him. Right. And now it's on to the next. And now I no longer like that person. I go... You go back. Yeah. People go from one pile to the other daily.

Yeah. So fickle, Jake. Oh, my God. I hated you at the top of the episode. Yeah, that's exactly... I'm just, like, full of passion. And sometimes you shine the light on the world with someone you love, and then sometimes you spin the spotlight and you want to burn them to death.

Whoopsie! Can you name someone that you used to hate that you're now really close with? Marty. Oh, interesting. What about you guys? Marty as well. First impression, first time I met Marty, I was like, this dude's just gonna be

up my ass. This is trouble. Why did Jake and Amir bring him on to HeadGum? They were doing fine with that. He's a dangerous boy. That's not true. Marty's winning. My girlfriend Maggie often gets upset at me because I do try to employ that tactic of just like, pretend you like them. Just pretend. Right. And then ultimately, like,

your habit will form. If you lie to yourself enough, just say, just pretend that you like them. Just make believe until it's real. This is you telling her to do that? I do that myself, and she's like like them. Just make a belief until it's real. This is you telling her to do that? I do that myself and she's like, I think you're a false man. That means you're a false man. That's genuinely the way you

feel. If I don't like something, why exist in that sort of like, you sound perturbed, Tad. You sound annoyed. Here's a way out of it. Just trick, just dumb yourself down enough that you can trick yourself to like it a little until you do. That really is true. If you like have one conversation with them where you like, God, just like laugh and smile

and pretend you care about what they like. Build on that. Fake it. Then you just build on that. Then you really do. You walk away. Even if you like don't remember like the substance of the conversation, you walk away and you're like, I was smiling.

Right. I think I was happy then. Exactly. My body's in joy mode. Because two years later, you're definitely not going to remember any substance of the conversation you had with anyone. All you're going to remember is the vague sensation of joy that you had, whether it was true or fabricated.

Well said. Or vague sensation of hate. That's all. And you didn't like that person. That's right. And I don't know why. It's simple. It's as simple as smile when you're talking to them.

Seriously. You will delude yourself into thinking you are having fun. Oh, so it's like, it's a reverse brain thing. It's like, when I smile, I, when I'm happy, I smile. So if I'm smile, will that then force happy? This is like a real, it's a proven fact. Yes. Oh, really? Yes. Yeah. If you like fake, if you

just smile, you trick yourself into being happy. We're just dumb mammals. We can trick ourselves. We just have silly little brains. We can do it. We can fool ourselves. I'm smiling right now, and I'm kind of happy. And I hate myself.

Exactly. Okay, that's a good technique. I wish they'd just fake the shit out of it until it becomes real or they move out. Yeah. Yeah. My girlfriend Marina does voiceover work. And usually if the copy asks for optimism or like a hopeful voice, the trick is to smile while you're reading all of the copy. Because it just becomes, your voice literally changes.

Everything in your body changes. But if you walk in on somebody doing that voiceover with a crazy clown smile and talking about like Downey's air fresheners, it's crazy. Yeah. Oh, you're insane. Yes. But smile. Yes. So smile is the advice here.

Just smile. How about smile? Yeah, exactly. That's not bad. Seven months of smiles. Just pretend. Just pretend. Sounds like seven months of smiles will drive a man crazy too.

Yeah. You don't want to smile too much. Seven months of smiles. Starring Liam Neeson. Because it could be that happiness is finite. The serotonin in your brain will eventually run out. And you wasted it being fake nice? Yeah.

But GNC sells serotonin. So you can literally go- Are you selling us MDMA right now? Exactly. People who take ecstasy a lot, they flood their brains with serotonin, and then the next day, they are very depressed because they used up all of their serotonin. But the smart ecstasy users will go to GNC and literally buy the things that pump serotonin back into your brain. Oh, yeah, the HTTP5. Is that what it is?

You're the loser. Is that what it is? I think that's a domain name. It's something like that. HP5, HTTP5. That's like the serotonin thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It does, I mean, it works pretty slow. You really want to kill yourself in the morning. Well, you should really take ecstasy with this serotonin. That's the other advice I'd say. Just take ecstasy. Oh, yeah. Just always take ecstasy. Beyond ecstasy.

Yeah. That way you won't be able to not smile. Exactly. You're going to love it anyway. Exactly. All right. Here's, oh, a lady from Australia. Okay. that way you won't be able to not smile you're gonna love it anyway alright here's a lady from Australia Billy do you have a name for an Australian lady? Patricia

Patricia William Smith any relation? no relation amazing not even vaguely not even vaguely related straight to the point I'll be 23 this year and I'm still a virgin Amazing Weird We used the same phone book Not even vaguely Not even vaguely related Nope Straight to the point

I'll be 23 this year And I'm still a virgin Part of me wants to not care And follow the feminist belief That virginity is just a concept Made up by men To make them feel That their dick is important enough

To change a girl's life Okay The other part of me Just wants some dick Okay But I've realized That due to my anxiety disorder intimacy will always freak me out to the point where i haven't even kissed someone in over two years

do you ever find intimacy nerve-wracking if so any tips if not is there any shame in being well on my way to a real life 40 year old version toda all the love Patricia Williams Smith okay intimacy does it ever make me nervous only of course I mean I think you'd have to be a robot if intimacy didn't make you nervous

in some way in some small way well I imagine if you're single intimacy starts to become a little more a la carte which then I would I would probably feel that way yeah

but once you start falling into a relationship intimacy almost starts becoming more of like a fun kind of like game that you can play with someone where you know it's a very safe place. Right. It's less embarrassing.

Yeah. I feel like once you can get to that point. Yes. The sex positive perspective. Sorry, Amir. No, continue. The sex positive feminist in me says, A, live your whole life a virgin. No one cares.

There's no stigma against that. No one cares if you have sex or not. It's all in your own head. Truly no one cares. That's a stigma against that. No one cares if you have sex or not. It's all in your own head. Truly, no one cares. That's a good point. Well said, Adam. If you want sex, have all the sex.

If you want dick, as you so poetically put it, go get that dick. Go get it. This is the first time I ever heard that men made up the concept of virginity to make women feel

like their dick is so important it could change a woman's life. Of all the feel... Because their dick can change lives? Yes. Their dick is so important it can change a woman's life. Of all the gender... I don't understand. Yes. It's like saying like, oh, when did you lose your virginity? Because I can make you do that

with my dick. I can give you that fucking bar mitzvah. Right. I guess that sort of makes sense. Like you could only lose your virginity if you're fucked by a dick. Right. And I got the secret key. It's my dick and I can take that virginity if somebody fucked by a dick right and i got the

secret key it's my dick and i can take that well guys can be virgins too and they can't be unvirgins unless a girl with the secret key being a vagina fucks them or another boy's butt yeah well i mean is that's that's you still need to get to the you still need the receiver yeah now we're getting into like what is what is sex? Is it penis and vagina or is it butt? Or is it butt and vagina? No one talks about the rare butt. The butt goes into the vagina.

The A to V. The A to A. What did you guys do last night? I stuck my butt in her vagina. Do you imagine the cheeks or the little pink eye? Everything, the whole cheek. Give me a kiss. Squeeze it.

Beep, beep, beep. I'm falling into a toilet bowl. That is such a wide, wide vagina to allow the entire buttocks to enter. It's why it's so rare. It's so rare. I grew up in Long Island where goons, goons central. And it's the type of place where you would think that dudes would be like, my dick can change lives.

Yeah. I grew up with the dudes who would be cast to say that line no one in my friend group would ever be caught dead saying that and no one in my friend group believed that their dick could change lives I mean like that's a like to Jake's point I've never heard that sentiment

outside of like maybe like a big dumb movie jock I think my dick could mildly improve a life for a short amount of time if somebody consented to it and it was a nice time for everyone. And then their life would probably recede back to normal. Of course.

Mild improvement and a vagina or a butt could do that to my dick. Maybe if, you know that story when a car flips over and lands on a baby and someone comes in and lifts the car up. Like if someone's dick lifted that car up off that baby, that dick literally changed a person's life. By the way, you only ever hear about the ones that are able to lift the car. There's plenty of babies that are just crushed under the car.

Squished baby syndrome. Didn't have enough adrenaline, did you, mommy? Did you, mommy? I got the car an inch off the ground, which is more than I could do normally. Imagine feeling like a failure that you didn't lift a car off of your child. I could absolutely see myself in this scenario. For some reason, it's on a bridge in my mind. We're always on a bridge and the car flips and it's on the baby, but the baby's still alive.

And I would literally think to myself, okay, Billy, this is literally what you've been training for your whole life. You're the guy that saves this baby. What if you moving the car. What if you flip the car off the baby and it landed on a bunch of other babies? Four babies. Four babies. Shit!

And a dog. That was my one rep max. I really can't. But do you have to re-flip it? Yeah. Re-flip it. Or roll it off the bridge. Onto an orphanage.

Is it the opposite, where you're strong enough to lift a car, but the adrenaline actually saps you of energy? You become weaker with adrenaline. That would be a really disappointing. You gotta be calm, cool, and collected. You know, one time I did rip open a car door after a car accident

in Los Angeles. It was actually by Catalyst. Really? Yeah, where we all worked. Yes. On Highland and Santa Monica-ish. Santa Monica-ish. Remember how there was always, though, that there was like, where those roads met, there was just a lot of left-hand turns. Accident city.

It was just people getting smashed into one another. And I walked out of Catalyst once, and a person had literally just been smashed, and their door was like in and out, and you could tell they were in a state of panic. And I just like, I was five steps away, and I just grabbed it and just yanked the door open, and they climbed out.

And it was amazing. It was a total hero moment. You were like Jaws of Life. A little bit. yanked the door open and they climbed out and it was amazing it was a total hero moment you were like jaws of life a little bit I mean the door was already open but I did give it that extra couple of inches that got him out yes so that's exciting that story really goes nowhere but I'd like to think I could lift the car off the big I think you probably could your friend Steve lifted a smart car and just moved it with his hands so so I said my friends are goons yeah it was a Fiat. Is that the guy that tore an apple in half? Yeah, yeah. He just moved a car with his hands. That was his

bar prank. We'd get drunk at bars and then we'd go out into the parking lot and find the smallest car and then he would just pick it up and drag it into another parking spot. Amazing. What are you talking about dragging it? By what? By the two wheels that aren't in brake or in park. There was a Fiat. The famous one is the Fiat. He would pick it up from the back.

So lift up the bumper from the back. Yeah, because the engine's in the front, so it's a little heavier. And then he would just grab it, and then we would push the front, and he would grab it, and we would move it to the other side of the parking lot.

Just moving cars with your hands. This is Long Island. Superhuman strength exists. The other point man for Long Island is Gabrus, and he's 500 pounds, and he eats everything and moves everything. He is a Fiat everything he's a fiat he's a fiat 500 uh have you seen gabrus's uh tattoo i have long island would you get would

you ever get that i would not it's a map of the island that's right that's cool it is definitely cool i would not just because you're anti-tattoo i'm not anti-tattoo i just i love gabrus yeah i love long island but it's also the type of place that you're there for two days and you're like, you gotta go. You gotta get out of here fast. So you don't want to

constantly see it on your bye. Yeah. That's your bye. You want to say bye to the bye. Maybe I might try. Her question about the dick. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Any tips about if you find intimacy nerve-wracking? It seems to me that it's a trust thing. The more comfortable you get with someone, you shouldn't rush it. Go on as many dates as possible until you feel completely comfortable allowing this person to be intimate with you. Maybe that'll lead to less anxiety.

And don't be afraid to tell that person that you're anxious about intimacy because then they will hopefully, if they're a good person, be a lot more sensitive to your anxiety. Honesty is always. And I imagine she might. Sorry. No. I imagine she might attract someone who might have similar feelings as well. Yeah. You know.

She doesn't seem like a one night stand type of person. I would say that you should try and find a friend who you might be able to turn that into more. Mm-hmm. That'd be nice. Mm-hmm. Good. Best of luck, Patricia.

Best of luck, Patricia. Let's take a. Go get an egg. Let's take a. Let's take a. Let's take a break. Sweet. Let's take a quick little break, and then we'll be back with more questions and answers with Billy and Adam. Great. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show.

Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one first stop, one stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions,

they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content,

product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available?

It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah.

It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments

when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Thank you as well to Blue Apron for sponsoring this episode. You know, I don't care how much you try, you need to eat. I have tried to starve myself for weeks on end.

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We be back. We be back. Back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back. That lady's from Australia, which reminds me to say that Jake and I are doing live shows in Australia. Oh, my God. He doesn't go to Australia. In Melbourne on March 16th and Sydney on March live shows in Australia. Oh, my God. When are you guys going to Australia? In Melbourne on March 16th and Sydney on March 18th. Sick.

Tickets are still available. Have you guys ever been to Australia? I have not. Never? I'd love to go. Oh, that'd be fun. You guys were just in New Zealand? Just in New Zealand.

Cool. And then we were in Australia a couple years ago. Yeah. Have you guys talked about that goddamn swing you went on? Oh, maybe so. I think we talked about the swing. Do you remember the feeling of the swing? I feel like we talked about if we remembered how it felt. I asked you went on. Oh, maybe so. That was a swing. Do you remember the feeling of the swing? I feel like we talked about

if we remembered how it felt. I asked you that once. I think it was off a podcast. I'm like, does that... I remember seeing the video of the swing, but do you remember like actually hovering over the gorge and letting go and like feeling the drop of the swing?

Yeah, I can picture it. Yeah. I remember being so happy that it was over. Yes. This idea, the swing was like looming over us the entire trip. And every happy moment we had, it's like, but there's a swing coming. Yes, right. Just so that there's a swing.

We just did an episode on No Joke all about courage. And we were talking about how it's directly proportionate to dread, the dread that leads up to it. It's like the more dread that kind of leads up to it, the moment where it happens, you're that courageous. And when I saw you guys, I think you like texted me or something, Amir, from like moments before. You're like, we're about to do this. This is the swing.

And I was dreading your guys' experience. I was like, rethink it. Like just reconsider it. You don't need to be doing this. I definitely like, I didn't dread the swing as much because I was like, I just like resigned that it was going to happen. I was like, I didn't dread the swing as much because I was like, I had just like resigned that it was going to happen. I was like, I wasn't like excited. I was upset by it.

Yeah. I was like, what the fuck? Was that a choice though? Because New Zealand, the company that was sponsoring you, didn't make you do that, right? It was like a half choice. They're like, we want you to do adventurous things. We can get you on the swing. They wanted us to do a fucking bungee jump.

Yeah. And we were, and like like that that was just like absolutely yes of course no but it's it's really the same amount of like fear and like risk the difference being that the swing you got into the harness yes as you're above the platform like the platform that was what five thousand feet high yeah well the platform is really platform, that was what, 5,000 feet high? Yeah, well, the platform's really high, but you're looking down and all you see is the floor. Jesus. And then you go out,

then the floor disappears, and then you see it and you're like, oh, fuck, but you're already in the thing. You're in it. You're in the diaper. And you don't have control

over when it gets let go. There's a fucking medieval torturer guy. Yeah. He's kind of shucking with you. Yeah. He's like, oh, as soon as we're, I think we've talked about this on the podcast before, but I sparking with you. He's like,

I think we've talked about this on the podcast before, but I want to tell you. Please do, will you? We got out there. We're sitting over 500 feet below us, whatever. And the dude says to Amir, So you like pranking people, huh? Oh, God. That's him! That's not me!

Bring me back! Don't fuck with me! No, please! Well, you talk about courage. We basically chose the least courageous way to do the swing. Because there's like eight options. Because people in New Zealand are fucking insane. They don't get off to the world's largest swings anymore.

That doesn't register on their heartbeat whatsoever. So you can go upside down. You can go blindfolded. Me and Jake could be like flip-flop 69ing you as you drop into the gorge. People went upside down. Upside down? Stop.

Dangling upside down. What do you have to gain? Well, like, the swing's not scary enough. Defying death just traditionally right side up isn't enough. No. Yeah.

They want to do the upside down blindfolded swing. I always felt that way about bungee jumps. I don't need to prove to anybody how bouncy I am. Yeah. They want to do the upside down blindfolded swing. I always felt that way about bungee jumps. I don't need to prove to anybody how bouncy I am. Yeah. I get nothing from it. You get nothing from it. No. Well, that being said, the joy of finishing it and doing it and like having

it done, that felt so good that I'm like, what if I did the bungee? Like higher risk, higher reward. Yes. And that's why I didn't, it was the worst of every world, the swing. Because you came back from the swing and you were like, oh, that wasn't bad. I'm a pussy because I didn't do it was the worst of every world the swing because you came back from the swing and you were like oh that wasn't bad i'm a pussy because i didn't do the bungee it was like lose lose and then we like on the way on the way back there was like uh we're on a bus with a bunch of people and

these two beautiful blonde girls uh talked to me they're like oh i think i saw you up there i had like i took a picture and then they showed me and it was a guy bungee jumping. And I was like, that just could have been me. No, I don't think that was me. Well, didn't you did the bungee just before us? And I was like, I did the swing. Swing doesn't sound so cool anymore. No, baby's for swingy. Actually, baby did swingy.

We did the thing that toddlers do at the park when babies are finally not scared. There's a bouncy castle in the driveway, and that's sort of what I do. A guy in a scary costume pushed me out. Oh, you went upside down or blindfolded? No, just normal swingy.

Okay. Normal swingy. Oh, I get it. Yeah, the bungee jump was more expensive. No, no, no, it wasn't that. Everything was made for it. More of a fear-based decision myself. I'm just not, what is it, courageous, would you say? Is the bungee from the same

spot where you would have swung? Can you just drop down from there? They're across the ravine from each other. Different cables. So you see the bungeers fucking. And they're fucking badass. Their thing is like suspend, even the bungee platform is suspended by

cables in the middle of the ravine. And the swing, you sort of walk across a bridge to it. You are the pussy. I mean, we haven't done any of this. None of it. We're terrified. None of it. So you guys win. If you want to just feel the rush, like 0.05 of 1%

of the rush that you would feel, do a Google search for Nevis Bungee. If you guys or just feel the rush, like 0.05 of 1% of the rush that you would feel, do a Google search for Nevis Bungie. I don't know if you guys or if anybody listening at home, because they record everything. It's from the top down. And it's just so terrifying to even consider that you would possibly be standing on the precipice. And then the hardest part is probably launching yourself. I bet a lot of people get there and they're like, I don't want to jump.

Is bungee scarier than skydiving? Yeah, because I've skydived. Yeah, we both skydived. Really? Yeah. So what do you think that is? Because skydiving is obviously tens like what, 5,000 feet up? It has so much to do with like when you're

bungee jumping, you have, everybody is standing away from you you have to jump you have to choose you are choosing to do it yes yeah and in the skydiving we got strapped

to a professional right who would like who goes like 50 times a day okay and then it doesn't matter if you're like oh I don't want to do it

it's still happening he wants to do it now yeah the decision is made you're strapped to his stomach and he's like holding you out the plane. Got it.

You don't even jump in the skydiving. Got it. That's a huge difference. Or she jumps. Here's five seconds of somebody about to jump and she's scared.

She's wiggling. She can't look down. Oh, that little boogie board is a little horrifying. A little so horrifying. Just going down. How old is she? Jesus God.

No. And you have to like Superman it down. And now you're dropping for a good four or five seconds. And you have to trust Superman it down And now you're dropping For a good four or five seconds And you have to trust this This will sit You're basically killing

As far as your brain sees You're killing yourself Killing yourself Because you don't know That the thing behind you Will yank you back up I'm surprised more people Don't have heart attacks

On the way down Oh I bet that's a possibility Do you remember Any of the thoughts You were having in flight Like in free fall Do you have thoughts I think it's just screaming

Screaming Screaming in the wind Holy shit It was so cold yeah the wind is rushing and we're yelling i mean i was having fun once we were free falling yeah and then as it was as we're like swinging i'm like it's over we did it that's great and then i'm also full of fear as we're going back up because i think that the guy is gonna fuck fuck with us and release us again. Because of the prank thing. Oh my god, a second drop? That's a lawsuit. That's a lawsuit!

Leave us! Actually, I think we can sue just for the fear. The fear! We can sue Sean with dissent for promoting them for so long. Just invoice him. Do you guys have anything crazy planned for this trip to Australia? Anything adventure-y and nuts?

We have, the two shows are going to be the highlights, and then we have to figure out what to do before and after. Great. Yeah. The last time we were in Australia, we went to five different cities. Cool.

Really great. But this time we're doing just two cities. Great. Which is, I think it'd be a little bit easier on us, because last time we were partying, staying up late, wake up, travel. It was the sampler. The sampler. in just two cities. Great. Which is, I think it'd be a little bit easier on us because like, last time we were like partying, staying up late,

wake up, travel. The sampler. Like a little bit of this. The beer fight. Yeah. So now I think it's going to be really fun

to like spend a couple days in Melbourne, settle in. Spend a couple days in Sydney. Great. Deep immersion. Full immersion. All right.

Let's answer a few more questions. I just feel like, I know we have to get back to the show, but there's, I can't believe we haven't, Billy mentioned it briefly. It's your birthday today. Amir, it's your freaking birthday. That's true. It is my birthday while we're recording, not when you're listening. Yeah. Yeah. Just, it is, just know that currently while I'm talking, it's my birthday. The day of your birth. Hence the white fish donut. Have you guys done a

birthday episode of your podcast? We have. On Adam's birthday. Oh, that's a nice one. How do you feel about your birthday today? 34? I feel all right. It feels pretty much indistinguishable from 33. Good.

Because it's just vaguely before 39. I don't know. Do you think you'll have an exciting birthday again before 40? Oh, I don't think so. What do you do to celebrate like the big three seven? Go to sleep early. 35 is like a pretty. 35 is pretty good. I don't think so. What do you do to celebrate like the big three seven? No. Go to sleep early. 35 is like a pretty... 35 is pretty good.

I don't know. Bill, you're 35. What do you... Is 35 bigger than 34? Build a log cabin. Yeah. 35. You go outside

on your birthday and you build yourself a cabin. You're finally a man. Yeah. You don't use nails. You just punch the wood into the other wood.

It's much like the button to the vagina sex tech that you just crush and stuff. Exactly. Your birthday was recently, right? It was December. It is much like the button to the vagina sex tag that you just crush and stuff. Exactly. Your birthday was recently, right? It was December. It is now January, so yeah. Yeah.

A sweet VR machine was rented. That was rad. We got Oculus. That was cool. Do you still have it? Rented Oculus. Doesn't Patton Oswalt have that great bit

about how birthday, it's like no birthdays are worth celebrating after 21 and you should only celebrate the decades, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90. It's like, who are we kidding? Right after you pass your driver celebrate the decades 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90. It's like, who are we kidding? Right after you pass your driver's test in 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, then you can celebrate.

Exactly. After you pass your prerequisite driver's test. Yeah, especially the small shades of difference between – do you ever forget? I think earlier today you forgot. I think maybe 40 minutes ago. I asked you how old you were, and you were like, are you 34? And I was like, no, but I won't swear to that. I can't be certain.

That's really true. I think I'm 31. I'm not 32. Right? I think I'm 31. But I'm not 32. Wait until we're like 54. Exactly.

We're going to be like 47. I might be 61. Yeah, but you'll just know how old your kids are. Yeah, exactly. We're all four different ages. Yeah. That's pretty exciting. Yeah. We run the whole gamut of 31 to be like 47. I might be 61. Yeah, but you'll just know how old your kids are. Yeah, exactly. We're all four different ages. Yeah. That's pretty exciting. Yeah.

We run the whole gamut of 31 to 35 white men. We should get Marty in here. We got the full diverse, yeah. Marty's 32 to complete the straight. Perfect. All right. Let's answer. Here's a presidential related question because we're going to have a new president by the

time this comes out. God damn it. Whether you like it or not. Don't like it. Okay. All right. Let's get a female name from Jake. All right.

Let's do Adam. Okay. Did someone say Tatelma? I was going to say. Yeah, yeah. No, take this. Tatelia Williams? Yeah.

Tatelia Williams. Tatelia Williams. Is related or unrelated to Tad or Patricia? She is Tad's sister. Yes. No relation. To Patricia. But she met Patricia at summer camp.

Also unrelated. What a weird day that was. Weird. Two William Smiths? For what? All right. Here's my issue. I'm a proud Latina that was a Clinton supporter.

However, my best friend wasn't. We didn't talk about politics throughout the past year since I knew this. I think she's talking about Trump. I think so too. Danny Trump? Danny. But even then, we didn't bring it up. I voted for Clinton in a state that goes blue. She cast her vote in a swing state that went red.

Yikes. My problem is that we are going to vacation in NYC in February. This will be the first time I'll be seeing her since August, and obviously the first time I see her with our new president in power. I love her very much, but I feel like I haven't been completely honest with her

in our friendship since I haven't been able to talk to her about this. After all, she is my person and we tell each other everything. Yeah. As proud Latino woman, I just want to know why. Yeah. But the last thing I want to do is ruin the trip. I need your help.

Please let me know what you both think I should do. Dang. On a lighter note, if you have any recommendations about what to eat or drink at NYC, that'd be greatly appreciated. Pizza! Soda! Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!

Pizza! Pizza! Soda! Forget that first complicated question. Eat pizza! Where's all your favorite Zaza joints? And Billy, what's your favorite soft drink? Check out Penn Station.

Great pizza in Penn Station. Sbarro! There's a Sparro on 49th and anything. 49th Street is a Sbarro. A long Sbarro with little roads in the middle of it. That'd be amazing if we bought the entire street. Certainly a company could do that. 49th.

49th is Sparro. Sparro and 6th. We're on Sparro and 6th. Do you have anybody close to you that voted for Trump that you're like, I don't want to even talk about this? I mean, like, this is on, obviously, on everyone's mind right now. This is, like, such a complicated emotional thing. I have some hometown friends that are Trump voters, but, like, no one's super in my super duper inner circle. Right.

But to Talala. was it Talala? I would say Talala. I don't know my inclination right now in this moment, because I have wildly swirling emotions surrounding this ordeal. But I think that radical honesty is, I know that it's your person and it's your best friend, and you might have differing opinions. And I think that because it's your best friend, and because you respect your friend so much, you should be radically honest.

And I don't think you should be afraid to say, I'm a little concerned that you voted this way and these are my thoughts and why do you think the way you think? In fact, I think avoiding the topic at this point with our nation at stake is – I don't see what you stand to gain from not talking about it. I think if you're truly intimates and friends, be honest. Put your own thoughts and feelings on the table. That is what I would say. To me, the real problem is like, I could be honest with somebody. But to me, for me being really honest, I would be like, you voted for Trump. And I honestly find that inexcusable.

Yeah. And I think I hate you now. Yeah. There's no... I feel like if you want to get, like, a more loving answer, you got to listen to a different voice than mine. Like, fuck anybody that did that. There's nobody in your family that voted for Trump? No.

And if, I mean. I feel like there's got to be at least a cousin or an aunt or uncle somewhere. I guess there's like a distant second cousin or something that did, but I would tell that person to go fuck themselves. And I think everybody who voted for Trump should go fuck themselves. I have maybe a slightly different perspective. I have family and a lot of friends from Long Island who like voted for Trump and There's like I knew that I could take the one option which was to just be like super pissed and tell them why they're wrong but then I would hear myself say those words after the fact and be like I Would never listen to anybody who just told me I'm wrong blindly and like walked away from it

Right so my my position with everybody who I loved before the election and I will still probably love after the election despite who they voted for because they're more complicated than just this one vote is how can I speak to them? Because they already respect me. We have a friendship. We're a family member. So they already respect me and what I believe that's already been established how can i talk to them from just like my perspective on the matter and not project onto them why they're wrong but rather like maybe you don't know about conversion therapy like let's just like let maybe you don't know about that like that's something that like

really like gets me uncomfortable like when the like future vice president and i'll say that to a few people and they'll be like what conversion therapy like mike pence what right and so i can't assume that every trump voter or person who disagrees with me is a bad person or should be cut out of my life but what i take on the personal responsibility now of trying to slow things down and create more dialogue and less debate because debate is how we became these two everyone just argued online to the point where it's like i know who you're voting for you know i'm voting for and we're both going to yell in a vacuum until the election's over. So I'm just trying to build

little bridges that hopefully when in two years local elections start happening and in four years bigger elections start happening, those bridges have already been built just enough so that like if I do put out like a slightly more political stance somewhere, people will already know where I'm coming from. Yeah, I get Jake. I get your like, if you do that, like it's a disqualification, it's like a decredibility fire. I totally get that. I feel that way, too, to a certain degree. One thing my girlfriend Maggie has done in an effort to sort of, like,

be a little more diplomatic, and kind of the icebreaker that she will use to sort of gently ease into the conversation is, like, what news... how do you get your news? Like, where do you get your information? Like, what news sources do you read? Like, what newspapers or what... where do you get your information? Because it is a... I you read? Like, what newspapers or what, where do you get your information? Because it is a, I mean, I feel like that is like so much at the core of what is so

fucked about all this. Is it like, we can't even really agree on fact, like empirical scientific fact. Well, it's like limited knowledge where the thing that I'm putting in and getting out, they're not even getting the input from that. They're getting inputs from somewhere else. That's right. So to me, that would be what I would be most curious about and I think would be a non-two-feather-ruffly way to sort of like ease into a conversation about values and about information and knowledge that you can sort of back off of the contempt that you have for people who you disagree with, which I completely understand. Everybody should definitely listen to you two.

I cannot get over my resentment for somebody. I just find it unforgivable. Maybe I'll work towards it. But it makes me so upset. I think that it's like you have to address. And I talked to my sister at length about this, where it's like until we are not like we, the four of us, and the people who are like, and this girl who's dealing with this problem, until we have taken off the raw edge of it all, we're all still very emotionally raw right now. And we're all very like coming out of a traumatic experience.

And you have to ask yourself, am I in a position to be part of this conversation with my best friend? Am I going to be in a healthy enough mind space that I'm not going to actually screw up what I already believe because I'm so emotional? And so it's like if you can find – Lin-Manuel Miranda says that you need to like eat your vegetables but also like have your dessert too. And so there's like – you kind of need to like find what made you happy before the election and live in that a little bit just that you can normalize yourself so that when you are ready to have bigger conversations that might go one of two ways, you can at least be sure that you are level trip exist in this ignorant, blissful bubble, have fun with your friend, and then later on find out all this stuff, why they think that way. And if you're more curious than angry, like understanding the root of her thoughts. Or maybe it's as simple as like, oh, I just don't like Hillary because this, that, and the other. She doesn't necessarily think that she's like purporting or supporting this specifically racist sexist human. Right. But that's my—

You're saying avoid it altogether on the vacation and then later be like, oh, by the way, I might hate you. Any thoughts? That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It comes down to the question being, should they do it at the beginning of the trip to get it out of the way or do it at the end of the trip?

I think beginning of the trip trumps end of the trip. Trumps? Jake? He said it. I swear to God, Jake. Don't take that word from me. That second, that distant second cousin's, I'm telling you, he's getting his claws in you, Jake. Holy shit. Shit, dude.

The conversion therapy work. I could totally see it either way. I see the value in both strategies. But what would you do if it were you? If it were me, I like to think I would have the courage and the strength to be like, I'm pretty upset with you, and I want to have a great time, but I want you to know

I'm upset because I'm an honest adult, but I probably would never address it. In practice, I would never address it. It's like the swing thing. Every single good thing you do on this trip, you're like, oh, shit. I still have to have a really hard conversation with him at the end of the trip. So you get it out of the way first.

And then New York's such a great distraction, you guys will forget they had the argument. All the pizza. Hopefully. I was going to say pizza, like Lombardi's is a good pizza place to eat. Yeah, yeah, totally. Bleaker Street pizza. And soda!

If at any point an awkward moment arise where maybe you started to dip your toe into politics you can just look at each other and just say pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza lady and the tramp each other so close they just the that's the unity right there uh billy i would have the conversation in advance but i would know what i was going to say on the phone i wouldn't pick like dial her without knowing exactly what I wanted to say. I would just have a plan in mind so that I didn't go off the rails and then I was speaking from an emotional place.

I would want to speak from like, here's how I feel. You were my best friend before this. You'll still be my best friend after this. But that being said, here's how I feel. I don't pass judgment on you because I already have it. Do you have any really close friends

that voted for DJT? Yeah, my best friend. Oh, there you go. The same guy who was ripping phone books and whatever we were talking about earlier. Moving fiat. I thought that guy was cool until now. He doesn't...

You know, I spoke to him immediately after and I was like, dude, this is why I voted for. And I was like, you know, and he has... He like basically grew up in the inner city with like nothing but minorities. Like the inner city portion of my town.

Like he was literally raised by no parents, like Latino neighbors and all these different people. And he works in a union and he doesn't read the news and he just gets this like big mass produced this is what we do in this town and he just doesn't care enough and that's not i like it bit us in the ass but he doesn't care enough to really question authority because like he has his life in place and so as his his best friend, I'm the one outlet. I'm literally the one person who can potentially put a crack in this stone

and just be like, hey, listen, you trust me. I know that. So this is why I vote for this person. Just consider these things. And let me be a person of political advice maybe next time around. If you have questions, maybe it could be me. And I made inroads on a lot of Long island hardheads after the election a lot a lot and so it was like that actually brought me a lot of like calm after the storm which was like okay this is

my personal responsibility it's localized and it's small but i'm a well enough speaker and well respected enough in this community that i've always kind of gone against the grain of what these people do they'll continue to listen to me in some capacity. You should run for office out there, man. Truly. I'm 35. I am 35. You could be president. Being diplomatic without being condescending is a hard line to walk. I don't know how to do it because I have the same impulse as you, Jake, to shame, which is only to shame. Yeah. Exclusively. I want to say to every Trump voter, how dare you? Right, right. So that's my impulse completely. But I also acknowledge the truth that Billy is espousing, which is it's sort of that can reinforce the divide, et cetera, et cetera.

I want Billy on the front lines. I do not want to be out there in the trenches converting people. I want to be huddled up with my people saying, fuck those guys. We need you on our team. We need ride or dies on our team. Make no mistake, Jake. We need an army. Responsibility.

Pardon? What do you think about that nickname? Responsibility? Kind of came out of left field. I wasn't really prepared for a nickname test. Or responsibility. Off the cuff? I hate it.

What do you think? I guess neutral? I guess my answer would be neutral. Neutral is a great starting point. Oh, that's just responsibility. People wouldn't like that. Responsibility. That hate it. What do you think? I guess neutral. I guess my answer would be neutral. Neutral is a great starting point. Oh, that's just responsibility. People wouldn't like that. Responsibility. That's kind of cool.

And then we could shorten it eventually to Billy. To Billy. It's short for responsibility. Or Billy T. Billy T. Williams. Billy T. Williams. All right, cool. That was a fun, real way to end this show.

Why don't you tell us about your podcast really quick in case people want more Billy and Adam. How do they get it? You go to the HeadGum Network. You subscribe on iTunes. The show is called The No Joke Podcast. It's one topic. We have three acts.

They are our past, our current, and our future lives with that topic. Yep. And it is as silly as this episode with you guys is.

It usually goes right off the rails. Yep. Sometimes we have a guest. Sometimes we don't. We've been on the show. I've been on the show. Both of you individually absolutely have. Ben Schwartz did a show.

We had one of the Try Guys from BuzzFeed on recently. Mamrie Hart and Grace Helbig. I listened to the fitness episode which was really great too. Just to hear you two talk about the completely opposite viewpoints of working out that you guys have. Adam, who's never been in a gym.

I once. And Billy, I don't think you've ever left a gym. I'm actually curling during this podcast. Billy taught me about super sets. Do you know about that? Yeah, yeah. My brother taught me about them. Basically doing, instead of rest, you do another set.

So there is no rest. Right. So in between sets, which is when you're supposed to be resting. Don't do that. It's just more. You're doing a harder workout. Yeah. It's like when you're supposed to be resting. Don't do that. It's just boring. You're doing a harder workout. Yeah. It's like when you're done with a meal, just continue eating until your next meal.

Constantly be nibbling on a saltine until you eat lunch. Are you eating enough protein right now? Good question. I don't think. I mean, I had that shake today. That's 50 right there. 50 grams of protein. I have Amir and Ben.

I'm training them five days a week at the gym. Good. And they have committed to the system. Good. I'm two weeks straight days a week at the gym. Good. And they have committed to the system. Good. I'm two weeks straight. Good. No off days. Five days a week in the gym, and they're consuming 100 grams of protein per my request every day.

Very good. Per my request. Very good. Billy told me that he eats a box of pasta a day, which I thought was pretty funny. I know that's true. That is. I know that's true. Usually with a couple of chicken breasts.

That's true. Yeah, yeah. That's true. This is all true. A college freshman diet just forever. Forever. I mean, Michael Ph, yeah. That's true. This is all true. A college freshman diet just forever. Forever. I mean, Michael Phelps did it,

so I'm going to try. 10,000 calorie days. Why not? You're burning it. You're definitely burning it. That's right. Great. So No Joke podcast

on the HeadGum Network. If you have any of your own questions or theme song submissions, the email address for everything, every single thing is at

fireyoushow at gmail.com opening theme song was written by jeremy this closing one is written by david i want to see if he had anything that he wanted me to say about him if you guys wanted to talk about more pizza places to get in new york while i look that up oh you know what i really like a hungover pizza pie from vinnie's uh on bedford and brooklyn but get their weird shit, like the tater tot bacon cheese pizza. Tater tot? They have barbecue chicken cutlet pizza.

So fried chicken on a pizza. But I'm still not mad at the dollar pizza. The place that straight up promotes pizza slices are $1. Yeah, two pizza bros or something like that. Their pizza is pretty rock solid. The entire Alpha and Omega of the New York City pizza culture

is that 14th and 1st, there's artichoke pizza on one side, which is like pretty rock solid yes the entire alpha and omega of the new york city pizza culture is that 14th and first there's artichoke pizza on one side which is like fancy bullshits like barbecue chicken delicious seven dollars a slice right right across the street pizza bros 99 cent you know you know where you find we are the pizza bros everything what was the uh there's these coney island the hot dog places yes no is that not nathan's you're thinking of the place it was on 72nd grace Grace Papaya? Yes. Where are those? Grace Papaya.

Grace Papaya is just like a local New York establishment. Yeah. And I think there's only like two or three left now. They have fries. There's one on 14th and 2nd. Yes.

Yes, that was the second one. But they would have like the $2 special or the $2.50 special where you get two hot dogs and a soda or one of their juices for $2.50.

Why are they going out of business? I know. I know. Did their rent for $2.50 and like any New Yorker. Why are they going out of business? I know, I know. Did their rent go up? On 14th and 2nd? Serving $1 hot dogs? Yeah.

Or pay the landlord in hot dogs. Yeah. All right, so this closing theme song is written by David Nachman who's on SoundCloud. David Nachman with a K. Great.

And two N's at the end. All right. There you have it. Cool. David Nachman, thanks to David and Jeremy. David Nachman's got a neck, man. Great. And two N's at the end. All right. There you have it. Cool. David Nachman, thanks to David and Jeremy. David Nachman's got a knack, man. Nice.

Finish strong, Jake. Finish strong. Hey, Jake and Amir, thank you for having us on your podcast. Dudes, thank you for coming on the show. Thank you very, very much

for having us. We'll be back next week. Later. David Nachman on the track. On the track. On the track. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jake and Amir got a podcast

Email in your questions and they finna put you on blast It's just these coy two Jews, or they might have a guest on Plus they got a bunch of people doing podcasts for HeadGum Worldwide, yeah, they're coming to Australia, bitch Cause that's where Jake is sure to get his genitalia licked Miss Hurwitz, please turn down the podcast Cause that's where Jake is sure to get his genitalia licked. Miss Hurwitz, please turn down the podcast. If I were you, Sean.

If I were you, Sean. If I were you, Sean. The coyest Jews that you know. Yes, dude. They'll help you out. Your predicament shows every Monday. Bitch, we know that you're listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah.