Segments - 257: Netflix and Chill

Episode Date: February 6, 2017

In this episode we discuss Kanye's education, Lindsey Vonn's schedule, and our upcoming HeadGum podcast festival in Austin! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one first stop, one stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning

customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday?

Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday? Interesting.

Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality.

Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z.

So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments.

You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. That life ain't nothing easy Nothing easy No change, what if I helped you out? Hey, from the outside Looking in the show seems blind But they help out the world with their everyday grind Yeah, if I were you I'd play the show, yeah

When I get old, still listen to the show Sitting in the car with the speakers real loud Not a whole bunch of questions Popping in my head Maybe send an email before Okay, okay Justin Gong Calvis is back Back at it again with the Calvis

And this is a parody of a Mac Miller song Life Ain't Easy Mac at it again If you were a rapper You know how every rapper gets to rap about their struggles yeah or they get to brag so like if you came from a pretty good lifestyle like drake his raps are about how he can fuck girls and he has a lot of money like having a bad relationship with his parents or something right but if you're like a rapper who had like a tough childhood,

it's like, oh, look what I came from. I was able to overcome. Mac Miller's is called Life Ain't Easy. He's just saying that life for him isn't entirely easy. Sure. So what would your raps be about? Oh, like what's my struggle? Yeah, what would you be like?

You know what? I did this and now I'm here. Maybe dropping out of college oh that's good yeah so like you'd have an album called college dropout that's a catchy title did anyone do that already which one it's uh kanye west album isn't that high school dropout uh i don't think so dropout rapper um yeah the college dropout where did he go to college Kenyon

he played lacrosse at Johns Hopkins for a season and a half I think he was a Vassar dude he went to a small liberal arts school Kanye was an yeah Kanye was an art history major for three years at Sarah Lawrence.

And he didn't really drop out. He just didn't decide to pursue his double minor. He just didn't walk. Yeah. He totally has a degree. Oh, my God. He's not a college dropout at all. But the album still stands.

Well, he's got that whole album about um breaking his jaw and like wrapping through the wire that's cool wait where did he go to college is it say uh let's see college uh oh man you're really making me search this yeah he went he got a scholarship to attend chicago's american academy of art in 1997 and began taking painting classes, but shortly after- It sounds like we're still doing a bit. Shortly after, transferred to Chicago State University to study English. Yeah. He realized that his busy class schedule was detrimental to his music work and at 20, dropped

out of college to pursue his musical dreams. That's cool. So this is not even that long ago. Like 18 years ago, Kanye West was taking a midterm. Yeah. 19 years ago, Kanye West was taking a midterm. Yeah. 19 years ago, he was painting a picture. This isn't very good. Can you imagine Kanye figuring out how to transfer?

Like calling a registrar at Chicago State, asking which courses sort of carried over because he didn't want to retake math or science? Of course. I've been taking a lot of painting classes is all. which courses sort of carried over because he didn't want to retake math or science of course i've been taking a lot of painting classes is all i think i'm a pretty good rapper but i'm a surrealist as well i need to transfer to study english crap uh all right what is this this is if i were you the only advice podcast on the web uh hosted by us i Amamir. I'm Jake. Wow, just still on Kanye's Wikipedia.

At age 10, he moved to China. China! Nice! Thank you. Let's see what else we can do this with. He was born in Atlanta. No, there's not really any syllables in there I could do with. Georgia.

No. His dad's name was Ha. I'm not saying anything. Oh, fuck. All right, so how does this show work? We get questions. People are in difficult places. They're in sticky situations.

They need our help. I don't blame them. We're really smart. Why not look for us for guidance? I'm a genius. And so we do our best to advise these people out of their sticky situations. Sometimes it's just us two, and today is that case. Oh, yeah, baby.

All right. This one is this question. We got a lot of lady questions today, actually. You know what? You forwarded them all to me, and I'm going in blind. I didn't read them. I was busy. I think these are all for lady questions.

Really? Yeah. The four for four. The four for. Nice. Al Forford. Very good. Thank you. Do you know what team he's on? Ooh. Is it the Hawks? He used to be on the Hawks. That's correct. Ah, shit. He's on the, I don't know,

Boston Celtics now. Oh, that's fun. You hurt your back or something? Is that's on the, I don't know, Boston Celtics now. Oh, that's fun. You hurt your back or something? Is that why? Yeah, I jacked my back and pulled it. I did something weird. I don't know. I was rock climbing, hanging upside down, and reached for something. And then you felt it. Yep, and I felt it. A pinch?

And it hurt. It was more of a pull than a pinch. It was like a, oh, I extended it too far or something. And then? You tweaked it. I tweaked it. I pulled it. I yanked it. I yanked it.

So you know what's in store for you now. You know, it's not as bad as it's been before. I think it's going to be, I think it'll be fine tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then Friday. Let me sit on you. I'm sitting on an ice pack at the moment, but you can sit on me. Let me sit on you. On the ice pack? No, I want me sit on you i'm sitting on an ice pack in a moment but you can let me sit on you on the ice no i want to sit on you on my face i'll sit on your face all right this person writes uh i'm a female in college from canada

yeah uh last year i had relations with a boy school. We both first had sex with each other on an overnight ski trip organized by the school, which was a special trip for both of us. He transferred to a different school at the end of the term, which happens to be the number one party school in the province. Oh yeah, baby! You know it's McGill. It's gotta be McGill! We weren't interested in LDRs, and I didn't want to limit him to a new experience,

so we mutually broke up Two months later he started dating another girl Who goes to my school Which means he's in an LDR Which doesn't make any sense Since we broke up to avoid this fact Here's the actual problem I'm going on a ski trip again this year As part of a planning committee

And he and his new girlfriend Are also going Even though I'm totally over him I don't want to speak with him as part of a planning committee, and he and his new girlfriend are also going. Even though I'm totally over him, I don't want to speak with him or see him and his girlfriend doing the same cute shit we were doing exactly a year ago. We have some similar friends, so it'll be inevitable that I'll have to see slash interact with him and his GF. Bottom line, how do I have a good time on this trip without being annoyed by him or his presence or how happy he is with his new girl?

Is it a bad idea to be drunk four days straight? Should I tell him that I slept with his best friend, which I actually did, to make him feel as angry as I used to? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Todah! Being drunk four days in a row is fine. Is it? It's fine. It seems a lot. It seems fine. I don't think Being drunk four days in a row is fine. Is it? It's fine. It seems a lot.

It seems fine. I don't think I could do four in a row. Back-to-backs are tough. Occasionally you can squeeze a third day, but I don't know if I've ever been drunk drunk four days in a row. It's a lot. When we were in Australia. I don't know if I did four.

I remember there were like, what was that one show that was like, I can't drink anymore? I think it was that one show that was like i can't drink anymore it was i think it was the one of the last show maybe but it was after we had like partied in melbourne for two days yeah and then like i guess we sort of had a night off in adelaide but then we went party to melbourne partied in sydney i need i need a night off i need like four and five uh anyway that's not the question here. Fine, yeah. She used to be mad. She's clearly over it. You used to be mad, but you're still mad too.

What should we call this lady, a 19-year-old from Canada? Lindsay Vaughn. Very cool. I don't know if she's Canadian, but she's at the very least a female skier. Yes, yes. Oh, I'm actually... This is such a fun way to say it. I'm dating Vaughn.

No way. I'm going steady with Lindsay fucking Vaughn. I'm dating Lindsay Vaughn. What are you talking about? I was just with her last night. I was with her two nights ago. She said she couldn't hang out last night because she was going to Netflix and chill with a girl.

She told me she couldn't hang two nights ago she was gonna netflix and chill with you i'm texting her now and she's saying she's due to amazon prime and relax with some other some other babe tonight but she's down to hang out on either monday or tuesday oh holy shit i just texted her and she said she's gonna she's gonna Hulu and hang. Really? With Hulu?

She didn't specify. What the feff? I'm asking her about next week but sure enough she's she's gonna she's gonna

freaking see so and lay in a hammock with her cousin. What the freak is happening to our lives? How many paid services are there?

Vaughn is playing us for some sort of fool. Jesus Christ, she's gonna TNT and T. What's the T part? Have T. What? Have T while she watches TNT. On demand.

She's going to TNT on demand in tea. She has cable now. She's my girlfriend, though, for real. That is really cool, dude. I really like that. That's awesome to hear. What was the... This girl's over it, clearly. No, she's not.

Yeah, not, but... They broke up to avoid an LDR, and then he started dating some other girl at his school. It doesn't matter why you broke up I think once you break up all rules are off like how he lives his life it's going to be his thing you don't need to like

it's not like he said we're not going to be an LDR I'm blanket against all LDRs he obviously found someone that he felt so impassioned by that he's breaking the LDR rule so I don't think there's really any ground to stand on there. So if you're angry, have you ever seen an ex-GF canoodling with a boy?

Ooh, good question. You must have. Or at the very least heard about it. Oh, by the way, I'm dating this person now. Yeah, I've definitely heard about it. I don't know if I've ever- Seen it. I mean, I've like met ex-

This is how little i care about that shit i probably have i have zero recollection of it that's baller yeah i just got a text from von give me your fucking phone dude yeah here we go her schedule for the next month. Day two. YouTube Red. And what? And cryogenically freeze. I guess she's doing some sort of freeze therapy. That's so sick.

Day nine. Yeah, go ahead. Are you ready for this? Yeah, I want to hear it. I'm in complete disbelief. And disregard. Vimeo on demand. And what?

Tanning bed. Really? Yeah. I don't know how she can see it. What about day, what was that? That was day nine or 11? Yeah, I'm just skipping ahead. I'm just seeing other things like that.

Day 15. Day 16. 15, I said. She is going to go to the, she's going to a theater. And what? That's it. That's all it says. She has some sort of, she's going to a theater. And what? That's it. That's all it says. She has some sort of, she's going to an off-Broadway production.

That's awesome, actually. It's cool to support the independent arts. It's all Hamilton this and Book of Mormon that, but it's good every once in a while to see a black box theater and see where the art's really born. Okay. I actually do a little bit of... What I'll do is try to suck my dick on a stage in a bar in St. Mark's. It's mostly karaoke, but I'll go up there. I'll request Bohemian Rhapsody and just attempt to go to town on myself.

One of my sister's first stand-up shows uh was like or a comedy show when she was at nyu it was like a a sketch comedy showcase and also a burlesque show so it would be burlesque performance of course then a sketch yeah then a burlesque performance and then a sketch um and there was and my parents were there there was one performance where a girl dumped a coca-cola on her naked body and was like eating fried chicken and laying on a desk and that was the comedy part and then that was the answer and then another one where a guy was dressed in like a top hat and a beard jumping up and down, like making his dick twirl in circles. Oh, his dick was out. Oh, fully out.

Is that legal? I think it wasn't burlesque. Because I feel like burlesque was about like hiding the actual private. Like tassels and stuff. Yeah, no tassel, just cock. All right, specific questions questions how do i have a good time on this trip without being annoyed by him uh i don't know if you can because it sounds like you're annoyed already right is it a bad idea to be drunk for four days straight not a great

idea but not a bad idea the problem is always fun if you're drunk and mad that'll just amplify the mad right like this seems like it's a recipe for disaster. I guess, yeah. You gotta just stay positive and then you'll be drunk and happy. Should I tell him that I slept with his best friend? I think that's what's gonna happen if you get drunk. Yeah, I would not do that.

She's gonna kill him with whatever the opposite of kindness is. Meanness. Yeah, this is like when they go low, I go low. It's like, should I make him as angry as I am? Yeah. Well, it's funny because you want to make him as angry as you used to be. You claim that you're not angry, but you want to make him as angry as you once were.

Why? But look how many exclamation points and question marks there are. As angry as I did, question mark, exclamation point a lot. Yeah, no, I don't think that's going to happen. You're still mad. You're very mad what i i just hope to god this this new girl is less attractive than you i mean that that's on the outside because i mean on the inside there's almost no chance oh my god can you fucking imagine isn't it the worst when your ex just fully upgrades? This, yeah. I mean.

Tom Brady meets Tom Hiddleston. That'd be awesome. I think this girl just needs, yeah, you just got to chill. You're, you guys broke up. Yeah. So that's fine. And now it's time to move on. And now he's allowed to date whoever you want and so are you.

And you should have forgotten about him. Move on like Lindsey Vonn. Check out LindseyVonn.org. It's a way to combat the current regime with your time, money, effort. Sort of helps you figure that stuff out. LindseyVonn.org? That's right. It's a subsidiary of MoveOn.org.

That's really cool. So there's MoveOn, and then there's LindseyVonn. Why don't we see if LindseyVonn.org is available for our next Squarespace ad? Oh, that's a good idea. Lindseyvon. Oh. You know what? I didn't know.

I've been spelling Lindsey incorrectly my whole life, so maybe I'm dating somebody else. Oh, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, I've been dating a different Von. Lindseyvon.org is being squatted by the same dude that stole JakeHurwitz.com from you. Fucking trying to price gouge me. They keep on dropping the price and it always is just a little more than I'm willing to pay. What are they at now?

$755 or $750, $745. That's nice. $795. I want to see it below $500. And then I'll pounce. Maybe if you just wait so long, your personal stock will also decrease. Yeah, I think that's what's happening. Yeah, I realize that.

JakeHurwitz.com isn't worth as much as Jake Hurwitz used to be. It's directly tied to my net worth. Which means as it gets lower, you also can't afford it. Very nice. Very true. All right. But that's enough. Very nice. Very true. All right. But that's enough. What?

That's enough. Okay. I don't want to have you attacking me where my wallet is anymore. I was just joking. Yeah. It was pretty funny, but not funny enough. All right. Sorry about that.

So why don't you just take a chill pill and relax. So we got another question. Hey, fuck you, man. What? How do I make him as mad as I am? Another question from another woman. Ooh. Well, and this lady's a 26-year-old girl who hooked up with a guy on New Year's.

Hi, I'm a 26-year-old girl, and a year ago on New Year's, I met this dime of a guy while vacationing in the Bahamas with my friend's family. Bahamaman, yeah, man. We ended up hooking up on the roof of a hotel, and I have to say, it was some of the best sex I've ever had. Roof sex? Yeah, dude. He lives in Chicago, as does my older sister, so we made a point to meet up the next time I was there visiting, which it was last August. Again, great sex, great time, and I would definitely be down to do it again.

In fact, he wanted to meet up again that weekend, but our schedules didn't match up. He had family visiting. In November, I decided to reach out via text because, hey, why not? After a little texting back and forth, I told him I wanted to see him again. His response? Radio silence. Between now and then, he has liked some of my Instagram pictures,

but we haven't texted at all. I decided to let it go for the time being, but recently I just booked a trip to Chicago to visit my sister this President's Day. If you were me, would you A. text this guy and let him know I

were coming? If so, when? I'm getting there on February 17th. Or two, or B, forget him and don't text him. Even though the sex was really good. And my last text to him was, I want to see you again. And he did not respond. I'm not looking for anything serious with this guy. I just want to do me and frankly do him at the same time. I'd love to hear your guys' perspective on this and would appreciate at Jake's texting advice as well. Todah, love, hope solo. Oh, good.

Because she's hoping, but she's solo. Oh, very good. Hopeful solo. What do you think? The non-response is cold. It's cold and it's coy. Well, this guy is in Chicago. What do you expect for a boy?

Very good. I feel like even if I wasn't interested, I would have a hard time straight up not responding to that text. I want to see you. Didn't she say they were dwindling anyway? They weren't talking as much responding to that text. I want to see you. Didn't she say they were like dwindling anyway? Like they weren't talking as much. I know, but I want to see you again. It needs to elicit something from someone who doesn't even live in your city. Or is that the exact kind of text that he didn't want to see? Yeah.

He didn't respond. So that's correct. That makes plenty of sense to me. Guys are like- He's like down to be polite, polite, push like, you know, he's pushing the food around on his plate. Yeah. It's like he doesn't have to eat it. And then all of a sudden you like took a huge scoop and tried to put it in his mouth. And that was finally when he had to be like, I'm not hungry. I equate it to like being an emotional cat.

So, you know, cats are very skittish. Like if you make a big noise, they'll scurry about. Yeah. But instead of a big noise, you made an emotional move. It's like, oh, I can be flirty, I can be sexy, I can keep it light and casual. And then it's like, I really want to see you again. But that is, I mean, I don't, I do agree with her thoughts. Like, that's not, that's more flirty than, like, needy, you know?

Yeah, it's not like, hey, I'm thinking ofirty than like needy you know yeah it's not like hey i'm thinking of booking a trip to see you yeah totally it's just like i want to like i have a desire to be with you that being said i think the safest thing to do is especially if he's liked your instagram photos no text at all but you post a picture as soon as you get to Chicago. Oh. Geotag that shit. I play that game all the time. Yeah.

I mean, a lot of, like, that's a good example of, like, it's kind of like fishing. It's like, I post this thing, and it's sort of like, you throw, oh, you're bleeding. Yeah. You're bleeding. Uh-huh. Is that okay? That's fine. You're bleeding, though?

Yeah, I'm bleeding. Yeah, a little bit above your elbow. My body's falling apart. Got it. It's completely falling apart. I'm dying. Yeah. You're bleeding. Uh-huh. Is that okay? That's fine. You're bleeding though? Yeah, I'm bleeding. Yeah, a little bit above your elbow. My body's falling apart. Got it. It's completely falling apart. I'm dying. Yeah. Posting like this thing to social media, and I guess in general I've noticed recently,

it's kind of like chumming the water. You throw bread into the ocean. Oh, yeah. And then it's like, ooh, let's see who bites. Like, hey world, I'm in Chicago. All right, let's see who bites. Who's in Chicago that wants to see me? So it's a passive way of making yourself available to him yeah uh i almost guarantee he's gonna reach out really yeah interesting because i would think maybe the non-response uh means he's

with somebody else and it's like oh i can't i don't want this other person to see that's possible but i think that's why the Instagram post is perfect because you're not like putting yourself out on the line more than you need to be. And you know that he's following you on Instagram, that he's seeing your shit. That's true. But here's a counterpoint.

What does she have to lose by texting? If he's into it, yeah. But if he's into it, there's a chance that the Instagram post is not enough to draw him out, whereas a text would. You sort of have to meet him a little bit more than halfway. And there's not a downside. Well, the downside is that you look a little desperate. Not that that really matters because I don't really believe in it. But I think the bigger downside is she sends that text.

She sees, you know, the last text is, I want to see you, no response. The next text is, I'm coming to Chicago in the middle of February. Are you around? Right. No response. And then it's just like too big of a blow to your ego. Right. That like sort of sinks its teeth into you and you're gonna

yeah think about it too much i would rather ruin your weekend i'd rather not try because that means i could fail and if you post the picture he doesn't respond it's like oh i barely even tried so that i'm fine that he didn't but i and i wouldn't even recommend it if i didn't think that they were gonna net the exact same response and i think that he's just as likely to respond. Like if he's going to respond to a, Hey, I'm in Chicago text, he'll also text you based entirely on the Instagram post. What do you think of a little bit of both? You post the Instagram, give it a day. And if not, you can text him, Hey, by the way, I'm in Chicago. No way. That's even worse. That's even, yeah, that's even more desperate, but that that's that's assuming that like the instagram post was for him yeah but i mean you know this is it's all about what you

know in your heart but but he doesn't know he does his heart sure but like then you've i mean it just sets you up for even worse failure of i posted on i went fishing didn't catch anything then i jumped in the water and tried to wrap my legs around a shark and it didn't, and then he got away. Where is that fricking salmon? I'll tell you, I'll tell you what the middle ground is to me. Okay. No Instagram posts.

Oh. If you're, if you're wanting to take a bigger swing of the bat. DM? No Instagram. No DM either. Just a straight text. Just like, just like you're saying, but no no but dave you get to chicago oh like by the way i'm here yeah no like let's play hi i'm going to be there next week let's plan to hang

out because that's the kind of thing that we people get scared of commitment emotional scaredy cat yeah i don't like knowing that i don't like the idea of somebody coming to town for any reason that is going to set aside a night for me. Right. Nuh-uh. Too much pressure. Pressure. Stress. But, you know, night of, you're out having a couple drinks. You say, hey, I'm in Chicago. Oh, wow. Interesting.

Where? And then, boom. Yeah. Keep it casual. Keep it light. Keep it superficial. No planning. Day of.

So now that you have the full 2020 vision of this full discussion, you still suggest the Instagram post or do you suggest the text? Okay, now you're bleeding. Wow, there's just a lot of blood coming out of your elbow and your teeth are starting to rattle. That makes sense. Check this out. If I shake them around, it's like a maraca.

Yeah. I still say Instagram post is what I would do. Got it. All right. And I'll say text. And you can decide. Night of or before? Night of.

All right. The night of on HBO is what Lindsey Vonn is watching later tonight. All right. Let's take a break. We'll thank a few more peeps. We'll be back. It's going to be fine, you guys. It's going to be fun, actually.

Adios. We're going to make jokes and stuff. You're going to love it. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. Exactly. dot fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey that's right so if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online now is your chance to make your voice heard folks take this

survey and we will read the results it's g-u-m dot fm slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people yeah you do thank you to draft kings for sponsoring this episode of our show hey yo draft kings the nfl is back that's correct and the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats i want to know which whiteout scored more than two tutties which qb threw for less than 350 yards and if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff then you should play pick six from draft kings which is an official daily fantasy partner of the nfl wow so if you like watching football and it sounds like you do i do yeah i do a lot

this this can really heighten your joy that's right i grew up a raiders fan and now i'm just a fan of the league in general but i still have a fan of gambling enough yes you're a fan of gambling yes and i do have an affinity for the silver and black so if you like football as much as me which is not likely because i do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback uh does in a cover two defense or like do you know what a play action pass is like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i basically know run and hail mary you actually know both of those yeah running is when you run and then hail mary is when you chuck it right damn i think you should download the draft kings pick six apps select between two and six players

for you to put some money on you select between two and six players. I have a sure thing for you to put some money on. You select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat. It's that simple. And for all first-time Pick 6 players, check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in Pick 6 credits. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings Pick 6 app now and use code SEGMENTS.

That's code SEGMENTS for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits only on DraftKings Pick 6. The crown is yours. There you go. Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say,

gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.oregonconnecticut. Must be 18 plus. Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions. Pick 6 is not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited.

One per new customer. Non-withdrawable Pick 6 credits. Expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash... Right. Promos. There it is.

Thanks, DraftKings. Welcome back. Hola. Now I'm lying down, so things are feeling a lot better. I just want to make sure you're not getting any of the blood on the couch because I see your right elbow sort of touching the pillow there. Yeah, well, I know where I'm bleeding from. And it's also, it's kind of congealing, so it's not really dripping anymore.

You're coagulating. That's nice. How did you start bleeding, I'm wondering? I'm not entirely sure. Uh-huh. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. And then the bruise on your arm.

I see a bruise on the other side right there. Right there? Yeah. Did you see the one up here? Did you see know. Yeah. And then the bruise on your arm. I see a bruise on the other side right there. Right there? Yeah. Did you see the one up here? Did you see that? Yeah. How is that? You're bigger, right?

Are you anemic or something? You hit your shoulder? You know, I'm not sure. I don't know. Hey, somebody, you would tell me if someone was like, someone was hitting you, right? I don't think I it's somebody you would tell me if someone was like uh someone was hitting you right i don't think i would tell you but nobody probably keep that a secret but yeah i won't be i tell anybody like if marty was

yeah i saw him raise his voice at you earlier and you sort of squinted you hesitated like he was gonna strike you like he has before right huh. Like he has before. Right. Huh, interesting. Oh, he has before? No, I didn't say that. I wouldn't say that, and I haven't. And he would hate it if I did. So we can cut this part out if you really don't feel comfortable. Great.

That was so quick. I think it's from climbing. Yeah, man. Small price to pay. Well, I hurt my back like 10 minutes into my session this morning. So, you know, that was a little rough. It's February, that's why. What happens in February?

Just your one month resolution is now kicked into overdrive. You're not spilling it to the second month. Oh, so it's like- And maybe your body's not physically ready for that yet. So like the idea of getting ripped, my body is sort of just like, hey, that's enough. Yeah. Now I'm going to rip your skin. Okay.

Now your back hurts for three days, buddy. Why don't you take a time out? How about trying to work me out again? And I'll make sure your fucking legs hurt too. This time don't go so strong. How's your home? The home is, it is coming. Would you say is it a sweet home?

It is a sweet home. Uh, mamma jamma. What's that? Sweet home mamma jamma. Okay. Cause I don't live in Alabama. Of course. So we call it the sweet home mamma jamma.

I see. I did see that weird welcome mat that you had. $2,000 on Etsy. It just said mam jam though. Do you think anybody would get that? Well, that's what happens when you buy a discount $2,000 on Etsy. It just said Mam Jam, though. Do you think anybody would get that? Well, that's what happens when you buy a discount $2,000 mat. A discount? They're usually five.

Oh, no. I'm doing the last upgrade to the house of changing my water system. Oh. The water is getting an improvement. It was getting hard in here. So soft in all your water. I am getting so full. I'm going to take the tank out.

I got calcium deposits in my sink. I'm just kidding like Jason. So I'm removing the big water tank. I'm going gonna go tankless It's better for the environment, better for my water bill And then I'm also getting a Soft water filtration system Because my water is

Hard And it's not fun To have hard water You know what I just recently found out? The average American, because I'm starting to pay Like you, for water for the first time in my life. I don't know how much water I use. I assumed it was like a couple gallons a day. Seems like a lot.

Yep. And I had used thousands of gallons since I moved in. And I was like, how much does the average human use? And it turns out every house, on average, uses 100 gallons of water per person per day. Wow. 100 gallons. And I said, how can that be? 100 gallons.

I think of like a five-gallon thing of water is more than enough. Some more searching. Toilets use three to five gallons every flush. A sink running uses a couple gallons every minute. A shower can use up to 15 gallons for like a 10 minute shower it still doesn't get you up to 100 the rest is water you consume so you're drinking gallons and gallons 70 gallons of water a day sprinklers another i turned mine off you didn't turn yours off for this month i just figured out how to do it jesus christ man it has rained more in la this in january than it did all of last year yeah but

this is the the hard thing about home ownership nobody tells like sometimes you get like a message from your landlord that's like hey don't use as much water or something but you know fuck it i'm my own landlord so let's make this mud wet. Yeah. And then there's the last bit of designing, which is buying shit like we bought from the citizenry. Yes. We're talking about high quality pillows and stuff. Yeah, when he said shit, it was just a metaphor.

For stuff. Yeah. Do you want to tell people about the citizenry yeah so i uh i fell in love with the citizenry's stuff and then i shamelessly emailed them and i told them that me and amir were social media influencers this is not just you sent uh posting a picture on instagram you you you texted them yeah yeah i sent them a late night text. They were thirsty. But they were down to work with us. And I was excited because the citizenry is not, they don't only just have beautiful stuff. They're also socially conscious.

They are a socially conscious home decor startup. And they combine modern design with time-tested craftsmanship from all over the globe. So what's the deal? How can we, how do we promote them while still giving our listeners something special? Yeah, that's the most important part. So what we are doing is we partnered with them. We got some really awesome stuff for our houses. Yeah, high quality.

I never thought I'd say this, but really nice, high quality pillows. That's how you know we're in our 30s. We actually care about the quality of our throw pillows now. And they've got some really beautiful stuff. So we thought, what better way to tell you guys about the citizenry than by starting a giveaway with one of their really awesome Palermo Tripolina chairs. So how do you enter to win a chair? You go to thecitizenry.com. With a hyphen in the middle?

Yep. Not where you think. It's in between literally every other letter. No, the-citizenry.com. You buy literally anything. And they've got, like we we said amazing pillows uh lots of cool accessories for your house throw blankets uh they specialize in these butterfly chairs from argentina but they've also got oversized lumbar pillows from mexico palm leaf baskets from uganda

everything they do is uh they work with different artisans from all around the globe 10 goes directly back to the artisan communities. So buy anything, anything you want from there. You enter the coupon code GIVEAWAY, you get free shipping, and it automatically enters you in this contest where we are going to help them give away a really beautiful chair.

So if you go to thecitizenry, the-citizenry.com, check out their stuff. If high-quality pillows tickles your fancy, if that really just draws your interest, then you'll really like thecitizenry.com. You buy something, put the gift code giveaway, and that gives you free shipping on the item. And then you're entered to win a free chair. Yeah. I mean, before you even check out anything, just go to the citizenry and look at the Palermo Tripolina chair. You fall in love with that. And this is not like a one in a million shot.

I mean, there's not going to be a ton of people buying stuff from the citizenry using this coupon code. Yeah, there's not a million people that listen to our podcast. So you actually have a chance to win this chair, which has like a $700 value. So we'll tell people who won in about a week or two on a podcast episode. Yeah. But enough about pillows. Let's talk about my rugs.

Area rugs. Area rugs. It is crazy how when you buy a house, you care so much more about what is inside of it. Yeah. And then the last thing you have to care about is art. How do I know? I've been asking people's advice about what furniture to buy.

They don't know what kind of art I like. I have to actually make that decision. Yeah. So I'm putting up a Conan O'Brien Got Milk poster with poster putty. They're not even sponsoring this, but I use Framebridge, and it's great. You should do that. Yeah, you can just frame. Literally any image that you like, and then you can have it professionally framed high-res photos what if you

think what if i decorate my house in like the theme is like seventh grade poster chic so it's like a poster that i had of like conan o'brien and a got milk ad and then like a pull out uh sort of butter bean the fat uh boxer guy were you a butter bean fan yeah i had his poster up or like a lakers poster or like a pennant uh uh los angeles raiders pennant so like the whole the whole house is decorated like it was i decorated it but in 1996 a ferrari poster yeah ferr on a sunset. Maybe a hot chick holding a beer. Yeah. Or a hot dude holding a soup.

Or an ugly guy with a stick. Yeah. Or three guys. One is fine, two are pretty hot, and they're all holding different glasses of fruit punch. Minute Maid fruit punch from fucking Concentrate concentrate one has like a picture of this shit you're selling these posters if you want my minute made fruit punch picture

poster set go to minute made fruit punch picture poster set.org it's a non-profit this blood's gone what this blood's totally good that's gonna be a scab now. And what do you have to show for your shit, Blumenfeld? You haven't scabbed in a minute. Do you work out at the gym this morning? Yeah. So Billy, who's been training me, as you know, as we've talked about on the show,

we're doing something called Mass Week this week, which is where we do heavyweights, less reps, but we start at what the heaviest weight we can do is. Wow. So like, let's say last time when we did the bench press, I ended up at 135. Do you remember that stuff or does Billy?

He remembers it too, but I remember it because it was 45s on each side. Right. He's like, let's start there and see if you can do six and then go heavier and see if you can do four and then go heavier and see if you can do one or two. And could you? He was really nice. Billy is very optimistic. He's like, I think you could do 225.

I'm like, I can't do 220. I barely put up 135. I can't do 225. That's so much weight. He's like, well, let's just add a little bit more. Add a little bit more. So I went from 135, then we added 10, and I tried 155, and I could barely do any.

And he's like, I think let's try to put on 185, because that's the NBA combine weight. When college basketball players are auditioning for the NBA, one of their statistics is how many times can you bench press 185? That shows how strong you are. Just to put it in perspective, Kevin Durant couldn't do any, and that was considered a huge knock on him, and he wasn't taken number one. People think because, oh, he's not going to be strong enough to play in the NBA. So I put up 185, and Billy helped me lift it off the rack. And then as I lower it down, it's too heavy. It's going to crush me.

And it starts lowering it down to me. I'm like, I need help. He's there to spot me. He's like, you can do it. You can do it. And I'm pushing back up. And I know he's helping me up. But he's saying that he's not helping.

He's like, see, I told you, dude, 185. And I have to just sort of smile. I don't want to disappoint him to disappoint me. But I know he helped me. That's really funny. But I bench pressed 185 disappoint him to disappoint me, but I know he helped me. That's really funny. But I bench pressed 185. According to Billy. According to Billy, which is good enough for me.

Me and Billy did it together. The one set of footsteps next to the bench press is when he was lifting for me. Do you feel your body changing? Yeah, I feel a little stronger. Do you notice it, aside from feeling it, I mean? Do you see it in the mirror? Yeah, I see it in the mirror. Unfortunately, I'm never going to take any topless photos,

unless, if you go to thecitizenry.com, there's a poster giveaway. Alright, let's try to answer some more questions for Christ's sake. And Christ is sake. And sake is Christ. Excuse me? Nothing. Oh, another lady.

All right. Shoot, I'm in my fourth year of university. Let's call this lady Alison Felix, I guess. For whatever reason, we're on an Olympian kick. You are, dude. I'm fucking over that shit. I'm looking forward to the Winter Olympics.

I guess that's why you said Lindsey Vonn. I hate the Olympics. I love the Winter Olympics. The Olympics are great. So I'm in my fourth year of university, and I just met this guy who turns out is now living with my close friends that we party with and have classes with, so we are constantly hanging out together. I really like this new roommate, and I have been

told by multiple of my friends, girls who I live with and guys who he lives with, that he likes me too. However, he has yet to make a move other than dancing with me. This is when the situation became fucked up though, because I was hanging out with him the other night at a bar, and all of a sudden a girl came up to him, and they went to go dance, and they ended up going home together. Next time he comes to my house, because we have the same friend group for pre-drinks, with a hickey on his neck. He doesn't mention it, and once he becomes drunk enough, he starts trying to dance with me at the bar again. Huh. Apparently, he told my guy friend that he thinks he fucked it up with me and that he was going to apologize, but no apologies were made. But I danced with him anyway, and he attempted to come home with me. I really want this to be something more, but is he just a fuck boy? Also, even though he quote likes me and

is not a shy guy, why won't he try to talk or hang out with me outside of the group? I'm not into just sleeping around, especially with someone who I'll have to constantly see around. Do I say fuck it and move on to someone else or give him a shot? I don't have very good luck with guys. Is it me? I'm pretty sure my family's beginning to think I'm a lesbian because I never bring guys home home what would you do if you were my situation the family means like bring guys home back to the family house for dinner right not like bring guys home back to get fucked that makes sense because i also read it as the dad's waiting up he's like jesus you're not bringing any dudes over to hook up why aren't you getting laid it's college it's 2 a.m fuck cool dad awesome dad actually i guess if that's the dad that's not

cool dude bad dad i think cool dad is like i want you to have fun but be safe i don't want to know yeah do your thing um weird dad your dad is like huh i want to see the guy you're fucking yeah and i want to hear about it. What about uncle? Same as dad or halfway away? I guess even worse if that's the uncle. Yeah. I want to see the guys.

Sheesh, Luis. So about this guy. It seems to me that he's shy. He doesn't want to make a move. So he does the dancing thing, which I can relate to. I often just dance instead of go up to talk to people. So he was dancing. He liked this girl, and then a cute girl came to dance with him,

and then he just went for it because when you're dancing and drunk and a girl goes for it, you're not going to say no. But then you heard that he felt bad that he fucked things up with you, so maybe he does kind of like you. I mean, it depends because he could be a shy guy yeah and like and do the dancing thing because that's totally true that's what you do right yeah and if there's and if one girl you're dancing and she's like i want to go home with you let's go right now you'd be like oh sure yeah right i'm not gonna stop it yeah but then like

if it was if it was somebody else and she wants to just dance and get to know you you'd do that too right it sounds like this girl maybe just got scooped by someone that was a little thirstier Then, like, if it was somebody else and she wants to just dance and get to know you, you'd do that, too. Right. It sounds like this girl maybe just got scooped by someone that was a little thirstier. Right, who went for it. Yeah. It's like, it's this guy's move to dance, and it sounds like it worked too well on this other girl. But she's not into just sleeping around. So if she doesn't want to just sleep around.

I mean, I don't think you can judge what this guy wants to do based on one person that he went home with right uh it's always fine like people it's it's hard for people to just reject like a one-night stand if it's given to them like that right especially if you're drunk yeah would you say one girl does not a fuck boy make oh that's kind of cool uh yeah i was thinking of i do say that and i did coin that one girl does not a fuckboy make. Ooh, that's kind of cool. Because I was thinking of getting that. I do say that, and I did coin that. One girl does not a fuckboy make. I said it. I said it too.

I said it first. Yeah, but you said it because you were like, would you say one girl does not a fuckboy make? And I would say that, and I do say that. I have said that now, and I coined it. What the fuck is happening to me? I'm getting scooped. T-shirts.

I'm getting... T-shirts, newspaper, posters. It's all fair game because it's all happening. And I got the goddamn thing embroidered. I got it fucking embroidered on a fucking quilt. And a coin. I got it on a coin. I got it embossed on a fucking embroidered embossed engraved

and dosed and in dos i'm using microsoft dos dos do we trust c dos in dos in dos me Das May. That's good. So it's a German rage band loading up an old game on a PC that didn't have Windows yet. So it's C, C-DOS, C-DOS Run. Leisure Suit Larry 2. I think that you can still move forward with this dude, not worrying about the one night stand thing and hope that it doesn't really mean anything. But I wouldn't write him off, but I also wouldn't be like, hey, throw caution to the wind. It's all going to be fine. I'm like, be skeptical, but proceed with caution. Tread lightly, fucker.

Yeah. It's hard because you want to just have a serious conversation, but that scares the person away. It's like this weird catch-22. Of course, you fucking danced with this guy twice. You can't have a serious conversation and be like, I really want this to be a serious... I don't just fuck people.

We're going to be fucking married, dude. I swear we're at the very least fianced. He very well might just be like oh well cool i'm i just wanted to dance so you just like drake shit uh straight up to my drake nice we're going to australia we never mentioned it in this episode but we are going to australia i mentioned australia generally in the beginning we're going to melbourne we're going to sydney we're going to dance we're going to be like this guy uh we're going to be hanging out we are going to Australia. I mentioned Australia generally in the beginning. We're going to Melbourne. We're going to Sydney. We're going to dance. We're going to be like this guy.

We're going to be hanging out. We're going to be... We're going to be like this guy, but dancing with each other. Did you know I had Vegemite the other day? And? Still holds up. Got into character? I love it.

But if you don't live in Australia and you don't live in Melbourne and Sydney, but you do live in Austin, we're also doing a HeadGum Comedy Festival there. Damn. An entire day of shows. And it's not just us that's performing, but perhaps some of your other favorite HeadGum podcasts. We're doing a show with Black Men Can't Jump. Twinnovation, those boys will be there.

High and Mighty, Gabrus will be there. Those Twinnovation boys will be there if Jeff and Dave bought their plane tickets. Which they have not. I'm sure they have not. But they're on the billboard. I don't see a world... We have billboard. I don't see a world. We have promised them.

I don't see a world where they don't fly into Phoenix two days early and then take a bus. Yeah. That's probably going to happen. Who Weekly, one of our newest, awesomest podcasts, will be there live? This is why your single will be there live. The Complete Guide to Everything, another new Hedgum show, will be there live. All these podcasters are going to be there hanging out at the North Door in Austin

on Saturday, March 11th. Tickets still available to that at ifireyoushow.com. We're also going to Tempe and Denver, Honolulu. Guys, if you live in any of these cities and you want to hang out with us, go to jacobandamir.com

or ifireyoushow.com and buy some tickets. Yes, please. These are going to be fun shows. I don't know.com and buy some tickets. Yes, please. These are going to be fun shows. I don't know. We've had fun today. I don't want to ruin it. I don't want to ruin our fun.

Let's just stay in this little cocoon we built up here. I'm scared. I actually have to piss really bad. Okay, why don't you go piss? I wanted to tell everyone that after this episode ends, we're going to play a clip

from a new HeadGum podcast. I'm peeing. Okay, you are're like yourself uh i'm oh it hurts this is a new head gun podcast but they have nearly 300 episodes it's a pretty popular show and we're happy to have we hate movies uh yeah dude that's awesome i love that show on the network uh four funny guys andrew steve and eric and chris uh four funny new york comedians talk about terrible movies if you're a cinephile or if you're the type of person that watches bad movies because you like them just as much as good movies can't recommend we hate movies enough we're going to play a clip after the closing theme song to this episode just to whet your appetite so if you like what you hear you can go to headgum.com and find We Hate Movies or whmpodcast.com

and listen to more of that if you need some more podcast content in your life let's say you still have some more dishes to watch or a commute to take that's correct we highly recommend We Hate Movies now on the HeadGum Network

now we have somebody visiting the office I can hear them why don't you guys say hi to them? Well, see, that's the thing. I have to pee so bad. So what do you get? What's the plan here? I say, hello, how are you guys?

I'm sorry, excuse me, I have to pee. Yeah. Sorry, I really have to pee. Ha ha, and then they're going to laugh. Yeah, but then they're laughing at me. So what if I do a little like, ha, hey, how are you guys? Sorry, one second, I've got to urinate. That's a little more serious.

It's a little more clinical. Or if you just start pissing yourself. Sorry, I get excited when I meet awesome guests in our studio. What if I go down and I'm like, hey, how's it going, guys? Excuse me. I have to take a call. And then I go to the bathroom. They don't know that that's not an office yet.

And then they're like, can I go to the bathroom? And I'm like, yeah, that's where Jake took that call earlier. That's fine. Yeah. And the call earlier, that was just me pissing myself. I'm going to practice. Hey, how are you guys? You know what?

Excuse me. You're taking so much time. I've got to make a call. Opening theme song was Justin Congalvis. This closing one was written by Jack Casey, who has a SoundCloud page, Gray Incognito. That's pretty fun. So if you like this stuff,

go to... It's also sad because I have to limp down the stairs in front of these guests. So... Do you want me to go down with you?

I want you to go down first and say, I have to piss. Run interference. And I'm sorry, but I have to pee-pee and Jake's going to go first. Not that he does,

but it just works out that way. There's a fucking phone booth in there and he has a call. Yeah, I have to break his seal, if that makes sense. All right, thanks to you guys for listening. We threw a lot of shit at you this episode.

We appreciate you listening. We'll be back next Monday. Toda! Bye. This is a podcast called If I Were You. Turn this shit up. It's what you should do. If I Were You show at gmail.com don't get your advice from your

fucking mom i would blow amir and i would blow jake i'm not kidding they're just really cool this is if i were you This is If I Were You. Basically, like, you know, Spock is just like, I don't understand. Why are we eating beans? And, like, it's just like, I'm going to toast a marshmallow in a space pod. It's like, okay, great. You know what? I didn't get enough concessions at the concession stand, clearly.

This is the time for me to go back for the fucking milk short. You know what? Call me when we get to outer space. This is like Bones being like, what do you do after you roast the marshmallow? And Spock's like, I consume it. This is some, this is riveting stuff. The marshmallow becomes

a part of me. Yeah, this lasts way too long. And then we start, well, we gotta sing old, old, old folksy camp songs, don't we, Jim? Jim Boyer. Sing a rat and shit. It was like,

singing camp songs around a fire. I haven't done that since I was a boy in Iowa. Rollin', rollin', rollin'. Keep those doggies. Oh, I thought you were doing Limp Bizkit. So did I. That would make sense. They would do Limp Bizkit. I did it all That would make sense. They would do Limp Bizkit.

I did it all for the Nookies. What? The Nookie. The Nookie. The Nookie. Come on, Spock. Join in. I might break your fucking face tonight.

Give me something to break, Captain. All in together now. Spock, we're on shore leave. You can call me Jim. Jim, it's just one of those days when you don't want to wake up. Everybody sucks, Jim. It's an Earth song, you green-blooded Vulcan.

You sing it. Slim Biscuit. It's classic. I'm feeling like a freak on a leash. Jim, that's corn. Here we are in Durst Park. Named after President Durst.

They renamed Yosemite National Park to Durst National Park. After Senator Durst National Park. After Senator Durst. Senator, then became president. Absolutely, yeah. Resigned in disgrace, but by today's standards, it's fine.

Here we are sleeping alongside the banks of the chocolate starfish lake. About to pop a cold can of hot dog flavored water alongside this campfire. I really wish I knew more of Limp Bizkit's songs. New metal is illogical. It sure is, B-Boy. So they start singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat, which is the only song they could afford, I guess. That's what I want 70-year-old dudes to be singing in my movie because it costs absolutely nothing but this is a fucking star trek movie man you can't find some some scratch for music licensing isn't all but isn't all aren't those songs all on the registry like

the national registry i would think at this point oh of songs that you just can do. Yeah, I mean, but even still, license a song. Any song. You know what, though? Here's another thing, Chris. Here's a tip. This movie takes place in the 24th century. How about just making shit up? That would also be nice.

That was a HeadGum Podcast. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only.