Segments - 260: Lightning Round

Episode Date: February 27, 2017

In this episode we discuss Hawaii, McDonalds, and how to flirt with a one-armed beauty. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken.

Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. So this guy's looking at porn while his girlfriend blows him? That's what that Beatles song is about. Close your eyes and I'll picture a girl fucking fixtures. Close your eyes and I'll picture a girl fucking fixtures.

Remember, I'll always be true. And then while you blow away, please just look the other way. I'm just watching some porn to get on. Your simulation's just not enough for me. I need pictures And videos You see Yeah Ho ho

That was Tony With a Beatles cover Based on Uh Improvised song We made Uh

About All My Lovin' Parody of All My Lovin' Theirs was better His SoundCloud is Acoustic Musings Soundcloud. SoundCloud is Acoustic Musings. Soundcloud.com slash Acoustic Musings. That's smart. I like that.

Tony and Kevin. So thanks, guys. That was one of my favorites. Kudos and congrats. And congratulations and mazel tov to you and yours. Tell your parents congratulations. Kudos, congrats. Cool.

To you. Kids. And yours. And yours. Absolutely to. To your kids. And yours. And yours. Absolutely to yours as well. Mostly to yours. Yeah, definitely. So we're in the office right now.

Our internet's out. Yes. When the internet goes down at an internet company, you are- Lose your fucking mind. Yeah, brother. That being said, we thought it would be fun to do kind of a new format of the show. You know, this is episode 260 at this point. We might as well try to keep things fresh.

Might as well change it up once in a blue moon. Once every couple years. What if instead of looking for questions and answering them like we usually do, why don't we ask people on Twitter for little rapid-fire questions, a little lightning round. Correctamundo. So we tweeted us your rapid-fire questions. So these are questions that you can fit in a tweet. So they're quick and easy.

Painless, really. Right. Popcorn-style questions. Yeah, so should we just fucking get into it? Let's run it down, dude. Let's just see what happens. How should I go? Should I go in reverse?

There's a lot of tweets right here. Yeah, I was just looking at the top. Why don't we just go, you want to start from the bottom and I'll start from the top? Okay, and we'll meet in the middle and kiss. Well, what? It's called Lady and the Tramping It.

Yeah, but we don't have to kiss. Well, we don't have to kiss. We would just meet in the middle and kiss. Well, what? It's called Lady and the Tramping It. Yeah, but we don't have to kiss. Well, we don't have to kiss. We would just meet in the middle and not kiss. Yeah, I guess we could do that. I think we're going to end up Frenching. I don't know about that. I really think we'll French. I think I know what you want to do.

I don't even want to answer the question. I'm down to just neck. I thought about that recently um like remember in basketball when trey parker and matt stone french kissed each other oh yeah to psych someone out yeah or no it was i thought it was just the end of like their their like conflict was resolved and they made out and it was just like a funny weird like throwaway joke oh interesting maybe maybe it was too i don't remember enough to say yes anyway but like those another. Anyway, but like those two writer-creators wrote into a script, and it was really funny where they just French kissed each other.

Did you know they didn't write that movie? Oh, really? Yeah. But either way, would we make out? Would we have the fucking balls or the gall? The galls or the balls? The galls or the balls to make that calls. I think it would have to be...

Like, it wouldn't just be a silly... We wouldn't do it for a HeadGum video. Yeah, it wouldn't just be a silly we wouldn't do it for a head gum video yeah it wouldn't just be like a silly gay joke I think it would have to be really earned like if we wrote something dark where two girls held us at gunpoint and forced us to make out oh cause like girls are like everybody thought it was so hot for girls to kiss for so long

like a horror movie yeah or like a really dark comedy. So, but I guess I was also thinking about, like, would you do it for like a really small indie movie that not a lot of people were going to see? Or would you want to be doing it like big budget? We're making a lot of money. This is a real opportunity.

I think I would only do it if we came up with the premise. Like, I don't think I would do it for somebody else's movie. Oh, okay. Like for a Subaru commercial you would have to sell out? Yeah, for like a branded content deal. Where like we're on the road because of some company and then they also want us to make out for a Facebook movie. We kissed on the lips for like a college humor.

Anyway, this is getting off the topic. That was my Twitter question. Would you ever French me for cash? How much cash? And would it have to be creatively fulfilling? All right, here we go. Question from the bottom. I'm a graduate...

Oh, Zeggy. Young Zeggy writes, Zeggy, I'm a graduate student and I haven't done much work in the last two days. Should I go to my department's happy hour now anyway? Hmm. Graduate student, he hasn't done work. Should he go to a happy hour? Sure.

Yeah. I feel like he should just go to the happy hour because odds are he's not going to work anyway. The worst thing is to skip a plan to do work and then not do work at home. Yeah. You might as well just... And if you're not going to do the work, then you might as well have like all of your peers and elders like you on a personal level. That way they'll forgive your shitty work. Yeah. All right.

What else we got? Alyssa Rose, Miss Alyssa Rose on Twitter writes, will you guys ever have a show in Florida? Tampa, maybe? Oh, we should do a show in Florida. One place we're going to is Atlanta. Which is pretty close. So we've never done a show in Georgia.

You've never been to Georgia. I've been to the Atlanta airport, which I won't count. There's three states that I've never been to. Okay. Or no, wait, four. Okay. Alaska, Idaho, North Dakota, and Georgia.

And you're not counting airport layovers. Yeah, not counting airport. If I count airport layovers, then I've been to Alaska. If I'm counting airport, then I have been to Georgia. So a lot of people have asked us to come to Atlanta, and we're going for the first time on May 1st. I think it's the start of our East Coast trip, which we haven't announced on this podcast yet. We haven't? No.

I thought we did. I think we vaguely mentioned it, but tickets are available now. They just got released on sale this week. It's a five day, five show, and five night

back to back to back to back to back. That's that old school shit. That's gonna hurt us. Yeah. It starts in Atlanta. We're getting there. It's a Monday night.

It's a Monday through Friday too. It's like a work week. Yeah. So Monday night in Atlanta, May 1st. It's popping there. It's a Monday night. It's a Monday through Friday, too. It's like a work week. Yeah. So Monday night in Atlanta, May 1st. It's popping off. It's very structured, organized. And I like that it's the 1st through the 5th. Yeah.

And it's south to north. It's very organized. I like that we're going to do Cinco de Mayo in New York City. Nuevo Rio. Uno de Mayo, first show, first night, Monday night, Atlanta. We're going to get there a couple days early just so we can see and enjoy Atlanta. Yeah. So we can start the tour nice and tired and hungover.

May 2nd, we fly to Raleigh? Raleigh. Raleigh, North Carolina. Our first show there? Oh, we did a show at Duke. We did, yeah, at Duke, but I don't know if it was like open to non-students. Right. And like, we've not done... Our first legit live podcast in North Carolina

May 3rd back to DC which is always a great show May 4th Philadelphia another great place at Helium and then May 5th Friday night the final show of our tour I hope we take it a little bit easy

so we can save something for the last show May 5th in New York Brooklyn, at the Bell House. Back in Brooklyn, baby. And those tickets are going fast. These are not big shows. They're all like between two and I think 300 seats. Oh, shit. So tickets available to all those shows now at ifireashow.com or jakeandamir.com, wherever tickets are sold.

The question was, are we going to Florida? No. Not yet. But Atlanta is as close as it gets. dot com wherever tickets are sold the question was are we going to Florida no not yet but Atlanta is as close as it gets where's Tampa I think it's in the southern

part of Florida so could we go to Miami we can go I mean I don't want to go right now yeah but in general yeah it'd be cool

to do a live show in Miami or we could do three shows in Florida like Orlando Miami Tampa a little Florida leg but do we have enough fans in Orlando Yeah, it'd be cool to do a live show in Miami. Or we could do three shows in Florida, like Orlando, Miami, Tampa.

Oh. A little Florida leg. But do we have enough fans in Orlando? Let's find out. All right. Orlando, if you were a pizza, what toppings would you have on you? Says A-X-C-H-E-C-H. Axech.

If we were a pizza? Yeah. And don't just say your favorite toppings. Oh, like what kind of topping would I be? No. If you were a pizza, what toppings would you have on you? Not what toppings you would be. If this question is too much for you, I'm going to dig into it until I figure it out.

So I am a pizza. And what, like, I see. I figure it out. So I am a pizza. And what, like, I see. Forget it. No, I don't understand. I get it. Bacon. Deep dish. I mean, why wouldn't it just be my favorite toppings for a pizza?

Because then you'd have bacon on you. Are you fine with that? I think I would be a bacon mushroom pizza. Bacon mushroom? Yeah. That's your favorite pizza? I'm not sure I've ever really... I mean, my favorite pizza is from Vinny's in Brooklyn, and it's like...

I think they called it like... There was lots of different ones. They were so fucking good and real weird. They did this pizza that had crushed up Cool Ranch Doritos on it. Are you sure this isn't just a pizza you made when you drunkenly showed up at Vinny's with a bag of Cool Ranch? These guys are the best.

Like, their pizza is... It's just stoner food, right? Yeah, it's like stoner pizza. They're the ones that invented the pizza box pizza. So it's like, the box is a pizza. And then you open it up and there's pizza. Pizza. And there's a box inside of it.

Yeah. I'll go mashed potato pizza. Because my hair kind of resembles brown mashed potatoes interesting theory i dig it um but i don't dug it what do you got i i guess i still i took you to mashed potato pizza for the first time yeah bar new haven love that uh all right what else what What other question? Why have you been using this one comes from Richard Vuong Rich Vuong

writes, why have you been using I'm Rose McIver's sweet New Zealand accent for over 100 eps without having her back on? We should have Rose back on the show. She's a busy lady and she shoots full seasons of TV shows in a different country than us. But I think she's back in LA so we should have her back on the show. She's a busy lady, and she shoots full seasons of TV shows in a different country than us. But I think she's back in LA, so we should have her back on the show.

Yes. Here's a good question. I'm in Honolulu right now, writes Sweeney N. I'm in Honolulu right now. What was your favorite thing to do when you were here? I'm going to do it, whatever it is. Wow. Would you say tropics?

So it's funny to tell this story a little bit. Yeah, you're right. First night, we arrived Thursday night. We don't know what's cool to do in Honolulu. So we find a good restaurant, eat there, try to befriend a waitress who is very cool and friendly. Yeah. She tells us that there's not much going on in that area on a thursday uh but we could try hanging out near our hotel yeah which

was in honolulu we got an uber back to the hotel the driver is well how would you describe him um seemingly some sort of like ex party boy yeah he seemed like a Josh Rubin character he was like a party guy that was militant about it we were like what should we do tonight he was like it's Thursday you gotta start like

he gave us a full itinerary for the whole weekend thirsty Thursday you wanna go here and then we're like where do you go he's like oh I don't party anymore I just drive. Yeah, okay. His car was sort of like, he called it the party mobile. Oh, yeah, yeah. There was like glow sticks everywhere and like a lay.

Yeah. It was like his car was built for people who were like rolling their face off. Right. And he also, I mean. But we had just had a nice dinner. At a certain point, he like started telling me to write all the bars that he was saying down. Right. And he also, I mean. But we had just had a nice dinner. At a certain point, he like started telling me to write it, write all the bars that he was saying down. Right.

It wasn't just like a casual like, oh yeah, check out this spot and this spot. Those are good. He's like, no, you want to start here at five. Start here for happy hour. You guys like, do you guys like beer? What are you looking for? Yeah. Girls.

Right. Dancing, party, whatever. So he takes us, because since it's Thursday, there's only one bar to go to. And that's Tropics. Oh, that is Tropics. You want to go to Tropics on a Thursday. So you guys don't mind college girls? Like, that's A-OK.

But even in my head, I was like, that's actually a little young. And then we get there. We got there too early. Not too early, but earlier than the crowd. Right. Which is when we like to get to places anyway. Avoid the line. You get a lay of the land.

You get a good spot at the bar. So we get there, it's 9.30 by 10.30. Nobody knows what time you showed up. Like, showing up fashionably late is like, I guess you get to make an entrance, but like, at a certain point, everybody's there. Right. You might as well have gotten a head start. You've established yourself.

And I like to be in the center and have the party grow around me, because I don't have the energy to penetrate a dense crowd. Oh, I see. If I'm sober and there's a dense crowd, I'm not fucking like a sperm entering an egg, trying to figure out, navigate, push people aside. Because I'm sober. I'm not having a good time. They're the drunk ones that got there early. They're having a great time. They don't mind

the crowd. I like, I mean, I like it both, but it's nice to get up, to set up early and to like- Post up. Yeah, totally. So we got there early to post up we got to tropics and it is indeed i think it was i was the oldest person there by maybe 13 years yeah i mean it was not like a college kid it was a fake id party yeah it was an 18 to 21 year old place uh-huh i and i'm a 34 year old-old. I was drinking, hanging out, doing whatever. It's sort of wallflower gazing, enjoying the scenery.

We meet three dudes. That changed not only our weekend, but our lives. Our lives at large. Three dudes come up to us. They had seen our videos before. They're cool dudes. Sean. Sean. Slay J. slay jay and miguel these are the three uh honolulu

shepherds that sort of took us in they start talking to us about what we're doing there we asked them what they're doing there you know it's funny like we like really like these dudes right off the bat and we were like um all right let's like let's take one you know this we're not gonna rage tonight but like maybe we'll hang out with them after the show right like show us a good time right let's take one lap and we took one final lap around the bar and we got back and they were gone yeah and we're like oh i guess like we should we wanted to find them to like because we like actually did want to hang out with them right but then part of me was like maybe they thought that i was that like they were just like being polite and like they don't want to hang out with us or they think that we don't want to give them

our number or something. So at a certain point, we were actively seeking them. We were searching the bar for the guy. Where's Sean? Sean was here and he approached us earlier and I can't find him. Out of my way, 19-year-old. Excuse me. Excuse me, hot 21-year 21 year old have you seen my tall man in a baseball hat he's 29 and like you would be really attracted to him i think you should meet actually so we're talking to sean and he's like yeah they all work at the honolulu hospital various degrees of psychologists nurse um medical care professionals. Sure, yes. In their upper 20s, maybe 30 years old too.

I think 28 or 29. Sean's like, yeah, there's a bunch of cool places to go on a hike. Maybe we'll go on a hike tomorrow. Great, we're in. We wake up the next morning.

Sean texts us. They're going on a hike. We're going on a hike with them. The romantic vacation begins. It was a whirlwind. Sean picked us They're going on a hike We're going on a hike with them The romantic vacation begins It was a whirlwind Sean picked us up Sean swept us off our feet Sean picks us up

He takes us on an awesome hike Which is my recommendation to what to do in Honolulu Do you remember the name of the hike? I believe it was Yeah, it was Kala Pali Pika Piku

Pali Piku Pali Piku Pali Piku Or Piku Piku. Pali Piku. Or Piku Pali. It's a hike up the ridge of a mountain. I didn't realize the hike was going to be... That goes in Honolulu right now, and this episode is not going to come out until Monday, so you should tweet at her to hike Pali Piku. All right.

But tell her to be careful, because there are sheer fucking cliffs, drops. And it had just rained. So like it's basically walking on a one foot wide little muddy trail where to the left is a thick forest and to your right is a 500 foot cliff. It's Palipuka. Palipuka. All right. You get to the top. Amazing views.

There's a hole through a rock. You can take nice pictures next to it. It's funny that it's all about finding the rock. Yeah. Because the views are so much better when you're not looking at it through the hole. Yeah, you might as well just enjoy the regular views and not have to get to the hole in the rock. But it's a great time anyway. We had a great time with Sean and AJ.

They invite us out that night. We meet up with more of their friends. We spend Saturday. No, this was Friday night after the show together. Just dancing, raging, partying. With Sean and friends. Sunday comes along. We want to go to a beach.

We haven't been to a beach yet. Again, Sean picks us up. This is our third day together now with Sean. We had a tryst. We had a honeymoon with a group of other dudes. We met dudes that we... And it is funny. We don't ever go on trips, like, actively try to meet guys.

But maybe it's something we should do. Yeah. I think it helped that it wasn't just, like, one night where, like, you rage. And you can sort of, like, have people to have fun with. But we had a whole weekend. And we had, whole weekend and we had like a tour guide he shepherded us and then saturday after the beach we went to a steve aoki concert with him by the way that beach was in incredible yeah it was incredibly secluded it

was almost like three of us and maybe like five other people yeah yeah sean didn't fucking fuck around and we got tacos beforehand and brought it to the beach. And then we drove that nice scenic way back and we blasted Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten. Unwritten, yeah. That was a good old time. That was our song.

And then, yeah, we went to the Steve Aoki concert that night and we said goodbye to Sean, but I don't think forever. And that night we also met Will and Devesh. Shout out to Will and Devesh.

I mean, it was a whole crew of good dudes. Yeah. So between Will, Devesh, Sean, Slay J, miguel yep we sort of made five friends for life and that was our honolulu weekend uh sean also the show was fine sean if you're listening to this and i know you're not because you're just like you're way too you're out on you're on a hike or reading some awesome book by yourself on a beach uh what up dude call

me back uh oh wait no it's your turn your turn to question um okay how do you tell your roommate to stop using your toothpaste just straight up i another thing about sean he would never be this petty no way sean's sort of the man in that regard uh why don't you just buy your own toothpaste? It's a $3 problem. You finish the toothpaste. He has his own toothpaste and his roommate's using it. Okay, so give your roommate that tube and then buy another tube. And yours is just like in a difference.

I mean, I think you just, the trick is to stop caring that your roommate's using your toothpaste. Yeah. Let that go. You know what's exciting is like after squeezing. Yeah, Sean's honestly, because he's not only like handsome, but he's also like kind of an outdoorsy, carefree kind of guy. The dude works hard, plays hard, parties hard, lives a beautiful life. Yeah, he has like a minivan in Honolulu. I wonder what he's not good at.

Because he also had like a good sense of humor too. Yeah, yeah, that was the other thing. And he seems smart. And that's usually one of the things that I like to have a leg up on people and when i don't have that and then they also have everything else he had a really great outlook on life yeah he was just a positive nice dude from minnesota he's just like yeah it was like really cold one winter and i was like fuck this i'm gonna go to honolulu yeah and now yeah now he's just fucking living the life out there in tropical paradise why do you have to leave leave? You don't. He got a job there.

And he's got a solid crew. Yeah. Oh, man. It's the crew. Dude, Will. Yeah. I had such a fucking man crush on Will by the end of that night because he's like the ER psychiatrist.

Right. Like at the hospital dealing with fucking crazy people that come in. 15 hour shifts. And like we were going into that concert. Some homeless dude like asked us to light his cigarette and i lit it and then we're like trying to find the entrance and i turned back and will just crouched down talking to him yeah like you fucking hero he kind of had like they kind of had a billy vibe i feel like billy would get along with them oh yeah just like strong, nice dudes.

Guys that are so cool that they don't have to be nice, but then are anyway. You're hot enough to be mean. You get that, right? Yeah, I like strong, cool people that are like as nice as quiet nerds. Yeah, it's almost like they grew up as quiet nerds or maybe... Just had good parents. Good parents are like, I think older sisters help a lot. They make people more sensitive and good people. That makes a lot of sense.

The toothpaste thing, I really think... This guy clearly doesn't have any older sisters. I mean, WWE Sean do. He would probably... You get a little travel toothpaste and keep it in your room if you really want to get there. I was saying, getting new toothpaste after using the same tube for a while is very cathartic. It feels great. Like, oh, I barely have to squeeze it and it's just pouring out.

It feels like it's... The whole thing is very clean. Maybe it's more about cleanliness than the actual... I wouldn't care if you used my toothpaste, but I'd care if you left the cap off and got crust all around. Yeah, the crust. So maybe just be like, hey, no problem. You're using my toothpaste but i'd care if you like left the cap off and like made and like got crust all around yeah the crust so maybe just be like hey no problem you're using my toothpaste put the cap back on totally motherfucker uh all right let's take a break come back talk more about sean we'll be right back after this break quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments.

And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else

online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results it's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people yeah you do thank you to draft kings for sponsoring this episode of our show hey yo draft kings the nfl is back that's correct and the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards, and if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL. Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do i do yeah i

do a lot this this can really heighten your joy that's right i grew up a raiders fan and now i'm just a fan of the league in general but i still have a fan of gambling enough yes you're a fan of gambling yes and i do have an affinity for the silver and black so if you like football as much as me which is not likely because i do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback uh does in a cover two defense or like do you know what a play action passes like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i basically know run and hail mary you actually know both of those yeah running is when you run and then hail mary is when you chuck it right damn i think you should download the draft king's pick six app select between two and six players for you to put some money on you select

between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat it's that simple and for all first time pick six six players, check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings pick six app now and use code SEGMENTS. That's code

SEGMENTS for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits only on DraftKings pick six. The crown is yours. There you go. Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say gambling problem.

Call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.oregonconnecticut. Must be 18 plus. Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions. Pick six is not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months.

Limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash. Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. We have returned tickets to our Melbourne show. Melbourne?

Melbourne show. Almost sold out. Are they? Yeah. The Melbourne show is a little smaller than the Sydney show. So those tickets are going fast. It's a different venue this year, right? Yes. Different venue. Sydney's the same one. Melbourne is the new one. We're coming in three weeks. I know it's not quite March yet, but it's almost March and we're coming on

March 16th and 18th. Only two shows this time. Streeter will be there. Those are going to be extremely fun. Can I ask a question to our Australia, specifically Sydney fans? Okay. So we have an entire week to hang out in australia post show yeah from saturday to friday yeah the show's on saturday to saturday yeah the show's on saturday we leave the next saturday yeah so i really want to find like a nice two to three day excursion that we can go on from monday to wednesday so here's how I think you can describe it.

What's the American equivalent of what you want? If someone was coming to LA and said, I have three days off, you tell them to do what? What's your preference? Right. I mean, if they're in LA and they've got three days, I guess I would say go to San Francisco or Vegas or maybe Palm Springs,

but probably not even that far. I think... So you don't want the Palm Springs, the Joshua Tree of Australia? I mean, I guess I sort of in a way do. Do you want the city? Do you want like another city? Or do you want a middle of nowhere, small town vibe? I want...

I really want both. I'm sorry to say it. I want something like San Francisco where you can go to like a national forest or like, you know, like the Point Reyes seashore, like an hour outside of that. Right. But then also like come back and like stay in a city

and meet new people and do that kind of thing. Right. So a little bit of, or like the Vegas Red Rocks deal, outdoor fun, but also indoor fun. Right. So Vegas, you have like the raging of Vegas, but then also you have Red Rocks National Conservation Area where you can do some hiking, some climbing, some sightseeing. So perhaps the Gold Coast. That's the one thing that I had found, but I didn't know if that was like, is that like the equivalent of somebody coming to New York City and being like, I'm going to go to.

Atlantic City? Yeah, exactly. So let us know. Tweet at us. And then two days before our Australia trip, we're doing the Hedgum Live in Austin. And that's going to be a full day. That's a question that I just got on Twitter. A what?

You guys doing South by Southwest this year. Yeah. And you don't have to go officially to South by or have a South by pass. We're just going to be in Austin during South by Southwest. Yeah, that's how we plan that shit. But anybody can come to the show. Take a road trip from Dallas, San Antonio, Houston, wherever the frick. We're going to be there all day, starting at 1 and going off until...

Come hang out at the HeadGum Podcast Festival. Late night. We're going to be hanging out. It's at 1 and going off until... Come hang out at the HeadGum Podcast Festival. Late night. We're going to be hanging out. It's more of a festival feel than a show. Yeah. We're going to be there all day. And a bunch of other podcasters are going to... The Twinnovation guys are going to be there.

Black Man Can't Jump is going to be there. Gabrus. Yeah, it's going to be a party. So we'll see you guys in Austin and or Australia. All right, what other questions we got? Will you ever come to South Africa? I guess we're talking too much about shows. We can't come to South Africa. Come on. Yeah, that much about shows. We are, we can't come to South Africa.

Come on. Yeah. That's a little too far. I don't know what to tell you. I'd love to. I would love to do that. Here's a, let's go. I got, wow.

Three food questions in a row. We should answer all three. If we're going a lightning round within this lightning round episode. Okay. One, best lunch spot in Southern California. Two, most underrated fruit. Three, do you prefer spaghetti or fettuccine Alfredo? Hmm.

Okay. Spaghetti. Yeah, I agree with that one. I don't need a creamy pasta. Most underrated fruit. Blackberries? Yeah, people don't really talk about blackberries i love blackberries i used to have a little blackberry shrub by my house growing up i'll go pear nobody really talks about

a pear but that's because they ain't shit it's a nice soft apple it's it's rated perfectly perfectly uh don't nobody like a pear i want a pear i don't think so bitch Have you ever had an apple and you're like not mealy enough You want a pear And the shape is too perfect Can I get one that's hard to hold on to Nice And I don't want to say pear shaped Cause that doesn't help you

That's like a negative connotation when you talk about a human Like yeah that person's sort of pear shaped What shape do you want Apple bottom jeans Motherf jeans motherfucker boots like darfur i guess the hottest fruit would be grapes because it looks like it's buff what just got a huge stack at the top those are its buff shoulders little you're like you're talking about the whole entire yeah well then you could say blackberry for being buff because that's got lots of pockets that looks like muscles.

What about banana? That's a great shape. I'm not fucking a banana. That's literally the shape of a dick. I will eat out a grape. I swear I'll eat a fucking kiwi's pussy. You're taking it too literally, I think. Got it. Best lunch spot in Southern Californiaifornia lunch spot that's tough zinc you hate zinc i do uh i'll give a good one just because you're in

socal that outdoor taco truck uh not truck outdoor taco fish taco place in silverlake is it seven l seven mares yeah L7 Mares? Yeah, L7 Mares. It's so good I don't even know the name. I don't think it's that good, actually. I like the outdoor fish taco vibe. The fact that you can have it basically right today, February 24th, 70 degrees out. You're eating fish tacos outside.

Yeah, that's definitely nice. I guess I'll say uh i don't know it's tough because i feel like we i go to lunch spots out of convenience i don't ever like travel somewhere awesome for lunch what are your thoughts on in and out that's a decent idea i'll just say that uh that that uh breakfast or that sandwich spot lunch sandwiches tinfoil oh highland Park. You walk in through an old liquor store called the Coldest Beer in Town. You have to give the guy a password, which I believe is not always the same.

How do you find out the password? There's a business card on the counter where you pay for your beer. Of course. And you just walk in and ask what the deal is. Because I think everybody there is trying to get to tinfoil. But it's like a speakeasy lunch spot. And their sandwiches are fucking dope.

One last food question that we got that makes me think of stuff is from Robin Galashan. What do you order in McDonald's? Oh. I suppose you want to tell the story that embarrasses me. Oh, I guess if we're already here and talking about it. Two nights in a row, was it? Yes. Two late nights.

We ended up at McDonald's across the street from our hotel. Because it was late night and I was thirsty. You ordered a regular- Night numero uno, I got a crispy chicken sandwich, large fry, and a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Which, it seemed funny to me. You rarely see someone getting a dinner sandwich and a breakfast sandwich in one meal. Yeah. So what was your thought process there?

That I was really hungry and I couldn't decide between the chicken sandwich and the breakfast sandwich. And then I was like, well, they're both $2. So I don't have to decide. I'll just get them both and I'll enjoy each one. I know it seems like- And I did at the same damn time. Much like the Jake and Amir character, I still, I think only eat chicken nuggets for McDonald's.

I don't like the hash browns. Oh yeah, I love the hash browns. I thought it was really like, the day after I had eaten all that McDonald's at night, I came don't like the hash browns. Oh yeah, I love the hash browns. I thought it was really, like, the day after I had eaten all that McDonald's at night, I came out to meet you in the morning and you had

McDonald's hash brown. Yeah, I had a single hash brown. It's good. It's like eating a giant french fry. I try not to go to McDonald's unless I'm drunk.

Like, I don't even like to go when I'm hungover. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Either way, I appreciate the hash brown.

What did you get? What else you got, question wise uh best social media bio you remember wow uh i'm trying to think of any i remember i don't know oh my twitter bio actually sucks it's kind of funny mine is chill dude which was what it was when we made the video about it eight years ago i mean mine just says i'm a comedy writer who lives who who loves Annie's macaroni and cheese, which is accurate. Yeah, but not funny. Sean Perlman, my friend who's really funny, has a funny one.

If you want to follow Sean Perlman at Twitter, great jokes. His bio is, I won't waste a potential tweet here. That's not bad. You know, my Instagram bio, I'll'll say it i think it's really great what is it oh enthusiast enthusiast and it was somebody tweeted at me recently that some i forget this dude's name the guy from westworld uh jacked it really i don't know who had it first i mean i don't think it's like super original but i it's definitely... It could be a thing that other people have. Parallel thinking, yeah.

But that said, I think I came up with it first. How's that? At the very least, you didn't steal it from anybody. I remember you had a college humor bio that I used to really like. What was it? I'm so good at Photoshop, I make Mother Teresa look like Joseph Stalin.

Oh, that is good. Shit, I should tweet that. I'm going to'm gonna tweet that i would get a lot of play what's your instagram bio uh i think usually just like tickets to our show and link below it's very very commercial i love seeing like an old lincoln bio if i were you live tickets now at jakeandamir.com. That's your bio? Yeah. You can have like a bio and that link. Yeah, but I want the, the bio is right above the link. So it's almost like text pointing.

I'd have the finger pointing down to the link. I see. I sold out. All right, here's a question. Gosh, I'm trying to think of, get a good one. What's a good third date idea? I got one. A third date?

Yeah. Okay. It's a flask walk. A flask walk. Oh, yeah. Meaning you're getting drunk and walking around?'s right where are you walking uh i did it once in on new york uh in chelsea on the on the high line in new york huh which was it was perfect you get there you got a flask of whiskey you take a walk it's yeah i'm sorry self-explanatory. It's spontaneous.

It's romantic. It's cheap. I also had a headphone. I had headphones and we sat down drinking whiskey and listening to old Dashboard Confessional on a bench. Oh. Great date. To me, the third date is the going over date. Because the first date is a bar meetup.

Bar meetup first date is a bar meetup. Bar meetup, first date. Second date is more of an activity, perhaps whatever, movie, bowling, something you're doing together, arcade, bar, etc. And then the third date is, hey, we should watch that movie or TV show that invariably came up on date one or two. And then you invite them to the house.

That's way too soon for me. Third date? I don't like to hang out sober for at least a year. Movie date is mostly date 58 or 91. I mean, I've had girls be like, hey, I want to cook you dinner, and I never see them again. To me, that is such an intimate thing. Why don't you come over and we'll watch a movie and I'll like get food yeah Jesus Christ but why is that any more intimate than walking

with a flask uh well when you're outside there's like a lot of external stimulation you can like oh look at this guy look at this guy look at this building isn't that pretty like I don't know there's just a there's a lot more to do than like you're in my house and I don't know when you're going to leave. And I have no way out of this situation. Too much pressure. Yeah. Because, but would, in a perfect world, wouldn't potentially the third date end with a sleepover? Yeah.

But by that point, we're like drunk and it's late and we have sex and go to bed. And then in the morning, oh shit, my sister's visiting. I have to run. Oh shit, my sister's visiting i have to run oh shit my sister's visiting you have to run well i would i know i didn't i never minded like leaving somebody alone in my apartment nobody ever stayed there that long as long as we're not watching typically when you're like you can like it's you can just lock the door behind you uh take your time they're like no i'll leave right now too all All right. Two different third date suggestions. What else you got?

Oh yeah, of course. It's my turn. I wonder if people like this one versus the long form questions. This, I think this will be a good one to use occasionally.

Do you guys intend, oh, this is from DeBurke321. Yeah. Do you guys intend to make more HeadGum exclusive

video content, or is it primarily going to be for podcasts? Like the videos we're talking about? Or he wants us to put special podcast episodes behind a paywall? I doubt he wants us to put it behind a paywall. What did he mean, premium content? He didn't say premium. He said, do you guys intend to make more

head gum exclusive video content or is it primarily going to be for podcasts I think he's saying like more this is a head gum video yeah our original videos yeah are we making more of those yeah we're making more one a week well that's not more that's the same amount

more amount same rate. Oh, I see. The answer is yes? Yeah, the answer is yes. And if people haven't watched it, you can go, where can they watch it? YouTube.com slash HeadGum or Facebook.com slash HeadGum.

We have weekly videos. Check them out. I think you guys will like them. Let's see here. James Dawson. Let me read this one. I'm going to uni, but I can't bring everything. What should I prioritize?

Uni? Like to bring to the room? This is an interesting question. Just real quick. What color is the number four? That comes from zero mark 30. Oh, interesting. What color is the number four? I see green. Oh, interesting. I interesting question. Just real quick. What color is the number four? That comes from zero mark 30. Oh, interesting. What color is the number four?

I see green. Oh, interesting. I see blue. All right, back to the other one. James Dawson asks, I'm going to uni, but I can't bring everything. What should I prioritize? You know what a good thing, like something we should do is like this every Thursday. Oh, like a bonus Twitter lightning round Thursday.

Yeah, either like a podcast that we release right after uh-huh or maybe we do like a facebook live one of this right i don't know just let us know uh bring i guess a microwave that comes in handy television those are like the two things that you bring right you call which one of you brings the microwave which one of you brings the tv i thought microwaves weren't allowed. No, because there was like the whole cup of noodle ramen stereotype. Or maybe it was no hot plates. Yeah, you can't have anything

close to resembling fire. It's hard to make a fire with a microwave. Got it. All right, microwave and TV. Oh, we're almost at, we almost met in the middle because I'm seeing some of the questions that you asked at the top.

Really? One of your favorite cities to go to for a live show says, Oh, hi, Clary. We've been pretty fortunate because our show only appeals to people who live in cities that we want to go to. Well, except for people that live in South Africa and Tampa.

Yeah, I mean, there's going to be... I do want to go to South Africa, so that live in south africa and tampa yeah i mean those there's gonna be i do want to go to south africa so that's not totally fair right um i mean it's hard to beat new york because it's like the hometown show right the east coast shows are fun they're also uniquely fun the pacific northwest shows are fun the east coast shows are fun i'm excited to see atlanta austin is great australia is awesome we rarely go to a shitty city yeah dare we call out a bad show he i probably is too rude right well that that show that we did uh on long island wasn't great yeah that's some like was that at ramapo or something no the Ramapo show I don't really remember

the Rama show yeah but I remember like the Fat Daryl I remember going to that show but I don't remember the crowd right you got anything else

last minute I guess I like Seattle and Portland a lot those are always fun shows yeah alright let's go one last question

from each of us okay my married friend is having an affair with a co-worker is it okay to go bowling with them oh married friend having an affair with a co-worker and you want to be the third wheel on their date yeah like they want to go on a double date with you you your lady your friend the mistress is it okay or is it like an implicit uh yeah it's a agreement it's a tacit endorsement of their adultery would you do it i mean what i want to think about one of your friends cheating on one of his long-term ladies and they're like, yeah, let's all go bowling together. Would you be like, okay, fine?

Or would you be like, ah, I feel kind of weird about that? I guess if it was like... Imagine if it's Mike and Sarah. Okay. Those are two, like... You know both. Mike's one of my best friends and so is Sarah. Yeah.

So I don't think I could in good conscience go bowling with Mike and somebody else, you know? Because I'd be like, this is too fucked up. But if it's a friend where you don't know the lady. Right. If it's, who's a, if it's. Like if Sean had a girlfriend. Okay, yeah.

And you wanted to go bowling with us and the mistress. And maybe I met her, but I wasn't like friends with her. Right. And Sean was like, come bowling with me and my mistress. Yeah. I think I'd, I mean, I guess it's sort of weird to just go on a date, like your friend's date anyway. Yeah. But what if you also had a date? So it was like a double date. I think I would definitely go bowling with Sean. I bet he's really good at it too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would go bowling. I would do anything with Sean.

Yeah. You have to realize that this is Sean we're talking about. All right. Do you have a last question? Oh, I, you know, before you were talking about Sean Perlman's Twitter, I wonder if people thought it was Sean from Hawaii. Oh, yeah, no, two different people. Because I thought you were talking about Sean Perlman's wife just now. Oh, I see. The Sean we know would never ever cheat on his wife. I guess neither would Cornell. My last question. Take your time. It's important to...

Podcasts are not just about the talking, but the silence in between. What is your opinion on male nipples? Excuse? Andy, Clippers89. What is your opinion on male nipples excuse andy clippers 89 what is your opinion on male nipples i don't really have an opinion i'm anti oh you're against uh-huh you're against the nip and if you don't have an opinion then you're four what yeah you're four and the color of four is blue so you were a blue four and before you get too heated about this whole thing. Very nice.

Thank you. Do we end with a nipple question? There's gotta be something better. I didn't see anything, brother. Oh, here we go. Cute girl in class with one arm. How do I hit on her without her thinking I'm only hitting on her

for the weird one arm sex? I don't think she'll think of it like that do you bring up the arm no never no never no but then doesn't it doesn't it then become like oh you're obviously not addressing the arm isn't there like a cool i don't care i'm talking about your arm just like it is you would talk about it i think that it's fine to talk about the arm but i think let her bring it up on her terms when she wants to okay i i you don't bring up the arm but if she talks about it you're powering through yeah like it's an nbd i once dated somebody somebody that was like a lot taller than me. Or like a little taller than me.

She was seven foot four. Yeah. And it was Yao Ming in a wig. And I never said anything. And one time she was like, something I really liked about you is that you never ever brought it up. Yeah. What did you say? Height is a little more subtle than no arm?

Well, sure. say height is a little more subtle than uh no arm well sure but i think that it's if it's like something it's some physical thing that she gets all the time it's better not to mention it at all yeah i don't i like it's not original for you to be like hey you have one arm but i don't care right like why don't you actually not care yeah and not say anything or you could be like here let me give you a hand oh my my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize it. Or something like that. That would be a really bad way to hook up with her.

I agree. That's it? The end? Yeah. Okay. Let us know what you thought about this wacky, wacky episode in which our internet didn't work. And if you liked it a lot, we'll give out the address to our office and you can turn off the internet

whenever you want to hear another on one of these Twitter rapid fire episodes. We only, I only downloaded that All My Love and cover before the internet went out. Fortunately, I like it so much. Let's hear it twice. Hey-oh. Thanks to, who wrote it again?

Tony and Kevin, Acoustic Musings We'll be back Soon enough With more questions and answers Thanks for listening everybody Cheerio and ciao Peace So this guy's looking at porn

While his girlfriend blows him? That's what that Beatles song is about Close your eyes And I'll picture A girl fucking fixtures Close your eyes and i'll picture a girl fucking fixtures remember i'll always be true and then while you blow away please just look the other way. I'm just watching some porn to get on. Your simulation's just not enough for me.

I need pictures and videos, you see.