Segments - 262: Passwords (w/Eliot Glazer!)

Episode Date: March 9, 2017

Comedian and Friend Eliot Glazer joins us to discuss bad songs and good ideas for this BONUS Thursday Episode! Live shows in Austin and Australia this week! Come see us. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This episode is brought to you by Funeral Home. Oh, God. What? You made me sing. You made me feel joyous and now sad. No, we wanted to do a bonus Thursday episode because it's been a while and also have it sponsored by our live shows that we have coming up this weekend. This weekend?

And next week. And wait, in Texas? Yeah. So this weekend, if you're listening on a Thursday or Friday or maybe Saturday morning, there's still time for you to come to Austin for the HeadGum Live Podcast Festival. Yeah. Texas is a big state, but I really believe you can drive all the way across it and meet us at the North Door. I love that. Road trip out. Or all the way across it and meet us at the North Door. I love that. Road trip out.

Or all the way to the middle of it. Hang out with us. Tell a friend. We're going to be in Austin. Not only our show, but so many other HeadGum podcasts. We're going to be in the room together. I think we're all going to be in the room. These specific shows are going to be in the room together for the first time ever.

Yeah, that's true. I've not met Lindsay and Bobby from Who Weekly. And I have not met them either, actually. So it's going to be fun. And I haven't seen Jeff and Mikey in a minute. That's true, too. We're going to be performing with Black Men Can't Jump. Twinnovation is going to be performing with High and Mighty.

Who Weekly with This Is Why You're Single. The Complete Guide to Everything will be there. And they have a special guest. Oh, yeah, Dan Deacon. Hell yeah. It's going to be a party. And then the following week, we are in Australia. Sydney and Melbourne.

Yep. But Melbourne first. Oh, yeah. The 16th. And then Saturday night in Sydney. What are you looking forward to the most? Probably. And not about the tour.

Like, shit, you know? Like, in general. Like, life shit. I mean, maybe finally maybe finally like settling down and starting a family but you're talking that's actually really heavy man what do you sorry just real quick what do you think is stopping you from being the best you the you that you look forward to every day i know why aren't you doing that now i mean without trying to delve too into it just because we're talking about yeah live shows we're going to be on the road

maybe I'm worried that the person out there is not quote unquote perfect and I'll have to settle eventually in figuring out the age in which I start figuring out what priorities I have in a life partner and what I'm willing to sacrifice the shows at North Door start at 1

they go till 7 would you say you're crippling fear not crippling but yeah sacrifice. Cool. The shows at North Door start at 1, they go till 7, and would you say, I mean, you're crippling fear. Not, yeah, not crippling, but yeah, it is a stress, it's a source of anxiety. The fear of future failure is preventing you from taking an initial step,

and doesn't that ensure failure? Yeah, yes, maybe so. And, I don't know, maybe some of it is rooted in self-sabotage, like I do, like Do you think you're worthy? That's what I, I guess, I don't. Fuck. And of it is rooted in self-sabotage like I do. Do you think you're worthy? That's what I guess I don't. Just real quick, the show in Melbourne is on the 16th.

Sydney on the 18th of March. I don't know, man. I really don't know if I'm fucking worth it. Let's get right into this goofy episode. We had Glazer in the house. Such a funny guy. Tears streaming down your face. Comed Glazer in the house. Such a funny guy. Tears streaming down your face.

Comedian, actor, writer. You've seen him on Broad City. I feel like we're bringing him out for a live show. But we're just going to start a podcast right now. Enjoy this episode. And hopefully we'll see you soon. You scroll through the podcast charts, sitting on the side of the iTunes store. One more Saturday Star podcast, 300 guys talking about sports. And you think of all the people needing help and in search of advice.

But they can email everything to these two guys if I was Jake and Amir that in their ear you wouldn't have to seize one single cheese unless you wanted to cause yeah they know what it's like if I was Jake and Amir so sincere

I could make your problems go away to the Galapagos away for the rest of our lives. If I were you, if I were you, if I were you, if I were you. Very Hawaiian themed. Yeah, that was almost like a Uke style. Elliot, thoughts? Remind me of, I never know his full last name, and it sounds very racist, but I say Israel Kalakaukadingdong.

Oh, yeah. The guy, the summer. Kalakaukadingdong. So racist. It's just somewhere over the rainbow. Very, very, yeah. Kalakaukadingdong. Yeah, just get rid of the ding dong part.

I hate that song so much. Really? Yes. I hate that. I hate that it's a mash-up i hate that it's like i hate it that was that was a big song i found that song in college and i was like i discovered oh my god yeah the covenant i discovered israel kalakaua kalakaua ding dong what i guess every when you turn 18 you hear that song for the first time and you think you're

amazing oh yeah oh that's such a college thing being like oh my god like forget it it's just it's just me and it's just dashboard yeah wait but he gets it i'm gonna bring you a cd you didn't even like it at the time i find i just something about that song like creeps me it's just like it has an eerie vibe to it and i don't like like you're just like is this just like a fat guy on a beach? Like, what is this? So what's an example of a... Is he dead? Is, is, uh... Yes, he's very dead.

Israel is kind of on the ding dong. He's gone. Oh, yeah. You had that party to celebrate it. I did. Yeah, yeah. We had balloons, sumo-shaped balloons. Do you have an example of a bad song that you do like?

Just so I can, like, understand where you're coming from in terms of not liking that song specifically. A bad song that I do like? I have so many. I mean, the one that just randomly popped into my head is one called My Love Is Like Woe by Maya. Oh, I think I know that song.

And Missy Elliott produced it, and it's like, I mean, it's not good, but I love it so much. I love it so much. So you're not coming from a place of like, everyone loves this song and I hate it. No, I have, I mean, and I have wonderful taste in terrible music. Wow think i think i i think i have that too you do i only like bad music but i'm pretty discerning about which specific bad music that i like yeah who do you what do you dislike or what

do you like that so i really like um like taylor swift and mclemore i really like those taylor swift is not bad by any means. No, yeah. But then at the same time, like, I dislike Nick Jonas. Jason Mraz. Oh, I like Nick Jonas. Oh, I really like Jason Mraz. He's okay. Yeah.

I don't think those people, I think, like, bad is, like, bad is bad, you know? I just mean, like, popular. It's like music nerds would look down on the artists that I actively seek out. That's definitely true. I mean, but I still like, like, Gloria Estefan, you like gloria estefan right it's like okay you know who i really like now that i'm realizing because i like all of her songs is sia well is she considered cool sia is so cool because she is kind of anti-establishment but also has like used it for personal gain in a financial way and is just the most first all, she is the coolest person.

And if you've ever heard an interview with her, especially the one with Howard Stern, she is so fascinating. I just found out she's like 40 something and like all the girl in the videos is not her. Yeah. Oh yeah. No, she's, she, she like grew up in like with like circus parents or something. Doesn't she like, there's like plenty of songs that she writes that like Katy Perry sings and like all the- Oh, you can, yeah. Her, her songs like Diamonds by Rihanna, you know. Right. circus parents or something. There's plenty of songs that she writes that Katy Perry sings.

Her song is Diamonds by Rihanna. You can hear her sound is a sort of ethereal type of with a hint of reggae in them. She's written amazing stuff. Did you ever listen to Zero Seven, the band? No. Yes, I did. She was the lead singer. Zero Seven?

Yeah. And then she's like, I'm done. I'm just just gonna do she's like i'm gonna write music for other people make a shit ton of money i mean she made she has made so much money she's the she is so yeah she's so rich and cool yes she's so rich and cool yes yeah i think she's from adelaide i thought iggy azalea was from adelaide i guess both of them it's just hard to believe there are two people from Adelaide that are of note. In 2008. Yeah, she's from Adelaide. In 2012.

Adelaide. 12. In Asia. 2012. Oh, man, I don't remember what year it was. I think it was 2012. I was waiting in line to vote in New York on election day. For Mitt Romney, correct?

For Mitt Romney. Good man. I was waiting in line to vote for Mitt Romney. But I was waiting in line, and it was like, it was in the West Village, and I'm waiting in line, and it's cold, but everyone's out to vote, and it's pretty great. But it's New York, so the line's really long. And this lady is walking up and down the aisle, or walking down the line outside in pretty frigid temperatures, collecting or giving people like up from a big binder letting

them know what zone they're in when they go inside to vote and i'm like she looks like weird she just looks weird then she takes off her hood and i'm like oh my god like i recognize that hair and i was like i said to her are you sia and she was like yes and i was like you yes. And I was like, you're Sia. Yes. And you're just volunteering at a voting? You're in 07. You write hit songs for like Flo Rida and shit. And you're volunteering at the voting booths? Yes. And then I tweeted her and she tweeted me back

because I was like, you are a volunteer. That's how cool Sia is. Are you sure it wasn't actually just a binder full of women i mean remember that remember that what was that no wonder he lost he actually won what's that yeah dude he won the popular vote as if he won the vote of people that are popular so like all the cool people in america for him. The handsome and pretty people love Mitt Romney. I would take Mitt Romney in a second. Oh, yeah. If you watch the Mitt Romney documentary now, he's like a hero.

He's a hero. Compared to like what we're experiencing now. Are you kidding? I would take Rick Santorum. I really would. Here's a question. Because I think anybody would just like take, trade out. Would you take Mitt Romney now if you had to start in 2012 so one

term of obama i yes yeah it's better to have it's hard to say obama it's better to have obama for four and romney for eight than obama for eight and trump for four yeah because hey fingers crossed brothers jesus well his pal at least like obama's policies and from 2012 on were still great and helpful and understood like the lower class and the minorities so that's hard to say like if i would go back in time and erase those policies but honestly to keep trump out of office i think i would right it'd be a really tough decision it's like sophie's choice it really is and even at this point it's like i honestly would have rick santorum over donald trump because at the very least it's easier to hate someone

who has at least some sort of political understanding of how to behave as a human being yeah you it's like the devil you know yeah he's a he's a fat fucking movie villain like a bank tell i'm honestly starting to feel bad I voted for the guy. It's getting ridiculous. He's the penguin if the penguin was orange. Yes. He really does look like that. So the Riddler?

Yes. But fat. I always tell people like just tweet him that he's fat. Seriously. I actually did that. And I got trolled pretty hard for it. You did. I said like he's fat and orange.

He's fat. Fat. Fat. If you just keep telling him he's fat and orange fat fat fat if you just keep telling him he's fat he'll hate it he's really fat i don't think he reads he can't read his at replies right he can't read anything did you see that thing where they like so they did his physical they weighed him and then like according to uh i don't know like whatever he is morbidly obese he's like classified as morbidly obese he must be close to 300 pounds

and yeah so then they so then they start they basically officially made his height 6'3 instead of 6'2 and what that does for his height he's no longer obese oh wow he's no longer considered obese what a creep yeah that's awesome dude uh also i mentioned before sophie's choice yeah and i just know that that's like a hard decision but I don't know what Sophie had to choose. Do you? Oh, she had to choose between her children or seeing one of her...

Yeah, how did it go? I think it was it was in a concentration camp a movie about a concentration camp and she has to choose between which child she goes with.

Or yeah, she saves. She had two kids and it's like you can save one save the other. God, what did she end up doing? She ended up taking the cool kid and then she's like I don save one yeah god what did she end up doing she ended up taking the cool kid and

it was like i don't know this guy it was like sort of like a drunken person at a club she's like yeah i don't really know this guy but like if he wants to come in too you can actually save both of them no no all right because like i really want this one i choose cory and then what what's her name dude who do you know here that's her Who do you know here is what she said. Can you believe that? Oh, God. Where's your bracelet, kid? Where's your bracelet?

Did you buy a VIP? I also realized we didn't say that guy's name. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. So the guy who wrote the song, it's actually a Weezer cover of a song I've never heard. Joe Kim from Germany. There's a new White Album, Weezer cover of a song i've never heard uh joe kim from germany there's a new white album weezer white album this is one of the bands that like i did love or do love growing up but i haven't heard any of their new stuff really yeah i remember like didn't they do a song with the muppets or something oh yeah they did break my day say my day just the thought of you in love

with someone else i got the magic in me That's kind of a new one. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. What's the White Album? They have a White Album? Are you aware of the Weezer White Album? No. Maybe this guy's trolling us. It's an original song.

It did sound Weezer-ish. They did that song that was actually ostensibly bad. Maybe they were trolling us. It was like, Beverly Hills. Oh, yeah. That's where I want to be. It was like beverly hills oh yeah that's where i wanna be like it was like that was the green house it was like it sounds like a cheryl crow song wasn't there like a time when uh rivers cuomo apparently also had a binder like sia and romney for sure his binder was like the key components to making uh a popular radio song oh wow right he's like he

was like very analytical and like Harvard about it. Yeah. But I guess it worked. Well, he went to Harvard, right? Yeah. Yeah, the White Album was released April 1st, 2016. Wow.

Holy shit, that's recent. Should we just stop and listen to the Weezer White Album? Full? On repeat? I guess. I mean, we might as well. Get nude, get high.

Hotbox the studio. So, Elliot, I don't know if you know, but this is actually an advice podcast. Yes, we did. We don't usually always talk about music and politics. I get to talk about music all the damn day, but I'm happy to talk about advice, too.

That was my extent of it. That's all I knew about music. That's fair. Is what I've talked about in the first 12 minutes of this show. So, as always, these are real emails that we've received from real people. Jake and I often give advice. Sometimes it's by ourselves. Sometimes we have friends and family and guests in the house.

You're all three, I would think. Thank you so much. Brother. Thank you so much. How would people know you, just to put you in context? Who is this person? I'm an actor and writer for Broad City. Okay.

You'll see me there probably. Uh-huh. And I do a live show in L.A. and New York and at festivals called Haunting Renditions Live, which is actually music where I'm singing like lush orchestrations of terrible songs. Wow. With a five-piece band. So I have a whole canon in my head and Google Docs of terrible songs that I love. Wow.

What's your favorite one? Oh, boy. Kokomo by the Beach Boys. Oh. I love that song. but it's even if you love that song yeah oh is that from a cocktail the movie yes yes but when you think about like the beach boys and then you with brian wilson which is like he created a type of sound and then you look at mike love in his hawaiian t-shirt or his or his Hawaiian shirt and John Stamos on the drums and

Full House and Cocktail. It's like oh. But it's so listenable. It's so chewy and like it's like taffy. It's like dumb taffy. I like never knew the history. I don't even know anything about that song except that I used to like

my mom would play it when I was a kid. So it's just Aruba, Jamaica. So it's just, I am washed with nostalgia. Aruba, Jamaica. Yeah, exactly. And he's just naming places. Aruba, Jamaica. They're all like pretty soothing.

Yeah, he's just saying, Aruba, I want to take you. The whole song is him going, do you want to go on vacation? Yes, I do. Where do you want to go? We'll perfect our chemistry. We'll perfect our chemistry.

Where is Kokomo? Where is Aruba, Bahama? Come on, pretty mama. Aruba, Bahama? Come on, pretty mama. Aruba, Bahama. Come on, pretty mama. Those I have a general idea. Key Largo, Montego. Montego, baby, why don't we go.

To Bermuda. The Florida Keys at one point. Yeah, I don't know where Kokomo is. Hawaii? Kokomo is actually a small town in North Carolina. Oh, is it really? Yeah, they just move inland. There's another part where he starts rattling off like Midwestern states.

Oh, my God. St. Louis. Kansas City. That'd be awesome. Lincoln, Nebraska. Right. St. Louis. Chicago.

Landlocked cities. Baby, why don't we go? All right, so this is from a dude. We're going to give him a fake name just to preserve his anonymity. Do you have a dude's name that we can call this guy? Sure. Nathaniel. That's really good so far. Do you have a dude's name that we can call this guy sure um nathaniel that's really good so far do you have a last name sure uh von cantaloupe that's really good nathaniel von cantaloupe writes yesterday my girlfriend was upset at me because i'm a very private man about

my laptop and phone i've never excuse me i've never told her about my laptop and phone. I've never, excuse me, I've never told her about my passwords for either. And if she's using my laptop, I prefer to have her log on to a guest account. She also knows that it's not just her. I don't tell my passwords to anybody. However, she feels like I don't trust her and it makes it seem like I have something to hide. Am I crazy for being this protective of my passwords?

I really don't have anything to hide, although there's probably some porn or something if she knew where to look. And I don't think she'd ever snoop i guess i'm partly worried that she'd mess something up like give my laptop a virus or some shit do you guys tell your passwords to people no i don't i mean i understand that he's like i'd like a semblance of privacy and i'm not trying to hide anything in particular. Yeah. But I like my... I also come from a Jewish, Jewish, Jewish, Jewish family where there's no boundaries. Oh, yeah.

So I can imagine... I'm trying to picture, oh, like my parents, and it's like, of course they have each other's passwords. Yeah. They have the same bank account for crying out loudly. My mom doesn't know a single one of her passwords. Exactly need i need to like help her with something on tumblr and she's like you have to email dad yeah i could not tell you although i do like that that nathaniel says his girlfriend might put a like out of like give his computer a virus like she's

a thousand years old and has never like i haven't thought about viruses in so long. What's he talking about? She fell for a phishing scam while checking his email. Ooh, this.exe file looks pretty interesting. Hey, Nathaniel, we have to change all your passwords now. It looks like they're compromised. Yeah, I put a virus on your phone. He's basically calling her like a ball and chain, like a technological ball and chain. The wife won't try to log into my fucking

computer do you have what's your longest relationship uh three years and would that person have carte blanche access to your phone at a certain point uh yeah he would so they would be like hey let me take your phone he knows the password i mean i would give him the password at that point if he wanted it nothing to hide no don't think, it's a weird moment to be like, you know, we've slept together, we said I love you, I met your parents, I think I want your passwords. Yeah. Like, nobody does that.

Nobody does that, yeah. People I love know my password on my phone, because if I'm driving and something's going to change a song. Right, like, I know your password. Totally, and I know yours. But I like going to change a song. Right. Like I know your password. Totally. And I know yours. But I don't know your Gmail password.

Right. I think that's different. There's like passwords that people, you don't have to be weird about like not giving her your phone password or something. Well, it really, I mean, honestly,

it just really comes down to if there's some, if there's stuff you want to hide, you know, which is like, fine. If there's stuff you want to hide, then you have the right to hide it. Yeah. There is stuff I want to hide, you know, which is like, fine, if there's stuff you want to hide, then you have the right to hide it. Yeah, there is stuff I want to hide.

You also have your significant other's right to say, why would you want to hide something from me? And is it something that could potentially challenge our relationship? I think it's just like the kind of thing you're at, you probably ask. Here's two levels of digital privacy that i've noticed in 2017 let's say uh people who kind of have something to hide when they get messages on their iphone it just comes up as iMessage but you can't read it until it opens yes i've seen like that level of like hey if we're sitting down watching a movie and a thing pops up it's going

to say a person's name and iMessage it It's not going to say the message. As soon as you start doing that, I'm going to let you finish. But I want to just... Also, if somebody puts their phone facing down, I think that person is cheating on somebody. Just the face down. Because you can't even be...

You can't even choose a level of anonymity where it's like, by the way, you have a message. It'll say like, by the way, Georgia sent you a message. Because like you're already kind of implicated just by the name that's displayed. And I use that. I use that feature where it just says a message. Is that because you want to surprise yourself or because you want to keep a little privacy? I want to surprise myself.

It's like you keep a little gem of surprise for what that message will be rather than like, it's basically like, I don't want spoilers. I don't want to be spoiled. Spoiler alert as to what the text will be rather than like, it's basically like, I don't want spoilers. I don't want to be spoiled. Spoiler alert as to what the text will be when you can read it. I've been as shady as changing girls' names in my phone to my wife's names. Wow, that's really good.

That's dark. That's a sad place to be. Like when you're doing that, just break up with whoever you're with. Why did Domino's Pizza just text you? That they want to see you tonight. What's your second one? Read receipts.

People in long relationships seem to have read receipts on. Because it's like, when you read your thing, I want to know that you read it and that you haven't applied yet. I hate read receipts so very much. Yeah. I think they're so creepy and they're actually invasive. Because that's like, that's such an ambiguous level through which you could then attach any type of emotion. I think that's almost like technology putting some sort of pressure. Yeah. They're like trying to change the way we communicate by doing that.

Yeah. And that's why I call it ambiguous because it's like oh they can't say specifically what it is but it's like oh so you want to give me the opportunity to feel uh uh guilty or not even guilty just responsible yeah for having read this and not responding it's like the social stigma oh i hate it ignoring somebody i hate it yeah but then there's like ways around it like oh i I saw it on the lock screen, but I didn't open it. So it still doesn't count as unread. But you did, but, right, exactly.

But you didn't read it, but you didn't reply. No, no, it won't come through as read if it hasn't been opened yet. Yeah, but you can still like read the preview. Oh, yes. Yeah. Which is why I don't. I figured it out.

I cracked the code but then didn't we talk to somebody recently where it's like he has the read receipts on it's like maybe it's gone full circle to the point where like now read receipts is like a cool move oh yeah he did and he was like i'll like i put him on just to fuck with people yeah like yeah i did read your text and i didn't reply. Yes. And that was a choice. Then they know. Then they know. But that's terrible.

I don't want that. I want more ambiguity. I need to not be... All it does is encourage neuroses. That's all it does. Totally. It encourages neuroses and second-guessing. Isn't it safe to say that every text message is read within eight seconds?

And, like, every minute after that minute after that is a deliberate power play? No, for me, it's not like a pat on the back, but I prefer to just not look at my phone when I'm in the middle of a conversation or dinner or anything like that. Oh, that's nice. And I really won't. And I'm not saying it as a bragging thing. It's just like i don't want to be bothered and so and then do you do vibrations so you feel it blowing up and you don't look i don't look pure silence pure silence you don't even feel it i don't even feel

it and then you maybe that's the same thing where you like at the end of the meal you pull it out you see the green yes and that's great that's a mature thing to do i don't i wonder if there's anybody left or where for like the last generation that's gonna go on do not disturb mode oh yeah i we we definitely are right because soon it's gonna come to your watch soon it's gonna be like yeah and kids are like uh eyeballs yeah and kids are like no kid is like um i can wait on receiving information i'll take it easy for now. No, they want it immediately. It's true.

It's really hard. I was trying to think of the name of a song the other day, and I was like, I gave myself car sickness because somebody else was driving, and I was on my phone for like 25 minutes Googling everything I thought might be the lyrics to it. And I could not for the life of me be like, it'll come to me. No, it has to be here. You have to know. It's not going to it. And I couldn't just, I could not for the life of me be like, it'll come to me. No.

It has to be here. You have to know. It's not gonna come. I have to bring it to me. Yes. I can crack this code. By the way, I still haven't thought of it. Oh no, you still don't know? No. What are the lyrics? I thought it was a song about like a van running on veggie oil and it being like a shitty

car. Huh. That sounds like the cover to a fish album. Yeah. It's like my shitty vegetable oil car keeps breaking down something something it's a junker i don't know what the fuck these are these are all things that i looked up sounds very country i know i don't know are you sure it wasn't a dream you had it might have been honestly i've had a song in my head for i think eight years that i don't know what it is and i i distinctly remember where i heard it i was in israel with you like five years ago so how's it been in your head for eight years sorry it's been in my head for five years uh we were in israel six years ago was it actually i don't know sorry

just being an asshole but it's this and i don't the problem is i know i can hear it in my head but i can't like describe it outside because in my it sounds like, and it's been a long summer. What is it? Just kidding. And then when I sing that, everyone's like, oh, do you mean Long December by Counting Crows? I'm like, no, that's a different song. The words aren't even Long Summer. It's been a hard day's night.

That's almost what it sounds like. It's almost like a Jewish camp song, but I don't know why that would be playing on a radio in Israel. Isn't there a song called Cool Dry Summer? Like long, long. Oh, it's a dashboard song that says goodbye sweet summer. That's one. But I'm thinking of like cool summer.

Yeah, the problem is I don't even think the word summer is in it. It just, in my brain, it sounded like summer. It's a summer in Jewish. Yeah. Right. I don't know. I don't got it. I tried Snapchatting once, Instagramming it.

No avail. Nothing, huh? Crowdsourcing. Didn't happen. Didn't work. So what should we tell this guy specifically? Oh, yeah. Does he owe it to his girlfriend to just give her the passwords?

Does it depend on how long the relationship is i think you have a just i think that this this is not the kind of thing that should be like such a roadblock in a relationship i think you should be able to say hey i like i just it's not that i i have anything to hide i just feel like privacy is important like if there was ever a situation where you needed one of my passwords or something i wouldn't have i wouldn't hesitate to give it to you but but doesn't it seem like you would just be like sure do it no i don't know what's the thing i like to dig my feet in like what like why it's she's like what do you have to hide like well why what do you why do you need to get in right what do you have to unhide right what do you have to unearth what do you have to discover i think it's a healthy boundary.

I think so. I really do. So like Gmail password maybe too much, phone password fine? Yeah. Yeah. That seems appropriate. Yeah. That seems appropriate to me.

Pin? Yeah, sure. ATM pin? I think you could, I think you could say- Any four digit code you can have. You can have my pin and that's where I'm going to draw the line. Also like- Yes. Because your phone's at least always on your person.

Yeah. Well, not always. I can make sure nobody gets in there. You're going in the shower. Oh, I take my phone in the shower. There's been a lot of snooping in the shower. Am I crazy, or is the iPhone 7 waterproof? You're...

Oh. Did I make that up? I was about to say you're crazy, but now I'm seeing a commercial where it is. Yeah, I think it might be. That's why they got rid of the headphone jack, right? To make it waterproof. Oh, yeah. How can anything be... Like, what, I can submerge this in water and it's fine i'm frankly

surprised it's not waterproof already there's holes in it this thing should have been waterproof the entire time yeah i have don't the holes lead to the electricity i bet they could have made it waterproof really early on and they're like let's save it yes is this completely waterproof like it can get like drizzled on or like I can straight up fucking underground, underwater video shit. I think you can underwater video. That's crazy. It better be. They had that technology in like cameras for a long time.

Now, it used to be like they had to put it in a plastic box. Remember those cameras? Yeah. But now like- There are some like chunky underwater cameras that- I can see. Those are great we could have taken underwater photos in the fucking beach in honolulu well i have a six still

actually edit that part out edit that out i have an eight still uh all right let's take a break let's try to answer more questions after the break yeah but we got into it i like it so far we'll be right back with more us and Elliot and questions and answers after this. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode

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I basically know run and Hail Mary. You actually know both of those? Yeah, running is when you run and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn. I think you should download the draft kings pick six app select between two and six players for you to put some money on you select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat it's that simple

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See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash. Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point.

Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah.

It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point.

You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed.

Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a a z and not where you think and it's not biz with a z so if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one build a store an online portfolio the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free

trial and when you're ready to launch just just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Hey, we're back. Elliot's dog is in the studio. Yeah. He's just sort of a wise old dog that walks around and makes people happy. Elliot, I like you a lot, but I would do, I don't know, a 20-hour interview with Atticus. Yeah. He has the secret to life.

He's full of answers. He really is. He's like more chill than Yoda and Gandhi. He's so zen. It's nuts. it doesn't make any sense you think he knows he makes people like he just jumped onto the couch and then jumped in jake's lap yeah he knew he knew that jake would like he just loves warmth and like being like being with somebody he loves it he's so calming like when i met you downstairs usually when i see a dog i'm like you know get really excited yeah and just like touching atticus made me want

to whisper yes he's so slower he's so relaxing he's soup he's soup and a massage he really is he's so chill he's a gentle breeze over a country plane but then that's funny i say i say his name and he thinks i'm calling him oh he's like okay and he pops up and he's like a yeah it turns like a little he looks like a little like seal with arms. He really does. He really does. What kind of dog, just so people can picture it better? Well, I did the DNA test.

We should take a picture after this episode. And I was like, oh, he's definitely going to be like a Havanese and a Schnauzer. That was my guess. I got the DNA test and he was six different. Yeah, he was a person. He is a teacup Yorkie poo. Yeah. It's crazy. He's like a Pomeranian and a standard rat terrier or toy terrier or something.

Wow. And a Gordon Setter, which are huge dogs, which is like insane. Yeah. And then also Chihuahua, which we never would have seen coming. It's crazy. Chihuahua. That's what I say seen coming. It's crazy. Chihuahua. That's what I say. I mean, oh my God.

Do any of those dogs have the temperament that he has? No. Or is that totally unique to... That's why it's so interesting. Like, if anything, I guess a Gordon Setter might... I don't... I really don't... I don't know.

It made no sense. But it's so specific. Like, how could it not be real? Have you ever heard him bark? Oh, yeah. He'll bark. Occasionally, like, if someone knocks on the door or if... Yeah, he barks a little.

It's like, I'm trying to think and I can't even recall. A single bark time. Yeah, he'll bark a little bit, but he's not much of a barker. Wow. I didn't hear his voice for the first few weeks that i had him i was like maybe he doesn't bark is that a thing dogs that don't bark like there's quiet dogs yeah but zero barkage zero bark probably probably very true yeah like they don't know how yeah they they don't know how and there's the sad ones that they bite

yes oh they just rip your face off they're the sad ones. So instead they bite. Yes. Oh, they just rip your face off. I love that. They're the sad ones that people have their vocal cords removed because they're monsters. Oh, yeah. Then it's like a strange. Yeah. Monsters. Yeah. Just pure monsters.

That's so fucking sad. Yeah. That's like Hunger Games style torture. Chop off the tail. Chop off the balls. Cut off the voice. De-claw. Why did you want a dog?

I really just wanted a fuzzy torso. You wanted a stuffed animal. I wanted ribs and some sort of fluff. An above-ground manatee, ideally. What are you working on nowadays? Is there anything you want to plug slash promote? Well, I just finished writing on the sixth season of New Girls. Holy shit.

So we just wrapped that. How long have you been writing there? How many seasons? Just one. Just this last season. slash promote sure well i just finished writing on the sixth season of new girls holy shit just wrapped that is did you how long have you been writing there how many seasons just one just this last season just the last season yeah because i was i've been writing for the show younger and also broad city for the past couple of years holy shit so new girl was my first fancy job at a network yeah what's going on in new girl uh well who's hooking up zoe's still there classic actually zoe it had like um was pregnant in season five so she actually left for a few episodes from her maternity leave oh not in the show uh not in the show but on the show she went to quote jury duty and um megan fox came in and sort of replaced her for a few weeks wow Wow. So she actually came back this season because people loved her so much.

And so that was, like, for me as a first-year writer there, it was really fun to write for Megan Fox because I hadn't really thought one way or the other about Megan Fox before. Yeah. But her, like, and Zoe as a, like, a duo is so interesting to watch because they're night and day. I mean, Zoe's like yep you know like ukulele and adorkable or whatever and megan's like wears all black and is like you know

all business sardonic she's really funny that's really funny and the rest of the actually the the writers were would like tease me because i was like, Megan Fox is a genius. And they're like, well, she's great, but like, you're like up her ass. And I'm like, I just think she is fantastic.

Like, I just love Megan Fox and everyone's like, everyone likes her, but they're like, Elliot loves her. Like, what is with him

and Megan Fox? You're her Atticus. You're obsessed with Megan Fox, dude. I just was like, she's so, she's just a fun, you know why? Because she's an, she's sort of an antidote to the show. Right, right.

There's a little bit of like, she's sort of a dark humor cloud on the show, which is very upbeat and like, you know, the jokes, the show has become a sort of like a mile a minute joke fest, you know? It's like kind of taken on that like happy endings and 30 rock pace yeah and so it's really fun to bring someone like megan in and have her and just add her to the dynamic it's it's fun to it's just really fun i'll check out this season has it started airing yet oh yeah yeah we uh we're almost it's almost done airing it started the sixth season started in i think september or october and so we'll be wrapping up in a few weeks. I feel like I could jump back in New Girl. It's fun. I watched up until like season three or four.

Yeah, the actors are all fantastic, but Lamorne, who plays Winston, is just so funny and so easy to write for. He's such a great improviser. He's just really fun to write for and watch on set how did uh writing for a network compare to writing for like so different cable and it's a different world completely i mean it's just so bureaucratic and so big and there's so much more money but and there's just so yeah there's just so much more um like tradition to it you know for better or worse i mean like the room and then

yeah breaking off and writing it yeah it's very it's like at least for me it was felt like a boot camp it didn't feel like something that you had to do just to like cut your teeth and you'd rather stay in cable or is it uh that's a good question i think yes i think especially for like selling my own projects that would you know star me ostensibly it's like i'd rather go back to cable and yeah me and megan fox amazing yeah but yeah megan fox and sia does the theme song forget it i'd oh that'd be so good game over yeah no i i i think for me like for you know for better or worse i i think cable is more my lay of the land. But it was a great, and I might go back to, I mean, but it was a great place to cut my teeth on the sort of old school joke room.

You know, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke versus story, story, story. Are you one of the youngest guys in that room? I think so. I think, yeah, probably. I mean, there's a veteran people in their like late 20s and yeah i'm in my early 30s and there's i think most people there are in their like 40s wow yeah it's a great great great room of people and some comedians and you know noah garfinkel and oh yeah joe wanger yeah yeah oh hilarious hilarious people so jay can stop by

any time and sort of be a writer on the show absolutely yeah yeah i mean jesus what would be an honor yeah you're obviously angling for it doing oh come on do you bring atticus yeah then i am going to come back oh yeah yeah yeah and sure i have a spec script sure you can find one well billy on billy eichner they did on bill on the Street, they did one of their dollar rounds or whatever it's called. Oh, yeah. He was running around asking people hilariously irreverent questions. And one of them was, is New Girl having a quiet renaissance? And I was like, that is hilarious.

Yeah. Because we're like, maybe, hoping, please, can we, can we, we can you you know and but it's so it's so funny because yeah it's a show that's like moved out of the zeitgeist for sure but it still has a very loyal following and zoe is still a movie star you know and jake too i mean they're all like jake and max are all like movie stars yeah so it's still an interesting place to work it's like at the end of parks and rec where like chris pratt is also the number one movie star exactly it's like oh wow look at that right he's in guardians of the galaxy yeah and here how'd you get him it's like well exactly he's the reason he's hot that's why he's hot so uh all right you want to answer some more questions

i want to i want to dispense some more wisdom before you have to get out attica is going to answer this next one. All right, here we go. He is fully asleep at this point. All the secrets. Oh, another guy's name. Oh, another man's name. Sinclair.

Oh, we need a last name too? Yeah, let's go for it. St. James. Sinclair St. James. That's two last names. That's right. And one Monopoly property. That's right. Hey there, my Jew friends. Still St. James. That's two last names. That's right. And one monopoly property. That's right.

Hey there, my Jew friends. Still works. Yeah. I'm a 22-year-old British boy in the midst of a quandary, and I was hoping my favorite child man could help. Are you a child man? Yes. Great.

For sure. I work alongside a six-cent babe. Not all of us can be tens. And I've realized I'm becoming increasingly attached to her. The problem is twofold. One, she has a BF, albeit of less than a year. Two, I think she likes me, but I'm not sure and I'm bad at reading this kind of stuff. I have asked girls out before with varying degrees of success, so I'm not too scared of that normally. But if she rejects me, I literally sit opposite to her

and have to talk to her every single day. I can't imagine a more awkward situation. I know it's a dumb question because she's already with someone, but I like her, and they're not married, damn it. Do I just dive in almost blind and hope she likes me,

or should I play it cool and not say anything? Help. Thanks in advance. Long time fan. Toda. Love. Sinclair St. Help. Thanks in advance. Long time fan. Todah. Love. Sinclair St. James. Hmm.

So he's basically in love with someone at work. Yeah. Someone that he's not even attracted to. Or like he has a... I just don't understand why he called her a sick set piece and then also wants to break up their relationship. That's terrible. Well, if he's really ugly, then maybe that's as good as it gets.

I guess so. that could be true there's something like like i never thought of the idea of like uh finding a mate at work but it's i feel like i've heard more and more straight people just be like oh yeah that like happens all the time i think it almost exclusively happens and it's never it's never crossed my mind i've never been part of my experience because as a gay guy it's like i'm in the minority so it's you know so like oh so it's tough to you i would there's not a large pool for you yeah there's no situation a real life situation in which i'd be walking to a room in which there were you know a ton of potential boyfriends or something most of the places i worked have only ever had one gay person working exactly so it's never i've never even thought that way about anything the idea of meeting somebody at work so i think there's an advantage to being

straight and having that be a possibility finally we get an advantage finally but which is why in this case i think sinclair should lay off oh you're like you know what he like again as a as a gay guy i have access to 10 of the people of the population if that you know for like love and sex or whatever he has access to 90 right he can find somebody outside of work find somebody or somebody else at work that you don't think is a six yes don't call her a six cent babe babe or whatever. Disgusting. Kind of an oxymoron. If you're like, she's not a babe, babe. Six-cent is so specific. I mean, if he, I think even if it's like a sure thing,

like she definitely wants you to ask her out, it's still awkward to ask someone out. So like don't take a fucking 50-50 shot with someone with a boyfriend. And with somebody who sits across from you every day. This is so bad from the get-go. Maybe his best bet is to be the best type of casual non-asking-her-out dude. Hope that she breaks up with the other boyfriend and then hope that she asks him out. I think that's right.

Yeah. Even if she was single, I don't think you can ask somebody out at work. You have to just like persist at work functions and stuff. And there are a lot of those. There's like work happy hours and you could say like, are you going? Whatever. Have you guys dated people at work? Almost exclusively.

Wow. You too? No. Does it blow up in your face? Yes. Of course. Bad. I used to like work in the same office with a girlfriend and we would get into like bad fights

and like she would walk past my desk and like not look at me and I would just be like stewing needing to write a comedy sketch oh that's so infuriating that sucks who would want that I would want to run the risk of that yeah no it's not good I mean I I can't help myself sure Jake doesn't think about risks love yeah that's right I can't help myself. Sure. Jake doesn't think about risks. Jake loves love. Yeah, that's right. I don't think about consequences in any way, shape, or form. Right. Has that changed, do you think? Or are you still sort of that way?

No, I guess I've gotten more aware that I don't think of consequences. So I can like sort of, it's almost like watching a movie. Being like, Jake's not thinking of this one. Yeah, you're like Benjamin buttoning into a teenager teenager and just like thinking without your frontal lobe development and just being like sure but i'll date the woman i'm watching it like i'm watching a horror movie like don't go in there yes get out like i can't stop i watch this show that only uh children watch called the fosters i've never heard of it's on freeform which is the channel for teenagers of course but i love this show so much it's like a it's a show it's a drama

like a melodrama about two lesbians and their house of like a thousand children that they fostered and adopted like four kids or whatever it's a real show yeah it's a real show it's really good like it is actually a really good show and it's because it's a melod show. Yeah, it's a real show. It's really good. Like, it is actually a really good show. And because it's a melodrama, you know, everyone has a storyline that's just crazier than the last sometimes. And I'm like, you know, you watch it with a grain of salt. But then there was a scene where two of the adults were talking and they were like, remember, kids, these kids don't think. Like, kids literally and scientifically don't have the function to think before they do something which is why kids get into trouble all the time and it reminded me like oh my god that that's a real thing that as adults we do hopefully and usually have the wherewithal to be like okay i can think before

i make this decision whereas kids are just idiots straight up dummies who are like, yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, yeah, let's have, let's like, I'm gonna jump off the roof and see if I can fly. Now both my legs are broken. Why'd that happen? What the hell? I didn't see that one coming. Yeah, I mean, how would kids be smart?

They haven't lived, like their first eight years, they were legit children. But then I wake up, I still wake up in the morning and I'm like, have a pounding hangover. And I'm like, what the, like, I know, I drank like nine whiskeys. That's like, I knew this would happen. And here I am. But I did it anyway.

I guess getting drunk almost turns you into a child. For sure. Yeah. It sort of sweeps away all the logic and adult stuff. And it's like, all right, now you're an animal. It's out the window. Yeah. And I guess I still like, I actively like to get drunk because I know that I'll get myself there.

Yeah. You want to get yourself to that place of abandonment. Your inner child. So I'm still like, even when I'm sober and I'm like about to have my first drink, I'm like, I know I'll be hungover. Like, I know that I'm opening this door where I'm going to go get drunk and lose myself. Yes. Good for you. Finally.

Good for you. Or maybe when I'm 40, I'll stop bad behavior. Oh, wow. Instead of just recognize it? I guess. I mean, I'm getting closer. I'm trending towards it. Eventually, you'll shed that bad boy image.

Everybody thinks of me as a little Jewish bad boy. Shoot. All right. Let's try to answer one more because we've only done two sure and we usually do 60 okay okay okay it's usually rapid fire but i like i like that we've got real in this episode we went in deep we're just talking it's more quality than quantity i honestly think it's the atticus effect if you could just you could start an atticus podcast oh yeah i mean you could there's a million things he's he's on broad city too oh really yeah if you watch the dog episode from season two i see that i i literally married atticus wow another dog but he was so and the

animal you know we had a bunch of dogs on set that day and the animal trainer was this like big like fat dude from brooklyn he was like i can't believe your dog he was like i cannot believe your dog he's the most beautiful animal i've ever seen and i I'm like, he's like, he's trained, right? And I was like, I mean, he's not formally trained. He's like, and the guy was blown. He's like, he's not an actor? He doesn't act. He's not an actor.

Yeah, no, this is him like, he's so chill. He's not doing a character right now? He just couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe it. Will you one more time just for me say, I can't believe your dog? I can't believe your dog. That's Jake's ringtone now. I really would love that, I can't believe you, dog. I can't believe you, dog. That's Jake's ringtone now. I really would love that.

I can't believe you, dog. That's a little more like a long... That of yours is a little more Long Island. There is a fine line between the Brooklyn accent and the Long Island accent is much more disgusting. Oh, yeah. And in the nose. Brooklyn's charming. Yeah, Brooklyn's a little more charming.

Which one did you love? The bus one? one yeah i liked the bus one all right i'm gonna read the bus one great this one's written by a lady oh okay so you want to give her a lady name give her a lady name sure um champagne no wait urbana what is it uh champagne ur? Yeah. That's a place, right? Yeah, it's a city. Very nice. Isn't that in the Kokomo song? Yeah. Champagne Urbana, come on pretty mama. I recently moved back home with my parents to save money, which means now I have a commute of an hour and a half to get to work. This means getting a bus at 6.30 a.m. every morning. I'm a smoker, and to be courteous, I stood at the far side of the bus shelter

to save the other people at the stop from having to breathe my delicious smoke. The shelter's about two feet back from the road, and there's no set queuing area. People just line up when the bus gets there. Because I'm on the far side of the shelter, I'm queuing from a different side than the rest of the bus wankers.

One morning, I thought I heard one guy grumble that I was skipping the queue, but I had my earphones in, so I didn't really hear about it, and I dismissed it. Yesterday, the same thing happened, but this time I had music turned down, and a small fraction had come together to give out about me skipping the queue. So today, instead of standing at my usual spot, I started a queue at the edge of the road so it would stop them from grumbling as I was clearly at the head of the queue. This seemed to infuriate them, and one woman tried to push me out of the way as the bus pulled up, shouting that there was a queue and that this was ridiculous. I agreed that there was a queue

because I had started it and proceeded to get on the bus to a chorus of protests. Now I don't know what to do tomorrow. It seems like whatever I do, I'm in the wrong, and I don't really want to start a brawl on the side of the road that early in the morning. Also, it's not like the bus is full or that there'd be no seats for them when they got on 10 seconds later. The bus isn't even half full at that time. I'm quite a stubborn person, and I don't really think I'm in the wrong here. I keep waiting until they all got on first. Sorry, I know waiting until they all got on first would smooth things over,

but then they would feel like they had won, and I don't want to give them that satisfaction. So can you please give me some advice on what to do? How do I get these bus holes off my case? I'm open to petty revenge. Sorry for the long email. Lots of love. Champagne, Urbana. P.S. Do another show in Ireland.

Ireland. So it's in Ireland. That makes sense. So it's already kind of a sad situation because it's a bunch of people waiting at a bus stop in Ireland at 6.30 in the morning. I assume it's drizzling and dark. Get a car. Get a car. What are you doing? Wow, I guess I never thought about that. You're living at home. Save your dark. Get a car. Hmm. Oh, shit. Get a car.

What are you doing? Wow. I guess I never thought about that. You're living at home. Save your money. Buy a car. Buy a car and stop waiting in the queue. Yeah. That is probably the most logical idea.

Get a car. Get a bike. But maybe, oh, bikes? Well, an hour and a half commute. Hour and a half commute. But she also, like, even if she's going to get a car, she's got to save a little bit of money. So she has probably another couple weeks, maybe months. Right.

When she's got to deal with this bus thing. Yeah. I honestly don't have an answer because I don't fully understand the problem. It seems like people are just mad at her for no reason. The first two times she didn't know where the cue was, accidentally skipped it. Yeah. The third time she started a cue,

but people were even more mad at that. Yeah. How dare you? And she recognizes the right answer is to not engage. Yeah, just go on later. I mean, this is like a curb your enthusiasm type thing. Like a Larry. I'm so the opposite.

Like, I don't want any confrontation at all. Right. Yeah. As soon as somebody even remotely scolded me for skipping a line, I would wait for the next bus. Right. What's your getting on a plane etiquette? Are you first in line? Are you like, just let them get on.

I'll go on last. I don't care. Oh, just let them get in line. I mean, we're all going on the same place. Yeah. There's no reason to make somebody else's trip unpleasant by elbowing your way to the place. There's no reason to do that. We're all going to the same place unless you're dying to get your baggage directly over where you're sitting.

And you're dying to do that. Yeah, that's the advantage this is i like i like i just said i hate confrontation but one time where i will just like fight for my shit is when i'm going on an airplane yeah because i like i hate when this is this most privileged complaint i've ever i'm sky priority johnny q public is cutting my ass. Right. I'm not going to tell you what status I am on Delta, but I do recognize there's like, you know, they have zone one, zone two, zone three, zone four. And there's people in zone three that just start like sort of inching their way.

They're like, I want to be the first one of zone three. But you're going in front of zone one. You get that, right? No, I can't go in because I got a bag. You can't squeeze by someone if you have a roller. Right. Yeah. And I mean, then all the rollers, the spots above your head are disappearing.

Then you got to check your bag. Then they lose your bag. And then it's just. I will admit, I feel so superior when I'm in sky zone. Oh, yeah. The priority. I feel like a king. Yeah.

Even just economy comfort. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Economy premium. Keep walking, bro. comfort. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Economy premium. Keep walking, bro. I like to sit in there as early as possible and just go like this. People just march to the back. The worst is when you put your bag downstream.

So, like, when you get up, you're like, all right, now, what do I, like, shovel past? The aisle is already not wide enough for one human. So unpleasant. But I will say, flying sky Priority, a couple weeks ago, the guy who was, I was sitting window, this guy was sitting aisle, he had so many points

that he bought his seat and the middle seat. Oh, wow. What an amazing travel companion. He was any, oh, he's a douche. He was a dick and he got into a fight

with somebody, like a nice woman. He got into a big fight with her and was just terrible. Just terrible. I'm sorry about that. Oh, it's okay that i have to take it and i'm actually sorry about this mom it wasn't it was pleasant for me though to have that extra leg room in the middle kind of oh you know he was like this is where i put my bag this is where i put my ipad this is where i plug in i'm putting my gadgets here just

so you know don't even think about putting anything i bought this seat this isn't like this isn't free and by chance i know he bought it because he told the woman he got in a fight with i bought this seat because i have that many points and she's like well bitch you're still not sitting in first class so yeah you don't have that many points yep yeah that's a weird level of like buying an extra economy comfort seat yeah it's like you're pretty close to just doing business. She was like, your ass is still in premium economy with me, bitch. She said that?

No, she, the woman, she didn't say that directly, but she just burned, like she just burned him hard. He was horrid. I mean, what a waste of points.

Horrid. What a waste of points. Right. For his iPad. Nothing says premium economy like an iPad. Just buy yourself a first class seat.

Just buy, that's what it was, it was like, just buy yourself a first class seat. Just buy, that's what it was like. If it's that important. Just buy yourself a first class seat. Don't buy two premium economy seats. If you got some points to burn. Yeah. All right.

Do we have any specific? I don't know what to tell this lady. Oh, I think you got to swallow your pride and let them win. Just get on the bus after. Yeah. Or make a huge stink of it every morning and then say, I was here first. You know, this is probably the easiest one is smoke your cigarette on the way to the bus and then just like get in the queue with everybody.

Right. And then you don't have to, I mean, nobody's asking you to be at the end of the line. No one's saying you can't ride the bus. They just want you. These people have been like lining up at the bus at 630 for a probably pretty long time. And you're like this smoking newcomer that thinks that you're too good for the line. These people have been like lining up at the bus at 6.30 for a probably pretty long time. Yes. And you're like this smoking newcomer that thinks that you're too good for the line. I'm with them.

I'm with the angry mom. Me too. I imagine they're also a lot older than her. So maybe it's like, don't worry, they'll be dead soon enough situation. Where is she going that takes an hour and a half in Ireland? Every time you get there. She's going to Dublin from... Cork. Yeah. Oof. You can believe it. Rough commute. going that takes an hour and a half in ireland every time you get there yeah dublin from cork yeah oof you can believe it rough commute jesus i hope she saves up her um ireland money yeah i really do air lingus leprechaun points save it up baby save up your lucky charms

get a car get a place in Dublin just get out sure champagne we want you to get out of your parents house move to champagne I want to go to Ireland so badly you've never been?

I haven't and I love gingers oh so I need to go holy shit when you go let us know we'll give you

the lay of the land there's an amazing amazing club that everybody in Ireland disparages but everyone also goes oh called Coppers

it's a like a four story nightclub ooh maybe it's two stories whatever it's insane yeah it's like

it's crawling with humans delicious yeah a lot of a lot of Irishmen oh my god a lot of Irishmen breakfast for days sticky

sticky floors for upset nurses too oh that's great alright Elliot thanks for coming on the show thanks for having me this was so fun

if people want more Elliot in their lives where do they go? they go to elliottglazer.com or hauntingrenditions.com two L's one L one T

one L one T and you can say my name on Instagram and Twitter as elliottglazer easy full branding easy

easy peasy opening theme song written by again Joe Kim I forgot to shout out his song that he wanted to shout or his song that he wanted to shout, or his Twitter that he wanted to shout out.

So thank you, Joe Kim. Twitter, at Joe Conch. Ooh, that's a tough one. J-O-K-O-N-C-H. Follow Joe Conch. Everybody just forgot Elliot Glazer. Yes, Joe Conch. Joe Conch.

And this closing theme song is written by Billy Healy. So thanks, Joe Kim. Thanks, Billy Healy. Thanks to you guys for listening. Thanks to Elliot for coming. Thanks. Thanks for Atticus, too. And then we'll be back soon enough.

Baby! Baby! And you come to Jake asking for help Please, the muse says you are dumb And they softly preach that it's you Who needs this show If I were you, show If I, if I were you, show

You really need this show Cause we're living in a world of fools Breaking us down When we all should seize the cheese It belongs to you and me That was a hate gun podcast.