Segments - 267: Nipple Hair (w/Hoodie Allen!)

Episode Date: April 3, 2017

Rapper and Friend Hoodie Allen joins us to discuss pranks, jewelry and spatulas. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. My girlfriend's leaving for a week Should I trust her at all? She's probably dumb if she trusts me Cause I got chicks up on my balls

And even if you phone while I'm getting blown I will still answer your calls Zero to D It's not so bad. It's not so bad. It's not so bad. D and J. I got some sticky situations. I accidentally sliced my dick.

I quit session masturbation. I'm afraid to see my doctor. But I don't know what else to try. Some amoeba ice would help. Cause I know the weebles do it dry. Told a bitch to sit on my face. How I asked her to fuck her. Said if you just sit on my face.

I could eat my way to your heart I went out to a party, and ended up with glitter on my balls Came home smelling fish, my girl's mum smelled trail of the walls I made sure to give revenge though, I try not to brag and gloat Bitches have to eat my foot, or get a spitball down her throat My dick's kinda small too, it's only an average seven inches How can I be as proud as Blumenfeld in the pinches? Also found some dirt in the tub

so obviously come fuck the way my life's going i'd rather kill myself at a starbucks anyways i hope you play this dude hit me back my two jews seize my cheese if i were you help me please you know it's funny i thought the whole thing was grating and then the end with the ha! Rough start, but I think he picked it up during the rap part. Crude. Absolutely crude. Crude like oil. That was Sean Freeman from Nova Scotia, Canada. Big fan, he says.

The Scosh. The Scosh. What did you think? Hoodie Allen? I thought Canadians were supposed to be a lot more polite than that. Yeah, now that Drake's just opened the floodgates Hoodie Allen. I thought Canadians were supposed to be a lot more polite than that. Yeah. Now that Drake's just opened the floodgates of rapping, everybody thinks they can do it up there.

But they don't know how we do it down here. You know what I mean? How we do it in... The States. America. He did the Dido part, which was hard to pull off. I think that's the problem. Right.

And then he also did the stand. He lost us at Dido. Yeah. Which was the start. Is singing harder than rapping? Would I think that's the problem. And then he also did the stand. Which was the start. Is singing harder than rapping? Would you say that's true? Or is that just because... I don't know. I won't even answer.

Being a great singer might be harder. I don't know. I feel like people who are great singers sometimes just are born with it the same way that you could just be born as a great rapper. Right. Or you could have no talent at all. So maybe it's harder for me because I can't sing. I think that rapping is easier. But for a singer,

Well, you also can't rap. Yeah. But I would say if I had to choose one to be better at, I would be better at rapping. Right, right, right. So like if you needed to become good at either singing or rapping, you'd be like, I'm going to go for rapping because I have no natural singing ability. Yeah, exactly. And I already know how to talk. I just need to learn how to do it, how to beat it. Just say it with rhymes.

I think the, like the start of every sort of like when you go with music, it's like your imitation, right? So maybe it's easier for you to imitate a rap that you hear and like kind of recreate it with the same energy rather than trying to hit like the notes of beyonce right that's never gonna happen i forgot you don't pronounce the last e in beyonce what about her sister solange okay so you you took the accent of the e and you put it over her sister's name oh yeah that was the typo uh hoodie allen back in the. Is this episode three for you? Four for you?

I think it's number three. Yeah, it's definitely number three. Wow, that's a rarefied error. Not a lot of three-time guests. I feel, it's not, we just did our fifth video. Oh shit. Fourth and a half video. It's true, we did a video for our HeadGum YouTube channel,

which you can watch right now. It's on youtube.com slash HeadGum. Hell yeah. Someone asked me recently how I met you guys. And I think the answer is Twitter. I tweeted at your ass. I don't know if we've already covered that ground in a previous episode.

We might have. This might just be redundant, but. Yeah. What was that mixtape of yours that I listened to? Was it Leap Year? I don't know, but it was way better than whatever shit you're putting out now. I like that underground shit you did. I like the bagels and beets, and that was it.

That was my favorite thing that you ever did. Yeah, it's been downhill from here, but we still hang out with you. It was. Because we know there's greatness innate inside you. It was six or seven years ago, right? Oh, yeah, from the first thing. Yeah, because I released it when I was in college. Jesus.

College boy. And when did we make videos together? Like 2010 as well? 11 maybe? I think the first video was in 2011. Wow, six years ago. We missed our five-year anniversary. That was a fun day.

Do you remember we forgot to order lunch? No. We put in our... No, please tell me more. Do you remember we forgot to order lunch? No. We put in our sandwich orders, and I forgot to click send on SeamlessWeb. So we were waiting for an hour, and then I looked to see the confirmation, and I never got it. And then I looked at the other tab, and I never submitted it. Did you pass it off as like, I don't know what happened? Or did you own up to it and say, I never hit submit?

I owned up. I think it was clear. I think we were all looking at the computer. I'm not sure I would have if it was just like me, solo, dolo, looking at the computer. That's why you remember it. You probably feel you have this innate, you carry the guilt around with you. Yeah. Whereas we don't really remember that lunch at all.

Yeah, you know, to be honest, that was like way before I got Hollywood. So I didn't even know that people were supposed to feed you. Oh. So if that happened today, you'd fucking flip out. Yeah, I'm waiting on my cheese plate before we get started with these questions. Marty! Marty, bring the cheese plate! Marty's making a charcuterie board.

It's really nice. There's no gray air. I'm getting the fuck out of here. Oh, it begins. I like it. Alright, so you know how this works. We do our best to advise the youth of America. They'll email us to afireyoushow at gmail.com. Jake and I try to dispense some wisdom, sometimes by ourselves, sometimes we have a guest.

Today we have Hoodie Allen. Nearly a million followers on Twitter. Whoa. It's not that hard to buy them. Yeah, it's amazing. All Russian bots. I will say sometimes people have a million followers, and then I look, it's like, you have eight retweets and six likes on your last tweet.

Those aren't a real million people, but you got the real million. I think so. Yeah, you got the thousands of likes, the thousands of RTs. Yeah, and I posted our latest video collaboration. I got some good response. Yeah, it's our most watched video in the first day. Really? Yeah.

Oh, wow. I was going to ask you that. I was going to ask you what the metrics were because I very much like that stuff. Oh, yeah. You're number one. I looked at the comment section, and I think it's just amazing not to be, like, corny. But I think it's amazing how, like, every single person just calls back, like, old, like, lines and stuff. I mean, the people who are yeah, the people who are really

dedicated to you guys are pretty damn awesome. And they're also dedicated to you by proxy. Yeah, I'm hanging on. Yeah.

I mean, we've had people come up to us that say they found out about us through you. And vice versa. Right. And then they want me

to rap about what we rapped about there like at professional rap concerts and it's very uncomfortable. You really should do the Aardvark come. Do the Aardvark come! When that's screamed

and a group of a thousand girls are just like, I don't know why you're saying these crass things. It's just like, oh man.

You should do one album called Aardvark come. I know. Is that crazy? Just a mixtape. Just a freebie for the OGs. Do you ever release like a

SoundCloud diss track to aardvarks? yeah coming at you Arthur finally someone took them down a peg smug little anteating fox

is there a difference between an aardvark and an anteater? probably, I think an aardvark might be closer to a beaver than an anteater. I have no idea what a fucking aardvark is. Sounds true. Not alphabetically. Not alphabetically. All right, this email was written to us by an Australian male. Are we getting into it?

We're getting into it. Do you have an Australian male name for us to refer to this person as? Oh, man. Dingo Claiborne. That's really good, because dingo is an Australian animal. Looking at an aardvark now, it looks way more like an anteater than a beaver. Wow, I was way off. Like, holy shit. Can we get rid of that part, or at the very least bleep it out? We gotta edit. Here, let's take another one where I say, actually an anteater looks nothing like a beaver.

Here, all right, well, let's just do one where... Anyone who suggests that is wrong. You guys ask what an aardvark is? Oh, it's a nocturnal feeder. It subsists on ants and termites. It'll dig out of the hills using its sharp claws and powerful legs. That's oddly specific. Wow.

It's not from Wikipedia. I figured it out. I subscribe to Ranger Rick as a tween. All right, Dingo Claiborne writes, Six months ago, I moved to Sydney with my girlfriend of five years. We moved in with her older sister and brother-in-law. This is where my problem began.

I'm somewhat of a chef, always cooking up some great dishes that I share with everybody. While cooking, I accidentally broke a spatula of theirs. No big deal. About a week later though, I broke a salt and pepper shaker. Okay. Another week, I broke a glass mug, her brother-in-law's favorite, and a glass bowl on the same day.

Then, after her sisters asked me to clean the glass cooked off, I managed to crack it all the way across. It was $250 to fix. I could fast forward and just tell you that I've broken two more spatulas and an umbrella. I don't know what to do here. My girlfriend used to be on my side, but now she's getting really fed up. Her sister and brother-in-law think I'm some kind of monster

that I might be doing it on purpose. I don't mean to be a diva, but I feel like a bull in a fucking china shop. It's always an accident, and I always replace the broken item with a newer and better one. How do I stop them from hating me for an honest accident? What do I do here, guys? Cheers.

Dingo. And I broke the keyboard. Holy shit, I'm cursed. This guy's a monster. He's a 10-foot ogre. I think he's breaking things. You can't break that many things. Three spatulas.

That's hard to pull off, let alone an umbrella. I guess umbrellas are pretty flimsy, fragile. But he is fixing it. So I don't know. I don't quite understand what the real problem is. I think it's not about fixing it. It's about just breaking everything. You don't want somebody around that's doing that.

No, yeah. Well, this is what his girlfriend is saying. But what can he do? I don't want somebody around that's doing that. No, yeah. Well, this is what his girlfriend is saying. But what can he do? I don't know. I feel like if I was in a situation, you know, because this is one of those uncomfortable situations where you're meaning to do something good. Yeah. And you just keep making it worse by being yourself.

And he's persistent. I mean, I give him that. He really wants to stay in the kitchen. But at this point, I think he should explore takeout options. He breaks his phone. Clearly, this isn't working out. Yeah, he doesn't click submit on Seamless. That's enough. You'll never forget it, will you? I already did forget it.

I had already forgotten it. You brought it up. Have you ever embarrassed yourself like that in front of like a, like you meet your girlfriend's family for the first or second or whatever time and you like fuck up and you're like, shit. Oh, there was a really funny time where I was at this big, I was with an old girlfriend, like this nice fancy dozen person dinner, like just beautiful.

Everybody's like dressed up. Somebody had like cooked this amazing meal for us and we were like passing everything around and there was a huge like plate of duck and I was like passing it and I just like tilted the tray. Oh no. Thankfully it was on my girlfriend at the time and not anybody else.

But she was wearing, like, a beautiful dress and, like, all of the, I mean, like, a full cup of duck fat and duck juice just all over her dress. And then you said, duck juice, ooh. I am sorry about this and I won't clean it up, babe. I don't think that you really should be here. Who's got club soda? That's like a very meet the parents moment. Yeah.

It was, that was embarrassing. What do you do? You just like apologize. Yeah. I mean, there's. Sorry. Yeah. You're like, you're upset and apologetic, but at the same time, people can't get mad

at you. Nobody can. It's anetic, but at the same time, people can't get mad at you. Right, it's an accident, but then it also happens. So you can apologize, but you can't take the duck juice off of somebody. Yeah, that's what they say. You can't take the duck juice off a dress. Yeah, once you go duck juice. You know that phrase? I think the tough thing about it, because even that was like, nobody was mad at me.

It was uncomfortable, and I felt really bad. But like everyone's goal in that situation is to like not let that ruin the whole dinner. Yeah. Just like everybody's goal here is probably not to like, the first time he breaks a spatula, like he feels bad and everyone's like, it's fine. But then you break something else and you're like, I feel really bad. And they're like, no, it's fine. Yeah.

The trouble here is that the more stuff he breaks now like now the the paradigm has shifted where he's like i'm not doing it on purpose and everyone's like you're being an asshole what's that what's that number is it two times because that's kind of that's what i feel like in my head like in that first in the example you gave like you're the one who feels the worst right yeah like you're the one who feels uncomfortable and can't get over it everyone else else kind of moves on and it's cool. And even if something else happened, it's just like, okay, this is a clumsy, whatever. Like you're nervous.

I spill the duck, we move past it, and then I reach over and I spill a glass of wine. And then I'm like, I retreat into my own head. You're very in your head. This really sucks. And everyone's like, it's fine. It's really fine. Fool me twice.

Is it like one more after that? I think it's one more after that one more after one more after that i i sneeze and soup goes on to everybody oh the old soup sneeze yeah at a certain point you have to be like all right jake uh no hard feelings but you do have to leave you're too accident prone to be here right yeah it's like sorry you are the worst apparently has that ever happened to you the embarrassing yourself in front of a lady friend's family parents oh friends maybe um i remember really not wanting to eat something like at a family dinner like they made food that i didn't like and i'm like if i ate this i feel like i would like be physically ill but at the same time i don't want to be rude i feel like that's what vegans

feel like all the time. They're just like, sorry, if the parents don't understand, it's like, sorry, I can't eat this, this, or this. There's that, you know that Weezer song? It's a more new one. It's like, I ate the, like, your mom made meatloaf, even though I don't eat meat. I liked you so much, I took some for the team. Oh, that's really good.

It's a sweet word. Is that porks and beans? No, it's if you want me to, I'll say it's true. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a great song. I'm going to listen to it after we're done here. Fuck it, let's do it now. Let's take a break.

Wait, what did they want you to eat? I think it was like shrimps and mushrooms. You're not a shellfish kind of guy, huh? Yeah, you're kind of a picky eater too, right? Like what do you do if they like put down food? How do you know that? I remember eating lunch with you once and you're like, I can't have that and that and that. Is that doubting you?

Is that true? Are you willing to admit it? I'm willing to admit it. Yeah, I don't like very many things or people. We didn't even ask you to admit the people part. Yeah. Well, I'm just being forthcoming at this point You're saying the way they taste

Yeah the way they taste The way they stink and how it's on your breath afterwards It's terrible Hashtag cannibal problems Yeah I forgot what the question was but I'm definitely a picky eater And I'm willing to admit that I don't like tomatoes or mushrooms Has that ever come up in public where somebody's like just eat it

And you're like I really don't want to Yeah you ever get a sandwich from a restaurant Or something from a restaurant Or mushrooms. Has that ever come up in public where somebody's like, just eat it. And you're like, I really don't want to. Yeah. You ever get a sandwich from a restaurant or something from a restaurant? Say you're really excited about a dish of pasta. And you're just like, no onions, please. Or something like that. Because I don't know. Someone puts onions or something in the big ziti.

I don't know why they did this. And then it comes. And it's the sort of dish where it's clearly baked into it. You'd have to be picking out the whole time. Oh, no. Even better than this. It's like a burrito, right? and it's like the sort of dish where it's like clearly baked into it you have to be you'd have to be picking out the whole time oh no even better than this it's like a burrito right because it's it's wrapped you can't see inside of it and if they put one of those things that you don't want in there you literally have to stick your whole hand in there and mess that shit up just to get to it surgery so sometimes would you rather just eat the burrito that's got like the big ass tomato in it that you hate.

Or, I don't know why the burrito has it, but just say like all the little pieces of, or would you rather just like suffer through it, but know every single bite that you have of it, you get that texture. Yeah. And you feel that texture in your mouth and you're like, this isn't even good anymore. I'm so angry. It's torture, yeah. I guess it depends on how much you dislike the food versus how much you dislike feeling shame. Yeah. It's tough for me to send things back, but I would do it if I specifically requested that like they're not, I would say no peppers in a burrito.

I don't like peppers in a burrito. I would mess up my day. Yeah. Actually, you have that song about it. Yeah. No, it hasn't come out yet. I played that preview for you. Peppers in a burrito. for you in a burrito no peppers in my

burrito actually did you see the bo burnham especially has this like whole like kanye diatribe about like mexican food or like how his i have seen bo burnham special yeah his complaints are about like chipotle versus like you know getting stands on your t-shirt because you strip or bleach your asshole yeah that's that's a little amazing bit. It has all the lighting production stuff. Anyway. Shout out to Bro Berman. Alright. We blame you too, unfortunately.

Yeah, I don't know what you do aside from just like... Big gesture. Really, he needs a really, really big gesture of kindness where it keeps him away from a spatula in doing so, so there's no chance that he can over- Yeah, he broke three spatulas.

And the salt and pepper shaker. Usually, he would just break one. How do you break a spatula? Is he too aggressive? Is he, like, stirring? Yeah, it sounds like he just does everything too hard. Just go at half- At half-

Half too hard in the ma-fucking-paint. Nice. All right. Let's see if we can answer another question. Next male's name. We don't have a location for this one, so it can be sort of dealer's choice. What do you think we should call this mofo? Oh, man.

I really should have pre-planned this so it just comes off natural and cool. Yeah. I see you're reading a sheet of paper that says, I should have pre-planned this. It should have come off natural and dot, dot, dot. The date says 1-16-15. Holy shit. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. You've done podcasts with us since then.

Yeah, I like how we're stalling here and I still don't have a name. Robin. All right. Flurf. What were you looking at over here that made you think flurf? Um, Robin. All right. Flurf. Oh. What were you looking at over here that made you think flurf? Your inspiration window of all the names.

Throwing letters at each other. Oh, that's a good idea, actually. We should have, like, a little board that just has, like, it's basically, like, a noun and a food. Yeah. So, Robin could be wonderful. Oh, Robin Sweet Potato. That's what i wanted to do robin yam yeah robin yams uh japanese oh i go to the store robin yet yo robin yams is like a tight rap name it's a tight rap name like if for like someone who's in like the produce industry

yeah sort of like moving there stealing sweet potatoes yeah you On the mic, I'm robbing yams. I'm robbing yams. It also seems like yams is a metaphor for something. I don't know what it would be. Yeah, yeah. In the aisle, I'm boobies. Dropping hams. Isn't that like the Kendrick line?

If you want the yams, what's the yams? Yeah, that's the line. The yams is the power of that bee. Yeah, so yams does mean something. Here we go. Robbing yams. ASAP yams. ASAP yams writes, power of that B. Yeah, so yams does mean something. Here we go. Robin yams. ASAP yams. ASAP yams writes, I need your help. I've been seeing this girl for a little while, and I think that we will probably date, but here's the problem.

The other night, things were starting to get pretty hot and heavy, and next thing I knew, we were both naked in her bed. Sounds great, right? Yep. Wrong. She has an amazing body and is a total smoke show. But whilst I was playing with her breasts, I noticed that upon her left areola, there were a few stray hairs. This definitely isn't a deal breaker, but it really bothered me and grossed me out. So my question is, how do I ask this girl to pluck her hairs from her chest without sounding like a complete asshole? Thanks in advance for the advice.

Love, Robin Yams. Okay. Robin, going down there. Have you ever experienced that? Yeah, I've been in this situation. Wow. You've been the one with the hairy nipple, though. Yeah.

Someone asked you to pluck. And I was like, this makes me feel like, no. Yeah, no, I think I've been in this situation before. Have you guys been in this situation before? Yeah, but I don't remember specific hair to the point. It wasn't multiple, but it was definitely one. Like one thick, long one. Yeah, like Eugene Levy.

Eugene Levy. I think it's fine, though. Like, this wouldn't bother me at all. But it bothers him. I think you can't. We're past the, we're not in the climate to tell a girl to change their body. Yeah, he's definitely young because that's something that would have only bothered me at like 18 before I like really respect women now and realize that all their bodies are beautiful and that they should have the choice of however they maintain it. Grow your flow out.

Yeah, and then like it's just hair and we all have hair on our bodies, so just move on and, like, get on them titties, boy. Or pluck it out with your teeth when you're down there. I knew you were going to say that. Bobbing for apple. Robin yams now. Bobbing yams. You want him to bite?

I don't need him to bite. Ladies, if a boy ever does that to you, bite the hair off of his grundle. If it gets stuck in between your teeth like a piece of floss, hey, nobody's going to complain. And maybe she doesn't know it's there. I'm just giving him another option, which is fine. He's bothered and grossed out. I'm not saying that's good or bad. But I'm saying if he's down there, there's a possibility it might naturally get stuck anyway.

I'll say it's bad that he's bothered by it. I mean, you can't bad that he's bothered by it. I mean, you can't choose what you're bothered by. Yeah, but you can recognize that what you're bothered by is shallow and not good. Sure. I think he's just nervous. I think this comes from him just being nervous. If he really starts to like this girl,

they go out and they become more intimate on levels other than physicality, stuff like this just really fades away and doesn't even matter anymore. Is this too responsible of an answer? No, I think it's good. Like this guy said she's a hot smoke show. He really likes her. They're naked in bed.

And he found like the one flaw on her, which is three hairs near her areola, which actually most people have that. Yeah, most people do. Good job, buddy. You found the hottest girl that has three flaws and there are strands of hair near her tit. You don't deserve her. So you can either grow up, realize that this lady is making a decision about her body and that doesn't affect you and you have no place.

It might not be a decision. She might not know. She might not know. She might not know. Do you think she knows? I mean, she probably, I bet. I guess if I'm really honest, I bet she usually plucks them out or something and maybe she just didn't. I don't know.

Those hairs grow pretty slowly. No, they'll sprout. One day gone, next day there. You've pulled, like, haven't, I've definitely been in a situation where I look down and see on my chest like a hair that's suddenly twice as long as the other ones. Yeah, but how long did that take? I think, I mean, I think that there's, I don't know what it's called, but there's like some kind of rapid hair growth where they spurt like that. Wow, imagine that all right i i think the the answer to this question is well just to just to eliminate the question marks that might be going on in his head uh-huh

you cannot mention it to her okay yeah right number one there's just there's just no just think it out there's no good conversation that comes from it at all in any world you're it's it's so offensive yeah to bring it up to a girl and it will make them feel so uncomfortable. And even though they're more likely after that to fix it and then hold resentment towards you about it and move on to some other dude without any hairs on. Yeah. Somebody else down the line is going to get that perfect areola, that spotless titty. Does your answer change if they've been together for like five years? I mean, if you've been with somebody for five years, like nothing on their body should really bother you.

So not really, no. So you're saying still don't say anything even if they know each other for, if they're like almost married. I mean, if you're like really, really comfortable with someone and you like know how they communicate, maybe you can bring it up. Sexist. All right, we got him. We got him.

The guy that told somebody to rip off their girlfriend's hair with their teeth. I found him and we had it on mic. I think you could say something in that situation. Because you're comfortable but the the likelihood is that this girl probably has a hundred more things that she would that she could then think about about you because you're a disgusting man and we are just gross individuals that she is so above ever thinking of of analyzing you that way and by you bringing that up it just shows this like inequality in shallowness that it's probably a pandora's box you don't want

to open that yeah let's don't don't don't tug at the thread yeah literally that's your that's your back or that's your uh response to my advice don't tug at the thread do not tug and i'm saying if you're down there and it should happen to get caught between your teeth. That's a happy accident. No, it's not. All right. Two different ways to approach it. We're about halfway point. So let's take a break.

We'll come back with more questions and answers with Hoodie Allen after this. Hey, we're back. All right. What's your next thing, a tour or an album? An album. Because you say you alternate between the two right when when an album comes a tour usually follows so album first then tour yeah i i've been working on an album since about october maybe september october um wow six months yeah it's actually been a pretty

decent amount of time i'm trying to take my time with it and make sure it's like good right um that's a good idea yeah that's what brings me out here to la and other than hanging a pretty decent amount of time. I'm trying to take my time with it and make sure it's good. Right. That's a good idea. Yeah, that's what brings me out here to LA, other than hanging out with you guys. Of course. So yeah, I've been working on that, and I'm excited.

I'm probably going to start dropping some bangers from it soon. Are there bangers? I think there are. Yeah, I think it's important to have... I feel like the album that I'm working on is very summer music, like very good for the season that is about to eventually come. So it has to come out in the next couple months. Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. Is that the plan? That's definitely the plan. How many songs? Up to you. Really? Yeah. 11.

Oh, shit. 11 oh shit 11 teen? 11 teen that's 21 could you release an album with like 910 songs on it? I mean I don't think

I've made anywhere near that many songs in my life but like iTunes doesn't cap you yeah I don't think iTunes would cap you

they might be they might just be like this is irresponsible you should save some for the second album I don't think iTunes would cap you. They might just be like, this is irresponsible. Save some for the second album. But there's no CDs anymore, right? Do you ever have like a physical copy of these albums? I've made, yeah, you can press those up.

I think those are good for tour. I think people like having sort of collectible CDs still. I think more so vinyl. I don't know if like vinyl has become very, very popular. Not even so much for playing it, more just for like the decorative nature of like representing I like this artist and I'm going to have a cool vinyl in my bedroom or something. But do you do that? You do the vinyl stuff? I own a couple of vinyls.

I'd like to make a vinyl for this project. That's cool. It'd be my first time doing it though. Has there ever been an album where you're like, this one's just like a burner to get something out? Or it's like every single one, like, all right, this is my coming of age. This is my breakout. This is the album.

I feel like there have maybe been moments of burnerism, but I don't want to put it out there because that might be someone's favorite thing. I don't know. Yeah, I don't think that's it out there because that might be someone's favorite thing. I don't know. Like, yeah, I don't think that's any time to scare attention. But sometimes I think music ages differently. Like some things you're like, wow, that really stood the test of time. I'm still listening to that.

Other times you're like, oh, I might have rushed that a little bit. I didn't sit with this long enough. How many albums have you had so far? Jeez, I mean, starting with the free mixtapes that I did, I'd be at, this would be the seventh full project. Wow. Yeah. So there is a little pressure to make sure that this one is,

at least in the top two, you don't want to make something like that this would technically be like the second like full-length commercial release for whatever that's worth oh the second one but like when was the last one 2014 people keep talking oh shit so this is three years since yeah thanks for rubbing it i'm just saying we're excited for that was the end of 2014 so it's more like two and a half years if you think about it. And how close are you with this album? Pretty. Really? Pretty close. Does it have a name? Yeah. Is it not out yet? Is it a secret? That would be a secret.

Wow. Just say it right now. Announce it on this show. Okay, fine, fine. You don't actually have to do it. Alright, great. He was gonna do it, dude. We could have pressured him. Are you gonna do it okay alright great he was gonna do it dude we could have pressured him are you gonna do it is this

it's Robin Yams man the Robin Yams well yeah I mean it's not yeah that's the it's not my album I'm going into Robin Yams now and it's

so it is kind of secretive like you you haven't said how many songs are on it or what I haven't decided I mean like oh a lot of the stuff is TBD I think everything's TBD

until you're like very very sure about i don't know i don't know how i feel like maybe in like producing tv and stuff like that like what you guys did with lonely and horny like it's much more defined like from the beginning this is the arc and this is these are the episodes and this is where the story goes and like there is a degree of that in music um but also like if you write something that you're like, oh, this has got to be on there. Like you just put it on there.

Maybe take something off, maybe keep it on. So it's a little more flexible, malleable up until the point of release. Yeah. I think especially you see like with like Drake and Kanye's latest release where they kind of treat things almost like a playlist and they're switching album title names and moving songs in and out and sort of showing fans the process. I think in like the streaming age things have become a lot more malleable.

Right. Like, people release songs and then albums later. Totally. Yeah. Will you do that? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I don't know.

I'm going to defer to whatever you want. I love it. You also, like, release parts of songs on, like, Snapchat. I'm like, whoa, don't you want to, like, keep that sacred? Or is it, like, good to, like, build the hype and the buzz? Yeah, I mean, I actually do want to keep it secret, but then I can't help being a tease sometimes. And, like, we're in a very much, like, in a tease generation. Like, if you don't post something like that, people are like, what are you doing?

Right. So, you just do it like, I'm in the studio. I'm doing stuff. Look at this. I promise. And then, but my favorite part is that, like, you can play, like, I'm in the studio. I'm doing stuff. Look at this. I promise. But my favorite part is that you can play like six seconds of something. And if you have a fan base, you get such a false sense of confidence. Because whatever it is, they're like, oh, my God, King, release that right now.

Daddy. Daddy. Feed me beats or whatever. I don't think kids speak like this. This is how I read it. But it's like it might be something that you don't even like, but sometimes I just test it. I'll just put something I don't really like,

and I'll see if people respond. Oh, shit. And they're like, yeah. Fuck yeah. And then, yeah, it's just interesting. We live in a very give it to me now generation. Well, there's the podcast. For us, it's the podcast, which we record every week.

Some of them are funnier than others but like we release everything and then there's lonely and horny which is like we have to make sure like if we ever make more that it's better than the first and like spend some time fine-tuning it totally so there's like that's like for you it's like the snapchat it's like you know like little things to keep people excited along the way yeah and then the actual final product it's just it's just funny because you can't really get a good sense of a song from a snippet. Right. But at the same time, you can get people legitimately excited about something off of a preview.

So, hashtag social media. Have you ever released a song with the audio water mark over it where it's like every eight seconds there's somebody in the background going, LA Leakers. Oh, no. DJ Clue. I've never done that before. All right. That sounds very cool.

Another idea for you. LA Leakers. That's the Power 106 out here, right? Oh, is it? Yeah. I don't know enough to know where these things come from, but I have heard songs that have a guy saying, LA Leakers, throughout the entire...

Yeah, they're like a big radio show on the main hip-hop channel here, I think. Perfect. Great. I wanted to mention that Jake and I are going to Denver and Tempe, Arizona this month. Me too. I'll be there. Really?

No shit. Well, whenever you guys go, I'm just going to come along. Yeah, the 19th and the 20th. Yeah, so if you're in those cities. 420 and Tempe, dude? Game over, man. Ooh, everyone knows that's the place that you go to burn one. Yeah, we're going to blaze.

Actually, Denver's supposedly very famous for 420. Nope, nope, just Phoenix. Well, morning we wake and bake in Denver, dude. One of the venues. Straight to Phoenix to be high. Wake and bake at a Steak and Shake. I think the venues are like comedy clubs. Yeah. Do you usually like comedy clubs. Yeah.

Do you usually play comedy clubs when you perform your music? Usually. Yeah. You did. Yeah. I've done, I did a tour of Caroline's and, and the improv.

Yeah. It was really good. Caroline's. Caroline's. Caroline's. Oh, so they're comedy shows. That's.

Yeah. Live podcast. You guys think you're comedians. We do think. Oh yeah, dude. Yeah. We think that. We got live podcasts. You guys think you're comedians. We do think that. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, we think that. We got to go,

but thank you so much for having us. Tickets available at jakeandamir.com and ifireeshow.com. Let's answer some more questions. I would love to. Help some people out. One more name. Is it another girl or a guy?

Another dude. Oh, my gosh. The sexiest ass show that I'm on. You look like you're getting a blowjob. Lincoln Tallhouse. That's nice. I like that. You got the whole entire... Tollhouse or Tallhouse?

Like T-O-L-L-H-A-U with the two dots on the above it. Umlaut. Umlaut S. Lincoln Tollhouse. That's good. Tollhouse. Oh, that actually makes sense because he starts off by saying, I'm an 18-year-old British dude in college. So it sounds like a British name.

Lincoln. And I fell into quite a sticky situation, and I need help to become unlatched from said situation. About a month ago, my friend sent out a text saying he'd got a new phone and needed everybody to reply with their name so he could save his friend's numbers in his new phone. Being quite the prankster, I thought it would be funny to text back the name of an absolute dime from our high school.

This all went south pretty quickly, as only two messages in, he became flirtatious and raunchy. Bear in mind, he has a great girlfriend who I've been friends with for a fair few moons. It's now been a week and he keeps messaging me with insanely forward messages, thinking I'm this girl pretty much trying to cheat on his girlfriend. Now I'm lost on what to do. I never meant this joke to last this long. If I tell him it was me, he'll be humiliated and pretty angry and might even want to fight me. He's quite the Johnny Bravo

where I look like I'm made from pipe cleaners and tissue paper. So, do I tell his girlfriend? What if he bumps into the girl he's pretending to be and asks our friends for my number? What do I do? Any response would be greatly appreciated. Did they say that they are

good friends in the beginning or just just he's just some guy i think they're friends because he's also friends with a girlfriend gotcha so i guess the real question is what would you do if you were in this situation so you you found yourself this is a it's a prank on a ride it's a prank bro it's a prank bro yeah the whole like a prank, bro. The whole, like, oh, relax. Don't make a big deal out of it. What would you do? If I was the prankster in this situation, I'm going to let you guys go first while I marinate

this one. I think there's two options. Option number one, you come clean just to him mano y mano. Because I think that if it all comes out, then this guy has no choice but to kick your ass. Right. Like, you've publicly humiliated him.

That will make him angry. Ruined his relationship. He has to beat your ass. It's the only thing he could do to save face is to punch your face. And so you say, hey, buddy, look, I didn't mean for this to happen. I said I was this girl. I'm sorry. And then he will be mortified, probably ashamed.

Was it too late now to say sorry? So I think that's option one. Option two is a little sneakier. I think you have to steal his phone. Wow. Delete the text message thread, program your number in. Wow, that's a big steal. That's like a five-minute steal. And then also, and program her number in, but delete the thread. I think that keeps too much open, because then he'll start texting her again.

Yeah, he might say something forward to her. Yeah. I mean, it's gonna- And then she'll be like, what are you talking about? Yeah, but he could think that she's playing dumb or something and back off or something. You know? That one seems messier. That one seems like it's... It's messier. You're getting further down the hole. It's definitely messier, but here's the thing.

That guy, it probably will come out, but he won't know who did it. Right. So one is like taking the high road, being like, hey, it's me. Don't get mad. The other one is a sneakier way to get out of this mess. It's still a mess, but you've absolved yourself. You got out. Which one would you do?

I would probably, I mean, I wouldn't have had the inclination to do this, and I hate pranks. I think they're horrifying, and I think that nothing good ever comes from them. So I wouldn't have done it in the first place. If I was in this situation, I would probably come clean. But I don't think that's what you should do.

I think that you should steal his phone. I know what I would do now. Really? Yeah, I would commit 100%. You would lean into it. Start sexting him. Oh,

that's a good idea. You start sexting you get a dick pic exactly then he can't then he asked then he asked for a picture back and that's when you send a selfie of yourself and wow and and then you have the leverage and maybe you guys won't be friends and is it really that hard to move to another town? I don't know. Is your life really rooted in this place in the UK? You can come to America. It's a Brexit. The land of opportunity. Brexit.

Brexit your way out of this situation. Have you thought about Brexiting, for example, is one way to get out of it? God, what would I do? Yeah, you got to commit to meet so that it, so you don't seem like a dick. So it really is just like a catfish with a funny ending, I guess. Yeah, I actually really don't hate that idea at all. I think that one. Maybe don't get a dick pic. I don't seem like a dick so it really is just like a catfish with a funny ending I guess yeah I actually really don't hate that idea at all

I think that one maybe don't get a dick pic I don't know is that across the line or is that like getting the dick you need the dick that's your fucking safety net

get that okay get that dick that's your get out of jail free card right there that dick pic but then you're also soliciting like your boy to give you a picture

of his dick and what if you like it then you have homosexual feelings for a friend, which opens up a whole other world of opportunities and issues. Adds another web to this twisted game. Yeah. This crazy spider spun.

And what if he knew it was you the whole time? Ooh, that's another interesting one. And what if your parents are watching? You know what I would do? And they are. I think I would come out, but over the text. So I'd be like, treat it like no big deal be like ha ha ha by the way this is like amir it's been a week yeah definitely not in person oh no this is definitely not in person that's not like a by the way thing yeah i think i would treat it like it's not a big deal so that he doesn't get mad like ha ha ha i maybe you were joking too maybe i'm joking it's like whatever

let's just move on like pretend like it's no big deal. Diffuse the situation internally without ever having to face this guy in person. That's what I would do. What if, what if you get a new number? Oh, and a new identity, Brexit,

new number, stateside number. Yeah. Does that fix anything? If you get a new number, like you stop responding first of all, and then you hit him up get a new number? Like you stop responding, first of all. And then you hit him up with your new number and be like, what's up, mate? It's Lincoln.

Because I still think he finds out in a way. Because he'll look at his phone eventually and see that it was your old number. Or like any of your friends will have your old number. Your old number still exists. What if you were hack then? Ah. This is not going good for him. I bet there's a way that we're not thinking

of. So tweet at us if you have a third or fourth suggestion about how to get out of this sticky situation. Or we could have an informal online poll. A Twitter poll, if you will. What would you do in this situation? So Jake says handle it in person. I say handle it online. Hoodie says just fucking

keep going until you have a dick pic. I want to change it, but I think I had two and I think I'm going to commit to steal his phone. Oh, see, okay. I think that's what I would do. Steal your phone,

text him back. Text him back, but once you have leverage, yeah. All right, three ways. And honestly, I'm going to vote for hoodies because I think that one's really good. It's definitely the funniest.

That's how it would happen in sitcom land. Yeah, it's just hard to know what their rapport is. You know what I mean? Like, he clearly felt more like, oh, this is a good idea to prank this guy. So they must be, like, chill. But at the same time, he's now like, oh, okay, you're putting me in a weird spot because I like your girlfriend. To answer his other question, definitely don't tell the girlfriend. That's a bad.

Yeah. He hasn't done anything wrong yet, technically. Well, he is sexting or trying to. He's being forward and flirty and it is not a good look at all. And it's not. But like, where does it go if it goes back to the girlfriend? Like, oh, hey. Like now you just seem like the real asshole for like initiating something that wasn't even the thing in the first place.

It's like if you find evidence in an illegal way, you can't present it. Yeah. What is that called? Like discovery? Not discovery? Right. Like how did you find that? Well, I broke into his house.

Like, oh, you can't. What is that? Inadmissible. Double jeopardy? No. Ashley Judd? Oh, yeah. It is.

It's called Ashley Judd. Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to answer one last question before you have to go. All right. Before I have to go, right? Yeah, before all this stuff Hoody's interning for the rest of the summer

He's a social media guy You promised us that you'd get us to a million followers By EO August Alright This guy's a 29 year old New Orleans native Isn't your birthday at the end of August? It is. All right.

A 29-year-old New Orleans native. Lil Wayne? What about Medium Wayne? Medium Wayne? All right. Medium Wayne writes, I have a pretty unique issue that I'm sure you guys can help me with.

I'm a 29-year-old New Orleans native who recently got engaged to my longtime girlfriend. Our shit couldn't be more together. The relationship is great. My issue is my fiance is way too conservative. When I proposed, I gave my bitch a very large ring. I gave my bitch a very large ring costing upwards of 10 grand. She thinks it's beautiful, but hates wearing it when we go out to add context we don't go out very much my previous way of living wasn't the most honest or legal lol and when we do go anywhere i'm usually wearing anywhere from 20 to 30 thousand

dollars in jewelry i love looking good So of course My So of course my bitch must shine This is Lil Wayne My bitch must shine Like I do Because we live in a city Filled with killing and crime She's always paranoid whenever we leave the house

Which is outside of my city So my question is How do I make her more comfortable with her wearing the nice things I buy for her? I understand her reasons for feeling that way, but because I don't fear my city and I always have protection, I wear all my jewelry and I go wherever I want. I'm a beast in that regard. Help an N-word out. Did he write N-word? No, he wrote the word i just feel bad of course

yeah but you didn't feel bad saying bitch yeah which really it's it's an interesting thing you bring up linguistically why do we always say the n-word we don't say the b-word bitch is fine uh all right so medium wayne how he needs his bitch to shine, which I get. I understand. So how can he help his lady to shine like he does? I'm actually surprised because, like, these are situations where they're together, right? Yeah. So she obviously should feel comfortable and, like, safe around him. And if he's doing something, why does she feel that she shouldn't flex? I wonder if she's... I wonder.

This is... Can you relate to this at all? Well, I'm like... I stunt pretty hard usually. Yeah, you're flexing right now. Yeah, yeah. How much is that chain? This chain?

Yeah, the ice around your neck. It's a $2,000 chain, yeah. Okay, so that's getting to $23,000. It's like they're playing hockey on your neck. Is that a line? Yeah, it's a line from an upcoming rap song. Stay tuned for my new album. Playing hockey.

I don't buy rings. I buy rinks. Ooh, I like that. What do you thinks? Yo. See, I told you I can rap. I just can't sinks. Sings.

Sorry. What's the most you've ever worn? I just rink around my neck. I could definitely write raps, I think. I'd like to punch up somebody else's raps. Yeah. I'll give you my first raft. Yeah, that'd be great.

I'd love that. I feel like I could write raps but not say them. That's good. That's why I like slam poetry. Do any rappers not write their own raps? They just rap well? It's kind of like acting. They don't necessarily have to write their words.

Yeah. In hip-hop, it's definitely a matter of authenticity to write your own stuff. It's a little bit more normal in pop music for a song to be written by four Swedish dudes and sung by a pop singer. Yeah, it's pretty like nobody cares if you do it in the pop world. Yeah, I mean... It's almost impressive that you write your own music. Yeah, I'll say this.

Like a lot of the songs on the radio, that if they have like a big kind of sung or even not completely sung chorus, it could definitely be written by somebody else. Yeah. I mean, that happens all the time, but it's not very... But with rap, is that the case? Yeah, with rap, with rap, yeah.

Oh, really? Yeah, totally. Other people are writing raps for other people. I think they're more so writing choruses than raps. Interesting. Like melodies in that sense. Is there a famous example? Yes.

Probably a bunch, but I ain't going to say. Oh, like it's a secret. Because I ain't no snitch. It's not so famous that it's like publicly talked about it's just no one i don't think many people care yeah so to put myself out on that on that pedestal for no reason in this moment right now just be a martyr not on this but not on your podcast maybe on a more of a an important platform i don't i don't need this type of publicity be a harder martyr with the ice rink around your neck.

So what should this guy do? I don't know. It was just a funny question to me. How do you make your lady shine? What's the most money you ever wear at the same time? Like the most expensive thing you own. I don't like to go out in a shirt

if it was more than $100. Right. So it's weird to like, it is weird. It's like you're wearing $30,000 worth of things on you i guess like as i've gotten older i've gotten more comfortable spending money on clothes like maybe i might have i might own like a 200 sweater or something yeah and i would never ever wear it

because you're scared of someone stealing it yeah like i bought like i buy an expensive shirt and i'm like i'm gonna wear this out like it looks good and then every single time I'm like no I'm gonna get too drunk I'm wearing this I'm wearing this shirt from Top Man tonight it is like

yo what's wrong with Top Man nothing's wrong I love Top Man that's why I fucking wear it every single time I go out Top Man should sponsor this podcast but it is crazy

to wear like a bracelet that's where it's like the equivalent of just like having a string around your wrist with $30,000 in cash that anybody can just take yeah I mean I guess that's like part of it it's like the equivalent of just having a string around your wrist with $30,000 in cash than anybody can just take I mean I guess that's part of it

it's like I don't give a fuck that's why I'm wearing this it's flaunting your wealth that's what you want to do that's the point we'll never understand it I wish I had more interest in having chains and rings

I never really wanted any I don't even like wearing a watch because I already know what time it is. What about shoes? Will you spend money on shoes? Yeah, what's your biggest, most superfluous expense? In life?

Yeah. I don't think it's clothing or jewelry related. And it's also not a car because you live in New York. Yeah, and it's not a car either. I have been thinking about getting grills recently. Just like a bottom row.

I don't know why. I just think like maybe that's a good investment. Yeah. At the very least, my teeth will be worth something. Yeah, exactly. Those are appreciate in value,

I think. They're diamonds, right? The secondary market. Yeah. It's like art. You can sell those later. That would be a cool piece of art just to have like a skull with Lil Wayne, like one of Lil Wayne's old grills in it.

If I got a grill and you guys got matching grills with me, I feel like we could really start something. That'd be cool. That'd be good. Grills, grills, grills. It's time that like Jewish kids started wearing grills. Yeah, it really is. I think that's correct.

I think it's time. We've appropriated enough black culture that I think I'm ready. Yeah. And then once we wear it, they can stop. I don't understand how to, like, if he wants his bitch to shine and she doesn't necessarily want to shine. I don't think you could force her to shine. Yeah, this is like plucking

a hair of your nipples, you know? You gotta just, you wear your jewelry for you and she wears it or doesn't for her. And there you go. That's the end. Yeah, but it's weird because it's like an engagement ring it or doesn't for her and there you go that's the end yeah but it's weird because it's like an engagement ring she doesn't want to wear that that is a little bit weird you could maybe just be like um i understand you feel uncomfortable wearing like a huge diamond uh well let me just get you this promise ring what's that it's just

like a just a simple little band. There you go. But everyone wears nice rings. This is something that, like, I mean, unless you're you in episode three of Rap Teacher, you don't steal many rings from a fiance. People aren't getting their fiance rings stolen a lot. Speaking of pipes, I'm high. Great callback. You know what's interesting?

I guess you could have a convo with her and just be like, I think you have to come at it from a position of like, it's not like it's important to me

that you shine as my bitch. More as, like, it's important to me that you display this, like, emblem of our love and commitment for each other publicly.

I'm proud of being engaged to you. I want people to know. Just like you're proud of having lots of wealth, so you wear the jewelry on yourself. And the way he writes protection in quotation marks where he says, I always have protection on me. It's a diamond-encrusted gun. Or condoms. Diamond-encrusted condoms. Diamond-encrusted condoms.

I forgot they made those. Ribbed for her and his pleasure. For when you must shine. Oh, dear. All right. I don't know. Yeah. Congrats on balling.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Congrats on balling. And your engagement. That's a mazel tov. A mazel tov. Absolutely a mazel tov. And if it's unballing. And your engagement. That's a mazel tov. Absolutely mazel tov. And if it's a Jewish wedding, please let me know. I would love to offer

some advice about certain rabbis in the New Orleans area. I can help construct the chuppah. Yeah. I don't know if your father had a talis that he can use, but I think I still have my bar mitzvah talit. Do you have yours? No. Alright, great. So mine it is for this guy's wedding.

I bet my parents have it somewhere. They better. Alright, sir. I don't know what else to say. Do you have anything left to plug before you leave us? No, but if anyone's looking for like a wedding DJ in the New Orleans area. Oh, really?

Yeah. You're saying you can do that? Yeah, medium way and hit me up. Let's make something happen. Have you ever performed at a wedding? Oh, you could be like the wedding singer, dude. I could. That's actually a really,

I think that's a step forward. I'm currently doing. It's a sold out tour to a wedding singer. I would totally, no. I haven't gone to that many weddings yet. I think my friends are just starting to get married. Oh, interesting. I'm at that late 20s, like they're all settled down phase.

So if they asked me to DJ. No, I don't know. What would they ask me to do? You could be the most famous wedding singer in the world. Like, I don't know if there's another, like, wedding DJ band that has your following. Yeah, if things get bad and I'm desperate, I think. You can always turn to that. It'd be so fun if the three of us went to this guy's wedding.

Yeah. Oh, that's enough. I'll reply to him. Please invite us to the wedding. See if you can get up. See if each of you can get a plus one. And if only one of you can get a plus one, see if you can make it a plus two. And then I'm there for you.

Now we just need one more person because then because we're just trying to get enough jewish boys there to be able to lift the chair you need four in the chair one for each leg especially if he's wearing 20 to 30 000 worth of jewelry you gotta be really jacked yeah those are heavy chains uh all right hoodie thanks for coming by thanks for having me what are you on twitter and snapchat and all that stuff if people want let's try to get you over a million, dude. Yeah, on Twitter, I'm at Hoodie Allen, and I love replying to my fans. So make sure to follow me there.

And on Snapchat, I'm Hoodward Allen. Oh, a little classy. A little formal. Hoodie Allen was taken by somebody who was trying to solicit nudes from my fans. What? I think so. I don't know. You can't get that?

You can't pull some strings? What, to get that username? I don't think so. I don't know. You can't get that? You can't pull some strings? What, to get that username? I don't think so. I don't think Snapchat has that infrastructure. Yeah. It's also, it's too late now. You're in too deep. Yeah, so Hoodward Allen is what it is.

Yeah, so I'll be on there, and I'll see you guys again soon. We're playing basketball tomorrow, aren't we? Hell yeah, I'm going to be there. I don't know how to play. You don't know how to play basketball. We wanted to say that we're going to do a call-out for interns. Yeah, but we're going to do that later. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, let me do the plug for interns. We're going to do the outro song, which was written by Don, which is just a You Do You remix that I guess Allison asked for in one of our episodes, so he made it. Then we'll come back and do a quick shout-out for interns. So if you're interested in a HeadGum internship, stick around. After the song. And if not, we'll just see you next week.

Thanks for coming by, dude. Anytime. My pleasure. Yeah, man. Hoodie Allen week on HeadGum finally concludes. What do we do now? Oh, yeah, basketball. Basketball. All right, great.

Later, guys. Has anyone remixed that yet? I would love them to. That's an exciting picture. Hey, it's us again. Like we mentioned before the song, we're here to ask, call out for summer internships. Yeah, and I know that if you listen

until after the song, then you're pretty damn serious about the job, so you already have it. This is how we found our interns last summer. And that worked out pretty damn well. That's right. Jeffrey himself was an intern. So we're looking for a few more good folks. And we are looking specifically for another catch-all workhorse, get-her-done intern.

Right, just somebody that can help out around the office as much as possible. Yeah, like we got a problem, you know how to solve it. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves. While my intern revolves. That's really nice. So if you feel like you're somebody that just gets things done, you have your shit together and you want to get our shit together uh that's that's the first that's the first position yeah that would

automatically eliminate me right yeah so we need somebody that works harder than me done easy yeah everybody okay uh and then the the other intern that we need is an audio-visual intern. Nerd-turn, we'll call him. Yeah, well, or production-turn. You're still the nerd-turn. You're co-founder and nerd-turn around here. So we've been making more videos, as everybody has seen, and we need somebody that's going to be able to help with that. And we have our producer, Marissa.

She gave me a list of qualifications and you guys should be encouraged because the producer, Marissa, who gave me this list was an intern last summer. So obviously there's upward mobility here, people. I mean, come on. So the AV intern, their scope of work is cam op for the videos that we're shooting here in the office, assisting in assembling podcasts using the NLE software, assistant edit sketches, including ingesting, syncing, and logging videos for the editor, pulling selects for social media shareables, managing and maintaining camera and audio equipment. All right?

And the requirements. Here we go. This is so hard that I can barely read it, but somebody who's good at this will know exactly what I'm talking about. The intern has to be so good, they have to make sense

of these qualifications. Applicants should be pursuing BSBA, slash BA, whatever college shit, related to communication, media studies, or TV and film production,

proficient in DSLR filmmaking, audio recording experience, experience with the Adobe Creative Suite, and Adobe Premiere and After Effects proficiency are a plus. Okay. I responded to this Slack. I wrote suite. You can see that here. Got it.

So I'm doing work too. Got it. Yeah. So we basically need somebody who knows their shit. On one hand, an AV, and then if you don't have that skill set specifically, then someone who can just help us out in general. An overall requirement for the internship is that you are here in Los Angeles this summer. Yeah. And in college.

And in college, so we don't get sued. Got it. Because you're working for school credit. College student in LA, willing to help out in a general capacity or an AV capacity. Those are two different roles, email us, which is the same email address as the show, ifirayoushow at gmail.com. And use the subject potential intern so we know how to find you. Yeah. So we'll search potential intern in our Gmail box, and then that'll be us searching for

possible applicants. So if this sounds like something you'd be interested in, that email address again is ifireashowatgmail.com. Send over a resume, cover letter. What are we thinking? A way to convince us that you're the person for the job? Yeah. Let's say a resume and cover letter are, you know, that should be standard. Okay. And then I like a little extra sauce just for me. That sounded incredibly mean-spirited or something. A little, yeah, just a little extra flourish. Like they want you to bribe them or something.

Oh, no, no, no. It's not like, it's like, oh, here we go. I also made this fun little Photoshop. And here's like some cash. I see. You're just getting, okay get okay so what you did say cash we're like oh this is like my video here's like a little video that this is what i would do in the office and then like um i can give you cash or something it doesn't matter what so we

can't accept money from anybody right well we can't but i can't no but so you're not listening i'm not saying it'll i'll definitely hire the person that gives me the most money, but I can't really... I don't really see a case to be made for somebody that doesn't give me money getting a job over someone that does. You have to say you're kidding, otherwise we'll get sued. Bring it on. So that email address again is ifireashow at gmail.com.

Do not bribe us. We look forward to seeing and hearing and reading a bunch of great cover letters and resumes ASAP. Do not bribe us. We look forward to seeing and hearing and reading a bunch of great cover letters and resumes ASAP. Thanks for listening, everybody. Back next week. That was a HeadGum Podcast. With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only.