Segments - 276: Sweet Boys

Episode Date: May 29, 2017

In this episode we discuss eskimo brothers, real brothers, and Duke Men's Basketball Coach, Mike Krzyzewski. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken.

Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Who's that smoke show I see over there? I'll take a shake, or you mail out a mirror What's the answer to my sticky situation? Please help, I need some consultation Listen up

every Monday They will teach you how to slay Just write into the pigeon a meme The advice may not be very clear Dota If I was you, I'd email

if I were you I'd email if I were you I'd email if I were you. I'd email if I were you. I'd email if I were you. If I was you, I'd email if I were you. I'd email if I were you. I'd email if I were you. Oh, a little sassy. Ooh, I loved it.

It's a little sass, but not too much ass, and just enough from that lass. It actually was from a man named Nolan. Love it. Thanks, Nolan. Nolan Muchow says, would you just shout out my friends Teddy and Shay? Just say that I love them and I miss them. They'll know what that means. Wow.

That would be really mean if this guy killed these guy's parents. Say that I love him and I miss him. They'll know what it means. As we praise his song. That dude's the man. That would be fun if you were a murderer and then you got away with it. And then to torment your victims. Sorry, that'd be fun.

That's fun in your mind? Well, you didn't let me finish. You made a theme song for their favorite podcast. Oh, that is awesome Their one little escape and then you're like I'm gonna do a Meghan Trainor parody And then it's like say it's from Nolan And that I love them and that I miss them

And they'll know what it means So thanks Nolan It's Meghan Trainor's Me Too If I were you Did she say if I were you? I'd wanna be me too Meghan Trainor kind of has like a attitude problem. Yeah, dude. I'm sorry, but my name is no. Yeah. It's like,

dude, tell them your name. What? I'm sorry. Hi, or my name is Megan. My name is Megan. Oh, yeah. My sign is Leo. Oh, that's good. Did I say that? My name, it would work if it was Leo. My name is Leo. My sign is Leo. You gotta let it go.

You gotta let it go. I actually really like that song. If you're looking for a Megan Trainor song to get into, like that intro to Trainor shit. I hate that song. I know that. I just like it. It's, like that intro to Trainor shit. I hate that song. I know that song. I dislike it. It's, I think it's just called No. Anyway, thanks to Meghan Trainor.

Thanks to Nolan Munchow. Thanks to Teddy and Shay for bringing us back to If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet we still host. Yes. We're still hosting it as of now. Yep.

There was talks a little bit. I don't know if you guys know this, but Coach K was going to maybe take over like 10 or 15 episodes. That'd be so nuts because he doesn't do anything like remotely like that. He doesn't usually do podcasts. Or comedy. Yeah, he's the Duke men's basketball coach.

The Team USA Olympic coach. He's basically been coaching for 40 years, so he does he is smart and wise. But the idea that he would host this podcast was kind of a pipe dream that we had, and we entertained it for a little bit. I'm surprised having Rick Fox have been on this podcast many times that you would go out to Coach K.

Yeah, or maybe a Roy Williams type could host the show, but so far it's still just me and you. There we go. I wonder if we can get away with not hosting the show, but so far... They're nemesis. It's still just me and you. There we go. I wonder if we can get away with not hosting the show anymore. So, like, I would host it with someone else for a few episodes, then you'd come back, then you'd host it with someone else for a few episodes. Or, like, we're never on the same show at the same time.

Yeah, and then, like, suddenly... That's good. That's smart in case the studio blows up or burns down. We can, like, start to transition away from us. But someone, either similar sounding voice or sensibility, or maybe like Coach K and Roy Williams. You're obsessed with Coach K. I'm just saying he could probably.

Why would any? He's so boring. What? Yeah, it's weird that that would. What guest would be the hardest to get and for no reason? Coach K is a pretty good example because it would be like we'd have to beg, borrow, steal. Yeah, I mean, he never did it. And really, really, really pry him away from his obligations.

Call in a lot of favors and then it would be bad. Yeah. Well, maybe it wouldn't be. Who knows? It would be fine. It would be like confusing. It would be interesting. Yeah.

It would not be a highly popular episode, I don't think. Yeah, because he wouldn't tweet about it, I don't think. Yeah. Let's start the show, man. All right. Mike Krzyzewski, if you're listening, or at the very least someone close to the Krzyzewski family, let us know if you want to co-host.

Or just take over the show. Three-hour episode with Coach K. And I'd be down to Coach Duke if you needed the time. Oh, like a wife swap situation, but a job swap. Yeah. Well, also, I would sleep with his wife. I feel like I'm well within the rights there. No way. If I'm coaching that fucking

basketball team, I better go home to a loving wife. Let me go full K. I want to run a 5K. That's coaching the Duke team, fucking your wife, and having a home-cooked meal. And then there's two more Ks that I get to name later. Two Ks to be named later.

All right, what is this podcast? It's an advice show. Jake and I will receive emails from around the globe, all the way from Raleigh to Chapel Hill to Durham itself, all over that research triangle. And people are confused. They're scared. They want to know our advice.

We do our best to offer it to them. So this episode seems to have a certain theme because I searched for Tinder, and there's a lot of Tinder slash Bumble slash dating app-related questions that I thought was pretty interesting. Maybe we can get to that. First one is written from a lady.

Ooh, la la. Why don't we call this lady Elena Beard, who played at Duke. Perfect. Hey, guys. I've gotten into a bit of a stickler. About a year ago, I matched with this cute guy on Tinder. We were talking for a while before we went on a date. We kissed, but nothing else happened.

I was going on vacation a few days later, and he was traveling for over a month, so no surprise, nothing blossomed. I ran into him a few months later, and we had a friendly chat, but nothing else. In the meantime, I noticed this other cute guy around college that I'd seen around the gym and stuff, and one day I saw him on Tinder and decided to swipe right. Turns out it was a match and we messaged back and forth and he asked me to go out on a date later this week. The only thing is I realized that these two Tinder guys are brothers. They look and seem really different, but I think they're quite close. To my knowledge, neither of them knows about the sticky situation. Do I go out on the date? Do I play dumb? Or do I bring it up to clear the air and see how he feels?

I really appreciate your advice and perspective. As guys, thanks. Love, Elena Beard. If somebody made out with your brother and then went on a date with you, would you want to know? That they made out with my brother? Yeah.

I feel like my brother might tell me. But he wouldn't know. He would tell you if he found out. But odds are he would never know. Yeah, I would rather, yeah, just let it naturally happen. So you'd be like, hi, do you have any family? Oh, I kissed that guy, I kissed that guy. It feels like you've done too much digging though. If you go forward and you're like, hey, before we go on another date, you should know I made out with your brother. Like, you might not ever go on a third date. So there's no need in, like,

putting the uncomfortable stuff up front. The odds of seeing, meeting the brother is very slim. Yeah. So would you tell him before you met the brother? Let's say things progress well and you finally see the family. And then you've been hiding something this whole time. It's like, oh, shit, I actually did know.

You did know that you made out with my brother. You didn't tell me for six months and now you're meeting him. You're bringing this up right now. You never knew the brother. What is wrong with you, Elena? We're about to fucking meet my dad. Hi, mom and dad. Elena just dropped a pretty big bombshell on me.

Oh, so you're not hiding. No. You put on the, oh, hey, didn't see you there. She's a whore. This is you meeting her parents. So mean. So would you want to know as the guy? Would you tell as the guy?

Because then there's the opposite. What if you hooked up with a girl's sister? Would you say anything? I never want to know the bad news. And I never want to tell the bad news. And I never want to tell the bad news. And I only want to hear the good news. And I think... And I only want to tell the good news.

That was pretty insignificant. In the grand scheme of things, like, y'all remember the World War II? That's a bad one. The World War II? There's only one, brother. What? That's a bad one. The World War II. Yeah, World War II? That wasn only one, brother. What? That's a bad one. Oh, the World War II. Yeah.

World War II, that wasn't good. Yeah. Or did you like the nukes? Did you think that was fine? No. Did you like D-Day? No. Was that fine for you? No. Yeah, so World War II is pretty negative. So the fact that I hooked up with your sister, why are you not putting FDR on blast? You were so

petty. He put Hiroshima on blast. Why are you doing that to me? I didn't deserve that. I don't deserve that same treatment. So you're saying you don't want to know, you're not going to say. Yeah. I think there's no need to, like any other reasonable person wouldn't necessarily have this knowledge at this time.

Yes. So you could portend that you don't have it and let it come out naturally in the future if that future progresses. Got it. And you said portend. Yes. Is that the same word as pretend? But you said it in a kind of interesting way. Yeah. Portend is actually, I'm trying to think of what it actually means. I think it's like what you would put forward or imagine, I believe. It sounds very much like pretend. Yeah. And it's a different word.

It is. So portent, it's like a portable pretend. So you can pretend on the go. Let's see what it means. Okay. It's weird that two words that mean such similar things are spelled so similarly. Yeah. Is there a word for that?

Oh, this is, I didn't really use it right. To be a sign or warning that something is likely to happen. Oh, like a sign or warning. So it's, you could, I guess you could say like, did, does, does this rain portend a flood? I'm sorry. Sorry, I'm just ordering a sandwich at a deli and it made me think, do you think that this rain portends a flood? Oh, to signify or to mean.

So that's almost like pretending. Yeah. How did I use it in a sentence? Almost like pretend, like you should portend that it doesn't affect you or something. Oh, pretend is a synonym. Of portend. Foretell, forecast. Foretell.

Forebode. Foretell, portend. Pretend, freetend. Freetell. Is freetell a word? No. Okay. Maybe, I don't know.

So the question is, do I go on the date? You definitely still go on the date. Yeah. And then the follow-up is, do I play dumb or do I bring it up and clear the air and see how he feels? I don't think you have to bring it up this early. No air to clear. Because odds are, I would say most first dates don't end in a second date.

And if they do, then you don't even have to tell him yet. Yeah. Case in point, your date with his brother. That didn't end in a second date. Yeah. point your date with his brother that didn't end in a second date yeah but would you it would be hard to marry somebody that ended up that you know your brother made out with no it wouldn't okay actually that brings us to another question from a guy oh let's call this man christian leitner very nice i'm an 18 year old male and my girlfriend is an 18-year-old female.

We've been dating for three months, and I love her. About three years ago, my brother had a one-day stand with her where he received a blowjob. I knew this going into the relationship and thought it wouldn't bother me. But as feelings have developed, it has been

eating at me. If not for this situation, I would consider my girlfriend the most ideal girl I've ever come across. What do I do? My brother, a few of his friends, and I are the only one who know of this. Much love and thanks in advance. So this is the situation. Looks like your brother came across her, too. Nice.

Ha! What? Sorry. I apologize. I like the idea of a one-day stand. Have you ever had sex with a woman for the first and only time when it was sunny out? Ooh. I very much don't think so.

Yeah. If I were you, I'd want it to be sunny, too. I'd want it to be sunny, too I'd want it to be sunny too. This podcast is going to be cut off short today, everybody, and you all understand why. Opening theme song was, yeah, that's right. Oh, my gosh. I've never seen someone pull a chord at the 16-minute mark.

At the very least, pull a civic. Why pull a chord? Oh, my God. Yeah, the email is ifIyoushowatgmail.com. I am still not only a guest, but a ghost. Boo! Subscribe and rate us on iTunes if you have questions or theme songs. I would say this is out-sane, but it's clearly the opposite.

It's 100% insane. All right, I'm back in. Yeah! Yeah! And I'm out. Oh! Wax on, wax philosophical. You suck.

You suck, man. Well, you sock, too. Sorry, you sock shoe. Thanks for everything, Julie New too. Sorry, you sock shoe. Thanks for everything, Julie Newmar. Wow. Keep it coming. Wow.

Keep it coming. No. If I were you, I'd want to have sex in the sun too. Full circle. So this guy had a one-day stand, or this girlfriend had a one-day stand with her brother. Correct? With his brother, not her own brother. Yeah, yeah. Oh, the funny thing is about this email is that the subject line

is, my girlfriend blew my brother? Question mark. Three sad face emojis. Three sad... So could you marry a lady knowing full well that she blew your brother at one point in time? Yeah, sure. You could be Eskimo brothers with your own brother? That wouldn't be be Eskimo brothers with your own brother.

That wouldn't be full Eskimo brothers. What do you mean? Oh, because it wasn't sex? It's not sex. It's such a weird thing that you'd have to have a baby at one point and then read it to sleep one night and be like, Your mommy blew your uncle. There's no reason that you have to tell that to... And when the bell breaks, the cradle will fall or whatever the fuck.

You want it to be during a lullaby? Ideally during a lullaby. Your mother blew your uncle. Cradle will rock. And down will come uncle. Blowjob and all. I just, I don't know if I could ever get over that. I really don't.

Well, didn't you used to blow Yair? Yeah, I blew my brother, but that's like, I don't want to see like my future wife dealing with that shit. So when you, would your, if you, I guess you could sort of put it into this context because you spend so much time blowing your older brother. Yeah. If you were dating somebody, would you like feel like you needed to tell them and would they be like oh that's alright but like I'm your bluest brother yeah I'd be like I'm Eskimo

and regular brothers with one of my brothers because he is an Eskimo yeah I don't know if it really matters it's three years ago yeah just a kind of weird thing to get over you won't get over it you'll always know it as a weird thing.

But you just have to be a little bit better about thinking about it. Yeah. What if she fucking slurps a spaghetti noodle up and all you can see is your brother's spaghetti-ass dick going into her mouth like that? Yeah. Sauce all over her shirt. She's not even being careful about the sauce. She didn't even tuck a napkin on her chest. I think people really get branded though, like by the people they hook up with and you like can't shake it. And for whatever reason, it like matters to people

who, who know those facts, but doesn't really matter to the people that did the hooking up. So like, I mean, the lighter example of this is like a friend hooked up with a girl that you're going to marry. That you might be able to sort of brush aside like, hey, it happens. Friends hook up. Maybe we won't see this person anymore. But this person is your brother. So you're definitely going to see them a lot until you die.

If anything, it's nice that she knows your family so intimately. Or that she had a time where she blew your brother and she prefers your dick. Way to go. It's pretty neat. I don't really prefer your dick. It's just that your brother wouldn't call me back. Awesome. Till death do we part, baby.

You really shouldn't have waited to tell me that on the wedding day. For sure. For sure. For sure. Is this what you always sound like? It feels like your voice is getting nasally locked myself into. And that's a few of his friends though. I guess it really depends on you. Some people

wouldn't care. You sound like you wouldn't care. Yeah. For some people, it would be hard to get over. But if this is the most ideal girl you've ever come across, it might be worth sweeping that under the emotional rug and getting over it. Or maybe you can get her back by eating out her mom's box. I'm fucking serious, man. I'm a dolphin's hunt.

The hunt is back. And the hunt is on. The dolphin dolphin zone, brother. I'm going to blow my fucking brains out in the bathroom. And then we'll be back with some more questions and answers after this. I'm really going to fucking do it, too. Oh, man. Fucking go for it, dude.

No, I wouldn't do that to you. I'll be back after the break, man. I wouldn't fucking subject you to that shit. I'd be fine with that. No, you wouldn't, dude. No way, man. You wouldn't want me to. Let's go quick ad, but you can absolutely.

I don't want to just because I'm scared to do it. I want you to. I would love it if you did. I don't want to just cause I'm scared I want you to I would love it if you did I don't think you do I really don't think so cause if you do think so I'd be sad and I've never been sad I wanna do it myself but I know I'd get in trouble so I'm like trying to convince you to huevos rancheros to fucking do it to me

that was like huevos it was like an offensive Asian accent over a Spanish dish. How do you think I feel? I'm choking on gum. I'm just joking. I'm just choking. I gotta go. I gotta go.

And we'll be back with more questions and answers after this. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to

figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and

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Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct. And the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards, and if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff,

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Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at pick6. dot draftkings.com slash right promos there it is thanks draftkings we're back and we got shows to goes shows to goes to shows to shows it just goes to show that we've got shows so it goes to shows that you to go. We've got shows to go. Shows for you. Shows to shows that you should go to. Come to them. Come to shows.

We'll go to blows. Will you go to blows? If you go to the shows. Will you know the show? The no's will show. Blow the no's. Los Angeles, San Francisco, Portland, and Montreal. Montreal?

Oh, yeah. End of July in Montreal. Tickets available perhaps not to the LA or San Francisco shows. We're going to sell those out soon, but there should be tickets still available to those four shows to the

San Francisco, Portland, LA in June, and then Montreal at the end of July. Yeah. Yo, if you live near Montreal, take a road trip, because that's what we're doing. Montreal. We're not taking a road trip. Well, I mean, we're driving or we're flying far away. It's a trip.

I see. Yeah, yeah. Take a trip. So even if you live in LA, you should come to Montreal. I think if you live anywhere, it's just like a nice destination show. Yeah. Montreal in July. If you're thinking about a vacation, plan it around us.

And it's part of a Just for Laughs comedy festival. So a bunch of funny comedians and friends are going to be there. We're actually going to be hosting a HeadGum show in addition to our live podcast. That's what's up. Called HeadGum Live. Twinnovation Twins will be there.

Jeff and Dave will. And then Black Man Can't Jump is going to be there. Gabrus. Gabrus is going to be there. That'll be fun. I should also wanted to mention that we were on Ian Carmel's All Fantasy Everything podcast drafting holidays last week.

Yeah, I don't know if you saw the Twitter poll, but I was leading as of earlier. What? I saw that Ian was leading as of earlier. But the website, you can go to headgum.com and check out the latest All Fantasy everything. It's a really funny website where four comedians get together and draft things.

So our episode, the first episode we did was sandwiches. We tried to draft the best sandwich team. And then this episode that we did is holidays. We tried to draft the best holidays. And you will not believe the teams we ended up with. Jake, no spoilers, but drafted a holiday I've never heard of. Yep. Oh, shit.

Now I'm losing. Yeah. So check that out. There's only 32 votes, though. Everybody go vote for me. Wait, why not vote for me? Because your team sucked, dude. What are you talking about, man?

Well, everybody should listen and then Decide for themselves But if you're on the fence, I would say vote for me Just because I'm secretly very sad I am not a crock Good lord What? You wear your emotions way too much on your sleeve

Yeah, no, that's true too You wear your emotions way too much on your sleeve. Uh, yeah. No, that's true too. If I were you, that's actually true too. Um, do you want to try to answer some more questions? Yes. What? Uh, it's a way of saying yes. Yes.

I don't like that. Yes. Gross. All right. That's fine. You don't have to love it. Just. I don't. Not that I don't like that. Yeesh. Gross. All right. That's fine. You don't have to love it. Just. I don't.

Not that I don't love it. I don't like it at all. All right. Well, we've been doing a lot of episodes of the podcast, so it's important to try different like bits and shits. I agree. But yeesh. Yeesh.

I don't like it. Well, all right. It's like making me. You don't have to say it. So weird. You don't have to say it. It's just going to be my thing and maybe it'll catch up. I'm kind of nauseous hearing it. Right. Well, all right. It's like making me so weird. You don't have to say it. It's just going to be my thing and maybe it'll catch up. I'm kind of nauseous hearing it.

Right. Well, I apologize for that. Didn't mean to make you sick. Fuck. It's fine. Let's just take, give me 30 seconds because I really feel so. Are you asking my permission to take 30 seconds? Yeah.

Can you just talk about something else? Oh my God. Yay. Are you talking about anything you want? I'm afraid of asking you yes or no questions. Well, sometimes I'll say no. I'm getting like car sick. It's a spell.

It's a fucking... What are you doing? It's a fucking tilt-a-whirl. Oh, man. Projectile vomit everywhere. I'm curing you. All right. This one is written by a...

Ooh, gal. What's another female Duke basketball player? I wish I knew. I wish I knew. Female Duke basketball player named... Let me just think. I'm not Googling or anything. I just needed this name to pop into my mind is all.

And now that I remember, the name is Faith Suggs. Perfect. That's a cool name. Faith Suggs writes, I'm a a cool name. Faith Suggs writes, I'm a 20-year-old sophomore gal in college, and it's been two years since my last relationship. And let's just say the dating scene has been pretty damn uneventful and nonexistent. Despite being on campus pretty much Monday through Friday and then some,

I have had no luck in the dating slash hookup realm. I mean, I don't have a problem being alone. In fact, I enjoy it. But oh sheesh, y'all. A girl has gotten, sorry, a girl has got both emotional and physical needs. Would you say that's correct? Excuse me? A girl has both emotional and physical needs.

If that's what she says. Anyways, it's as if I can't seem to meet someone at school. So I guess this is the problem. I don't really like online dating. Nearly everyone is on Tinder or Bumble or OkCupid or some type of app, but it just doesn't appeal to me. I don't think there is anything wrong with the concept of the apps itself, and I know many people have had great success with it, but it's just not my cup of tea. I'd rather meet a guy in person. It's just my most likely irrational but personal preference. I guess I don't knock it

till I try it, but I digress. Maybe at the core, I'm just a dumbass hopeless romantic, but my questions are this. Is it possible to still meet people in real life, or has Tinder taken over, making it the only slash best way of meeting slash dating people? As long as I am not on these online apps, am I destined to be single for life? Should I just suck it up and download Tinder even though I'm not at all into it? Do you think that these dating apps have taken away the significance of relationships and dating, or made it better? Sorry for the convoluted email. I'm just really curious to hear what y'all have to say about this, especially Jake, because I know he's a real pimp when it comes to Tinder.

Thank you so much. Thank you. In advance for any advice. Todah. Love. Faith. Sugs. Sugs.

Because you got to have faith, faith, faith. Is there anything to it? Has Tinder in any way ruined dating in real life? I mean, I don't think it's ruined dating. It's changed the game. I think it's not just Tinder, though. Like, being such a connected society, I think, has changed the dating game. I don't think it's a bad thing.

No. But I think not embracing it. You can either reject it and be like, I'm going to meet people traditionally. Yeah. And that might work and it might not. But you're not really living in the world. No. You're not living living in the world. No. You're not living in the modern world.

You could be apathetic. You could say, hey, you know, fine, maybe I'll download Tinder. I hate this, but I got to try. Or you can be proactive and you could do everything. And I think that you got to be firing on all cylinders here. Yeah. Just because you're on Tinder doesn't mean you're not going to be, you're closing yourself off to the chance encounter of perhaps meeting someone IRL.

Yeah. You might go on a shitty Tinder date and that person leaves, and then all of a sudden you catch the eye of somebody at a bar, and you're like, oh, hello. Yeah, it's whatever gets you out and about. And it's weird because it's like some people are against online dating. They want to meet people IRL. But you are meeting them in real life as well.

It's not like your entire relationship is online and that you're texting and chatting and you're never actually meeting these people. It's just like a little life hack to meet more people IRL. Yeah. Tinder is kind of like any app. Like email is also the same way. You don't have to have email. You can write letters to people, but it's much less efficient. You can meet people IRL too, but it's going to be much less efficient. You can't meet as many people as you could on Tinder. And on Tinder, you can kind

of vet people beforehand. So you get to know a little bit about them before you waste your time and money going out to meet and date people. So when she says, is Tinder the only slash best way of meeting people? I wouldn't say it's the only, would you say it's the best? Maybe not Tinder specifically, but I think that dating apps and at least communicating electronically before you go meet somebody is helpful to get a sense of if you'll get along with that person. You know what's starting to happen,

and maybe we've talked about this on the show before, but maybe we haven't. We've only talked about it offline, is the idea that every app is kind of turning into a dating app. Yeah. Like with Instagram DMs and Facebook and Twitter DMs. I honestly think Instagram DMs are probably, that's like the forefront of dating now. Yeah. Slide into a DM. It's like. Twitter DMs have been around for a long time. It's the Instagram DMs. Yeah. You can really like find total... I went on a date with somebody

based on an Instagram comment section once. Really? Yeah. So not even a DM. Just like a straight up public comment on like a mutual friend's photo. Wow. And then it got to the point where she wrote her number,

I copied it, then she deleted it, and then we just deleted our comments. Yeah, Instagram is like Tinder, but much more open-ended. So people in relationships can be on there, you don't even have to put selfies on there. Is there a good way to find out if someone is single or in a relationship

on Instagram? I guess just like looking through their photos. I guess people, you can attach your Instagram to Tinder now, but one nice thing about Instagram is that like, if you think you like somebody, you can go pretty far like deep into that. You can like really get into the stalking. Yeah. On Tinder, you only ever have like five photos

unless they have their Instagram. You know what I've noticed recently is that Instagram is now like six, seven, eight years old. Like you can go through people's photos and it goes so far back. Yeah. Instagram feels newer than like Facebook and Twitter.

And it is, but it's still kind of old. Like people have had it for so long. Yeah. It is interesting. They really keep it fresh, man. Like there's a photo of me as a 10 year old on Instagram.

Well, that's because you did a TBT. Yeah, last week. That's me. That'd be interesting if Instagram would do like a little, like a dating thing. Like you could make something in your profile. Yeah. Instead of just literally bit by bit copying Snapchat, they should just do that with Tinder. Yeah.

So it's like if you like this person, let them know. That's what it would be. You know what they should do is like a private thing where they're like, are you single? Are you looking for people? And it's like, yes or no. And then if you are, it just like puts you in a bucket with other single people. So there's like a little page you could go to. So you're scrolling through Instagram and then it's like,

oh, this person is single and in your area. Yeah. So you know what? It would be like instead of, you could like the photo. Yeah. Of course. Or you could super like it. Yeah. But that's like you can heart it.

You can comment. And that's like sort of the way you flirt now. Yeah. Or you can like swipe it to the right. And that's a little, and that's like a poke or something. That's like a nudge. That's like this person likes you. Oh, that's good.

That's a poke or a nudge. And that like opens up a DM. If that other person maybe does the same to one of your photos or something. I don't know. Yeah, there's got to be a way to do it. Or it opens up an optional DM for the person who you liked. Right. And that way, so how can I use it? If I want to sleep with 10,000 people this year.

Look, I've said it before. We should make a dating app. I don't know what we're waiting for. We fucking single-handedly launched Tinder for them. You think that was us? No, but we didn't hurt. I think it helped. I think we helped.

We gave them a lot of free promo. You know who can help us build this Tinder app is Armin, the guy who built our website. Oh, yes. In fact, this is a perfect segue to talk about the Tinder-related online dating app that Armin did build, which is called PicBot, P-I-C-B-O-T, which helps you find the best photos with anonymous feedback from potential matches. So if you are on Tinder or Bumble and you don't know which picture to use,

I default into just asking my friends. Maybe there's a female out there that like a lot of give me quality feedbacks so pick bot which is this app that armin made uh helps you make the right first impression and uh it works for tinder bumble ok qubit any other app you get you upload a bunch of photos and people will tell you which ones are the best one of you i've had people tell me that they swiped me in one direction or another based on what photo I had. Yeah. Because you can vary wildly.

And the first photo is so important. So if you use PicBot, which is Armin's app, you can upload photos from basically any photo you have, and you can even hide it from your Facebook friends to prevent awkwardness. And it's available both in the App Store and on Google Play for iOS and Android. Basically, any photo you have, and you can even hide it from your Facebook friends to prevent awkwardness. And it's available both in the App Store and on Google Play for iOS and Android. The app, again, is PicBot, P-I-C-B-O-T, and it basically helps you choose the best, most flattering photo of yourself. I should also say, there's also two PicBots in the App Store when I went to download it.

So it's the one with the rainbow heart emoji as the icon. That's right. I wish I had pickbot back in my Tinder in days. Yeah, we used to, I used to just like help you with your pictures. Yeah, and the problem is I used to, I chose that really unflattering shot of like lasagna all over my ass. And like that other one where I looked like really just disgusted. I was greasy. It was like the kind of. You photoshopped your face into the goatsy guy's hole.

Yeah, and I didn't get any matches because it was so, and I got kicked off Tinder because it like violated their privacy rules and it was just, it was, what's it called when it's- On the real though, if you're listening,

I want to develop a dating app. Hit me up. You know my ass. Would it be any different from Tinder? Yeah, because it would be from me. So it would be like a little more chill. It would be from Minder. Minder, yeah.

That's what I would call it. From Minder. From Minder. And you would say either no or yeet. That's right. Yeet. Alright, let's answer one last Tinder question, just because

we're on a Tinder roll. Ooh, from another lady. What's up? Shit. And you don't have a basketball player. Still got the roster open. Good man. Kendall Cooper. Oh. That's a good name, too. Kendall Cooper writes, I'm a 24-year-old woman, and I've been out of college for two years.

Since graduation, I've moved to three different cities. And the third one, I'm currently still in, and it's feeling pretty long-term, so now I'd like to focus on meeting people, primarily guys. I've downloaded Tinder, Bumble, and whatever the one with the bagel is, but I need some kind of advice on how to interpret profiles. I'd like to give the app slash online dating thing a shot, and I don't have any issues with it. But I'm having trouble telling if a guy is on the app to hook up

or to genuinely meet someone. Or am I a fool and they're all just looking to hook up? No judgment if that's true. That's just not why I'm on here. Flip side, are there cliches slash taboos that girl put on their profiles that I should avoid doing? Thanks. Love. Cooper,

Connor, Kendall Cooper. Okay. I got it. My least favorite thing to see is somebody being snarky and mean in their profile. Like, if you're under six feet, swipe left. Yeah, or I'm only going to be on this app for a few days, so get it while you can. Yeah.

Like, I just don't like when people have a list of rules in their bio. No rules. No mirror selfies. Yeah. No shirtless pics. Yeah. You can just swipe right. Or swipe left.

Huh? Oh, no. I'm getting lots of matches with shitty guys because I also swipe them right. It's also fun. Like, you don't have to tell people, like, what not to have and to swipe left. Like, if you swipe them left for not having those things, there's no need. Yeah. You don't have to be mean about it.

It's just like a PSA. Anyway, that's my profile note. And is there any way to tell if a guy's in it to hook up or to date? I think everybody's in there to hook up. Well, usually the different apps I feel like mean different things. I think Tinder is really, it's a hookup app. But how often do people that hook up and like hooking up start dating? That happens.

Yeah, so you can hook up and date. I think there's some sweet boys on Tinder. There's sweet boys everywhere, but I don't think Tinder has the... I don't think people download it to meet their soulmate. What about the putting in the bio, hey, not looking for a hookup?

I think that that's fine, but even if you say I'm not looking for a hookup, you'll still match with guys that are. And if you're not looking for a hookup, you're just looking to date, and you go on a date and the guy is awesome, what does that mean? Does that mean you won't hook up with them, you want to take it slow? Or does that mean that you will hook up with them, but then you want to hook up with them again? Yeah, I think it's, i guess i don't know but in my head it's like if you're look if you're

not just looking for a hookup you can still hook up but like you want it to mean something you don't want that person to like ghost your ass yeah it seems like that can come up in the actual date you'll see if the guy's just interested in hooking up but then you can get annoyed like oh every guy i want to go out with just wants to fuck and not want to be in a relationship the problem is that they can lie to you really at any point yeah they like in the app they you could like they could see your profile like they can lie to you then you could be chatting and they can lie to you then you could be about to fuck them and they could lie to you right there and they could date you for a year say they love you and be lying and then vanish.

You know, everything's on the table here. But can't you kind of tell who the sweet boys are versus the regular boys? Yeah, you just got to use your best judgment. You can tell

who the sweet boys are. I feel like you should be able to tell. Maybe in the photos, maybe in the chat, maybe on the date, but at a certain point you'll be able to tell.

Yeah, you can deduce the sweet boys. That's actually a pretty good name for our dating app. The sweet boys. The sweet boys. And we'll only accept sweet boys.

So you can't even kiss on the first date? Nope, that's one of the rules. Because actually part of the dating app is that I am a chaperone on every single date. So you're personally liaising between the two parties. Yes. And let's say a sweet boy's on a date with a cute girl and you're there and you happen to want to be with a cute girl. Do you have the option to tap in for the sweet boy? Yeah, you can always tap in if the sweet boy is...

You mean you can always tap in? I can always tap in because I'm a bad boy. Can anybody else be a chaperone? No, this is my app. The app is for you to be a date liaison. Chaperone. Interlocutor. Yeah.

And then at any point during the date, if you should like the girl, you get to tap in. Yeah. And then if I change my mind, I can tap out. So the guy has to really sit there if I tap in. Idly by. Idly by, yeah. That could be the name of it, actually. Idly by.

That'd be fun you know what else would be a cool app if like just for me everybody submits their dating profile to me all the girls and then all the all the sweet boys submit their dating profile to me and then i just match them up together oh so you choose which girls go with which sweet boys yeah i make i am the matchmaker so you're it's just a matchmaking app. It's a matchmaking game. That's hard to scale though because if we can't get thousands of people a day, you'd be too busy.

Yeah, that's true. But I like the idea. We basically have to choose who you want to attract, the males or the females. It seems like Tinder attracts males, Bumble attracts females because they have to make the first move. Like your idea of an app

where you can't hook up on the first date might attract some pretty great females and some sweet boys yeah i feel like i'm i'm more often getting asked by great women if i know any sweet boys yeah so i think i should have a pocket full of sweet boys this is my dating app okay so you know five sweet boys. So like John Grimm would be a sweet boy. Exactly. And then somebody's like, oh, can you set my friend up with somebody? And then I'm like, oh, here's, here's one. Here's a sweet boy.

Here's a sweet boy. Yeah. And I could like, it'd be like bump. I could bump my phone and then she's got John Grimm's contact info. And then she, she's off to the sweet boy races. Yeah. And then she doesn't have to worry about like this guy was just down to fuck her and leave her. Yeah. But I'd really have to vet the sweet boys. I'd have to go on a date with each sweet boy. doesn't have to worry about like this guy was just down to fuck her and leave her. Yeah.

But I'd really have to vet the sweet boys. I'd have to go on a date with each sweet boy. So you have to. So the app is any girl can join, but then you have to go on a date with a bunch of sweet boys to actually see if they're sweet. I would honestly like to go on the dates with the girls too. So you have to go on a date with the male and the female and then you can see which girl belongs to which sweet boy. I don't know if I need to like date the guy. I could probably just go out with the male and the female, and then you can see which girl belongs to which sweet boy? I don't know if I need to date the guy. I could probably just go out with the girl.

Got it. And how many sweet boys would you say you know right now? I don't... I'm not worried about introducing them to anybody. Okay. So you want to just... So this is an app where you match with girls and nobody else does, or... I'm not...

You're all the guys on it and then girls can join? I don't want to portend that. I like that. No, we still got to think about this app. I don't want to do too much work. We got to just get people all, it's the new age Tinder. What's the next iteration of Tinder? Bumble had a nice spin.

Yeah, the girls, only the girls can message. Yeah. What about the opposite? Only dudes can mention. Finally, guys get girls can message. Yeah. What about the opposite? Only dudes can mention. Finally, guys get a leg up. Actually, there's so many dudes on our app, it's only dudes. Sweet dudes. So it's hot little sweet boys matching with each other.

Winner gets the girl. And there isn't one. Absolutely not. Of course. This is Adolphus Hunt. For you are in the zone. The hunt zone. All right.

Cool. We tried our best to help people. What can you say? What can you do? Thanks again for writing in. If you have a theme song or a question of your own, it's at fireyoushow at gmail.com. If you want some more me and Jake, reminder, we're on the latest All Fantasy Everything podcast hosted by Ian Carmel. We fantasy draft our holidays.

That one's a two-hour long episode. So if you need some more me and Jake in your life, check out that episode. It was a fun time. See which holidays we value the most. Spoiler alert, I dislike Christmas. Spoiler alert, I don't like gifts. Spoiler alert, nobody likes me. Spoiler alert, I don't like gifts. Spoiler alert, nobody likes me. Spoiler alert.

Anyway, I think I said this already, but the email for everything is ifrushow at gmail.com. Check out Armin's PickBot app if you're looking to get the best photo for your application, and we'll be back next week.

Yeah, on a Monday the opening theme song was written by Nolan and this closing one was written by I believe his name is Mike Simons shout out to his band Sex Cauldron and his gram

Big Mike 8750 so yeah you don't even need Tinder you can just follow Mike on Instagram Big Mike 8750 Toad off, you don't even need Tinder. You can just follow Mike on Instagram. Big Mike 8750. Toda for listening. We'll be back next week. Goodbye. Ciao. Arrivederci.

Shalom. Good night. Good fight. Goodbye. Good eve. Good morrow. Ni hao to you, yours, and everyone around you. Just know we're thinking about you, we love you, and we appreciate it.

Thanks for listening. This is Amir Blumenfeld signing off for the 276th time. Got to keep it short. Got to keep it sweet. Got to keep it high and tight. I'm out for now and maybe forever. Just end the show. All right.

If I were you, sure. If I were you. A podcast with two children. If I were you. You can send in all your questions and they'll tell you what they think you should do Jake has a pure heart A mere moderate's dispatch And we all want to be in the middle

Between Ben Schwartz and Middle Ditch They're so hashtag dope They'll help you seize on the cheese Who knows how many guys and girls Live encouraged to get down on their knees But don't be surprised If they call you on your shit Call you on your shit

And we'll all laugh at your misfortune But don't worry cause your name is Grandis Grandis If I were you sure Would I like to know About that time that you were thinking What'd you like to know? What'd you like to know? About that time that you were thinking Of accepting a blowjob from a bro

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