Segments - 277: Instagram Girlfriend (w/Mike Karnell and Dave Rosenberg!)

Episode Date: June 5, 2017

Two Twinnovation boys join us to discuss dating apps, whipped cream, and snout outs. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Hey girl, if I were you I'd ask Jake and Amir for help with any situation Yo, do you? Yeah girl, if I were you

I'd listen to the show and get some good information Just for you Cause they are peace in that regard They'll know exactly what you should do Girl, listen to it if I were you Listen to it if I were you The podcast show if I were you Listen to it if I were you Listen to if I were you

That was Tom Leo. Great job. Tommy boy. Tom Leo from Christchurch, New Zealand. Wow. Which we were at. Oh yeah, that's correct. Yeah, he said we visited once and we're at a bar 15 meters away from him and he couldn't leave his school.

That's too bad. Oh, well. Mike Carnell and Dave Rosenberg in the house. Howdy, Herbs. What? Oh, wow. You're coming in hot. Ah, dude.

I'm actually freezing. Take it. We left the AC on for you. Take it easy, Dave. You know, I'm just chilling with my boys, sipping on some LaCroix's, you know what I mean? The LaCroix boys. The LaCroix boys. I'm actually more of a Mr. Tecate.

You are drinking a beer. This is a rare Friday late afternoon podcast recording. Snuck it in. Yeah, this is the most exciting time of the week. Also, we've had you guys on as guests individually, never together. You get Dave and me on the same coast and shit just starts happening, you know, magic. You guys recorded a twinnovation out here, right? We did.

It was great to be away from Jeff and Nick for like one week. Yeah, and that shit dropped today too. Check it out. It's already out? Yeah, it dropped. If this is dropping on Monday, then this dropped on Friday last week.

Hell yeah. Just subscribe, people. Honestly, then you don't even have to worry about when it drops and you can just, you know, listen at your leisure. Dave, you seem angry or something. Yeah, the you don't even have to worry about when it drops, and you can just listen at your leisure. Dave, you seem angry or something. Yeah, the Uber here took an hour. I was losing my mind, folks.

And that wasn't even an Uber pool. Was it the Uber's fault? Was it traffic's fault? A little bit of both. Yeah, not as aggressive as I would have liked him to be. Driving Friday afternoon is the worst for traffic.

He also didn't have a map open. He was freestyling? Really? He had headphones in, so I don't know if he's just listening to the directions. I had a guy once, Uber driver, instead of looking at the map, looking at the text directions. So it was like, I don't know, it was oddly annoying. It was just like, make a right on 13th, and he's looking to see where it is. I'm like, they have a navigator if you just minimize this. I can't't know, it was oddly annoying. It was just like, it was like, make a right on 13th. And he's like looking to see where it is. I'm like, they have a navigator if you just like minimize this.

I can't remember what friend it was. I was driving. It was a mutual friend of ours. I was in the car with them. And they're like, oh, I don't use the live map. I just use the text reading directions. And I wanted to jump out of the car. What the fuck are you talking about?

She's like, well, it's easier this way. I was like, no. No, it's not. That's like, it's officially not. That's when you didn't have a smartphone and you had to print out your MapQuest. Print out the MapQuest stuff. Yeah. I remember that, just the MapQuest stuff sitting in the middle seat in my parents' car.

That's right. When everyone was like, it's so dangerous, people are on phones now. I was like, fucking motherfuckers were unfolding a five by five map in front of their faces and reading very small roads. How is that any less dangerous than a phone? motherfuckers were unfolding like a 5x5 map in front of their faces and like reading very small roads. Like how is that any less dangerous than a phone? Did you guys have Thomas guides or was that like an LA thing? It's an LA thing.

Thomas guides. There used to be books that they give you like a triple A. I'm like yo you can read like a book of maps. I was like how are phones more dangerous than books? I think one of the early GPS systems was like a TomTom, right? Yeah, TomTom. Oh yeah, and a Garmin.

This week's episode of I Reuse is sponsored by TomTom. I wish. I would just like to call out Marty Michael one more time on your guys' podcast. Instead of yours. If you guys want to know why, I won't get too into it, but if you want to know why I'm so upset, check out the Twinnovation podcast.

Check out the last four episodes. It's funny because I listen to them and I'm still not entirely sure why you were upset. Neither am I. We're staying. We're doing the streets. He's talking. At this point, I've committed and I can't let go. You forgot how you started and now you're just in the middle of it. I started with ad revenue, but honestly, I don't even like

reading the ads or having the ads. So it's a fight you don't want to win. I still want to win. I just, you know, my heart's not in it. But then one thing happens for. I just, you know, my heart's not in it. But then one thing happens for Marty and I get really mad and my heart's back in it. Yeah, that's why you glued 150 little pigs to his desk. Yeah, I had to. And a couple that you still haven't found quite yet.

Yeah. Oop, I'm sitting on one. It's in you. Marty takes a shit in a little piglet. What did you do? You don't want to know. You put it in his oatmeal. Oh, man.

If you just looked in the mirror and he was a pig. No. Is there a way that we could, like, next time he goes to sleep. You sedate him with a very strong sedative. We bring in a top line prosthetic artist. Yeah. And we go full fucking Twilight Zone on his ass. That'd be so funny.

It's wake up, touch his foot. No! No! No! No! And I don't even know why I did it to him. Woo! A snout out, folks.

Snout out. Hashtag. I snotted out. Well, you guys have been on this show before, but for any Twinnovation fans listening for the first time. Which is no one. All of our fans are your fans. This is an advice show. An advice podcast. We do our best

to answer emails that we get to if I read a show at gmail.com. Sometimes just me and Jake. Sometimes we have friends of Jake's on the podcast. Jake gets to bring two friends a month so that he stays invested in the show. Sometimes it's his mommy, sometimes it's his

brother. It's oftentimes my mother. And today, Mike and Dave, childhood friends. Who knew Jake first? I did. Mike knew me first. We had built up our friendship in seventh grade. We had a falling out. What grade? My senior year of high school. We had a falling out Jake's senior year of high

school. What was the falling out about? But at that point, if I could just jump in here quickly. You didn't know him at that point. When they had their falling out Jake's senior year of high school. What was the falling out about? But at that point, if I could just jump in here quickly. You didn't know him at that point. Yeah. When they had their falling out, I was actually trying to get Mike to become friends with Jake again. No, it was Jeff. And he was not happy. No, because Dave's twin brother, Jeff, is actually who brought us together.

Because Jake was getting closer with Jeff. And Jeff was like, hey, you should really just be friends with him again. And we had so many mutual friends. Plus, we squashed it. Plus it happened because you fucked our one friend's girlfriend. And then I fucked his other girlfriend later. Wait, that's how you got together again? Yeah, because the dude was-

It wasn't like as soon as he fucked that next girlfriend. The dude was an ass- Now we're friends again. The dude was an asshole and was like, you got to choose Drake or me. And I was like, I'm the dude's hockey- I couldn't not choose this dude because... I shouldn't have had to choose anyway. Had to because we were on a hockey team. And then I was like,

legit, when I choose a side, you know how I roll. I was legit mean. You're in the war. Legit mean to you. Punched one of your friends in the face. That's not... That is... That guy was not my friend. He was your friend. He was a part of your crew. He was a part of your crew. Then you were like, I'm getting a new crew.

I know. That's not true. That is what happened. And I had a sock in my friends. I can't keep my friends. Mike forced the guy to drink milk out of a bowl on the ground. Well, that was like my friend's girlfriend brought her friend, and that friend brought his friend. And that friend was drinking from our friend's refrigerator, was drinking their parents, who I'm also friends with.

He was drinking the milk from the container out of the fridge. And I was already looking for a fight. And I was just like, yo, if you're going to be a little kitty cat, I'm going to treat you like a pussy. Now drink the milk out of a bowl like a cat. And he actually did it. Why? What was the threat?

I was going to punch him. Shooker punch Carnell, dude. He was going to punch him if he didn't do it. And then Mike punched him while he was did it. Why? What was the threat? I was going to punch him. Shucker punch Carnell, dude. He was going to punch him if he didn't do it and then Mike punched him while he was doing it. Did you really? Dude, I'm telling you, when I roll with you, I'm on your side for life and I keep it real. Wait a minute.

What does that mean? It's ride together, die together. If I'm on your team, I'm on your team and if I'm not, it's bad news. But why did you punch the guy while he was already drinking the milk? I was drunk and looking for a fight. That makes more sense than the ride or die part. The guy was getting punched as soon as Mike got there.

Mike was just doing everything to get the guy punched the entire time. And then by the end, I feel like you just realized, like, this guy's gonna do everything I say. I have to hit him. Yeah, it really took the fun out of it. But then later, like, that same friend who originally split us apart got a new girlfriend that uh i fucked uh and uh that friendship fell apart and then like it brought us together which is actually better we're all better off there you have it that's what's up

dude an unabridged version of uh a friendship yeah told in one one act d, do you want to give... Howdy, Herbs. We're going to start the podcast from that point. That was Tom Leo. Do you have a fake male's name for this question? We've been saying Jark on our podcast, like Mark with a J. Give us a last name, Dave. You haven't heard of him? Jark Chasman. That's pretty good.

Jark Chasman. So pleased with yourself. Because of the Chasman. That's pretty good. Jark Chasman. So pleased with yourself. I think that's a good one. Because of Chaz, our Airbnb guy. Oh, that's right. Chaz, yeah, that was a fun little Airbnb. About three years ago, I met this girl. She's wonderful in every way.

Intelligent, great personality, sense of humor, and she's a goddamn James Harden alley-oop, 10-cent dime piece. When we started going out, I noticed she had about 2,000 followers on IG. That's what's up. The pictures were mostly of her gorgeous face,

occasional pics showing some skin. Nothing special. Fast forward three years later and she now has 29,000 followers. Oh, shit. Most of her pics nowadays are her naked, barely covered in her vaginipples.

And she uploads a picture about every other day when she used to upload about once a week. And the comments, oh my God, want to meet up and fuck? Or I want to fuck you so hard. I want to cum in your mouth, et cetera. All from alpha male Trump supporter type of dudes. I mean, like basically, that's all dudes. It's not just Trumpies. Hashtag yes, all dudes.

I told her it makes me uncomfortable, but she said it's just a confidence booster. But that doesn't exactly help me. Every time she picks up the phone, I get anxious. We're both 21 from Norway, and I'm thinking about moving in together. I gotta follow this chick. Did he give us the tag? I'm not even at the question yet. I don't care about the question.

Can we talk about her pics? I'm trying to slide the question yet. I don't care about the question. Can we talk about her pics? I'm trying to slide into the DMs. Show us those nip slips. I actually don't see it. I don't want her to delete it if it makes her feel better about herself. But on the other hand, if I could change one thing about her, it would be this. What would you do if you were me? Permission to engage?

Mike, why don't you start us off? Chill the fuck out, man. First off, this is her hustle, and this is people's careers now. So $29,000 isn't a joke. She's probably making a healthy amount of money. Maybe she gets flown around. It's dope if dudes want to jerk off and fuck your girl, as long as she's not doing it. I think you should support her, feel proud.

I understand why he's jealous, but you've got to get over that. Are you still piping her? Then who cares? Yeah, that's a question you should ask everybody. Are you still piping her? If you're piping her, then who cares? If you're piping her, pipe down.

It would make you uncomfortable if a girl you were seeing was doing this? No, it actually would not. Interesting. Like an Instagram butt model is pretty cool. Yeah, I mean, if it's also a source of income. Yeah, I mean, it's also a source of income. Yeah, well, he didn't say it was a source of income. But it is.

She's not doing it if it's not. You got to brand yourself in this economy. You know, a lot of jobs are going to be lost to robots. But one thing robots can't do, show little skin. That's right. Like what if these photos of hers like – Mr. Takate lives by. What if these photos of hers like get... Mr. Tecate lives by. What if these photos of hers, like, get you guys a dope trip to, like, the Mediterranean

where she just has to, like, post a couple pics? Yeah, you should start taking photos. And you get a free vacay. But then, where do you draw the line? Like, if your lady was a stripper, would you feel comfortable with that? You draw the line when you're on thechive.com. What? If you're a chivette, then you've crossed the line.

A chivette? Oh, I see your keep calm and chive on tattoo. I? If you're a Chivette, then you've crossed the line. A Chivette? Oh, I see your keep calm and Chive on tattoo. I think I understand what that means. I would draw the line if like a dude was flying her out without me to go to, because then she's like 50, 50. Yeah, I think that's what you got to worry about. It's like, yeah, if somebody turns into an escort, that's like, I don't want to date that person.

But if you get flown out with her, dope. Although that probably is pretty rare now that I think about it. They're probably only flying out the girls. Yeah, why do you think this guy feels... Well, that's why he has to become a photographer. Oh, he should get a camera and he should be her photographer. You can't take this away from me. That's a good hustle, dude. If you wanted to,

I guess no matter how you feel, it's too late. There's nothing you can do. She's crossed from 2,000 to 29,000. She's not going to delete the Instagram. And the minute you're like, stop this, that's like, your relationship's over. She's going to be like, no. So you should get yourself. And then she's going to start fucking one of those guys that's like, hey, let's meet up and fuck. Yeah, or she'll fuck the photographers.

Like, that happens. This is real life. I'm not going to bullshit you. That's actually a very good point, Jacob. He should. He should buy like a digital camera. Nice one. Learn photo coloring. Become her photographer. And that way you're doing it with your camera. That's a good way to solve the problem that I would not have thunk.

The answer to this problem is never going to be like, tell her to stop it, and she will. It's not going to happen to you. Yeah, it's either get over it, or if you can't, you get out of the situation. Yeah, get over it or get out. You can't beat them, join them. But why do you guys think it bothers people to see their lady friends? I don't know, because I would fucking marry anybody I see on Instagram with their butt out. I would be like, I would wife them.

Classic insecurities, you know. Which is what? Oh, these other guys are going to steal my girl? He mentioned it. He's like, when she gets a phone call, you're stressing out? Like, relax, dude. No one can call you through Instagram. What about this for an idea?

If he evens the playing field a bit. Gets hot as fuck. No, and he starts posting skimpy pictures of himself. That's what I'm saying. He could also get ripped and become like a little Instagram model himself. Norwegians have good genes. What if you're not even ripped? What if it's like Somebody's fetish is like

Normal looking dudes You can always corner a market You could just become like a lunar Yeah A fetish for normal Oh lunar is the balloon people? Yeah yeah What's that?

That's just like where People get off on balloons So what do you do? Rub them on your body Or blow them off? It's not Please don't like simplify The fetish okay

Yeah Well I'm trying to understand it Some people get off on it Blowing up Some people get off on it Deflating Some people get off on it deflating. Some people get off on the sound when you rub them. Some people get off on popping. Jesus, you're getting so hard right now.

Rock hard, dude. There's a doc on Netflix. Everyone get off on the pop, the not. I'm more of a not guy, so there's a subsection of nots. I hate when they pop. Can't take it. When they pop, so do I.

There's full meetups in cities and stuff. It's pretty cool. Have you gone? No, I watched a documentary on it. Wow. Is Lunar the weirdest one? Fuck no, dude. Right.

I mean, there's some real dark ones. They border eventually on like... Rape and murder and shit. Yeah, yeah. That seems like a real... You're just talking about fetishes in general? Yeah. I guess so.

The weirdest one. Luning's definitely on the end of the spectrum. That's like chill. Do you know anyone with a fetish? Along with like fluffers. I've always wanted a fetish, but. I had a girl on a second date ask me to rape her. Oh.

And I had to, it was very strange. She was beautiful. I kind of was like 50-50 on her as a person, but. And it was our second, we had slept together a few times. This was like our second date. And she like, she's like, I want it. You want, you want to know what i want you to do to me i was like yeah and she like whispered she got so close to me where she couldn't see my face and she's like i want you to fucking tie me down and then i want you to just start like fucking me i'm gonna be screaming no at the top of lungs i'm gonna try to i want to fight back and i want you

to just like choke me and hit me and i'm just screaming no and i was and she couldn't see my face and my smile just like dropped i was like first off i have really thin walls my neighbor's gonna call the police second of all if you like are asking this on the second date are you crazy enough where if like we break up you're gonna tell the police i raped you at which point it would be i kind of did yeah yeah what's the legality i can't get hard hard to, I'm not going to get hard, dude. I'm just going to be waving my little soft noodle around. What is the legality of someone that wants you to do something illegal to them? Just don't do it because you don't know,

unless you're in like a very committed relationship. Sign an NDA, per what? An NDA? Some sort of contract. Like if I'm like, I want you to steal my fucking TV. Well then, so we stopped dating. That's Fynd steal my fucking TV. Well then, so we stopped dating. Oh, that's Fyndum. Yeah.

I saw her, like, we stopped dating. I saw her date, like, a half-famous dude in the comedy community and I just wanted to go up and be like, I know what you're doing.

Drop names. No. I want you to not recycle. I want to catch you littering. I can't get hard to that. I want you to... I can get hard to littering, though. I'm into loitering, actually.

Nice, dude. So, like, I'll go around the block three times. Oh, yeah. And that sort of gets me off. It's like little feats of micro-illegality. That's what's up, dude. Like, what's the most tamed illegal thing you can do? Rollerblading when you're not supposed to.

Yeah, that's what I want you to rollerblade. Oh, unleashing your dog. I want you to rollerblade at a public library. I want you to not look after your dog. Don't pick up his poop. Leave one of the three logs, baby, for me!

Sorry, man. What do you think, Amir? Do you agree with our consensus on the question? I mean, I'm a little bit understand. Like, I would feel a little uncomfortable if my lady friend was, like, bearing it all just because I feel like, you know, there's friends and family involved, and they can see stuff that they wouldn't normally see.

That's fair. I guess I haven't thought about this kid's family. Question. But the dad's probably jerking off. Can you now free the nip on Instagram? No. No? I don't think so.

No. So no nip slips there? No I don't think so So no nip slips there? No No vag slips either You could really sabotage this You could just report her Maybe they'll do Instagram It's inappropriate

Can you Is it legal on Instagram to post A topless photo But you photoshopped So there's no nips And it just looks like skin? Yeah I've seen that Is that allowed?

I've seen that What about fat topless guys? So like there's still some boobie and some nips, but it belongs to a dude. I could probably rub one out to that for sure. What did you say? What about elbows that look like butts? That's you.

Elbows that look like butts? That's kind of fun. Like, if there's a nipple close-up, but there's a little bit of hair on it, so you assume it's a guy, but it's actually a woman. Yeah, I guess Instagram probably doesn't have enough time to delete all of these if we're trying to game the system if you're a fan of fire you start posting your nips and see how long it takes to get down yeah like if nobody reports it

you can be pornographic right tree falls in the woods and post a nitpick and nobody reports it do you i can't finish that but the start was good enough all right we gave this kid some options i mean i feel like that's the best bet basically like don't sweat it and uh either you're in or you're out and if you're in work yourself into her career don't sweat the small stuff in life and it's all small we are but a speck of dust dave has a fucking bow and arrow pointed at him. Is that an original sentence? Yeah, it's a new book by Coach K. Don't sweat the small stuff. Subtitle, and it's all small?

I like that. Those are good words to look by. It's already a book. Damn. Full disclosure. Isn't that a Kevin James stand-up special? Should be. Sweat the small stuff. I think it is sweat the small stuff.

Well, now I wish I didn't. Here's a thematically relevant question about whipped cream. Okay, I'm ready. Mike, do you have a guy's name? Dave, how about you go first, I'll go last. Clit? Oh, Jesus. What?

McJiggerson. Somehow worse than clit. I don't know how you did it. My girlfriend of four months, writes Clit, decided to surprise me one night. She's decided to surprise me one night during sex by busting out whipped cream and told me I could put it wherever I wanted. Dream come true, right? Wrong. Eyeballs.

I hate whipped cream. Eyeballs. I choose eyeballs. I want you to put whipped cream on my eyes. Down to my contact list I've never used edible stuff in the bedroom before so I had no idea how much to use so pretty much I made a mountain

of cream I made a mountain of cream on her vagina and by the time I ate it all and got to the promised land I felt like I was gonna barf I'm very lactose intolerant the issue is that now I can't go down on her without having a PTSD moment and becoming instantly sick.

It's been a month since the incident, and today after sex, she asked me why I don't go down on her anymore. I told her I didn't realize that I stopped and apologized. I really like her, but I don't know what to do. Should I tell her that her vagina makes me gag or just man up and go down there anyway? Or is there another option I'm not thinking of? Thanks. Love the show. Love you guys. Get your crab claws out.

Love, Clint McJiggerson. Jay, but I jumped in first. I'll let you take this one first. Have you guys ever done that? Used food in the bedroom? Nah. It's real messy. It feels like it's so unexciting to me. I do pastrami sandwiches. That's kind of cool.

So, where's the top and where's the bottom of the bread? Is it like on the opposite sides of her body? She's the sandwich. She's the cheese. She's the cheese, man. Yeah, have you ever done food? No.

I did it when I was younger. It's like a, it's, I think it's like a no or exciting. Like it is fun when you're like a high school kid. Like somebody put ice cream on my dick once. I've done pixie sticks actually. Okay. So everyone has. What do you mean?

No, I've never, I've never done food stuff. I was never really into it. What do you mean by pixie sticks? I put pixie sticks. Like a line of Coke, but pixie sugar. No, this was on Sugar No This was on myself This was on my own body That sounds real hot

I was like Oh It'd be cool if the girl Thought that my dick Tasted good And so I put pixie Like stick dust On my dick

How'd it go No not well At all It looked Burned the skin It looked much like a rash By the time Of course

I unbuttoned myself I'll say My suggestion to this dude is like if you really like her and want to start going out with her you need to she has already opened the door to like edible sexual experiences yeah you should find something you like that will erase the memory of where i was going you go salty put like a little chocolate syrup on her slit and go to town oh my god hey And don't forget those eyeballs, bud. We said clit and slit within like 100 seconds of each other.

Slit is fine. Also, don't forget the rape thing. Oh my god. I don't like gash. But that seems like, and if you, you know, don't say that your vagina makes me gag. No. Like that sentence shouldn't come out of your mouth. I feel like that would make me gag too. I don't like whipped cream at all. I'll tell you that much.

Oh, I could eat a gallon of stuff. Maybe try the pixie sticks. Maybe it works. Just like find a new food. Oh, yeah. If you had to eat food off of a lady, what would it be? Caramel sauce. That's interesting. I'm more of a savory guy.

I feel like I would do a shrimp scampi. A beef dip. An au jus, if you will. A one sauce? Like a salted caramel. That's actually nice. I maybe go capers. Capers.

Nutella might be too thick. I love capers. Nutella might be too thick. They should make different flavors of whipped cream. Do they do that? Tune in to next week's episode of Twinnovation for flavor whipped cream. Dude, go to the store tonight when you hear this. Get some Nesquik strawberry syrup.

Get some whipped cream so she doesn't think you're just a weirdo with the syrup. And then don't do the whipped cream and then do the syrup. Or maybe try Cool Whip. Because strawberry is dope. What is Cool Whip? It's cold cream but not ice cream. It's like whipped cream but like in a container. You're going to have to find out for yourself.

It's not pressurized. You scoop it out. I think that pussy tastes really good. I love pussy, dude. I knew you were going to have a back on that. It's my boy, dude. I thought we were supposed to say that word. You know we were supposed to say gash instead.

The gash crew? But I don't think you need to add anything. I think you go back to basics. Maybe you just use the juice from the capers. How old is this kid? This kid say how old he was? The caper juice. Oh my God.

The juice from the capers. You can have capers after. Capers are already so small and dense and dry. What kind of juice are you getting from a caper? Capers come in a jar. They're all in the microwave. Capers come in a jar. Capers come in wet. You're thinking of black pepper or something. I think you're supposed to rinse them before you eat them.

How old is this kid? He doesn't say. How old do you think he is? I would say 20. Yeah, just either go back to good old-fashioned vagina, which tastes great, or find a food that'll bring you back in. What about an edible panties or something like that?

Or is that just too... Oh, he could do an edible panties because then you get the sweetness and you eat away at it. Oh, yeah. And it's also like you're not returning right to the scene of the crime. There's like a little layer. Or what if you make a really big crepe and put it on her like a diaper, right? That way she can make her own little sauce if she wants in the crepe. Jesus Christ, dude.

And then when you remove the diaper with your mouth or whatever you want to use, if you want to use a fork and knife. I feel like we're all just taking turns offending the other three guys. But whoever's talking is saying something awful. I'm just offending French people, really. I think the solution is

find a new taste that'll get you back in there, bud. All right. Whether it's the original style of vagina or some sort of fruity. Extra tasty crispy. That's a Pringles flavor too, right? Or yeah, just try some type of sauce.

Buffalo Wild Wings actually has 12 distinct Parmesan garlic flavors. I was going to say lemon pepper. I don't think you want to put lemon and peppers on there. That's on parm garlic. Hey, you know what you do? Hey, you know what? Do a little fruit. Guys, this guy should just get like a

lemon wedge and like squeeze it on there. What is she, a garnish? Like a a little fruit. Guys, this guy should just get a lemon wedge and squeeze it on there. What is she, a garnish? Like a piece of salmon. Stuffed olive? Do you think she likes it or do you think she thought of it because she thought he would like it? There's no way that she gets pleasure derived out of having cream on her vagina. She has to clean her vagina. No, I think she does.

I think that's part of it. I think she puts it on her body and then somebody looks it off. To me, this thing, clearly she was trying to be hot to the dude and be like, hey, how would you like to do this? He put too much. Yeah, he put too much. Maybe just put a little fucking pieces on the nipples, jackass. Fucking dumbass. A mound of cream on the mound.

Listen, it's too late for that bit of advice. Yeah, he could also very much have a real conversation. He's like, okay, this is the reason. I put too much whipped cream. I got sick. Can I put something else? That way you don't have to sneak in and be like, can I put something else on your vagina to get this whipped cream out of my mind?

Just food-wise, have you ever had a food ruin for you because you got sick from it? Cocktail sauce for a long time. You got sick. My sister told me it was salsa, and I took a big chunk of chip, and I ate a bunch of cocktail sauce. What's the difference? What's the difference? Horse radish. It tastes gross. it was salsa and I took a big chunk of chip and I ate a bunch of cocktail sauce. What's the difference? What's the... Horseradish,

it tastes gross. You don't want a big chip full, a Tostitos scoop of cocktail sauce, but... I once had food poisoning from roasted,

or well, it was like on a sandwich that had roasted red peppers. Uh-huh. Can't eat those. I didn't come back to chicken for like a year and now I like chicken again,

but roasted red peppers still to this day. They're slimy. Yeah, and they truly, I think that's what it was. Like when I was puking, everything was like

coming back up but it was especially the roasted red peppers. Slimy stuff. Yep. You? Actually at the South by show last year

when I drank a gallon of milk on stage, I had to sort of step out of the milk game for a little bit. Wow, and that's saying a lot from you. Yeah.

It was like four or five months before I got back on the horse. I mean, because you were like drinking beer all day and then you had a gallon of milk. Huh? Cool. Hell yeah. I once had raw almonds in a car and I got car sick and I'm like, I don't think I like raw almonds anymore. Well, they're bad for the environment, so that's good.

All right. That's fine. All right. Why don't we take a break? That. Well, they're bad for the environment, so that's good. All right. That's fine. All right. Why don't we take a break? That's a water bomb. Hey, good luck out there, Clint. Yeah. We're rooting for you.

Let's take a break. Come back right after these with more Mike and Dave. Oh, yeah. Need wedding dates. What? The movie. The movie. You have to say the catchphrases separately because you're stepping over each other.

All right. Go. With more Mike and Dave. Oh, yeah. Need wedding Dave. Oh, yeah. Need wedding dates. Oh, yeah. That's the name of the movie. It was a movie.

Wow. Did you guys make that connection? No. Mike and Dave need wedding dates? No. Didn't even see the movie, to be honest with you. I did. How was it?

Not bad. All right, let's take a break. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes.

So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well.

Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace.

Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah.

But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters yeah vision lifters with a z and not where you think and it's not biz

with a z so if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one build a store an online portfolio the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to Squarespace.com slash SEGMENTS. SEGMENTS.

You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love.

Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free. To support segments, it'll take two minutes, and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks.

Take this survey, and we will read the results it's g-u-m.f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people yeah you do and we're back uh in case anybody still doesn't know what twinnovation is can you guys explain it i would say um uh i'm the host of the show and I'm joined by David and his twin brother, Jeffrey. We've been best friends since fifth grade. Correct. Grew up together.

Jake's also from our hometown. I would say like the easiest way to summarize it is like a stoner shark tank. So if you like are watching Shark Tank or if you're like around your friends and you're like, yo, you know what would be a good invention? It's basically us doing that every week.

We each present like our scheme scheme or our million dollar idea. And then we vote on it. What's most impressive about the show is that one, you guys seem very disorganized and frantic. Quite disorganized. But at the same time, your show is so, I like the amount of segments. And every segment has a specific theme song and what's it called when you all- An interstitial? And you guys chant together to introduce everyone

like it's very regiment like the structure of it is very sad it's organized chaos really yeah I think that's what we needed was like the structure of the segments

for then us to go on tangents and fuck around and I think that's the best part like if anybody out there has not heard this show start at episode one because episode one it started out

it started just as amazing as it still is, but I feel like you come for the premise and stay for the chemistry between you guys. And I'll say, if you're a Jake and Amir fan, and you got a lot of your fans like the inside jokes and the special lines, that's us, dude. We're right there, too. And Jake and I have done your show before,

so you can listen to Jake and mine's idea. And honestly, we could use the views because Marty Michael's not getting us the ad revenue we need. And we'd love to. And a fun fact, I will actually Venmo you $1 if you're a new subscriber. Dave did this. That's right.

How much money did that cost you? A $1 Venmo, $723. Are you serious? Not so bad. Yep, and I'm willing to pay for it. Also, our 100th episode is coming up and we're probably going to try to do something special. Wow.

Isn't Dave revealing the clam dip recipe? Yes. That's correct. So yeah, Dave had- People have been clamoring for that for a long time. Nice. Merch will be available. Yeah, and there's a famous Rosenberg mother's clam dip, or grandmother's clam dip.

Yep. And Dave will be, episode two or three, promise that on episode 100 that he would reveal the recipe, and that's coming up. When you made that promise, did you think you'd get to episode 100? Oh, yeah. I thought you'd be like, oh, no. Oh, no, folks. Dave's also coming to Montreal. Mike, you're not.

I can't, but Jake and I were talking, and we're going to cook up something nice for the fans, so I'm still there. Tickets still available. So still available. Yeah. Jake and I are doing a live podcast, and then we're doing a HeadGum live event with Dave, me, Jake, other HeadGum podcasters. Tickets still available at jakepidemir.com or at headgum.com. Sweet. All right.

Do you want to try to answer some more questions while we can? Absolutely, bud. This one actually caught my eye because it combines our podcast and yours Actually, this guy goes to Ohio State I'm a Buckeye, dude, that's what's up, go Bucs! The Ohio State Thank you, David

Jake, do you want to give this person a fake name? Sure Let's call him Clit Vag Gasher That's awesome, dude Let's call him... Clit. Yeah. Clit Vag. Gasher. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ.

That's awesome, dude. All right, come on. You got this, bud. Think of a name. Axe wound. Nice. Gasher. That's what Streeter called the vagina one time.

Axe wound? Axe wound. That's disgusting. Yeah, really, it's disgusting. Very mythical. Yeah, let's... Wait, the guy's name? Yeah.

Tom Charles. That's very good. Oh, wow. Thank you that the guy's name? Yeah. Tom Charles. That's very good. Oh, wow. Thank you. A little vanilla, but go ahead. Tom. I just don't want to... Could use a little whipped cream.

We've been hemorrhaging female subscribers this show. This will get them back. Tom Charles writes, I'm a homegrown Ohio boy, a Mr. Smith of myself that went to Washington last summer to intern for the federal government. One Friday afternoon

at a particularly crowded happy hour, my classmates and I were approached by a young professional who also happened to be from Ohio, as we were clearly close to leaving and she wanted to save a table for her group. After the initial niceties, the first of her friends showed up, visibly excited to be in a conversation with college students. Cutting right to the point, he pitched us

a dating app idea that he and the woman had been stewing on for quite some time. The name of the service? Slam Ham. Bad name. The entire group groaned and discussed about the title. Who wants to be a Slam

Ham? The answer? People who use Slam Ham. be a Slam Ham? The answer? People who use Slam Ham. Essentially, Slam Ham combines the elements of an increasingly popular Bumble and the edgy curiosity-provoking ingenuity that capitulated, that catapulted Tinder to its early success.

Like Bumble, Slam Ham is a female-driven in heterosexual encounters. Each Slam Ham, or girl, chooses which interested hogs, dudes, will be invited into their trough for messaging. Jesus Christ. Up to five hogs at a time. It sounds like the day we'd be bitching on you.

It does sound like one of our ideas, but because it's not, I'm like grossed out. Up to five hogs at a time for basic members. Hams could add or remove hogs at any time from her trough. Hogs at a ham trough can see what other guys are currently up to in the five-man lineup.

What makes this different from Bumble or Tinder? The branding and philosophy. At first, only one of my female classmates admitted that she would be open to trying out this app, and the rest were appalled by the concept being seen as such a vulgar object. Fair, maybe, but as the conversation went on, the guys in the group pointed out the fun-loving, carefree aspect of the theme, and they lightened up to the concept.

Slamham goes all in on the raunchy, off-the-wall image because it embraces those aspects of online dating. This guy came up with Slamham. Yeah, this is Slamham's creator. There's no way. This is the guy that pitched the college kids to Slam Ham. It encourages short-term, maybe even single-night membership and returns to the game-like self-aware form that these

kinds of apps started out from. Jesus. So, I feel like this could be a crossover hit for Hedgaard. Are you charging him for this ad? Time's up. Jesus Christ. Considering the Twinnovation boys' obvious affinity for snout culture, if you have a reservation about putting this app in your trough, I urge you to reconsider. Wait, so it's... I don't fucking understand the question.

Hey, bud, get off this case. Yeah, relax. He's a fan of the show. Let me name check you guys. He's a fan of the show. Let the boys handle this. And I never thought I would say this, but is there a max number of hogs you can have in your trough? I love it, dude.

I actually think it's a great idea because, listen, all dating apps are the same, correct? And what you need is to stand out. Also, we love the pig culture, dude. We're all about the pig culture. And it's not like he's calling women pigs or men pigs. It's everybody's a pig. Let's get a little dirty. Welcome to my truck.

Hog out a bit. Ham and hogs, which I thought are the same thing. So it sounds like a group chat. So it's one girl and five guys all in a group chat. I think that's kind of cool. Is that what it is? Yeah, I think. Can you silence a hog?

You can kick out a hog at any time. Can you mute a hog? A ham can kick out a hog. If the four hogs agree. Seems a little gangbanger. It's a hamocracy. What do you think of Slamham in general or dating apps? Any dating app ideas floating around your head?

I think that this guy just conned you for a free ad for Slamham. Yeah, that's exactly what he said. And that's not a real action. Also, respect. Respect that indeed. To be honest, the Slamham is growing on me a bit. I'll say this. It's stupid enough for people to try.

Meaning? And if it catches, like, if this like, if it gets big enough where like it gets picked up, people are like, there's new things,

slam him. People will automatically try it. Well, this, it's not a real app yet. It should be. Now you're all in. Are you in as a customer

or a investor or both? We want to give you $20,000. Do you have, we're talking, we had, somebody tweeted at us saying that they would help us develop a dating app. We have fans who are like dudes who go to Oxford who like make our apps for us. So the question is...

We should make a... I think it's crazy that we don't have a dating app. I really do. But what's the twist? What's the hook? What makes ours different? Why is ours not different? You pitched a dating app on Twinnovation, I think, your second time.

Yeah, where you match with the people that you don't like. Yeah. Which I still think is fun. It is pretty fun. Opposites attract? Was that what it was called? Yeah.

Yeah, opposites attract. You want a Jake and Amir specific thing? No, that's the thing. I don't even know if it needs to be Jake and Amir specific

because in the early days of Tinder, we talked about it so much on our podcast that I feel like we got them thousands of initial installs. Yeah. Like – Back to Slam Ham.

So five hogs per ham trough. But I learned that that's like the hardest thing about dating apps. Like they're not that hard to come up with and make. The hardest thing is to get people to sign up. So why couldn't – why don't we like, get, this guy should give us the four of us each 3% in the company.

Well, I'm saying maybe we can beat Slamham. Well, yeah, we'll just change the animal. Chicken coop. Yeah,

that's what I was gonna say. The chicken coop. The beaver's already got some connotations that we don't want to touch. Like a, angry beaver. A bunny,

what do bunnies, I guess pigs are good because they do all, maybe, I don't know, it's a bunny, it's gotta be a bunnyavers. Where do bunnies hang? I guess pigs are good because they do all, maybe, I can't. No, it's a bunny. It's got to be a bunny. Fucking like rabbits,

bunnies, a bunny thing. Yeah, you can have little hairs and rabbits. I think the last thing I want to see when I'm talking to an anonymous girl

on Tinder or Slamham is four other guys talking to her. Well, no, they're pigs. You're mistaken. They're pigs. Yeah, they are pigs in the app.

They're human men. I actually think that's vaguely interesting because a lot of girls don't like these apps because all of the guys suck. Yeah. So it'd be kind of interesting

for like, I've never seen other guys on these apps unless I'm stealing somebody's phone. Yeah. So it'd be kind of cool to see five guys

that I'm competing with. It's almost like a dating game. Yeah. Oh, a gaming game. I think Slamham's a great idea. Yeah, I actually like it being a public thing but maybe like

for 5% of the company I'll promote it every week on Twinnovation I don't think it should be like a full group chat because that'll go crazy I feel like it's you have four

you have three guys in this thing and then you can ask each one a question it's literally the dating game oh it shouldn't be a free for all for the piggies right

yeah cause then you could just like say fuck me fuck me fuck me it's like a live game all four people have to be using the app at the same time right so yeah yeah i guess so but i feel like the game we were playing today on twitch yeah so say there's say there's i'm the i'm the girl there's three guys in my chat it's you three and i'm like okay guys it's uh it's friday night Friday night. You've got to give me three date ideas. Where are you taking me? Where are you taking me?

Where are you taking me? And then a pig farm. There you go. I choose Mike. I don't need to hear anything else. We're going to pet pigs. We're going to play with pigs. And then once you guys match, that means you guys go off to an own.

That's like swiping. I guess she can ask like five to ten questions or something, right? And then she chooses a winner. Everybody else is banished and then goes on a date with the... Is that better than just swiping, right? Yeah, it's more fun. It's like gamifying Tinder. Yeah, and it makes guys compete.

And you get to see like, oh, if this guy's pressed, can he come up with like an original funny thing? The aggressive nature of these hogs. Yeah, I feel like guys are so lazy. And they are naturally aggressive. I think that like showing guys feel like guys are so lazy. And they are naturally aggressive. I think that showing guys that they are up against something makes people want to be

a little more charming and win rather than just lazily texting somebody you just met with like, let's fuck. Yeah, at the end of the day, the snout culture is something I'm interested in. I also like the idea

that it's live because so much of the dating app is like, I'll write someone a message and then come back two days later and then they'll come back a week later and slows down but if it's like live you know that the person's on the app you know that they have to use and then you could also order food from the app and send people money because you really what you really want is time spent on the app right oh i see okay so then we can also you can check in this is the attention economy yeah we're actually talking about monthly active minutes here. That's a mims. Yeah, mims.

I don't know why I said mims. And I want this app to be able to open while other apps are open. Does that make sense? Running in the background. Yeah, exactly. You're going to have to open up the pipeline there. Can we send a round and vote on if you're in for Slamham, Jacob? Well, I want to not steal.

Not steal Slamham. Of course not. I want to strike that from the record. We'll have to pivot from Slamham. Make it my own. We'll go with rabbits. Of course not. I want to pick that from the record. Love the pivot from Slam. Make it my own. I guess... We'll go with Rabbits. Yeah.

I'm in for Bunny Hole. Oh, Bunny Hole's good. Well, what about the idea of having games? Just call it... This thing is a game. It's like, do you have game? You want to gamify stuff. Yeah, I think you could have a feature where it's like, if you mattress someone, you have

to message them within 24 hours or that person disappears. I'd say 24 minutes. Wow. I mean, I'm down to, we can work with this hustler. He hustled his way into the pod. You might as well hear him out. He's a fellow Twinnovation fan and part of the snout culture. We're all about it. That $1 Venmo coming at you. How do

people, how do you really spend $700? You have to take a screenshot of you subscribing and you have to describe five episodes in one sentence in order to get the dollar. Is that true? No. I'm adding that. Just subscribe and I'll pay you. All right, fine.

I'm trying to make it harder. It's the first time I've seen you smile on the show. I have bad teeth. Too much milk in my diet. Wouldn't that make your teeth better? Way too much milk, buddy. They're leaking, bud. It's sweating like you left a gallon in the sun.

The enamel's gone. It's just calcified milk. Calcified calcium. That's right. That's what's up. Chunkified cheese cheese. What was his name? Tom Charles?

Yeah, Tom Charles. I love it, dude. I love Tom. Tommy, you got my vote. All right. Tommy boy. All right. A little crossover for the end of the episode.

All right. That's it. I thought for the end of the episode. All right. That's it. I thought we just started. Damn, that was quick, boys. Yeah, we started 45 minutes ago. I love it. Let's do a double header. Nah, dude.

I got a little din-din to get to. You know, I'm visiting LA. I got people to see, people to play. Well, I'll be here, so let's just keep going. Do a second app. It's fine with me. Run it twice. Run it back.

We'll think about it for sure. I'll be here. So just tell me. I'll be here. I know. You're not going anywhere. Yep. You're going to stay at the studio even after they leave.

That's correct. Cool. Oh, yeah. Dave and I were left alone in your studio, and we, well, we stole some things. Hey, calm down. I stole some things. We all stole some things. No one did anything, dude.

Strike it from the record. Please strike that from the record, Amir. No. You'll never know. I guess if we'll never know, it's fine. Yeah. Shit, really? What you guys did was just clean.

We did some sweeping. We did some mopping. Yeah, what you stole was the dirt on our staircase. And also a bunch of SD cards. Yeah, a lot of micro SDs. A lot of data just vanished. Anything else you guys want to promote while you're still here? Watch Late Night with Seth Meyers and listen to the Twinnovation podcast.

FunYourDie.com. Late Night with Seth Meyers is my job. I work there. I'd love for you to watch it. Listen to Twinnovation. It's actually a very good podcast. We should plug the podcast. It's a very good podcast.

How do people find it? How do people find it? Search, go to Twinnovation on iTunes podcast. It's a very good podcast. How do people find it? How do people find it? Search, go to Twinnovation on iTunes podcast. It's the only one there. You can go to Sprinker.com slash Twinnovation too.

Do you have a Twinnovation pod on Twitter? Do you have a Facebook page? A specific episode they recommend? I would just start at number one

and go all the way through. If you're like this dude and you got a scheme, you can send, this is basically like we read two listeners submissions every week so send in your schemes

to ideas at twinnovation.biz and maybe you'll get on the show alright alright folks that's it for this episode

thanks for listening thanks for emailing the email address for everything both questions and theme songs is ifireys ideas at

twinnovation.biz well that's for yours is ifireyshow at gmail.com the opening one was written by Tom Leo. That was the Drake parody. Great. I loved it.

This closing one is by a podcaster from the Reset Podcast. Wanted to get a shout out for the Reset Podcast. Let me see what else he said. Subscribe to the Reset Podcast and Dave will Venmo you $1. It's a gaming podcast. Cool. So it's an Aussie gaming podcast called Reset. This is their theme song.

Mike, Dave, thanks for coming by. Thanks for having us, boys. Howdy, Herbs. Alright, here we go. If I were you I'd probably write an email to Jake and Amon If I were you, I'd tell you what I would do I'd sign an email to a coin, if I were to

Cause while they're circle-joking, they're just telling you Exactly what it is that they would really do. If I were you, if I were you, show. They'll tell you everything you needed to know. If I were you, show.com. If I were you, bring it on. That was a HeadGum Podcast. Bring it home.