Segments - 281: Sex Party (w/Gaby and Allison!)

Episode Date: July 3, 2017

Comedian and friends Gaby Dunn and Allison Raskin join us to discuss polyamory, sexuality, and their book. Things get extra real.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Cool, right? Very nice. That was very good. That was Sarah Borales. Did she write a song for us? She did, but she changed her email address and didn't say Sarah. So neat. I love that person's voice.

Yeah, it's very soothing. Her name is Clara. So you don't think it's one of those like, oh yeah, my name is Ramir Lumintel. Right. And then it's like, Clara. Is that what you give people at Starbucks? Yeah. Ramir is too hard to pronounce. I'd give a fake name. Ramir.

Really? Yeah. You have to give Jake. It's not Lamir Lumintel, but it's Ben. Yeah, I have friends with ethnic names that always give just like Joe. Yeah. No problem for you, Gabby. Excuse me. Whoa.

What? Amir is actually pretty easy. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Abby, Debbie, Daddy. Yeah. What are those?

Just other names? No, names that people hear when I say my name. All right. People are like, you say daddy? When I'm in the supermarket and some kid is yelling daddy, it's a nightmare for me. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I often introduce myself as daddy. Because I refer to myself as daddy.

Yeah. Or zaddy. Who's your daddy? That's good. Gabby and Allison. Yes. Those are your real names. Yes.

So requested on this podcast. I know. We've been getting tweets up a storm. At least three tweets. Yeah. Which is more than we get usually. Do you guys give your real names at Starbucks? Yeah.

I don't understand, though, why people will ask me how to spell Allison. You can just put one L. I'm not going to be offended. Also, you're just going to yell it, so I don't need to. Right. Exactly. It doesn't need to spell it. Also, you better believe I'm just watching a hawk as you make my coffee anyway, so you don't even have to have my name.

I'll know when it's ready. Oh, you're going to lose? I'm usually reaching over the counter and be like, that's mine. I feel like I should just add with one B to my name. My name should just fully be Gabby with one B. Oh, wait, it's two Bs? No, G-A-B-Y. But do you dare say it's two Bs?

I don't know. It's been ingrained in me that that's what I'll say. I'll just be like, Gabby with one B. And then they'll be like, okay. Do you wish it was two Bs? No, I think that's wrong. My name's Gabrielle. Why would I add another B?

That's insanity. I would never. I think you would have to specify if there's two Bs. Right. That's crazy talk. Why would I add another letter to a nickname specify if there's two Bs. Right. That's crazy talk. Why would I add another letter to a nickname? What are most? Most are G-A-B-B-Y. Most are G-A-B-B-Y.

Or G-A-B-I. I've seen a lot. I've seen G-A-B-B-I-E. I know. Now you're just adding letters to a nickname. I went by Gabrielle for most of my life and my family calls me Gabrielle. So Gabby kind of came about later, and I don't even know. I think I just was like, yeah, it's just add a Y to the end.

Oh, wait. So if it's a nickname, not your full name, you choose how many Bs. Correct. Yeah, you can spell it out whatever the fuck you want. Well, now it's registered with SAG, so. Can't believe it waited that long to let us know. Let's talk about unions. We're already here.

Don't you have to give your kid that nice... You got to give your kid a Tom, a Jen, a Jack, a fork, and a spoon. A Bob and a knife. A good, clear Bob. I want to give my kid a Bob and a knife. Amir, would you give your kid... Bob Knife-er-wits. Oh, my God. Knife would be a really cool middle name. What a cool middle name. Amir, would you give your kid... Bob Knife-er-wit. Oh, my God.

Knife would be a really cool middle name. What a cool middle name. Wait, what were you asking? Knife? I was going to say, would you give your kid an ethnic name? Oh, no. I think what I'm leaning towards right now is like old Jewish names. Like, those are kind of fun to...

Oh, God. God, the first name. Like Abe, I like, is a cute name for a kid because you imagine like a 90-year-old, but then it's like, oh, this is a baby named Abraham. Yeah. I know. My parents went hard the other way where my little sister's name is Cheyenne. Oh, wow.

And I only can think of a kid named Cheyenne. Like, can you imagine an old woman named Cheyenne? I really can't. I could definitely imagine like a 48-year-old. Divorcee. Yeah. Like a new lease on life. Cheyenne just got a sob.

Cheyenne definitely got a sob. Cheyenne definitely got a sob. She moved to Cheyenne because she was so enamored with it. Cheyenne is the capital of what state? Very good. Wyoming. Incorrect. Incorrect. What?

Incorrect. What? North Dakota. No. No, it's not. Whatever. You're incorrect. It doesn't matter.

Yeah. I just don't think there's any like 90- 90-year-old named Chiant, right? No. Not yet. Or I was thinking the same thing about Amber. Like, you never hear about, like, you never see, every Amber I know is 20 to 25 years old. Right. And they die.

There's just a little baby named Amber. No. Cute Amber. Amber's first words. Jennifer until 20, then Amber for five years, and then, I don't know. And then back to, like, Edith. Yeah. I don't think I've ever back to, like, Edith. Yeah. I don't think I've ever met an Amber.

Oh. That's funny. Maybe I'm not partying enough. I named my character that I play in that thing I just shot Amber because I thought it was, like, a cool trashy name. Yeah, why is it? It's famous for being trashy, or that's the stereotype. You have to, like, know that going in. Like, if you name your kid Amber, it's just going to be a disaster. That's why

you got to go nice. Oh my god, I know Amber and now I feel so embarrassed. Oh really? Oh no. Do you know an Amber? Yeah. Is she cool? Yeah. That's why I'm giving my kid a cod or a cork. Cork, oh my god, yes. Cork is a cool name. Cork Blumenfeld, can you

even imagine? Dude, let's change the show. If I were you with knife and cork. Oh, my God. Is that it? The manliest show ever. And I'm cork. Welcome to Toxic Masculinity with cork and knife. Nice.

I like the name. Toxic Masculinity. The email, the theme song that came in was from Clara. And then her email, the extension is.se. What is that?.se. Sweden. Is it? I said that with such confidence, the extension is.se. What is that? .se. Sweden. Is it?

I said that with such confidence but I'm not sure. Gabby lies a lot. I'm not lying. We should make that clear. I'm not lying. And you said that with such confidence.

I'm not, yeah, it's not lying, just not checking your facts. I just like to say things with confidence but it's a guess. Holy shit, it's correct. Is it really?

It's Sweden. Yeah, it is. Yeah. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that you were right. Because you lied, but you accidentally told the truth. Yeah, that's the worst.

No, I didn't lie. I just guessed with confidence. That's my other show. That's not a lie. Have you seen our government? That's not a lie. If you believe it. If you believe it, it's true.

Yeah, that's like when I said Cheyenne was in a Capitol. There should be a game show where the answer isn't, it's not what the answer is, it's just who I said Cheyenne wasn't a capital. There should be a game show where you – There is. It's not what the answer is. It's just who's the most confident. Oh. What's the capital of Florida?

And then you just guess. Orlando. Exactly. It's Tallahassee. Right. Of course. It took me a second because I had to think of something that wasn't the capital. That's how good I am at capitals.

I don't know any capitals. Not one. I know maybe two. What's the capital of New York where you're from? Albany. Yeah, okay. So that's all you need to know. What's the capital of California where you live now? Sacramento.

There you go. Those are the two. Okay, cool, cool, cool. All right, what's the capital of Illinois? Chicago? No. I think it's Springfield. Yes, it is.

How do you know that? Because I retain information at an incredible rate. That's true. I should be on Jeopardy. You saw her pull out the sweet, in fact. Oh, sugar in the studio. My dog. Sugar.

Sugar. Allison's dog, Sugar, the softest dog in the world. Thank you so much. Constructed out of muscle and just 100,000 cotton balls, it seems. Yeah, all Modal. Come here. Yeah. She's the MeUndies of dogs.

Sometimes I think she saw a ghost. I used to get so scared when my dog would bark in my house because I thought that dogs could see ghosts. And I was like, I'm not alone here. Because if you look and nothing's there, what are they looking at? A ghost. Yep. I do believe dogs can see ghosts. Me too.

I thought there was... Right. Me three. Maybe another dog. I thought maybe she had heard another dog. And so I went and looked at the window she was barking at. Nothing. Probably just a ghost. Yeah, a ghost. It must have been a spirit or a ghoul. Are you mocking me? And now we can get started.

That's the energy we were waiting for. Toxic masculinity. That's the energy we were waiting for. Toxic masculinity. That's classic cork. You guys are used to this. It's an advice show. People write us in. They're seeking our guidance, and we do our best to provide it. Sometimes it's just me and Jake.

Sometimes we have friends, fellow wise scholars. You're female doppelgangers. Female doppelgangers. Who's who? That's a good question. Oh, yeah. Because Gabby's blonde but has glasses. You think that – I think Jake and I are the same.

And Amir and Allison are the same. Yeah, I think that's what it is too. But it's confusing with the glasses because everybody sort of just thinks they're glasses. And the Jew. Allison, are you Jew? Yeah, but I had a nose job. Oh, that's what it is. Congrats, dude.

Thank you so much. Like the first time after – I don't know why, but like a month after I had my nose job, I was like standing in New York with my friends and this guy just like went through everyone and guessed who was Jewish and who wasn't. I know, it's a weird story. And then he guessed I wasn't Jewish and I was like, wow, so worth it. Thank you. And that guy was Donald Trump.

And that was the commercial you made for the rhinoplasty place. Yeah, exactly. I'm gonna go non-Jewish. Thanks, Dr. Steindorf. Hidalgo. I've heard it so much I know her doctor's name. Hidalgo? Hidalgo, Dr. Hidalgo. That was a great Viggo Mortensen movie. Yeah! Thanks, Dr. Goebbels.

So you, you've seen the tweets about having you guys on the show because sometimes we answer questions that we're not entirely qualified to answer just because we're two straight white males. I'm like, you guys should have Gabby on the show. You guys should have Allison on the show. Are you white?

I am white, yeah. Well, you're Middle Eastern. That's true. I guess I'm olive. I would say I'm olive. Inter-Semitic people. Yeah. Oh, is Jews white?

Well, we don't have to answer that right now. Are Jews white is such a touchy subject. Okay, go on. I don't even know how to answer that to offend the least amount of people. No, I know. You won't. You might as well just offend the Jews. Okay, go on. I don't even know how to answer that to offend the least amount of people. No, I know. You won't.

You might as well just offend the Jews. You can't win. But what's the offensive answer? Yes? Both are offensive. It's crazy. God damn it.

It's come up on my Twitter. You tricked me. And one of the questions that we sometimes get is about bisexuality and like Jake and I are guessing we don't fully know.

We sort of understand. We're trying to remain open-minded, but we don't fully know we sort of understand we're trying to remain open minded but we don't know 100% I was polyamorous for a bit but that's about all I can do

were you polyamorous or were you just like I was polyamorous slutting about wow I was also slutting about but I was in it I have a polyamory question

so why don't we ask that and then sort of see if we can slide our way into some general discussions we're going to give this guy a fake name just to preserve his anonymity. Allison, do you have a fake guy's name? Fred.

That's really good. Thank you. Last name? You've used that so much. That's your plastic surgeon. Banana Hammock. That's good. Hyphenated or just one long last name?

One long last name. I like that. Dr. Banana Hammock writes, I've been dating this gal for two months and she's inviting me to look at houses and land with her. I'm 32 and she's 28. I have no money, only debt. Oh, excuse me.

You said the word debt and it triggered you. I'm that financially insecure. I've always thought that there was no way I'd be in position to own anything like a house or land, but have big dreams of building a commune one day. She has the same visions as me and has access to the funds to begin building something. She's amazing. We have a lot in common. We work well together, communicate well, and have moved beautifully through a couple of challenges already. I've been practicing polyamory for the past few years, and the freedom has been so great, but I want a partner.

I think I've found an amazing partner in this woman, but I need to check my pride. Also, I haven't met her friends yet. It's all so crazy. Two months in, and we're already on the verge of a huge commitment, and part of me feels like I'm ready, but it's only been two months. What would you do?

Thanks, love, Dr. Fred Banana Hammock. First of all, I chuckled when you said we're really good at communication. Because clearly not. Like, right? Because this is all stuff that he hasn't told me. We're amazing at communicating. And here's my biggest fear and problem that I won't tell her. Right.

We're so good at communicating. Also, I'm freaking out and she's trying to buy a house and i don't know why like i just i was like so curious where polyamory was going to come into this financial question it seems like he's just having a hard time wanting to leave his cushy polyamorous vibes because i guess it's hard to go from one to another i mean first of all this woman's trying to yeah this woman's trying to build a commune how is she not poly it seems like there she wants a one-on-one thing and he is coming from a polyamory thing like there she wants a one-on-one thing and he is coming from a polyamory thing well you can have a one-on-one you can have a primary partner and still be polyamorous that's mostly what i do okay so explain that so there's multiple types of

polyamory i mean there's a bunch of types of polyamory but they're the two main ones are um like with a hierarchical so with a primary partner and then secondary, third, whatever. And then another one is called relationship anarchy, which is just like – A group. Yeah, just like you're dating a bunch of different people and nobody is the primary essentially. Got it. Doesn't it seem like those things always sort of mix? Like you start with a primary and then like, oh, but this person is like kind of – I'm like getting closer to this person.

Now they're my primary. So this person sort of falls off a little bit. Well, that would suck for the person that was your primary. Yeah, but isn't that the risk when you start like sleeping and falling for other people? I think you have to – it's never really happened that way for me. I think you have to – Whoa. What?

Oh, my God. It did happen. You wanted to switch your primaries, but you couldn't. Is that like a cell phone plan where you have to like get it in writing? It's a contract. No, well, I think it doesn't really work that way because the other person who's the primary is going to get their feelings hurt. You can't just like willy-nilly be switching around. All right, so I think this is my biggest like problem with polyamory.

Maybe you can fix it because I don't know what – all right. I feel like an open relationship is better than polyamory because you can have a primary partner and then whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, it's different. It seems like with a primary partner in polyamory, you can like concentrate your jealousy and anxiety towards like two or three other very specific people. It's like an open relationship, but only to these two. Yeah, I mean, it depends. I have a friend who has two boyfriends and they all live together. And they only sleep with each other.

Yeah, and they're monogamous within the triad that they have. I know them too. Oh, really? I know one of them. I mean, yeah, he's my friend too, so pretty cool. friend too are they so zenned out that it just doesn't matter? I mean there's definitely I think non-monogamy

and polyamory are very different polyamory means that you have the capacity to be in full relationships with other people and that is tough because time is a finite resource and so you can only spend time with certain amount with certain amounts of people or sometimes a wedding, you get a plus one. You don't necessarily get a plus two or people's birthday parties. I knew you were going to bring that up.

It was my birthday, okay. So you don't want her bringing all of her boyfriends and girlfriends to the party. I had a boyfriend and a girlfriend and she made a couple's birthday party. And so I could only bring one of them. And which one did you bring? The guy. Well, that's the primary. Isn't that the whole point of designated a primary?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the primary. Can you be two people's primary, or it's a one-on-one thing? Primary, primary, primary, secondary. I've never been. Does it have to line up perfectly? Yeah, I've never been. Oh, that's not true.

I guess I have been two people's primary, but it really only kind of works if they like each other and, like, respect each other. How can you be two people's primary? Doesn't that completely – Because I had a boyfriend and a girlfriend. But so – But they – it fell apart because they didn't like each other. They stopped liking each other. I got it.

I would argue it never worked. No, I think it worked for a little while. How long of a while? Three weeks. But also the problem is, is that, so this is what my therapist says. The problem is that I was dating people who were not polyamorous to begin with. And that was- I say this. I know you and my therapist have both said this. That my problem was I was a teacher and I was dating students. So essentially like I was someone who had done this before and I was coming in dating people who hadn't done it before but who were quote unquote open to it.

And then I was just leading the charge and like telling them how to be. And it didn't really work because a lot of times they're either trying to impress me or keep me or they're just testing it out. They're like touristing about, not really. And then like now it makes more sense to date people who are already polyamorous, who like were already doing their own thing and I was already doing my own thing and then we came together and it's not like a learning curve. Right. And that's sort of what I'm doing now. Follow up question.

Sorry, unless you have a question. No, no, go ahead. I do. I have a million questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, you're not part of this universe, right? Sugar! No, I'm a jealous maniac. Got it. So that wouldn't work out for me. The other end

of things. Yeah. We could not be on more different ends of things. Can polyamory be filled with straight people or do they have to be sort of fluid bisexual people that can, you know, doesn't matter if you're hooking up with a guy or a girl? Or can it be like three guys, three girls, and then they just interchange? Yeah, it can be straight.

It can be straight people. I'll call it Brady Bunch style. Oh, the dream. Everyone's fucking Alice. Yeah. No, it can be straight people. Like there's, you know, some people who are just like more into partner swapping. Or there are some straight guys who, you know, you've heard the term cuck thrown around,

but like there's stuff like that. Not enough. I wish I heard the word cuck more. That's the short form of a cuckold. A cuckold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's stuff like that where the person is, come here.

Look at her little legs. Sit. Okay. Why? She was fine. She's exploring. She's making noise with her collar. The mics are very directional.

I don't think it would pick it up. I really care about your sound quality. I really appreciate that. She's wearing a little lab. No, Amir does too. I saw Amir's face when her collar made noise, and I was like, no. That's why maybe you're more of an Amir. I know.

Could be. Yeah, right. The only thing you care about is sound And then literally anything else You're obsessed with audio This might didn't work out with your polyamorous relationship You're too focused on sound He was a percussionist I didn't want to upset him

No, you're doing great Would you say it works better when there's a bisexuality element involved Where anybody can do anything Or it's fine either way Yeah, I guess so. But I've been, I mean, in the situation with my ex-boyfriend and the girl, she was bisexual and so am I,

but he was straight. So he, at certain points, was sleeping with her on and off and then like, but they would break up. I don't know. But like, he was straight and he just happened to, but they were never, like, partners. They were just kind of –

He was her – she was his secondary. Not even really. But they didn't even hook up, so they were just sharing you. They hooked up sometimes. Oh, they did. But, like, it always never – it never went quite as well. Like, they went on a few bad dates. A lot of the times it seems like polyamorous relationships are just like something people deal with to keep hooking up with the person that they really care about who wants to be in a polyamorous relationship. Yeah, well, that's wrong.

I really have steered away from that. You really can't do that. Like some guys like, yeah, I guess I'll do that. I'm down with polyamory as long as I get to be with you, babe. And her. And sometimes I get to fuck her too. All right, I guess I'll do that. I'm done with polyamory as long as I get to be with you, babe. And her. And sometimes I get to fuck her too. All right, I guess I'm polyamorous, right? But you might think that that's great, but in a lot of capacities it's not.

Because it's like very – I mean, imagine you have one girlfriend, right? Now you have two girlfriends. Like, it's tiring. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's incredibly tiring. It's very fun. Like, it's interesting. Like, the guy I was dating, he was like – someone was like, wow, that's what I'm saying. It's incredibly tiring. It's very fun. Like, it's interesting. Like, the guy I was dating, he was like, someone was like, wow, that's so cool that you, like, are with both of them.

And he was like, honestly, it's exhausting. Right, yeah. And so, like, you kind of have to take the sort of, like, romantization of it. Like, oh, I could do this out of it because it's very tiring. I mean, I had a boyfriend and then I was dating another woman who was married and there was no time. We ended up splitting up because there was just no time. The wife demanded a lot of time. She and I would try to find, I mean, it's a Google calendar situation. So she and I would try to find time to see each other. And sometimes for a week,

the only time we could see each other is 8 a.m. for coffee. So here's my question. What's good about it? What is – this sounds – it sounds so exhausting having like four girlfriends and a boyfriend or something. Well, sometimes you just like have the one partner. You just have to shut it down depending on how much time you have. But the good things for me are one communication because what i never understood about monogamy was that you're supposed to like sort of like the expectation is that your partner will never find another person sexually attractive and that's and i don't think that that's true i think that like in certain relationships that you are open about that and you don't that's

yes some people but that's weird like that's considered weird you just can't act on it it seems like. Right, but you're still a person. Like, it's understood that you'll flirt with other people and that you'll be attracted to other people. But your partner's allowed to be mad about that, and that's what's weird to me. I don't know.

I don't think that that's true. Everything in media is like, he looked at another girl, and now I have to, like, beat her ass. Oh, I'm sorry. Is everything that says stuff about queer culture in media correct? No, but I've seen it in real life too. There's this weird sexual possessiveness of people in monogamy that I find strange.

Yeah, I feel like that too. If somebody was flirting with somebody else, I wouldn't necessarily rush to tell a person that I'm with. Right. Or I don't expect her to do the same to me. But at the same time, if she did that to me, I don't know if I would be like, how dare you? If you were monogamous and your girlfriend came home from a party and was like, I spent the whole time flirting with this guy, but nothing happened, you wouldn't have a right

to be pissed? I would be bummed. I wouldn't be mad. I would just expect to not have anyone tell me that. But that's weird to me. I just feel like everything up until like- So then you're just keeping secrets from each other? That's so strange.

That's not necessarily a secret. I feel like you just – if you're in a relationship with somebody that flirts, you just know that about them. And you're like, okay, I know that you are going to go somewhere and flirt and be desired and like feel good and then not act on it. And then that's like – that's enough for me. To me, part of – to me, I would include that openness of you knowing that about them and you guys talking to be a slightly part of non-monogamy. Right. Because there is like an element to non-monogamy that I think is like your partner goes off and flirts, comes back, you know that about them, and then that like makes you possessive or jealous or whatever and like spawns some sort of sexual activity or whatever. It seems like what you're saying is that polyamory is like, at the very root of it is recognizing just a really simple truth

that's important to you. Correct, yeah. And maybe there's a lot of relationships also that are out there that are based on sort of a lie that I'll never look at anybody else. Right. I only have eyes for you. And I don't, and I, I like knowing. I like being communicated with.

I don't like, I, But in your, in your polyamorous, do you expect the guy to come home and be like, I was flirting with someone else or the girl to be like,

I was flirting with somebody else? Or is it just based on that fact? I would love to hear about it. Already. I would love to hear about it. Like, and I, and I think,

there's like this weird thing of, you know, I don't know. There's this, there's this, there's this weird thing where I know i don't know there's this there's this there's this weird thing where i found in monogamy where it was one it was like very gaslighting where you would say you're flirting with that girl and they would go no i don't i don't think she's attractive and i'd be like that literally is a 10 out of 10 like i don't know what why you're lying to me

and then two like in order to spare the other person's feelings which just ends up making them crazier and gaslighting them. And then two is this thing of like, it's always portrayed as like the man and the, let's say in a heterosexual relationship, the man and the woman are like opposing teams. He's trying to like make her not find out about his hot coworker or whatever. And she's like pretending that she doesn't have a crush on some guy from college or whatever. And they're like opposing each other. And I never liked that. I wanted relationships where you're a team, you're partners, and then anyone else who is around or who you're interested in

or who you're hooking up with or whatever is like something that you're doing together. Even if it's someone that you're just with, like, and they're not – like you're not having threesomes or whatever, like I just – I wanted it to be like a partnership where I could go home and be like, oh, I don't know, this girl's acting crazy. What do you think? So it's more about communication, open honesty than fucking all the time? Of course, yes.

But would you say that's one of the pros is fucking all the time? One of the pros is that you don't feel – I don't want anyone to ever feel resentment towards me. A lot of stuff that I was really uncomfortable with in monogamy was the expectation that the person i was with would have to forego pleasure because of me that if i'm with someone and i love them but isn't polyamory just being like you don't have to forego pleasure as long as you're fucking these two people that we agreed upon no no because you can meet someone new you can always meet someone and bring them into the fold sure and non-monogamy.

I'm sorry, but it's not like you're in serious relationships with every person. I guess I'm learning today that open relationship is different, but I guess it just means she'll be at a party and she'll text whoever her primary is and be like, I met this person, is it cool? And they'll be like, yeah. If there's a one-night stand, there's all sorts of stuff. Yeah, you're not like, I met this person. Is it cool? And they'd be like, yeah. Yeah, like if there's a one night stand, there's all sorts of stuff.

Yeah, you're not in a relationship with every person. So you can be, can you be polyamorous but not in an open relationship? Yeah, you can be polyamorous and just have, like what you said, just have your good partners. That seems like, all right, so let's just, as long as I'm ranking them, that one seems like the absolute worst one.

And then, yeah, I like. And then non-monogamy is more like you just are kind of allowed to do what you want based on the parameters that you and your partner have set up or based on the parameters that you have for yourself. Okay. Maybe the last question may be one of like another 50, but... Sure. Do you suppress jealousy or do you not feel it at all? Your primary text to you is like, oh, I found this awesome girl. We're going to sleep over tonight and then I'm going to

hang out with her tomorrow. And you're like, oh, that's awesome for you. Or are you like, oh, that's a bummer to hear. What if she replaces me as the primary? I mean, if they're going to leave you, they're going to leave you. You better not miss. I would say that you don't have jealousy in romantic

relationships. And that's what makes you able to do this. I have something called compersion, which is the opposite of jealousy. We know what compersion is. You do? No, I have no idea. It's the opposite of jealousy. It's when the other person experiencing, like, pleasure

or joy or whatever is, like, makes me happy. Oh, man. That's the best thing you can have. That's not what, I thought it was that you liked when other people liked your person. You like, yes. That's different than just like,

oh, they had a great ice cream. I feel happy. No, I'm trying to be a little PG about it. But yes, like you. But that's the wrong explanation then. Okay, yes. It's like you get off on that person being with other people.

Being desired. Yeah, correct. Yeah. Oh, and does that include non-sexual things? What do you mean? He's asking about ice cream now. You're starving and you're seeing me house a pizza. Does that fill you up?

No. She's more correct, yeah. It's like when you see someone else. Like, we were at a party and this girl came up and was talking to him and was like, your eyes are so beautiful. And I was like, nice, yes, all right. Like, let's, like, I like when, because I get it.

Like, I like when other people think my partner is attractive because I'm like, you're on my wavelength, girl. I get it. Like, you like, yes, you're seeing what I'm seeing. Makes you think that you have a good one. Yeah, exactly. You're proud of it.

Well, that's dope. Now I'm into Pollyanna. But compliments are one thing and then if she goes off and fucks that guy, you're still like, awesome. That's, like, awesome for her, and I feel great. Because it's, like, a validation that they're sexually attractive. You don't feel any hint of jealousy? May I venture to just posit a hypothesis? Yeah.

I feel like polyamory could work if everybody was like you. I think the cancer is that there's like, there's little infiltrators everywhere that like pretend that they have, what is it? Compersion. Compersion. But I do feel jealousy. Like I felt jealous,

like my ex, I felt jealous when he drove a girl to the airport. Cause that was like not romantic. That was like, because that was like, I've been real mad about that before. Wait, what does that mean? He went through a major inconvenience for this person. He must really like-

Right. It's not just like putting your dick somewhere. That's like you were on the 10 for a long time. You don't like every person you put your dick in, but you definitely- I hate most of them. Right. But you definitely like this girl

that you drove to the airport, and he never touched her. But I was like, what the fuck is that? Or if you read a book for her. Right? That's the longest commitment. If somebody gives you a book and you read it. You have to read Infinite Jest.

I really loved this one. You're reading a fucking book for her? Right. Yeah, and there was a person I was dating who would say, like, would compare, would say disparaging things about my body compared to their body, which I did not like. You know, I'm still a person. Like, there's certain, like, that made me insecure. What? Someone did that? Yeah.

Did I ever tell you that? Let's fucking get her. Yeah. That's crazy. It had to do with, like, how each of us did our pubic hair. Oh. Wait, what happened? Sorry, I was reading the compersion.

There was a guy I was dating and he hooked up with someone who, I mean, whatever. He hooked up with someone who shaves the whole thing. And I don't. You do a dollar sign. I do. I wish I did a dollar sign. Oh, my God. Now she will.

Who could I go to to get that done? I don't even know. We'll go to the gallery after this. I'm going to get one too. Oh, my God. Bonding. And he was like, oh, she does that. I wish you would do that.

And I was devastated. Because I'm not, like, I'm still a person. And that made me really jealous and upset. So things come up where you don't, you know. Can you be Persian and compersion? Probably. Wow. Is Persian still a thing?

I think they go by Iranian now. Jesus Christ. I keep accidentally unwoking myself. Google has no results for Persian compersion. Oh, that should be. We're looking for the first. You could be the first one. Yeah, please email us if you're Iranian and also experience compersion.

Comeiranian, they're actually called it. Compersion is really offensive. Yeah. Comeiranian is actually the preferred nomenclature. And this doesn't work for everyone. And some people are monogamous and that is completely fine. It just never worked for me. And my... Well, nothing works.

Nothing works. Nothing works. Oh, of course. Nothing works perfectly. Nothing works. And my partner now says monogamy is a fetish. But it should be respected as such. Interesting. I feel like the right way to look at monogamy in a way

is that like, yes, that person is going to flirt with other people. Yes, there's going to be attractions with other people. But every day that person still chooses you. Yeah, and that's what you get off on. Yeah, I love being chosen. Everybody loves different things. But I feel like I used to feel

such intense jealousy where it was unhealthy. But now it's like, okay, if you're telling me that I'm your person and you're picking me, then I'll believe you. And then you can like, as long as you don't cross certain lines, we're fine. How did you – because I used to feel really intense jealousy too. When did it stop and how did you fix it? Zoloft has been really helpful. Wow.

Do you have an example of your most jealous moment? Oh, my God. I'm a psycho. And would you still feel that way now? It's also a lot about what the other person makes you feel and if that person is doing a good job of making you feel secure or not. Yeah, before and after the act. Yeah. So there was one time where my ex-boyfriend, oh, my God, this girl who was so problematic for us the whole time.

Gabby. Yeah, it was Gabby. Honestly, I wish. And they were, like, he helped her in some way. And they, like, went, she wanted to take him to dinner to thank him. And I was, like, freaking out about it. I was, like, I don't want you to be at dinner with this girl. And, like, they were at dinner for, like, three hours. And throughout the whole dinner, this girl and like they were at dinner for like three hours and throughout the whole dinner i was

like texting and being like why are you still at dinner i like leave dinner it's not dinner anymore if it's still happening at 11 i was like he's like oh no she ordered another drink and i was like please get out of there and then it was like oh i ran into someone in the parking lot so now we're talking also i have to drive her home she lives in korea town like it was insane jesus but if there may if if there's a difference like if that guy had made you feel feel secure at all it would have been a totally different ball game now maybe not me two years ago but now you're saying two years ago you were insecure so loved um yeah i mean probably like two months ago i was in a bad place. So it doesn't even depend on the guy.

It depends on your current state of mind? Yeah. No, I would argue. It also depends on the guy. If someone made you feel secure, you wouldn't behave the way you behave. Right. What do you think, sugar? She's asleep.

Oh, no, she was talking to you. Oh, babe. Are you on Tinder? I deleted it last night because I I was mad at men Wait, why did you delete it last night? What did we do? What did men do to you last night? I mean, what haven't they done?

No, I was upset So I usually have it set to women And then I turned it on for men Just to see like, see what the fellas are up to, as Kyle Kinane puts it. And got to say, not great. Not great, y'all. Yeah, Tinder's sort of a – Not doing great. It's a bad place.

It's a wasteland. Like, the women are just like, oh, that's so – like, whatever. I mean, some women have not behaved great. But, like, I was – What have they done? You know. But I've said to her, I've said to her, well, it's funny because it must be what we're putting off

because she was like, I get, like, two messages and then they ask me out to drinks. And I was like, what? I get two messages and then for sure a dick pic. Really? A dick pic? Dick pic or, like, hey, do you have a private Tumblr for private pics?

Or, like, hey, like, do you want to meet up and make out in a car at midnight? People think they can just talk to me a certain way. Make out in the car at midnight is almost romantic. Yeah, I kind of, that's nice. That guy was like almost there, like so close. And then when I didn't respond immediately, he was like, how vulgar could I be until you write back? And I was like, oh, here we go. Yeah.

The twist has started. That's too bad. I do a thing where I'll start online dating and then I'll go out on one date and be like, this seems good and then just date that person for a few years. Just to bring it back to this question, I don't even know how far we've gone.

Oh, we didn't answer any of it. Just real quick, two months in, we're on the verge of a huge commitment. Do not buy a house with someone two months in. Are you kidding me? Right, I know the answer. He can accompany her for this journey of choosing a house and choosing land. Also, ask him to pay her rent.

Yeah, he can pay towards the mortgage, but don't put his name on anything. He doesn't have the money to put down anyway. Ask her what the fuck she's doing. You're great at communication. Why is she taking you to look at land? Why hasn't he met her friends? I'm going to venture to say she doesn't have any. That's what I was going to say too.

That's fine. Does somebody have no friends? Could you have no friends? Yeah. Some people have no friends. Zero. I have pretty much zero. What if this is a clue that she's true?

I don't like anybody. That's different than not having friends. I'm sure it is. Don't you think people refer to you as their friend, though? Maybe mistakenly. What if she is a big red flag that she has driven everyone out of her life? For me, I think you can buy land. What is land?

You can leave someone with land. You don't want to buy a house. That seems like a real commitment. No, no. Land is the biggest commitment. No, no. Land is nothing. You buy land, you walk away. It's just an empty pot of land. No, you don't want to buy a house. That seems like a real... No, no, land is the biggest commitment. No, no, no. Land is nothing. You buy land, you walk away.

It's just an empty pot of land. No, you don't walk away. First of all, you can't put a down payment on land. You have to buy it outright, which is a huge... She's paying for it. She's footing the bill.

It's a big commitment. Then what the fuck do you do with it? Do not buy land. And you have to build a house? That takes years and years and years. Right, exactly. You can leave before the house is built. You can't leave her with...

Fine. I think you say... You find out what the expectations are for the house, for the land. You leave her with, fine, I think you say, you find out what the expectations are for the house, for the land. You say, do you expect me to live there and contribute

because I'm in debt and I have no money and I, you can be a supportive boyfriend and not, and not put your name on the mortgage. This is actually no man's land.

That's what you can say. That way, like, she's like, I get that. like he said, some girl I'm dating, is that even his girlfriend?

Two months. So what? How many months is a girlfriend to make? I don't know. I guess you should talk about it since you're so good at communication. Jesus Christ. All right. We got to take a break.

Thank a few more sponsors. We'll come back with more with Gabby and Allison after this. And sugar. And sugar. Thank you to Squarespace for Gabby and Allison after this. And sugar. And sugar. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly.

Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help.

I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com.

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first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love.

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It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ad somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. Hey, we're back with Gabby and Allison. You guys have a book coming out? We do. What is that?

September 5th. September 5th. 9-5-17. 9-5-17. We also have a tour. We've got to be promoting our tour. Oh, yeah. We're going on tour for the book, but also it's a live show that we're doing together.

Where are you guys going? We're going to a bunch of cities. Right now, we've only announced Chicago, Boston, Philly, and New York. That'll be a few more. If you go to GabbyAndAllison.com, you can find the tour dates. Well, what's the quick backstory for people that may have never even heard you guys before? They're listening to our podcast. They're like, who are these two ladies?

How do they know each other? What is this tour? Do you want to give a quick background? We have a YouTube channel together that's like an odd couple comedy thing called Just Between Us. We've been doing that for a few years. And then we wrote a book together called I Hate Everyone But You that is kind of – thank you. That's very non-polyamorous. I know, right?

And it's about two girls who are friends. So it's basically like – It's a YA novel. Yeah, versions of ourselves in college. Oh, shit, it's a novel. If we had been friends in college. Yeah, it's basically like It's a YA novel. Yeah. Versions of ourselves in college. Oh shit, it's a novel. If we had been friends in college. Yeah, it's a novel.

Oh, cool. Versions of ourselves that we haven't, I mean, it's fiction, obviously, but like, you know, taken from the headlines. Did you guys know

each other in college? No, we met out here. So it's kind of like an imagined, like what if they had known each other in college? Got it. And they go to college

on separate coasts and then they are writing to each other. It's all emails and text messages. Oh, shit. That's a really great idea for a book. Thank you. And so they're writing to each other, like, from school, and one of them's dealing with

OCD and mental illness and trying to, like, fit in in, like, a sorority and, like, normal college life and having a really tough time doing that. And then the other girl is just partying too much and she comes out as queer and she's figuring that out and she's making a bunch of mistakes. And then it's kind of like, can they stay friends where they're both changing so much? Cool. That's really cool.

And then what's the book that's coming out or that's the one that already came out? That's the book that comes out September and then we're going to tour with it through the month of September. Yeah, please buy tickets to our tour. Our manager is just texting us like, promote this. Well, but we're going to tour with it through the month of September. Please buy tickets. Our manager is just texting us like promote this.

We're doing well. It's funny. I didn't tell you the guy I'm seeing went and looked. He's going to be mad you said that. He went and looked at how well it was selling but he didn't want to tell me. But he said it's doing well. How can

you look? Because he's looking at what seats are available. Oh, seating charts. Live seating charts. What a commitment. That's what you do. I know. Amir does that for our tours. Oh, really?

He lets me know. I'm a lot like your guy, I think. That's great. Do you want to join our relationship? Are you looking for a fourth? What do you mean? Every relationship needs a schmuel in it. Right?

Just one schmuel to keep things organized. To grease the wheels. But there's, yeah, so that book comes out in September, and then we're going to go on tour with it, GabbyandAllison.com. And then. We built a website. We built a website. It's pretty cool. It looks like, someone on Twitter said it looks like the most beautiful lesbian wedding website they've ever seen.

It's just pictures of us holding hands. Like, it's very over the top. That's awesome. Yeah. So you can order the book on Amazon or IndieBound or whatever. There's like wherever you buy books. Cool. You guys have a podcast too?

No, I have a podcast. You have a podcast. I have a podcast called Bad With Money. That's like a finance podcast. It was on the New York Times top podcast list. Wow. It was on the New York Times top podcast list. Wow. It was on the New York Times top podcast list. Hell yeah.

So yeah, so that, and then I sold that as a book too. So I'm currently writing that one. Is it like financial advice? No, no, I'm awful. It's like the opposite of that. It's just kind of me figuring out like that nobody knows anything and like explaining my

history with money and and how i'm trying to learn how to put things because like there's no class like nobody in college or high school sits you down and goes like these are taxes this is how you write a check whatever so it's kind of like me learning how to deal with finances and like literally i went from when i started the podcast i would throw away my mail. Like I would just get mail, see that it was a bill or from Bank of America and throw it away. It was really great to be business partners with her. Did we get

like an oust? I don't know. I threw away all my mail. Alright. Yeah because I was like if I don't look at it, like if it's really important someone will come to my house. And arrest me. Yeah. I mean awful and then um and then now i've like started to what was your credit score when you were throwing away mail how would you even look up a credit score i had no idea i had no idea i looked it up now it's good

now oh really um what is good or very good i think it was excellent 740 or something oh that's very good yeah oh that's quite well. Great. I mean, I was happy about it. I was like, I've almost like despite myself. But that's because I didn't even know how to use a credit card. Like it was very bad. And then now I've started to like, it's very weird in season two of the podcast.

I've just like gone from this girl who didn't know anything to all of a sudden, like just a crazy tin hat socialist who's like we have to burn the system it's really it's like that's what you say publicly and then privately you're like i don't want to pay my taxes oh this was very funny i start we started making more money and then i like start we started making more money like i got the advance for the book and then i they were like okay cool and you have to pay like thousands of dollars in taxes. And I was like, Allison, it's such a large cut. This is out of control. We have to do something about this. And she was like, I love that you've had money for one day and you're a Republican. Yeah.

One day. You should be voting for the health care repeal. I was just like, oh, my God. Taxes are so high. But then I did an episode of the show where I explored what taxes go for. And then I was like, okay, this is worth it. But part of me is like, I don't have kids. Why do I did an episode of the show where I explored what taxes go for. And then I was like, okay, this is worth it. But part of me is like, I don't have kids. Why do I care about schools? I do care. I went through this episode and I was like, it funds this, it funds that.

Okay. It funds the military. It helps our defense. That's understandable. No, it funds our streets and Planned Parenthood and things I care about. So I was like, okay, I'm fine paying taxes. Can we get to one more question? Yeah. Because I feel like we did such a deep dive paying taxes. Can we get to one more question? Yeah. Because I feel like we did such a deep dive, but I want to try to help somebody else out. Yeah, we really helped

that guy out. Yeah. You just helped us out. We just said don't. People have been really asking us to have somebody that knows about polyamory explain it,

and that was helpful. All right. Gabby, why don't you give this guy a name now? It's a guy. Fred Banana Hammond. It's a guy. Good luck being Fred Banana Hammond. It's a guy? Yeah.

Marcus Johnson. Johnson. I thought you were going to say Josh Groban. Marcus Josh Groban. Marcus Johnson. Okay. And he's not a doctor, but he's an Esquire. Whoa. Whoa. Mr. an Esquire. Whoa.

Whoa. Mr. Johnson Esquire. Marcus with a Q? Lord Marcus Johnson Esquire. Marcus with a Q or a C? The first, second, third? The first. Okay, first of his name.

Yeah, but his wife's pregnant, and he's going to have a second, so it's going to be like Marcus Johnson II. Whoa, that's really cool. But not junior. No, not junior, the second. That's very classy. What does his wife do? Let's just get to the question.

I'm just curious. I've never heard such a backstory with a name before. She runs an Etsy store. That's really nice. Oh, nice. I'll tell you, actually, this guy doesn't have a wife. So you're creating a backstory that won't even come into effect if you let me read the question. I'm curious if she restores old furniture.

She doesn't restore. He doesn't even have a wife. We're out of time. We're out of time. Thank you guys for listening. GabbyandAllison.com. All right, here we go. Marcus writes, I met a girl in one of my classes a couple months ago and pretty much fell for her instantly.

Oh, my God. You're cheating on your wife? What will the Etsy store do? She has this dumbass Etsy store. This girl is beautiful, smart, funny, and we have so much in common. We have really good and meaningful conversations, too. But that's where the problem lies. When we're apart, she never replies to any texts, Snapchats, or Facebook messages I send her.

While we're together in person, we're so comfortable and we talk to each other a lot. In fact, it's usually she who approaches me. How can I get her to talk to me online without seeming like a needy loser? We probably only see each other a couple times a week, and I don't want that to limit our conversations. Thanks for any advice, love, Marcus. Allison, does this ring true to you in any way? My advice is run. This person's terrible. I hate her. Well, just because she doesn't contact you online, maybe she's on the internet. Yeah, I think he's wrong.

Why doesn't he ask her out in an in-real-life date? I'm sorry, but if someone's just not replying to you, they don't like you. That's true. She doesn't like him. That's right. But he'll know for sure if he asks her the fuck out. Or if he just listens to this podcast. But she does not like you.

No, but why ask her out in person? Why do you need to hear from her on Snapchat? Just ask her out. You see her in person all the time. Ask her out in person. Why are you so into it? Why do you need to hear from her on Snapchat? Just ask her out. You see her in person all the time. Get a drink with her. Some people are the exact opposite. People are like, I'm talking to this girl online. How do I talk to her in real life?

Yeah. Ask her out. And then if she says no, stop Facebook messaging her. When she says no. Yeah, because she will. Or have you met someone that's just bad at the internet? I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. Like, I...

I don't give a shit. Honestly? Grounds for expulsion. Like, part of relationships and liking people and being a decent person is, like, giving them what they need. And, like, you shouldn't... I don't... No one is that busy that they can't not respond. To Snapchats?

But, like, I know a lot of people who are like, I don't know how the fuck this works. I check it. I don't respond. That's fine. Snapchat's's different and i think everyone should stop using snapchat but whoa um video why are you anti-snap i'm just anti-snap in general and i'm all in on instagram instagram is way better and no one no one use why would you need an outside app to do the same thing when you can do it in another app? This is all. But you guys. As soon as I can like fucking request money and a car through Instagram, I'm deleting everything. Done, right?

I feel like you guys are siding with the wrong people here. Like Facebook took Instagram and is stealing from Snapchat. Yeah, but like instant copy Backstreet Boys, but they were better. You think Evan Spiegler really, do you feel bad for him? Yeah, because I think that Snapchat created something out of nothing and now Instagram is stealing it and you guys are like, yeah, Instagram is better. Snapchat created an app that you could send nudes to people and they would disappear.

And then that got everybody to sign up. And then they're fucking it up. I feel like Snapchat is the underdog here. No, I feel like Snapchat has made serious mistakes and has no idea how to monetize and is now falling apart. Anyway.

Whoa. I mean, they got racist filters and whatever. Follow us on Instagram, people. We're deleting Snapchat. Well, we disagree. But I am saying if she doesn't like him, then find out by asking her in person. And then if she says no, then stop messaging her. Yeah.

I don't want to be too much of a cynic. I'm with you i like ask ask her out i i would venture to guess that she's gonna say no yeah but i also think that if you're dating somebody and like they don't respond to you like that's a problem yeah but they're not dating yet they're just flirting i know but i'm just making a broader statement that's true yeah If you are somebody that likes communication and the person you're dating won't recognize that, that's, as you said, grounds for expulsion. Also, okay. What is with people who

when you don't reply, keep messaging you? Yeah. That is crazy. Like when you're dating or someone you're not? No. Like someone, like, I have a friend named **** who will just, I shouldn't have said her name. It's fine.

Yeah, why did you say her name? Because I was so weird. No, because I feel bad whenever I, like, don't give someone credit for something funny that they do, but maybe this is mean. Bleep her name. So, um, so she, she will just, like, because I'll block people immediately, but she doesn't. She's like, I want to see how long they'll keep going. So there's, like, guys, like, she came out as a lesbian, like, years ago,

and there's guys that will just, like, keep, hey, then a couple days later, hey, then a couple days later. So you lesbian now? That's crazy. Then, like, a couple days later. Facebook, Messenger, there's, like, two different guys that do that. Then there's another girl that I don't, then there's like another girl that like, she wasn't replying to her on her Instagram

or her Twitter DMs are open, wasn't replying to her on Twitter. And then that girl, she doesn't know her, found her again on Instagram and then was like, hey, hey. And then while she was showing me the 16 messages this girl had sent her without her replying, she's typing.

Dude. And then like, And then found her on and then there's another person who... They should go out. I mean, when someone... I can't even imagine... Does it ever result in somebody like 16 messages later be like, you broke down the wall. I'm gonna fuck you.

Or like, I can't like... If I have... There's people that I have blocked on other mediums and then they reach out on Facebook and are like, hey, I I just wanted to say, and I'm like, no, you're done saying. I've had people reach out to me because you blocked them. Really? Yeah.

Can I get a little side door entrance in? But that's because people, like I think, one, I can't imagine, like they just must not have shame because if someone didn't reply to two of my messages, I would be so ashamed and never contact them again. And then three, two, I think, right? Two? Two is mine, but I think three is appropriate. That's what I was going to tell this guy.

Three is three. You concentrate. Concentrate on one medium. Don't go to different mediums. Are you crazy? If you have her number, don't Snapchat, don't Facebook. Let's just go straight text. And it shows you have no boundaries.

It's scary. It shows your thirst. It actually shows a lot about your character. No, not even thirsty. It just shows that you have no boundaries and you clearly don't respect me as a person. Or maybe it's like a lack of social intelligence. Like, I don't understand that this person is not interested in me.

And I also think there's a lack of willpower. Like, when I was in college, I would contact people all the time. I shouldn't be contacting them, but I just couldn't help myself. That's when you were the jealousest. Yeah, well, I was in my hair. When Facebook first came out, I was just like willy-nilly, like, oh, my God, I can just start conversations with anybody and not have to face them in person. And my fear of rejection is crippling, so I would just throw a hey. Is your fear of rejection crippling?

Yeah. Interesting. Gabby has no fear of rejection. Not at all. I throw spaghetti at the wall all the time. Oh, you ask people out and you're like,

I don't know if this person likes me. Oh, I get rejected constantly. And what is that like? Is it like, hey, do you want to go out and they say no? I've never been rejected. What does that feel like?

You just move on. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. You just move on. You just ask people out. You think that's connected to your sexuality slash polyamory thing?

I don't know. I just ask people because I want to know. Is that part of compersion? No, because it doesn't feel good when they reject me, but I just ask people out, ask people out, whatever. But I also, and then like the worst thing is they say no. And then usually we're still friends. Like it's not like it doesn't get weird or anything. I'm still here.

Because if they say, right. Oh. Because if they say no, if they say no, then I go, okay. And I don't ask again. Like, do you know what I mean? I don't like. One and done. Make it or I don't make it like.

One and Gabby done. Yeah. I don't make it like, I don't pursue them. I don't harass them. I don't make it part of this. Like, this is a weird thing, right? So like men get so up in arms about the friend zone and like so up in arms about like being rejected. You can search our emails for friend zone. but like 80 of them speaking as a queer woman i'm friend zoned 99 of the time

and i don't go fly into a rage about it like i just like they are like this is only a thing that happens to men it's not it happens to queer women all the time and none of us are like murdering people or screaming or harassing or like. I feel like the friend zone comes from an expectation that you start out in the romance zone and then you like get moved like fuck, now I'm not going to fuck them and I have to be their friend. You kind of don't start out in the fuck zone. It's an entitlement that I don't think, I think some queer women like are less likely to have.

Is there a difference between a queer woman and gay woman? Well, queer is an umbrella term. So you're using it as more of a queer woman and gay woman? Well, queer is an umbrella term. So you're using it as more of a general thing. Yeah, I'm using it as an umbrella term. Got it. Yeah. And some people don't like it because they think it's a slur, but I reclaim it. Like I use it as like a personal catch-all.

Can I use it? If you're allowed to reclaim it. You could call me a queer. I think it's fine. I don't mind it at all. Some people really don't like it, but I don't mind it. Got it. And the sex parties you were talking about?

What's a sex party? That doesn't have anything to do with this guy messaging people. Oh, yeah. Message her, don't. Ask her out, whatever. So what is a sex party? Text her, don't Facebook. Yeah, sex party.

How does that work? What is a sex party? Well, it's different stuff. We'll leave on this just because you mentioned it earlier, but I was curious and I thought I should ask online just in case other other people don't know allison do you know what a sex party is unfortunately yeah maybe you want to explain it based on what you've heard oh yeah i would love to hear what allison thinks yeah yeah okay so a sex party is um an organized event put on by some sort of host i think i think that men have to pay to go in.

Correct. Women don't have to pay. Right. So it's like a club so far. And then you go in and then... Couples have to pay. Couples pay half. Couples pay half.

And single women don't pay. Some sort of weird algebra equation. And solo men pay the most, as always. I'm sick of paying the most. Taxes too. And then you go in and and and depending on where the party is there's you know a bunch of people and then you sort of like there's decorum and there's like rules about how you approach people and what you can do and then you know if

there's consent on both sides and you can do anything from kiss to penetration to anything so it's a it's a is it an orgy or is it like a... There's more like clusters. It sounds like a bad party. If I go to a great party, everybody's fucking anyway and nobody had to pay and everything is like cool. True, true, true. What I would love to do...

Did I do a good job? You did a great job. Thank you. What I would love... Now can I get a fucking invite to the sex party? No, what I would love to do... I mean, I'm a person who I like. I don't like meeting new people, which maybe is why I deleted Tinder.

But I like meeting new people in person. But I don't like, I like going back. Like, when I became single, I like, instead of meeting new people, I like went back in the catalog and was like, let's go back. Let's see like who. That was a whirlwind. How many sex parties do you go to in a week if things are going well? Oh, no, no. I haven't been to one in – I guess the last one I went to was in April.

Got it. Yeah. I mean, it's like a once in a while thing. How many people are there? For reference, this podcast is being recorded May 2nd. Yeah. No, it's not. I had a moment.

Oh, my God. At a sex party. Oh, boy. I don't even know what day it is. Yeah. How many people are there? It depends. Sometimes there's like.

Four guys. Yeah, right? No, sometimes there's like 30 people maybe. 30 people. And how many of them do you think have sex by the end of the party? You ever go there and go, I'm not feeling it. I'm out. Yes, definitely.

There have been ones where we were like, meh, and we left. Oh, we. Oh, me and the guy I'm out. Yes, definitely. There have been ones where we were like, meh, and we left. Oh, me and the guy I'm seeing. There's been some that we... He's going to be mad I didn't call my boyfriend. It's fine. There's like...

It depends. There's some that we went to that I was like, I don't feel comfortable. I don't like the people here. It seems like it's such a hard... 30 random people, I probably won't want to go. That's why we'd rather go to a trendy seems like it's such a hard, like, 30 random people. I probably won't watch. That's why I would rather go to a trendy bar. There's, like, such a decorum usually. Like, there's, like, you know, you don't really approach the women.

The women have the power. They approach you. There's not really, like, these are just straight ones. But there's not, you know, you're not supposed to touch the women. Like, there's, like, a lot of weird decorum. There's also some, like, weird kind of patriarchal stuff where if you're there with a guy a lot of times another guy will like ask that guy if he can talk to you and then you tell the guy you're with like yes or no but that's like just depends what's the what's the going rate i want to go to a sex party how much am i putting

down what would you guess what would you guess oh yeah what would you guess for single guy uh i mean 45 dollars oh no i gotta go higher than that if you're fucking a lot of it just sounds awful son Single guy. Oh, yeah. What would you guess for single guy? I mean, $45. Oh, no. I got to go higher than that if you're fucking a lot of people. It just sounds awful, son. $30. $250. For a single guy? Yeah.

$60 usually. Wow. That's two movies. Oh, Hurwitz was closest with $45. I get the showcase, baby. Yeah. You get a discount. Yeah.

And it's like nine and the 10th one is free for the sex party. Yeah, right. I wish there was like a punch card Yeah No and then I mean you don't have The other thing is like you don't have to do anything There's like it's very consent based Then you don't seem cool

That's not true And then like so There was one we went to And it's on a whim A lot of times the men will go out of their way to be really respectful because they don't want to scare you off. So they're like, actually, like it's actually safer than a bar in a lot of ways because they're so like over the top nice and over the top like respectful because they don't

want to like, they don't want you to leave. So like one time I was at one and a guy essentially cat called me, like I was walking by and he was like, hey Blondie. And I went to the organizer and was like, that guy cat called me. And they all were like, you got to go. They were furious at him because they didn't want me to leave. And he was doing something that would have caused a hot girl to leave. Like, no.

So they kick him out. Wow. That's cool. I would just walk around like kicking everybody out. He cat called me too. She cat called me. I just mean that like at a bar, no one's like,

maybe you could get the bouncer to bounce someone who's groping you, but like maybe not. Whereas like if you're a woman at a sex party, a lot of times the organizers will like really look out for you. Is this legal? Yeah, of course.

Okay. So it's like organized by like a real company and like they're like, not that kind of legal. Well, it depends. Yeah, is it legal like organized by like a real company and like they're like... No. Not that kind of legal. Well, it depends. Is it legal like buying drugs is legal where it's like kind of fun? If it's like a BDSM lair, sometimes they'll put it on. Sometimes like a porn site will put it on.

Sometimes it's hosted by like a porn star. Yeah. What's legal about paying admission to a house party and then having consensual sex? That's completely legal. At the same time, I feel like you're paying cash, right? Yeah. So it might be illegal the way they do their taxes and bookkeeping,

but that's not on you. True, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where we're gonna get them. Some places are like layers and like warehouses and stuff and some places are residential, which is super funny to me because it's just like

a suburban neighborhood and you're like, oh my God, do the families next door know what the fuck is happening in this house? Are they publicly advertised or you have to be invited by somebody? They're advertised on like FetLife or Craigslist.

Wow. Yeah. There you have it. I'm sorry, Mom. Like your mom doesn't know what I'm up to. I think she wants to think it's not true. One of the first times I met her, I was- She's just joking.

I was showing her my Tinder like the first time I met her. But that's different than you going to sex parties. But I don't, it depends on- She was watching one of our videos and turned to me and goes, does Gabby really hook up with just so many people? Wow. And I had to be like, yeah. And then we both just looked away from each other.

Ruth. Ruth. Everything is safe. There's always condoms. Everything's fine, Ruth. She's on FetLife probably, right? Your mom? Mm-hmm.

Your mom's... Wash your mouth, Alex. Do you like hearing about these sex parties? No, I think it's boring. It's very... She's so over it. You're done with it. Nothing shocks her anymore.

She's over it. She doesn't care about anything I do. I only care about feelings and love. Oh, that's really... That's the hotness. So she's like, I doesn't care about anything I do. I only care about feelings and love. Oh, that's really... That's the hotness. So she's like, I'm in a monogamous relationship. Then you're like, oh my god. Give me the deets. Dirty, dirty deets. How does he make you

feel? I went to a real party. Oh my god, what happened there? His dad's retirement party. Oh my god, were you connected? You met the whole family? Nobody fucked? Yeah, you're joking, but that's what she's like. Yeah. Can polyamory end in marriage?

Yeah, definitely. In a poly marriage? What? Is there a poly marriage? There is. There are people who are in- Not legal though. No, not legal.

It'll be like two of the people may be legally married and then the other people are like, you know, do a ceremony, like a spiritual marriage or whatever. Kids are born and then they have multiple parents? Sometimes, yeah. There are houses. There are like people who live together in homes. And then it's actually like people have said to me that it's like very helpful with child care.

Oh, right. Because it's just like a bunch of people. Yeah, that it's like a bunch of people. It's kind of the kibbutz style communal raising of children. Yeah. It's just like there's always a parent around. Like if one's working or whatever, they always have someone. I wish my mom were cool and queer.

She's just a normal loser who's married to one guy. Well, she fucks all your dad's brothers, right? Yeah, that's true. That's an interesting little wrinkle. But at the same time, I feel like that's not enough. That's going to be like what you're saying is going to be like kids in the future. Yeah. It's going to be like, ugh, my parents are monogamous.

It's so square. Square. Yeah. Square is going to make a comeback in the future. Yeah. It's going to be like, ugh, my parents are monogamous. It's so square. Square. Yeah. Square is going to make a comeback. I can't wait. All right. Thanks for coming on the show and letting us ask you

about all the stuff that we didn't know about. Yes, thank you guys. We really appreciate it. Was this helpful at all? I'm sorry I didn't know anything. No, I think you chimed in when necessary.

And if you guys ever need any tips on fantasy football, let me know. I can come on your show and talk to you guys about that any tips on fantasy football, let me know. I can come on your show and talk to you guys about that. Jake's an expert in pornography as well, so if you guys need a porn expert. Oh, that's nice.

You guys really run the gamut. From football to porn and back again. Any last things you wanted to plug before you go, just to make your manager happy? I want to say that I don't represent everyone. Oh my God,

we have to talk to more people? No. I'm sorry. People have different experiences. Also, please come see us on tour. Both those things. Do you want to say more

about our tour again? Yeah, just come check out our tour. It's cool and hip and it'll be fun. What's the URL again? Just GabbyandAllison.com and then you click

the tour dates link. And then also just let us know what you think of the design. It's a new website. It's pretty cool. That's the URL again? Just GabbyandAllison.com and then you click the tour dates link. And then also just let us know what you think of the design. It's a new website. It's pretty cool. That's cool. How'd you guys do it? The contact page is pretty fun. Did you guys hire a smart person? Yeah, we hired our friend, Doug. Thanks, Doug. Thanks, Doug. Designer and coder. Did it all. One-stop shop. It was Squarespace. He's our

DP for our shoots. Oh, wow. Now he's multiple things in our lives. He's your resident artist. And our friend. And our friend. That's beautiful. And an art dealer. I bought a painting from him.

But most importantly, a DP. More than anything else. All right. Gabby Allison, thanks for coming by. Thank you for having us. No doubt. If you have your own questions or theme song submissions, the email address for everything is ifiwereyoushow at gmail.com.

Opening theme song was written by Clara. Remember that one? It was good. Oh, wait. Can I say one thing? We got to go. I'm so sorry. YouTube.com slash justbetweenusshow.

How could we forget? Yeah. We're slipping. If you want more, Gabby and Allison. This closing one is written by Jackie and Rebecca. Thanks to you guys for listening. We'll be back in a week. Oh, I think this is July 3rd.

So happy 4th of July weekend. See you soon. USA! USA! Last night at 8 On my date Sat in some poo What should I do? Hey dude

How about you? Send an email to if I were you? They'll say, I hope you move your poo, played it cool. Cool. Next time. Before you sit. Double check. No. Shit. If I were. You. Oh.

Oh. Oh. If I were you Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh If I were you The show That was a HeadGum Podcast. With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, HeadGum Podcast.