Segments - 285: Sexiled Roommate (w/Gabrielle Elyse!)

Episode Date: July 31, 2017

Friend/actress Gabrielle Elyse joins us to discuss crushes, condiments, and online college.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. I got some problems. Don't fret, Jake, and the meal will solve them Yeah I'm sure man they don't know shit Well you emailed in the podcast y'all you the bitch so

So what are they gonna get mad at me cause my phone is at 8% battery Are you not glad they be on the show and we know that they mean but it's flattery What do they do They're in a perspective as if they were you That's true but it's true and they keep it real Now that you know how it works are you sad at me So come on man tell us how do you feel I get it I'm on it, no puns for me

Cause trust them, it's okay if it burns when you pee They go to college parties, no HIV And they blast Eminem because they're both smarties I know they a handful, they toss me an apple They both got a blaster, the raps getting faster Don't winch cause the bitch and the dude, they are coming for you When it's just getting wilder, I'm scanning like Skylar A vibe where you show is the best, Now I'm saying goodbye and I'm higher.

Whoa. What'd you think? I liked it. I think that's the hardest theme song you guys have ever posted. What do you mean by hard? Like it was hard for him to record it? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know how to be cool.

That was a little Dickie parody by Jackson Booth. Oh. All right. Yeah. I was like, it kind of sounds a little Dickie-ish. Yeah, that's right.

It is Dickie-ish. Gabrielle. Gabrielle? Yes, Gabrielle. Gabrielle. Perfect. Nailed it. Stuck the landing so far.

Thanks for coming on our show. I am so psyched to be here, you guys. You have no idea. I'm trying so hard not to fangirl. Oh, really? Yes. No, go for it. I can't. I live for this. I be here, you guys. You have no idea. I'm trying so hard not to fangirl. Oh, really? Yes. No, go for it.

I can't. I live for this. I want to hear it all. You got to leave. Give me the praise. Give me constructive criticism. No, no. No, no criticism.

Only praise. Yeah, I was telling you guys that Baby Bjorn is one of my favorite videos. Yeah. Oh, the Jake and Amir video. Yes, from the OG days. Yeah. What is OG? That crazy, crazy fact, the baby and Amir video. Yes. From the OG days. Yeah. What is OG? That crazy, crazy fact,

the baby in that baby Bjorn is now 49. Older than us. What? How could it be? I don't know. It was some sort of weird anti-leap year thing.

He was like a Jack kid. Yeah. Okay. Which is funny because his name is Jack. Oh, yeah. That's right. Well, thanks for coming on our show. I didn't realize you were such a big fan. Oh, yeah. That's right. Well, thanks for coming on our show.

I didn't realize you were such a big fan. Sorry, guys. Secret's out. Shit. That's fine. No, that's good. That's good. So you've listened to this podcast before?

I have. You know the rules. I do. You get how it goes. Yeah. I'm kind of not familiar with the Game Boy rule, though. Oh, okay. So we'll get into that.

Oh. But you know that this is an advice podcast. Yes. And people will email us. They're in difficult places in their lives, and we do our best to answer, advise. Mine and Jake's point of view are from, you know, 30-year-old dudes. So you are a cool, hip, 20-year-old female. I'm also multicultural.

Multicultural? I'm multicultural, too. Are you? My dad is from Belarus, and my mom is from Ireland. So that's pretty neat. You mean your mom's ancestors. Yeah, yeah. Well, they were both born in Connecticut. Yeah.

Their parents were born in Connecticut, and their parents before then, of course. Connecticut. Yeah. But before that? Connecticut. Connecticut, and then Belarus before then, of course. Connecticut, yeah. But before that? Connecticut. Connecticut and then Belarus. Yeah, very, extremely multicultural. Very exotic.

You're from, you're not from California, right? No, I'm from Dallas, Texas originally. So what brought you to LA? The entertainment business is what brought me here. And how's it going? Well, I'm here, so apparently pretty well. You are doing stuff. I'm doing stuff.

You're on television. Yes. Yeah, not just commercials. What are you on? Right now, I'm on- Mescaline and LPM. Awesome. Yeah.

You're so young. Oh, sorry, TV shows. Yeah, what TV shows? I'm on a series called Snatchers right now, which is on Go90. And quick pitch, it's a horror comedy about a teenage girl who has sex for the first time, gets pregnant with an alien baby overnight, and me, as her best friend, she comes to me for advice, like, what do I do? I thought you might play the alien baby.

No. That's cool. I wasn't talented enough for the alien baby, so I just got stuck with the epic best part. Is the role for alien baby, if it's still unborn, I could play the alien baby? Unfortunately, it is unborn. Okay. But maybe you could be like its mother. Oh.

So. Is the person that she had sex with an alien? No, that's the mystery. We're like, why? Jake, no spoilers. All right. So it's about, in a weird way ultimately like finding herself and like self worth

by fighting aliens with her best friend you know what I just realized I know Steve and Benji that created the show you know what I was gonna try and subtly

drop that in because I told Benji and Steven that I was gonna be on the show and they freaked out and they were like oh we know him here and I was like what like you've been keeping this from me

for forever small world that's crazy who are they I just met them a couple weeks ago. You have friends that aren't me? Yeah, I mean, of course I have friends that aren't you. He's branching out.

Why, do you not have any friends that aren't me? There's a couple guys that I hang out with. I don't like them. Why do you hang out with them? Because you're busy hanging out with Benji, Stephen, and Snatcher McGee. All right. Let's try to answer some questions. But we didn't necessarily find any questions this episode.

So we were hoping to elicit the help of a friend of ours named The Game Boy. And hopefully, through his expertise, search our Gmail for random words that hopefully bring up some great questions. I see. Using serendipity, luck, fate, destiny even. Did someone say destiny? Yeah. No, so I did.

Really? Yeah, the Game Boy... The Game Boy is usually summoned by the word game. Yeah. This time he heard destiny. And he just got into it. He snoozed till destiny. So maybe the Game Boy can usually summoned by the word game. Yeah. This time he heard destiny. And he just got into it. He snoozed till destiny. So maybe the Game Boy can kick us off if he has a word that he wants to search.

The goal of the game is to find a word that appears but only once in our Gmail. Oh. Of the 15,000 emails that we have unread. So we have pretty good odds. Maybe. Yeah. Horrible odds. The Game Boy is offended.

If you think this game is easy, then I assure you you have another thing coming. Okay. The Game Boy chooses. This is also the dumb voice you have to do. I'm sorry. But you are going to have to do it. Which has never happened before.

A guest has never said said use the Gameboy voice I'm honored this is incredibly rare opera that's pretty good we got a good amount but 34 which is pretty good

that's too many are any of them from like some sort of spammy email thing that we're on like tickets to an opera 34, which is pretty good. That's too many. Do you want to do... Are any of them from some sort of spammy email thing that we're on, like tickets to an opera? Yeah, some of them are. Okay. Okay, some of them aren't. Some of them are those away. What?

How many do you think there are? 25, I don't know. That hurts. That hurts. That sucks to hear. Why don't we answer this one, which is to stop flirting Written by a 19 year old girl So maybe you can commiserate As a 20 year old girl

Alright Oh Gabrielle Do you have a fake name To give this real person A fake name to give this real person Yeah It could be anything

Don't limit yourself Oh no Oh she's freaking out I am She's freezing up Nicole I'm gonna give her The name Nicole.

Okay. She also needs a last name. I know. You guys. All right. We're out of time. Thank you so much for coming by. Bye, guys.

No, no, no. All right. Give us the last name real quick. Don't think about it. Just say Potato. Potato. That's really great. Wow.

I like that. That's also her name for the Game Boy. Yeah. Oh, that's good. All right. Nicole Potato writes, I'm a 19-year-old girl going to be a freshman in college. I got to spend the last 10 weeks of my senior year living in NYC by myself doing a program for young opera singers.

Whoa. I met a girl through this program who was pretty cute, and we got along well, and I was pretty excited to find out she was a lesbian like me. I was the only lesbian in my high school. At first, I was pretty cautious. I knew there was no way I would work out because of distance and I didn't know if she was into me that way. So, for a while, we were just friends and I was experimenting with Tinder. I had my first kiss on a Tinder date. But I found out that every time I met with this girl, I liked her more and more. So for the past month, I was there.

For the past month, I was there. We went out to dinner a few times. Things were a little flirty, but still pretty casual. Then last week, I was there. It kind of escalated. We kept talking about how it wasn't fair we hadn't met until now and how good we would be together. And holding hands and cuddling and looking at each other. I was this close to kissing her a couple times, but I kept chickening out. Since I came home, we've texted and Skyped a couple times. I still like her a lot and wish things could have turned out differently, but I know there's no way this

would work out. I'm going to school in Ohio. She's going to school in Canada. I know we're both going to meet people in college and nothing will really school in Canada. I know we're both going to meet people in college and nothing will really happen between us. I would still like to be friends though. The thing is this, we're still pretty flirty. So my question is, should I stop flirting? And if so, when? Should I just pretend like none of the flirty stuff ever happened? I'm pretty new to this stuff, obviously. So I'm probably overthinking it, right? Love, Nicole Potato. Hmm. That's a very in-depth question.

Yeah. Huge setup for a very quick, easy answer. You think the answer's easy? Yeah. Don't stop flirting. Correct. I wonder why this never happened. I guess it seems like

I don't know what do you think first of all you're a 20 year old lady I should let you talk I mean as a female it's hard it's really scary I'm sure it's scary for guys as well to like put your heart out there yes but see I'm like I'm so sentimental and mushy and like romantic like I'm gonna give this

whole like it all happened for a reason learn from it type of thing That's good. That's good advice. It's like, there's a reason this happened. It's because next time it happens, you have to just go for it. Right. You don't want to be living in different cities wondering why and what happened. And I guess 19 year olds is when you're supposed to learn this stuff the hard way. Oh yeah. Is there anything to, if you're a lady, you don't want to make the first move, you always want guys to go after you. So if it's like two 19-year-old ladies, they're both passively waiting for the other to make a move. And it's just this game of gay chit-chat.

That's why you need a guy. Imagine if it was two dudes, they'd be butt-fucking within the first half hour. I'm serious. That's why I spent my teens as a gay. No, but do you like making the first move as a lady or you're always just like I'm going to sit here and present myself and if the guy wants to go for it, I'll go for it.

In my mind, I would like to think I'm just as confident as a dude to make the first move. But no. I've always been the one to coyly be waiting for something. I mean, I do the same thing and I am the guy. So I don't begrudge you at all. I hate making the first move because I'm afraid of failing.

Yeah. I get that. Because if you make the move, then you can be rejected. And if you never make the move, then you never got rejected. Do you have, like, a solid plan B? Yeah, plan B is, like... Die alone. Yeah, die alone or get drunk enough to want to make the first move

because that part of my brain is silenced to the point where it doesn't have a voice anymore. Cool. Yeah. So is that advice for when I can finally start drinking? Yeah, yeah. You're not 21 yet, so don't do that. And this girl's 19.

What's that? Not legally. Well, in Canada. That's what you got to do. I'll just go to Canada then. Yeah, do you have to be a Canadian citizen or any 19-year-old can drink in Canada? Any 19-year-old can drink in Canada. Yeah.

That's pretty cool. Have you been to Canada? No, I have not been to Canada. Well, you're turning 21 soon, so your window is closing. Closing. And that is the only reason to go to Canada. I definitely like spent my younger years afraid of rejection and like, you know, inching closer and closer to the point where like, you know, you're not going to be rejected, right? Like when you're facing somebody with your hand on their waist and they have their hand on your cheek, you can pretty much.

It's a pretty good indicator. You can safely assume that you can kiss them without being rejected. And like. Whoa, you misread this. I was cuddling and holding you. I had my hand inside your ass crack. But I think as I've gotten older, I like read the signs better. So like when I was young, I needed to like have that like crystal clear, I know I'm not going to be rejected sign.

Yeah. And now I'm older, I still need that sign, but I can like read the more subtle ones if that makes sense. Right. Yeah. This person definitely missed the very, very, very clear signs. When somebody says,

I wish I met you earlier so I could be your girlfriend. You can kiss them. You can definitely do that. But that's also advice to the other lady in this relationship who is equally close and also probably chickened out. But that's also advice to the other lady in this relationship who is equally close and also probably chickened out.

Yeah, this is advice to any scared 19-year-old. I just realized she's going to school in Ohio and the other one is going to school in Canada. So she can go to Canada, spend a romantic weekend with this girl, potentially drink legally and have the courage to kiss. Exactly. You don't need to drink to have the courage to kiss. But it helps. Fine. But just helps. Fine. But just,

you can do it. That's my advice. You get a better rush if you, if you kiss some, if you like, overcome your fear and kiss someone sober

and they kiss you back. I mean, I don't kiss people that often sober, but when I do, oh boy, that is the best feeling. Because your feeling

is unadulterated. Yeah, that's like, holy, all of your synapses are firing. Everything's happening. You're like with it. You're there. Yeah, I wonder what percentage of your first kisses were completely sober. Would you say under 50? For sure.

I was thinking under five. I mean, all of them leading up until I was 21 and then none of them ever again. I mean, that's fair. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So my advice, personally, go to Canada. You can spend a new weekend with her now that you know that you're going to, you know, that

you like this girl and she likes you. Pretty unpatriotic. I would never advise anybody. You don't have to get drunk, but maybe have a pair of cider. Loosen the edges a little bit, and then go for it. Have fun. Make out for a weekend. I agree. Okay. So that's two agrees. Jake, your

bit of advice? Stay in Ohio? I'd like this to happen on American soil. Because I'm a proud American man. In Ohio in February, cold as shit. I think you can sneak a peach schnapps. I think that's okay. I think Uncle Sam will forgive you for that. You're under arrest.

Okay. All right. All right. Can I call you Gabby? Is that a name? Yeah. Everybody calls me Gabby, actually. Shit.

All right. I should have called you Gabby. Gabby. Gabby. That is okay. Do you have a name? Do you have a word to search for an email? Something not super common yeah like

food but not super like potato was a solid it was solid but since we already used it too late now yeah i cannot use potato it's against the rules of the game also give me your best game boy voice sort of like a oh i have a question as a millennial okay what is a game boy wow that's a good question just kidding i'm just kidding I was making an obvious joke. My sister actually had a Game Boy Color and I played Zelda on it. Oh, okay. So I kind of have some street cred. Yeah, you're cool.

Yeah, you're fine. Well, you do have street cred only. You're trying to earn nerdy 30-year-old cred. I am. Yeah. We want the street cred. Yeah. I want to wear a big earring like you have.

I will teach you. I'm going to pierce my fucking septum as a 33-year-old. Do it. Is that dumb? Yes. a big earring like you have. I will teach you. I'm going to pierce my fucking septum. I'm 33 years old. Do it. Is that dumb? Yes. I say do it. Express yourself, James.

Where's the next thing? There's like the septum and then you have like people that pierce their like lower back. I saw somebody that pierced. Terrible. I don't know what this area is, but the-

Oh, in between your thumb and your index? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to pierce my frigging neck. Do it. On the front. Oh, that's disgusting. and your index? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to pierce my frigging neck. Do it. On the front, my outer towel. That's disgusting. I want to be different.

Of course. I want to be hip and cool. That's not hip and cool. Okay, I'm going to hurt myself. All right, go ahead. You have a word. A word, a word, a word, a word. Can I have a word with you?

What about, I feel like this is going to be very obvious. Yeah. The Game Boy chooses headphones. Headphones. That's pretty good. You sort of made your own spin on it. Thank you. There's a...

Oh, you know what? There's a lot of emails, but a lot of them are just... Spam. Ads for headphones. Spam. Let me see if I can find a non-spam one that we can answer. There's a, oh, you know what? There's a lot of emails, but a lot of them are just spam. Ads for headphones. Spam. Let me see if I can find a non-spam one that we can answer. That was a good one. Thank you. Because headphones made it plural.

Yeah, people usually say headphone, right? Yeah. Yeah? Why are you mad at me? What a weird stance. I feel like you're making it seem like I lost the game with whatever the hell my word was. Opera? All right.

Do you want to answer a question called taking my sister's stuff or- I was an expert at that. Okay. Let's do that. What's the other one though? It doesn't matter. Come on. I'm so curious.

The other one, which I don't think we should answer, is I keep walking in on my roommate. Would you rather do that? Kind of, yes. Only because I'm not doing the traditional college experience. I'm just like, I want to hear about everybody else's. Oh, okay. I keep walking in on my roommate microwaving hot dogs. This is another female, so do you have another

female's name for us? I'm going to call her Sade. That's really cool. That's nice. How do you spell that? I don't know. That's awesome. Not to throw Sade on her, but her name is Sade, and she's a freshman in college. This summer before school, I met my roommate online

through a roommate matching service provided by our school. Over Messenger, she seemed awesome, so I was excited to live with her. Surprise, surprise! Things turned sour. She turned out not to be not friendly and very cold. In the beginning of the year, I was trying to make conversation with her in her classes and clubs, but she

would respond with only a word or two. A little later in the year, she would say hi to me, and the conversation would end. Now we've gotten to the point where I walk into our very tiny dorm room and say, hey, how's it going? And she will just not respond. Sometimes she plugs headphones in and turns to face the wall. All of this was kind of weird but generally fine. The real problem is that I have rooming with her is when she brings a boy over.

The first time I walked in on her hooking up with someone and I assumed it was an accident, just forgot to text me. But soon enough, it happened again. At that point, the next day, I asked her if she could just send me a quick heads up text so I don't walk in. She said, yeah, of course, no problem. And it happened again. I've confronted her about this 10 times and it keeps happening. Despite her assuring me that it'll never happen again, I walked in on her and her boyfriend on Thursday after coming back to the room at 2 p.m. What can I do? Should I keep confronting her about this or just accept for the fact that I'll be seeing a lot more of my roommate and her boyfriend

than I want to for the last two and a half months of school? Thanks, love. Sade. Sade. Yeah, you don't, since you weren't a freshman in college ever. No, I wasn't. You don't know this pain of living with a complete stranger in a room smaller like this.

Do you like romanticize college? Do you wish that you could? I do, to be honest. I really do. It's too late? That ship has sailed or can you go back? I mean, I probably could. I look young enough and I am young enough. You're 20. You should be like a sophomore or junior. Right. I am online, but I went young enough. Yeah. You're 20. Yeah. You should be like a sophomore or junior right now. Right.

I am online but I went to online college too. Respect dude. You know what you should do is sign up for school get in and then just live in the dorms and don't go to any of the classes.

But yeah. Because you already have a career you don't need to actually like it's fine if you fail out. You can go to USC or UCLA or something. For a year and then you get like the parties the dorm life the dining hall. And then's fine if you fail out. You can go to USC or UCLA or something. For a year, and then they'll be like, You get, like, the parties, the dorm life,

the dining hall. Yeah, well, that was the plan. Just to transfer, but I don't think I live in the dorms. I've been very spoiled, you guys. I don't think I could share a very tiny room that's this size with someone else. Well, that's part of it. It would be half this size.

You gotta split a room half this size with two people. Lofted bed. Oh, yeah. Oh, you gotta loft the bed. Do you have bed risers? Where do you keep your ramen? In the closet or under the loft? Where's your loofah? Yeah, you have

to have a shower caddy. You haven't lived until you've showered in sandals. That was the last time I had a loofah. Really? In college, yeah. How did that work out? I mean, it's fine. What's better about a loofah than your hands?

Oh, than a bar of soap? Yeah. I think it lathers up more and it exfoliates a little bit too. Should I get a loofah? I think you should get a loofah. But they're also dangerous. Dangerous? You could choke on one.

I swear I ate one thinking it was cotton candy. People told me it's dirtier than just a regular washcloth. I guess if you use it. Oh, yeah, that makes sense because it's just filled with your dead skin and grime. And then you're rubbing it on your face and stuff. That's why I use one loofah and just get rid of it. That's how you ball out. I have a fucking hamper filled with 300 loofahs.

I'm using it once and I'm tossing it. You know, I never thought I would want to aspire to be a straight white male. I think you're changing my mind. Wow. And it was all about the loofahs. Yeah. Amazing. Jake, you had a roommate.

Did you ever walk in on him? No. My roommate, God love him, was 21. I was 18 and he was like a bald 21 year old transfer student from another college we had the opposite problem there was like, in the first half of our freshman year

people on our floor were friends with girls, but by the end we couldn't get a girl to come on our floor literally ever so there was no problem of walking in while people were hooking up. Yeah. And we went to college before like texting

was really a thing. So like, I remember like the tie on the door, rubber band on a door. I've heard about that. But at the same time, I never did that. And nor did I ever see that. We ended up doing that for if you were jerking off. Oh, that's good.

Yeah. Yeah. Just really, really sad. But then it's like- Sock on the door meant don't come in. Yeah. But have you ever seen that in the wild? The real sock on the door? Yeah. Yeah. So people really, really sad. But then it's like, I'd be like- Sock on the door meant don't come in. Yeah, but have you ever seen that in the wild? The real sock on the door? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So people did use it. And when you're 18 and you see the sock on the door, that's the coolest. You cannot wait to see that dude the next day. Wow, and it actually meant that. It wasn't like, I would figure that's too dangerous because people would fuck with you if there's a sock on the door. People would take the sock down. You have to respect.

We didn't respect anything but the sock. People would shit in the shower. But I'll put a sock on the door and not say a goddamn thing. Yeah, I guess like... What she can do, I would say, is if you don't get the heads up, you walk in, sit down, go about your day. Sorry you didn't give me a heads up. I'm just going to chill. This is my room after all.

Exactly. Yeah. You make yourself a bowl of ramen and you just sit down. In the microwave, the hot pot, the lava lamp. I think knock. What? Oh, knock at your own door? I say you can knock for the first offense, but if it's happened multiple times.

Yeah. And here's the thing about girls. We like to play dirty sometimes so you're saying you especially shouldn't just barge in no oh yeah i guess i never thought of it the other way where it's two ladies living together right um all right so you say knock and then enter or knock and then wait okay here's what you do. Steal this gal's boyfriend. Whoa. Then she walks in on you. Hooking up with him.

Not so nice. How do you like that, Susan? Jake has a mind of a girl. Jake has a mind of a girl. Calling it right now. What are you calling? No, I'm saying that Jake has a mind of a girl. That's what I was thinking.

That's right, bitches. I can say that word because I have the mind of a girl, bitches. And the body of one, too. You do look really nice with your wide hips like that. That's really cool. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. All right.

Why don't we take a break? We'll thank some sponsors. We'll be back with more Gabby. Gabbing with Gabby. Woo! Right after this. And we're back. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Gabby, what do you got going on other than Snatchers Tell us about you I wish I could tell you that I'm like this cool Person who has stuff going on all the time Yeah But honestly probably when I'm done here I will go back to my humble abode And get in my PJs

And do college work College work? You said you didn't go to college She goes to online online oh of course i'm so sorry to hear that do you have one yeah which one los angeles valley college oh yeah i have friends that went there in the it's in north hollywood right it is so you i mean you live in la but you're going to online college in la yeah just so you don't have to go to like the actual classes well okay i tried going to normal classes in LA? Yeah. Just so you don't have to go to the actual classes. Well, okay. I tried going to normal classes because

again, I was homeschooled my whole high school career, and I missed interacting with people. You haven't had any normal school experience? I haven't. The only normal time I had was up until 7th grade. Did you go to a prom? I did go to a prom. But an online prom.

No, no, no. It was a legit prom. It was a chat room. How'd you go to a prom? I did go to a prom. But an online prom. No, no, no. It was a legit prom. It was a chat room. How'd you go to a real prom? My best friend bought me a ticket. So I went to Texas. Oh. Kind of crashed the prom. Oh.

It's kind of a big deal. Wait, you went to Texas? I did. Oh, you were in LA and you went back to Texas to go to their prom. Very cool. Nothing like crashing a prom. I crashed a couple proms last year. Okay, so that's a little different.

Yeah, yeah. Because she was invited and it seems like you just heard about a prom and you went to it? Yeah, I went to one in Guilford. I was back in CT. That's a small little town. Yeah. It was less than 200 kids. Well, they have dates, so it's about 400.

Yeah. And I went stag. Meaning? I was going to, well, you know, without a date. Yeah. But like just you and your boys,

but none of my boys were like down to go. So I ended up just going solo, dolo. Sober, drunk. Who were you? You got to show up. It was your head space.

Yeah. I showed up a little, I vaped in the limo. Yes. Oh, you still got a limo, even if it was just you? Because I didn't know who was going to come around for the after party you have to make an entrance got it yeah so you 31 31 high back then i was 30 i was just 30 year old showing up to a prom i feel like i was pretty young i was vaping by yourself in a limo as a 30 year old walking

well not by myself because the limo driver. Got high with you. Yeah, we pulled over at a 7-Eleven for a bit and vaped and just fucked. And then he dropped you off at prom. What are you wearing at that point? Well, he came too. Oh, the driver. He was my date. We stole the show.

All right, I got a good word to search. Okay. If you guys will indulge me. Yes. Go ahead. Ketchup, ketchup, ketchup. I actually think that's pretty bad. Thoughts?

Gaps? Are you on my side? I think it's a pretty noble. Noble? Noble word choice. Three. Shit. Three real questions.

Are you serious? Yeah. God damn. A bunch of spam and then three. The Game Boy has lost it. All right. So three is the score to beat. The Game Boy has lost it. All right. So three is the score to beat. Do you want to answer one that's called catch-up racism, weird situation, or girl had a Satanist roommate?

Oh, my God. Let's do weird situation. Keep it fake. Okay. Ooh, guy's name. He's British. I know. I know. Nigel? Oh, that's really good. He's British. I know. I know.

Nigel? Oh, that's really good. Nigel's a good one. Nigel's pretty British. Nigel. Nigel? All right. You want to go with Nigel?

Let's do it. Will you approve? Nigel writes, I was Snapchatting a girl I like recently and all was going well. I'd just broken my headphones and was joking about stabbing... Oh!

Holy shit! That's amazing! Whoa! It's fate! I'd just broken my headphones and was joking about stabbing... No! Holy shit! That's amazing! Whoa! It's fate! It's fate! I'd just broken my headphones and I... Opera!

Ugh! No, never mind. I'd just broken my headphones and I was joking about stabbing myself with a butter knife so I laid down on the bathroom floor

and lathered my chest with tomato ketchup. She said that it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen so that I considered myself to be well in with her. All great, right? Wrong! Right at that moment, I was about to jump in the shower to watch the ketchup off

my butt-naked body. My mom knocks on the bathroom door telling me to hurry up because she needs the toilet. So I stood there, nude, as the day I was born. Covered in ketchup! But I was not the reddest thing in that room as I stood up without a stitch on in front of the woman

who birthed me. I have a suspicion that she doesn't believe my story about having a nosebleed and thinks I'm some sort of tomato sauce fetishist. How am I supposed to approach my parents again after this situation as I don't think either of them can look at me the same way.

Thanks a million. Love, Nigel. P.S. I know how unrealistic this sounds, but I swear to Jeebus, it's the truth. Jeebus. Are you snapping? I am an avid snapper, yes. So 20-year-old you, hip, cool, social media ranks. Is Snapchat number one?

Snapchat? Or Instagram. That's so hard. Come on would instagram oh that's so hard that's so hard um i'm i would say they're pretty even really yeah snapchat still holding on with the cool youth of america what about facebook is that anything is that just sort of like is twitter zaddy i swear is twitter zaddy um sorry i'm trying to fit in uh Shaddy? I swear, is Twitter Shaddy? Sorry, I'm trying to fit in. You're wearing her high heel shoes. Twitter, do you use it at all?

Every once in a while, yeah. So it goes Snapchat, Instagram, top two? Yes. And then Facebook? Twitter, Facebook. Is there one we haven't even mentioned? I'm not really... There's like a... Is WhatsApp a social media thing or is that just a

message yeah whatsapp is a thing i don't i don't musically i don't oh yeah musically uh my niece is like all up on musically she thinks the musically still likes venmo comments what's that those are the best yeah venmo comments so what are you doing in there i'll just like go through my feed see what people are paying people for, and be like, is this slang for drugs, or did you actually go get chicken for dinner? You're thinking that, or you're leaving that as a comment? I'll leave that as a comment. Then I'll screenshot that, send it around, send it wide.

What do you mean by sending it wide? Well, Instagram stories somebody's Venmo transaction and try to deduce what it was. Weird invasion of privacy. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, have your parents ever caught you in a sticky situation like this? Have you ever been shamed? Obviously not to the extent of rubbing tomato ketchup on your body completely naked. I have to give that guy some points for committing that much.

What was the occasion under which he put the tomato sauce on his naked body? He lost his headphones, yes. Yeah, he was joking about stabbing himself with a butter knife because he had broken his headphones, and then he's like, look, this is it. Snapchatted himself covered in ketchup. Naked. So he committed to a joke.

Wow. Do you have your Snapchat open so anybody can snap you? No. Got it. So you don your Snapchat open so anybody can snap you? No. Got it. So you don't get a lot of weirdo creeps all up in your shit. I do not. Huh. I kind of want to do it just for fun to see what happens but then again I'm like, I don't want to open up

and see a penis. Yeah, what kind of fans do you have? You were on a Nick or Disney show, right? I was on a Nick show for a little while. That's where the basis started. So I assume most of your fans are young. Probably. Females or? If they're not young, then they're like really old weirdos that watch a lot of Disney, right?

Which happens. I got a lot of, when it first premiered, I would get like a constant person twittering me about the episode and like screenshotting stuff about how I looked. And I was like, oh. How old was he? He has to be like maybe 50. That's insane. I thought it was really funny. Can I kick his ass was like, oh. How old was he? He has to be like maybe 50. That's insane. I thought it was really funny. Can I kick his ass? Go for it. Oh no, he's asking

if he can. Like, is he strong? Oh, oh. Do you think I could? Do you think I'm zaddy? Am I as zaddy as Twitter? What was the name of your Nick or Disney show? It was called Nicky, Ricky, Dicky, and Don. Were you Don? I was not Don. I was the babysitter of Don. Awesome. I bet my nieces know was not Don. I was the babysitter of Don.

Awesome. I bet my nieces know about your show. Probably. All they watch is Nick. Really? Yeah. Nicky, Ricky, Dicky, and Don. Don.

Don. All right, I'm going to ask her. Okay, back to this guy. How am I supposed to approach my parents again? I say they probably don't want to talk to you about it as much as you don't want to talk to them. They're like, holy shit. Let's sweep this under the rug. Game over. Not worry about it. Who as you don't want to talk to them. They're like, holy shit, let's sweep this under the rug, game over, not worry about it.

Who knows what the hell's going on. And hopefully they don't catch you doing it again. Because that's a weird one. I would venture to say that the mom probably doesn't think that he's a ketchup fetishist. Yeah, he's jumping to a little bit of a conclusion. I think that his mom's probably mortified that she walked in on her son naked, about to take a shower. She's not like thinking about, oh, why was he covered in ketchup?

She was just thinking like, I shouldn't have walked in. I think that's it. Yeah. So you're saying don't worry about it. It'll pass. This too shall pass. Yeah. What's the most embarrassing situation that your mother ever caught you in?

That's a good question. Most embarrassing. I was pretty much a homebody. So probably never catching me with a good question. Most embarrassing. I was pretty much a homebody, so probably never catching me with a woman was kind of embarrassing. Like, I never had a girl, so like at age 17, she was still walking in on me playing video games, hoping to God that I was naked, covered in ketchup. She never walked in on you masturbating? Never walked in on me masturbating. I guess maybe a morning boner. Oh!

Yeah. Like, you know, when you wake up with an erection. Yeah. I'm sure my parents have seen me have an erection. Really? Yeah. With, like, outside of the pants? Yeah, like, I'm wearing pajama pants, walking to the bathroom, morning wood.

That's not that bad. Yeah, it's not that bad. What do you got? I was covered in mayonnaise. Got it. Mustard. You and this guy should make thousand island sauce. No, not ketchup.

I didn't get that embarrassing. Yeah, do you have one? I mean, my mom and dad both caught me masturbating constantly. Huh. I was like, at dinner. As much as that girl has walked in on her roommate, my parents were probably like double. Yeah, cool, cool. In your room, in their room, in the living room.

Definitely in like. The driveway. In the living room, in my room, in the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. That would have happened. Yeah, it did. Yeah.

And I don't remember how we dealt with it. Because you repressed the memory. I guess so. But there was just so much going on in my house that that was never the worst thing. Yeah, six kids. You're one of six? Yeah.

Oh my God. How many siblings do you have? I have one. Yeah, that's a solid amount. I was number two and my brother is eight years younger than me. So at like 13, I was the only one masturbating everywhere. I assure you.

And there's not a lot of private space in the house. So if you're walking into a room where I was alone, you better believe. That's so funny. Internet? Pre-internet? Well, it was post-internet, but there was still a... There wasn't like... You weren't streaming movies.

Yeah, right. I was like... Pictures. Printing pictures, praying to God no one was going to walk in. It was like, Jake, what are you printing? Nothing! It's a fucking work-a-sizer. Wait 10 minutes!

Homework. It's going one pixel at a time. And then I'll have Pamela Anderson. In a crop top with an underboob. And I'll keep Pamela Anderson in a crop top with an under boob and I'll keep it in my room I swear I will but then we had like one family computer

and people would be like I need to do my homework and I'm like well I'm fucking doing something it's pretty important too choking your mom Jake what's gotten into you you're scaring me. And I would get home like 15 minutes before my sisters. Like, middle

school got out at 2.30 and their school got out at 3. You're dead sprinting Ferris Bueller style. Yeah, my bus ride was longer. Over hedges. I'm getting home at like... Through neighbors. I'm getting home at like 2.45, 2.50 and they're gonna be home at 3.05. You better believe that. And I 2.50, and they're going to be home at 3.05.

You better believe that. And I'm just like, find the lotion. Fire up the computer. Where's the fucking ketchup? Oh, my God. Where's the ketchup? This is a Heinz commercial. We're pitching you. Okay.

Thoughts? Wait, you grew up with fast internet. I did grow up with fast internet. That's crazy. Most of my life, yeah. I was actually just thinking about it. That's really crazy to think about. Yeah, you don't, like, as soon as you're old enough to have a cell phone, you could have had an iPhone.

I actually didn't get my first phone until I was 13, and it was a Razr. A Razr? Mm-hmm. Wow. A scooter, not a phone. But that was seven years ago. There was an iPhone then, wasn't there? Yeah, 2010.

My parents were like, no, no, no. You got to earn your keep with a Razr. Did you grow up with a personal computer? I did not. Once you started to be homeschooled. I got my first computer at 16. My parents are actually pretty good about not delving into the whole technology thing. These are things that parents have to think about now, right?

They do. It all exists, so it's like, when do I give it to my kid? When's the normal time to give it? Yeah. Babies. a lot of babies are like no screen time they don't let the babies do screens

so in a way it was almost crazier for us because we're going up like growing up as it's coming out and nobody's like hiding it from us

yeah there's no rules yet yeah so I get to use the internet the wild west of technology my parents don't know what AOL is they don't get that I'm in chat rooms. I was in

chat rooms as like a 14-year-old pretending to be a 19-year-old. Probably having cyber sex with other 14-year-olds pretending to be 19-year-olds. And you turned out alright. No, I didn't. Alright, so do we have any advice for this guy? Don't worry about it.

I don't know. Your parents probably are more embarrassed than you are. I think if it comes up, I would just be frank and be like, I was trying to woo a girl, Mom. Yeah, is that so wrong, Mom? That could be good, actually. Telling the truth, is that what it's called? Is that the first time that's come up on our podcast? Our advice show? We always think about what lies

to tell, but maybe the honest way might make more sense, because then the mom would, you know, one, be understanding, and two, maybe even be proud that son's willing to go the weird, weird distance to woo a girl, as you say. Well, that's the multicultural woman perspective. You're welcome. Finally.

That's 100% correct, by the way. Shit. Shit. You have to host the show now. You're not qualified anymore. We're out of touch. We're grand zaddies. Grand zaddies. Awesome.

We're out of time. Gabby, did you have fun gabbing? I had so much fun gabbing. Gabbing with Gabby. Gabbing with Gabby. That's what I'll rename the podcast. I like that. The new HeadGum podcast.

Yeah, when you're hosting your own show or just taking over ours, that's what you can call it. Where can people find you if people want more Gabby if people want more Gabby you can find me on Twitter Instagram and Snapchat all under Gabrielle Elise

oh damn good word or or if you want to see me and what I do on Snatchers on Go90 holy shit it's we're halfway through

the series so you can binge it or maybe they can find you at online college maybe they can find me at online college what courses are can find me at online college. What courses are you enrolled in? I'm in history and calculus right now.

Calculus? I hate calculus, you guys. Why? Do you do that? I have to. It's part of my G.E. It's a requirement? How does calculus go? You're doing derivatives and finding the area underneath the curve. I would love to help you out with some homework if you have any questions. Well, I don't remember how to do any.

Cool. Thanks for coming on the show. Yeah, I would love to help you out with some homework if you have any questions. Would you really? Yeah. Well, I don't remember how to do any of those. Cool. Thanks for coming on the show. I don't know what else to say. Thank you for having me. If you have your own questions or theme song submissions, send them all on over to ifireviewshow at gmail.com. The opening one was written by, what was his name, Jackson? I think his name was Jackson.

Do we ever even say it? We might have not. It's Jackson Booth. Jackson Bo not. It's Jackson Booth. Jackson Booth. Thanks, Jackson Booth. And this closing one was written by somebody named Chris Forgash. Thanks, Jackson. Weird name, right?

Yeah. That's a weird one. And thanks to Gabrielle Elise for coming on our show. Thank you, guys. Great job. Thanks. We'll be back next week. Forgash.

I mean, come on. Let's talk about it. If you got a question and you don't know what to do pull up your Gmail If you got a question and you don't know what to do, pull up your Gmail and type in if I were you. If you find yourself between a hot place and a rock,

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