Segments - 286: Lightning Round 3 (w/Geoffrey James + Interns!)

Episode Date: August 7, 2017

In this special episode we grab Geoffrey James and HeadGum Interns to discuss nectarines, flying, freshmen, basketball, hamburgers, wallets, masturbation, Tinder, showers, swearing, and Los Angeles! Thanks to Reilly, Nic, Saba, Santos, Eagle, Lauren, John George, and Dylan for stopping by.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. They tell me that I need a podcast to put in my ears If I were you, the show would take it a year The pinch of love is swiping all the hives to the right All you gotta do is listen to the dope advice I'ma do the things that they want me to

Cause I'm insecure and in total too I eat my candy with the pork and peas excuse my manners if I seize that cheese the undies has the clothes that we like and nature box

is pretty fucking tight chicken spear yeah it's never been As if I were you With a beer and Jake Whoa. Rock and roll, dude. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You didn't make it. Jeffrey James. Thoughts? I liked it a lot. I didn't know it was a Weezer cover. You didn't make it. Jeffrey James. Thoughts? I liked it a lot. I didn't know it was a Weezer cover. You didn't know it was a Weezer cover? I'm not like a big Weezer head. Yeah.

I like them. That's sort of like not a very popular Weezer song. That's not a Weezer song I would know, yeah. That's a C cut, I would say. Not even a B. Well, it was like their single off of a not great album. Yeah. Was it like the Red Album or like Maladroid or something?

I liked The Red Album though, but whatever. My point is I was about to give him daps for writing an original. Yeah, that happens to me a decent amount on this show, actually. I'm like, this is amazing. That happened during one of the Hamilton ones. Oh, yeah. It was my shot, but I didn't get it.

That was actually written by Alex McGuire. Weezer cover themed to pork and beans. Just released a new EP on iTunes called Anxious Acid. Nice. Well. I haven't heard it yet. I don't want to commit to any compliments quite yet. It's a racist diatribe.

Today's a special day at HeadGum because it's our intern's last day. So we thought it would be fun to do a little lightning round episode, answer as many Twitter questions as possible, get as many interns in the room as possible Jeff, not an intern anymore so we figured we'd start with you Start with the old guard to bring you the new

Yeah, it's a good idea We'll answer You say that like you don't mean it You're playing tetris on your phone it's a high score is all you have no other apps it's just how did you delete i deleted notes yeah this is insane those are native you had to hack it i i uh what is it jailbroke yeah yeah yeah so what i did was i um i like designed this background right that like hides the other apps so the apps are on there. You just can't find them.

The only one is Tetris. Mm-hmm. All right. Let's try to answer some questions before we kick your ass out of here. I tweeted recording a lightning round ep of our podcast. So these are not emails that we got. These are tweets.

I've got first one right off the bat. This one's an easy one. Nectarines, yay or nay? Also, are women better off without men? Like, if they find one to make a baby, then go on their own. Better off? Question mark? That was one tweet? Yeah.

That was 140 characters? Yeah. Nectarines plus the women, huh? Yeah. Where do you stand on nectarines? I think if they're in season, they're good, but those specifically when they're out of season are bad. Very bad. They're like a little dry. Dry, taut.

Small. Are nectarines, am I thinking of the right thing, are cuties nectarines? Yeah, I think so. Or are they mandarins? Cuties are... Tangerines? Mandarins? Not tangerines.

What are the fucking small oranges? I thought those were nectarines. No, no, no. Nectarines are like a peach. Oh, I was totally... Clementines. Cuties are clementines. No, no, no. Nectarines are like a peach. Oh, I was totally thinking that. Clementines. Keys are clementines. Yeah, I was thinking that.

Those are always good. Yeah. Well, sometimes they're like so, sometimes they feel like a little nutsack, like the, which I'm not about to fucking eat. Like you can feel like the, so I don't like grapes.

There's like the rind. Very small. And then there's like air in between that. Sure. Yeah, like I don't like that. That's not, that's like a, that one's too dried out. Well, you don't like grapes. There's like the rind. Very small. And then there's like air in between that. Sure. Yeah, like I don't like that. That's not, that's like a, that one's too dried out. Well, you don't eat the skin. You peel it off.

Yeah, but like, you know, it's got to be right up against the skin for it to remain juicy. I want it to be like squirty. You know, like a fucking cock. What? I don't want it to be more of a cock than a nutsack is all. Anyway, are women better off without fucking guys like me? I don't think so. No way.

Who's going to take control of a situation when shit hits the fan? Who's going to buy the nectarines? Who's going to step to that fool at the bar who's looking at my girl? Cuties did a good job of rebranding Clementines. They should just do that to any fruit that a lot of people don't like. What's a fruit that nobody likes, though? fruit yeah but like durian like yeah like well you didn't know you didn't know what a nectarine was so maybe if they're called like nice little boys and that's like and you know what that is yeah he already expressed it like disinterest because

it feels like a ball sack and you want to eat something called nice little boys i'm just saying instead of like instead of nectarines I know what you're saying. That's what I'm taking issue with. That's what I was saying, cutie. Cutie is like gender ambiguous. You want to make nice little boys? Yes. Ladies need men,

or they could just get a baby if they want and live their life. I've never heard of such a thing, like a straight woman being like, I just don't want to have a guy. I'll get pregnant and not use one. Yeah, well, what if the baby's a boy? You're going to need your son. Now you're shit out of luck.

You're going into a good man if you raise him right. I think you might need that little fucker. What if it's a girl? Hmm. All right, let's see if another question. There was one other one that I thought was really good. Do you see one about utensils anywhere? I thought that would be a good one for Jeff.

Why? You're a utensil hound. It was like about home improvement, and I was like, I feel like you know your way around that. Tara Noem Smith style? Yeah. You know every kid on that show had three names? What?

What about Tim Allen? Zachary, Ty, Brian. No, every kid. All the sons. He's a kid at heart. True that. Good man. Tim Howard sons. He's a kid at heart. True that. Good man. Tim Howard Allen.

You've seen Santa Claus 2? Not one, no. And then what were the other ones? Oh, Zachary Ty Bryan. Zachary Ty Bryan, Taryn Noah Smith, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Whatever happened to Jonathan Taylor Thomas? You never hear about that guy. It's all Zachary Ty Bryan this and Taryn Noah Smith that.

I wonder what Zachary Ty Bryan does. I don't think it's either of those things either. I don't know where any of them are. It'd be cool to have a reunion on our show. Why? Good point. Good point. There's nothing that's, this is the first time you've probably mentioned home improvement

on this show. I'll back off it. I'll back off it. I can't find the utensil one. So here we go. Here's an interesting one. Window or aisle? Window or aisle if you're flying? You know your boy's sitting in the aisle. I can't do the utensil one. So here we go. Here's an interesting one. Window or aisle? Window or aisle if you're flying?

You know your boy's sitting in the aisle. I can't do the window. I freak out. I pee probably six to seven times on like a five-hour flight. That's fair. He didn't say six to seven. He said 67. Yeah.

Oh. That's very low. I need to pee out the window. You do window or aisle? I do window because I have like a very strategic thing because usually I'm either flying between L.A. and New York or L.A. and Cleveland. I don't go anywhere else. So I'm just like I'll just not sleep that much the night before. Like I'll get three hours and then I sleep the whole five hours and I get the window so I can rest my head on it.

So you purposefully exhaust yourself so you can sleep on an airplane? What about just being awake on the plane and like doing work or watching a movie? Because then I get claustrophobic and then I get anxious and I'm like, why the fuck? This is five hours, feels like five hours

versus five hours feeling like 30 minutes. So you need to sleep. You can't like, what about, I mean, watching a movie, that makes the flight go by pretty quick. Yeah, but you can do that at home. So do that.

You can sleep at home too. Well, it's more comfortable to that at home. So do that. You can sleep at home too. Well, it's more comfortable to sleep at home. That's why I'm going. This is the closest conversation we've ever had to actual Jeff the Dumbass. That's why I'm going middle. Best of both worlds. I'm exhausted, tired, and claustrophobic. I can't pee.

I can't rest my head on the window. Are you watching a movie? No. I'm reading a play. Guess what I'm eating? A deviled egg. Just one? How's that for a nutsack?

That little demon. All right. We got to get some more people in here. Do you want to grab somebody? Yeah, who should I grab? Riley? Riley. All right.

All right, Riley. Thanks for your time. Namaste. Yeah, absolutely. We should have you on Riley. All right. All right, Riley. Thanks for your time. Namaste. Yeah, absolutely. We should have you on for a full episode. We need more Jeff. Of Jorts. Of Jorts, absolutely.

Absolutely of Jorts. I think the first time I said that was on the show. Really? Well, I'd said it in passing before, but like publicly. That's cool. The debut. Was on the podcast. Yeah.

All right. All right. Let's go get Anspawn. Welcome to the show, Riley. Thank you for having me.. Yeah. All right. All right. Let's go get Anspawn. Welcome to the show, Riley. Thank you for having me. Oh, hi, Riley. Oh, you seem so unhappy that I'm here. Oh, just get out of here, Riley.

Dude. We're trying to answer as many questions as possible. Great. Do you think you can help us out? I think I can do my best. We found one that has to do with a freshman going to college for the first time. You're in college, right? Mm-hmm.

Okay. But you're not a freshman. For the first time. You're in college, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. But you're not a freshman. For the first time? For the first time, yeah. That's awesome. It's lucky. I'm going to be a senior. Okay.

So see if he can answer. See if he can help out this freshman. Moving into the dorms for the first time. Brooke writes, what's something I should bring to college as a freshman? Moving into the dorms for the first time. Something you wouldn't expect to need. Oh, that's great. Actually, Riley, I got this.

Okay. Cool. Yeah. Books. I didn't expect to need. Oh, that's great. Actually, Riley, I got this. Okay. Cool, yeah. Books. I didn't expect it. Shower, no one expects it. Ooh. A good attitude, I think.

Wow, that's really nice. That's really cool. No, but actually, like, you know, all jokes aside. Oh, perfect. Thank God. No, I think, like, be ready to, like, have a college experience that's not what you expect in the dorms. Because I feel like people romanticize it a lot. And sometimes it is actually pretty shitty.

How was your dorm life? My dorm life was, my freshman roommate was amazing. Oh, you got lucky. Random. I got really lucky. No, well, we met each other on, like, the Facebook group. On OkCupid. Cool. Dated on and off. We didn't each other on like the Facebook group. On OkCupid. Dated on and off.

We didn't. So it was like a Facebook group of incoming freshmen? Yeah. And you just like friended somebody? Yeah, it was a lot of like people doing bios of like, I'm 18. My favorite color is blue. I'm, you know, I'm kind of different. I like to watch Netflix.

Do you want a roommate with me? And we're just like, yeah, I'm also not like other girls. I also watch Netflix. Am I crazy? Let's live together. Is that how it happens? That's something that we, we did not get that

when we went to school. Yeah. It was totally random. On paper, we like wrote, I like to wake up early. Yeah. You had like five things

and you got matched with your roommate by the school based on that. We had that too. There was no social media. Yeah, this was pre-Facebook, so it was very random uh so you

you got to choose who you wanted based on the facebook group you're like all right let's link up and tell the college yeah because then you could send in things like you can make a request if you want a room with someone so we just found each other interesting cool so good attitude good attitude and a smile maybe yeah and shower sandals so that you don't get aftereffects. For sure. Yeah, that's disgusting if you don't wear those. We had co-ed bathrooms. Did you guys have that? That's hot. Easy. Imagine taking a fat dump next to a random woman taking a shower.

That's the sexiest thing I've ever heard. Alright, one more question. If you could have any animal perch on your shoulder. This comes from EB Bergbrain. You could have any animal perch on your shoulder, pirate style. What would it be?

Mine's a bat. That's not my answer. That's Bergbrain's answer. Dog. Always. Just like a big dog, small dog, medium-sized dog? Well, I think if there are no rules. No rules at all.

Like just a giant dog. Well, you can't have a dog, but... No rules, except that you can't have a dog. Not even gravity. An Alaskan Malamute. Yeah. Like, a huge ass. Well, actually, you know, it'd be, if we're going all out there, a sperm whale, like, if you could actually have

that purge on your shoulder and not feel it, that would be insane. That'd be cool. Wait, why do you say not feel it? Did they say not feel it? I'm just, I mean... They didn't specify either which way. And do you imagine a little sperm whale or an actual 40 yards, 19 metric tons on your shoulder? Yeah. So bring that to the fucking dorm. Let's have a night.

Yeah, dude. You walk in there and someone hosing down a whale. I love Netflix. This is college. Thank God I brought my good attitude or else I'd be pissed about this whale in the dorm. Let's watch Netflix, dude. And chill. I'll do a little shrimp.

That's so easy. Yeah, a little shrimp. If it could be any animal and you'd choose something very feasible that you could just actually do. Oh yeah, you do have a little crawfish on your head. Look at that. A crawdaddy. Your mind is so small. You think inside the box, color within the line.

Brush that shrimp off your shoulder. Go on off for you. Amir doesn't even use color. Like, he likes the black and white coloring. Like, this looks pretty neat as is. It's just a finished picture book in his mind. Yeah, they've already maximized the drawing. I don't have to add color to this.

This is done. All right, thanks for answering two questions for us. Cool, us. Cool. Who do you want to bring up here? Let's do Thickalus. Nice. Thickalus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good call. Will you go grab Thickalus? Yeah, I'll go get him. Thanks, guys. Good work. Thank you. Sitting into the studio now is Nicholas, aka Thickalus. Heyo. How's it going? Good. I'm feeling great. Yeah, company party went well. Nicholas was a nickname you came up with, right? Yeah, because he's fucking like stacked. Jacked. 350 pounds, 5'8".

And when you say the company party went well, what do you mean by that? I'd say it was a success. The Twitch stream was not compromising for anyone. And the after party was remembered. Got it. Well, I have no further questions. Yeah. I think that checks out.

I think so. We're trying to get through some quick Twitter hit questions. This one's right up your alley. Let me see if I can pick your brain. When playing pickup basketball with a girl, is it more respectful to go 100% or take it a little bit easier? And what if she posts up on you? This writes James Geisbrechtcht all right um i'll take

the first part first i think if you you're gonna shoot full effort don't purposefully miss ever that's just demoralizing yeah no point disrespectful yeah it's illegal i think it is illegal yeah someone can be arrested for that but yeah i definitely would not like try to cross someone over in that sense. Oh, really? Ankle breaking is off the table, but I do think some casual, like maybe you play like pig or horse. Oh, this is talking about a five-on-five pickup basketball game. Five-on-five pickup basketball.

And she's guarding you. Oh, that did happen. Are you serious? That did happen? That did happen with Marty. I guess I played 100%. I don't know. Treat them the exact same.

But if you get posted up, I think that's on them. Yeah. You're bumping down low and all that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hard in the paint. Elbows throwing wildly. Yeah.

Not giving it. All right. Yeah. This happened to me once. But it didn't really matter because she was better than me. Yeah. And she ended up hurting me. Oh.

Yeah, yeah. How badly? It was like a Saturday morning game. And she was like, she played like very rough. And she was like elbowing me in the ribs. Yeah. I was like, wow. All right she was like she played like very rough and she was like elbowing me in the ribs and I was like wow alright

here we go foul then you're fired up but at the same time swing back yeah I can't I felt bad retaliating I think it's a lose lose

in that sense you're getting beaten up but you can't do anything back how was the lady playing against you she was really good actually she was she scored most of the other team's points

and you were guarding her uh huh yeah so I did not do my job Jake do you think actually. She scored most of the other team's points. You were guarding her. So I did not do my job. Jake, do you think it's more fair to play 100% or to take it easy? I guess if it's five on five and it's like one of the girls, I played pick-up soccer with my

dad and a bunch of his friends against an older lady, and I went at her. You tackled her. You singled her out. Yeah, I like that. The game was over. I took her knees out. You got a yellow card

during a fucking friendly. Yeah. It wasn't even a wrap. If it's like a date, if it's like a cute thing, I would say like, I'm more on Thickless's camp. Like, you shoot 100%,

but don't like, you know, you're not trying to embarrass anybody. There's no need to show off. But five on five, go full effort. Here's one more question. Cool. I want to tattoo, but can't decide what I want. Any suggestions?

Should I wait to take the plunge? Says Styrofoam Forever. The plunge. I mean, this seems like something you're really catered to speak on. Yes, we are not delving into my tattoo removal process, Nicholas. It's underway and it's not going well. I'm getting a skin graft and that's all you need to know. Do you have any tattoos? I do not.

I don't think I could really pull one off. I don't think the needle could pierce your fucking skin. Three inches? I don't know. I just pierce your fucking skin. Three inches. I don't know. I just never really thought it would look good. If I did get one, I'd always seen this kind of like wrist tattoo. Yeah, good call on not getting one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It like starts at your wrist and then it's like trees, like a forest that goes up and it kind of has cool like angles, but definitely would not fit the rest of me. I think you could pull that off. Yeah. Should I do it today on the podcast? It would be a little sweet. We should have done it last night when you were passed out. You could have convinced me.

What? I mean, no, we were remembered. We were casually talking and meeting people at the bar. Yes, when we were discussing. Yeah. Networking, actually. Yeah. We were talking about the Q3 numbers.

Yeah. That's a great report that you filed at The Virgin. Yeah. I think you were completely whited out, they called it. Yeah. Super alert. I hate that. But yeah, no, I've never gotten a tattoo.

But I do think something artistic, definitely not something that's time bound. Don't get a name. Don't get someone's face. Those are two no's. And try drawing it on yourself for a bit. That's a good idea. Or henna. Henna, yeah.

Yeah, I've done that before. I thought I wanted a tattoo after these ones and drawn it on my body with a Sharpie. And then after a day, I'm like, I don't want this. So yeah. Yeah. Do you remember what you drew? I can't. Oh, yeah.

It was, remember when we took the road trip across the country? Yeah. The Tioga, the RV that we went in, had these, just kind of like a cool design. And I drew that on my arm. You were going to get an RV pattern? Yeah, like their logo. It was called the Tioga and it was like three triangles. It looked kind of cool. But yeah,

of course, it was a bad idea. Amir, did you ever entertain the ink? Yeah, it's weird to be like, I want a tattoo, I just don't know what of. It seems like it goes the other way around. Like, I really want a tattoo of this and I don't know where to put it or like i don't know when to get it i think if you don't know what you want then you have to get a shitload of tattoos like i i can imagine cover it up well yeah like an entire sleeve of tattoos could look cool yeah like and

it doesn't really like oh this one's a boat this one's a skull this one's a heart because then it's about the whole thing it's not about the individual pieces right yeah but then if you have one tattoo like i have a single tribal son on my ankle and I'm like, what does that mean to you? You chose this specifically. Right. What was it about the tribal son that spoke to you? I love sublime.

What it means is I made a huge mistake is what it means. I did certainly. And I'm paying it every day to get it. But nobody ever goes up to a sphere and they're like, what's the panther mean? Yeah. It like looks fucking cool. That's what means i'll get away from exactly yeah all right we i think we i think we helped a little bit sweet i hope so do you want to do you want to bring another intern sure who are you thinking saba saba is coming in all right thanks guys

thank you thank you welcome to the podcast george saba sitting in. Oh, thank you. Am I sitting at the right mic? Yes, you are. Okay, cool. Good man. Because this was the only one pointed to a seat. Yes. That one's just at the door.

It's broken, actually. Oh, okay. Good. People might not know, but Saba wrote one of our most successful HeadGum videos, the Noir episode. A lot of people talking about it. Yep. So now you know the brain behind it.

Yeah, that's me. That's right. Can you believe it? A lot of pressure to about it. So now you know the brain behind it. Yeah, that's me. That's right. Can you believe it? A lot of pressure to live up to. Did you actually write that or you just commissioned it? I commissioned it and plagiarized all the material. That's awesome.

I googled funny jokes. Wow. And I just put them in screenplay format. Jake, do you have a question? Yes, I do. Okay. Okay, here we go. Oh, wait, no, I lost it.

I got one. Great. How soon is too soon to surprise bae with food? Writes EllieHawkman125. Have you ever had a bae? Has she ever surprised you with food? Has it ever been too soon? I've been surprised with food by bae, and I'm also surprised. Oh, it went well yeah uh and then

i've also been the surpriser uh but like i think both instances were like mid into the relationship but i feel like that wasn't necessarily like too soon or there's i don't think there's a too late unless you've already broken up that would be too late um yeah is it what is she what is the fear here that you're like scaring somebody away by making a romantic dinner like on a that would scare me the fuck away how early is too early how soon is too soon to surprise i don't want to dinner before i've said i love you to a person wow hmm i what if it's a cookie that's not dinner well she said food oh then that's fine do you remember specific base surprising

you was it like a full meal or was it like hey i got you a taco no it was like treats and stuff oh it's like buying somebody food is different too than like cooking something yeah that's how i interpret it as buying food oh yeah i guess it could be anything yeah surprising with a meal would be jarring because it's like they've put all this preparation into it, but they didn't run it by what you like necessarily. You have to be very, very confident. Can you imagine surprising somebody with a pretty bad meal? Surprise, I made a potato. That's it.

Single boiled potato. And here's a Riesling for you. What's your least favorite food, Saba? My least favorite food? I don't like raw spinach. Oh for you. What's your least favorite food, Saba? My least favorite food? I don't like raw spinach. Oh, yeah. Like, it's fine cooked. I just don't like the texture of it raw.

It's too papery. If somebody gives you a raw spinach salad, surprising bae with food. I'd be pissed off. You don't know me. I've got another food-related question, actually. Okay. So this is a nice theme. Yeah.

When surprising a lady for a fancy birthday dinner uh at a nice restaurant what do you order food wise good question that's a really fascinating question so he's worried that he's he's never been to a dinner and he doesn't know what to order when he gets there you know i i often struggle this because i'm a very messy eater so i always eat something i can eat with a fork and a knife like i won't get a sandwich because I know it's spilling everywhere. I'll get, like, a steak that I can cut slowly and eat. I'm with you there. Like, burgers especially.

Yeah, they're messy. I also want to do salads because I think I take too big of bites of salad. Yeah. I get greedy with the fork on the salad. Exactly, because you want a little bit of everything. It's a salad. that's the point. What was the question? He wants to know what to order.

I feel like people don't know that the food at a fancy restaurant is basically the same as at a shitty restaurant, except they just write it fancier. It's smaller portions is the difference, the real difference. Right. So the steaks are tiny, I would get a few little carrots next to it. I think steak is the way to go. Steak is always on the menu at a fancy restaurant. Burnt well done, ketchup slathered on top and on

bottom, and a side of A1 sauce so I can take a shot at the end of the meal. Alright, last food-related question. Best item to order at In-N-Out for the first time? We're all Californians here. You're an LA transplant, right? I am a transplant, but I've been to In-N-Out for the first time? We're all Californians here. You're an LA transplant, right? I am a transplant, but I've been to In-N-Out. But yeah, yeah. But did you remember your first In-N-Out? Was it recent?

No, it was like three years ago, three or four years ago. I would say like- Does it live up to the hype for you? It's fine. Okay. I don't have the nostalgia element at all i think like you uh i i'm very i try to like not seem like i'm new in a place so i ordered it like animal styles if it's something i've done my whole life um so i say do that if that's your thing like what are you trying to pretend um i i'm on this kick now where like i think fries are a waste of time wow could not disagree more but i'm interested to hear why you think that i like fries i just like never finish them so for cost efficiency purposes like you're better off splitting or waiting for a friend to

get fries and no they're not just having a couple exactly i would do that because of like trying not to get fat from the fries but not because i don't care like love fries too much. That's why I need to not order them. I've never not finished fries. Yeah, I finish them every single time I get them. Oh, I finish, I guess it's just too starched to me, but it's not that, like, I have a tiny appetite. Like, I'm a big boy. I can't eat.

I just, like, there's a point. Also, In-N-Out fries aren't that great. They're not that good. That is true. They're, like, supposedly healthy. I guess this question, too, like, aren't there, like, three items on the In-N-Out menu? Oh, yeah.

So what are you ordering? Oh, I guess I get the Double Double Animal Style. I don't get fries, and I get a strawberry milkshake. Interesting. But the milkshakes are thick. They are. I do Double Double Animal Style with grilled onions. Does Animal Style come with grilled onions?

I think so, but I'm not sure. And then fries. Yeah, I usually can't do a milkshake and a burger. So that's... For your first time, did you recommend it? Me? Yeah. He's never been.

I guess you might as well go for it. But for me, those are two completely different things. Eating a burger, I also can't have a milkshake at the same time. But that's just me. All right. I have a delicate Jewish disposition. Of course. What's your favorite burger in LA, if not in and out?

I like umami, and I like Shake Shack, but those are sort of like chainy. I haven't found like a just like honest to good, like just burger joint. There's only one of us burger in LA. And then what about where you're from do you have that at home yeah in cincinnati the best brewery i've had is uh at terry's turf club shout out to terry's yeah uh uh guy fieri with triple d's been there so it's already got its fair amount of coverage four people listening we're just like hell. That's what I'm talking about. This guy knows Cincinnati burgers. They're going to spread the word to Terry's Turf himself.

I think it's still owned by Terry. Terry Turf? Yeah. You know him? Double T? Yeah, he fell in a fryer. He died three weeks ago. That's awesome, man.

All right. Thanks for coming and answering some food questions. Of course. Do you want to tap Santos? Yeah, I'll bring him in. All right. thanks for coming and answering some food questions. Of course. Do you want to tap Santos? Yeah, I'll bring him in. All right, cool. Awesome. While Santos gets here, let's take a break. Thanks to more sponsors.

And we'll be back with more interns. Maybe we'll get Jeffrey back to close the show. That's a nice idea. Welcome, Santos. Santos in the house. Santos himself. Yes. On Twitter, right?

Santos himself. On Twitter, Instagram. You got to get close to the mic, dude. They can't Santos himself. Yes. On Twitter, right? Santos himself. On Twitter, Instagram. You got to get close to the mic, dude. They can't hear you. Everything. I didn't know you had LimeWire. Congratulations. Very cool.

Thank you. Santos, design intern, correct? Yes. Commuting from Las Vegas. Yes. What head gum podcast art might people know you from? I did the album art for the Dumbbells. Nice.

All Fantasy Everything. Great. Recently, the Throwback Podcast. Oh, yeah. It's a new one that just came out. That's right. And here's a question. Go check those out.

Here's a question from Keys. Okay. What item in my wallet should I throw away? Oh, that's a very Jake question. How are you on your wallet? What's in your wallet, Santos? My wallet is stacked. I'm embarrassed.

Oh, wow. So this could be... Too much. Oh, my God your wallet, Santos. My wallet is stacked. I'm embarrassed. Oh, wow. Too much. Oh, Santos. That's a Costanza. You've shown your hand. I thought you were a designer. I'm sorry. I have old business cards from people I never intend to ever contact again.

Jesus Christ. Wait, wait, wait. What are you keeping it for? Are you just too lazy to take them out? Or at this point, you're attached? At this point, I'm attached. You should be too lazy to put them in in the first place. I have like old tickets and things.

Yeah. Jake prides himself on the minimalist wallet, right? Clean as fuck. So everything is 100% essential. What do you do? All right, here's a good 50-50. Insurance cards. Do you keep them?

Depends. Which one? General health insurance insurance health insurance card no it's not not in there anymore because it's all digital i have i have the the app for my health insurance so what's the last card you took out uh i'm debating whether or not to take out my triple a membership card do you ever need it uh no but like if you get into a problem on the road you might need it but they do have it it's digital so i don't really need it i kind of just i like triple a a lot you know i'm just a loyalist i keep five too

yeah i keep well clearly you keep it you probably keep the old ones in a blockbuster fucking video card from 1998 you have a burger king kids club card from 1995 probably before you were born you have a pretty slim wallet to yourself blumenfeld yeah i try to keep it light but there's some things in there that I can probably get rid of. Let's take a look-see. What do you guys think of cash? Do you guys keep a lot of cash or not necessarily? Not usually. I try to keep at least $10.

What do you ever spend $10 on? You never know. I'm in Vegas. We're tipping people. Yeah, that's true. You do never know. Oh, like singles. Yeah, I don't have anything. The problem is with our company card and then our regular regular card, and then a debit card, and then a credit card. Whatever happened to those... Remember those products that said they would combine everything into one card?

I saw an Unbox Therapy video on... They had everything on a smart card, which I thought was super dangerous. But if it's separated from your phone via Bluetooth, it'll stop working. And you can put everything on it by card, which I thought was super dangerous, but you can, like, if it's separated from your phone via Bluetooth, like, it'll stop working. And you can put everything on it by scanning it onto cards. That sounds nice. I mean, one card that should all be able to be on your phone. It has, like, your Regal Movie gift cards. It has your

Starbucks, like, credits. It has everything. And you can, like, swipe it by a... It's like a digital card. They already... They sort of have that with Apple Pay. You can just swipe. I don't necessarily... But it's not... They don't take it everywhere. As soon as they do, I mean, like... We can get rid of our wallets.

My license... I do not know why my license isn't on my phone. Like, it should... A bartender should be able to, like, scan it or something. Are you against the wallet phones? Yes.

Wallet phones are the dumbest thing in the world. I've gone on many diatribes. Like, every time you're texting, you want to have all of your cards and your cash out as well. It's the height of idiocy. So what was this guy's question? It was like, what should I get rid of in my wallet? Yeah, I mean, I think right off the bat, you don't need the buy nine, get one free things.

Right. That's a big volume expense. And then what do you save in? Like $5 every three and a half months? Yeah. You don't need those. I bet there's a membership card from something you don't need, an old thing you can probably get rid of.

Credit cards that you probably don't use very often. You can shed that, keep them at home. And then if you need them in an emergency, you can always grab them. Jomari Suarez asks, wraps or sandwiches? Thoughts? Santos? Himself? I'm going to have to go with sandwiches on this one. Interesting.

Yeah, I'm with sandwiches. But is a burrito a wrap? Yes. Sandwiches. Can you imagine a burrito? Nice, dude'm with sandwiches. But is a burrito a wrap? Yes. Sandwiches. Can you imagine a burrito? Nice, dude. Very good. Very good. You guys are shoving me out.

Not like this. You cannot come back. Imagine a burrito sandwich. So it's not a wrap. It's like two pieces of bread with beans, cheese, lettuce. Rice. Rice, yeah. Rice in between two pieces of bread. That's a disaster.

What about like rice bread? Like rice cakes, kind of. That's very hard to eat. No, well, it would be less crispy. It would be more like rice stuck together. I like bread. Different breads. That's why I went with sandwich. With wraps it's just like tortilla. Yeah. And then you can get the spinach

tortilla, but that kind of tastes the same. But at the same time, burritos are wrapped. Do you not like burritos? I'm with burritos. I'm not anti-burritos, but if I have to kill one, I would kill raps. And I think raps get bad. Actually, a good rap. I think people think that raps are carb-free, but there's almost as much grain in a tortilla

as there are in a couple slices of bread. A lot of people don't know that. Also, take the tortilla out of your wallet. I bet this guy's fucking rocking around with little tortillas in his wallet. You think this guy has tortillas in his wallet? Or maybe the wallet is a tortilla? I don't know. I think this goes all the way to the top. For whatever

reason, I'm so dumb right now that I think that this guy carries around a burrito in his back pocket. That makes no sense. Alright, thank you Santos. Will you tap what do you say? Eagle? Oh wow. That's a good one. Alright. Eagle. Coming up. Thank you, Santos. Will you tap, what do you say, eagle? Oh, wow. That's a good one.

All right. Eagle coming up. Thank you. Trying to find a good eagle question. Oh, that's what we should have asked him about the shoulder because he's a bird. Oh, yeah, that's true. Caw, caw. Eagle has landed.

I love it, dude. What's up, guys? How you doing? Very good. Eagle, our cinematographer. Yes. Did you know that last night at the office party on the Twitch, Eagle and Thickless were quoting... Butt-chugging.

The butt-chugging Jake and Amir. No, I didn't know that. Like verbatim. Your lines and mine. That was what I memorized, like the one episode that I just had. Insane. I didn't know Thickless was a Jake and Amir fan. Now I'm sad that I fired him earlier today.

Sorry about that. That's pretty bad. Trying to get through as many questions on Twitter as possible. Let's start with an easy one. Cool. Adam Beard writes, do I put the toilet paper roll up or down?

Like rolling down? Yeah, like rolling down the back or rolling down the front? Rolling down the front. Yeah, front. Yeah, it seems like there's a universal accepted from the front, but why is that? I it seems like there's a universal accepted from the front. But why is that?

I just think it's like a waterfall coming straight down as opposed to this. Because you can't see it. It could be short enough where it's cut in the back where you just don't know where it starts. Oh, interesting. That's interesting. So you're talking about the visual. Yeah, it's all visual for me. It's harder to pull.

I mean, if you have to pull it from the back and it is tucked, you have to dig your hand back behind it. It's like a curl. Also, it's weird to roll something this way, pushing it forward. It's easier to do it just straight down. You know what I like? I don't like the tubes that you got to compress, take out, and then a new one goes in. The one that you just kind of slip it on.

Yeah, I like the slip on, slip off. That's a solid. And it also kind of looks better. The old tube, I feel like, is antiquated at this point. Totally. Definitely. Totally. Definitely. Great. The old tube, I feel like, is antiquated at this point. Totally. Definitely. Totally. Definitely agreed.

I got another bathroom question for you guys. Can I go to the bathroom? Sprinkle asks, is it cool to jerk it at my friend's house in the bathroom while we're hanging out? No, I don't think it's cool. I think it's about speed and about not being noticed. Now, that's a fucking thoughtful answer from the wise eagle. If you can make it so if they don't know,

it's like parents. They don't want to see you doing it as long as you don't make it obvious. Wow. Have you ever? Could you ever? Have I ever? Why would you ever be so turned on

hanging out with your friends that you had to get one out? Do you really not remember when you were in seventh and eighth grade where you just had to jerk off all the time? No, I don't think I ever went through that. Sometimes you're at friends' houses for a while. Yeah.

Me and my friends would jerk off in the same room. Right, but that was more of a bonding experience. It wasn't about bonding. It was about we had to nut or we'd die. A la waffle. Did you ever do it secretly in a bathroom? Of course. Oh, really?

Yeah. I used to do it at work. What's the craziest place then? The craziest place I ever jerked off? Like you felt the most guilty afterwards. Wow, good question. Throwing them back out. I remember when my grandfather died in eighth grade.

Oh, dear. I did it. Instantly. I did it in the bathroom later that afternoon of the funeral. And I was like i shouldn't be doing this like today's just like a day that shouldn't this shouldn't be part of it and i was like no he would want me to live my life he would want me to do you really think that's true no i mean i think i just really needed to jerk off that day i mean i'm sure you know he has

like probably an omniscient, like, perspective on everything. That's beautiful. I would hope so. I would hope so that he is smiling down on me from heaven, drinking off in the shower. What's your worst place? Most shameful? I'd say maybe, like, a hospital I was visiting.

Wow. Why? I was, like, staying at a hospital, like, just visiting someone that was in it for, like, an extended period of time. So I'd be hanging out there for like a while, you know? Yeah. So it's just chill. Pretty bad, yeah.

I kind of hated myself for weeks afterwards, so. And you don't have one? You don't have one? We fucking shared and you're not going to? I'm actually trying to think. It's like my own bathroom.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know where, a shameful place. Oh, one time I was hooking up with a lady and I jerked off in her bathroom because I was afraid I was going to ejaculate too quickly

like right before like you were hooking up yeah I'm like I have to go to the bathroom and you jerked did it help did it work of course

of course it helped I like something even more embarrassing I was doing that I was like having sex with somebody I was worried I was going to cum

so I was like I have to go to the bathroom and I was like I'm going to jerk off and cum and then go back and like be a champ and I was jerking off going to cum, so I had to go to the bathroom. And I was like, I'm going to jerk off and cum and then go back and be a champion. And I was jerking off in the bathroom

and I couldn't cum. I was like, all right, maybe it's all fine. And then I went back and instantly nutted. I think it's bad too when you like... Like edged myself.

When you do that and then you can't get it back up when you were supposed to. Yeah, because there's a... You also need a recovery time. Yeah, yeah. Which loser do you want to be? The guy that can't get hard back up when you were supposed to. Yeah, because you also need a recovery time. Which loser do you want to be? The guy that can't get hard really quickly or went to the bathroom and now can't get it up for another hour? Yeah.

All right, who do you want to grab? Lauren? Clemens time? Let's do Clemens. Cool. It's peanut butter Clemens time. Thank you, Eagle. Why?

Here's a quick one that I can answer while Clemens comes up here. Amir, why won't you go back on Twinnovation? Too afraid of the bear trap. Whoa. I just haven't been invited back on Twinnovation. Would love to. The bear trap is an uninviting place. Yeah.

I don't know what I would pitch, though. I have to think of a good invention. Maybe, I don't know. I was thinking about sticking my dick in a Snapple bottle, and then if you get hard, your dick's kind of stuck in there. That's not really an idea. Of course it's not. They also have those.

Yeah. Like dick traps to keep your dick from getting hard. Like a Chinese dick finger trap. Yeah, yeah, they have those. Lauren Clemens. That mic over there. And you got to talk really, really close to that bulb. Visiting from BU.

It's true. BU. All right, I'm going to go. I was joking. How was your internship been? It was good. I had a really good time except for I just lost all my breath to that swan downstairs. The swan? The pool float. Oh.

It's full and I'm not okay. Oh my god, it's full of your air. I'm still out of breath. What a bad time to call you up. It's fine. She's done. You're very lightheaded. We're having the headgum pool party today. Yeah. We had two parties in the last two days.

That's a good way to end it. Pretty exciting. Do you have a question that Lauren can be good at? Just like scrolling through, there's so many boys masturbating questions. Yeah, yeah. What's a good first line to break the ice on a Tinder, writes Matt Carson. Are you on these dating apps? Yeah, I'm on Tinder, but I don't, like, use it for real.

Got it. Do you ever get, like, a first line and you're like, oh, that's a good one? Because it's, like, from a guy's perspective, who knows what we think is good or bad. But do you have a recollection of one that you thought was pretty good? Or bad? Yeah, most are bad. Most are, like, they try and be witty and it doesn't really work. But also, even if it's good, I still don't answer. Oh, okay.

So there's like no first message that's good? Uh, sometimes. What do you think of the hi or the emoji? Is that too plain? Is that too boring? Yeah, that's boring. Like if you just say, hey, I'm not going to answer. And if it's too witty, you're not going to answer?

I feel like we can't. That's why I'm like, I'm on it, but I'm can't I don't use it because I'm never going to answer anyway sometimes if it's kind of funny because I'm too afraid of getting raped and murdered that's totally valid unfortunately that's a very valid fear

but you can still flirt with them over chat I like the gifs sometimes the gifs are cute you can start with a gif that's a good one Jake do you got one? yes I do my boyfriend just broke up with me quite amicably

but there's a picture I really like of us being couple-y on my Instagram should I delete it? no you should keep it you say keep it? so if you break up with somebody and you have couple-y pictures on your Instagram, you don't delete the old ones? Well, I don't have any of those pictures anyway because nobody likes me. That's because you're not answering anyone on my finger.

Oh, self-fulfilling prophecies. I'm ignoring everyone and now nobody will be with me. You got to let the people in. The definition of my life. Who's sending you gifts? Oh, this actually goes to our um our dating app idea that we've been working on yeah there's something that's like some good ones the so like some of the toughest things about dating apps are first messages so it's like it's a dating

app that like there's no first message it's a first the dating as soon as you match the app itself sends a question it's like what's your favorite color and then you both answer that i just came up with it right now that's so good what about if it's five lines like, what's your favorite color? And then you both answer. I just came up with it right now. That's so good. What about if it's five lines of dialogue? What's your favorite color? Blue. LOL. You make me blue. No, I'm just kidding. And then it's like, boom, now you're thrown into a conversation. You ruined my idea. Yeah. No, that's a good idea because it's more like a game. Right. More willing to answer. Yeah, that's cool. All right. Wasn't that a thing where it was like, hey, talk to her. Say like, it was like little prompts. Yeah, it was on H All right. I like that. Wasn't that a thing where it was like, hey, talk to her. Say like little prompts or something. Yeah, it was on Hinge and I hated it.

But it was because they wouldn't say, it wasn't like to both of us. Or maybe it was. I can't remember now. I should look it up before I pitch it. That's good. You can call it like icebreaker or something. Yeah, icebreaker. All right.

Let's, okay. Did we answer that question? I already forgot what it was. Oh, yeah. No, just keep it. It doesn't matter. Oh, yeah. The picture's on the social media. Okay. Did we answer that question? I already forgot what it was. Oh, yeah. No, just keep it. It doesn't matter. Oh, yeah. The picture's on the social media.

Yeah. I think if you have... I would maybe delete it if it was super recent. If I just posted a picture of me kissing somebody and then they broke up with me and I'd be like, I'm going to delete that. But if it's seven weeks ago or something, nobody's looking. Nobody scrolls through your Instagram like that. Right, that often.

No, people do. If they have a crush on you, they'll see pictures. Right, but then they'll see it seven weeks ago and they'll be like, oh, maybe they broke up. Yeah, it's really tough. I've never deleted an old picture, but at the same time, I'm not mad at people who do delete old pictures. We only have one intern left. Do we? No.

Is that true? Just John George? No, there's someone else. Who? No, I'm lying. Okay. John George. So John George might be our last's someone else. Who? No, I'm lying. Okay. John George. So John George might be our last intern.

Do you want to bring him up? Yeah. Yeah, I can. Thanks, Lauren. Thanks. Thank you. All right. JG, the original.

The original handsome Twitch guy. All right. Wow, you're sweating a lot, man. I'm nervous. This is insane. We can tell. Yeah. You were hosting a podcast, man. I'm nervous. This is insane. We can tell. Yeah. You were hosting a podcast down there for the last hour.

Yeah, you could hear that? Yeah, it was very disruptive. It was recorded, too. Uh-huh, uh-huh. That's fine. Let's start you off with an easy one. Okay. I'm trying to find who wrote it, but let's ask the question first.

Would you rather shower in the morning or at night? I would rather shower morning or night yeah well what do you do what do you do now he's freaking out i don't fucking know when do you shower i usually shower in the afternoon because i work out like in the morning and then i do it after i work out i I see. So I guess more towards the morning I would rather shower because I want to be clean for the day. That's not a bad one. Yeah.

Jake, when's your shower sketch? I shower at night, but I wish I would rather, if I had my druthers, I definitely like the idea of working out in the morning, showering, being fresh for the day. That's good. But oftentimes I wake up and I'm tired and I don't feel like working out, so I don't shower. I work out around five and then I shower at night, but I wake up and

my hair looks terrible. Yeah. I like, I like showering as a wake up use the rather than like, cause it kind of wakes you up. So like to do it right before bed is a little difficult for me. Do you ever go cold shower? Cold shower really wakes you up. I love a cold shower. Do you really go cold or or you just go like lukewarm and it feels kind of chilly no well i i try to go as cold as possible when i'm really tired um my shower back home is insane it gets insanely cold really like i tried it and you're from greenland right yeah i tried it and my i like my head was hurting it was so cold I gotta stop this I think why did you get so cold

I took I can do like the gradual cold I don't like to jump into a freezing cold shower but I like every shower I take it ends freezing just like slowly slowly slowly I think that's the way to go Jake do you have a question? oh yeah

AJC writes do you guys plan on touring more in the Midwest? A Michigan show would be great. Consider coming to Grand Rapids. So I wanted to ask, you're from Michigan. Yes, I'm from Michigan. Tell me about Grand Rapids and where would we do a Michigan show? Grand Rapids? Yeah.

It's a nice little, it's like a college-y like town because Grand Valley State, that is where it is in Grand Rapids. So I guess it's a nice college town to go to. That would be a good place. I know when you guys recently went to Royal Oak. Yeah. That's where I was. That's where I went to the show. D-Town.

D-Town. Wait, you went to that show? Yeah, I was there. We hung out after. Yeah, I remember now. Yeah. I got really trapped then. We went to that show? yeah I was there we hung out after yeah I remember now I got really trapped then we went to a Coney Island yeah we did

oh that's right I remember that I was so fucking done you were you were very done yeah the first time we hung out one of your buddies

got really trashed and he was like oh yeah yeah it was one that looked like Matt Damon yeah Matt Damon and then I I hadn't seen him for two years.

And then the second time we hung out, I was the one that got as trashed as he did. Full circle. Switched roles. You tried to kill that guy, man. Yeah, I strangled him. I put him in a coma. I couldn't quite get the job done. You were too weak to finish him up.

He hasn't come out of the coma yet. Really? Yeah. All right. That's cool. Brain dead then? Yeah. Doctor says not doing well at all. Interesting. Yeah. All right. That's cool. Brain dead then? Yeah. Doctor says not doing well at all.

Interesting. Yeah. We pull the plug. Did I then commit murder? I don't know. What is it before that? Like if he's just brain dead in a coma. Like am I tried for what?

It's bad news. But I'm tried for assault and if he's basically dead. Yeah. It's kind of crazy. That's murder. Well, that's weird. You know, Eagle masturbated in a hospital.

Oh, really? Yeah. He was masturbating when he was up here too. What? Weirdest place I ever jerked off. Yeah It's kind of crazy That's murder Well I was weird You know Eagle Masturbated in a hospital Oh really Yeah He was masturbating When he was up here too Weirdest place I ever jerked off You too Is there anybody

We forgot down there I think we got to everybody Right Yeah I think that's everybody Oh Dylan's down there If you guys want to Oh shit Dylan Yeah

Are the East Coast Intern Yeah Let's bring Dylan up Bring Dylan up Alright Thanks dude Alright Dylan up. Bring Dylan up, all right. Thanks, dude. All right.

Dylan. Dylan the villain. Dylan Smith, East Coast intern. Yes. What the hell are you doing here? I got lost. Holy shit. Yeah.

That lost. Hailing from Yukon. Where's the camera? Where do I look? Oh, yeah, no camera. It's just an audio. Oh, you don't know this is a podcast. Yeah.

Where's the camera, I said. I know what you said. Sorry. All right, we got some quick hits for you. Are you ready don't know this is a podcast. Yeah. Where's the camera I set? I know what you said. Sorry. All right, we got some quick hits for you. Are you ready? Try to dispense this advice. How do I get my co-worker

to stop cursing so much at work? I would go like double in. Just like curse way more. Oh, okay. And so he gets uncomfortable and then he talks to you about it and then you're like, maybe we both should tone it down.

That was really good. That was fast. It was too fast. I didn't find it. he talks to you about it. And then you're like, maybe we both should tone it down. That was really good. That was fast. It was too fast. I haven't found another question. You work out of our East Coast office. Who curses the most over there? I don't know. None of us really curse.

Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty relaxed. It's a chill environment. Yeah. Because it's a bunch of chill people over on the East Coast. Yeah. Yeah.

Over here, you hear Marty just, fuck, shit, ass. Oh, really? Yeah. Breaking his keyboard. Losing his temper. But Nick Rad, like you hear Marty just fuck shit ass. Breaking his keyboard, losing his temper. But Nick Rad, I mean, nothing's getting to him.

No, no. He doesn't curse. Yeah, how's Nick as a boss? He's cool. I mean. You guys are, you've been stalking one of the Sprouse twins.

Is that correct? Would you say that's true, sir? This is a grand jury now. I have to go. So, Corey and Dylan Sprouse, those are the kids, right? Dylan and Cole, I think. Oh, Dylan and Cole Sprouse. Of course you should know. I have to go. So, Corey and Dylan Sprouse, those are the kids, right? Dylan and Cole, I think.

Oh, Dylan and Cole Sprouse. Of course you should know, I think. So, they are the twins from Big Daddy and from Suite Life of Zack and Cody.

Zack and Cody, yeah. And you guys found Dylan Sprouse. So, one of them happens to own like a brewery right down the block

from the office and we like, my first day, we went to lunch, he was like sitting the uh the office and we like my first day we went to lunch he was like sitting right next to us and i like pointed him out and then nick like freaked out because they were trying to like already we're trying to get him on twinnovation of course oh yeah and then yeah and then we saw them like three more times that week because you were following uh i i can't it's tough to say yeah i Who knows at this point. Here's another question for you. Ranch Montana asks, music during sex,

cliche or hot? I say hot. Yeah, you need some background noise, I think. Otherwise, it's a little too quiet. It's all foreground noise. Yeah. Nice. I make my own music.

I like to hum during sex. Informer. I make my own music. I like to hum during sex. That's you singing while fucking. Yeah. Yeah. I do. Yeah. It's like a karaoke sex situation. I do agree that it's weird in silence, but at the same time, I rarely know what music

to play. I'm rarely playing music. Yeah. There is a big issue of what kind of music you play. Right. I had a fucking playlist that was so, so hot. What was on it? It was a podcast, Serial Season 2, Episode 4.

It was just if I were you on it. There's a little Wayne song called More Fire. More Fire. That's a fucking song. You just play that one on repeat. On repeat? Yeah. Geez.

Well, I usually came by the second chorus. And by the way, I was jerking off, so I haven't actually set that. It's a 45-second song. It's a jerk-off mix more than anything else. Do you want to grab Jeffrey James to close out the show Jeffrey James Let's do this one in character What if I just entered the room and was Asian

That's perfect Would you guys be happy for me I feel like you guys wouldn't give a shit Would you call me out I want to close it out with you since you opened it up and two good questions that might be up your alley first one from Livia Trevino

I love creative writing but I'm struggling to find my tone any advice on this any writing advice in general as a writer do you ever get writer's block do you struggle to find your tone how do you find your tone I mean it's just

gathering influences I mean obviously like watching you guys was a big influence on me growing up but that's all we needed to hear thank you so much

goodnight everybody asshole no one tweeted you that question and then yeah like some of the sketches I've been doing recently

I've just been like watching old SNL stuff seeing like the structure but that's like very specific to sketch comedy so right like short stories

I don't know yeah when you write do you have when you write do you like think about writing TVs TV shows

movies are you sticking to sketch right now or are you doing all of it I think sketch for now but TV writing eventually hopefully I feel like I'm almost

better suited for like longer stuff. Really? No. Now that you brought that up, manifest what you want to be true. Alright, last one. Kind of an easy one. Not an easy one, but a more lighthearted one.

Neon Glavin writes, favorite? Neon Glavin writes, should I change my Twitter handle or do I have the perfect one? Should I nail it with Neon Glavin? That's really funny. I didn't realize how funny it was. All right.

Favorite LA local haunts. Ooh, top three. Should we all do it? Right up your alley, I feel like. Yeah, let's do it. Somebody tweeted at me the other day wanting to know a brunch spot. That's right. So the three local haunts, you got to do like daytime food.

Yeah. You got to, oh shit, but you also have to do coffee. It's like food, bar, outdoorsy thing, coffee though. Fine, we each get three. We each get three. I don't know what it is.

I would say whatever you think, like list four or five, that's fine. No, no, no, no, no. It's got to be three. If they're all different, it's fine. No, man. And we really have to draft them. This is the beginning of a one-hour answer.

Okay, okay. I'm not going first either. You're not going at all. I just need Jeff to name two places. Daytime, you said? Well, I like Zink's actual thing, not the cafe that we always get lunch at. Because they have really good avocado toast. Yes.

But not the bar. You're talking about the restaurant. The restaurant. Yeah, because there's the cafe restaurant. Bar Mateo. I still haven't been to Bar Mateo. I need to go. Bar Mate But not the bar. You're talking about the restaurant. The restaurant. Yeah, because there's the cafe restaurant. Barmiteo. I still haven't been to Barmiteo.

I need to go. Barmiteo's really good. Zinc, Z-I-N-C, because there's a whole other zinc. There's two other zinks which are with Q's. Those are good too,

but not as good as with a C. Would you say any zinc will do? Nope. Okay. And then favorite bar I think is,

well, there's like dancing bars and cocktail bars. I like Resident well like there's like dancing bars and cocktail bars I like I like Resident for dancing because you have the inside and out yeah Resident's really great

yeah and then and then Sassafras for cocktails is good in Hollywood I've never been to Sassafras it's really fun they have dancing too

sometimes oh it's like a weird jungle themed almost New Orleans western themed so you walk in and it feels like you're walking

outside like in and then out feels like you're walking outside, like in and then out. So you're outside this, they rebuilt this townhouse from the old west. It's cool. What are your thoughts on those bars

where you have to walk through a fridge to get into? Like Break Room or No Vacancy or Davey Wayne's. Do you like those bars? I like Break Room and I like No Vacancy.

I don't like Davey Wayne's. The one time that I went, everybody was a douchebag. Yeah, they are. I mean, those bars are cool on a Thursday, I think. Going on a Saturday, it's so exhausting. It's so hard to get into this. I went on a Monday before a final.

Yeah, and that is when they're better, like during the week. Yeah. I think the Lash is a really great dance spot. Lash is my new favorite spot, but I wouldn't say it's like, it needs to keep going for a few months before you gotta get a couple more weekends in there uh have you been to the the secret sandwich store in highland yeah it's so good it's a there's a sandwich store called it's i just looked it up it's the tinfoil liquor and grocery store yeah so it's a it it looks like

just like a a liquor store and you have to give the guy at the counter a password, basically. Well, usually it's, I think it's still, do you guys sell birthday candles? Oh, is it? And then he'll just buzz you in, and then you go back, and it's a deli. And there's like, I think there's like a card or something on the table that you could pick it up, and you can say the words. Yeah. It looks like just a business card, but you turn it around, and it says the password. Have you ever been to the Chipotle on Vine?

Also, I wandered in and... Sorry, the Chipotle on Vine? What makes that different than any other Chipotle? They do rice. All Chipolites do rice. Also, that's a terrible part of time. The beans are dry. That's worse. Everything you're saying is a reason

not to go. Avocado's a couple dollars extra. It always is. This isn't different than any other Chipotle. I don't know. I'm just throwing out things. Don't. What were you saying? Oh, when I walked into the tinfoil sandwich store, I didn't do anything right. I just was like, where's the sandwich store? I was like, do you mean, like, and he gave me the card, and I was like, I don't know. It's, like, supposed to be here.

He's like, it wasn't, I'm just saying they don't turn people away. Don't be nervous about not getting it right. Do you have turkey? LA Weekly says that if I get a hoagie. Eater LA said that I would have it. You're shaking. Calm down. I'll buzz you in.

Just please don't cry. No, forget it. I'll get these dill chips and be on my way. Is it a speakeasy here? I'm at a speakeasy. Oh, do you guys have barbecue flavored lathe? Also, there's a general coffee on Glendale, like in Hyperion. That's a good spot.

Cute spot. All right. There you have it. LA Haunts. Cheers. Jeffrey James and all of our other interns. Wow. What an episode it's been.

Let us know what you think. I realized I didn't play an opening theme song. You did play an opening theme song wow it's been so long it was the Weezer one that's right if you have questions for us I was saying

send them out over to ifireryoushow at gmail.com that opening theme song was the Weezer parody I just remembered by Alex McGuire

this closing one is by someone named Duncan Duncan so thanks Duncan you're writing songs again Duncan of Donuts fame it must be right right? Or otherwise. We'll be back next week. Later, everybody.

Peace. Ah, I was doing just fine before I wrote you. Swipe too much and that's an issue, but I'm okay Jake and Amir are here to help you But I hope you never need them again You don't know what to do, you don't know what's right And you don't know what's true And so you break her heart

Your ex is a phantom Now swipe to the right If I were you If I were you So here are Jake and Amir On their podcast show on HeadGum They are here to help you out of your sticky situation. Beware, they may place you on a Monday blast and ridicule you.

Even they have problems too. Things got real if I were you. Yes, nerd That was a Hate Gum Podcast Yes, nerd.