Segments - 301: Baby Voice (w/Rob Huebel!)

Episode Date: November 13, 2017

Comedian, friend, and father Rob Huebel joins us to discuss loud sex, celebrity encounters, and his new show, "Do You Want To See a Dead Body?".Check out Rob Huebel in Do You Want to See a Dead Body, 10/21 on YouTube Red.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Which girl should I screw? Why would you show? Don't you dare say thank you Why would you show? A piece of juice Why would you show? What should I do? Why would you show? Which girl should I screw? Why would you show? Thank you.

Wow. That's it. That's it. It's over. It's over. I like the whistling track. Rob, thoughts? I think it's a. That's it. It's over. It's over. I like the whistling track. Rob, thoughts? I think it's a nice gesture.

Okay. I think what that represents to me is people with a lot of technical ability. For sure. You know, like editing and mixing. A for effort. Yep. But actual harmonizing, I'm not positive that that was, and no offense, I mean, please. No, they're producerly inclined.

Yes. And less music. A lot of producers, not a lot of singers on that one. I see. But, you know, again, very nice of them to do it. Totally.

And don't want to discourage other people. So, that actually came. Very diplomatic. It's okay. You don't have to be nice to them. But if you have jobs, keep those jobs. This actually came in from a group of students at Harvard.

Oh, boy. Never mind what I said. Best and the brightest. Yep. Coming down the pike. Forget what I said. They have a band. They're the worst.

They have a band or a show called Regret. And would love a shout out to our good friend Cody Johnson. Well, that's not going to happen And our inspiration Ben Carson Ben Carson And Cody Johnson I'm not going to shout out Ben Johnson No

It's Cody Johnson and Ben Carson Oh I'm cool with Ben Carson Alright good Rob Hubel thanks for coming on the show Thank you for having me Sorry Harvard people for making fun of you. You went to Yale, right? I did go to Yale.

You know, fight on, fight on for all we believe in over at Yale. Over at Yale? They made that 1701. That was their original fight song. That was our fight song. It sounded like an 80s theme song or something like that, or like an infomercial. No, I didn't even do, that was only the first part. It goes on.

Oh. There's other parts. There's more. Yeah, what's going to happen? Nobody knows but me. Come on over. Who's me? Who's me in that?

Who wrote that? George Washington. What? Yeah. George Washington wrote the Yale theme song, I want to say. The fight song. Yeah, the fight song. And he said, come on over and-

Come on over and look at what we're doing at Yale right now. We're on the internet and we do stuff. Wait, George Washington knew about the internet? He called it. He knew, well, he came up with the word internet, not the actual internet. So it's like he wrote a cheesy college theme song that was like a yeah i feel like you're shitting on our founding father no i would never absolutely not it's not cool yeah i'm gonna stand for this entire podcast actually you should sit down you're gonna get tired

all right i'll never take the people watching us on youtube know that you you were sitting down that's right you were sitting down for our national anthem. National anthem? The theme song. By George Washington or something. By the way, am I blocking you on this camera? I don't think so. We got a little GoPro in the studio just for your arrival. And will it work? Will it not?

We hope to God it does. But it's such a small camera. We're not going to bank on that. No, yeah. I doubt the company GoPro is even going to be successful. It's already been so long, right? It already is successful, don't you think? Oh, I don't even know.

I thought that was brand new technology. Oh, you thought we just bought that little box? Yeah, that you guys came up with that. That's not you guys. You thought we came up with the GoPro? That'd be amazing. This is Advice Podcast. I don't know if you know, but If I Were You is an advice show.

It's the only one on the internet that Jake and I host. Sometimes it's just us two in a studio. Sometimes we've got friends, comedians, lovers. Today we have you. Are you talking to me? I'm talking to you. Oh, I thought you were setting it up for other people. I know what the show is.

Of course, you know what it is. I had to drive down here. Right, exactly. I wouldn't have come. Find your own parking, too. Yeah, I wouldn't have come to downtown LA, DTLA. That's a cool way to say it. If I hadn't known what I was getting into.

You got here 39 minutes early. Was that all? If you're early, you're on time, and you were incredibly on time. You were probably our most punctual guest. I like to get to a podcast early and make people uncomfortable. Did you get to Marin's house a little early?

I did get to Martin Marin's house early. Ring? I did get to Martin's house early. Ring the doorbell. Yep. And I listened to the stories about Obama, snipers on the roof and everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I loved it. This is for my seat. I sat in Obama's chair. Whoa. That's pretty cool. And I smelled it. And how was it?

And it smells very presidential. Really? Still. Yep. And to this day. That was our last president. Damn. Oh, come on.

Let's not politicize this. Or were we not supposed to? We don't know when this is coming out. We don't know who is in charge of our country at this point. That's right. Vladimir Putin. Thank you. You fucking bow down.

By the way, can we swear on this podcast? You can. Okay, don't bleep that. Yeah, yeah. The only thing we'll bleep is Ben Carson's name. Yeah. We got emails written to us from all over this globe, and they're seeking our guidance, our advice. All we need is a fake name because we don't really want to out this person just in case it's a secret.

Okay. So do you have a fake guy's name? It could be anything, really. Yeah. Terry Taggart. Terry Taggart. I like an alliteration. Yeah. Terry Taggart Terry Taggart I like an alliteration Yeah

Terry Taggart writes Terry is one of my favorite Fake names Because no one in the real world Is named Terry Right Except for like Hulk Hogan Oh shit

Good point You know Terry Terry Hogan I think Really? Isn't it? Which is why he got into wrestling He's getting beat up

His name is Hogan He's getting beat up All the time. I might as well just do this for a living. Brother. Brother. Everybody's beating me up all the time because of my name. I might as well get jacked.

Walk around in yellow, tidy whiteys. Oh, yeah. Did he get a lot of money for that lawsuit? Which one? The Gawker thing? Yeah. He must have, right? Did he get like lot of money for that lawsuit? Which one? The Gawker thing? He must have, right? Didn't he get like $115 million? It bankrupted them.

Yeah. I was only tangentially aware. Do you know what happened there? He sued a website so much that they had to close the website. He beat a website. Yeah. That's never happened. That's never happened before.

But it was for a sex tape that, right? Because the sex tape was real. He's not denying that that happened. It was just it was for a sex tape that right because the sex tape was real he's not denying that that happened it was just like you can't put that up yes okay it's like an invasion of his privacy yeah which is that happens all the time is that worth 150 i don't know i was i was conflicted because i hated gawker right but then now i hate peter thiel so much and he he helped Hulk Hogan. I don't know. It's Complicated, which is the name of this podcast.

Yeah, starting now. All right, welcome to It's Complicated with Rob. This is Jake and Amir, your guest hosts for today. Terry writes in, hello, Juman. I don't like that already. Yeah, right off the bat. A little anti-Semitic. I'm a mere Gentile, a simple goy, and I have just entered my senior year, as well as a new relationship.

We started dating officially this summer, and there is only one problem so far. My woman is constantly doing a baby voice around me, and it makes my skin crawl, my blood boil, my milk curdle. It doesn't happen all the time, and she's held off from saying goo-goo-ga-ga, but it's bad enough for me to compel me to write an email seeking advice from two internet comedians. My question is, how do I get her to stop? I know the answer will probably involve be upfront with her, but I would like to avoid that option at all costs for two reasons. One, I think she likes it, and two, she's a junior and incredibly insecure that I don't like her as much as she likes me. I don't want her to feel self-conscious around me. But I really don't want her to sound like a sexy infant in front of my friends or ever for that matter.

Any tips and tricks would be greatly appreciated. Well, there's a lot to unpack here. Yeah, what do you think? There's a lot going on. First of all she's not your woman whoa that bought me too you know i mean i don't know how much we i i don't know if the purpose of this show is to actually help people it's mostly to cut them down to task to take them to task yeah to punish them what we did with the Harvard kids, it's pretty much that. So this guy, you know, first of all,

can you read the part again about how she's a junior and she says stuff like that in front of his friends? Yeah, she's a junior and she's incredibly insecure that I don't like her that much, but I really do want her. There, there, there, that's the part, that's the part. Oh, got it. She's insecure that you don't like her that much. But the fact that you even bring that up means that you, that registered with you and you do like that.

And so you do think that you have this power over her. Whoa. I mean. You are digging me. I'm going to fucking go after this dude. I like it. By the way, at the end of this podcast, do we give out our home addresses? Yeah. So people can come to our homes?

Right. Home address, phone number. Okay, well then I gotta be nice. You can always give a fake address. There's no need

to give her the real address. Okay. Anyway, I didn't like that. I didn't like when he said that she's insecure about you,

blah, blah, blah. Because first of all, we don't know her side of the story. She may be doing you a favor, bro, by, but, you know, cause the, first of all, we, we don't know her side of the story. She may be doing you a favor, bro, by hanging out with you. Very true.

Um, but let's just take this at face value. If, um, all the other bullshit aside, she's talking like a baby. I can see how that would be annoying. Um,

Jake, what would that sound like by the way? Just to, just to, yeah, if you did it, just to give me a little If I talked in a baby voice to Amir Okay Hey, sweetie

Okay, yeah I want you to pick me up from school That's not even baby, that's a toddler I want you to pick me up from my nanny's house They can't even formulate full sentences So we're talking pure, full baby That's good Hey, daddy

Yeah, that's good. You have a baby. Is this about right or not? I do have a baby. I have a one-year-old baby. Well, that's the girlfriend. My daughter does not sound like that. I do have a baby, and they don't talk like that.

No, so that's terrible. No words. My daughter goes, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya. That's what she sounds like when he's fucking her yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah not cool this uh but yeah i got trapped talking in a southern accent to a girlfriend for for nearly a year wait why wait why because like we got i think we're watching friday night we were watching Friday Night Lights. Big fans. Yeah.

And sometimes when we would fight, I would do a Southern accent, and it's sort of a way to apologize. And she would always, she would laugh, and it would smooth over. Yeah. It just made us happy to talk in the Southern accent. But we slipped into doing it all the time. Because you were fighting all the time? Not fighting all the time, but just like, it went from being sort of like the band-aid, the bomb to the norm. To like it just put us in a good mood.

Yeah. And then it made us happy. I never, I couldn't stop. We moved to Texas and that was it. And I had to get a job as a football coach. I wish I knew how to. Hey, y'all listen here. Tonight is an important night

and y'all need to go out there and play your balls off. I want y'all to leave everything on the field. And then she breaks up with you and you're like, I'm a hack. I'm sorry, I'm from Connecticut. I don't know how to say this.

So, yeah. So, back to Terry and his problem. I can see how this would be annoying. You can't... He says he doesn't want to be up front with her. Yeah. I respect that. And he said, any tips or tricks?

Yeah. So, how would you trick her? How can I trick my woman into talking like I need her to talk in front of my friends? Okay. Well, here's a couple tricks. Like a grown-up contest, a grown-up talking contest. Okay, here's a good trick, I would say. Yeah.

The next time you're with your girlfriend and you see someone, like a couple walking by with a baby, ask if you can hold the baby. A lot of people don't let you do that. I do do that, like with our baby. You're like a stranger. Yeah, if someone says, if some college-age kid said to me, hey, can I hold your baby? And even if he's like snickering, laughing under his breath. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd say sure. Yeah, of course. Have it. Have my baby. You can hold her. For how long? I mean, I don't know. A few minutes?

10, 20 minutes. That's a lot of minutes. Well, I'm going to go. If they're going to hold the baby, I'm going to go get something to eat. So you're giving your baby to a stranger and going to a restaurant? Well, okay. 30 minutes. That's a lot. I. Well, I'm going to go. If they're going to hold the baby, I'm going to go get something to eat. You're giving your baby to a stranger and going to a restaurant? Well, okay, 30 minutes. That's a lot. I'm not worried about the timing.

I need 30 minutes to get a good salad or sandwich. You're going to get a salad while a stranger holds your baby. Well, because it's going to take some time to make my order. I'm going to go into the restaurant. I'm going to sit down. They're not going to be right there. It's a sit-down restaurant. Yeah, they're going to come over.

Can I take your order? You're not even going to go to a grab-and-go restaurant. Yeah, not even fast casual? No, I mean, if someone's going to ask if they can hold the baby, I would like to take advantage of the opportunity to go take a little break. By yourself. Now I think even half an hour is underselling. Does he have your phone or does he have any way to contact you if anything goes wrong?

No, but I'm nearby. I'm not driving away. It's like if I was like in a mall. So you can see the baby? Yeah. Well, I don't have to be in visual contact. That's what I was asking. You can see the baby.

That's what I was asking. No, I don't have to. I'm trusting the guy. My point is this. When Terry, the next time he's with his girlfriend and they see someone with a baby, Terry can say, may I please hold the baby? And they might say, sure, for a minute. They're not like me. They're like, here, you can hold it for a minute.

So Terry can take the baby, show the baby to his girlfriend and say, look how stupid you look. To the girlfriend. This is the trick? Yeah, this is the trick. So the baby hopefully will be around talking age, you know, a little more than a year, you know, between one and two probably. Yeah. And if that baby's like, no, no, no, boo, boo, ga, ga. Yeah. Then he can show his girlfriend and say, this is what you look like when you talk to me.

This is what you look like. You're a baby. And then how do you feel as the parent who's given the baby to the guy? Immediately it's just like, look how dumb you look. Look how stupid you look, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you'll have to deal with that situation too. Right, but that gets you out of the baby voice situation. Well, you will get out of the baby voice situation.

You will have a temporary problem with the parents who are insulted and offended. You can smooth that out. By the way, they're strangers, so it doesn't matter. Yeah. It's like, okay, I'm sorry. I made my point. Here's your baby back. You dealt with the problem with the loved one.

That's more important. So that's a trick. That's not, okay. That's a trick. That's a trick. I'm not sure that that's the best advice. It's a trick though. It's almost a tip.

I've got a tip. Okay. If that's a trick, my tip would be to not respond in baby voice. I think that's how you go down the rabbit hole that you can't go back up.

Oh, we don't even know about how he, that's a good point. Yeah. Okay, you're better at this than I am. I would venture to guess that like,

when you're talking in baby voice and someone doesn't respond in like, in a character, basically when you start doing a bit and somebody doesn't play along, do you go very long no any talks I think this

girl is doing the baby voice because he's doing something to encourage it or he's got it he has to be he's behaving like a father I bet that's what if she goes low in age he has to go high respond as a senior citizen a 91 year old talking to a baby so it's like like, and you're like, come over here, you little creep, you little bitch one-year-old. Jesus Christ. Because he's old and senile. He doesn't know what the hell's going on. So it's talking.

It's looking like, it's kind of like, do you see Up? The movie? No. The TV show Up? Yeah, the sitcom Up? Yeah, the sitcom Up. Yeah, yeah, of course. Old guy, young guy.

Of course I saw the movie. Teaming Up. That's what it sounds like. Yeah. That's why it's called Up, because they team up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah Old guy, young guy. Of course I saw the movie. Teaming up. That's what it sounds like. Yeah. That's why it's called Up, because they team up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I never thought about that. I thought it was called Up because the balloons were in the house.

No, no. I don't know about the whole balloon thing. But if you're talking about the balloon. No, I didn't finish it. Does that happen? Yeah. It happens in the beginning. You ruin the movie.

You got to the miscarriage and you stopped watching, right? I thought that was the end. Yeah. I thought that cold open was the end. You thought it was a Pixar short. Yeah. yeah yeah you left the theater after seven minutes oh yeah i was with my whole family i was with my parents uh there was yeah there was a little there was like a very sad opening montage so sad um but i think you might have nailed it so don't respond like a baby that's That's probably the real answer. I like your stealing a baby or picking up someone else's baby.

Temporarily stealing a baby, showing it to her, and say, when you talk, this is how dumb you are. He wanted tips and tricks, and I feel like we gave him a little bit of each. Yeah. All right. Thanks for writing in, Terry. Terry. Cheers to Terry. We got another guy's name.

Do you got another guy's name? Me? Mm-hmm. Glenn. Huh? Glenn. Glenn. Two Ns?

Three. Whoa. Where I think they are? No. The first one is silent. It's N-G-L-E-N-N. Okay. Yeah, you're right.

Glenn. Is that what you were thinking? Nope. So people were, they pronounced his name N-G-L-E-N when they were reading it like a school attendance. Yeah. The first day of school. It's Glenn. Every teacher says N-G-L-E-N. Did you guys imagine a lowercase N and a capital G or a capital N and a lowercase G?

Oh, I had both capital to me. Oh, really? I imagined a lowercase N, capital G, N-G-L-E-N. Last name? Howerton. So similar to Nglen. Last name? Howerton. Oh, so similar to a real man's name. Nglen Howerton

writes. So it's just Glenn Howerton. I'm a 14-year-old male in school, and I would say that I'm pretty confident around the ladies. However, the only problem is whenever I have to speak or work with this one particular girl that I like, I start to shake uncontrollably, and I look like a Goomba fool. I know this is abnormal, as with previous girls I like, this wouldn't be an issue.

However, all of a sudden, I start to shake. I have tried deep breaths and other relaxation techniques, but the shaking only stops temporarily. Help, what do I do? Thanks, love, Glenn. relaxation techniques, but the shaking only stops temporarily. Help. What do I do? Thanks. Love, Glenn. Wow. Have you ever experienced such a thing? Have you ever been starstruck?

Not even ladystruck, but starstruck? Yeah. I don't get that starstruck. You met some big wigs. I've met some people. I've met a couple people. I told you about chevy chase that that was oh i've i've told that story before but uh i met chevy chase at ucb in new york and uh i i grew up a very huge chevy chase fan like i just thought he was

amazing and so that's like one person that i would be very starstruck to meet and most people i don't you know um i don't get that excited about but he was like oh man i really like this guy yeah and he was on backstage at ucb and um he was going to do this improv show that we were all doing it was like amy poehler and manzoukas and rob riggle and i think cordry and sheer and all these people and um so i went up to him i was like well i was thinking he's going to be in the show i should just say hi and introduce myself so i was like hey chevy i just wanted to introduce myself i'm rob hubel and before i even finished my name he slapped me across the face very very hard what very hard really this is the

first time I've ever met this person in my life. Can you slap my hand as he slapped you? It would really hurt your hand. Here, I'll make a noise as hard as it was.

Okay. Wow. Jesus Christ. Let me do it on the mic. Wow. It was like really hard. And... A good hit?

In his... A solid connection, yes. And I just saw red red like i immediately saw red and uh my first instinct was like i i'm gonna hit i'm gonna punch this man and uh he's my hero too i have to punch yeah and uh and then i think he tried to make a joke like hey i'm can't you see i'm talking to somebody or something like that i can't remember exactly what it was but some kind of dumb joke like that. So he was trying to be funny.

Right. But it was a very weird interaction. And unfortunately, I've now told this story like so many times that not that does Chevy listen to this podcast? Do we know? I don't know. I don't know if he listens to every episode. Okay. Maybe he'll skip this one. He's not caught up.

He's starting at the beginning. I think he's only at 200. So he's skip this one. He's not caught up. He's starting at the beginning. I think he's only at 200. So he's got some time. So that was a time where I was shaking probably before I met the person and then afterwards shaking twice as hard because I was furious. You're mad at him. I think I'm still mad. I think I'm still a little mad. Have you talked to him ever since? I don't know him.

No, it was the only time I've ever met him. Wow. I wonder if he remembers this at all. I don't think so. I think he might be a little soft around the brain. No offense, Jeffy, if you're listening. Have you ever talked about anybody else that he's slapped? Well, I've talked to Dan Harmon about this, you know, because Dan runs in our comedy world a little bit.

He was on Community. Yeah, and like Joel McHale, it was like, oh, yeah, of course he did that. So it's like in his. Yeah, that's not surprising. It's in his DNA. Jesus, that's amazing. But anyway, so to the kids listening to this,

you probably don't know who we're talking about. Nobody's ever been slapped by their hero. That's such a unique experience. Yeah, don't meet your heroes. Someone once told me a story too. It was a guy, I feel like I'm name dropping a little bit here.

Drop him. But it was a guy in the band Death Cab for Cutie and I forgot his name. Oh, the one that was married to her? The one from Postal Service?

I can't remember. Maybe. But anyway, he was telling us. Ben Gibbons or something? I don't know if it was the main guy or one of the other guys

but I hope I'm not outing this guy but he has a great story that he's told before about meeting Bruce Willis. And I guess Bruce Willis is not a very cool guy. By the way, do a lot of people listen to this podcast? Am I getting myself in trouble? No, no. I think Bruce definitely doesn't listen to Chevy.

I really don't think it's caught up. Okay, cool. It's shaking 14-year-olds that listen to the podcast. Okay, cool. Who don't know who Chevy Chase or Bruce Willis is. Maybe one day. But, yeah. But, so one of those guys met Bruce Willis when he was a little kid.

Like, I think he was at like, what was the crappy chain restaurant that Bruce Willis? Planet Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I think he was like at Planet Hollywood in New York when he was like a little kid maybe. And he saw Bruce Willis and he was with his parents and they were like well go over and like say hello it's Bruce you know so he goes and by the way I'm not telling this story correctly but but I know that some variation of this happened so he is a little boy goes up to Bruce Willis to ask him for his autograph and Bruce Willis like looks him straight in the eye and he goes fuck fuck you. To a little boy.

Fuck you. Because the kid asked for his autograph. So the kid went back to the table where he was with his parents. And he was very sad and upset. So cut to 20 years later. And now the guy's pretty famous. He's in Death Cab for QB. And they're on tour somewhere in Europe.

I can't remember. It was like Czechoslovakia or somewhere. Awesome. Hungary. Cool. Cool. And they're like, they're somewhere in Europe and they see Bruce Willis.

And this guy's like, oh my God. Like now, like he may know me from this band. Like I feel like I should go and introduce myself and like tell him this crazy story that happened like 20 years ago. So you know where this is going. So he goes up to Bruce Willis now as an adult man. He's like, Bruce, sorry to interrupt. I just want to say, and Bruce Willis goes, fuck you. No.

Like just cuts him off. The guy has twice met Bruce Willis and just been like shunned. Do you think Willis recognized him and said, I'm going to, I'm going to bring it back? You look like a kid.

I once told to go, fuck himself. Good call back, Bruce. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what that's about. I don't know why that happened,

but, but anyway, so don't meet your heroes. What was this kid's question? Oh, he, he's shaking around the girl. I think it heroes. What was this kid's question? Oh, he shakes when he's around the girl.

I think it's excitement. I think it's adrenaline is what causes you to shake. It's not like nervousness. So I think he must really just like this girl. I don't know how to get rid of excitement though,

I guess. The more time you spend. You got to marry her. Yeah, you got to be around her all the time. You got to desensitize yourself. Yeah, then you'll shake with rage. Yeah.

You got to just be around her all the time. Do you ever experience the other side of that? Like a comedy nerd coming up to you being like, oh my God, you have no idea I'm a huge, huge fan. No, people don't do that to me. Okay, cool. Yeah. So there's a couple times. No, I mean like at, you know, sometimes at like Comic-Con or somewhere like that, you know, where you'll meet people that are sort of predisposed.

No offense to comic nerds. Now they're listening. Now we got it. Now we're into the demo. Bruce Willis was fine. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, sometimes at Comic-Con, people are, they are very excited in those situations. But I actually find that adorable.

Yeah. I think it's great. I think it's nice you're not telling anybody to fuck off no no no all right good man i should i should pay it forward fuck you from bruce willis whoa who's bruce willis never mind um wait i don't know if we solved this kid's problem so be around her more be around her more around her more i would also say and i was gonna make a parkinson's joke i'm not gonna make it i was gonna say we could we can edit this out later i was gonna say

you might have childhood parkinson's onset so you made the joke i didn't make it okay all right i don't know how i'm actually brought down that pretty offensive yeah what's your fucking deal man i never said i think that's a fucking joke i didn't say that cool i'm sorry you guys are watching at home you guys know who made that joke yeah gopro that's live oh shit um all right let's take a break we'll come back and we'll talk about the the show that you're you just made so that would be that'll be good right um are you looking at me no i'm looking at jake i didn't make a show oh shit all right we'll talk about rod show then we'll be back after these messages quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments and we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love exactly it's a survey that lets us know what you think about uh the ad experience

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now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct. And the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties,

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likely because i do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback uh does in a cover two defense or like do you know what a play action pass is like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i basically know run and hail mary you actually know both of those yeah running is when you run and then hail mary is when you chuck it right damn i think you should download the draft kings pick six out select between two and six players for you to put some money on you select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat. It's that simple. And for all first time pick six players, check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings pick six

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Pick six is not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash. Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. All right, we're back with Rob. What is this show? What's the YouTube Red show? What did you make? What did you make for us?

Well, I made you guys a television show. Thank you. For YouTube Red. So you have to have YouTube Red. Okay. And it's called Do You Want to See a Dead Body? And it sort of presupposes that most people have a morbid curiosity and would be interested in going to see a dead body. It's not a reality show. It's like a scripted show got where it's me taking a different celebrity every week it it also presupposes that I know a lot of famous people which I don't but it it's like it's all of our comedy friends it's like Adam Scott and Paul Scheer and Rob Corddry all our friends we're all our

friends my buddy yeah yeah but then some people who I don't know very well like Terry Crews who who's very famous. Another Terry. Another Terry, yeah. That's two Terrys in the world. And they're both jacked. Yeah. And who else?

Randall Park, John Cho, a lot of people. Adam Pally, Alexandra Daddario from Baywatch. Holy shit. Judy Greer, Michaela Watkins. How many episodes is this that you did? We did 16. Wow. Is it one per episode?

Yeah, 16 different dead bodies, 16 different guests. Wow. Now, spoiler, I can't say that we found the body in every episode. There are some that are very different. You got to watch. Where it goes off the rails, yeah. But it's all scripted. It's mostly about me trying to get these famous people to hang out with me, and they don't want to.

So then I go, well, would you like to see a dead body? And they're like, fuck yeah. I mean, I would like to see that. So then they go along with me and then it gets like really fucked up and crazy. How long are these episodes? Five hours long, every episode. That's very long.

That's very long. No, they're all like 15 minutes. So they're short. They're like Adult Swim flavored uh sized things half i shouldn't plug adults it's not on adult swim it's on youtube red when does it come out it comes out november 15th okay um and there's 16 episodes and um next to i would say it's probably like one of my favorite things i've ever made just because one they uh they the youtube people were like yeah anything you want to do like anything you want to do like no no no no we would turn it in and i was like well this is going

to get kicked back you know we we because it's too crazy it's too crazy you know and we say a lot of fucked up crazy stuff and you know and they're they would be like nope it's great we love it that's how it should be right They should just give money to people they trust. Well, I think that's the idea. I think when you launch a new TV thing, you have to be like, hey, let's get people to come and make cool stuff. And let's not tell them what to do. Because otherwise people wouldn't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I do like those new model yeah yeah but um but yeah it's just one of those rare situations to get in with the right people at the right time they're just starting this uh youtube bread thing and so they were just like yeah whatever you want to do like total artistic yeah yeah so it was like super fun um the only thing that was like crazy was we shot it lat this past summer and uh don't ever film a TV show when you're outside in the woods in the heat wave, like way out in the valley, like forest fire. I mean, there's forest fires now too, but like, there's just like everywhere we're shooting, there's like fires and like craziness. Yeah. So that was shit. So you'll in the show, you'll notice that I'm very

sweaty. That may be, That may be a bonus. Is there like trying to even put on makeup at that point? I'm kind of one of those people that's like, you know what? You don't need to worry about makeup today. We're going to be in the woods. In the John Cho episode, John Cho, we're walking through the woods and he falls into quicksand. And he's like, oh my God, I'm in quicksand. And so the whole episode is me trying to get him out of quicksand. So I'm like, stay here. I'll be right back. I'm going to run to town and I'm going to buy some rope and I'll

come back, you know? So it's him sinking lower and lower in quicksand. And so, you know, he, he didn't know what he was getting into, you know, when he agreed to do it. And so he was in a giant pit in the ground that was filled with mud and water. And, you know, he's, and then eventually he's up to like his mouth. Oh my God. And I was like trying to be nice. I was trying to be like, oh man, this is so nice of you to do. And he's like, can we just please yeah let's just

go let's go let's we're gonna break for lunch but like john we'll be back we're we're all going to a restaurant it's a chipotle with great ac and we're gonna we'll be back for you yeah at one point i remember he was like oh god like i think he has a thing about like bugs and stuff and you know there's like fucked up bugs in California. I vaguely remember him going, is this a scorpion? Is this a scorpion? Like, yeah, there's, like, crazy shit out here. But he was a great sport.

And, yeah, so it's – the show is, like, right in my wheelhouse of just, like, aggressively dumb, stupid stuff happening all the time. And, like, it's, like, my favorite thing. It kind of reminds me, just premise-wise, of, like, a funny human giant sketch. Yeah. aggressively dumb stupid stuff happening all the time and like it's like my favorite thing it kind of reminds me just premise wise of like a funny human giant sketch yeah well actually we um shot these uh as sketches like five years ago um for funny or die they um they um i came up with this idea with my friend owen burke and uh we shot them we shot like four or five episodes like five years ago and then like years later we were like oh you know what would be funny we should just build out that world and like you know make that a tv show but yeah way back we shot with like Ben Stiller wow we shot one down

here actually downtown with Ben Stiller and like we shot one dead body yeah we we shot with Deepak Chopra of course like. Like way back. All of our comedy friends. Oh yeah. All of, I mean, one of the best comedians is Deepak Chopra. But, um, John Cho, Deepak Chopra. But, um, but the, uh, yeah. So, so then we just decided to turn it into this TV show and, um, yeah, I think people

are going to dig it. That's great. I'm excited. I'm going to get YouTube red. You should. I think that I don't, I'm not very good at plugging what their thing is, but I think you get a lot of – I mean, there's no commercials. And then I think you get like music and – Oh, like the Vivo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you get some kind of crazy music library of like every song ever. I think it's every song ever recorded by anyone. That's not bad, actually. Except for the theme song that these kids recorded from Harvard by anyone. That's not bad, actually. Except for the theme song that these kids recorded from Harvard. That's not on the YouTube. These kids won't give up the licensing. They wouldn't give it up. Oh, you mean Regret

by Vinny? Are we going to hear it again? I accidentally pressed play. Vinny and his friends who can't fucking sing because they're too busy stunning. Thank you. Burned you. Alright, do you want to answer? Let's do some more, yeah. Thanks for letting me talk about that. Hell yeah. Burned you. All right. Do you want to answer? Let's do some more, yeah. All right.

Let's see what we can get there. Thanks for letting me talk about that. Hell, yeah. Thanks for talking. Can I put my shirt back on? Why don't you keep it off for now, and then as soon as we get done with this question, we can all pop our shirts back on. Okay.

Because right now, I'm the only one not wearing a shirt. I'll take mine off after this question. All right. It just seems weird that you invite people into your podcast studio. Tell them to take their shirts off. Take their shirts off and put baby oil all over oil all over and then we keep it on yeah and you guys keep but you're wearing rob's shirt yeah it's kind of like a double standard in that regard it's weird but i am bottomless people on watching this on youtube they get it this is legit yeah

open up a new tab and get youtube red folks yeah you anyway. Okay, what's the next one? All right, we need another guy's name. Oh, me? Can Jake do one? All right. Cred. YouTube Cred. Yeah, that's where it came from, huh? Creed Bratton.

That's good. Yeah, that's a real guy. He's from The Office. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is brother Cred Bratton. Okay, Cred Bratton, right. What are you?

Sup, Chodebraten writes. What do you What's up, chode jugglers? I don't understand the greetings that your listeners throw out. They're negative. They're very negative. These kids need to

get a positive attitude. Well, we mostly make fun of the people who write the questions. Okay. So I guess it's kind of fair. It's okay that we get

it as well as dish it out. I see. At the beginning of the summer, I met this girl on Tinder. She seemed cool, and we quickly became close. The only problem is that she lives in Maine, and we met on the last day at my house up there.

Anyway, fast forward a couple months. Can I just say this guy's bragging? Oh, yeah. That he has a house in Maine. But only for the summer. It's only a one-season house. We own the house, and we don't use it all the time. Yeah. Is what I'm trying to say. Stephen King lives there most of the summer. It's only a one season house. We own the house and we don't use it all the time. Stephen King lives there most of the time.

And then when we're here, Steve, it's time to go. Go write your stories. Only problem is she lives there. Anyway, fast forward a couple months and she keeps laying fucking hints that she wants to be exclusive even though I go to school in New York

and she goes to school in Maine. One day I subtly hinted she should send me some more care packages thinking she wouldn't but then she did she sent me shoes clothing food the whole nine anyway i started to feel bad eventually and this past weekend i drove up from new york to maine to see her and lay some mad pipe oh i don't like this guy one bit. You can definitely make fun of this motherfucker. Now on my way home, I'm even more conflicted. I'm not really into her, but I love the shit she sends me. Oh, this guy's garbage. Do I end it or do I string her along?

Am I a shitty person? Does it matter? Yes, Donald Trump Jr., you are. Oh, yours truly, Cred Br bratton bread bratton um so do i string her along for the gear that's a good question he's also like i suggest he's like he's making fun of her for the care packages that she sent him he's like i said it like not thinking she was gonna do it as i did i did give her all of my sizes. Yeah. If you sent her your fucking address, you little asshole.

Yeah. She didn't just have your address. As a goof, though. As a goof, he did that. I didn't think she'd send me shoes. That's what you were hoping. I'm worried that a lot of your listeners are people that we wouldn't like.

If we met them in, well, you guys do live shows, right? Yeah. For the most, I mostly like the people that come to the shows. Yeah. And we find these questions. Yeah, these are not random. Okay, okay. You filter. shows right for the most i i mostly like i mostly like the people that come to the shows yeah the uh

and we we find these questions we get a lot of these are not okay okay you filter okay so you're filtering for ass for us you have an asshole filter i see yeah yeah okay so this guy where does he go to school uh i would assume columbia but perhaps nyu and he met a lady at bowdoin? No, he said he goes to school. He didn't say New York City. Yeah, he goes to school in New York, and she goes to school in Maine. He says New York, though. He's a SUNY Genesio or something, I swear to God.

I swear to fucking God, this guy's at Binghamton. I have no doubt in my mind. I met this girl on Tinder. She seemed cool at first, but then she fucking sent me too many shoes, bro, to fit me, and the shoes are cool, and I'd like to lay pipe with my dick, but then the girl is also...

Dude, what do I do? Whoa. Fucking burned you, you piece of shit. That's what you sound like, asshole. That's what you sound like. You sound like a baby. This guy's a Rhodes Scholar, actually. He's studying abroad in Sweden right now. That's what you sound like. You sound like a baby. This guy's a Rhodes Scholar, actually. He says, yeah, he's studying abroad in Sweden right now. Oh, shit.

Nuclear physics. Oh, I apologize. I guess he's helping to combat global warming. Oh, cool. Yeah. Shit. Okay. First of all, you're lucky to be getting a care package from a lady like this.

You're lucky that she's even willing to let you see her nude you piece of shit you fucking dumb motherfucker you fucking drive up to maine who drives to maine you take the fucking train like a man public transportation um yeah no don't string her along. Um, well, first of all, let me qualify that. What kind of stuff? I mean, how good? How good is that? Let's find out. I mean, like.

It's just like a random assortment of shit. I mean, if it's converse, yeah. Yeah. Is it like, is he getting Adidas or something cool? Is it, is it like outfits? Like entire out, like pants and shirts. Yeah. And like jackets.

Yeah. You know? I guess that's true. true if it's outerwear it's probably if it's like a north face just lease or up yeah but if it's like if it's something that wicks away moisture yeah if it's like breathable yeah but then if it's just basics then i think it's not yeah if it's like if it's cotton or even a cotton poly blend I don't see it yeah yeah a dumper dumper

dumper dumper why don't we answer a question from a lady yeah finally to end the show with honestly ever since

you got a daughter you've been getting like real soft on these guys like I feel like you're you've changed man like

I know you back in the day you used to be this guy I used to be this bro you know grab the gear yeah you're pumping and dumping i know driving that's what they called me that's what they called me they called me grab the gear pumping and driving to maine and now you gotta drive and you got a baby now i had a baby it's a daughter and she's made me super sensitive to the ladies. It's crazy. It's cray. All right. This is a lady. You got a lady's name? The baby voice.

Goo Goo Gaga. Oh, wow. Goo Goo Gaga. No, I can't do that. I can get why you hated it. Let's call her Hillary Clinton. No, let's not call her Hillary Clinton. Is that your daughter's name?

Yeah. My daughter's name is Hillary Clinton. Wow. You wanted to name her after the next president. This is a year ago, so you didn't know. It didn't pan out, yep. I wonder if there will be lots of little Hillarys. Like if people were like, yeah. At the very least, a Rodham.

Yeah. A Rodham middle name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This person's name will be... And is forever known as... Crandy. That's really good. Crandy?

Crandy is good. Hey, Crandy. That's nice. It's very close to Crandis, which is something we get shouted at at live shows. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Why do people yell Crandis?

Because we ask people in the audience to give us fake names during live shows. And at one of the first live shows we ever did, somebody screamed Crandis. Because we ask people in the audience to give us fake names during live shows. And one of the first live shows we ever did, somebody screamed Crandis. Wow. And ever since, the first person. That was me, bro. That's nuts. Crandio. That was me.

You were there? Yeah. This was in Maine, right? Yeah, it was in Maine. All right. So this is Crandi. Well, now I feel like I'm ripping off your fans. No, I think it's beautiful.

You're part of the family now. Oh, boy. Grandis writes, I'm a 26-year-old female living in Virginia. Yeah, that's where I grew up. Really? Mm-hmm. Charlottesville? Alexandria?

Good man. In Alexandria. No shit. Yeah. Fairfax. Yeah, Fairfax. For real. Is that where you guys are from?

No. I just went to a wedding where the bride was from Alexandria. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was born in Alexandria Hospital. Shout out. George Washington, that's where he was born. That's true. He lived in Old Town, Alexandria,

which is where my dad used to live. Holy shit. All right, end of podcast. She's from Virginia. I'm a teacher, so I'm broke as shit, paying off student loans, so I live with three other girls. When I moved to my apartment, I didn't know any of them, but became best friends with one.

The others I barely see. I don't even know what she does for a living. So here's my problem. I've been seeing this guy for a year now, but he lives at his parents' house. So if we ever want to do the horizontal hula. This is the same guy from before, now writing as a woman. I live in Maine. I want to do the wholesale hula.

My new shoes. It has to be at my place. And let me just say, the sex is mind-blowing, body-shaking, rage-screaming, OMG, it's still happening, orgasm kind of sex.

I've never had sex like this in my life, and it's so great. But my question is, do I moan too loud? My roommate, who I never talked to, has called me out multiple times saying I didn't want to get water from the kitchen because I heard you guys. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sounding like that loud, annoying, fake porn moans or anything. Yeah, I'm your dirty whore. I know I can get kind of loud, but my boyfriend loves the feedback and honestly, it makes me feel better not to hold back.

So, is this enough? We usually have music or TV on and sometimes I stuff my face in a pillow or cover my mouth. Is this enough from other roommates' perspective? Do I really need to hold in all the noises and I can't enjoy the big O fully?

Have you ever heard your friends have sex and did it annoy you? Thanks. Love, Grandy. Have you ever heard your friends have sex and did it annoy you? Thanks. Love, Grandy. Wow. Have you ever heard me have sex? I don't think so.

I heard you have sex once. Thanks. Really? Yeah. Where was that? We weren't even living together. That was last week. I was FaceTiming. Where did you really hear him?

It was when we lived at Buki House in Hancock Park. Yeah, we shared. It was a Jack and Jill bathroom. Yeah, we had a Jack and Jill. You had sex in the bathroom? No, I was in the bedroom. In your appropriate bed space. Yeah, and then I guess the audio traveled through the bathroom.

Yeah, and what did it sound like, Jake? It was actually the hallway. Well, we don't have to get into that. Oh, Mary, you be quiet. It was sort of like A slapping sound Bed creaking Chevy Chase Were you having sex

With Chevy Chase I don't think it was Because it was the bukey Oh yeah sloppy I didn't fuck Chevy Until way later You were just Breathing heavy

Yeah It wasn't You weren't saying anything Your head was smeared Against the table The door And I was like Louder guys

I'm trying to get off in here Breathe heavier still You were He was just jerking off and you were jerking off to him jerking off you both thought that you were having sex yeah it's just a feedback loop yeah like an echo that never ends i'm a 19 year old female so crandy's question is am i being rude am i too loud i mean i don't know how loud she is right is there a loudness where she's officially being rude?

Isn't there a way to disguise it? I mean, obviously that would solve the problem if instead of making it sound like sex, just... It'd sound like you're hammering or doing construction in your room. Yeah, just... We're mounting a TV. Always be doing construction when your boyfriend comes over. We're building an Ikea closet.

Just like, hand me the screwdriver. Yeah. Bang, bang, bang. This is great. This is like police academy over here. All these sound effects. What's that guy's name? Michael Clark Duncan.

Yeah. No. It's totally not. Michael Winslow? Michael Winslow. So what would having sex with Michael Winslow sound like? Oh, come on. That's good.

All right. Now Clark Duncan. Hey, I'm the human giant Michael Clark Duncan. That's good. Pretty good. Yeah. R.I.P. R.I.P. Yep, that.P. R.I.P.

Yep, that's true, R.I.P. Did Michael Winslow die, too? No, just the guy. What would it sound like when he dies? No one knows who we're talking about, by the way. Your audience doesn't. I barely get it. I barely get it.

Yeah. I barely get it. I don get it. Yeah. I barely get it. I don't think you can be too. I think if it's sex, it's happy. It's joyful noise. I don't know, man. I think it's not. Three roommates?

Four roommates? I mean, what does it matter? She does know that it's too loud. She's gotten the feedback. She's aware of it. Her roommate said, I don't want to go in the kitchen because I'm uncomfortable. But what does that mean? Why can't she go to his house?

Because he lives with his parents. How old are your listeners? These are like kids. But you can't go and get water? Why don't you guys just buy houses and be grown-ups? That's so expensive. Come on. She said she's a teacher.

She's struggling to make rent. Listen, that's a lie. Teachers make fucking... All teachers got together and they said, let's pretend that we don't make any money. You think teachers are making bank? They make a lot of money. It's like rapper and then teacher.

That's the. So your advice is for her to buy her boyfriend a house? Yeah. Buy your stupid boyfriend a house. Especially in Virginia. Put it in a care package. Probably really cheap back there. Your child at home is probably like $220, like a nine acre five bedroom plantation home right in virginia

yeah yeah you can get like a studio apartment in northridge for that much yeah um no if you can't go to your boyfriend's house well first of all she could go to the the parents that's only two people she that you have to hide from there's There's like a lot of people in her apartment. Maybe they have real jobs that isn't teacher. Yeah. You have the whole summer off too. Yeah. I want to go after teachers more on this podcast.

I mean, come on. Of course you don't make a lot of money. It's a selfish profession is all. What are you going to give kids wisdom? Yeah. You're not smart enough. You're hanging out with adults all day. Yeah.

Like real people at work. I'm not not smart you don't think i'm smart why don't you teach me something if you're so smart you think i don't know how to read is this a movie goodwill hunting it is this sounds exactly like goodwill it is a little bit of goodwill hunting um uh so so you guys say you can be as loud as you want i say that i will, why not just have sex when your roommates are away? Right. You could try. I think that you could try to be a little more sensitive. You could have sex in a car.

Yeah. I love having sex in a car. Wait a second. Really? I think having sex in a car is one of my favorite places. While driving? Yeah. While she's driving.

While she's driving. You're in her lap. You're in her lap. You're in her lap. So you're a seat of sorts in this situation. No, I'm in her lap. We're missionary. You're a missionary. So she just has to try to see over you.

Where's the seatbelt? Guy on top, missionary. There's obviously no seatbelt. No seatbelt. He is the seatbelt. He can't be a seatbelt. I'm even safer. I'm protecting.

I'll go through the windshield first, and then she will land on my chest. Can you imagine cumming as you get hit in a fucking head-on collision? As you're flying through the air. Isn't that a movie? Isn't that Drive? Yeah, that's Crash. Crash. Just cum everywhere.

So yeah, do that. The paramedics are trying to clean it up. Why is there so much cum in here? It's a car accident. There's so much cum. So sex in do that. The paramedics are trying to clean it up. Why is there so much cum in here? This car accident, there's so much cum. So sex in a car, that would work. Yeah, sex in the woods. There's all kinds of other places. Or help your roommate find a boyfriend

or a girlfriend or something. Yeah, try to hook them up with your boyfriend's friends. So everyone's having sex. I think more people fucking, you're a lot more lenient towards like sex noises when you're also getting laid. Yeah, if you're kind of sad and alone, you don't want to get that cup of water.

That's just part of having roommates. You hear people have sex. I mean, you could try to be a little more sensitive. The trade-off is they pay some of your rent and that's going to happen. Like otherwise you can't afford to live in a house. Crank up the music. Crank up the stereo. Those jock jams. I can't get off unless I'm afford to live in a house. Crank up the music. Crank up the stereo.

Those jock jams. I can't get off unless I'm listening to jock jams. What did she call sex? The horizontal hula? The horizontal hula. I didn't like that. Yeah, maybe. Because it's not even accurate.

If you were on your side and you started doing a hula, that's not how you have sex. Do you know? Yeah. So I got news for you. You're doing it wrong. That's why you're so loud. You're doing it so wrong, it's amazing. You're coming extra hard.

Do it the right way and you won't make a peep. Just like all my ladies never have. Because they do it properly. Where women don't feel pleasure. That's the pull quote. There we go. That's how you stick a landing. We did it.

Uh, Rob Hubel. Great app. Thanks for having me. You guys, thank you for coming. Um, there's come everywhere.

There is ever. This is like a scene from crash. It's crazy. I mean, they'll see it on the GoPro. They'll see it on the GoPro. Uh, one last time.

The name of the show. Do you want to see a dead the show do you want to see a dead body do you want to see a dead body YouTube Red November 15th thanks guys

thank you the opening theme song was written by Vinny and his pack of hooligans named Regret or maybe the album is called Regret from Harvard

this closing one is a John Mayer parody from Nick so thanks to Nick and thanks to Vinny thanks to everyone for writing in thanks to Rob once again for coming down.

Go Yale University. Hell yeah. Go Dawgs. We'll be back next week. Bye. If you got a problem, email if I were you. Yeah, if you got a problem,

email if I were you. If you're feeling lonely and horny, there's nothing else I would do. That was a HeadGum Podcast.