Segments - 302: Bachelor Party

Episode Date: November 20, 2017

In this episode we discuss Alaska, awkward gifts, and alphabetical order.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Love that twangy shit. That was bluegrass. That was bluegrass. Coming from High and Lonesome Band. The High and Lonesome Band. The High and Lonesome Band, a bluegrass band in, you'll never guess, the state. North Carolina? You'll never guess the state. No.

Oh, all right. So it's not the obvious. No, no, no. Okay. Maine. No. Okay. Okay.

I only guessed two. Okay. I feel like I should get at least 49 guesses. With 49 guesses, do you think I would get it? It's really low. It's really low down there. That's correct. Really? Yeah, that's why.

Yeah! I guess it was ukulele-y, so there was the Hawaiian accent. I mean, I definitely, I did not, I was trying to guess places that bluegrass would not come from. Right, Hawaii is probably the furthest state from Kentucky, at least geographically.

Yeah, geographically. If not alphabetically. Well, definitely not alphabetically. Right. What would be the farthest state from Kentucky alphabetically? Ooh, is K in the first half of this? Oh, I guess Alabama. No, that's, yeah, from A to K is like 12 letters apart.

I guess there's no X, Y, Z state, right? Wyoming is the last. Yeah, is it? So the question is, is Kentucky closer to Wyoming or Alabama? That's really cool. Let's find out. Alphabetical. God, now we're going to have to figure this out. Somebody's listening to this podcast for the first time. Make your guess at home.

Play along with us. How sure are you? Say it out loud so we can hear. I guess I'm not sure at all, but I'm going to go with my guess being that Alabama's further. It's a little, oh, Alabama's further. Than Kentucky, than Wyoming from Kentucky. Yeah. Alabama is very close to Kentucky. So this list I'm looking at has four columns of states. Are we talking about alphabetically or geographically?

Alphabetically. Okay. A is further from K than W is from K. That's my guess. Right. That's incorrect. That's incorrect. So the first two, a lot of states are in like the back half of the alphabet.

So this list is four columns of states from Alabama to Illinois, then Indiana to Montana, and Kentucky's at the top of that second column. And that doesn't include the second half of the states, which is Nebraska to Pennsylvania, and then Rhode Island to Wyoming. What skews it is all these V and Ws. We got Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming. We got a ton in the back half of the alphabet. I see. So Kentucky is closer to Alabama alphabetically, but far from Hawaii geographically. Okay, so here's another question for you. K is what number letter in the alphabet?

Oh, I believe it is, M is 13, so K would be 11. I see. So K is closer to A. I'm not writing anyway, basically. Oh, I don't know. Is K closer to W? I don't know. XYZ is 24 any way, basically. Oh, I don't know. Is K closer to W? I don't know. XYZ is 24, 25, 26. So W is 23.

K is 11. And A is 1. So K is closer to A alphabetically, just if you lay out the letters. So just so you're clear, that's what I was guessing. Got it. But yeah, I've been wrong, but less wrong. Yeah. But you did say Hawaii very quickly.

That was good. Yeah. Let's all rewind to the first part of the podcast where I got the, got the bluegrass answer in three guesses. There's a new Hampshire. What's that one? All right. That was a high and lonesome man. I said, it's a Kate and Mike. All right. That was High and Lonesome Man.

I said it's Kate and Mike. All right. Kate and Mike. Thanks for that. Thanks. Our first bluegrass cover. I feel like bluegrass should be more famous. Is it a cover?

Yeah, it's a cover of Caleb Clowder's Sick, Sad, and Lonesome, of course. You could have told us it was an original. Yeah. That would have been fine. If it's a bluegrass cover, it's an original. Yeah, because I'd never heard it, so it's original to me. Yeah, unless it's Wagon Wheel. Oh, that's a good one.

That's bluegrass, but that's the one bluegrass song everyone knows. So that you can cover. Everything else is an OG. Congratulations. Thank you. And thank you for listening to If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. I'm Amir.

And I'm Jake. First time in a while, it's just us two. We've had a string of great characters come through our studio. We really have. Non-stop. Yeah, we had Ben and Rob, Meg Battoon, Brian Murphy. My goodness. And finally.

It's nice to be just us again. Yeah, we don't have to be funny. We can just talk about states and shit. I wouldn't have wanted to do that with a guest. No, no fucking chance do we get to do that's let's talk about friggin north dakota have you ever been there no oh wait no i haven't that's north dakota's south dakota is the one with rushmore right yeah so i've been to south dakota never been to north uh north dakota is the last uh continental united uh state that I have not been to.

Really? Yeah. You count been to as drive-thru or you have to stay a night there? I think as long as I have, I don't think I've spent a night in every single one. Maybe I have. I've definitely, I've planted my feet in every single one. I don't count airports. Got it.

So when were you in West Virginia, for example? Road trip. Oh, airports. Got it. So when were you in West Virginia, for example? Road trip. Oh, you drove through it. Yeah, I don't think we stayed in West Virginia. We probably stayed in Virginia. Naturally. Arkansas, same thing, road trip. No, I stayed the night in Arkansas.

Nebraska? Stayed the night in Nebraska. Got it, got it, got it. Any other random ones? Missouri? We did a St. Louis show once. Yep. That'll do it. That'll do it.

That'll do it. California? Oh, right. LA connection. Spent a night. Many nights. I mean, we've lived here for four years. Jersey, I'm sure you did accidentally.

Are you talking about... Yeah, we were... Jersey. Yeah, it was like five minutes away. We went to a wedding in Philadelphia. What's wrong with you? You're looking at Connecticut's where I'm fucking from. Jesus Christ, you're falling apart.

Why do you say continental U.S.? You've never been to Alaska? I've never been to Alaska. So the last two states that I've never been to are Alaska and North Dakota. The coldest states. Interesting. Maybe you should have your bachelor party there. I was thinking about having it in Alaska.

Is there shit to do up there? That's what I don't know. We'd have a, you know what we would do? We would spend the majority of time at Nome, which is where the Iditarod, the dog racing is. Yeah. And we would just watch the dogs race and we would get and we would drink and watch the dogs just race. I don't know if you get to watch it. You don't get to watch it, but there's TV in the cabin.

They go off into the... Yeah, they go off into the back, the rural area. So you're not allowed there. But it's going to be an awesome time. Let me plan it. I'll think about it. I'd rather not. I don't know if I want to do the Iditarod.

Well, I'm going to do it, and we're going to do it there. And I already got us some fucking dogs. And there's an Airbnb in Nome. And Nome, nobody knows how isolated it is up there. You can see Russia from there. I do want to, I do want to like figure out the I want to see like the Northern Lights

that would be kind of cool to do on my bachelor party but then also part of me is like Mexico City would be fun oh yeah you want to go somewhere you've been before

or somewhere new I would go somewhere I've been before really the ideal place that I want to go is Reykjavik I want to go back to Iceland but you've been there twice

yeah so you're like should I go back to a place I've been twice? Right. Three times in Iceland. I mean, I would definitely do it. But I guess I also wonder if there's a place that I haven't been that's got that same vibe that's got like... Yeah. Have you ever been to

South America? No. That's an entire continent you've never been to. Yeah. But we've got a lot of options there. You think we could get people to go to South America for my bachelor party? Well, I don't care about other people, so it'd be me, you, about two weeks. We can do two weeks in Paraguay. Here, I'm on kayak. Give me your social security number.

You're planning my honeymoon at this point. I don't want to... We could do a week and a half at Rio, Carnival. We need a week... All right. We'll have to miss a... I'd rather do the Iditarod. All right, okay?

Just book that one. Are you okay with missing just a slice of your rehearsal dinner? We'll get there before vows. If all goes well. All right, let's answer some questions. After all, this is an advice podcast. We're here to dispense some wisdom, including one to this 17-year-old girl who wonders,

am I a snake? Okay. Am I a snake? What an interesting, interesting question. Let's get to the details. You think she's actually talking about like a slithering serpent snake? I don't. Okay. Yeah. I think it's a metaphor. Yeah. Got it. We'll call this one Sydney D Alaska because she's from Sydney, Alaska. And she writes, I'm a 17-year-old girl in high school and a huge fan of your show.

Basically, I have a crush on a good friend's ex, and I feel like a knob. My friend dated this guy a year ago and about a month, for only about a month. But he was kind of a dick when they broke up. Fast forward, he's 10 times hotter now and still douchey, but generally a much better person. My friend has moved on, but the main problem here is that we've spent the past year roasting this dude to smithereens. We usually just make fun of him for being a wiener, but I've since befriended him, and I think he's changed. Last weekend, I hooked up with him. Nothing crazy.

Third base at a party. And I felt like I had to tell my friends about it. I had to tell my friends about it, who then started roasting the shit out of me. I told them I was hammered and that it was a one-time thing. But now he wants to hang out. And I'm feeling snaky. Any guidance? Please, I really want to fuck this guy and hang out with him without making my friends hate me.

Much love from Canada. That could be a good option, too. Montreal, have you thought about that? I have, but we were there so recently. All right. All right. 17-year-old girl, an ex-boyfriend that she just spent a year making fun of. Now she went to third base with him at a party, which is very far, if you ask me.

That's oral. Sorry, Grandpa Bloomingfield. It's actually not oral. That is very far if you ask me. That's oral. Sorry, Grandpa Blumenfeld. It's actually not oral. That's the furthest you can get. It's not oral. Third base isn't oral. It's fingering. That's not oral.

What's fucking oral about that? Still. Okay. It's private parts. Don't say still after you've said something it wasn't. You say it's blowing someone. I say, no, it's not. And you go, still.

It's fingering. Still, it's blowing someone. I say, no, it's not. And you go, still! It's fingering. Still, it's something different. It's still something far past second base. Yeah, it's a, I mean, in a baseball game, that's a good... That's a rare hit. Yeah. Home runs are more popular than triples. I feel like that's kind of true.

There's probably a time in your life when, like, this is, never never mind this isn't a fucking original observation let's hear it where home runs become way more the norm than like fingering fingering in second base yeah that's like in baseball like an unassisted triple play is the most rare thing but it's not like it doesn't look that cool it's either first or home i think that like as you get older it's sort of oh whatever you're look that cool. It's either first or home. I think that like, as you get older, it's sort of, oh, whatever. You're either kissing or you're fucking.

Or you're home with your dick in your hand, like me. Rod. So this girl. Is feeling snaky. But it's, she actually likes the guy. Yeah. He's actually a seemingly slightly better person and he's hotter so the only the only problem is that your friends don't like him so the question really boils down

to like is it like can i hook up with this guy even though my friends and me have made fun of him a lot yeah and now that she's like worried that they're gonna start making fun of her it sounds like she already backed off like when they. As soon as she said that she hooked up with him and they were making fun of her, she's like, I was trashed, I was trashed, I was trashed. If he's really hot, they're not going to really make fun of you. They can only make fun of you so much if he's really hot. The problem is that he's a douchebag too. She said he was a better person but still douchey.

Yeah. Can you imagine? I wonder how much worse he was, that he's gotten much better, but still a douche. But when you're like, if it was a year ago, then he was like 16. And who's like a really great 16-year-old, except probably Jeffrey James.

Yeah, he was a good 16-year-old, I bet, because it was like two years ago. He seems fine now. Totally. Like we met him at age 17, and he was all right. And he was good. Yeah. He was a good 16 year old, I bet. Cause it was like two years ago. It seems fine now. Totally. Like we met him at age 17 and he was all right. He was good. Yeah. Any guidance? Do you want to, would you go for it with somebody that all your friends disliked? Yeah, totally. I think that you gotta, you just gotta power through. People can re, reimagine their, I don't know their opinions on somebody especially when it's when it's this young like if you just keep on hooking up with him it will eventually shift to being normal like you have you probably have to stand up for him a little bit yeah uh you don't have to

like get into a weird contentious fight with your friends, but laugh it off and be like, no, he's actually cool now. You guys should hang out with him. Yeah. You can win hearts and minds. That's what it's all about. It might not end well, but you're 17, so that's also fine. You're supposed to do some bad things now,

and then you'll learn from your mistake if you don't like it. So I say just go for it regardless of if it'll work out or not. Right. The thing that you want to avoid, which I do understand, is like if she just rejects her friends and like, whatever, fuck you guys, I'm gonna hook up with this dude.

Then there's like, she could lose the war of, you know, like her friends just continue to talk shit about this guy and then they start talking shit about her and both of them and their relationship. So you really, I think you have to remain the middleman and try to bridge the gap if you can.

Between the douche and the friends. Yeah. Reintroduce him to the group. Tell them what you like about him. See if you can just get some converts. You need a couple people on your side to be like, oh, we were wrong about douchey McGee. Yeah, that's good. Can you say that she has to reintroduce?

Oh, good. Reintroduce. Ta-da. Here's a similar but different question from a different lady who's a sophomore in college or freshman in college. We'll call this lady Chile F Barcelona. Nice. These are all just places we might go on my bachelor party. That's right.

I love it. Chili F Barcelona writes, hey guys, long time listener, second time emailer. My problem is this. I'm really close friends with my roommate. She's one of my best friends, but recently I found her guy best friend on Tinder. We both swiped right and talked a little bit, but I asked my roommate about it and she said that she was not okay with me and her guy best friend having a relationship of any kind. I told her that I understood because I do, and nothing would happen. Well, he and I were the last two awake at a Halloween party recently. Nothing would happen, and then something fucking happened. And a fucking course we hooked up.

I told my roommate about it the next morning and I apologized a lot. She's not thrilled, but she forgave me. Here's my question. How do I continue to have a good relationship with my roommate after I betrayed her trust? And how should you approach interactions with the boy? They're good friends, so I'm sure I'll see him more. How do

you have a casual platonic relationship with someone who's seen your vagina and who you're really attracted to? She actually said, who's seen your vagina and who you're really attracted to. She actually said, who's seen your pussy. I don't know why I edited on the day. Who's seen your pussy and who you're really attracted to. Thanks. And then she emailed us again seven days later. Well, we fucked. It was awesome. No regrets. There we go. That's new. I knew it was trending there and that's where my advice is going to. Yeah.

Your friend doesn't get to make the rules. I think that all you can really do is be like, hey, I'm sorry that it makes you uncomfortable, but I like this guy. He likes me. We're going to fucking go for it. It's really, it's a two-on-one. Whenever there's a triad, two people make the rules, and one person has to deal with it. Right. She has to live with it.

She's like, it's friends with this guy. And like, this guy would not think you were a great friend if you knew that you're standing in the way of him finding somebody that he likes. Is there anything beyond jealousy? Is there any case to stand on beyond I'm jealous, I want to be with him? Like, why would you say you can't be with him i could see that if they're two good friends uh i mean it's it's jealousy across the board to some extent i think but like maybe she just doesn't want to to change the dynamic to like see it get awkward maybe she knows this guy's behavior and she's like uh no he's gonna hook up with you and then he's not gonna talk to you anymore and it's like, no, he's going to hook up with you and then he's not going to talk to you anymore and it's going to be weird.

Yeah, I can't have him around. That's the case with the girl. So she's just worried about the aftermath if it doesn't go well. Maybe she's worried about if it does go well and she gets pushed out and these people become in a really good relationship and they don't need her anymore. Personally to her, it can't

end well. There's only bad. I don't think that's, I mean, what if she really is just this guy's best friend and she likes her roommate a lot and then her best friend and her other good friend are in a relationship and she gets to spend time with all of them. That sounds nice.

Yeah, I guess that's best case scenario. But it seems like when things, like you said, are trending towards something, you can't stop the chemistry train. No, you're right. Once it's leaving the station, you can't two people who really want to have sex not do it because somebody would be uncomfortable. When you introduce the forbidden aspect, that is, it's just pouring fucking gas on the flame. Yeah. You know, what else is funny is like, we were the last two awake at a Halloween party. It made me think about like how many parties just end with like, it's like this weird contest of like, who's going to

stay awake the longest. Like I got to stay, I'm not going to fall asleep because the last two people awake. It's like that, that contest where you, you're touching a car and the last person touching it gets to win it. Yeah. That's what it is. Like guys and girls just fighting to stay awake to be the last resort for each other. It's true. And also, it's funny to me that this sounds like, oh, we were the last two people that stayed up at this Halloween party. So it was a coincidence and one thing led to another. And both of them stayed. Very much so.

Like I cannot fall asleep. Right. It's 4 a.m. That wasn't a coincidence. That was a choice to stay awake and hook up with the guy. And that's fine. Because it's totally legal. Yeah.

And then there's like the friends who just like happen to be awake. And you're like, just go to sleep. Go to fucking sleep already. Christ, it's 4.18. Why are you awake? You guys want to watch a movie? No, I don't want to watch a movie. I wanted to fucking wet cuddle with somebody.

I want to kiss her. But you want to watch a film. Alright, so again, go for it. Again, go for it. And she already did. It was so funny. The follow-up just said, well, we fucked. It was awesome. No regrets. I like that she's being pretty

upfront with the roommate, but I think you just gotta not make promises that you can't keep. Yeah, it's easier to say, fine, I won't do it, because it's weird to be like, actually, I'm going to do it. I'm going to go for it. And then you don't get it, and then it's like, oh, shit. But I think it's natural to be like, hey, I won't do anything, but then to come back and be like, things are happening.

I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry. I don't know why I said I wouldn't do anything, but it's because, yeah, it would have been bad if you're like, fuck that. He's mine, and I want him. It's like, okay, he rejected me. Anyway, let's hang out again. I'm going to fucking go for it.

It's all the bad, but none of the good. D-9. Anyway, what were we up to this weekend? I believe you wanted to go to the mall. That's another thing we can do. We can go to the Mall of America. For my bachelor party? Yeah, because it's so big and there's so many stores.

There's a ride in it. Yeah, so we can go on a ride. I don't want to do that, but thank you. I actually don't even know if you're going to be invited up. I know. That's why I'm trying to figure out the location. I'm sort of grandfathered in. Yeah, that's true.

We'll tell you what, why don't you book your Iditarod ticket? I will. And then we'll see on the day if I'm there. All right. I'm just afraid that they're non-refundable. Yeah, that's what I think they are. No, dog race. All right, yeah.

When is the Iditarod? Yeah, you think it's in like the middle of the winter or they have to, they could just do it whenever. Cause it's Alaska. Yeah. I think I would guess it's like spring. It's like a marathon. Iditarod. Christmas day.

Oh, that was the first one. So it does seem like it happens. All right, let's take a break. I'll do some more research and I'll come back with a bunch of answers about the Iditarod in Nome, Alaska. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show.

Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help.

I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality.

Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a

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and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ad somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. And we're back. Sunday, March 3rd, 2018. Everything's on March 3rd, I'm figuring out,

is the beginning of the Iditarod in Anchorage on the corner of 4th and D. That's pretty crazy. March 3rd is coming up a lot these days. Yeah, there's a lot of things happening on March 3rd. So if you want to, I can probably tweet at the organizers. I don't want to go at all. I don't want to go.

Dogs. I don't want to push you to Alaska to watch the dogs on Avenue D. I really don't. It's 4th and D, actually. Those are streets. All right. There are no avenues in Anchorage, after all.

And then if we stick around, the awards banquet is on the 18th at the Nome Recreation Center. So we'd have to stay in Alaska in Nome for 15 days to watch dogs racing. I mean, it does sound kind of cool. I don't want to differ from that bachelor party, but it's an interesting. I'd like to watch a documentary about the dogs and the racers because I have a lot of questions about what the hell is going on. Do the dogs want this? Do the dogs know that they're doing it?

Are they okay with it, with the running and stuff? Yeah, it's kind of weird. In all other sports, or not all, but in most sports, the people competing. They signed up. They're like, the people competing. They signed up. They're like, they want it. They want to win. But like a horse race, the horse doesn't want to win. Yeah, no.

A dog race, the dog doesn't want to win. A bull fight, the bull, I guess, wants to get the fuck out of the ring. It's nearly a thousand miles. They go in between like 50 and 120 miles a day on these dogs. Imagine that. Pretty cool. All right. Anything else we should talk about?

Should we get to more questions? No, I have to promote my mother's cookies. Oh, yeah. Thanksgiving is coming up, and you're going to be home, and you'll have to face mother. Yes. And you mustn't face her without speaking of the cookies. I must move some more units for my mother.

Actually, you know what I'm pissed about? My dad. My fucking dad. My dad, last time I was home, told me that the sales were dropping off. And that he doesn't, I don't think that he respects my influence. Oh, I see. So he was sort of pushing you with one finger. Yeah, he was like, was that all you could do?

Yeah. In so many words. He's like, this is my son. I was like, I thought you guys were a bit more influential. Yeah, could move, what, 10, 20, 30 dozen cookies? We moved 50 on the day that she launched. You're a fucking bake sale to your dad. Yeah.

And so what did you, what did you say to that? I told him just watch this, you motherfucker. And then, and then my mom was like, Jake. And then I tweeted and the tweet didn't go through because it was too long. Right. This was before the 280 thing. This was before the 280 thing. And it was 400, it was 500. Even after. Yeah. It was 500 words. It was a diet tribe. On the cookies, yeah. On the cookies. More on the relationship

with my dad. It was a diet tribe about the cookies. It was actually my father's birthday yesterday. Oh. And I'm surprised he didn't say anything.

Oh, right. I remember because his birthday was the election. Oh, yeah. That's right. Happy birthday, dad. Yeah.

Anyway, jakesmomscookies.com. Mm-hmm. Please help me prove my gourd father wrong. And to make my mother happy. And how does it work? They pay for a dozen. It shows up in the mail. Yeah. She's got special boxes. She's got a commercial kitchen now. She's paying her rent in cookies to a local coffee shop in New Haven. Holy shit. So if you live in around New Haven, my hometown,

you know, I'm going to come through on Thanksgiving and I'm going to be at coffee where they sell my mother's cookies. How's the coffee at coffee? It's coffee question mark with a K and I've never had it, but we used to compete with coffee when I worked at Chapel Sweet Shop in New Haven

because we had a little coffee thing of our own, and Chapel Sweet Shop has since gone out of business, and coffee, I think, opened a second location. So they won the war, but they're selling my mama's cookies. That's right. And she's paying rent with them. So I won the battle. So check them out at Coffee, check them out at Jake's Mom's Cookies, and you can get cookies in the mail. She writes little notes to everybody. It comes with stickers.

It's very cute. I feel like we should get more cookies here. She sent us a few, but we ran out very quickly. I'll let her know. All right. From those questions and those cookies comes a pretty hilarious, insignificant question that I thought I could answer.

Because, you know, not all life's quandaries are big pickles of what should I do and how should I, am I a snake and this, that, and the other. Correct. This one is about a fun little birthday Facebook message somebody sent. So we'll call this guy Gnome R Alaska. Have we not called everybody that? Because Gnome R Alaska. That's right. everybody that? Because no more Alaska. That's right. It's out of the running.

I wonder, what's the city that people party in in Alaska? It's probably Anchorage. It's not Juneau. Yeah, I don't know. What's the Silver Lake of Alaska? Where's the cool haircuts being had in Alaska? That's what I'm saying. I want the beautiful nature like Iceland had during the day.

The waterfalls, the crazy cliffs, the fjords. Of course, the fjords. And then the fucking run tour, the fucking raging dance parties at night. And I don't think Alaska has that. There's no raging dance party in Anchorage. Where do you think more people live, Alaska or Iceland? Alaska. That's correct, by nearly double.

How many people live in like... Oh no, more than double. 741,000 people live in Alaska. And what, like 300,000 live in Iceland? Yeah, 335. Holy shit. Biggest city in Alaska. Gotta be Anchorage.

Anchorage, wow, by a ton. 300,000, nearly half the state's population live be Anchorage. Anchorage. Wow, by a ton. 300,000. Nearly half the state's population live in Anchorage. The second largest city is Juneau with 32,000. Maybe Anchorage would be cool. Let's look up the club scene there. Yeah. After the pot.

Which clubs are straight bumping on a Thursday? Does anything go up on a Tuesday? Alaska. All right. Here's the question. From G on a Tuesday? Alaska. All right. Here's the question from Gnome R. Alaska. Writes, I'll cut to the point. On Friday last week, a friend of mine had her birthday.

So Saturday night, she invited a bunch of friends over to celebrate. The day of the party, I messaged her on Facebook asking her if she was a Game of Thrones fan because I have a stack of Game of Thrones themed coasters and I thought if she watched the show, I could give her some of them and it would be a small nice gesture. Came time to leave for the party and still no response. So I decided I'd abandon the coaster idea since it wouldn't be a big deal to show up without a gift. No one brings presents anymore. Now, Monday rolls around and my friend finally responds to the message saying, no, I don't watch. Why do you ask? What should I do? I'm feeling like I have no good explanation for why I asked. Besides, I was going to give you a

gift and then decided not to, which kind of makes me seem like a jerk for coming up with an idea for a present and then deciding against it, even though nobody brought gifts to the party anyway. And even if I explained why I asked and give her the gift, it'll be awkward because she doesn't even watch Game of Thrones. Anyway, that's my dilemma. Any insight you could provide would be great. I've listened to all the episodes and I like watching the HeadGum videos. Keep them coming. Cordially. Love, Gnome R. Alaska. Thank you. Man, you're overthinking

this. What would you do if I were you? You sent the message. She doesn't respond. I sent the message. She doesn't respond. Party happens. Then she says, why did you ask? I just was going to get you. I had a gift.

I had a gift for you. Why did you bring it, you asshole? I was going to bring it. I did. What's your mailing address? May I have your mailing address and I'll send you the gift. I think you need to watch the show. I got you DVDs.

What's a DVD? I'll get you a, it's like a VCR, but for a disc. Oh, you're so old. I just turned 19. I'm so happy to be invited to your party. Please invite me to more. Here's a coaster of my thoughts, a token of my esteem. Can he say that I was going to bring you a gift, but nevermind?

He can, but I wouldn't at this point. Would you lie? I don't watch it. Why do you ask? You just say, oh, I don't know. It's a great show. Yeah. Just curious.

Sounds like a date. Huh? Sounds like, oh, well, if you don't watch it, maybe we should watch it. Does he want to date this girl? No. But you run the risk of coming off as flirtatious. So what's a non-flirtatious way of saying, why did you ask? Without saying I had a gift in mind.

Taking a poll. My friend said, everybody watches this show. And I said, not everybody. I can find someone who has it. That's even more convoluted. Fine, here's the text. You say, long story, but I was going to bring Game of Thrones coasters to your parties. Ha ha, glad I didn't.

The end. Ha ha, she responds. Ha ha, glad you didn't. What's funny about not bringing me my gift? No. Go home, gnome. Go home, Alaska. Nobody wants you here with your non-gift-giving ways.

Yeah, no, I mean, you could also just fucking ignore the text. She didn't answer it for three days. Yeah, that's why we gotta get back to this guy quick. The clock is ticking. Oh, you know Facebook has read receipts. This message has been seen. Oh, it's definitely been seen. Oh, yes. It has read receipts. This message has been seen. Oh, it's definitely been seen. Oh, yes.

Sweating so much. It will see and be seen. All right. I like that text. And be seen. Nice. Thanks. The answer of, oh, I was going to bring some to your party.

Ha ha. Never mind. Yeah. Yet. Or should I say just wondering? Just wondering? Yeah. Just curious. What do you watch? What do you? Why are you? just wondering? Just wondering? Yeah. Just curious.

What do you watch? What do you? Are you into Narcos? Yeah. I can get us a Narcos bib. What about the Cleveland show? What was the last episode of that you watched? I have a Mindhunter tablecloth, if you're interested.

Would you want, you like Game of Thrones, would you want coasters? Game of Thrones coasters? No, I'm not really into the, like, accoutrement of things that you like. Yeah. Style. What about a poster, like a stylized art of Game of Thrones? I wouldn't, and I probably wouldn't want it. Like a Westeros map or something?

Yeah. There's something kind of fun about that, but not really. I do, like, in my childhood bedroom, I have, like, a tourism poster for Hoth. There's something kind of fun about that, but not really. I do, like in my childhood bedroom, I have like a tourism poster for Hoth. What's Hoth? The Frozen Planet and Star Wars. Oh, Star of the Rings. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Star of the Wars.

Star of the Wars. Yeah, Star of the Rings. World of the Stars. The Star of the Rings. Yeah. Are you going to see the new one? The Star of the Stars. State Star movie?

Yeah. No, I, yeah, I love it. Luke Stormtrooper is like, he has a light super and he's like, get the heck away from me, you're my only hope. Yeah, and then there's like the fucking Vaderin. Dark Vaderin.

It's like, hey, I'm your freaking dad. I am your dad. I'm your fucking dad. And then he's like, ooh, you shall not pass your will. That's good. Yodel's like, oh, you shall not pass, you will. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Yodel is like this little munchkin.

He's played by Andy Serkis, I think. And he's like, he does a backflip. And he's like, you are not my father. You are my father. You have a ring, you will. Yes. I'm a Star Trek. That's good. Who's that?

That's Chewbacca Chewknuckles It's this fat little idiot Who eats his own fingers off When Princess Leia can't get through Middle Earth And he's just like this huge Fucking slug And Han's guitar solo calls him

Freaking Knuckle He's like hey well be knuckle cone over you're my only rope because at the end of the movie he is a rope and he's at his last rope there's like all right what if I get you the

Game of Thrones chair for your fucking bachelor party and you can't stand up out of it so we have to take you through the streets on a fucking like chair and we get you sloshed. We're all wearing sashes, tiaras, and dick straws.

I would love to have a bachelorette party. That'd be a fun thing. That's your theme. That just reminded me for some reason when we were in Iceland and we were so trashed walking down the street. And you just like ran and jumped on a bench.

No, I had your crutches. I tried to pole vault over a bench. Right, and you just fell. Landed on the side of the bench and just, I fell and I felt no pain. I was so, that was the drunkest I've been. I felt no pain. I was so baffled that you even did it. Just like, you're running at the bench, you pole vault,

and I'm like, oh my God. And like, there wasn't even a second where you like landed and then lost balance. It was like you did it just to fall on the sidewalk.

Yeah, and it was, it was numb. It was so cold and I felt nothing. I was happy that day. That was an amazing night. We'll just call that

your bachelor party. See, we should go back. You already had it. Congratulations. no. Come on. That was an amazing night. We'll just call that your bachelor party. See, we should go back. You already had it. Congratulations. Oh, no. Come on. That was it, man. You had the fucking party. I loved it, dude. That was awesome, man. I really liked your party. It sucks. I can't even have a bachelor party. Well, we already did enough. I think we've done enough

for you. I'm gonna figure shit out, but I don't think anyone's going to go. This is insane. I'm going to start a little groundswell. I did a ride to try to not... There's a point where we're going to fucking Chile. We wanted to take me to

Rio. I'm not even going to fucking Los Feliz with you at this point. We've celebrated. We've done enough. So it's not even you bailing. It's like you're going to get everybody out. To go on a different party. Yeah, you're throwing a party the day of my wedding. Yeah, it's called Arrival.

Yeah, it's Arrival Bachelor Party. You have a lot of RSVPs, which I hate. Because I sent it out early. You've got to save the date quick. Have you sent the save the date? No, we've got to get on that. We're still finalizing the guest list. Read the guest list right now. Sure.

We've got... You're the number one in Friends. All right, keep going. Pretty cool. Here, tell you what. I'll just read from the yellow tier, which is the people that we invite when people from the green decline.

I want them to know that they were... Yeah, do you want to just know the second tier? Yeah, just the second tier We also have the red tier The definitely not Yeah the basically even if the green and yellow Drop out like do we Just like people that we want to remember

But we're not going to even send anything to Why don't I start at the bottom of that one Marty Michael Is it even worth having a red list I don't think so, but it is like... The red list is everybody else on earth. It's just kind of nice to have a running tally of everybody that's sort of in the realm of invite, just in case. The universe.

People want to... A year is a long time. You plan out a party that is happening a year from now. Yeah. You may have a new friend. Yeah. And you also lose touch with people too. So it's funny to like, look at our guest list and be like, Oh,

I haven't seen this person, uh, in a very long time. Right. Like, are we still friends? Down to yellow with you. Um,

all right. That's it. That's our episode. Thanks for listening. Thanks for submitting your own questions. If you have a theme song or a question, it's all, you email address for everything is ifireyoushowatgmail.com. Remember the bluegrass opener? That was fun.

From High and Lonesome. Well, this closing one is written by Connor. I believe he said that he was dickless for chickless in the email. No shit. Yeah, which is kind of interesting. That's neat. It's neat to go dickless for him. He said,

thoughts, positive or otherwise, my Instagram is ConnorMcD44. Yours, Julie, Connor. And then he named it.

Yours, Julie is good. And then he named it dickless for chickless. So thanks, Connor. Thanks, High and Lonesome.

Thanks to you guys for listening. We'll be back after Thanksgiving where we'll be a lot more full. I'm gonna eat a pie. Jag and the Mayor Two core Jews Yeah, you know it's if I were you Jag and the Mayor

Two core dudes If they asked, I'd send them nudes Jag and the Mayor Seize the fucking cheese Jag and the Mayor, Mama Jag in the mail, mama Turn down the podcast, please Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Seize the fucking cheese Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, she shall twas her dream That was a HeadGum Podcast. With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, That was a HeadGum Podcast.