Segments - 318: Is College Worth It? (with Miel and Demi!)

Episode Date: March 12, 2018

Friends and fellow HeadGum podcasters Miel Bredouw and Demi Adejuyigbe join us to discuss private parts, living abroad, and learning how to cook for yourself.And catch our episode of their podcast, PUNCH UP THE JAM, on HeadGum.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only There's a lot of bad advice that they give And they give and they give and they give And they give and they give to me I was really calm until she stopped texting me

All of this anxiety's a struggle to me I think she felt my boner when she cuddled with me I'ma just say fuck it and go zero to D I don't wanna write it and they diss me Yeah, I take advice if they giving to me Hoping that the game boy's gonna pick me Hope my parents don't check browserse's history. Jake's play. Amir's play. Now we're just going to go around Miami giving out sort of okay advice to strangers. You're talking about the video where Drake gives a solid amount of cash to strangers?

Yes. Demi Amiel. What's up? In the house. That was accurately stated. A God's plan. Drake parody. Though Miel brings up a good point. Is it a parody if he just steals the beat and then makes a different song about it?

It's just like a remake. Part two. It's not making a... Although, what did Weird Al do? Did Weird Al do parodies or did he just like... Is Amish Paradise a parody? Well, because it rhymes. So I feel like if it rhymes with the original title. But it's not like commenting

on the original. It's just like a song that sounds like the original. Yeah, what defines parody? Do we do parody? Don't touch up the jam or is that just using the beat? I just hear that word a lot. Right, there's parody is just sort of a way that you can get away

with stealing. Yeah. No, no, no. I was making fun of it. Were you? Or did you just take the beats? Well, whatever. It's a parody.

Actually, Queen, Ice Ice Baby is a parody. Yeah. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Parody. I didn't steal it, but if I did, it was actually a parody.

That guy said, it was written by Aaron Tian, and he said, he has no SoundCloud to promote, but he did make an app called FlightDrop that helps you search for airfare. Ooh, cool. So FlightDrop, shout out to FlightDrop, which is also a cool name. I thought it was really good. Plane simulator where you get

to crash for fun. Is that true? No. Oh, you're saying it sounds like that. Yeah. Maybe you're just punching that idea up if you haven't already done too much. That's what you guys are pros at. Yeah, when people tell us things they've done, we're like, here's how it could be better. We have no friends. We should say that you have a new HeadGum podcast called Punch Up the Jam where you guys make these types of,

I don't want to say parody now because I'm afraid, but you take songs and make them better. Yeah. I mean, finger quotes to your podcast. Yeah, how would you explain it to your aunt? You're in an elevator that's better. Yeah. I mean, what's the elevator pitch to your podcast? Yeah, how would you explain it to your aunt? You're in an elevator that's crashing.

Okay. You have three seconds to live and you want to use that time to get one more subscriber. Splat! Oh, you should have cut Jake off. It was a test.

It started while he was talking. I would say my friend Demi and I. Just friends? What the hell is that supposed to mean? You're right. I mean, barely friends. My best friend. Correct. Demi and I just friends what the hell is that supposed to mean barely friends my best friend Demi and I

we revisit classic tunes that maybe could use a little bit of a shoeshine that's good and we try to make them better like songs that didn't necessarily age well or were never good or actually are great and were just really brave

yeah most of our songs so far have been songs that we like and think are genuinely enjoyable but also if you take a close look at them you're like oh well how did we all get so excited about this for so long they're like the avatar of music basically yes they're the avatar of music very nice jake and i were on an episode where we dissected your song by elton john right that's an example yeah we did one welcome to the Jungle, that was really fun in large part because Demi made the most insane punch up

I've ever heard of anything. Really? He made a full musical number. That's the craziest part about your podcast is that every week you not only have to record the show, which is fine to moderate difficulty. Yeah, you write a new song. But then you write a new song every week.

Is that sustainable? Who knows? Oh, I mean, sustainability is not what we're going for. We're going to be, I can't wait to see like a progression of photos from like the first episode where we look like bright eyed and bushy tailed in the end where it's like Obama at the end of his presidency and we're all gray haired. Kill me!

Yeah, we're all just like, it's episode 20 and we're dead. But I think by doing this a lot, we've sort of gotten good at doing it somewhat quickly or at least planning it out where if we want to do a crazy punch up, we're like, lot, we've sort of gotten good at doing it somewhat quickly or at least planning it out where if we want to do a crazy punch up, we're like,

all right, we'll record this episode in two weeks. Right. Take your time. Or, you know, just like live fast, die young. Exactly.

Burn out bright. Yeah. Good hosts do it well. Well, this is a different podcast. This is an advice show. It's called If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet

that Jake and I host. That's true. Sometimes we have friends. Today we have best friends in the studio. Hell yeah. Tammy and Miguel. I was going to talk about the fact that you guys are coming to Austin with us, but by the time this episode comes out, you will have already been back in Los Angeles.

We went to Austin with you. It was so fun. It was crazy. It's so sad that Amir and I died in a plane crash on the way home. I know. What a way to go I warned you guys That was a little weird

We did try to fly the plane Great show guys Don't get on that plane Bye That was three days before our flight too I didn't know what you were talking about Anyway these are questions submitted to us From real people

They are begging for our wisdom I don't know what you were talking about. Anyway, these are questions submitted to us from real people. They are begging, begging for our wisdom. But we're going to give them a fake name just to preserve their anonymity so we don't out them in any way, shape, or form. Miel, do you have a fake name to give this person so we can reference them? It's a lady, an 18-year-old female virgin. Yeah, okay, for sure. Her name is absolutely Carlin. Carlin. Carlin. That's good. Like George? Like her first name Her name is absolutely Carlin. Carlin.

Carlin. That's good. Like George? Like her first name is absolutely and her last name is Carlin? Hi, I'm absolutely Carlin. It's also her handle on everything. Sounds like a Nickelodeon TV show. Please don't steal it.

It's George Carlin's autobiography too. All right, she writes, Carlin writes, I'm an 18 year old Female And a virgin I've been dating my boyfriend For two months now And we've been talking about Losing our virginities To each other He also talks about

How excited he is To eat me out I'm looking forward To all this happening Except for one thing That's making me nervous I've always been insecure About how my pussy looks

It's a totally normal, healthy, and good-looking pussy. Wow, okay, stop bragging. For the most part, in terms of shape and size. The thing I'm insecure about is the color. I am of Indian descent and I have tan skin. Like most

girls of my skin color, my pussy... I feel weird saying pussy so much. Yeah. But I'm just reading her email, so I have to. It's also the inflection, which you say, like, my pussy. I feel weird saying pussy so much. Yeah. Talking about her. But I'm just reading her email, so I have to. It's also the inflection, which you say, like, my pussy. My pussy. You're really leaning into it. Yeah. That's right.

Head on. Most girls of my skin color, my pussy area, is darker than the rest of my body. After years of watching porn that's dominated by white and light-skinned pussy, I've grown to find my pussy unattractive. She is writing it a lot just to fuck with you, I think. I imagine my boyfriend, who is white, has had similar experience in watching mostly white girl porn. Will he be grossed out or find it weird when he finally sees my... Pussy! Yeah!

Yay! Do guys care about this sort of thing or am I overthinking it? I'm pretty comfortable around my boyfriend and he's really nice, so I'm sure he would never say anything weird even if it did bother him. I'm not really insecure in any other area of my looks. I'm a solid 10 out of 10 smoke show. Okay, again.

Should I be worried? It does not seem like she has a confidence issue. She has half of a confidence issue, but she writes, should I be worried or should does not seem like she has a confidence issue. She has half of a confidence issue. But she writes, should I be worried or should I just let him eat my pussy and ride that dick like the bad bitch I am? Love your show. Thanks. Like the bad bitch virgin that I am. I love the confidence that Karlyn is bringing to this.

Does this ring true for any of you? Does anybody like have a story? I was super insecure about the color of my pussy. Really? Yeah. You said yours was beet red. That's right. Yeah, dark purple like an eggplant.

Oh, God. Yeah, the outside too. Oh. The outside of an eggplant, not the inside, which sort of looks like a vagina. I don't, well, hmm. Amir took a deep, deep victory sip

from his coffee after he said that. From my red wine. It is 1 p.m. Do you think that's real? The email? Yeah. Yes. You do?

I do. We've gotten a lot of fake ones. Because I just felt so, I'm so confused by the juxtaposition of insecurity and confidence at the same time. I think that she's trying to mask, she's definitely insecure. Okay. It's sort of like, I feel like. False confidence.

The boyfriend's probably a little nervous too. Like, I'm so excited to eat your pussy. And is it his first time too? Yeah. So we know he's a virgin, but is he like a cunnilingus virgin? Oh, that we don't know. But I assume so. The talking about how excited he is to eat me out seems like a sort of overconfidence.

Sorry about that. No, it's all right. It seems like the sort of thing that you would like reassert to sort of be like, I am so excited. There's nothing bothering me about any of this, but I don't think that it suggests

that he's nervous about the look of her vagina. No, yeah. As much as he is just about the act in general. He's so excited to eat me out. I'm like, wait, you've already been dating

for two months. Is there like a date you're waiting for? When I was a senior in high school, my girlfriend and I were waiting for prom. Are you serious? Oh, yeah. For sex or for cunnilingus? I guess, but actually for, no. We did the cunnilingus thing earlier.

That's what I'm saying. That usually kind of horse before the cart, right? Yeah. So I'm confused and wonder if that of horse before the cart, right? So I'm confused and wonder if that's because she's like, no. I thought prom stood for pussy-rana-mouth. Wasn't it? Pussy-rana-mouth?

Pussy-rana? Sorry, pussy-ana-mouth. Pussy-rana-mouth. You forgot the R. Oh yeah, prom. Pussy-rana-mouth. Pussy rides on mouth. Will you go to prom with me sorry can i eat you out i feel like a lot of people wait for prom is like their first their first sexual experience overall and i don't i don't know personally i've never separated like the first time that we have sex from like the

first time that i eat someone out so i i just don't think of it as like two different moments in a relationship yeah yeah. Oh, yeah. I think that makes me so sad because I'm like, well, first of all, there is so much not white porn if you know where to look for it. So like watch that. Yeah. Actually, if you sort by like the most popular videos on Pornhub, a lot of them are Indian videos.

Are they? Yeah. I've done this before because I was curious. Yeah. Sometimes I don't know how much Pornhub knows about me. So when I'm sorting through the popular videos, I'm like, are these really the most popular videos or are they just the most popular ones that you know that I'll click?

It's like, wait, all of these are porn stars that are into porn podcast hosts? I don't understand. Those are the most popular? I'm a little bit nervous that I get too many stepsister videos and stepdaughter videos. Whoa. What did you

Google? But now it's like this self-fulfilling prophecy where I click the ones that are promoted. I can't be bothered to type. There is a genuine upswing in incest porn and I know this because yesterday

we had a porn parody contest at our Oscars party. And I did not win for I, Tanya, like to fuck and I think that's really mean. It would have, I mean,

you know your audience, I would have voted for that but someone suggested Shape of Daughter and then someone else suggested the Shape of Stepdaughter and I was like, all right,

come on guys and someone was like, I mean, there's a big upswing in incest porn. And see, every time I say something like that, I feel like somebody's going to was like, all right, come on guys. And someone was like, I mean, there's a big upswing in incest porn. And see, every time I say something like that, I feel like somebody is going to be like, maybe for your Pornhub. Just exposing yourself needlessly.

Oh yeah, no, no, no. My search terms are never daughter. It's like how people are convinced that their phone is listening to them and serving them ads based on what they say. It's probably the same thing with Pornhub. They probably hear you jerking off and they're like oh this is what he likes screaming out my daughter my daughter is that my daughter in there ESPN.com I saw some interesting reddit thing that was like uh porn it was some porn site that ranks

popularity or maybe it was just that it should rank popularity, by the last video or which video gets closed because it's like, okay, that one is so good that it ends people's porn searches. Yeah, that one made everybody nut. Yeah, exactly. Wait, do you usually watch more than one porn in one sitting? Oh my god.

I don't know. I'm serious. Oh, that's so... Jake's response was very funny. That's so sweet, meow. Yes? I don't know. I'm serious. Oh, that's so. Jake's response was very funny. That's so sweet, Mielle. Yes? I don't know. I don't look at porn. I have like fucking 30 different tabs open on 10 different.

So you're just skipping from while you maintain? Oh, yeah. Mielle, have you ever opened Hulu and skipped through a million types of shows before finding the one that you want to watch? No. Well, can't relate. I'm like, I'm very like, I know what I like. I watch porn like Tom Cruise in Minority Report.

It's like windows everywhere. You need to get yourself a precog. Somebody's like, you're going to come to the stepsister video. I'm usually coming to the precogs. Yeah, you're also watching Minority Report. That's right. I'm like, I learned something.

Thank you. That's good. That's really nice I learned something. Thank you. That's good. That's really nice. But I feel like to Carlin, I would say that I don't think you should be so nervous about the look of your pussy. Just in general, if your boyfriend's into you, he's going to be into your pussy. Yes. And will probably not bring up any problem he has with it, but over time would get used to any dude but if he did if he was like whoa it's

brown dump him yeah that's not that's not on you to have to like educate someone else how bodies look and also if you're comfortable with this person after two months I think that they like they should be like so down for whatever like there's no way his dick is just like

clean and pristine and perfect looking well also if it's his first time like if you think for a second that guy is like wondering what your vagina looks like and not like if he's good at it yeah he's way more concerned about himself yeah exactly that like this insecurity thing is going both ways for sure

oh go ahead oh I was just gonna say that I wonder if his excitement to eat her out is based on him being like, I might not be good at sex, so I've just been practicing cunnilingus. I'm going to fucking nail this part of it. I know I'm going to explode as soon as you touch my penis, so I'm going to try to get you off first.

Yeah. I think that if you guys are ready to like go down on each other and start fucking, you could also tell him if you're insecure about something yeah you are allowed to talk about it yeah you could even just say like i'm so scared my vagina is brown and everyone i've seen has been pink right and i bet your boyfriend is going to be like i know i have an idea of what it will look like because who's to say he doesn't watch not white porn you don't know what he's into so would you bring it up if you were her or would you just say he probably won't know or care and it's better not to bring it up at all i think if i were her outside of him if i felt weird about my body i would work on that as a

person oh like dying it yeah um labia bleaching for sure everything but like a little labial bleach like i totally get why she'd be insecure and it's not her fault at all like if you aren't white in this country like you are the other so i get why she'd be like oh oh no this is weird but i feel like she deserves to be super psyched about her vagina even even if there's not a dude involved. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I wonder, too, like, how much she masturbates.

You know what I mean? Because, like, there's no way to make yourself feel sexier than to just be like, yeah, look at that. Yeah, get it, girl. Like. Yo, break out the mirror, babe. Yeah, you know? Like, maybe. So I'm going to, I'll respond and I'll answer, I'll ask her, how often do you masturbate?

No. As a follow-up. You said pussy way more than she wrote it in that email, too. She said private parts, I'm pretty sure. I'm so sorry. I'm Miss Rhett. Or maybe it was some sort of weird acronym. Anyway, did we answer

that one? Yeah, I think so. I think it's all gonna work out. Your boyfriend's gonna be very, very excited about your vagina. Yeah, I mean, and you should be, too. Yeah, true. Vaginas are tight as fuck. And, like, literally babies come out of them. But not all of them, and you should be too. Vaginas are tight as fuck. And like literally babies come out of them. But not all of them, and that's okay. Somebody brought up a good point.

It was you, Demi, that this guy's nervous as fuck about his dick. Oh, yeah. So like he probably does not have the space right now to be like, oh, her pussy's weird. Your pussy could be a square and he'd just be like, oh, I hope my dick is gonna... Is my dick weird? Should my dick be a square? That's what the... Yeah, there's the first kiss, first blowjob,

first sex, and then the first time you just ask somebody if your dick is fine. Right. When did you lose yours? My dick fine virginity. Still haven't. Nice. And everybody tells me it's fucked up actually so i'm waiting for that one person to tell me it's fine all right demi do you have a 47 year old man's name oh he's got to be 47 though 47 yep richie nice he never outgrew it huh nope

sometimes you find something that works He wears a really small leather jacket. No rich, no dick. Hey guys, I'm Richie, a 47-year-old man, and I'm probably one of your oldest listeners introduced to the show by my son. Hell yeah. He's a senior in high school, and he's in the middle of applying to colleges. He does not have the best grades, but is still applying for community colleges because me and my wife have told him to.

He's expressed to us that he does not want to go to college because he does not like school and because I could give him a pretty high-paying job at a construction company that I manage. He has been working part-time for a while, so I know he has the potential of going full-time, but I really want him to go to college and gain more experience and knowledge. Should I make him go to college

and should I do this by saying I won't offer him a job? Or should I accept that school is just not for him and let him start his adult life working for me? Best regards, Richie. What do you guys think about college? Did you go? Is it overrated? Is it underrated? I went to college.

I think it's partially overrated. Where did you go? I went to UT in Austin. Oh, I knew that. Great school. I feel like, funny enough, I think this is like the opposite. My advice is probably the opposite thing that a lot of parents suggest, where it's like they take a gap year and then go to college.

I think I would say because he seems so cocksure of not wanting to go to college and wanting to fall back on this thing that his dad can provide for him, I would say if he can go to college for a year and then decide whether or not it's truly for him right oh a single year college and is it in his same town would he be moving out i would assume it's community college it's close to home so he's probably still gonna live at home then yeah let's say he still lives at home is that really an experience then it's not yeah it's just the college essential college experience. It's just the classes part.

It's just classes. Yeah. Which is like the worst part of college. Unless you're figuring out how to do laundry, it's not really college, I think. I do think that classes are the least essential part of college because it's like just an extension of education. But the biggest part of college is learning to be an adult, which means completely separating yourself from your parents. And like getting out of your comfort zone and trying new shit and being around new types of people.

Being a member of a community. Right. Some sort of fraternity. How about you, Miel? What's your college experience? Okay, well, in a nutshell, I knew I didn't want to go to university, so I amalgamated my own curriculum

by taking classes at community colleges, private lessons, classes at night school. And I just kind of like made my ideal education from like four or five institutions. Where was this? An a la carte education. A la carte education. In LA? Yeah. And did you do four years worth of a la carteness?

Like three. Yeah. And I got really good at the things I wanted to do. And I was like, cool. I don't actually need a piece of paper to be good Like three. Yeah. And I got really good at the things I wanted to do and I was like, cool, I don't actually need a piece of paper to be good at it.

Yeah. So I was happy with that but I don't think I would have had at all the kind of growth I had and clarity about my life if I was living at home

when I did that. Yeah. That to me is the biggest thing. Yeah, it's all about moving away. Right? I'm almost like,

dude, this kid, fuck college, just like trap. Give him a full-time job and let him. Trap his ass. That's free labor. No. way right i'm almost like dude this kid fuck college just like give him a full-time job and let him uh trap his ass that's free labor no i feel like that kid needs to go do something other for a while right go away for a time yeah yeah but then also like or he could go into the wild

become an adult by having a full-time job and making a salary and moving out. But for your dad? I mean, I think, I feel like this would be a different story if he hadn't already been working part-time for his dad. Right. If dad likes the son as an employee, like doesn't think he's a piece of shit, thinks he would be a good worker and the kid is like, I want to work full-time. That sounds fine to me. When I was 18, I knew what I, or I didn't know what I wanted to do. So like I thought maybe college was for me.

I had a guidance counselor that was like, college is a bad idea for you. I was like, no, no, no, it's going to be fine. My parents wanted me to go. I went. It didn't take. I moved back home. Why did he say it would be bad for you? Because he said I was a bad student and I didn't want to go to college.

He was not a great guidance counselor. But in the end, he was right. Like, college is not for everybody. Yeah. Do you regret doing it, though? I guess I don't regret it because it led me to the career I had eventually. Right. But I don to do. If I had like been given the tools and like allowed to do like what I articulated I wanted, I could have done it faster.

Did you know before going that's what you wanted? I knew that I wanted to be a writer, but I didn't really know how. So I wonder if there's a college out there that just doesn't have you go in a class. It's like you live in dorms. You have to like make food sometimes. Sometimes you have a meal plan. You got to do your own laundry. But then like you also don't have to go to like Southeast Asian Studies 101.

Like that's a weird part of college. It's a co-op. Yeah. Yeah. I want to college. Yeah. Communal living. A school without the classes part because it doesn't really matter if you learn astronomy in a weird class with 800 people in it.

And there are plenty of people in college who have no idea what they want to do. They're just like, oh, I'm going to do astronomy and religious studies and political science and I'm on a rugby team. Which is fine unless you're paying $51,000 a year. Yeah. But then this kid is like, I know that I want to work construction with my dad. Well, does he? Because to me, I'm hearing that maybe it's just fear of unknown that's informing that

want. You know what I mean? I can't tell if this kid's like, I fucking love construction. Or if he's just like, I don't know. I don't, I'm not a big guy. I don't need to do, like, is it a confidence thing? I'll just work with you, dad. Yeah.

That's a good question for the dad to explore. Like, is this, is it like a positive thing? Is he like, I know what I want to do and I'm feeling good. Or is it like, yeah, I'm afraid. That's true. I don't know. Or is it even just like, I can do this, so why explore further options? Because you don't know what else is out there.

Maybe, you know. So what would you do if you were a parent already of an 18-year-old already? Would you tell them, you got to go to school? Would you say, you can't work here? You can't – it's like you got to go home, but you can't stay here. Like 18-year-olds and like an adult, if he's like, I don't want to go to college, you make them. But what happens once – That's like what happened to you.

Yeah. They made you go. They made me go, but they couldn't make me go to class. Dad. Yeah. I'd probably be like, I want you to do it for like at least a semester and then we can reconsider.

Like, because I wouldn't want to force them to be like, you're going all four years and you're doing it this way. But I'd also want to push them to be like, you have to at least understand what college is for you before saying you don't want to do it.

A bargain. Yeah. What if you took the money that you were going to spend on a year of community college and said, here, go travel,

come back in two months, then tell me if you still want to work here a year of community college and said, here, go travel, come back in two months, then tell me if you still want to work here. You know what I mean? Because if the kid doesn't want to learn something, fine, but at least experience other things so that you don't have that worst case scenario if he just works that job and then resents the shit out of his dad forever for it.

If you're not going to go to college, you got to at least go to Portugal. Like, okay, dad. That's like a sick deal. You're the man, dad. That's like a sick deal. Do the man, dad. Here's $3,100. I don't want to see you again until December 15th.

Go stay at a hostel in Lisbon. Yeah, like make it work and then come back a changed man or fixate it on this thing you want to do and now you know you want to do it. Well, I went to Portugal and I built some shit there. So here we are.

So now you know I'm into construction. But I don't know how to eat a lot of shitty ass food in a dining hall dad here's six months of laundry i didn't figure it out just wet shirts in a duffel bag uh all right let's take a break thank some sponsors and we'll be back with more demi and miel after this demi and miel do you guys have any we made one like fake one and at the end i did mention i don't even know how we got there but at a certain point it was tell telling my mom i'm about to come.

Anyway. You didn't warn them about this thing at all. We usually play a different one. That one was sent to us from South Africa. Do you have anything for me yelling I'm coming inside my mom? I never mentioned inside. That was a weird liberty he took. I love the pause that you had to take before being like, all right, look, I'm going to have to explain this.

So I'm coming. My mom's there or not. Anyway. Fair enough. Kevin from South Africa wrote that one, so we appreciated that stinger. Anyway, unsolicited advice. Do you guys have anything that you would like to tell?

You go. I would say if you are someone who is creative but you find yourself getting through a lot of creative roadblocks I'll forget this one just find like set an alarm for some point in the day where you are always free and do that thing for 10 minutes even if

it's just writing the words the over and over because I think setting a schedule for having to force yourself to work on something is the easiest way to actually get that thing done. And I find that a lot of times I don't get something done unless I'm sitting down and having to clear everything out and follow this routine when it'd be so much easier to just be like, all right, giving myself 10 minutes to try and do this. And then by the ninth minute, I'm like, wait, okay, I have one little thing.

And then you sort of spread that 10 minutes to 15 then the 30 and then an hour and it's just like if you force yourself to get into the habit of doing that thing that is hard for you to do then it becomes easier over time routine and schedule yes do you have a schedule even if you don't have a job that day that's probably the best way to do it i don't have a job currently and it's the worst because i'm just like i need someone else to tell me to do the thing. But then like if I give myself a point where I'm like, all right, I'll just start writing for 10 minutes and see what comes out. I'm like clear everything. Like I'm not going to check Twitter. I'm not going to check my phone.

Just 10 minutes. And then by that like ninth minute, I am sort of going like, wait, okay, now here's a thought that might work for it. And even if it's not a good idea, you've written something down and later you can look at it for the next 10 minutes and go, that was shit. Here's how I can make it better that's great that's good it feels like those things are like at odds with creativity sometimes because you're like oh creativity you never know when it's gonna strike wait for the muse baby but like the way our lives are now that's just that's not ever gonna happen like because you can keep your day so completely full of distractions yeah and a lot of times that muse will come when it's like

oh i'm doing something else right now so i can't really tackle it but if you just like give yourself the 10 minutes or something then it's like you don't have to come up with the idea then and there but you can write a shitty thing and then look at it later and go that was shitty but i know how to make it better yes a lot of people don't are afraid to start stuff because they're like oh it's gonna suck it has to be perfect the first time and you have to write so much stuff that sucks yeah you should suck for a while absolutely out now get the sucks out get the sucks out mom i'm getting the sucks out i'm sucking the sucks what's your sleep schedule like are you like if i don't have work i'm just gonna stay up till 6 a.m uh yes a lot of the time and it's terrible but all i think i'm getting slowly

better about it by having to wake up earlier for things that I'm like, oh, I know that I'm going to need to work with daylight. So I'm just going to try and get up at 8 and do what I can. But, yeah, it's really bad. Do you have like a time of day where you think that you're the most creative? Yeah. Or is that like what this whole thing is combating? The thing is usually I feel like I'm most creative at like 8 p.m. but that's.

Yeah, you're a night person. I am so, very much a night person and a lot of times like we will have a podcast recording she'll be like, oh are you, like when did you go to sleep? I'm like, oh like 4 a.m. I started working at midnight. But I got a thing done and I need to like push that so much earlier and earlier because I go crazy when I'm just like having to make at night. And then I'm like,

well, I need noise to do this. And I have a roommate and he's going to have to hear me just yelling. You should buy blackout curtains so you always think it's nighttime in your house. Just become a vampire. I could do that. That's your other piece of advice. That's Miel's piece of unsolicited advice. Suck blood. Get some fangs.

Study from garlic. Miel, do you have anything see if you can beat that well like it is a competition i was gonna say something stupid but now i'm like wait that's a good advice fuck okay i'll give good advice it's barely good advice i feel like something i learned recently that's been a total game changer is that the way you feed yourself affects everything. Oh, shit. Everything. Yes.

I learned the same. All right, go ahead. I just had pizza and ice cream for lunch. Yeah. How is that going to affect me? You're going to shit, man. It's like, it's this weird. Oh, shit.

It's happening. Mom, I'm shitting. Because our generation is so into eating out and eating junk food shit, like probably more than any generation ever before us. Because we can. Because we can. It's an option. It's so easy. And it tastes good.

Like fucking Postmates. And it's cheap. And we're all like addicted to work. But in not feeding ourselves and making food for ourselves, it's almost like this subconscious way of being like you don't matter enough to spend 30 minutes actually making a nice meal for yourself. So if you're a trash person, you eat trash food and then you start eating more trash food. Even on a subconscious level, like it feeds into your perception of yourself. And so like, even if it's a simple item, like you make yourself a nice sandwich, genuinely. Everyone likes sandwiches.

Your whole sense of self is like boosted in this very hard to define way and then you feel better about your routines and your habits and your work schedule and things just kind of start making more sense and it's the tiniest adjustment what's your what's in your perfect sandwich oh dude okay are you ready though uh actually how much time do you have we have like four seconds perfect you take you take this fucking chow cheese that's vegan and it's amazing. Chow cheese. Chow cheese, original flavor. It's very important.

What nut is that made from? It's coconut based. It's so good and it melts. Just trust me. I know it sounds gross, but it's bomb. Coconut cheese. Okay. Then you take that garlic spread from Trader Joe's.

I don't know if you've had that. It's got a cult following. It's amazing. Is it like a mayo or is it like straight up garlic? It's like just whipped oil and garlic. It tastes amazing. Okay. So you got that cheese, you got the garlic.

Spread that all over your bread. I like to use like a kind of a sturdy French bread. And then you get spinach, tomatoes, onion. And then if you're into like extra shit, sometimes I'll do like some kind of marinated tofu or like a tempeh shit situation. You're the veggie. You're a veggie? I'm vegan, yeah. Vegan.

And then sandwich them together, press it, grill on both sides. Whoa. Boom. Grilled sandwich. Honestly, if you're feeling crazy, throw in some of those hot and spicy jalapenos

from Trader Joe's, which are fucking amazing. You love the Joe's. Oh, the Joe's is my jam. TJ's, dude. Tray J's is where I live. Tray J's. It's so good.

And you're like, okay, I did it. And you take like 10 minutes for yourself just to like have a nice little meal yeah for no reason have you heard that thing

that like a lot of you if you start your day by like making your bed yes it's like it's that mini accomplishment

that like sets your whole entire day right yeah oh wow it's the same thing yeah it is like even when I fucked up

making food I've been cooking for the last like two years yeah even when I did it bad I was like so proud of the last like two years yeah even when I did it bad I was like so proud of myself

that I'd take a photo of everything see it's just like it's a tiny joy but like it actually kind of makes you feel good

in a real way puts one up in the W column that's so very real like the thing of like oh yeah I fucked this up but I made it but I did it

I made fucking pasta and there's chicken on one side and lettuce on the I'm like I did this we don't have many opportunities to feel like that as adults. Yeah.

Like other than career-based, which is like, you know, kind of got a dark side too. Right. Career-based. Just for fun for yourself. Do you ever do the like deliver me a meal plan thing? No. Like, hey, just throw a salad at my door every morning at 10 a.m. and I'll pay you $15. I feel like I can't say that I don't like those because obviously they sponsor a lot of podcasts.

I'm not a fan. Your blue apron ad airs next week. I'm not talking about making it yourself either. I'm talking about that pre-made meal plan shit. Oh, where it's like delivered, fully done. See, I'm like kind of an environmentalist, so all that packaging super bums me out. My old roommate used to do that,

and it was always this, it always seemed weird. Like, it was kind of just, seemed weird like it was kind of just it felt like he was getting fresh meals but i was just like well it's still being yeah and you're frozen and like delivered and like it's just coming to you it's also not hard to make a salad right and you're like literally removing the human element which is by far the nicest part of eating like someone made this for me it's like no they made it for money you're paying for an overbearing mom who delivers you food every single day. But it's not even made by your mom.

Oh, because my mom works at Thistle. She's the CMO though. She's not packaging. My mom is, I couldn't think of a name. Jenny Fresh from Hello Fresh. What a weird coincidence that is. Jay Fresh. Are you a good chef?

No. Are you Mike Ravinshit? I try not to, but a lot of times I do. I think if there's ever a point at which I do have the time to make myself a meal, then I'm just like, why not just fucking cook a chicken in a pan and throw some shit on it? And then I'm like, great, I did this. Throw some shit on a chicken. Yeah, my recipe.

Cooking chicken's scary. It is scary, but over time I realized that most meat is just like, put it in some oil and keep flipping it until it's not pink on the inside. Except for steak, which is good when it's like that. Yes. And then pasta's like, oh, put it in the water and boil it until it's soft and then put some pesto and congrats, you're Wolfgang Puck. Rice is like level two of pasta.

It's like, oh, you can boil shit? All right, that's a pretty good start. What can be the right amount of shit? I've been cooking rice for a very long time and it's still like a coin toss

if I fuck it up real bad. It's never easy. Although I do feel like I'd be remiss if I didn't point out Demi just mentioned pesto and Demi eats pesto with tortilla chips

as if it's a dip. What's weird about that? They say you can spread it on bread. Why can't I spread it on stale Mexican bread? Chips are stale Mexican. Well, tortilla chips. This is Demi's brand of tortilla chips. Stale Mexican bread.

Yeah. Is that not, y'all don't, oh, just me? Okay. You're thinking of biscottis. I am thinking of biscottis. And I'll put a pesto on that. That're thinking of biscottis. I am thinking of biscottis. And I'll put a pesto on that. That famous Mexican bread biscottis. All right, two very solid tips.

What was your stupid advice? Drink more water. That's super stupid advice. So dumb. I fucking love water, dude. I don't know why we don't drink it more. I feel like I've had this conversation like three times in the last days

of how good water is. It's so good. It's so good. Do you know? Sparkling water sucks. Any sparkling water? I'm not a fan. He's a hater.

I'm a hater. I don't like sparkling water either. But, oh, Dave Eggers. There's a book that he wrote where he calls water the unadulterated soul of the universe. Whoa. And I just. That's deep. Yeah, I fucking believe it. And I love water so much.

Every time I drink water, I'm like, this is me. I pee twice since you guys got here. Oh, I feel you. When water is cold and the moment where it touches your lips and you're like, that's the best thing in the world. I'm just like, yeah, I'm an adult. And it feels good to drink water. Dude, fun thing to do, room temp water.

Chug a huge cup first thing when you wake up. Oh, yeah. It's amazing. I got that tip. It's like you lose two cups of water when you sleep every night. Wait, what? Is that true? You have to just pour it back into your body at the end of the day.

You're full of lies. I don't believe you. That's what somebody told me. Why would I do? I would just be like, great, the water isn't out. No, it's like evaporating or sweating or whatever. And you want it in there. Yeah, you basically wake up and just pour water into your stomach again.

You were doing that water suppository thing where you stick a water balloon up your ass when you wake up. Yeah, so I'll sleep with a balloon in my asshole. And then whenever I get a bad dream, it'll explode in me and sort of leak out all the bad ideas. And that's how you lose the two cups of water? Yeah. You just wake up in the middle of the night like, ha, pop. You shouldn't clench your anus when you wake up. It's like a nightmare catcher.

Nice. All right, I wanted to answer one more question. Since we have you guys, but not for very much longer. All right? We have another guy's name. Miel, do you have a guy's name? How old? Let's call him 29.

Oh, he's for sure like a Chet. Oh, that's good. Definitely a Chet. Hanks. Chet Hanks, right. Did Tom Hanks really sure like a Chet. Oh, that's good. Definitely a Chet. Hanks. Chet Hanks writes. Did Tom Hanks really name his son Chet? I don't know if he did or if he named himself Chet Hayes. Yeah, I don't think Tom Hanks would have done that.

And Colin is such a normal guy. Yeah. How did Chet get so fucked up? Where did we go wrong with Chet? He also has Truman, so maybe there's a slope. Oh, there's a middle one? Yeah. Yeah, we don't know too much about the middle one. Anyway,

this Chet Hayes writes, Seven or eight years ago, my friend invested in Bitcoin. I think it was worth not too much back then, so my friend had bought a few of them. One night, about eight years ago, I went out to dinner and a movie with a few of my friends, and I ended up paying for the friend who had bought the Bitcoin.

After we went back to my house after the movie, I remember he said that he would pay me back using some of his Bitcoin that he recently bought. Apparently, I signed up for a Coinbase account and he transferred the money over to me. I completely forgot about this money until your recent podcast where Amir gave the unsolicited advice about cryptocurrency. That advice inspired me to check to see if I still even had Bitcoin in my Coinbase account. And sure enough, it's still in there and it's valued at over $20,000. Now this all sounds great, but I don't know what to do. Should I tell my friend about this money? I feel like he's forgotten about giving me the Bitcoin because he hasn't mentioned anything in years. If I do tell him, I feel like he would be entitled to some of the money, but I really do not want to give him any of it because

I have major student loans I need to pay off. I do not want to lose some of the money, but I really do not want to give him any of it because I have major student loans I need to pay off. I do not want to lose some of the money, but I also do not want to create a rift in this friendship that I've had for over 12 years. What should I do? Love, Chet Hayes. I don't understand why he thinks he would owe his friend some of the money. Yeah, that's because he basically, he gave him the Bitcoin. So it's like, it's kind of like that sour grapes thing. Have you guys seen that movie where a guy gives another guy a quarter? He plays a slot machine and wins a million dollars. And it's like, all right, now I deserve some of that money. I gave you the quarter.

So maybe he's afraid his friend will be like, I deserve some of that money. I gave you the Bitcoin. But that's exactly what happened. You gave me the Bitcoin. Also, if you give someone money knowing that they are doing, like they're going to use that to play a chance based game. It's like when someone's like, oh, here, I bought you a lottery ticket and it's yours. If you are like, oh, you won.

Now I get it. Then you're an asshole who's just like, if you didn't win, then it was just for you. But if you did win, then I'm actually just doing this for you. They're both winners, though. Because he still has some. This guy in theory. Yeah. So if he if anything, you'll be a good friend

if you remind the kid right hey remember check your bitcoin dude because the one you gave me is worth 20k I gave you one no I actually used it to pay off my loans

oh it's already gone yeah also do you want to do you want to apologize to everybody that lost money in cryptocurrency because you're unsolicited

lost money you've only lost money if you've sold right now I've just told you to invest money. A couple weeks ago, you told everybody to get in the crypto game

and now it is just It's a sure bet. Yeah. Well, I told them to only gamble money that you're willing to lose. And everybody did lose. Of course.

And so will this guy if he doesn't sell out his Bitcoin. So my unsolicited advice to him is to get out with over $20,000 free dollars. I feel like he should use to him is to get out with over $20,000 free dollars. I feel like he should use that money. Well, it's not $20,000 free dollars anymore. Now it's down to like, what, eight?

Well, I don't know how many he has, but if he has two. I see. So would you mention it to your friend? As like a funny little thing, or would you be afraid? I might, but I don't think I'd be obligated to. How close are they to? He said it's a 12-year friendship. Yeah, but like, I have a lot of friends I've known for that long that I talk to twice a year. Oh, that's not very muchated to. How close are they to? He said it's a 12 year friendship. Yeah, but like,

I have a lot of friends I've known for that long that like I talked to twice a year. Oh, that's not very much at all. You know what I mean? Yeah. I wouldn't say anything. Why do you have to say anything? Right, that's weird.

Just take the money and run. I would just be like, hey man, I just wanted to double check that you remember about Bitcoin things. I just remembered it and you probably have

a ton of money now. Yeah, and I got rid of mine. I wish I had one still. I sold all of mine when it was worth $600. And I can't find the last one that I had. Do you remember if I accidentally gave you a Bitcoin? He's wearing like a giant coat and like rings on everything. You're just like, I sold mine ages ago.

He's still riddled with student loan debt. It's so weird that he's taking the onus of like, I don't want to create a rift in the friendship. I'm like, well, if this pisses your friend off, that's definitely your friend's problem. Yeah. If you gave your friend a lotto ticket for his birthday or her birthday and they won $11 million, would you want some of that cash? I would want some. I would understand that I'm not

entitled to it. That's what a lotto ticket is. Would you think that person is an asshole if he didn't give you any? No. Listen, though, it's different, though, because this is paying back for actual money. This wasn't a random gift yeah this was this was just as easily could have completely tanked gone down to zero and then your friend got a free dinner right see so i don't think he owes him shit i would be like if i gave you a lot of ticket i'm gonna throw me some bones but if i was like here's five bucks back and then you invested that five bucks that was your money

yeah you owed it. Yeah. I'm going to ask all my friends that I gave money to 10 years ago. What did you end up doing with that money? Did you ever invest it? What did you invest in? That's crazy, Tom. That 10 bucks I gave you is now worth 4,000.

Or it could have been if you invested it. You owe me two grand. I gave Steve Jobs the money to buy a computer. And then he founded Apple. And now I owe. I am owed a million bucks. So you knew Steve Jobs but you have no idea what Apple's worth?

Correct. One million dollars, Steve. I'm gonna ruin you. Well, I gave him one dollar and then, I don't know, founding Apple probably cost a million dollars so I'm gonna get one millionth of how much he's worth. I gotta get him on the phone. I have some really bad news for you guys.

It's been a while since we've talked. Steve, hope you're well. Do you have the dollar that you owe me? If not, I'll take a million. I'm an idiot. How did we even know each other? I will accept Bitcoin, Steve. Anyway, call me back.

Bye. All right. Love, Woz. Anyway, call me back. Bye. All right. Love was. I guess you can tell your friend is what we're saying. He doesn't, you don't owe him anything. I would keep it a secret. What? Because I don't think that you need to.

You know, I don't think he has the right to be mad, but you might as well not even go down this road. But then you're going to have a weird tension of like keeping a secret. Yeah. Yeah, but that's fine. Just, here's what you do. Friendly text. Dude, do you remember you gave me Bitcoin? There you go. That's all you say.

And then you throw your phone away. Yeah, bitch, I remember. Or dude, do you still have any? Boom. Done. I don't. But what if he's like, no, I sold all mine and I'm dead broke. Oh, it sucks, bro. Let's go for beers. My treat. I'm dead broke. Oh, it sucks, bro. Let's go for beer. It's my treat.

I'm rich now. No, you don't even mention it. Have you guys ever had like lotto fantasies where it's like, if I won $100 million. Oh, yeah. And then would you tell anybody? In my fantasy, I don't tell anybody. I wouldn't tell a goddamn soul. Would you tell your family? No.

I literally would. Well, okay. So the thing is, I would use the money to provide for my family to a certain degree. But then I'd be like, that's all I want in the lotto. Sorry. What? Guys, you are so weird. I'd just be like, hey, I won money.

So good for me. Would you brag about winning $100 million? No. If someone asked me, I'd be like, yeah, I did. It's tight. So you would tell all your friends, basically. I wouldn't tell my friends either. I think I would tell all my friends. Yeah. i would brag all the time i would post on instagram i

would put it on my stories hey i was gonna say it's fake i've heard too many stories i would become lavish losing money or and also i'm already too much the kind of person who is like i want to provide and like help for people so i think if people were like came to me and said they were struggling they were friends i'd be be like, I got it. Like, and then I know a lot of people would say that fully aware that they are not struggling, just kind of want some money. So I'd just be like, I'm going to just invest this

or save it or put it away. But also I will know that if anyone ever mentions that they are struggling, I can help them and not worry about keeping your back pocket. I would immediately hire a money manager and then like any request, I would like loop him in. It's like, hey, I would love to help you pay for your student loans.

Looping in my money manager, Morty. Whoa, how does Jake have a money manager? I thought he just worked at HeadGum and now he has a money manager? That's awesome. That's that lotto money, baby. Whoa. Oh yeah, I forgot you were telling me.

Oh, I'm telling everybody. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know why you'd hide it. I don't know. I think I'd keep it a secret I'd be afraid but then I think if your friends found out

they'd feel horrible full circle what? if like your friends found out that you'd been keeping it from they wouldn't be like dude what the fuck why'd you tell us that

I think they'll be pissed if you have a hundred million dollars like well you can't give me a thousand dollars give me two thousand dollars I really need five thousand but again that's fucking that's their problem

right but then it creates a whole conversation I don't want to have that's a shitty friend I'm hanging out with fucking Rihanna and James Van Der Beek that's my new crew fucking Rihanna and James Van Der Beek.

That's my new crew. You could do better than James Van Der Beek. Yeah, what a two people. Rihanna and fucking Joshua Jackson there. Pacey over Dawson, for sure. Where does Rihanna fit into this narrative? I'm hanging out with Rihanna and Scott Baio. And we're all going to Tommy's Hamburgers.

Honestly, me and Rihanna are going to get together and choose the third member of the crew. I'm going to bring Josh Jackson, but if she has somebody else in mind. She's like Jay-Z. Rihanna's like, I'm already rich and famous and I'm friends with everybody I want to be friends with. We don't need to make a dream team. It'll be Van Der Beek for sure. If she has their own druthers, Rihanna's going to choose Van Der Beek. It's kind of crazy what happened to everybody in Dawson's Creek.

Like Katie Holmes went on to marry Tom Cruise. Michelle Williams went on to like... Rule the world. Rule the world. And Joshua Jackson went on to be one of the greatest actors of all time. He had a cameo in Kimmy Schmidt and married Diane Lane? Of course. Is that... Am I wrong? Who did he marry? Who married Diane Lane? Of course. Am I wrong?

Who did he marry? Who married Diane Lane? No, he was married. Am I thinking of Josh Brolin? Wait. Was he married to Kate Hudson? I thought Marty was married to Diane Lane. Marty?

Yeah. No. Marty McFly? No, Reese Witherspoon? Marty of HeadGum? Reese Witherspoon. Yeah. Was it Reese Witherspoon?

Joshua Jackson and Reese Witherspoon? No, I think it was Diane Lane or Kruger. Oh, Diane Kruger. She's beautiful. I thought he had kids with some famous A-list blonde lady. Anyway, you definitely married a Diane. It doesn't matter which one. Diane! It doesn't really matter. About Josh and Diane.

All right, that's it. That's it. We're done. It was Diane Kruger. No way. Good for him. Had to figure it out. Do you guys want to promote anything besides your podcast?

What's going on? Not me. All right. So listen to Punch Up the Jams on headgum.com. Hell yeah. And if you have your own questions or theme songs, you can submit them all to ifireryoushowatgmail.com. The opening theme song was written by the guy who created Flight Drop. Remember that?

Flight Drop. Hell yeah. I'm going to crash some planes. He's Drop. Remember that? Flight Drop. Hell yeah. I'm gonna crash some planes. He's reprogramming that for right now. Don't look up these flights. And then this closing one is another Drake parody from a song called Take Care. I love Take Care.

Take Care is one of my favorite Drake songs. Much love from Anthony and Marielle Grace from Montreal. So thanks, guys. Au revoir. Thanks. Nice. Thanks to Demi and Mielle for coming by. Thanks for having us.

Thanks, guys. Come back soon. Okay. Maybe. See you in a week, everybody else. Bye. Bye. There's a show for you.

They will care for you. Matching Tinder won't help you grow. All these dating apps say you're done with that. But deep down, you are a hoe. When you're ready, just send a question. Jake and Amir will do the blessing. And if you're roasted, please don't regret it. It's comedy, just so you know. You won't ever have to worry.

You barely even have to try. You've made all these mistakes. So ask these two Jew guys If you're confused Here's what to do Ask if I were you Ask if I were you. A small drink. And a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money.

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