Segments - 334: Hot Roommate (w/Megan Batoon!)

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

Friend and fellow HeadGum podcaster Megan Batoon joins us to discuss flight attendants, affairs, and terrible blog posts.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only i've been looking over this email checking it word for word i can't even leave my house, I'll get fucked up by a bird I ain't had an email back since, well that's not important It's been long

I got an STD from sleeping with a three and I didn't even get a text back. How do I go from fat and tattooed to cigarettes and a six pack? You told me to jump up off my couch but I sit and swipe If you're in a situation You do you is the rotation If you need an explanation They will hide away your location To better serve the nation Just listen as much as you can You really need to know

If I were you, the show Whoa! Pretty cool. Yeah. Thoughts? That mellowed me out a little bit. Are you okay? I'm tired. You were tired beforehand.

True. Don't blame the song. Megan Batuu! Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a parody of a Post Malone song. I almost don't believe it. I don't. Post Malone seems like a crazy rapper man,

and then he just also has a song that sounds like that. That was beautiful. Sort of like how Dynamite Hack was a parody, parody of that Easy E song, you know, Boys in the Hood. No, but I think the Post Malone song sounds like that, and he made it. And yeah, I think the Post Malone song sounds like that, and he made it. And yeah,

I think he just changed the words, but the actual melody and the tune of it was the same. Awesome. I knew I liked Post Malone for a reason. Who knew he had it in him? So thanks, Sam Baber. Baber? B-A-B-E-R. How would you say that? Baber. Sam Baber. No one's more of a babe than

Sam. Sam Babist, if you ask me. That's the third theme song he submitted to us. So thank you so much for doing that. Megan Mattoon, back at it again. Back at it again. We had you on not too long ago, right? But this was before you had a podcast, correct? Yes.

A couple months, and now I have my own. So now this is work. Before, it was friendly. Yeah. That's like, hey, let's have you on. It's a fun little hour. Now it's like, let's fucking promote. Before it was friendly. Yeah. That's like, hey, let's have you on. It's a fun little hour. Now it's like, let's fucking promote. Let's cross promote.

Market. Have you on. Talk. Pitch. You have to pitch our audience. I, okay. Okay. Here's my pitch.

Yeah. You didn't want me to give a pitch. What's your podcast? Well, basically your podcast, but me. As the host. It's perfect. It's better than our show because we're not on it. Imagine your favorite part of this episode always.

So you, not us, giving advice. Can you even imagine? So it's like advice, but not bad. That's right. Well, I wouldn't say it's not bad. Oh, great. So it's exactly like our show. Yeah.

The audience for sure is different. It's bad adjacent. You're getting sweet emails from confused ladies. Yeah, they're very like real. We just recorded your episode, us on your episode of Just a Tip. Yes. And I noticed how different the questions were right away. Yeah, they're much more like I really need help, please.

Yeah. And ours is like, how do I cheat on my chick? Because she's a four and a five looked at me the other day. I want a homie hop. This is side piece advice with Jake and Amir. And yours are sweet questions

from sweet ladies who are a little bit confused or downtrodden or wondering why guys are acting so mean to them. Yeah. Aren't we all? Yeah. It's mostly our fault, to be honest.

But I was able to find questions from ladies. I actually, to find the questions for this episode, I searched one lady's name. So all of these come from one lady's name. Stop it. Yeah. They're all from, let's say, a Sarah, though it's not a Sarah. It's Rebecca. I am almost certain it's Rebecca.

Because I wouldn't put it past you to put anything in that search bar but a Jewish name. Oh my god, how dare you. Is it a Jewish name? It's Jewish adjacent. What's the name, Amir? It's Danielle! It's Raquel! All right? It's Danielle. It's Raquel.

It's Moishe. I'm sorry. It's Safda, which means grandmother in Hebrew. Could you believe we had four Safdas right in? No, frankly. I'll give you a hint. After I say the name Amy, we'll have said the name already. After the name Amy?

That's the shortest name there could be. Well, I'm just saying I'm going to throw out the name Amy, and at some point during this podcast, we've said the name already. So that's your hint, that the name was said. What a riddle that I don't want to be a part of. Don't put that on me. The name, then it's Amy. Yeah.

Is it? You serpent-tongued bastard. What is this riddle? Did I just throw in another option in the mix just to throw you off my scent? Oh. When I say the name Amy, we'll have said the name already. Is the name Say? I still think it's Rebecca.

Is it Ramey or some weird shit like that? Ooh, that's good. It's not. Every Raimi is crying. There is only one Raimi. And it's Jake's friend Raimi. I love Raimi. Does she listen to this show?

Probably not, but shout out to Raimi just in case. What up, girl? Do your friends listen to your podcast, Megan? Are you still early enough in the show where your friends are supporting you and listening? I think that they might. I told my mom not to. Really? Does she?

No. She listened to me for once, which is awesome. You've done like 10 or 11 episodes. I think that they might I told my mom not to Really does she? No She listened to me for once Which is awesome You've done like 10 or 11 episodes So like I remember when we did our first 10 Our friends were like This is awesome

I'm gonna listen to a few Now we're on episode like 338 It's like No They're not There's no favor That lasts this long My brother and my sister sometimes

That's really awesome And I'm proud of you Because my old man hasn't listened to this shit. Yeah. Well, he doesn't pick up your calls either, so it's not just about

not supporting the podcast. Yeah, and I'll send him a link and what he'll do is click on it and let it run. It's cool you finally found his email address. Yeah.

Or at least I think it is. I send it to my mom and she says she's going to forward it off. All right. To my old man. At gmail.com. He's an early adopter, to be sure.

All right. Let's get to these questions from these ladies. First one is... Oh, here's one. It's called Hotel Hottie. Ooh. What kind of name do you want to give this? Keep in mind, it has to be the same name for all four questions. And it's called Hotel Hottie ooh what kind of name do you want to give this to? keep in mind it has to be the same name for all four questions

and it's not Amy? it may or may not be Amy you can give him a different last name the same name? why does Jake look so pleased? because I went to look at his computer to find out what this fucking name was and then I realized that he forwarded me every single question and it said read these names

you're not going gonna believe it. It's Sarah. It's not Sarah. Unless it is. Anyway, what do you got? I know. A girl's name that has to be all four. Yeah, but you can give them different last names. Fine. Fine.

Your podcast, your rules. I get the riddle now. I don't want to play this game. And actually, I'm pretty smart for getting it. No, you're not. You read it. You cheated. You said it was going to be say.

I instantly understood it wasn't say. I think if you understood it as a riddle, then I think you understand it more than I, because I didn't even know it was a riddle. Really. Okay. I'll tell you a riddle. Really. Okay. I'll tell you at the break. Fine. If it's a riddle

adjacent, I'll call her Tamara, because that's like Tom Riddle, but a girl. That's good. She figured it out. Can you imagine if that was actually it? Can you imagine if that was actual? Tamara. Tamara.

Tamara. Yeah, Tamara. That's really good. Thanks. Tamara writes, I'm a 23-year-old flight attendant and I've been with my boyfriend

for over a year and a half. We live together and he's very supportive of me being gone for days, sometimes weeks at a time. The problem is, while the job seems exciting, it involves a lot

of lonely hotel rooms and lots of downtime. My boyfriend isn't one for texting, and I never get much back from sexy texts or snaps. I'm a very affectionate person, so I find this pretty hurtful. But he doesn't seem to think it's an issue. I've had a little crush on a guy that I work with, and next week we'll be on a five-day trip together, putting us together for Valentine's Day.

That's right. While I've never cheated on my boyfriend, the thought of this guy staying in a hotel room next to me for several nights while he's just a knock on the door away seems impossible to resist. He's very flirty, and I can tell the attraction is mutual. So my question is, how do I avoid temptation? Or should I just let this be a one-time thing and forget about it? Or if I cheat, should I just end the relationship and move on?

Thanks. Love, Tamara. Tamara. That's the last name, too. Yes, that's right. Like Tia and Tamara, Tamara. Three options here. Did she say that she loved him?

Sorry for interrupting. No, she didn't. But she said that she's been with him for a year and a half. So she probably said I love you. Yeah. Would you like to date a flight attendant? Never. Would that be cool or bad?

That sounds super hot. I'm really into it. Yeah, but you'd never see them unless... Oh, I love it. That's the hottest part. Tell me more. Oh, I have a flight attendant coming in next week. And until then, I'm just by myself.

It would be hard to not role play constantly. I mean, good Lord, flight attendant costume. So she's a flight attendant. You're seating in like 31J, middle row, back, near the bathroom. That's nice. And there's like a tray table. Can I have the mesquite turkey club? What do you mean they're out of the club?

Yeah, we gave those all to business class passengers. Then I'll have the roast beef. I'll play out the nose for this seat. Your TV's not turning on. Is that fine? Can the pilot reboot the Wi-Fi? Oh, the guy in front of you just leaned back. Christ, I'm trying to get to Chicago and I have two layovers.

How is that possible? I have to disconnect food service because we're reaching a rough patch. Oh, shit. I hate turbulence. I can sit on your face if it'll help. Thanks, and I'll have a Bloody Mary. Do you have ginger ale? Bring the cart home, please, honey.

Oh, that's really how you role play. Yeah, but the cart? The cart has... That's what gets me off about flight attendants. A really thin cart? Yeah. That's made for aisles? It's the narrow cart.

It's the narrow cart, yeah. And they're always bumpy. The bumpy, narrow cart. Anyway, you wouldn't want to date a flight attendant? I don't think so. Because you'd be dating a male flight attendant.

What's wrong with that? They're not as hot as female flight attendants. Is that right? That is. Everyone knows that. No, goddammit. When's the last time

you saw a hot flight attendant, regardless of gender? 1963. I see hot flight attendants all the time, male and female. Yes. Yes, I do. I definitely do. They are always super hot.

It doesn't matter what they look like, because flight attendant is the hottest thing you can be. She's wearing a frickin' handkerchief around her throat. That's the goat move. And the guy, yeah, he has little wings. He has wings. For a fucking name tag. That is cute. And they have a tiny hat.

No, a hat. They don't have hats anymore. Oh, you guys. You guys don't fly on the right airlines. Jake only flies Emirates. Well, we fly a lot out of New York and L.A. And when you go to the airport, I'm not saying all the time on the flights that I'm on.

They wear a hat? They don't wear hats. airport, I'm not saying like all of the time on the flights that I'm on. They wear a hat? They don't wear hats. Yeah, I think it's like Virgin Australia people. They wear those little red suits, the little red- Oh, yeah. The little red skirt and jacket blazer with the little red hat.

And oh my God, it gets me going. That is cute. But that's one airline. Yeah, and I'm a frequent flyer. The interesting thing, though, is like as hot as this sounds, if she knocks on the door late at night, she's probably not wearing the flight attendant outfit, which is like. Well, you're talking about her cheating on her boyfriend. Oh, yeah. Which she's totally.

He's already on board with it. Unintended. She should not cheat on her boyfriend, but she should break up and then fuck the guy that she has a crush on. Oh, I see. So you're saying break up and then just live out this tryst. Break up and fuck. I like that one of her options is, should I just do it and forget about it? Let's be bad.

It's weird to go into a weekend knowing you're going to cheat. I know. If you have that much forethought, you should definitely break up. Oh, yeah. A five-day trip with a hot guy that has a crush on you. Yeah. Then it's not even cheating. It's an affair. Yes. So if you're having, if you're planning your affair, break up.

Of course. Yeah. And what if you're planning your affairs? Then that's Like, if you're getting your affairs in order. That's smart. That's good. Use LegalZoom.com slash if I were you. Do they still advertise with us or did they pull out? No, of course they did. And why wouldn't they?

Yeah. None of our audience is setting up a trust. And that's on you guys. You lost us a sponsor. Actually, they're back. Oh, wow. It's never too early. To set up your will.

To cheat on your boyfriend. What would you do in this situation? Have you ever been in this similar situation? Where I wanted to cheat on someone? A forced romantic vacation. Oh, I'm just at work. But you know what? It's kind of a hot place, like some sort of convention in Maui.

No, I've never officially been in a situation where I'm forced to be with someone I really like. But, I mean, there's like YouTube conventions that I go to all the time and everyone hooks up with each other. It's just weird. Oh, really? Yeah. It's like, YouTube conventions that I go to all the time, and everyone hooks up with each other. It's just weird. Oh, really? Yeah. It's like a little dorm orgy of sorts. It is a dorm-gy. Yeah, vloggers just necking with other vloggers.

This is why you're never invited to YouTube. Posting the whole thing to their Instagram story. What Uncle Amir in? I'm down to vlog. I have a vine today. Is it vlogmas? Uncle Amir cat. I'm down to gab.

Logan, Paul. Oh, my God. What? Dude, stat. She said, oh, my God. Like, you were on a, you went to the hotel with Logan Paul. Holy shit. I literally got a female reverse boner by hearing his name.

A female reverse boner. Now, what is that dance move? That's my main move. I feel bad for this girl because she's definitely going to be thinking about it every single day until something happens or not. Or if she really does like her boyfriend, I mean, she would respect it and not do that. Or she could go and hang out with this dude and be friends and homies and just try not to sleep with him. But if she wants to sleep with him, then she can self-induce a yeast infection and then

she wouldn't want to, but she would still spend time with him. How do you self-induce a yeast infection and then she wouldn't want to but she would still spend time with him how do you self-induce a yeast because i keep bringing that a reverse female non-boner is that would you call that just a yeast infection what do you do there it doesn't involve dough does it involve a ball of dough it could involve dirty dildos. You can get a yeast infection by that. You can get a yeast infection by just being sweaty and not taking a shower right away. So you use a little rolling pin down there, obviously. You need some bread, you take the rolling pin, whatever.

Then you don't shower for what? Two, three, four days, however long this thing is. Months, years, whatever. Suddenly you're dealing with a yeasty a YI, a yeasty infection. Yeasty boys. So you couldn't even do anything if you wanted to. Which might be better for her because it sounds like she's going to

jump off the railings pretty soon here. Yeah. Sounds awesome for the boyfriend that she's not cheating on too. Just like, my girlfriend has a yeast infection that she did on purpose. What about if she does decide to do it,

should she not tell him that they broke up so as to make it a more forbidden, passionate romance? So it's like you break up with somebody the day before your trip, and then on the flight you're like, oh, it's tough because my boyfriend is very overwhelming and smothering, and I just wish I had some out.

You plant the seed a little bit like that. Then day two, nighttime, you're in your room still. You don't knock on the door yet, and you have this loud conversation. It's like, you lay off me. You're smothering me. I don't have a yeast infection or whatever the fuck you guys can create a little fake fight about. It's night two of five. Night two of five.

Exactly right. Night three. You ghost him. You're not in the room, but you're not knocking on the door either. He's probably met someone else at this point. It's night three. Night four. The fourth night.

Suddenly things get a little hot and heavy. You get hammered at the hotel bar by yourself right yeast infection and full blow or whatever at this point and you end up knocking on his door by accident oh my god my key's not working this is your door I'm so sorry

oh I've been a mess ever since my boy has been lashing out at me night five you already had sex with him on night four. Oh, just skipping over all the action? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's night five? Night five is you crying, apologizing.

We can't do this. I don't know what happened. I was a mess last night. This can't go on. My boyfriend loves me. I love him. This is insane. And I think I have a fucking UTI from you.

Because, you know, with the bowling, the rolling pin thing. Night six. The bowling pin? What? They, yeah, first of all, a bowling pin. You know, night six is their back at home. Okay. It was five nights total.

Right, right. And your advice for a perfect, a perfect trip. It sounds like a fake fight, a really bad yeast infection. Okay, okay. When you say it quickly and you highlight all the bad parts, it seems like a stupid plan. Yeah, I just wish when I'm talking you wouldn't rush me ahead. Night seven! What's happening now?

Sorry, I keep thinking about this Hanukkah fan fiction that I wrote. So this takes place over the course of eight nights. But she did get laid on night four of my little story, which is kind of hot. It's hot until she gets really sad and tells him that it was a mistake. Yeah. Yeah, that part's not ideal.

Especially because you had her breaking up. Well, let's workshop it. You had her breaking up in the beginning of the story. And then night five is like her penance for she didn't even do anything wrong. I know. But she can't even get the fucking story straight at this point. She's been lying to herself. And she has a really bad yeast infection.

She has to eat, pray, love her way through Europe and just find herself. Because, I'm sorry, this lady is way confused, way in over her head. And night eight. The last night of Hanukkah yes it's fine whatever you light some candles eat some latkes no big deal um what do you think do i think she should do it or not yeah i think she should break up with her boyfriend and then sleep with this dude and tell him that they're not together anymore yeah i, I guess that's another way to do it. What's more inviting than being like, ah, I'm out of my relationship? Got it.

Okay, so if you were to salvage parts of my idea, it would be the... It was unsalvageable. None of your idea I'm taking. I'm just saying, like, let's not completely gut renovate here. There's probably a really zero usability from any part of your idea.

You're gonna want a lot. It started with her fucking a rolling pin and ended with her fucking a bowling pin. Okay. All right. I see what's happening here. I wronged you earlier today, so you're finding little holes in my story that don't add up or something. You did slash my tires this morning when I got to work.

But this is unrelated to that. No, it is. It is. It's that. Because otherwise, I think this is a gold thing. I it uh all right let's take a break thank some sponsors we'll come back with more questions we really got to get some more questions i feel like one of you talked way too much that time i think it was irene that's what i was gonna say thank you to draft kings for sponsoring this episode of our show hey yo draft kings the nfl is back that's correct and the best part of football season is

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unsolicited advice i do okay what you got here's's an advice piece. Piece of advice. Here's a little morsel. Not the whole thing. Just a little slice of advice. An advice slice for hygiene. Yeah. Particularly for women. Ugh, pass. No, all right, let's hear it.

Well, I guess it could be for guys too, depending on how long your hair is. If this is about a rolling pin, I was joking. You get that. It is about not showering your hair. Like not washing your hair in the shower. Yeah. You can use dry shampoo or baby powder in your hair to make it not greasy and you don't have to take a shower.

Many questions. One, what is baby powder? What do you mean? What is it? I know what it is, but how do you make baby powder? Oh, I don't know what it's made. You buy it. Okay, so you buy baby powder.

Sure. This is to avoid showering? Yes. You avoid showering total? Like, no, it's just avoiding washing your hair, right? Either or, Jake. It's clearly the first one. But, dude, no, no, no.

Don't ask any questions. How often are you showering? Every day now. Starting now, because you're giving me some sort of weird stink eye. Literally stink eye. So you, okay, are you, when you, some people wash their hair with water and they say that's not necessarily washing my hair. Yeah. Are you one of those people?

You're like rinsing it. No, no, no, that's not washing your hair. You get your hair wet. That's what it's doing, yeah. But you gotta wash it. You ever wear a hairnet? I'm serious. A shower cap? Well, a hairnet and a shower

cap are two very different things. I think I have before. Got it. But I don't. So there's days where you don't shower and you're like, oh, I kind of smell. I'm gonna put some baby powder in my hair. We'll call it a day. You shower your body, but you're not supposed to wash your hair except for like two times or once a week. Okay. Because

you're ripping the essential oils off of it. So in between, the oils stay, but the powder is being added? Yeah. And it absorbs all the moisture, so you don't have greasy hair anymore. So if you need to go out and you don't look great, or after the gym, that's my big tip. After the gym, if you have to go straight to work or a shoot or something, I would do dry shampoo, but you can do baby powder if you don't have it. I love the way baby powder smells. Do you? I really do. I want to wash my hair with just straight up Johnson & Johnson baby shampoo.

Did you know that on Johnson & Johnson, it says no tears? Yeah. It means no tears. It's not no tears. Yeah. It means no tears. It's not no tears. Because they will cry. Oh, they'll cry. Their skin will be attacked. Oh, tears like no tearing your hair?

Exactly. That's so interesting. I know. I wonder what else you can get away with. It doesn't stink when it gets in your eyes, though. Does it not? I don't know. I was a baby whenever it was used on me, so I didn't really get to report back.

And oh, how mother tore my hair. So I figured it meant no tears. I guess you can get away with a lot of homonym little loopholes like that. Yeah. Like, for example, just pulling something out of my ass. But I don't know. Let's say, for example, you. I thought you were going to be able to think of one as you started the sentence.

I just imagine a clock. And on the clock, on the box, it said, this thing tells time, which is fine. It's good. It's nice. But in actuality, it's a broken clock. What about this thing that this little disclaimer it says it tells time it's like yeah it does it tells time magazine that i don't read it anymore so a broken clock with a little button that goes i don't read you anymore

time magazine that was the rare like i was with you till i heard the example and now i think there's nothing i think you're that was so far wrong that I don't think hominins even work at all anymore. Exist, right. Yeah, there's no. Yeah. But let's see if I can come up with one. Oh, okay. Throwing himself in the fire.

I would never volunteer. I know. It's really true because it's hard to think of anyone that's not dear right now. It's like, hey, let's all jump off this tall building and we'll do it one by one. And then I jumped off and died and Jake's like, all right, my turn. Yes. It's so hard. The hard part is finding a homonym that works, really.

Yeah. Because the homonym is spelled the same exact way. Yeah, it's just pronounced differently. Right. So we can all agree. Like tear and tear. And that's my example. I've already gone and I knocked it out of the park.

Yeah. So like it's, never mind. No, let's hear it. Say it. It couldn't be worse than your fucking Time Magazine one. What was that? The clock? Do you remember that clock bit?

Yeah, that tells, what was it? That tells Time Magazine or some shit? That was, everyone go rewind. It was clearly a mirror. Mine had to do with read and read. Okay. Yeah, I started, I tried to do that, and I didn't get anything. Yeah, it's hard.

Because they both mean read. One is just the past tense. It's a good read, or it's a good read. But like, yeah, it doesn't really mean anything it's really hard this is very hard that is very hard this is an AP comedy class

and we all got a one except of course for Megan Irene has one no but that's spelled different what is right right like right right and left

and right and right and wrong they're and right, and right, and wrong? They're both right. What was it? But it's spelled differently. No. It has to be spelled the same? Right and wrong and right and left are both right. R-I-G-H-T.

It's just not writing. Right, right. Oh, there we go. Oh my god, it happened! It's a map that says always right. And like you either, like the map is always accurate or the direction that it tells you to go is always right.

Maps don't tell you to go a direction. That's the dumbest fucking thing. Really? Google Maps doesn't tell you which direction to go? That was so stupid. Like that and the time magazine thing.

That's literally what Google Maps does. I'm giving you a time out. Those were back to back two of the worst jokes you've ever made. Also the right thing was, that was Irene. Really? Yeah. And I thought it was really good for the record. you've ever made. Also, the right thing was, that was Irene. Really? Yeah.

And I thought it was really good for the record. I'm sorry. I think you're really feeling insecure about the Time Magazine thing. Because you brought it up twice. Yep. And now you turned into an owl. You're retreating.

You're retreating. Into a treat. Retreating means when you retreating into a tree. Retreat. Retreating means when you go back into a tree. And now you've redeemed yourself.

All right. Oh, here's one about my boyfriend. Your boyfriend? I'm just kidding, man. It's fine. I was only joking You were only joking when you brought up that time clock thing too

That was not That was a real low point dude This is insane Alright what's this lady's name Tamara what? Wilson Tamara Wilson writes My boyfriend's roommate is leaving in a couple months and he's going to need a new one. I jokingly mentioned that it better not be a female roommate,

in which he responded, I just need a roommate right now, male or female. I'll take what I can get. Now, I really dislike the thought of him having a female roommate. It's not that I don't trust him. It's that I couldn't trust the situation they'd be in. Hanging out together all the time, watching movies, drinking together. He mentioned that he wished I could be his roommate. I would

love to live with him, but we've only been going out for a few months, so I'm going back to school in the fall. I've never lived on my own and would probably be struggling just to make enough money to make rent each month since I have nothing saved up. So that's out of the question for now. Anyway, I brought it up a few weeks later and he said the same thing. I'll take what I can get. But then he said that he was thinking of asking an 18 year old female coworker. I met this girl and I know they're just friends, but I still think this is highly inappropriate. Just so you know, he's in his lates and i'm in my early 20s so my question is what should i do if he gets a female roommate should i keep these feelings to

myself and just see what happens should i put my foot down and leave him if this happens i don't believe ultimatums are fair but i've been hurt in the past and i don't want it to happen again thoughts love tamera wilson. A real fucking roller coaster. That's really intense. And as soon as you said Tamara Wilson back to me, I think Mara Wilson played Matilda. Is that her name? Mara.

Mara. Yeah, Tamara Wilson. So I just put a Tom in front of it. Yeah, which is what you did to the first one, wasn't that like Tom Riddle? That's right. That's right as in right and left? Yes. This is wild.

Yeah, I kept being on her side, then against her side, then on her side a little bit. There's a lot of prepositions with her side. Yeah, a man in his late 20s living with an 18-year-old female is a little weird. Yeah, you can put your foot down there. I think that's it. But what can you say? You say you cannot live with an 18-year-old female? But why couldn't he?

Yeah, it's legal. They're both adults. When you give an ultimatum, there's always, you can't live with an 18-year-old female co-worker of yours and have me be your girlfriend. That's the consequence. He's allowed to do whatever he wants. Right. But where do you draw the line? 18-year- year old female co-worker so 19 is fine uh no i think she's got to be able to drink if he's in his late 20s that is a little weird yeah but then like you're setting up a an age thing for like yes but he'll having up reasons she's talking about drinking he's gonna have like underage he's gonna be a 28 year old dude with

a 19 year old or an 18 year old like drinking with him in the apartment yes that's illegal straight up is it yes you can't drink till you're 21 jackass it's it's illegal it's illegal for her not for him yeah well if he buys her alcohol it's illegal for him yeah i guess it's his alcohol it's a lie for him if it's happening in his place it's also illegal for him i don't know Is this a legality thing, though? I don't trust you to be not legal? Or is this just a jealousy-based problem? It's a jealousy-based problem,

but I think if you color it with straight-up illegality, I think it makes a much more stronger argument. Or is it just like, you're just assigning this arbitrary thing. It's like, it's illegal for you to drink with her, so I can't have that. When it's actuality, she's younger than me

and I'm mad about it. I don't think that's the actuality of it though. It sounds like she's jealous. She says she's not jealous but it sounds like she is. She also said she's been hurt in the past

and she doesn't want it to happen again. We've all been hurt. Oh, honey. But jealousy is the kind of thing where like you can have founded jealousy

and unfounded jealousy. Jealousy is not like blanket bad. where, like, you can have founded jealousy and unfounded jealousy. Jealousy is not, like, blanket bad. You can, like, actually make somebody jealous. Like, the guy from the first question, he's just, like, jealous of his girlfriend going on this trip in a hotel being next to a pilot or another flight attendant. And, like, maybe that's not his place. But like then if she starts fucking that guy, then yeah, he's jealous and that's bad jealousy. That's founded jealousy. And what's unfounded

jealousy? When you're thinking of things like too far ahead that like basically are like movies playing in your brain that haven't happened yet. So like her saying, if my roommate or if my boyfriend got a female roommate, I would be jealous because they'd be drinking and hanging out. And that's too fucked up.

Like, that's crazy jealousy because none of that stuff has happened. He just said a roommate of any sex. Crazy jealousy. But if he comes back and he says, this 18-year-old girl I work with is going to be my new roommate, that's like founded jealousy. Oh, you think that's deserved jealousy? Yes. I think either way she's going to be uncomfortable. Regardless of the drinking age?

Unfounded or founded. I think that she's definitely not going to be sitting pretty. But here's what I would do if I were her. If I were her, I would... He's going to also do whatever he wants if they stay together. If she gives him the ultimatum and he does pick her over the roommate, well, I guess then he would have a boy roommate. But if for some reason the ultimatum falls through

and they're still together because she also may be like putting up a front. He'd be like, break up with me or don't. And then they're still together. She can get close with this other girl and then they become like best friends so that he wouldn't dare mess with her because of out of respect to the girlfriend yeah you're you're putting a lot of respect on the guy it's like i wouldn't dare cheat on you if it's a friend of yours but if you're gonna have friends

open season here's a follow-up question for you mr it's illegal to drink what if this is in europe and 18 is the legal drinking age? Do you think that 18 is now okay? Oh, wow. That does change things. I mean, it is the law. So location would change things. It definitely, it hurts that argument a little bit, but I think a 10 year age gap is still not illegal, but it's questionable enough to make a stand against it. Right. But that's what I was saying, that it's not the legal drinking age of it. It's just the age difference. Yeah. But I think that like having a legality case with it just strengthens your argument for

like why on earth would you live with an 18-year-old, you know? It's tough because you don't want to give ultimatums, but at the same time, you don't want to be like, I don't care if you live with an 18-year-old female. But that's what I'm saying. I think that like you're allowed to give ultimatums as long as they're like somewhat reasonable you would you would give your girlfriend an ultimatum if she was like i'm gonna blow the dog you would be like if you do that i'll break up with you she's like no i'm gonna blow the dog yeah but living with that living with someone and blowing a dogger i'm not

saying very different i use the example to say that sometimes ultimatums are normal you hear that they're not just always bad in a relationship you're allowed to set boundaries so one of your

boundaries can be if you live with an 18 year old co-worker then I'm so uncomfortable that I'll leave you yikes

is that the co-worker part what if it's an 18 year old Craigslist stranger she has to set her own boundaries, man. I don't fucking know.

This is your play. You're futzing with the margins here. Futsing with the margins? You said he was going to blow a dog. I'm at least nudging it. You're way off the page. Anyway, he could do it if he blows a dog, I guess. Is that your point?

Tit for tat? Yes. Obviously. I think you could tell him if he blows a dog, I guess. Is that your point? Tit for tat? Yes. Obviously. I think you could tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, and then he'll make his own decisions. But it's also a sticky situation because he's like, I can't afford to live with myself and this lady. And then it's like, okay, what if the lady is a lesbian? She doesn't even want to hook up with me. Does that make it okay?

Yeah, I don't think that – you don't get like roommate approval, right? That's not cool. But I think you can set a boundary. I don't think that every single roommate needs to meet your criteria. Well, how about this? What would you do in this situation? We're not telling her what to do, but what would you do, Megan? I'd blow the dog.

I know you'd blow a dog. I would blow the dog. Stop asking. I would do the same.? I'd blow the dog. I know you'd blow a dog. I would blow the dog. Stop asking. I would do the same. I've already blown the dog. Batoon's blown the dog. We're all blowing a dog. We talked about fucking a dog on your podcast.

That's all I talk about. It's just strictly. It's the same dog, right? What would you do? I guess I would talk to him honestly and tell him that it makes me uncomfortable and that I have insecurities for whatever reason, my past and whatever's going on with us. Is this you? This is so personal now. And then I would say, I mean, if our love was strong enough, nothing would break it anyway.

So it's obviously something that I'm putting on myself unless this relationship is already on the rocks. So I think it's an underlying problem. It's not just this one thing. An 18-year-old coworker can break any bond. Any bond. Any fucking bond. That's the logline to a porn you're writing. That is a universal truth that everyone needs to understand.

There are no lovers that survive an 18-year-old coworker. I'm sorry. Romeo and Juliet would have ended after four pages. Any sex. If Romeo's 18-year-old co-worker is like, can I live here? Or Juliet's 18-year-old co-worker. That's fine, too. There's hot boy 18-year-olds, too.

We're all blowing a dog at the end of the day. What would you do? I wouldn't touch this question. It's so offensive that you guys are even trying to answer it. You literally, you chose it. You presented it. No, I would say that it makes me are even trying to answer it. You literally, you chose it. You presented it. No, I would say that it makes me uncomfortable. And that's it, and you walk away.

But I'm not saying ultimatum. I'm not saying do it or bye. So then you say it makes you uncomfortable, and then the dude does it, or the girl does it. And what do you do then? Then you got to decide, am I happier with him and this roommate, or am I happier without him? So it can retroactively have been an ultimatum, but you don't say it up front.

That's right. The ultimate matum of all. Wow. Let's try to answer one last question, because that one was a fucking brain buster. Well, yeah, give me a layup. Watch this. Fucking watch this one. Tamara freaking Smith writes,

Hey boys, I've been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years, and I definitely love the guy, but God, men sometimes. He recently sent me a link to an online site called 50 Things Every Woman Should Realize About Men. Among these 50s are tips that really stuck with me. For example, he will choose his friends over you, and he wants to bang your friends, and you should never flirt with his friends,

and you've got to watch your weight. And the ever-perfect, if you make him watch a chick flick, at least give him a blowjob after. And if it was a Sex and the City movie, you owe him either anal or a threesome, your choice. When I tried to explain to him how insane it was for him to even consider sending me these, due to its complete stupidity, he got angry with me for overreacting. So here's where I need advice.

How do I tell him I have a problem with this without seeming like I'm overreacting? Thank you. Love, Tamara Smith. But dude, will you please weigh in and let this girl know that these lists are hilarious and true? I mean, the Sex and the City movie deserves anal. You were telling us that over lunch. I was, but outrageous that nothing deserves

anal. I'm sorry. Maybe two Sex in the City movies at worst, but I wouldn't send a site about it. I swear to God, if I watch 10 Things I Hate About You, I'm gonna have anal. Either done to me or done to someone else. Someone's getting pegged if I watch watch that i can't believe that this is a thing even if he sent it as a joke is it as bad as it would be if he's like these are actual

rules yes grounds for dismissal you would say i. No, I hate that it exists. I hate that he sent it to her. I hate that she opened it and felt bad about herself. Because no. No. This is what I would do. I'm going to cut straight to the chase because I can't fuck around with this guy.

Move in with an 18-year-old. That's number one. Uh-huh. I think she should make her own list of 50... What is it, the thing? Oh, yeah. 50 things every woman should know about men. I think she should say,

50 things no men should ever send to a woman. Oh, that's good. And send tragic articles. And have this one be like 20 of them. Oh, that's good. And all of them are about anal and sex in the city for some reason. Yeah, that one was just a funny one because she's like men sometimes right and then it's like the worst thing ever that's the worst of guys that's like they're

not all like that are okay they're not all like that can we revisit like two of the ones that you said because i was like oh maybe there is some sort of grounds to stand on here. You should never flirt with his friends. You should never flirt with his friends. I mean, yeah, but what if you're just flirting in general? Oh, so you can flirt with his friends. I like when girls, friends of mine flirt with my friends. Really? Yeah, I think it's nice.

Keeps you on your toes. Doesn't keep me on my toes. I just think that that's like friendly. Yeah. What's the other one? You've got to watch your weight. Okay. No. Watch it go up, maybe.

I'm packing on the pounds. I mean, do it for yourself. Don't ever do it for somebody else. Okay. And obviously this one, which makes kind of a lot of sense if you break it down. If it was a Sex and the City movie, you owe him anal or a threesome.

Your choice. Your choice. Well, that's cool because it does give the girl a choice. And that's... A lot of times it's like the guy chooses. That's pretty forward thinking. But like 2018, I think the women should choose

anal or a threesome. And none of that guy-guy threesome. Do you remember when we watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and then we had a threesome with Jeffrey? Yeah, we had a lemon party. And I thought it was fine because he was an 18-year-old freshman at the time. So she's not overreacting.

And I don't know. What do you say? You say no? Sorry. Don't do that. It's over. Bye. He just sent it to her out of the blue?

It was Valentine's Day. Oh, okay. I get it yeah he transcribed it onto a card oh yeah well if he showed any effort i guess that's more than most men do i think she should break up with him and then every time she sees like on instagram or facebook that he got a new girlfriend she should send that girl the article and be like hey dennis sent me this i found the the website. I found the thing. It's from wallstreetinsanity.com.

Rightly so. It sounds like it's from there. It's funny because some of them are nice. It's like, don't make fun of his mother. And then also, you know. Give me a bad one. That's funny. This one is ultimatums do not work.

That one's actually thematically relevant. Bad one is he hates that short haircut. Oh, God. Wow. I love short haircuts. Do you? Like pixie cuts? Yeah.

More than long hair? I just love big changes. So if anybody's ever like, should I do this? I'm like, fucking go for it. Nice. Oh, this one's nice. It says if he cheats on you once, if he cheats on you once, he'll do it again.

So it's like some of these are nice and then some of these are like, don't gain weight. Yeah. That is a hard one too. Like what's that saying that people are like, if he cheats on you to be with you, he's going to do it to you again. Like it's almost like a chain reaction. Do you agree? Like to get into a relationship it's almost like a chain reaction. Do you agree like to get into a relationship I mean

like by cheating? If a relationship is like founded on cheating I guess no I mean not always. Yeah. Not always. I think it's dubious though.

It's an inauspicious start to be sure. Unless you were what if you were the person that was like you were the third the second the person that was like you were the third the second lady

like he was in a relationship and he cheated on his girlfriend with you you can't be that excited about it because you know right off the bat he's a cheater

because he did it with you well that's what I'm saying if like that's how a relationship starts yeah you should compliment him more number 45

that's that goes for everybody. Yeah. Yeah, people like compliments. That's nice. But this guy reading this list does not deserve a compliment. Never. Anyone that actually sends this needs to go away forever.

Yeah. To write it is one thing. To send it is divine. I'm going to send you this link. You're going to love it. I feel like I read a lot of it. Jake wrote it. Oh my God, by Jake Hurwitz.

Oh, they published my byline? Christ. I ghost wrote the Tucker Max books. I swear to fucking God it was me. Megan Battoon, what's your podcast? It's called Just a Tip. Just a Tip. It's an advice podcast as well.

On the HeadGum Network. That's right. So if you want more Megan And more advice in your life We highly recommend it We're going to try to release this episode After the one of ours coming out So you can listen to Megan's Just a Tip

With us as guests Right now on HeadGum.com Anything else you want to promote Before we get the F.O.? No That's it I don't want anything more than I'm given Anything else you want to promote before we get the F-O? No. That's it? That's it.

Clean. I like that. I don't want anything more than I'm given. Good. I like that. Oh, the opening theme song was the Post Malone one by Sam Baber. This closing one is by a person named Rue. I couldn't pronounce the full name, but they said, just call me Rue.

And it's somebody from Ireland. So hopefully they're coming to the Dublin show. Nice. And you should too. And you should, Roo. The email address for everything is ifrushow at gmail dot com. Thanks for listening. We'll be back next week. Bye! I got a question about how you would think anybody I got a question about a girl

I need some answers and I need all the facts Who can I turn to with this world? Just to do a bit of bad advice Just to die with bad advice, just to die hard to lose. Shake that finger, then I'll clean all up, too, if I lose. Just to do with bad advice, just to die hard to you. Shake that beard and I'll clean up what to do. If I were you. Just to do twin bad and spicy.

Just to die hard to you. Shake that beard and I'll clean up what to do. If I were you. That was a hate gun podcast. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only.