Segments - 335: Euro Trip Lightning Round

Episode Date: June 18, 2018

In this episode we discuss travel tips, least favorite cities, and bad addresses in another Twitter Q+A lightning round.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Adolescence. Welcome back to America, Blumenfeld. Oh, yes. We have returned from our voyage abroad. We were in Iceland. We were in Ireland. We were in Iceland. We were in Ireland. We were in Amsterdam. We were in London. We were in Portugal.

Yes, Lisbon. And don't forget the day we were in Bruges. Yes, we spent an hour in Bruges, watching in Bruges. Technically, we were in Brussels and not near Bruges. Oh. I watched the wrong movie then. Of course. You think anybody's ever taken a trip to the exact order of countries we did?

I don't know. It was pretty random. Yeah. A trip from Iceland to Amsterdam to London. I think that's normal so far. Iceland, Amsterdam, London. Yeah. And then to throw in Portugal and Dublin.

Yeah. It's that last little hiccup. Yeah. And then to throw in Portugal and Dublin. Yeah, it's the, it's that last little hiccup. Yeah. Dipping into Lisbon, then shooting back up to Dublin. Yeah, nobody would do London, Portugal, Dublin. Right. It makes way more sense to do London, Dublin. Yeah, because you're already in the UK. Right.

Or like Amsterdam. Yeah. I guess, I feel like the cheaper flights are usually from London home, though. Right. So you want to end in London. Yeah. Not us. Oh, no. Not us.

We don't give a fuck. Well, we had the shows to dictate our schedule. Oh, yeah. We did give a fuck. So we had the Amsterdam show on Monday, which was great. It was very fun to be in a new city. Doing a show for new fans for once. For one time. Beautiful place, of course.

Ate delicious food. Then we had an awesome show that Wednesday in London. Yes, we did. We took a lovely train ride that morning. Yeah, that was a six-hour train ride. We had to go through passport security in Belgium. Yeah. The train went from Amsterdam through Belgium, and then at Belgium, you get off, and then to get into London, they look at your passport. It feels almost like a dream that we were ever even there, like wandering around the Brussels train station

trying to get onto a train to get to London. Trying to find a thing to eat. And then we did a Wednesday show in London, which is great, obviously. Of course. Fans were the best, as they always are. Then we had three days to kill until our show in Dublin, so we hop a quick flight to Lisbon. Real quick, two and a half hours. Which we had three days to kill until our show in Dublin. So we hop a quick flight to Lisbon.

Real quick. Two and a half hours. Which we had never been to. Right. But you had a friend there. My friend Eddie. Eddie Gaga from high school. We didn't know what to expect.

No. We had no idea. I don't know if it was going to be like Barcelona, a new modern city on a beach. Is it going to be like Jerusalem, an ancient city that, you know, has a lot of character. Sort of a little bit like both. Yeah, it had really hilly vibes. There was a Golden Gate Bridge replica there, it seemed. Sort of like San Francisco meets Rome.

Yeah, it was just ancient buildings, and then also a port, and then also beaches, and then also there was a Golden Gate Bridge. Yeah. I didn't look up to see why there was an identical Golden Gate Bridge. A giant, red, double-arched bridge. Didn't Eddie say it was the same guy did both of them? Yeah. I don't know.

I wonder if that's true. We didn't question it. Yeah. It's like he did one, and then they asked him to do another one, and he's like, yeah, I have a new plan for you. Hey, you're awesome at bridges. Will you make one for us? Wait till you see what I come up with. Shit. It's a new plan for you. Hey, you're awesome at bridges. Will you make one for us? Wait till you see what I come up with.

Shit. It's a big red bridge. It's the same fucking color and everything. I wonder which one came first. We'll never know, unfortunately. And then a great show in Dublin. That was a great show as well for a Sunday night. People turnt up.

Yeah, that was a lot of fun. And then we went to Coppers. We had to go to Coppers. We had joked about it enough that. And then we went to Copper's. We had to go to Copper's. We had joked about it enough that we actually ended up going to Copper's. I guess it's like one of Europe's most famous dance bars. Is it really? And then within Dublin, it's like almost the only famous dance bar the entire city goes to. Is that true? Yeah. It won some award for like Europe's best something or other. Wow. But so many people hate on it.

I know because it's like, I guess it's like McDonald's. It's fun to hate on like the number one. Right. But then you find yourself there at midnight and it is fucking good. Well, last, like two years ago we went there. We were in Florida. How busy it was on a Friday and Saturday. Long line.

Oh, yeah. Multiple floors. Densely packed. Couldn't even breathe. So it was perfect on a Sunday. Yeah. We went on a Sunday and it seemed like the most popular bar in LA. That's the equivalent.

Yeah. But like to Coppers, that was a slow night. Yeah. To us, it was like perfectly busy, I think. Right. We kind of walked across the dance floor. And we left, quote unquote, early at like 1.30 in the morning on a Sunday. Yeah.

Like what the hell? Like it's hard to find something that's that popping. Even in a popping city, 1.30 in the morning on a Sunday. Yeah. But coppers brought the heat. They really did. And we sort of joked that during the show, like, hey, we'll meet everyone at coppers. So, like, a lot of people came and we hung out with a lot of people at coppers.

Which was great because we had been hanging out, just the two of us, basically, for, well, actually, in Portugal we had Eddie. Yeah. For roughly the good part of a decade. Yes, that's true. But it was fun to hang out with fans. Coppers, by the way, I guess is the local nickname for something called Copperface Jacks. And the number one question on Google when I searched Copperface Jacks, it has 837 reviews. The most frequently asked question is,

is it just farmers that go there? Which I know is a thing that happened, but I guess a lot of farmers go there. Interesting. Well, we didn't see any farmers. Or maybe they were. None that were outwardly farmers. Nobody was wearing overalls and a straw hat.

I'm actually looking at pictures of it. There's a fucking banquet room there. Like you can eat at Copper's. It's huge. I'm actually looking at pictures of it. There's a fucking banquet room there. Like, you can eat at Copper's. It's huge. I mean, it's like three stories, and we only were on the first floor in the basement ever. Yeah, look at this. There's like a whole living room set up upstairs. Oh, yeah.

What was going on up there when we were there? We didn't end up going to the banquet. Maybe it was closed. I should have my bar mitzvah there or something. Wasn't your bar mitzvah like 20 years ago? Yeah, but you can have another one. Alright. I want to become a man again. There's a fucking

buffet at Copper's. We could have had brunch at Copper's. Why did we go out to dinner? We could have just eaten at Copper's. Maybe we could do a show at Copper's. Oh my god, can you imagine? That'd be so dope. Dublin'd we even do it? Maybe we could do a show at coppers. Oh my God. Can you imagine? That'd be so dope. So then they're already

at coppers. Dublin, we're coming back. All right, but we are back in America. It's so nice to be back in a place where people speak my language, but like.

They spoke your language in Dublin. Yeah, but it felt like they were struggling to learn the language Literally everybody in Amsterdam spoke English. I know,

but they had a fucking, what's it called? Yeah, an accent. Like, what is that? Like, don't say, oh, do you want anything to eat? Like, say, do you want anything to eat? You're going to critique people's accents? Yeah, because like they speak. You understood them.

Yeah, I understood them because like the onus is on me to fucking translate. You're a xenophobe huh what is that i don't know i don't know what words are i just know how to talk good that's the difference uh no it did felt like every place felt like not too foreign even iceland everybody speaks very oh yeah very well um yeah the only word i learned on the entire trip was uh obrigado obrigado obrigado which is how you say thank you in uh portuguese yes i also learned that brazilian portuguese and portugal portuguese are two very different portugueses uh your buddy

compared it to like dropping someone from scotlandaten Island. That's how different their English is. Yeah. It's like the same language. You can understand each other, but the accents are just like crazy. Yeah. All right. Anyway, this is If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. Yeah, yeah.

Since we went through so many questions for our live shows, I figured why don't we get some quick hits from the twits? Tweeted, do you have any quick questions for us to answer on our lightning round Twitter episode of our show? Yes, sir. We have over 100 questions so far. Holy shit. Wow, wow, wow.

Are you reading? Do you have any good ones? Yeah, I do. Okay. What were your favorite cartoons growing up? Oh, who said that? Strunk cartoons. Oh, that's the guy that makes our cartoons.

Yeah, that makes sense that he's curious about cartoons. Good shout out. He just made an awesome one with my turning my moon in, what was it, barn? Oh, yeah. That house with the garage. A garage musical. He animated it. The clicker's the bad guy.

We put it on our Facebook. The moon's the love interest. I'll put it on ifirewshow.com so you. He animated it. The clicker's the bad guy. We put it on our Facebook. The moon's the love interest. I'll put it on ifirewshow.com so you guys can watch it. It's really funny. Favorite cartoons growing up? I watched a lot of cartoons growing up. Like after,

you come home in the afternoon and it's DuckTales, Rescue Rangers, Goof Troop, like those Disney cartoons, after school style. Oh yeah, big time. Then Saturday morning, we got Nick, we got Doug, we got Rugrats, we got Ren and Stimpy.

Those are all what you watched? Yeah, I watched them all. Then, like, growing up, then there's, like, primetime cartoons. We got Simpsons, we got South Park, we got Family Guy to some extent. Oh, wow, yeah, I watched all of them. I think I grew up loving The Simpsons, we got South Park, we got Family Guy to some extent. Oh, wow, yeah, I watched all of the... I think I grew up loving The Simpsons. That was like the family show. That was what we watched with the family.

But did you watch cartoons as a kid? Like Saturday morning cartoons, like Casper? Yeah, I remember when I was little, I watched Looney Tunes. Oh, yeah, then there's all that stuff watched Looney Tunes. Oh, yeah. Then there's all that stuff. Looney Tunes. And then there was this James Bond cartoon that I was really into. Oh, Scooby-Doo, too.

The James Bond cartoon was the shit, though. I used to watch that before school. Is that like the Batman cartoon? Yeah, I think so. Oh, Animaniacs? I never watched Animaniacs. Tiny Toons? Did you watch that?

No. Those were really funny. I know. I never watched Animaniacs. Tiny Toons? Did you watch that? No. Those were really funny. I know. I never got into it. Probably too smart for you. A little too cerebral for Jake. What about Doug? I was binging to Doug, dude.

I binged Doug. Banging on a trash can. Drumming on a street light. Yeah, I can see you're wearing a Beats shirt right now. Oh, I love the Beats. Doug's probably the goat cartoon, I think. Really?

I think Doug is the greatest cartoon of all time. What was the appeal of Doug? It was just this lost kind of adolescent. Skeeter. Patty. Fucking mayonnaise.

The Lamar Bone. Roger Klotz. Mr. Dink. Very expensive. Did you used to watch Ren and Stimpy? That one was really fucked up. Yeah did you used to watch Ren and Stimpy that one yeah I was big into

Ren and Stimpy yeah Pepper Ann it was a Pepper Ann boy yeah Pepper Ann Pepper Ann way too cool

for 7th grade what about Hey Arnold did you ever watch that yeah I loved Hey Arnold yeah I never watched Hey Arnold I was just so into cartoons

yeah are kids do they have cartoons anymore yes they do they probably just don't watch them because they're made for children now. But they're not all...

I don't know. I just feel like there's like... I guess SpongeBob's... Yeah, SpongeBob was a little... I was a little too old and like Ed, Edd, and Eddie was like another one that I didn't watch

or Powerpuff Girls. Yeah. When I was in college, I shifted to Family Guy and I guess that was the last cartoon I ever watched. Yeah, it's hard to go back. Oh, Duckman.

Did you ever watch that? Is that Darkwing Duck? Is that the same? No, Darkwing Duck is like a Disney show. Duckman was like Jason Alexander. It was kind of a fucked up cartoon for adults on USA. No, I never saw that. All right.

This is the lightning round. We're fucking taking forever. I love talking about cartoons. Okay, what else we got? You should do a're fucking taking forever. I love talking about cartoons. Okay. What else we got? You should do a cartoon podcast. Oh. There's so many cartoons. There is a lot of cartoons.

Yeah. An animated podcast about animation. Yeah. All right. We'll think about it. Okay. Here's a popular question we get, which is also a question we got on the road a lot. This one specifically is from Ajak Tweet.

Amir, do you ever plan on going on another D&D podcast? I had that tweet ready to go for my next question, actually. I know, people love it. I'm afraid there's so much pressure on it. What if I'm not good at it? I like that we're going from ha-ha, I'll never do it,

and ha-ha, I'll never let Amir be on it, to like, maybe you should be on it. I just have to think of a character. Yeah, I maybe you should be on it. I just have to think of a character. Yeah. I think you should. I think you should come on it. But like, where does your thing take place? Is it in planet Earth at a specific time?

Or is it like a magical place in the future or past? Yeah, it's that. It's more like, you know, Middle Earth. It's like a realm called Bahumia. Right. But it's like Earth-like. Yeah. There's just like monsters, dragons.

Yeah. It's like a fantasy. Right. But I would be a human or I could be like a talking chipmunk or something. You could be some version of a talking chipmunk. We'd have to ask Murph what kind of animal people there are. There might be... I know there's cat people. There's lizard people.

Maybe there's a chipmunk. All right, we'll think about it. Whenever you need a really big episode, I'll make my debut. And then I want to die. I want to die off of it. Oh, you could definitely... I mean, we played with Nathan.

We played with Nathan Yaffe and Adam Conover. And they both survived, but they almost. Actually, Adam didn't really almost die. Nathan really almost died in his episode. We could probably kill you. Yeah, I want to die. What's better? Here's a travel question from Offshore Eric. What's better, checking a bag or carrying on a small suitcase? Oh, this is actually a great question because I think about how to travel with my luggage

all the time. You guys remember my Twinnovation episode where I came up with the best idea of all time. Which is shipping luggage to you so you don't have to check it in. Yeah. It's basically checking your luggage a day before you fly and then having to be there when you arrive. Having had the flight. And that sort of, and that is like, I think that exists somewhere. It exists like in Japan on their, they do that on like their trains. Yeah.

And they're about 70 years ahead. So what can we do now? What did you, what, what was your recent innovation? I got the Osprey Farpoint or Farview, no Farpoint 55, I think. Now, is this your unsolicited advice because you liked it or are you still on the fence about it? I, I liked it. i think i didn't it was i i it was an enormous backpack in which you can uh zip up an even smaller backpack onto so you have like a big backpacking backpack and then like oftentimes you have a big backpacking backpack and then like what do you do with like your small carry-on items right you like have to find a little bag you gotta find like a day pack somewhere this thing had a day pack that you could zip onto and attach to the big backpacking bag it was like still like as heavy as a carry-on oh yeah it's huge and it's strapped to your back but

the thing i liked it because i liked having both hands uh whenever we were running around like i could always easily go buy a coffee. Right. You don't have to show my passport. I have to like drop that. Yeah. I think what was tough is that like, because of all of the different things we did on our trip,

it's like, it's not ideal for a very, very, like big variety of trip where you need to have like three pairs of shoes in this thing. Oh, I see. So you're saying it was too heavy? It was too heavy at some points. I gave one pair of shoes to my brother when we left Iceland. Right. And then it was good for a few days, but then we like acquired more stuff along the road.

So let's say you're going to New York for a week. I would definitely take this. If I was going to New York for a week and I could wear one pair of sneakers on the plane, put another pair of Vans in the back, and if it's like nice weather, I don't have to bring a big jacket. So it's good if you don't have to get on and off multiple airplanes

and you don't have to put it on and off and then pack too much because it's too heavy. Right. I think the big thing was just like when it was hard to close, it was a little hard to zip up the smaller backpack onto the thing. Yeah. It was pretty bulbous.

Uh-huh. But if you can keep it compact, I think it's the goat travel accessory. It was a learning curve. Now that I know what I'm doing, I'll be able to travel a little bit better. Did it feel like exercise, like putting it on and taking it off? I guess, yeah, a little bit, but in a good way. I liked feeling strong. Yeah, feeling lean, light, like that I could travel forever.

What's your travel? I hate checking bag. I really like. I think the goat travel situation is you got the carry-on, and then they tell you it's full, so then you still check it. You don't have to put it up in the overhand, because that's sort of the hardest part. It's like when it's crowded, putting it up, taking it off.

So if you can get to the airplane, and they're like, actually, we're going to check that for you, great. I brought it onto the airplane, then I could forget it and pick it up. But even on this two-week trip, I put it all into a carry-on. Yeah, I'm big on a carry-on. But I like traveling with a carry-on, but checking it. There's just something nice about not having to worry about wheeling some shit around all the time.

Yeah, it is kind of annoying when you're trying to buy something or hold something, and then you have to have one arm on your thing, one with a backpack, one with a fucking sandwich, two bottles of water. And then it's the anxiety of needing to get onto the plane as soon as possible because all of the overhead will be taken. Right, but then at that point, again, the goat travel, they check it for you.

Right, I guess the worst thing is they let you on and there is no space for your bag in any of the overhead except for at the very very back of the plane yeah you have to like wiggle through everybody and then like come back towards the front for your seat everybody's mad at you you sit down and then like when it's time to get yeah that's the worst when you people are getting on and off an airplane that's when like all manners go out the window like nobody's waiting for somebody else if there's a stream of people going down the aisle and I'm like waiting to like cut in, it's like, no, they are fucking laser focused on the door. I'm walking. They will trample your body. It doesn't matter. You can't get in. Uh, do you have a question? Sure. Seuss, uh, Seuss 5.

Must've got that early. Whoa. Yeah. That's a really fucking good name. Seuss 5 says, going to Vegas this summer, how can I get my nerd-ass friends to have fun there? Oh, shit. I guess it depends on what kind of nerd-ass they are. Are they math nerds that you can play roulette with? Are they sports nerds that you can gamble on sports with? Are they porn nerds that you can go to a strip club?

Are they food nerds that you can eat a buffet with? Are they massage nerds you can get a fucking spa? Are you on like a visit Vegas? No, I'm just thinking about it a lot. There's a bunch of ways to do Vegas. That's why I love it so much. You do love Vegas. I love it so much because you can do it one way with one person, another way with a different person.

You can spend the entire day in a sports book. You can spend the entire day at a pool, fucking rave, or do whatever the hell you want. There's a lot of ways to do it. My advice is to only go for two nights, though. You don't want to spend that third night in Vegas. Yeah. That's when it starts to get really hard.

I think the cool, one of my favorite things to do in Vegas is to spend the day at a pool and then take a really luxurious shower and then go to a very fancy dinner. Oh, like a fucking steakhouse with Kobe beef. I sort of always assume. And it costs $114. Yeah.

I'm like, oh, I'm going to lose $200 to $300 tonight. So instead of doing that, I will spend it on a really extravagant dinner. And then I go and I lose $200. Gaber's has a good tradition. He says when he goes to Vegas, he gets all of his friends to like, put like $100 on a single roulette spin. So if it's like 10 of them, they each put in 100 bucks, they put $1,000 on a color of roulette if it hits they eat dinner for free at a really awesome place and if it doesn't hit then they go to in and out and they have an awesome time anyway so it feels like a win-win situation that's really yeah that's awesome that's very cool i want to go to vegas with gabrus yeah fucking i'll pay for the in and out uh you

could also get drunk for very very cheap or free like You can buy alcohol on the way to Vegas or in the airport or whatever and then get drunk. There's no open container laws. You can just walk around with alcohol so you don't need to go and buy drinks at a bar. And then also while you're gambling, you get free drinks. God, it's so fun. So just try not to spend money on alcohol. It's such an exciting drive or flight. Everyone's having a really awesome time

on the way to Vegas. Yeah, but the worst is leaving Vegas. Everybody's having such a, you're having the worst time ever on the way back from Vegas, just sitting in traffic with, it's super hot. Everybody lost money.

Of course. Well, that's the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. I guess we should go to Vegas. Maybe when Skeets goes to Vegas. That's next week. He's fucking, they're going for summer league, and we're going to be at fucking Sarah's wedding like a bunch of idiots.

This sucks. That's going to be a great wedding. Oh, my God. I guess I'll try to fucking gamble on the vows. Give me a fucking over-under for how many times Carnell's cries. Do you have one last one we can do before break? Yes Aaron Stein says

What is the best country you have visited? And his Twitter handle is The Icelandica So I wonder if he's from Iceland Favorite country on this trip? Maybe all time. Oh, God. It's too hard.

I really like... I liked Amsterdam on this trip a lot. It was very beautiful, but also fun. Yeah. It had a good mix of... It was sleek, modern, had a lot of history, but also big, wide streets, canals. It was super pretty.

Yeah, cool new things to do. Yeah. So I'll go Holland just for the novelty factor. Or sorry, the Netherlands. The Netherlands. Yeah. So I'll go Holland just for the novelty factor. Or sorry, the Netherlands. The Netherlands. Netherlands. What about you? Canada.

Whoa. Just kidding. Fuck those guys. Trudeau is weak and dishonest. Favorite country I ever visited? I'll forget it. Okay. That's fair.

Yeah. No, Iceland. Iceland? That's why I've gone back so many times. Three times. Twice. Here's just a little sister question since it's related and we can do this before break is Heart Shaped Box writes, least favorite city? Ooh.

Least favorite city. Yeah. It's hard. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, like in America? Sure. It is hard. There's like something about Boston. Fuck it.

It is hard because there's so, actually fucking Boston has no redeemable fact. Yeah, no, Boston sucks. I don't like Washington, D.C. as a city. Oh, I like D.C. The weather is usually bad and it's very spread out. And just a lot of people who are immersed in politics and that gets draining. And then it feels like more like a series of museums and monuments than an actual city.

I like the series of museums and monuments than an actual city. I like the big, like the openness of Washington. It feels like a city that's like stretched out real, like pretty wide because you have all the monuments, the museums and stuff. That being said, we'll still do shows there. For sure. Oh, don't get me wrong. We'll go anywhere for cash.

Money, money, money. All right, let's take a break. We'll come back. We'll try to answer even more questions right after this. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct.

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Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out.

But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace.

Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah.

But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new.

It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. And not where you think.

And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code segments to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial.

Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back. Hey-o-yo. Answering as many Twitter questions as possible. What you got? Calvin Yeager. Whom?

Calvin Yeager writes, where's the line that you draw for your beard before you decide to trim it down or shave entirely? Oh, good question. My line is a little before yours. I don't like it when my mustache hair goes into my mouth when I eat. It feels like a little invasive. Of the hair. Yeah.

That's too much. There's some points where the hair gets so long that it starts itching my neck, and I'm like, this kind of looks and feels gross. So I usually trim. I've never gone completely shaved. Yeah. How long has it been since you...

Completely shaved? Or even just like you you used to just do stubble yeah you've had a beard for like years la i think that's like that is crazy to me yeah i've never gone all the way down i just think that like you'd want to have my feeling again not even like to see it just like just i, I do all of the different facial hair because I like feeling different. I like changing it up. Yeah, I don't know.

I feel naked without it. You've had the same haircut and facial hair for three straight years? Yeah, well, different variations of it, but yeah. Like I went really short last summer, for example, but not like buzzed all the way around. Or I'll go long, but not like past my ears. Yeah.

So like that's the range. Like tiny, you're like playing on the margins. Yeah, and I'll go like short, like trimmed beard and longer beard, but I still always have a beard. Yeah, when we were in Australia, you had a really long beard. Yeah.

I remember that. But you go extreme one way versus the other. Yeah, I'll go like six months beard and then shave it all off to the skin. So you go too far and then go too short. Well, I don't think it's too much of anything. I like it. But I don't really have a line. I guess sometimes I go based on like feeling.

If my beard starts to feel like really ratty, I'll just shave it all off. Yeah. And then I'll like kind of grow it. And then sometimes I'll be like, oh, I wonder what it'd feel like really ratty, I'll just shave it all off. Yeah. And then I'll like kind of grow it. And then sometimes I'll be like, oh, I wonder what it would feel like to have a mustache. Actually, right now, maybe I'll have a mustache tomorrow. Oh my God, can you imagine? Get a fucking goatee.

What about, where do you shave on your chin? That's a guesstimate. I just sort of eyeball it. It starts to get pretty straggly as like the hairs get further and further from their friends. So I'll trim it up here. Yeah, but you don't have the really neat jawline. No, I don't.

No, yeah, and I keep it lower. I like it to go onto my neck a little bit rather than completely clean like that. Sometimes I'll do my neck on a one or something so it sort of blends into the beard. Oh, that's really nice. Sometimes I'll use a fucking stick, a sharpened stick and I'll just scrape the hair away. Why? And I'll just scrape the hair away. Awful. Scrape the hair away. Uh, Whataburger versus In-N-Out says Grayson Jant. Ooh, I guess In-N-Out. I don't really know Whataburger. Yeah. I think it's a Texas thing. We haven't had too much of it. If they have good fries, then I'll choose Whataburger

actually, because In-N-Out's fries are fucking garbage. I guess they're healthy. They're not healthy. Like, no fries are actually healthy. Yeah, what makes them healthy if they're still deep-fried potatoes? They're just, like, slightly fresher. They, like, make them using that potato peeler thing, like, that day right there. You can, like,

see them making them. Yeah. So if it's it's like you're sacrificing yeah you're sacrificing a lot of taste for not a huge it's it's not cauliflower right they're like oh these are healthy and now we're gonna put uh cheese and animal sauce on them yeah can i get those healthy fries animal style guys i didn't come to in and out to be healthy i came to eat good fucking fries. Here's one that only you can answer from Snowboarder119. What's your hot sauce of choice? I need a decent sauce. Oh, I've got a couple. My new favorite, though, is that it's a Louisiana hot sauce.

It's just called Louisiana hot sauce. Do I have to find it? Wait, hold on. I'll find it. I'll find it. One second. I just don't understand the appeal Louisiana hot sauce. Do I have to find it? Wait, hold on. I'll find it. I'll find it. One second. I just don't understand the appeal of hot sauce. Is it a flavor thing or is it just like the burning sensation?

It's a flavor thing. I mean, like there's like the tangy. But like, can you get that without like needing your mouth to burn? My mouth doesn't burn when I have hot sauce. Then isn't it not hot sauce then? No, I mean, it is. But do you like the thing where it's like this is really spicy like can i get that hot or do you get like medium i i mean i can go i i don't i'm not like hey so hot like i want something that like people usually can't stand yeah like

i don't like that yeah but i i can do like, pretty hot. So when they're, like, mild, medium, or spicy, what do you say? I say spicy. But also, that's not like me saying, like, try to burn my mouth. That's just, like, spicy probably gives me the same feeling that medium gives you. But what if it's, like, a Thai restaurant, and they're, like, trust me, you don't want spicy? Are you, like, trust me, I do. It depends on, like, what that, because there have been plenty of times where, like, the spicy, like, careful, it's, like, trust me, I do. It depends on what that, because there have been plenty of times where the spicy, careful, it's really spicy.

I go, okay, then I'll go mild, and then it's mild is nothing, and then I try the spicy and it's fine. I see. Have you ever had, this is too spicy, the meal is ruined? There have been times when I accidentally put too much sriracha on something,

and it's just sriracha-based mush. Let me see if I can find this hot sauce because it is really good. And for me, nothing beats a glass bottle of that Heinz ketchup. Yeah, it's a little salty. Glass bottle, eh? Yeah, you really need to hit that 57. Don't give me any plastic squirters when just the oil comes out for a little bit. Not interested.

Yeah, that'll ruin that'll ruin the meal for me actually can you imagine a bottle of just the oil oops all oil ketchup i could see you eating like trinky like finishing a bottle of ketchup and then filling it with water and being like it's not that gross i like a good fucking oil it's actually just called the louisiana original hot sauce oh really yeah and that shit is really good it takes a little it tastes a little bit like It's not that gross. I like a good fucking oil. Oh, it's actually just called the Louisiana Original Hot Sauce. Oh, really? Yeah. And that shit is really good.

It tastes a little bit like buffalo sauce. It's got the tangy. I like a tangy sauce. Yeah, that's the one. Jeffrey James writes, what's the best address to have? And we've even had some replies. Somebody suggested 1 Almond Street. Somebody, 69 Boink Street.

What about Raven's Nest? Oh, that's pretty cool. Do you have the best address to have? There was... I feel like we've talked about this question before, actually. You really just want something that's easy to spell. Yeah, like 1000 Park Ave. Yeah.

That's a cool address. 88 Future Street. Oh, that's easy to spell. Yeah, like 1000 Park Ave. Yeah. That's a cool address. 88 Future Street. Oh, that's really nice. There's a Future Street in Los Angeles. It seems really cool. Yeah, it's hard when it's like five digits and then like a quarter or a half, like five, seven, eight, nine, three,

and a quarter McCoymer. The worst is when it's, or like East something. Yeah, it's like, and you gotta put the East. It really is like North Lafayette. You didn't put North to put the east. North Lafayette. You didn't put North Lafayette. And Lafayette was two words. And there was like a Y and two Ts. And it's like, come on.

Get off of me. Don't make me put that into Uber Eats right now. I want a ham now, please. One Almond is actually a great address. Because everybody knows Almond. And everybody, fucking number one. It's one of the best numbers of all time. If not the best, it's definitely the first.

Eight's the goat. Eight is the goat. Eight Goat Street. Eight Goat Street. Can you imagine? Does that sound too much like goatsy though? I guess so. What about 25 Hot Tub Lane? Does that sound too much like Goatsy though? I guess so.

What about 25 Hot Tub Lane? Love that. Love that. There's a street in LA called Avocado. That's a good one. Oh yeah. Avocado is nice. That's quaint.

That's cute. There's an Aloha Street. That's good. But yeah, like you want the swanky address. One almond makes it sound like you're pulling into a mansion. Like, 54 Avocado Street is like, oh, you live in the back house there. It's a cute little bungalow. That's nice.

But you don't have a nine-car garage. That's what you've got at 1414 Raven's Nest. 5483 Headache. Hey, Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a life. Mom, I'm coming. Gross. We met the dude that made this song.

That's right. We met Lars. He came to our Amsterdam show. He was a fucking cool Norwegian dude. Yeah. And he's like, I did unsolicited advice. I did. Mom, I'm coming.

I'm like, you are part of our podcast history. And he's like, yeah, whatever. Yeah. Not interested. Not interested. Bye. Can we get a drink? No.

Why did you come to the show? I didn't. What? And then I reached for him and he was gone. I do have some unsolicited advice, actually. Now, you know that we have gotten several free mattresses via this podcast. Yeah, we don't need to name names, but there have been mattress companies sending us. We've had more than one.

Yes. And in the past few months to maybe a year, my back has slowly started to deteriorate. I see that. You have some sort of pasty scoliosis. Well, I don't anymore. So here's what happened. So I legitimately was having such bad lower back pain that I didn't know what to do.

I was sleeping on my couch, trying everything, sleeping with a pillow between my knees. Yeah. And what I realized was that I just needed a firmer mattress. Okay. And we started working with Helix. I took the sleep, like the mattress quiz that sort of just like you tell them about your body type, what you're looking for if you wake up with pain. I like a quiz that you can't fail.

Yeah, it's all opinion based. Yeah, that's like our podcast, The Quiz. And they recommended a firmer mattress for me. But get this, you can also take The Quiz if you sleep with somebody. So Jill took The Quiz as well. Oh, congrats. You guys are sleeping together? Out of wedlock?

You son of a bitch. Jill took The Quiz as well. So we have like, her side of the mattress is like more accustomed to her. It's a little bit softer. Same mattress, same mattress. Yeah. So you like the first question on the quiz is which side of the bed do you sleep on? Oh.

So my side is firmer. And lo and behold, in like a day, my back pain is gone. Holy shnikes. And that's straight up. We already got paid for the Helix ads. Okay. It's over. This is just my unsolicited advice.

If you have back pain, just check out Helix and see, like, take the quiz based on, like, what kind of mattress you've been sleeping on that has fucked your back. Okay. Because back pain, like, just destroys you. I used to, I would, like, leave dirty dishes in the sink and, like, not do my laundry for a little while because it hurts so much to just like stand up and do shit. I thought you were just being lazy. So did Jill. Yeah. Like actually it really hurts to do the dishes.

When you wake up and you don't have any pain, it just like, it sets your whole day right. Nothing beats being a hundred percent. That's all Helix, baby. But we do have a- They saved my ass. We do have a coupon code, I should say. Oh, all right. Let's find, we can say that then.

So if you're interested in Helix Sleep, you can go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you. You get $125 towards a mattress order. That's awesome, actually. Up to $125, I should say. That's helixsleep.com slash if I were you for up to $125 off your mattress order. That's a list. Their mattresses are not that expensive. So that extra discount goes a long way.

And they're better than those other mattresses because they didn't fuck up Zaddy's back. That's helixsleep.com slash if I were you. What else we got? What? Oh, I think we already answered this. What age do you wish you were and why?

Oh, I think we did. We both said age do you wish you were and why? Oh, I think we did. We both said like late 20s or something. Yeah, 27. It's the goat age. 27 age avenue. Oh, yeah. Are we answering this right now? Yeah.

Oh, sorry. Say it again. No, no. We already answered. Great. Where is LeBron going to play next year? It says T-Co-Vax-E. You probably think Los Angeles.

Of course. Why wouldn't he want to play on my favorite team for me? I guess I hope that he goes to the Rockets. You hope that he goes to Houston. I just want to see, like, I understand that him coming to L.A. would be fun for you. Yeah. Because you could, like, root for L.A., but I don't think that to LA would be fun for you. Yeah. Because you could like root for LA. But I don't think that they could beat the Warriors.

Correct. I just want to see somebody beat the Warriors. That's all I, that's like all I'm rooting for at this point. Got it. So at that point, you need LeBron and then maybe one other player to join the Rockets. If LeBron, Paul George, Chris Paul, and James Harden, could they all play

for that team? Of course not, unless they all took a huge pay cut, which they refused to do. What about Kawhi? Kawhi and LeBron can play with each other

in San Antonio or perhaps Los Angeles if the Lakers trade for Kawhi. Why can't they just be like, Kawhi and LeBron just talk to each other and be like, hey, what city would it be fun to live in? Yeah, that's what I'm hoping they do.

And they both say LA at the same time and Eskimo kiss and sign with the Lakers. And they go to the Clippers. Who? I just, I don't know. It feels like if the Clippers could do it, doesn't it seem like LeBron would be more interested in like revitalizing, like making a franchise his own?

The Lakers are like Shaqs or Kobe's. Yeah, I think he's more interested in like revitalizing, like making a franchise his own. The Lakers are like Shaqs or Kobe's. Yeah, I think he's more interested in like playing for that big name, having the most fans, selling the most jerseys, joining the most storied franchise. That would happen for the Clippers though. No, because the Clippers is like,

the casual fans doesn't know who the Clippers are. It's like the best base. It's like A-Rod playing for the Mets. It wouldn't have happened that way. That's not how it goes. You are looking at it through Laker colored glasses for sure. Yeah. Like he would want to join the most story franchise of all time.

He would. Yeah, well, that's not an objective opinion. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yeah. Even when the Lakers are awful, they have like five times the ratings as Clippers. There's just not a lot of Clippers fans. Well, does LeBron really care about what team gets the best ratings?

Whatever team he goes to would get the best ratings. I think he does. I think he's a business, comma, man. Not a business, flan. But then he could go to the Knicks. Yes, that's another option. But the Knicks are even more dysfunctional than the Lakers. All right, enough basketball talk.

W. Mayfield writes, where's LeBron going? Whoa. Yeah. Like, just not for basketball, just like for lunch. Yeah. I think he's gonna go to Chopped today. He might fucking summer in Miami. Luke Frott says, things to do in Pistol Wave in New Haven.

I hear there's a strong Hurwitz influence in the area. Really? That's right, man. Where would you go? Perfect day in New Haven. You wake up at an Airbnb on 45 Headache Lane. Oh, very good. And I would go straight to the Starbucks on Chapel and High Street. That's a really nice box.

It's a good box. You're getting what? Sous vide egg bites and a cold brew? I would just get a coffee there, you know? And then there's like a new acai bowl place right next door to the British Museum downtown. That's nice. Very nice. You're getting a coffee.

You're getting the acai. Then I'd go for a walk around East Rock Park park maybe uh-huh uh-huh to like the eli whitney museum up behind the waterfall that's nicer maybe you take a drive to old h town you go up for a hike on sleeping giant why not sandwich at ray and mike's best deli of all time or you could go to henry's on whitney damn i could you know what just? Just fucking let's go to New Haven together. I'd love to take you around. You, me, and LeBron starting a new fucking franchise at Hartford. That's such a good feeling to be able to take somebody around your hometown, though. You don't ever really get that, do you, Blumenfeld? Because you grew up in the Valley. Yeah. I mean, I guess I could take

somebody to the Valley. Yeah, but it's just like you go into different strip malls and stuff. Oh, so you're saying because we all already live in LA, I don't get to take somebody to LA. Yeah, that's not what I was saying. I was sort of saying that Encino sucked, but yeah. But like we can eat at like the Aroma. Actually, that was fun. When I first came to LA and we ate at the Aroma. There's a Starbucks there. Oh, but the pizza, you know, you got to hit the pizza.

And I feel like you can go to bar for the mashed potato and bacon pizza. Great pizza. This is for nighttime. Yeah, you can go to Frank's, Frank Pepe's, you can go to Sally's. But I am a Delania man now. Huh? Delania. It's low-key the best pizza in New Haven at the moment, I think.

Wow. It's on State Street. People in New Haven at the moment I think it's on State Street people from New Haven love New Haven pizza they have some sort of fucking weird affinity towards it and then since you didn't eat pizza at bar you can just go to bar to dance and party and rage that's cool

what's your go to current TV show to watch says UB Ultimate Bear what show are you watching now straight up dude I am watching Billions I love Billions It says, you be ultimate bear. What show are you watching now? Straight up, dude. I am watching Billions. How much? I love Billions. You know what's cool?

A Billions. I'm a big Billions dude. Are you obsessed? It's probably my favorite show. Is it like an entourage ballers type show? Or is it like an actual good show? It's better than entourage and ballers. But it's definitely like hammy and over the top.

Yeah. And like dudes being rich. Yeah, dudes being rich and like everybody like big balls like coming after each other, like not taking no shit, vengeance. Like Jill doesn't like this show. She loves it.

Oh, really? Yeah, we both love it. That's nice. I think what's nice about it is like sometimes at the end of the day, I don't want to do, I don't want to watch comedy anymore. That's nice. I think what's nice about it is sometimes at the end of the day, I don't want to watch comedy anymore. It's too much. Too much jokes.

Too much jokes all day. But then I was watching things like Game of Thrones and just these shows that were straight up torturing people and all the beheading and death, and that sort of weighs on you a little bit too. But Billions is the perfect middle ground where it's like sometimes a little funny but it's usually really dramatic but nobody really gets murdered ever right so there's like it takes the edge off there you're not ever like oh no i hope this person doesn't die like the most the worst thing that ever happens

is somebody gets like fired or loses some money yeah And they're also rich anyway. That's fine. I'm binge watching, for the first time maybe ever, Atlanta. You are binge. You never binge. I never binge. I never watch a random TV show. Are you in season two at the moment? I watched the entire season on our flight from Dublin to LA. That's 10 episodes.

I watched you do that. Great show. You're talking about kind of funny, kind of dramatic, a little bit of everything, social commentary, well written, well edited, well directed, well shot. It's gorgeous. It looks great. And it's just like a touch silly. It's kind of like Donald Glover's mind.

It's like, you know, he has lots of like important things to say, but then also a lot of like funny things. So like there'll be like a really tense moment and then he'll be eating flaming hot Cheetos. And he's like, what flavor is flaming hot Cheetos? And some guy's like, uh, hot. Stuff like that. What season are you on

right now? Uh, I started the second season but there's only been two seasons. There's only been two. Alright. Really easy to get into.

Alright, let's get some quick last ones before we run out of time here. Lightning. Lightning. Uh, we did the hot sauce of course. We did the hot sauce, of course.

We did the LeBron question, naturally. Would you rather have a baby with Ben, Schwartz, or Thomas Middleditch? Ooh. I think... I'm trying to think about who would be a better dad. They'd both be really good dads.

Yeah, because they're funny and thoughtful. Yeah, they're both kind guys. But if you had to choose someone, why don't you choose one person

and I'll choose the other? All right, I'll go with Ben because I think he's... Yeah, me too. Ben's the man. Ben's neurotic enough to really keep a baby alive. Yeah, that's good.

And I would choose Thomas because he could probably make the baby laugh and do story time in a very fun inventive way. You think Ben could make a baby laugh in story time?

Ben's fine when it comes to like voices and stuff, but Thomas is more of a character actor. Fair. Sock, sock, shoe, shoe, or sock, shoe, sock, shoe, says Robinson Laurel. Huh? You putting sock, sock, shoe, shoe,

or sock, shoe, sock, shoe? Ooh. I go, that's such an interesting question. I think I'd change it up, really. I would never have a full shoe on before even putting a sock on the other one. That would never happen to me. I would never have shoe and then barefoot. Oh, wait, that's probably usually what I do. You go full shoe and then sock shoe on the other. Yeah, my morning routine is I put on pants. I put my socks in the pocket.

I walk out. I toss my socks onto my shoes. And then I go about my routine. I make breakfast. I make coffee. And then before work, I sit down and I put on a sock and then a shoe and then the other sock and then the other shoe. Are you taking a shower in the morning or are you a nighttime shower?

Usually a nighttime shower. So you wake up, just put on clothes, call it a day. But you know, I actually, this goes into another question that I was going to say. Dylan D writes, what's a non-extravagant purchase you made that's changed your life for the better that you think everyone should have whoa it's not a water pick and this one this water pick oh sorry not a water pick right uh i was when i had hurt my feet uh i got these like ufos orthopedic sandals uh or you could do it with Crocs. Or you can get like really comfortable slippers.

But walking around my house in like my orthopedic really soft sandals is it's just sublime. And I think that's why I put my shoes on sock than shoe because on my left foot it's not completely bare against the floor.

It's still in my sandal. Yeah. And you have very plump little feet. Your feet kind of look like resemble potatoes or something. I wish. I have the tiny little skinny feet. That's probably why they break all the time. They're bony. Oh, let's end this episode by talking about how you fell. Oh, yeah. You fell when we were walking around Lisbon. Yeah. And everybody who listens to the show regularly knows that I'm plagued by foot injuries. Yeah, that's true. So you didn't fall in a way

where you trip, stumble, stumble, fall. I was walking next to you and it's if someone shot you and you collapsed or you fell into an open manhole just went straight down yes and you're holding a bag and it just like splayed it split open the only thing that i remember is like seeing the bag like all of a sudden i was like i was walking one second and then like i twisted my ankle off a curb and then the bag was at my face. I was like, oh, I'm close to the ground now. I fell today. You basically rolled your ankle, but instead of putting any weight on it, your body just gave out. Yeah.

That was kind of like a good defensive tactic. So it's like instead of like landing on your twisted ankle, you fell into the ground. Yeah. And actually for the first time, I like should have a hurt ankle or foot and I don't, it feels okay. So it's for the first time your weak ankles and feet actually saved you. Yeah. Because a stronger man would have tried to tough it out,

bounce on his twisted ankle and made things worse. Yeah. My, my ankles are made to be twisted or I guess not really made to be twisted. But as soon as they bend in any direction, I fall down. You don't fall very often as an adult. It's kind of a rush. Yeah, that was the first time I've fallen in a very long time.

Yeah, just like on the ground without necessarily wanting to or needing to. Yeah, I hit my knee. Was it scary a little bit? Exhilarating a little bit? It was, it didn't hurt. I guess it was exhilarating, but then there was like the fear of as soon as I popped up,

because my ankle didn't feel like normal. Yeah. And I was like, oh no, this could like, the adrenaline could wear off and I will have a sprained ankle. So it was like anxious curiosity. It was like a rush followed by, oh man, is this going to be okay?

Is this going to be okay? Sort of like when you start to get a headache and you're like, do I need a little bit of liquid or am I getting a debilitating migraine? What's going to happen? If this was Atlanta, it would be like that would be a scene and you would collapse and then it would smash cut to you doing like D&D talking about Hard One Surefoot and his like, how thick his feet and calves are.

That is why I named Hard One Surefoot Hard One Surefoot. And that's why I gave him thick ass legs. He's the man I want to be. Alright, that's it. That's our time. Thanks for writing. Thanks for tweeting. Thanks for emailing your theme songs. We're running low, actually, so if you have any theme song submissions,

send them to ifireeshow at gmail.com. If we missed it, maybe resend it if we haven't used it yet. But if you've been sitting on a ditty and you've been needing that extra kick in the pants, do that now. Send it to ifireeshow at gmail.com. The opening theme song was Creme Brulee PDX, remember? I love that. The Nice For What parody.

And this one is, I believe, someone who came to our Dublin show. Daniel O'Driscoll, a 20-year-old musician from Dublin. Good man. Thanks for coming. So thanks, Daniel. If you did. And thanks to you guys for listening. We'll be back next week.

Maybe we'll release our London show, because that one was a blast. Oh, yeah. And a half. Ciao for now. We'll be back next week. Maybe we'll release our London show because that one was a blast. Oh yeah. And a half. Ciao for now. Peace. I just had my triple caramel macchiato and actually, you know what? Slit my throat. Can you slit my throat for me? I'm obviously too much of

a pussy to do anything ever again so I'd like you to do me that one favor. pussy to do anything ever again so I'd like you to do that me that one favor punch me in the eye. You've already punched me in the heart. I need a bigger cup of iced water. It's all free. God, killing yourself at a Starbucks is a sad thing to do. The saddest eulogy ever.

That was a HeadGum Podcast. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only.