Segments - 337: Small Problems

Episode Date: July 2, 2018

In this episode we discuss the little things... social media, self awareness, and credit card information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com, B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle.

With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only There used to be a lot of problems that plagued me so much. You'd be shocked. I constantly fucked up so much. I remained a hot mess addicted to drugs. But did you know that there's a show where you can email and hear back some advice from these dudes yes dude i compare this advice to

a rose on the gray oh the more i'm listening the stranger it feels yeah and now that Bitcoin is up, Amir won't shut up about this. If I were you, show at gmail.com. Email them now. That was a seal cover cover if you can imagine I can Yeah, it's a recognizable song No, I meant my My invention idea is a seal cover

So you know how you go to an ocean And you see like seals, right? And they're like shiny and fine But then they're out on the beach It would be nice to see seals But then they're out on the beach. It would be nice to see seals. But then you're out on the beach and it rains and it like gets all on the seals. They're fine being wet. So imagine a vacuum sealed cover for the seals.

It's called a vacuum seal cover. And the seal is sort of a double entendre because you're vacuum sealing these, kind of like these majestic sea slugs. So it's not to keep them out of the rain. It seems like to make them suffocate and die. Well, hold on, let me get to the part where I address that issue. Yes, so they suffocate and die, but the... You said I'm going to address that issue.

The pros far outweigh the cons. What could the pros possibly be? The look on that little seal's face when I finish that seal is one of sheer terror. And to have it forever in your mind's eye. So one of the pros to torturing seals is that you enjoy it. Yeah. I think that's a con. And to have that face that shock. That makes you a con man.

The horror laminated burns an image in your mind's eye. And you see that as a positive. Yes. Well, that's in the neutral section. You're a negative. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You kill seals. It's just an idea.

But this seal cover was written by two ladies or performed performed by two ladies, Madison and Leah, or Leah. What do you go, Leah or Leah? How do you spell it? L-E-E-Y-I-A-A-U-H-A. Leah. Leah. Leah. No, it's L-E-A-H.

Leah. Yes, Leah. All right, Madison, Leah, thank you for writing that seal cover for us. What is this? It's an advice show, if you can imagine, if you can believe it. It's If I Were You, the only advice show on the internet, hosted by us. I'm Amir. I am Jake. This is, we are in the middle of summer now. This is going to be a July episode. Wow.

Recording in late June, releasing in early July. It's hot. You're getting married soon. Yeah, six weeks out. What are you thinking? Have you started looking at weather patterns for upstate? Ooh, no. I haven't done that yet.

Do you mind saying the name of the place you're getting married so people can come if they wanted? I would hate no. So people can crash if they wanted? I would, of course, not like to do that. All right, give us two options, and then we'll have to guess. It's either Tahoe or Vancouver. No, look at the actual places.

I want the name of the restaurant bar. Insane. Okay. Of course not. Because you don't want strangers there. I was lying when I said Tahoe and Vancouver. I was afraid. Are you nervous about it, or are you still feeling confident?

Are you counting down the days where the wedding planner is officially on the clock? our wedding planner is officially on the clock tomorrow wow you have 400 emails ready to auto send I'm quite excited to just start fucking forwarding shit deal with the silverware

deal with the flowers here's the walk-on music well Jill has been dealing with all of that, like, keeping track of that shit. I guess one thing that'll be nice as we get closer is, like, now we're at the part where we're, like, getting people's RSVPs back. Oh. So we, like, know who's coming. Do you get any jokesters? Like, people, like, fill it in humorously and you're like, I really need to know the answer, though.

It's funny that you said, like, I'm bringing a hundred people. Dave, like, combined his and on his names so for like a few seconds i didn't know who had rsvp'd classic uh but no nobody's nobody's joked about not coming right and have you gotten any rsvp knows um one does that mean you're bumping people up? No, because we're deep into the red zone right now already. You overcommitted. You're an airline offering people $500 not to attend the wedding. Yeah, that's where we're at. So we need the no's.

If anything, we've gotten a couple yeses where we're like, oh, fuck. My mom said they were not going to come. I see on the website you've devised an auction style system where people can actually bid on not attending the wedding. Yes. It says for $850 a head, you can choose to skip the wedding and still come to the fucking brunch the next day. At a certain point, I start sending people on my honeymoon just so they'll miss the wedding.

Is the honeymoon right after the wedding? I'm going to do like a mini honeymoon. Just like three days somewhere. I don't know where yet. That counts. Then we're going to do a fucking serious honeymoon in December or January. A joke. A mini moon and then a real moon.

Yeah. You got to do two moons. And then you do the pre-baby moon, the baby moon, and the I just had a baby moon. And the baby's first vacay. A moon. And then it's the first full moon after the baby's born moon. I just want my entire life to be

moons from now on. The lunar calendar. That's very Jewish of you. Alright, I was looking for questions since we're back from Europe that we could possibly answer on this show. We have somebody helping us out now, which is a huge help. Yeah, how's the email look? Looking organized.

Really? Yeah. Gotta love that. Shout out to Jake the intern. And I thought of a funny theme for this episode would be seemingly inconsequential problems. Because a lot of people talk about these issues that are the biggest deals of their lives this time this person is a little um he's he's aware as to how not huge of a deal it is that's nice it's good to be self-aware yeah the

small problems we'll call it this is the small problems episode. And this is the first small problem written by, let's give him a small little name. Tim. Tiny Tim. Tiny Tim writes, two of my best friends really love their memes, like an unhealthy amount. So they constantly send them to me. I like memes as much as the next guy, but I don't follow these meme accounts because I get annoyed at them, and they make me waste time looking on my phone at Instagram. So because of this, I never follow the meme accounts. But for some reason, I don't know why, these meme accounts are all private. Why would you do that if you want your content to be liked and shared as much as possible? So my friends send me these memes, and I begrudgingly follow them to look at the meme only to get annoyed, bored, slash waste time looking at them so I unfollow.

Then they send me more memes by these stupid accounts and I have to freaking follow them again. I hate to ask them to keep screenshotting to accommodate and sometimes if it's a video I can't watch it at all. We don't live close enough to each other anymore so this is one of the main ways we contact each other. How can I see these memes and keep my friends without having to clog up my timeline with this bullshit? Thank you. Love, Tim. Tiny Tim, there are three possible answers here.

Okay. This is a new thing that I'm hearing about, by the way. It's like really famous accounts keeping their shit private so that you have to follow them. Why is that so? So they get their followers up. So a lot of people may be lurking on my account or your account or this memes account. And that doesn't increase your followers. But if you private it and it's like you have to follow me to watch, a lot of people follow.

And then it forces them to follow you. And your numbers go up. Have you ever tried to do that? Just go private for a little bit? I did. And I don't remember what happened. But I might tinker with the algorithm again and try it again. I think it works better for meme accounts where people are sending stuff.

And then you have to follow to open. Because I bet not a lot of people are just lurking on my page. But if it's at stupid memes or whatever bet not a lot of people are just lurking on my page. But if it's like at stupid memes or whatever, then a lot of people are just like... But I bet what ends up happening... Yeah, you tag your friends and you look. Yes. You're playing right into their hands.

What ends up happening is that a lot of people probably follow, view the content, unfollow. So their followers must be going up and down. It's definitely an annoying user experience. So first option is make a stand. Just be like, I am not going to look at these things. And just try to cure your FOMO. Just don't look at the memes.

Yeah, that's true. but that's hard to do. And it's never worth it, and yet you still have to see it. Well, not me. It's easy for me to ignore that shit. Somebody sends you a meme, you're just like, eh, whatever. Yeah, because I've almost never ever, like, really liked a meme. What's your favorite

meme? I like the the the guy with the girl and then he's looking at the ex-girl that's walking by apparently kid oh yeah that's not really a meme i just really love that video yeah that's that's expanding meme to just mean any like internet phenomenon i don't think i have like a meme meme that i've liked yeah what about um the uh the fry I don't know if this is happening or if this is happening. The Futurama guy. No, I don't like that. What about the Game of Thrones? One does not simply something or other.

That one's all right. That one's a good one. That one's that Game of Thrones that would floor the ranks. One does not simply walk into Mordor. But I guess there's nothing better than that line. One does not simply walk into Mordor. But I guess like there's nothing better than that line. One does not simply walk into Mordor. Yeah, but what if it's like one does not simply get a reservation at Dorsia. Yeah, that's a really good meme actually. Hold on.

You're smashing your face into your keyboard. My keys freaking taste so funny. So I think the other option is to just follow them and like, you know, eat it. Eat it. The last one, and I think the best one, is Finstagram. Whoa, a fake Insta that lets you follow these memes, but then they'd have to send it to the Finsta.

I think that's easier than telling your friends to screenshot shit. Like send it to the Finsta. I think that's easier than telling your friends to screenshot shit. Like, send it to my Finsta. Or if they send you something, you just, like, remember the name of the, of whoever the meme thing that they're following is and search that on your Finsta. I wonder if you can follow

these meme accounts and then, like, block them but still be able to view the content like hide them from my timeline yeah they have it on facebook they do they you should be able to do that but you can't and i've tried because i've like followed random things and not wanted to like you know like you follow you spend the day on set and you're like oh i'll follow the grip we're buddies and then you're like oh i don't really want to follow this, but I feel bad unfollowing. Yeah.

Like that'd be, it'd be nice to just be able to hide stuff. Yeah. You want to hide or lurk basically. So what would you do if you were that person? I would just not open these memes and I'd find another way to connect to my friends. Yeah. I would follow and then just, you you know not necessarily pay mind to the memes in my timeline that is you and i boiled down just distilled to our purest essence because you really

like the amount of followers that you follow you don't want that number to be high you don't want the clutter i don't like clutter i don't like i like streamlined minimalism and you just nothing phases you yeah like i can follow i followed somebody by accident like three years ago and i just never unfollowed do you still look at their stuff uh it comes up so frequently do you know how many people you follow um i think it's like 220 or something like that. 227. I follow 227? Yeah. Gotta get that down. I like it at 220 or 222.

I follow 12,760. That's pretty high. Yeah. How many do you follow? Only 320. So with all my clutter, it's basically roughly the same amount of people as you. It's not basically roughly. It's 100 people more.

It's, yeah, I'm two thirds as you. Not basically roughly. It's 100 people more. Ah! It's, yeah, I'm two-thirds of you. Yeah, but in the grand scheme of things, we're all under a million. Sure, by a lot. Of course. All right, those are your options. Choose wisely. All right, what else we got?

Oh, another small problem. Small Paul. Small Paul. Small Paul writes, I have a minor annoyance that I don't know how to deal with. I'm a teacher in between classes. Another teacher from a nearby classroom comes in to talk to me. Every time he comes in, he unknowingly does something that bothers me. Sometimes he messes with my stuff. He

moves my things a little bit and uses his finger to erase parts of my writing on the board. I know it's neurotic, but it still bothers me. Also, I have chocolate or candy for the children if they do really well in class as a reward system. Sometimes this teacher asks me if I can have one. If he can have one, I say yes. But then I see him take two or three out of the bag. I don't mind giving out one at a time, but why does he ask for one and take more? Once I was, I wasn't in the classroom and he ate the last of my Oreos. There were three left. Then bought me a new pack to make up for it and proceeded to eat that pack from my classroom before my students or I had one i know this is a

small problem but how can i deal with this board eraser slash candy caper i know uh he's an okay guy but i'm getting annoyed with these visits thanks for your help love small paul that's tough that is tough this is like something that you can relate to, the small things that irritate you. Yeah, that add up for sure. Yeah. And then like the worst part about these small annoyances is that like they end up being a straw that breaks a camel's back. And then he like takes another Oreo and you're like, just get the fuck out of my classroom. And then you're like, whoa, I just took an Oreo.

Whoa, Paul. Going to the teacher's lounge. Hey, Paul screamed at me and all I did was have an Oreo. Whoa, Paul. Going to the teacher's lounge. Hey, Paul screamed at me, and all I did was have an Oreo. Mouthful of chocolate. I mean, this is ridiculous. It was an Oreo bag that I got for him. Take a chill pill. I'm choking.

I'm choking on a Werther. Does anybody care? Nobody's saying anything. So what can you do? You can't really lash out. You can't really make a rule. You basically have to either take it or be an asshole. I sort of remember this feeling from college in a way.

You know, like when you left your dorm door open all day and somebody would come in and you're like, I'm just trying to relax. I don't want company right now. Yeah, and then somebody knocks and enters like, hey, what are you doing? What are you up to? Yeah, and then they start like watching your DVDs. I wonder if I've ever been that annoying a person.

It seems like you can't go through life never being that annoying person. I think we've all been the annoying person, but there are some people that have a little less self-awareness that have become that annoying person just a bit more. But would they be just as shocked to learn that they're the annoying person as I am? Or would they be more shocked than I am because I'm so self-aware, even though I've never been that person, I'd be like, yeah, I guess that exists. And some people are that people and I shouldn't be so shocked. Yeah. I feel like they'd be even more shocked because they're like, I'm never annoying. On doing one of your Oreos. Yes. I think that like people with a lot of self-awareness wouldn't be shocked,

but the person accusing them would also be kind of wrong. Yeah. If I was like, you're always invading my space. But yes, you do always take my computer charger. Yeah. Now that I think about it. And actually, I did have two of your Oreos earlier today, but I replaced it. And then you ate that pack.

I think all you can do is just be a little surly to the guy. And, oh, like snide comments? Not even snide, but just like when he comes in and he's like, hey, how's your day? Just like don't answer him for a second and be like, sorry, I was distracted. And then like don't answer the question anyway. And then he's like, can I have some chocolates? And you're like, sorry, I was distracted. And then like, don't answer the question anyway. And then he's like, can I have some chocolates? And you're like, yep. Or what if you're like, oh, fine.

Sorry, I've just had a bad day. It's not you. It's good. But it is him. Yeah. Just like plant little seeds of doubt and rudeness in his mind. Make him think the friendship is not as strong as he thought. That's good.

It's falling apart. And then he'll become uncomfortable coming into your class. Yeah, you sort of have to flip the script on him where he put you in a position where it's either he's the asshole or you're the asshole. So you flip it and you're just mean to him and then you apologize saying something bad is happening in your life and you never tell him what it is.

Oh, that's good. So you're just a nasty guy and then he either has to take it or he, and you like take the abuse of you being an asshole or, you know, maybe he's the asshole. Yeah. I mean, this is really tough because I think in this situation, I would just continue to be nice and resent this dude forever. Resent forever. Resent forever. And that prevents you from ever having a difficult

conversation with this guy yeah but i think being rude to him is also like you know kind of the wrong move like for you to be like uh don't have any more fucking chocolate sorry i've had a bad day uh it's that like is also pretty shitty or what if it's the uh hey listen man i know this is inconsequential but you've been doing little things that sort of irk me throughout the course of our relationship. That's just too, it's too much. It's like having a breakup after like a coffee date or something. You don't want to do that either. No, it's too heavy for this situation.

I think here's what I would do on the chocolate stuff he says can I have a piece? you say yeah but just take one because I have a class in a few minutes I gotta save some for those kids or if he says can I have some you say hey I'm running really low they're only for the kids in the next class

so like you draw some sort of little boundaries yeah you don't have to be like no you can't have a chocolate because they're not for you they're for the children but you give like a pretty reasonable excuse that like I'm saving them and I would give you more but I'm running

low and then on him erasing the stuff on your board front you gotta deal with that he's gonna do it he's gonna erase do you. He's going to erase. Do you imagine a whiteboard or a chalkboard, the green? Whiteboard.

And he's just like erasing like the bottom of a T. Oh, that's good. So it's not really noticeable. Or he's turning the T into an I. That would be more destructive. Yeah. Or maybe the bottom of a J. So it looks like an I.

Or like the middle little inroad of a capital B, so that it turns into a D of sorts. Or you could do, yeah, so you could take out the slash and a Q, turn it right into an O. Yeah, that's good. Or maybe it's like a fucking L and he turns it into what? You're crying. You're crying. Why wouldn't you be? He turns you into an ex.

An ex-friend. Nice. All right. Two minor annoyances. Let's take a break and thank some major sponsors. Then we'll be back with more questions and answers after this. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point.

Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update

written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah, vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a

loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love.

Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. And we're back back jake do you have any oh no but i know you do i got a good one

all right let's hear them memorize your credit card number memorize your credit card number. Memorize your credit card number. You have yours memorized? That's right. Go for it. 4696- You're already lying. 822-978-375-855-211. Expiration, January 4822. SID, 4822. um expiration january 48 22 sid the little 48 22 code at the bottom you said 48 22 a yellow triangle

coupled with a fig freaking newton uh whenever i'm trying to buy something online i don't want to input it onto my computer in case you know somebody gets my computer and i don't want to input it onto my computer in case, you know, somebody gets my computer and I don't want to like have to find my wallet. Maybe I put it in my room and I'm not in my room and I have to get up and get, grab it. So, uh, one day I just decided to memorize my credit card information. I can type it in. Nobody can steal it from my brain. So you don't have Chrome like with the autofill your credit cards? No. Not with credit card information. Interesting. I took that plunge

a long time ago and it is very nice. It's basically saying if someone steals my computer in the off chance more power to them.

They can steal my credit card information too. At least they'll have to hack into the main account. Computer itself. Yeah. But other than that I just hack into the main account. Computer itself, yeah. But other than that, I just won't lose my computer.

It'll be fine. Yeah, I don't think... What about if you're buying something online? I have my credit card number memorized also. Oh! Well, well, well. Isn't the pot calling the kettle whack? Well, I did it before I um you know the autofill

stuff oh i see i did it for like ordering food oh yeah it's it's nice if you like call and you just have your credit card that's right they're gonna ask it to you like sometimes when i'm driving and like somebody's like uh i don't know like i don't know why that's ever come up but it has i've been like driving and uh jill or micah like put in the credit card for why that's ever come up, but it has. I've been driving and Jill or Micah put in the credit card for me. That's cool. Yeah, it's a nice feeling to know it. Did you memorize it on purpose or by accident? By using it so much, it's just like, oh, wait, I pretty much kind of know it already.

On purpose. And there was a time when I was committed to memory as soon as I got the card. Oh, wow, instantly. Yeah. My card's going to expire soon. I have to re-memorize a number. Yeah. I mean, it's easier than you think because like your credit cards pretty consistently

have like the same numbers in them. I don't know if you've noticed that. Oh, it's like pretty much the same like eight first digits and then it goes off the rails. But we used to do that all the time, memorizing phone numbers. Now that we don't have to do that anymore. Yeah. I still don't know Jill's phone number off the top of my head.

Really? No idea what it is. So if you lose your phone, you're kind of fucked. I can't even tell you the first three digits of the nine. The what? The first three digits.

I know her area code. Not, no, not for sure. I'm so sorry to hear that. That sucks. Yeah, it's rough. Do you know her last name? It's going to be Hurwitz. That's a really cool move.

That's what I... That's really strong. You have to be that way. Yeah. You have to be the man. Yeah. And oh, she is. Nope, I'm taking her last name.

Really? Yeah. Because you flipped a coin. Because I was too aggressive. That makes sense. You deserve that. So that's my quick little one I was too aggressive. That makes sense. You deserve that. So that's my quick little one. It is nice.

It's convenient. That's called streamlining shit. How's that? Just makes your life a little less complicated. You don't have to dig around in your pockets. You just have to dig around in your mind. I also noticed, because you got a call while we were recording the podcast, that you got yourself a barbecue.

You didn't tell me things were going so well for your ass, Bloomerfeld. So well. I didn't know you had that kind of year. A barbecue year? Yeah, it's just a couple hundred bucks. I mean, it's not... Very nice. Direct gas line or propane?

You know, that was an actual debate that I had. Of course. Of course it was. What'd you go with? I was leaning towards direct gas line out of sheer convenience, of course. Yeah. But then setting it up and having a line and where to put the barbecue, it sort of limits your portability. So then I said, you know what?

I'll just get the propane tank. I probably won't use it very much. And I can put the barbecue anywhere I want. It's like a portable phone. Yeah. That's what I did. But I wonder if I'll end up deciding to change it. Like if I always put it one place and then it's like, I don't want to deal with ever buying a propane tank. I can do a direct line. Do you have a barbecue? No, but I actually, right now I have one in my cart waiting to check out on Amazon. I was just going to do it after I got back.

Wow. Yeah. Which one? I guess if we got the same one, it can be our unsolicited advice next week. Holy shit. We probably are getting... No, wait. I don't know if we're getting the same exact one because I know you used Wirecutter for it. No, I didn't actually.

Oh, really? I used my brother. But I feel like there's only two or three barbecue companies. So odds are we do have the same one. Did you order it from Amazon? No, I got it from a hardware store. I don't know then. We'll see.

If you get it on Amazon, do they come and deliver it for you? Because Ace Hardware sure does. Yeah, they'll deliver it and for another $80 you can have them install it. Okay, let's compare prices after offline all right uh but for now let's answer another question and i'm thinking this guy has a real small name little john little john writes anyway to the problem i'm about to turn 16, and ever since I can remember,

my mom has told me, no phone till you're 16. Well, the time has come. I'm turning 16 soon, and I'm planning on getting my first phone because I have never had a phone, and I never saw a reason to get any social media. I am not on any apps. Literally, everyone else has a phone and social media, and they have for years.

So I guess my question is, how do I even go about getting contact, social media and all that shit so late after everyone else? I just feel like it's kind of awkward because I'm so late to it all. Once again, I know this is such a small problem, but I would really appreciate some advice from you guys. Cheers, Lil Jon, some 15-year-old guy from Australia. How the hell do I have social media? Do you remember getting your first social media? I remember, yeah. Do you remember getting Facebook?

Yeah, it was when I was in college. We were waiting for Facebook to come to our college. Yeah, that's right, like a hot band. Yeah, we got like a DM. Not a DM. I got like an instant message from people. Hey, Facebook is at to our college. Yeah, that's right. Like a hot band. Yeah, we got like a DM. Not a DM. I got like an instant message from people like, hey, Facebook is at our school now. What did you have before Facebook? What was your first social media? Oh, MySpace.

You were on MySpace. Yeah, I had MySpace. Were you on Friendster? No. I was on Friendster. You were? Yeah. Wow. That was real old school. And College Humor even had something called Campus Hook. Were you on that? No, never. Yeah, Campus Hook, Friendster, then MySpace.

MySpace was like the Wild West. You could do anything in MySpace. Wait, actually, Facebook might have been my first social media, actually. You might have had Facebook, then MySpace. Yeah, yes, I did. It was like the summer that I had both. It was the summer after freshman year. Oh, is that when you wrote Summer of Both?

Yeah. Summer of Both! both it was the summer after freshman year oh is that when you wrote summer of both yeah summer of both that was the highlight of your fucking life summer of both it's when you you didn't have to choose between facebook i can't choose one i have to have both this summer summer of both uh and you're just talking about two social medias. Yeah. Wasn't it exciting to get Facebook for the first time? Yeah. I remember, like, well, like, through high school, I used Instant Messenger to, like, hook up with people.

AIM. AIM. And Facebook was, like, this glorious new thing where you didn't, like, have to have everybody's name. Buddy name. Like, yeah, you could, anybody you were, like have to have everybody's name, buddy name. Like, yeah, you could, anybody you were like too afraid to talk to, you could find them afterwards. It was a real beautiful coward's tool and it still is.

And this is 2006 or so. Yeah. I remember I held out on Facebook. I thought I was so late in the game. It was in 2007. So you're like, I'm all in on campus hook. Yeah, I'm like, I don't need Facebook. I already got fucking MySpace.

What do I need to move on for? Now, I need to be ahead of the curve. I felt like I missed Snapchat, and it came and left without me. Yeah, well, you got on Snapchat for a little bit. Yeah, but what's the new hotness? I don't know. It feels almost like in the same way that like, oh, what's the new search engine? Like, no, it's not.

You don't have, it's just Google. Or even new dating app. There hasn't been like a huge threat to Tinder since Bumble, which was five years ago. And there really hasn't been anything since then either. Yeah. I mean, it's just straight up fucking Instagram. It's all Instagram. It's all Instagram.

Instagram is just growing and swallowing other apps. It's like, now I'm so big, I'm Snapchat too. And then IGTV just came out and now they're doing like video channels. I really hope that does. I definitely hate it. I actually just sold a pilot to IGTV. Nice. Yeah. It's a pretty awesome deal. It's an if-come deal. If anybody comes to the platform, they'll see it. Yeah, they'll pay me cash for it. Anyway, this guy is 15, about to turn 16. Is it too late for him or you can always join social media? You think you're late, but you're not. Just like download Instagram, follow all your friends.

They will be like happy to have you. We thought we were late to the podcast game, for example. It was like 2013. You're very rarely as late as you think you are. That's right. And also with social media, it straight up doesn't matter because like nobody's really noticing like, oh, little John just got an Instagram. Let's make fun of him. Let's tease him.

Yeah. Why didn't he have one until now? They'll probably be like, oh, he just started following me. Nobody will assume that you didn't have an Instagram. They'll assume that you, oh, he just started following me. Nobody will assume that you didn't have an Instagram. They'll assume that you didn't follow them, which is cool. But is there some sort of pride in the people who are not on this stuff? Do you think there's some sort of pride in that? Yeah, there definitely is. I hear from people all the time. They're like, I'm not on Instagram. I'm not on Facebook. That's like something you're doing just

so you can say that. Yeah. Or maybe they're already married with children and it's like, oh, that makes sense. You don't need that anymore. Yeah. I wonder if I'll stop caring ever. We always have to use it to promote things. Yeah. Oh, that's true. I actually wanted to delete my Facebook. I still do, but I'm like, oh, no, I can't do that because I need access to the Jake and Amir fan page. That's right. I remember thinking at one point when I was like 14, it's like, when I get married, will I have an away message? Will I be like- Will it say I'm gone forever?

Will it be like getting married BRB, leave a lot of messages or will it? And it's funny. Cause I was like, no, I'll be like, so grown up. I won't care about AIM by then. Wow.

Meanwhile, like now here we are like, okay, your wedding's going to have a hashtag, you know, like social media is, it is very pervasive and it's part, it's like not something you outgrow.

It's something that sort of is that when you wrote Getting Married BRB? yeah Getting Married BRB be right back after I marry I marry Mary

yeah that was that that was like the sleeper hit track on the debut album Summer album, Summer of Both. Summer of Both! We should write these songs for real. I would love to just make a pop punk album with you. Isn't part of your Dungeons & Dragons Patreon like an album, a musical album or something? Yeah, we are writing a pop punk song for this character named

Galad Roselle, who had a voice like Tom DeLonge. Galad? Galad. Is it just spelled glad? G-A-L-A-D. Like salad. Salad. Galad. Galad. Got it. Alright, no further questions.

This song is called Strike True, and it goes Strike True, and it goes, Strike true. Well, don't give it away for free. Yeah, you're right. Check out the Patreon, folks. People have to buy for that shit. All right, one last question, which was actually pretty funny. It was this whole question, and then it was a PS that was a separate question.

I'm like, oh, the PS is better than the whole question. So just the PS, and we'll call this guy PS because it's a short name. Oh, and that is a small thing. Small name for a small problem. After my week in Amsterdam, I returned home to find that my window was open. I know what you're thinking, but no, my room is on the second floor. Two pigeons had taken roost in my wardrobe. When I opened my closet door to unpack i was met

with a flurry of noises and feathers before the birds escaped leaving a nest what do i do he got invaded by pigeons two pigeons made a nest in his closet what would you do if that were the case for you? I wouldn't allow the pigeons to stay there. Yeah, but like, do you call the police on a bird? No, of course. You can't arrest a bird. Interesting. So what do you do? Tiny little wing cuffs.

Are you fighting these beasts with a broom? They're not beasts. They're pigeons. They're birds're not beasts. They're pigeons. They're birds, you pussy. They're winged rats. Yeah. Are you afraid of them? Yeah.

You're afraid of pigeons? Yeah, they made a nest in my closet. They think that I'm invading their house. I'll punch a bird in the beak, but I'm not afraid. There's one behind you. You turn into a bird. Would you call anyone or would you try to deal with it solo dolo? I'd deal with it solo dolo.

I'd put the nest outside. Oh, so like the birds leave. But then you look at the nest and there's like two sort of half-formed birds peeking out of their eggs. Baby birds? Yeah. You still dealing with that? You still messing with that nest? That makes it a little tougher. I think I'd probably try to, uh, oh, I'd get like a little, uh, flower

box, a windowsill thing. I'd shut the window, but put the bird's nest in the little box. So the, so the birds could still, uh, feed their young. Okay. And you're doing this while the pigeons are in your room, sort of flapping around. around? I guess I would, yeah. I think I'd open the window, shut the door, try to shoo them out with the broom. No problem there. Okay. Once they're gone, put the nest outside,

unless I find babies in it, in which case I try to find a way to stick the nest on the sill so the birds don't like like so their babies don't die this seems like a lot a lot of stuff a lot can go wrong i wouldn't i would be too afraid to mess any of this thing up you can call the humane society which is something you've railed against in the past yeah so i probably shouldn't do that just karmically it seems like it would come back to bite me in the ass so i suppose i would clip the wings of the pigeons i would do a quick little like uh you're afraid to even look at the

pigeons you would clip i would staple their wings together behind their back that's not how you clip a bird's wings well i'll figure it out and then as far as far as the nest is concerned, I, you know, like when you're like squeezing a paper bag really quickly or a plastic bag and you sort of like... It pops it? Yeah, yeah. You try to pop the nest? Try to pop the nest. Like, what's those little bubbles?

That was that summer you wrote that like hip hop track called Pop the Nest. Yeah, pop the nest. Yo, pop the nest, baby. Pop the nest. Pop the post over. And pop the nest. Yo, pop the nest, baby. Pop the nest. Pop the post over. And that's our third song. You gotta have three.

No, I would call the police, and I would have those birds arrested. The cops. Yeah. Death penalty for a pigeon. You get arrested. These birds actually have squatter's rights. The birds on the house. What the hell?

The person who shows up is a giant pigeon with a police hat on. Squawk, squawk. Bitch. All right. Those are two different options for you guys. Small problems, but you know what? Big answers if you ask me. Huge.

If you have your own questions you want to write us in or your own theme song submissions, send them all to ifireyoushow at gmail.com. The opening theme song was Madison and Leah. Leah? Leah. Leah. And the closing one is written by Tyler. Still need more theme songs, so please send them on over.

For the love of God, do send them on over. And we'll be back next week, same time, always, every Monday, until we die. Can't wait. Ciao. Ciao. next week, same time, always, every Monday, until we die. Can't wait. Ciao! On and on If I were you, show Something's wrong Jake is gonna solve it

I'm here too We'll help you through Please use this song I'm coming home. That was a HeadGum Podcast. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today.

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