Segments - 344: Favorite Flavors

Episode Date: August 20, 2018

In this episode we discuss perfect weather, tattoos, piercings, accessories, cereal, lasik, football, futbol, and our favorite flavors in a Twitter Lightning round for the ages... with a little bit of sleet, though!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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How's that for a cool name? A 16-year-old coy boy from Vancouver, Canada. Did he say that or did you put that on him? I would never. I would never call him a coy boy. Did you call himself a coy boy? He did. It is a self-title. He is a coy boy, isn't he?

And he can plug. I'm sorry, he said, if y'all can plug my SoundCloud, the link is soundcloud.com slash Henry M. Hoffman. That is actually pretty coy. What about Henry Hurwitz for a name? I've been thinking about an alliteration for my kid's name for some time now. Yeah, nice Hank. Hank Hurwitz is what I want. Hammerin' Hank Hurwitz.

And my boy Hank, I'm sure, would love it. Yeah. And he's a great dude. So, like, if my young boy lived up to be half a hank yeah that's really cool a half hank think all the great hanks there are okay aaron yeah others yeah hank ford nice known anti-semite hank ford put her there i didn't know that and i'll put you there i didn't realize that he was a known anti-Semite. Yeah, but the dude made a mean fucking car. Oh, that's Henry Ford.

He didn't go by Hank. Yeah, but I'm calling him Hank Ford. Hey, I'm Hank Ford. I thought Hank Ford was like some embattled mayor of a small city somewhere. No, it's Henry Ford. I invented the conveyor belt. I don't like Jews. Henry Ford invented the conveyor belt?

He had something to do with it. I don't even think he Henry Ford invented the conveyor belt? He had something to do with it. I don't even think he was an anti-Semite at this point. I think you're spouting libel. Why was Henry Ford famous then? He just thought of cars first. He invented the assembly line. Oh. But not necessarily the conveyor belt. Yeah, but what is an assembly line but a conveyor belt that doesn't move? Beautiful. And i see you got that tattooed on your nuts that's right and i bet it kills henry to see it on a jew's body that's what kills him the most because you'll never be married in a hebrew cemetery exactly i'll never be married in a hebrew cemetery in his you mean buried yep 40 and slip with your wedding coming up huh that's

probably where are you getting buried this weekend? That's a cool way to be cynical about a wedding. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, I'm getting buried this weekend. Let's save that for my vows. I like that. Are we getting married or am I getting buried? Will you bury me?

In the sand. This is If I Were You. It's an advice podcast. The only advice podcast on the internet. Sponsored. No. Brought to you by me. I'm a mirror.

We should sponsor it. Oh, that'd be cool. So we get our own ads. I guess this whole show is an ad for us. So we don't need to also sponsor it. Although, I could probably come up with something that should sponsor. We should all be doing it. We should sponsor a MeUndies podcast.

Oh, I see. So switch it around. So MeUndies podcast. Oh, I see. So switch it around. So MeUndies makes a podcast in which they're selling underwear. Yeah. And you no longer even like this idea. You just thought it was interesting to say. It was flipping the script. I guess.

And you could. It needs more than that. It doesn't have to need more than that. It sounds interesting on the tip of your tongue. It sounds interesting. Yeah. It gets people than that. It doesn't have to need more than that. It sounds interesting on the tip of your tongue. It sounds interesting. Yeah. It gets people to subscribe. I no longer want to hear anything you have to say.

You don't have to want to hear it. You're already listening to it because this is the show. And now I have a lot of money. I have phlegm in my eyes. We're going to do a Twitter lightning round this episode. We're going straight to the tweets to do some quick hits, trying to answer as many questions as possible in the Twitter sphere. If you want to join us, follow Jake Namir on Twitter,

Jake Hurwitz on Twitter, and that way you'll be alerted next time we have one of these things. Follow me on Twitter. Follow me on Instagram. An instant gram. That's what I care about. That's not good enough. That's my shit.

Not frigging Twitter. How many followers do you have? On Twitter? On gram. 58,000. That's not bad. Yeah. Fuck you.

Fuck you. How many do you have? A million and two. And how many are Persian bots that you just... 970,000. Yes, that's right. You're the man, Blumenfeld. I woke up one morning and 2,000 Farsi-speaking bots had followed me on that day. I assume somebody named Amir accidentally purchased fake followers

and didn't put his username in correctly. So you're looking at the proud owner of 2,000 extra fans. $2 a pop. You idiots. All right, let's answer some twits. Let's see here. Okay. Lil Watermelon Burps writes,

what's your favorite precipitation plus temperature combo? Interesting. So precipitation, can my favorite be no precipitation? It can, but what are we talking about in terms of cloud coverage? Oh, you want partially cloudy. Okay. For sure. Or mostly sunny.

Yeah. So what are you going for? Me? 34 and icy rain. Give me that sleet, though. If it's 34, it would probably be just a cold rain. Not really any ice to it. Because it's only 34.

Give me 75 and freaking sunny. With a little bit of sleet, though. I woke up in sleep mode. I wanted, me, I wanted 98 degrees, sun shining, but there's freaking sleet. No. Sleep, though. And I'm listening to 98 degrees.

Oh, sleet, sleet, motherfucker. Oh, sleet, sleet, goddamn. I think the goat temperature is 73 degrees. Do you like it a little crisp or do you like it a little warm? I like it a little warm, sleet, sleet, goddamn. I think the goat temperature is 73 degrees. Do you like it a little crisp or do you like it a little warm? I like it a little warm, I think, where you don't even have to think twice about leaving. I guess I like the weather based on what I like to wear. Okay. I like weather that's like a pair of light khakis, sneakers, no-show socks, and a t-shirt where you didn't even think twice about like, oh, should I bring a flannel?

Should I bring a long-sleeve shirt? Will it get chilly later? No, it won't. Because it's 74 degrees and it's going to stay that way. Oh, and guess what? I have a ring. And guess what else? A little bit of sleep, though.

I'll go, what did you say, 75? 74, partially sunny. You like that San Diego. Partially cloudy, mostly sunny. San Diego golf type weather. But it's like not San Diego in the dead of summer or anything. Yeah, it's like a fall or a spring day. It's like one of those few perfect days in New York.

That's what it is. The first perfect day in New York. But then why do you sometimes say, I actually like it when it rains. I actually like it when it snows. I like things that are changed up, too. If it was sunny every day, I'd be like, oh, I'm bored. You wouldn't like that. I love in LA when it rains because it's like, oh,

this is a different feeling. I miss feeling cozy. Give me a crisp 69. And then when you ask me how hot it is outside, I say, it's pretty freaking hot. The weather is 69. Let me show you how hot it is by sitting on your face. Oh, and guess what? It's sleeting though. It's a little bit of sleet though. It's a beautiful day. There is a little bit of sle though it's a beautiful day there is a little bit of sleep though uh you got a question why yes i do um excuse me exqueef me what outfit slash accessory should every man have in their wardrobe in your

opinion wow every man needs a little blue skirt. I'll say shorts. A lot of people don't have shorts, don't believe in shorts. I know a lot of guys that don't even wear shorts. But shorts are integral. Not only health-wise, but when it's really hot outside. But you can look good in shorts. That's cool. You put on the short suit the other

week. Well, obviously, that's the next iteration of that. There's now formal wearing shorts. I thought that was a strong move, and I appreciated it. I thought you looked damn good. Thank you. You're wearing shorts right now. Yeah, I wore shorts to a meeting today because it was just too dang hot.

You ever cuff the bottom? No, because my legs are too thin for me to really want to flaunt them. If I had a quad god like my dungeons and dragons character yeah that's like i would you're going short i would go short short shorts because you want people to see the games yeah so what what apparel unit of apparel do you think that every guy should have one of my big go-to's has always been the short sleeve collared shirt but that's a good that's like everybody's got that now not necessarily short sleeve collared shirt. Oh, that's a good goat. But that's like, everybody's got that now. Not necessarily.

Short sleeve button up? Yeah, short sleeve button up is really nice because it's formal, but casual. Yeah. It makes you say, hey, I give a fuck, but I don't give a shit. You know what I mean? No.

You're going undershirt with that? Actually, I think I should say I give. It doesn't matter. I give. Yeah, that part doesn't matter. I give a shit, but not a fuck. Right, yeah. No fucks to give, but you get a shit. but not a fuck. No fucks to give, but you get a shit.

You know what I mean? No, I don't get any of that. All right. Well, that's an amendment. You didn't have to amend it. It's words to live by. No, it's not. I give all the shits. Or no, all of the shits and none of the fucks.

It's so interchangeable. You do live by it. I do live by that. Undershirt? No undershirt. Ever? No ever no never would you ever wear a tank top under a shirt did you ever go through that phase i definitely did i went through the phase of like wearing a tank top and then a t-shirt wow and then sometimes even like i was a big layering kid yeah you had a nice layering i had many layering pieces. Layering of pizzas. So you'd wake up,

you'd put on the tank. I put on, yeah, they were horrifically called beaters back then. Oh, I would never. So I'd put on the tank,

the skin tight, Hanes ribbed muscle tank. Wow, the waffle. The long sleeve waffle. The beater. No, but also long sleeve waffle.

Oh, I would, well, I put over, the thermal. I wouldn't put the, but also long sleeve waffle. The thermal. Yes, I would put the white t-shirt over the beater and then a long

sleeve shirt over that and then sometimes I would layer again. That's a nice layering piece. Or a sweater. That's a really nice layering piece. You know, it's been a minute since I did like short sleeve shirt over long sleeve shirt. But I feel like that's coming back.

Yeah, because 90s are so coming back. And that's so 90s, you know? Yeah, I used to do that too, now that I'm remembering. What about two shirts? Didn't people used to do that? I used to do two shirts all the time. Just two shirts? Two shirts.

Was it a style thing or were you just wearing two shirts? I think it was a style. I mean, there's definitely nothing like convenient about it. Yeah, you're just wearing two shirts. It's a style thing or are you just wearing two shirts it was just i mean there's definitely nothing like convenient about it yeah you're just wearing two shirts it's a style thing because the layer it looks it like looks good and would you wear the short smaller shirt underneath this short short the longer shirt on top i did it based on the collar i think because like there were some shirts that i had were like oh this collar is too tight or like i don't like this shirt but i can i can use it as a layering piece. That's a really nice layering piece.

Yeah. I think wearing a color undershirt over a long-sleeve button-up was very 90s as well. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I think I'm going to dip my toe back into the long white tee with a short over it. Yeah, I think that's going to dip my toe back into the long white tee with a short over it.

Yeah, I think that's going to come full back around. Emily on the D&D podcast the other day was talking about umbros. What are those? Those like 90s soccer shorts. They're kind of like sheen. They're almost like mesh shorts, but they're made out of like, I don't know. Oh, wow. I don't fully remember these.

You don't remember those? Maybe it was at Northeast. It was definitely an east coast thing anyway I'm gonna buy myself a pair of umbras too last style thing I think I think accessory wise

two accessories that I often wear that I like a lot are one my key ring the little leather carabiner that I have oh yes

yeah I think that's nice you don't lose your keys but then they also don't like sip it sit in your back pocket like making a little duty diaper. Yeah. And watch. I don't wear a watch often, but sometimes when I shower and I'm going out and I put on a watch, it makes me feel like a freaking hero.

I've never worn a watch. I've never gotten to watches. I don't like having things on me. You get used to it. I mean, I think. Would you wear a metal shiny watch? Yeah, I have have metal shiny band um yes i have had one wow i think you're like you're supposed to you're supposed to notice it or at least allowed to notice it it's not like you forget about it to

the point where it's just an extension of your arm yeah i kind of like the way it feels do you use it do you ever look at your wrist and be like, what time is it? Or do you still look at your phone? Yeah, no, I look at the watch. That's awesome. It's nice you don't look at your phone as much. I guess that's one good part of it.

The Shruginator writes, cereal or milk first? Who would go milk first? Whoa. I guess that helps you estimate how much milk you're drinking, but I've never heard of filling a bowl up with milk and then adding cereal. It would just like float to the top. It wouldn't penetrate the milk, right? Yeah, wait.

Cereal or milk first in the bowl. How on earth does anybody do milk first? I bet some people do. That's obscene. This is like a question that's like, do you wipe sitting down or out in your front yard? Yeah. There's a fucking right answer, and you're insane if you do the other one. All right, you got one?

Yeah. Would you rather get a tattoo or a piercing? That was a good one. Who wrote that one? I already scrolled past it. Oh, I see it. You, this guy eats on Twitter. Would you rather get a tattoo or a piercing?

I would never get either, but I would much rather get a tattoo. Yeah, you've mentioned that you'd rather get a tattoo than wear a wedding ring once. Yeah, I'd rather get a tattoo of a wedding ring than wear something. Although, can I get the piercing and then take it out? I guess so. It'll close back up. My question is, how many years would equal one tattoo? Yeah, what if you had to keep the tattoo?

Well, you'd have the tattoo forever. Or you could take out the earring after one year, but you'd been gauging it. So you'd have big floppy ears. I'd have the year ring is what you're telling me. Yes, queen. I would absolutely get the tattoo over the year ring. Year ring. Yeah.

And guess what else? What? It's sleeting though? It's a little bit of sleet though. Daisy Morris. Wait, I have another follow-up question for you. I guess you didn't answer that question. Oh, well, I guess then, yeah, I would rather get another tattoo for sure.

Piercings, I think, look bad. What piercing would you get if you had to get a piercing? I'd re-pierce the eyebrow. I'm sorry to hear that. Full back to Jake in 2004. Eyebrow rings back. Toe ring is back. Enjoy getting buried this weekend.

Yeah, I would do a tattoo. Like, I sort of want a tattoo now. Really? For what? I don't know. I can't think of anything that I actually like. I sort of just wish that I had gotten a bunch of meaningless tattoos and I had a cool looking sleeve. Got it.

And then I wouldn't have to explain my tattoos to anybody. I got it when I was younger. And people would be afraid to talk to me because I'm on a fucking Harley and no, fuck you, you can't ask me about my tattoos. You know what I mean?

Didn't you try to get a motorcycle's license once and fail? Yeah, I did. So how are you on this Harley? Well, I don't have to be riding it. You want to buy the hog,

sit on it like a fucking bench. I wouldn't sit on it. It's dangerous. I fell off. I have a freaking sleeve. I don't want to get a scab or a scar on my elbow.

I can't scuff my tat. You are anti-accessories. You don't want to wear a ring. You don't want to wear a watch. Yet you wear glasses every day of your life. Yeah, I don't even think of that as an accessory.

How do you reconcile that? I guess because I have to. Why don't you defend that? Yeah, so like I was doing that. Why don't you Make sense of that query Blumenfeld Did I catch you flat footed And tongue tied

Then why can't you get through a freaking sentence Without second guessing yourself Let's move on But I think I clearly proved my point The answer is that I had it at age 8 And I'm used to it Alright alright No it's not alright is that I had it at age eight and I'm used to it. All right, all right.

No, it's not all right. You yelled at me. You accused me wrongfully. Let's not bite each other's heads off over this. I haven't done anything. We both lost our cool. Jesus Christ. But you have been thinking about getting LASIK. Yeah, but that's not a tattoo.

Oh yeah, that would remove me of all. It's a removal of your, you'll be accessory-less. My face. All right. I want to ask you about that, though. How far, I feel like when I asked you last time, you were at like 65%. Yeah. No, I said I was at 30%.

Yeah, but then I feel like after we talked about it, it was evident that you were closer to 60. How about for my 36th birthday i'll get lasik putting it out there what when do you turn 36 in january i know i like that it's good i think that's a good move and i'm gonna get lasik to give me exactly exactly 36 20 vision so that's not that great not perfect but neither am i because i'm 30 freaking six and guess what it's sleeting outside yeah because it is 36 fahrenheit outside um what tv series did you mourn the end of writes daisy morris what were you the saddest what show were you the really sad to see end was Friends. Really?

What about Breaking Bad? I was so satisfied with that ending. You were satisfied, not sad. I think by then I had like, I had more of a defined appreciation of TV where I was like, oh,

like Vince Gilligan wanted to do season five. He like brought this character to a close here and this is like a beautiful and now I'm satisfied story.

Yeah. What was the end of Friends? What happened? Do you remember the end? Yeah. Um, although also satisfied is pretty good because sad and satisfied and satisfied it's just hard to it's hard to satisfied by the end of the relationship mad asfied is a good one because then it's like you clearly know what the two words

are yeah satisfied but you don't often feel mad and satisfied but sometimes you feel sad yeah mad asfied is like when you had a cheat meal on the wrong day. Oh, yeah. You're a little mad at yourself. Yeah. The End of Friends, Chandler and Monica couldn't get pregnant, so they had a surrogate mother, which is funny because that happens also. Phoebe is the surrogate mother.

Yeah, they must have really loved that in the writer's room. Also, it was like Courtney Cox was actually pregnant when she was playing Monica. I see. Which is kind of interesting. Courtney Cox Arquette. I thought they broke up. I thought she's back to Cox now. I love that.

So they had kids, and they were going to move to the suburbs. So they're leaving the apartment. Leaving the apartment. And then Ross and Rachel is like the will they want that she's moving to London or something. She's going away for a job. I can't remember exactly what that part is. And then they end up together or something. Yeah.

And they end up together. And Monica and Chandler, it turns out like they actually have twins instead of just one kid. Of course, they love their twins on the show, too. There's lots of twins. Oh, is there? Oh, yeah, Phoebe's a twin, right? Yeah. They always just test the stories with Phoebe, and then they give them to other people.

We tested well with Phoebe, so we're going to give that to Chandler now. And then that's kind of it. They move out, they all say goodbye but it's like oh well we'll still see you guys and it's it's a little bit nice but I think I just liked

watching Friends so much every week that I didn't want it to be over I'll probably be really sad when Game of Thrones ends is that close to being done

is there like 10 episodes left I think it's the final season yeah the final season even though the books go on for longer yeah well I don't know how many I think there's only final season. Yeah. The final season, even though the books go on for longer?

Yeah. Well, I don't know how many. I think there's only supposed to be one more or maybe two installments of the books. Oh, really? So they're wrapping that story up, too. It feels like this is too huge of a franchise to let die, though. They'll do a prequel or a spinoff. Yeah. And there are other stories in George R. rr martin's books with the universe

like what's the rogue one of game of thrones it's probably the targaryen uh battle of westeros yes i read your fan fiction it was fine a lot of rule 34 in that which is what uh if it if if it exists there's a porn for it got it so yours is yours is just smut. It's dragon smut. I see. Big floppy dragon dicks. Imagine two dragons 69ing. Wide open dragon pussies. Fire everywhere.

Yeah, this dragon's got two heads for sure. What about you, man? What's a TV show you didn't want to see end? Seinfeld. You like were aware when it was ending? Yeah. I was sad to see that end. Seinfeld. You like were aware when it was ending? Yeah. I was sad to see that end. But Breaking Bad 2 more recently.

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Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive drag and drop design technology. Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah, it's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help.

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Yeah. Tommy Boyd, Tommy Boyd12 writes, did you decide on an SEC game to go to? Yeah, I think I'm not 100%, but I've decided on a game to go to. I want to go to an SEC, a Southern college football game with my brothers. And I want to go to see Auburn at Georgia is the game. Is that because you didn't want to go to Louisiana? The best Louisiana State game fell on my niece's birthday, so my brother couldn't go.

And then this is the game that might be the best actual game because those two teams are supposedly really good this year. And it's a little later in the year, and it might be a very meaningful game. And I guess games at Athens are insane, and games against Auburn are insane. So we're going to get our fix of Southern football. When are you going to go? It would be on November 10th if we do go. Are you interested in I'll go?

You'll go. Are you interested in I'll be there? It would be more of a family thing. So you wouldn't be there. I mean, I guess you could be there, but we wouldn't. I wouldn't want to be there if I wasn't going to be hanging out with you guys

the whole time. Yeah, so you wouldn't go. So if you're like, it's a free country, I could go. No, it's not like a free country. Obviously, I could go to the game. I'm actively asking not to the game. We're saying I could go to the game.

We're both saying the same thing. What I'm asking for is if I could stay. And I'm not going to give you that permission. The whole time with your family. Yeah, I don't want you to do that. I don't want you to do that. Let's talk about it off mic, because I feel like there's a lot of room here

to meet in the middle. Like what? Like you go to the game and do everything that you want to do, and I don't get any alone time with me and my brothers. That doesn't sound too bad. To me. Obviously it sounds bad to me.

Didn't you hear the tone of my voice when I was saying it? It's an interesting point you bring up, that I could come and get everything that I want. Not not really i'll take you up on that not really an interesting uh what are some of your favorite non-headgum podcasts writes the negus ao favorite non-headgum podcast i'm mostly i mean i listen to a lot of like the big staples I listen to a lot of politics podcasts. I think that's kind of, but that's not really like. No interesting specific ones. You should listen to another D&D podcast or something. Yeah, maybe I should.

I do really like, even like just learning very random mundane shit about D&D. Like when someone tells me they play, I'm always like, what's your, like just tell me your character. I want to know their their ac i want to know what weapon to fight with i want to know what class they are you know so maybe i should do that but then it's also i just sometimes feel

like um all day is like comedy and makeup makeup stuff yeah like sometimes it's nice to have 30 minutes where i'm just like bombarded by sad shit. Then you at least feel like you're dialed into the world. Yeah, it keeps me even. What about you? You just are all basketball podcasts. Yeah, well, sports in general. I was going to suggest Against All Odds,

which is a sports gambling podcast hosted by Cousin Sal, Jimmy Kimmel's cousin on the Ringer Podcast Network. I started listening kind of like every other episode, just as almost like a goof, and then I really got into it. We should also say that we have a new HeadGum podcast called Hey Riddle Riddle, which is a really good podcast. It's three very funny comedians answering, or at least talking through riddles that they're

trying to answer. Yeah. The guys from Magic Tavern. Yeah, one of the guys from Magic Tavern is in it. And his two friends. And they're just trying to figure out the answers to riddles so you can kind of play along while

they're doing it. And it's called Hey Riddle Riddle. They're just getting started so there's not a lot to catch up on. We'll remind you at the end of the episode in case you want some more funny head gum content down your throat. What else we got? Brandon Rodriguez asks, what's the best flavor? I got a good one. Go ahead. Don't even say vanilla. Vanilla gets a bad rap, but it's good. I know you think it does. I got a good comp for vanilla.

You know what it tastes like? No. Sweet butter. if the word was sweet butter everyone would love it no that's not true i wouldn't i don't like sweet butter on its own i like butter on stuff i would love sweet butter and that's kind of what vanilla is and if vanilla rebranded itself because for whatever reason vanilla became i think it became derogatory because everything was vanilla because it was the best flavor and then it's like oh that's just vanilla it's like yeah that is vanilla reason vanilla became i think it became derogatory because everything was vanilla because it was the best flavor and then it's like oh that's just vanilla it's like yeah that is vanilla and michael jordan is the best basketball player that's just how it goes lebron james is the best basketball what do you think is the best flavor um it's really tough because it's like whiskey, coffee, pussy. Flavor?

Whiskey flavor. And what were the other two? Coffee. Uh-huh. And then you said flavor. Flavor. You said something else. You acted all uppity like I said pussy or something.

Well, I guess I was first confused because whiskey is not a flavor. Well, sure it is. Coffee, I guess, could be a flavor, but it's mostly a drink. Coffee is a flavor. And then you said pussy. Yeah. Coffee is a flavor. Coffee flavor ice cream?

Yeah, but it's also just the drink. It's like saying soda is a flavor. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. It is. I don't think so. Yeah, it is. I don't think so. Yeah, it is. I don't think so.

So your three flavors are two drinks and a vagina. Okay. I'll do mint. Fucking vanilla. I am going to do pussy still. And I think chocolate. And then what's cool ranch? I guess ranch.

Spice. Spice. I don't know. I really don't know. Hot mustard or something. Umami. Mushroom melt. Corn based something or other.

Christ. Oh, here's a good one. About singing rights with Ben Schwartz playing Sonic the Hedgehog, which one of you will be tails? You heard that Ben got tapped to be the voice of Sonic in a Sonic movie. So dope. Yeah. It makes a lot of sense.

If you look at him, he kind of looks and embodies Sonic already. Yeah. His hair is very Sonic-y. He also like, if you see him perform, like I know the exact voice he's going to use for Sonic. He has so many voices, but like... Young and excited.

Yeah, yeah. So good. A lot of red shoes, very fast. So which one of us should be Tails? Well, Tails doesn't speak. So you. The fuck are you talking about? Which one's Knuckles?

Yeah, how is there a Tails and also Knuckles? He has two sidekicks? I can't remember. I like Tails. I used to always, when I was? Yeah, how is there a Tails and also Knuckles? He has two sidekicks? I can't remember. I like Tails. I used to always, when I was a kid, I would play as Tails. You know what was a real mindfuck the other day? I'm like, how is there Donald Duck and also Daffy? That's true. I looked it up

and it made sense when I looked it up, but I couldn't quite wrap my head around it. Daffy's the black duck that is all about Bugs Bunny. Yeah. And Donald Duck is just a chill dude who's more of like a Mickey guy. Yeah, so, yeah, kind of, yes.

Donald is Disney and Daffy is Looney Tunes. Completely different universes. They'll never interact. They'll never meet. But I wonder which one stole the other because one was obviously stolen from the other. Yeah. I don't know which one came first,

the Looney Tunes or disney it seems like disney because like there's the ancient racist cartoons of mickey mouse you know those cliff drawings those cave drawings of mickey being really a racially offensive uh marissa our our producer, Mars Mel, writes, real talk, why does our office have a bidet? Oh, yeah. She asked about why we only have single-ply toilet paper. Oh, that is a question I have. And there's no real answer, right? It would just, whoever orders it always gets a single-ply.

Yeah, because I don't know, maybe Marty just doesn't ever have to shit in the office. But I think that's absolutely egregious. It's one thing that I think is awful about this company. And then the follow-up is, why is there a bidet? Because we are not evil. Because a lot of people are offended by the bidet because it's like, you shouldn't have a bidet in the

office. Why? I think their thinking is that it's very intimate and that it's weird to share this device with coworkers. Are you sure that it doesn't have to do... Because I see this sometimes. I personally

don't do it, but sometimes the toilet seat is wet from blowback of the bidet. This specific bidet, I'm wondering if it's installed a little incorrectly. It is installed a little incorrectly because... It shoots straight up instead of at an angle towards your anus. Yeah, but it's not Miguel's fault. He had to install it like that because of where the toilet is. He had to move it over a little bit. So it's a little funky and then it causes splashback on the seat, which I try to

clean. Do you think everybody in this office uses the bidet? I don't. I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think so either. But we could have a very illegal poll. It's weird because bidets are both very clean and very dirty at the same time. Yeah. Or at the very least, they're very clean and they have... Well, they're very clean and clean by being dirty themselves. They're sort of like a Jesus in that regard. Yeah, they're the Robin Hood.

The Robin Hood of anal cleansing. They steal from the rich and give to the poop. You know what else they do? What? They have a little bit of sleep. What's that? It doesn't have to make sense. We just heard the toilet splush.

It's the toilet chiming in that it does have to make sense. Here's a random relationship question in the bunch. Oh. Jacob Ulicki, I can't pronounce his last name, but Ulicki writes, how long is too long between matching on Tinder and sending a message? In Amir's case, I don't know, how long between meeting someone and sharing your acorns? Ta-da, friends.

I mean, I think you should message within the first 24 hours. Yeah, there's no need not to. I don't think that you should message right away. You think that's too antsy and desperate? Yeah, I think that's a little too soon. But you don't really want to wait to let somebody sit there for three days. Man, can you imagine Tinder now? It's been around for so long. What does it look like now? What kind of people are on it? I feel like the reason I think Tinder's... I mean, Tinder's been around so long that I used it. It's crazy to think that I was swiping on Tinder.

Yeah, there's like Tinder babies by now. Tinder toddlers even. And how long before someone's sharing your acorns? I don't know. I don't know why he's asking me that. I'm not actually a chipmunk. Well, you are. I'm not, but I'm not.

You are a chipmunk. No, I'm not. It says sharing your acorns. I don't have acorns. So right off the bat. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I had cereal and acorns. So right off the bat. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I had cereal, an acorn, and like orange juice.

You said, the second thing you said was that you ate an acorn for breakfast. No, I was saying that. And when you woke up before you made your breakfast, were you making the, like, did you make your breakfast in a kitchen or do you have a cute little hole inside a tall tree? I have a kitchen in a hole in a tree. Right. Do you get why people think that you're a chipmunk? I get that I kind of resemble a chipmunk.

Well, then you also eat acorns that live in a tree. Yes. But what do you live in? Do you live in a house or do you live in a tree? I live in a house. Okay, that's your right. You could also be a chipmunk that lives in a house. Honestly, I just think it's true.

I have to be a human that lives in a tree. I think it's really cool that you have a podcast and you be a chipmunk that lives in a house. Honestly, I just think it's really cool. I have to be a human that lives in a tree. I think it's really cool that you have a podcast and you're a chipmunk. That's nuts to me. This is so fucking lame. I can't believe I'm being put on blast on my own show. David writes, David Parka writes, what's your favorite Back to the Future film? And then he CC'd Mark of Blink-182. Why? I don't know. Maybe he's talked about it. Does Mark of Blink-182. Why? I don't know. Maybe he's

talked about it. Does Mark of Blink-182 have a podcast? Like an advice show? Because it says Ask Mark 182. Really? Yeah.

God damn. Do you think he would ever be on HeadGum? He'd have to be, right? He's a huge fan of Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm such a big fan of fucking Hoppus.

Favorite Back to the Future? Do you know them enough to weigh in? Yeah. I don't. I mean, the first one I think is really the goat. Yeah. First one is pretty good. It doesn't have to sleep now.

Which one's yours? The third. The Wild Western? No, nobody likes the third one the most. I'm a huge fan of the second one, though. They go into the actual future. None of this fucking 1955 bullshit. Oh, yeah.

Show me a futuristic hologram casino, man. That is the one with the hoverboard. Yeah. I guess that one actually is the best. Yeah, the hoverboard is the GOAT one. Because it includes parts from one. And builds on it. What else you got?

We're getting towards the end here. Yes. Let me just pull up. Oh, here's a good one. Okay. Michael Dallow writes, After that electric World Cup, will you be watching Premier League this season?

And if so, what team do you support? You love the World Cup. I did. You love soccer during the World Cup. Yeah. And soccer fans kind of look down on the World Cup because it's not necessarily the best competition. Right. These are teams that aren't necessarily that good.

Why not follow a league with great teams? So the Premier League, which one is that? So that's the English Premier League. It's like your Liverpool, your Chelsea, your Manchester United, your Manchester City. It's the British clubs. And that is, I guess I will definitely, is that the one where Ronaldo plays though? He's done like Real Madrid.

Yeah, that's La Liga, which is like the Italian soccer league. It's like Real Madrid and FC Barcelona. Like I like that too, but I guess that's harder to follow because it's not in English. Yeah, keep in mind I don't know a lot about soccer, so I could be wrong when I say that, too. But I guess that's harder to follow because it's not in English. Yeah. Keep in mind, I don't know a lot about soccer, so I could be wrong when I say that stuff. I see. But I believe the other European teams are not the same as the English Premier League.

I do. I definitely like the idea of following soccer year-round. Right. But it's hard because the matches are on at 3 a.m. But you DVR them and watch them at any time. And they're not going to get spoiled for you because nobody's spoiling Manchester City versus Everton. Yeah, that's true.

In America. I guess the danger would be if I actually start to really, really care and then I look at scores or something. Yeah, but it's enough. But I would only spoil it for myself. One, I think it's a fun sport to care about because then it's like you don't like baseball or American football, which is like passe. You like British soccer, which you call football, which is kind of cool.

And then you're like up at 2 a.m. and go into a bar with other like soccer hooligans. That's fun. What you need is a team to root for. How do you choose a favorite team? You usually go by the athlete. I liked Kane. He was on Harry Kane. Yeah I liked Kane. He was on... Harry Kane?

Yeah, Harry Kane. Oh, on the English team? Yeah. So he's on Tottenham Hotspur. Never mind, I'm not interested. You're going to be a Spurs fan. How about... Is it that's in the Premier League?

Yes. That's right. It's in the Premier League. Where's Mbappe play? Yes. That's right. It's in the Premier League. Where's Mbappe play? Oh. Let's see. Mbappe.

Oh. Paris Saint-Germain. Is that the Premier League? No, I believe that's French League. This is the weird thing to me. Like, in basketball, all of the best players play in the same league that's right like it's called league one is the paris the one the french one but in soccer you could like the best players just like only play each other in these big tournaments yeah but then there's like a european cup or i forget what the name of it where like the best four teams in la

liga is the best four teams in english premier league is the best four teams in English Premier League, and they're all playing each other. So Liverpool will play Bayern Munich. So it's sort of like the NFC and the AFC. Yeah, they finally get together and they battle each other. Okay. So you can possibly get into it. Why don't you tweet at Jake your suggestions for teams to get into?

Yeah. Give him a team to root for. Slide into my Instagram DMs. I don't look at twitter man i like that i really like give me that follow first you know what i mean so what do you want from them i want people to follow you then dm you what soccer team to like got it why is that hard it's not hard it's just asking a lot oh and you want to know what else what it's a little bit of sleep though you want them to do that i want them i want there to's a little bit of sleep, though. You want them to do that?

I want there to be a little bit of sleep, though. So that's not something. On the day, in the way. All right, I'm trying to get to a few of the last ones that we haven't answered yet. I'm from two years in the future, writes Louis Delgado. Headgum has quadrupled in size what happened gotta be dnd you think it's gotta be the dnd show i guess you could just keep on starting dnd podcasts that'd be great i'd love to roll a new character would you dm would you be able what if you start a new podcast you're the dm and i'm in the game uh That would be amazing, but I don't think I know enough about DMing.

But I guess you don't know anything about playing. That's right. You could be fooling me, tricking me the whole time. I feel like we could find, I don't know. I don't think I should be the DM, but I would play a campaign with you.

Good man. I'm also inching closer to starting a basketball podcast. I feel like it's inevitable. I just have to start it. I feel bad. That's how HeadGum is going to quadruple, just you and I it's inevitable. I just have to start it. I feel bad. That's how HeadGum is going to quadruple, just you and I starting more podcasts.

Yeah, but probably not. It'll probably come from the outside. You know what it'll be? It'll be growing our shows. We're talking about Hey Riddle Riddle, the size of a fucking WTF podcast. That's what's up. And guess what the weather is?

Sleep. I sleep, though. A little bit of sleep, though. That's what's up. And guess what the weather is? Sleet. A sleet though. A little bit of sleet though. Welcome back to A Little Bit of Sleet Though, the only podcast that answers every question with a little bit of sleet though. All right, last question. Okay.

What is the most surprising source of inspiration you find yourself reaching for? You're down. You need a pick-me-up. What are you doing? You're listening to music. You're working out. You're going for a drive.

You're watching a video. What pumps you up? There are two things. We're out of time. Okay. Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, everybody.

All right. Two things. One. All right. Well, two, these things are both. Yeah. Whiskey, coffee, pussy. I know. What else? Anyway. So, All right. Two things. One. All right. Well, two, these things are both. Yeah. Whiskey, coffee, pussy. I know.

What else? Anyway. So, all right. One, this isn't necessarily pumping me up, but like I said, I listen to politics podcasts sometimes. Oh, hell yeah. Sometimes I like, I find myself getting a little, yeah, depressed on my way to work. Got it.

Like at the state of the world. Sometimes I'm like, oh, I'm like oh I'm like looking at Twitter seeing sad shit listening to NPR just hearing news stories that make me bummed hell yeah and you fucking get off to that shit I love to watch the world burn so this last week I started listening to

newfound glory albums again dig your name here it's been a long time it's been a long time, every long time, seeing less of you. Oh, shit. Yeah. If you think it's bad when I sing it.

The needle on my record player has been wearing thin. Ba-da-da-ba-bum. Okay, so that's one. Pop punk. Yeah, pop punk music every once in a while. I don't think you can do it too much,

but sometimes just... You'll burn out. I guess listening to any music that you're nostalgic music every once in a while I don't think you can do it too much but like sometimes you'll burn out I guess like listening to any music that you're nostalgic for puts you in a good mood because you're like oh wow this song's funny

yeah and like even if it holds up if it doesn't it puts you in a good mood that's good the other thing is every once in a while I just tell myself

I'm the man so what do you do do you have to stare at yourself positive affirmations yeah positive affirmations I guess but mine is always like I'm the man like But mine is always like, I'm the man. I'm going to get it done. I'm the man.

And it works. Do you say it out loud? Yeah, I do. What do you say? In the car, I'm like, you got this, you got this, you got this. But you're going to get it done. You're the man. You're the man or I'm the man?

It depends. When I'm really hungover, I like to just drive to Starbucks and say, I'm the man. Outside, out loud. In the car. To yourself. Yeah. And you're weak. But I do.

I think saying, I'm the man, people should tell each other they're the man more often. It's positive affirmations. It's proven to work, I think. Yeah. And it does work for me. Are you staring at yourself? No. Usually when I say it, I am disgusted by myself, I think. Yeah. And it does work for me. Are you staring at yourself? No. Usually when I say it, I am disgusted by myself in some regard.

Oh. So I don't necessarily want to look at what I look like when I'm super stressed out. I don't think I'd believe myself if I saw what I was that day. But this week has been insane with me just doing a ton of errands before I leave for the wedding. Yeah, tomorrow. And sometimes just being like, you're the man, you're going to get it done. That's cool. It helps.

That's good. What about you? I like rapping along to rap songs that I know. So it's kind of like the music one. But like when you're rapping along to a rap song that you know, it kind of puts you in the mode of I am a rap star. Yeah. When I'm the furthest thing from a rap star.

Right, but you get to feel like that. Yeah, because I'm fucking nailing it every line. Sort of like sometimes when you're at a bar or at a club and you know the words to all the songs, you can sort of hype people up and put your hand up in the air and bounce along. It feels for a second like you're the one singing the song. Because you're tricking your brain into thinking

that you're holding a microphone. And I wrote this. Because I'm a little bit drunk and I'm singing the song and everyone's dancing to me. I love that. I love that too. All right. Thanks for writing in, everybody. If you have your own questions, your own theme song submissions, send them all to ifirayoushow at gmail.com.

Remember Henry Hoffman wrote the opener? Henry. Henry. Henry. Nice. This closing one is written by. Yep, I do. That's enough. That's absolutely enough. Henry, Henry, Henry. Nice. This closing one is written by... Remember that episode? Yep, I do.

That's enough. That's absolutely enough. You can't address anymore. Was it called Henry? Celebration. Nice. And this closing one is written by our old boy, Justin Goncalves.

Oh, shit. How about that? So thanks for listening this week. Jake is officially married, I believe, because this is coming out on Monday August 20th You're a married flan Or as I call it, a buried man

A buried man instead of a married flan And I hope when your wedding day Arrives you don't have to suffer A little bit of Slito A little bit of slito Ciao for now. I feel like if I were you, there's at least five stars.

People fucking up, so I want to hear from the follow-up pop. Problems start to jog, gambling a lot, cheating girlfriend just got caught. These two, I was trying to help a few. Pave the way episode every Monday. Your boyfriend thinks cum looks gray. So people trying to stay away. Oh shit, just stepped on a snail trail. I think I'm about to be real ill. But Jake and Amir, always here.

They, they for real. That's enough. Fuck it. That was a HeadGum Podcast. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small

drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only.