Segments - 358: Bro Job (w/Grace Helbig and Mamrie Hart!)

Episode Date: November 26, 2018

Friends and fellow podcasters Grace and Mamrie join us to discuss wedding gifts, hotel safes, and watching movies at 9am.For more Grace and Mamrie check out their podcast THIS MIGHT GET WEIRD!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Amir's weird Thanks for the advice Amir's weird Thanks for the advice Amir's weird Doing this once Jake Harris just hit me with a text Last night I left, take his on his neck

Wait, is that advice? I'm perplexed Kill myself and Starbucks, see some pussy in the next man I'm really sorry, I got herpes from that episode Playing D&D, now I guess I'll let it go Gotta guess to get us through the show Middle edition swores, ha ha ha Guess I gotta let him know Jake, Jake's on, listen

Amir is a chick, muck, gotta ditch this Pump, aw, shucks, I guess it's time to pump These Patreon bucks I'm just playing, you guys You know I love you this pump. Ah, shucks, I guess it's time to pump these Patreon bucks. I'm just playing, you guys. You know I love you. That was it. Alright. Thoughts? Initial reactions?

It sounded like a knockoff of Eminem a la Sixlit. Remember those candies? No. They were like dollar store Eminems. What? Oh, I was gonna say, it made me angry and want to support you guys at the same time. That's perfect. That's our brand. You get angry at us.

Is that an M&M cover? Yeah, it's a parody of Killshot that he's calling Jewshot. Nice. Well, it's anti-Semitic a little bit. Jesus. That's a questionable name. They make music and music videos under the moniker Addicted 2, pronounced Addicted 2, on YouTube. Hope you enjoy this.

Thanks for all the years. Peace, y'all. That was a great Eminem impression. Yeah. I'll say that. Sorry, I should introduce you. Mamrie and Grace in the studio. Hello.

No introduction, never mind. Can I take it back? Yeah. All right. You guys know who these people are. So edit it out when you said their names Yeah, starting now So pretend the song just ended

Okay Do you guys listen to Eminem? Not actively He's problematic But yes, I was just telling Grace about when I got in a fight And the audience of 8 Mile Because he revved me up so much Wait, what?

What happened? You went to 8 Mile? Mamrie went and saw 8 Mile in a movie theater Because, why not? Because it was opening night. And people, she had to hush some people. It got aggressive hushing. To the point where we got in each other's faces.

It was a rap battle. And then that person got asked to leave. And then I was like, mom, spaghetti, bitch. Wow, that's cool. Was it during the exciting moment, the rap battling part? Or is it just like Brittany Murphy getting high in a parking lot? I think I like strategically shushed, yeah, at the serious parts. During like some downside. But wait a second.

Were they like rowdy, like supporting Eminem, or they were just like talking generally? Just talking too much. Yeah. That's bad. Yeah, it's a big pet peeve of mine. They weren't saying like, yeah, Marshall, get him, Em. Kill him, B-Rve of mine They weren't saying like Yeah Marshall Get him M Kill him B-Rabbit

They weren't hype manning him I would have loved that They weren't actors in the movie I cannot imagine having the courage To shush somebody at a theater Mamrie That's her like super power Yeah I didn't ask to be a hero

Alright what about this What Somebody's on their phone A couple rows in front You leaning over and doing that, can you put that away? What's their brightness level? High. Oh, God.

But it's two rows away. No, I would probably swallow it or move seats. Oh, I see. What if they're next to you? Oh, then that's my friend, and I will slap it down. Yeah, been there. Do you ever check your phone during a movie? Only if I like to go to movies in the morning. And that's my friend. And I will slap it down. Yeah. Been there. Yes. Do you ever check your phone during a movie?

Only if I like to go to movies in the morning. I go to movies at like 10 a.m. Wow. So it's pretty empty. Yeah. So it like reduces my shush anxiety. Yeah. And better parking.

And then, you know, it's noon and you've already seen a movie, had a coffee. It's really lovely. Go try it. Great way to start your day. So there's less people. So I will occasionally peep at my phone. Oh, I see. Very low brightness. If there's nobody there, then it doesn't matter.

You're in an empty theater. The guy is manning the booth. The guy demands respect. Exactly. What was the last movie you saw at 10 in the morning? I think Ocean's 13th. Well, yeah, how many were there in that one? The all-female one? It was bad. Ocean's badth. Well, yeah, how many were there in that one? The all-female one?

It was bad. Ocean's bad. Oh, I didn't see it. Ocean's 8th. Oh, you didn't see it? Can you believe it? Can you believe it? Grace Helbig has never seen a movie in her life.

Ever. When's the last time you went to a movie? Oh, I saw A Star is Born and I fell asleep because it was too long of a day and not the right choice on a Saturday night to go see a movie. Yeah, another very exciting one. Should have done it at 9 a.m. with Mamrie over here. That's what I'm saying. Free brunch crowd.

I know, I know. Yeah, get a bagel, go to a movie. Oh, my God. That sounds great. It's great. Oh, my God. That sounds so nice. Hello, you sneak in a little Bailey.

That's good. You put it in your coffee. They serve coffee. They serve coffee at movie theaters, by the way, in the morning. Yeah, at Arclight. Is the coffee good, though? No, no, it's shit. That's why you add the Baileys. I see, I see, I see the way, in the morning. Yeah. It's ideal. Is the coffee good, though? No, no, it's shit.

That's why you add the Baileys. I see, I see, I see. So it's 9 a.m., you're getting drunk, you're watching A Star is Born, and you're fully awake. God bless. I wish I could get drunk off of coffee Baileys. Jesus. Well, I don't know if you guys know, but this is an advice show, so we're here to help people out. These are people who have written into us, and they're in sticky situations.

They need our wisdom. Sometimes it's just me and Jake. Today we have Grace and Mamrie here to help us out. If you're ready. If you want advice from someone who already says they get into fights and drink in the morning. We've already proven how beautiful we are.

We've established that you're alone in a movie theater getting drunk at 9am. Feed our advice. Yeah. But low brightness. Yeah, low brightness. Low brightness. All right. Here is a question from a female listener, a new listener.

Mamrie, do you have a name for this lady? We're going to refer to her with a fake name just to preserve her anonymity. So we're not going to use her real name. We're going to use a fake name that you can help us provide. Antonia Pebbles. That's great. You didn't have to be so nervous. That was perfect. Antonia? Antonia Pebbles, but she goes by Tony

with an I. Cool. Tony Pebbles? That's a great name. She's like an international spy. Tony Pebbles writes, Hey guys, new listener here. See, it's great already. Gumshoe detective, Tony Pebbles. Carmen Sandiego.

Just started tuning into the pod a few months ago, and I'm almost all the way back to the beginning. I have quite the predicament that I would appreciate your guys' perspective on. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year now, and we're going strong. We communicate very well, for the most part, and have a great understanding between each other, and I honestly want to spend the rest of my life with this man. But here's the issue. There's always a but. I want

to spend the rest of my life with this guy, but there's one caveat. Him and I were friends for eight years before we started dating. We started our friendship flirty from the get-go, but never made it official until a year ago. Throughout our eight-year friendship, we have been separately in different relationships. But the only thing is, as his girlfriend now, I find myself thinking about the past relationships a lot, particularly with his most current ex. Since we were originally friends to begin with, he shared the intimate details about their past relationship with me, including what they would do during sex, romantic trips they would take, and things he would do for her. Well, this sucks for me. Our relationship is amazing,

but it's missing those spontaneous romantic times due to our current financial situation. And sadly, I don't feel the most adequate in bed. Getting better now, but still. Since I was previously in a five-year relationship with a guy I lost my V-card to, now I know I shouldn't compare. But it's hard not to when I know all the intimate details about his past, and now I wish I didn't know. Jake has said before that not all information should be shared with your significant other. And I agree. Don't say that. I'm so smart.

Yeah. Yeah, I do agree with myself from three years ago. You should lie to people you love. But since this is already out there, what should I do to both elevate our relationship to where I don't feel conscious about that stuff anymore, and for myself to hopefully move on from my man's past year perspective and take on this dilemma would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long email. Thanks. Love you guys. Love, Tony Pebbles.

Tony Pebbles. Tony. Tony doesn't sound like she would have a problem ever. Yeah. Tony only fixes problems. That's right. That's what it sounds like. Where do you guys land on the knowing about your current lover's ex-lovers?

Do you want to know everything? Do you want to know nothing? Do you want to know somewhere in between? I want to know nothing. Nothing. Yeah, but it's hard if they had a friendship before. Oh, completely. Oh, yeah.

You already know. That's what keeps their friendship close. Right. Tony wasn't digging for info. She just already knows. I was just saying in general. She knows accidentally, though. In Right. Tony wasn't digging for info. She just already knows. I was just saying in general. She knows accidentally, though. In general, you don't want to know.

In general, it's a mix, I think. But then when it gets too far, it's like, all right, good, I'm good, I'm good, stop. Yeah. If there's a problem, it helps to know where it came from. Right. And if this is repetitive behavior. Hey, you don't trust me. Why?

And then it comes out that somebody cheated on them. Yeah. You can understand that. I don't need to know how a person I'm dating had sex with someone that I previously dated. Right. Yeah. I don't want to know where they went on vacation. You want to know trust issues, not how much she played with your balls.

I think more emotional issues you want to know about more than physical issues. I had a girlfriend once tell me that she had her ex-boyfriend liked when she blew him really, really fast. And I'm like, I... Oh, no. I really wish I didn't know that. You can't unhear it now. It was 15 years ago. I haven't forgotten.

Oh, my God. Who's the girl again? Oh, yeah, sure. I was going to say her name. And the ex, because I know that guy, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's hear them all. First and last names. I promise I'll bleep name and the X because I know that guy, too. Yeah, let's hear them all. First and last name. I promise I'll bleep them. Maybe.

How did that even come up? Two truths and a lie, probably. An icebreaker. I was born in the valley. What else? I'm a Libra. And I get Tasmanian devil blowjob. A fucking magic bullet down there.

Yeah, he's a goddamn woodpecker. You're not a Libra, I hope. Yeah, that's a tough situation. It's, you know, you want to say, like, put the past behind you, but that's, like, easier said than done. I guess if you know everything about their sexual past

then like did he leave anything that they have? Is there something he hasn't done? Yeah, even if he was friends with her it seems weird that he told

all this information to a friend a female friend of his even if they were just friends it seems like a lot of information. Unless Tony Pebbles already liked him and was being the like

cool girl who can totally talk about that kind of stuff and now it's like fuck i wish i didn't know that yeah no backfired okay here's my question do you think she should have a conversation with this guy or well that's bottle it up forever i was gonna ask like has she said this everything that she's emailed to two strangers that she doesn't know. For now. For now. Nice. To her actual current boyfriend. Like, have they had this conversation where she goes, I'm insecure because I know too many things. I'll guess no. Yeah.

Right. I'll guarantee no. Also, does she think that's a first step in this situation? Also, does she think she's sexually inadequate? Inadequate, yeah. Or has that been voiced to her? I think she said, I don't know. I think she thinks that

because she's been with one person for five years, the guy that she lost her virginity to. She said she's getting better, so her confidence is on the up and up.

That's good. Has she tried super fast blowjobs? No. Oh, sorry. I didn't mean the PS. Post script. Wow.

She's good. Super fast This is What a specifically weird thing This is a real Faster than you think Like imagine what you were Thinking times too

Like hummingbird wings We're talking about like Break your brain fast Not like faster than a blowjob I'm talking about faster than you can like theoretically imagine somebody's moving their head. It's going to look like my head is sitting still. My head is suspended in time. It's just blurry.

The only way you know how fast it's happening is you see the look on the guy's face. Oh. I'm moving slowly. It just ends fast is what she meant. Oh, man. Yeah, I think also like they should have a conversation. And then she should, I think, you know, at some point, you have to kind of, like, commit to being vulnerable in front of this person.

If they've been dating for, like, eight years, then she's got to be like, I'm insecure, but I want to try stuff with you and, like, figure out what our rhythm is together. Yeah, lean in on the friendship side that you built so much. Oh, that's true. That's something that you guys have that he does not have with his ex. An eight-year friendship. Such a solid base.

Yeah. I also think that what this lady is like, what she's looking for is, like, because she can't forget the past. Right. That would be ideal. But you can't do that. But what you can get is, like, validation from your boyfriend to be like, the past doesn't matter to me. Yeah. And that's not going to happen unless you tell him why you're upset.

Also, it seems like she just wants to feel desired by this person. And if that's, like, a love language, like, for her, you know, like, maybe that's worth talking about with him. Totally. Just be like, I appreciate when you make me feel sexy more than, like, anything else. Right. Because he'll never, he does not necessarily know that you need like a little extra. Yeah. And at this point, if you guys are dating, you don't have to be extra cool about that.

You know, you can be like, this is what I need. That's the best part of having a girlfriend or boyfriend. It's not the super fast. That's the second best part. So the first best part is being able to share how openly vulnerable you are about certain issues and discuss your insecurities

and hopefully work past it and ultimately end up together and then become the Sonic the Hedgehog of blowjobs right and then number two is Sonic blowjobs getting

just a flip book a dreidel down there it is blurry and fast Jesus Christ what that was good it's almost Hanukkah A dreidel down there. It is blurry and fast. Jesus Christ. What? That was good. It's almost Hanukkah.

It's seasonal. All right. Next question. Yeah. This one is about, oh, a best man issue. Grace, do you have a fake man's name or a real man's fake name or a fake person's fake name or a real person's real person? Really? That was an inundation.

Yeah. Any name? Anthony Pebbles. That's good. Oh, no. Any relation? I've been dating this girl. We were friends for seven years. Anthony Pebbles.

She sucks at bed. They're both in witness protection. They just unfortunately got the same name. Let me cut to the chase. My best man and best friend and his wife didn't get us anything for me and my wife's wedding. To give you some perspective, I was one of his groomsmen, and then my fiancé gave them $300 as a wedding gift. I've known this dude for 20 years.

I'm the one who introduced him to his wife. Am I blowing this out of proportion? Should I talk to him? I mean, it's an awkward thing to bring up. Help. Love, Anthony. Wait, say that. What was the beginning?

My best man and best friend and his wife didn't get me and my wife anything for my wedding. I would let it go, bro. Let it go? I would let it go, bro. Let it go. I would let it go completely. I feel like- Best man, best friend, no gift. But also like weddings are so insane and you're asked to do so much as a groomsman,

best man or maid of honor. The amount that person has probably spent just like figuring out your bachelor party, like doing things that you're not taking into account. If you had a destination wedding game over there, they bought plane tickets. For sure. And also he might have just forgotten, which is awkward, but is it worth like making him feel bad? You know what I mean?

Being like, I'm taking score. Yeah. All right. I don't know. I feel like I would just be like letting it slide. I know adults that don't know that you should bring a gift to a wedding. Yeah. Bring a gift, not just get something off the registry.

Yeah. Or just get somebody a gift. I've known, like I literally last year explained to someone that you have to give a gift at a wedding. And they had actually zero idea. And what about birthdays? I found out late. He also thought nothing. I found out late in life about like you have to get the person a gift.

I didn't realize how expensive weddings were. So I got married a month ago. Do you keep track? Oh, congratulations. Congrats. Yeah, how many people didn't give you gifts that are on your burn list? This is the crazy thing. You do keep track. Really? Because you need to write thank you notes. So you do?

And fuck you notes for the people that did it. You don't need to do anything, but we are and fuck you notes i mean like people like i don't you don't really you don't need to do anything but we are writing thank you notes okay um so you like make a list of what everybody got you like the thing they got you or the amount of money that they give yeah and there are people on there that like didn't give gifts which is totally fine like i'll never say anything but then um well you're saying it now yeah but somebody told told us, this is why. Do all those people listen to this podcast? So the guy that likes fast blowjobs is the same guy that didn't get me anything.

So wait. Oh, yeah. Here's what I was going to say. I was going to ignore it forever, but I was told that some people probably did get a gift and it might have gotten lost. And those people are expecting a thank you note. What is this courteous world I don't know yeah i don't know so when does a gift get lost what does that entail they bought it off the registry and sent it somewhere else and not to you uh or no you get

you have like a big basket of stuff at your wedding where people like write you cards and some of them get left in the hotel room it's a whole i was so hung over the day after my wedding we're like shoving stuff into the back of my family's car. Trying to go on a honeymoon. I have no idea if like a card fell on the ground. Or you have a real trickster who switches cards so that they're giving more expensive gifts. My little cousin, that little fucker.

Really? You got us a Frigidaire? Really, Tyrone? You're 14. This is like vaguely true. So now I am not writing a thank you note to my uncle who didn't get us anything. But my mom is like, no, your uncle got you something. Well, like, you know, what do you do?

How do you prove that? Yeah. So you have to ask your uncle, like, hey, not that I'm expecting anything, but if you did get me something, it got lost. And my mom thinks you did. I have a perfect idea and a resolution that I had no idea. Do it. You write everybody a thank you card. The same one. And if they didn't give you a gift, they're like,

oh shit, I didn't give him a gift. So it's just like, thanks for coming. A passive aggressive card. Oh no, you say thanks for the gift. You say thanks for the gift? That's right. Wow. And then they're like, oh shit. So you either gave him a gift and you lost it, which you're saying is a possibility, or he didn't get you a gift. He's like, oh, shit, I have to get him a gift.

I forgot to get him a gift. The thank you card serves as the reminder. Yeah. I think that's like a little bit too passive aggressive, but I do think there's something to it. You don't say thank you for the gift. You just write a thank you note to your best man and thank him for everything else. And you don't mention the gift. And that might remind him to get you a gift unless

you do it like an overarching thank you of like like it's not specifically to him as we're just like thanks to everyone for attending our wedding and for the generous gifts but it's not pointed well if you didn't get him a gift how good of a best man like we don't know if he actually did throw a good like right you know all of that nonsense that they have to do but uh you write a letter but it's also it's not just him it's also his wife didn't like chime in on it either yeah those are two people there's that's a duo so he's owed to like basically yeah double duty on that according to him that's what he gave to his like the wedding i mean they caught it cost money to oh yeah so that guy had a wedding so he knows that you give gifts.

Yeah. I think that's the more egregious thing. This guy got $300 from the dude who wrote the letter. Yeah, at his wedding. So.

Ask him to Venmo you. That's good. Venmo request. Yeah. Emoji, new emoji of a husband and a bride or whatever. I'll say say nothing

and I like the idea of writing, well, you write a card that says thank you for like your speech or planning my bachelor party or being there for me on the day. All that makes sense. Your presence was such a present. That's good.

Really? An underlined present three times. Thank yous in quotes or something sarcastic sounding like that. I think do nothing aside from the thank you card. That's a pretty big thing. I say do nothing, and then the next time the four of you as couples are hanging out, get your wife to say something to the other wife. Yeah, I say it. Just be like, no, it's not a big deal, but like...

Or, you know... Just push it down until you get too drunk, and then it explodes out of your mouth. You could slowly, if this is your best friend, over the next like 10 years, just start stealing money from him. Just get him to buy beers. Yeah. All the time. Like, we'll call it part of of your gift to me you'll say 11 years later yeah exactly just keep a little like a running ledger of like who's in the red who's in the black you

can even call it a heat ledger so like this ledger you don't have to call it that i'm saying in a perfect world the heat ledger i guess or it's an homage to him because he probably reneged you said it for you said it for a laugh so i on the gift of someone. You said it for a laugh, so I think it's disrespectful. I didn't say it for a laugh. It just happened to have gotten a laugh. So this Heath Ledger that you're keeping. So Grace is disrespecting Heath Ledger. No, we just talk about Heath Ledger a lot.

We just saw 10 Things I Hate About You two weeks ago, and I'm a big fan. It holds up. So here's a question about 10 Things I Hate About You. Go on. It's based on? Taming of the Shrew. Right. So do you think the title of it is an homage to Taming of the Shrew because it kind of sounds like it? It sounds like a drunk person trying to... Taming of the Shrew. Right. So do you think the title of it is an homage to Taming of the Shrew because it kind of

sounds like it? It sounds like a drunk person trying to say Taming of the Shrew. Taming of the Shrew. Yeah. Do you think that's just a coincidence? Oh, shit. I do. You think Taming of the Shrew and 10 Things I Hate About You just happen to sound like

the same title even though the one is based on the other? It's a happy accident. I bet the producers noticed it after the fact. Right. But you think someone brought it up. I think someone brought it up. That's a Google search away.

I'm too far from it. You know, there's a lot of wedding rules and I sometimes get confused about the gift rules and whether they're ubiquitous, whether they're written, unwritten,

some people say. You have a year, which seems like a huge out for people who have a gift. You have a year after the actual wedding to get someone a gift? Yeah. A lot of people just put it away and they're like, I'll get it within a year. That seems like a huge out for people. You have a year after the actual wedding to get someone a gift? Yeah.

A lot of people just put it away and they're like, I'll get it within a year. That's like an archaic one because now people have like digital registries where you should definitely. But I do kind of like that if I was ever to get married, which like, no. What if all three of us said no with you? Please don't. I would actually kind of like it if I did have surprise pop-up ones. Like, I know I've done his wedding gifts before, figured out where they're going on their honeymoon and done, like, champagne to their room, things like that. Where, you know, if you come home and you're back in normal life three months into it, someone's like, oh, by the way, here's a gift certificate for a really nice dinner.

Like, you know, you're settled in. We didn't want to bombard you with more gifts. So I do like this one year rule. I didn't know that. It should apply to more things. That's a dangerous rule. Like birthdays. Birthdays. I can get you a gift anytime. Here's two gifts. I guess three for next year too.

I'll probably forget. And then you don't necessarily have to get a gift if it's a destination wedding. True or false? Oh. Because it's like you're paying for the ticket. You're if it's a destination wedding. True or false? Oh. Because it's like you're paying for the ticket. You're spending so much money. Interesting. Is that a rule or that's just a should be? That's one of the things that I found that I don't know if these are.

I had not heard that one, but I like it. It does make sense. Yeah. Yeah. But I think like a wedding gift is usually to help the bride and groom recoup their cost and start their life anew. What if, question, what if they're clearly better off than you? Yeah, what if they don't really need anything?

What if you're like, I'm the broke bridesmaid and I just flew to this state I've never come to? If they're having like a destination wedding in Italy at like this crazy villa and you had to like fly southwest there somehow, even though they don't do that. Or like even less extreme. I like to paint

the picture for everybody listening. You really have to fly from Buffalo to Italy on the Southwest. They go to Newfoundland and then you take a shipping container on Maersk. If the husband and wife both have really good jobs and you're like, I just spent like

three grand coming to this wedding. I can't shell out another $300 for you. I think that's totally – I don't think that's a conversation that needs to be had. I think that's probably what depends on the actual friendship dynamic. Yeah, because you could also in theory not go to their wedding and still send them a gift. People did that for us. Whoa, gift, no appearance. No appearance, sent a gift.

That's the ideal because you don't spend any cash on them. But you're still getting the gift. What a treat. That's my favorite. you don't spend any cash on them. But you're still getting the gift. What a treat. That's my favorite. In a perfect world, the wedding doesn't even happen. It's just some sort of Kickstarter for your life. So you don't do the whole ceremony party situation. You save the cash.

You do a GoFundMe. Yeah, and then you get money to be in love for them. That was a great Sex and the City episode, I will say, is that there was an episode where Carrie Bradshaw, the protagonist. Our hero. She was like going to, she'd done like the engagement party gift and the wedding gift and now baby shower gifts and all this. And then she was just like, I'm just going to register myself as like I'm owed.

That's good. Like I'm not getting married, but like I've bought you 20 gifts along the way for your life events. How about just for my life? Celebrate me. Exactly. That's cool. It was very Carrie selfish, which I liked.

You are such a Samantha. Samantha loves Carrie, and so do you. No, I don't. I'm a Miranda through and through. Got it. Is that the redheaded one? Yeah. Yeah.

Cool. Anyway, sorry. This got really off topic. How? Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Anyway, sorry. I just got really off topic. How's Mr. Pebbles doing? Oh, yeah. So my advice is to write the thank you card. Do you agree or disagree on that? I think still write a thank you card.

Yeah, a passive aggressive thank you card is always a fun time. It's fun to write. It's fun to receive. I think you dial it back. You can genuinely thank him for stuff. Yeah. It's going to be passive. Just tell him to listen to this goddamn podcast.

Oh, that's good. And then get the wives drunk. I say get the wives drunk. I say that's – And steal. If it's still bothering you three months later or however – He's still got like – yeah, how far – does he know about the year rule? Maybe he doesn't know about the year rule.

Maybe it's in the mail. You know what you do is you go to dinner and you're having casual conversations because now you're both married. And he'd be like, let me ask you, did people give you guys gifts like a long time after the wedding? Pressing down on his foot. Just like did people like forget? Because I heard this rule where like people have a year. But like genuinely saying like you're asking about your wedding and not specifically them. You could also go to a really expensive dinner as the scene that you're setting.

When the bill comes over, you say to the waiter, and you're like, hey, why don't you get it, bud, as a late wedding gift? Yeah. And then you sort of put on the spot. Oh, cause a scene.

But at that point, you've already had a few drinks, and you're like, cool. Everybody is chill. Make it so they can never come back to that restaurant ever again. Or go out to dinner with you ever again You basically want to shame him

Or ridicule him Ruin your friendship Ruin your friendship Rename the podcast Settled it Let's take a break, we'll thank some sponsors And we'll be back with more questions and answers After these messages

I can ruin some more friendships and relationships I can't wait And we're back Grace and or Mamrie Do you guys have any He's come back and ruined some more friendships and relationships. I can't wait. That's the purpose, right? And we're back. Grace and or Mamrie, do you guys have any? Oh, it's a lesson in the fire. Mom, I'm coming. Gross.

Wow. We're here with Bubba and Biscuits in the morning. We're dressing down in the Charter Race way. What's funny is since we edit videos so much, I have a lot of... I'm like, that's royalty-free music right there. I have a lot of royalty-free music downloaded. And when I connect my phone to my car, it just randomly plays something for my phone. And right now it's stuck on just DJ Airhorn. So I plug in my phone and it just like, just that. And then it goes right into

Wilco. Wilco's nice. Those two things are never heard back to back. But maybe Wilco should consider. Unsolicited advice in any field, any capacity. Let's hear what you got. Here's my unsolicited advice. I

have learned my lesson about when I travel I should put all of my things in the safe that is offered to you in your hotel room what were you going to say? I was going to say

put your clothes away it makes you feel better I love unpacking when I travel it's recent for me it's new for me the safe you know from experience did you get robbed?

this weekend all my stuff taken out of my room where in Chicago we talk about it on our podcast called this might get weird

yeah it's and I think it was taken while I was sleeping no wait what how can they do that they broke into the room in the middle of the night

while you were asleep I don't know it's an open investigation right now it might have been an open door what hotel Drake Hotel in Chicago Drake has a hotel oh my god he's doing you were asleep? I don't know. It's an open investigation right now. It might have been an open door. What hotel? Drake Hotel in Chicago. Drake has a hotel?

Oh my god. He's firing on all cylinders. Amazing. It's very, yeah. The wheelchairs they offer are great. Is there like security footage? I don't know. I talked to security. I talked to them on the phone yesterday. I have an ongoing email conversation with like the head of their security.

Yeah, like my phone, my whole wallet with my passport and credit cards it would be so fucking creepy to like see on the security footage that it happened in the middle of the night like somebody breaking into your room from the hallway i don't know what happened wait was your phone plugged in it was on my nightstand next to the front door and everything that was taken was taken that it was all on the same desk. And the only things that weren't taken was like a singular credit card that I had on a table further in the room. And some Dave and Buster's cards. And my laptop that I was sleeping with in bed because that's my codependency issue.

So that too. Yeah, so use that safe because I also had to fill out. And this is like a passive aggressive email this morning from the head of security. I had to answer all these questions about like, what time did this happen? When did you last see your things? And then it said, did you utilize the safe in the room? And I had to say no. And then the follow-up question was like, if no, why not?

And I was like, oh, God. Because you were in the room. You don't have to use the safe. Do you give wedding gifts? The safe is for when you leave. Wow. Because you were in the room. You don't have to use the safe. Do you give wedding gifts? The safe is for when you leave. Right. No, I don't know. But the safe, you know, put all your belongings, whether you're in your room or not in your room, anything that matters to you.

Sleep in the safe. If you just sleep in the safe, it can't go. Make yourself a little safe bed. One time at JFL, I put my passport in the safe. And then I left and went to the airport. And my passport was still at the hotel. That's why I don't use the safe is because I'm an idiot. So I know I will forget that I put everything in the safe. And my advice would be don't travel with your passport unless you're leaving the country.

I know. I go high risk, high reward. Wait, what's the reward? You travel with your passport? Just to Chicago. And this is the second time. Unless you're leaving the country. I know. I go high risk, high reward. Wait, what's the reward? You travel with your passport even? Just to Chicago. And this is the second time. This is the reward is that when it doesn't happen.

Every time it doesn't happen, total reward. When what doesn't? Oh, when you don't get it stolen. When I don't get it stolen. That's the joy. You brought your passport to Chicago? I travel with my passport constantly. And this is the second time this has happened that my wallet's gotten stolen with my passport in it.

I think you think you're going to lose your wallet, but then you'll at least have your passport to still get into bars. Well, no. I think that I'm going to have to travel internationally, and I will be at the airport, and I will have forgotten my passport. So I keep it with me all the time. If you get a last-minute espionage mission. Yeah. Got it. Yeah.

Me and Tony. Yeah. So it's full-on gone, which is super fun. Full-on gone. Mm-hmm. So use that safe, guys. Okay. Yeah, so it's full on gone, which is super fun. Full on gone. So use that safe, guys. Okay, that's a good one. And then what's this? I'll go don't travel with your passport domestically.

That's my unsolicited advice. That's just my friendship advice. But other stuff was stolen too, not just the passport. Yeah, yeah, but there's no need for the passport to have been stolen because it didn't need to be there, you know? Anyway, Mamrie. Yeah, what? Do you's no need for the passport to have been stolen because it didn't need to be there, you know? Anyway, Mamrie. Yeah, what? Do you have any unsolicited advice?

Not really. YouTube TV. Yeah, okay, yeah, but I'm not getting paid by them, so I'm not going to promote YouTube TV. Okay, but at the very least you're considering getting it. Yes. And then maybe if you like it, you can come back and praise it. My advice is look at your options. Okay. There's so much happening now that I realize that everything

I watch, I stream. Besides like maybe two hours of TV a week. And so with doing this, I'm going to have way faster internet and I'm saving like 80 bucks a month. That is pretty good. Cutting the cord. So don't get too comfy in your bills. Do you watch sports though?

No. Yeah, so that's sort of the one thing that people are keeping cable for is the fact that you want to watch live sports. But you're saying you can even do that with this TV. But I watch live news and that is my sports. Oh, yeah. So. Yeah, it's just as exciting and numbers oriented as a basketball game. Exactly. It's whether or not we're all going to die.

High stakes. The graphics are pretty much basketball game. Exactly. It's whether or not we're all going to die. High stakes. The graphics are pretty much the same. Yeah. Actually, at gyms now, they show news instead of sports highlights I've noticed. Wow. Yeah. It's like usurped the need from like watching old highlights

from like football and basketball. It's just like Wolf Blitzer. It's like we've seen them. Yeah. Now let's talk about what the fuck is going down. Isn't Wolf Blitzer a great name? It really is. How'd that happen?

Oh, my gosh. He sounds like he was an athlete. Wolf Blitzer for the TD! Here's a question. You touched upon this. Your podcast, This Might Get Weird. What is that? It is a podcast that Grace and I just started a month ago.

And essentially, it doesn't have any real form. It's just us shooting the shit for half an hour or so. It started a month ago. Yeah. And essentially, it doesn't have any real form. It's just us shooting the shit for half an hour or so. And essentially, how we normally catch up before we shoot a video together, we just decided to record it. Yeah. We started this live touring show called This Might Get Weird, Y'all, a couple years ago. And then we turned it into a YouTube show for a while. And then we got to talk about cutting cords.

Yeah. Our financial cords cut on the show via a studio that was supporting us. And so we turned it into an independent podcast. Well, that's the best way to go. And then it's also a Patreon now too. It is. Yeah.

All kinds of fun stuff. That's exciting. Yeah. We're still figuring it out, but so far so good. Mm-hmm. There is a tier on your Patreon that's perverts that you pay just pervs

pervs keep it cute so those people are paying you're a pervert pervs doofs and the pervs

are paying $69 a month all $69 that tier is sold out so anyone listening that wants to be a perv yeah you have to remain a pervert

we should have a pervert tier so it's just we send you perverted weird sadistic dark shit from our Patreon what do you think we do?

I thought yours is a little more happy and light well we'll see it's not replacing the videos you guys make right? no we're still trying to do that we're both just you know you get in those creative slumps.

And right now, the podcast has been really invigorating and a good time, which will make me want to make more videos. Yeah, plus we get to talk about stuff that we don't normally talk about in videos, which is fun. Yeah, because we don't want to get demonetized

on YouTube. Oh. Yeah. We don't know any, like, the politics of, like, YouTube and stuff, but that seems like a... Well, it's not... Yeah, I mean,

if we were to get demonetized, it would just be, like, I don't know. Demonized? There like YouTube and stuff, but that seems like. Yeah. I mean, you wouldn't necessarily get demonetized. It would just be like. Demonized? There's a. Yeah. Basically shunned. Yeah. Fully judged.

I think we've just like, I don't know. It's a freer space for us to like have conversations. Totally. Yeah. And it's easier because you can talk for like 45 minutes and then you don't have to edit it down. You just sort of assemble it and upload it. It's the showering of it all.

The showering. I don't want to shower. I don't want to edit it down. You just sort of assemble it and upload it. It's the showering of it all. The showering. I don't want to shower. I don't want to be on camera. Oh. You guys got the email from Mamrie that said, is this going to be on camera, this podcast? Because I don't want to shower. Because too many times I've shown up to a podcast and they're like, well, God bless. I'm a good looking person. But

it's still like, you know, HD can be a son of a B. Interesting. That's something we never even considered when we were, because we also did the sort of the same switch. We did Jake and Amir videos for College Humor and they were like, we should do a podcast because that'll give us like 50, like 45 minutes of content a week. And it'll take that much effort. You can watch the Jake and Amir. I look pretty ugly in a lot of them. Oh my word.

I didn't give a shit. That's awesome, man. No, I mean, I wish I did. Looking back on that, it's really sad. You did email College Humor the other day

asking for a few of them to be removed and they were like, is it off base, off color, did it not survive certain social norms? I said,

we're just photoshopped. If you can take away the mustache. Sweet. So you can listen to that podcast anywhere. Anybody listens to any podcast?

All of the things. This might get weird. This might get weird. Cool. Do you guys have time to answer a few more questions? Let's get in there. All right. This one's from a man.

Do you have a guy's name? The last one was also from a man. Of course. Tuck. Say no more. Branches. Tuck Branches. Tuck Branches. Sounds like the guy that committed the crime. Yeah. Tuck Bran Say no more. Branches. Tuck Branches. Tuck Branches.

Sounds like the guy that committed the crime. Yeah, Tuck Branches was here. That Tony's investigating. Tuck Branches writes, Hey guys, hope everything is going well with the Patreon. Oh, there we go. I saw you guys in Vancouver. That part is just nice, friendly compliments.

Get out of here, Tuck. I've recently fallen... Shut the fuck up, Tuck. I've recently fallen head over heels for my dream girl. She's an 11 out of 10 smoke show blonde who watches anime and has the same weird sense of humor as I do. She's compassionate, great in bed. Just get to the butt. No, I want her to be built up more.

I want to hear how perfect she is. No, like you want her to describe her butt, you mean. Oh, yeah. Get to the butt. She's got a great butt. However, I'm not sure if she'll be so understanding about this. Every second week or so, I get super horny for the D. And not even men in general, just the idea of given a great bro job.

For the record, I'm 90% straight. I have no desire to have a relationship with any dude, and even the thought of kissing a guy weirds me out. I just want to give a blowjob. I think that's super hot. So what do I do? I download Grindr, and since my profile name is Straight Guy, I get all sorts of messages coming in.

What really gets me going is sending and receiving dick pics. I don't meet up with anyone. In fact, I've only met guys for BJs a few times before me and my lady started going out. But usually I use this app as my version of a gay porn hub until I finish, then delete the app in shame. So my question is this. Is this cheating? I would never think of doing this with any girls. Because I would much rather do it with my girlfriend, but she doesn't have a penis. Do you think it would be upsetting to find out?

I wouldn't mind if she was doing the same thing with girls, but I don't know if it's the same thing the other way around. Also, is there an alternative way to quench my thirst without cheating? Thanks a ton for everything. Come back to Vancouver and I'll totally blow you. Oh my God. And then in parentheses, just kidding. That is classic tough. Cheers, love tough. Wow.

Yes, not kidding. Holy smokes. So there's a bro job waiting for us. Do you have your passport? Yeah. You didn't bring it to work. I left it in Montreal. Bring your ass port to the bro job.

Is the bro job a thing? At first I'd heard of it. Yeah, I don't know if I've heard of it, but it's like a friendly guy and guy blow job. Bro job. I mean, I got what it was. I just didn't know if the title was like colloquial. If he came up with it

i don't know if it's like ubiquitous enough yeah it is now hmm what thinks you would you well about if your man did this would you consider it cheating consider it cheating it is cheating yeah it's completely cheating even if well even though he doesn't think that if she did it it wouldn't matter to him well he's also saying they don't meet up in person, but it's the same way that if like- He said he's done it a few times. No, before they started going out. Oh, I see. Now he just does it for dick pics and then deletes the app.

So that's, I don't think that's cheating. I still do. Because in the same way, like if my boyfriend was looking at porn, whatever, who gives a shit? Like I watch porn. But if I was specifically sending pictures of myself to someone else, or like a girl cam? It's a big no-no. It's a bad move. I just don't think it's cheating in the standard sense that I usually view cheating as.

It would be cheating in my sense. This is why we're not in a relationship. Right, exactly. Thank God. And many other reasons. Marin. Actually, let's... I'm taken.

Let's list all the reasons. Yeah. But I dig the getting drunk at the movies thing. Thank you. Yeah, I'm taking it. Let's list all the reasons. Yeah. But I dig the getting drunk at the movies thing. Thank you. Yeah, we can do that. Yeah. All right. Just not with each other.

Or that's cheating. No, I'm not pulling like a Mike Pence, don't touch another guy. But I'm just saying I would be very hurt. Regardless of if he's receiving dick pics or vagina pics, it's still just a connection with someone else on a sexual level yeah i think it's also a big enough secret that if if she found out she would feel like she didn't know who you really were yeah so that's like unless she knows like unless like she's like yeah i figured that you're weird like you like freaky stuff cool i've seen the

anime you like yeah yeah what kind of anime are you watching yeah i think it's just a conversation because people obviously have different individual levels of what cheating is so like talk to her about this before it goes too far and you can't you know would you definitely talk to her about it because then you might not even have to like she might be like thing where you guiltily delete the app every single time would you say guilt-free dick pics and then you guys could come to a compromise on like what could be a solution for how it works for you guys that fills whatever void he's having maybe she wants to hop in there oh would you say

that this is less cheating so that would be really perfect would you say this is less cheating than sending a dick pic to a girl the fact that he's sending it to a guy does that make it less cheating no i actually think you need to talk about it more if you've never discussed like uh an attraction to dudes before you know what i mean yeah it's just a different way to solve for the problem if it's like you're sending it to other girls you're like what am what am i doing that's making you not faithful and then if it's but if he wants to blow other guys, you kind of have to discuss his sexuality and what it means in the relationship. Because he has a timeline on this.

He says every two weeks. So he's got like an app on his phone that goes off. He's got a reminder. So if this is that frequent, that's going to have to be something that you get worked out. It's every full or new moon. He gets sort of turned on to send a DP. His neck starts itching.

Yeah, it's like a gay werewolf of sorts. Would you say he's 90% straight or would you question that percentage straightness? I mean, that's for him to decide. Yeah. Let's decide for him. Yeah, that's how that works. That's how sexuality works.

You're 50% gay, bub. Yeah, that's how that works. That's how sexuality works. You're 50% game up. Next question. Also, I don't know why he thinks deleting the app every time is going to change the problem. Well, he's sort of like keeping it far away. It's like when you don't sleep next to your phone so that you don't wake up and check your email. But you do wake up and it's gone from your hotel room. Yeah.

So you get fucked either way. Put the text on the safe. Sleep next to your phone, folks. Sleep next to the safe with your phone in it. Sleep in the safe. That's my advice for every single person

that wrote in today. This is a doozy. Yeah. What would you say? Tell your lady about your proclivities. You have to. You gotta come clean.

Because if not, she's just gonna find, you're either gonna be suppressing it and be unhappy yourself or she's gonna find it and be way more hurt. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

There needs to be a resolution and it's either you, like you, the truth is you like, she might not be cool with this at all and you have to break up because it's part of who you are

or she might be totally cool with it or willing to work for a solution that would be better than keeping it a secret. You'll never find out unless you talk to her. Or, okay, let's hear this. Okay, right. So what about this? Every two weeks, he gives a bro job. That's fine. It's a secret that he keeps from his whatever girlfriend.

So dangerous. He gives a bro job. That's fine. It's a secret that he keeps from his whatever girlfriend. But he promises that in between those two-week segments, he has to go down on her. So it's like he's paying – Who is he making the promise to? He's keeping the secret. He's making it to me. So he's basically just transmitting STDs to this girl that doesn't know why. Well, when you say it like that, it sounds dirty or perverted or skeezy or immoral. Amoral, really.

But what I'm saying is like there's an even trade. So she's getting fulfilled. She's getting free STDs. Is she aware? Or is this just something he has in his head to rationalize and make himself feel less guilty? It's the second one. Yeah, the one about the irrationalize. I'd be like, don't be baby birding it onto my vagina.

Baby birding. Put that in Urban Dictionary immediately. Baby birding. Are you going to Vancouver anytime soon? I mean, now you guys get to look forward to seeing this dude. Because you were going to go skiing at Whistler. Going to Vancouver. I love Vancouver.

The last question he has, is there an alternative way to quench my thirst without cheating? I mean, he wants to give a... Have her get a strap-on. Yeah, but I think he's attracted to doing it to a dude, not just the act of having something else. A strap-on could work, but that has to have a discussion, you know? Yeah, that has to be, obviously, you can't just sneak it on. I got you a surprise.

These panties are pointy. Watch how fast I can do it. Yeah, if you're going to keep it a secret, you better get in there and get out. I'm a bird. I mean, but here's the thing. You could theoretically just watch gay porn. I think the soliciting of dick pics is you got to tell her.

If you're just watching gay porn, I don't think you do. Ooh, dad's calling. Sorry, he's calling me. But also, I feel like if he's soliciting dick pics, if he just likes looking at dicks he can google image search that all day and it not be an interpersonal thing

I think the thing he's attracted to is like the interpersonal like scandal-ish psychology side of it possibly the shame is part of the yeah exactly

and so I feel like that's a deeper thing for him to look into for himself rather than like I just like D yeah then google image search it

totally you really don't come up with that great results when you do. I've done it before. Oh, okay. Just the letter D. Even the D doesn't work. Oh, really? You got to turn the safe search off.

That's it. Yeah. This is great advice. All right. So he can quench some of his thirst, but maybe not the whole thirst. Just not to get too far off topic, but have you ever sent a dick pic? No. That was the reason that I Google searched penises before.

Because? So I could send a dick pic. You wanted inspiration. No, I wanted to send a dick pic, but I didn't want it to be my dick. Oh, my gosh. So you just sent a black man's lower half. I ended up not having the courage to do it. I just sent Dick Cheney.

Oh, that's good. That's a great one. It's a cute dick pic. That is really cute. His dick, though? Yeah. Dick Cheney's dick. He's bottomless.

Wait, you guys have never sent a dick pic? No. Really? I have sent one. Even in a relationship? Yeah, I sent one in that relationship. It seems too illegal. Or not illegal.

Permanent. It's hackable. You don't put. Permanent. It's hackable. You don't put it on the cloud. It's hackable. I don't know what's going on on the other end of that. I know that there's an FBI agent just on the other end all the time. Well, he's saying some stuff. You getting DPs in relationships?

Yeah, for sure. Mostly all of the relationships you've ever been in? No. All the D? No. Just the recent one. Just the special one. But he travels a lot.

I gotcha. So you gotta keep it spiced up. Yeah. Maybe like a live stream is more doable. Like a FaceTime. I've had plenty of Skype sex. Yeah.

That seems more safe. Yeah, that's normal. So yeah, there's definitely not FBI watching that. Until you hear that screen grab. No, no way to hack into that. Oh, it's a screen grab. Every Skype sex you ever have

is a three-way. You better believe that. That's awesome. Because there's an FBI agent, J&O, on the other side. Or worse yet, the president. Oh, wow. Because you know he's probably in there. I don't think he's smart enough.

Really? No. All right. Because I've been saying some pretty pro-Trump things during FaceTime sex, assuming he's watching. That really dries up your mate. Sweet. That's it. That really dries up your mate. Sweet. That's it.

That's our time. We answered some questions. We got to the bottom of things. Thank you so much for coming by. What's your podcast name again or anything else you wanted to promote? Again, it is This Might Get Weird, and you can find it anywhere you find your podcasts. Yes, yes. Sweet.

Jake, do you have any parting words for us? Yeah, I didn't think so. Jesus Christ. You're really putting me on the spot. You're absolutely fucking useless. It's fine. Hold on. I'll come up with parting words.

Really? Yeah. Just give me a fucking second. All right. Take your time. I'll edit this part out. All right. Good.

Thank you. Okay. Can I workshop it if we're going to edit it out? All right. Unless they're workshopping it. I'll be like, thanks for listening or? If we're going to edit it out? All right, unless the workshop... It'll be like, thanks for listening or something. That's fine. Stay safe out there, kids, or something like that.

Stay safe. I don't know. I'll do Follow Your Dreams. Okay, so... Jake, any final words? Or not if you don't have any. Oh, fuck. Hold on.

Really? Yeah. You're second-guessing it. Follow Your Dreams. What's that? Sorry, I couldn't hear you. End the fucking show, man. The opening intro was an Eminem parody.

Would you believe that the closing one is as well? It's a Stan parody. Let me look up who wrote it. Alex Moses from Australia. Rap battle. Australian Eminem? That's right. Play it. And if you have your own questions or theme songs, Australia rap battle Australian Eminem that's right play it

and if you have your own questions or theme songs send them all to ifireyoushow at gmail.com or just tweet them at grace or mamrie

they'll forward it on to us thank you so much for listening we'll be back next week bye bye a girlfriend left and I don't know why

I got no clue at all. I emailed a podcast for advice to pick me off the floor. And I know Jake and Amir will help me out. Cause they're helping out the world. They might remind me that it's not so bad. It's not so bad, it's not so bad. Hey Jake and Amira, I wrote you, but you still ain't replying. I left my cell, my email, and my issue, to which I'm inquiring.

I asked advice from you back in January, but you never got back to me. There probably was a problem with my typing or something. Sometimes my keyboard gets stuff caught in the buttons. Anyways, what's been up guys, how's the show, I watch your web series and college humor all the time, if you ever come out to Australia, I'm definitely buying tickets, I would have bought two if it weren't for my leaving missus, but it's been two months and still no word, I don't deserve it, I know you got my last two emails, I bought a new keyboard at Target, so this is my intro song I'm sending you, I hope you hear it, I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway,

hey Jake, I'm schwasted on my low, you dare me to drive, you know that song by Eminem, Fade Dido, Lord Stan, where that one guy could've saved that other guy from drowning, but didn't, and he figured it out at the end, this is kinda how this is, you could've saved me from drowning, but now it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers, now I'm drowsy. And all I want was some podcast advice. Won't be an all. Delete both your Instagrams twice. Anyway, gotta go.

Almost up the bridge now. Oh shit, I forgot. How do I upload this to SoundCloud? That was a HeadGum Podcast.