Segments - 366: Unsolicited Advice (w/Jon Gabrus!)

Episode Date: January 21, 2019

In this episode... 90 minutes of unsolicited advice with special guest Jon Gabrus! Plus, our history with guiding people out of sticky situations. Enjoy!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. unsolicited advice. So we figured this was a perfect If I Were You episode as well. We're calling it If I Were High and Mighty. But before we get into that, Jeffrey James in the studio, and you had something to say, a little announcement too. Wait, so is it the same? I'm just going to ask as a voice to the audience because I still don't fully get it. Is the same episode being released under your podcast and High and Mighty? That's right. So this is basically this week's High and Mighty doubling as this week's If I Were You. So High and Mighty fans will have to wait till Thursday unless they hear this episode, in which case they have nothing to look forward to until Thursday. Exactly right. Are you caught up? It seems like it was only positive to you.

And Gabrus lost a week. Gabrus gained two fans, me and Jake. We gained an extra 45 minutes of extra advice giving content. Four years since the start of the network, at least. And now we've melded podcasts into one another, if I were high and mighty. Got it. For this week only, of course. Well, I guess that's fair. What was your announcement? Oh, so-

You held me up at gunpoint and demanded that you speak before the start of this episode so let's hear it absolutely right uh so uh the for those of you who uh are interested in a potential head gum internship uh riley and i are looking for two video interns for uh the head gum spring internship program okay uh basically the job would entail camera operating, assistant editing work, including ingesting, syncing, and logging footage and audio, and other various post-production and pre-production tasks.

Basically, we are offering free lunches, a flexible schedule, and a fun working environment, and also the opportunity to learn what it is like to work. Sorry, I'm looking at this photo again and laughing. Fucking droopy. Andrew Pyle, who works at HeadGum. I'm trying to explain two actual career opportunities, and Amir is laughing at this photo of our co-worker, Andrew Pyle,

in absolute awful pink sunglasses that take up an 80th of his face. These, okay. Real internship opportunities. We need two video interns. If you are interested, there will be information at headgum.com forward slash about,

as well as information on where to apply, what we need need from you and a timeline that we're looking for. We're looking to get these interns by the first week of February. So if you could email your resume, cover letter, and any necessary or appropriate video samples to hey at headgum.com, that'd be great. We'd love to have you aboard the team. If you're qualified. Yeah, and if you're not. Don't bother. I like that a lot.

If there's even a shred of doubt in your mind that you're not worthy of the job. I don't think so. Y'all are. Because maybe a lot of humble people are like, no, I shouldn't do this, but they're actually overqualified. Yeah, when I applied,

I actually needed a bit of a push off the ledge from mi madre. Yeah. And if she hadn't done that. Look where you are now. Now you're hiring your own interns. And if someone had spoken to me the way I'm speaking to them, I wouldn't have done it. Exactly.

So you're not paying it forward. I am absolutely. You're pushing it backwards. I'm creating not a glass ceiling, but an ass ceiling. Which is ass-anine. Excuse me. Yeah. Sorry.

Yeah, continue. I've gotten past the ceiling and I'm laying the groundwork for me. Below you. Which is also the ceiling of others. Yeah, and shutting the people down below you. Yeah. Got it. Got it.

All right. I think we're done with this little very odd intro in which I introduce another podcast and then you make an announcement for jobs. This is an extremely unique episode of If I Were High and Mighty. Can I give some unsolicited advice? No, we already have enough of it. Just a quick one. All right, go.

Don't apply. All right, nice. What's up, shitheads? Welcome back to another episode of High and Mighty. It's me, your boy, the number one fuckboy. The number one fuckboy. The number one fuckboy. Johnny G.

All you gotta do is trust me. Joining me, not in the High and Mighty studios. I am at HeadGum Studios, located at Come Kill Us at... No, I'm'm gonna give the address in a studio guys so if the audio is off there's gonna be no landscapers there's gonna be no dogs barking it's gonna be this is almost professional and it better be almost almost it better be professional because i've got my engineer mars in the studio who normally just has to deal with the shit i send her and also my podfather and my podfather.

Podfather's friend. Arguably my podfather's lifelong roommate. Arguably my boss is. Arguably. Very arguable. I report directly to Marty just for some stupid reason. The voices you're hearing the jewy one is amir and the handsome one is jake hey oh jake and amir that's right or let's be honest of lonely

and horny oh thank you which also is jake and amir yeah jake and amir is like the the like your earth signs are lonely and horny. Yes, I'm lonely. Yeah. And Jake's horny. Yep. It's our nicknames, basically. Thanks for coming all the way down to downtown Los Angeles. Oh, yeah. I have to head out in order to get home before tomorrow morning's appointment.

So I got to leave soon. Guys, thanks for doing High and Mighty. Technically, this isn't really a true High and Mighty either. This is a crossover. This is where we're doing a crossover episode. This is the Jetsons meets the Flintstones. Yeah. Now, is it solely because we were going to do each other's podcast and then we realized

that's so much more work than just both putting... So this is a crossover episode. Yeah, we're basically going to be doing the same show twice, but we might as well overlap it. So this will be in a fire review show. Yeah, we can make this an extra beefy High and Mighty. Yeah. And that's sort of better than two slimmed down, watered down, if I were you in High fire show. Yeah, we can make this an extra beefy High and Mighty. Yeah. And like, that's sort of like

better than two slimmed down, watered down If I Were You and High and Mighty. This should leave both of our fans happy. If all two of them? Yeah.

My one fan and your one fan? So this is If I Were High and Mighty. Very good. Yes, that's perfect. Oh, I love it. Cue the new theme song.

What's up, shitheads and yadids? It's your number one, two, and three fuckboys. So welcome to the first ever episode of If I Were High and Mighty. Maybe we'll do this on the road. That's cool. Take me with you. Yeah.

And in order to really squeeze in your guys' podcast, we're going to talk about advice. Yes. Yeah, which I think is a good idea. Because we were originally going to talk about podcasting because, for me, this is quite an honor. Because not only were you the guys who told me, you should do a podcast, we'll help you make it happen. Yep.

But also you were my first guests. Wow, that's right. Do you remember where we met Gabrus? When we told him that we wanted him to do a podcast? Trenchers? Trencher, that's right. Yeah, sandwich place. We made you drive across? Trencher. That's right. Yeah. Sandwich place.

We made you drive across town then too. Oh yeah. Yeah. But that was for sandwiches is better than for fucking doing my job that I have a complete setup for in my house. We should have come to you. It's like driving here to take a shower. Yeah.

But now you don't have to drop box anything to Marissa. Right. I don't have to. The work is done. That part is hard for me. So it's like to take a two hour commute instead of sorting out Dropbox. I guess that takes like 10 minutes maybe. If I remember to eject the SD card before I put it back in the H6 or else normally I don't do that.

And that's like 11 to 15 minutes. Look how much you've learned already in those three years. You didn't know what those words meant. All it took was, has it been three years? It's over, right? Over. Over, yeah, three and a half. August of 2015.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, I think, because only for like eight weeks, I double dipped. I did two episodes a week. And I'm up to like episode 170. When we're recording this, I'm in like 180 maybe, 185. Yeah, so three and a half years. That's so many episodes of a podcast yeah

I can't believe people listen to it and I certainly can't believe I recorded it's much easier to listen yeah

how much how many episodes do you guys have out now we're over 360 yeah 370 Jesus yeah

it's one of those numbers that at a certain point becomes less impressive right where you start to go like what are we doing yeah didn't anything else pan out for you awesome i'll just do this until the show gets picked up episode 280 360 490 they're just flying anymore episode x is now they're in the roman numerals yeah it's like an expert exponent it's like episode uh six exclamation

point if you remember in Mario 1, there was this hack where you can jump on a turtle shell over and over and get like infinite lives. And at a certain point, the numbers That wasn't Mario 3? I'm pretty sure it was Super Mario 3. But maybe you're right. But at a certain point the numbers run out and it's like you have a triangle amount

of lives, circle amount of lives. They like replace it because they didn't have enough information but like 150 lives. They're just like, we don't know what the character would be. Yeah, exactly. You have a square amount of lives, circle amount of lives. They like replace it because they didn't have enough information, but like 150 lives. They're just like, we don't know what the character would be. Yeah, exactly. You have a square amount of lives. So that's what number we're on. That's what number I'm on.

We're on square. Welcome to the squareth episode of If I Were High and Mighty. Are you calling me a square for even bringing that up? Is that why it's the squareth episode? Yeah, dude. That's exactly why, man. Now take the squareth route and get the fuck out of here. That's cool. I am root. What do you guys want to do? How do you want to talk about

advice? Have you guys gotten good advice early in your life that you have stuck by forever? I have a piece of advice that I can't remember if I gave it or if I came up with it. I feel like it exists in the ether, but it's advice that I gave my brother when he moved to New York. And he's told me recently that it was the best advice he ever got. Oh, okay. I like this. It's very,

very simple, but every time you're at a bar, brush your teeth. Okay. That's my dad's only piece of advice ever. When you go to a bar anywhere, not just in New York, you're ordering shots, always order one for the bartender as well. Just say five shots and six if you want one.

They very rarely take you up on it, but almost every time they will give you those shots or at least some of them for free, you'll never have to pay for a bartender shot. And then they're also, they pay attention to you the rest of the night. Yes. You're a bartender. Do people do that to you? Yes. I used to blackout bartending. I used to show up to the bar, open up,

remember vitamin water, like the yellow one energy? I would drink like the top half of it and then just pour like, smear enough. I think actually Bacardi Citron or Bacardi Limon. That gives me such happy flashbacks to like from high school until I was 30.

That was like my Friday or Saturday night drink. It was with lemon lime Gatorade. Yes, of course. Drink it just to the little, the break in the bottle. Yep, to the label. Yeah, to the label. Fill it up and then I'd like walk wherever I was going. So how many shots is that in that Gatorade bottle? I don't know, I guess maybe five. It could be like four or five. Three or four, yeah, to the label, fill it up, and then I'd like walk wherever I was going. So how many shots is that in that Gatorade bottle?

I don't know, I guess maybe like four or five. Three or four, yeah. I used to do that when I was driving, which is really, really bad. Jesus. And that's another good bit of advice that I got. Why is he so concentrated? Don't do that. Don't drink and drive.

But I definitely used to do that. I used to just get absolutely blasted and then stop drinking at like two in the morning because by the time 4.30 came around, I could drive home. But I would be like getting hungover on the car ride. Oh, no. That's a bad situation. I would stop at 7-Eleven and buy Gatorade, those weird little fucking taquito things that were on the wheel. Oh, no.

And like $80 worth of scratch-offs every night because you just can't give a fucking 20-year-old kid cash. I'm like, holy shit. I got gotta go home and put this in a drawer nope i gotta buy scratch-offs to win more my friend steve was a bartender and he used to always just have this thick ass wad this roll of cash i mean i don't think he had more money than everybody else but he just like it looked rich it looks it's so like i wish i had one cash gig a week still. And I could be like, this is just my weed money or something like that. Your wad of weed money. Oh, that's good advice. Yeah. Just keep a wad of cash somewhere. There's something nice about it. I will say, that is something my dad told me when I was young is always have cash on you. And I still

always have cash on me, even in now that we're nearly a cashless society. Do you ever use cash? What? Do you ever use cash or is it like the same $50 bill once a year? No, I always use cash now. Oh, interesting. I've been using cash this week and actually I really like it. Like I'll use cash for like tips or like to give someone else instead of Venmo

or like sometimes you need to like tip the valet guy $2 or you want to like throw $5 into something or put a dollar in the jar at whatever you're at. It's just like, oh, fuck. Yeah, having cash is important. That happens more and more. Like people with service jobs where you get like a dollar, $2, get so fucked in this society that we live in.

There should be some sort of system. Apple Pay tips. There should be like an app like that. That's funny. When I was at Bonnaroooo they had like in the vip section where like you were drinking for free the bartenders had tip jars and then they also had you can venmo me at oh so people were tipping them one or two dollars at a time to go get drinks and he was just like the phone was just buzzing and i'm like that's a smart move especially for like

a music festival where like the vip section is's got iPhones and Mophie chargers. When you're peaking, when you're rolling super hard, you're like, I'm going to Venmo you a fucking $100, man. You gave me water all day. I did shrooms and like laid on wet grass for like two and a half hours. It was fucking awesome. I'd rather Venmo you $10 than give you $5 in cash just because of the ease of use. Interesting. Because it doesn't feel like real money because it's like digital money

that somebody else gave me. So now I have like $91 in my Venmo. It's like, I don't care if you get eight of it right now. It doesn't affect me. Imagine the flip of that though is like getting $5 from someone cash versus getting $10 on Venmo.

I think cash is like, there's something about cash. It almost doesn't even matter that it's money. Anytime I get an alert on my phone, I get a little annoyed. Yeah, exactly. Even if it's like so-and-so just paid. I hate- Knock it off.

I just, when you Venmo someone and then you like refresh your email and you're like, ooh, an email. And then you're like, oh, it's Venmo. I just did that. I should know. You should anticipate that. Do you have a piece of advice that you received or did?

Here's a really inconsequential one that I got that I still think about all the time is something that my mom told me, which is things that stay wet grow mold. So like cups that you're drying, I always flip them upside down. Okay. Laundry machine that's shut, I always keep it open and dry it out. And I'm like hyper alert of this kind of stuff. That's so interesting because everything else about like home making, you're stupid. Yeah, I don't need it. All I care about is trace amounts of water in your shirt.

But my washing machine is open and dry. You'll never see mold in there. It's funny though. Like one little nugget of information when you're young can like fuck you up for life. Like that's not something that's destroying your life. No. Like any little piece of information just extrapolates out and so much into your life. So it's like your mom's like, hey, always leave the dryer open because – always leave the washer open because you can get mold.

And you're like, okay. And then like 10 years later. 21 years later. You'll never like put a wet shirt into my hamper and close the closet door i'm like i know that that wet shirt plus the darkness will make a moldy mildewy i just jammed like a wet towel and a bathing suit into my laundry bag before i left here and i said to myself you have to do laundry tonight when you get home. Because you just can't let that shit sit. It like sours. It smells awful. You ever have like a wet towel in your car? I don't, but I can tell people do.

Well, because you just put, you got also got a mini dryer put in your car for that reason. Yeah. Mini Cooper, mini driver. My two favorite actors. Mini driver. I got Winnie Cooper, mini driver. Nice. Mini driver, also January 31st birthday. Really?

Maybe she'll do my podcast. Do you remember Winnie Cooper's real name? Isn't she Marilyn Manson? Yes, that's correct. Trick question. Danica. That's right. Danica Patrick.

No, Danica Patrick's the race car driver. Yes. Danica McKellar. That's correct. Danica McKellar. And isn't she also like Blossom and isn't she also like like um blossom isn't she also like a physicist or something now she just went on into the science world yeah i think she's like a published mathematician yeah there was a there was like some sort of

news story about her a few years ago where she like published she like published a theorem yeah approved a theorem yeah she's got like some weird like academia level status that means she's the most masturbated to professor of all time probably bullshit i got masturbated to wii cooper well i mean i'm sure a lot of kids did in the early 90s i'm sure they i'm sure they did as long as you don't keep the sock in the hamper afterwards as long as you as long as you uh take your jizz sock and lay it out on the drying rack over there. That's why I always use toilet paper. I never used cloth. Same reason. Yeah, smart.

Same reason. If you think water grows mold, jizz grows human. Just a baby in a hamper. Kill me. Please. Leave the dryer open. What? Shmuel, no.

That's the name of my child. Oh. What's- Knock on wood. Knock on wood. Is there any advice that you can't forget? I think I said it on one of the episode of your pod that I did with Lapkus.

Unsolicited advice? Well, my dad one time, my dad's big thing was a New York Giants coach one time yelled at one of his receivers for over-celebrating in a touchdown and said, act like you've been there before yeah and that's like sort of like a solid piece of advice don't be cocky but act like this isn't your first time at a open bar yeah act like this isn't your first time at like some cool swanky party

and it doesn't mean like don't enjoy yourself but just play it cool hot shot yeah it's like my dad's big thing too was like johnny new year's eve halloween these are amateur nights everyone's out there partying they're amateurs you got to be careful on the road you got to be careful at these bars or parties everyone's an amateur partier because like i was just a kid who was out drinking every weekend and he was an alcoholic so like we had that in common and he was but it would be like it's amateur night out there st pat. Patty's day amateur night. People are getting fucked up that aren't normally getting fucked up. And you just got to be,

be aware of that. For me, it's just another Tuesday, but for all these kids dressed up like Santa, I'm dressed as Santa smashing Guinnesses all week long, all year long. I, this is fucking,

this doesn't even lay a thousand hours. I'm a professional Santa con drunk. Um, another, this is not, uh, real, real advice, but like, I'm a professional Santa con drunk. Another, this is not a real, real advice, but like, this is something I've gotten to doing is like, Hey Siri,

remind me to blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank. Especially if I'm just like home getting stoned. I'm like,

Hey Siri, in 20 minutes, remind me that to flip my laundry. Hey Siri, in 20 minutes, remind me to go do. And it's just like the most minor i don't even have the notifications turned on and she just like talks to you or she'll just like

pick up your phone to look at it at some point and it'll say like laundry and you're like right right right laundry i don't have it like buzz or ding or anything like that and it's that's like me trying to allow myself to be stoned as frequently as possible does that make sense like? Like I'm like, I've like built a system where I'm like, I can't be a stoner that's absolutely lazy. So that's almost, that's like a, that's maturity. You're like, I'm not going to change this. So I'm going to like be smart about who I am. Exactly.

And now I've gotten really into stoned chores. It's like my thing. Like I'll do the dishes. I'll get high, do the dishes, do laundry. Like, you know, it's just something you can kind of do. And it sucks less. I'll pop a podcast in, get stoned, and then just like get fucking an hour's worth of stuff done around the house. Do you ever consider sobriety?

No. You mean like overall? Yeah. Do you ever imagine a world where like for the next X amount of time or maybe even the rest of my life i won't get high i will never imagine the rest of my life but i the the next amount of time i could see that just because i do like to do weird like self experiments yeah like you're half marathon yeah so i think i would try like oh let me take a month off weed and see like you've never done that i feel like you have i've done it i've done like you know two weeks at a time for a while i was doing no weed monday through wednesdays oh and i was

monday through wednesday and then on wednesdays yeah yeah it's really it's tuesday it's bone sober tuesday and that was just edibles and i was just like at 11 59 monday p.m and then 12 just like hold it in hold it in your lungs. It counts. Get 40 seconds into the Tuesday. So high it'll take you to Wednesday. I was trying to like wait until Thursday night to smoke my first weed of the week. Yeah. And that was, it was interesting because I, the only thing it did, I thought, I feel like the main takeaway was that that Thursday joint was so good.

You know what I mean? Like it was like, oh, I earned this. I took three. And almost might be worth it to keep that alive because then you like never get tired. You know, it doesn't feel like I'm just like, but, you know, like by the end of the holiday break, I was just like waking up in the morning and smoking a joint like the way people smoke cigs. Like I was just like coffee. Oh, yeah. I would make a cup of coffee and a joint and then walk outside. And I was this was like the winter people smoke cigs like i was just like coffee oh yeah i would make a cup of

coffee and a joint and then walk outside and i was this was like the winter on long island i was just like oh fuck i gotta get fucking another day this jesus christ meanwhile i'm like renting a house with my friends who have two daughters oh my god christ they're like all screaming making breakfast i'm like i'll be ready your friend gabrus is weird yeah uncle gabrus i love one of my favorite things is little kids they all call me gabrus like all my friends kids call me gabrus uncle gabrus some of them call me uncle gabrus but um like one of my best friends his kid for a long time thought that because i would come over and be so nice to him and I came with a woman, my wife, who was friends with his mom. He thought, he was like, when is Gabrus and his mom, Tiffany, coming over?

Adam Pally's kid thought I was like a kid like him. He was like, when is Gabrus and his mom coming? You know that other six-year-old that's much bigger than me? Gabrus. Gabrus touches his mom's ass a lot. Which is also true. Still true, baby. Oh, I had a question.

All right. So back to advice. What's a piece of advice that you think you needed as a kid? Oh, you wish you knew? Or not even like wish you, like, yeah, I guess maybe wish you knew or not even like wish you like yeah i guess maybe wish you knew or just like what what kind of stuff did you were you struggling with what did people need to help you out with when you're like in high school and college as i feel like we get a lot of questions of people in the in that era of their life who are like everything's a big deal like

what did you think was a big deal i i was here's advice i could have used for real. Because I was gifted as hyperbole, but I was like very smart early on. And so everything was really easy for me all through elementary school, junior high, high school. Even I didn't try hard. I didn't do well, but I didn't do any work and I got by. And I got to college and you can kind of skate through college too. And then I got to be 23. And then you're done. Yeah.

Then I'm like, oh, cool. I got a life now. And then you get to be 22 or 23 and you start to, the things you want to do for the first time, you don't have any training in trying hard. Right. And I like never tried hard.

So I didn't know like- It's not even like you wish you learned more in school. It's just like you wish you practiced effort. I wish someone told me that it's very important because eventually you're gonna want something and you're gonna need to try hard for something that's really and i've never thought about that because this is something that's come to my mind because i think it's prevalent a lot among a lot of people i'm friends with too because it's like the comedy world where you're like obviously i was like smart and witty as a kid then the rest of

the world caught up with me but i never had to try hard for anything or you know there's like also like the charismatic and charm charming people you can't get by on that you can't you can't like i used to just make my teachers laugh right and i was like okay so i'll never completely fail because they didn't they like me exactly like uh one of the miss parla greco one time my chemistry teacher uh in high school said to my mom uh as a student i hate him but if he was my son if he was my son i would love him and it was like the most kind of like it was like i feel the opposite i wish he was my student but and then like now that there are things i want to do in life i don't have a work ethic i'm like re i'm like 36 years old and i'm like learning how to like try.

And like, to be honest, the half marathon thing that I did, like there's a few times in my life where I worked really hard physically for an extended period of time. And then you can really see that you've made a difference. Right. I'm so used to like instant gratification of like, oh, this is easy. Look, I did it. And now it's like, i wish i understood earlier like long like working on something you can get really good at it yeah yeah because i've never done anything

long like i get so bored so easily like comedy is the only thing that i've always been doing right podcasting specifically is like i'm funny for 45 minutes here it is you do your own shit rather than like working on a movie for a year, sculpting it, making it better. Exactly. And then the story. And I think that a lot, I exacerbated this issue in me by getting into improv, which is like arguably like it's lazy if you get good at it, because then like once you've trained in it and you're like,

oh, I'm good at this. And it's like, okay, well, what are you going to do? Yeah. You don't have to like,

I don't have to write anything. I don't have to like stretch before. Yeah. I don't have to do shit. Is don't have to like stretch before. Yeah, I don't have to do shit. Is there anything that, to the idea that you might've accidentally been trying really hard at improv? Like you did a lot of work at it. Just because it was easy.

And fun. It doesn't necessarily mean that you weren't putting effort in. Right. Maybe you just didn't feel like it. Maybe I didn't feel like it or maybe I'm okay with putting effort in if it's something I'm already good at.

Oh, yeah. You know, like, cause I think that might be a little true for with putting effort in if it's something I'm already good at. Oh, yeah. You know, like, because I think that might be a little true for me too. Something that you're like naturally kind of good at is easier to like dive in on. But rather than like a learning curve, I think I keep coming back to the running thing because it is something most people can do and most people don't do. Yeah. And I just knew that like, oh i i should be able to do this and you can but the issue is that it's like there's such an obvious growth path it's like run one mile get good at that then run two miles get good at that it's so simple and it's like the most base

level of like it's just like keep doing it and you get better at it and you can actively feel it in in under six months you can actively feel it in in under six months you can see such improvement in just running yeah not including like your physique changes or your attitude change i mean just like how much better you are at the activity of running the amount of time it takes you to run and it's like and in your head you're going like like i literally this is how i felt like i was telling people i'm like you know if you like run like a couple times a week for like 10, you get good at running and like you get better and it becomes easier and you can go further faster. I knew that in high school, Gabrus.

It's like the most basic principle. But you forget that, especially because I feel like career wise and hobby wise, we all have these sort of like esoteric, not necessarily quantifiable careers. It's not like, all all right i banged out my 10th screenplay i'm really getting good at these like you know everything takes a different amount of time and plus you've got to sell it there's all the subject subjectivity like running i felt like was like the first thing i've done in a long time that was like objective where it was like you are now better at this like scientifically yeah and there's proof to it because you're traveling further than you could right exactly and then're like, but then also on a macro scale, you look at it as like,

when you first started running, you were like, I can't believe, like you ran one mile and it was so hard. And you're like, I have to do 13 miles in November. But then all of a sudden you're like running five miles and it's not that hard. And you're like, remember when one mile was really hard and you're like, well, it's been six weeks, five miles is way easier. I think if I just keep doing this, 13 is going to come around and it just does.

Like, that's crazy. So like going into your marathon, you weren't even nervous. I knew it was going to suck, but I had run nine miles before it at some point. So I was like, I can't meet that much harder.

I'll just survive it. I wasn't trying to do well. I was just trying to survive it. So, but I felt like, you know, it's a crazy thing when you're doing that kind of training. You get to a point

where every single time you do it, you're doing something that you've never done before. Where have you like, I ran six miles for the first time in my life. The next week I ran seven miles for the first time.

And the next week, eight. And next week, nine. And then a couple of weeks later, 13. Like that's insane. Yeah, I remember like miles for the first and the next week eight and next week nine and then a couple weeks later 13 like that's insane yeah I remember like training for a half marathon and like running around my hometown and being like all right today's a long run I got to run 11 miles and and I was like okay like I where should I run to and I realized I could like run to my dad's office and back and like that would never that wouldn't even be 11 miles I was like my town is so fucking small it's crazy I I remember being like, Tiffany was like,

where'd you run today? I'm like from La Cienega to Highland down to third, down to like, and she's like, you went all the way around Hollywood. And I was like, yeah. She's like, how far is that? I'm like seven miles. That's yeah. It's crazy. It's like, you could drive that in 40 minutes or you can run it in two and a half hours. 42. I'm fast. I'm fast. Traffic's bad. So I guess what I'm saying, and that's a big piece of advice I wish I knew. And then something else, and this is all now, maybe I'm also spewing therapy talk to you guys, but something else I'm working on as of last year is thinking about the future Gabrus.

And not even like five years. I'm talking 48 hours, one week, one month. I used to just, and I almost, I still do, and I have to stop myself. I act for just like an inch in front of my face. I'm like, oh, look, dude, you know, Jake and Amir want to have some drinks. It's like, who cares what I have tomorrow, the day after? I'm like, let's just get fucking wasted. You know, like I make these choices that i don't think about the future yeah and like i even i mean like when i go like i don't have to fucking work on this i could put another hour into fucking red dead redemption 2 and you're like do it and then you're like fuck i

should have thought about now the next day i'm mad that i did that because i didn't think about the headspace of bit you know You're fucking over your future self. Right, yeah. And for no reason other than I'm not thinking about my future self. Only because you're being loyal to your current self. Sorry, future Gabrus, but current Gabrus was like. He wants to jerk off. He doesn't care if he's at an elementary school.

Future Gabrus, enjoy jail, dog. So that's like, and I think that dovetails with what I was just saying before too, because like you have to think about eventually getting to 13 miles. You have to like, in order to get there, I have to do this today. Yeah. But these tasks can feel- Yeah, that is what effort is, right? Like it's thinking about the results of your effort and like knowing that it's worth putting in all the work. There's that like quote, I forget what effort is, right? Like it's thinking about the results of your effort

and like knowing that it's worth putting in all the work. There's that like quote, I forget who it is. It might be Emily Dickinson. I forget, but it's like, I hate writing. I love having written. And it's like, that's like running to me. But also you can understand that for a lot of activities. It's like, I can't, I don't want to go.

For going to do shows, like when you're being lazy, you're like, I don't want to go do this fucking show. And then you like do it. You're like, Oh, I can drive there. Oh God, look,

parking. Oh fuck. Fuck. Then you do it. And you're like, have the time of your life. You're driving home. You're like,

there was a period of time when I didn't want to do this. It was earlier. It was like one and a half hours. I'm not, by the way, I'm not feeling that yet. I'm still pissed about driving here. It'll be later tonight when you don't have to email Marissa the episode.

Yeah, I'd be like, oh, this is great. Oh, I bought myself five minutes. Thank you, past Gabrus. Giving your bandwidth internet costs low. Did you ever get advice? Also, this is a corny saying because it's on throw pillows and weird posters, but it also stems to this. A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. Yeah.

On the most minor level, it is sort of the expression could just be like, just do the thing. Yeah. Do the thing, whatever the thing is that you're talking about. Or start the thing. Start the thing. Start the thing. I like that. That's, that's my next t-shirt.

Start the thing. Begin it already. Because it is, it is like that. That's my next t-shirt. Start the thing. Begin it already. Because it is like that. It's so easy to just be in your head about like, this is something. It all seems daunting from the outside. But like, how often do you like put your feet into the water and then like not get used to it? Like once you get your foot in there, you're like, all right, well, I'm going to go in. Right.

I'm here already. Right. Yeah, exactly. But like standing on the beach with your shoes on, you're like, I'm not now. Right, right. The first step really is just like taking the shoe off. Oh, I really like this. And I especially appreciate you using a beach analogy.

Well, I used it in a polar plunge. Right, yeah. I just did on Jan 1st. It's so true. Just start the thing. Start the thing. Because that happened to me. I've been like, oh, I should learn to scuba dive. I want to learn to sc been like oh I should like learn to scuba dive

I want to learn to scuba dive I want to learn to scuba dive talk to a friend yeah we should learn that would be so much fun oh it would be sick dude and it's like wait

should I call a scuba dive place and just see if they can book this weekend that we're both available and my friend was like sure and Kyrgios is like no jerk off

eat a chicken keep jerking off at least if you're gonna call don't stop and then you call Louie style yeah hey No, eat a chicken. Keep jerking off at least if you're going to call. Don't stop. Louie style. Yeah, I did a Louie style call to the scuba center, and then I called back with a Z's and gave him the claw. Gave the scuba instructor the claw.

This is also secret items on the In-N-Out menu. That's when you jerk off into a double-double. The Louie. You're banned from an In-N-Out, right? No, that was a fat burger. At In-N-Out.

You got banned for bringing fat burger covered in jizz into In-N-Out. They're like, we're not even mad about the jizz. That's some standard.

You can come into our sandwiches. can come into our sandwiches please come into our sandwiches that's like a very interesting commercial so you called the scuba place you call the scuba place got took my first weekend i have my second weekends booked in like february and i'm gonna be scuba certified patty patty baby hell yeah are you patty hell no oh okay my brother did it when we were in hawaii on a vacation once what does it mean i don't know it's like padi yeah it's padi it's like a professional association of diving instructors or something it's just the kind of certification

you got it um and it's like it was amazing it was terrifying but it was one of those things it's something i always thought about doing and then like 2018 i just started i i was putting so much stuff off for some time in my life when it would make sense yeah i was like well i can't get into this now i got so much work going on and then like a year would pass and i would look back on that year and i'd be like i spent the whole year being like i can't wait to do some of these interesting things i want to do and then i was like why didn't i just do one of them like if i did one a year for the last eight years, I would have the eight things done that I wanted to do. And it would be so, it's so not daunting once you start it.

But the idea of like, I want to learn to surf. You're like, oh, Jesus Christ, how am I going to do that? And it's like, does fucking, after you do it once. You like fuck around with like little details. Like when, sometimes when I see my inbox in my email, like, oh, I'll just like respond to these really, really like menial things. Order something from Amazon. And then like all the way at the bottom

is like a movie idea that I have. I'm the king of putting like momentum building shit on my to-do list where it's like cut nails. Write to-do list, I can do that. Cross off one item at random awesome buy taxes so my advice is

start the thing do the thing and fuck it while you're there enjoy the thing nice that's a big thing now you made a t-shirt

that's a throw pillow in a divorcee's house for sure yeah there used to be more furniture here but I got rid of it you can sleep on that do the thing pillow that i still have next to the couch if if you what about specific advice someone who's going away to college what what advice would you give them break up with your

boyfriend or girlfriend exactly oh that is that is unless it's like fucking whirlwind amazing just get out of it yeah yes it's gonna happen anyway that's advice i wish someone gave me because then instead i just sort of did the uh i ghosted i did an old-fashioned ghost on a girl i dated for i didn't it wasn't called ghosting then it was the 2000s it just stopped hooking up just stopped contacting a woman that I was hooking up with over the summer. Even more confusing when it's not like kind of in the zeitgeist.

Right, when it's not even something she's like, you know what happened to me the other day? And none of her friends could go, oh, you got ghosted, baby. And everyone's like, that sounds like a monster. That's insane. You might not have had cell phones then, so it's much easier to ghost. It was much easier to ghost. And then I never then I never called her and like broke up with her and just kind of went about my school year. And I was like, wow, that was really smooth. And then I came

home and tried to get a job back at this place. I used to, I'm going to leave names, leave locations. I had a place I used to work. It was like a part-time job I did, but the girl's sister was the boss. And she's like, we're not hiring you back. I'm like, why? She's like, because of what you did to my sister. I was like, oh, okay. Repercussions. Interesting. You can actually sue her for sexual harassment. Sexual harassment?

Yeah. She didn't hire you because you didn't sleep with her sister. That's completely illegal. That wasn't exactly what the dynamic was. Well, you're on her. You're my client. I got to have you represent me in court. Yeah,

you would be some kind of weird ambulance chaser. I mean, the facts or the case are there. Your Honor, if I were you, that's where

the title of your memoir comes from. Can I just break for a second to talk about MeUndies if the court will allow? If it please the court.

We don't talk about MeUndies on High and Mighty. Sorry about that. Hashtag Mack Weldon. I got brand loyalty over here. I've got one advertiser is what I'm saying. Don't fuck this up for me. episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door.

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You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish. You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the limelight. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad.

No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number, so you have to edit it out, okay? Let's hear it. 091-3662. Now you have to edit it out. to edit it in but we'll see you

guys there no no no no thank you to squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show hell yeah jake you've been building on squarespace for decades at this point exactly eons it feels like yes so you know how easy it is to use their simple intuitive drag and drop design technology. Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah, it's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out.

But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace.

Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own freakyfriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting.

Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah.

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we will read the results it's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people yeah you do my advice is to do more stupid things. I was kind of the opposite. Like I was so worried about everything, even in college, that I never did the stupid things that people had fun doing in college, like traveling abroad. Like third year abroad, I didn't want to do that. That's one of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn't go to Australia for a semester, which was something I dreamed of doing in college. And I didn't do it because I like was enjoying school. And I was like,

school's fun. And it was like, then I'll miss a comedy. I miss the, I miss my comedy group. I can't, I can't imagine taking a semester. Oh,

here's a good example of that. Sorry to, I'm stamping all over it. It's okay. It's your show now. I was on an improv team with this dude and he was a Matt Moses. Shout out to Matt Moses. Very funny guy. was like i'm gonna go i got it into yale into the mfa program for play writing and i'm gonna go to yale and get my playwriting masters i'm like that's fucking

amazing he's like i know but it's three years i'm gonna be like gone for three years he left got it had an amazing experience and he did it like in his late 20s and then he came when he came back he just got put on the harold team that i was on at that moment like and i was he was like i was like oh my god i was in my head going yeah you're right three years out of the comedy scene shit's gonna be different then instead he comes back and has a fucking degree and a wonderful experience let it weren't being everyone's still there. An Ivy League education and a Herald. And I'm still, and he just like, I'm like, oh, Moses is back. Can we add him to our team?

And the director was like, artistic director was like, yeah, of course. That's a great idea. He went to Yale. Yeah. And he came back and he was like, hey. And I'm like, oh man, I'm still here. I have a podcast now. Yeah.

I mean, like my life was good or all that, but it was one of those things where in my head I was like, no fucking way. And it's like's like yeah you know you there's time for everything yeah and you could be a little stupid in college i think i was afraid to like do stupid things yeah i'm so mad i didn't go live in australia for a semester that was like yeah you could you could literally go anywhere like most colleges are like yes please take this like opportunity at a free right and if we don't have a location there you can go to another school for a semester that's totally fine it's oh and you fucking did you travel abroad jake no i didn't really go to college oh right yeah yeah that i know i don't know if that's one of my regrets because i'm really grateful for the way it all worked out but it like i was when i should have

been a junior i had an internship at college humor I didn't, I had the exact same thing. I didn't want to leave. Right. So I had a full-time job basically starting when I was 20, 21. Oh, that's, yeah, see, that's the thing. That's, that's interesting. Cause it's like, do you regret that or no? Because if you went to college by junior year, you'd be like, I wish I was fucking

interning at College Humor. Yeah. Like that would be something that you would maybe want anyway. I feel like sometimes I feel like I had too much like good luck with timing to have done any of that stuff. Even though that's like the exact opposite of what you, the story that you just told.

But it's true though. There's an element of truth there. Yeah. It really, it felt like if I left, I wouldn't have like started working with old blooms here yeah but also at the same time

you might have gone to college made a couple of friends come back had a great experience come back and worked with Amir starting from that or I might have found

a funnier comedy partner and like actually done some shit I don't know if that's possible thank you I thought I was gonna have to say it find someone funnier

than Amir good luck where would you find one besides obviously this room sitting across from you oh man if you would have went to college we could have been writing partners what would that have looked like wait we need one terrible terrible writing you need an amir yeah my writing partner justin for the longest time not as you know not this fucked up but but more responsible than the more responsible one, too. Yeah, where did he go to school? Your Amir is Marissa now.

Yeah, my Amir is Marissa. Where did Justin go to school? He went to Hamilton. And he's in my mind right now because we're talking about that travel thing. He was a Fulbright scholar and traveled the world for a year after college paid for by a grant. That's so cool. And that's like a fucking life experience. College can be good.

College can be cool. That's a life experience that you just can't get anymore. I've never traveled alone. Maybe that would be my advice. And I can still do it, but I don't know. I feel weirder to do it.

It feels even weirder once you're in a relationship. Yeah. Or like you have a job, like I can't leave for six months to 12 months and just- Oh, you would do six months and travel alone? I don't know.

I mean, you could right after college. No, you couldn't. No way. You're too broke. You don't have the constitution for it. You can handle that shit. You're lactose intolerant, aren't you? You can't go around the world drinking milk.

I didn't say that was my plan. Get out of here, tubby. I'm not even that fat. On a minor, like a small minor version of this is I graduated college. A friend of mine who was graduating the same year as me is like, I'm moving to Los Angeles. Here's the deal. Do you want to drive cross country with me? I'll pay for everything on the drive out and I'll buy you a one way from LAX to JFK. It'll just be for the adventure. And I also got asked to start a PA job at VH1 that would have started like while I was on this adventure. And instead of asking them if I could like start a week or

two later or blowing off a PA job, cause they were going to come around. I just didn't know. I just wanted to work so bad after college. I was like so afraid to not get a job that I took it. And I think I missed out on an amazing opportunity. I've never driven across the country. I mean, at some point, you just did it, right, Jake? I've done it six times. I've done it too much.

Yeah, that's too often. I've seen Kansas a lot. Yeah, don't you want Delta miles? Six times is an insane amount of times. Yeah, it's a lot. But I've done it differently every single time. And I really, I love that. I can't get enough of it.

That's so awesome. Did you drive the truck? Yeah, I drove the truck. Barely, barely got it back. I told my mechanic that I was like, do you think that it can make it? I got it tuned up and he was like, 50, 50. What?

And you just still filled it up with shit and drove? Yeah. And I did not tell Jill. He said 95-5. That's how we got to New York because I like, no one thought

this was going to be good. Yeah. That's fucking awesome. Was that a great experience though? Yeah, it really was. It was awesome. I want to do that at some point.

I just, it feels, I want to ride the train across the country too. that's yeah that is cool i think i think you could do that like as first class as possible too just to like have wi-fi in your own toilet that's all you need yeah that's all i need man i've been sitting on the shitter looking at my phone the entire time yeah that's all i was thinking i was like edibles vape pen and a fucking uh 10 days on a train yeah just like a light buzz the entire time. Just interacting with every old fucking weirdo.

Oh, why are you on the train? Oh, because you're on the no-fly list. Okay, well, let me not engage with you anymore. We're sharing a bunk. Doing this also that what we're all describing is also do the thing. Start the thing. Yeah, get out of your comfort zone, I think is a good one. Break up with your partner.

I would say in college, like overall, a good advice is find your tribe. Like just find the people, you know. You mean other Jews. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And find them and kill them. Whoa. Twist. Hunt them and kill them. Whoa! Twist! Hunt them and kill them.

No, like, because you can spend so long trying to find a way to fit in with people, or you can meet people that you fit in with, like, naturally. And it's just like, oh, this is who I am. And I think that's why getting out of your hometown or getting at least to a new place or going, you know, somewhere is the way to do that. Like, you're not going to find it any other way. Yeah, it's true. or going somewhere is the way to do that. Like you're not gonna find it any other way. Yeah, it's true. I think I showed up at College Humor with zero friends from college. And I met all of my friends there.

Right, right, that'll happen. Or you go away to college and you're like, holy shit, like I found this like group of weirdos and like we all like the same shit. And now like, not only do we all like the same shit, but I'm learning about cool stuff from them i'm like oh i like i like this movie oh if you like this movie you should check out this movie yeah oh and like you can like really get what you want out of life from friends it's really

yeah it's really true like if you dig if you like get into the weeds and figure out what you like and immerse yourself in that rather than just like going to school and being like all right i guess i'll join a frat because like that's how people yeah or maybe you meet a couple of guys in a frat and they seem really cool and you like them. And then you're like, oh, if this is what these guys at that frat are like, I'll join it. But don't join it because it's the cool frat. Join it because you feel like these could be good. Like these guys have something in common with. Were you in a frat? No, but I played rugby. So it was like, sort of. De facto.

It was a club sport. I mean, it's like a club sport. So it's not. Was there a rugby house? There was a rugby house. Did you live there? No, I did not. I lived in, I lived in, this like a club sport. Was there a rugby house? There was a rugby house. Did you live there? No, I did not. I lived in – this is a stupid brag, but I lived in a house my senior year that was cooler than all of the fraternity houses and sports houses. We lived at 95 Sunset in Poughkeepsie, New York.

The house was called Sunset. And everyone knew about us because we were fucking all like alpha insane assholes and we just throw parties how many dudes it was eight guys in a two family house oh my god

yeah we had three we had the house had technically three kitchens one of the kitchens was converted to a bedroom a long time ago and I stayed in that room

I had cabinets all around my bedroom that's so filled with all my clothes and shit like that I just had a bed a desk and a dresser and then everything was bedroom. That's so fucking great. Filled with all my clothes and shit like that. I just had a bed, a desk, and a dresser, and then everything was in cabinets. That's so funny. There was a blender by your bed.

Yeah. I would just like shit in the full sink that I had there. Leave the stove on. Well, you got a bidet. That's cool. It's squirting the wrong way, but I can get there. I'll figure it out. I'll just get myself upside down.

So I lived like a very movie frat life without being in a frat. My college experience was very like getting fucked up, throwing huge parties, doing insane like quote unquote pranks, which are just vandalism. And you never had to get hazed for it. Never had. There is like one hazing for like joining a sports team usually too like there's like rookie initiation and we had like light hazing but it's a club sport so no one's that committed so it's not like i dedicated my life to fucking seven days a week of rowing crew

we're gonna fucking annihilate the freshman the rugby players were like we just got duct taped together for like three hours like face to face with everyone got paired with someone around their size and we had to like the 10 rookies had to finish one keg doing only keg stands as two dudes oh my god like two dudes taped together so me and the other biggest guy on the team are just duct taped together his nickname was all stott uh named after named after like the tampa bay the tampa bay running back it It was like a tough little dude. And we got taped together and just got flipped upside down. Then like two more guys would come over and we just kept going. That was my initiation.

How many beers are in a keg? How many cans of beers? Oh, that's a good question. That's a good question. I forget. I feel like someone, we did the math one time. I feel like we did the math one time. But we were so drunk. I'm sure that's like a Google-able.

Google-able. Bing-able. It's Bing. Oh my god, that's how Bing wins. Siri. Siri, Bing it, baby. The Microsoft Apple shit is very funny to me and it's always most apparent during the NFL games where it's like,

ref's taking a look at the surface. Yeah. It feels weird. It's called a tablet. It's the only Microsoft Surface in the world. It's this Ed Hockley's on it. Ed Hockley's is breaking it with his fucking forearms. Hoorah.

Hoorah. Over turned. What about advice for someone who's starting a new job? Ooh. Oh, actually we got an email, uh, asking us a question and we answered it. And the lady said she ended up getting a new job. And one of her, uh, unsolicited advices that she had that a lot of people appreciate it is that after you interview somewhere, send an email following up to thank the people

that interviewed you. And a lot of people don't do that. And it like up to thank the people that interviewed you. And a lot of people don't do that. And it like separates you from the rest of the crowd. Yes. Interesting. I didn't even know that other people didn't. I always follow up. There's nothing. If you get their contact info, there's nothing wrong with following up. Yeah. Oh, you should definitely follow up. That's sort of before you get the job, but advice from this lady who emailed our show. That's cool. I like that.

Sound advice. Simple work advice I would give if you start a new job is no one ever hates you for being honest. You can't get yourself into trouble for being honest. You know a lot of people who say one thing to one person, say say something and then they find themselves like a slave to two masters or whatever all you have to do is just keep keep the fucking ship going straight it doesn't even have to be correct you don't have to be going in the right direction just always be like this is who i am this is how i am this is how i feel about this thing we're talking about yeah and i feel like just because it's very easy to be like i need to tell all these people what they need to hear. I'm not saying be an asshole,

but I'm saying like at some point, if you're trying to like impress different people, it's all going to come folding. It's the old, it recently, I was listening to a podcast called last scene. If you haven't, I recommended it to you.

I don't know if you listened to it on the road. No, I was listening to the, the Manson one you recommended. Oh, how good is that though? Great. Yeah.

If you must remember this, the Manson murders you recommended. Oh, how good is that though? It's great. Yeah. If you must remember this, the Manson Murders miniseries for listeners is fucking awesome. Wait till you find out. I won't give any spoilers, but wait till you find out how connected

the Beach Boys are to Marilyn Manson. A little too connected if you ask me. Wouldn't it be nice if it was all about, you know, the race wars.

Wouldn't it be nice if Charlie would leave? If we can get charlie out of this party um uh the this podcast last scene which was about like a boston art heist one of the guys who's an undercover fbi agent says i always use my real first name and my real kids names and my real child where i grew up because those lies are the easiest to maintain. And it is like, that's like granted like a very specific case if you're undercover somewhere,

but blow that out to like real life. And if you just never bullshit anyone, you're never going to get caught in like a hypocrite, hypocritic moment or a democratic moment or anything like that. That's very true. And also I think a lot of the time you, or at least I do this, like I'll tell a white lie to smooth something over. And then it like, but as it gets blown out of proportion and like things get at least I do this, like I'll tell a white lie to smooth something over.

And then it like, but as it gets blown out of proportion and like things get worse, everyone's like, well, why? Like, why don't you just tell me the truth? Now it's worse. Like I was protecting you. And now we're fucked anyway. So it's weird because like Jake in the moment, current Gabrus, current Jake is like, I'm doing the right thing. But future Jake is like, no, no, no. Yeah. It's only going to get worse.

If you actually care about somebody, if you actually care about something, if you care about doing the right thing, which you do because you're lying so no one gets hurt, think about like the future where people are actually getting hurt. Right. It's so simple, but so hard to wrap your head around at the same time. It is. You're like, all I have to do, I'm realizing I don't have to have headphones on. Oh, yeah. So tired of hearing my own voice. It is like all I have to do. I'm realizing I don't have to have headphones on. I'm so tired of hearing my own voice. I got Mars here. She's like good at this.

I don't wear headphones in my own house. I don't even look at it. Those aren't plugged in. I was just listening to a different podcast this whole time. It was very difficult to keep up with the conversation. The other thing that I realized realized i think like kind of in the middle of my time working at college humor is that no one is trying to fuck you over like i would i would get my head it's a super rare case yes i would get so worked up being like this boss hates me this guy hates me and they're like trying to fuck me like no no one it's really rare that somebody is like actively evil trying to fuck you.

And if they are, it's not just you. They're trying to fuck like everyone because they're monsters or whatever. Yeah. So there's no one with a specific vendetta. Yeah. Just like, don't, if, if things aren't going your way, don't think someone's trying to fuck you. Think instead, they're probably, it's just not occurring to them.

Right. You aren't on the top of everybody's mind. Oh, dude, that's huge advice is like, and it's occurring to them. Right. You aren't on the top of everybody's mind. Oh, dude, that's huge advice. And it's hard to hear when you just say to someone, honestly, they're probably not even thinking of you. And it's such a true thing because we can overanalyze any interaction you've ever had, especially when you're like, okay, I got a job interview. You're like, interview with someone. You're like, I can't believe I said Wendy instead of Wednesdayendy instead of wednesday or whatever and it's like they have no and then you do something where you send an email and you're like hey sorry about that thing i said

and they're like what are you talking about you're like fuck now i'm like right into deep explaining my i'm like lighting my own fucking house on fire at this moment it's really true but it's such a true thing where it's like, and it's humiliating to think, it's humbling to think about, but more often than not, the person you're stressed about, you're not on their mind.

Yeah. Oh, so Don, I think it happens in Mad Men. Oh, he goes, he goes, oh fuck, the guy in the elevator, right? Pete Campbell. Pete Campbell is like,

yeah, what do you think about this or something I don't remember but he's like you know I don't like you very much and he goes you know I don't

think about you at all yeah oh yeah so good it's so true it's so true it's so true

he didn't think about Pete Campbell at all he didn't think about much of anything unfortunately Don's the man so fucking

a little story that's what you took away from and then absolutely that's what you took away from Batman? Absolutely, that's what I took away from Batman. I either want to be Don Draper

or Walter White. I haven't watched the last season of either. I'm the one who knocks. That's really funny. Someone who never watched the last season of Breaking Bad is like,

I want to be like Walter White. I want to be like Heisenberg. I'm like Gander, I'm like Tony Soprano, dude. Dude's a kingpin. He's a hero. Here's a piece of advice that I got at a good point in my life that I kind of spew to people all the time. It's hyper-specific maybe to the creative industry.

But when I was a PA at VH1, I was talking to one of the guys who was a writer on Best Week Ever. Shout out to Kevin Marr. I say to Kevin, I'm like, I think i want to like focus on comedy more and he's like well i don't know if you're gonna ever have the time to do what you want to do as a pa he's like you make i'm like you make this much money do you know for unemployment you make almost that much money but then you're free all the time he's like you get six months i say leave take six months of unemployment and focus on whatever you want he goes the one thing you have to keep in mind though is when the six months are up you need to be able to look back at it and say hey i did blank and he goes i mean even if it is i watched all of deadwood

or like you know i've seen it yeah like i've seen another piece of advice watch deadwood like and it's like, yeah, on a minor level, just watch Deadwood. Also the, the next season is coming. This is like, Oh,

are they doing another one? Yeah. They're doing like a Deadwood movie. Like a lot of the same cast is all back. It's going to be so awesome. But it was that advice where it was like, take this six month crack. And then I ended up getting like a couple of little paychecks in between.

And then that bumps you're like, you can't get unemployment that week. So I ended up getting like a couple of little paychecks in between. And then that bumps you're like, you can't get unemployment that week. So I ended up like spreading it out over like nine months. And in that nine months, I got a lot of stuff done. I wrote like a sketch show for UCB. I started coaching improv. I found all this stuff.

And it was all because Kevin was like, don't accidentally blow this opportunity. That's really funny. Good advice. Like quit your job. Yeah. It was like quit your job but don't regret it he goes because god because he's like in six months you might be looking for

a pa job and if you might then be a pa like that might just be the path for the rest of your life he's like don't you want to look back on that six month period and be like i did this cool stuff during it and it's like take those crash especially when you're young i know and i almost wonder if there's a flip to that advice because there's so much old person advice of like when you're young is when you can actually do stuff and it's like but when you're older is when

you have money so it's like it's true and it's not true and it's sort of like maybe us older people need to be like I need to take six months off work and watch all of Deadwood again. Yeah. I mean, I would definitely rewatch Deadwood, but you have a lot less responsibility when you're young.

Yes. Like your rent was lower. You didn't have a wife and a dog. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like if I tried to be like, for six months, I'm going to travel, like my wife would be like, you can't do that. And then all of her friends would be like, you should leave them. And they'd be right. Yeah. No, they wouldn't be like, you should leave them. And they'd be right.

Yeah. No, they wouldn't be like, that's what's great. They would not be out of line. I feel like we, we both travel solo for work a lot. So like we get,

we scratch that itch a little bit, but it is for work. But I think either one of us would be cool. If I was like, babe, I think I want to go to Vietnam by myself. We're like at a level where we like, it's not like I'm going on a fuck tour.

Like she knows, like it's not about like, I need to flirt with girls on my own it's more like i think i just need it for my own growth yeah like yeah that's cool and especially because uh like she's not really like she's so afraid of spiders that it's like detrimental to her like activities like she doesn't want to ever go camping or anything like that. And I'm like, well, that's stuff I want to do. So like,

you have to be cool with me doing it without you. Even if it's a fuck tour, as long as there are spiders involved. Yeah. I'm like, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going to the Congo and I'm going to fuck tarantulas. If you ever want to go on any vacation without her,

even if you want to just go to London, there might be a spider in the Airbnb. I looked it up and it's Black Widow season in Scotland. Aren't you going just on a scotch distillery tour? Nah, they got spiders all over there. But the name of the distillery is the Black Widow, don't you see? Don't go, don't go. The logo is everywhere.

Do you guys have any debilitating fears? Not debilitating fears. Phobias. Phobias or things that you think like if I didn't have this facet of my personality I could do more things you know what I mean

those are two different things like one is like being too neurotic and I'm very I have a low tolerance of being like uncomfortable so I don't like camping

like when it's cold out I prefer not to camp if it's too hot out I prefer not to camp but it's not also it's not like you're like, I really wish I could go camping, but I'm so- Right, yeah, I don't like a fear of snakes.

Yeah, your thing is a phobia that you don't, or not even, your thing is a preference that you wouldn't- Yes, a preference. Right, you wouldn't be like, I wish I was cool with the cold so I can finally go camping. Like that doesn't matter to you as much. Yeah.

I guess I don't like going fast in things. So like, but I like the idea of riding a motorcycle I guess I don't like going fast in things. So like, but I like the idea of riding a motorcycle or like skiing down a mountain. But anytime I've ever like gotten on the back of someone's bike or tried skiing, I'm like, this is way too fast. Yeah, that's funny. So I guess if I had like a little bit more like- I don't love like insane crowds. It feels the same way yeah i think if i had like some kind of like action movie here i i romanticize action movie heroes and then like in the moment i'm like this is too intense i i'm fine so i like in the same way about like crowds

i'm like dude it'd be so amazing to be such a huge part of like the idea of burning man sounds amazing then it's like if i'm like in like a crowd with like 50 people and they're remotely annoying i'm like instantly turned off yeah yeah i wish i had slightly higher tolerance for other people like yes i feel that like i guess i let other people that are arguably strangers ruin my time at other places where i'm like i don't want to be at this place anymore because these this like that the vibe here is that people are annoying you know what i mean like and i'll like limit my own experience like i don't want to be at this place anymore because the vibe here is that people are annoying. You know what I mean? And I'll limit my own experience.

I don't want to go to that. It's going to be – everyone's going to be standing and singing and shit. You're talking about concerts? Yeah. Miss a concert of a band I like because I don't want to deal with it. Which is interesting because you could easily hold court and be the center of attention. And I feel like I like that kind of thing too. I like being surrounded by people who are like friendly

and everybody's having a good time. But if I go into a new space where like, I don't know anyone, if I don't have like a warm introduction, I feel very uncomfortable. Oh yeah. If I don't have somebody to be like, this is Jake, now Jake, go speak when everyone over. Yeah.

Then I can't. I can't walk into a bar and just be like, hey, how's it going? Yeah, that's when I have like nine drinks too fast. You know, like when you're at like a weird premiere party and you're like, I thought I would know more people here. And then like you get stuck in a weird conversation and you're like, I gotta get another drink.

And you like walk over and get, like as an excuse to leave. And then you're not talking to anyone. So you're just kind of, and then all of a sudden you're like, well, I've had 12 tequila sodas and i'm at this funny or die event that i don't even really want to be at and now i'm too drunk now i get one interaction with the person that you're like maybe like of the level of people you wanted to network with the boss and i'm

fucking wasted and i'm like spitting in will ferrell's mouth again. Frenching Adam McKay. Oh, God. I'm such a big fan. Hold doors for people. You're telling me to, or that's a phobia? Oh, actually, maybe I talked about this on the podcast, but I learned two gentlemanly things to do that I've done, and I think it's nice. Okay, one, if you are getting into a taxi with a date, you think that opening the door is the

polite thing to do, but technically the polite thing to do is to get in first. So you are the one who scoots apparently. Yes. And then if you are going through a revolving door, it is more polite for you to go first to get the momentum yeah so you are actually yeah you are the one opening the door but all these things are not acceptable anymore the gender norms have switched yeah i i always say like yes the gender norms have switched but to me that just means hold the door open for guys now too yeah hold it for everybody yeah like whoever for the person behind, it's really not that hard.

I guess chivalry isn't really gender specific. It's just being cool. Right. You can be chivalrous to people in general. And I think that's actually probably good life advice where it's like, if shit you would do, like this m'lady bullshit that you would do to like try to impress chicks, like do it for guys.

Try to impress a dude. But imagine buying a dude. Like, I mean, a person, we should say, let's not even use gender. Just imagine just like buying a drink for someone that you weren't trying to

hook up with at the bar. It's like, Hey, then those guys down there, a couple of cocktails. That brings us all the way back to buying a shot for your bartender. That's right. I want to start buying,

uh, like appetizers for people at the bar instead of like, it'd be like, Hey, this plate of onion rings is from that dude over there. I'd be like, enjoy sister. Hey, can we is from that dude over there. I'd be like, enjoy sister. Hey,

can we get sweet tater tots? And you know what? One for you too. I'm okay. Why don't you help yourself to a cheeseburger? I already ate. Buying, buying like lamb chops for the bartender.

For the waiter? these are for you, man. Help yourself. It's like, what? I was at the barber the other, a while ago,

obviously. And a dude was like, I'm going to run by, by I'm gonna go next door and get myself some dinner do you guys want anything they're like no no we're fine he's like well

what if I grabbed you guys some like tater tots and some wings or something like that you guys have it they're like yeah I mean I guess so yeah thanks

and like the dude dropped off tater tots and wings I'm like I don't want these barbers going to eat like finger food in the back and coming out

and cutting my hair but it was like a weird the dude like forced it on them in a weird way. He was, wait, he was a guy getting, getting his hair cut and then he went out and got them food. Yeah. He like knew them a little bit more than I did, at least way, way more than I did. Oh, that just, this is something completely separate, but this is something that's a new

pet peeve of mine. I'll give advice. Also let yourself be treated to things. For example? also let yourself be treated to things for example like uh we're out to dinner you offer to pay rather than fight and make a big stink out of it and be like no let me pay half let me pay half let because my mom this stresses me my mom and my aunt do this so much like we always go out to dinner with these two families and my mom will be like let me pay my aunt be like you're not fucking paying fight over it and then it's like if my mom ends up treating both parties are now mad and one of

them got a free dinner and one of them got to buy their dinner for their sister i have so like i feel like i've said it because like we were out and someone bought us dinner and tiffany was like arguing with them i went hey this was very nice of you to treat us yes thank you so much dude i have the exact same issue and i have a system for it you have you do one one protest and then that's it i call it a faux test you like oh no no let me let's split it and they say no i got it and then like stop and say thank you because the weirdest thing is for somebody to be like let me pay let me get your dinner. And then you feel,

they feel like you're mad at them. Yeah. And it's like, you're in this moment where you're like, no, I've, I'm trying to help you by offering to pay my half. And then you're like,

but really what I'm doing is negating what you offered to do. Right. And in your head, just clock that and be like, well, next time I go out with Amir, let me make sure I buy him dinner. Yeah.

Well, he'll never buy you dinner. Yeah. I'm not stressed about that. It's not a lunch. How about you buy me lunch first and then we'll hopefully get around to another one where I probably got you a sandwich that day at Trencher. I'm not, I think I paid.

Yeah. Uh, that's, I love that. That's the joke I do with my manager. If we're ever out to dinner, like I know he's gonna put it on the company card, but I do the,

the, the fake wallet lean where I go like, let make eye contact and go, and he goes, don't worry about it. I'm like, I know, but I want to pretend. That's all you gotta do. You just got emotion. Yeah. This was a sponge in my back pocket anyway. I lost my wallet years ago.

I have no identity. You know that. You should. As my manager. As my manager. Oh, you don't? We should talk more. I'm trying to think of any others.

How about advice of someone who's starting a podcast? I'm just thinking of like things I've done and like things we've all done in life. I usually tell people that the idea has to be like easily produced. A lot of people like come in with grandiose ideas. Like I'm going to talk to this person and I'm going to interview their grandparents.

And then when I interview their grandparents, they're going to like link me up with one person and then I'll do like a sit down interview and that'll be an episode. Right. Yeah. After four, you're going to be so burnt out. Don't do that. Imagine doing it. Yes. That's all I say is like, imagine doing it. Like think about your favorite podcast. How

many episodes do they have? Can you do that many episodes of your idea? That's right. Make it as simple as possible. Ideally you and maybe a friend, maybe a guest, even guests we find is difficult to get. So it's like just me and Jake sometimes. Right. It makes so much. Well, that's pretty much what, when you guys came to me to do High and Mighty, I was inspired by the Jeff Rubin, Jeff Rubin show and that he sort of does whatever he wants.

Right. And I enjoy that it's self-serving because I enjoy Jeff. Yes. So when it was like my turn, I was like, well, I kind of don't know what I want to do, whether I want to be able to talk about action movies and like the Action Boys and the Taco Bell were two things I knew I wanted to do. And I was like, but I also want to like,

I love to have highfalutin conversation. I love to sit down with two buds and be like, what's like real life advice? And like that shit you can't. So I was like, what's the umbrella for all of that? And I'm like, oh, a non-specific title. The John Gaber's show. Right, exactly. The Gab right exactly gabers variety hour i would have called it something like that if jeff rubin jeff rubin show wasn't what i was ripping the john gabers jeff rubin show

the john gabers john gaber show would be so fucking transparent and what i ended up doing was making a podcast that was now it's peak self-serving where I pick the guests, they come to my house and we talk about a topic we've chosen together. That's right. Now that's insane, but it's how I've gotten to almost 200 episodes. It's like the only way is that what had happened is like, if I made it easy,

cause that was the thing I said to you guys too, when you were like, you want to do a podcast? I'm like, I don't want to do any of the work. And you were like, look, we'll get the equipment.

We'll do the editing. We'll upload it. Like, I'm like, I'm not good with technology. It takes me so long. You're don't want to do any of the work and you were like look we'll get the equipment we'll do the editing we'll upload it like i'm like i'm not good with technology it takes me so long you're like we'll do all of that we just think you're funny like you guys gave me the confidence boost that i really needed when you were like we just think you're funny and you're the type of person that should have a podcast and i was like you're like we're launching a podcast network we want to launch you i was like well i wouldn't have i still might not have started a podcast and it took like you guys saying, do the thing. Look how right we were. Podcasting ends up being my fucking main income.

Like I'm alive still because of podcast. It's truly kept me sane because it's been my new live shows where like no matter what was going on in my entertainment career, I would get to go do improv or stand up and everyone laugh and feel good yeah and now i got that on a slightly larger scale where it's like instead of 200 people it's 20 000 people and i'm like so excited to like i still have this yeah no matter because you can go to every meeting and get rejected get rejected but then when you sit down and put on the mic you're like well this is my domain yeah this is like people want to hear this. We can do whatever we want.

Right. Exactly. And it's like, we're fucking so lazy. We combined two episodes into one. It's perfect for us. Advertisers are going to love this garbage. We couldn't do this on TV. You couldn't.

No. I mean, there used to be crossover episodes. Of course. But it would be wildly expensive. We can't do this. But they used to do it. I know. Whatever, man.

We're going to have a Palom, flip right in front of us. On a trifle, baby. Tell me where to go. I would say also, and this maybe will piss a lot of people off. Oh, is this the Jewish thing? Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about soundproofing your room or anything yet. Just get it going.

Marissa is sweating over there now. Marissa's like, yeah, no shit, gay Marissa. Even if the microphones peak, it's fine. Right, Marissa is sweating. Marissa's like, yeah, no shit, gay Marissa. Even if the microphones peak, it's fine. Right, Marissa? Don't worry about sound quality because Marissa will handle it is what we're saying. I think the main thing I would say, like another important thing is consistency. Yeah. Day of the week.

Choose a day of the week and stick to it. And just do it. And like try to never miss. I've never missed one Thursday. One time I did, but it came out on Friday, but just because I had no idea what the date was. And this was two weeks ago. So three years with only one Thursday missed.

I've never taken a week off from an episode ever. I've had episodes come out on Christmas and New Year's. I've never, I've never not had an episode come out in a week. That's great. And that's another testament to the idea not being so difficult. You don't have to like grab friends or do interviews or do too much insane. Right. Or like, okay, I got to punch up this jam now.

You know, like this is my 290th jam. Thank God they didn't listen to me. I have to make an original song this week. When you guys were talking about like the work of a podcast, if you go to guest on that podcast're like you wrote a song in your free time jesus and they do not have free time yeah no they're both working human beings it's wild um yeah and also for me my podcast allowed me the thing it all stemmed from too was the reason action boys exists is because one time at birds me rogers and stanger all just happened to start talking about the movie Predator. And we were all so informed and so obsessed with it.

We talked for like 45 minutes. And there's not often that you talk to your adult friends for 45 minutes, unbroken, where you're not like, I should go talk to someone else. But we just happened to have this corner table. We didn't really know each other that well at the time. I mean, me and Rogers are longtime friends friends but we didn't know stanger that well and we started talking to him i was like this is why podcasts exist for hosts is like i want to talk to my fucking friend like literally i just when i saw you guys the other day for the for that thing i was like do you guys when are you in when are you in town let's do a fucking podcast

together yeah it's a way to catch up for one hour. It's a way to professionally hang out. Yeah. It's a way to monetize making, it's a way to monetize conversations. Finally. How can I make money off my friend years? It's a way to get Amir to talk to you. You owe me 70 bucks,

by the way. What? Yeah. I'm paying, oh, I have to pay, I should start paying my guests. Not now.

That's a whole other thing. Not today. Not today. Starting next year. Headcumbs should start doing it. Is it, should it be, should I be stressed out at all that the guys who run my podcast company are launching Patreon? Is that a bad sign?

Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're fucked, dude. We are trying to cork the dam any way we possibly can. Any other podcast advice? Keep it simple. Schedule. Wear headphones. Wear headphones. Yeah, we should be asking for headphones. any other podcast advice? keep it simple schedule wear headphones says Marissa

Marissa says wear headphones yeah but see I already don't like her advice get your own podcast Marissa I think it ties back into the other advice that we have is just do the thing I feel like

with podcasts with writing with so many creative endeavors that people ask me about they're like perfectionists before they even get started it's so self-defeating to be like, I'm not going to do this unless I can do it right. Like, you're not going to do it right. You won't. Your first

episode is not going to be the fucking best thing you've ever done. You're speaking to my core right now. This is my main issue is like, I know if I try to write this thing, it's not going to be as funny as it is in my head. Right. And it's like, of course not. No, it won't be the first time. You got to get it to that point. Yeah. That that's what effort is so you got to write that shit thing yeah and it's so it's so easy to you're jake you're so right it's so easy to think that you're working on something by thinking about it right but you're like knocking this idea around in my head for a while like i i personally do and i know my friends do too where they're like yeah i want to write that fucking paintball movie you know and it's like you've been talking about that for

18 months like you would have written if you would have eight drafts done you would have sold it and shot it by yeah it's a self-fulfilling prophecy too because like the longer you do think about it the more perfect it has to be when it does in order for it to justify all the time you thought hey just throw some shit on a wall it's okay like just record it you don't even have to release it but just record it just start doing the podcast because it's so easy to get caught up in there like we should we should we should we should and it's like just do it yeah you can always delete your back catalog when you think you finally recorded your perfect right right right um that the uh that ira glass advice that's like your taste uh out like your taste is

better than your skills so like if you're a fan of something if you're a fan of like your taste uh out like your taste is better than your skills so like if you're a fan of something if you're a fan of comedy your taste in comedy you are not good enough to impress yourself until you get better at it so like that could limit it's really that limits you in a weird way because you're like well i love painting but i can't paint like my favorite paintings and it's like no shit neither could they when they started. Yeah, that wasn't Picasso's first starry night. No, that's Van Gogh. Sorry, edit that out.

Marissa, I really should know art. Marissa, no editing on High and Mighty. The only editing we ever do on High and Mighty is when someone goes, can you take out the part where I shit talk someone by name that might eventually hire me? Yeah, Van Gogh. Oh, fuck, dude, fuck.

Your ex's sister with the sandwich shop. Right, god Gogh. Oh, fuck, dude, fuck. You're X's sister with the sandwich shop. Right. God damn it. Getting your skill level to your taste level is something like there's that huge gap there, and that'll prevent you from doing anything if you really – of course, you should have good taste in the thing you like, and eventually you'll reach it if you're pursuing it. Yeah, but you don't get better by not doing it. It's so easy to be like i have this funny idea for a movie but then you start writing it you're like this isn't as funny and this is way harder than i thought it

was and it's not as rewarding as i thought it was yeah but you just gotta fucking know what it's gonna be like at writing sucks having written is awesome running sucks having ran is awesome. Running sucks. Having ran is awesome. Sex sucks. Having sexed is awesome. What? You mean in the midst of, in mid coitus it sucks? Yeah. Just laying down next to someone and going, that was awesome. And then you're like, did you come? And they're like, no, but not in English. And they're like no but not in english and they're like gamers loved it well i didn't just explain the most insane dynamic yeah that you are like hating the fact that you're coming and then afterwards you're like finally now i can cut loose now i can do the best part which is adding it to my number, I will say in a long-term relationship, there is an element to having had sex where

you're like, if we fuck early or something like that in the day, it's like, well, now we don't have to even think about it. It's not on anybody's mind anymore. Yeah. Now it's like- It's not hanging over us. Now I can eat a big meal. That's why I exercise in the morning.

That's a great piece of advice. Also, for going back to that unemployed thing and the creative life, something that the guy said to me that day too that stuck with me was set an alarm. Even if your alarm is 9 a.m. or 10 a.m., set an alarm and build yourself a routine. And it's true. And it's like getting up and going to the gym in the morning is like, for someone who has their own schedule, is like, you can't technically go at one or three or whatever but it's like but i won't you'll easily put something in front of you if you just get up and go and do it you can come home like bill like billy scafuri always says he's like and then think

about it you can come home and smoke weed and do nothing all day long you don't normally do that but if you say that to me, but yeah. Yeah. For me, he's like, just think about it. He's got different tools for motivating people. Yeah. That's what makes him awesome.

He tells me I can spend the rest of my day setting my fantasy basketball lineup. You're like, thanks, Billy. Run away with your fucking game gear. Spot me. Time to go lose money on FanDuel.

You know, I wanted to answer some questions, but this is the better it's kind of like the unsolicited advice episode of our podcast we just throw that team song at the beginning yeah oh that works uh perfect and this works for high mighty because it's all over the place and garbage except people are going to be like it's recorded well yeah uh so let's but let's wrap it it up with physical health or fitness advice you've received. Ooh. Or that you want to give. Here's something that Mano, who's been a guest on my podcast a bunch of times, he says, and it stuck with me, and Stanger always brings it up on Dumbbells, another HeadGum podcast. It stuck with him too mano says like late at night if you're feeling

the craving to eat like you've been drinking or you're stoned and you want to eat something so gross you're like let's get pizza let's get fat sals he will tell himself don't do that but go to sleep and when you wake up in the morning you can eat whatever you want you can have a huge ass breakfast pancakes you want burritos you want whatever you can get it all in the morning. And then you go to sleep and you wake up and you're like, I'm not going to fucking do this.

I want an apple. Yeah. I don't want that now. Tricking your future self rather than punishing. And it's like tricking yourself. Lie to your future self. Yes.

Or lie to your current self. Yeah. Yeah. And have your future self via your current self. Tell your current self, future self's lie. self. Tell your current self future self's lie. Can you? I think that's time travel.

Manipulate your current self. Let your future self just walk through the door. Oh, fuck. He shoots me. Looper. That's my movie is Pooper. Nice. I get shot on the toilet by future self.

Oh, man. I wish college humor was still making originals. Pooper? Yeah, because my favorite gag about college humor was like, okay, what's something that's topical? Great, we have Looper. What's something that is from our childhood? Great, Tetris.

Okay, it's Tetra Looper. And it's like, thank you, Dan Gurwitch. We're ready to rock. I think when you have to put out three videos a week, you get to that point. And it's on Dig. Relevant pun. Relevant pun is true.

Yeah. Come up with a title, work backwards from there. Yeah. That's what Shanghai Nights was, I think. Oh, cool. Stop bringing that up. We've had to edit out the first 40 times you brought up shanghai nights

we'll leave that one in do you have any good physical fitness or health advice i think the only the thing that has been the truest for me is that like there was a lot of times where i was like i'm gonna get in shape i'm gonna get in shape i'm gonna get jacked and i never and i would always like try to do something that i wasn't like I'd like force myself to lift or run or something. And it wasn't until I realized that I liked hiking and climbing and doing these and like bike riding. It's like, oh, if you make your exercise something you enjoy, then you can work out without actually feeling like, oh, fuck, I got to go to the gym. I got to do this set. And like, I've been so into climbing that that's like made me more into lifting.

Because you're like, I want to get better at climbing. Right. I want my core to be stronger so I can be a better climber. So that's like translated now into liking the gym. So I think if you can find an exercise that you enjoy, it doesn't have like, I don't think that very many people just enjoy being on the elliptical for 20 minutes. Right, right. But like, you might like playing pickup soccer or like joining a softball.

And then you also might go like, Oh, if I ran a little more, I would be better at my pickup soccer game. Yeah. So just, yeah. Find the thing that ignites the,

that's me. That's why I sign up for half marathons and, and play rugby still every once in a while. Cause it's like the only, I just, I'm, I still am like, got a little bit of jock in me where I'm like,

I don't want to be bad at this. Yeah. You're competitive. Right. Yeah. So then you don't want to, and even if it's just with myself, I'm like, got a little bit of jock in me where I'm like, I don't want to be bad at this. Yeah, you're competitive. Right, yeah. So then you don't want to, and even if it's just with myself, I'm like, well don't,

if you're going to go to Seattle to play rugby, you might as well be able to try hard while you're there. Find a way to compete. Oh, that's so true. It's so, that's so fun.

Also, you were saying, I'm going to get jacked, I'm going to get jacked. And sometimes when you're saying that, you're like, all right, so I'm going to lift four days a week. And then like when you,

when you set the bar too high on yourself. Right yourself and you're like, no one can get to the gym that, but if you go, if you go one day a week and you were going zero previously, you've improved your life 100%. And it's like, instead you're like, well, I'm not going five. And it's like, well, if the options are five or zero, like you're in a bad place. If the options are zero, one or five and one is better than zero. That's doing the thing. It's just doing the thing. Fuck dude.

We should sell this tagline to Nike. Okay. Ready? Just do the thing. Yeah. We should make it a little longer. Just do the frigging thing. A couple more words in there.

And it'll be three swooshes. What about you, A? Do you have any? I like going with a friend. That's helped me a lot. Going with Billy, going with you, going with anybody. The accountability part. Yeah.

I don't even work out with you necessarily, but just knowing that I'm like, the text, are you going tomorrow? That's right. Is enough to be like, yeah, I should. I'll go and then I can text them that I was there. I wasn't going to go if you didn't text me. Yeah.

One last piece of health advice that I got for diet specifically is come up with a easy, healthy breakfast that you can eat five days a week and not be like burned out on. Even if you change it every couple of weeks, like if you, I eat two hard boiled eggs every morning for about five years now. And it's so about five hours and it makes it guaranteed that one of my meals i went in the morning when i don't have like the correct decision making uh ability going on one of my meals every day is relatively healthy and i and it's easy and i have no because it's like if I let myself be like, let me maybe order breakfast. Let me go make something.

It's like, just bang down those eggs and you're fucking moving along. Yeah. I think that's a big thing. Eggs are insanely easy. What? Eggs are insanely easy to make. Yes. Like 30 seconds.

It's awesome. And it's like, and it's protein, it's no carbs. And it's like, it's a very easy thing. Or if your thing is oatmeal or it's a bowl of fruit or it's a smoothie, just make the same thing. And then if you look at it, if you eat like shit, the rest of the meals, but Monday through Friday,

or even Monday through Sunday, but say, say do a Monday through Friday, there's 21 meals a week. If you eat a healthy breakfast, Monday through Friday, 25% of your meals are healthy. Yeah.

No matter what you do, the rest of them, if you go ham on the rest of them, literally eating ham, loose ham diets are, I used to always think that diet was just like, oh, so eat a salad all the time. And I hate salads. But like, I think I've learned that there's a million different diets out there. You find one that like is tolerable to your palate.

Yeah. Like a diet where I can have eggs in the morning. That's great. Yeah. I like eggs. I always say, don't even worry about dying, just dieting. Worry about being less gross than you were previously. It's like, all I do, it's like, normally I would have

a burger here, but maybe I'll just get chicken. Do you prep all your eggs for, do you like hard boil 12 eggs? Yeah, no, I'm gonna start doing that, but I usually do them fresh in the morning because I like them a little warm, but I'm gonna start going, if I start going to the gym early again, I'm gonna have them done so i could just pop them drink my coffee shit

like pills just on the drive to the gym pop two hard boiled eggs in my mouth swallow them with a cold brew and then get immediately in the sauna and shit a fucking alive chicken what the fuck that's how eggs work that's how eggs work Gabriel incubates he incubates the chick in his body and shits it out guys thank you so much for coming on if I were high and mighty

oh thank you for coming on if I were high and mighty too please it was such a pleasure having myself on your podcast this is one of our longest episodes so hopefully our fans

appreciate it as well this is one of my shorter episodes we met in the middle. I don't look at a clock, a headphone, the levels, I don't do anything,

clearly. But where are you guys at on Twitter for high and mighty listeners so that they can tweet at us unsolicited advice or advice that they've gotten at different stages? That's great.

I'd love to read that. I'm Jake Hurwitz. At Jake Hurwitz. At Jake and Amir. At Jake and Amir. And I'm at Gabrus, G-A-B-R-U-S. Solid get. Yeah. Dude, guys, check out Jake and Amir's podcast, If I Were You. And if you're just a fan of me and hate these guys, I've been on a few episodes of theirs. Start there. I think you'll

become a fan of their podcast. And likewise, if you're listening to this episode on the If I Were You feed, listen to More High and Mighty. You'll obviously like it. Yeah. Pop back over More High and Mighty. You obviously like it. Do you have a good entry-level podcast for people that are listening to you for the first time on our podcast? Probably the one with us on it. Probably this one. No, my first one. Because the first one is not really about anything.

It's about starting a podcast that you guys did. Didn't it not even have a name? Or it did have a name then? I think it had a name at that point. But I think you can check out any one of the Action Boys episodes that's just talking about movies. The Taco Bell episodes are sort of like brand,

like on brand. I highly recommend checking those out. And then the Power Hour episodes are pretty gross and disgusting live. I fucking love the Power Hour episodes. But people seem to dig them. John Carlos Power Hour episode is one of my favorites.

It's like insane. You have to know them to realize how insane it is that they're talking in the microphones. That's really true. Check out the Action Boys podcast and Raised by TV and check out Buckets and check out Not Another D&D podcast. We're all multi-podcast heads in here. Check out All Fantasy Everything because Mars really likes those guys. She couldn't give a fuck about my podcast.

And Demi and Miel are standing outside the door giving us threatening gestures. Oh yeah, that's right. That's 10 feet tall together. Terrifying. Bye, shitheads! That was a hate gun podcast