Segments - 371: Power Move

Episode Date: February 25, 2019

In this episode we discuss Jake's European Vacation, Amir's potential monovision, and whether its cooler to block or unfollow somebody on social media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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also award winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into

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Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. If I were you, here's what I would do I'd check out the podcast by the following Jews One's name is Jake, the other's Amir Their previous web series lasted eight years

Just email if I were you, show which email Don't tell me your problems and don't leave out any details They'll change up your name for anonymity Ah, Peshik is a cool and Amir is an ace They advise on love, friends, and the workplace They must sleep better yet thank god it's just helpful somehow if i were you the show starts now if i were you the show starts now wow very nice how do you like that Bublé shit?

Risky move covering a Bublé song, because he's got a voice, you know? Yeah, it's so cool to see Bublé blow up like that. We went to junior high together. We did like bar mitzvah classes together. You and Michael Bublé did? Yeah, we used to call him Boobie Bublé. Boobie Bublé. Little Boobie Bublé. You went to high school with him? Yeah, no, we went to call him Boobie Booble. Boobie Booble. Little Boobie Booble.

You went to high school with him? Yeah, no, we went to junior high. We did bar mitzvah singing classes together. Cool. I'm just going to quickly look up his Wikipedia page. Oh, no, no, no. Where he grew up. Yeah, so he's from British Columbia.

He grew up in Canada. And he's 43. He's 43. Yes, he is and you how old are you you're 35 or 36 yeah so you guys didn't you obviously didn't overlap at all in junior high two or three years i feel like i'm on trial here all right you're not about michael buble oh no that's a evil sin this is uh i would call this a mistrial. This wouldn't see court. You're so clearly lying. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. I'll promise not to say anything wrong going forward, your honor. Well, not wrong. Like you lied. So let me see. Like I won't

mispronounce anything either. It looks like he is Croatatian which would mean that you were probably lying about yeah doing bar mitzvah stuff together yeah no yeah it was all it was all a ruse and i do i'm actually i really i really am sorry about that okay yeah um so that was a fuck i yeah sorry i shouldn't have even like tried to pass that off i didn't even have to do that i'm just like this yeah pathological guy. It was weird. Right. I guess you made it about you because there was a song that we usually give somebody credit for where you're like, oh, good job.

Here's your SoundCloud page or whatever. I wanted to be that. Yeah. You tried to seize the glory. Right. So here, back to reality, he said, this is a theme song submission of the parody of I Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Bublé. I don't have anything to plug, but give a shout out to my beautiful girlfriend, Jordana. She doesn't listen to any HeadGum podcast, but I can change that.

Also, come to St. Louis. I'm from Long Island, but I go to school in St. Louis, so I always miss your shows. David Steinberger. All right. Thanks, Dave. Dave Steinberger. So we appreciate that. You're back.

You are back from your voyage to Paris and Copenhagen. Yeah, dude. Gay Paris and gay Copenhagen. You had a croque madame with your madame. And then, again, you got high-gee and high-fee with the wifey in Danish country. Yeah. You had a Danish in Dane land and you had a croque monsieur as a monsieur. Yeah.

And you know what? I had a great European vacay from Scandinavia to Southern Europe. And you just got back yesterday. So I didn't even hear anything about it. Yeah. So one interesting thing that happened to me is that I got food poisoning in Paris. Okay, that's a good one. And how did it compare to the food poisoning you got the last time you left the country, which was about two months ago in Mexico City with me and Marty? This was probably five to 10 times worse. Worse, which is weird because when

you got food poisoning in Mexico City, you puked at a bar, then went home and had diarrhea and puke at the same time. And you said, if this is how I die, then so be it. And you're saying the one you got in Paris was 10 times worse. Maybe five. It. It was, it was the sickest I've ever been in my whole life. And that includes the time that I got food poisoning when I was like 25, like seven years ago, which, which until, until, until this week was the sickest I'd ever felt. I'm trying to rewatch like Instagram stories and like try to decide like which one of you were you recovering? Which one were you not quite sick yet? Because I do see like yours and Jill's Instagram stories.

And it seemed like you had a beautiful Parisian vacation. So where in that did you get such ill food poisoning? Okay. Well, first of all, we had a beautiful Parisian vacation. That much was accurate. Okay. beautiful parisian vacation that was that much was accurate okay um but on saturday night late late saturday night so that's a what of that we got there we got there thursday so you you know that's like some eiffel tower pics some croissants some like you know we were

we had a we had basically had half of our vacation maybe. Saturday night, starting at 4 a.m., and then all day Sunday, I left the hotel room for maybe 30 minutes just to see if I could take a walk at sunset on Sunday, which was the nice, it was 63 degrees and sunny, just like a perfect, utterly perfect day where I was violently puking the entire time. And do you know what caused it and where? I've got a theory because I don't know anything because, you know, you can't really know. But there is something that grosses me out beyond everything that I ate. So that's just like what I think it was.

Yeah, you're blaming, you're scapegoating. The goat crepe that you had. You got a goat crepe, medium rare. It was the greatest crepe of all time. And it was goat meat. And it was goat milk. The goat. The greatest crepe of all time. We went to this restaurant called Clown Bar. Fuck'll call him out because even if they didn't give me food poisoning they did have terrible service and i thought they were bad people okay so i'll call him out for that alone and i believe that their duck pie made me almost die their pie made me die duck pie and what are we working with there it's sort of like i guess it kind of looks like a

like a mincemeat pie or something or like um australian style like a chicken pot pie maybe yeah yeah but there's there wasn't really it was more there wasn't like bread breaded on it wasn't really breaded on the top or like crusted on the top it It was, it looked just like a bloody red meat thing. And most people split it. I took one straight to the dome, straight to the face, just me alone with the pie. This is Saturday night.

This is Saturday night. And like, meanwhile, I was feeling very hale and hearty, like all week. I was trying very adventurous things. I ate calf brain. I ate sweet bread.

I ate like such – just like three days of really adventurous, kind of disgusting, very, very rich French food. You had snails. You had butter. You had frogs. You had nutters. It's true. So many things that like just make me start sweating a little bit now. And we also stayed out until like three or four in the morning, like drinking.

Okay. And then I got a crepe on the street on the way home. The end. Okay. The beginning. Right, right. The beginning. But end, yeah, end of stage one.

I guess at like 5.30 in the morning, I woke up and I was like, oh, I feel gross gross and I threw up. And I sort of chalked that up to mostly getting a crepe at 4 a.m. I was like, my stomach was too full. This was like resting at the top. I had to clear it out. Now I'm going to go back to bed. Crawl back into bed.

An hour or so later, I wake up and I throw up again. I'm like, oh man, maybe I drank too much. Are you hungover too? Or are you drunk? Are you completely sober? I'm sort of like out of it at this point. I'm like, man, I can't believe I have to throw up again. I hope I can get enough sleep because tomorrow we have a big day of going to museums and stuff.

This is you on a toilet while diarrhea-ing. So I'm sort of like throwing up being like still like calculating like how much i was like okay i got like six or seven more hours to sleep i won't be that hungover i'm glad i threw up a second time this is actually good and then the third time i'm throwing up i'm like i feel pretty queasy this is it i feel like i'm sweating and pale right now i think i've thrown up sufficiently just if this is like you know too much to eat or drink uh and then it started just happening every 15 or 20 minutes i would wake up and i'd like need to rush to the bathroom meanwhile i have thrown up all of the food that i've eaten so i'm just like dry heaving

spitting up little shards of duck pie jesus christ um and then like it got to the point this is maybe at like 10 or 11 jill jill is like trying to sleep with her with earbuds in listening to music so she doesn't have to hear me fucking wretch heaving in the yeah and there was nothing coming out so i like couldn't even breathe i was just like that was the sound i was making like my stand to the bedroom jill is listening to michael buble peacefully asleep it just hasn't met you yet It felt like my stomach was like vibrating, trying to shake every last thing out of me. And like,

it would, it would, I would be throw like scream thropping for so long that I felt like I wasn't going to be able to breathe. I was like, I could pass out from exertion. And then like abs felt sore. Yeah. could pass out from exertion jesus and then like abs felt sore yeah like it was taking too much to

even kneel next to the toilet i was like i was sort of like cradling the toilet like head against the back of it uh near fetal position hugging the toilet like a teddy bear. I wasn't crying, but I felt so frustrated and sick and there were tears in my eyes, but not sad tears, more like what is happening tears. Am I dead for this? Did you diarrhea as well? No, that was the crazy thing. There was no shitting. And I was like, in Mexico, it was maybe two pukes and mostly shit which is like not fun but shitting is a feeling that you're really used to throwing up is like i'd wake up and be like maybe five minutes of just like apprehension and be like oh my god i

can't believe i'm gonna have to throw up again maybe i don't have to maybe i don't have to oh no i think i do but like i didn't eat anything there's nothing left it's gonna hurt it's gonna hurt and then i'd be like oh fuck and then I walk over and I would throw up and it would hurt. Nothing would come out. And I would just like, so how did it end? Probably around like three or four. I was like, I knew that I wasn't going to throw up anymore. And then I started thinking about drinking water and i was like i think i can drink water and i started drinking water um that was also when i was like able to sort of like sit up and use my phone and like open my eyes for the first time i thought i maybe should take a walk but i walked like a quarter mile and i had to sit down on the bench because you were

empty and weakened it was so empty and then i had my first craving i ate half of half a banana around like 6 p.m i ate half of a duck pie and uh this salmon monsoor which is like raw tuna avocado an egg salmon monsoor i had a frog brain at 10 just to see if i was feeling fine uh yeah and then i and then i went to bed i slept i was like i don't know if i'll be able to sleep i slept for like 18 hours and i slept for another 12 and i woke up at 11 and then what's your first meal back? Like, how do you like hit the road again? I got two croissants. Started puking my brains out on the Champs-Élysées. I woke up and I felt so good. I was like, I am 100% better.

And I went and I got two croissants. And then we like went on a walk through a neighborhood. But my battery depleted so fast that everybody's like, let's go get some wine. I was like, I have to go to a park and sleep on a bench now. You slept outside? I slept outside on Sunday. Everybody was so worried about me. I was like, no, no, it's cool, it's cool.

I'm just going to go chill in the park for a little bit. And I just fully laid down on a bench and slept like I didn't have a home. For another 18 spot. Yeah, it was quick. It straight up was an hour nap. And every time I would see everybody, i would be like bonsoir bitches puke dribbling down your chin yeah uh and that was that was paris what was your first drink after

all that oh i did not drink the next the next night, people went out to dinner, and I went to dinner. It was a Mediterranean place, and I just had hummus and pita. I still haven't really had food cravings. My stomach feels like it's the size of a peanut. Even when things look good to me, I can eat three bites. Oh, interesting. I guess this has been a week now, are you like fully recovered or still not yeah i feel i feel fine but i just like i am not getting hungry i haven't i have no appetite basically still even in yeah in copenhagen i was like she'll be like what do

you want to eat i was like i have no idea and every every we went like to a bunch of nice restaurants and i would like try the good food but then i would just like mostly eat bread jesus you got b you basically got like a lap band surgery half your stomach just descended and now you get hungry off or you get full off a few bites which is kind of nice in a way like who who can go to paris and come back weighing less you know if anything i prefer what happened to me i wreck that's my unsolicited advice this week is get food poisoning abroad well yeah also i've been drinking a lot less which has been good for my skin because uh the poison really hurts my stomach yeah last night it was probably the first time i drank i mean i had i had a drink in Copenhagen. I think I had, there were two nights

where I got a beer. Oh my God. That is a good story. I'm glad. I'm sad that you got sick, but I'm glad that we at least heard a good story. Oh, also it was like kind of scary because we were with a group of like eight people and one other person got food poisoning and it just like felt like, oh my God, we could all start dropping like flies. But luckily no one else did. Was it also from the duck pie? I think they thought it was from something else from like a different meal. But like the night before, maybe like a calf brain or a sweet bread or something.

That's the downside of being adventurous. But I mean like puking is one thing. And then like 12 hours of feeling like you might just die any second is yeah a week-long weakness and copenhagen was lovely or copenhagen was dope i i loved it i think have you ever been there i was there like when i was like six on like a day or two on the way to israel but i don't really remember anything i mean it sort of reminded me of Reykjavik, but like with even more like... Civilization?

Yeah. Well, I think there's like 800,000 people that live there or something, or maybe I'm thinking of Denmark total, but no, no, no. I think that's right. So it's a bigger city. I love Danish design and stuff so there's like just like really everything is beautiful um it's a there's like a sweet little harbor it's just it's really clean everyone speaks not that this really matters but like everybody speaks english it's it's so convenient

like people even like have they like put on an american accent when they talk to you like well you sort of demanded that you said i appreciate the english but can you at least speak with a good accent too yeah it's true i was like i can't understand i can't understand what the accent like they're like sir i'm i'm british and i was like I know but can you speak at the very least in a Canadian way so I can make heads or tails of what you're trying to tell me sorry about that uh all right let me try to get one question in before the break this one is about traveling abroad so it's still within the same theme yeah I've totally forgot we had I forgot we were recording a podcast yeah yeah, yeah. Do you know what Erasmus is? No, I do not.

I guess it's a European study abroad thing where Europeans study in Germany, maybe for free, but maybe just like as a college excursion. So this British lad who we'll call Prince Charles writes, my girlfriend and I are on Erasmus for the next six months in Germany. We've been together for two years. We were in Germany for two weeks when she said that she would like to, quote, pretend we're single for the next six months. And I was curious if any of the other students, sorry, pretend we're single for the next six months. Wait, they're together on Erasmus?

They are together on Erasmus and she wants to pretend that they're single for six months and was curious if any of the other students would work it out for themselves. A friend that went on Erasmus with us called her out and says something like, that's not okay. And it would make me worried,

which it didn't until our friend said it should. My girlfriend said she really wants to make friends and thinks people won't be friends with us if they know we're dating. Just there, she told me that I should remove a photo of her dad that he tagged me in on my Facebook timeline because, quote, her dad is embarrassing and anyone that added me would know that we're dating. What's going on? Is this okay? It's not good.

But is it okay? I guess it's okay in the sense that on Erasmus, anything goes. Yes, this is Erasmus after all. Is this, this is okay for her, bad for him. I would call this grounds for breakup. Yeah, it seems like she has a thing. She has a mental hang-up about telling people that she's in a relationship.

Yeah, and I think that is, I mean, it sounds to me like she just doesn't want to be in a relationship, right? I mean, it is Erasmus after all. She is basically not comfortable, and that's okay, saying that she's in a relationship. But it's also okay for you to say that I'm not comfortable being in a relationship. That's also okay. Yeah. You could sort of just discuss comfort here she says i but it's not even really about comfort she's like has this she has kind of a weird viewpoint that she won't be able to make friends unless she's single which i don't think is true yeah i think she means another boyfriend uh she can't get another boyfriend unless they think that she's single. Yeah.

So I would call her on that. I'd be like, so if you want to be single, if you want to be single to make friends and have all your friends think you're single, then you should be single. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't want that. I just want you to delete every photo of me or my father off your Facebook. I will, and we'll also not be together.

So peace out. Woo! I'm just worried about Erasmus here. Erasmus is... Disastrous? It's Christmas and Rumspringa. Charismus. Yeah.

It's a great name, Erasmus. All right, so it's okay, but it's also okay for you not to want to do it. I would say it's not okay. I'll go ahead and say it's not okay. If somebody is like, let's pretend that we're single. You can't let anybody know that you're with me. What are you doing then?

What a weird, sad secret to have. The most shameful secret of all is that you're playing along that you're doing it i think it's okay in the sense that it's legal like she can tell you what she's uncomfortable with but then it's also okay for you to say you're uncomfortable yeah and i think that there are i think that it's i would actually go one step further and say that it's illegal it's illegal in a relationship if you're like we are boyfriend and girlfriend but on erasmus we are single and we can't we have to pretend to be single to everybody i will be like that's that's illegal to the relationship that's and i'm throwing you in a relationship jail that's to such detriment that it's that we might as well

not be in a relationship that's that's deal-breaking game-breaking relationship ender all right so jake says it's not okay i say it is okay maybe your answer is somewhere in between let us know what happens i'm very curious as to whether or not i guess if you say yes to this she's just going to be able to do anything she wants at this point yeah it's i mean it's sort of like pretending to be single let's let's everybody test the waters to see if they could get a better boyfriend or girlfriend and then like and with the safety of like if if it doesn't work out, they'll be able to go back to the one they have on the back burner. And I think that's cheating. Prince Charles is going to be like, hey, I saw you making out with somebody else at a party.

And she's like, I was making out, but that was just to continue selling this facade that we're single. They were on to us, Prince. Don't you get it? They started to suspect that we were together. You didn't delete the photo of my dad fast enough, so I had to French some stranger on Erasmus. I know we're on Erasmus. I'm on Erasmus, too. I'm on your ass, miss.

Nice. Thank you. All right. Let's take a break. We'll thank some sponsors. We'll be back with more questions and answers after this. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings.

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So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some avoid the duck pie at clown bar that is one and actually yeah i would fully fully endorse uh everybody to never ever go to that bar because their service was bad uh-huh um in addition to poisoning me, they were rude. Okay. And my unsolicited advice

is to unfollow the people that you hate follow. Do you have anybody on your Instagram feed who you sort of like, just, you can't stop looking at and they and it irks you and you're like, oh my god, what is wrong with this person? Yeah. Well, on Twitter I do. Yeah. I had that on Instagram like maybe as recently as like a month or two ago. And then I just like cleansed and I unfollowed all of them. And my social media, like it's so much better. And now if I even like start to get annoyed at somebody i'll hide

their story i like there's no reason to look at something because it makes you mad hide their story you can hide you can mute people's stories and that's funny because it's basically like i don't even want to be tempted yeah and you will because like sometimes you got a long day and you have like you're distracted and you'll get to the end of your instagram stories you will find it oh yeah it'll just show it to you sometimes i'll like fuck with my i'll try to fuck with my algorithm and i'll just be like why do you keep on showing me this person's story first so i'll skip and i'll like just watch ones after them to get them to go further back and then i i just realized that like your quality of life will be better if you cut out social media

that makes you annoyed you I'll bleep it out but can you just start naming people do I know them and then I'll just bleep it out as you say that you've unfollowed them okay so you'll you'll bleep it out but I'll yeah just okay so I'm just curious right um so dave rosenberg okay um jeff jeff rosenberg yeah um avital your your girlfriend obviously okay uh marty marika um yeah um oh uh marissa and jeffrey a little bit so yeah just bleep all that stuff out because I don't want anybody. Riley. Yeah. I was hate following Riley for a long time, so I had to just mute

it up. I have to figure out how to bleep again because I got this new premiere thing, but I'll figure it out. It shouldn't be hard. If you can't bleep it, why don't you just cut? I'm getting tired. Don't get that tired. I'll figure it out. You will figure it out, but if you can't bleep it, I't you just just get tired well don't get that tired i'll figure it out to

edit the show you will figure it out but if you can't bleep it i'm just saying i think i'll bleep because you don't even have to have i think i'll bleep it what are you talking about i think i already said their names dude i know i already said the names i know why are you thinking you're gonna bleep you have to bleep it i will bleep it you have to i'll bleep it the very like i'll get through most of them before I run out of time. I have to upload the show. I feel like I need to cover it. It has to be uploaded on time.

Okay, I was kidding. I was, like, actually joking about everything, dude. I feel like you're not going to freaking bleep it. I was joking, right, Riley? You're drooling. You're puking again. You're eating a duck pie. I'll sabotage this audio somehow.

When do you think the next time is you're gonna have a chicken pot pie i don't think i'll have up like um any type of meat pie ever again i still can't even eat red red meat like at all and i was like i ate such gross stuff and like at the time it it didn't gross me out. But I ate pigeon. Yeah, I think that's what got you. I saw that Instagram story of you chasing a pigeon and biting its wing off. I dove into the scent to try to take out a bird. That had to have been it. It must have been.

But I think it might have been. I still think it was clown bar. But I did eat a raw pigeon in the river. All right. Solid. Solid unsolicited advice. What about you? Do you have anything?

I'm on the cusp of one, and I'll tell you what it is. I'm not really willing to fully endorse it yet, but I recently found out about something that sounds incredibly intriguing. I like finding out about new things that are like, you know, kind of life-changing that when you search online, a lot of people are doing it. But then when I ask personally, a lot of people don't know about it. So I'm going to ask you, have you heard of Monovision? No. Monovision? Monovision, No. Okay. So here's the full story. I got an optometry appointment to just check to see if I'm available, if I'm eligible to get LASIK.

And? I'm a candidate. Wow. So that's one big step. I don't know if I'm going to do it. I don't know when I'm going to do it. But just know that I can. I'm eligible.

All right. Now I can really put the pressure on you. Okay. Yeah. And then you learned about monovision? Yes. So while my optometrist was explaining to me LASIK, which seems, you know. I was Googling other shit on my phone.

He was like, what I like to do sometimes is leave your dominant eye strong, as it would be in regular LASIK, and your non-dominant eye a little bit blurry at a distance. And I said, okay, why is that? And he said, well, everybody will need reading glasses. As you get older, your eyes harden and they stop being able to read close up. For example, when I'm reading a book, I take my glasses off. Okay. And he's like, but now imagine you can't take those glasses off because we're going to laser your eyes to basically have the glasses. Right. I was like, oh, that's interesting. And he said, unless what we've been doing recently is making your dominant eye, which I didn't know there was a dominant eye, sharp as though you had glasses on, and your non-dominant eye a little bit sharper for reading.

And that gives you pretty much perfect vision at a distance while also not necessitating reading glasses because your little bit blurry eye does the heavy lifting on the reading, while your dominant eye does the heavy lifting on the distance. Interesting. Wait, so are you saying that like when I read a book, because I have perfect vision, it's like harder for me to read a book when I'm holding it up close? Or it's like it's going to get harder as I get older? It's going to get harder as you get older. Like when you see like, you know, 50, 60, 70 year olds, they use reading glasses when they're reading.

Otherwise, they have to hold the book further and further away. That space near your from your like nose to like 12 inches out will get blurry and then 24 inches out will get blurry. And he's saying if I make one of your eyes a little weaker from a distance, which will hopefully be imperceptible to you, that'll make it so that the field of focus that are like the 12 inch to 24 inch will be delayed and you won't need reading glasses as fast as you think. Interesting. And I'm like, is this a new thing in optometry? He's like, fairly new. A lot of people do LASIK just for monovision, but since you're already getting LASIK, I can add monovision into it. So lot of people do LASIK just for monovision. But since you're already getting LASIK, I can add monovision into it. So there are people with perfect vision that are like, make my eye a little blurrier? Exactly. As they get older, because they don't want...

Reading glasses? Yes, they don't want reading glasses. Very, very intriguing. So I started, you know, Google searching, Reddit searching, Twitter searching monovision. And some people love it and some people are, it, which is what I thought would happen is just give you like kind of a headache feeling because like one of your eyes is blurrier than the other. Yeah. It seems too risky.

It seems like you could just get, I mean, what kind of procedure is Monovision later? Is it like as intense as LASIK? It is LASIKik it's the same thing it's lasik but it's making one of your eyes a little softer from a distance it makes your non-dominant eye it basically is lasik on your reading eye only yeah i don't know i don't i don't like it i don't like it at all dude well so he's like i'm like how can you tell if you're gonna be one of those people that find it dizzying? And he said, come back on Monday. So this was yesterday. We're recording on Saturday.

And on Monday, I'm going to go back there. And he's like, I'll give you contact lenses, one that'll show you what will be like with your perfect vision, and one that'll have monovision baked into the contact lenses. So you can see if it's like, for some people, it's like imperceptible. It's completely fine. It feels just as great as regular LASIK, but it'll delay needing reading glasses. And for some people it'll be like dizzying for half an hour. And then you're like, okay,

it's not worth it for me to assume I'll get acclimated. Interesting. Okay, so you're gonna, on Monday, you'll know more. On Monday, I'll know more. And just generally look up MonoVision because it's kind of a unique, interesting thing. I feel like if you like the MonoVision,

you're going to be more likely to get LASIK if you like MonoVision because that's like a little bit of an interesting twist, you know, you're future-proofing yourself. Like if you like MonoVision, I'll say there's like a 90% chance you get it. And if you don't, then I feel like we're back to 50-50. Yeah, because it's like two for one.

It's like, I'm going to give you the perfect vision and the monovision. You get the 2020. You get the mono. You get it all. And you just can't swim for a week oh yeah you can't i'm dude i'm so excited for you to have lasik if i get it if i get well oh you'll get it dude thanks man i needed to hear that yeah that'll be cool um all right but i'm not well i'm not ready to commit to that being my um unsolicited advice though i will say I've never even wore a contact,

so Monday is going to be a monumental day regardless. Yeah, I want to be there when you put the contacts in for the first time. I just want to watch you do it. I assume they'll do it for me. Oh, I guess that's true. But you'll have to... Oh, I figured they were going to let you have it for the day or something. You've got to take them for a real test drive.

No, it's really just like 20 minutes. Because if it's fine right away, then you'll only get better. Wow. The only risk is if it's dizzying or headachy. He's like, you'll probably get used to it. But a lot of people are like, they don't want to risk it. What if you just love the contacts and you're like, this works, I don't need glasses or LASIK. Yeah, that was really easy, actually. I don't know why I was afraid of contacts. All right, here's a question to get us back on the questions. I would say we should endorse the live shows, but we're sold out. Hell yes.

New York City and D.C. Let's endorse figuring out where to go next. Jeffrey's been begging us to do a show in Cleveland since we've known him, so maybe we should do that in the summer or something. Yeah, a little Midwestern run. Yeah, that'd be fun. A little Chicago action. action oh i love that here's a question from an american lady she calls instagram story power move reminds me of your instagram story blocking idea that's right all right let's hear it uh so once again we'll call this lady riley for now because you blocked her

on instagram but again I'll block this out alright cause I don't want you to just remember to bleep out Riley's name cause otherwise the first time I will definitely do it it won't make a difference if you do it the first time if you don't do it the second and I just said her name again so

yeah let's try not to say her name so much alright it gets harder to spot. I'll give you the, okay, the time code is at the 39-minute mark. So just remember. I won't remember that. All right. I'll call you after.

So let me get into, hold on, Riley writes. Don't say the name anymore. Says Riley. At the end of the last year, Riley started seeing a coworker. Wait a second. This is fucked At the end of last year I started seeing a co-worker And things have been going great

We were so close to making official When through a series of alcohol-laden Holiday party incidents We found out that we were the center of office gossip We mutually decided to end things Because we didn't want it to interfere With our professional comeuppance For for lack of a better term. However, it was very friendly, and we both expressed interest in revisiting the relationship if we were no longer coworkers.

We've been cordial with one another since then, but have tapered off communication significantly. it's been about two months, and while I'm, quote, over it, he's been posting screenshots of conversations he's having on dating apps on his Instagram close friends story. Don't get me wrong, I'm all over dating apps too, but isn't it in poor taste to screenshot these interactions onto social media, even in general? Also, if he's only posting it for his, quote, close friends, a curated list that I'm assuming he knows I'm on, is this some kind of power move?

Maybe just a dick move? Maybe I'm the one reading too much into it. Anyway, I've muted his stories, but is there any scenario where I can ask to be removed from his close friends, LOL? I still like seeing his other stories, but the little green circle is just too tempting sometimes. Please validate my

feelings. Thank you. Love, Riley. That's tough. I'm with her on it. That's definitely in poor taste. To put it on Instagram, I don't know. That seems like a lot. What are your thoughts on close friends? This might be our first close friends story. Or sorry, close friends question. I don't use it. And I don't really fully understand it. But yeah, no, I don't use it. I could imagine using it for my family or something. Do you see it?

Do you see the green circle? I do. There are some people that I follow that include me and they're close friends. yeah how do you see it do you see the green circle i do there's some or i mean there are some people that i follow that like are that include me and their close friends and i see that yeah i wonder why that is yeah i'm i'm not interested in it i i feel like instagram's like done enough at for me at this point like doing new stuff with instagram i'm like generally um weary of, because I feel like it takes up enough,

it takes up enough time. So when there's like a new feature that I should use, I'm like, I don't know if I want to get into that really. Yeah. I think, I think it would be an equal power move for, for Riley or sorry,

believe that for her to say, to be like, you can remove me from the close friends for stuff like this. Thanks, LOL. Or like, smiley face. I don't know. Yeah.

Or can't she just block him? Like, isn't it more of a power move to be in the close friends and not view it? Yeah, but it's kind of tough because he'll never know that you that you don't view it or that you blocked him unless i maybe he's looking at that i feel like i think i think you look if there's only like you know like 83 people that view your stories you'll see if your ex-girlfriend is one of them oh believe that right what do you like do you think

like why do you think he's doing that do you think that he's doing it on purpose so she sees? Yes, I think so. I think part of him is like, hey, check it out. Look at these silly dating apps thing. And then it's like, oh, the byproduct is, oh, I'm on dating apps. Oops. I guess you know now. So I guess it's not really like, I don't know if it's a full power

move if she just blocks him. Like that's just more of a self-preservation thing or it's like, or it's maybe just like healthier to not give a shit. But I feel like if you, a power move usually has to be something that the other person sees and feels. Oh, you can't fake a power move? Then it becomes less powerful? I don't know. I guess I just think so. I think I would, I guess, if I were you. Maybe there's different kinds of power moves.

If I were you, I would block, and then he'll notice that you aren't even watching his close friend's story. You think he will notice if she's not viewing? Yes. Then that's a decent power move that's a pretty good power move yeah well because saying remove me from this isn't a power move that's like it's it's snide and hopefully hurtful to him but it's not really like it is it's definitely like a little petty yeah it's a

little tom petty and the heartbreakers nice so what would you do if you were her i would and and you know that i would because i just talked about this on the unsolicited advice i would that's right mute or block you know what i think the ultimate power move unfollow actually unfollow wow unfollow wow that's the wow that's the wow that's the move you gotta unfollow fuck yeah glad we got their final answer unfollow the good thing about unfollowing is that you'll only quote get in trouble if he calls you out which means he admits that he saw that you unfollowed him. So it's almost like forcing the other guy to notice something that's kind of embarrassing to notice.

Right, and then he'll be like, oh shit, this didn't have the desired effect of making her jealous and come back to me. It made me repulsive to her. So you say unfollow more than mute or block. And I'll say- I wish you could unfollow with a door slam. You remember on AOL when you would like get into an argument

with somebody that you were dating and they would like sign off and it would actually like the door would slam? Oh yeah. Yeah. Like when you could sign off in somebody's face, that was like, that was a power move you don't have that anymore you can't sign out of a text you know yeah you can't leave no

that used to that used to be something you could do like all right i'm done talking to you online bye yeah you're out and now you can't you're like i'm online all the time i'm never not reachable if your buddy wasn't on aim you couldn't message them and they would get it when they sign in right no they'd have to have an away message but away message still meant i'm logged in i'm just away right right yeah no you had to be logged in to get a message that's really funny so it's like hey i'm i'm not even logged in you can't message me there's no like answering machine for aol good old days. Yeah. And then the away messages was only like when I went to college and like internet was just fast and free for 24-7.

Like I couldn't just stay on AOL throughout middle school. No, no, not at all. And like also I was in like high school when I was using away messages. But like my sisters would be like, I want to go on, I want to go on aim. And I'd be like, no, no, I have an away message up.

I'm collecting messages right now. Are you insane? What if it signs me out? That's a choice dashboard quote. Okay. We can't just sign out. All right. We can't just sign out.

Did it save messages? Like if somebody else signed you out, are those messages gone forever? Oh, they're gone, baby, gone. Words in the wind. God, that's awesome. We should bring back an AOL type chat where you have to be online to get it. And if you're not, it doesn't even send.

And once you go away, it's gone forever. I guess it's kind of like Snapchat. But Snapchat, you're always on what we should really do is like make uh make a movie or a short film about this era of like i guess 2004 i gotta tell you i've been watching pen 15 and that is that show no oh yeah i mean that's great and also too bad and it's really funny it's these two 30 year old comedians who play themselves at age 13 So it's like everybody is a seventh grader except for them. God damn. And they're playing like seventh graders, and it's all this stuff.

That's such a good idea, and it makes me so sad. Even watching it makes me sad. We should have thought about that. That should have been our idea. Yeah. Let's pitch Penn 16. Cool. Anyway, it's on Hulu. You should check it out. have been our idea. Yeah. Let's pitch Penn 16. Cool. Anyway, it's on Hooli. You should check it out. The squeak will. Yeah. That's some more unsolicited advice.

All right. That's it. That's our episode. Two questions, but we learned a lot about your gastrointestinal situation. That's right. And about monovision. Monovision. Look it up, folks. It sounds 80s and boring, but I assure you it is the future. Or maybe not. I have to do more research and you should too. I'll know more when this podcast comes out. A lot of people also wear one contact to create Monovision if they don't want to go the LASIK route. Let me give you a contact monocle. The monocle is back and it is Monovision. Excellent. Excellent. is back and it is monovision excellent excellent all right opening theme song was written one more time by david steinberger yes steinberger and then this one is a quite a long pixies cover

that i'm going to save to the end because it'll be a good outro song alexander stoikoski uh a pixies cover p.s i've been loving you since my younger days. I'm now a full-grown baby. That's right. I have Benjamin Button disease, so you better not be mean to me. Okay. We won't be mean to you. We like the song.

Thank you, Alexander. Thanks to you guys for listening. We'll be in New York and D.C. soon. Maybe we'll see you there. Yep. And we'll be back next week, as always. Ciao, everybody. Later. No!

No! With Jake and Amir giving advice About a girl cheating on a guy And your head is balding and your balls are empty and you shit yourself where's my advice where's my advice where's

my advice where's my advice way out Where's my advice? Where's my advice? Way out on an email And the tunes are reading I was swimming in the Caribbean Animals were accidentally slapping my cock. And when I jizzed on a fish, I swear I looked like an idiot. Where's my advice?

Where's my advice? Where's my advice? Where's my advice? Where's my advice? Way out on an email The Jews are reading No! guitar solo That was a HeadGum Podcast.