Segments - 391: Tongue in Cheek Kiss

Episode Date: July 15, 2019

In this episode we discuss sexy tattoos, angry boyfriends, and kissing bosses.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that i'm like the star there's a reason i didn't have you say anything yeah because you're nervous you're skittish you're stuttering right now i'm a little so i don't want you in this ad at all i don't want

to be steamrolled but i know i won't be recording one in fact for you asking that i'm going to keep this part in don't this part is now edit part out, but let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number, so you have to edit it out. Okay? Let's hear it.

091-3662. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. No. It's ready to begin As long as they got each other They'll give advice to all of their fans Amir and Jake, they gotta be

The coolest to do, said it, ever been seen As long as they keep on talking They can help anyone that comes their way Well, that was sweet. Yeah. Did you recognize that guy? That was from Growing Pains. That's correct. That was Kirk Cameron.

That is Mikey Seaver. That is Alan Thicke, R.I.P. Whoa. R.I.P. indeed. Damn. Let me pull up who wrote that song. I think it was a request that I made last time. Nathan Thompson.

Nathan Thompson. Oh, you did ask for that. Yeah. Remember the guy with the band Dear Lincoln.com? Oh, yeah. Great name. Great name for a band. Dear Lincoln is the band name.

Dear Lincoln.com is the URL. Right. Obviously. So he's on Spotify, Facebook, YouTube, wrote a theme song for us before I recommended Growing Pains. I suggested it. I requested it. And I got it.

He begs for it. You got it. I'm just going to throw another one out there in the ether. Just because this guy is talented. There's a great theme song from a kind of lesser known show called The Hogan Family. I think it would make a great If I Were You theme song. Again, dear Lincoln, I don't know how busy you are, but Hogan Family.

You really should start. If you're going to do these requests, you owe him cash now, I think. All right. Then I want to rescind the request. Amir will give you $1,000 just then. I don't want to be on the hook. You want to hear the Hogan theme song? Do you want to hear the Hogan theme song, Ben?

I'd like to hear it, but not if it's going to cost me. Then you're going to have to Venmo Dear Lincoln $1,000 freaking dollars. I don't fucking have his Venmo. I didn't know that it was $1,000. He'll request it. He'll write the song

and then request it from you and you just have to accept the request. You don't have to find him. It's very seamless. It's quite easy. I don't want to. I don't want to then. Forget the Hug and Family theme song. You don't want to hear it? No, I don't. I mean, I do.

I want to hear it if it were... You want to hear it? Darlika's going to make it and it'll only cost you $1,000. I don't want to give up the G. I really don't want to give it if it were... You want to hear it? Deerlink is going to make it and it will only cost you $1,000. I don't want to give up the G. I really don't want to give up the G. You pay him $9.99, I'll do the last buck. I don't even care because it's not anything to me. Yeah, a dollar isn't anything.

You're asking me to pony up. Money is not an object to me. I don't... Like, I'll spend... So you give up the $1,000. I'm not spending a thousand fucking dollars Because it is an object That's the height of

That's the height of idiocy Okay I wouldn't pay a thousand dollars For a theme song that we usually get for free No But you're requesting You're making requests Yeah alright

Fine Fucking this is extortion I'll give them $1,000. Memo it to me, I'll hold on to it for you. All right, I see what you want to do here. You want to become some sort of extortion escrow service where you make me pay $1,000 and it goes to you. You're not going to give it to him.

$1,000 escrow. It's just an escrow service. I hold on to it and when you get the request i'll pay it i promise why why are you a an animated little boy now i'm a tiny little man with a big idea for escrow company oh never mind okay well yeah that makes sense. You wouldn't trust a 33-year-old guy doing a tiny little baby voice with your cash. You're 34. I get that. I'm not 34. I'm 33. You're young. Yeah, you're about to be.

Yeah, but by the time this episode comes out, I'll still be 33. Yeah, for like a couple weeks. Yeah, but I feel like a lot of people are 33 and at the height of their game. And so I think I am too. It's kind of nice. I guess you will be at the head of your game for like another two weeks. Well, I'm 33 years young at heart forever. That's kind of cool.

Have you seen Chernobyl? Yes. So I started watching it. I'm two episodes deep. And as you can imagine. I told you you would love it. Yeah, it's great. Very heavy. Very serious. I thought it'd be funny if it had like a Growing Pain style

theme song. You want Dear Lincoln to do it? Dear Lincoln does a Chernobyl like sitcom TV intro. That's what you're looking for. Yeah, that could be like a viral video. So it's like a cold open of a scientist holding a piece of graphite

and then he like starts coughing and his face starts bleeding. And then it slowly fades into a Growing Pains theme song about the show Chernobyl. That's, yeah, that's cool. If we still worked at College Humor, that's like a pitch that would be greenlit loud. It's weird that, I know people have talked about it, but I just, since I'm watching it for the first time,

it's weird that everyone has a British accent in Chernobyl. Yeah. What was the decision there? I think maybe to make it seem like, you know, this didn't happen in America. This happened far away, but I guess they didn't happen in america this happened far away but i guess they didn't but still not russia right maybe it's weird to me a little bit because like a tv show like the americans showed how many great actors there are with uh russian accents that they could have cast but it seemed like they were just like no we're gonna go all british

all in i didn't hate the choice though like i i enjoy watching uh people with british accents in dramas so it was cool but some people but some people did have russian accents right or am i just making that up no i think i don't think anyone had russian accents i think the different accents were like all different places in the uk. I might be wrong also, but I thought the minors had like Scottish accents. Yeah. But then like Gorbachev didn't have a British accent, did he? He definitely didn't really have a Russian one though. So what a decision for a great show. And I wonder if it was like agonized over if it's just like everyone gets to pick an accent and then we'll just fucking go ham on the day yeah no i think

i i'm sure it was agonized over i feel like every decision on a show like that is agonized over uh what you're on episode two yeah uh yeah what happened episode two what's happening episode at the end of episode two uh they go into the water to like drain the drain the tanks because that would create an even worse devastation yeah i really i'm really excited to see how they get out of this mess because as of now it seems like the entire world is gonna die yeah i i loved um like those two guys relationship uh elect what is it sherbina and uh lagasov yeah the lane price for mad men and uh stellan sarsgaard from uh goodwill hunting yeah he like they're so i i love like their their friendship it's it's really fun yeah and episode one it sort of starts yeah and then in episode two you're like oh wow these guys are

unlikely friends they start kissing in episode three i don't know spoilers but yeah they they it's like a will they won they? And then they fuck in episode four. I love that about Chernobyl. All right. What is this? It's an advice podcast after all, not a TV recap show. Though it should be. It's If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the web hosted by us. I'm Amir.

I'm Josh. And I am Josh Stedislavia. That's right. I have a British accent and I'm Russian now. Good on you. I'm a nuclear physicist from Belarus. Good on you, Stedislavia. All right. We got some good questions. You found two. I found two.

Yes. Should we do the rundown again? Ooh, yeah. That's a fun idea. All right. You sent me kissing my coworker in Europe problem. Uh-huh. All right, you sent me kissing my coworker in Europe problem. Shaving colon I'm not gross. Then I sent you need your perspective colon drunk girlfriends. Of course.

And then should I hide my tattoo while having sex? Lots of good questions. An embarrassment of riches, if you will. Let's have a draft. You get to choose your first pick now. Oh, okay. I liked, let's do, should I hide my tattoo while having sex? All right, we'll call this lady Oksana Bayul,

because I think she's vaguely Eastern European, and that reminds me of Chernobyl. Oksana writes, Is he being machismo or should I have consulted my tattoo choices with him before I decided to get a portrait? Should I just keep a shirt on, wear a bandana? For the love of fried pickles, help a sister over 30 out. Attached is my tattoo. So on the back of her arm, starting in the shoulder down to her elbow, is a very photorealistic kind of demonic portrait of

the rapper Nas and on his neck is a tattoo a tattoo of a guy with a tattoo and it says Braveheart and it's he's just staring dead-eyed into anybody who can see does Nas have a queen's tattoo on his forehead no he does not I'm looking at pictures the the naz tattoo of that she has doesn't fully look like naz at least the naz that i know um so that's sort of it it's like he's wearing a crown of thorns uh there's a queen's tattoo on his forehead there's a little asterisk under his eye part of his face is crumbling uh the hair looks very real it's a good tattoo yeah it's a good tattoo i don't know how you would tattoo hair like that it's like short hair but still looks like hair big ups to mike underscore v underscore tattoo for his nasty naz work um by the way you

know how she said not lil naz x about a month ago uh you said that you had never heard old town road had never heard of lil naz x when i brought that up to you on the show was it like the type of thing where now you hear it and see it all the time you're like i can't believe i hadn't heard it before or was that like the only time you've heard that song and heard of since then i've heard that song like i i still don't know how it goes but i know i like heard it somewhere and i've heard the name and the song brought up more but i still not like listen to the song i actually uh i think i yeah what another uh interesting fact about me and uh popular music is that i've never ever heard the song uh someone like you by a joke that is an interesting thing about you wait i know how it goes based on like people singing it and stuff. But like...

Was it a conscious decision to avoid it? Like if you heard it on the radio, you'd turn it off? I've actively never listened to it. It's the same thing with... What's the Bradley Cooper Lady Gaga song? Shallow? Shallow? No. Like, listen, boy. Yeah, Shall yeah shallow don't say no to me you've never

you're admitting that you've never heard the song i've heard i've heard that song yeah i just hate it i think it's so bad really it's like it's not catchy and then like at least based on what i heard from the adele thing it's also just not I just don't like the cadence of the words. I don't like anything about it. So I'm like, I know I'll hate this song and I've avoided listening to it. Have you seen Stars Born? No, but I had the ending spoiled for me.

So now I really don't need to see it. But I think if you watch Stars Born, you'll like the song because they do a good way of like introducing it. And then when they play it, it's very catchy and it's very good and it's a good song. And I think you'll like it. I do think I'm quite certain I would like Star is Born if I watched it. But I'm just like sort of not interested in liking it.

Yeah. Have you ever had anything like that? Like I'm just I just don't want to be there. Yeah. Like I know it's a good movie, but just don't want to be there. Yeah. Does that make sense? I know it's a good movie, but I don't want to actually watch it because I would rather do something else with my two hours. I'll be on a plane and I'll see other people watching it.

I should watch this. And I know I shouldn't watch Fantastical Beasts and Where to Find Them or whatever, but I know I shouldn't watch Assassin's Creed. and where to find them or whatever but I know I shouldn't watch Assassin's Creed like these action movies are bad and I hate them and then I'm like no I'll just I'll watch Aquaman that's what I'll do on this plane ride I'm kind of like that movie I'll like yeah I'm like that with most things like I can't get into it but like once I'm in I'm invested like I knew Chernobyl was the same thing. Everyone said it was great, and I knew I was going to like it. But just the idea of watching six hours about a power plant melting,

I'm like, ah, I don't want to get into it. But now that I'm two episodes deep, I'm like, oh, this is great. I know the characters. I know this. I want to keep watching. Right. It's a very good show. Do you know it was written by the guy who wrote Hangover?

Yes, I did. That's crazy. What were we talking about the tattoo oh yeah tattoo jesus christ this really should be a tv podcast it's about time we talk about something we kind of watch i don't think the tattoo is that uh like unsexy and offensive like if you have other tattoos it feels like your boyfriend isn't like turned off by tattoos generally i don't know why he'd be turned off by a portrait of Nas. It's because he's staring dead eyes at the person.

It's kind of creepy. Why are you looking at someone's arm while you're fucking them? He's looking at the back of her arm while they're having sex? Yeah, maybe they're having sex doggy style. Then her back or legs or butt would be obstructing the view there i feel like when you're when when your hands are down when you're in that position i'm practicing right now actually yeah and the back of your arm is a little bit turned in towards your body i don't i think that would obstruct the view it's not like if this was a lower back tattoo and you're like my boyfriend

won't fuck me doggy style anymore i would be like that tracks because this is right in your face yeah like that i understand that i think the problem is that uh on her ass it's another tattoo of this guy's disapproving father sort of nodding his head saying no no no right and on the i don't think so you thought jay-z and nas was the beef no it's nas and this guy's disapproving dad which that tattoo you should have checked in on on her lower back is just a photo realistic portrait of this guy's mom looking is she disapproving no she's not disapproving but she's like eating a meatball so it's just like i don't need to see that right now yeah just like her mouth it's not that it's fine but like she's eating it's just like i don't need to just like not sexy yeah just like her mouth it's not

that it's fine but like she's eating it's not like like in your face you had a bad relationship with your mom it's not just like it's just so real it's such like an honest moment it's like your mom eating a fork filled with spaghetti in a meatball she's like trolling this guy with her body. In some weird fucking way, I think. That's bizarre. It's frankly, it's uncouth to me. And what about having sex in the dark? Like, isn't that kind of a thing? So like you wouldn't be able to make out the tattoos very well?

Isn't having sex in the dark a thing? Yeah. Like it's never brightly lit. Do you have sex in the light or in the dark? What's your preferred like room luminosity? Yeah. Like if zero is pitch black and 100% is like daytime in Las Vegas outside, what's the goat dimness?

What is the goat dimness for sexual intercourse? Give me a 12% dimness what is the goat dimness for sexual intercourse give me a 12 dimness that way what wattage are you having coitus to i like it dim so that it's sexy but not well lit so that i have to squint yeah pitch black precog pool type shit. I want a thick fucking blindfold folded over three times over my eyes. I am. What's that movie with Sandra Bullock? Speed? No. She's blindfolded.

Bird box. I am bird box munching on a box. Oh, i can't yes i can't think i can't see i can only feel and sort of hear me i am school cafeteria fluorescent evanescence listening to It is fluorescent tubes flickering like a 1980s Soviet prison in there. Oh, yeah. I like saw lighting for fucking. Yeah. It's like a dirty supermarket from the 70s. Actually, speaking of sex, my brother, so we're recording this as two goats go toe-to-toe at Wimbledon, Nadal and Federer.

Yeah. By the time this airs, Wimbledon will have crowned its next champion. But who do you think fucks better, Nadal or Federer? Oh, good question. Probably Nadal because he's buff and more tan, and he just seems more passionate. Roger is more of a sensitive lover, more of a romantic type. Right.

I think so. I would agree with that assessment. Federer, he's got some sleek movement, though, like really fluid motion. I feel like he'd be a tender lover where do you rank joker on the fuck-o-meter 24 hours of tantric sex with no back back to back he is ripping his shirt off. He is eating a banana. His haircut is sort of the same as it always was.

A slightly longish buzz. And he is buzzed. You have to be. You're fucking Jake and Amir, Djokovic. That's right. We're having a lemon party with the number two tennis player of all time. Yvonne Lendl's in the corner to what eating a bowl of cereal and j-o what a strange orgy we're having at roland garros that's right we're fucking djokovic on clay on the day ivan lendl the czech goat in the corner and guess who walks in bjorn friggin borg we're having a smorgasbord

a borgie bjorn borgie mark philipousis ace rebound serve and volleys his way into the room uh and after i'll be fucking rafter nice patrick Rafter's ponytail makes the ladies wail. Andre's ag-ass-y and Pete Sampras' ass. Yeah. I'll slap them, I guess. I don't know. All right. So I think we've solved that issue.

We answered the question, I think. Make it darker. Don't worry about letting things... Yeah, you got to go dim. Heighten the dimness. Heighten the dimness. Let's take a break and we'll answer some more questions after this. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments.

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See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash... Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. And we right promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a live student. Mom, I'm coming.

Gross. Yeah, dude. Guess what? Actually, I'm going to plug my NAD pod shows. So take that. Suck on that, dude. You what? Actually, I'm going to plug my NADD pod shows. So take that. Suck on that, dude. You owe me cash for this. My unsolicited advice.

I'll Venmo you. I'm sorry. Yeah, my unsolicited advice is to come check out my D&D podcast. We've got five live shows in Atlanta, Philadelphia, New York, Boston, and guess where? Pittsburgh. You can check all those shows out at nadpod.com slash live. Buy your tickets today. Are those back-to-back-to-back days?

Back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back. Five shows, five days. Is that true? Holy shit. Yeah. It's kind of insane. Are they as mentally daunting as our shows where you get drunk and you have to like be on for that long and then you feel kind of fried after or is it like a different vibe? Well, I definitely I think it's probably much more daunting for Murph who is DMing and has to prepare all this stuff.

Right. For me, like I don't like it's like intentionally kept secret from me so you almost can't prepare no there's and like my character is also very straightforward i don't even have to like look at spell books or anything so that part is is kind of easy it's definitely like mentally draining to like play make-believe um for that long but i make-believe. I mean, it also helps for me that, like, there's four of us instead of just you and I. Yeah, you can sort of take some time off to just listen and not talk.

Yeah, there are times, like, in our show all the time where I'm just like, oh, I, like, I'm not, I've just been, like, listening to everybody else talk for a little bit, which is nice. I think it's like, and that's, like, good because if we're all talking all the time, it's too much. Yeah. So you can really just take a few minutes and just listen and react a little bit. You're not the center of attention, which is good.

Are you getting wasted? I have a drink on stage, but I feel like even on our shows now, I don't get wasted like I did when I was a a rowdy youngster a rowdy 33 year old yeah when I was a rowdy 33 year old now that I'm almost 33 and uh uh 48 weeks um should I choose a question uh yeah your turn okay maybe you can read it okay tell me which one to read uh I'll go shaving colon i'm not gross oh wait actually will you forward that back to me okay i'll forward you shaving colon i'm not gross is your gmail still h j erwitz at aol.com dude you'll edit that out right when you When you say my true email? H-J H-J-69

Hurwitz At yahoo.com Don't at me We'll call this person Rafa Nadal Vamos Hey guys, I'm a day one Day one

Like College Humor Days Tuning in for new episodes day one, day one, like college humor days. Tuning in for new episodes day one, which means I am not 15. I am 27. To paint a picture of my life, I am a fit, healthy individual and totally not gross at all. Okay. I love an email that starts with that, that clarification. One quick addendum up front. I'm not gross at all.

Yeah. I have a girlfriend that I'm very close with, and recently on a vacation, I noticed my pubes were getting a little long, so I took my electric razor with the little flippy end and began carefully grooming. She found this to be repulsive. She said it is gross that I use the same electric razor on my pubes and also on my face. I played it off as i was joking but it has left me wondering who's in the wrong here for her is it just the mental associations with private parts that are gross or is there something really gross about it even

though i am a hygienic person that is totally not gross i really cannot imagine owning a second electric razor just for my pubes thoughts best rafa nadal wow this is very apropos for uh one of our most recent sponsors manscaped which is a razor just for your pubes it really it feels like this was a sponsored question but i i'm also just gen i i basically picked this because i was curious uh as to what you do and let me guess you trim with the same razor that's right i do i don't think it's gross i don't think it's my razor can be cleaned in in the sink yeah also like what does it mean to uh have like a clean razor versus a dirty one from your pubes like are there i guess you could have pubic lice but are there other like things that separate pubic hair from normal hair you're i mean your pubes you like your pubes sweat i guess so you'll

just have like i guess like having nut sweat and pubes sweat rubbed on your face feels pretty gross yeah but i think if you're just like usually i groom before i take a shower so like even if i did put the razor on my pubes then on my face and then i took a shower with that like that doesn't really matter right yeah it's not like you're wiping your ass and then blowing your nose with the tissue which i know you've done i do that but then after that i also take a shower like even i guess gross thing, if you're about to take a shower, feels like it's in play. Yeah. Like, I'll take a shit and not wipe if you're about to take a shower. That's true.

Because you can clean your butt in the shower. It's better than wiping. It's a good day for your whole body. So you can smear shit on your body as long as you're about to take a shower. You can trim your pubes with your beard trimmer as long as you're about to take a shower. I also think it's really funny that this dude, when she was like, this is gross, he was like, I'm kidding. And now it's been slowly stewing. He's going to have to go to her and be like, remember how I jokingly shaved my pubes before? Well, it wasn't a joke. and I don't think it's gross.

Like, okay, Rafa, you're scaring me. Making a very funny, serious, dramatic statement, almost like you're having an intervention or a coming out. What else do people shave? Have you ever shaved a chest or nared an arm or nared a back or done anything like that? When I was in seventh grade, I was starting to get hair under my armpits, but it wasn't coming in fast enough. And I'd heard if you shave, it comes back thicker and darker. So I shaved my armpits to try to hurry that process up.

And? It worked. Oh, my God, you're butch. I don't think it worked that well. I feel like I remember it being itchy. Did you? Have you ever done anything? No, not really.

I had some friends that shaved their chest because they didn't like having a hairy chest. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't think either of us have very hairy chests i have friends that have like super hairy chests hairy stomachs that shave them uh i've read that have hairy shoulders that that shave them as well i don't really have any unwanted hair anywhere like my my legs and arms aren't even that hairy that's cool how's your taint it's a rat's nest my taint is a rat it's a tropical rainforest down there it's a brillo pad bud well yeah it's a steel wool and the shit just hangs on like a stalactite down there and it is not stalag right it is and i and i still

like might get it freaking waxed that's cool that's really cool uh yeah no i don't i don't have anything that i i would if anything i would i wouldn't mind like some more chest hair i feel like chest hair is kind of cool so like the opposite of shaving sort of like a razor that places hair back on adding yeah i need i need like well a shave a razor that shaves my face, but then it can, like, there's little glue in the chamber. And then I can reverse it along my chest. What you do is you want to smear glue on your chest, shave your beard, and let the hair fall where they may, like that magnetic beard-o, man. Yeah, that's actually perfect.

That's the ideal solution. So that's our suggestion to this guy. Yeah. Wait, what did he say? It doesn't matter. I guess if you don't have a beard, you can shave your pubes upside down and put glue on your chin.

That way when it falls, it sort of makes a little goatee. And what's gross about that? This is the lady who had a tattoo, right? They should really be with each other. All right, let me get to my second question. Drunk girlfriend perspective. Okay.

I'm a 24-year-old, we'll call this lady Coco, who took over Wimbledon. I'm a 24-year-old law student at UGA, writes Coco, and I've been dating my boyfriend, a fellow law student, for about four months. I went to Louisiana to visit my family and by honest-to-God accident got completely shit-faced the last night of the trip. I was at a bar with my dad and two of my uncle's neighbors in the middle of the bayou and we got there by a boat. What a strange crew.

My uncle's neighbor. I really wanted to leave, but my dad didn't want to ask the neighbors to take us home. Naturally, drunk me got pissed about this, and I called my boyfriend and complained about it. But it was about 10 p.m., 11 in Georgia. I was obviously very drunk on the phone, and I think I got so distraught explaining my situation that I cried. The next day, he was pissed at me. My question is this, why do boyfriends get mad at their significant others for drinking too much? In this situation, I may have said something stupid and gotten upset, but that's it. I didn't put myself or anyone else in a

dangerous situation. A similar thing has happened to some of my friends where their boyfriends get mad at them for drinking too much when they aren't around. Why? Jake slash Amir, would y'all be mad at your wife slash girlfriend if she did this? Is it fair to get mad at a significant other

for getting drunk and calling you in an emotional state? Thoughts on this issue would be greatly appreciated. Huh. Okay. Does this sound familiar to you? Like where guys, you know, get mad at their girlfriends for getting drunk? I remember being mad at like my college girlfriend when she was drunk one time. And I think it was because in my head, I was like, she's drunk. She's more likely to cheat on me. And the reason I thought that was because I would get drunk and cheat on her.

Right. So you're just projecting what happened to you. lot of like that like jealousy around drunkenness comes from like your like it's hypocritical it's like this is it's it's yeah it's it's projection it's a projection so that's why guys get mad at girls that get drunk this guy was convinced you were gonna fuck your uncle's neighbor you're there with your uncle's neighbor in a freaking fan boat in the bayou also you don't have to say that you got accidentally drunk uh you got drunk on purpose you're just scared of your boyfriend for some reason that's i guess that's true but i've i've gotten like accidentally drunk too maybe accidentally too drunk but you know what's gonna happen when you drink.

Yeah, that's true. You got drunk. And I would want to get drunk if I was on the bayou with my uncle's neighbors as well. Yeah, so it seems like the anger stems from weird level of jealousy where you're like, you're getting drunk and acting crazy without me there to protect you. I don't know, it all feels very weird.

Yeah, I guess I'm trying to think if i've ever been like mad at someone for getting drunk in and it was like for a noble reason like i just want you to be safe but like she's with her dad and like it seems like she was perfectly perfectly safe so him being mad does kind of feel more like a weird like possessive jealousy type thing yeah it doesn't it doesn't sound good to me i think you could be concerned i wouldn't want him to be mad right i the question the question like that's that's exactly it like when you call him the next day and you're hungover he should be be like, are you okay? Do you feel better? Are you sick?

Not, why are you getting drunk with your father? You're going to fuck him. I know it. Yeah. I want you to ask him, why are you mad? And hear what his explanation is. Why are you mad though? Yeah.

Why are you angry at me? All right. I will choose your second question. my co-worker in europe problem that's right uh an american dude so we'll call him andy roddick nice the goat erotic billy goat the young goat the goat that never was he won a u.s open that's goatee that's pretty and erotic he is erotic because he just joined the Bjorn Borgi Whoa the Bjorn Borgi It is catching on

That's right spreading like wildfire Okay erotic rights Hey guys long time listener And I think second time question asker I have a question about if I should start kissing my coworkers Slash superior at work Let me explain I am an American who is doing a PhD in the Wallonie

region in Belgium. I swear that's important. Now, I don't know if you know anything about Belgian culture, but when you meet friends or say hello to new people, you generally give them a single kiss on the cheek as a greeting, similar to many European cultures. When I first got to Europe, I was pretty weirded out about this custom since, as you know, we don't normally do this and it's generally seen as too intimate for Americans, especially when you do it with both men and women. However, as I stayed longer, it has gotten very normal and I have no problem doing it when I meet people. But here is the problem. When I first met my co-worker, we didn't kiss and since then, we haven't kissed every day since I've been there. It's been almost three years and I feel weird every time I see him

because I kiss everyone else in our lab except him. It's especially weird because it's just me and him in this one room. So I feel like he probably expects me to do it, but I never do. So my question is, what should I do? Would it be weird to start kissing him every morning should i do nothing i have no problem kissing guys when i say hello but this would just be weird right if only i had a starbucks hope you guys could help roddick so dudes in europe kiss on the cheek when they say hello? Maybe in Belgium. Belgium, I have not, I don't think I've experienced that in the European cities that we've visited.

I have like some family, some like European members of my family who do like a double kiss, but I don't think I do it with the guys. It's because you're not a PhD. This guy's a doctor. Right. He's a doc.

I think you can chalk it up to being a foreigner. I assume they just don't, they think that Americans don't know about the customs. I think it would be weird to start kissing now. After three years, you definitely don't. It's also, it's a little mundane. You see people every single day at work. I wouldn't, even if it was part of my,

I feel like I would not be interested in kissing people every single day. Every day? I think this is more like, if you guys had an office outing, an off-site somewhere, you saw them at a happy hour, then it's like, oh, all right, we're in a social setting. I'll adhere to a social norm out here.

It feels like alone in an office, walking in. I would rather put my bag down, put my coffee on the counter and be like, how's it going? Then walk across the room, give my boss a kiss hello, and then go to work. That seems very off to me. Actually, since this guy owes him about three years worth of kissings, let me just get it out of the way now.

How many times have we hung out? Well, it's not count the weekend, so that's three years, but minus all the weekends. We might have to take a break. Sorry, this isn't part of our culture. I don't know why you thought that. Yeah, it seems like a lot. It seems like a lot of kissing. I remember in eighth grade, since a lot of kids at the school that I was in for middle school were Italian, it was a big thing to kiss people on the cheek at the end of the day. It was like what all of the popular kids did.

They would kiss on the cheek. In eighth grade, I was a loser in seventh grade and in eighth grade i became uh popular for like a few months and i was in on the kiss on the cheek kissing at the end of the day and it was like it was so cool i was like looking for i would be like all right dude now i'm going to get my kisses this is like this is these are the kids you passed in the halls just doing casual kiss on the cheek goodbye and then and then i got to freaking partake hey jake i've been thinking about it and uh i think i think you should kiss us on the at the end of the day no way joe holy shit this is huge for me. Yeah, it was brilliant.

It was really, I mean, it was a pivotal life moment for me. You're part of the kissing crew. I remember the cool kids. I was part of the kissing crew. The cool kids at the end of recess in like third or fourth grade at my school used to hug at the end of recess to say goodbye. And it was like the hottest thing. And then teachers were like, you guys can't hug to say goodbye. You don like the hottest thing and then uh teachers were like you guys can't hug to say goodbye you don't have to be viewed it as like too sexual i mean it arguably is

they're like the guys are just hugging girls at this point just to like feel boobs and like you shouldn't be this turned on in third grade the teachers are like we know it's hot it's too hot i'm trying to teach you math you're turning me on i mean you on you on yourselves i mean anyway this has been a really shitty parent teacher conference i quit teaching i think you're absolutely fired go again for the hug ah uh all right are those all four questions we did it hell yeah good job us and good job you guys for listening way to go uh if you have your own questions your own theme songs send them all down to ifireyoushowatgmail.com Opening theme song

was written by Nathan again. Dear Lincoln, shout out. This closing one is written by Tanner. Tanner! T-A-N-N-E-R. That's right. You know what? I forgot to mention, last episode, I was talking so optimistically about Kawhi Leonard trying to join the Lakers,

or I was hoping that he would join the Lakers. That's right. And I ended up changing my opinion. Like, fuck that guy. I think he's kind of like an overrated snake. So I'm not really sure if he ended up choosing the Lakers or not. Oh, well, he didn't. He chose the Clippers, the other Los Angeles team.

Yeah, okay. So that actually tracks my fucking narrative that this guy couldn't even handle the Lakers. If we have to convince you, then you're not one of us. That shaped your narrative. Yeah, I think he's a fucking overrated snake. It's really fun to think about the NBA. There are so many teams now with brand new all-stars teaming up.

I think it was like eight of the top 15 players from last year switched teams or something. And also, I mean, it's sad that Clay is hurt, but like it feels like the Warriors, it was always just like, when is their dynasty going to end? And it was like, oh, just right now. That's it.

That's right. It ends quickly. These dynasties don't often drag out. They fall apart. Yeah, super fun. All right. Thanks again to Nathan and Tanner. Thanks to you guys for listening.

We'll be back next week. Ciao. Later. If I could email it if I were you That's probably what I would do You have a question for these Jews That ask the way they'll answer you You got a problem with an ex Caught your girlfriend having sex

He did myself out of text Well just with the ladies We'll see you next time. That was a HeadGum Podcast.